i would have liked ot see Snape explain what he saw in the mirror but well done none the less
Interesting ending. I liked your portrayal of Snape's internal monologue and Harry's behaviour, which seemed very in character.
I really liked Snape's 'punishment to fit the crime' detentions and the softer side to him you've shown by giving Ron a replenishment potion whenever he tires.
Interesting chapter; I liked Snape's reaction to Harry, which felt very in character, but I'm not sure about whether Harry would react like this at that age- sure, in HBP Harry reacted violently but that was at 15, after he'd seen Snape kill Dumbledore. Also, I'm not certain whether an 11 year old would understand the value of girlfriends; at that age most boys see girls as, at best, allies and, at worst, soppy hinderances (note Ron's exclamation to Hermione in GoF 'hey, you're a girl!') However, Harry's sympathetic reaction to Snape's pain and his guilt and fear were well portrayed
Nice chapter; I like how you built up Harry's frustration before having the tantrum. However, I think that Harry would be unlikely to insult Snape so vigorously to his face; in his first years, Harry at least tried to be respectful and, after growing up with the Durselys, I expect he learnt how to keep his temper. Personally, I'd have had Harry running into Snape and Ron (who comes from a loving home and has a bad temper) mouthing off. Alternately, you could have a few more things going wrong in Harry's day and restrain Harry's anger to his first *or* second address to Snape.
Nevertheless, I liked the interaction in Snape's study, which felt very believable, as did the conversation between Harry, Ron and Hermione.
Good premise and a well written opening chapter; I like the little details of Albus and Severus' relationship you've woven in and their dialogue. However (and you did ask your readers to be critical ;) I don't think Severus would react so physically or verbally; as a spy Severus would have to be able to exert total control over himself at all times and, given how awkward Snape can be, I can't see him letting his guard down over this with Dumbledore, especially when a. the man already had him bristling and b. Severus must already have had a good idea he would see Lily. Nevertheless, interesting and entertaining chapter.
| Title: Chapter 5
| 03 Mar 2011 12:57 pm
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| Reviewer: heartstar (Anonymous)
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INteresting willtherer be a sequil?
That's it? There should be more!
Awe man. It's over? It can't be! I wanted to know how Harry took the news of what Snape saw in the mirror. Oh well. Guess I'll have to imagine it. :)
Thanks for sharing.
Uh oh. I sure would hate to be in Harry's shoes after his detention.
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