June 18th 1980

She was standing in his doorway, shivering and soaked. Her hood had fallen to her shoulders and mud was caked around the hem of her robes. Her hair was curling in dark red spirals, dripping steadily as if she had just stepped from the bath. Her eyes were glowing wearily as she clutched at her unborn child.

She didn’t speak to him, or he to her. They simply stared at each other, each resigned and world-weary. His limbs were shaking with the aftereffects of the Cruciatus curse, his mask still held in hand. With a simple movement of her lips, she mouthed one word, not allowing any sound to pass by her lips.

Please…

He merely stepped aside, ushering her in before anyone could see.

“Thank you, Severus,” she whispered as he took her sodden cloak from her. She shivered as the cool dungeon air graced her wet arms.

His arm reached out, his fingers tangling in her hair before she pulled him to her. She hid her face in his robes, not minding what they had been used for, only caring about the man who wrapped her in his cloak. Tears began to fall silently as the entire night came rushing back to her and she sniffled, pushing her face even more into his chest.

“Your heart is racing, Severus.”

He sighed and held her tighter, “Why did you come, Lily?”

“I had to get away from him. I needed to just get away.”

“Why here, Kitten?”

“Because I know that you love me. I think you are the only one that does.”

Severus didn’t deny or confirm her words. He only dropped his head to rest it upon hers, burying his nose in her wet hair.

***

February 4th 1992

The next morning, Severus was less than pleased to encounter a boisterous Headmaster in the Great Hall. Sadly even the nearly ungodly hours of the dawn were not enough to escape his clutches. Dumbledore beamed when Severus sat down in his customary seat, one empty chair between them.

“Good morning, Severus!” Severus snarled faintly. The Headmaster was not to be deterred. “You will never guess who I had been bombarded by almost as soon as I stepped from my office this morning.”

“Sybil back from her weekly Friday night binge,” Severus offered blandly, reaching for the teapot and scowling at its cheery front.

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled incessantly behind his half-moon spectacles. “No, Mr. Potter nearly attacked me at the gargoyle. The poor boy was practically overflowing with happiness. You see he wanted to thank me for a photograph I gave him… though I must confess I had never seen this picture in my life.”

Dumbledore eyed Severus as he became still for a split second, yet long enough for the Headmaster to notice. The wizened old man smiled placidly, “Would the person who gave the boy this picture be the same that replaced his familiar?”

Severus scowled and stabbed a piece of sausage rather bitterly. “Headmaster, I have told you that what I do with my charges is not always your business.”

“Ah, but you see, my dear boy, I hate to lie to the children, Harry especially of them.”

Severus looked from the corner of his eyes at Dumbledore, hiding behind his hair. “What did you tell him?”

“The truth…” Dumbledore said gravely, and then smiled as Severus’ lips pursed tightly together. “That I was so very glad he now had something tangible of his mother.”

Severus’ face relaxed and he opened his mouth to speak when Minerva trudged wearily up to his side. Her customary tight bun was already looking lax and dark bags hung under her eyes. She appeared grimmer than usual as she approached Severus himself rather than taking her place at the table. Severus felt his heart plummet, knowing almost what she would say before she even spoke.

“Severus, Potter is in the Infirmary. Poppy was asking for you to come placate the boy. He won’t let her heal him.”

A barely audible sigh escaped Severus’ mouth before he immediately rose and strode out of the Great Hall.

***

June 18th 1980

When Severus entered the bathroom nearly an hour later, Lily was standing and resting her back against the marble sink. Her shirt, which Severus realized was one of his own that she must have taken from his wardrobe, was pulled and tucked underneath her breasts, leaving her swollen abdomen exposed. She had also pulled her drawstring trousers below her waist and was methodically rubbing a thick, opaque ointment along the pale pink marks that stretched across her skin. She looked up and smiled at him not in the least bit embarrassed by him seeing her in her present state.

“You know you don’t have to do that,” he stated, leaning against the doorframe leisurely, content with simply watching her.

Lily snorted at his comment and rolled her eyes, straightening her back and replacing the lid on her jar of salve. She rubbed her hands absently against her stomach as she faced Severus, still leaving the skin of her lower torso uncovered.

“I believe you need to pay Poppy a visit, Severus. Obviously, you are having hallucinations. Do you need to lie down? Should I make you some tea?”

“I am being serious, Kit,” Severus stated, looking miffed at her teasing and giving the woman a rather half-hearted glare.

“Honestly, Severus, you and I both know just how much I resemble a walrus.”

“You’ll always be beautiful to me, Lily.” Severus words came out very quietly, his breath barely holding to speak his mind.

Tears flooded Lily’s eyes and she looked at the reflection of the young professor in the mirror. However, Severus was staring at the wall opposite of her, clearly mortified that he had even said anything at all. A tear finally spilled over and made its way down her cheek but she hurriedly wiped it away in case the chance he would see. Silently, she admonished herself for crying but her thoughts only seemed to cause more water to overflow onto her face.

If only James would say things like that… Maybe then, we would not argue near as much… Maybe if he truly cared, he would not come stumbling home every night like some lame drunkard off the street…

She continued to study Severus but he never turned around to really face her. The tears were coming faster now but she made no move to rid herself of them. It was useless anyway.

Maybe I just wish that things were different. Maybe if Severus had never been forced to take the mark and I hadn’t been so abominably stupid, we could have… What am I thinking? I am married. I am pregnant with my husband’s child.

But I am not happy. Nothing can stop me from wishing that James was… that Severus could be…

Face it, Kitten, you are in love with your best friend, you are in a marriage that you do not want, and the baby you are carrying is the only wonderful thing that your husband has ever given you.

You’re stuck.

And then, suddenly, her eyes lit up with emerald fire once more as with one single thought from a broken woman, the world changed from what it would have been to what it would now be.

***

February 4th 1992

The Infirmary was empty except for a pale sleeping fourth year student. But the longer one looked they would begin to notice that the bed in the far corner near the large spacious windows was hidden by its curtains. The Hospital Wing’s most frequent visitor was once more in presence with the bed that had quickly become his own over the course of the school year.

More so like Severus Snape, Harry Potter was turning out to be.

Severus strode briskly to the hidden bed and pulled back the curtains gently. Harry Potter’s tear streaked face looked up at him from its previous perch on his bent knees. His green eyes, too much like his mother’s, shone brightly without glasses to hide behind – one glance at the bedside table revealed a small mass of twisted metal and broken glass. His face was caked with blood even his hair was matted together with it. Harry looked at Severus’ grim face, lower lip quivering before he buried his face once more in his robes.

“Harry, what happened this time?” Severus asked quietly, keeping distance with the boy. If touched at this point, the boy would flinch away and become nearly catatonic. No doubt Poppy was not pleased with the boy’s reactions but she had become used to it over the course of the year – if her bidding for Severus was any indication.

The boy shook his head mutely, peeking up at his Head of House. Severus’ expression turned from an almost gentle to a not-quite severe yet stern countenance. The boy’s face colored and he mumbled something into his knees that Severus could not understand.

Severus opened his mouth to further question him when Poppy bustled forth, curtain falling back, her arms loaded with potions bottles. Severus walked forward to help her and Poppy gave him a grateful smile. He raised one eyebrow as he carried the potions over to the table. He lifted a tiny bottle filled with a metallic red potion and faced Poppy. She merely shook her head and looked over at Harry looking at them both curiously and a bit warily.

“How many this time?” the child mumbled and straightened up his back though his knees were still curled tightly against him.

Severus put a hand up, not touching the boy but he stilled and quieted all the same. The potions master peered at Madam Pomfrey oddly, one fingernail tapping the glass on the bottle. “Poppy, if you would be so kind.”

Poppy pursed her lips and gestured to Harry. “Perhaps, Mr. Potter had best explain.”

The boy’s face colored and he bit his lip until blood poured out of it. Severus sighed and sat down beside Harry. He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him. Harry pressed it to his lip and a tear fell down from his eye.

“Child, what happened this morning that would require you to need a potion to restore magical core burns?”

“I don’t know what I did, sir. I just–” Harry seemed to choke on his words.

“Go on, child…” Poppy commanded gently. Harry looked up at her with such frightened eyes that made Severus want to curse James Potter for putting his sins upon his son. It was unrealistic but yet, it soothed the anger all the same.

“I… I wanted him to… hurt… I just… wanted him to hurt too… like me… but I didn’t mean to do it… honest…”

The boy sniffed and curled in on himself. Severus moved his hand into the boys vision, slowly so as not to frighten him. Once Harry relaxed, Severus slipped his hand under the boy’s chin and made him lock eyes. Harry nodded briefly, eyes glancing over to Poppy as she mumbled something about “not wanting to watch”, stalked away from the bed and past the curtains.

***

June 18th 1980

They sat together on Severus’ plush sofa before the crackling fire in the hearth. She sat leaning slightly against his side, eyes sparkling at him mischievously, with a fire he missed seeing. He stared at her suspiciously out of the corner of his eyes, bottle of Firewhiskey forgotten in his hand.

“You can’t be serious, Kitten?” He stated and stared at the bottle in his hand as if trying to decipher its purpose. Then he tipped it back and took a large gulp, enjoying the burn as it went down his throat.

She shook her head at his antics and sighed. She leaned closer to him and gently placed her hand under his jaw, ushering him to lock eyes with her. “I’ve never been more serious in my entire life, Sev.”

For once, he ignored her abominable nickname for him, his thoughts on events too impossible, too improbable and too uncomfortable. “But why, Lillian, why choose me? Your son would be better to grow up with all of Potter than even with a tiny bit of me.”

Lily’s forehead furrowed a bit in agitation with him. “You are his godfather, Severus. More than likely you’ll raise him as it is.”

“Don’t talk like that, Lily.” Severus snapped at her.

She did not coil back, she only smiled sadly. “You know it’s a possibility.”

He was quiet for a long moment before he drank a considerably smaller amount and whispered, without looking at her, “What makes you think Black would even let me near the boy?”

“Why do you have such little faith in me, Severus?” she asked incredulously and she placed a tendril of hair behind one ear. “Sirius Black will not raise my son no matter what James implies. Sirius’ ignorance will no doubt get Harry killed or at least, badly injured.”

“I am not fit to raise any child, Lily!” He screamed at her and rose from his place, just to get away from her when she gripped his arm tightly, stooping him over and keeping him near.

“You are fit to raise my child!”

He tried to pull his arm from hers, beginning to feel the buzz rush through him and he stumbled slightly. “Then your standards are lax!”

Lily sighed and pulled him back down beside her, whispering gently, one hand on his chest. “Severus, please, it probably won’t work. I just want to try.”

He was quiet for a long moment in whence he downed the rest of the alcohol and dropped the bottle on the floor, watching it roll away. His voice was slightly hoarse when he spoke next, “But what if it does succeed? What would any of us gain by this?”

“I would gain security by knowing that my son would be raised by you rather than a hotheaded mongrel.”

Severus sneered at the fireplace, not looking at her pleading face. “What does Potter have to say to this?”

Lily’s face was stone and acidic words came from her mouth. “He doesn’t know and as far as I’m concerned, he never will.”

“Whilst I have never been married, I do believe that secrets – especially those involving Dark Magic – are not meant to be kept from spouses. I was at your wedding, Lily. Keeping secrets was not apart of your vows, nor was denying your husband rights to his son.”

It was Lily’s turn to scowl into the fire. “After every argument, he comes home drunk. I am tired of putting him to bed like a child. The one in nappies should be the only one to be babied. I’m more of a mother to James than a wife. If he cannot even care for himself, what kind of hope do I have of him caring for my baby?”

“So you’re bitter?” Severus asked, casting a glance at her pale face. “That’s not a reason to inflict questionable magic on your unborn son.”

Lily smiled, turning back to him. “See, Severus, you do care.” She leaned forward to brush his hair from his eyes. “You’ll be a wonderful father.”

He snorted, derisively. She slapped him lightly on the chest with the hand that had been resting there, rolling her eyes at him. Then, his hand came up to capture hers. Severus leaned forward, tangling his other hand in her loose curls. She brought her face close to his and they stayed inches away from each other, breathing the other’s air. She brought her other hand up and pressed a kiss to her fingertips. Then, she placed them lightly on Severus’ lips.

“I’m sorry, love,” she whispered as a tear fell from her eyes.

He pulled her up against him and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, until she was resting on his torso. He pulled a soft throw off the back of the couch and draped it across them both. Hard sobs began to rise up from her chest and he gently massaged her scalp as she cried.

“Please, Severus… I can’t escape James. I can’t escape this mess I’ve gotten myself into but I can change how my baby grows up. If we are both dead, or if only me, promise me you will take him. Promise me that you will brew the potion. Please, Severus...”

An hour later as Lily slept in his bed curled around her son, Severus found himself, shirtless and barefoot, in his lab brewing the potion by the instructions she gave him. The crinkled piece of parchment rest on the table in front of him and his long thin fingers worked steadily preparing the ingredients, mincing, dicing, and crushing.

For all his doubts and worries, he was excited. If this succeeded, he would have a final and complete revenge on James Potter.

Most likely, though, it wouldn’t succeed. First experiments rarely ever did.

Yet, he would get to hold Lily that night – like she was his, like she should be.

Severus smirked. That was revenge all in itself.

***

February 4th 1992

Severus positioned himself in front of the boy and leaned forward to touch his forehead against Harry’s. His hands came up to place themselves on either side of the boy’s face. Harry tensed at first and then relaxed under Severus’ fingertips.

With a sudden jolt, Severus found himself swimming through the boy’s thoughts. The thoughts and images rushed past so fast that it made him feel dizzy.

“Help me, Harry.” He knew he had spoken to the boy but also felt detached.

The images suddenly stopped and started again though they seemed to play backward and more slowly. A soft fuzzy plane opened up in front of him and Severus reached out with a cerebral hand to touch it. The white glow faded away and was replaced by colors too vivid to be real.

Severus realized that he was looking at the fourth floor corridor of the castle – not that he expected anything else. In front of him was Harry almost hidden behind three seventh year students, two boys and one girl – Severus noting with a grim face the silver and green ties.

“Look it, wee ickle Potter, on his way to the library. Little brat thinks he’s part of our world.”

“Leave me alone, Fester.” Potter growled at Lando Fester and a bit of Lily’s Gryffindor bravery shone through the boy. Severus thanked whatever deity listening that he had not inherited his father’s innate Gryffindor foolishness along with it.

The girl – Catalina Forester – flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder and inspected her nails. She peered up at her companion with bored eyes and said, “Lando, must we go at this again? Leave the little mudblood be. He’s really not worth our time…” Her eyes strayed to Harry and she looked him up and down before adding, “Besides, Snape will have our hides if we bother his little pet.”

Fester advanced on Harry who unconsciously stepped back into the wall. “Not like Snape’s going to know.”

The other boy rolled his eyes and brushed his thick curly black hair from his lime green eyes – Kendrick Creston, Severus noticed. “Lando, Snape’s definitely going to know if we bother the brat. The mudblood runs crying to him if we even look at him funny.”

“What if we obliviate him afterwards?” Fester asked with a wicked glint in his eyes.

“Why don’t you just write our names on him in blood, Lando? Honestly!” Forester exclaimed and crossed her arms under her ample bosom.

“Just rough him up a bit,” Creston stated, brushing his hair back from his eyes again, a losing battle.

“I know just the thing,” Fester mumbled and raised his wand. He grabbed Potter by the neck, choking him and pushing him against the castle wall. He placed his wand tip on Potter’s scar.

“Cat, silence the hall.”

“Must I do everything?”

“Don’t argue with me! Just do it!” He snarled at her.

She narrowed her eyes but did as he said and mumbled under her breath, “Prat.”

Fester turned his unholy dark eyes on Harry and grinned evilly into the boy’s red gasping face. “Pestis vomica!”

Fester must have eased up on the boy’s throat for a loud guttural scream burst from Harry. His fingers twitched violently and his body jerked. Yet, Fester’s wand stayed, boring into his forehead. Suddenly the scar burst open and blood poured down Harry’s face, into his mouth, making him gag on it.

But then, suddenly a white light surrounded Harry brighter than any spell Severus had seen, so bright it could perhaps rival the sun. Severus had just a moment to see Lando Fester’s panicking face before cuts broke all over his body, blood pouring from every orifice. Harry stared in shock at the blood as it squirted on him, on his clothes, on his face and hands, drowning his hair.

Severus barely registered Minerva and Filch running down the hallway to reach them, Minerva’s pale face and Filch’s retching. He could faintly hear Catalina Forester’s shrill screams or Kendrick Creston’s loud, frightened cursing. He didn’t really notice as the scene around him came to a close and he was pushed out of Harry’s mind.

But when Severus found himself sitting on Potter’s hospital bed once more and staring into emerald eyes, he found himself struck with the image of Lily.

Harry had performed Sectumsempra. Harry had nearly killed a boy with raw magic, a magic that was so distinctly Severus’ own.

Severus watched numbly as tears fell down Harry’s face and he found himself taking the boy in his arms as if he was his own child. Harry tensed and then wrapped his arms around Severus in a vice grip, sobbing roughly.

All Severus could think of was Lily’s pleading face twelve years ago and a blue bubbling potion under his nose.

Lily, what have you done?