Severus couldn't bring himself to discuss the test results with Lily when she arrived home that afternoon.  She was very animated, telling him about a picnic that Alice and Frank Longbottom were throwing along with Sirius and Remus.  "All of our friends will be there, and the kids too.  It's this Sunday at two o'clock.  I'm going to bake some of Mum's honey rolls for it and you can make that homemade lemonade, right, Sev? I remember how you used to make it whenever we stayed over at Grimmauld Place when we were kids."

"Of course.  That was my mother's recipe, you know. I used to make it because all Casseopia Black ever had to drink was water, or at least that's all she ever served us." Severus recalled. Casseopia Walburga Black, Sirius's mother, had been a rigid, class conscious pureblood, and she had always turned up her nose at Severus and Lily.

"I remember, Sev.  Your lemonade was the best thing.  We used to make it in that old pewter cauldron, and it tasted so good!" Lily was beaming enthusiastically.  Severus thought he had never seen her look more alive. 

There were roses in her cheeks and her brilliant red hair flickered and danced in the light of the everspelled Lumos globes situated throughout the house, like silk set afire.  On impulse, he stepped towards her and buried his hands in her hair, sweeping the hairpins she had used to bind it back onto the floor in a metallic cascade.  He ran his hands up and down the fiery tresses, sensuous and gentle, and she laughed up at him, her emerald eyes glowing.  "Sev, what on earth?"

"Hush.  Just let me hold you," he murmured, his dark eyes blazing with a strange bittersweet passion.  Who knows how long we will have? God, oh God, but you cannot leave me, Lily. How shall I live without the other half of my heart? He cradled her against him, placing featherlight kisses on her head, her neck, and letting his hands caress her while he listened to her heartbeat.  No one, looking at her now, would ever think that she harbored a silent killer within her, unseen yet poised to strike, and rip the youth and life that should have been hers away.

He tightened his hold, and Lily gasped.  "Sev, you're half-smothering me, love."

"Sorry," his hold gentled, and he kissed her in apology. My sweet beautiful flower. I cannot bear to see you wither and fade.  Somehow, someway, I shall save you, by my Healer's Oath I swear it.  He felt his chest contract and he struggled to maintain his calm façade, his mask that all was as it should be.  He would not tell her yet.  Not yet.  He would wait until after the picnic, give her one last weekend of a normal life before he shattered everything.  I ought to be wearing black robes, like the crow in the Greek myth, the messenger of ill omen.

"I didn't realize you missed me so much.  I've only been away for a day, Severus."

"I always miss you, little flower," he whispered tenderly.  "Especially when I've spent the day dealing with our little hellion, who has decided to test me beyond belief today."

Lily arched an eyebrow.  "What did he do, Sev? Throw another tantrum in the middle of Trimelda's Toys again?"

"Something like that.  He's sleeping right now." He quickly told his wife about Harry's defiant streak of mischief.  "But the straw that broke my back was when he threw the Hogwarts Express and hit me in the head."

"He hit you in the head with that train? Merlin, Sev! Are you all right?"

"Fine.  It hurt, but I'll live.  No concussion.  But I lost it then, Lil, and I . . .well . . ." Severus looked uncomfortable and his eyes slid from hers and he half-mumbled, "I took him over my knee and I spanked him."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised.  I'd have done the same, Sev."

"I know, but I still felt like an ogre.  It was four swats only, but . . .I felt like I'd become my father for a little bit.  I hated doing that to him, no matter how much he deserved it."

She cupped his chin in her hand and pulled his head around so he was looking into her eyes once more.  "Oh, Sev! You could never be your father, you are your own person, a far better man.  I think you feel the way I did when I smacked him that time for drawing on the wall with my best peacock quill. But if you're certain he deserved it, you shouldn't feel guilty."

"I know.  I guess it's true, that old saying parents always tell their children, It hurts me more than it hurts you.  I still can't believe I actually did it.  But I think he forgave me.  At least, I hope so."

"I'm sure he did, Sev.  Harry's not one to be resentful, and he loves you.  I wouldn't worry about it.  Perhaps you need to work on forgiving yourself, hmm . . .  Master Healer Snape?"

"Perhaps," he said.  "I don't want to make it a habit though.  My dad walloped me for everything and nothing and I never want Harry to go through that.  I think I'll reserve spanking for the times when he's done something truly awful."

"Good idea.  That's what my parents did." She hugged him.  "Sev, you're a good father.  Don't ever think otherwise. All parents hate punishing their kids, I think.  At least they do if they're good ones."

"You and Harry are my life," he told her.

"And it's the same for me," Lily said, smiling.  "Now, let me go, please, Sev."

"Why?"

"Because I need to get out of my Auror uniform and start dinner."

"I can make dinner tonight."

"No, I want to cook tonight. Got a new recipe for a walnut garlic pasta I want to try."

"All right, my lady." He released her, stepping back with a pretend bow. "Who am I to argue with a master chef?"

"I'm far from that, but I'm pretty good," Lily said, then went into her room to change.

Severus gazed after her forlornly, though he hid it well, praying he could find a cure for her, for she did not deserve to be cut down in the prime of her life.  Somehow, some way . . .he was not the youngest and most decorated Master Healer of his generation for nothing.  I'll have to speak with Matthew, ask him what he knows about lupus and how to treat it and see if he knows anything.  Then if I have a plan of treatment, I can offer it to her as a way to soften the blow.  Give her something to hope for. And I will do my damned best to make sure her hope is not in vain.

He closed his eyes, fighting back tears of anger and frustration.  It didn't seem fair.  Just when everything was going beautifully, something like this happened.  It seemed it was the story of his life.  Happiness was short-lived and followed swiftly by tragedy and sorrow. And that was why he had learned to never take anything good for granted and to always prepare for things to take a turn for the worst.  Except he had never reckoned on Lily becoming ill this way. He wondered bitterly why it had not happened to him instead.

* * * * * *

The day of the picnic dawned bright and sunny, a perfect afternoon to go to Hyde Park, in the wizarding section, where Muggles could not enter because of the Notice Me Not wards set up around the perimeter.  Alice had spread out several gaily blue and white and red and white checkered cloths upon the ground, fixing them in place with a Weight charm, making the cloths too heavy to be moved or be blown away by the wind.

She had cooked a huge batch of crispy coated "picnic chicken" from an old family recipe of her mother-in-law Augusta's.  It was similar to Southern fried chicken, except it was baked, not fried.  Everyone was required to make some sort of dish for the picnic, or bring something. Lily and Severus brought lemonade and honey bars. Arthur and Molly brought a cucumber salad, a plate of sweet sausage, and dozens of small sugary cookies.  Matthew brought honey ham, sliced thin for sandwiches, and bread and butter pickles. Sirius, who couldn't cook to save his life, brought several watermelons.  Remus, whose house elf Misty was an excellent cook, brought her famous Meltaway Magic bars, a dessert bar that was a combination of melted chocolate, coconut, cookie crust, peanuts, caramel, and another secret ingredient that melted in your mouth.  They were another favorite from the friends' shared childhood.

"Remember the time James ate an entire pan of those?" Sirius asked, upon seeing them. 

"Yes, and then he ended up throwing up in Belinda's begonias," Severus reminded, smiling reminiscently at his former friend's folly.  James had always been a creature of impulse as a child, he acted first and thought after, a trait Sev feared Harry had inherited.  "That was almost as bad as the time with Lily's apple tree. The two of you were gluttons for punishment, Siri."

Sirius gave a so-what gesture.  "Hey, we were two dumb kids, what did we know about anything? That's what we had you and Lily for, to keep us from killing ourselves through ignorance."

"Except you never really listened to us until it was too late, Padfoot," chuckled Lily.

"What can I say? James and I always seemed to learn things the hard way most times," said Sirius.

"Did you two have a reputation at school for being troublemakers too?" Matthew wanted to know.

Severus and Lily and Alice burst out laughing.  "Did they ever! Those two and that little sly rat Pettigrew, who ended up being wanted for attempted murder, and disappeared, were known as the Marauders," Alice told the other Healer. 

"Ahem! What about me?" Remus said.  "I was a Marauder too."

"A token one, Moony." Severus disagreed.  "You never served half the detentions they did, or were insolent and disrespectful to the teachers."

"True.  But I played my share of pranks on you, Sev." The werewolf grinned. "Remember the night  in the forest?"

"Don't remind me.  That was when you told me you'd found a rare blue artemesia root in the hidden clearing and when I went to look for it, you cast a spell that had me walking in circles half the night and vanished my robe so I nearly froze to death."

"It was the middle of May.  It wasn't that cold!" Remus objected. 

"At night, in the heart of the bloody Forbidden Forest it was, Moony." Argued the Master Healer.

"And you paid me back for that one by charming all the secret passages shut in the castle and letting me sleep outside one night on the lawn," Remus countered.

"Aww, poor baby!" Lily smirked.  "We all know you simply transformed into your wolf Animagus form, Moony, and slept like a baby the whole night."

"Err . . .I did, eventually.  Once I'd spent three hours trying every charm I knew to unlock the bloody doors."

"Serves you right, Lupin," Severus said, waving a finger at him.

The other adults just laughed at Remus's rueful expression, and then began to eat some more of the delicious food.

While the adults traded tales of their misspent youth and quips and discussed the state of the Ministry, the kids ran around playing  "I Spy" and "Wizard Tag", where the one tagged had to name a famous witch or wizard and what they did in five seconds or else be frozen until another player freed them by touching them and relating a fact about the famous person they'd missed.  The twins and Percy and Charley were extremely good at that game.

Ron, Neville, Ginny, and Harry eventually started their own game of Let's Pretend, and this time they were playing Jungle Book, with Neville as Mowgli, Ron as Shere Khan, Ginny was Raksha, Mowgli's wolf mother, and Harry was Bagheera and also Kaa the Rock Python. 

Charley had tied a rope to the limb of a big oak tree that wasn't too far off the ground and cast a Cushioning charm beneath it, so if Neville fell off he wouldn't be hurt.  Neville got to climb up the rope and swing from it when Shere Khan came hunting him and do bird calls and shout insults like "stinky dumb old lame tiger" and "Here, kitty kitty! Wanna play with fire?"

Harry got to hang upside down on the tree branch and threaten to beat up Ron and scold Mowgli and give him advice as Bagheera, or encourage him to mischief as Kaa.

Ginny liked being able to pretend to beat up her older brother and not worry about getting in trouble, and also being allowed to hug Neville as his "mum"-she was kind of sweet on him. Ron liked playing the wicked lame tiger who wanted to kill the Man Cub and rule the jungle. 

The older kids eventually decided to play a quick game of Quidditch, along with Sirius, Frank, and Alice, who used to be a Chaser in her school days. 

Lily decided to take a nap, she was feeling strangely tired, and it was then that Severus drew Matthew and Remus aside and told them his awful secret.

"Sev, are you positive?" Matthew asked, going pale.  "I know you trained for a bit in Muggle procedures, but is there any chance you're interpreting the results wrong?"

"I wish like hell I was, Matt.  But I'm not. Here, see for yourself." He pulled out the lab sheet from his pocket and handed it to his partner.

Remus looked ill, like he did on the nights prior to the full moon, when his werewolf  curse was active.  "Dear sweet Merlin, Sev! Is there anything you can do, some kind of . . .of potion or a spell?"

"I can treat some of the symptoms of the disease, but the disease itself . . .auto-immune deficiency diseases are very difficult for Healers to treat, since anything we concoct will only last so long, after that it breaks down, and is useless.  But I will never stop trying to find a cure for this, Remus.  It may be deadly to Muggles, but surely I can come up with a potion or a charm to arrest it." Severus said, but desperation was in his eyes. 

"If anyone can, you can, Sev.  You extended the life of the Wolsbane Potion for me," Remus said.  He reached out and patted his friend on the shoulder.  "And if you ever need anything, Sev, you know you have only to ask me.  Or Sirius.  So please, let go of that Snape pride and don't hesitate to give me a call. Okay?"

"Thanks, Moony.  I . . .can't even think straight, since I got those results."

"Does Lily know yet?"

Sev shook his head.  "No.  I just couldn't bring myself to tell her yet. She was so happy . . .she wanted to have another baby, Remus, but women with lupus . . .it's not safe for them to get pregnant, it could make the disease more pronounced, put too much stress on her body . . .I don't know how to break it to her . . .that she might be . . .dying . . .damn it all!" He whirled away abruptly, head lowered to hide the treacherous tears now trickling down his cheeks. 

There was a long awkward silence, as both Remus and Matt looked at each other with mixed reactions of dread and sympathy and a quiet determination. 

Matthew gave his partner a minute or two to regain his composure, then said softly, "Severus, buddy, you know I'll do my damndest to research this same as you.  I've got a few connections in Muggle medicine I can contact, I'll ask them what the prognosis is for lupus and the treatment commonly used and between the two of us maybe we can come up with something. This is the early stage, we have time to experiment.  Lupus patients can live for years, you know."

"I know, Matt. And I appreciate your help," Severus said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.  But secretly he feared that once the disease was more pronounced, Lily's magic might attempt to try and combat it, and while it might slow the advance of the disease for a time, it would also exhaust her magical core very quickly, and if she were too sick to replenish it . . .she could die from a drained magical core as well as from the lupus. 

"Sev, would you like me to do it? Tell Lily, I mean?" Matthew offered, knowing how hard it would be for his friend to deliver that news.

Severus did not answer for a long moment.  Then at last he said, "No.  It would be a hell of a lot easier coming from you, Matt, but . . .this is something I need to do myself.  She's not only my wife, she's my patient.  And I've told patients before that they had terminal illnesses.  I just have to . . .be professionally objective."

Matthew gave Sev's shoulder a squeeze.  "Easy to say, hard to do.  If you change your mind . . .let me know.  I'll get to work on this tomorrow."

"Does anyone else know, Sev? Like her parents?" asked Remus.

"Not yet.  You're the first ones I've told," said the Healer heavily.  "You have my permission to tell Siri and the Weasleys and the Longbottoms, Moony.  But wait till I break it to her, all right? Except Sirius, you can tell him as soon as possible. After that, she'll probably want to tell Vi and Hal herself, and somehow we have to make poor Harry understand . . ."

Matthew shook his head sadly.  "Poor little kid, it sucks having a parent who's sick like that.  He's so young, I wonder how much he'll understand?"

"I don't know, but Harry's smarter than your average three-year-old, Matt.  He's very intuitive and I wouldn't be surprised if he knows a lot more than we think he does." Severus said, with a note of pride in his voice. He just hoped that Harry would never know the anguish of losing his mother, the way Sev had.  Eileen's death had severed any kind of relationship, or hope of one, he had with Tobias, and with her death had gone any chance at reconciliation, as far as Severus was concerned.  After Eileen's funeral, Severus had, in effect, disowned his father, and had never regretted it.  Hal Evans had been more of a father than his own anyhow.

The Master Healer sighed sadly.  "Even so, there's another conversation I'm not looking forward to."

He looked up and saw that the Quidditch game was over, Charley having caught the Snitch for his team, and the rest of the players were landing and going back to the checkered blankets for sweets and some more lemonade.  Severus squared his shoulders and slipped his mask back into place, concealing his sorrow behind a façade of camaraderie. 

But before he could make his way back to the others, Harry ran up to him and tugged on his trouser leg.  "What's the matter, scamp?"

"Gotta go potty, Daddy." Harry reported, wriggling.  "Like now!"

"Okay, son.  Come with me." Sev picked up the toddler and walked with him to the "necessary house", which was a temporary wooden shack set up for the picnic by Frank.  Inside was a ceramic pot with a seat and a spell upon it to vanish the contents, plus a spout that ran soapy water to wash your hands after and a soft cloth to dry them. 

Harry almost didn't make it, he had waited longer than he should have because he didn't want to stop playing, and Sev quickly vanished his son's pants and underwear, sensing Harry's distress, once they were inside the little shack.

"Next time, don't wait so long, son," he told the little boy afterwards, ruffling his hair and summoning back Harry's clothes and fixing them. "You've done very well, no accidents for a month."

Harry grinned at him. "That's ‘cause I'm a big boy now, Daddy.  Not a baby that needs a nappy."

"Yes, you are.  Wash your hands now and then you can go play."

Harry did, then tore out of the necessary house shrieking, "Okay, Ron, I'm all done! Now we can have the big fight.  It's Shere Khan versus Bagheera.  Rrrowwrr!"

Severus watched the little boy race back to where Ron and Neville were gathered and cursed the fates that had put him in this position, to be the bearer of ill fortune to those he loved best of all.

Then he made his way back over to where Lily was napping and lay down next to her, one hand resting gently on her shoulder, gazing at her with a mixture of love, affection and barely suppressed anguish.  Gather ye rosebuds while ye may . . . carpe diem, Sev. Cherish this day and all the others to follow, just in case. He bent and placed a kiss on his sleeping wife's brow.  I love you, Lily flower. If only love were enough to cure you.