It's good that you seem to have plenty of ideas to make the story just a little different, like Snape expecting Harry to have been living with his grandparents. Hope this will continue as we find out how the summer goes.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
| Title: A Surprising Birthday
| 16 Mar 2015 10:36 pm
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| Reviewer: rosina (Signed)
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Interesting start to your story, and a good job of writing Hagrid's accent. Nice touch for Harry to get something of his mother in his wand.
Dursley's have a 20ft wide bathroom? That's larger than my apartment! Harry didn't feel any pain when these wings apeared? How has he gained muscle control of these extra apendages so quickly? The wings haven't effected his balance at all? With as thin and small as Harry is at age eleven, how does anyone not notice the primary feathers of his wings dagging along the ground? Or the giant humpback he's suddenly aquired when he puts on his shirt? What did Harry use to tear slits in his shirt? How was he able to manipulate these giant wings into two slits in his night shirt without destroying the rest of the fabric? You might need to research this idea a bit more. Possibly add in more discriptions of Harry's stuggles with this new change.
Why is Hermione in Diagon ally to get robes at the end of July? It's a general fanworld theme that Prof. McGongall arrives to the muggleborn first year's houses to guide them to the ally and explain some culture differences when the letters are first sent out.
Unless Hermione asked around, you may need to verify where she learned the name "Voldemort" as referancing his name still had superstisious connections and was avoided mentioning in any reading material I am aware of in fanlisted "recent" wizarding texts. Being muggle, and therefore not consiously affected by the civil wizarding war or exposed to the fear and horror of what happened, why does Hermione stutter over the name? At this point in time she has no emotional ties to it.
Author's Response: I fixed the bathroom and wings size thing, thank you for pointing that out. (I wasnt really thinking at the time to be honest, just jotting down what came to mind and it just kinda stuck.) And Hermione said that Muggles cannot see the wings, only those in the magical world. And for the slits in his shirt, since the material of his shirt is so raggedy and thin (Since it is a worn hand me down from Dudley) he could just easily rip it. The Dursleys dont really care whats on Harry, just as long as he is clothed. And as for the other questions, they will all be answered in later chapters, do not worry. I understand there is a lot of questions and its just the first chapter, but I will try and make it all fit.
Hehe cute. Good job with the Dursleys and all the supporting characters. I love the colors of everyone's wings. Cool. Nice writing.
Author's Response: thank you!
| Title: A Surprising Birthday
| 10 Mar 2015 7:47 am
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| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed)
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Great start! I love the idea about the wings! How cool! So do they use brooms in this universe? I love your Hagrid and Harry - all the characters were wonderfully in character!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. All the questions will be answered in later chapters, do not worry!
Well done! Thank you for answering my challenge. I really like your take on it and I look forward to seeing more.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you like it!
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