Present

“It’s a good thing that Sirius wasn’t the only person in my support network at that point.  I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to want to speak to me again.  Yeah, Remus said he would, but I knew he was hurt.  I was pretty mad at him too.  First, he calls Dad names and asks me if Dad is… never mind.  I hated the fact he wasn’t willing to forgive Dad for the stuff that happened in the past.  I’d moved past it, he should have too.”  Harry complained clearly agitated.

“Anyway, coming back from Easter Break, and even after the stuff with Umbridge, things between Dad and I were probably the best they’d ever been.  And the thing with the blood quill meant that Dad was being super protective.  He wanted to know everything that was going on with me.  We had our Occlumency lessons at least a couple of times a week and potions practice for a couple of hours on the weekends.  Things were going so well.”

“Then I did the dumbest thing I have ever done.  That’s saying a lot coming from a guy who took on a thousand year old basilisk single handed at twelve and competed in the Tri-Wizard Tournament and such.  I’ve done a lot of dangerous things.” Harry let out a sad sigh, “This was the dumbest though, because of who it hurt.”

Harry took a deep breath and continued.  “Before Easter Break one of my dad’s students disappeared.  He was shoved into a cupboard on the third floor.  Nobody saw him for like a week or something.  He reappeared during my first Occlumency lesson after break.  Dad had to go and help rescue the student from the toilet he’d Apperated himself into.  Meanwhile, I was left waiting in Dad’s quarters.”

“I don’t know how I possibly thought this was a good idea, but I saw Dad’s Pensieve sitting on the coffee table.  I knew that they are incredibly personal, but I was curious.  Before I knew it, I was falling through Dad’s memories to his time at Hogwarts.”  Harry shook his head sadly.

“I won’t go into a great amount of detail, but Dad had a very bad day and James picked on him,” Harry let out a soft chuckle.  “I must not have wanted to live very long.  When Dad found me in there I was pretty sure he was going to Crucio me into next year.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 May 1996

Harry felt his blood run cold at the sight of a mature Severus Snape.  He was dead.  He knew it, but he didn’t care.  How could Snape talk to his mum like that?  Didn’t Snape always say Lily was his best friend?  How could he call her that name if he was her friend?

Severus pulled Harry out of his memories.  He should have locked the Pensieve away.  He was worried about his student and hadn’t stopped to think.  With the improvement of his relationship with Harry he would have thought the boy would show more respect.  It seemed he gave the boy too much credit.

“GET OUT!” Severus thundered as soon as their feet hit the hearth rug.

“No!” Harry yelled back.

“Get out. NOW!” Severus said stepping forward Harry’s arm still held firmly in his right hand.

“No!” Harry yelled again.  “I’m not going anywhere.  How could you call Mum that?  You said you were her friend!  You loved her!”

“This is none of your concern Potter!” Severus yelled.  He was right in the boy’s face now.

“Bullshit!”  Harry snapped back.  “She was my mum.  If you loved her you could never have called her that.  Maybe Sirius was right.  You only wanted her ‘cause James had her.”

“Enough,” Severus said shoving the teen away from him. “Leave now Potter.”  Severus warned once more.

“No.  Not until you tell me how you could be my mum’s best friend and call her that.”  Harry demanded crossing his arms over his chest like and over-sized toddler.

“I do not have to justify my actions to you Potter.  You were not present for the matter you would not understand.”  Severus snapped.

“Really?” Harry demanded.  “It looked like you called my mum a ‘mud-”

“Don’t say that word,” Severus snapped cutting him off mid word.

“Yeah, well you called her one of those.  That’s enough for me.” Harry finished.

“You know nothing.”  

“You get to call my mum names because James was picking on you?  That makes sense.  That would be like me calling Hermione names if Draco was picking on me.” Harry said petulantly.

“SILENCE!” commanded Severus,“I will not be insulted by my child when he is the one in the wrong.”

“Am not,” Harry blurted out.

“If you have a desire to ever see your broom again I’d quit now Potter,” Severus hissed.

Harry shrugged, “Umbridge already has it.”

Severus quirked an eyebrow at Harry’s casual dismissal.  “Perhaps you would rather lose the chance to ever see the village again during your school career.  I am told you are rather fond of visiting the Three Broomsticks.”

“You can’t.”  Harry said disbelievingly.

“I can and I will if this attitude does not stop this instant.” Severus promised.

Harry thought about fighting again, but stopped just in time.

“You will be silent as I tell my story.  One word and you can explain to your little friends why you are once again banned from the village.  Now sit,” Severus instructed.

Harry flopped gracelessly down on the sofa.

“You do not deserve an explanation, but to stop you from making any more appalling statements about my character, I will give you one anyway,” Severus said taking a seat in his favorite chair.

“You have no doubt been told that Po-James and I did not have the most cordial of relationships.” Severus began.

Harry nodded.

“What others have failed to tell you is James was bully.  The torment he carried out on his fellow students, me in particular, goes far past some petty schoolhouse teasing.  He made my life a living misery for the better part of seven years,”  Severus explained.  “His behavior was all but condoned by the faculty.  I was left all but defenseless.  Your mother was the only person who stood up for me.  She was also my only friend.  Over the years our friendship became…strained.”  

“Lily did not care for the people I was spending my time with.  Many of these people would go on to be Death Eaters.  They were already doing their best to gain the Dark Lord’s favor.  Lily saw these people for what they truly were.  A mixture of House pride and contempt for unsolicited advice made me blind to her protests.  My failure to listen eventually virtually ended our friendship.  That afternoon by the lake was the first time Lily approached me in weeks.”

“The last thing I wanted was her pity.  I could defend myself.  Lily’s actions, though they were well intentioned, lead me to lashing out.  I tried to apologize that evening.  I tried to explain myself, but Lily would have none of it.”  Severus said sadly.

There was a long pause before Severus said almost too softly for Harry to hear, “I never stopped loving your mother.”  In a more audible volume he said, “I hope that satisfies your need for an explanation.  Now, I believe we have a punishment to discuss.”

“What!?” Harry protested.

“You broke into my personal memories Mr. Potter.  You are a fool if you think I would ever let such a breach of trust and privacy to go unpunished.”  Severus explained calmly.

“That’s not fair,” Harry huffed.

Coolly Severus countered. “No, what is unfair is I cannot leave my son in a room and trust him not to break into my Pensieve. I am aware the Headmaster told you about Pensieves and how disrespectful it is to enter them without an invitation.  I thought you respected me more than that.”

Harry looked down at his trainer embarrassed. “Sorry sir,” he mumbled.

“If you were truly sorry you would never have done such a thing.” Severus snapped.

“If I could take it back I would,” Harry protested. “What’s my punishment?”

Severus stopped.  He knew how his own father would have handled such an offense.  There was no way Severus was beating his son to a bloody pulp.  He swore he would never treat a child, any child in such a manner.  “We will start with detention every night this week.” Severus said thoughtfully.

“But that’s a class punishment,” Harry whined.

“And a four foot essay on respect and how you should have reacted this evening.”  Severus added at the boy’s protest.

Harry let out a sullen huff, “Fine.”

“That will be all for tonight Mr. Potter.  You are dismissed,” Severus said waiving the boy out.

Harry walked to the door and stopped. “Dad?” He asked nervously.

“What is it Mr. Potter?” Severus asked irritably.

“That thing with Mum… by the lake… was that why you said she was a forgiving person… because she forgave you are some point… I guess she must have since I’m here?” Harry rambled.

“Enough Harry,” Severus cut him off gently.  “Yes, that is one of the many reason I said you mother was a forgiving person.”

“Oh, okay,” Harry said awkwardly.  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Indeed.  Good night Mr. Potter.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Present

“That was the first row Dad and I had since… well, we started not hating each other is probably the best way to put it.  I might have acted tough in the professor’s quarters, but once in the halls on my way back to Gryffindor Tower, I lost it.  I was scared witless.  Like I said, that doesn’t happen to me often. I was scared Dad wouldn’t want me anymore.  I thought that row ruined everything we’d worked for the last few months.”  Harry pushed his hair out of his eyes.

“I didn’t know who I should talk to about our fight.  I was pretty sure Dad didn’t ever want to see me again.  I thought about talking to Ron and Hermione about it, but they didn’t really know my dad outside of how he was when they were at Hogwarts.  The person, or people I really needed to talk were Sirius and Remus.  They’d were James’ best friend at school and there at the same time as Dad obviously.  I knew Remus was made a prefect to try and keep James and Sirius in check.”

Harry paused to take another sip of water.  “I was so confused about everything.  I should have gone back to the Tower as it was already kind of late, but instead I headed up to the Owlery.  I spent a good part of the night working on a letter to Sirius trying to explain everything I saw and what I wanted to know.  It didn’t make a lot of sense when I tried reading it through, so I ended up sending him a note asking him if we could Floo-chat again.”

“The response I got back was from Remus, not Sirius.  Remus didn’t know exactly what happened between Dad and me, but from the short note he could tell something was bothering me.  We agreed to chat in a couple of days.  It would be the first chance I would get to the Floo where we were less likely to be interrupted.  That only meant I had to survive my first two detentions with Dad.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

May 1996

Harry dragged his feet as he made his way down the corridor to the Potion’s classroom.  He was fairly certain if he could choose between having to sit detention with Umbridge and her blood quill or face the enraged Potion’s Master he’d gladly take the blood quill.

Harry couldn’t remember a time where he’d disappointed an adult this much.  The Dursleys never expected him to achieve anything so it was impossible to disappoint them, maybe other than continuing to show up on their doorstep each summer.  Maybe that time Remus caught him sneaking back into the castle after he went to Hogsmeade.  Harry nodded to himself.  That was the closest thing.  Even that was nothing in comparison.  Harry hated the heavy feeling of guilt in his stomach.

Finally he stood before the door, taking a deep breath he wrapped his knuckles on the door.

“Enter,” Severus’ deep voice issued from inside.

Harry pushed the door forward.  The professor sat at his desk, a large pile of papers sat in front of him.  “You will be scrubbing those cauldrons… without magic.  Get to work Mr. Potter.”  Severus instructed never looking up from his reading

Harry let out a defeated sigh and turned on the tap.  A heavy silence filled the room for close to an hour before Harry couldn’t take it any longer.  He turned the water off as he finished rinsing his tenth cauldron of the night.

Severus looked up at the sound, or rather lack of it.  “I wasn’t aware you’d been dismissed Mr. Potter.”  He said coolly to the teen.

Harry pushed up a sleeve with a wrinkled hand.  “I wasn’t sir,” Harry said taking a step away from the sinks and towards the professor’s desk.

“Then I suggest you get back to work,” Severus said letting his eyes fall to his papers once more.

Harry took another step forward.  “I was hoping we could talk about what happened the other night.”

“Your hopes are not my concern at the moment.  I had hoped you could be trusted to follow basic courtesy, and yet, here we are.  Get back to work,” Severus snapped.

Harry gave the professor a pleading look but it was for naught as the man’s eyes were again on the stack of paper.  Harry managed to get another 30 cauldrons washed before his watch beeped 10:00.  He had 30 minutes to get back to the Tower or be in trouble for breaking curfew.

“You may go Mr. Potter,” Severus said from his desk.  “You will report here at six tomorrow evening to ensure we have time for your Occlumency lessons.”

Harry let out a small sigh, “Yes sir. Good night, sir.”

Harry pulled his sleeves back down.  He grabbed his bag and set off in a jog back to the Tower.  The last thing he needed was another detention for being out past curfew.

Harry had a hard time concentrating in class that day.  He hoped the professor wouldn’t be nearly as cold to him as he was last night.  If he was this mad at him how would he be this summer.  Would he still want Harry to come live with him this summer?  That was weeks away yet.  The professor couldn’t stay mad at him that long could he?  Harry groaned.  The man was still mad about fights in the schoolyard 20 years ago.  Harry was doomed he was certain of it.

If Harry wasn’t going to live with his father during the summer where would he go?  He couldn’t stay with the Weasleys that long.  That would be rude, he couldn’t risk over staying his welcome at the Burrow.  That was the closest thing he’d ever had to a home and he needed to make sure that he’d always be welcome there.  He knew the Weasleys would never say he was a bother, but still Harry couldn’t do that to them.

Maybe he could go stay with Sirius.  They’d always talked about doing that.  Maybe this would be the year, just the two of them.  Maybe Remus would be there too.  It would be great.

Harry couldn’t get excited about the prospect no matter how great it sounded.  He never realized how much he was looking forward to going home.  A real home of his own, with his own family, not just saddled on somebody because they happened to share the same blood.

He needed to put things right.  He had to. He couldn’t blow this with one stupid row.  It was too much.

Harry wasn’t hungry at dinner time.  He took food, but merely picked at it.  He needed to talk to his father.  He had to make it better.  Pushing his plate away Harry headed down to the dungeons a full fifteen minutes early.  He didn’t bother knocking this time, just marched into the classroom.

“I was not expecting you for another quarter of an hour Mr. Potter.  It is also respectful to knock before entering a closed room.  A good thing to keep in mind since it was your lack of manners that land us here.” Severus commented icily.

“I know sir,” Harry sad somewhat breathlessly.  He’d taken the journey at a run.  “I wanted to talk about that.  I know I messed up the other night.  I’m sorry.  I wanted you to know that if you don’t want me to stay with you this summer now –”

“What are you on about?” Severus burst out.

“I just understand if you don’t want somebody you can’t trust living with you. I’m glad you offered it.  I get it was my mistake that made me lose it.” Harry explained.

“Who put such a dunderhead notion in your pathetic Gryffindor mind?” Severus asked.

“Sir?” Harry asked confused.

“You are my son Potter.  I am not going to kick you out for snooping through my things.  You are being punished for your actions now.  You will have to do your best to earn my trust back, but it has not cost you your home.  Now get to work.  We still have a lesson tonight.” Severus said motioning toward the sinks.

Harry headed back toward the sinks but stopped.  “About our lesson tonight, sir.  Could I use the Floo again?  I wrote Remus and Sirius the other night after everything.  I said I’d try to talk to them tonight.  I’m sure they’d be happy to hear things are back to normal.”

“Things are not back to normal,” Severus corrected.

“Yeah, but they sort of are. I’m not getting chucked out or anything.  I was pretty upset when I wrote them the other night.  I just want to let them know we talked and stuff.”  Harry explained.

Severus considered it for a long moment before saying, “Very well, but only after you have your lesson.”

“Okay sir,” Harry agreed almost happily.

Severus was certain as his time as a teacher he’d never seen a student so content to clean cauldrons.