It had been six months since James had died, and Lily finally felt comfortable enough to move back into her own house once more. She still missed her husband, but the pain was removed to a distant throb, not the sharp cutting pain she had felt initially. Time, in its mercy, was finally mending her heart. Then too, she didn't want to impose any more than necessary on her parents, who were getting on in years, and should be able to enjoy their newfound freedom from raising children and grandchildren. Despite Hal and Vi's insistence that they didn't mind her living with them for a few more months, Lily felt it was time for her to make a go of being a single parent, especially now that her house was no longer a reflection of her dead husband, since most of James's thing had been given away to friends or donated to charity.

Lily had kept some important things, like photos, a pocket watch James had gotten from his grandfather, a Qudditch jersey he had particularly liked, and a few books, but that was all. Her best mementos of her husband were inside her head, James had liked to live life to the fullest, on the edge, which was why he'd gone into law enforcement. Because there he could do legally what he enjoyed best, dueling dark wizards and putting them in Azkaban. He had told her once, when she had suggested that he volunteer for a safer position in the department, after Harry was born, like a consultant who worked normal hours, and could spend time with his new family, that he wasn't meant to be a parchment-pusher, stuck behind a desk. "I need to be out there, babe, kicking the crap out of some scumbag. Anything else is a waste of my time."

When Voldemort had started making moves upon the Ministry and outright war had been declared, James had fairly leapt at the chance to fight the most evil wizard of all. He'd been the first to volunteer for a crack team of Aurors whose sole purpose was to hunt down and kill as many Death Eaters as possible. "This is just the opportunity I've been waiting for all my life, Lil," he'd reported to her, acting as if he'd just been given a million Galleons. "The chance to match spells with old Moldy Riddle himself. Then we'll see who's the toughest wizard on the block, sure enough."

Lily had tried to make him see reason, reminding him that he had a son who needed a father, but James had been too caught up in his dreams of glory to pay attention to her. "Don't worry, babe. This war will be done by Christmas, and then Harry can be proud he had a dad who was a hero."

James's words had proven prophetic, sort of, for he had died a hero, going out in a blaze of glory, with a reckless courage that Lily prayed her son had not inherited. Harry had finally stopped asking where "Dada" was, his child's mind having become resigned to the fact that his daddy was gone. Then too, James had rarely been home to bond with his son, Harry had seen more of James's three friends on a regular basis than his own father.

Especially Severus, who despite a killer workload of patients, always managed to find time to visit the Potter house once a week, checking up on Lily and Harry and making sure they didn't lack for companionship, once James had gone away to hunt Voldemort to his secret base and finish him off. Lily had never been more grateful for Severus's solid friendship and support.

Now that James was gone, she found herself even more appreciative of her best friend, who was willing to take time out of his personal hours, which were few, and spend them with her and Harry. When Lily had gone away to that spa two months ago, Alice Longbottom had said that she thought Healer Snape still carried a torch for Lily.

"You used to date when we were back in school, Lil, and I don't think he's ever gotten over you. Unless he's gay."

Lily had shook her head firmly. "No, Alice, Sev's as straight as an arrow." She recalled the way he had looked at her that afternoon in the kitchen, a few days after James's funeral. The look in his eyes had been mostly concern, but there had been love there too, and not the love of a friend either. No, Snape had the look of a man who desires a woman and loves her to the exclusion of all else. Lily knew he didn't date anyone, he had always claimed he was too busy to go out with his practice.

Yet he always managed to steal a day or two here and there for her. She had begun to suspect that Alice was correct, and that Severus loved her as much more than a good friend. And always had.

It was funny, Lily mused as she laid a sleeping Harry down for his nap, James had swept her off her feet like Prince Charming in the summer of her sixth year. He had wooed and romanced her with finesse and skill, and in the end she had surrendered to the handsome young man, for he made her blood quicken and her heart leap with a quicksilver fire she had never known. James had intoxicated her senses, and she had fallen under his spell in three months. Poor Severus, awkward and shy, hadn't stood a chance against James, and he had known it, and had withdrawn before he could embarrass himself by pursuing a woman who obviously wasn't interested in him as anything more than a friend.

At least that had been the case once.

But now . . .now Lily found it was Severus who made her pulse thunder in her veins, Severus who was no longer the skinny awkward bookworm, but a mature brilliant wizard in his own right, and who had somehow metamorphosized into a tall handsome man with a killer smile when he chose to bestow it. Now she found herself longing for Severus's arms about her at night, and to feel his long elegant fingers running through her hair and to hear him whisper "little flower" in that silky tone that made her quiver with desire. Somehow, throughout the long months, her best friend had become something more, something steadfast and endearing, and she saw now what she had missed before.

Quiet Severus Tobias Snape was a man of great passion beneath his reserved exterior. Vi used to say that "Still waters ran deep", meaning that sometimes you had to look beneath the surface in order to see the true nature of someone. But at seventeen, Lily had not had the patience to do that, and had allowed the suave fun-loving James to whirl her away, convinced that he was her fairy tale knight in shining armor.

Now she was older, wiser, and a part of her began to wonder what might have been had she stayed with the awkward bookish boy, who had loved her with a steady unwavering flame, loved her enough to let her go with his best friend, rather than cause a rift between them by fighting for her. Oh, Sev, how much did you sacrifice by keeping silent? How many tears did you shed alone over opportunities lost? How you buried your jealousy with your work, and resigned yourself to the fact that your best friend had waltzed in and stolen away your girlfriend and never thought twice about it?

Looking back, she recalled that at the end of their sixth year Severus had just begun to make awkward advances towards her, they had gone out casually for ice cream and once to a movie, but she hadn't really taken it seriously, and then along had come James. James, who had been everything Sev was not, confident, handsome, rich, daring, and totally oblivious to the feelings of his best friend. Back then, Severus had been self-conscious and insecure, made so by a lifetime of living under the critical and abusive personality of Tobias Snape, it would have never occurred to him to protest that James had taken Lily away, he had probably thought she was better off with the other boy, who could give her everything she desired.

Soon after the Potters' wedding, Eileen had died, and left her son without a family, since he had basically disowned his father, and once again Snape had sought solace in hard work, dedicating himself to his true calling as Master Healer with a vengeance. Lily had been the only one he allowed to comfort him during that time, not even Remus had known how badly Eileen Snape's loss had hit Severus. He had covered his grief well, but somehow Lily had known.

I've always been able to tell when he was upset or hurting. That Spartan facade never fooled me. James was just the opposite, you always knew how he felt about something, you never needed to guess. I wonder what he would say to me now, if he would approve of me considering Severus as a possible partner? If our roles were reversed, I have a sneaking suspicion that he would be scoping out potential wives by now, he was never one to lack for women either, like Sirius, though he did promise that once we were married he wouldn't look at anyone else.

She was reasonably sure James had kept that promise, but then again, they had only been married for two years and a few months, and a part of her whispered that James might have grown bored with her eventually, vow or no vow. She knew that in some rich pureblood families it was considered acceptable for a man to keep a mistress as well as a wife. James's father Charles had had a mistress, they had found that out when Charles had died and left her a substantial amount of money in his will. James had not been shocked, he had shrugged and said that his father had always had an eye for a well-turned leg. Lily, on the other hand, had felt awful for Anna, and counted it lucky that the woman was dead, because surely she would have been hurt by her husband's infidelity.

Or perhaps not. Maybe she would have just accepted it as status quo. Not me. I'd have handed James his balls on a platter if I ever learned he'd been cheating on me. In my family, fidelity was a given.

Still, she pondered on her newfound affection for the Master Healer, and wondered if she was being disloyal to her husband's memory. She had loved James, loved him with the passion and fire of a young girl in the flush of youth. And he had loved her the same way. But her feelings for Severus were different. She was different, she had been tempered by responsibility and motherhood and loss and what she felt for Severus was deeper, steadier, more mature.

She did not think it was going to go away, it fact it had increased since that speculative talk with Alice. But did she have the right to strike up a relationship with her husband's best friend when James was not even dead for a year? People would talk.

But then, they always did. Would she care? No, not really. Would Sirius and Remus care? That, she did not know and needed to find out. Perhaps if she discussed it with them, they could ease her mind, and then she could allow herself to form a new relationship with Severus without a guilty conscience.

I need to talk to them sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow?

Tomorrow was Sunday, when James was alive, they used to have Sunday dinner with Padfoot, Mooney, and Severus. Since he had been gone, however, Lily had spent Sundays with her parents and Harry. Perhaps now would be a good time to revive the Sunday dinner tradition, especially since this weekend Severus was on call and he wouldn't be able to make it to dinner. Yes, tomorrow would be the perfect opportunity for her to have a discussion with Sirius and Remus.

* * * * * *

As it turned out, the two Aurors had the same idea, and so it was that after dinner, when Harry had been put to bed, they gathered in the kitchen for a spot of tea and biscuits and Lily asked Sirius what he thought a proper period of mourning was.

The Auror looked slightly confused for a moment. "Uh, I guess that would depend on the person, Lil. Whether or not he or she had stopped grieving for the one they'd lost. Right, Moony?"

Remus also looked thoughtful. "Yes. Some people could take years to get over someone's death. Other times, the grief runs its course in less time. Why? Are you thinking of putting off your mourning clothes of gray and black, Lily?" he teased, for Lily had mostly stuck to wearing subdued and muted colors following the funeral.

She nodded. "I know it's only been six months, but I need . . . a change."

"Good. James would be the first to tell you that life was for the living, not the dead," said Sirius earnestly, his deep brown eyes filled with compassion and gravity.

"He sure would," agreed Remus. "James used to say, when I go to my reward, I don't want all of you to weep and moan about what a pity it was and how I'd led such a virtuous life, I want you to get drunk, tell people about what a hell-raiser I was, and celebrate my life, because sure as Merlin's staff, I'm gonna be partying it up in heaven."

"I remember him saying that," laughed Sirius. "That's typical of him. He also used to say, do what makes you happy, ‘cause you've only got one life and best you enjoy it."

"He did enjoy it," Lily said quietly. "Every minute, I'll bet."

"Except when he was in trouble as a kid with his dad or one of the professors," chuckled Lupin.

"Yeah, but even then he was like, oh damn, I got caught this time, but there's always tomorrow to see what else I can think up to drive them crazy," grinned Padfoot. "He used to spend about an hour regretting whatever it was he got in trouble for and the next five minutes figuring out a way to pull another prank."

"Too true. I remember once he told me he was going to cast a Bad Odor Hex on his least favorite aunt, I think her name was Tilly, and I asked him, if he wasn't afraid he'd get into trouble and he just laughed and said, ‘Well, I'll probably end up getting my bum walloped again with Dad's slipper, but that's not the first time that's happened, and the risk is half the fun.'" Lily recalled with a fond smile.

"Poor Charles. He must've worn out a whole shoe store trying to discipline James," Remus snickered.

"Ten pairs at least," Sirius said, and pretended to shudder. "And every time he would promise he'd behave and somehow he could never keep that promise."

Lily nodded, for there had always lurked an imp of mischief in James Potter, even as a grown Auror, and he had never really grown out of it. He would have always been a little kid at heart, even when he was sixty. "And do you think he would, um, mind . . .if I . . .uh . . .started looking to date again?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Are you asking if you think you're being disloyal to James's memory?"

"Well . . .in a way . . .yes."

"Lil, honey, I think that James would be the first to tell you to do what makes you happy," Remus said.

"Moony's right. James would never want you to mourn him forever, or . . .put him on some kind of pedestal. In fact, if he were here, he'd probably tell you to invite the guy over for dinner and see if he liked your cooking. He used to tell me that a man and a woman were made to be together."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, Lily. James would never want you to become a bitter widow, and Harry needs a good role model too." Remus informed her.

"Uh, what are you saying, we're not good enough?" Sirius snorted, pretending to be insulted.

"Oh, sweet Merlin, Siri. You're the role model for Troublemaker of the Year, and I'm the role model for Werewolves Anonymous. Not exactly the kind of thing Harry ought to be absorbing on a daily basis."

"Okay, maybe you've got a point." He eyed Lily shrewdly. "D'you have somebody in mind, Lil, or are you just scouting out the field?"

"No . . .I . . .I've been thinking a lot about, um, going out with Sev."

"Ha!" Sirius cried, slapping his hand down on his knee. "I knew it! What'd I tell you, Remus? I knew she was eying Sev up and down the last time we were together."

"First time you've been right about something in the last three months," remarked the werewolf. "Does Sev know?"

Lily shook her head. "No. I . . .haven't told him yet. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't tarnishing James's memory or anything."

"You could never do that, Lil. James is a hero, his memory will always be golden and shiny, no matter what," said Sirius. "Do what feels best to you, Lil. One thing I can tell you, is that you'll never find another man who loves Harry the way Severus does."

"That's twice in one day. Must be a miracle." Moony smirked and Sirius shot him a dirty look. "Most men would accept Harry only for your sake, but Sev's not like that. And not only does he love Harry, Lily, he loves you as well."

"Did he tell you that?"she asked, feeling her heart speed up.

"Well, not in so many words, but you can see by the way he acts that he loves you. He never looks at any woman the way he looks at you." Remus stated, flushing a little.

"Oh? And what way is that, Moony?" Lily asked mischievously.

"Like you're the last woman on earth. Or maybe the ONLY woman on earth," replied the werewolf.

"Yeah, Sev's got it bad," murmured Sirius. "Take it from one who knows."

"Like you've ever loved anyone that way, Padfoot," snorted his partner.

"I kind of loved Christine that way," argued the Animagus. "Only she moved to Paris."

"Yeah, yeah. The day you settle down with one woman, Padfoot, is the day when Harry turns thirty."

"There's nothing wrong with a little variety, Remus."

Remus rolled his eyes. Then he looked at his best friend's widow and said, "Lily, go out with Sev and don't worry about James's ghost coming back to haunt you. James would be the first to say that with Sev you're in good hands, and Harry wouldn't grow up feeling unwanted with him for a stepdad."

"Sev's a good guy, Lily, and he really cares for you. James would understand. Hell, luv, he'd probably be happy you're dating his best friend instead of some bloke off the street that we'd have to teach proper manners to." Sirius said.

Lily smiled. "Thanks, guys. You've really helped me a lot."

"Glad to. Now, d'you have any ale? I'm parched." Sirius asked, begging shamelessly.

"Here, you big mutt," Lily laughed, and summoned a bottle of Mystic Mick's for him. "Thanks for the advice."

"Anytime, Lil." Sirius smiled at her and winked, before popping the top off the bottle and taking a long pull.

"How about you, Moony?"

"No, can't. It's too close to the full moon. Sev just brewed me a batch of Wolfsbane and it doesn't react well with alcohol." Remus said regretfully. "But I'll have a Coke, if you've got it."

Lily summoned a Coke from her fridge and some ginger ale for herself, and they all sipped companionably about the kitchen table, thinking about two very different friends and Lily felt the anxiety in her gut vanish.

Sirius exchanged glances with Remus. Now all they had to do was convince Severus that Lily wanted him as more than a friend and watch the sparks fly.