Severus stared down at the child before him, not even knowing what to think. A wave of his wand had banished the mirror, but now he needed to be alone, needed to sort things through. Barely even noticing where he was going, he stumbled back to his room and collapsed against one of the posts of his bed, gazing blankly at the dark purple hangings and longing for the ability of not being able to feel.

It was very hard not to panic. A father? Him? He’d pushed down his reaction while Harry was still in the room, trying to hold back how he felt when Harry was so obviously feeling so mixed up, but now a fear gripped his heart like he’d never known.

He, Severus Snape, was entirely responsible for another human being. It had been all right when he could pretend he was just standing in for Lily – that the child could be passed off to another one of his teachers if Severus so wished it. But now, Dumbledore would never allow him to give Harry to someone else and, despite how unsettled and unsure he felt, Severus would not allow it either. Harry was his for better or for worse and the child had become very dear to him...

And it tore at Severus’ heart to see Harry so filled with grief, but he didn’t know how to react, what to say, how to feel regarding Harry. He had no idea how to make the boy feel better and that’s what frustrated Severus the most. Weren’t fathers supposed to automatically know how to deal with their son?

Well, Severus thought as he recalled his own father, perhaps not.

But where did that leave Severus, a misanthrope of the first kind? Unbidden, the words of Albus Dumbledore came back to him. Harry has chosen you... You are a good man, Severus; let Harry show you that. Severus rubbed his face with his hand and groaned. It appeared that, no matter what, he had been given no choice in the matter. And surprisingly, Severus found that he didn’t really mind. Having Harry in his life had been pleasant, and he found he was loathe to give that up, regardless of how difficult either of them may find it adjusting to their new situation.

But now, Harry was hurting and Severus had no idea what to do.

Harry… Poor child.

He’d never seen a child’s heart broken so thoroughly when it was not his own, and that other boy… So young and already so brave, possibly even braver than Harry, and now he was gone forever. A lot of things that had puzzled Severus made such obvious sense now; the broken mirror, Harry talking to himself and even that brief flash of brown hair in the mirror. When he’d got his first proper look at that mirror-child, he’d gotten such a strong sense of déjà vu, it had felt like the rug had been ripped out from under him.

Lily… How could you have done this to your own child? Did you really hate me so much that you would risk your child’s life in this ridiculous way? Severus slowly sank down onto the bed and stared at the wall, a sense of unreality gripping him. Or were you so afraid of what might happen if the truth were known? Dammit, Lily! I would have protected you…

But would he have? He’d been so young, so incredibly foolish at that time, that there was no knowing what he would have done if he’d discovered his childhood sweetheart carried his child. It was only after Lily and her family had been targeted that he truly realised that it was not a game he had been playing. No game would ever have become so twisted…

Severus huffed and closed his eyes, and allowed himself, for the first time in years, to remember that which he’d tried so hard to forget.

 The high, sweet notes created by the brand new upright piano floated along the hallway, accompanied, if the listener strained their ears, by a woman’s softly singling voice. Severus smiled as the familiar notes of ‘Greensleeves’ drifted through the air. It always had been Lily’s favourite song, so it was no surprise that it would be one of the first tunes to christen the piano her mother had bought her as a flat warming gift. Lily had sound-proofed her new home with magic, so that the other tenants wouldn’t complain, but instead had made sure that the inside of her flat always rang with some form of music or other. It was one of the things that Severus adored about her most.

Severus poked his head around the sitting room door and, sure enough, there was Lily with her fingers flying across the keys and her red hair shimmering as she tossed back her head to sing a particularly high phrase. Severus almost caught himself humming along, but that would have alerted her to his presence and stopped the song, so instead he leaned against the doorframe and watched her with the barest hint of a smile playing across his lips.

The song ended, leaving Lily staring down at her fingers as if surprised that there was no more to play.

“Excellent as always, Lily. I still don’t see why you don’t take it up as a career.”

Lily whirled around and a huge smile lit up her face. “Severus!” Her green eyes sparkled with delight as she leapt off the piano stool and hurried into his arms. As always, he found he had a hard time keeping a grin off his own face as he reached up to touch her delicately soft hair.

Lily pulled back and looked him up and down. “I thought you wouldn’t be able to get time off until the end of the week!”

A smirk pulled at his lips. “So eager to be rid of me already?”

She hit his shoulder and grinned. “Don’t be ridiculous! Now you can come and see my new flat.”

Severus let himself be dragged through the sitting room, the tiny kitchen, the bathroom, the study and finally the bedroom, nodding indulgently as Lily nattered on about her home at about ninety miles an hour. It didn’t take a genius to work out that she adored her new place. Even after nine years of knowing her, Severus was still surprised at how much Lily found to talk about when she was happy. There was certainly never a dull moment with her.

They had accidently met up a few months after graduating, and, unexpectedly, had been able to patch up the holes in their relationship enough to get on well… startlingly well. Whenever Severus thought back to the times during school when he’d longed to have Lily as his girlfriend, he was always shocked at how easy it had been in the end.

And Severus was happy – extremely happy – when he was with Lily. And it wasn’t any different now that two years had passed either.

“So, what do you think?” Lily asked, standing in the middle of the bedroom and twirling around and around. Severus stepped forward, caught her, and pulled her close.

“If it makes you happy, it was worth every Galleon.”

“Aw, Sev, you say the sweetest things.” She reached up and gently kissed him on the lips.

“You’ll never prove it!”

She laughed and wriggled free. “I daresay I won’t. Now, tell me; how come you managed to get the day off to come and see me?” 

Between Lily’s job as Junior Charms Expert at the Ministry and Severus’ ‘extracurricular activities’, there was very little time for them to see each other these days. Severus hadn’t dared tell her that besides working at the most prestigious Apothecary on the other side of London and compiling work for his Potions Mastery, he was also making some of the more ‘unsavoury’ potions for the Dark Lord’s use. Reflexively, his eyes went, once again, to the bandage wrapping the forearm to see if it was still in place. It was.  ‘Potions accident’ he always told her, for he knew she would never accept him if she really knew what lay beneath…

 “Another cauldron exploded. That bloody moron who they’ve got working beside me didn’t tend his fire properly and he managed to get boiling liquid all over my forearms.” Severus held his arms up so that she could inspect the damage. Lily frowned and gently stroked his bandaged left arm. Severus was barely able to keep himself from shuddering. Even he couldn’t bring himself to touch what lay beneath.

“Poor Severus. You do get put through the mill at that place, don’t you? Why don’t you come and work at the Ministry? They have much better health and safety.”

Severus snorted. “And end up working for a bunch of bumbling fools who can’t even master the most basic of Potions skills? No thanks!”

Lily poked him in the side. “Those are my superiors that you’re talking about! Show some respect.”

Severus felt the corners of his lips twitching. “What? As much respect as you showed them last weekend? I’m still surprised they didn’t fire you straight away.”

Lily flushed and Severus had a hard time not staring. “Well, I was feeling a bit off colour. I’d just discovered...” She trailed off. “Sev?”

“Hmm?” he responded lazily as he pulled her into a gentle embrace.

“I- well, I…” Lily reached up and kissed the underside of his jaw, making Severus feel both strong and protective. “I love you.”

The feeling disappeared. All that was left was a cold, hard, aching terror in Severus’ gut.

Love? When did that happen?

People in love always put their partner first. People in love have no secrets from each other…

Severus swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. How many times had he cancelled meetings with Lily to meet with the Dark Lord? He cared desperately about Lily, but he carried secrets that would rip their relationship apart like rice paper. And what’s more, it would hurt her.

“Sev?”

Lily deserved a stable, loving husband and a beautiful home filled with happy children. Severus could give her none of these. A life with Severus would mean fear, shame, desperation, and eventually contempt. He could never make her happy. Not once the thin façade of glamour he had created around his life was pushed aside to reveal what he truly was; a murderer and a fraud. He was a man who earned his living off making potions that could kill hundreds and selling them to the Dark Lord. He was a man who had tortured and killed a Muggle woman just because his cronies had egged him on and he had laughed about it afterwards. The fact that he’d been as sick as a dog for days afterwards meant nothing. He’d still done it.

Severus had never deserved Lily. It was time to stop deluding himself that he one day would.

“Severus? Say something.”

His teeth were clenched and he could tell that his eyes were blazing with cold rage. Sometimes Severus surprised himself with how well he could act. He forced himself to wrench his arm from around her and push her roughly away.

“Severus?” Her bright, green eyes were wide. “What’s the matter? I thought you cared at least a little about me...”

Of course I do. How could I not? I adore you, you lovely creature. If only I could tell you that.

“I most certainly do not! I have indulged this dalliance long enough. You say you love me? You know nothing about me, woman!”

Lily frowned and tried to move closer to him once more. “Sev? I didn’t mean to upset you so. I don’t mind that you don’t feel the same.” She shrugged a shoulder, feigning nonchalance, and some of her red hair tumbled free, making Severus long to touch it. “So! We can go to that amateur Quidditch game we heard about next week if you like. I can get tickets off my boss – she owes me a favour anyway.”

So innocent... What are you thinking to even wish to be in the same room as me?

“You foolish girl.” He made sure the words were as said as coldly and slowly as they could be, knowing it would hurt her. It always hurt her if someone implied she was stupid. “Do you really think I would wish to be seen in public with a Mudblood?” He spat the last word as though it were poison.

Lily slowly turned around and walked towards the front door of her flat, not looking at Severus once. Severus had never been so fearful in his life, nor so hurt that Lily would believe just a few harsh words over two whole years of affection… well, as much affection as Severus had been able to give. But Lily had always been delicate, had always been so easily hurt by sharp phrases said in moments of anger.

That was why Severus had to do this; why he had to drive her away, because if he was selfish and kept her by his side, a life with Severus would destroy her. He was sure of it. But then, Lily surprised him.

“I did wonder when you were going to tell me.” She turned to face him and Severus suddenly found it very hard to meet her eye. “Diffindo!” Severus didn’t even think about reaching for his wand, which proved to be a grave error.

The bandages around his left arm fell away, revealing the ugly skull and snake pattern. Severus gasped and slammed his hand over it. What was she going to do now? Call the Aurors? Bind him and hand him straight over to the Dementors? He deserved it. Lord knows, he deserved it.

“I thought so.” She pursed her lips and slipped her wand inside her robe. “Honestly, Severus, I thought you had more wits than that. A potions accident? An excuse like that only works once.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I cannot stay in a relationship with a Death Eater.”

Severus couldn’t look at her anymore, so he turned his gaze to the bedspread, but that didn’t stop her talking.

“Before, when I didn’t actually have proof, I used my own discretion. Similarly if you had showed me your Mark and shown some remorse or shame for your actions while doing it, I would have stayed with you. But like this?” Severus saw Lily shake her head from the corner of his eyes. “Like this, you might now try and say anything to convince me to stay with you.” Her voice took on a sad lilt. “Like this, I would never know if you were truly a Death Eater or not. I can’t read you, Sev, not like you can me.”

A soft sigh, then even softer footsteps over to where he was standing and a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead. “I still love you, you know. Probably always will…” She looked into his eyes and brushed her thumb across his Dark Mark. “I’ll leave you to let yourself out, love.”

And then she was gone, leaving Severus alone in the flat. At least, Severus had thought she had.

For he only heard the snick of the door after he had softly whispered the words “I love you, too,” to the dusty floorboards. 

What hurt Severus the most about this memory was that she had never come back, not even after she had heard. Lily, bless her, had meant every word she said, just as she always had.

He hadn’t heard anything of her for three months after that, and the next time he did, it was only because of the advertisement in the paper saying that she was married to James Potter. Severus remembered thinking at the time that ‘always will’ hadn’t lasted very long. And ten months after that, she had given birth to a little boy who was the spitting image of his ‘father’, with only Lily’s green eyes to distinguish him. Severus had loathed that baby, because Lily would never have left her marriage if there was even the slightest possibility that it would put her child at risk.

Now Severus knew better, or he thought he did. He hadn’t even considered that the baby might be his own. After all, you don’t see women who are thirteen months pregnant waddling around the streets, not even magical streets. However, Severus had forgotten one important factor; if a witch discovered she was pregnant before she was even a month along, the foetus could be suspended in stasis for a period of up to five months. It was well within the possibility that this was exactly what Lily had done. After all, the proof had been clinging to Severus not even an hour ago.

His son.

And it was only now that he realised how close Lily had come that day to telling him about her pregnancy.

 So that’s why you did it, Lily. You knew that I would never leave you alone if I knew you’d had my child, so you erected barriers around yourself; the stasis spell to throw me off the scent, James Potter because he was the one person who both adored you and was prepared to fight tooth and nail to keep me away from you, and finally you used the most dangerous and most effective spell you can cast on a child to hide who his real father was.

Were you really that sure I was a Death Eater, Lily? Well… I suppose I was at that time. I was still a child, while you had grown up. I’m sorry, Lily, I was a fool, but I swear to you that I’ll protect our son with everything I have. I would have anyway, even if he weren’t mine…

The peculiar pain squeezed his chest again, only this time it burned his left forearm as well. Severus gasped and bolted upright, ripping his sleeve away from his arm and reaching for his wand. What kind of devil sorcery is this… oh.

The Dark Mark fizzed with a pale, golden light and then, slowly rising off his arm, the skull and the snake pattern dissolved in front of him and the gold particles swirled around each other into a new, much larger form.

The sable representation of Lily leaned forward and pressed its lips to his forehead, like the real version had so many years ago. Severus gasped as he felt the remnants of her magic spark against his skin. The image sat back on her heels and smiled at him, and he found himself smiling back, just a little.

The smile on her face broadened and she disappeared in a shower of bright sparks, leaving her image burned onto his retina long after the magic had faded completely.

Blinking, he stared down at his blank forearm, hardly able to believe. But he had to believe. His magic was sparking and roiling within him; free for the first time in years, making him feel refreshed and alive as the dark blue tendrils darted over one another, eager to be used.

“Lil, what have you done?” he asked his arm in delighted bemusement. He thought that it was about time to admit, if only to himself, that Lily had been a much more powerful witch than anyone had bargained for. A chuckle broke free of his lips before he could stop it, followed closely by another and another until he was lying flat on his back, laughing harder than he had believed possible.

Lily had believed in him, but, knowing him as well as she had, she’d known it would take him quite a while to admit his faults. And so, she’d cast a featly spell on him.

This spell had linked him to his then unborn son, so that whenever the child expressed loyalty towards him, Severus would feel a manifestation of that loyalty. The peculiar pains he’d been having in his chest suddenly made startling sense to him.

And now, when Severus had finally sworn unconditional loyalty towards his child and meant it, Lily’s spell had released him from the Dark Mark. For, in Lily’s eyes, loving your child could never be considered the mark of an evil person, and so the person who felt such love should never have to bear such an evil symbol.

Severus had finally proved to her, after all those years, that he was not a Death Eater.

A sad smile touched his lips as he lay back after he’d finished laughing. Severus had lost Lily, and Severus’ son had lost someone else dear to him earlier that very same day. But wasn’t the apparition of Lily’s long dormant magic proof that no one was lost forever? He was still fearful about his new role in Harry’s life, and every time the boy had called him ‘Dad’, it had sent a jolt through him that made him want to flinch, but somehow, Lily’s apparition had calmed him and he felt almost ready to face whatever came next.

Comforted by the thought, Severus rose from the bed and left his room to try and start the day for the second time, hopefully more successfully than he had before. Somehow, he felt certain that he and Harry would one day meet their loved ones again. After all, anyone with Lily’s blood was nothing if not persistent.