Sirius,

You’ve probably heard this by now (but maybe not), so whether you have or haven’t heard it, I’m going to tell you.  The Triwizard Tournament’s been started up again and when they drew names last night, mine came out.  I’m the fourth champion, one of two from Hogwarts.  Cedric Diggory’s the other.

I don’t know how it got in there.  But Ron seems to think I did it.  And I just exploded at a seventh year to probably the entire school then practically got asked by Draco Malfoy to become friends.  Friends.  You don’t really know the history between him and me, so here’s the sort version: he insulted Mum, I beat him up, he killed my old owl Hedwig to get revenge, and we’ve hated each other since.  Now…now I don’t know what to think of him.

I’m stretched thin as a wire here.  I feel like I’m strapped to one of those medieval torture devices that stretch you.  And they keep cranking the wheel.

I probably shouldn’t be heaving my problems onto you, but I can’t find Da and Ni…she’s stood by me ever since we met, but – I don’t know, I just can’t do it.  I think it’s that thing I was talking about earlier, about it being easier to write stuff down than saying it out loud.

And I’m starting to believe it.

Stay safe,

Harry

Harry sighed and folded the letter before looking up at the black lump that was Jardin.  The raven was still tired from his flight not too long ago, so Harry rose and picked out a school owl, tying the letter to its leg and sending it off just as Hedwig hissed from his wrist, “Everything is not okay?”

“No, Hed,” replied Harry, leaning on the stone ledge of the window and looking down onto the grounds.

“Everything is far from being okay.”

“It is the tournament?  Or the ferret?”

Harry shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know.  I just don’t bloody know!”

He slammed his hands down on the stone’s, ignoring the sting in his palm.

“Why does everything have to happen to me, Hed?  First the streets, then here, where I thought I’d have a better life.  I do really, but…  It’s almost becoming as much of a hell as the streets.  There’s Voldemort, trying to kill me probably even as we speak, and now this damn tournament.  And sure, I have Da and you and Jar.  You guys never waver.  But everyone else…  They waver.  They hear something about me – or about Da – and they started to think about it.  They start to think what about if its true or if it could happen.  Even Niamh.”

“Because,” hissed Hedwig, rubbing her arrow-shaped head up against his hand, “because you are the Boy-Who-Lived.”

“Who lived when his mother died!”  Harry closed his eyes and whispered, “Maybe I should have died that night…”

“No!  Do not say that!”

“Why?” asked Harry tonelessly.  “Maybe I should have.  Ow!”

Hedwig hissed and bared her fangs at Harry as the teen stared at where she had bitten him.

“No!  Do not think like that!  You were meant to live!  You were meant to go through this!  This is LIFE.  This is what Life is.  It is pain.  It is betrayal.  It is loyalty.  It is love.”

Harry smiled slightly, remembering his tirade from earlier.

“Your right, Hed.  This is Life.  This is my life.  And I – I suppose this is what it’s going to be.”

“It is.”

“How on earth did you get so smart?”

“Talking to the raven.  He is very smart.  And the fox.”

“The fox?” said Harry in confusion.  “Who is the fox?  Hed?  Hed, answer me!”

“You will know in time.  Not now.  Now is not the time.”

“Why not!?”

“Because you have class,” replied Hedwig matter-of-factly.

Harry blinked and looked at his watch.

“OH SHIT!”

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

“Where’ve you been, mate?” asked Niamh as Harry came dashing across the lawn to Hagrid’s hut.  “You completely missed Divination.  Not that the class is even needed, but anyway…”

“Busy,” said Harry, slightly winded.  He had been running up and down the corridors being chased by Peeves and had to hide in one of the secrets passageways.  Then Filch has come down that passageway and he’d had to duck into another, wishing he hadn’t left the Marauder’s Map in his trunk.  When he’d finally made it down to Arx Serpens for his bag, the first class was over and second was starting.

Niamh arched an eyebrow but said nothing.  She knew that busy coming from Harry was generally wandering the halls and getting away from Filch when the man popped up.

“What do you think…”

“Oh, look,” sneered a voice from behind them.  “It’s the champion.  Potter, the high and mighty.”

Niamh whirled, teeth bared, then blinked and completely fell out of her fighting stance.  She had expected to see Draco standing behind her and Harry.  Instead it was Pansy, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.  Harry turned halfway, his face and eyes blank of expression as he said, “Hello, Pansy.  Taking over from Malfoy?”

The pug-faced girl sneered at him and spat, “No thanks to you, Potter.  What the fuck’d you say to him, anyway?”

Niamh turned and glared hard up at Harry, her blue eyes burning like the flames of the now extinguished Goblet of Fire.  Harry didn’t look at her, didn’t acknowledge her glare, simply looked at the other three Slytherins with an expression like a stone statue.

“I believe what I said to him is between him and me alone, thank you.  If you care to find out, try and ask him.  Or me again.  I’d be happy to inform you in the form of a very painful hex.  Now…good day.”

Pansy practically had steam coming out of her ears as Harry turned and walked over to where the rest of the class was attempting to tie leashes on a skrewt.  Niamh glared at Pansy for a moment then followed Harry.  She worked along beside him in silence, the look on her face telling him that she was going to rake him as soon as class was over.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

As soon as they had reached the entrance hall, Niamh dropped her bag and whirled on Harry, shoving him hard into the wall.

“All right, you,” she growled.  “What’s this about a talk with Malfoy?”

Harry looked down at her unperturbed and replied, “It was a talk, Ni.  And like I said to Pansy, a private one.”

“You know you can talk to me about everything.”

“Yes, I know.  We both can, can’t we?”

Niamh flinched.  She knew he was referring to last year with the boggarts.

“Harry, I – I can’t tell you about that.”

Harry nodded and said, “And I can’t tell you about this.  This is between me and Malfoy, Ni.  That’s it.”

“Are you becoming friends?”

Harry gave her an unreadable look.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you trying to?”

“You can only hate someone for so many years…”

“HE KILLED HEDWIG!  He’s capable of murder, Harry.”

Harry frowned slightly.

“He’s capable of murdering a defenseless animal.  I doubt he’s capable of murdering another person.”

Niamh’s anger rose and she bristled, “And you are?”

Quite suddenly the girl wished she hadn’t said that.  Something dark flashed behind Harry’s eyes and he gently pushed her away from him, his grip tighter than it needed to be.  Niamh could feel his hands shaking as he released her to lean down and pick up his bag.

He walked away without a word.

Niamh stared after him.  She knew that remark had had something to do with Tyls’ death.  She just knew it!

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Harry completely skipped lunch, Double Potions, and dinner that day.  His mind was whirling from what Niamh had said to him.

Twilight found him huddled in the passageway behind Rowena’s portrait, tears streaming down his cheeks.  Niamh’s words had struck him to the core.

“HE KILLED HEDWIG!  He’s capable of murder, Harry.”

“He’s capable of murdering a defenseless animal.  I doubt he’s capable of murdering another person.”

“And YOU are?”

Harry leaned his head back against the cool stones and closed his eyes.

Yes.  Yes, his was capable of that.  He was capable of murder.

But had it really been?  Or had he been avenging Tyls’ death?  Certainly avenging his friend.  And anyone else who had probably died at Argil’s hand or been beaten by him.

Harry shook his head, opening his eyes.

Niamh’s words echoed through his head again.

“And YOU are?”

“Yes,” whispered Harry to the darkness of the tunnel, tasting his salty tears as he spoke.  “But never again.”

“Never again…”