Snape sat in the headmaster’s office, his dark eyes stonily fixed on Fawkes.

"Severus, would you look at me please?"

Reluctantly Snape's eyes lifted and he made contact with Dumbledore's light blue eyes. "I asked you to come this morning because I wanted to make sure you were feeling all right after the Occlumency lesson. Judging by your reactions this morning am I to assume that things did not go well?" he asked softly, concern shading his expression.

"As well as to be expected,” Snape replied hoarsely.

"Harry and Draco understand how difficult your life has been?"

"Yes. I think it was of benefit to Harry but I think it worked negatively for Draco. He was up half the night with nightmares."

"I'm sorry to hear that. We will need to ensure that he has a peaceful night’s sleep tonight. Ultimately, however, I am confident the experience will make him feel closer to you." His eyes studied Snape intently. "Now, what about you - did you  sleep well?"

Snape shook his head.

"Nightmares?" Dumbledore asked softly.

Snape squeezed his eyes shut. "It wasn't exactly easy reliving those memories."

Dumbledore got up and sat beside him, lightly resting one hand on his shoulder. Snape didn't accept contact easily but he was too weary and also had too much respect for the headmaster to shrug him off. "I am failing them both."

Dumbledore's hand moved to the back of his neck, lightly stroking him in comforting circles. "Both will be stronger because of you. Harry is slowly overcoming his grief from losing Sirius and he is starting to trust you. I wouldn't be surprised if he eventually starts to feel comfortable enough to confide in you. I expect him to master Occlumency at a much faster rate after what you did for him yesterday. Harry's trust is not easy to gain and I venture that after yesterday you have taken a huge step in claiming his. Harry is a strong young man, Severus. He's been alone all his life and he needs to learn to accept and ask for help. He cannot do this alone. Neither, for that matter, can you."

Snape wearily shook his head in disbelief.

"And Draco - he will need some time. He's experienced a great deal of trauma over a very short period of time. He will need a great deal of reassurance from you and all of us. He will also need to be watched closely so he doesn't endanger himself again. Draco's first instinct is to react with anger and lash out with hostility; he needs to be guided away from those actions. It will take a lot of patience and a lot reassurance, and especially love, from you. He has to have someone he can turn to and talk to about anything. I'm hoping you can be that for him."

Dumbledore's heart thumped painfully, seeing the despair in the younger man's eyes. He realized with shock that what he was telling Severus to do for Draco was something he needed to do for him.

"Tell me about your nightmares,” He requested softly.

Severus let out a long, shuddering sigh and shook his head.

"How will you ever convince Draco and Harry to accept your help when you won't even accept mine?"

Snape snapped out his trance. He knew the headmaster was right. His hand was still stroking his neck in support but it didn't make it any easier talking about things he didn't want to ever talk about.

"Don't let all these memories fester inside of you."

With a flash of anger in his dark eyes, Snape turned to look into the light blue ones. "It's not just the memories; it's my entire life! It's a waste. I haven't accomplished one good thing. I alternate back and forth between serving two masters; I am responsible for two boys who will both likely end up dead at the Dark Lord’s hands. I will likely be tortured to death by him myself and for what? I will have accomplished NOTHING!"

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "Then perhaps you need to finish. We will transform your appearance, set you up in a different country and you can lead an entirely different life."

Snape swallowed hard. "You would do that for me? What about the Dark Lord? What about Draco and Harry?"

"Severus, if a life away from here brings you some peace and some happiness, I will do this. I worry terribly about you every time you attend a Death Eater’s meeting; despite all the incredible work you have done for the Order, I would in fact be relieved to not have you at death's door all the time. As for Draco and Harry, I, as well as the other professors, will take care of them and teach them all they need to know as well as care for them. Although she is not as talented as yourself, Minerva can finish teaching him Occlumency ; she and I have both made progress with Draco, although I suspect he will retreat inside himself for a while  after you leave. But we will take care of them, rest assured. You have had a tragic life and I would like to see you finally find some happiness."

The dark eyes looked up again and a hint of an elusive smile flashed across his face. "Thank you for saying that. I can't leave."

Dumbledore smiled. "You care about them too much."

Snape broke eye contact but nodded curtly.

"I'm glad you will be there for them. I will try to also but I fear that I will not live to see the end of the final battle. It is reassuring to know that they and Hogwarts will have you."

The dark turned to him again full of anguish. "You have to make it through. You are the only person in this world who I look up to. I couldn't do any of this without you."

The headmaster looked at him kindly over his half-moon glasses. "Severus, you have endured and sacrificed so much. I am here for you but so are others. You need to open yourself to them and let them care about you. When the day comes that I am no longer here, you will not find yourself alone." He gently brought his hand up to the side of his head. "When you thought Draco was dying you told me he had never felt love and you wanted him to feel loved. I have that same wish for you. There is a young witch in the Order who you have always brushed off, as you have all members, but she is rather intrigued by you. She is quite the opposite of you but I think she would do you a world of good."

Snape shook his head vigorously. "I have no room for love."

Dumbledore smiled patiently. "You are afraid to love. Not everyone you love will die. Even if they do, you are still better off to have loved. Would you rather never have known Lily Evans?"

Snape's eyes snapped up in horror. "How did you know about Lily?"

Dumbledore just smiled.

Snape looked away, sighing. "You will likely outlive me. You know how quickly my life could end."

"Not if I can help it. Just think about what I've said. Now, I would like you to tell me about these nightmares."

Snape snorted. "You are like a dog with a bone."

The headmaster laughed, his eyes twinkling. "For your own good."

"I relive killing my father. At first I experience that exhilarated rush of power. For the first time in his presence I had felt powerful, after a lifetime of being scared to death of him and his fists, his whips, his curses, his chains. When I hit him with the Avada Kedavra curse and watch him crumple lifelessly to the ground, I realized he was just a man. After all those years of beatings and torture, he wasn't some mythical, untouchable being, but just a mean, violent man who was as mortal as the rest of us. The powerful rush faded to be replaced by emptiness. It didn't change anything. The only good that came out of it was that he would never be able to hurt or kill anyone ever again. But it didn't take away my emptiness, my despair, my bitterness. It didn't change my life for the better."

"Actions as a result of hatred never do. Tell me, Severus, your worry about losing your life to Voldemort and your worry of failing the boys aside, how do you feel about your life right now?"

"I'm extremely grateful that Draco lived and that we were able to get him away from Lucius and Narcissa. I am glad that I am able to help Lily's son prepare for the battle he is facing."

"She would be so grateful to you and I think very proud that you have been able to disengage yourself from the dark side. Love, Severus, always wins over hatred. Focus on your love for Draco and your quest to help Harry. These are positive things in your life. Believe that you can all overcome this darkness and one day it will all be in the past and you will all be free to live the lives you want. Don't dwell on what may happen or what has happened;it will only make you more and more bitter."

"What if I fail them?" Snape asked, his silky voice quiet and anxious, his dark eyes looking suspiciously watery.

"As long as you love them you will not fail them." Dumbledore again patted the side of his face. "When Harry first came to Hogwarts, you hated him. You focused only the fact that he was James' son and almost his spitting image. You refused to look past that and you stubbornly hung on to that hatred. I was so disappointed in you last year when you ended the Occlumency lessons I –“

Snape interrupted him. "I'm sorry I did that; I know that if I hadn't Black would likely be alive and you wouldn't all have been placed in such danger."

"Shhh, Severus; I know you feel badly about it but I take responsibility for Sirius' death - my actions directly led to Harry acting as he had. I created a world of pain for that boy. I put the responsibility of training Harry on to your shoulders. I should have considered how deeply your wounds ran and that you hadn't let go of the hatred. I was blindly optimistic that by spending time with Harry you would see how much like Lily he is. I should have monitored things better. However, that is in the past now and what I wanted to say was how proud I am of you now. Look how far you have come."

Snape grew even quieter. Dumbledore's words rang true. He would never have believed that he would care about James Potter's offspring almost like a son. Perhaps he had changed after all; perhaps there was hope for the future.

"Stand up for a moment, would you?"

Snape looked at the headmaster with a puzzled expression but followed his request. Dumbledore transfigured the chair into a bed. "You are exhausted, Severus. I would like you to lie down and get a bit of sleep. Tonight I want both you and Draco to take a dreamless sleep potion. Classes start tomorrow and I want you both to get a good night’s rest."

"I have an Occlumency lesson with Harry this afternoon at two."

"I will be sure to wake you just before then. I can't have a grumpy, exhausted Potions Master teaching Occlumency. You need to have patience, Severus, and when you haven't slept well, you have been known to be rather crabby,” Dumbledore remarked with a light, teasing tone.
 
Snape didn't appreciate being called crabby but the thought of lying down in the appealing fluffy bed outweighed the urge to respond.

When his head hit the soft pillow he murmured softly, "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore."

"Albus,” insisted the headmaster.

Snape had never felt comfortable calling his mentor by his first name but to appease him heresponded, "Thank you, Albus."

Dumbledore smiled softly as the dark-haired man's eyes closed. As much as Draco and Harry needed his support, so in his own way did Severus. He would never make the mistake again of keeping his distance if he were needed.

The following morning, Snape sat behind his desk when Harry knocked and entered. He greeted Snape quietly. He would rather not have had an Occlumency lesson today. He had dreamt about Sirius the previous night and had felt angry and depressed all day. He ran his hand through his already mussed-up hair and sat down at the desk across from Snape. Snape’s eyes narrowed at him suspiciously as he quickly dropped his gaze to stare at the desk.

“Out with it, Potter!” Snape grumbled, then softened his tone. “Something is obviously bothering you.”

Harry didn’t want to talk about this again with Snape. He knew that Snape hadn’t cared for Sirius and wouldn’t understand that he couldn’t seem to let him go. “Let’s just get into the Occlumency lesson.” Harry glared at him.

“No, Harry,” was Snape’s reply. “We’ve made that mistake every time and it hasn’t gotten us far. You need to tell me what’s bothering you.”

Irritation rose in Harry. “You know what’s bothering me! Sirius’s death, Cedric’s death, my parents’ death, the prophecy! My destiny! All the usual stuff. Talking about it doesn’t help - I’m all talked out!” Harry shouted at him in frustration, his eyes flashing and his face becoming flushed in anger.

“Did you have a nightmare? Is this what is causing your outburst?” Snape asked calmly but pertinently.

Harry took a deep breath, feeling furious that Snape would keep badgering him. He stayed quiet. He heard the chair creak as Snape got up and came over to him.

“I thought we had reached a point where we could at least carry on a civil conversation?”

A grain of guilt entered Harry’s conscience as he remembered Snape’s Legilimency memories yesterday.

“Sirius,” he replied in a voice barely above a whisper. He glanced up at Snape for a moment.

“I see. Am I to understand that the pain of his death has not started to fade a bit?” Snape asked. The anguish in Harry’s eyes made the breath catch in his throat for a moment.

Harry stared at his hands again then murmured. “Sometimes I feel fine and then other times I…” He stopped for a minute to take a breath. “I still miss him so much.” He paused again. “I keep thinking with this war I will lose more people I care about and I don’t think I could stand losing anyone else.”

Snape grew thoughtful. In his short life, Harry had never been loved in any way he could remember and he had never loved or felt close to anyone. Finding his godfather, who loved and cared for him, was like finding a lifeline, and for him to lose that lifeline in the way that he did obviously had lasting ramifications. Snape sighed deeply and responded. “You know that in order to move forward you are going to have to start to slowly let him go. Let his spirit fly free, Harry; don’t let the pain consume you.”

Harry couldn’t believe Snape was talking about flying spirits. It was something he expected from Trelawney but certainly not Snape. Still, he listened to his words. Then in a steely voice, he said, “I know you think it’s self pity and maybe it is but I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to stop thinking about him or remembering him.” He stopped to take a shaky breath. Loki, sensing his distress, jumped up on his lap. He started petting him and bent down to bury his face in the cat’s soft fur.

“Harry, do you really believe that if you stop thinking about him you’ll just forget him? We both know he meant more to you than that. I’m not saying you should stop remembering him, but when you do, think of the happy times you shared, not what happened at the end. By focusing on the end you are only focusing on the pain.”

Harry finally lifted his face, his eyes sparking bright. Snape swallowed heavily. “I want you to think about something for me. I want you to think about the Dark Lord and everything he has done. Aren’t you angry at him? He single-handedly killed your parents, he tried to kill you a number of times, he ordered Cedric to be killed, Padma and Colin, and one of his Death Eaters killed Black and almost all of your friends. If I were you I’d be furious. Channel that anger, Harry. Don’t bottle it up; let it build inside of you and release it when we do Occlumency.” He had stood up halfway through his words and beckoned for Harry to rise also. He pointed his wand, and shouted, “Legilimens.” as Harry’s eyes flashed with fire.

As the spell hit him, Harry saw Voldemort’s inhuman red eyes glowing triumphantly. He forced all the power of hatred he felt at the force trying to invade his mind while keeping all the love for those he held dear, close inside. Suddenly the pain in his head left and he gasped for air and blinked, feeling slightly dizzy. When his vision cleared he stared, dumbfounded, at Snape, who shakily rose to his feet, gasping after having being thrown across the room by the force that exuded from Harry.

“Well done, Potter.” He sat down in a chair breathlessly. “That was excellent progress. How are you feeling?”

Harry’s mouth felt dry and his body felt numb all over. Being able to do Occlumency he realized, left one feeling empty and strange. He felt emotionless now as if somehow his mind had been erased. “Empty.”

“Excellent; I was hoping you would say that. I always knew this was inside you somewhere. Not many who can do Occlumency can take it to that stage. It is one thing to be able to keep others from getting into your head but it is another to make it go blank enough that you can insert whatever it is you want the other person to believe. Empty is exactly how you should be feeling. Now is the time to concentrate on something you would like me to see, if I were to perform Legilimency on you. Something that is not real. Let’s give it a try.”

Harry tried to think of something just before Snape cast the spell. The only thing he could think of that wasn’t real at that moment was Sirius being alive, Sirius having a conversation with him, Sirius supporting him.

Snape ended the spell, his dark eyes wide with disbelief. “That was remarkably well done. If I didn’t know better I would think Black was still alive. You can be proud of yourself -dash you have truly mastered Occlumency. Congratulations.”

Much to Snape’s dismay, Harry flinched, his head dropped and his hands came up to cover his face.

Snape’s praise hazily registered in his mind when suddenly an overwhelming pressure consumed him, his eyes burned, his throat closed and the emotion exploded in a rush of tears. His hands came up to cover his face as he stood there trying with all his might to suppress the raw, gnawing ache that was consuming him.

He could feel Snape’s hand on his shoulder but he tore away, stumbling backwards until he hit the wall. He stood there trembling, desperately trying to get his overwhelming and unexpected emotions under control.

“Potter. . . Harry, try and take some deep breaths. You’re fine, you just need to breathe,” Snape said to him softly. He didn’t know what had caused Harry to be so upset but he was worried that Harry would start hyperventilating.

With a groan Harry sank to the floor. He suddenly felt very tired as he crossed his arms and took some deep, gulping breaths of air.

Snape sat down across from him, his eyes wide and worried. “What just happened here?”

Harry took a raspy deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

“You should be proud of yourself - many grown wizards have never been able to master Occlumency.”

A ragged breath from Harry was his only answer.

Snape reached out again tentatively and put his hand on Harry’s head, stroking the messy black hair. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Harry just looked up at him with resentful eyes before dropping his head in his hands again.

“Talk to me,” Snape tried again.

“Leave me alone, please,” came Harry’s quiet, soggy voice.

“I will once you tell me what happened,” Snape insisted quietly.

Harry refused to respond; his heart literally ached.

“Is this about Sirius?” Snape probed.

Harry took another deep, ragged breath and after another minute he quietly explained. “I should have learned this last year. If I had, Sirius wouldn’t be dead!”

Snape exhaled loudly and impatiently. “You don’t know that. The Dark Lord would likely have come up with something else and the result might have been the same.”

Harry leapt to his feet. “But it wasn’t and he’s dead!”

Snape stood up also, his dark eyes piercing Harry’s. “Yes, he is dead - and you need to accept it and move forward.”

The pained look that crossed Harry’s face made Snape’s gut clench. He stepped closer, forcing Harry into his arms. The black-haried teen stood there limply as if the reality of the words had sucked all the energy out of him.

“You can’t blame yourself forever, anymore than you can change what happened. Mastering Occlumenct is quite an achievement; I was excited to see it happen, I failed to think how it would make you feel in relation to last year’s events. But Harry, you know how proud Black is of you, as are the rest of us.”

Harry trembled slightly. He stepped back out of Snape’s embrace, wiping his face. “Do you think he knows?”

Snape nodded, his dark eyes intense.

Harry sighed, finally looking up. “Sorry about all this.”

“I understand. I wish it hadn’t been so painful for you. Harry, the grieving processt doesn’t disappear in a week, month or even a year, those who study it say it takes three years for the full healing and acceptance to take place. I know you are deeply worried about the prophecy and I know you will forever be affected by the circumstances of your parents’ deaths and the events surrounding Cedric’s death. But Harry, the more time I spend with you, the more I start to believe that perhaps you do have a chance at defeating the Dark Lord.”

Harry shook his head. He hated hearing that everyone believed in him so much when all he could think about was losing everyone through his actions. “How exactly am I supposed to defeat him? Can you tell me that? Everyone thinks I can do it but no-one will tell me how!” Anger entered his voice again.

“You know I can’t tell you that because I don’t know. But the force that can defeat him is, I believe, somewhere inside of you. I know this is a huge burden but one day you will be free of it. You need to prepare yourself for this fight by following your deepest instinctual drive. That will keep you alive and hopefully those you care about also.”

Harry visibly calmed and grew quiet for a few moments. He then looked up at Snape, his eyes serious. “Do you have to keep on being a Death Eater?”

Snape looked puzzled, thrown by the sudden question. “Yes, I do; why are you asking?”

Ignoring his question, Harry continued. “Why do have to keep doing it?”

Snape grew uncomfortable under Harry’s stare. He looked away. “Because it is my contribution to the light and it is my atonement for the things I have done.”

“I don’t want you to die,” Harry explained quietly.

Snape looked back into the earnest eyes. “I don’t want you to die, either. So I guess, Potter, we both had better stay alive,” he responded gruffly.

Harry nodded, looking at Snape worriedly.

“Follow your instincts, Harry; don’t let anything or anyone sway you.”

Harry studied the dark eyes that looked at him with a caring warmth and smiled softly, the pain in his heart starting to ease a little bit.

Snape saw the soft smile on Harry’s face. He was amazed at what he was feeling. He actually felt proud of Harry. After despising him for all of these years, he found himself caring deeply about him and wanting to do whatever he needed to in order to keep him healthy, physically and emotionally. He was glad that Dumbledore had persuaded him to teach him again. If he hadn’t, he would never have had this opportunity to end up caring for the green-eyed teen. Lily’s son. Lily would have been so proud.

Proud of both of them.

The thought brought a rare smile to Snape’s lips as he looked at Harry. “I’m proud of you, Potter, and I’m glad that I was the one who taught you Occlumency. Now go and have some fun with your friends - classes start tomorrow.”

Harry smiled wryly as he headed to the door. Just before he exited he turned and softly said, “I’m glad you did, too.”