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Reviews For Spiral of Trust
One suggestion: if you are not sure about a word, try using a simpler one, or get a native English speaker for a beta. These two paragraphs caused me to stumble: Professor McGonagall also declared that the quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw in the afternoon was inhibited. Ginny was angry about the annulations, although everybody else felt that it was the natural thing to do. (Inhibiting is most often for emotions, implying repressed emotions. I suggest either cancelled or postponed. Annulation is a word in chemistry meaning to form rings. Cancellation (if cancelled) or postponement or delay (if postponed) would be fine. “It would do us all good to move outside and be forced to think about something else, instead of brooding and rummaging it all over and over again.” Rummaging is more often for items, rather than thoughts. I think you might have meant "ruminating on it all over again." or even "going over it over and over again." Author's Response: Thank you - I'm glad that you point things like that out. I lived in France for a while and sometimes I get things mixed up - only because the same words exists in English I take for granted that they have the same meaning, which they don't - 'annulation' and 'inhiber/ inhibit' are examples of that. Because I believe I think I know the meaning, I don't look it up in a dictionary, which, by the way, is no guarantee that you'll end up with the right word anyhow... I might have a tendency to go for the more complicated words and I think that you're right - it will not necessarily work out the best... I would really need a native English beta, but they don't exactly grow on trees, you know (expression used in my country :-) not sure whether it exists in English, meaning they are scarce, or busy - hard to get hold of anyhow)
Author's Response: Thank you! I’m glad that you are back reviewing! I appreciate a lot. It is a very angsty chapter, isn’t it? I found it interesting to write about the misunderstandings and the fears of losing someone you care for - hoping, in a way, that Harry’s feelings and actions would mirror and explain, to an extent, the short passage about Snape’s reaction to the suicide at the beginning of the chapter.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you found it tense and dramatic - it was intended to be so. And thank you for reviewing! It means a lot to get feed-back and to know whether your text worked as you wanted it to do.
Author's Response: Thanks. Ginny certainly seems to be in denial of something. I believe that the expressions of grief at the school reminds her of her family's sorrow, which, if you remenmber (chapters 1 and 2), she had difficulties to tolerate during the summer. My guess is that Harry's reaction to the suicide made Ginny realise how close her boy-friend had been to doing something similar and that shocked her as well.
Author's Response: Me too :-) |
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