“Although we have had much happiness, we are not without our times of difficulty,” Severus said.

Harry frowned, “You mean James dying?”

“Yes,” Severus agreed, “But other times as well.”

“Like what?” Harry question.

“Times your mother and I have not gotten along, illness (serious illness), and losses.” Severus elaborated.

“What losses?” Harry asked.

“Friendship, safety, and family,” Severus said, though that did not help Harry’s understanding.

“I thought you said it was more than James.” Harry protested.

Severus nodded in confirmation, “We have. When your mother and aunt were not speaking that was a loss. No, but I was thinking of another loss. Another loss of a family member...”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I don’t want to go out,” Harry whined.

“Go, Harry. It’s good for you,” Lily countered.

“I don’t want to go play outside,” Harry continued to protest to little effect.

“Just go,” Lily almost yelled.

It had been a long week. Severus was away until that night at a conference. The girls were sick and it had rained the last several days, keeping Harry indoors. It could be easily said, all were going stir crazy. Lily would be glad to have some relief when Severus got back.

“Fine,” Harry pouted, stomping out into the front garden.

“Don’t slam the door and don’t let the cat out,” Lily ordered as the front door slammed behind Harry.

Lily sighed. Wasn’t he a little young to be this temperamental? She didn’t remember throwing these sorts of fits, at least until her preteens. Then again, he didn’t seem that different from Sev or Tuney at that age. God’s help them if you repeated Sev’s sullenness as a teen.

Harry didn’t know why he was so upset about being sent outside. Yesterday he begged to go outside, even if it was raining. His mom would have let him go out, but there was thunder and lightning. Harry kicked a small ball on the walk. An orange and white ball of fur ran past Harry trying to pounce it.

“Chaucer, you’re not supposed to be out here,” Harry scolded.

The cat ignored him, continuing to battle the ball.

Harry looked back at the front door. His mom would yell at him if he tried to take her back inside. Not only would he be in trouble for trying to come back in, but for letting her out in the first place.

He wished they had a cat flap. That would make things so much better. Chaucer could come in and out whenever she wanted. They didn’t though. His dad was worried strays might get in and since there was no way to charm the door to only let Chaucer in there would be no cat flap.

Harry thought it would be cool to be the one to invent the charm that did that. Then, any cat could come in and out without having to beg their family. That would be great!

Harry didn’t know what he was going to play. Maybe he should go inside and ask if he could visit Mooney.  Maybe Remus could take him to the park, or he could go down the street to visit David and Malcolm, his friends from school.

Harry was watching Chaucer as he considered his options. He didn’t know why, but suddenly the cat ran out of the garden. There was a sound of a car racing down the road. Everything seemed to slow in Harry’s vision.

The car didn’t stopped. It didn’t swerve. Chaucer just stood there. The car drove on leaving the cat lying in the road. Harry screamed at the top of his lungs.

“HARRY JAMES POTTER!” Lily yelled throwing the front door open. “You had better be being eaten by a dragon to let out such a sound. Your sisters are sleeping.”

Harry shook his head. Tears were running fast and hard down his face. He couldn’t speak.

“What is it?” Demanded Lily.

Harry failed to speak. He could only stand and point.

“What?” Lily asked again.

Harry pointed to a spot ahead of him. Lily saw this time. Chaucer was trying to crawl out of the road.

“Fuck,” Lily exclaimed at the sight. She tried to never swear in front of her kids, but it escaped this time. “Fuck,” she said again. She needed to act and act fast. Why the Hell did Severus have to be out of town now? She took a breath. They needed to get to the vet. She would need a babysitter, taking the girls and Harry would only slow her down. She drew her wand and sent a Patronus to Remus.

“Harry, I need you to go inside. Remus will be here soon so I can take Chaucer to the doctor,” Lily said feigning calm.

“No,” Harry protested.

“Harry, please,” Lily said.

“No, want to come with you,” Harry protested.

“Fine, I need to get going, go get my keys from the hook by the door. Then go and unlock the car while I go get Chaucer. Okay,” Lily instructed.

Harry nodded dashing off.  Lily would have Remus distract Harry when he got there.

While Harry was getting the keys she slowly approached the cat. There was at least some blood on her fur. She wasn’t walking straight either. This was not good. Gods she hoped this didn’t go the way she thought it might.

Lily approached the cat carefully. “Shhhhh…shhhh… It’s okay girl,” she whispered. She continued her constant stream of reassurance as she approached. Chaucer meowed sadly at her. She conjured a box with a blanket placed in the bottom of the box. As carefully as she could she placed the cat in the box.

“Here Mummy,” Harry said running up to her.

“Okay Harry,” Lily said. “I need you to open the backseat door for me.

Harry frowned. Looking at the different keys. Lily grabbed them out of his hand selecting the correct one almost instantly.

Harry fumbling with the lock gave Lily time to pick up the box. She had turned around, the box in hand when a loud popping announced Remus’ arrival.

“Lily,” Remus asked.

“Rem, think Gods. I need you to watch the kids. I have to take the cat to the vet.” Lily explained.

“What happened?” Remus asked.

“I don’t know. I think she might have been hit by a car,” Lily replied gently placing the box in the car. She added a few Cushioning Charms to add to Chaucer’s comfort.

“Come on Harry,” Remus said turning to Harry.

“No,” Harry protested again.

“Harry, I need you to go, Chaucer is very sick.” Lily told him.

“I want to come with you.” Harry said again.

Lily didn’t think it was a good idea. She looked to Remus for support, but he only shrugged.

“Fine,” Lily agreed, “But remember Chaucer is very sick.”

“Okay,” Harry agreed. He quickly climbed into the car.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can,” Lily said climbing into the car.

“Good luck,” Remus called to them as Lily back to the driveway.

She had a sneaking suspicion that luck was definitely needed. Lily raced to the vet’s surgery. If she knew she wouldn’t have been spotted she would have Apparated. Although she was unsure that would have been good  for Chaucer in her current state. No, they would have to settle for driving like a bat out of Hell all the way to the vet’s. They arrived a short time later (surprisingly having not received a ticket).

Lily threw the car in to park, “Go wait by the door, Harry. I’ll need you to open it for me.”

Harry nodded, “Okay Mummy.” He climbed out of the car.

Lily took a breath as she walked around to the back of the car. Opening the door she took another deep breath. The cat was still breathing! There was a chance! She scooped up the boxes carefully as she could. She walked as fast as he could without jostling her cargo too badly. Harry opened the door for her.

“Good afternoon,” a perky woman at the desk greeted them. “How can I help you today?”

“My cat was hit by a car,” Lily said trying to keep hold of her emotions. She had made it this far.

“Oh dear,” the woman said. “I’ll go and get the doctor.”

The woman disappeared behind the door. A few minutes later Lily and Harry were led into an exam. A technician took Chaucer into another room leaving Lily alone with Harry.

Harry looked around the room curiously. There were jars on the counter similar to those found at any Muggles doctor’s office (not that Harry and been to one), other equipment was more vet specific, like the scales. Lily was okay with letting him explore for several minutes. She needed to collect her thoughts.

Several minutes passed before Lily could speak again, “Harry, love, can you come over here please.”

Harry looked over his shoulder frowning at his mother.

“Please, Harry,” Lily repeated.

Harry wandered back to his mother. She patted the chair she stood beside. Harry dutifully sat down. Lily crouched down beside the chair coming down to Harry’s eye level, she stopped to take a deep breath.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Harry, Chaucer’s is very sick,” Lily began.

“I know,” Harry replied.

“Yes love, Chaucer is very, very sick. She’s the kind of sick the doctors may not be able to make better,” Lily said.

“But if the Muggle doctors can’t make her better, you and dad can give her a potion right?” Harry asked.

Lily shook her head, “That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

Harry’s frown slowly, “So she might, always be hurt?”

Lily nodded, “Yes, that’s possible.” She paused, “But there is a chance she might…” Lily paused again. “There is a chance she might not live.”

“She’s going to die?” Harry demanded.

“I didn’t say that,” Lily denied. “I did not say she would, but there is a chance. There are times when someone or something is so hurt or sick it is better for us to let them pass away.”

When Harry didn’t reply Lily continued, “We wouldn’t want Chaucer to suffer right?”

“No,” Harry agreed.

“Exactly,” Lily said. “The doctors will do their best to make sure that she gets better.”

The door opened a moment later. “Mrs. Snape,” the newcomer said, hand extended.

“Hello,” Lily said taking his hand. “Hello son,” he said to Harry offering his hand once again.

Harry didn’t take it.

The man said, “I’m Doctor Tompkins,” he said introducing himself. I’ve had a look at your cat, Chaucer is it?”

Lily nodded.

“Well, I had a look at her. She’s not in very good shape. We could operate. That would set you back quite a bit, or perhaps, and this is what I think is best, we let her go.”

Lily bristled slightly at the man’s tone. There was no sort of feeling. It was so businesslike, matter of fact. She knew he must deal with this sort of thing all the time, but still he could at least try and fake some sympathy. Did he not notice Harry’s distress?

Harry looked up at him. Lily looked back.

“What do you think her chances of survival are?” Lily asked.

“Mmmmm… I don’t like to put it in those sorts of terms. The cat is currently suffering from a number of injuries.  The least of these are concussion, broken ribs,” the doctor began. “It would really be better…”

“Stop,” Lily interjected. “Harry, love can you go wait outside for me?”

“But, Mum,” the boy began to object.

Lily gave him a stern glare. Harry sulked, looking from his mother to the doctor back. Lily only began to speak once the door was firmly shut behind Harry. If they weren’t in a Muggle environment she would have cast an Imperturbable on the door, but she would have to settle for simply hoping Harry wasn’t eavesdropping, however unlikely that might be.

“Mrs. Snape...,” the doctor began again.

“No,” Lily snapped. “Listen to me. You might be great with animals, but you are absolute shite with people. Do you not see how scared that little boy was? He’s the one who rescued her. They’ve grown up together. What are you talking about? Money? What kind of person are you?”

Doctor Tompkins bristled at the attack, “I think that was rather uncalled for,” the doctor finally said. “You came asking for me to treat your pet. I told you in my professional opinion it would be best to let the animal go. If it survived, it would only suffer and now you’re attacking my character.”

Lily’s nostrils flared in anger, “You don’t want to treat my cat, fine. You might be right about her prognosis, but you can break the news very differently. My son is eight years old! I don’t understand how you can be so cold hearted telling us. And, money? Really? I haven’t even asked what anything might cost. Who are you to tell me how much my pet is worth to me? How would you like to tell me about how much each of my kids is worth while you’re at it?”

The doctor stood there in stunned silence. What was he supposed to say to that?  The two stood in awkward silence for several minutes.

“What would you like to do about Chaucer?” The doctor asked.

“You don’t think she would make it?” Lily asked hopefully.

“I do not,” confirmed the doctor. “She would would likely suffer a great deal if she did recover at all.”

Lily sighed. Her worst dreams were coming true. “We’ll put her down.”

The doctor gave a slight nod. Before he could leave Lily asked, “Can we have a chance to say goodbye?”

The doctor gave another nod. Lily gave another heavy sigh. She opened the door on the opposite side of the room. Harry sat down next to the door, his head resting on his knees.

“You can come back in,” Lily told him.

Harry shook his head. Lily sank to the floor next to him. “How much did you hear,” Lily asked.

Harry shook his head again.

“You weren’t listening?” She asked, if he wasn’t she’d be surprised.

Harry shrugged.

“I see,” Lily said. So Harry had probably heard at least some, if not all she said to the doctor. Oops.

“Come back into the room please, Harry,” Lily said rising to her feet once more.

Harry followed his mother back in. Lily took a seat in the chair in the corner. She beckoned Harry over. Harry stood in front of her and Lily sighed. She pulled the boy into her lap and said.  “Harry, sweetie,” Lily began, but she stopped her voice thick with emotion.

“It’s Chaucer going to be okay?” Harry asked.

Lily shook her head, not that Harry could see.

“Mom,” Harry repeated

“I’m sorry sweetie,” Lily said giving Harry a tight squeeze.

“But why?” Harry demanded.

“Remember what I said earlier? That sometimes it’s better to let somebody go when they are sick or hurt?”

“But why can’t we fix her?” Harry asked.

“Muggle medicine can only do so much, Harry. If we tried to fix her, she would be in a lot of pain. She wouldn’t be the same.” Lily tried to explain.

“We have magic,” Harry protested.

“I know we do sweetheart, but the people here don’t. They’re Muggles.” Lily told him.

“So you can fix her,” Harry demanded.

“I would if I could, love.” Lily reassured. “But I don’t know how.”

“Dad would,” Harry countered.

Lily sighed. It wasn’t true, but Severus had been here at least he could confirm to Harry the cat was beyond his aide instead all Lily could say words “I don’t think he could, Harry.”

“Yeah he could,” Harry protested.

Lily sighed again. “Even if he could Harry, he’s not here.” Lily reminded him.

The door opened again. A technician carried Chaucer into the room. He gently placed the cat on the table. “The doctor will be in shortly. If you want to say your goodbyes, now would be a good time,” technician said.

Lily gave a small nod. Harry was watching the slow rise and fall of the cat’s chest.

“She’s sleeping,” he observed.

“Yeah,” Lily choked. “The doctor is going to give her some medicine and she’s going to go into a deeper sleep,” Lily explained.

“But she won’t wake up,” Harry pointed out.

“No, she won’t.” Confirmed Lily.

“I don’t want her to go,” Harry said, a new wave of tears threatening to fall.

“I don’t either,” Lily said setting Harry back on his feet. He crossed the several steps to stand by Chaucer. She held her hand for Harry. When he didn’t take it she looked back over her shoulder to him. Harry stood rooted in his spot. He shook his head vehemently from side to side.

“It’s okay sweetie,” Lily reassured. “You can wait out in the hallway if you want.”

Harry gave a firm nod, but made no move to go. Both turned when the door opened again. The doctor came in. This was enough to get Harry to move. He ran out the still open door.

“I’m sorry about that,” Lily said to the doctor.

The doctor only shrugged.

Lily placed her hand on the top Chaucer’s paw, “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll miss you.” She said moving forward to place a kiss on top the cat’s head.

The doctor removed a vial of medicine and a syringe from his coat pocket. He felt that and stuck the needle in the back of the cat’s neck. They watched the few moments as the breathing slowed and stopped altogether. Tears fell silently down Lily’s face.

“Do you want to take it with you?” The doctor asked as he confirmed the death and proceeded to fill in some paperwork.

Lily gave a small nod. The doctor disappeared down the hall. The technician returned and took Chaucer away, returning a few minutes later with a nice clean white box.

“Thank you,” Lily muttered. She would have to take it out to the car, but firstly she needed to find her son.

Where had Harry gone? The search didn’t take her very long. Harry sat next the receptionist who greeted him when they came in. He was munching on a biscuit. The woman looked up as Lily approached.

“I hope it’s alright,” the woman said indicating the treat. “The poor love looked like he could use a sweet.”

“It’s fine,” Lily agreed. She shifted the box lightly. Chaucer never seemed that heavy when she was alive, now it felt like twice the weight.

“Can we go home now?” Harry begged.

“In a minute Harry,” Lily told him. “I need to do few things.”

“Okay,” Harry sobbed.

Lily paid the bill paying not minding how much it actually cost. The box awkwardly sat next to her on the counter.

The ride home was silent. Lily didn’t know what she was going to say to the girls. They’d never really lost anyone or anything. The idea of death was probably a little beyond their understanding. Maybe she should be glad that they were too young?

Severus was going to be a different story altogether. The man might claim to hate the beast on a regular basis, but his actions told a far different story. He hadn’t had a pet before and not having a chance to say goodbye would probably upset him greatly.  They would have to wait and see to know for certain.

Lily made a slight detour on the way home and grabbed hamburgers and chips for the family and Remus. She was in no mood to cook after the afternoon’s events.

Severus arrived home several hours later. He found Lily seated on the sofa with a blanket across her lap. There was a book open in front of her, but she didn’t seem to be reading. It was a couple hours past when he was expected to be home. He’d been held up by two of his fellow conference attendees. The three got into a rather heated debate on the merits of using droxy blood and Severus lost all track of time.

Severus crossed the room dropping a kiss on top of Lily’s head. “How are you this evening?” Severus asked raising the blanket to make sure he didn’t accidentally sit on the cat.

Lily shook her head.

“What’s the matter?” Severus asked frowning. “Chaucer,” Lily said tightly.

Severus’ frown deepened. “What about her? Where is she?”

“Gone,” Lily said a little above a whisper.

“Gone? She’s runaway?” Severus asked. His heart sped up a little. Why weren’t they out looking for her then?

Lily shook her head. “No, she’s gone, Sev.” Lily said emphasizing the word ‘gone’.

Severus’ brow furrowed in thought, “Gon-but how?”

“There was a car. Harry was playing… ” Lily began.

“How is Harry,” Severus demanded cutting off his wife.

“He’s pretty upset. He insisted on coming to the vet’s office with me. The arse of a doctor was so cold and businesslike about it. Harry… I’m pretty sure he thinks if you had been here it when it happened, you could have saved her.” Lily explained.

“What? Why?” Severus question.

“I don’t know, Sev. Maybe you should go talk with him.” Lily suggested.

“Indeed,” Severus agreed.

Severus rose and crossed to the doorway before stopping. “Are you all right?”

“I’ve had better days,” she said honestly. “I’ll miss the annoying ball of fur.”

Severus gave her a curt nod. “I’ll be back momentarily.”

“Okay,” agreed Lily.

Severus knocked on Harry’s door, entering before the boy had a chance to answer. Harry lie on side, his back to the door, blanket drawn up to shoulder even though was the middle of summer.

“Harry,” Severus said gently.

Harry looked over his shoulder, did not otherwise respond. It was past his bedtime. He should have been asleep and, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“Harry,” Severus repeated taking a seat on the edge of the boy’s bed.

Harry again made no response.

“Your mother just told me about Chaucer,” Severus informed him.

“What’d she say?” Harry asked rolling over to look at his father.

“She said Chaucer was ‘gone’. It took me a moment to realize that she meant Chaucer passed away,” Severus told him honestly.

“She didn’t tell you it was my fault?” Harry asked.

Severus quirked a curious eyebrow. “Why on earth do you think she’d say that?”

“’Cause it is,” the boy insisted, new tears beginning to fall.

“Harry,” Severus protested. “It was not your fault.”

“But it was,” Harry countered.

“No Harry,” Severus refuted.

“But it was,” Harry repeated. “If I hadn’t let her out she would be fine. She wouldn’t have been hit by that car.”

Severus sighed. “Oh Harry,” he said sadly. “That could’ve happened to any of us here. You know how she loved to try and get into the garden. I’ve let her out more times than I can count, purely by accident.”

“But,” Harry protested.

“No,” Severus said more sternly. “This was not your fault, Harry. If anyone is to blame it is the damned Muggles driver, no one else. Do you understand me?”

Harry gave a weak nod.

“Good,” Severus said softly.

They sat a moment in slightly heavy silence.

“How are you?” Severus asked.

Harry shrugged.

“Use your words,” Severus scolded mildly.

“I miss her,” Harry said after a moment.

Severus could tell the boy was crying out right now even if he couldn’t see Harry’s face. Harry was looking intently at his blanket, the walls, anywhere but, at Severus.

“It’s okay to cry, Harry.” Severus reassured.  Severus shifted so his back was against the headboard of the bed. “There is no shame in crying.”

“You don’t,” Harry said looking up Severus.

“Not true. I don’t often cry, but I did when your sisters were born for example.” Severus corrected.

“That’s different,” Harry protested shifting to lie on Severus’ chest.

“Is it?” Severus asked bringing an arm to wraparound Harry.

“You were happy then,” Harry explained.

“I was,” Severus agreed. “Some would argue that would be even less of a reason to cry. You should feel free to express whatever it is you are feeling, Harry.”

Severus could feel the tears seeping into his robes.

“How come you don’t?” Harry asked.

“That is a complex question better saved for another day,” Severus dismissed.

Harry scoffed.

Another few minutes passed in silence.

“Are you going to miss her Dad?” Harry asked.

“Of course,” Severus agreed. “I will miss having inky footprints tracked all across my notes. I’ll miss any of you children trying to chase her around the house. I’ll also miss the insistent meowing when she was to be fed at half six in the morning weekend or not.”

Harry chuckled slightly. Severus ran his fingers through Harry’s hair and the boy drifted to sleep. Severus must have dozed off some point because he was still in Harry’s bed when Lily came to retrieve him well over an hour later.

The next few weeks were hard as they all adjusted to life without the cat. They would turn the corner expecting to see her. Severus still woke in time to feed her. They occasionally would trip over one of her toys. But what was hardest was trying to explain it to the girls.