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Reviews For A Great and Terrible Power
Neville Longbottom?!?! OH MAN, you were right, I am shocked! :) That is so great though. I loved your characterization of Neville at the beginning- the reasons why he was sent to this school. I love Malfoy's polished manner around Snape after Harry's found Neville. Nice contrast. Your premise rocks! Great idea for a story and you're doing an admirable job realizing it. Keep with it! :) Poor Neville, I haven't really seen this side of Neville before and I'm really interested to see the interaction between Harry and Neville and really interested in Harry and Draco. And Harry and Snape, of course! Wow, you have lots to do and lots of material to get through is the main purpose of this story is to show the interaction between Harry and Snape. Great job so far, I really like the setting of the school, the sunlight in the potions classroom was a nice touch to change the setting from Hogwarts to this more modern feeling (well to me at least) school. Thank you for sharing! Here's the typos I noticed that you may want to check out when you have time: On the way up he caught sight of a rather large library and her thought (he) "Potter. Longbottom, will make a rather good roommate for you. (Potter, Longbottom, would) I think I can handle that, Harry thought bitterly. (your italics ran on the first, which I assume is a accident repeat) This took a considerable amount of time to do and he was very late by time he got there he was very late. (delete the second one) Somehow the chase didn’t bother his though (thoughts?) (I think you're misisng a line here:) You’re lucky. Draco wants to make peace with you." Pansy explained quietly, although not quietly enough. "Harry, you shouldn’t be wandering around the manor after hours. It’s against the rules." Unfortunately Harry could see in the boy’s eyes that he secretly wanted to go with them and was rather put off by not being invited. (add in maybe a line like 'Neville sat up and looked at Harry' between the paragraphs?) he drew it across bringing forth a small stream of blood fell down his arm and onto the green bed sheets. (falling) Wait!" Harry said, grabbing her arm, "Won’ the teachers (Won't) Pretty soon the sun came up and then the potions’ classroom began to fill up. (mention beforehand that the place where Harry is stealing stuff is the classroom and not Snape's office and that Harry was aware of students behind him) "Mr. Potter." He drawled, as if it were the most natural (Snape) (Right before this part you need to have some sort of identifier that the scene and time is changing, maybe a ----- .) Sitting on the cold stone floor Harry snuck a look over at draco (Draco)
Author's Response: Yes, I am. When I read the book (which is one of my all time favorites) I thought that it would work really well with the Harry Potter universe. However, the ending will be rather different as well as the parts involving Voldemort.
Very good at building suspense. I can't wait for the next chapter. I've always enjoyed that idea that all the kids in the books are paying for the actions of their parents or the generation before them. You tapped into that feeling, and I really like it.
Author's Response: Yes, this story will be a slowly unfolding plot and will probably end up being rather long. The next chapter is already started, it shouldn't be long!
Author's Response: Thank you. You'll probably be suprised by who his roommate is. Thank you for pointing out my typo to me, I went back and corrected it. I try to edit my work but you know how it is when you're working on the same piece for a long time. Thanks for the review. |
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