Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Title: Snape's Punishment 17 May 2006 12:32 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]

    Amazing. Awesome. I think that I might use that word too much for you. XD But it is really good- what's compelling about this story is the story itself and your writing fits it beautifully. i love your descriptions and everything that goes on. Poor Harry. This story is such a treat! Baby Harry is so cute, but what mischeif he gets into! A fire? Geez. Haha. I felt it a little strange thatthe burned crib could be repaired to be justas new. to me it wasn't quite realistic, but I really, really enjoyed the "adventures" baby Harry had that started the fire, how he got out of his crib (sans the socks! hehe) and I especially love plushie Hedwig and all the mentions of it.

    I love the moments between Snape and Harry where Snape is treating Harry nice, and actually comforting him. Beautiful. Poor Mrs. Weasley, I think that you handeld her character and the way you started her absence and distance from Harry very well. I wonder what Dumbledore has on Snape, and if Snape is not supposed to get close to Harry. He seems more against the idea than his own reasons would warrant. I love the way Harry says "Nape!". You have done a wonderful job with Harry! I wish that you would go back and edit the little mistakes in the earlier chapters and polished it up a bit. I can't help butworry that some readers might get the wrong impression of the story at first and miss out on such a treasure. Thank you so much for posting it here!

Title: Harry Birthday, Harry 16 May 2006 11:09 am
Reviewer: Snarky Bitch (Anonymous) [Report This]

    The plot is good so far, but your spelling is atrocious. You need to have a beta reader go over it, or at least re-read what you write. For that, I give you a rating of six. Your errors make the story look like you didn't put much effort into it (despite the fact that you probably did put a lot of effort into it). I gave you the sixth point because you seem to know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' Keep writing. :)

Title: Baby Harry 16 May 2006 10:58 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]

    Aw, that was so sad but so beautiful. Wow. Poor, poor Harry. :*( lovely tenderness in this chapter. I loved the scene with Harry and his parents and the love, it almost made me cry at the end. Wonderful, wonderful job.

    You need to edit your typos though. It's hurting your story overall.

Title: Department of Mysteries 16 May 2006 10:14 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    Oh my gosh. HAHAHA!!! This is great! LOL. Harry going crazy was just crazy but Harry being a baby is so cute! LOL, fantastic job on him and all the embarrassing bits. You really managed to capture Harry's voice and character while in the baby's body. It was so funny how Harry was "baby Neville" and how Snape showed up for the baby and then enlisted Arthur to help. LOL. Great, great chapter. And I love how long they are!
Title: Voices 16 May 2006 9:46 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    Woah. What is wrong with Harry? Well obviously some other force is exerting its influence on him, but woah. i bet it has something to do with the necklace and Vodlemort. Does Snape know? Whta was that potion? I hope that it wasn't too terrible, and just what I Harry going to do? Great chapter. The lines were hilarious! Too bad Harry didn't finish them. I liked the bed in the kitchen part. Silly Harry. Thanks so much for posting and sharing this!
Title: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place 16 May 2006 9:04 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]

    Wow. Awesome! My favourite parts was how Molly was going to babysit Harry, how Snape went through all of Harry's school work ad then this line, "Snape's been a busy little professor". LOL. Nice development of the plot - I'm intruiged. I like the use of nightmares. Great job on Molly's chararcter. I laughed outloud when Harry looked at himself in the mirror and realized how bizzare he must of seemed saying Lumo. Oh that was such a great part. I bet Snape does know. Fantastic job with Snape and keeping the readers guessing what he's thinking and what his motives are. Very good job.

Title: Harry Birthday, Harry 16 May 2006 8:28 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]

    Haha a chocolate cupcake. XD How cute! :) This was an awesome chapter and an awesome story! Wow. I have never seen a better scene with the Dursley's and the way it was set up that Harry went back into the cupboard. Very, very good job. Clever to use the Monster Book of Monsters; I thought for sure that i was a snake and was quite surprised. Having it show up in the middle of Petunia's party was inspired. I'm glad that the Dursley's weren't physically abusive but acted more canon and just shut Harry away. I loved, loved the way Hagrid picked Harry up after he got out of his cupboard and then all the motions to be quiet. Great job!

    There were some things that could be worked on though: some scenes were just a little blank. Maybe there needed to be more descriptions? For example, when Harry was thinking that there were robbers, I lost sense of Harry's surroundings and it felt a little unclear as to what the house was like. in this passage I felt that you needed a better description because I pictured Snape standing one way, and then the second sentence moved it completely around: "His force was so strong that Harry fell backwards. Before he could fall to the ground Snape caught him and righted the boy."

    I wonder about Harry's thirst. You can't go three days without water so you'll die but Harry doesn't seem thirsty. I'll just pretend that Snape had him drink water when he was unconcious, which is why he wasn't thirsty and Snape wanted him to eat; you can't really get someone unconcious to eat and chew and swallow you might be able to get them to drink.

    You also had a lot of typos and duplicated passages. I'll show you some examples:

    He the door was jerked open and swiftly Harry had his wand in hand (Then?)

    Harry was ready, or somewhat ready, if I have to I can leap out, hopefully catching them off balance. And then I can run away, and hide till morning. But the plan seemed feeble at best and he wasn't even sure he could get his legs to work.

    Harry was ready, or somewhat ready, But the plan seemed feeble at best and he wasn't even sure he could get his legs to work.

    Above the footsteps circle the room (circled)

    scooped Harry up like he was a rage doll. (rag)

    why are you holding my like this (me)

    And so he quietly whispered, "Um, Hag-"

    , Harry thought. And so he quietly whispered, "Um, Hag-"

    As the brooms lifted from the ground Harry could see privet drive below him. (Privet Drive)

    But Snape gave it back, Snape, where's Snape. (Snape?)

    . (Snape?)

    But of course the werewolves, Harry thought to sarcastically respond. But instead he said, "Sir, what werewolves?"

    Harry thought to sarcastically respond. But instead he said, "Sir, what werewolves?"

    the dark lord (the Dark Lord)

    of you with twenty question." (questions)

    of you with twenty question." (questions)

    When Hagrid sent a message about situation


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