|
Reviews For What is family?
It was great the way that Severus and Harry, even when he was in chimera form, had a certain level of trust in each other. I love the way that chimera/Harry sniffed at Severus, and seemed to identify him with "pack"? I do wonder just how Harry's chimera form would react to both Moony and Padfoot...if he would react favorably to them? Hmm, I wonder does Severus have an animgaus form, if he did I can't see him being a bat...but a sleek, cool black panther, or something!
Oh, dear sounds like I just love to get a shock out of our dear potions master, hehe! Anyway absolutely brilliant story, especially the very different ending to the grave yard scene.
Your Melfis.
Anyway, one question: Was Snape injured and I didn't get it or is he is just resting in the hospital wing? Your Melfis.
You need to slow down the pace of your story and clarify things. Withholding clues can add suspense to a plot, but you still need to provide the reader with something to work with. I strongly recommend that you get a beta reader. A good beta will help you with your plot as well as help you correct the spelling errors. (and yes, you do have quite a few of those in your story.) I learned a lot from my beta readers, and my writing has improved because of them. Keep writing Author's Response: I know, I'm sorry. But I am determined to get better at spelling and grammer if it kills me! Well... maybe not of it kills me but you get the idea. ^^ Hmm, withholding too much? You think so? I only have one writing style but I can give it a shot I guess. My main problem with all that is that my story is written depending on a character's perspective. In other words, I can't tell you more than the character knows, you know? Although DoA mentioned putting more PoV's in the story so I might try it that way. Hadn't heard that opinion before hun so thank you. ^-^ *Collapses and whines for the floor* But I'm impatient.... I can't wait several days for a chapter to get back to me I want to post it soon as.... *Ends whining* Plus, she seems to be pretty busy lately... Maybe I could ask my friend.... *ponders* Oh right, review responce! Thank ya chuckyhun. ^-^ I'll keep writing. And thank you very much for your constructive critisism, I know I can learn much from past mistakes but only if someone cares to point me in the right direction. Lol <3 |
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |