Going to the infirmary had caused Harry to miss most of breakfast, so he made a last minute decision and went down to the kitchens to get something before he went back up to the tower. When he returned to the common room, pockets thoughtfully crammed full of sweets, he found Ron and Hermione witting at a table near the fireplace with the holiday transfiguration project spread out around them. Neither of them were focused on the books, however, and the instant they saw him walk through the portrait hole Ron called him and Hermione began waving him over.

“Where have you been?” Ron demanded.

“We were getting worried, Harry, you’ve never missed breakfast before,” Hermione said looking critically at him.

“I know,” Harry replied. “Something happened and we got dragged up to the Hospital Wing.”

“What happened?”

“Are you all right?”

His two friends spoke at the same time and Harry put a hand up to stop them. “I’m fine. Madame Pomfrey couldn’t find anything wrong with me.”

“Then why--?”

“Malfoy asked me to spend the holidays with him,” Harry began.

“I hope you said no,” Ron exclaimed with a hint of indignation.

“I did,” Harry said reassuringly, “which made Malfoy very happy.”

“If he didn’t want you to come why did he bother to ask?” Ron queried.

“I think Malfoy senior wanted him to make friends with me so that he could hand me over to Voldemort.”

“I knew ferret-face couldn’t be trusted! So all that friendliness was an act?”

“Obviously, Ron,” Hermione rolled her eyes. Ron just rolled his eyes back at her and squeezed her hand under the table. “So how did you end up in hospital?” Hermione asked to cover the faint blush on her cheeks.

“Well, we decided to go flying anyway and when we landed, I felt something. Sort of an odd feeling, and then Snape and Dumbledore came running out saying that someone had been practicing Dark Magic and it set the wards off. When we convinced them that it wasn’t us they took us to see Pomfrey.”

“Did they catch the person who was casting Dark Spells?”

“I don’t think so. That’s the thing, ‘Mione, there wasn’t anyone there but me and Malfoy, and it wasn’t either of us.”

“There wasn’t anyone there that you could see, you mean,” Ron said darkly.

Harry frowned and shrugged, “Nothing happened and it’s all over now.” Ron and Hermione looked dubious but nodded and turned back to the work before them.

The next morning everyone was running about cramming last minute items into their trunks. Harry got washed and dressed in a more leisurely fashion and sat on his bed watching Ron check his trunk. “Are you sure you won’t come, mate?” the red-head said turning to him. “Mum would be just as happy to see you as she will be to see any of us.”

“No, I’ll stay here,” Harry said. “You guys deserve a holiday to yourselves. Besides, with Bill and Charlie visiting, I imagine it will be a bit crowded.”

“Yeah, but mum likes crowds,” Ron said, then, smiling wryly, he continued, “Why do you think she had so many kids?”

Harry laughed and, seeing that they were the last people in the dormitory he said, “Hurry or you’ll miss the train.” Ron nodded and smiled as he went out the door. Harry followed him and they walked to the main doors together, meeting Hermione and Ginny on the way. And then, with a last goodbye and Happy Christmas, they were gone.

Harry spent that day wandering the castle and the evening half-heartedly working on the holiday assignments. He felt an odd sort of prickling at times, but ignored it. He was glad when the time came to go to dinner in the Great Hall. Nearly everyone had gone home to their families and there were only three other students left, a small second-year Hufflepuff and two seventh-year Ravenclaws that Harry didn’t know.

On Thursday Harry was again wandering the corridors, having decided it was too cold for flying, when he met Snape. After a moment’s hesitation the professor invited him to his office. “Tea?” Severus asked when they were seated.

“Depends,” Harry said jokingly, “is there veritaserum in it?”

Snape’s brow twitched before he smirked a little and said, “No.”

“All right, then,” Harry nodded. Severus smiled a little and prepared the tea things.

They sat in silence a moment before Severus spoke, “How are you weathering the lack of company?”

“I’m all right,” Harry said. “It’s given me a lot of time to think.”

“Has it?” Snape murmured as he poured the tea.

“Yeah. Malfoy’s a good actor,” Harry commented. “There were a few moments when I almost believed he wanted to be my friend.”

“Mr. Malfoy is a very talented young man,” Severus agreed before taking a sip from his cup.

Harry was looking into his own mug when he asked, “Is it a bad sign that you didn’t know about the plan?” He looked up with concern in his eyes.

Severus looked uncomfortable and said, “There is no indication that this wasn’t simply the Malfoys working on their own.” He knew it was folly to continue maintaining the fabrication, but he found that he was frightened of Harry’s reaction.

Harry stared at him in disbelief. “What?” he exclaimed. “Draco said it was his father’s orders, and I doubt his father is doing anything Voldemort isn’t telling him to. Besides, I know for a fact that Voldemort was trying to recruit me.”

Snape paled a shade, “How do you know that?”

“Dream I had over the summer,” Harry said, waving it aside in order to pursue his first question. “Is it very bad that you didn’t know about all this?”

Severus shifted slightly. Harry’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t know, you said you didn’t know when I asked you. Did you find out after that?”

Snape shook his head slightly. “You knew before that?” Harry whispered, “You lied to me?” When there was no denial he spoke again, “I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t lie to me!”

“I couldn’t tell you then,” Snape said softly.

“Why not?” Harry demanded.

“I wanted you and Draco to have a chance,” Severus explained. “A real friend, one who doesn’t worship the Dark Lord, could do him a world of good, and the rest of Slytherin house as well.”

Harry just stared at him. Snape had lied to him because he though it would help Malfoy. He felt like a skater who had just crashed through ice he had been assured would hold him. Like Snape had just told him that no matter how close Harry had thought they’d gotten, the Slytherins would always come first and Harry would remain a distant second.

“I did not enjoy lying to you,” Severus said in a pain-filled voice, “but I thought it was for the best.”

“You thought it was for the best,” Harry repeated softly.

Severus looked at the youth before him with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had dreaded this moment for weeks, months, and now that it had come it was a hundred times worse than he had imagined. Harry was staring at him expectantly, but for the life of him Severus couldn’t figure out what it was the green-eyed wizard wanted.

An apology would have helped, Harry decided. It would not have made everything better, but it would have eased the pain a little to know that the Potions Master regretted his actions. After another moment Harry gave a small snort of disgust and put down his tea cup. He didn’t look back as he stalked out of the office.

As he went he felt bitter recriminations welling up in his chest. He was furious with Snape, but he was also angry with himself. How could he possibly have trusted that slimy, greasy git! It defied all reason. Clearly Harry had been suffering from grief-induced delusions. To believe that the heartless bat of the dungeons could care, about him, of all people, was the height of idiocy. And then to expect an apology on top of that! Harry kicked the wall fiercely, disgusted with his own stupidity.

Severus sighed as Harry slammed the door behind him. He had known that this would happen. He knew that keeping things from Harry was a bad idea, look at what had happened last time! And then he had gone and done it anyway. He was just getting his comeuppance, really. He had this coming. He knew that, but it didn’t make anything any better. Severus sighed again. Perhaps Harry would forgive him, given time. He snorted, yes, and perhaps the Dark Lord would sprout wings and proclaim peace on earth, too. It was unlikely, he told himself, that the youth would ever trust him again, let alone that they would ever be as they were. But that didn’t stop him from yearning for it.

Harry spent the next several days avoiding Snape at all costs. He only went to meals when the Marauder’s Map showed that the potions professor was in the dungeons. He never went down to the dungeons and always carried his cloak when he went out wandering the halls. He stayed holed up in Gryffindor Tower any time he saw that Snape was out patrolling the halls. Harry wanted to spend the majority of his time as far away from the older wizard as possible. He would have gone outside except that the snow drifts and bitter wind eliminated that possibility.

He had skipped two meals because he saw Snape sitting in the Great Hall when McGonagall came to roust him out. “I’ve hardly seen you since term ended, Mr. Potter. What on earth are you doing up here?”

Harry, who had hastily wiped the map and hid it under a text book he had left out when he saw his head of house coming, blinked up at her. “What do you mean, Professor?”

“I mean it’s all well and good for you to be doing your schoolwork,” she gestured at the books on the table in front of him, “but I want you attending meals. No more skipping, is that understood?” She peered over the top of her glasses at him.

“Yes ma’am,” Harry said looking down at the parchment spread in front of him.

“I never thought I’d have to tell you this. Miss Granger perhaps, but not you. Are you quite well, Mr. Potter?”

“I’m fine professor.”

McGonagall gave him a disbelieving look and sat down in the chair next to him. “I was apprehensive, when you came back this summer. I was uncertain how you would react to the…changes that had been forced on you. You seemed to be doing all right. You didn’t withdraw from your friends or leave your work undone, as many in your position might have. I persuaded myself that you were all right, that you were stronger than I had given you credit for being. I wonder now, if I was wrong.”

Harry looked at her in surprise, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, Mr. Potter, that I sincerely hope you have not been acting all this time. Your friends would be very hurt to discover that you felt you could not grieve around them, and it would mean that I have failed you even more than I ever have before.”

Harry blinked at that statement, “Professor, you haven’t failed me. I wasn’t acting; I just…things have changed again, and I need a little time to pull myself back together.” Harry was blushing and looking down at the table top.

She pursed her lips, wondering what in Merlin’s name he had gotten himself into this time. “Well, I am always here for you to talk to.”

“Thank you.”

McGonagall nodded. Then she clapped her hands to her knees and said, “I have often observed that when times are difficult it can be comforting to follow one’s ordinary routine. I have also noticed that you haven’t been in the Great Hall as often as you should be. I will not have you skipping meals, Mr. Potter.” The look on her face was stern, but Harry could still see a hint of concern in her eyes.

“I’m not skipping meals, Professor.”

“I don’t even want to know how you found your way to the kitchens. I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything less from James’s son.” She stood up. “Nevertheless, I want to see you in the Great Hall at lunch and dinner from now on, starting tonight.” She held up a finger when he looked as though he might protest and he sighed and followed her out of the common room and down to the Hall.

He took a seat at the end of the table farthest away from where the professor’s were sitting.

Severus sighed softly as he decided that Harry was not coming to dinner again. He had come to several meals on the principle that the youth had to eat sometime, but he was beginning to doubt that. It was almost as though the younger wizard had some way of knowing when he was in the Great Hall.

Just then Minerva walked in with Harry in tow. Severus watched covertly as the young man seated himself at the end of the table. Minerva frowned when she noticed, but did not comment.

Albus smiled at her as she sat down beside him. “How is young Harry?” the aged wizard asked.

Minerva shook her head slightly, “Clearly something is bothering him, but I don’t know what it is. I pointed out that he was welcome to confide in me, but I think we both know how unlikely that is.” The witch pursed her lips and dropped her voice, “I would almost think he was grieving, but I can’t imagine him putting it off this long. It’s been months,” she shook her head.

Dumbledore smiled at his younger colleague, but Severus couldn’t help noticing a hint of uncertainty in the old mage’s eyes. Severus himself glared at his plate.

“I have extracted a promise from him to come to lunch and dinner, however, so at least we know he won’t starve.”

The slightly tart comment from the witch elicited a small chuckle from Dumbledore. “I doubt he was in danger of starving, Minerva. I understand Harry knows how to get into the kitchens. He is also friends with a rather remarkable house elf.”

“Even so, if he eats here with the rest of us at least we can keep an eye on him. It cannot be good for him to be alone all the time. I still don’t know why he chose to stay here for the holidays.”

“Ah, I believe he felt that his friends should enjoy a holiday with their families.”

McGonagall sniffed as though she was not entirely convinced. “Well, at any rate it won’t hurt him to come down here for two meals a day.”

“Certainly not. Oh, Minerva have you tried this delicious lemon cobbler?”

Severus resisted the urge to snort and glanced again at the dark haired wizard. The boy’s hunched shoulders and resolute gaze at the plate in front of him was more disheartening than most other things Snape had seen in his life. He could not decide whether it hurt more to know that he had done this to the boy or that this time he probably would not be able to reconcile with him.