They were heading back to the castle when they saw McGonagall coming straight toward them.

Sirius groaned. "Oh, no... here she comes again. Probably thought of something else to threaten me with."

Lupin elbowed him in the ribs.

McGonagall, however, barely looked at Sirius. "Milo, Patrick, Professor Snape is expecting you in his quarters. Go straight there; no dallying."

Harry, who was wondering what she might want with him, watched the two go. Sirius kept looking back at him and making faces.

"I have some letters for you," McGonagall said. She looked sorry. "I'm afraid these will be the last for a while, as your friends can't be told the truth until we know it won't endanger you... or them."

Harry accepted the little bundle. There were three letters; two from Hermione and one from Ron. All from before they would have heard of Harry's death, but still recent.

He was filled with overwhelming anger and helplessness at having to put them through this hell. He knew what a wreck he would be if he lost either one of them. What they were suffering was too great a price to pay for his safety.

"It won't be long now before we set things in order. Their safety is worth the pain."

Harry looked up. Had McGonagall read his mind, or just guessed what he was thinking from the look on his face? In either case, he didn't believe her. Things didn't seem to be getting any closer to settling down. He remembered her words the morning he got to Hogwarts. She hadn't sounded so sure then.

Although, now that he looked closer, he noticed that while she still looked exhausted, there was something of the old determination and spark back in her eyes.

"Go on back to the castle," she said, apparently having said all she wanted to. "Professor Snape will wonder what's keeping you. If he hasn't already, do remind him he needs to do something about your names."

Harry didn't look forward to having to remind Snape of anything, but he nodded. "Thanks, Professor."

"You just remember; you can come to me if you need anything," she said, peering at him closely. "I'm here, and I'm still your Head of House."

Harry nodded again, but he remembered Snape's words, and didn't promise her he would.

He put the letters in a pocket of his robes and headed back to the dungeons. He hoped he wouldn't walk in on another fight.

Too much to hope for, apparently.

Sirius was pacing in front of a closed door, and behind it Harry could hear Snape's angry voice, though he couldn't make out what Snape was carrying on about.

As soon as Harry got close enough, Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him over to the door leading to the cellar. Before Harry knew it, Sirius had closed the door behind them, muffling Snape's yelling eyen more.

"It's dark in here," Harry protested. He was feeling his way gingerly, not wanting to fall head first down the steps he remembered were very steep.

There was a flicker, and the dark space was lit by a yellowish flame. Sirius was holding a Muggle-style lighter. "Just sit on the steps."

Harry sat down. "What's that about, up there?"

"How should I know? The git doesn't need a reason to go off on someone. Anyway, you and I need to have a little talk."

Harry felt a slightly uncomfortable feeling starting to stir in his gut. Was Sirius going to try to convince him to do something stupid and dangerous? Why else would he want to talk alone, in secret?

"I know I won't get a straight answer out of them, and I need to know what's been happening since... well, you know."

Harry knew.

"I mean," Sirius went on, starting to pace; this caused the light to snuff out, and he fumbled with the lighter. "McGonagall is Headmistress? Hogwarts is closed? The bloody Ministry thinks you are a threat?" He stopped, frowning. "All right, that part I can believe. Evil gits." He sat down heavily on the step next to Harry. "From the beginning. Please."

Harry didn't want to talk about it. It was enough he had to rehash it in his own head all the time. Sirius had a point, though... and maybe if he knew more, he would be less likely to do something stupid.

He sighed, and began.

"Voldemort showed up at the Ministry right after... you know."

Sirius nodded encouragingly. "Go on."

"Well, it all went to hell after that. Fudge had to admit he was back, and there was panic and people rushing to pull their kids out of Hogwarts before the year even ended. All through summer it was one attack after another. The Dursleys wouldn't take me back..." Harry swallowed, the memory stinging. His mother's sister wouldn't even take him back for a day... not that he really blamed her. Whatever protection going to the Dursleys every summer had offered Harry in the past had ended as soon as she had made that choice. "I stayed with the Weasleys, until..."

Sirius put a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. Was Arthur the only one...?"

"Yeah," Harry said thickly. He wished Sirius wasn't looking at him. He needed to wipe his eyes. "They're all okay. Bill was injured, but it could have been so much worse."

Only luck had kept them all from dying that night.

"Anyway, after that we hid out at your place."

"The Weasleys, too?"

"No, just..." He wondered what he should call Lupin now. "Just Moony and I. It was still being used by the Order, but everything was in such disarray that we hardly ever saw anyone. Then, Dumbledore decided to open Hogwarts against the Ministry's orders. He said something about not caving in to the terror, or something like that. Not letting them win."

That memory was bitter, too. Maybe if Hogwarts hadn't reopened....

"Well, it's closed now," Sirius said. "What happened?"

"They attacked. Voldemort. We hadn't even been back a week." He swallowed hard. "Dumbledore died. We lost so many people, Sirius... We had no other choice but to fight them, but it cost us."

Sirius had his hand on Harry's arm again. "I'm sorry. Who...?"

Harry looked up at the ceiling, as though the names were written up there. Maybe that would keep his tears from spilling out. "Dumbledore, Sprout, your cousin and her husband -- I didn't even know it was them until later, when Tonks came to identify the bodies -- half the Order... Sirius, I didn't even know most of their names..."

"I'm sorry, Sirius repeated. "You don't have to --"

"No," Harry said stoically. "I need to, I think." He took a breath. "Diddle, and Mrs. Vance, and the Diggories, and... you wouldn't know the rest, I suppose." He shook his head, but the names came anyway. "Colin and Lavender and the Patil twins, Cho and Seamus and Dean and..." His voice broke. "All... my... friends...."

Sirius let the light go out and wrapped him in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, James."

"Ernie and Katie," Harry whispered, unable to stop. "She shouldn't have even been there... Luna's in St. Mungo's... Madam Hooch, too...."

"Shh... I'm sorry...."

Harry pulled away, wiping his face roughly, glad for the darkness. "That's... just how it's been," he said, his voice coming out clipped. "We'd've lost more, but so many never came back. After last year. Ron and Hermione never did, anyway."

She would have been back the next day. One day. Just luck. All of them who were alive had survived for no better reason than that.

"Hogwarts closed after that. There wasn't any choice. Moony and I went into hiding again. It was like we'd never left. Just one bleak day after the next."

"That place will do that to you," Sirius agreed. Harry didn't need light; he could hear the scowl in his voice. "Can't say I'm not glad to see it go, except that now we have to stay here."

"I guess you know the rest about as well as I do."

Sirius was silent for a long time, and Harry wished he could see his face.

Or maybe not. Sitting there in the dark, he could imagine Sirius the way he remembered him; not as a ten year old with a sharp, perpetually angry expression on his face, but as the man who would have been the closest thing to a father Harry had, if things had only been different. He was glad the old Sirius hadn't been completely replaced. Maybe Lupin was right, and there had always been a side to Sirius that he'd worked hard at not letting show.

"How did Voldemort die?"

Harry cringed. That wasn't something he wanted to talk about.

"James?"

"Do you... know what a horcrux is?"

There was a shuffling sound next to him, and he guessed Sirius had been startled. The light flickered on.

"Yes. What about it? Don't tell me he had one?"

"More than one," Harry said, not meeting his eyes. "So he couldn't die. Not until they were all destroyed. Dumbledore had spent the past few years tracking them down, and he had the last one --" What he'd thought was the last one... "-- with him when we were attacked. He... was killed for it. He thought he would take Voldemort out with him, I think, and took chances he shouldn't have."

"So that's it? Voldemort just died after that?"

"Not exactly."

Not exactly at all.

Harry's hand came up unconsciously to rub the place where the scar had been. Nothing was there anymore. Sometimes he forgot, or thought he felt a familiar twinge.

Sirius was waiting, and Harry sighed heavily and went on.

"There was one more. He came after me, and..."

Blinding pain.

On his knees.

Voldemort's wand pressed to his forehead.

Going to die.

Any second.

Any second.

His head splitting open along the jagged lightning-bolt scar.

Dying.

"He tried to kill me, but he hit his own horcrux instead. The last one."

Sirius' brow furrowed.

"My scar," Harry said, looking away from him. "It was my scar. I had a piece of that evil fuck in my head... all my life."

There was silence.

Harry finally felt brave enough to look up.

Sirius was leaning back against the wall, as though his spine needed the support, and he was looking at Harry as if seeing him for the first time.

"The spell rebounded. He was killed by his own spell."

More luck.

Just stupid luck. Keeping him alive.

"The spell stopped my heart, but Moony found me in time."

Sirius came out of his trance and looked at him sharply. "Brought you back, too, did he? I'm really worried about him. He gambled with his soul --"

"It wasn't like that," Harry said quickly. "I wasn't dead, really. It's like when someone drowns. You can bring them back with CPR."

"With what?"

"Muggle thing," Harry said, realizing his mistake. "To help someone start breathing again."

"We have spells for that," Sirius said, nodding and looking a bit calmer. "All right... well..."

"The rest you know," Harry said, shrugging. "We're all just waiting, now."

Waiting to see if their world could be put back together.

Harry didn't think it could be.

"All right," Sirius said again, slowly letting out a breath. "Well, what I want to know is --"

He didn't finish, because of the abrupt silence in the room above them.

"I think we might want to go back --" Harry started, but he, too, didn't get to finish, as the darkness of the cellar was cut by light streaming through the door that had been thrown open.

"What is the meaning of this?" Snape demanded. "Come out of there at once."

Sirius blew the light out, pocketed the lighter, and stood up. "Just having a little chat with my godson, Snape. No need to get huffy."

Snape's hand lashed out and grabbed Sirius by the collar of his robes. He hauled him bodily out of the cellar and sent him stumbling toward a chair.

Harry quickly followed, afraid that Snape might do the same to him, next.

"When I told you to sit, I expected you to sit," Snape told Sirius, his eyes narrowed dangerously. He looked at Harry. "And you...! Why weren't you back with the others?"

"McGonagall," Harry said. He didn't want to elaborate. For all he knew, Snape might take the letters from him. It would be just like Snape to assume the letters would encourage Harry to think about contacting his friends.

"I'll be sure to ask her the next time I see her," Snape said, his eyes boring into Harry's.

Harry remembered McGonagall's message and decided to get it over with. "She said to remind you to work on that spell."

Snape looked blank.

"So you don't accidentally call them the wrong names," Harry said. Then he remembered something else. "Oh, and I can say their names, too."

Snape's face paled for a second, and then flushed as his expression turned livid. "And you didn't think to tell me this before you spent half the day gallivanting around Hogwarts?"

"We'd left before I realized it," Harry said defensively, and deliberately avoiding mentioning that Lupin had known it, too, and apparently hadn't mentioned it to Snape yet.

Snape glared at him, but there was more than just anger in his expression.

"You can do it, right Severus?" Lupin spoke for the first time. He was hanging back, as if not wanting to get involved.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't call me that," Snape snapped at him. "And, no, I'm not certain of it. I had a hard enough time casting it on myself. An intent spell on someone else...."

Harry had a nasty vision of himself being a guinea pig for Snape's first time casting a complicated charm that even McGonagall hadn't wanted to try her hand at.

"I could just be extra careful," he suggested.

"Absolutely not. Your idea of careful is --"

"Oh, shut the hell up, Snivellus," Sirius said furiously. "You don't know anything about him."

Harry automatically took a step toward Sirius, and saw Lupin do the same. He wasn't sure if he expected to have to pull Sirius off Snape, or the other way around.

They didn't have time, anyway. Snape's wand whistled through the air as he brought it down like a whip. Sirius was knocked back a foot, into the wall.

Lupin was hanging on to Snape's arm, but this did nothing -- Snape shook him off easily and nearly sent him sprawling. Another spell hit Sirius.

Harry stood frozen, no idea what to do.

"Wait!" he cried -- because Snape had turned the wand on him.

Too late. Snape brought the wand down. His lips were moving soundlessly, and his face was contorted in concentration.

Harry's brain had just registered the fact that he wasn't hurting when Sirius scrambled up off the floor and grabbed Snape's other arm. "STOP IT, YOU FILTHY GIT!"

He got a cuff on his ear for his trouble, and howled with pain, clasping both hands over the side of his head.

Lupin hurtled himself in between the two. "Don't hit him! You've got no right!"

Harry wasn't sure if Lupin was crazy or extremely brave... or both. Snape certainly looked capable of beating both of them to within an inch of their lives. He had seen the same look in Uncle Vernon's eyes many times, and it had never led to anything good.

They seemed to be frozen, all of them.

Snape still pointed his wand at Harry, but his body was turned toward Lupin, who was still shielding Sirius.

Very slowly, Harry's breathing started to return to normal.

Snape spoke, and his voice was low and deliberate. "I want all of you out of my sight."

"Come on, Padfoot," Lupin said softly. He gave Sirius a push toward the door Harry knew led to the spare room. He still kept his body between Sirius and Snape.

Harry followed them, giving Snape a wide berth.

The door slammed behind them as soon as they were inside.

A torch flared.

Harry looked around quickly.

The room had been hastily cleared and cleaned. The floor was still spotted with dirt, but now there was a rug over most of it. Three beds were up against the far wall, and a desk and bookcase against another. An empty trunk, with the lid open, was at the foot of one bed, and a low chest of drawers at the foot of another. Harry saw his box in a corner.

He glanced at Sirius, who was being comforted by Lupin and was still rubbing his ear.

Deciding there wasn't anything he could do, he instead went over to the box and rummaged through it.

His Invisibility Cloak was gone, and the shards of the two-way mirror as well, but the Marauder's Map had not been discovered. He couldn't help a small smile of triumph, thinking about Snape going through his things and missing it, but on second thought, he pushed the map back between the pages of his photo album. Sirius could get into enough trouble without a map of the grounds to help him.

He sat down on one of the beds, bouncing on the springs experimentally.

Suddenly he felt very tired.

Sirius stomped over and sat next to him, and a moment later Lupin joined them, sitting down on the bed opposite from them.

"What did that bastard do, anyway?"

Lupin took a deep breath, looking annoyed with him. "I wish you'd watch your mouth. There was absolutely no need to get him riled up. He was in a bad enough mood already. As for the spells... I imagine he didn't want you calling him 'Snivellus' anymore, and I'm surprised he didn't do worse to you, honestly." He huffed irritably. "He shouldn't have tried to cast that spell while so angry."

"He shouldn't've been casting anything on me or James! Bastard."

"He had no right to hit you, but I suppose you did push him too far."

"DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THAT --"

"Shhhhh!"

Sirius glared at him, but fell silent.

Now that Lupin had suggested it, Harry realized he was probably right about what Snape had been doing. "Should we try it out?"

"Try what out?" Sirius asked peevishly.

"You're right," Lupin said. "Go ahead, James."

Harry looked at him and said, "Milo Moony -- hey it is working." He tried out 'Sirius Black' next. Out came, "Patrick Puddifoot -- yes, it's working."

"Great," Sirius muttered. "What a load off my mind."

"It should be," Lupin told him. "Now you try."

"Try what?" demanded Sirius incredulously. "I haven't been able to speak properly since this blasted nightmare started, thanks to you!"

Lupin flushed.

"I think he meant try Professor Snape's name," Harry said quickly, hoping they wouldn't start fighting again. He frowned slightly -- he was sure he hadn't actually said that. "Professor Snape... hmm."

"What?" Sirius asked, looking at him with distaste.

Harry glanced at Lupin. "Seems I have to call him Professor Snape now. Thanks, Paddy, for that." He frowned again. "Paddy... Paddy... damn it."

Sirius looked at him with suspicion dawning on his face. "Can you call me Padfoot at all?"

"No," Harry said, scowling. What had Snape done that for?

Sirius snorted indignantly and looked likely to march right back out into the main room and confront Snape.

"It's okay," Harry said quickly. "I'm sure he just didn't realize, and when he calms down I'll ask him to fix it."

Sirius didn't look like he thought much of that plan, but no longer looked like he might need to be held down.

"Well, Padfoot?" Lupin said. "Are you going to try it, or should we wait until your next outburst?"

"Professor Snape. There; happy?"

Lupin raised an eyebrow and waited.

"Greasy git," Sirius said, and brightened considerably. "Sir."

Harry laughed. "What did you say?"

Sirius' face had fallen, and was darkening fast. "Sir. Bloody idiot Sir!"

Lupin cocked his head to one side, looking amused. "What's that?"

"SIR!" roared Sirius, his fists clenching around the bedspread.

Lupin chuckled. "Oh... clever."

Sirius glared at him murderously. "TAKE HIS SIDE, WILL YOU?"

"Well, I don't think you have any right to call him Snivellus," Lupin said calmly, though he was a shade paler than normal; Sirius' yelling seemed to do that to him. "So, yes, in this case, I will take his side."

Sirius shot up off the bed, and Harry almost made a move to grab him, but Sirius merely stomped to the other side of the room, threw himself on the bed, and turned his back on both of them.

"Let him be," Lupin said softly to Harry. "Let him sulk it out."

Harry nodded.

"You got your things back?"

Harry nodded again. "Yes..." In a whisper, he added, "Not the Cloak though."

Lupin didn't look surprised. "Wouldn't be safe to leave it with you. In fact... I think you ought to put all your things out of sight. No sense taking chances. We can find a hiding place for them. Not in the trunk or the drawers, of course."

"Too bad the floor's not wood," Harry said. "I used to hide things under a loose floorboard at the Dursleys."

"I remember, you told me. Well, we'll find something just as good."

Harry wished they didn't have to, because he'd had a picture of his parents by his bedside for years. He liked to look at it before going to sleep, or in the morning when he was having trouble dragging himself out of bed. Sometimes it could still give him some comfort.

They looked the room over. A few times Harry thought he could feel himself being watched, but whenever he turned around Sirius still had his back to them.

"Just the thing, for now," Lupin said. They had found a spot on the wall that, when examined closely, revealed a switch that opened a panel. Behind it was a narrow space that Harry thought could be meant to be used as a wardrobe, since a pair of wooden coat hangers dangled from a wire stretched from one wall to another. "We can push the desk over, and it will be concealed nicely."

Harry put his box inside the wardrobe. Then, remembering, took his letters out of his pocket and put them in, as well. He would read them later, if he had some time by himself. He didn't want anyone around when he did.

"What's all that?"

"McGonagall gave them to me. From Hermione and Ron. I guess they tried to write after...."

Lupin nodded. He was looking guilty again, but all he said was, "We'll give you some privacy later, if we can, so you can read them without anyone interrupting."

"Thanks," Harry said, grateful that Lupin understood.

He shut the panel reluctantly. Well, he could still take the pictures out and look at them, anyway. That was better than nothing. And he was used to having to hide his things.

He wished he could have taken all his things from Grimmauld Place. If it had really been destroyed, then all the things he had left behind probably had been as well. He was very grateful that Lupin had let him pack these items, at least, but in hindsight he could think of a few he wished he had not left.

"Is he going to starve us?"

Harry looked at Sirius, who was scowling at them from his bed, where he was now sitting cross-legged.

Lupin looked around, but there was no clock. "I don't think it's quite dinner time. Didn't you have enough at lunch?"

Sirius scowled harder, then got up and stalked over to the bookcase.

It was mostly empty, with just a single row of books on one shelf and a long, narrow box on another, and after pawing through the books, Sirius picked one up and stared at it with disgust.

"What is it?" Lupin asked.

"This nightmare never ends," Sirius said, dropping the book on the floor and returning to the bed. "I'm taking a nap, in case this is all over when I wake up."

Harry thought he was jesting, but Sirius did climb into bed, albeit without undressing, and turned his back on them again.

Lupin had picked up the book. "Ah, The Little Muggle and the Werewolf." He chuckled, but there was a somewhat pained expression on his face. "Very amusing." He put the book back, and started to look through the others.

Harry went to see for himself.

Kids' books, all of them. Not a single one worth looking at.

"What's in the box?"

"Chess. Would you like to play?"

"Maybe later," Harry said. He didn't feel like playing games. "Why are all of these books here?"

"These are the sort of books that might be found in a child's room, though I'm not sure these are quite age-appropriate."

There was a half-snort, half-huff from Sirius.

"You might want to read them, actually," Lupin told Harry. "You can learn a lot about a society by the sort of stories children are told."

Harry nodded, but he didn't feel like reading books, either.

"Well," Lupin said, "I think I'll just go see if Professor Snape would kindly give us a clock. It won't do to never know the time."

"That's right," Sirius said scathingly. "Go out there and let the git yell at you some more."

Lupin left anyway.

As soon as he had, Sirius sat up.

"You know, I don't understand him."

Harry felt like he should defend Lupin, but he was too tired to even contemplate an argument with Sirius. He made only a non-committal noise in his throat.

Sirius, however, was apparently intent on continuing their interrupted conversation.

"What do you think he meant when he said he tricked Professor Snape --" Sirius looked affronted. "Tricked that greasy git, I mean!"

Harry thought for a moment. "I'm not sure, exactly. Professor Snape did tell me he made a promise to Moony, so I guess it's true."

He didn't see why Lupin had said 'tricked,' though. Gave him no choice, maybe, but that sounded up-front enough.

"Why would Prof-- that greasy git! agree to it?"

"Well..." Harry paused, reluctant to tell. He was pretty sure Snape would rather not have it be common knowledge. "Moony helped him out once, this summer, so I think Professor Snape felt obligated...."

"Let me guess," Sirius said, his face a thundercloud. "Did he bring him back from the dead, too?"

"No, it wasn't like that," Harry said quickly. "Professor Snape just ran into some of Voldemort's followers, and Moony was the only one who went when he sent a call for assistance, that's all."

All right, so it hadn't been quite like that, but it was close enough to the truth.

"Milo Moony, death-defying super-hero," Sirius muttered nastily. "What's he been doing, running around trying to save everyone?"

Harry felt suddenly angry with Sirius. Couldn't Sirius at least be grateful for the second chance at life he'd been given? How often did that happen?

Then he reminded himself that Sirius hadn't even known he'd died. It had to be hard to be grateful for something you had no recollection of.

"Oh, all right," Sirius grumbled, not waiting for Harry's response. "But I still don't like it...."

"I wish we wouldn't fight," Harry said. "I'm so glad you're back, Paddy. You have no idea what it was like."

Sirius sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. "It wasn't your fault. I can see that's what you're thinking, and it wasn't."

Harry looked down and shook his head. Of course it had been.

"Is that what they've been telling you?" Sirius demanded. "Making you feel guilty? IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!"

Harry looked up, afraid Sirius' yelling was going to bring Snape down on them. "No one's said that." They didn't have to say anything. "But it was my mistake."

"You were fifteen! Do you know how many people have been duped by Voldemort? It could have happened to anyone."

Harry nodded, hoping Sirius would drop it.

But Sirius didn't. "What happened, James? What were you doing there? All I remember is Pro-- the slimy bastard! called saying you'd left school, and then a frantic call from one of our Ministry contacts saying you were there."

"I..." Harry looked down again uncomfortably. "I... had a vision."

"A vision," Sirius repeated flatly. "What do you mean?"

"Voldemort... sent a vision into my head. I saw him, and he was in the Department of Mysteries and..." He swallowed hard. "He had you."

There was complete silence, and Harry was too afraid to look up.

The bed next to him dipped suddenly, and then Sirius had his arm around him.

"I'm sorry. You went because of me."

Harry nodded, stifling a sniff. "It was so real."

"And I died," Sirius said. He sounded a little incredulous, like he still found that fact hard to believe. "I understand now."

"It was my fault," Harry whispered. "I stopped the Occlumency lessons. I never took it seriously. I didn't use my head. I didn't listen to my friends. I didn't --"

"Shh."

"And you died."

"It's over."

"But it's not over," Harry said, pulling away from him. "If anyone finds out we're here, I could lose you again. I just want all of us to be safe. I'm so tired of this war. I always thought if Voldemort was gone...."

"It doesn't work that way," Sirius said glumly. "It's not the leader that matters. There are just too many people who agree with what he was pushing."

"I know it," Harry said. "I keep thinking how it's the same now as the first time he vanished. They're more desperate now, and they're willing to do anything... because they have nothing to lose."

He thought about the Longbottoms... and Gregory Goyle's family, who had turned against Voldemort at the last minute, and Susan Bones' family, and all the other families that had been targeted. Some of the worst attacks had come after Voldemort's death, both times.

"He is dead this time, isn't he?" Sirius asked doubtfully. "Would we know if he wasn't?"

"He's dead," Harry said. "We know it. He's never coming back."

"What's being done about the rest?"

"I don't know, really," Harry said. "They haven't exactly been keeping me updated. I know a lot of Death Eaters have been rounded up, but there's just as many who haven't even been identified. We know the Ministry's crawling with them. Voldemort must have been planning a take-over for ages... and we don't know who it might be. Could be anyone."

"Like Fudge."

Harry nodded. "Probably not himself, but someone's got to him."

"The Wizengamot's been bastardized..." Sirius paused. "Or maybe not. They've been making bad decisions for decades, without needing any spies in their midst."

"Umbridge is on it now," Harry told him. "And she isn't above using Unforgiveables."

Sirius looked at him sharply. "What did you say?"

"She tried to Crucio me at the end of last year, when the D.A. got caught after a meeting."

He waited for the expected explosion, but Sirius was silent.

"Anyway," Harry went on, letting out the breath he'd been holding, "a lot of people have left Britain, and Hogwarts isn't likely to open this year. We're just waiting."

"You've said." Sirius got up and started pacing. "It sounds like our side is really hurting."

Harry winced. He knew exactly what Sirius was getting at.

Sirius must have caught sight of his face, because he stopped his pacing suddenly.

"I hate the idea of just sitting here and doing nothing."

"Me, too," Harry said, his heart speeding up. "If we get turned back to normal, I want to fight. I want to avenge everyone I've lost. I know I could --"

"Oh no, you couldn't!" Sirius exploded. "Absolutely not!"

"But you said yourself I should be part of the Order! And that was at the beginning of last year. I've done loads since then, and I know I could make a difference for our side. With three of us, that could tip the balance --"

"They can do without you!"

"Well, I'm not letting you go off and leave me here. At least if we're all together we can protect each other."

Sirius glared at him. "You are not going to fight anyone. This isn't even a possibility."

Harry glared back at him defiantly.

"What's going on?" Lupin was back, carrying a clock and with several thick books cradled in the crook of his arm. "What are you arguing about now?"

Harry could see Sirius didn't want to tell him.

"Nothing," Sirius said, trying to wipe the angry scowl off his face.

"Nothing," Harry echoed.

Lupin frowned at them, but walked over to the bookshelf and started to put away his books. He set the clock on the highest shelf he could reach.

"What took you so long?" Sirius asked. "P-- greasy git want something?"

"Just picked up some of my old books from his office."

Harry remembered seeing the box earlier.

"What were they doing in his office?"

"I had sent them there along with James' things. Of course, most of them would look too out of place here, so I'll keep them in his library instead, but a few were suitable. I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of time here."

Sirius muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Not if I can help it," which made Harry think that their argument hadn't done a bit of good. He was even afraid it might have put more ideas into Sirius' head. Maybe he shouldn't have told him so much about what was happening out there.

"Dinner's in twenty minutes," Lupin said. "There's only one bathroom, so let's take turns washing up. James, would you like to go first?"

Harry shook his head. "Paddy can be first. I want to look at your books."

Sirius sniffed derisively, like he wanted to let them know he knew they wanted to talk without him there, but he stomped from the room. Harry hoped he wouldn't run into Snape.

"Don't worry," Lupin said, apparently guessing what he was thinking. "Professor Snape's still in his office. Now, what were you really arguing about?"

"He asked what's been happening since July, and I told him. I don't know if I should have...."

"No helping it. He would have found out anyway, and there's no sense not telling him the truth."

"He wants to fight."

"Of course he does."

Harry stared at him, surprised that Lupin could be so calm about it.

"Our biggest concern is that he will give himself away, maybe even on purpose if he gets the idea that he'd be returned to normal age if that happened. I'm hoping that we will be able to convince him to be careful for the sake of keeping you out of harm's way."

"That's what I tried to do," Harry said. "I don't know that I didn't make a mess of it, though. I told him if he went, I would, too. That's what he was looking so angry about."

"Good. That should give him something to think about."

"I don't know. I think all it did was make him think he's really needed out there."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "He's the last thing that's needed out there. He'd just distract them and give them something more to worry about."

Harry started to answer, but there were footsteps outside the door and then Sirius was back.

"Done talking about me?"

"No," Lupin said shortly. In a flash he looked so angry that Harry leaned away from him. "And I will thank you not to fill his head with idiotic, dangerous ideas!"

Sirius looked startled, and looked at Harry with a slightly betrayed look on his face, like he hadn't expected Harry to tell. "I wasn't. I told him to forget about stupid stuff like that."

"How's he supposed to forget about it if you keep harping on about how you'd rather be out there than here with him? Of course he's going to think about going off with you."

"Nobody's going anywhere," Sirius snapped. "I thought you're the one who made that perfectly clear."

"I did," Lupin said. "And I meant it. Put those ideas out of your head. Your priority, like mine, is to keep James safe."

Anger flashed across Sirius' face, and Harry was sure he was about to remind them that it was Lupin who had put Harry in danger, not him.

"I am safe," Harry said quickly. "Really, and look, I've already said I don't mind staying at Hogwarts, if you're both here."

"We are," Lupin said, looking at Sirius meaningfully. "Right, Padfoot?"

"Right," Sirius said grudgingly. "We are."

Harry knew Sirius wasn't going to give up that easily. He would never accept that staying with Snape was the best option. Harry wasn't very sure of it himself; he just knew it was the only option they had.

"All right," Lupin said, apparently willing to let it go. "James, go wash up quickly, or we'll be late for dinner."

Harry left them. He had the feeling Lupin was going to say a few more things to Sirius. He just hoped Lupin knew more about keeping Sirius in check than Harry did, because Harry still wasn't sure he hadn't made a mistake telling Sirius all those things.

He splashed cold water on his face, and peered into the mirror. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in ages, and his face was pale.

It had been a very long, very draining day. He felt like there was a volcano of emotions inside him, but he couldn't deal with it right then. He would have to sort it all out later.

When he left the bathroom, Snape was back at his work table, bottling more potions and half a dozen empty cauldrons lined up in front of him waiting to be used. He ignored Harry.

Back in the bedroom, Sirius was sitting on his bed again, looking bored, and Lupin was waiting by the door.

Harry hoped Sirius wasn't going to say anything about earlier. He wanted to be done with the whole thing.

Sirius didn't speak to him, however, and Harry sat down on his own bed to wait.

Lupin came back a few minutes later, and together they left for the Great Hall.

As soon as they sat down, Sirius tore into his food as though he hadn't had anything all day.

"Manners," Lupin chided, but Sirius ignored him.

Harry looked around. The Great Hall seemed more crowded than the last time he'd been there. Had more people come to Hogwarts? McGonagall had said there'd been some sort of incident.

When he turned back, he saw Sirius stuffing his pockets full of biscuits and fruit.

He didn't think that was a good sign.

He glanced at Lupin, but it seemed he hadn't noticed.

As soon as dinner was over, Sirius wanted to explore the castle.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Lupin said. "We should go back --"

"And do what?" Sirius demanded. "He's just going to yell at us again, and there's nothing to do in that hole we're supposed to call a bedroom."

It suddenly occurred to Harry that Sirius might not be too keen on their windowless dungeon room.

"He'll be glad if we stay away," Sirius continued. "You can't tell me you want to go back down there."

Lupin didn't protest any more, and they trailed after Sirius, who hadn't waited for agreement anyway.

"Where are we going?" Lupin asked when they got to the third floor.

"Up."

Lupin looked like he wanted to argue, but Sirius had reached the next staircase, and it was starting to tremble ominously, signaling that it would be changing position imminently. He grabbed Harry's arm and together they leaped on just before it broke away from the landing.

"Wait, Paddy," Harry called, because Sirius was putting a dangerous distance between them.

Sirius waited impatiently for them to catch up.

Fourth floor. Sirius didn't stop.

Fifth floor.

"Stop." Lupin had somehow got in front of Sirius, and was blocking his path. "Tell where we're going."

"Astronomy tower," Sirius said grudgingly.

"We can't get in there now," Harry told him. "It all but came down in the attack."

"Divination, then," Sirius said, unconcerned. He got around Lupin and they were off again.

Unfortunately -- or, Harry thought, very fortunately -- all the doors on the seventh floor were locked.

Sirius took Snape's wand out of his pocket -- Harry was surprised Snape hadn't taken it back -- and cast Alohomora a dozen or more times, without result, and finally gave the door in front of him several frustrated kicks... also without result.

"I don't suppose you want to have a go?" he asked, offering the wand to Lupin.

"No," Lupin said. "I don't."

"James?"

Harry shook his head. "Not unless you tell us what you want in there."

"Just want to see the view, that's all," Sirius said innocently.

"There's a window over there," Lupin said. "Have at it."

Sirius gave Lupin a very nasty look, and stomped over to the window. He leaned out so far that Lupin grabbed hold of the back of his robes, and Harry was about to do the same.

"Damn!" Sirius planted both feet back on the ground and scowled even harder. "Can't see anything from here."

Harry would have suggested they find another window, if he hadn't been afraid Sirius would try to throw himself out of that one, too.

"I really think we should go --" Lupin started, but fell abruptly silent.

"What?" Sirius asked, and turned in the same direction Lupin was facing.

Harry followed suit.

McGonagall had appeared at the end of the corridor, and there was no mistaking the fact that she was heading straight for them. The expression on her face didn't leave much to the imagination, either.

"What are you three boys doing up here?"

Sirius scowled.

Lupin looked guilty.

Harry answered. "We were just looking around, Professor. I wanted to see if Gryffindor Tower was damaged at all."

She glared at him. "You know perfectly well it wasn't, so there is no need to lie about it." She turned the glare on Sirius. "Well? Are you going to explain why after the conversation we had only this morning, I should find you roaming about the castle without supervision, and dragging your friends with you?"

Sirius looked down at his shoes. He was still scowling. "Sorry, Professor."

"Downstairs, all of you, at once. We will not be making any allowances for you. You are to follow the same rules as all the other children currently staying at the castle."

For a moment, Harry was afraid Sirius was going to explode at her, but he looked up with a very meek, "Yes, ma'am," and headed for the staircase.

"Sorry, Professor," Lupin said, cringing.

"I know he can be very difficult," McGonagall said, "but there are two of you."

"We'll do better," Lupin said. "Come on, James."

They were on the fourth floor before they managed to catch up with Sirius, who was making a point to stomp on every step.

"I don't know who she thinks she is!"

"The Headmistress of this school," Lupin said dryly. "And your elder."

Harry laughed.

"Funny," Sirius spat. "Have the two of you noticed she's treating us like we're... like we're..."

"Ten?" Lupin suggested, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, ten!"

"Well, we are. How else would she treat us?"

"I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE A CHILD!"

"Be quiet," Lupin said, his own voice rising in anger. "We're not going to argue here."

Sirius ignored them both all the way down to the ground floor.

When he stopped ignoring them, it was to say peevishly, "He's not even ten. You really did a number on him."

"Shh," Lupin commanded. Then he frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Sirius turned to look at Harry, his eyes raking him over from the top of his head down. "He's obviously not. You must have done something wrong."

"He's always been on the small side," Lupin said, also peering at Harry closely. "Haven't you, James?"

"Yeah," Harry said uncomfortably. "And Professor Snape said I'd be thirteen in two or three years."

"Shh! Can't you please whisper? When did he say that?"

"When he came to get me. He was looking to see what kind of spells were used on me."

"Didn't those bloody Muggles feed you?" Sirius muttered, apparently determined to find something disagreeable to grumble about.

Harry shuffled from one foot to another. There was no sense telling them about the Dursleys, especially when it would just make Sirius more angry.

"Sure they fed me. And so what if I'm short? My dad wasn't very tall."

"Quiet!" Lupin whispered loudly.

Harry looked around and saw that they had reached the Great Hall, which was still fairly crowded.

"I don't know why you think everyone is so damn interested in our conversations," Sirius said.

"Because it would take only one slip-up for someone to start suspecting something. Everyone's on guard these days; they've had to be."

"Not to mention," said a very cold voice from behind them, making them all jump, "the fact that there are spies everywhere."

Harry stifled a groan before turning around. How did Snape always do that?

"Professor McGonagall has just informed me of your romp on the seventh floor. Perhaps you should not be allowed out for meals."

"It won't happen again," Lupin said quickly.

"Once is enough. Had I not found you just now, no doubt you would have continued blabbing your business for all to hear."

Harry put a hand on Sirius' arm, because he could see Sirius starting to shake with barely contained rage.

"I'm needed in the infirmary," Snape continued. "I will not give you the password to my quarters, so you will either come with me, and I will find tasks to occupy you, or you will find something to do that will not draw attention to yourselves."

Harry would have liked to help out in the infirmary, but 'tasks' sounded rather ominous. Snape would probably make them clean bedpans.

"Are we needed?" Lupin asked. "I'm sure Poppy -- I mean, Madam Pomfrey -- is very busy."

"She can do without you underfoot," Snape said. "As could I."

"We'll stay here, then."

Snape gave them each a hard look, but said nothing more. They watched as he headed toward the stairs, his robes billowing around him.

"If he did have a kid," Sirius muttered bitterly, "the unlucky little bastard would be a gibbering wreck."

"Good night, Padfoot. Good night, James."

"'Night," said Sirius, who was the only one of them not yet in bed. He had screwed one of the bedknobs off, and was shoving Snape's wand into the hollow bedpost.

"Good night."

He tried to make himself comfortable. The bed was all right, and he was exhausted, but his mind didn't seem to want to switch off.

Sometimes, if he could clear his mind, he didn't dream as much.

Sometimes it made no difference.

Sirius is alive, he told himself. He's okay and he's right here.

He woke up in the dead of night anyway, drenched in sweat and with screams ringing in his ears.

He was disoriented, and his one thought was that he hadn't woken up screaming in a long time. He clamped a hand over his mouth.

The screaming didn't stop.

Reason returned to him, and he realized the screaming wasn't his own. There was a lot of shuffling, and then the torch flared to life, illuminating the room in its flickering orange light.

Lupin was looking from Harry to Sirius like he had no idea what he should do next.

"I'm okay," Harry choked out.

Lupin shook off his stupor and in two bounds was at Sirius' bedside.

The screaming stopped abruptly.

Harry took some deep breaths.

He had expected to still dream about Cedric. That wasn't likely to go away. Maybe not ever.

Instead, he had dreamed, for the first time, of the night Hogwarts was attacked.

That was too much. He felt bile rising in his throat, and knew he was going to be sick.

"Are you all right?" Lupin asked. He had left Sirius and was kneeling next to Harry's bed.

The door banged open.

Snape, barefoot, wearing a dark dressing gown, and brandishing his wand, stormed into the room. "What is going on in here?"

Harry glanced at Sirius, who was silent now but was pale as death and clutching at the bedsheets.

"I had a nightmare," he said before Lupin could start explaining. "I'm sorry I woke you, sir."

He was surprised his voice sounded so calm. It was almost not his voice at all.

Lupin was looking at him oddly, and Harry willed him not to say anything. This wasn't Snape's concern.

Snape sniffed irritably, looking like he was sorry he'd got out of bed for this. "We're out of Dreamless Sleep."

"That's all right," Harry said. There was never enough of the stuff.... "I don't need any. I'm sure it was just a one-time thing."

Snape sniffed again, and turned to go. "Go back to bed."

When he had gone, Lupin sat down on the edge of his own bed and looked at both of them worriedly. "Are you all right? Do you want to talk about it?"

Sirius picked up his fallen blanket off the floor and started dusting it off, avoiding looking at either of them.

"Just more of the usual," Harry lied. He didn't feel like talking about the dream. At least he didn't feel sick anymore; he'd forgotten he was about to be when Snape had burst in, and now his stomach had settled.

"Padfoot?"

"I don't recall," Sirius said in a hollow voice, pulling the blanket up to his chin and turning toward the wall. "I'd like to go back to sleep now, if you don't mind."

Looking reluctant, Lupin walked over and snuffed out the torch. Harry heard him getting back into bed.

He lay awake for a long time.

He was sure it wasn't a coincidence that he had this dream right after his talk with Sirius. Maybe talking about it had finally made it real enough to dream about.

He wondered what horrors had haunted Sirius in his sleep. His own dreams were terrible, but he never woke up screaming like that.