Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For Child's Play
Title: A Walk in the Park 17 Feb 2007 7:54 pm
Reviewer: Kirinin (Signed) [Report This]
    This is getting really good! I have to say a couple of things though... I am pretty certain it's Farmer in the Dell that's the old song kindergardeners sing. Also, if you're italicizing thoughts, it's odd to have them say "That was just what he needed" the way that Draco does awhile back... unless Draco is in the habit of thinking of himself in the third person. Usually that would be "That's just what I need". If you want to keep it as "that was just what he needed" you wouldn't italicize it.

    Nitpicky, I know...

    I love that they run into Sirius, and that Snape is apparently only able to accept baby-advice from people he doesn't already know. It's a very common sort of attitude, being too embarrassed or prideful to listen to advice from those you know well, but perfectly willing to heed the advice of a stranger.

    Harry's baby-mannerisms are all picture-perfect, really. He is just like a willful toddler (is there any other kind?).

    Harry's brief moment of realization was really quite well done. I felt sorry for him that most of it slipped rather immediately away.

    Good show so far! :)

    -K

    Author's Response: It's definitely the Farmers in his Den where I come from (thus speaks several years of playground school games) - I'm sure there are a few versions on the go though. I don't know about the thoughts. To me 'that was just what he needed' seems right? The narrator is king of narrating his thoughts??? But maybe you're right? Anyway thanks for the review

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