Present

“The holidays were never going to be great starting off the way they did.  Christmas wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  Mr. Weasley still wasn’t out of the hospital, but we did get to see him.  It didn’t really matter though.  After what Dumbledore had told me nothing seemed important.  I started shutting myself off from my friends.  I felt like I was putting them in danger by just being in the same room.  I was too scared to actually tell them what Dumbledore had said.”  Harry shook his head, “Thinking back on it now it was pretty stupid not to tell them anything. Things became a lot easier once they knew, but that didn’t keep things from going downhill.” 

“You see, the closer to the time it got for us to return to school the moodier Sirius got.  He didn’t like being alone in his huge house all by himself with only Kreacher to keep him company.  If I hadn’t had the D.A. to come back to, I might have considered asking him if I could just stay.  After the news I got in the kitchen only a few days before we returned to school I considered asking him, even with the D.A.”

“So, what could be so bad compared to all the things I had faced, including Umbridge’s blood quill…private lessons with Professor Snape.  What made it even worse; Dad came to deliver the news himself.”

“Like I said earlier, Dad and Sirius didn’t get on too well, even though they left Hogwarts twenty years ago they hadn’t let that hatred die down.  If anything it, might have gotten worse.  Though, I’m not sure how much of that was House rivalry related.”

“Before Dad and Sirius had their little meeting in the kitchen things had been going fine.  I was playing chess with Ron in the study when his mum came to get me.  I didn’t know what it was about, but when I saw Professor Snape, that conversation with Professor Dumbledore came rushing back.”

“Sirius had talked with me after Professor Dumbledore had told me about the prophecy.  He wanted to know exactly what the Headmaster had said and I had told him almost everything.  I didn’t mention the fact Dumbledore wanted me to have lessons with Professor Snape because I knew he would get upset.  Here was Snape and Sirius wasn’t going to leave me alone with him, even if I had begged him to…not that I would have.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

January 1996

“Er,” said Harry to announce his presence.

Snape looked around at him, his face framed between curtains of greasy black hair.

“Sit down Potter.”

“You know,” said Sirius loudly, leaning back on his rear chair legs and speaking to the ceiling, “I think I’d prefer it if you didn’t give orders here Snape.  It’s my house, you see.”

An ugly flush suffused Snape’s pallid face.  Harry sat down in a chair beside Sirius, facing Snape across the table. 

“I was supposed to see you alone, Potter,” Snape, the familiar sneer curling his mouth, “but Black –”

“I’m his godfather,” said Sirius louder than ever.

“I am the boy’s father,” Snape said, whose voice, by contrast, was becoming more and more waspish.

“WAIT!” Harry yelled.  “You knew!”

The adults turned to look at Harry.

“Mind your tone,” Severus said dangerously.  

“You knew and you still treated me like a shit you bas-” Harry suddenly silent though his lips continued to move.  

“I will not be talked to in such a manner Potter.  I am aware of our… relationship.”

“How long have you know Snivellus?”  Sirius demanded.

“That is none of your concern Black.” Severus sneered.

Harry glared at Severus.  Severus ignored the look, but told the boy not quiet gently, “I learned of our relationship this summer.  Your mother NEVER told me, only your irresponsibility with your belongings did.  You left the Headmaster’s letter on the table before an Order meeting.  I saw mention of my and your mother’s name and took the letter for further investigation.  It was then I discovered the truth.”

“Yeah, well, some father you are,” Sirius questioned letting out a mirthless bark of laughter.  “The only thing you ever did for that boy, other than to make him absolutely miserable was to sleep with his mother.  At least James cared for him, even if he wasn’t his.”

“And I am here on Dumbledore’s orders, but by all means stay, Black, I know you like to feel…involved.”

“What’s that supposed to be mean?’ said Sirius, letting his chair fall back onto all four legs with a loud bang.

“Merely that I am sure you must feel – ah – frustrated by the fact that you can do nothing useful,” Snape laid delicate stress on the word, “for the Order.”

“The headmaster has sent me to inform you, Potter, that it is his wish for you to study Occlumency this term.”

“He wants him to study what?” said Sirius blankly.

Snape’s sneer became more pronounced.

“Occlumency, Black.  The magical defense of the mind against external penetration.  An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one.”

“Why does he have to study Occulmency?” Sirius blurted out.

“Because the headmaster thinks it a good idea,” said Snape smoothly.  “Potter, you will receive private lessons twice a week, but you will not tell anybody what you are doing, least of all Dolores Umbridge.  You understand?”

“Yes,” said Harry. 

“Who’s going to be teaching him?” Sirius asked.

Snape raised an eyebrow.

“I am.”

Harry had a horrible sensation that his insides were melting.  Extra lessons with Snape – what on earth had he done to deserve this?

“Why can’t Dumbledore teach Harry?” asked Sirius aggressively.

“I suppose because it is a headmaster’s privilege to delegate less enjoyable tasks,” said Snape silkily.  “I assure you I did not beg for the job. I will expect you at six o’clock on Monday evening Potter.  My office.” 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Present

Harry scratched the back of his neck again.  “I know I’ve said a couple of conversations have changed my life.  They really did, but until I started my private lessons with Dad I had been able to push them to the back of my mind.  That was a lot harder to do after I had somebody there reminding me of it twice a week and not always…in the most friendly of ways.”

“I really wasn’t looking forward my first Occlumency lesson.  Sirius had told me that I needed to do them and I should try my best.  However, Professor Snape had insulted me in class that morning, and I was still angry with him for what he had said to Sirius about my mum.”

“Most of your probably don’t know what Occlumency is.  Despite what Dad keeps telling me, it sounds a lot like mind reading.  See, using Legilimency, one wizard can force their way into another’s mind and look through that person’s memories.  The defense against this is called Occlumency.”

“I couldn’t see why I needed to learn this, even after Dad had reminded me of the special connection that Voldemort and I seemed to share.  Dad didn’t seem real interested in making sure I learned it either.

“My first try at Legilimency was not the best, but not the worst as I was able to expel Dad eventually.  But, I had lost control.  I produced a stinging hex without meaning to.  The other attempts weren’t much better.  Dad kept berating me for not doing better, even though we had only been at it for a couple of weeks.  But in that time Dad had seen some of my worst memories growing up.  There was me being chased up a tree by my Aunt Marge’s dog, Ripper; she didn’t call him off until after midnight.  Or me trying to avoid my cousin Dudley, while he played his favorite game, ‘Harry Hunting’.  You can imagine what the point of that game.  There were worse ones too such as Uncle Vernon throwing me into my cupboard after I did some accidental magic and some even worse ones, but I’m not going into those.  Now, I was supposed to be clearing my mind before I went to sleep every night.  But between not wanting to and not understanding as to why I had to do the lessons to start with, I wasn’t practicing like I should have been.”

Harry looked over his shoulder again and gave his father a cheeky grin before adding, “Plus, Dad had never really given me a good idea how to do it either.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

February 1995

“You’re not practicing like I told you Potter!”  Snape hissed dangerously.

Harry picked himself from the ground for the third time that night. 

They were barely a half hour into the nights lesson Harry already had a splitting headache. 

“I have too,” Harry said puffing up his chest defensively.

Snape sorted the boy sounded rather like an overtired two year old.

“Don’t lie to me Potter.  I can tell you haven’t.”

Harry made to counter the statement, but thought better of it.  Taking several calming breathes Harry asked in his most civil voice, “How do I do that sir?  So, I’m supposed to just shut my mind off?” 

“You are not supposed to be ‘shutting off your mind’.  You are supposed to clear it, to focus on a calm force creating a shield and then force all your thoughts behind the shield.  Or is it really that difficult to remove your thoughts from Quidditch, or whatever nonsense it is that occupies your simple mind every few moments?”  Snape said rolling his eyes.  “Do you think those instructions are simple enough for you to follow Potter?”

Harry simply nodded. 

At least now he had an idea of what Snape wanted him to do.  It was hard to practice something when you had no idea how to do it.  Maybe if he proved that he could do Occlumency, Snape would start treating him better, he was Harry’s father after all.

Harry shook his head at the thought.  There was no reason he should be thinking that.  Snape was still the same heartless bastard as always.  But that wasn’t true; Snape had been treating Harry better this year.  Harry couldn’t remember a time this year that he had gotten a detention for no reason, well at least not from Snape.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Present

“That night was the first time I really tried practicing Occlumency on my own.”  Harry explained to the audience.  “I was able to create a weak shield.  It wasn’t much really, but it was the first real progress I had made.  Not that it mattered because it still wasn’t good enough for Dad.  For the next couple weeks of things stayed pretty much the way they had been going.  Me putting up my weak shield and Dad breaking through it in a matter of seconds, him witnessing some of the worst events of my life before I finally was able to force him out, or he just took pity and gave up.  Though, the latter didn’t happen very often.”

“With seeing all of these terrible memories Dad had figured out that I was different from what he had always accused me of being, some spoiled brat.  He hadn’t changed the way he spoke to me, or anything, at least not yet.  What I learned later was that after he had confirmed that these events where not just a few select incidents and were in fact my everyday life at the Dursley’s he went to talk to the Headmaster.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

February 1995

Severus told the Headmaster of what he witnessed in Potter’s mind.  The way he had been deprived food during the summer between his first and second year after the incident with the Malfoy’s house-elf.  The fact the boy had been verbally and emotionally abused.  There were several instances of physical abuse that he had also witnessed, including Vernon throwing the boy into a cabinet under the stairs, though Severus was unsure what the boy had done to incur such a punishment.

The Headmaster nodded solemnly.  He had suspected for some time that Harry was not treated as well as he had hoped he would be when he had left the infant on the doorstep.  However, he had never suspected the boy was actually being abused.  “As troubling as this is Harry must go back, Severus.  The blood wards will only protect Harry as long as he considers Privet Drive home.”

"You cannot send the boy back there Albus, you know for a fact they have half-starved and beaten him.  What good are blood wards against an internal threat?”

“I’m sorry Severus, but it is for Harry’s own protection.” Dumbledore countered.  “There is only one other option I can think of, that Harry lives with you during the summers.  Your blood runs through his veins, the blood wards should keep him safe if he were to live with you.”

“He would never agree to it.” Snape said darkly.

“There is some time between now and the summer holidays.  There is a chance that things between the two of you could improve,” Dumbledore looked up at Snape hopefully.

Snape fought the urge to roll his eyes at the statement.  “That is unlikely and you know that Headmaster.”

“Perhaps, but if there is nothing else, I must ask you to leave so I can address some business.”

“There is not.  Good night, Headmaster,” Snape said rising from his seat.

“Good night Severus, do try and give Harry a chance.  The boy has an uncanny ability to forgive.”