Harry had slept until it was almost time for lunch. Poppy sat on his bed and cast a diagnostic spell on him when he woke up. "What happened to me?" Harry asked confused when the memory of the breakfast fiasco came back.

"You had a panic attack, Harry. How do you feel now?" Poppy asked him.

Harry looked at her, puzzled. How can she say this as of it was the most normal thing to say. "A panic attack? Why?" Harry was worried and sat up abruptly.

"Lay down again. I want to check your arm." With that, she pushed him gently back on the mattress. When he didn't resist, she started to unwrap the bandage. "I don't know why you got the attack. I hoped you could tell me."

"I don't know. I never had something like this. I really feared I would choke," Harry said, getting pale just by the memory of it. Poppy had unwrapped the bandage completely and was satisfied that the wounds weren't inflamed. "Your arm looks better. Does it still hurt?"

"No." Harry shook his head. "Please, Madam Pomfrey, why did I have this attack? Can it be that it came from Voldemort?" A shiver ran over him.

"It's Poppy, Harry. And no, I don't think he has anything to do with it. Maybe we can unravel the mystery when you tell me what you remember of the time just before the attack." Madam Pomfrey spread healing salve over his underarm and wrapped it in a clean bandage.

Harry tried to remember what had happened. "I was thinking about Ron and Hermione and how I shall tell them about-" Harry didn't finish his sentence. His throat was dry, and he could again feel the despair and the fear he had felt this morning.

"Tell them what, Harry?" Poppy asked as she laid her hand calmingly on his chest.

It was a miracle to Harry that such a small gesture could give so much comfort. He looked sadly at Poppy. "How can I tell them what I did? They will hate me for it. At the very least they will think I'm weak and let them down." He sighed and added, "And they would be right."

"First, they are your friends, and as much as I know of them, they wouldn't think something like this. They love you Harry, and they will be very worried, but also glad that you still live. Second, you shouldn't think so badly of yourself, Harry. You are fifteen and have to carry a great burden because one evil person marked you as his enemy. You lost many people lately and you were even present while it happened. No teenager should have to experience this. Then with guardians like the Dursleys you never learned that you could share your worries with adults, and that it isn't weakness to do it. You are no longer alone, Harry." Poppy spoke in a calm voice, never lifting her hand off Harry's chest.

"I cannot tell them." Harry's voice broke because of the lump in his throat. Tears were forming in his eyes, and he fought hard against them. I'm too old to cry like a baby.

"They are your friends, Harry. They will be worried if they don't hear from you. They will understand." Poppy moved the hand from Harry's chest to his head to stroke his hair. "It will be okay, Harry."

"I should not have done it," Harry said miserably. The fight against the tears was lost.

"We all make mistakes, it's important that we learn from them. You were in a lot of stress and despair. Can you remember how you felt when you were on the tower?"

Harry briefly considered lying, but it felt good to speak with Poppy, and so he decided to tell her everything. He told her about the heavy feeling he had on his chest, and the feeling that he could never be happy again; that he had felt sad from one minute to the other and even started to cry out of nowhere. He believed that he was going to be embarrassed but instead he felt relief after telling Poppy about it.

"That sound like depression to me, Harry. After what you have been through it wouldn't be a surprise. It's important that you tell me when you feel like this from now on. I could give you a light Antidepressant Potion, but first we will try a lot of fresh air and sun, Maybe the new living situation helps you as well. It has nothing to do with weakness if you still feel like this, Harry. There is no reason to be embarrassed about it. Promise me to tell me when you feel unwell again." Poppy looked seriously at him.

"Yes, I'll tell you, but I don't feel like going out much. It's not like it was before Sirius-" Harry stopped when he felt the heavy feeling on his chest again. Tears were forming again in his eyes, and they started to burn. "See, only thinking of him makes me like this. It's as if darkness is eating me up from inside." He covered his face with his hands. Hiding was all he wanted to do now.

"Maybe we should better start with the potion and see if it helps you, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer and just stood up. "I will fetch it."

Fifteen, Merlin, I'm fifteen. Why can't I behave like a fifteen year old? Why has my life to be like this. I'm a freak like the Dursleys had said all of the time. An abnormal freak. Harry pulled at his hair. The urge to hurt himself was overwhelming. Just the fear of what Madam Pomfrey would say stopped him from ripping the bandage away and scrape his wounds open again. So he pulled painfully at his hair to punish himself.

"Stop it, Potter!" The strict voice of his Potions master thundered through the room.

Harry stopped pulling at his hair immediately and looked fearfully at his professor. "Professor Snape?"

"Still Severus and before you start to protest, I just called you Potter because you seem to react quicker to it. Believe me you don't want Poppy to see you hurt yourself again. There are some nasty spells that a Mediwitch can use on a patient that is a danger to himself and all cut into your private life immensely. Do you want that?" Severus approached the bed and sat down on the edge.

Harry shook his head. He was surprised that Severus strict command had pulled him out of this awful feeling so quickly.

"I thought so, Harry. Poppy will be back any minute. She is just calling Alastor and Albus for lunch. So I advise you to behave and refrain from hurting yourself. You have it under control, Harry. If you were able to learn Occlumency, you are able to control your desire to hurt yourself as well. You have to clear your head. This potion here will help you as well. At least it will lighten your mood, but the desire to hurt yourself can still be there from time to time, and then you have to fight against it."

"Yes, sir," Harry said automatically.

Severus rolled his eyes. "It's, yes, Severus. When I tell you all of this, its just because I absolutely now how you feel right now, and I wish someone would have been there while I had this problem to speak sense into me. I had to learn the hard way what possibility Poppy and Alastor have to make sure someone they care about is right. As scary as it is, Harry, but we are on one side here. Let's put our past away. We will survive this summer with these two meddlers much better when we work together. They are wonderful people and only have the best in mind for both of us, but believe me sometimes this can be very embarrassing and annoying. We can think about how to act as teacher and student again when the time comes. Now we have the summer in front of us, and there I won't be a teacher and much enjoy it." He looked sternly at Harry and added, "But that doesn't mean I will accept any cheek from you, boy. I'm still the older one and the much more experience. Is that clear?"

"Crystal clear, " Harry said, absolutely stunned about the new Severus, who was sitting in front of him.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You take this a little too easy for my taste."

Harry grinned. "We have already stopped hating each other while the Occlumency lessons, haven't we?" Seeing that Severus' eyebrow raised even higher, Harry added, " And it was more like a mentor thing while the Occlumency than just a teacher-student relationship. I mean it wasn't like school. Oh, Merlin, I can't describe it." Harry hit the mattress in frustration.

"I think I know what you mean. Just remember that I'm still the one in charge."

"As if I could ever forget this," Harry said. "And if I really would do, you know how to get me back on track, right?"

"Absolutely," Severus growled, but it wasn't very convincing.

Harry felt so much better now. He even thought he wouldn't need the potion, Severus held in his hand. "Maybe I don't have to drink it."

"Oh yes, you do. It will help you. Believe me. The less they are worried about you, the better your summer will be. And now drink it!" He handed Harry the vial.

"Will you teach me how to fight Vol-" seeing Severus flinch, he quickly said, "Sorry. Will you teach me how to fight You-know-who? And potions? And more Occlumency?"

"We could practice some dueling, and of course we can brew together. You already are good in Occlumency and just have to practice by yourself to become better. So we will spend our time with the first two things. And now drink before Poppy comes back and wonders what we have done for all this time."

Harry smiled and drank the potion. This summer will be the best ever. Severus will teach him how to fight Voldemort, and so he doesn't have to be so scared about it anymore. Maybe Alastor also will teach him some tricks. Having Severus on his side and not standing against three adults will also be so great. Not that he didn't appreciate the help of Poppy and Alastor, but having someone help him and not always standing on the side of the adults would be great too. It felt as if he got a big brother now. One you have to respect as the more experienced one, but who also was a little bit like oneself. "I don't feel anything different," Harry said, worried that the potion didn't work.

"Do you feel depressed or worried or sad at the moment?" Severus asked annoyed.

"No." Confusion was written all over Harry's face.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Then it works. And now out of bed, lazy head. Its lunch time."

"Exactly," Poppy said from the door, her arms crossed over her chest. "What were the two of you doing that long?"

"Maybe you should show your new son how to follow orders and teach him that it is impossible to drink while speaking. That would help so that next time we will make it in time for lunch. Until then it will always take hours to convince him that I didn't poison the potion."

Poppy shook her head and sighed. "Why can't you speak like anyone else? It costs me a lot of energy to always have to read between the lines, Severus. A simply 'we spoke about something we don't want you to know about' would have made it."

Severus turned to Harry, "See what I mean?" He quickly slid out of the room, even ducking his head while he passed Poppy.

Poppy looked at Harry questioningly. "Seeing what?"

"Eh...nothing important Mada...Poppy," Harry said shyly.

"You were not fighting, were you?" Poppy asked, worried.

Harry smiled. "No, we were just speaking. He will teach me over the summer. Potions and dueling."

"Dueling?" Poppy asked, not happy about what she had heard.

"I still have to fight Voldemort, you know. It would be good to learn more about fighting. It's not as if I can run away from him, right?"

"Right." A deep voice was to be heard behind Poppy.

"Alastor," Poppy turned to face her husband. "Harry should enjoy this summer, and he is still recovering. I don't think he should learn dueling from Severus."

"I think he should learn as much as possible that will help him when the time comes to fight, Poppy. We don't know when this will be, and so I think this summer is a wonderful opportunity for Harry to learn from Severus. We will have a close eyes on both of them and see that Harry doesn't overdo himself and still can enjoy his holiday. Maybe he will even enjoy dueling."

"Enjoy dueling," Poppy was on rage now. "Are you crazy?"

Alastor remained calm. Harry didn't understand how he was capable of looking so relaxed while Poppy was obviously mad at him. "Dueling is a sport, Poppy. Many men like it!"

"A sport," Poppy said deprecatingly. "It's cruel. And Harry isn't a man. He is a boy."

"A boy with a great burden, Poppy." Another deep voice joined in the heated conversation. "He has to learn about fighting and it will make him feel safer. Don't you think that would be a good thing?" It was the Headmaster who now was standing beside Alastor.

Even when the two were speaking in his behalf, Harry felt sorry for Poppy. "I promise I will be careful, and if I get hurt I'll tell you." Harry saw Alastor flinch a little by the last part of his sentence. It was obviously not the right thing to say.

"Hurt? If Severus hurts you during this cruel sport," - she looked angrily at Alastor on the last word - "he has to answer to me."

Now Harry was worried about Severus. "But it is normal to be hurt from time to time while dueling. Otherwise I can't lean anything."

"Yes, just team up against me," Poppy said in despair. She was worried about Harry. She wished he could have a normal childhood. Slowly, she realized that they were right. The one she really was angry with was Voldemort. Merlin, how much she wished to kill him herself. "Fine, but you promise to be careful not to overdo it, Harry, okay?"

Harry smiled, relieved that Poppy had calmed down. "Of course I will. Thanks for being so worried." He uncertainly touched her arm. "It feels good to have someone who cares if I'm getting hurt."

"Oh, you stupid boy," Poppy said when tears were filling her eyes. She pulled him in a hug. "Of course I'm worried. I wish I could give you a normal childhood."

"I'm already fifteen. I'm no child," Harry protested slightly.

"From now on you will be my child. No matter how old you are," Poppy said while slowly regaining control over her emotions again.

"And your child will starve or choke if you won't let go of him eventually." The sarcastic voice of Severus penetrated Harry ears while he was still buried in Poppy's robes while she hugged him as if she could protect him from all evil on this world just by refusing to let him go.

"Four males against one female. I have to make sure that Minerva and Pomona are up here more often to avoid being cornered like this," Poppy said and let go of Harry.

"Oh, please spare me," Severus growled. "And now let's eat."