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Reviews For Simple Wisps of Snow
I love Snape described as the Master of Masks; so true.
Author's Response: Thanks a million for the review, and it wouldn't matter if it ere just a one Khmer, god if bad, I'm just delighted to get one :) I think if I were to do a relationship between them, it wokld go very slowly, as in the course of 5 or 6 chapters and it would definitely be an aside as I don't want it to become the centre work of the fic. Just a little something or someone besides Severus to pull him out of his funks :) Again thanks a million for the feedback :D
loved the angst in this chapter by the way! update soon :) Author's Response: Thanks a million for the feedback. I agree it will have to develop slowly, even just because of Harrys trust issues. Anyway it would be an aside because the fic is mainly about Harry and sevie's development and it would possibly bring something lighter to the fic. Thanks again for the review :)
Author's Response: Thanks a million for the review :)
No. "His emotionless, faded eyes drilled into her very soul as he had passed. " A few sentences prior you established he wasn't even looking at her - he had his head down. Consider changing to something not logically impossible, such as "The sight of his bowed head tugged at her heart". "Snape was the same as ever, though a horrible ashen colour" - He can't be the same and be different. I think you mean something like, "Snape's countenance remained impassive, though belied by his horribly ashen skin". "In my sleep, in my wake, in the flames" - A "wake" is an observance for the dead or the wave trail behind a boat. It is not the same as "awakneness." You mean "In my sleep, while I'm awake, in the flames". What happened, did your beta go on holiday? Author's Response: Umm I appreciate what you have pointed out to me, so thanks for the feedback. I don't really appreciate the tone but hey, It's not something that's going to keep me up at night. Anyway, if you read my authors notes I mentioned that I did not have a beta.
Firstly, what you pointed out about Harry's head being bowed and yet you said his eyes drilled into Daphne's soul. Well I didn't actually say he looked at her. I just mentioned how the emotion in his eyes seemed to drill ingto her very soul as he passed. We may to agree to disagree on this point but I believe if you have your head down it doesn't necessarily mean you can't see the person's eyes. Just that they may be weighed down with a particular problem or otherwise, which is what I meant here.
Secondly, the point where Snape was the same though a horrible ashen colour. That is a contradiction we use in everyday life and I see this all the same. E.g. No one noticed except one (No one noticed, well then no one noticed but you contradict that by saying except one); There was complete and utter silence, apart from the sounds of gunshots etc etc. We use this constantly in real life, I've seen other author's use it in books.So that is something I will not change.
And thirdly, where I said "in my wake", that was just an honest mistake. I do know what a "wake" is. I meant "whilst awake" but I was using my ipod to write this particular chapter and I have to be careful that the auto correct doesn't constantly change my words. That is something I will change when I get a chance.
Thanks again for the review :)
Author's Response: Thanks a mill for the review :)
Author's Response: Coolio, thanks for the feedback :) of course we couldn't forget about sevie could we, we all loves him too much for that :) Thanks a mill got the review :D |
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