Crying In The Rain

A-Ha

As soon as Dumbledore's footsteps left the room, Draco painfully eased himself to his feet. With one hand on his chest he pulled back the curtains. An incredible coldness swept over him as he looked at Snape lying there still as death. With a strangled sob he left the hospital wing as fast as he could. He wanted to be alone, and he wanted to be as far away from the hospital wing as possible. If Snape died he didn't want to see it happen, it would be as if had uttered the death curse himself.

He made his way down to Snape's office. A place of refuge. He entered the cold dark room, a single candle burned on the desk. He collapsed in the chair watching the candle burn for what seemed like hours. Then his eye caught sight of an envelope which bore his name.

With trembling fingers he picked it up. It was addressed to him from Snape in the event of Snape's death. It glittered indicating Snape had put a spell on it so it could only be opened upon his death. Something compelled him to turn it over and much to his shock he realized he could open it. An incredible sense of fear washed over him. In the short while since he had left the wing, Snape must have died. He could barely breathe. He stared at the letter clasped in his hands in frozen disbelief.

Trembling with a soft inhale of breath, he opened it and started to read.

"Dear Draco,

I am so sorry. I had to ensure that Lucius never hurts you again. Please don't be upset, I know you are likely panicking right now, don't. Don't do anything rash. Professor Dumbledore will ensure that you are protected and that you have a safe refuge here at Hogwarts. Lucius will never see you again unless supervised and only if you want to.

One of the few pleasures of my life has been watching you grow from that golden baby, into the young skilled wizard you are now. I am confident you will make the right choices in life and you will excel at life.

I am sorry I won't be there to see it. The truth is Draco I have always wished you were my son, not Lucius'. Know that I love you and my spirit will watch over you.

Draco, I ask a favour of you. I want you to let more people into your life. Professor Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lupin will all help you, trust them, talk to them, let them help you through this.

This will likely sound unusual coming from me, but I want you to open your mind up to Potter and his friends. They are the ones who found you and did everything possible to save your life. Put aside your jealousy, prejudice and hostility and let them befriend you, they will help you.

I can't tell you how proud I was of you when you told me you didn't want to follow in your father's footsteps and become a Death Eater. As I told you that day I want you to have love in your life and to have a happy life. This can only happen if the light wins. You have grown into a powerful wizard and your skills can help the light tremendously. Don't let jealousy and hate blind you, I made that mistake once and I was just starting to learn how wrong it really was. Open your mind, you will see things that will astound you.

Live Draco and be happy. Know that I love you, always. Professor Severus Snape."

His breathing came in shallow pants as he read the letter. Biting his lip, and painfully gasping for air, he blinked back the tears that pressured.

He couldn't stay here, Snape's presence was everywhere. He left the room and staggered out of Hogwarts. He fell to his knees a number of times but each time he got up and forced himself to continue heading down to his favourite spot by the lake. He collapsed against a tree. The rain poured down soaking him to the skin.

Snape was gone.

His tears came, flowing and intermingling with the cold relentless rain.

**************************************************

Remus and Harry walked into the hospital ward to find a stern faced Dumbledore.

"I have just woken Minerva, Draco is missing we need to find him immediately. The shock of seeing Professor Snape in this condition in addition to his own injuries makes for a dangerous combination. He isn't thinking clearly and may do something rash."

"We'll start searching the castle immediately," Remus remarked.

"I'll wake Ron and Hermione to help."

"No Harry, I already had Professor McGonagall do that," Dumbledore remarked. "I shouldn't have left him alone even for a few moments."

As soon as Ron and Hermione entered the wing, Harry ran over to them.

"I think we should check Snape's office first, he might have gone there to be alone." They took off down to the dungeons but realized as soon as they entered that Draco wasn't there. Harry suddenly remembered the letter and went over to the desk, he realized with a sense of dread that the letter was gone.

"We have to find him quickly. You two need to keep this to yourselves but I found out tonight that Lucius is the one that beat Draco by The Shrieking Shack."

"What! No way," Ron said in disbelief.

Hermione's eyes grew wide. "Why would Lucius almost kill Draco?"

"I don't know, maybe his time in Azkaban make him crazy. I know it doesn't make sense but that's what he said," Harry explained.

"I can't believe that." Ron shook his head. "But if we have to find him let's split up, I'll check the great hall," Ron volunteered.

"Ok I'll check the library," Harry said.

Hermione took off on her own. She suddenly remembered on All Hallow's Eve how Draco had been down by the lake. It was pouring outside but then again Draco likely wasn't thinking very clearly.

*************************************************************** Numb, he felt so numb, so tired and so nauseous. Everything was a horrible blur of events. His father almost beating him to death, all the pain, Professor Snape lying in the hospital ward, Professor Snape dying, the letter. He leant his head back against the tree trunk and stared up at the dark starless night, the rain pelted down on his face. "Why?" he sobbed asking the heavens.

After running along the grove where she has seen him on the night he told her about the elf, Hermione was ready to give up. He wasn't there. Through the pelting rain she saw another grove of trees further over and decided she may as well check there too. She found him quite unexpectedly after rounding a corner. He sat back against a tree; his blond hair darker soaked by the rain, his face pale in the Luminos light of her wand. She dropped down beside him. His face was turned up to the skies but his eyes were closed.

"Draco, come on , we have to bring you inside."

His eyes slowly opened. "Why can't you leave me alone?" he responded hoarsely.

"Because I and many others care about what happens to you," she said kneeling down next to him.

"Well I don't care, the only one I cared about was Professor Snape." His voice broke near the end of the sentence.

"And how do you think he will feel when he wakes up and finds you half dead with pneumonia or something because you're sitting out here in the cold rain?'

He glared at her as he spat out, "he's dead!"

She frowned. "No he's not. I was just in the hospital wing."

Draco wearily turned away from her ignoring her words.

"Come on I'll prove it, let me help you to the hospital wing," she coaxed gently.

"NO! I'm not going back there!" he shouted with panic heavy in his voice.

"Shhhhh, why not? I know it's hard for you seeing Professor Snape hurt but it was just as hard for him seeing you almost die yet he was by your side all the time."

Draco's eyes squeezed shut and his hands came to his face.

She reached over to him and said softly. "I don't understand why Lucius did this and you don't have to tell me but I'm so sorry this happened to you." She put her arms around him and held him for a moment, realizing that he was shivering and thoroughly soaked.

"Let me help you to Professor Snape's bedroom then?"

He responded faintly, "I can't."

Hermione then realized he had completely exhausted himself and was likely feeling very ill. She considered a stretcher but instead turned and with her wand sent a bolt directly to Hagrid's cabin. It took only a moment for Hagrid to come lumbering over. "What's wrong Hermione?" Then he spotted Draco in her arms.

"What's Malfoy doing out here, he should be in a bed!"

"He's had a shock, could you carry him to Professor Snape's room?"

Draco stirred out of her grasp and looked at her with resentful eyes. "No, just leave me alone."

Hermione looked up at Hagrid. "He thinks Professor Snape is dead."

"He's not you know. Dumbledore is taking good care of him."

Draco closed his eyes and shook his head. Hagrid bent down and easily picked him up. Draco tried to push him away but it was obvious he was drained of energy.

As they headed down to Snape's room they encountered McGonagall and Harry.

"Thank goodness you found him. Mr. Malfoy what were you thinking going outside in your condition? Especially this time of night in the pouring rain?"

Hermione answered, "he's upset, he thinks Professor Snape is dead."

"Oh dear child, he's not. He's badly injured but we are doing everything we can."

They arrived in Snape's room and Hagrid gently set him down on the bed after McGonagall had covered it in a thick towel. She brought out another one and covered Draco with it. Then with a wave of her wand she whisked his wet pajamas and robe off and with another whisk had dry pajamas back on him. She gently towel dried his hair. Through all this Draco kept his eyes closed, his breathing was laboured.

Hagrid lifted him again and McGonagall pulled the towel out from under him. He was placed down with his head on the pillow. McGonagall slid a warmth package under him.

"All right children, thank you for your help but you have classes tomorrow, the last ones before the Christmas holidays and you need to get to bed, it's almost 2:00am."

"Good night, Draco, I hope you feel better soon," came Hermione's soft voice.

"Malfoy, Professor Snape had been hit with a Lightnarius spell, it stopped his heart so for a few moments he was dead, but someone gave him the stopper in death potion just in time. For those few moments after he got hit with the spell, he technically was dead that's why you were able to open the letter, because the spell was lifted. But there is still hope for him. Don't give up. You know he'd be really pissed if you got sick again once he woke up," Harry explained.

Draco's eyes had opened when Harry started to speak. He looked at him wearily and blinked back the tears that threatened when he realized Snape wasn't dead. He nodded softly at Harry's last sentence.

"Good night." Harry said to all as he left the room.

"Hagrid, thank you for your help but I'll handle it from here."

"All right then, good night."

**************************************************
With a grimace and a soft hiss of pain, Draco slowly turned on his side so he could breath easier. Some of the darkness that had descended over him lifted upon Potter's words. At least Snape wasn't dead. At least not yet. He could still cling to the hope that there was one person in the world that cared. A wave of nausea rolled over him, he winced as his stomach heaved and he leant over the side of the bed. Nothing came up but his stomach kept churning. A cool hand lifted his chin and poured the contents of a vial into his mouth. He swallowed it hoping it would work quickly. The cool hand stroked his forehead as McGonagall sat down beside him.

"You've had quite a shock today," came her voice softly as she regarded the exhausted teen. She wrapped blankets around him and slipped her arm under his shoulder lifting him up gently so his head rested on top of the blankets and her shoulder.

Normally Draco would have pulled back from being held so close if had even an iota of strength left. He was completely drained, all his wounds from his round with Lucius ached. He felt dizzy, still slightly queasy even after the potion and his chest felt as if Hagrid was sitting on it. He wasn't hot anymore quite the opposite, his whole body inside and out felt cold.

As much as he would have protested McGonagall's comfort he realized that it felt very good when she held him and rubbed the back of his neck. Though his head felt heavy and his thoughts were fuzzy, he sleepily wondered if this was how it would have felt being comforted by his mother if she had ever been so inclined? Safe and warm and cared about.

A waft of broth filled his nose. He opened his eyes to find a cup held up to his mouth. "Take a few sips it will warm you up and strengthen you."

Draco hesitated.

"You won't get sick, the potion will have reached its full effect by now for at least the next 4 hours."

He took a few swallows then turned away. His head fell wearily to her shoulder and he closed his eyes.

She put down the cup and rubbed his arm. "Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger will be working on a special strengthening potion for Professor Snape tomorrow after transfigurations class. Since you excel in potions would you like to help them?"

His weary eyes opened again. "Yes," was all he managed to say. She brought the cup of broth up to him again and coaxed him to take a few more sips. He did reluctantly.

"Get some sleep now and think about how at Christmas you'll be feeling much better and Professor Snape will hopefully be back in good health." She stroked the side of his face, smoothing back the blond hair. His eyes closed as he curled his arm up and over hers. Minerva's heart ached when she realized his mother likely never held him like this in his entire life. Poor little soul.

It was a shame he and Potter disliked each other so much, they both grew up unloved.

She held him until his breathing evened out and gently placed him down on the pillows.

****************************************************************

He stood in front of Snape and fired a bolt of lightning from his wand. Snape crumpled at his feet with a look of horror.

With a sharp intake of breath Draco bolted up in bed. A moan of pain escaped his lips, as a shot of fire tore through his chest. A hand came to his shoulder. "Take some slow deep breaths."

"It's my fault," he gasped out in an anguished voice.

"You didn't ask to be beaten and you didn't ask Professor Snape to go after your father. This is not your fault," came Lupin's quiet voice calm and full of reason.

"I shouldn't have gone to meet my father."

Lupin squeezed his shoulder. "It's happened, it's in the past. Blaming yourself isn't going to change anything."

Draco's wide gray eyes looked at him anxiously. "Professor Snape how is he?"

"Unchanged."

Draco took a short quick breath and stared at the bed sheets.

"Draco, I need for you to take your pajama top off so I can apply a potion to your back that Professor Snape left. We want you thoroughly healed."

Draco swallowed then with shaking fingers started undoing the buttons.

"I know it's painful, and I promise to do it as quickly as possible."

Draco nodded, laying his shirt on the bed in front of him. He carefully eased over and lay down on his stomach. He tensed as soon as Lupin started applying the cool potion that burned like fire over the tender healing skin.

Lupin was amazed that Draco made no sound. Aside from trembling once when he applied potion to a particularly sensitive patch of skin, Draco didn't move.

"I'm all done. Are you all right?"

Draco slowly sat back up coughing from the pressure of lying flat down. Lupin helped him put his shirt back on doing up the buttons as Draco's hands now trembled more than before.

"Lie down, let's put a warmth package on your chest, it will make you feel better."

Draco lay on his side again. "Where's Professor McGonagall?"

"Getting ready to teach Transfigurations at the moment. She insisted on staying with you for most of the night."

"How are you feeling this morning Draco?" The headmaster walked in and put something on the nightstand.

Draco tried to answer but coughed again.

Dumbledore's brow furrowed as he glanced at Lupin. "Apparently last night's outing had a detrimental effect."

Lupin got up as Dumbledore sat down beside the bed. He took the warmth package away and placed his hand over the lungs. Draco's eyes closed as the warmth radiated into him again. He didn't know what kind of magic Dumbledore performed whenever he did that but it always helped ease the pain. He took a deep breath without coughing.

"Better, Draco?" came his concerned voice.

"Yes, thank you."

"I think a bowl of oatmeal would help along the healing process." He picked up the bowl he had placed on the nightstand and put it in front of Draco.

Draco stared at it apprehensively.

"Remus do you have vial of the stomach settling potion in case Draco needs it?"

"Yes, right here, Minerva made sure I had some in case he needed it."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Minerva always plans ahead."

Dumbledore scooped up a large spoonful and handed it to Draco.

With a deep breath his shaking hand tried to take the spoon.

Dumbledore looked worried. "Maybe later you can try on your own. Here let me help for now." Dumbledore volunteered holding the spoon up to his mouth. "It will be our little secret," he whispered and winked.

He couldn't quite believe the headmaster was spoon feeding him oatmeal and he was letting him. His father would be horrified. Draco couldn't help the small grin that unwittingly crept onto his face

***************************************************************

Harry had crept down to the hospital wing before Transfigurations. Dumbledore was sitting beside Snape.

"Good Morning, Harry, did you sleep well?"

"Well sort of."

Dumbledore nodded "We are all worried about Professor Snape, thank you for looking for Draco last night."

"It was actually Hermione who found him."

"I know but you and Ron looked and considering your past relationship with him it is admirable how the three of you made the effort."

"I think Draco is changing slowly.'

Dumbledore smiled. "I think you are right."

"How's Professor Snape?"

"I'm afraid still unchanged."

"How long can he stay like this?"

"Not much longer without us resorting to more extreme methods, which we will if we have to but I'm still hoping his condition will change before Christmas. I'm an optimist, Harry."

After transfiguration Harry and Hermione took the spell ingredients, cauldron with them to Snape's room.

"I still don't understand all the ingredients, a drop of blood from those who matter most?" What is that supposed to mean?"" Hermione asked puzzled as they entered.

"Maybe it means a drop of blood from those who mean the most to Professor Snape. Maybe from Dumbledore, Draco and myself."

Draco was sitting up in bed, looking at them with a combination of resentment, embarrassment and yet a dash of hopefulness.

"You and Dumbledore don't mean anything to him," Draco spat out in his usual manner.

"Well he wrote us a letter too," Harry said quietly.

Draco blanched and looked away.

"How are you feeling?" Hermione inquired.

"Fine," he grumbled trying to get out of bed.

"Draco, you have to stay in bed," Lupin said quietly.

"No way, Potter can't make a decent potion, I need to do it."

"One step out of that bed and you will find yourself back on the bed in restraints. I mean it," Lupin threatened quietly in the same calm tone.

Draco glared at him and settled back on the pillows.

Harry ignored Malfoy's usual insults and set up the cauldron on a table Lupin had set up near the bed.

Hermione read out loud the ingredients.

Strengthening and awakening Potion 1 quart of water 1 sprig of rosemary 2 grams of saffron one seed of daturna 5 grams of feverfew one blossum of nightshade 3 drops of blood from those who matter most. Brew for 16 minutes until a slightly thickened consistency the colour of grass Dose with a quarter cup

She looked at Draco, "If you are so smart at potions tell us what the last ingredient represents?"

Draco stared at the bedsheets deep in thought. Then looked up at Harry. "Did he really write you and Dumbledore a letter too?"

"Yes." Harry responded watching the shifting emotions on Draco's face.

"I guess you are right then," he condescended quietly.

"All right then, lets brew it," Hermione responded happily.

She brought the still cool cauldron over to Draco's bed while Harry brought over the ingredients. Each measured and mixed the plant ingredients into the cauldron. Lupin left for a few minutes and returned with a small vial.

"Blood from Professor Dumbledore." He added one drop. He then brought out two more syringes. He got Draco to stretch out his arm and withdrew a small amount of blood from a vein. He added a drop to the potion. He then got Harry to stretch out his arm, involuntarily Harry cringed slightly remembering how it had hurt when Snape had taken blood right after his dreamless sleep overdose. Draco looked amused. "Scared of the sight of blood, Potter?"

Harry glared at him. "No. I just don't like needles."

Draco had the urge to say something sarcastic about the golden boy being scared of needles but he suppressed it.

After Lupin added the last drop of blood, Harry added the water and they put the cauldron back on the burner on the table and started brewing the potion. Harry stirred it at the right intervals and when the 16 minutes was up the potion looked perfect. Harry bottled it. "I'll bring it down to Dumbledore to administer."

"I want to be there," Draco demanded.

"I'm sorry, Draco, but you are confined to bed rest for the day. The potion will take time to work. If there is some change I promise I'll bring you down to Professor Snape but for now you need to stay here, get some more sleep and later catch up on your homework," Lupin stated.

Harry threw the angry teen one more look. "I'll let you know if anything major happens."

Draco nodded his head slightly, resentment burning in his eyes.

Lupin went back to the chair he was sitting in and started to read a book he had put down.

Hermione cleaned up and whispered, "sorry, Draco".

He looked up at her. "Thanks Hermione." His eyes widened, startled when he realized he had called her Hermione.

She looked back at him just as startled. Then smiled and shook her head at the unexpected surprise.

She left the room with Draco lying back on his pillows with a deep worried sigh.