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Reviews For Antiquity's Corollary
Wow, this seems like a cruel cliffhanger! Lol. I don't recall when I first started reading your story, but I think it was after this! I'm glad that you had them all take some precautions, but really this was a foolish thing for Harry to do. But alas, this is exactly a thing that Harry would do. I liked Malfoy in this chapter. It's a good reminder that he's still a child. Like earlier on you have him all confident and now he's a cute frightened little thing. Author's Response: If I recall correctly, your first review on ff.net had to be after the first posting of 32 or 33... I could be wrong, though. Well, in Harry's defense, if he listened to what everyone said all the time, he really would be little more than a puppet. Still, I agree- foolish! Especially after Snape told him specifically not to... the little cretin, I tell you. Malfoy is an interesting character. Not my favorite of the lot, but definitely interesting... he's not as flat as everyone used to suspect he was.
Like I said earlier, the potion you've come up with is really cool. And also describing why Harry looks the way he does... better than a charm I think. Oh and I liked how you slipped into the description the characters reactions like "sounds morbid" and what not. So it wasn't a long winded speech or something, but an actual conversation. Harry's clinginess is really cute and not overly done. I can imagine Harry wants Snape to stay so much that (if it would do any good) he'd cling to the man's leg. Or well he probably wouldn't he's a little too reserved for that... Author's Response: Yes, well, people often explain things in long winded monologues and such... it always loses my interest, so I figured it probably does the same for others. Lol, yes, Harry is far too reserved in his affections to actually cling to Snape's leg. Besides, I'm sure he would get kicked. Let us not forget that Harry has a saving people thing, and he's almost postive of the fate that Severus is about to face. That is one reason for his clinginess, aside from the fact that Sev is his father.
I found a hug. It's rather touching. Not too sappy or anything, jut perfect for the moment. And it does make me feel all "aawww." Draco is really cool in your story. Always scheming and wonderful. It was interesting how you noted how he felt when it was clear Harry was worried about losing his father. It's easy to forget that Draco has to worry about his dad getting killed by Voldemort, or tortured, or cruciod... Regardless of what side you're on, it's still sad... Author's Response: Lol, I knew you;d hit on a hug soon. Yeah... it is easy to forget that about Draco, because even in the books, he just acts like nothing bothers him. It bothers me because a lot of people see him as weak and whatnot now that book six has come out- one because Harry found him crying in the bathroom, and two because he failed to kill Dumbledore. What people don't realize is that he is human... I think that is definitely one of the main themes of this fic... humanity. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is flawed, no one is perfect or everlastingly resiliant. It's impossible to be one person your whole life or smooth over every single mistake. People are not always what they seem. Many fail to realize that... but I think once people start to understand that, there will be a lot more tolerance in the world. Tolerance is definitely one of the most important things we have in this life.
Author's Response: Yes, I've found that in these stories, Ron is just bound to blow up at some point. I mean, I had toyed with the idea of their reactions for quite some time... and I arrived at the conclusion that there was no way around it. The only way he wouldn't be angry is if he was told right away... and then he and Harry could share in the shock. However, once Harry gets close to Severus and is more likely to defend him... that's where Ron's blow up usually comes from. Now, I didn't do it this way simply because I think Ron is growing up and can learn to accept this. After all, Harry didn't ask for this... but he's not likely to understand it being kept from him, and Harry is not likely to tell him as soon as he finds out. The funny thing is that the blanket that I described in that scene is the one I wrap around myself every winter morning when I wake up at like, 5 to get ready for school. I always shuffle around the quiet house, bundled up like a catepillar or something... and I just can't imagine getting out of bed and having it be cold and not having a blanket! Robes just don't do the trick. Anyways, I wrote that one morning when I was wrapped up in my blanket and eating my breakfast. I don't really know what the point of that story was, but hey, though you ought to know :)
(I have to apologize for my novel length responses. My fingers get carried away.)
I think you may still have a comment from one of your many betas tucked away in here. In the second paragraph above the first little "xxx". I'm glad that Harry asked for Snape after his vision. And that Hermione and Ginny actually listened to him. (The image you created of them standing outside his office was quite funny). Ah and that reminds me. I really love how you've portrayed Ginny throughout your story. She's really quite the strong character. And of course, like always, your characters aren't flat... she had here little "off balance" moment when talking to Snape. (I'm refering to how she said, "we were woken by lavender, who was told by Neville..."). You can tell she was feeling out of sorts. Another thing I like in general about your story is how you're able to move from one scene to the next. You might skip over a bunch of days or what have you, but you hit on all the important info... Anyway, you might be wondering why I'm pointing this out... but it's because that's something I struggle with. I have this weird urge to describe each and every moment. I dunno if you've read my story, but perhaps you can tell... Author's Response: Oh wow, I did! Thank you for pointing that out, I went back and fixed it on both sites. That's just awful, lol. Hermione and Ginny make me laugh... they are both very strong characters, but definitely in their own ways. See, in my mind, Ginny just kind of has this hot headed temper. Hermione will get indignant, but she's not one to blow up over small things, or come right out and say whatever pops into her mind. I think they make a great combination, because they really balance each other (as friends, of course). Ginny is an incredible character, and I hate when people minimize her roleof importance. I know it is not possible to pay attention to every great character, but she just seems like someone that fits in well with the story. As you may be able to tell in later chapters, I do plan to use her more. Flat characters also bother me, so I'm glad you think I've achieved some rounder ones, if you get my meaning. People in general are very different, depending on situations. Some simple minded people will look at a character and as soon as they do somethign that seems off kilter, they will stamp the label "ooc" on their foreheads. I don't think you can do that... in life, people are bound to act differently than is the norm for them, because no one can remain completely balanced all the time. You really have to get into the psychological aspect of everything that is happening... I try to do that. In fact, I have an entire set of Psychology encylcopedias, and being the little nutcase that I am, I actually spend hours some nights going through them. Transitions are actually one of the hardest things for me to do, I won't lie. It's one of the greatest challenges in writing an epic... because you don't have the time to really focus on every single moment. You can't go day to day, because first of all, whose life has something exciting happen every day? And second of all, it's hard to progress their characters and interactions and all that in such a short amount of time. It's not realistic... so that's why I tend to skip over days and whatnot. I should credit JK Rowling with that... I read her books and observe the way she does it. Or at least, I used to, when I struggled more. Now I've got my style down to a science, if you get what I mean, so I usually don't have trouble with those kinds of things. It's all about finding your style, it really is. Read other people's work, observe what you like and don't like, and keep writing. Eventually, you'll find your comfort zone and be able to focus on other areas... it's really all a learning experience. No, I unfortunately haven't read your story, actually. I read the summary, and I saw a recommendation for it on a yahoo group one time, but I never did get around to reading it. Lately, I don't really read fanfiction, and if I do, it's a romance to get me in a good mood before I go to sleep at night. Hermione/Severus, typically... I find that when I read other people's work of the same type as mine, I get influenced... and I want my work to be my own. If I'm lacking inspiration I read about a chapter of something that makes me all giddy, and then I get all excited to go write. I might take a look sometime, though.
Another great last line. Although you might consider taking off the "he explained quietly" that part is implied and Harry's words might seem stronger on their own. The Snape/Moody stuff at the begining was very funny. And your descriptions (as usual) were very amusing. I especially liked the description of Snape chewing his food and later Moody gimping out of the Great Hall. I also liked Snape when Dumbledore showed up. His reactions fit what one would expect if Dumbledore were in fact his dad. He made great pains to apologize for his behavior first... lol. Oh and I never expected Snape to refer to Lupin as "our dear Mr. Lupin"... but wow, you made it fit. If there were a contest, to see who could get the most ooc phrases to seem natural... you'd win. Author's Response: Lol, I've never been a straight out humour writer... but I'm glad you can pick up on my subtle, more dry sense of humour. Many people simply don't understand it... which is frustrating, because I suppose I offend others easily because of it. Ah, well. Well, let me know if you find a contest like that, lol.
Another good ending to a chapter! So I'd say it's a trend... I liked the start of Moody's lecture. After Snape and Moody's little fight. He said something like "Dark Wizards are all around..." And that part made me laugh. Oh and I really liked the Snape/Harry conversation at the begining of the chapter. You did great at keeping them in character while breaking past their barriors (a little) so each could see the other in a true light for the first time. Oh and to highlight this "revelation"... the way you had Snape say "Good Night, Harry" that was pretty powerful all by itself. Is that the first time Snape called Harry by his first name? It feels like it... And, well, I really liked that part. Author's Response: Moody just all around makes me laugh... I can't take him seriously. Well, I can, but choose not to. Yes, if I recall correctly, that is the first time he calls him Harry. One of my awwwww moments. I love this part of the story, I so do... I so do. And now I have to go back to writing the current angst... lol.
So I can say yet another chapter ends very well... Oh and about the "why Snape hated Harry" topic. There's a paragraph (fifth one in this chapter), where Harry muses over his understanding of why Snape hated him. I think it has a lot more power being revealed this way, than if you had just said it from the begining... I wonder, perhaps, if I had remembered how important/strong these snippets were, and that's why I suggested you mention more earlier on.... (eh, no... I just have to admit, I was wrong...) Oh something else I thought about, during the scene where they're supposed to be hanging the banners, and Snape and Harry are discussing things... I couldn't help but wonder what Flitwick was doing during this scene. I imagined him being a bit uncomfortable and wandering away. (comically I might add) I know he's not important, and he doesn't even have to be within earshot, but I just felt like letting you know I thought about him. I liked that you mentioned Lupin in this chapter. An ever present (well since third year) support in Harry's life. And I like how you mentioned that Lupin was offered the defense position, it shows that Dumbledore had every intention to go through with his threat! Another thing I really like about your story, you never overdo an emotion. Like Snape and Harry's conversation was getting deep and sappy (that term is not meant to be derogatory- I just can't think of a better word), and then you interrupted it with the arrival of Harry's friends. And then again, later on, Hermione and company got into that deep converstation about politics- and you cut it off with Ginny's "the end" (a rather clever thing to say). Speaking of clever words. You said "shambolically" in some past chapter... And I had to copy it, just to point out how cool that word was. I know shambles, but I never knew the word could become an adjective, much less an adverb. Well basically, what I'm trying to say, is you use your words well. Author's Response: Haha... you're making me laugh with this whole line of thought on how I reveal things as time goes. Well, Flitwick is doing the Ravenclaw table. Which is a good few over from the Gryffindor table. So Flitwick was never really in the picture... as long as you zoom in, lol. He's in the hall, but it is a very large hall. Yeah... and the sad thing is that I kind of turn Lupin into an arse later... haha... but he's not really an arse, just kinda overprotective. Yeah, I'm actually writing right now, and I've got someone online nagging me to make them hug... and I can't decide. See, I have this thing- I am not by nature an affectionate person... so I guess that sort of helps me to write this that way. I can't overdo the emotion, because in real life, I think people are stupid when they do... there are times when it's needed, but basically, I just don't do it. I'm not a fluffy writer, never will be.
Yes! Back to the nice Dumbledore. Not that this is somehow different then the man was before... but it was all nice, no anger. I also liked how you pointed out Harry was mad, but he couldn't really pinpoint what he was mad at anymore. I get like that sometimes, when a lot of agrivating/crappy stuff happens. I've realized something else I like about your writing. Usually (maybe always, perhaps I should go back), your last line of the chapter is quite um, what's the word... good? powerful? striking? Even if the chapter is a cliffhanger, your last line leaves the chapter feeling complete. Author's Response: I typically won't post the chapter unless it feels complete. There are some that I have left off at a spot that doesn't quite seem right, if you ask me, but that was always for a reason. A chapter should be like a minnie story itself. Lol, it makes me laugh, because the later ones really are, at 30 pages in size 12 times new roman font!
I liked how you gave us more information on Lily and Snape's relationship. Gives it even more depth. I also must note... There's a bit where Snape explains to Harry one of the reason's he hated Harry so much was because affair. Which reminds me of my earlier comment, chapters ago, ... and your response. You explained how you wanted to show readers over time about Snape's motives. Well now I'd like to say, I understand that. It is actually much better they way you've written it-than how I suggested it. (do I make sense?) I also like how you've repressented Harry. He still loses control of his emotions, but he's not just a whinny kid either. He has his moments (a lot of them), where's he's in a lot of control- It makes him really cool. And I think this goes well with the fact that he's maturing. And it goes with his resolution at the begining of your story... to stay focused and kill Voldemort. Author's Response: Thank god, I was going to lose sleep over that tonight. No, I'm not being sarcastic- I would have gotten up and gone to my computer and started reading through the story and the outline searching for that section, lol. I'm anal retentive like that. I'm glad you like the way I do that. Like I said, I don't like to just hit people with it right away... leaves little room for speculation and makes the plot and story too predictable. mystery=good. Well, in other words, Harry is a teen. I don't know how old you are, but being in high school, I tend to have a good idea of how all this goes. I am typically more mature than most of my peers- but they all come to me with their problems (some even call me mom) and I can really see the struggles they have in going from kid to adult. As you get older, you have more control over yourself and your reactions... but every once in awhile, you just lose it. It's hard, but necessary to developement, in my opinion. This will give him more direction and strength, in the end. |
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