hmm. i wonder what harry's decision will be about his summer arrangement. i wonder what it is that Dumbledore wants. :)
Please finish these stories
| Title: Chapter 6
| 01 May 2009 4:08 pm
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| Reviewer: AN ITALIAN READER - CHIARA (Anonymous)
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GOOD, VERY GOOD STORY...... I GUSS THAT BY THE END SNAPE WILL BECOME FOND OF HARRY,WOLD'T HE ?BUT IS YOUR STORY AND I CANT'T GUESS TOO MUCH THINGS..... SO I HOPE YOU WRITE MORE CHAPTERS AS SOON AS YOU BE ABLE TO DO IT ! BYE CHIARA
I kinda like this flustered Snape.
BTW (...permission for your gaurdianship)
That should be g-U-A-rdianship.
Please spell check.
| Title: Chapter 6
| 01 May 2009 4:01 am
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| Reviewer: missny1 (Anonymous)
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Great Chapter, I want Harry to say yes...soon. I want to know what Snape is going to do to the Dursley's.
I'm glad that Snape is going to get him out of the Dursleys. Nice work. This is a nice beginning. I'm looking forward to you next chapter.
Aww this was sweet! I like how Minerva told Severus that she had faith in him, he needs to hear that. And I also like how he gave Harry a week to think about him going to live there and how Harry is both confused and happy. I hope this all works out for both of them!
Better structure this time around. Still some difficult passages, but better in general.
The only thing is that we don't know what was so terrible at the Dursleys' house to make Snape take him away and hex Vernon...it wasn't a nice room, and yes, the locks and bars were alarming, but what else? Substance, you know? Not necessarily blood and guts, but a little more depth would be great...
A bit better, structurewise, but you still ramble and repeat yourself kind of a lot. Try to read more in English so that your structure will tighten itself up a bit.
I'm not giving up on this story just yet!
I hope you don't feel like I'm flaming you or anything, because that's totally not my intention. I just want to give you some constructive criticism without re-betaing your chapters...
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