Chosen One Releases Statement
Potter Acknowledges Paternity, Reiterates Son’s Innocence

In a statement released yesterday, hero of the Wizarding World and defeater of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Harry Potter confirmed that he did in fact travel backwards in time to 1959 and that he sired Severus Snape while he was there, but he asserts that the time travel was accidental. “I traveled back when Voldemort’s killing curse hit me during the Battle of Hogwarts,” he wrote our reporters. “I have no idea how it happened, and I wouldn’t recommend trying it.”

Potter’s version of events of course contradicts the statements of every expert in the field of time travel and accidental magic that we spoke to. This was further compounded when he wrote “I tried to travel back to this time by going back to [the place from which I traveled to the past], but it didn’t work until [Snape’s mother] was pregnant.”

“Going back to the original place of travel shouldn’t have worked at all, and having gotten a woman up the duff wouldn’t have changed that,” an expert in the field told reporters.

“Time Travel doesn’t work that way,” a top researcher in the Department of Mysteries explained. “It requires certain rituals, or a device charmed and used in such rituals.”

Potter’s allegations that his infamous son is innocent fly in the face of witness testimony and his own previous statements. “He followed Dumbledore’s orders until the end of the war,” his statement said. The Wizarding World will doubtless be skeptical of claims that Snape was acting according to the wishes of a man he had killed, and many would like to see some evidence besides the word of the suspected Death Eater’s own father.

Harry shoved the paper back down. “I told you it wouldn’t do any good,” he muttered, passing it to Hermione, but she only smiled and passed him the glossy issue of the Quibbler she had been reading. He had expected to have to wait a few days for the Quibbler at least, since it was nominally a weekly paper and Luna had mentioned that her father was really excited about a story that the Wizarding Wireless Network was trying to implant milgering lamarts into its listeners, but Harry had the feeling that Xenophilius Lovegood wasn’t very concerned about publishing dates.

Potter Confirms Accidental Time Travel, Fathering Snape
Accuses Media of Slander and Twisting Facts

Harry Potter, hero of the war against Voldemort, released a statement yesterday afternoon in which he confirmed reports that he had traveled backwards in time accidentally, and while in the past had relations with Severus Snape’s mother and conceived the notorious spy with her. However, he denied that either the time travel or the conception were deliberate. “I traveled back when Voldemort’s killing curse hit me during the Battle of Hogwarts. I have no idea how it happened, and I wouldn’t recommend trying it,” he stated to the press.

Potter recounted how his friendship with Snape’s mother turned romantic. “I didn’t leave the house at all because I didn’t want to change history. Eileen [Prince, Snape’s mother] didn’t leave it much either because she didn’t exactly like spending time with people. I guess we both just got lonely.”

“As soon as she and I realized she was pregnant, I knew who the child had to be, so I knew then why I had to go back in time. I didn’t really believe I was going to get home until I was face down in the Forbidden Forest again.”

Potter acknowledged that unplanned time travel has never happened before, but reminded the Wizarding World that surviving the killing curse not once but twice had never happened before either. “I’m used to finding out things that shouldn’t be possible really are,” he told reporters. Actually, the odds against surviving the killing curse are so astronomically large that the idea of one accidentally sending a person back in time begins to seam quite plausible in comparison.

As to the allegations that the Daily Prophet in collusion with a few Hogwarts students who wish to remain anonymous, that he used his influence to save his son from the consequences, Potter denies those as well. “His own actions saved him. I just passed the truth along.”

When confronted with the question, why would the Prophet make the insinuations that it did if there were no facts behind them, Potter replied “The Prophet has never cared about the truth. They have made up interviews with me, claimed I was crazy, claimed my best friend was my girlfriend and that she was feeding me love potions, claimed I was a delusional liar, and now they claim I’m keeping a Death Eater out of Azkaban.” Potter’s statements recall recent history when the paper helped conceal Voldemort’s return and sought to discredit Dumbledore and Potter at the behest of the Ministry of Magic.

Despite the Prophet’s pattern of slander, Potter said that he doesn’t see any particular malice in this instance. “They just want a scandal to sell more papers, and making one this way is easier than finding the real story.”

To read Harry Potter’s statement in its entirety, see page 5.

Hermione pointed to the bottom of the article, where it said in very small letters, “Vera Dulcis, special correspondent” and smiled at Harry and Ron. “Do you like my new nom-de-plume?”

Harry nodded slowly. “So you’re a special correspondent now?” She grinned, and Harry thought he could very easily imagine her teeth being very sharp.

Ron peered over their shoulders. “Harry didn’t release a statement; you shoved a quill into his hand.”

“Well it worked, didn’t it? I got him to send it in, didn’t I?”

“And it didn’t help anything,” he said, “look at what the Prophet did with it.”

Hermione looked like she wanted to start bouncing but had too much dignity. “That’s the best part, though; no one believes a word the Prophet says about you. Everyone reads the Quibbler.” Harry remembered fifth year and Hermione’s scorn a hearing that Luna’s father published the paper, and snorted.

~*~

Severus slammed the paper onto his table, narrowly missing his plate of eggs and bacon. The table shook, and a drop of pumpkin juice landed on the forehead of his photograph. It was eighteen years old, the one they had taken when he had been arrested and held until Albus could vouch for him. “Have a care, Severus!” Filius cried, righting his goblet as milk seeped onto his lap, but Severus ignored him.

Down at the foot of the Gryffindor table, the Weasley girl watched him out of narrowed eyes, a flicker of what might have been fear set deep in the back of them. He forced a very small, very cruel smile. As he watched her flush with fury, the smile became slightly less forced. Her hands clenched on top of the table, and she smoothed out the front of her copy of the Prophet with her forearm. She lifted her glass of pumpkin juice primly and sipped it, turning to him, her glower deepening. His eyes held hers, and she stared back determinedly.

His own eyes narrowed, and he stared resolutely back into her eyes, but his eyes dried. When he blinked and opened his eyes again, she was smiling at him smugly. He bared his teeth, and she bit her bottom lip and grinned, but her stare lost none of its intensity. At last, he looked aside, and his eyes widened with indignation as he heard Filius giggle behind his hand.

Severus turned to scowl at him. “Do you find something amusing, Filius?”

Filius giggled harder. “No, Severus.”

He turned back to the students and hunted for Potter amongst the Gryffindors, and snarled to himself as he saw the boy talking complacently to his friends.

~*~

In retrospect, Harry supposed he should have timed his statement better, because Wednesday also brought Defense Against the Dark Arts. He trudged despondently behind Ron and Hermione as they headed for class. “Hurry up, Harry,” Ron urged. “It won’t be that bad.”

“Yes it will.”

“He can’t do anything to you for this,” Hermione encouraged him. “You just have to make sure you don’t give him a pretext to punish you.” Harry wasn’t reassured. He always seemed to be able to give Snape perfect excuses to punish him.

When they sat down, Snape fixed him with a venomous sneer and Harry winced, but Snape couldn’t do much more than glare before he had t begin class. Harry resolved to not so much as open his mouth unless he absolutely had to.

Malfoy wandered in nearly ten minutes late, his nose buried in a book, interrupting Snape’s lecture on how to render different sorts of dark objects harmless. Harry wasn’t really listening, but he started when Snape’s eyes flicked to his tardy pupil. “Put that book down, Mr. Malfoy,” he snapped, and Malfoy’s head jerked up. “And another detention for tardiness.” Malfoy didn’t put his book away, though. He sent a challenging glare Snape’s way and went back to reading. “Maybe I’m wrong,” Snape snarled sarcastically. “I’m sure that book could teach you better to defend against the Dark than I ever could.”

Harry tried to catch a glimpse of the book, but Malfoy had already slipped it into his bag, his cheeks pink with humiliation.

Snape’s dark look shifted back and fourth between Malfoy and Harry throughout the lesson, and many of the students’ glances flicked between Snape and Harry. Harry kept his head bent over his notes and tried to look studious, his eyes occasionally flicking up to the board.

“Potter!” Harry started and made himself look as collected as he could. “How do you disable an object enchanted with the Malius Oro hex?”

Harry wracked his brain for the answer, the essay he had written the night before swimming to the top of his mind. “Don’t you cast a freezing charm on it and then a defanging charm?”

“Are you asking me, or telling me, Potter?” Snape hissed.

Harry lifted his head confidently. “I’m telling you, Sir.” Snape sniffed dissatisfied and continued his lecture. Harry supposed he must have gotten it right, because if he hadn’t Snape would have taken points.

Just before the end of class while the chalk scuttled across the board writing their assignment, Snape peered down at him. “Potter, Stay after class.” Ron swore softly beside him, and Harry agreed. As his fellow students streamed out, Harry stumbled up to Snape’s desk. Snape sent Anthony Goldstein scurrying out of the classroom with a look, and Harry found himself hoping that Ron and Hermione were waiting outside the door for him.

Before Snape could begin, Harry glance towards the window Ginny had used and saw Snape do the same, but the window was firmly latched.

With sharp jerky movements, Snape pulled a newspaper out of a drawer in his desk and shook it out. Harry’s mouth twisted into something that wasn’t quite a smile and wasn’t quite a grimace as the professor brandished it in his face. “Explain. This. To. Me.” Harry could hear the slight pauses between each word, making them each distinct, like a separate spell Snape wanted to fire at him, and he badly wanted to flinch under the onslaught.

“I thought even you knew what a newspaper was, Snape.”

It was quite remarkable really, how quickly Snape’s eyes could narrow into slits at the smallest provocation. “You know what I’m referring to, Potter.”

Harry glanced at the haggard, frightened, wreck of a man on the paper’s front page and winced. He wished they could have picked a newer photograph than the seventeen year old one from Azkaban. They had them, after all. “It’s an article about a statement I gave the press about us.” He kept his voice steady and glared resolutely up at his son.

“And why did you make such a statement?” he demanded, and Harry had the disconcerting thought that Snape almost acted like he was Harry’s father, a horribly unpleasant father who only took notice of him when his actions interfered with Snape and there was punishment to be dealt, but Snape certainly didn’t act like he was Harry’s son.

“Why do you think?” Harry snapped back. “I wanted to get the real story out for once.”

Snape’s words were heavy with condescension. “They didn’t print your side of the story, Potter; you just gave them an excuse to keep the story in the papers longer.”

“Yeah, and you think that’s what I want, don’t you,” Harry shot back wrathfully.

“Yes, I think that’s exactly what you want,” he said, watching Harry glower with a certain satisfaction. “Though I can’t imagine why you enjoy it when all they do is make you out to be a liar.”

“I’m sure you really disagree with them,” Harry spat.

“I admit, their analysis of your character has some merit,” but Harry could tell Snape said it just to aggravate him, and strangely that made him feel vaguely flattered.

Still, he flushed furiously. “Oh does it now.”

A slight glimmer in Severus’ eye betrayed his satisfaction that Potter was on the defensive, but h had no chance to reply, because Potter continued talking. “Yeah, I just really love it when they call me a psychotic attention seeking would-be hero who tells nasty lies to scare the Wizarding World and get himself in the paper.”

“You certainly act like it, Potter, releasing a statement when they’re already feeding on this like maggots on a corpse.”

He stared determinedly into Snape’s face, searching for something, and when he found it, he pounced. “I bet you think I’m saying something to keep it in the papers to humiliate you.” Harry’s mouth twisted wryly, but his expression slipped back into a scowl before he started speaking again. “This isn’t about you at all.”

“Why did you open your mouth and give them something else to print?”

“They’d be ‘feeding on it’ no matter what I did,” Harry retorted swiftly, snatching the paper away from Snape and dropped it onto the desk in front of him.

“You didn’t have to make it worse!” A fleck of spittle landed on Harry’s cheek and he pulled a face.

“I didn’t make it any worse,” Harry roared. “Don’t you see? I can’t make it any worse. This is going to be in the papers until the Daily Prophet and the rest think it won’t sell anymore!” Harry leaned over the desk sulkily. “They’ll milk this for all it’s worth no matter what I do, so I gave them my side.”

“No one printed it, Potter!” For a moment, Harry considered correcting him and reminding him or their shared heritage again, but then he wiped the spittle from his cheek and thought better of it.

A slow smile spread across his face. “I guess you didn’t see the Quibbler this morning.”

“No one sane printed it then! No one actually anyone reads!” Snape folded his arms. “That’s worse than no one.”

Harry didn’t bother telling him that the Quibbler had become very popular during the war. “Only real idiots trust the Prophet about me anymore, and anyone who wants the real story knows where to find it. That’s the best I can do,” he said, trying to sound as reasonable as possible.

“Most of the people in the Wizarding World are idiots, and you fed into it!”

Harry clutched the newspaper and lifted the crumpling front page from where he had dropped it. “I’m not feeding into it!” he yelled, abandoning the forced calm. “You’ve never had to deal with this before. I have! I had to say something, or they just get worse trying to force me to talk!” He pushed the page at Snape. “This is damage control!”

Snape snorted, and Harry glared at him. “Just wait, in a week, the papers will all be writing about your suspicious silence.”

Severus glared back at him, folding his hands across his chest. “Are you trying to tell me that I should make a statement?”

“No,” Harry drew in a breath. “I’m just telling you why I did.”

Snape visibly regained his composure. “You may leave then, dismissed.”

Harry turned to go and muttered under his breath, “I’m glad I have your permission.”

Snape’s head snapped up, and Harry stared back. He hadn’t thought Snape would hear that. “Wait Potter.”

“Are you going to give me detention?” he asked boldly.”

“No,” the professor responded resentfully.

“Because you don’t exactly have grounds.”

“I’m fully cognizant of that fact, Potter.”

Harry scowled at him. “Why do you have to talk that way?”

“What way?”

“Why couldn’t you have just said ‘I know that’ instead.”

Snape glowered at him. “I say that sometimes as well, Potter.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry grumbled, “but only when you’re shouting.” Snape raised an eyebrow.

Harry stood against the wall, waiting for Snape to tell him he could leave again, but he still Started when Snape finally spoke. “Potter.”

“Yeah?” he said without thinking, and was astonished when Snape didn’t snap “yes Sir” at him.

“You really believe that releasing a statement was the best option you had to handle this?”

Harry blinked at him, uncertain what he should say, or what Snape wanted out of the answer. “Yeah,” he said at last. “Nothing I could have done would have been very good, but this is the best, yeah.”

Snape nodded. “Go then.”

Harry nodded in reply and left.

Severus sat back in his chair and glowered balefully at the stone wall on the other side of his classroom. The wall neither shook nor crumbled, and he didn’t know how long he sat there watching it until the next class piled through the door. They were the Hufflepuff second years, and he had to observe carefully as they examined the dozen or so dark detectors he had brought to class for them to study. One girl lifted up a tiny sneak sneakoscope and was so surprised when it started to twirl on her palm that she dropped it.

Severus vanished the worthless shards of charmed glass from the floor with a sharp flick of his wand. “Clumsy little fool,” he snarled, but it was almost perfunctory.