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Reviews For Better Off Forgotten
I did notice one or two small errors. The part where Wormtail goes to take the blood from Harry, you wrote "the bonds grew taught". Wrong word there, that's the taught that a teacher does, you want the word "taut" here, when a rope is pulled tightly. And the second to last line, "Harry stared at Wormtail's face is disbelief" that should be "in". Author's Response: Thank you for pointing those out! And I'm really sorry about the late reply!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'll get it up as soon as I edit it!
Author's Response: Like father like son. I have to make him at least a little Snapish, can't stand characters that are OOC. Thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like it.
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! Yes, I had to give Tobias a dog, he needs someone around, I imagine he would be quite lonely otherwise. I love the name Jesse, better then the other names I thought of.
As for Harry's new temporary name being Jesse... At first I had to re-adjust, but I got over it relatively soon. I like the name anyway, and it's way better then the ones Tobais offered, hehe. BTW, nice ending to the chapter, lol My immature side is snickering like crazy ;D Author's Response: ...I wouldn't talk about Harry not being eaten so soon--exspecially once you see what Voldemort does. Tobias's would probably be surprised if Harry dod anything magical, they probably get in touch with any magical person he might know. But, for the story's sake, that won't happen. It would be over too quick, lol. Yeah, readers would kill me if I called him one of those other evil names that Tobias mentioned, lol. Glad you got used to it, and that you reviewed! Yes, I just had to add a farting dog, dad and my brothers would be so proud, lol. Thank you!
I tried to pay attention to the mistakes, but I'm not English myself so this is kind of hard for me ... but anyway, I found some missing letters or words... " “Not at he (the) moment,” Dumbledore said. Moody grunted [...] " (in the middle of this chap.) " Snape could tell my (by) the coldness of his skin [...] " (at the end of this chap.) " Depending on how (he) got back [...]" (at the end of this chap.) Your Snape doesn't seem OOC to me, I think you're doing a great job. Continue on, I want the next chapter so bad =)! Author's Response: Thank you so very much for pointing those out. I edited the second chapter and posted it on fanfiction net, and now I'll go and edit the story here on P&S. I hope the third chapter will be an enjoyable read!
I don't think you're making Snape OOC, his thoughts and actions sound right to me. But if you want a re-fresher to help you write him, you could always re-read some pages in the HP books (that’s that I’d do anyway). I wonder how his meeting with Voldemort will go (I‘m sure it wont be pleasant), stinks he has to return to the ugly evil bastard... Anyway, hope to read more soon! :D Author's Response: I think I'll do that, re-read some HP that is, :). I had to re-read Gof for chapter one, and I got so interested I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Thanks for the idea, and the review! Chapter four you'll see Snape again, not too too long.
Author's Response: Thank you Attack!
I particularly like the way you weave so many of the details of GOF, yet change them a little to fit your story. Very believable. Author's Response: I do need a beta, finding one you don't have to share is the problem, hehe. I'll try to catch those typos before posting again, thank you! |
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