Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Title: Pink Butterfly 27 May 2007 6:17 am
Reviewer: Louisa (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I'm only mid way through the story, but I feel I must pause and comment. First, I love the concept and the pace. The story so far has a great plot and is very intriguing. My only complaints are... first, you need a beta, the errors are distracting and for me to say that, they have to be obvious. There are a lot of spelling errors not to mention the, sometimes, confusing punctuation. I'm by no means a perfectionist when it comes to stories having to be professional quality, but just a second set of eyes could help in this.

    The second is the fact that you have Ron and Harry not present when each of them dress... this shows not only your gender but also your age. Even JKR has them dressing in the same room! Boys are not near as modest when it comes to 'nakedness' as girls are. When you gain a few years of experience you'll realize this! The first time it was amusing, now it just makes me want to pat you on the head and tell you things will change when you grow up and spend time with a man.

    But over all the story, thus far, is good but with a few minor changes it could be great!

    ~Louisa

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