Reviews For To Be Loved and Needed
I can see them crawling back for forgiveness and Harry giving the middle finger and an F U cause thats what they deserve. Thats what the whole wizard world needs to here from Harry now. :P
Author's Response: Yes! I feel you on that one. You know what? You just gave me an idea. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
It would be good to have beta or do your own proof-reading, because story has many mistakes which makes it more difficult to understand.
Author's Response: Yeah I just went over the story again to fix the errors I noticed. I am at the moment looking for a beta, so please bear with me until I can get one. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
As far as your writing I agree with one of your other reviewers. The pace of the scenes seem forced. And I would suggest changing your tense. I have written in the past and understand how difficult it is to write in 3rd person without getting to descriptive. Keep going. We are here to help you.
Author's Response: Thanks! And I have edited the first chapter to third person as best as I can. And for the pace I shall try to take it slower. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Now I can basically handle OOC. That's fine. Not a prob. I guess it can be considered out of character when it's at this speed. My suggestion is to slow down a little, ease up on the quick pacing. I felt like the events came at me a little too fast.
But my biggest issue is the POV. Harry Potter is generally written with the 3rd person. It's very hard to write Harry and then Snape in the first person POV. They both sound exactly the same - and that's not a good thing. If you must use 1st person, then it's best to only use one. If you're going to flip from Harry and Snape a lot, however, then 3rd would give you far more freedom.
I hope you continue writing. :) You have an excellent idea here and I hope you keep at it!
Author's Response: Thanks. I have changed the story to 3rd person. I will try to go a little bit slower next time. An I wont filp from Harry and Snape so much. I just did it for this chapter so that we can know how Harry got into the hospital and who saved him and all that other madness. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Author's Response: Yeah I kindof forgot to put the OCC tag on the story. And thank you for reading and reviewing!
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