There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide

Well, somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away

Or maybe I'm just blind

--Three Doors Down

*****

A brief candlelight illuminated the scowl of pale, thin lips set into the face of Hogwarts Professor, Severus Snape. Twin veils of raven black hair brushed softly against his hollow cheeks. Brown eyes stared unseeing into the darkness of his private rooms under the great castle of Hogwarts. He lived amid a maze of dungeon cells and cold, empty rooms. He lived alone and in the night hours he re-lived horrors most have never dreamed existed. He remembered taking part in those acts; Severus Snape had become accustom to the sleepless hours between dusk and sunrise. Hours of loneliness and fear.

With a sigh of weariness born of hardship and regret, Severus closed his eyes. Scenes flashed through his mind accompanied by unwanted feelings. It had been a mistake to join the order, perhaps now would be a good time to end his association with it. The man shook his head and ran potion-stained fingers over his forehead. Tiredness weighed him down and caused his mind to wander away from the safe thoughts. With great difficulty he reined them in along with any impulse to stop the one good thing in his life. Joining the order may be another hardship he was forced to bear for others, but at least he had the satisfaction of knowing that he saved lives with the spy work he did for Dumbledore. Sometimes, this knowledge was the only thing keeping him going. It was so hard some nights.

"Enough of this!" He hissed through clenched teeth.

Standing to his feet the man pulled his black robe closer to his body to keep out the chill of the night air. He needed to walk; he needed to forget everything for just a short while. Another round of the castle halls would help to distract him. He held his wand loosely in one hand then walked out into the darkness. He did not need a Lumos spell to help him navigate the stone stairs and hallways, he could travel them with his eyes closed. On some of his more exhaustion driven walks this had indeed been the case.

---

It's down to this; we've got to make this life make sense

Can anyone tell what I've done?

I miss the life; I miss the colors of the world

Can anyone tell where I am?

'Cause now, again, I find myself so far down

Away from the sun that shines down into the darkest place

I'm so far down, away from the sun again, away from the sun again.

---AWAY FROM THE SUN (THREE DOORS DOWN)

Harry Potter let his head fall down against clenched fists. His forehead ached around the scar that had shaped his entire life. Behind closed eyes he could see a real nightmare as he re-lived horrific scenes that no one should have had to face. He bit his lips to keep back a sob that threatened to wake the others in his room of the tower. The teenage boy slung his legs out over the edge of the bed and slipped his socked feet into a pair of shoes that he kept there. This was not a new routine for him.

He checked his watch for the time and grimaced when he read 2:30 a.m. in tiny green numbers. He reached for his father's map then hesitated, his fingers outstretched. He knew that none of the other teachers would be up this early, only Snape. He had never failed to encounter the man in his nightly wanderings. Never had he been spotted, the map had taken care of that. For the first time in his life, Harry wondered if maybe he should trust the man.

It was obvious to him that they were suffering from the same problem. Insomnia brought on by association with Voldemort. He missed having someone to talk to - his friends would never understand the burdens he carried inside where no one else could see. Maybe Snape would.

He donned a gray sweater over his nightclothes and started down the stairs to the common room. With hands dug deep into his pockets he exited the Gryffindor tower through the portrait door. His father's map remained beside his bed. He trudged out into the familiar halls resigned to the meeting he knew would come. His hope of a positive response from Snape was all that kept him going that night. So many memories pressed down on him, weighing his soul into despair.

---

I'm afraid that it's a little too late. It's a little too late.

All they gave me was this ticket to heaven,

That ticket from heaven said to lay in the bed that you made.

--THREE DOORS DOWN

---

Snape rounded a corner in the hall and felt another's presence somewhere in the darkness before him. He stopped.

"Who is there?" He demanded, in no mood for teenage pranksters.

There was a light shuffling of shoe on stone and then a young voice spoke out of the shadows.

"Lumos."

Harry stood there silently waiting for Snape to respond to his presence. They studied one another for several long seconds. Brown eyes searching green.

"Do you feel it too?" Harry finally broke the silence.

Snape sneered down at him and took a single step closer. "Feel what, Potter?"

It was now or never, this was Harry's chance to see if the man would help him.

"The darkness inside, where only you can see and feel it. The knowledge that you have seen and done horrific things in the name of another." The teenager switched his wand from one hand to the next so that he could better read the teacher's expression. "Do you ever feel like the only thing keeping you going is the good that you do for people who don't even appreciate it? Are your nightly walks motivated by regret or something more...something deeper? Are you tired of having to deal with a darkness you did not invite into your soul?"

All the blood had rushed out of Snape's face and he stood unable to move. How had this boy - this personal enemy - known his deepest secrets. Harry read the question in those dark eyes and he answered with a broken voice.

"They are my secrets too."