| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 30 Mar 2016 10:01 pm
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| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
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Great story, what will happen to the little girl, please carry on
| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 28 Mar 2010 1:53 pm
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| Reviewer: Fujoshi (Signed)
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Um, Snape didn't check on Lynley.
| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 28 Oct 2008 7:04 pm
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| Reviewer: Muggle49 (Anonymous)
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Thanks for sharing; great start, keep up the good work.
| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 24 Oct 2008 7:58 pm
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| Reviewer: kreacher (Signed)
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very well written, i hope all the chapters are as good as this, well done severus for saving the dursleys, is he going to imform someone of the state of vernon or just leave him there to rot
| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 24 Oct 2008 8:42 am
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| Reviewer: omega13a (Signed)
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Plot wise, I would say good start and I'm very interested in reading more. However, you have a lot of grammar mistakes that make it hard to read at times. If you want, I can proof read what you write before you post it.
| Title: Chapter 1: So It Begins.....
| 21 Oct 2008 8:47 pm
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| Reviewer: projectjay (Anonymous)
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Poor Dumbledore I think he is in alot of trouble with Severus etc...
Has Vernon been confunded by Death Eaters? If yes, it's quite clever, if no, it is completely OOC without explanation. I found it a little too graphic and the sentences were hard to read. Maybe you could get a beta? Will keep reading on, though :)
I would find this story easier to read if you would get a beta-reader to help you sort out your punctuation. There are so many run on sentences and comma-spliced sentences that it was difficult to keep the sense of the paragraphs.
I think that you have the potential to have a good story here and I am interested in seeing what you do with it. However, unless you work on your grammar and punctuation it is going to be too much work for many readers to get through the chapters.
I will read your next chapter to see how it goes but please consider my comments before you post it.
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