Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For The Veil
Title: Chapter 5 – Camelot 23 Jun 2011 1:13 pm
Reviewer: Sirena (Signed) [Report This]
    “Welcome to Camelot,” - i froze...
    "Meet who? Merlin.” - I froze again

    I can tale you that you suprice me quite! I was wonder will it be another world out there, but Camelot? Wow...
Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 14 Jun 2011 9:48 pm
Reviewer: slytherensangel26 (Signed) [Report This]
    i hope you'll update soon! this was awesome!
Title: Chapter 1 – Saving Face 14 Jun 2011 9:29 pm
Reviewer: slytherensangel26 (Signed) [Report This]
    i really hate fudge right now!
Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 13 Jun 2011 1:59 am
Reviewer: Shadow (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Nice =o)
    I'm curious what happened to Sev and Harry...

    Author's Response:

    Thank you

    The next chapter will enlighten you.

Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 13 Jun 2011 12:26 am
Reviewer: lunaz (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I really like this story. James and Severus friends with James willing to help Severus to protect Harry. Excellent plot line.

    Author's Response: Thank you
Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 12 Jun 2011 11:51 pm
Reviewer: Eowynn (Signed) [Report This]
    Wow, my heart is aching with their joy and sorrow. I love that harry is allowing severus to see his emotions, and that we are able to see how caring severus is.

    Author's Response: Thank you
Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 12 Jun 2011 11:10 pm
Reviewer: Twilight1987 (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Intense.... Can't wait for the next chapter!

    Author's Response: Thank you
Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 12 Jun 2011 5:23 pm
Reviewer: wynnleaf (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Your plot is fine, and the narrative writing is good, but I think you need to reconsider the order in which you present things. Flashbacks often work well to present a backstory, but in this case you started with Dumbledore's memories, but then - while within a flashback of Dumbledore's memory - we suddenly get Snape's memories. Yes, they are stored memories that Dumbledore is viewing, but the narrative shifts back and forth between different character's points of view. For instance, here: "Most were recognisable as memories. The others were potions Snape did not recognise." While the pov is Dumbledore's, he cannot know that Snape doesn't recognize a potion unless Snape actually says or does something to show this. The way this was written, it was as though the pov was suddenly Snape's, where we can see that Snape doesn't know something even though we don't see him tell anyone that he doesn't know.

    Another problem in the story thus far is that you summarize a great deal. In the first couple of chapters, I thought perhaps you were summarizing the action because this was more-or-less a prologue and you'd be getting the the main story later. However, at 4 chapters in, you are still summarizing a lot of the action for us, rather than letting the reader see it unfold on the page. It would help if you used less passive voice. This story is difficult to rate, because the plot is great and the the writing, on a sentence by sentence basis, is good, yet the pacing is pedantic and occasionally the action is slightly off and confusing.

    Author's Response:

    Thank you

    Have taken your comments on board. 

Title: Chapter 4 – The Past Remembered 12 Jun 2011 4:29 pm
Reviewer: tabbycat (Signed) [Report This]
    Aw, Severus is so kind! I hope you continue this: I can't wait to find out if you find a way to bring them all back!! Including Sirius maybe??? *gives puppy eyes*. ;) It's really sad btw, so good job. So bittersweet.
    xx

    Author's Response: Thank you
Title: Chapter 3 – Discovering Harry 11 Jun 2011 4:04 pm
Reviewer: Lilyflower5 (Signed) [Report This]
    great story so far carn't wait for the next capter

    Author's Response:

    Thank you.

    It's almost here and others in progress.


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