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Reviews For The Son Becomes the Father
more and more interesting. In light of the far that the nearer that Harry (and Toby) get to the potential truth of the matter, but at the same time the truth continually seems to be as far as way as ever! What will happen once Draco & Harry are finally able to meet as they arranged...what actions will they decide to take or strategies will they put into play for the war? Will Harry (and Toby) ever learn the "full truth" about there parentage temselves, by accident or will someone finally break/or reveal the truth to the two boys? Just why are so many adults so insistace in keeping this truth away from both Harry & Toby, can't they see the harm the that this hidden truth has already caused...when will it?
I do hope that you have been/will be able to rescue this story from your disabled computer, because I would dearly love to see it continued. I've enjoyed all of your fics, but this one just sucked me in and I just had to read it all in one go ever since I got home from church this morning. Please forgive me for not reviewing every chapter, but I just couldn't keep from clicking the "Next" chapter button to see what happened next. Absolutely wonderful storytelling. Well done! This story truly deserves a rating of 10. If they'd let me rate it higher than that, I most definitely would! Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! Really made me smile. I have plans and records for this fic, so I do not think it is one that requires rescuing from the hardrive (not sure, but am confident I'll be able to keep this one up again). I intend to continue every fic I have as I never abandon a HP fic, but this one is higher on the list because it's more possible to continue. Plus I really love this fic, mostly because of Toby. I'm glad that you enjoy all of my fics and this one, and I loved your review. Your comments really made me smile, and further motivated to find the files I need to continue this fic. I'll work on it! Thanks again! :)
There are a few typos (you consistently mix up 'then' and 'than,' I've noticed) but nothing overly distracting. Anyways, please update soon!
Your characters are completely in character, and the changes in them are slow and believable. The only point that I was unsure about was at the beginning... Harry's decision to keep Toby seemed a bit mature for a kid his age, but on the other hand, it could well have been the heedlessness that Harry has shown in the past, so it is not unbelievable. I like the slowly changing interactions between Harry and Severus, and between Harry and Draco. It looks like they are evolving into more positive relationships, but you keep it believable by not doing it all at once. I am really curious what has changed for Draco, that has caused his apparent change of loyalties. That is a part of the story that I can't wait to read more of. I raed through from chapter 1, so this review is on all of the chapters... there are a few things that need work: There are places throughout the story when you reveal something that the apparent POV character would not know. We are left wondering if the POV character does indeed know this, and how. It may be that you are not being clear enough about POV shifts, or that you are using Omnicient POV but lapsing into limited third person without warning. Making POV shifts clear, using section breaks to mark a shift (* * * is sufficient), and making sure you are avoiding revealing anything in a given section that the POV character for that section would not know, would really help with this. You also have some word choice issues, some of which are consistent enough to mention (these are in various chapters): worse=comparative. If the word 'than' follows, use worse. A is worse than B. worst=superlative. The worst of all. Preceded by 'the'. than: comparative: better than, happier than then: seqeuntial or as a result of: I did this, then I did that. (or) If I go here, then I can do this. One time errors that stuck in my mind: skinnier = more skinny. less skinny (not less skinnier). tone = color toning = musculature (the tone of Snape's face, not the toning. Misplacement of commas also causes confusion intermittently. The reason I mention these issues is that I really like the story, and the issues hinder the smooth flow of it. Each time I stumble into one, I am brought up short while I try to figure out what you mean, or while my brain makes the mental correction. Despite these few issues, I am really looking forward to reading more. Overall, an excellent read. K |
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