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Reviews For Flat Mate Wanted
This is not a bad effort, especially for a first fic. I don't feel the characters, given the amount of background we have so far received, to be OOC. They just seem like two men who have been through a lot, tried to escape their former worlds and then inadvertantly were shocked to discover they'd been thrown back together. As for Hermione and Ron, to be honest I actually agree with some reviewers that I don't think they'd betray Harry - however, I actually got a strong sense that this is actually not what they did, I felt that it was more likely that Harry misheard what they were saying, and bolted before confronting them - so in fact they might not have been planning anything so sinister at all. Silly Harry!!!!! Just my thoughts on how it all played out. It's all about interpretation. Loved the shirts - that had me giggling - I can so see Snape doing this in an attempt to distract himself from his misery and past. You CAN, and SHOULD write whatever takes your fancy, taking on board whichever constraints you want, and dismissing whichever you want also - that's your business. If readers don't like the direction, then, only if they feel the need, politely say they don't like the direction, and don't return. Not every premise will take one's fancy - and that's fine. But they should never presume to know and tell you what other readers will like/believe. If they do, ignore them, especially if they do so on an unsigned review. That to me indicates they believe it okay to insult people and their work if they can't be 'seen'. It is never acceptable. Constructive crit is welcome, but aggressive condemnation is not. Anyway - your story is fine, I hope you will continue, practice writing and fulfil your fantasies - that's what this is all about. misundersnape...
After reading your response, I feel like you should have just started an original story rather than writing about Harry Potter, or at the very least, warn for major OOC. And while "not every friendship" is meant to work out, I think you can agree that the bonds forged between Ron and Hermione and Harry are much deeper and more intense than a normal friendship and thus it makes absolutely no sense for them to "one day" just randomly stop being friends. You also didn't address my comments about the reason for the split up. Why do your Ron and Hermione become such money whores they plan to kill Harry? What you said in your reply just didn't seem to relate to your plot. YES people suddenly stop being friends even after several years. However, they don't suddenly plan to murder each other for money. Which is what you are doing here. It's NOT realistic enough for FICTION. Fiction still has to have enough realism to it that it's not completely riddikulus. Also, I'm not saying "this would never happen in real life." Otherwise, I'd be saying "OWLS DON'T SEND MAIL MAGIC ISN'T REAL THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE." I'm saying this would not happen in the world of Harry Potter. Which is what you're writing about. And yes, everyone should be able to write a story where they make anything they want happen. Except, you're limiting YOURSELF by writing FAN FICTION. You're not writing a random story completely made up out of your own head. You're writing fanfiction, and as such, I think you either need to warn for complete OOC so people know what to expect (that's really just a courtesy so you don't NEED to I guess) or just write your own story. It's somewhat riddikulus for you to complain about being "limited" when you're putting constraints on your own imagination by using someone else's characters.
The premise of your story is interesting so I think with longer chapters, a beta and some reading of the actual books you could take a story that is "not bad" and turn it into something really good.
Honestly, your story has lots of potential - it's definitely interesting to think of Harry and Snape interacting in a muggle setting like this, and there are loads of ways you can go. I just think that you really need to plan out your backstory more, and not just turn characters incredibly OOC to fit your storyline. It's not realistic at all that Ron and Hermione want to steal Harry's vaults - Hermione is so smart that she'll get into a career that pays a lot if she wanted that anyways, and besides, her parents are dentists, and that's a pretty well paying job, actually. So why does she need money? Obviously Ron seems more likely for planning to steal someone's money but I think it was shown in the books that he's loyal and he actually would never KILL someone, particularly not Harry. He might be jealous, but Ron would want to make his own money. Anyways. I just don't feel your plot here is even vaguely realistic, making it really difficult to read. Like I said, a great premise, but you don't seem to have thought out your backstory enough, which you may want to do with your next story. Sorry to leave such a negative review! Author's Response: Thanks for replying. Its no problem that its so negitive. At least you didn't tell me I sucked at writing and should never pick up a pencil again. As for the back story. I have something floating around in the infinite space I call a mind. I just haven't put it into words yet. Maybe I'll put the back story in the next chapter. While I agree the book shows Ron and Hermione as his best friends, that is why I do not own the book. It is also why I am writing a fiction about it. I think there would have to be something extremely drastic to make Harry leave the wizarding world. So I put down the first idea that popped into my head. His first and closest friends betray him. Its easy enough to see happening. One day people are best friends next they are at each others necks. That's what happened to two girls at our school. They were best friends the one girl had sex with someone the other girl thought she had no right to and next thing they hate each other totally after being best friends for several years. It happens. Not every friendship was meant to work out. While I totally love the books and believe this would never happen in them, this is a fiction. I'm free to work outside the lines of reality. Don't think I'm saying this in a rude way. I'm not its just something I believe strongly about. Everyone should be able to write a story where they can make anything they want happen. How else are great stories born? If someone limited writers by saying "That could never happen in real life." we wouldn't have any fiction or fantasy. Thanks again for the review and try reading it again later. Maybe it will seem better later. Some stories seem that way to me.
Author's Response: Thank you as I said in a couple other responses, it is incouraging for someone to be interested in my story.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. It is really incouraging to see someone is reading and enjoying what I write. Aa for the beta reader I have no clue how to go about this. Any helpful suggestions. This is actually the first story I've posted on the internet. Thanks again and get back to me if you can.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'll try for a longer chapter next time but I rushed to get in done before I had to sleep. It was really late by the time I posted. |
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