It looked so peaceful. Ducks were swimming on the lake, causing the water to ripple where they swam. The forest looked peaceful, birds were singing and the warm soft wind blew in Harry's face. But even this beauty could not suppress the pain he felt inside. It could not make him forget what he had done.

He stared into the distance. Hogwarts was the only place he ever had felt was home, and now not even here did he feel like he was safe and loved. All he could feel was pain and sorrow. Sirius is dead and it's all my fault. His fingers were clutching the banister. His knuckles were white from the force with which he grabbed it. Why was I so damn stupid? Why did I have to believe what Voldemort sent me through this damn mind bond. God, Sirius, I'm so sorry.

Harry sank down and pressed his forehead against the banister. His hands loosened their death grip on the rail and sank down as well. Through the tears in his eyes he stared at his underarms. His long-sleeve shirt was covering his wounds, but Harry knew that they were under the fabric. Angry red scars and open wounds. The memory of the last cutting, an hour ago, was still fresh and Harry remembered it with satisfaction

--An hour ago--

The knife in his hand felt good. The old wounds hadn't healed until now, and he was already eager to add new ones. When the blade cut through the skin it was such a good feeling. It was like punishing himself for his stupidity. It couldn't bring Sirius back, but it slightly made up for Sirius' death. No, it doesn't make his death any lesser. Nothing can make up for what I did. I got Sirius killed because I didn't do what they all told me, I didn't learn to shut my mind, and because I believed Voldemort instead of my friends and teachers.

The pain didn't make the memory of Sirius falling into the veil vanish. The memory of Sirius' face when he fell through the veil had burned itself in Harry's brain. He saw it every time he closed his eyes and when he thought about Voldemort and the battle in the Ministry even when he had his eyes open. Unfortunately, he thought about it almost all the time. How often had Snape and Moody told me how important it was to shut my mind? How often had Dumbledore told me that I shouldn't believe what I see in my dreams? But did I listen to what they said? No, bloody Harry, the hero, has to think that he knows better than his teachers and friends.

The anger made the next cut much deeper than the other ones. Blood was running out of the wound and dropped onto the floor of the Room of Requirement. Harry felt dizzy, but couldn't stop cutting himself. It was the only time where he could forget Sirius' face and the burning pain in his chest.

When he cut himself, one after another, was the only time that he felt alive. Any other time he felt like dying. Like a withered leaf that just waited to fall from the tree. Only one little gust of wind and it would lose contact with its tree, its life support, and fall down to rot on the ground. Harry had waited so long for the last push that would let him lose contact with his 'tree'; his life. His soul was already rotten. His body felt like it was on fire and he didn't know if he could stand it any longer. Cutting helped him to feel alive. There is still blood flowing through my veins and not ash. And it is red not black like he felt his soul was right now.

The knife fell down in the small puddle that had already built under his arm. The clinking sound it produced was echoing in Harry's ears. He ran his fingers over the fresh wounds and enjoyed the pain it was causing. Pain nobody else was willing to give him. They were all so damn understanding. Remus was the worst. He had already left the castle. When Harry remembered Remus' expression he wanted to throw up. 'It's not your fault Harry. It was Sirius' choice to leave Grimmauld Place. He knew it was dangerous,' he had said, but his face said something different. The sorrow of losing his best friend and the realization of the senselessness of Sirius death was written all over Remus' face. 'Sirius wouldn't want you to beat yourself up about something that can't be changed. He is dead Harry and we have to learn to go on without him.' Those were Remus' last words before he hugged Harry one last time and left Hogwarts. And then he left me alone, Harry thought bitterly. The dizziness became worse, and Harry realized that he had to stop the bleeding. The Room of Requirement supplied him with bandages and he wrapped them forcefully around his arm.

He lay down on the cold floor in a fetal position, drawing his hurt arm near his chest. What will happen if I just die here? Will they ever find me? God, how I wish that it all would be over. I don't want to be their god damn hero. I don't want to fight Voldemort. I don't want to endanger my friends. My parents died because of me, then Cedric and now Sirius. Who will be next? Hermione? Ron?

He rolled onto his back. His left arm still pressed tight to his chest, He could still feel the pain and that connected him to life. So many spots on the ceiling, Harry thought. A spot for every person Voldemort killed, and I couldn't rescue them because I was too weak. The spots started to move and Harry closed his eyes. It felt as if his body was spinning and he lost all orientation. Harry didn't know if he had passed out or how much time had past until he opened his eyes again. The spots on the ceiling didn't move any longer and Harry sat up. The bandage was red from his blood and he decided to change it before leaving the room. The blood didn't seep out of the wound, and so he hoped the next bandage would stay white. He pulled the sleeve of his shirt over it and stood up. After a few second he stopped swaying and left the room. I need fresh air.

--Back on the Tower--

He was still sitting in front of the banister, his forehead against the bars. Moody and Snape will take me back to the Dursleys in an hour. The others have already left. He hadn't walked them to the train even when Ron and Hermione had asked him to. No, he wanted to be alone. He couldn't bear the happy faces and the laughter of the other students. He couldn't bear them talking about their holiday plans. Where they will travel to; what they will do with their parents and fiends. It makes me feel sick. Even the memory of all those happy people made him want to throw up. I will never be able to be happy like them. Not that I ever was. But there was a time where I could enjoy my life, even when my relatives abused me and I always had Voldemort on my back. I had my friends and I was so glad to have them. They made me happy and I felt loved. Now I'm only scared that they will die because they are my friends. It would be better for them if they never spoke to me again or if I just died.

Harry pulled himself up again. A fresh wave of pain ran through his arm and reminded him of his guilt. Yeah, it would be better if I died. Someone else can defeat the damn Dark Lord. How could they ever believe I would be capable of defeating him?

Again his eyes wandered over the grounds of Hogwarts. He could see that it was beautiful but it was as if this message got lost on the way to his brain and heart. The sound of the birds was muffled as if he had cotton wool in his ears. No, not just his ears; he had the feeling it was in his skull. Not only the sounds were altered, it also was like seeing the landscape in black and white even when he knew it was colorful. As if his mind couldn't recognize colors any longer. Only black and white. Yeah, black and white. Good and bad. Living or dying. Nothing between, he thought bitterly.

He didn't even realize that he had climbed over the banister until he was looking down into the abyss. His upper body was leaning forward while his hands were clutching the rail. Power was what he felt right now. Power to decide. 'Be reasonable, Harry. It is a trick of Voldemort. Sirius is at Grimmauld Place.' Hermione's voice rang in his head. Why didn't I listen to her?

What will Hermione do when she hears what I have done? She will cry because she loves me like a brother. Harry's heart crumpled at the thought of the pain he will cause her. But it is for the best. She is safer without me. Ron will have a tantrum. He will ask himself why he hadn't realized what would happen. And again it is the best to jump because Ron and his family are safer without me. He will get over it and he still has Hermione.

Snape and Moody will be furious. They had tried very hard to help me these last days. Snape had started to teach me Occlumency again and even was kind and patient when I couldn't master it because I wasn't able to concentrate. They had tried to convince me to speak about Sirius' death, but I couldn't. I wasn't able to block my mind and so Snape saw what my relatives did to me. Snape was shouting at Harry about not telling anyone about his relatives while Moody came into the room. So now Moody knew it as well. Harry didn't care any longer. He had mainly sitting there, shrugging his shoulders and playing it down while Moody and Snape were thinking about what they could do. They even had offered to speak with Dumbledore to find another place for Harry to stay, but Harry refused. One year ago he would have kissed their feet for it, but now he was even looking forward to go back. It was pain that was waiting for him at the Dursley's. Pain and humiliation. Exactly what he thought he deserved. He didn't deserve that his teachers were so damn understanding and thoughtful. He didn't deserve their kindness and sympathy. Finally Snape and Moody decided to bring him to the Dursleys personally and speak with them. Harry didn't care. He just wanted to run. Run as fast as he could and as far away as possible. He didn't want to see his teachers and friends because he didn't deserve their love and sympathy. Pain was all he deserved. Pain for his stupidity, and the Dursleys would provide it willingly.

All the faces of his friends and teachers in his mind made him still hold onto the rails. Dumbledore, Moody, McGonagall, Snape and Hagrid-his grip tightened, and he even drew a little backwards. A small part of him wanted them to rescue him. A small part hoped that they would be able to make the pain go away.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and, oh Merlin, Remus. His body moved forward again. They are better off without me. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly to see the picture which would help him to make the final decision. The picture that would be the last breeze Harry, the withered leaf, needed to fall from his tree; to end his life. And there the picture was. Sirius' shocked face while he fell through the veil. "Sirius," Harry whispered as his hands let go, and he fell forward over the edge into the abyss.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and, oh Merlin, Remus. His body moved forward again. They are better off without me. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly to see the picture that would push him to make the final decision. The picture that would be the last breeze Harry, the withered leaf, needed to fall from his tree; to end his life. And there it was: Sirius' shocked face when he fell through the veil. "Sirius," Harry whispered as his hands let go, and he fell forward over the edge into the abyss...

*~*

The wind blew in his face while he fell and he felt the adrenaline shoot through his veins. He screamed and panic overcame him. It was just a few seconds, but it felt like eternity. He didn't want to die any longer. What have I done? The ground came closer, and he shut his eyes so that he couldn't see the impact.

Seconds before the impact should happen Harry felt a tug that slowed his body racing toward the ground, just like it had felt when the Headmaster had slowed his fall during the Quidditch match two years ago. Harry heard a popping sound and shortly after it he hit the ground. All the air was pressed out of his lungs when he crashed down on the ground. His bones and especially his head hurt. That was not as bad as it could have ended but it still hurt a lot, Harry thought. Face down he laid on the ground and groaned. His glasses had slipped from his face and Harry searched blindly with his hands for them. His fingers brushed over a smooth surface until he found his glasses. Smooth? No grass? Harry rolled groaning on his side and placed his glasses on his nose. When he looked around, he saw that he wasn't on the Hogwarts grounds any longer. He was in a room without windows; just a door without a doorknob. Harry still tried to recover from the impact. He slowly turned onto his back. Looking around he realized that the room was completely empty. What's going on? Voldemort was the first thing what came into his mind. How had he done that? Where am I? Frantically he looked for his wand, but it wasn't there.

Suddenly the door flew open. Madam Pomfrey came running into the room closely followed by Professor Dumbledore and Professor Moody.

Harry groaned, let himself roll onto his back and shut his eyes. So not Voldemort, he thought.

"Hold still and open your eyes for me, Harry," Madam Pomfrey ordered while placing a hand on Harry's forehead.

Harry didn't open his eyes. He couldn't look at them. They know what I have done and now they will hate me for it. They will hate me for not being their hero. They will hate me for trying to run away and not accepting my fate. "I'm sorry," he said miserably.

"No, Harry. It's not the time to talk. Just let me examine you. How do you feel, Harry? Does anything hurt?"

"Everything," Harry said, defeated and closed his eyes again.

"No, Harry, please open your eyes for me", she said more gently. Harry did so and looked into the worried face of the Mediwitch.

She had her wand in the hand that wasn't on his forehead. She lit up the end of her wand and said, "Look at my ear, Harry!" She let the light fall on his left eye and moved it fast sideways and then did the same with the left eye. His pupils were reacting correctly to the change of light. A good sign, Madam Pomfrey thought. It seems he hasn't hit his head too violently. "Now follow my wand with your eyes," she ordered, glad that Harry was being cooperative.

Harry did what she ordered. Again Harry's eyes showed no sign of brain damage to Poppy's great relief.

"Very good, my boy," Poppy said encouraging. "Now I will cast a few diagnostic spells to assure that you haven't broken any bones or have any internal injuries.

Harry groaned again and closed his eyes. I hope this is over soon. Please let her give me something for the pain and let me sleep, he thought desperately.

"Please keep your eyes open, Harry!" the Mediwitch demanded.

Harry opened them and tried, at least, to turn his face away from Madam Pomfrey, that made his eyes meet the Headmaster's and Professor Moody's, both of whom stood silently against the wall. Harry groaned and quickly moved his head in the other direction. Dizziness overcame him, and he felt sick.

"Don't move too fast Harry, you have a concussion!" Poppy said, but when she realized it was already too late, she summoned a bin.

Harry felt his stomach protest and moved onto his side. Madam Pomfrey supported his head while he emptied his stomach into the bin Madam Pomfrey had quickly shoved into position.

"Shhh, its okay, Harry, try to relax," the Mediwitch said softly to Harry while he violently gagged although his stomach was already empty.

"Oh, Merlin," Harry groaned and leaned into the touch of the Mediwitch. He just wanted all this to be over because he felt so embarrassed. He couldn't look into their eyes. They must be so disappointed. A silver otter ran past Harry and vanished into Madam Pomfrey's wand. A patronus? She must have sent a message to someone, Harry mused.

Another figure came into the room. His black robes billowed around him. Harry didn't have to look up to know that it was Professor Snape.

"Of all things Potter-" Professor Snape started, but Madam Pomfrey stopped him.

"Not now, Severus! Harry has to take the potions, and then I want him in a hospital bed as soon as possible," Madam Pomfrey said and took the vials the Potions master offered her.

"I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I won't do it again," Harry said, almost crying.

The Potions master snorted and said, "Tell this someone who-"

"Like Madam Pomfrey said, now isn't the time for speaking about what happened, Harry. First we have to heal your injuries. Professor Moody and Madam Pomfrey will bring you to the hospital wing, and you will see us later," the Headmaster said to interrupt Professor Snape and guided the scowling Potions master out of the room.

Madam Pomfrey supported Harry's neck and let him drink the potions. They tasted awful, but Harry didn't care. He just wanted to run away as far as possible and hide under a stone.

Professor Moody in the meantime had come closer to Harry and conjured a stretcher. "Let's get you into the hospital wing, Harry. There Poppy can have a closer look at you, and you can finally rest," the professor said in a gentle voice Harry had never heard him use.

The words of the Professor echoed in Harry's head. A closer look! Oh, Merlin, no! She will see my arms. "No, I'm okay, really. I can just leave now." He pulled his arms to his chest and tried to stand up.

"Oh no, young man. You will just hold still and let us move you on the stretcher. You will go nowhere for some time," Madam Pomfrey said sternly while pushing him onto his back again.

"But I'm fine, I swear," Harry said desperately.

"Fine? You have jumped from one of the towers, Harry. You have a concussion and several bruises from the impact, and I also know about your arm. I will have a closer look at the wounds in the infirmary," the Mediwitch said, and eyed him closely.

How can I get out of this? Harry thought desperately. "I slipped and fell over the banister," Harry lied, but even while he still was speaking he saw on her face that she didn't believe a word.

"You can not just fall over the banister, Harry. It is accident proof. You can only climb over them and jump. And that is exactly what you did, otherwise you wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't have tried to apologize the whole time." Professor Moody leaned over Harry and patted his arms which were still crossed on his chest. "Leave them where they are and keep your legs together while I move you onto the stretcher," he ordered.

"Professor Moody, I..." suddenly Harry didn't know what he wanted to say. He could feel a lump build in his throat and tears build in his eyes. Oh no, please don't let me embarrass myself more than I already have. He tried to fight the tears, but soon the first sob escaped his lips and tears were running over his cheeks freely.

"We have plenty of time to speak later, boy, but now we will get you into bed," Alastor said and left no place for arguing.

Soon Harry was floating between Madam Pomfrey and Professor Moody to the hospital wing. It wasn't far away from the room Harry had landed in. When Harry was placed on one of the comfortable beds of the hospital wing, he just wished to pull the bedclothes over his head and hide. Madam Pomfrey seemed to have something else in mind, and with a wave of her wand the bedclothes folded themselves over the foot rail of the bed. It was strange, but Harry felt more exposed now than while he was lying on the floor in the other room.

Professor Moody had sat down on the right side of his bed, and Madam Pomfrey was standing on his left side. "I will remove your clothes now, Harry."

"No, Madam Pomfrey, please," Harry begged and tried to sit up, but his professor pushed him back.

"Let Poppy do her work, kid," Moody ordered and Harry stiffened.

Suddenly he was naked. Just Dudley's old worn-out briefs covered his private parts. Immediately he tried to cover his groin with his hands.

Poppy sighed and summoned a towel. "Harry, I can't examine you when you're stiff like that. Come one, move your hands away!" she ordered. Together with Alastor she managed to get Harry's hands away and the towel over Harry's crotch. "Better?" she asked him.

Harry nodded shyly. "Thank you"

Madam Pomfrey waved her wand for another diagnostic spell, and this time Harry noticed the tickle. In the room he was still so full of adrenaline that he hadn't felt the tickling sensation diagnostic spells always cause. "How do you feel now, Harry?" Poppy asked.

"I don't know...Better I would say. The pain has gone, and I don't feel dizzy or sick anymore." He hadn't even realized all of this before she had asked him.

"Then the painkiller and the concussion potion have worked. Now, I will have a look at this." She pointed at the bandage on Harry's left arm and started to unwrap it.

"Madam Pomfrey, please don't-" Harry tried to stop her, but when he struggled and tried to grab with his right hand after her, Professor Moody was faster. The professor took hold of Harry's right wrist and pressed Harry on his back again with his free hand. He let his right hand stay on Harry's chest and moved his left hand from Harry's wrist to his hand to hold it.

"There is no way around it, Harry. Let Poppy help you," Moody said calmingly.

Harry gave up his struggle and closed his eyes. The tears were still running over his cheeks. Merlin, I'm fifteen and I'm crying like a baby. Why must everything be so complicated and embarrassing? He could hear Poppy sigh, and she seemed to have stopped unwrapping his bandage. Moments later she felt her hand on his neck while she lifted his head. "Open your eyes, Harry! I want you to drink another potion," Poppy said and placed a vial at Harry's lips.

Harry drank it without thinking about it. He just wanted it all to be over. He was tired and wanted to close his eyes and forget all that had happened. A warm feeling was spreading through his body. It felt as if thick butterbeer was flowing through his veins. He felt himself sink deeper into the mattress and his muscles relaxed completely. All the negative thoughts and feelings seem to float away, and Harry opened his eyes.

"Better?" Poppy asked and squeezed his hand.

Harry hadn't felt that good in ages. The heavy weight on his chest had lifted away from him, and he could breathe freely. "Amazing," he said happily.

Poppy threw a quick glance at her husband and then said, "That's good to hear, Harry." The Calming Draught has worked well, now it will be much easier to examine and heal Harry's arm.

Harry didn't mind what she did any longer. He was more concentrated on the hand on his chest and the hand that held his right hand. It felt so good to have someone near him. The last weeks he had felt so alone, and now he wasn't alone anymore. He wished they could take all his burdens away from him and take care of him. Harry didn't want to be alone. He wanted someone to take care of him.

Soon Madam Pomfrey had taken care of his wounds. Self inflicted wounds aren't easy to heal and so she had to wrap the wounds in a fresh bandage after disinfecting them and smearing some special healing balm on them. It would need some time for them to heal. She hoped they wouldn't start to get infected. After a Cleaning Spell she dressed Harry in pajamas and tucked him in.

Harry snuggled happily in the bedclothes and enjoyed the warm feeling in his body. When the Mediwitch stoke his hair, he leaned into the touch.

"You are tired, Harry," Poppy said and whispered a Sleeping Spell.

Soon Harry relaxed completely and fell into a deep sleep.

Snoring woke Harry. The hospital wing was dim already, so Harry assumed that it must be late afternoon or evening. The snoring sound came from the armchair that was placed beside his bed. Professor Moody was sprawled unceremoniously over it and was sound asleep. Quickly, the events of the day came back in Harry's mind. Oh Merlin, what have I done? How could I believe that was the right way? If he was positive about one thing, then it was that he didn't want to die. Hiding, yes! Running away, yes! But dying, NO! Harry felt embarrassed that they had caught him. If he could have, he would leave as fast as possible in the hope that he wouldn't have to face the people who helped him and those who heard what he had done. I feel good; even my arm doesn't hurt any more. Maybe Madam Pomfrey will release me and I can go back to the Dursleys. When I come back after the summer, they hopefully would have already forgotten about this stupid mistake. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice that the snoring had stopped.

Alastor had watched Harry for the last five minutes. The boy seems deep in thought. Shall I tell him what we decided? Maybe I should wait for Poppy, Alastor mused.

Finally, Harry noticed the silence and looked over at Alastor.

"How are you, Harry?" Alastor asked friendly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said as he averted his face again and stared at the ceiling.

"You say that quite often, lad, but it won't undo what you did," Alastor said calmly and not reproachfully. He stood up, came over to Harry's bed and sat down on the edge. "How about telling me why you did it?"

"I don't know. It was just a mistake. I won't do it again," Harry mumbled unhappily.

"That was an easy answer, and I don't buy it at all. Try again," Alastor said, with a little more force behind his voice.

When Alastor took Harry's hand, the boy faced his professor again. "I was just stressed. I felt desperate, and I didn't even realize when I climbed over the banister." Seeing Alastor's mistrusting expression, he added, "I swear!"

"And did you also not notice when you let go of the rail?" Alastor asked provokingly.

Harry sighed and turned away again

"No, Harry, speak with me," Alastor said strictly, and grabbed Harry's chin to turn his face in his direction again. "You don't have to hide anything, Harry. We are here to help you."

Harry felt overwhelmed. Tears were running over his cheeks, and he started to sob. He didn't want his Professor to pull his hand away, and when Alastor cupped his cheek and gently stroked the tears away, Harry couldn't control himself. He threw himself violently in Alastor's arms and sobbed helplessly. Alastor drew calming circles on Harry's back and spoke softly to him. "It's okay, Harry, we will help you. You are not alone. Tell me why you did it. Please?"

When Harry had calmed down, he would have done anything to stay in the warm and comfortable arms. And so he told Alastor of his nightmares, of his guilt about Sirius and Cedric's death, of his fear that he wouldn't be able to defeat Voldmort and of the fear that he endangers his friends. He told him about his wish to run away and hide and that he felt so alone.

Still holding the sobbing teenager in his strong arms, Alastor said, "I'm sorry for not realizing how much this all was bothering you. You misunderstood some things, Harry. You don't have to fight Voldemort on your own. The prophecy just says that you will play an important role in the defeat of the Dark Lord not that you have to face him alone. We will speak about this later, but there are still some more things I would like to straighten out. Sirius' and Cedric's deaths aren't your fault-" He was interrupted by a protesting groan from Harry, but Alastor just tightened his grip on the boy and went on. "You will not be alone on the battle field, and you will not be alone now. I won't let you run away and hide. The war isn't everything you should think about. You should try to enjoy your life. It was stupid of us to think we could send you back to your relatives. You will stay here over the holidays. When you are well enough, you will move in with Poppy and me."

Harry moved away a little to look at Alastor. Is he joking? "But Professor Dumbledore?"

"Has already agreed," Alastor said calmly while watching Harry closely.

"But the blood protection? The Headmaster always insisted that I go back," Harry questioned, confused.

"That was before you tried to kill yourself, Harry. The blood protection cannot protect you from yourself," Alastor explained seriously.

Harry lowered his head in embarrassment. "I already said I won't do it again. It was a mistake. I know this now."

"I really hope so, but you also have to understand that we want to make sure that this won't happen again. Poppy thinks that you have depression, Harry. Maybe it has driven you so far that you jumped from the tower. And it also could be the reason that you feel the need to inflict these wounds on your arms." Alastor had cupped Harry's right cheek with one of his big hands and was stroking Harry's head calmingly with his right hand. "You are not alone, Harry. We will take care of you. The question is only will you let us?"

The hands on his face and head felt so good. If that is what he would get over the summer instead of hits and humiliation from the Dursleys, then Harry was more than eager to agree. They didn't seem to be angry with him or judge him for what he had done. Again, tears were running freely over his cheek, but this time he felt relieved. He also got the overwhelming feeling of having someone who care for him. Again, Harry buried his head in Alastor's broad chest. Harry just hoped they would all react like Professor Moody.

As Harry enjoyed the warm feeling and sobbed, Alastor used the opportunity to encircle Harry with one arm and slowly stroked his hair with the other hand. When Harry felt a hand on his back, which started to draw small circles, it took him some time to realize that it couldn't be Alastor's. He wasn't willing to give up the embrace, and so he just turned his head to see who else was in the room. It was Madam Pomfrey.

"How are you Harry? Any pain?" Poppy asked friendly.

Harry shook his head. Now where he know that he will live with her and Professor Moody, he looked at her from a total different point of view.

"That's good to hear. Is it okay when I cast a diagnostic spell nevertheless?" Poppy asked while showing Harry her wand.

"Okay," Harry said and groaned sadly that he had to give up his warm embrace. When he struggled to get free, Poppy stopped him by gently pressing at his back. "No, no, Harry you can stay like this if you like. I prefer you relaxed and drowsy than stiffened and frightened."

Harry happily obliged, and feeling Alastor chuckle didn't worry him. It was just another nice feeling.

Poppy waved her wand a few times over him and then put her wand away satisfied. "Very well, Harry. Your bruises are almost gone completely, and your nerves seem to be calm at the moment. What do you think about eating?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't thought about it, and in the moment he just didn't want to let go of his Professor.

"You can snuggle with Alastor later as well, Harry. Right now it would be better to eat a little," Poppy said, already using her husband's first name because Harry had to get used to use their first names from now on.

"Yes, lad, Poppy is right. Let's see what the house-elves have for you," Alastor said cheerfully, and loosened his embrace.

"Okay," Harry said reluctantly and moved out of Alastor's arms.

While they sat at the small table in the infirmary, Alastor told Poppy what happened before she came in. Harry didn't care. It was clear that Poppy had to know everything what happened.

"Nightmares, Harry? How long do you have them?" Poppy asked, going into her Mediwitch mode.

Harry swallowed the juice down and answered, "I don't really know. For a long time. I can't even remember when I last slept really peacefully. I often feel alone, especially in the night. I can't stop the nightmares, and I often wake Ron or the others. Recently, I placed silencing charms on my bed." Harry's stomach cramped at these thoughts, and he pushed the plate away.

"I shouldn't have asked you this while you were trying to eat, Harry. I'm sorry," Poppy said and pushed the plate in front of Harry again. "Please try to eat a little more."

Reluctantly, Harry grabbed his half eaten slice of bread and started eating again.

"Good boy," Poppy said and patted his head. Then she turned to Alastor. "Maybe it is better that we get him moved in this evening. He doesn't have to stay here, and I would prefer to have him in our quarters as soon as possible."

"But Albus said he'll need one day to add a new room. He needs some time to lower the castle wards to make this possible," Alastor reminded his wife.

Harry followed the conversation closely, but still ate to please Poppy.

"We won't need the room tonight. I need to monitor Harry closely because of the concussion and the nightmares. He could sleep in our bed," Poppy said as if this would be the most normal thing in the world.

Harry choked at his food. When Poppy had patted him forcefully on his back, and he could breathe freely again, he said, "I cannot sleep in your bed."

"Why not? You seemed to accept Alastor's closeness very well a few minutes ago. Why would it be a problem to sleep between us? You aren't worried because of me, are you? I have already seen you in pajamas quite often, and you are wearing them at the moment as well. I can't see the problem," Poppy said honestly, puzzled.

"But sleeping between you; I'm too old for this," Harry said, shocked.

"Too old? Severus has slept between us quite often, and he was already in his thirties," Poppy said in her no-nonsense voice.

"Professor Snape slept in your bed?" Harry gaped open-mouthed at the two adults.

"Severus will kill you for this," Alastor told Poppy, chuckling.

"It would be useless to hide it from Harry. He will find out about our relationship to Severus soon. And if Severus should try to argue about telling Harry, we will be four in the bed the next time," Poppy said strictly.

Alastor chuckled. "A cozy little family meeting. I must say I wouldn't complain."

Harry was dumbfounded. Professor Snape in their bed and Professor Moody was calling it a family meeting. If Draco dyed his hair red, he couldn't be more surprised than he was now. "Ehm, Madam Pomfrey?

"Poppy, Harry. And Alastor. We will live together from now on, so you should use our first names," Poppy explained.

"Okay, ehm... Poppy. Did the Professor sleep freely in your bed, and did he like it?"

"No, to the first question, and there won't be more explanation because it is up to Severus how much he wants you to know about his life. And the answer to the second question is a little tricky. Openly, he would never agree that he felt good while spending nights in our bed, but I'm sure that he felt safe. It's nice to have someone around especially when you suffer from nightmares. We will be there to pull you out of them when you are trapped, and we will comfort you and help you sleep again. I'm sure you will like it. So, will you give it a try?"

"'Kay," Harry said shyly.

"Fine, then finish supper, so that we can close the infirmary and move over to our quarters."

Our quarters. These words rang in Harry's head. It felt so good to feel like he had a home. A few hours ago he wanted to die, and now he was just happy to be alive. He felt safe and no longer alone. Our quarters. How can rooms he never had seen before already feel more home than the house of his relatives?

Harry wasn't allowed to shower or inspect the quarters because Poppy ordered him to immediately get ready for bed. At least they promised him that he will be allowed to leave bed tomorrow and that they will show him the quarters then. They had left him alone in the bedroom to make themselves ready for the night. There wasn't much to look at in the bedroom. Harry was laying in a very big king-size bed. It was very comfortable, with a continuous mattress, so Harry didn't have to sleep on a crack. The walls were painted in a very light blue and the bedsheets were also blue, but in a richer tone. A big cupboard, a commode and the two night tables made the room complete.

Madam Pomfrey came back, dressed in a purple bathrobe. She carried a tray with some potion vials over to her night-table and arranged them on it. "So, ready for the night, Harry?"

Harry looked shyly at her. "Are you sure I can't have a shower?" He felt very uncomfortable that he had to sleep in one bed with the two adults without being clean. He hardly could suppress the urge to smell his armpits. Madam Pomfrey surely wouldn't like to see me doing this.

"Yes, I'm sure about this Harry. I assume you don't want one of us to watch you while showering, and I can't leave you alone in the shower in your condition," Poppy explained calmly.

Harry blushed deeply, only the mention one of them watching him while showering caused him to blush.

Seeing Harry blush, Poppy had to laughed. She ruffled his hair and said, "At least here you are a normal teenager. I hope we can bring you to act like one in other situations as well."

Harry smiled shyly back at her. "I feel a little sticky."

"Do you want me to cast a cleaning spell on you? It isn't necessary because I cast one while I examined you, but it won't hurt if you would feel better," Poppy offered.

"Yes, please." Harry sighed, relieved.

Soon after Poppy had performed the spell, the door opened and Alastor and Severus came in. Alastor was dressed in pajamas with gray stripes, and Severus was in his usual teacher robes. Oh, Merlin, I hope they won't bring him to sleep here as well, Harry thought, a little scared. Professor Snape will definitely not be so understanding and forgiving like Alastor and Poppy. Alastor came over to the bed and started to get into it.

"Albus and I have spoken with your relatives, Mr. Potter. They have been informed that you won't come back to them. I tried to gather your belongings from the house, but couldn't find anything." Severus looked closely at Harry and raised his eyebrow. He knew from Harry's Occlumency lessons that Harry wasn't happy with his relatives and that they had hurt him, but the fact that there were no belongings of Harry's was disturbing.

Harry blushed and looked down. "You saw what they were like in my mind, Professor."

"Yes, I did. After seeing them face to face, I can't believe that we thought about sending you back there. Even when we would have brought you back like it was planned, we couldn't have left you there. That house isn't one to live for you, it was just a house to survive." Severus said, deep in thought. He shook his head to clear it. Pity wouldn't help the boy. He looked sternly at Harry. "Don't think that this will change that the first moment these two will let you out of sight, we will have a very serious conversation about your stupid stunt. Is that clear?"

Harry looked fearfully at his Potions professor.

"Severus Snape, what have I told you?" Poppy glared furiously at Severus and moved in his direction.

Severus backed away and Harry could see fear in his eyes. He definitely tries to play the strong in front of me, but some things are just too scary to overplay them; Madam Pomfrey is one of these things. Harry tried hard to suppress a grin.

"You will leave Harry alone, Severus. If I get wind of you harassing him, I swear you will regret it." She was standing straight in front of Severus, warningly raising her finger in front of his face.

Severus tried hard to look not frightened, but when he spoke his voice was breaking. "You cannot mollycoddle him for what he did, Poppy. He needs to understand that it was a great and stupid mistake. Pity won't help him."

"I know very well what helps him and what not. He knows that it was a mistake and he promised to not do it again." When Severus snorted at this, she gave him a chuff on his arm. "Severus, I warn you. You didn't even let him explain anything to you and just jump into conclusions. Right now there isn't the time for you to speak with him, and it will be my decision when the time has come. If you don't want to join us in the bed, you should leave now."

"Oh, yeah,"- he grinned -"that's the good thing about this all. Now, you have someone else to cuddle and will let me be."

Poppy looked clearly at him and said, "I wouldn't be so sure about this. There is plenty of space in our bed."

Severus face dropped. "I think I will go now. I have a potion to attend." With that he fled the room, only pausing shortly in the door frame to say his goodnight.

Poppy came over to the bed and climbed in. "You could have said something as well, Alastor." She looked sternly at her husband.

Alastor just grinned. "You managed quite well, my dear." Seeing that she was still glaring at him, he added, "I will speak with him tomorrow. You know him Poppy. His bark is worse than his bite. He is worried about Harry, and that is his way to express it. Did you see his look when he told Harry about the visit at his relatives? "

"Yes, I have, but that doesn't change that he often has an odd way to show people his concern." She turned her face from Alastor to Harry. "I hope you will learn to read between the lines when you interact with Severus."

Harry thought it would be a good idea to ask the question he had on his mind since supper. "May I ask what you relationship is with Professor Snape?"

"That's a little complicated, Harry. Maybe it's not the best time to discuss it," Poppy said.

"But maybe it is better to explain it now than having him run into Severus in boxer shorts next morning on his way to the bathroom," Alastor objected.

Poppy looked thoughtfully, and Harry held his breath. All these little hints made him so damn curious. He was sure he couldn't sleep at all without knowing what is going on here.

Poppy sighed. "Where shall I begin?" She looked to Alaster for help.

"Maybe you could tell us what you know about Severus. You have seen some of his secrets while in your Occlumency lessons, right?"Alastor asked Harry.

"Yes. I saw some memories of his childhood and some of the meetings with Voldemort, but I have never seen something about you or his life here at Hogwarts," Harry said. Now, when he thought about it, he thought it is quite unusual that he had seen absolutely no memory of Professor Snape and anyone here at Hogwarts.

"Severus has placed some memories in a Pensieve, to keep them secret from you. I spoke with him when he came back from your relatives, and he knows that you now will find out more about him. We can not hide this from you while you are here. He still goes to the meetings with Voldemort and often comes back hurt. He has his own quarters in the dungeons, but he hardly sleeps or spends time there. In our quarters, he has his own rooms: a bedroom and an office. He often prefers to work here than in the dungeons. He doesn't speak about why and we don't push him. We just give him a place to feel safe and fine. It's unavoidable that you will see him coming back from a meeting with the Dark Lord while he is hurt and emotionally on edge, Harry. I don't know how much you have seen of these meetings, but they are very nasty. Severus decided to sleep here since we first had to cuddle him after a nasty meeting. He tries to be grumpy all the time to not show so openly that he feels fine here. We really hope you two will cope living together. If there are any problems you can come and speak with us. It isn't sneaking, Harry. Severus is complicated, and from time to time you will need help to understand him and his reactions. He is a good man, and he is very concerned about you. You have a lot in common. He tried to convince me to go against your will, when we spoke about your relatives the first time, and get you away from your relatives. I stopped him because I thought you should be the one to ask for help. Maybe I was wrong, and we have waited too long," Alastor said sadly.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to feel bad about it. My relatives weren't the reason why I did it. I was even looking forward to going back to them because they would offer me pain," Harry said in a small voice.

"Maybe, but if we decided earlier to take you in, you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself. But back to Severus. He lives here, and he is a private person while he is in the quarters. He agreed that you can call him by his first name in private. I'm sure you two will see how similar you are and will cope quiet well living with us here." Alastor smiled reassuringly at Harry.

"Professor Snape was already very helpful and kind the last weeks. I'm very grateful that you took me in, and I'm sure I will find a way to live with the Professor."

"That's good to hear, but for now that was enough talking. You have to sleep, Harry," Madam Pomfrey said friendly but determinedly. She tucked him in and stroke his hair affectionately. "Do you want me to read a little to you?"

Harry smiled. "That would be great." He had no intention of sleeping at all. He knew what would happen if he did, and he was planning to make sure that this won't happen. Under no circumstances will he let them see him trash, scream and cry because of one of his nightmares.

Poppy read for half an hour, and then she put her book aside. Alastor was snoring slightly, but Harry was still awake. "Not sleepy already? You should be quite tired." She looked closely at him.

"I'm not tired. Can I ask you a question?"

Poppy sighed. "You should sleep and not talk Harry, but ask your question. I hope it will help you rest after you know the answer to it."

"What was the room I landed in? How did I get there, and how did you know I was there?"

"That is three questions, Harry, not one." She looked at him and raised her eyebrow. "You are trying to play for time. Why is that so?"

Harry averted his gaze, ashamed that she had caught him. "I don't want to sleep, Madam Pomfrey."

"It's Poppy, and why don't you want to sleep? You must be really tired, right?"

"Yes, I'm tired, but I don't want to dream." Tears were forming in his eyes, and he felt a heavy weight on his chest. The bad feeling overwhelmed him, and there was a small flare of the need to hurt himself again.

Seeing his depressed reaction, Poppy said, "You don't have to worry about dreaming Harry. Tonight I will give you a potion to sleep without dreaming, but this isn't a solution for the future, okay?"

Harry nodded, relieved. When he saw her grabbing for one of the vials on the night table, he asked, "Will you still answer my questions? I'm really interested in them."

Poppy smiled. "Okay, Harry. The Headmaster has charmed all the towers. Whenever someone jumps from them, his fall will be dampened, and he will land in the security room. The fall cannot be stopped or prevented completely. The room doesn't give any opportunity to hurt yourself. So even if none of us could reach the person in it fast enough, he would still be safe from himself. It is near the hospital wing so that I can reach it very quickly. So I'm spared the long way down the grounds and spared the patient a long time without help. I have an alarm in my office and my quarters for incidents like this; as does the Headmaster. So we were there only minutes after your fall."

"And the Patronus?" Harry said quickly when Poppy opened the vial.

"Harry," Poppy said warningly.

"Just this one question. Please, Ma...Poppy," Harry pleaded.

"This one and then you will drink the potion, Harry." Seeing him nod, she continued. "It was my Patronus. I send it to Severus in the dungeons, because I hadn't stocked up my potion lab because of the upcoming holidays. And now is the end of 'I-question-Poppy-to-not-have-to-sleep'." She handed him the vial and looked sternly at him until he had drowned the content. Harry grimaced at the taste.

"Why does it always have to taste so awful?" Harry said while his eyes already started to fall shut.

Poppy didn't answer his question. She just watched Harry drift into sleep. Her face started to get severe and sad. It is time that the damn monster called Voldemort gets out of our life. Now we have two sons who suffer from this man. She looked at Alastor who snored and looked so relaxed. She liked seeing him like this and started to smile again. I have the best man I can wish for at my side. We will make it. We will give both of them something to live for.

Harry had slept peacefully. Poppy woke him half an hour before breakfast, and he made his way sleepily to the bathroom. He looked carefully around on his way there because he had no intention of running into Professor Snape, especially not in his boxer shorts like Professor Moody had mentioned it last evening. Severus was nowhere to be seen, and Harry made it into the bathroom without meeting anyone. He spent five minutes to try to tame his hair, but eventually gave up. After washing his face and brushing his teeth, he looked around in the hope he would find his clothes here. Like in the bedroom there was no sign of his clothes here as well. Slightly embarrassed, he made his way still in pajamas to the kitchen.

"Morning," he greeted the three adults at the kitchen table. Professor Snape was filling his cup with coffee, and Alastor was placing the newspaper beside his plate.

"How often do I have to tell you that the newspaper has no place at the breakfast table?" Poppy scolded Alastor and grabbed the newspaper to put it on the counter. When Harry announced his arrival, she looked at him smiling. "Ah, Harry. Come on join us for breakfast. What would you like to drink?"

"Ehm...I couldn't find my clothes, Madam Pomfrey." Harry looked shyly from Madam Pomfrey to Professor Snape, who wore black jeans and a black shirt. He almost looked human without his teacher's robes.

"It's Poppy, and you have to go straight back to bed after breakfast, Harry. So, no need for clothes. You can have them back before lunch. Professor Dumbledore will come this morning and add a new room to the quarters for you. Until then you still have to rest in our bedroom," she explained while she ushered him over to the table to sit down opposite to Severus. "Sit down." Looking at his empty cup, she was reminded that Harry hadn't answered her question. "What do you want to drink, Harry? Tea, milk, juice?"

"Milk, please."

"Would you please, Severus?" Poppy asked.

Severus scowled. "Why me?"

"Because you are the nearest to the fridge, Severus. Go and get some milk for Harry," Poppy ordered sternly.

Severus groaned, but stood up. "Severus Snape, Bloody Potter's house-elf," he muttered under his breath.

"Watch your tone, boy," Alastor said warningly. "We all know you are no morning person, but that's no reason to be grumpy to Harry."

"It's holiday. I should be spared from students now, and you have to decide to take one of the worst in," Severus spat.

"I could get the milk myself, Professor," Harry said insecurely.

"Oh, and you say it now when I'm already at the fridge," Severus said sarcastically.

"Severus." Poppy threw a warning glare at him while he came back to the table.

"What? Am I not allowed to tell the truth now were the brat is here?"

"Severus, Harry is not used to your morning grumpiness. Stop it!" Alastor ordered strictly.

Severus glared at Alastor and then turned with a sour smile to Harry. "Here is some milk, our Highness, anything else?"

"That's enough, Severus." Poppy grabbed the milk bottle out of Severus' hand. "Sit down and shut your mouth until you are fully awaken and able to be civil."

‘Hmpf' was all Severus replied. He put a roll on his plate and started to eat; ignoring the others completely.

Harry felt uneasy. Professor Snape seemed not to like that I'm here now. Maybe he wants Alastor and Poppy for himself. Maybe he is jealous. I thought he didn't hate me after giving me the Occlumency lessons. He was very friendly. Harry didn't want the old, hateful Severus back. "I could sleep in my dormitory and eat in the Great Hall," he said, turning to Poppy.

"See what you have done, Severus," Poppy said while glaring at the Potions professor. She turned to Harry, "Of course you will not sleep in your dormitory. You will have your own room here, and you will eat together with us. This is your new home. Don't let Severus annoy you. His mood will become better after a good breakfast, you will see." She smiled at Harry. "And now please eat something."

After a final look at the-Merlin, is he sulking?-Professor, he started to fill his plate. The food was delicious. At the Dursley's, he could never enjoy a breakfast like this. They let him hardly eat with them. They couldn't stand the freak to be at the same table as they were, he was only allowed to serve them. Eating here with his new guardians was much more enjoyable. After two cups of coffee even Professor Snape seemed to relax more and started to talk with Poppy about her Potion stocks. Harry almost jumped when Severus addressed him. "What are your plans for today, Mr. Potter?"

Harry gulped down the bite he had in his mouth. "Eh...plans?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Yes, plans, Mr. Potter. That's something like a schedule. Something you think you will do to make the day useful, interesting, satisfying." He spat out the last word as if it was something disgusting.

Harry threw a confused glance at Alastor and Poppy. "Am I allowed to leave the quarters?"

"Sure you are. This is not a prison," Alastor said.

Poppy quickly added, "But you may not overdo it the first days, and we always want to know when you leave and when you plan to come back."

"Sure. Maybe I could visit Hagrid," Harry said hopefully.

"Hagrid has already left to visit a friend for a week. I wonder if you would like to help me with some potions?" Severus asked.

Harry stared open-mouthed at Severus. "You want me to help you?"

Severus sighed frustrated. "That's obviously what I said, but be assured I won't say it again." He glared at Harry.

"I would like to help you, Professor," Harry said eagerly. He really would like to help him because he started to like brewing now that Professor Snape wasn't always breathing down his neck. These Occlumency lessons really had helped their relationship. Harry was happy that the Professor didn't sound so grumpy anymore. It seemed he really needed some coffee before he is capable of being social or nice. At least nice in a Snape like way.

"It's Severus in private," Severus said a little unsure.

"Oh, but you called me Mr. Potter last time," Harry said, surprised over the sudden offer. He remembered Alastor saying that Snape had given permission for him to call him by his first name, but he would have never dared before he heard it personally. And even now he hardly dared it. I will just try to avoid any kind of address, Harry thought.

"Did I?" Severus honestly seemed to be trying to remember when he had addressed him like this. Harry could see Alastor grin in his cup. Severus shook his had as if to clear it. "So, will you join me in the dungeons this afternoon or not, Harry?"

"Yes, I would love to." Harry smiled. Next year I will be much better in Potions. This summer will really get interesting. Hermione will die when I tell her. Harry's face fell the moment he thought about his friends. Damn, what shall I tell them? I can't tell them that I jumped from the tower. Hermione will never believe me when I say it was an accident. But, Merlin, I can't tell them that I tried to... Harry didn't even want to think about it. He didn't even realize that his breath was coming in short gasps and that he was staring at one point on the table for some time.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Poppy asked. When she didn't get an answer or any reaction from Harry, she came over to him and touched his shoulder. Harry jumped. The moment he jumped up, he felt he couldn't breath. In a panic, he grabbed at his throat. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see a black flurry figure run out of the kitchen. He heard Madam Pomfrey's voice trying to calm him. He couldn't see her because he was trying to concentrate on one point on the floor while he sank down. I will die. Merlin, I will die, he thought in panic. He tried to pump oxygen into his lungs, but it didn't seem like it was enough.

"Calm down, Harry," Poppy said calmingly to Harry while she steadied his shoulders. "Give me a paper bag from the cupboard, Alastor!" Shortly after the order, Harry felt Madam Pomfrey press said bag against his mouth. If Harry thought he couldn't panic more, he was wrong. No, I need air, he thought frantically and tried to bat the bag out of Madam Pomfrey's hand and away from his mouth. Strong arms encircled him from behind and captured his hand over his chest. "No, lad, don't fight. It will help you." Alastor's baritone was right at Harry's left ear. Now Poppy had free access to his mouth and pressed the bag over it and Harry's nose.

They will kill me, Harry thought scared. Tears were running over his cheeks and if he wouldn't be busied with drawing in deep breaths, he would sob. To Harry's big surprise, he started to calm down, while Madam Pomfrey had a death grip on his head to hold the bag in place.

The black figure, Harry had seen leave the room a few minutes before was now kneeling beside him. A hand was resting on Harry leg, and as Professor Moody was hugging him with both hands from behind and Madam Pomfrey's hands were on his head and mouth, it could only be Professor Snape's hand. Harry tried to look at Severus, but Madam Pomfrey just thought he wanted to pull away and prevented it. "Look at Poppy, Harry. Breathe like she tells you. When you have calmed down enough, I can give you a potion that will help you to relax," Severus said in a voice Harry had never heard of him nor had thought he would be capable of. He sounded worried and understanding. A little bit like yesterday when he had told Harry about the meeting with his relatives.

After Harry had followed Poppy's instructions how to breath for a time, Alastor loosened his grip, and Harry could wriggle a bit to sit more comfortablly. Soon, the bag was removed from his face. Harry still felt very dizzy and exhausted. There was a sharp pain in his chest when he breathed in.

"Fine, now it's safe for you to drink the potion, Harry," Severus said calmly. Poppy gave Severus more space, and he moved directly in front of Harry. When he saw Harry trying to free his hands from Alastor's embrace, he said, "No, Harry, you are not capable to hold the vial right now. Just let me help you." He took Harry's back of his head and instructed, "Just lean back into my hand while I give you the potion. It will not taste good but please relax so that you won't get it in the wrong passage."

Harry complained even when he didn't understand why he couldn't hold the vial alone and why Alastor still was holding him. He felt weak and dizzy and his lung hurt, but that didn't mean he couldn't hold a vial. His breathing was almost normal, it was just his heart that was beating like hell. Severus pressed the vial at Harry's mouth, and Harry leaned back like Severus instructed him. When the sick liquid filled his mouth, he started to panic. He tried to gulp down the honey like liquid and breathe through his nose the same moment. The liquid didn't seem to move down his throat. "Relax Harry and don't breathe," Severus commanded when he saw Harry panic again. He quickly grabbed Harry's nose and pressed it shut. With his other hand he massaged Harry's throat to help the liquid downwards. The whole time Alastor held the squirming boy in a strong grip. When Severus released Harry's nose, Harry tried to gulped in deep breathes beside the coughs that shook his body. "Shh, Harry. Calm down, the potion will kick in soon," Alastor whispered into his ear. And he was right. Harry could feel the potion relaxing his whole body. His heart started to beat slower, and he could

breathe more freely. Alastor loosened his grip and slightly turned Harry sideways to lean against him. Harry was grateful for it and leaned into Alastor's chest. His face deeply hidden in Alastor's robes, Harry led his tears fall freely. "It's okay, Harry. It's over now. Let the potion take over and relax." Alastor spoke in a calm voice, and the vibration of Alastor's chest lulled Harry almost into sleep. His whole body felt warm and relaxed, but his thoughts were still running in his head chaotically.

"Harry, can you look at me again?" Severus asked.

Harry looked up and loosened his grip on Alastor's robes. This made him realize the tremor in his hands. He looked at them, shocked. That's why Snape didn't let me take the vial. Merlin, what's wrong with me. "Potter!" The sharp voice of the Potions professor pulled him out of his thoughts, and he noticed that he was starting to breathe faster again. "Stop thinking and look at me, Harry." Oh, now it was Harry again, Harry thought confused, but did as he was told. Severus had another vial in his hand. "One more to go. This time it won't be so thick." The last part he added when he saw the fear in Harry's eyes.

Harry was tired and just wanted to sleep, but he felt as if he was running the same time. How can someone sleep while running? Harry mused.

Seeing Harry's eyes starting to get unfocused again, he said to Alastor. "Hold him still." Then he grabbed Harry's jaw, forced his mouth open and purred the liquid in. "Swallow!" Commands seem to work much better for the boy at the moment, Severus thought.

Harry swallowed the awful tasting liquid. At least it was running quickly down his throat. Moments later, Harry felt as if his head had blown free. He felt light and relaxed. All the panic and the bad feelings were gone. He couldn't even remember why he was on the kitchen floor in Alastor's arms, but he didn't care.

"You should get him into a bed. He should be asleep soon," Severus said tiredly.

Minutes later Harry lay in the big double bed again. He whimpered slightly when Alastor drew back, and he was alone in the bed, but when Poppy tucked him in, he relaxed. She softly stroked his hair and whispered a sleeping spell. Harry sank into the bed sheets, relaxed.

Harry had slept until it was almost time for lunch. Poppy sat on his bed and cast a diagnostic spell on him when he woke up. "What happened to me?" Harry asked confused when the memory of the breakfast fiasco came back.

"You had a panic attack, Harry. How do you feel now?" Poppy asked him.

Harry looked at her, puzzled. How can she say this as of it was the most normal thing to say. "A panic attack? Why?" Harry was worried and sat up abruptly.

"Lay down again. I want to check your arm." With that, she pushed him gently back on the mattress. When he didn't resist, she started to unwrap the bandage. "I don't know why you got the attack. I hoped you could tell me."

"I don't know. I never had something like this. I really feared I would choke," Harry said, getting pale just by the memory of it. Poppy had unwrapped the bandage completely and was satisfied that the wounds weren't inflamed. "Your arm looks better. Does it still hurt?"

"No." Harry shook his head. "Please, Madam Pomfrey, why did I have this attack? Can it be that it came from Voldemort?" A shiver ran over him.

"It's Poppy, Harry. And no, I don't think he has anything to do with it. Maybe we can unravel the mystery when you tell me what you remember of the time just before the attack." Madam Pomfrey spread healing salve over his underarm and wrapped it in a clean bandage.

Harry tried to remember what had happened. "I was thinking about Ron and Hermione and how I shall tell them about-" Harry didn't finish his sentence. His throat was dry, and he could again feel the despair and the fear he had felt this morning.

"Tell them what, Harry?" Poppy asked as she laid her hand calmingly on his chest.

It was a miracle to Harry that such a small gesture could give so much comfort. He looked sadly at Poppy. "How can I tell them what I did? They will hate me for it. At the very least they will think I'm weak and let them down." He sighed and added, "And they would be right."

"First, they are your friends, and as much as I know of them, they wouldn't think something like this. They love you Harry, and they will be very worried, but also glad that you still live. Second, you shouldn't think so badly of yourself, Harry. You are fifteen and have to carry a great burden because one evil person marked you as his enemy. You lost many people lately and you were even present while it happened. No teenager should have to experience this. Then with guardians like the Dursleys you never learned that you could share your worries with adults, and that it isn't weakness to do it. You are no longer alone, Harry." Poppy spoke in a calm voice, never lifting her hand off Harry's chest.

"I cannot tell them." Harry's voice broke because of the lump in his throat. Tears were forming in his eyes, and he fought hard against them. I'm too old to cry like a baby.

"They are your friends, Harry. They will be worried if they don't hear from you. They will understand." Poppy moved the hand from Harry's chest to his head to stroke his hair. "It will be okay, Harry."

"I should not have done it," Harry said miserably. The fight against the tears was lost.

"We all make mistakes, it's important that we learn from them. You were in a lot of stress and despair. Can you remember how you felt when you were on the tower?"

Harry briefly considered lying, but it felt good to speak with Poppy, and so he decided to tell her everything. He told her about the heavy feeling he had on his chest, and the feeling that he could never be happy again; that he had felt sad from one minute to the other and even started to cry out of nowhere. He believed that he was going to be embarrassed but instead he felt relief after telling Poppy about it.

"That sound like depression to me, Harry. After what you have been through it wouldn't be a surprise. It's important that you tell me when you feel like this from now on. I could give you a light Antidepressant Potion, but first we will try a lot of fresh air and sun, Maybe the new living situation helps you as well. It has nothing to do with weakness if you still feel like this, Harry. There is no reason to be embarrassed about it. Promise me to tell me when you feel unwell again." Poppy looked seriously at him.

"Yes, I'll tell you, but I don't feel like going out much. It's not like it was before Sirius-" Harry stopped when he felt the heavy feeling on his chest again. Tears were forming again in his eyes, and they started to burn. "See, only thinking of him makes me like this. It's as if darkness is eating me up from inside." He covered his face with his hands. Hiding was all he wanted to do now.

"Maybe we should better start with the potion and see if it helps you, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer and just stood up. "I will fetch it."

Fifteen, Merlin, I'm fifteen. Why can't I behave like a fifteen year old? Why has my life to be like this. I'm a freak like the Dursleys had said all of the time. An abnormal freak. Harry pulled at his hair. The urge to hurt himself was overwhelming. Just the fear of what Madam Pomfrey would say stopped him from ripping the bandage away and scrape his wounds open again. So he pulled painfully at his hair to punish himself.

"Stop it, Potter!" The strict voice of his Potions master thundered through the room.

Harry stopped pulling at his hair immediately and looked fearfully at his professor. "Professor Snape?"

"Still Severus and before you start to protest, I just called you Potter because you seem to react quicker to it. Believe me you don't want Poppy to see you hurt yourself again. There are some nasty spells that a Mediwitch can use on a patient that is a danger to himself and all cut into your private life immensely. Do you want that?" Severus approached the bed and sat down on the edge.

Harry shook his head. He was surprised that Severus strict command had pulled him out of this awful feeling so quickly.

"I thought so, Harry. Poppy will be back any minute. She is just calling Alastor and Albus for lunch. So I advise you to behave and refrain from hurting yourself. You have it under control, Harry. If you were able to learn Occlumency, you are able to control your desire to hurt yourself as well. You have to clear your head. This potion here will help you as well. At least it will lighten your mood, but the desire to hurt yourself can still be there from time to time, and then you have to fight against it."

"Yes, sir," Harry said automatically.

Severus rolled his eyes. "It's, yes, Severus. When I tell you all of this, its just because I absolutely now how you feel right now, and I wish someone would have been there while I had this problem to speak sense into me. I had to learn the hard way what possibility Poppy and Alastor have to make sure someone they care about is right. As scary as it is, Harry, but we are on one side here. Let's put our past away. We will survive this summer with these two meddlers much better when we work together. They are wonderful people and only have the best in mind for both of us, but believe me sometimes this can be very embarrassing and annoying. We can think about how to act as teacher and student again when the time comes. Now we have the summer in front of us, and there I won't be a teacher and much enjoy it." He looked sternly at Harry and added, "But that doesn't mean I will accept any cheek from you, boy. I'm still the older one and the much more experience. Is that clear?"

"Crystal clear, " Harry said, absolutely stunned about the new Severus, who was sitting in front of him.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You take this a little too easy for my taste."

Harry grinned. "We have already stopped hating each other while the Occlumency lessons, haven't we?" Seeing that Severus' eyebrow raised even higher, Harry added, " And it was more like a mentor thing while the Occlumency than just a teacher-student relationship. I mean it wasn't like school. Oh, Merlin, I can't describe it." Harry hit the mattress in frustration.

"I think I know what you mean. Just remember that I'm still the one in charge."

"As if I could ever forget this," Harry said. "And if I really would do, you know how to get me back on track, right?"

"Absolutely," Severus growled, but it wasn't very convincing.

Harry felt so much better now. He even thought he wouldn't need the potion, Severus held in his hand. "Maybe I don't have to drink it."

"Oh yes, you do. It will help you. Believe me. The less they are worried about you, the better your summer will be. And now drink it!" He handed Harry the vial.

"Will you teach me how to fight Vol-" seeing Severus flinch, he quickly said, "Sorry. Will you teach me how to fight You-know-who? And potions? And more Occlumency?"

"We could practice some dueling, and of course we can brew together. You already are good in Occlumency and just have to practice by yourself to become better. So we will spend our time with the first two things. And now drink before Poppy comes back and wonders what we have done for all this time."

Harry smiled and drank the potion. This summer will be the best ever. Severus will teach him how to fight Voldemort, and so he doesn't have to be so scared about it anymore. Maybe Alastor also will teach him some tricks. Having Severus on his side and not standing against three adults will also be so great. Not that he didn't appreciate the help of Poppy and Alastor, but having someone help him and not always standing on the side of the adults would be great too. It felt as if he got a big brother now. One you have to respect as the more experienced one, but who also was a little bit like oneself. "I don't feel anything different," Harry said, worried that the potion didn't work.

"Do you feel depressed or worried or sad at the moment?" Severus asked annoyed.

"No." Confusion was written all over Harry's face.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Then it works. And now out of bed, lazy head. Its lunch time."

"Exactly," Poppy said from the door, her arms crossed over her chest. "What were the two of you doing that long?"

"Maybe you should show your new son how to follow orders and teach him that it is impossible to drink while speaking. That would help so that next time we will make it in time for lunch. Until then it will always take hours to convince him that I didn't poison the potion."

Poppy shook her head and sighed. "Why can't you speak like anyone else? It costs me a lot of energy to always have to read between the lines, Severus. A simply 'we spoke about something we don't want you to know about' would have made it."

Severus turned to Harry, "See what I mean?" He quickly slid out of the room, even ducking his head while he passed Poppy.

Poppy looked at Harry questioningly. "Seeing what?"

"Eh...nothing important Mada...Poppy," Harry said shyly.

"You were not fighting, were you?" Poppy asked, worried.

Harry smiled. "No, we were just speaking. He will teach me over the summer. Potions and dueling."

"Dueling?" Poppy asked, not happy about what she had heard.

"I still have to fight Voldemort, you know. It would be good to learn more about fighting. It's not as if I can run away from him, right?"

"Right." A deep voice was to be heard behind Poppy.

"Alastor," Poppy turned to face her husband. "Harry should enjoy this summer, and he is still recovering. I don't think he should learn dueling from Severus."

"I think he should learn as much as possible that will help him when the time comes to fight, Poppy. We don't know when this will be, and so I think this summer is a wonderful opportunity for Harry to learn from Severus. We will have a close eyes on both of them and see that Harry doesn't overdo himself and still can enjoy his holiday. Maybe he will even enjoy dueling."

"Enjoy dueling," Poppy was on rage now. "Are you crazy?"

Alastor remained calm. Harry didn't understand how he was capable of looking so relaxed while Poppy was obviously mad at him. "Dueling is a sport, Poppy. Many men like it!"

"A sport," Poppy said deprecatingly. "It's cruel. And Harry isn't a man. He is a boy."

"A boy with a great burden, Poppy." Another deep voice joined in the heated conversation. "He has to learn about fighting and it will make him feel safer. Don't you think that would be a good thing?" It was the Headmaster who now was standing beside Alastor.

Even when the two were speaking in his behalf, Harry felt sorry for Poppy. "I promise I will be careful, and if I get hurt I'll tell you." Harry saw Alastor flinch a little by the last part of his sentence. It was obviously not the right thing to say.

"Hurt? If Severus hurts you during this cruel sport," - she looked angrily at Alastor on the last word - "he has to answer to me."

Now Harry was worried about Severus. "But it is normal to be hurt from time to time while dueling. Otherwise I can't lean anything."

"Yes, just team up against me," Poppy said in despair. She was worried about Harry. She wished he could have a normal childhood. Slowly, she realized that they were right. The one she really was angry with was Voldemort. Merlin, how much she wished to kill him herself. "Fine, but you promise to be careful not to overdo it, Harry, okay?"

Harry smiled, relieved that Poppy had calmed down. "Of course I will. Thanks for being so worried." He uncertainly touched her arm. "It feels good to have someone who cares if I'm getting hurt."

"Oh, you stupid boy," Poppy said when tears were filling her eyes. She pulled him in a hug. "Of course I'm worried. I wish I could give you a normal childhood."

"I'm already fifteen. I'm no child," Harry protested slightly.

"From now on you will be my child. No matter how old you are," Poppy said while slowly regaining control over her emotions again.

"And your child will starve or choke if you won't let go of him eventually." The sarcastic voice of Severus penetrated Harry ears while he was still buried in Poppy's robes while she hugged him as if she could protect him from all evil on this world just by refusing to let him go.

"Four males against one female. I have to make sure that Minerva and Pomona are up here more often to avoid being cornered like this," Poppy said and let go of Harry.

"Oh, please spare me," Severus growled. "And now let's eat."

"Harry, you have to eat more than this," Poppy instructed when she saw Harry playing around with the food on his plate. Before Harry could say anything Poppy had whirled around and was facing Severus now. "If you think I haven't noticed that you made the rest of your meat and half of the vegetables vanish, Severus, you are mistaken. Fill it up again!"

Severus looked dumbfounded at Poppy. "I'm not a child, Poppy." He almost growled. How dare she to speak with him like this in front of Harry.

"Believe me, you don't want to argue with me about this! You all teamed up against me in the training of Harry, but none of you will meddle in my responsibilities as a Mediwitch. You both have to eat three proper meals a day, and both of you are far away from what I call a proper lunch. You even only had a small serving, Severus." She glared daggers at Severus. She will not let him fall back in his old eating habits just because he wanted to play strong in front of Harry. There is a reason why he decided to live with them, and he still had to follow the agreements they had worked out back then.

Seeing that Severus was torn between fighting with Poppy about it or filling his plate again, Harry tried to intervene. "Come on, Pro...Severus. Remember what you told me. It counts for you too, right?" When Severus looked confused at him, Harry added. "You know, the part about how I have to behave to enjoy the summer the most."

Now Severus knew what Harry meant. The problem was that Severus wasn't torn between fighting and obeying but between fighting or leaving. Back when he had agreed to move in with Alastor and Poppy, he had agreed that they will have a close eye on his eating habits. He had gained at least ten kilos since he lived with them. Severus hated eating, and so he knew that he needed them to remind him to eat and even scold him. While they lived alone, he didn't care and was even grateful for it. That didn't mean he didn't fight them from time to time, but it was only half-hearted, and he would always lose. Sometimes he even provoked a fight about it because it felt good to have people looking out for him and caring for him. With Harry living here things changed. He didn't want him to see him weak. Harry's reaction showed him that Harry doesn't seem to see it like this. It seems he doesn't care. He had expected Harry to grin or even laugh at him, but Harry just looked worried. Running away would look cowardly, and when I start a fight, I will loose it. Damn, what shall I do?

"Come on, Severus, you have heard Harry. I'm sure you two have good plans for the summer already, and you don't want them to be spoiled because you start to fall back in your old eating habits. You know that you can't trick us. So, it was a nice try but useless. Just do what Poppy says, and then you two can leave to enjoy your afternoon." With that Alastor shoved the bowl with the vegetables in Severus direction.

"So what are you plans, Harry?" Albus asked to distract Harry from the scene between Alastor, Poppy and Severus. He knew how hard it was for Severus to let them handle him like this in front of Harry. Albus was very glad that Severus accepted the help of Poppy and Alastor. Severus still wasn't in good condition, but at least his chances to survive the Death Eater meetings were bigger than before. They all had tried to convince him to stop being a spy. Yes, he was of great value, but the worry about him when he leaves for a meeting was breaking their hearts. It became more dangerous with each meeting. Voldemort is suspicious and tortures Severus more and more to find out the truth. Every time he went for a meeting they all feared he won't come back. Nothing they said to him made him agree to stop spying. So all they could do was ensure that Severus at least was in a good condition for the meetings with Voldemort. That's the reason why Poppy was so harsh even in front of Harry.

"We wanted to go brewing," Harry answered without looking at Albus. His gaze was fixed on Severus, who was sulkily filling his plate again. Alastor leaned over to Severus and whispered something in his ear that Harry couldn't understand. Severus sighed after hearing it and relaxed visibly.

"Don't forget to eat," Alastor said to Harry when he saw that he was watching Severus and forgot his own food.

"So, what exactly do you want to brew, Severus?" Albus asked.

"We have to fill up the hospital wing stores. So some healing potions and salves," Severus answered, while trying at least to eat his vegetables. He hated to eat. There was nothing enjoyable about it, and Severus never understood how people could like it.

Harry was quicker with his meal and now again was watching Severus. It didn't seem that the Potions master would finish his meal to the satisfaction of the people around him. Harry noticed that the adult were exchanging glances to deliver secret messages.

"Why don't you freshen up, Harry? We will just finish here and then we will show you your room," Poppy said.

Harry knew that they wanted him out of the room and looked worriedly at Severus. "I will wait in your bedroom then."

"No need for this, Harry, I will just accompany you and show you your room," Albus said and stood up.

With a final worried look at Severus, Harry left the room together with Albus.

"Don't worry, Harry, Severus will be okay," Albus assured Harry.

"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to live here." Harry let his shoulders sink.

Albus stopped, grabbed Harry's shoulders and turned him to face him. "Harry, stop thinking like this. Poppy, Alastor and Severus want you here. It's your home now. I think that you get along quite well already, I would have expected more problems. Severus already plans to spend his afternoon with you. Nobody asked him to do this."

"What happens now in there?" Harry asked.

"That's between Severus, Poppy and Alastor, Harry. If Severus wants to tell you something, he will say it," Albus said strictly.

"Yes, sir," Harry said and vanished in the bathroom.

When he came out Albus was still waiting for him. "Ready to have a look at your new room?"

"Sure," Harry said. The curiosity won about the worry about what was happening in the kitchen.

"Wait for me," Alastor called while approaching the two. "So, maybe we can make a tour around the quarters."

"How is Severus?" Harry asked immediately.

"Okay, Harry. You don't have to worry. He will wait for you in the Potions lab," Alastor said calmly. "So, do we want to start our tour?"

If Severus is willing to wait in the Potions lab, what happened couldn't be that bad, and he must be alright. So there was nothing he had to worry about and could enjoy the tour around the quarters. Harry just nodded and then followed Alastor. Albus followed them shortly after.

"This room, which you already know, is our bedroom," Alastor said while passing the door. The quarters were small. There was one long hall from which you could reach each room. When you enter the quarters you are in a small square lounge. The kitchen was right from the entrance door and exactly opposite from the entrance door was the living room. The long hall was started right from the entrance. On its right side first came the bathroom door. A little down the hall on the left side came Alastor and Poppy's bedroom, where the little group was standing right now. They went down the hall until they stood in front of a door on the right side. "This is your room Harry and over there is Severus' room." Alastor pointed slightly right at the opposite side. "Now let's have a look at your room."

When Harry entered his room, he was stunned. The walls were painted in Gryffindor colors and on the walls were pinned Quidditch posters. There was even one with Harry and his Gryffindor team. Harry didn't even know that there were posters like this. He stood open-mouthed in front of it.

"That was Alastor's idea," Albus whispered in Harry's eyes.

"It's fantastic, Alastor, thank you," Harry said, still in awe.

"I thought we couldn't do something wrong with Quidditch posters. You can of course redecorate the whole room. We just wanted to make it cozy for you. The color of the walls can be changed as well," Alastor explained.

"No, it is perfect!" Harry said while looking around in the room. "It's absolutely perfect."

The bed looked very cool. The side bars were looking like Racing brooms and the bedclothes were red with little snitches on it.

"Maybe we have overdone it a little, but Poppy wanted to make up for the lost years. You should have the possibility to be a child or teenager, Harry. We only knew about your passion for Quidditch, and so we decorated it like this."

"It's really fantastic! Dudley had a bed that looked like a plane, but this is much better." He let his finger stroke over the side of the bed. He also had a desk and a small sideboard and a big cupboard in his room. His schoolbooks were arranged in the sideboard and on the desk stood an ink pot and a quill.

"So how do you like your room, Harry?" Poppy, who just had come in, asked.

"I love it. Thank you so very much," Harry said while looking from Poppy to Alastor and back.

"I'm very glad that you like it, Harry." Poppy came over to him and gently stroked his hair. "And now go and run to meet Severus. Make sure that you two are here for the afternoon tea at half past three. Severus often forgets the time over brewing. So it would be nice if you could take care of this."

"Sure," Harry said. With that he made his way down to the dungeons.

It was odd to go through the empty halls. There were no other students laughing or chatting in the halls. Suddenly, Harry felt alone again. He quickened his pace and arrived at the Potions lab a little breathless.

Severus eyed him skeptically. "Did you run all the way down here?"

Harry blushed. "Ehm..." What could he say without embarrassing himself?

"I can hear your brain working to find a good lie, Potter," Severus said and raised an eyebrow.

Harry looked shyly at Severus. "I thought it is Harry now",

"Yes, it is. Old habits die hard, but you are trying to distract me. So why are you out of breath? Did Peeves trouble you?"

"I'm not a baby. I'm fifteen," Harry said annoyed.

"Oh really, so good of you to remind me. If not because Peeves, why then?"

"What's so bad about being breathless? I thought we wanted to brew." Harry felt anger rise within him.

Severus glared at Harry. "What's so wrong about being breathless? Oh, I'm sorry for being concerned about your breathlessness because you broke down almost choking not long ago. How stupid of me. It won't happen again." With that he turned abruptly and went over to one of the cauldrons he had set up.

Harry let his head hang. He didn't want to make Severus angry, and he hadn't thought that Severus could be worried because of his attack at breakfast. Why do I always have to say the wrong things?

"Will you stand there forever or will you eventually start preparing your ingredients?" Severus asked impatiently.

Harry's head snapped up. "You still want to teach me?"

Rolling his eyes, Severus said, "Of course. Your help could be useful. At least, I hope so. We have a lot to brew for Poppy. So we should brew as much as possible. Who knows how long I'm capa-" Severus stopped mid-sentence. "Just start working!" he ordered grumpily.

Still wondering why Severus had stopped so abruptly, Harry moved to the other cauldron. A parchment laid beside it, and Harry read it.

"It's a fever reducer. The potion is easy to brew. All the ingredients are on your table. Just follow the advice on the recipe. If you have questions, just ask me."

Harry prepared all the ingredients very carefully. He wanted to do everything perfectly. Maybe if he could make Severus proud of him, he could make up for angering him a few minutes ago.

Severus sighed inwardly. He had hoped Harry would be faster. The Dark Lord was angry and now that school is over, Severus feared he would be summoned soon and wouldn't be capable of brewing anything then. This wasn't classes and if Harry needs all this time then he should get it. Just some extra hours of brewing and Severus would be able to finish all the potions in a few days. Now were Poppy and Alastor were occupied by looking after Harry it should be easier to sneak out to brew during the night. Sometimes, he regretted living with them. Poppy hated it when he brewed over night, and she even comes down to the Potions lab to drag him back to the quarters by herself. Why do they never understand how important it is to use the nights when nobody knows when the Dark Lord will call for me and how damaged I will come back. One day I will never come back again, and I have the feeling it will be soon. Teaching Harry as much as possible as long as I'm capable could help Poppy for filling her Potions stock until they would find another Potions master. I should teach him Wolfsbane as soon as possible. In case Lupin comes back to teach.

Harry was almost finished with his potion. It looked exactly as the recipe said, and Harry smiled proudly. Looking at Severus he saw that the Potions Master was deep in thoughts and grimly looking. Thinking that it still was because of his words at the beginning of the brewing, he said, "It was just weird to go through the halls while they are so empty. I know it's stupid, but I fear I got a little scared." At least he could stop himself from blushing again.

Severus needed some time to realize about what Harry was speaking. "I also feel weird for the first days, but then I really enjoy the silence."

"I thought it was a little childish. Therefore I didn't want to tell you. I'm sorry for making you angry." He paused and then added, "Thanks for being worried. It's still something I have to get used to."

"Yes, it's hard at first," Severus said while staring in his cauldron. "And it hardly gets easier later," he mumbled so that Harry couldn't hear it.

"I'm finished, Severus," Harry said proudly.

"Really, are you now?" Severus asked mockingly.

Harry face fell a little. Damn, so I was too slow.

Severus came over and checked the potion. Seeing Harry's disappointed expression, he said, "You needed a lot of time but you managed to brew it flawlessly. I couldn't have done it better." But much faster, he added in his mind.

Harry face lit up by this compliment. "What's next?"

"Next you will fill the potion up and label the vials. The empty vials are over there and look at the vials on the cupboard to see what to write on the labels," Severus ordered while showing Harry the vials.

As Harry filled up the potion, Severus went over to the bookshelf and took out a big handwritten book. It was full of his own recipes and improvement notes. Opening the page for the Wolfsbane potion, he came back to Harry. "When you are finished cleaning up your workspace, I want you to read this sides very careful and ask whatever questions you have. This will be the next potion you will learn to brew."

Harry leaned over to see what potion it will be, but was stopped by Severus' scolding.

"First, finish one thing before you start another one, Harry!"

Harry groaned. "Yes, sir."

Severus went back to his cauldron, to not loosing more time.

"Wolfsbane?" Harry asked, confused. "But that is too difficult. Why do you want me to learn it now? Shouldn't I learn something easier?"

"If you don't like what I teach you, just go," Severus said angrily.

"No, I still want to learn, but Wolfsbane. It's so complex. It must be brewed over night and so many things have to be taken care of."

"That's why you should read the notes very carefully. You will learn them, and I will test you about them before you start brewing. So put your nose in the book, Harry."

"Yes, Severus," Harry said and did what he was told.

Both were engrossed in their work and therefore jumped when a voice was ringing through the dungeon. "Severus, we are waiting with the tea for over forty minutes now. I want to see both of you up here in five minutes." Poppy voice was echoing in the dungeon, and Harry was reminded of the Howler Ron had got in his second year.

"Damn, we lost track of time. So, do you want to take the book with you? I don't think Poppy will let you back here today, and so you could learn in your room."

"That would be great," Harry answered enthusiastically. He had read the notes of Severus with eagerness. They were so interesting. Severus had written down all of his thoughts while improving the potion. And so Harry got all the insights. With this book and Severus' help, he was learning as much as he possibly could.

"Give me the book!" Severus ordered. He spelled a bookmark into it and then spelled the book to be smaller. "Better that Poppy and Alastor don't see it."

"But I don't have my wand," Harry said as he took the book from Severus.

"Where is it?" Severus asked confused.

"I don't know. I first checked for it in the room I landed, but it was gone." Being reminded of his suicide attempt made Harry uncomfortable. He hated to speak about it or even remembering it.

"You ran around without your wand? Are you stupid?" Severus asked angrily.

"The castle is empty. And I didn't think-"

"Yes, that so often is your problem. You don't think. We have to work on that this summer." Severus shook his head in disbelief.

Harry groaned about the scolding, but was relieved that it didn't mean the end of his lessons or Severus help. "Maybe I should check the grounds for my wand."

"If you want Poppy to hunt you down and give you a very early bedtime for disobeying her again, go for it. But don't count on my help," Severus said and left the Potions lab.

Harry had to run to keep up with him. "But what if somebody finds it and steals it?"

"I don't think it is on the ground, Harry. The room was required to take it from you and send it to the Headmaster. I just thought he had already given it back to you."

"Oh," Harry said and followed Severus.

"About time you two came. Poppy is already on edge," Alastor said groaning when they entered the living room.

Poppy came in with a tray in her hand. "Severus what did I tell you about tea? Next time you won't sneak out of lunch this easily. It's obviously I can't trust you to hold your promises."

Severus said nothing. He knew Poppy in this state and knew better than to anger her by any reply. Nothing could make her calm down. If he ate a few more cookies than usual, she would be happier. Severus really had planned to hold his promise to come in time for tea and eat something, but as usual, the brewing had distracted him. Poppy should really know by now that it wasn't something personal, but she often freaked out about his eating habits. And now that the holidays were starting, she knew, like Severus, that it only was a question of hours or days that the Dark Lord would call for him. Poppy was very edgy about it. She often cried when she thought Severus couldn't hear or see her, but he had passed their bedroom often enough while Alastor tried to calm Poppy. She seems to believe by fattening me up, she can prevent me from dying. If his heart didn't ache for the woman he almost called a mother, he would have laughed about it.

The tea went quietly. Poppy had calmed down when she saw Severus forcing himself to eat a few more bites then he normally would do.

"Harry is wondering where his wand is," Severus said to Alastor.

"Oh, I forgot about that. Albus had given it to me after you left. I'm sorry we hadn't thought about this before," Alastor said and retrieved the wand. "Here you go, Harry."

"Am I allowed to use it? I mean it's the holidays now," Harry asked.

"Otherwise dueling would be a little complicated wouldn't it, Potter?" Severus said sarcastically.

"It's Harry," Harry said annoyed.

"Not if you keep on saying stupid things like that, Harry," Severus said and rolled his eyes.

Alastor tried to distract them both by asking how their first brewing had gone.

"It was great. I brewed a fever reducer for the hospital wing, and next Severus will teach me Wolfsbane."

"What?" Poppy was up like a rocket. She was staring at Severus in disbelief. "Why are you teaching him this, Severus?"

"Calm down, Poppy," Alastor said. He stood up and laid a calming hand on her shoulder.

"Calm down. You know what he-"

"Poppy, remember we are not alone anymore. Why don't you clean up with Harry, and I'll go and have a talk with Severus," Alastor said calmly, but Harry could see that he was restraining himself.

"If he thinks he will... I will not let him go again. I..." Poppy stuttered.

The simple mention of Severus wanting to teach him this particular potion had put her off like this.

Harry was confused by the reaction of Poppy and Alastor. Remembering the words Severus had mumbled and linking them with what Poppy said or tried to stop herself from saying, he could imagine what this all was about. Severus was teaching him this potion because he thinks he won't come back from one of the next Death Eater meetings. He thinks he will die and wants me to brew the potion for Remus if necessary. Harry felt the world spin around him, and then there was only blackness.

Slowly Harry woke up. Immediately he groaned and grabbed his head.

"Don't touch it," Poppy instructed in a low voice.

Harry was glad that she almost whispered because he had the feeling his head would explode any minute. The light was dimmed in the room, and Harry realized that he was in his own room this time.

"How do you feel, Harry?" Poppy asked worried.

"My head hurts." Harry again tried to touch his head. Something thick was wrapped around it.

Poppy caught his hand before he could reach his head. "Harry, come on, don't touch your head. Please look at my wand." She peered with her lit wand in Harry's eyes.

Harry groaned the light hurt his head, and so he closed his eyes. "Does anything else hurt beside your head? Do you feel dizzy or sick?"

"Yes, both," Harry croaked. "What happened?"

"What can you remember?" Poppy asked as she rummaged in her bag for some potions.

The room suddenly was flooded with light when Alastor came in. "How is he?" He came over to the bed and drew a chair near it.

"He has a bad concussion." She said to her husband without looking at him. "Here, Harry, drink this. It will help the pain and the dizziness."

Harry carefully sat up with Poppy's help. Each movement caused pain, and he groaned. The potion tasted awful, and so he made a face. Immediately, he realized that this wasn't a good idea. Something under the thick bandage hurt more than before now.

"Harry, you have an ugly cut on your head and a bad concussion. Please don't move too much and don't make faces. The wound still needs time to heal." She helped him to carefully lie down again.

"What happened?" he asked again when he realized that she never had answered his question.

"First tell me what you remember." Poppy felt his pulse while eyeing him closely.

"Brewing with Severus," Harry said tiredly. The potions took effect, and it took him a lot energy to stay awake.

"Don't fight against the potions, Harry. We can speak later. Just sleep," Poppy said calmly and gently tugged the blanket closer around him.

The dimness of the room and Poppy's calm voice let him easily drift over into sleep.

"So?" Alastor asked Poppy.

"He hit his head very hard on the edge of the table. The wound was too big to heal it at once. I just spelled it close. Tomorrow I will try to heal it completely. He won't like to hear that he has to stay in bed tomorrow."

"Yes, he was very glad about brewing with Severus. What do you think has triggered the blackout? Something serious?"

"I couldn't find an illness, so it has to be stress. Maybe he has overdone it in the lab with Severus."

"Or maybe it was because your little outburst, Poppy. Perhaps he put two and two together and realized what you were speaking about."

Poppy looked shocked. "No, that can't be."

"I spoke with Severus, and he said that it could be that Harry realized why he wanted him to learn brewing the Wolfsbane," Alastor said very carefully because he knew that this topic was worrying Poppy as much as it obviously worried Harry.

"So what did he say?" Poppy asked.

Alastor's heart almost broke while he looked at the worried face of his wife. He knew how hard it will be for her to hear what he had to tell her. "I promised you to never hold anything secret from you, but this time I wish you wouldn't ask me."

"Oh, no, please, Alastor." Poppy started to cry and slummed down.

Alastor transfigured the chair into an ottoman and pulled his wife on his lap. Gently he stroked her back while she cried into his chest.

"It is his choice, Poppy. We can't force him to stay. I tried my best, but as usual he refused to listen. He wants to go back to get information until the Dark Lord finally discovers his true alliance. Now more than before. He thinks having Harry here is the perfect opportunity to train him and get as much information as possible to help him defeat Voldemort."

"But he could be useful just by training Harry. Why can't that be enough for him?" Poppy sobbed in Alastor's robes.

"You know him, Poppy. He thinks he has to spy to repay for what he did. He never forgave himself for becoming a Death Eater and causing Lily's death."

"He isn't responsible for her death. He tried everything to prevent it." Poppy still was crying.

"We both know this, but Severus refuses to see it this way, Poppy. Come on, calm down. What if Harry wakes up? You don't want to worry him more than he already is." He gently kissed her forehead and was glad when this made her look up.

"Why does it have to be so complicated? I wish I could kill this damn monster myself. I want it all to be over."

"That's what we all want." Alastor sighed. He was worried about Severus. Everything he tried didn't work on Severus. He just refused to see reason. He had tried to convince Severus that Harry needs him here, that he should teach him and not risk his life for information that hardly helps any longer because the Dark Lord is suspicious and doesn't give Severus any valuable information. He feared that Severus even will be too proud to use the emergency Portkey if his life is in danger. What if he wants to die? Alastor was glad when Severus had moved in, and he thought Severus was happy here. Sometimes Severus even had admitted it. Seeing him refuse so vehemently to stop spying made Alastor wonder about Severus' motivation for living. If this spying activity was so important to Severus then what would happen when the war is over and he is still alive? But this was nothing Alastor could speak about with Poppy. Maybe I should speak with Albus about it, he thought while he absently stroked Poppy's back.

"I don't know I can survive if he dies," Poppy said and her voice broke.

"You have to and you will. Harry will need you, and I need you. But I will do everything in my power to make him survive, Poppy." Alastor meant every word, but he feared he wouldn't have the opportunity. There was no way to follow Severus and help him. The only thing he could do was speak sense into the stubborn Potions master that he at least would use his emergency Portkey.

"I love him as if he is our son, Alastor. I can't lose him." Poppy hugged her husband tighter.

"I know, Poppy. I see him like a son, too. He is an adult, and we have to accept his wish to go on spying, even when it is breaking our hearts." Alastor tilted Poppy's head up and kissed her. "We have to be strong, Poppy. We have two sons now to take care of."

"Yes, two we have to fear for and two who are in danger from the same devil." Poppy sat up and cleaned her face with a handkerchief. "I just want it to be over and still have them both alive with us."

"We will, Poppy, we will." He again pulled her against his broad chest, and Poppy snuggled against him. This time she just enjoyed his closeness and didn't start crying again.

"Where is Severus?" Poppy asked after they sat like this for a while.

"Where he always is. In his lab."

"Did he admit that he want to teach Harry the Wolfsbane because he thinks he will die soon?"

Alastor struggled with himself what he should tell her. "Yes, he did, but he begged me not to tell you."

Poppy looked up at Alastor. "Why?"

"It seems he knows you well and even has witnessed a few times when you were crying." Alastor knew that his wife wouldn't be happy about this news. She tried very hard to not show her feelings to Severus. She didn't want him to see her weak.

First Poppy stared, stunned at Alastor, and then she hid her face in his robes. "Oh, Merlin."

"He is worried, Poppy."

"Then he should stop spying," Poppy said, frustrated. "I don't want him to die. Doesn't he know what it will be for us when he dies? And what it would mean to Harry? He was so angry about Harry's suicide attempt, but he isn't better. He is running in his own death."

Alastor didn't know what to say, and so he just embraced his wife and let a silent tear escape his eye.

__________

In front of Harry's door Severus had sank down against the wall while listening to the conversation inside. His head rested in his hand which lay against his bent knees. Why can't they understand? Why do they have to make this all so damn hard? He had to go back to Voldemort, even when the chance is only very small that he would get valuable information. He would always wonder if he could have discovered something else if he stops spying. Severus Snape isn't a coward who runs away. Hearing Poppy cry was breaking his heart. Poppy and Alastor were a thousand times better than his biological parents. It felt good to have people who care for you. The many times he had come back hurt by Voldemort they were there for him. They never left his bed until he had recovered. He never felt alone. And the time between the Death Eater meetings they made very comfortable. Severus really felt welcome in these quarters and never regretted to have moved in here. He had realized too late that this not only was helping him but also made things much more complicated. Now he was worried about them. How they will cope with his death or if he comes back from a meeting very damaged? Love makes you weak. How often have I stood in front of the Dark Lord and just hoped to be able to come back here, to them. Thank Merlin, they are safe here and I have at least not to fear that the Dark Lord will hurt them because of me, Severus thought sadly.

And now there is Harry as well. I hope I will have enough time to teach him. He must survive. When he is here with Alastor and Poppy they won't feel so alone and will be better able to cope with my death. Harry has to win so that he can live a free and happy life. He deserves it. Poppy and Alastor will help him like they did with me. Please, Merlin, give me time.

But life never was easy on Severus, and so his left arm started to burn. The Dark Lord was calling for him.

And now there is Harry as well. I hope I will have enough time to teach him. He must survive. When he is here with Alastor and Poppy they don't feel so alone and will be better able to cope with my death. Harry has to win so that he can live a free and happy life. He deserves it. Poppy and Alastor will help him like they did with me. Please, Merlin, give me time.

But life never was easy on Severus, and so his left arm started to burn. The Dark Lord was calling for him.

~*~

The first thing Harry saw when he woke up was Poppy's worried and sad face. She was lost in thoughts, staring at the wall beside his bed. She didn't even realize that Harry had woken up. Her eyes were still red from crying.

"Everything okay, Ma... Poppy?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Oh, you are awake. How are you?" She went straight into Healer mode and ignored Harry's question.

"Just a little headache. What happened?" Harry asked again.

"Let me cast a diagnostic spell, and then I will give you a potion against the pain. You hit your head very hard yesterday at supper," Poppy explained. "Can you remember it?"

Harry thought hard. First he could just remember brewing with Severus, but after a few seconds he remembered the events at supper as well. "Yes, I do." He reached for his head, but Poppy quickly stopped him.

"Don't touch your head, Harry. I will change the bandage in a few minutes."

"It's itchy," Harry complained.

"I know, just hold still for a moment." She waved her wand over Harry and gave him the headache potion after the diagnostic spell. "Now, I will change your bandage and have a look at your wound."

The pain was gone, but the itchiness was still there. It felt much better when Poppy unwrapped his bandage.

"I will just apply the healing salve again, but I think I can heal it completely in the afternoon. So, it is just a few more hours, Harry," she sadly stroked his cheek.

Something is odd, Harry thought. She seems to be somewhere else with her thoughts, and she looks so sad. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course," she said softly while wrapping the bandage on Harry's head again.

The door opened, and Poppy jumped. When she saw it was Alastor she looked pleadingly at him, but Alastor just shook his head sadly.

There is definitely something wrong, Harry thought, getting more and more worried.

"So how is our patient?" Alastor asked and tried to overplay the worried expression he had on his face only seconds before.

Harry looked confused between his two guardians. Poppy looked as if she was trying to fight tears down. "What's wrong? Don't tell me everything is okay. I can see that it isn't."

"Nothing you should worry about, Harry. Just concentrate on healing. One day of bed rest and you will be as good as new," Alastor said as he sat down on a chair near the bed.

"You are holding something secret from me. I'm not a child. What is it? Voldemort? Has he been seen again?" Harry asked, agitated. But no, they wouldn't look so sad about something like that. Finally Harry looked shocked at the adults. "It's Severus, isn't it?" Oh, please, no, don't let him go back to Voldemort, Harry thought desperately.

"Harry, calm down," Poppy said and laid a calming hand on his chest. "You have to sleep. Your concussion is still healing."

"No, I can't sleep. Please tell me. What's wrong with him? He... he... oh god, he isn't dead, is he?"

A tear ran down Poppy's cheek. "Harry, please, go to sleep." She struggled against the agitated boy.

"No, please tell me. I have to go and get him. I will kill Voldemort." Harry tried to stand up, but Poppy pressed him down in his bed.

"Let me do it, Poppy. Just get yourself a little sleep." Alaster ushered Poppy out of the door and when he turned, Harry already was standing and was rummaging in the drawers of the night table for his wand.

"I need my wand," Harry said almost in panic.

"You need nothing, lad. Just your bed and sleep," Alastor said calmly as he went over to the boy.

"No, I have to help him. Where is my wand?" Harry said without turning.

"Harry," Alastor said this time in a strict voice. "I will say it once more. Go to your bed!"

Harry turned around puzzled about the unusual strict voice of Alastor. "But Severus."

"Severus will lookout for himself, and that's what you should do now as well." He guided Harry back into his bed firmly.

"That's not fair," Harry said annoyed, but struggling against the Ex-Auror was useless.

"Not fair? You think I should let you go face Voldemort with an unhealed wound on your head and hardly able to fight against a seventh year?"

Harry felt that he was starting to cry over these words. He knew they were true, but hearing them from Alastor was just hurtful. Harry turned his face to the wall so that Alastor at least wouldn't see his tears.

"No, you will look at me, Harry! You aren't ready to fight, and if you would go and try to face Voldemort now, it would only mean that Severus has to see you die. He would not just watch but would try to help you. Outnumbered by the Death Eaters and Voldemort himself you would both die. And I'm positive that they would make sure that one of you has to witness the painful death of the other. Do you want this?" Alastor looked sternly at Harry and held his head to force Harry to face him.

"No," Harry said miserably. His voice sounded odd, and he had to fight the lump in his throat down. "But I can't leave him alone there. He shouldn't have gone to him."

"Severus always was alone when he went to the meetings, Harry. And it was his choice that he went back to Voldemort. He knows best what to do around them. You would know nothing. Fighting in their territory would be just stupid." Seeing Harry's tear-stained face, Alastor added calmly, "Severus will come back, Harry."

"You don't know." With that Harry jerked his head out of Alastor's hand and turned to the wall. First he was angry about Alastor's words, then about that he hadn't trained enough to fight Voldemort and then there was only fear for Severus in his heart. Oh, please let him come back.

"I know how you feel, but everything we can do is waiting. As hard as it is. He wouldn't want you to do something stupid." Alastor drew calming circles on the back of the crying boy until Harry finally fell asleep.

Alastor went over to the desk and pulled the drawer open. He let Harry's wand vanish in his pocket. I better keep it for some time. He waved his wand for a monitoring spell and left the room. The spell would let him know when Harry awoke.

Poppy was sitting in front of the fireplace and stared into it. Alastor paused for a while, leaning in the doorframe and watching his wife. After a few minutes, he sighed and went over to her. Gently he drew her head against him. "It will all be fine, Poppy. You will see. He always found a way to come back, and he still has his emergency Portkey."

Poppy didn't answer. She just sobbed and buried her face in Alastor's robes. Alastor waved his wand and the armchair changed into a couch. "Come on, sweetie." Gently he drew her up on his lap as he had sat down. After ten minutes of softly humming from Alastor, Poppy was asleep. Five minutes later, Alastor followed her.

They still were in this position when a frantically waving house-elf popped into the room. "Master Moody, you have to wake up."

Alastor was up in a swift movement. Poppy sat still on the couch, shocked.

"Master Snape is bleeding in the forest, Master Moody. Winky is with him but we need your help," the House-elf squeaked.

"Inform Albus, Poppy," he said while already heading out of the door.

Poppy didn't answer. She just sobbed and buried her face in Alastor's robes. Alastor waved his wand and the armchair changed into a couch. "Come on, sweetie." Gently he drew her up on his lap as he had sat down. After ten minutes of softly humming from Alastor, Poppy was asleep. Five minutes later, Alastor followed her.

They still were in this position when a frantically waving house-elf popped into the room. "Master Moody, you have to wake up."

Alastor was up in a swift movement. Poppy sat still on the couch, shocked.

"Master Snape is bleeding in the forest, Master Moody. Winky is with him but we need your help," the House-elf squeaked.

"Inform Albus, Poppy," he said while already heading out of the door.

~*~

When Harry woke up, he was alone. He grabbed for his head and noticed that the bandage was still there. After a closer inspection, he realized that Poppy had healed his wound because it no longer hurt. However, it was itchy, and Harry could not resist scratching. His headache was not completely gone, but at least it was not splitting his head open like the last time he woke up. Maybe the potion was still working. Slowly, he sat up and looked at the alarm clock on his night table. It was nine in the morning. I will go to the bathroom, Harry thought and stood up. Immediately, he grabbed for his head because the headache increased and he felt a little dizzy.

He had barely entered the hall when Alastor's voice could be heard. "What are you doing out of bed, Harry?"

Harry's head snapped around to see Alastor closing Severus' door. Alastor came over to him while Harry leaned into the doorframe for support.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Harry explained.

Alastor looked tired, as if he had not slept at all. "Then come on, I'll help you." With that, he grabbed Harry under his arm and guided him to the toilet. "I'll give you four minutes. If you aren't out by then, I'll come in and get you. If I hear anything that sounds as if you have fallen down, I will come in. Clear?" Alastor looked seriously at Harry.

"Have I done something wrong? Something that made you angry at me?" Harry asked, puzzled by Alastor's serious tone.

Alastor sighed. "No, Harry, I'm just a little tried. Please watch that you don't overdo yourself in there, okay?"

Harry looked worried at the old man. His headache had become worse with each step, and he grabbed his head again to ease the pain a little. He tried hard to remember why Alastor was acting like this, but his brain did not seem to be fully awake at the moment.

"Everything all right, Harry?" Alastor asked, worried, and grabbed Harry's chin to peer closely into his eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't let you go in there on your own."

"Please, sir, I can do it alone. It's just a little headache." Harry started to panic.

"It's not, Harry. I can see it in your eyes. They are unfocused and glassy." With a little pressure to Harry's back, he pushed the boy into the bathroom.

"No, sir, please. You don't have to stay." Harry tried to argue with Alastor. The moment the old man removed his hand from Harry's back he started to sway. "I see that, boy." He guided Harry to the toilet and grabbed for his left hand and pressed it against the wall. "Steady on the wall while I'm not near you." With that, he turned and went for the door. "Call me when you are ready and don't move without me!"

"Yes, sir," Harry said and lowered his pajama bottoms.

Only seconds later, Alastor heard Harry calling for him. When he entered the bathroom again, Harry tried to flush the toilet and almost fell over because the dizziness overcame him. Only Alastor's quick reflexes saved him from hitting his head on the toilet. "I said don't move without me!" Alastor barked sternly while pressing the almost unconscious boy against his chest. After flushing the toilet, he went over to the sink, Harry still pressed against him. With his free hand, Alastor washed Harry's hand and dried them. "Back to bed now."

Harry only groaned. Nothing would be better than being in bed now. He felt horrible. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he closed his eyes.

"No, lad. You have to stay awake for a moment. You need to take your potions," Alastor said as he gently laid a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry fought to stay awake, but he hardly was able to swallow and started to choke. For a moment he did not realized what was going on around him and the next moment he was half over Alastor's lap while the old man patted his back. "Breathe, Harry."

Harry's chest burned, and when he was turned over and felt a vial on his lips, he tried to turn away.

"No, Harry. This will help you. Just one more and then you can go to sleep," Alastor said sternly and held Harry's head still.

The rest of the potion went down Harry's throat smoothly. He did not realize that Alastor had placed him on the bed again. He was already asleep.

The next time he woke up, his head was clearer. He could remember the events of the last day and immediately wanted to speak with Poppy or Alastor about Severus. Was Severus already back? Why did Alastor look so tired? Maybe they were worried about Severus because he had not come back until now. But where was Poppy? No, Severus must be back, and Poppy surely was looking after him. Slowly, Harry stood up. He felt no dizziness this time; just a heavy feeling in his head, but no pain.

Carefully, he moved in the direction of Severus' room. He could not hear anything from inside the room. After looking from one side to the other he laid his ear against the door. No voices. No breathing. Absolutely no sound was to be heard. Maybe a Silencing Charm? Harry thought before suddenly falling, head-first, into the room.

"Harry!" Poppy shouted and caught the falling young man.

Red like a tomato, Harry straightened up. He saw Alastor jerking up from sleep in an armchair to his right, and then his eyes fell on the Potion Master on the bed. He looked like a ghost. Before Harry could have a closer look, Poppy grabbed his chin and turned his face to her. "You will look at me, young man! What do you think you are doing here?" Poppy asked in a very stern tone.

"Ehm...I..." Harry stuttered. Again, he tried to look at the ghostlike figure on the bed.

"That's enough." Poppy pushed Harry unceremoniously out of the room. "You will go back into your room and wait for me." She closed the door in his face.

Harry still stood, open-mouthed, in front of the door. His face was burning from embarrassment of being caught eavesdropping. After a few seconds, he recovered and went quickly back to his room. He did not want to anger Poppy more than he already had.

After ten minutes that felt like hours to Harry, Poppy came into his room. "Harry, you should never do that again. I thought better of you. You should respect Severus' privacy," Poppy scolded him.

"I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey," Harry apologized and steadied himself on his elbows. "I was worried about him and wanted to know if he was back."

"Then you could have asked us when we came to check on you, Harry. Eavesdropping will not give you any information. As you already have notice, we have set a Silence Charm." She looked scolding at him, and he crouched.

"I'm sorry. Please tell me how he is? Was he at a meeting? Did Voldemort hurt him?" Harry asked feverishly.

"He will survive. That's all what I will tell you. It's up to Severus to decide what to tell you when he is healthy enough," Poppy explained. "Now hold still so that I can cast a Diagnostic Spell."

Harry lay back on the bed and sighed. At least Severus is back and alive.

After casting the spell, Poppy frowned and said, "I will check your bandage in a minute. There is something off. The potion is still working. When your headache starts again or you feel dizzy, you have to tell me. Otherwise, I would like to see if you can do it without another potion. You will have to drink a Calming Draught after lunch. We will eat in half an hour."

"Can I shower?" Harry asked against all hopes.

Poppy raised an eyebrow. "If you let Alastor stay with you in the bathroom," Poppy said.

Harry blushed. "A Cleaning Spell, then?"

Poppy smiled and waved her wand. "You just feel good because of the potion. Every time you think you can do something alone, you should remember what happened earlier in the bathroom, Harry."

"Yeah," Harry said grumpily.

"Watch your tone, young man. I only had a little sleep, and you don't want to cross me today."

Harry gulped. "Can I help with something? Alastor looked very tired as well."

"You have to stop worrying about adults, Harry. We know exactly how far we can go and when we have to rest. You have enough to do looking for yourself," Poppy said in a gentler tone and tapped Harry's nose with her finger. "You can help us by resting until we call you for lunch."

"Okay," Harry said, defeated.

"Now, I will check your wound. It should be almost completely healed, but the Diagnostic Spell shows something different."

Harry had a bad feeling that it was the result of his excessive scratching. Fearfully, he watched Poppy unwrapping his bandage. His fear spiked when she paused, frowned at the wound, and then pierced him with her ice-blue eyes. "Did you touch it?"

"No," Harry answered. When Poppy looked warningly at him, he said, "Just the bandage."

"What have you done?"

"I scratched it. It's very itchy," Harry explained miserably.

"You made it worse. It looks almost as if it is starting to become infected, Harry. I fear you will still need the potions, but we will at least wait until the pain comes back. You must not scratch it, Harry. That's important. If I catch you doing it again or if I see that you did it when I next check your wound, I will cast a spell on your head so you cannot touch it with anything. Not your hand, not a pencil, the wall, whatever," Poppy explained sternly.

Harry immediately remembered Severus words. There are some nasty spells that a Mediwitch can use on a patient that is a danger to himself, and all of them cut into your private life immensely.

"I will try," Harry said cautiously.

Poppy applied a salve to the wound, and Harry immediately relaxed. "Wow, that's great. It's so cool."

"This effect will only last for half an hour. Then you have to control yourself again." Poppy wrapped the bandage around Harry's head.

"When can I see Severus?" Harry asked eagerly.

"When he feels ready for it, Harry. He needs time to rest."

"Is he badly hurt? How long will he have to stay in bed?"

Poppy sighed. "He will be okay in a few days, Harry. You have to promise me one thing. It is very, very important, Harry." She looked seriously at the boy. "Don't ever go in Severus' room without his strict permission. Your little stunt at his door could have destroyed anything positive you two have developed. Severus hates to be seen weak and hurt, Harry. He would push you away and you would hardly have the opportunity to regain his trust again. Please don't make it harder for him."

"I won't do it again. And I won't go into his rooms uninvited," Harry said honestly.

"I hope so," Poppy gently stroked Harry's cheek.

"Harry, wake up!" a hoarse voice whispered near Harry's ear.

With a jolt, Harry's eyes snapped open and he sat up. His first thought was that Severus had died and now was sitting as a ghost in front of him. When he looked closer, he realized that the shape in front of him was too solid to be a ghost. Severus looked awful. The moonlight made him look even more pale and gaunt.

"Severus? How are you?" Harry asked quickly.

"We have no time for that. You need to listen to me now. Here are three books I need you to read. I cannot help you with this one. Your father made it, and so I hope you will be able to make it as well. It is important that you try very hard, Harry. I will explain more to you the next time I can sneak away from Poppy." He gave Harry a big heavy book.

Harry reached for the lamp on his night table, but Severus grabbed his hand quickly. "Are you crazy? I just placed a Sleeping Charm on Poppy. It gives us one hour, but Alastor could wake up. He may have Charmed your room to notify him if you turn the lights on." Severus moaned and leaned slightly over while clutching his stomach. Harry saw that his hands-no, his whole body-was shivering.

"You shouldn't have left your bed, Severus." Harry was worried. Very worried.

"We have no time, Harry. Poppy will not release me for the next days, and you need to use this time to read these books. I will sneak out again tomorrow night to answer your questions about them. I need you to really try to learn, Harry. I do not have much time to teach you. The moment Poppy releases me, we have to train. I do not know when the Dark Lord will call me next time, but...." He paused and looked thoughtfully at Harry. "I do not think that I will come back next time. We need to train hard."

Harry stomach clenched. He felt sick after what Severus just said. No, he could not go back. He could not die. "Severus, please, you can't-"

"Stop." Severus voice was commanding. "We have no time." He placed another book in Harry's lap. "You need to learn all the spells that I marked with a red cross. Just try to learn the pronunciation and the wand movements. Do not try any of them without me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, but-"

Severus hit Harry's hand with the book. It was bound in thick leather. "Concentrate!" He held up the last book. Harry could not tell for sure because of the dim light, but it looked as if the cover was red. "This one will be the most confusing. Write down all you questions, and I will try to answer them next time." He placed the small book in Harry's lap. "Under no circumstances should you show these books to Poppy and Alastor. Do not speak about their contents with them or about our secret meetings. I know you trust Alastor, but please do not trust him with this. He is behaving crazy lately. We cannot tell him. The only other person who knows about my plans and your training is the Headmaster. With him you can speak freely." Severus took a deep and obviously painful breath. This was exhausting him.

"But Alastor promised to train me as well." Harry was confused that he should not trust the man who had done so much for him.

"Yes, but I wonder if he is loosing his touch. He is not the tough Auror you think him to be. At least not when it concerns you and me, Harry. I fear he is even thinking of a way to restrain me so that I cannot go back."

Harry thought that that was not such a bad idea. "I also don't want you to go back, Severus. And now that you are so sure you won't come back next time-"

"Merlin, I am not here to discuss this with you. Next time, I will be revealed as a spy, but my going back will give you an advantage. You will know that he will attack soon. He will try to force me to do what I will deny, and he will keep me alive for maybe two days, and then he will gather his followers and attack. So you have to be ready five or six days after my last call. My death will be for something positive. You will survive. Albus and Alastor will make sure of this. There is only one thing I want to ask you for." Severus paused and tried hard to see Harry's expression.

"What?" Harry asked. His voice broke because he had a lump in his throat. Hearing Severus talk about his death brought tears to Harry's eyes.

"Take care of Poppy and Alastor for me," he said pleadingly. Was he really afraid Harry would say no?

"No, Severus!" Severus heart dropped. Harry grabbed the collar of Severus' pajamas. "You will come back and not leave me alone."

"Harry...." Severus did not know what to say. He grabbed the young man's hand on his collar and pried it off. "I can't." He turned away and left before Harry could say more.

_______________________

Harry could hardly sleep. When the first beams of sunrise came through his window, he pulled the books from under his mattress. He eyed them all critically. First the smallest one. It looked very old and had a deep red cover of a material Harry did not know. It felt like fabric. Nothing was on the cover, and Harry had to open it to see what it was about. The pages had a yellowish color, and it smelt like dust. Moving in the Twilight by Thadeus McMannon. Twilight? Harry thought, confused. He had never heard about it. So he decided to place it aside to look at the other two books.

The next one he took was the one with the black leather cover. It looked a bit like a diary. When Harry opened it, he immediately recognized the handwriting as Severus'. It reminded him of the awful red markings on his Potions essays. Harry skimmed through a few pages. They were full of descriptions of wand movements and pronunciations for several spells and curses. Light and Dark spells and curses. Some pages were marked with a red cross like Severus had told him. It was fascinating, and Harry had to force himself to put the book aside to have a look at the last one.

This must be the one Severus said he can't help me with, Harry wondered while looking at the last one. It looked modern, and the title was printed on the front. Harry grinned as he read the title: The Easy Guide to Becoming an Animagus by Cornelia Mutt. "Yes," Harry shouted, excited. Severus wanted him to become an Animagus. That would be fun.

Footsteps near his door made Harry look up after reading several pages of the Animagus book. He felt a little guilty because he knew that Severus wanted him to read the other books to answer his questions about it, but he could not stop himself from reading about becoming an Animagus. He quickly hid the books under his mattress and tried to look sleepy when Alastor entered the room.

"Did you sleep well, lad?" Alastor asked while coming over to Harry.

"Yes," Harry answered and rubbed his eyes to pretend he just woke up. "Still a little tired."

"You can rest after breakfast. Now I'm sure you have to use the loo," Alastor said and prepared himself for the argument that would follow.

"I'm fine, Alastor. You can let me-"

"No, Harry, and there is no room for arguing about it. We will just do like yesterday evening. I'm not risking another break down."

"But I didn't collapse in the evening," Harry tried to argue.

"No, you didn't, and that's the reason why I will let you shower today. If you make it through the shower without an incident, you will be allowed to go to the toilet alone from then on."

"Shower?"

"Shower."

"With you in the room?"

"With me in the room."

Harry made a face. He really felt sticky and would love to shower, but he did not want to have anyone around while he was naked. Not even Poppy.

"We will do it just like yesterday, Harry. I will turn my back to you and only turn around when you are in trouble. I heard that Albus will give you some lessons until Severus is able to do so, and we also could do a bit training as soon as Poppy gives her okay, Harry. Hitting your head again because I can't react quickly if I'm outside won't help you to recover soon."

The Headmaster wants to train him? Maybe Severus had already spoken with him about all he had told him yesterday. Yes, Harry wanted to be ready for the training as soon as possible. "Okay."

"Good boy," Alastor said and ruffled his hair.

Harry rolled his eyes and gathered some clothes while Alastor waited near the door.

On their way to the bathroom, they met Poppy. She looked better. It seems Severus' Sleeping Charm did her some good, Harry thought.

Poppy stroked his cheek. "Good morning, dear. How are you?"

"Fine. Can't I shower alone, Poppy?" Harry tried to get a different answer from Poppy, even when he knew she was the stricter one. Nevertheless, it was worth a try. Harry looked at Alastor out of the corner of his eye. The old man was smirking madly.

"No, I don't think so. If I had my way, you wouldn't be allowed to shower at all. You would use the bathtub and one of us would help you."

Harry's jaw dropped open. He looked shocked at Alastor, who was chuckling. "But I'm fine!"

"You are not, Harry. Sometimes I think Severus' behavior is rubbing off on you. You feel healthy because of the potions I gave you, not because you are healthy," Poppy explained strictly.

Harry groaned, defeated. "Can we go, Alastor?"

Alastor laughed aloud and guided Harry to the bathroom. "Nice try, lad."

Harry brushed his teeth while Alastor sat on the closed toilet. He was not looking forward to showering with Alastor in the room. Finally, he could not avoid it any longer and turned to the old man. He could not say anything and just started to blush.

Alastor stood up without saying anything and went over to the chair near the door. He sat down, facing the wall. "Come on, lad, you know I won't turn around." His wand was in his hand to even out the slowness of his wooden leg. Poppy had warned him that taking a shower would drain Harry. Therefore, they decided to let him have it in the morning when he has the most energy.

Harry quickly used the loo and stripped off his clothes. The warm water felt good, but he could also feel that he was getting weaker and started to become dizzy. He tried to be quick, but was not quick enough. Oh, please no, Harry thought desperately. What should he do? Fall down and worsen his condition or call Alastor for help? Both possibilities were damn embarrassing, but one would cost him valuable time for training. Harry tried to steady himself on the wall of the shower cabin. His stomach protested. Oh, Merlin. The water was still raining down on him. "Alastor," Harry whispered while already feeling his legs become jelly. Harry was not sure if Alastor could hear his whisper, but he did not have the courage to call louder for help. His legs gave in, and he felt a spell hold him upwards. Seconds later, the water stopped and strong arms lifted him out of the shower. "I have to...oh, Merlin...I...." Harry stuttered while fighting against his stomach. He was tilted forward over the shower.

"Just let go, lad. You will feel better afterwards," Alastor said calmly near his ear.

Tears were running down Harry's cheeks. He felt so embarrassed, and he hated himself for being so weak.

"Stop fighting it, Harry. You'll just make it worse," Alastor said a bit sterner.

Harry lost the fight and threw up heavily. There was not much in his stomach, and most of the time he choked dryly. When he was finished, he felt a Cleaning Spell in his mouth and he was sat down on the toilet. A hand was still steadying him, and he was dried by a spell a moment later. Another moment and he was magically dressed.

"Back to bed with you, lad, until Poppy has a look at you," Alastor said and lifted Harry in his arms.

Harry felt as if a troll had hit him on the head. Everything was a blur, and he felt so embarrassed. When he was placed on the soft cushions of his bed, he sighed, relieved.

__________________

The next time he woke up, Poppy was sitting on his bed. She smiled at him and stroked his hair. "We let you sleep because you were very exhausted. I gave you a few more potions, and you should feel much better now."

"Yes, I do," Harry said, cursing himself for wasting time that could have been used for reading. "I would like to rest more."

Poppy eyed him, worried. "Of course you can rest, but first it is time for lunch, Harry. You need food to get more energy."

"Will Severus eat with us?" Harry asked hopefully.

"No, he is still recovering, Harry. Maybe in a few days." Poppy looked old and worried while she told him this. He also felt a little guilty for knowing that Severus was sneaking out at night to meet him. And then Severus' request came back to his mind. He should take care of Poppy and Alastor. That sounded so weird at the moment because he was under their care. He remembered why Severus wanted him to take care of them and felt his heart skip a beat. I have to find a solution for this. Severus mustn't die.

After breakfast, Harry quickly went back to his room and pulled the books out. He forced himself to put the Animagus book aside and picked the red one instead. Harry tried hard to understand what he read, but it was so damn boring he could hardly stay awake. He understood that the twilight was something like another dimension that lay above this one. Some wizards learned to move in it and could vanish from the view of others and appear somewhere else. For normal wizards, it would look as if they were Apparating, but a person in the twilight could see the others around him while moving in it. He could easily kill them with a weapon. However, magic could not be used in the twilight. That was all Harry thought he understood. He laid the book aside and grabbed the handwritten one.

He first tried to speak the spells out correctly, and then he tried to make the wand movements. Some were very complex. Harry decided to try ten today, and then he would study the Animagus book again. Said book lay tempting across from Harry.

In the late afternoon, Poppy and Alastor came to check on him. Harry quickly had shuffled the books under the mattress. "How are you, Harry?" Poppy asked while drawing her wand.

"A bit better. Resting was a good idea." The prick of conscience was troubling him, but it was for a good cause. Poppy's worried expression made Harry wish he could tell them that he was fine and what he was doing. He looked at Alastor and remembered Severus' warning. Merlin, I wish I could at least tell Alastor. Why does Severus think he wouldn't help us? Harry was feeling very guilty by betraying the two adults who did so much for him lately.

"The concussion is almost completely healed. I think I will stop giving you the potions. We will see how your body reacts. Maybe the potion is making you tired. The risk that you will feel dizzy or even faint is still high, Harry. I don't want you to go anywhere alone," Poppy said strictly.

Harry glanced at Alastor and blushed.

"It was good that Alastor was with you while you took a shower. Who knows how bad you would have hit your head otherwise," Poppy explained while feeling his pulse.

"Your heartbeat is very high. That's unusual," Poppy mused. "Do you feel unwell?" She moved the bed covers aside and unbuttoned Harry's pajama top.

"No, I feel fine, really," Harry said while shrugging away a bit from the probing hands of the Mediwitch.

Poppy felt around Harry's ribs and chest for unusual sweat or rash. When she did not find anything unusual, she let him button the pajama top up again. "If you still have such a high heartbeat in the morning, I'll have to do a few tests, Harry."

Merlin, my heartbeat is this high because I have to lie to you. I hope I can keep it down tomorrow. Tests are the last thing I want to let her do on me right now, Harry thought desperately.

______________________

It was already midnight. Where is Severus? Harry thought worriedly. Maybe Poppy was not falling asleep this time, and Severus could not cast the Sleeping Spell. Harry's wand was lit, and he was reading the Animagus book. He was almost finished with it and could not wait to try it out. Finally, he fell asleep with the book still in his hand.

"Wake up, Harry," Severus ordered impatiently.

Harry sat up. The Animagus book slipped off his bed, and he fumbled for his wand.

"Merlin, Potter, sometimes I think we are lost with you," Severus said while patting Harry on his head with his own wand.

"You are late," Harry said sullenly and grabbed his wand out of Severus' hand.

"Yes, Poppy was probably too worried to fall asleep. Are you okay, Harry?" Severus asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. I hate to lie, and I had to do it while she examined me. My heartbeat was too high, and she thinks it's something serious," Harry explained and jumped in surprised when Severus grabbed his wrist. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Severus' glare could be seen because of the full moon that was shining into the room. "Your pulse is still very high. Maybe you are ill."

Harry tried to bat the hand that was placed on his forehead away without success. "You scared me and woke me up abruptly. Your heart would beat like hell as well in this situation."

"I don't think so. I have heard Poppy and Alastor talking about you. You fainted in the shower."

"Poppy said it's normal."

"Poppy told you that so you would not worry," Severus said dryly.

"You don't know."

Severus rolled his eyes. "We are wasting time. I will check your pulse before I leave."

Harry just groaned.

"Did you read the books? Beside this one?" Severus held up the Animagus book that had fallen on the floor.

"Yes, I did, but I hardly understood anything in the red book, and from the spell book I already learned ten spells."

"What didn't you understand in the red book?"

"Err...why do you want me to learn about this?"

"Because the Dark Lord can move in the twilight, and that gives him a great advantage if you cannot. If you learn to move in it, you can make him concentrate on you completely. It's difficult to learn and only a few are capable of it. I can move in it for a short time. Albus and the Dark Lord can stay in it as long as they want without loosing energy. It's a good place to regain power if your enemy is not capable. And if you have no morals, you can use it to kill by sneaking up on your victim without a possibility for him to fight back. You cannot use magic in the twilight, but you can use Muggle weapons. Albus will train you as soon as Poppy gives her okay for you to leave the quarters."

"She will never let me leave. Can't the Headmaster come and train me here?"

"Alastor and Poppy would get suspicious if he visited you so long. Alastor mustn't find out about this, Harry."

"But why? I feel so guilty around him and Poppy."

"He has this strange expression lately, Harry. I cannot describe it. I believe he is really considering holding us back from the war. He is very protective. In fact, he is quite overprotective when it comes to you and me."

Harry sighed. "I hope this will all be over soon."

"The last battle will come sooner than you wish, Harry. The Dark Lord is getting desperate. When the protective wards of your relatives wears off, he will attack," Severus said tiredly.

"Will you teach me the Killing Curse?" Harry asked eagerly.

"No!" Severus almost shouted and quickly looked over to the door.

"Why not?" Harry asked, confused. "I have to kill Voldemort."

Severus shuddered. "Don't call him that in my presence, Harry!"

"Sorry, but how shall I kill the Dark Lord if you don't teach me the Killing Curse?"

"Simple. You will not kill the Dark Lord."

"What do you mean I won't kill him? Of course I will. That's what the prophecy says."

"No, that is not what the prophecy says. It was merely referring to your status as a Horcrux. Albus has told you about them, right?" Severus asked.

"Yes, he did. He told me that all the Horcruxes are destroyed except Nagini and me."

"Nagini will die soon. I made sure of that. You will be the last one. That is where this comes into action." Severus pointed to the Animagus book. "If you can manage to transform into an Animagus, Albus can extract the Dark Lord's soul from you and destroy it. The Horcrux cannot combine itself with an Animagus' soul, and it will be separated. Once we destroy this last Horcrux, the Dark Lord will be mortal again."

"And then I will kill him," Harry whispered deep in thought. He cried out when Severus grabbed him forcefully and shook him.

"You will not, do you understand me? You are a child! Such a thing would destroy you or change you into something like the Dark Lord."

Harry was shocked. "But he has to die!"

"Yes, he must die, but you will not be the one to kill him. Let Albus or Alastor do it. They can handle the guilt of killing someone. You will just be there to distract the Dark Lord. Your main task will be to stay alive!"

It was as if a stone was lifted from his chest. "I don't have to kill him?" Harry whispered, unbelievingly.

"No, you do not have to. You will not try to, Harry. Swear to me!" Severus still held Harry by the arms.

Harry stared at him. Severus looks so lost and desperate. Why is it so important to him? "Why?"

"I already told you. Such an act would destroy you."

"No, I mean why do you care?

Severus stared at Harry not knowing what to say. "I need you to take care of Poppy and Alastor."

"You can do that yourself. You have the emergency Portkey. It will get you out."

"It does not work in the presence of the Dark Lord."

"But you said he would ‘play'-Harry made a disgusted face-with you for some. You can use it when he isn't around."

"I will not risk his attack before you are ready."

"I will be ready, Severus. Please, I need you!"

"Harry, I have nothing to live for after this war." He sighed shakily. "I am a bitter old man with no future."

"That's not true. You are warm-hearted and kind. Otherwise you wouldn't try to help me and you wouldn't risk your life for me."

"I risk my life to give those I love a better future, Harry. With you on their side, they will not feel so alone and they will soon stop mourning me."

"No, I won't do it!"

"What?" Severus said, eyes narrowed.

"I said I won't do it. I won't take care of Poppy and Alastor. You have to do it yourself. I will train hard, and I will be ready when he comes. I won't need the time you would give me by letting him torture you."

Severus grabbed Harry's collar. "You do not know the Dark Lord, Harry! You have no idea what he will do to me! It would be an awful life for me afterwards."

"Poppy will make you healthy again and then we can all live a happy life here. I always wanted a family, and you want to take it away from me. You belong to this family."

Severus was too stunned to say anything.

"Give me your promise that you will use the Portkey if it is possible, and I will give you my promise not to kill the Dark Lord by myself and to take care of Poppy and Alastor if you aren't able to do it yourself," Harry said, determined, and held his hand out. It looked odd. Harry hardly had space to stretch his hand in Severus' direction because the man was still holding him by his collar.

"You do not know what you are asking from me, Harry," Severus said sadly.

The room was silent for a while and Harry's hand became heavy. Just when he wanted to let it sink, Severus grabbed it. "Deal," he whispered.

Harry felt guilty. A feeling I have to get used to, he thought. Severus looked so broken and sad. Maybe I really have no idea what I'm asking from him, but I don't want to lose him, Harry thought miserably.

Severus pulled his cold mask up and said, "Learn the spells and try to become an Animagus. Albus will contact you tomorrow and speak with you about the training."

Before Harry could reply, Severus was out the door.

The next morning, Harry felt very exhausted. He had hardly slept. He had seen the sad and lost expression on Severus' face in front of him the whole night, and the guilt was eating a big hole in his stomach.

When Poppy came to check on him, he could not concentrate, and so his pulse was almost normal. Poppy sighed, relieved, but after watching Harry during breakfast, her worry rose again. "Are you sure you are feeling fine?"

"Yes," Harry said absently.

"Albus will come and visit you in an hour, Harry," Alastor tried to cheer the boy up.

"Okay," Harry said in the same tired tone he spoke in the whole morning. Poppy and Alastor exchanged worried glances.

"Did you sleep okay, lad?" Alastor asked.

Harry's head jerked up. "Yes! Why do you ask?"

"You're behaving weirdly. If you had any nightmares, I would like to know, Harry. Talking about it could help," Alastor tried to convince Harry to open up.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just...I think I'm just tired." He pushed his cereals indifferently around the bowl.

"You shouldn't feel tired, Harry. I'm sorry, but I'll have to take some tests," Poppy said.

"No! I'm fine. Really, Poppy," Harry pleaded.

"No arguing, Harry. Please go to the toilet with Alastor. I need a urine sample, and then I will see you in your room."

"Urine sample?" Harry became green. "I've never had to do something like that. Please, I swear I'm fine," Harry said. He was scared. Who knows what kinds of tests there will be?

"It's nothing bad or embarrassing. Alastor will show you what to do. Off you go," Poppy said with her no-nonsense voice and ushered Harry out of the kitchen. Alastor was shortly behind him.

"I already went to the loo, Alastor. I can't...." Harry looked pleadingly at Alastor.

"Poppy doesn't need much. Merlin, lad, you just have to pee in a small cup, nothing more." Alastor took one of the little blue stones that decorated the bathroom and transfigured it in a plastic cup. "Try you best," he said while handing Harry the cup.

Five minutes later, Harry lay in his bed waiting anxiously for Poppy. She came in with a tray of potions and a syringe. Harry's eyes went wide. "No, Poppy, I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, Harry. I need a blood sample to check for any problems. After that, you can rest," Poppy said in a tone that left no argument.

Harry looked fearfully at the needle. He could remember having a blood test in primary school, and it was awful.

"You want to fight Voldemort, but you're afraid of a small needle?" Alastor asked teasingly to lighten the mood.

"I would prefer Voldemort at the moment," Harry mumbled.

Poppy shook her head and sighed. "Really, Harry, it's not that bad." She already prepared his arm by cleaning it with alcohol. "Just a little prick and it will be over." With one hand, she held Harry's arm tight, and with the other she placed the needle near a vein.

Harry tried to pull his arm away when he felt the needle break through his skin, but she had him in a death grip.

"Try to relax, Harry, or it will hurt," Poppy instructed.

How can someone relax while getting a needle in his arm? Harry thought sullenly. He felt like a baby. A war is coming, and he was whining about a needle.

"All done, Harry," Poppy said calmingly. "Drink this. It will help you to sleep."

"But the Headmaster wanted to come. Please, Poppy, I would like to speak with him."

"This has to wait until late afternoon. Drink, Harry."

Oh, fantastic, now I have no time to read and all just because they think I'm ill, Harry thought desperately while taking the potion vial from Poppy. He wanted to open his mouth to argue again when he saw her face. There was no chance of her changing her opinion, so Harry gulped down the contents of the vials.

"Try to relax, Harry, or it will hurt," Poppy instructed.

How can someone relax while getting a needle in his arm? Harry thought sullenly. He felt like a baby. A war is coming, and he was whining about a needle.

"All done, Harry," Poppy said calmingly. "Drink this. It will help you to sleep."

"But the Headmaster wanted to come. Please, Poppy, I would like to speak with him."

"This has to wait until late afternoon. Drink, Harry."

Oh, fantastic, now I have no time to read and all just because they think I'm ill, Harry thought desperately while taking the potion vial from Poppy. He wanted to open his mouth to argue again when he saw her face. There was no chance of her changing her opinion, so Harry gulped down the contents of the vials.

~*~

It was almost time for breakfast when the Headmaster came. Harry had woken up half an hour earlier and was eagerly waiting for the old man.

"Hello, Harry, how are you?" the Headmaster asked him.

"I'm fine. You must stop Poppy from taking all these tests, Professor. I was just nervous because I had to lie to them about all the training. And this morning I was behaving oddly because I felt guilty about what I said to Severus. Please, I'm really fine," Harry said, hoping the Headmaster could help him.

"I fear it's not that easy, Harry. You are ill, but Poppy will explain later." The Headmaster looked sad and worried and that made Harry nervous.

"What do you mean I'm ill?"

"It's not my place to tell you about it. Poppy will speak with you when I leave."

"But the training?" Harry asked, confused.

"There is a treatment for your illness, and if you follow Poppy's advices, we can start the training in two days. Until then, stop exhausting yourself. No reading at night." The Headmaster looked knowingly over the rim of his glasses.

"Two days?"

"Yes, two days. Listen to what Poppy and what your body are telling you. If you feel tired, lie down. Read the book about the twilight, the part with the meditation technique. We will start with this in our training. We can also try a few spells because they won't exhaust you as much as the twilight training," Albus explained.

"And the Animagus training, Professor?" Harry asked hopefully.

"That you have to try alone. I cannot help you with it. Be careful and listen to what you body signals you. If you are tired, you shouldn't try it. If you are careful with this illness, we can begin training soon. It is very important that you rest when you feel tired. No overworking!" The Headmaster looked sternly at him. Then his features lightened up, and he smiled. "And you can call me Albus in private, Harry. We will spend a lot of time training until Severus is fit enough, so the formalities can be thrown aside."

"Okay, Pro...Albus."

"You said you felt guilty this morning about something you said to Severus. Would you like to tell me? Maybe I can help."

"I don't think you can help. I forced Severus to use his emergency Portkey when the time comes. He was so... I don't know how to say it... broken? He looked sad, and I hated myself for doing it, but I don't want to lose him." Harry hoped the Headmaster could lift a little bit of the guilt from his chest.

"We all don't want to lose him. If I had the opportunity to force him to use the Portkey, I fear I would have done it as well."

"It was very unfair. He asked me to take care of Poppy and Alastor and promise him to not kill the Dark Lord by myself and let you or Alastor do it. Right in that moment, I just saw the chance to get him back here when Voldemort finds out he is a spy, so I took the chance. But seeing his reaction...." Harry paused sadly. "I feel so bad about it."

Albus sat down on Harry's bed and took the young man in his arms. "I know, Harry."

Harry let his tears fall freely. The guilt was still there, and he felt very bad. He wished he could go to Severus and take it all back, but then he would lose Severus. He was absolutely sure about this now because of Severus' reaction last night. The Potions Master would have never used his Portkey.

A knock at the door made Harry look up, and Poppy and Alastor came in. Poppy immediately ran over to the bed when she saw Harry. "Albus, what have you told him?"

"Nothing, Poppy. We just spoke about the war," Albus said.

"He should rest and not worry about the war, Albus," Poppy said, scolding, and Albus quickly left the room. Poppy waved her wand over Harry and gently lie him flat.

"What's wrong with me?" Harry asked anxiously.

Poppy tenderly stroked Harry's cheek. "It will sound bad when I tell you, but if you take care of yourself, it won't restrict you. You have an illness that is called Mollus Fragilus. It's an illness wizards can get when the have a Muggle illness that hasn't been treated properly. Your immune system is very weak and you have to fight harder than normal when you are ill. This is why it took so long to for your concussion to heal. I wondered about it the last times you were in my hospital wing, but I blamed your bad nutrition. When you are stressed, your heart also becomes overworked. You should always have a Calming Draught with you. You blacking out in the kitchen was a result of this overworking of your heart. You could easily have a panic attack, too. Just have some with you. This is a potion applicator," she said, handing it to him. "It will help you to always take the right dose of the potion. Now that I know about your condition, I can treat you with more potent potions from the beginning of an illness or a wound."

"I still can do everything like before?" Harry asked, anxious about the answer.

"Yes, you can do everything you want. You just have to listen to any sign your body gives you. If you feel tired, you should rest. I will regularly check you to diagnose an illness as early as possible."

Harry looked shocked. "More blood tests?"

"Not regularly, but from time to time, they will be necessary," Poppy answered.

"Okay," Harry said uncertainly and looked at the applicator.

"You put your mouth here," she continued. "You push this button here. That will cause the potion to flow into your mouth. It refills itself. When you take the potion, you should rest for half an hour. After that, you can do whatever you want," Poppy explained.

"Okay," Harry said and placed the applicator on the night table.

"You should always have it with you, Harry. This is important. You should also tell the people around you about your problem so that they can remind you to take the potion in time. When can you contact your friends and tell them that you are here?"

That was a topic Harry had tried to avoid. He did not feel like contacting Hermione and Ron. That would mean he had to tell them what happened. When he did not answer, Poppy said, "You don't want to hide it from them, Harry. They are your friends, and they will be concerned when they don't hear anything from you. Write them a letter, Harry. Maybe they can even come over for a few days."

It sounded crazy to Harry that his friends would visit him here. He was so concentrated on the training, Voldemort, and the war that it would feel odd to have them here. He could not enjoy their company. This would just waste time that could be spent training. Severus said the last battle would be soon, and he had to use the time to train. "I will write them, but I don't want them to come and visit me, Poppy. Not now."

"I don't like how you are behaving lately. The men have planted a stupid idea in your head, Harry. You should enjoy being a boy and not have all your thoughts be about a crazy man and the war."

"But this is war, Poppy. I can be a boy when it's over. How much do you know?"

"I know that Albus and Severus think you have to take part in this war, Harry. I don't like that. You are just a child. You don't have any superhero powers. It was your mother's love that defeated Voldmort the first time."

"But this time I have to play an important part, Poppy. I cannot avoid it. I never wanted to be just a boy since I came here, and now it is so damn hard. I hope to destroy Voldemort so I can finally live in peace here with you and Alastor and Severus." Harry paused and became thoughtful. "Ehm...I'm still allowed to live here after, aren't I?"

"Of course, Harry. Never think differently." Poppy hugged him and he could feel her heart beating. Harry hid his face in her shoulder.

"Thank you. You don't know how good it feels to have people like you," he whispered.

"We will always be there for you, Harry," Alastor said and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I want him dead to be free. Finally free," Harry said while crying in Poppy's shoulder.

"I know my boy, I know," Poppy whispered in his ear.

______________

Poppy's potions worked well and Harry felt much better. The whole day he had bed rest he used to read and learn the spells and the meditation technique. The mediation did not work well and Harry was worried that Albus would be disappointed with him. After several unsuccessful attempts, he stopped trying and concentrated on the spells. Late in the afternoon, he decided to try to transform. He had finished the book yesterday evening and now was ready to try it.

The book was gorgeous. It was a step by step guide. First, he had to try a meditation-like technique, and Harry had no problems with it. He was surprised because the meditation technique for the twilight gave him so much trouble. Why not this one?

After Poppy and Alastor had said good night, he tried to transform his left hand. After several attempts, he was growing dark gray fur. It did not cover his whole hand, but a few hairs came out. The whole process was very exhausting, and he feared that if he continued, he would not be able to train with Albus tomorrow. So he decided to go to sleep earlier and to try it again in the morning. Severus had not come last night, and Harry had the feeling he would not come tonight either. This increased his guilt, and he was not sure if he would take it all back when he saw Severus next. With this worry, he felt asleep.

The book was gorgeous. It was a step by step guide. First, he had to try a meditation-like technique, and Harry had no problems with it. He was surprised because the meditation technique for the twilight gave him so much trouble. Why not this one?

After Poppy and Alastor had said good night, he tried to transform his left hand. After several attempts, he was growing dark gray fur. It did not cover his whole hand, but a few hairs came out. The whole process was very exhausting, and he feared that if he continued, he would not be able to train with Albus tomorrow. So he decided to go to sleep earlier and to try it again in the morning. Severus had not come last night, and Harry had the feeling he would not come tonight either. This increased his guilt, and he was not sure if he would take it all back when he saw Severus next. With this worry, he felt asleep.

~*~

Harry had not slept well, but he tried hard not to show it during breakfast. Severus had joined them for the first time, but he avoided Harry's gaze.

"Err...I'm seeing the Headmaster today. May I visit you after?" Harry asked Severus uncertainly.

First, Harry thought Severus ignored him, but then he shrugged his shoulders. "If you must."

Harry felt another stab straight at his heart. "Severus, please," Poppy tried to reprimand Severus.

"No, it's okay, Poppy," Harry said sadly and stood up. He looked at her and held two letters up. "I have written to Ron and Hermione. I'll send them via Owl Post and then meet with the Headmaster."

"Be here for lunch, Harry. Albus can join us if he likes," Poppy offered.

"I will ask him." With that, Harry left the saddening mood in the kitchen.

He had only written that he had stayed at Hogwarts and would contact them later to explain anything. He was not ready for this right now.

"Hello, girl," he said affectionately to Hedwig and petted her head. "Take this letter to Ron." When Hedwig had left, he called another owl down to him and put the letter for Hermione on her foot. Then he made his way to the Headmaster.

"Ah, Harry, I hope you feel better," Albus greeted him happily.

This man never looks like he is heading a war effort. How can he be so cheerful? Harry thought, confused. "I'm fine. Can we start?"

Albus chuckled. "So eager?"

"I want it all to end finally. I have to be ready." Harry looked determined and cold.

"You will win with your heart and love, Harry, not with bitterness and coldness." Albus looked worried at Harry. "Don't change your character for Voldemort."

"It's hard to be cheerful in times like these. All I can think about is the war and destroying Voldemort."

"That's what I feared, Harry. Don't become bitter like Severus. The war isn't everything. If you aren't ready when Voldemort attacks, we will hold him away from you. If you push yourself too much, you won't succeed with anything in your training," Albus said strictly.

"I tried hard to use the meditation techniques the book was describing, but I had problems. I fear I won't make it."

"You are pushing yourself too much. Have you tried the Animagus book?"

"Yes," Harry said happily and his face lit up.

"Ah, that's the Harry I know. The feeling you have right now Harry is the one with which you will win your battle with Voldemort. If I'm right, the book also contains meditation techniques, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Harry replied, confused.

Albus chuckled at his confused look. "You can use them in the twilight as well."

"Oh."

Albus laughed. "Come on, I have prepared a training room."

The room was gray and it had no windows. Harry did not know from where the light was coming, but it was very dim.

"Remember the meditation technique. When you are deeply relaxed, try to stare at one point for a long time until your surroundings start to blur." Albus pointed his wand on himself and his purple robes became black. "In the twilight, most people only see black and white. The dimness will help you to immerse yourself into it."

"How will I know that I'm in?"

"You will hear a roar and the air will shimmer. It feels good to be in it. Too good. Many lose themselves in it. I will be there to prevent you from losing yourself, but I cannot draw you into it. You have to do it yourself. It will take time. It's not the end of the world if you cannot use the twilight, Harry. Few can. You still have many more things with which you can distract Voldemort. The twilight is only one option."

"But if I don't manage it, Voldemort can easily kill me through it."

"Not even Voldemort would sink that low. He has high ideas of how to fight. He believes that stabbing someone in the back is undignified. You don't have to worry about it."

"I want to try it," Harry said, determined.

"If you feel exhausted, you have to stop, Harry. Going into the twilight and moving in it takes a lot of energy. If Poppy orders bed rest for you, we won't be able to train. So be careful. Start with meditation and then try it like I told you. I will wait here."

Harry had the feeling that he sat there for hours. The grayness around him was covering him like a blanket. He tried hard but always had the fear of failure in the back of his head. He was tired, and then he came at a point were nothing mattered. He just felt the cold and hard floor under him. He felt heavy and his shoulders were drawn down. The tiredness was so strong that he had the feeling he could fall asleep. Suddenly, he heard a roaring and jerked up. He waved his hand in front of him. It felt like mosquitoes were flying in front of his face.

"Merlin, you made it on your first attempt, Harry!" Albus said proudly.

Harry could hardly hold himself upright, but the feeling was fantastic. The roaring was so soothing, and Albus looked magnificent with all the little mosquito-like light flickers around him. Albus' voice also sounded different. Muffled and deeper. Harry just wanted to lie down and enjoy this feeling.

"Oh, no, Harry. You have to leave," Albus said patiently.

Harry shook his head and looked dreamily at Albus. He wanted to stay and enjoy this peacefulness. A strong hand was grabbing him, and he was forcefully drawn out of this heaven-like place. With a flick of Albus' wand, they were back in his office.

"You are exhausted, Harry. You should have stopped earlier." Albus looked worried at Harry and placed him in a big armchair. A heavy woolen blanket was drabbed over him, and Harry fell asleep.

"You did very well, Harry. I have never heard of someone who managed to get into the twilight on his fist attempt," Albus said after waking Harry for lunch.

"Unfortunately, I can't remember how I did it," Harry said sadly.

"It doesn't matter. You found the way. The twilight will be easier for you to access from now on." Harry grinned proudly.

After lunch, Poppy ordered him to rest again for at least an hour, so Albus left and said he would wait for him in his office. Severus had ignored Harry completely during the meal, and Harry became depressed. He needed to speak with Severus. After resting the ordered hour, he snuck into Severus' room. The Potions Master was reading a Potions magazine and did not even look up when Harry entered the room. Harry sadly sat down on Severus' bed. "Please, talk to me Severus."

"You asked the worst thing possible from me, Harry," Severus said, not looking up from his magazine.

"I would take it back, but I can't, Severus. I need you after the war. I can't live alone here. I can't replace you for Poppy and Alastor. Please, Severus, don't leave me alone and don't be mad at me."

Finally, Severus took the magazine down and looked at Harry. "Do you know what the Dark Lord is capable of? You have no idea what condition I will come back in. I will be useless."

"You will never be useless, Severus. I will always need you. I will nurse you back to health. I swear I will do anything for you, but just don't leave me alone," Harry pleaded.

"Maybe I will be beyond healing. Maybe I won't even be capable of thinking straight anymore," Severus said bitterly.

Harry looked sadly at Severus. He took a deep breath. "I lied. I will take care of Poppy and Alastor, and I promise you I won't kill Voldemort. It was wrong to make you believe that you owed me anything. I take it back. You don't have to use the emergency Portkey. I will do what you wanted me to. I'm sorry." Harry felt that tears were started to from in his eyes, and he ran out of the room.

He stopped when he was near the Headmaster's office. He took deep breathes, but his heart was hammering. He fumbled for his applicator and gulped down the potion. Immediately, his heart beat slowed, and he felt better. Even if he was still scared to lose Severus, he felt much better now that he had lifted his demand. He hoped that Severus would start to speak to him again.

Harry waited a few more minutes before he spoke the password to the gargoyle and entered the Headmaster's office.

"Can I try the twilight again?" Harry asked eagerly even when he felt the effects of the potion. He knew he should rest now, but he had no time for it.

"No, it would exhaust you too much. We can try tomorrow. I think we should learn some of the spells Severus marked as important. He said you have learned ten."

"Yes, I tried the movements and the pronunciation separately like Severus told me to do."

"Very, good. Let's go into our training room and try them out."

When they entered the training room, Albus spoke again. "I forgot to tell you that you should never try to go into the twilight alone before you can manage to withstand the urge to stay in it. Alastor has wards up, and you may set an alarm off if you try."

"Okay, but we will try it again tomorrow, right?"

Albus grinned. "Yes, we will."

The spell training went well. He manage six of the ten spells without problems and the other four he was sure to manage perfectly with a bit of training. "I'll try the movements before bed and then learn ten new ones."

"You shouldn't overdo it, Harry. You already look very exhausted again," Albus said worriedly. "Just rest and we will try the twilight and the spells you already learned again." Seeing Harry's determined expression, he added, "We have to leave something for Severus to teach you."

Harry was too exhausted to learn anything new. He just wanted to sleep when he went to bed after breakfast. He dozed off with the regret that he had done nothing.

Four hours later, he was sitting in his bed with a hand over his mouth. It was Severus'. "Merlin, shut up, Potter."

Harry glared at Severus. "Why do you always have to wake me in the middle of the night?" Harry asked while trying to slow his heartbeat without taking the potion.

"I can leave if you would prefer-"

"No!" Harry shouted.

Severus gave him a playful hit on the back of his head. "Be still, or do you want Poppy and Alastor to find out about our midnight meetings?"

"You haven't come to meet me in days," Harry said reproachfully.

"Just forget that," Severus said quickly.

"I still hope you will use the emergency-"

"I said forget about it. Tell me about your training."

"I managed to get into the twilight, and I learned the first ten spells. Okay, I managed to cast only six perfectly, but I'm sure I will be able to cast the other four tomorrow. And I grew a few hairs, too."

"Congratulations on becoming a man, Harry, but I would prefer to discuss the training."

Harry was confused but then blushed. "I meant the Animagus training." Harry shortly paused and then added in a low voice. "I'm no child. I already have...."

The chuckle from his mentor made him stop. "You are really too funny, Potter."

"You knew I was talking about the training?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"Of course, but it was too tempting."

It was an odd sight to see Severus chuckle. "Very funny."

"Yes, it was." Severus looked serious. "What did it look like? Any idea what animal?"

"It was dark gray. Maybe a dog. Do you think it will be a dog because I miss Sirius?"

"The Animagus form doesn't have anything to do with your life or feelings or thoughts. Just let yourself be surprised by what it is."

"Do you like the twilight?" Harry changed the topic because he felt that Severus did not like to talk about Sirius.

"Have you lost yourself in it?" Severus asked, curious.

"Yes, it was good that Albus was around."

"Oh, it's Albus now?"

Harry groaned. "Has Poppy given you something?"

"Yes, she did. I fear she was worried about how I've been treating you lately."

"I was also worried," Harry whispered.

There was a long silence in the room until Severus said, "I do not want to live as a cripple, Harry. You gave me a reason to live after the war, but I am not sure what a price I am willing to pay for it." He paused. "Do not rush things during the training. Poppy will release me from bed rest in two days. Then we can go on with the spell training. Just train in the twilight with Albus and then concentrate on the Animagus training." Before Harry could say something, Severus left the room.

"Do you like the twilight?" Harry changed the topic because he felt that Severus did not like to talk about Sirius.

"Have you lost yourself in it?" Severus asked, curious.

"Yes, it was good that Albus was around."

"Oh, it's Albus now?"

Harry groaned. "Has Poppy given you something?"

"Yes, she did. I fear she was worried about how I've been treating you lately."

"I was also worried," Harry whispered.

There was a long silence in the room until Severus said, "I do not want to live as a cripple, Harry. You gave me a reason to live after the war, but I am not sure what a price I am willing to pay for it." He paused. "Do not rush things during the training. Poppy will release me from bed rest in two days. Then we can go on with the spell training. Just train in the twilight with Albus and then concentrate on the Animagus training." Before Harry could say something, Severus left the room.

~*~

The next day, Harry felt as if he had not slept at all. The heavy feeling of guilt was gone, but he feared Poppy was right. He should have rested after taking the potion. Now he had the feeling he could not make up the lost rest. At breakfast, he managed to put up his mask and was happy that Poppy did not take another test. As a result, he was able to go to Albus for their next training session. He told the man about what Severus had said and Albus agreed. Harry easily managed to go into the twilight this time and was surprised. The problem was that he needed Albus' help again to get him out of it.

"It's normal, Harry," Albus said. "Some people say it's like going back into the womb of your mother. You feel so safe and don't want to leave. People that always wished for a place to feel loved and safe will have more problems leaving, but I am confident that you will manage after a few more sessions. You are very good, Harry." Albus laid a hand of Harry's shoulder.

"Thank you, but I feel weak by not being able to leave on my own."

"Severus also had problems during the first attempts, Harry. It's human."

"I spurt a few hairs while trying to transform the first time. They were dark gray. I can't wait to see what my Animagus form will be." Every time he thought about, it made his heart jump.

"It's always good to see you smile, Harry. You are too serious lately. I'm glad you enjoy the Animagus training, and I'm sad that I cannot help you with it. Maybe you inherited a natural ability from you father."

"I hoped to become a stag, too, but I liked the gray fur as well."

"You are different from your father. He was always a bit of a poser. No offense," Albus said.

"No offense taken. I saw some of my father during the Occlumency training. He was horrible sometimes. I'm still proud of him, but I don't want to be exactly like him."

"I'm sure you will love your Animagus form. It will reflect your inner feelings and wishes. Your father always wanted to be big and strong, and so he became a stag. Your godfather was always light-hearted and playful, and the dog reflected that perfectly."

"Severus said it doesn't have to do with my life or feelings," Harry said, confused.

"I think he told you that so you would not worry. He feared you would become something you do not like. I'm not sure, but if I know him, and I do, this could be possible."

"I will train this afternoon," Harry said and headed for the door.

"Don't forget to rest, Harry," Albus said warningly.

"Of course, "Harry replied without meaning it.

After lunch he slept for an hour because Poppy was eying him criticality. He did not felt at all rested after his nap, but nevertheless grabbed the Animagus book and tried the next step. After one hour, his whole left hand was changed. It was an enormous paw, bigger than one of a dog and even bigger than a wolf's one. Almost like a bear, but with the features of a wolf's paw. The craziest thing was the midnight black claws he could show. They were sharp like needles, and he could see his reflection in them. Harry's heart beat like hell. He would be a very big and dangerous animal, and he loved this feeling.

Too bad that at the moment he was nothing like his Animagus form, and that would be revealed at supper in front of everyone.

They were eating peacefully when Harry felt the first sign of the upcoming disaster. He felt dizzy and had to look a few time at one spot to not throw up. He tried to finish his meal quickly to excuse himself, but it was unsuccessful. Half of his food was still on his plate when he felt the room spin violently. Grabbing the table edge forcefully did not help, and he fell, head-first, onto the table. He did not feel any pain as the blackness overcame him.

_________

Harry groaned when he woke up. The first thing he realized was the IV that was in his arm. He grabbed for the needle but was stopped by a big hand. "Don't touch it, lad. Poppy will be here soon and you can argue with her about it. Not that I would give you any hopes for success. She is furious with you," Alastor said reproachfully. "At the moment, she is screaming at Albus for overtraining you."

Harry groaned again. Not from the pain in his head and arm, but from frustration. His training was on ice for who knows how long.

"I know that you are up to something and Albus is in on it. Surely the old fool is planning something with Severus to deceive us," Alastor said angrily.

Fantastic, now I have angered the two people that mean the world to me, Harry thought sadly. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry for not being able to tell you," Harry whispered.

"You can tell me everything, lad."

"No, not this. You are too concerned. You would stop me."

"Stop you from what? Merlin, talk to me, Harry. What are those fools doing with you?"

"Please, Alastor, I can't!" Harry felt horrible. He wished Alastor would take him in his strong arms as he had done a few time before. He always could forget everything in those moments. No Voldemort, no war, no fear, no training, just being safe. But now Alastor was angry and would never give him this safeness, maybe never again. Harry put the hand without the IV over his face to hide the tears.

Alastor sat down on the bed and pried the hand away from Harry's face. "What are they doing with you, Harry?" he asked in a small and very worried voice.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Harry whimpered. When he felt Alastor caress his cheek, he threw himself at the old man like he had several time before. In the safeness of this embrace, he confessed everything what was burning in his chest lately. When Poppy came in, Harry still was sobbing in Alastor's arms, but he had already finished his confession.

"What's wrong?" Poppy asked, worried.

"I will take care of this," Alastor said angrily.

Harry whimpered at his tone. He tried to claw himself tightly to Alastor to keep him there. "Please, I'm sorry. Don't be angry."

"I'm not angry with you. Severus will get a tongue lashing he won't forget easily, but Albus is another thing."

"What the hell is going on here, Alastor?"

Oh, fantastic, now Poppy is angry as well, Harry thought desperately.

"Don't worry, Poppy. I will tell you when I have taken care of Severus and Albus. Just check Harry. He will sleep in our bedroom for the next nights," Alastor said with a voice full of power and dominance. A voice Harry had not heard from him until now. This was a voice you did not speak back to if you did not have a death wish. Alastor managed to get out of Harry's grip and placed him back onto the cushions. "Don't ask him about it. I will tell you when I'm back. Move him into our bedroom." With that, he was out of the room.

Harry did not say anything while Poppy readjusted the IV and cast a diagnostic spell. He was glad she did not ask him anything. The talk with Alastor and the potions Poppy gave him made him very tired. He hardly registered that she levitated him into her bedroom. He dozed while Poppy got his bedclothes from his room and started to read to him. Sleeping would feel so good at the moment, but he could not fall asleep before Alastor was back. Harry did not know why. Maybe to see that he did not have any blood on his hands. He was very worried for Severus and felt guilty for telling their secret.

Twenty minutes later, the door was forcefully opened and Alastor guided a sullen looking Severus into the room. A flick of Alastor's wand and a second bed stood in the room. "Dare to argue with Poppy or me about sleeping here, and you will be in our bed. Don't believe I would have a problem with four sleeping in my bed." He shoved Severus not very gently into the new bed.

Poppy took a sharp breath. "Alastor, I need to speak with you."

"Not now!" Alastor said angrily. So that's the Auror everyone talks about, Harry thought anxiously.

"Right now!" Poppy shouted back.

The air in the room was icy. Severus quickly crawled under the bed covers and turned to face the wall. Harry still looked shocked at the scene in front of him. At the moment, Poppy was shoving Alastor out of the room. There was no sound to be heard from them. Surely, they have cast a Silencing Charm.

When Severus and Harry were alone, Harry whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You are sorry very often lately, Potter. And unfortunately, I'm always the one to suffer." Severus said bitterly.

"I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was one of the potions," Harry tried to explain.

"Or you just became pudding in Alastor's arms and told him everything," Severus said harshly.

What should Harry say now? He could not say anything because it was the truth. Guilt is my second name lately, he thought bitterly. I don't think I can fall asleep tonight. He almost jerked up when Severus spoke again. It was not a harsh voice. It was calm and conciliatory.

"I have lived with them long enough to know that it is impossible to keep something from him when you are in his arms. Just let us pretend to sleep when he comes back, Harry."

Harry sighed, relieved. A heavy weight was lifted from his chest by those words, and he finally drift into sleep.

When Severus and Harry were alone, Harry whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You are sorry very often lately, Potter. And unfortunately, I'm always the one to suffer." Severus said bitterly.

"I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was one of the potions," Harry tried to explain.

"Or you just became pudding in Alastor's arms and told him everything," Severus said harshly.

What should Harry say now? He could not say anything because it was the truth. Guilt is my second name lately, he thought bitterly. I don't think I can fall asleep tonight. He almost jerked up when Severus spoke again. It was not a harsh voice. It was calm and conciliatory.

"I have lived with them long enough to know that it is impossible to keep something from him when you are in his arms. Just let us pretend to sleep when he comes back, Harry."

Harry sighed, relieved. A heavy weight was lifted from his chest by those words, and he finally drift into sleep.

~*~

When Harry awoke, Severus was still pretending to sleep. Poppy and Alastor were talking in low voices. Poppy fumbled for her wand on the night table the moment she realized that Harry was awake. "How are you?" she asked when she faced him.

"Still tired and my head hurts," he said while already feeling the familiar tickle of the diagnostic spell. His eyes wandered over to Severus, who was facing the wall.

Alastor, who had followed his glance, said, "He is still pretending to be asleep."

Harry looked uncertainly at Alastor. Is he still angry with him? "What about Albus?" Harry asked, worried.

"He will stay away from you until I say he can train you again. No twilight training until Poppy says you have fully recovered. I will assist you with the spell training from now on, and Severus can join us when he is healthy. Nevertheless, you still need the okay from Poppy before we start."

"And I won't give it before you have rested and eaten properly, Harry," Poppy said sternly.

Harry hissed when she adjusted the IV. "Do I really need this?"

"Yes, Harry. You have been very dehydrated, and you have strained your magic. This will help you to gain more energy," Poppy explained.

"I have spoken with Poppy, and she agrees that your Animagus training will have first priority. She will tell you when you may start it again."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Really?" He looked, surprised, from Poppy to Alastor.

"Yes, really," Poppy said and rolled her eyes. "We will all eat in bed today."

"Twinky?" Alastor called and a house-elf popped into the room. "Bring us breakfast, please."

"Yes, Master Moody."

Poppy made her way over to Severus. "Stop pretending to be asleep, Severus, and turn around!" she ordered.

Without saying anything, Severus turned onto his back and let Poppy cast her diagnostic spell. After she had finished the examination, she said, "And now we will talk." She waved her wand and a Silencing Charm was placed around them. Harry could not hear anything, but he saw that Severus tried to turn stubbornly away from Poppy. Everything ended with Poppy leaning over to bury her face in his shoulder. Uncertain, Severus laid his arm around her.

"It was good that you lifted your demand, Harry," Alastor said, and Harry was forced to avert his glance from the scene between Severus and Poppy. "We all don't want to lose him, but he has to decide for himself to come back. Otherwise he would have blamed you your whole life."

Harry sighed and said sadly, "But now he won't come back."

"We will see," Alastor said and arranged breakfast for them all. He brought the last tray over to Severus, who was still holding Poppy. "Come on, Poppy. Let him breathe."

With a last kiss on Severus' forehead, she stood up and came over to Harry again. Breakfast was eaten in silence, and half an hour later Poppy and Alastor left the room. "No brooding over how to kill You-Know-Who; just resting!" Poppy ordered while closing the door.

Severus had already faced the wall again. Harry glanced over to him. "Severus? Are you sleeping?"

"Yes," Severus answered grumpily.

Harry crawled out of his bed and tiptoed over to Severus'. The IV bottle hovered beside him. Carefully, he sat down on the bed and touched Severus' shoulder.

"Do I have a sign on that says, ‘Touch Me,' or why is everyone putting their hands on me today?"

Harry pulled his hand back as if he had burned it. "Poppy should have allowed you some coffee. You are unbearable."

"That was her way of punishing me," Severus said and finally turned around. "At least go and get your bed covers or you will catch a cold."

A few minutes later, Harry sat on Severus' bed, cuddled in his bed clothes. "Alastor said he will train me until you can join us, and he said he spoke with Poppy. I can start the Animagus training as soon as possible."

"Of course they want you to start the training. When you are no longer a Horcrux, there is no reason for you to take part in the battle. They will lock you in your room until the war is over," Severus said bitterly.

"No, they won't. Alastor wants to train me. Why would he if he wants to lock me in?"

"He only wants you prepared for an emergency, not for the final battle with the Dark Lord."

"No, he told me it was good to let you decide for yourself to use the emergency Portkey or not. He loves you, but he would never force you to stay if you want to go back to Vol-the Dark Lord."

"We will see," Severus said, deep in thought.

Harry felt cold and snuggled the covers closer around him. "Ouch," he cried out when a sharp pain shot through his arm.

"Damn, you moved the needle. Poppy will have your head," Severus said while holding Harry's arm.

"Poppy will have both your heads," Alastor growled from the door and then stuck his head out to call for Poppy. "Back to bed," he barked when he came over to Severus' bed.

Harry hardly had time to stand up before Poppy came into the room. "What's going on?" One look at how Harry held his arm and she knew what was wrong. "Into bed with you, Harry," she ordered strictly.

"It was an accident," Harry tried to explain himself.

"An accident that will hurt you and not me, Harry," Poppy said and guided him in the bed. She grabbed for his arm and Harry winced.

"Can't you leave it out?"

"No, Harry." She removed the needle and cleaned it. She examined the back of Harry's hand before sticking the needle in.

Harry made a face. He hated the IV.

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough. You both are on bed rest today." She glared from Harry to Severus and back to Harry. "Be careful with this, Harry, or next time I'll have to insert the needle in a more painful area." After tucking Harry in, she faced Severus and glared at him.

"I did not leave my bed, and even if I did, I am an adult." Seeing in her face what she thought about that, he added, "And I am not ill. I do not understand why I have to rest the whole day."

"Oh, I would love to explain that to you," Poppy said sarcastically and went over to him. "Why don't we start with the obvious? You stole out of bed the last nights even so you knew that you need all the sleep you can get." She ignored Severus eye-roll and went on. "Or maybe I should mention that you have lost a lot of blood playing your martyr game with You-Know-Who and that his sick fascination with the Cruciatus Curse has inflamed your nerves. Shall I go on?"

"No," Severus said sullenly and turned away from her.

"Good. Now, you two will rest. No talking! I will place a charm on the room, and believe me, you two don't want to cross me today."

________

One day later, Harry and Severus were finally allowed to sleep in their own rooms again. Poppy removed the IV, and Harry was allowed to train to become an Animagus. As he was not allowed to speak with Severus, Harry has asked Alastor to give him a book about magical creatures and normal animals. He wanted to find out what his Animagus form was. These were the books that lay on his bed. He had found a few animals that looked as if they could be his Animagus form, but as Harry only had saw his paw, he was not sure.

Harry managed to transform his hands and feet before eating lunch. He only ate because he could feel Poppy's watchful eyes on him, but his thoughts were with his Animagus training. After two more hours of training, Harry was very exhausted and rested for a while. He did not want to risk a drawback.

When he woke up from his nap, he had still two hours until supper, and so he tried to transform completely. He tried hard and was very frustrated. Finally, he almost broke down and lay panting on the floor. His tongue was lolling out of his mouth. No, wait, it was lolling out of his muzzle. Harry blinked, confused. The room smelled different, and he could hear the birds from the Forbidden Forest as if they were in his room. Harry tried to stand up, but lost his balance. After several attempts, he stood, spreading all his four legs shakily. Carefully, he padded over to his mirror. His Animagus looked back at him.

He was big, maybe one and a half meters high. Dark gray fur covered his whole body. Only his chest was white, and he had a black line on his back. The most breathtaking thing was his eyes. They were red. Harry had seen this animal in Alastor's book. It was a hellhound. Harry studied his paws again. They were as big as Poppy's plates, and Harry loved to expose the deep black claws. Harry went closer to the mirror and growled. White teeth were flashing. Oh, yes, he loved his Animagus form. It was powerful and dangerous. Voldemort had better watch out.

~*~

When he woke up from his nap, he had still two hours until supper, and so he tried to transform completely. He tried hard and was very frustrated. Finally, he almost broke down and lay panting on the floor. His tongue was lolling out of his mouth. No, wait, it was lolling out of his muzzle. Harry blinked, confused. The room smelled different, and he could hear the birds from the Forbidden Forest as if they were in his room. Harry tried to stand up, but lost his balance. After several attempts, he stood, spreading all his four legs shakily. Carefully, he padded over to his mirror. His Animagus looked back at him.

He was big, maybe one and a half meters high. Dark gray fur covered his whole body. Only his chest was white, and he had a black line on his back. The most breathtaking thing was his eyes. They were red. Harry had seen this animal in Alastor's book. It was a hellhound. Harry studied his paws again. They were as big as Poppy's plates, and Harry loved to expose the deep black claws. Harry went closer to the mirror and growled. White teeth were flashing. Oh, yes, he loved his Animagus form. It was powerful and dangerous. Voldemort had better watch out.

~*~

"Alastor! Alastor!" Harry shouted while he ran through the quarters in the direction of the living room. When he ran into the living room, Alastor came striding in his direction.

"What's wrong, Harry?" he asked, his voice full of worry. Poppy immediately drew her wand for a Diagnostic Spell.

"Oh, nothing bad," Harry said, embarrassed that he had worried the adult. He let Poppy cast her Diagnostic Spell nevertheless and tried to regain his breath. He leaned over slightly and steadied himself on his knees, the magical creature book still in his hand.

"He is fine. Just a bit overexcited," Poppy explained to Alastor. When she turned to Harry again, she asked, "Do you want me to leave so you can speak with Alastor alone?"

"No," Harry said, still a bit breathless, and he straightened up. He waved the book in front of the adults. "I did it. I know my Animagus form." Overexcited, he opened the book to the page about hellhounds. "Look!"

"Let's sit down, Harry," Poppy instructed the still quickly-breathing boy and lead him against the couch.

When Harry was sitting between the two elders, he pointed at the hellhound drawing in the book. "I don't look exactly like this one, but I'm sure I'm a hellhound. I'm just a different color." The one in the book was completely gray.

"It's a very powerful Animagus form, Harry. Hellhounds have even better senses than wolves. Legends say that they lead the way to the world of the dead when people lose themselves on the way. They can see in the dark even without the smallest bit of light and they can smell things from kilometers away. They are very seldom now because people feared and killed them. It was once thought that they only led the dead into the hell. I prefer the positive tales about them. As a child, my father told me about them as helpers of the scared and lost once on their way to their final adventure. I like to see it that way. It makes it easier to die one day knowing you aren't alone on the way."

Harry leaned into Poppy while Alastor told him about this. It immediately reminded him of Severus. "Will they lead Severus as well? And where will they lead him to?"

"I don't know where they will lead him to. My father said that the hellhounds feel which way a person has to take. He said that even hell isn't what most people imagine it to be. It's just different from the very cheerful opposite people call heaven. Some people prefer to live on the darker side and some on the lighter side. It's not the same as it is in our world. Not all Dark Wizards will live on the darker side in the afterlife and not all light wizards will live on the lighter side. There is even the possibility to go from one side to the other and visit people there. Once you've found your way, it is no problem. It's as if all things are forgotten and forgiven when you are dead. Only very dark people will loose themselves on their way and won't get help from the hellhounds. They will wander around in gray, almost completely dark fog for eternity. Severus isn't one of those," Alastor explained calmly while almost affectionately stroking the picture of the hellhound in the book.

Harry cried silently and it was the first time he did not feel embarrassed about it. "So even when he decides to die, I can see him again one day?"

"Of course, Harry," Poppy said and stroked his hair. "We will all meet in the afterlife."

"I still don't want him to die," Harry said and turned to cry into Poppy's shoulder.

"He won't. He knows that his family is waiting for him here," Poppy said, her gaze fixed on Severus, who stood silently in the door frame.

Severus had been alarmed by Harry's shouts, but when he saw what it was about, he stopped in the door frame and listened to the conversation. He knew the tale Alastor was telling Harry. He had once told it to him as well. It had taken a big weight from his chest because he was always very afraid of dying and the afterlife. He hoped Alastor's father was right. Severus had not realized that Poppy had noticed him until she looked directly at him. As quickly as possible, he left the room to go back to his own room.

"May I go and show Severus my Animagus form?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Of course, Harry. Here, take the book with you," Alastor said and gave Harry the book.

When Harry had left, Poppy scooted closer to her husband. "That was very sweet of you. I'm sure you took some of his angst away. I always wanted to ask you if it is real, and if it is, do you believe it?"

"Yes, my father really told me about it on his deathbed. I'm sure he believed it because he died calm and happy. He didn't fear death. I was six and was scared like hell, but after this story, I could let him go. Do I believe it? I don't know, but I definitely hope that he was right." With that, he placed his arm around her and drew her closer to him. He gently kissed his wife and sat with her like this until Harry and Severus came into the room around thirty minutes later.

________________________

Harry knocked on Severus' door cautiously. The last time they spoke, Severus understood Harry and was not mad at him, but Severus' mood changed quickly, and so Harry did not know what was awaiting him.

"Enter," Severus said.

"Ehm...I wanted to tell you that I can change into my Animagus form. Do you want to see it?" Harry asked shyly.

"I prefer to have my room free of any kind of animal hair. Who knows, maybe you are a cat and you will vomit hairballs on my floor." Harry did not know that Severus had listened to the whole conversation, and Severus did not plan to reveal it to him.

"I'm no cat, and I didn't want to change into my Animagus form here." Now that he thought about it, he wondered why he was scared to transform in the presence of someone else. Or at least in the presence of people he liked. He shook his head because he did not want to think about it. "I wanted to show it to you in the book. I'm a hellhound." Harry opened the book to show it to Severus.

"That's a very useful Animagus form," Severus stated and rolled his eyes at the proud grin on Harry's face. "Sometimes you are too like your father, Potter."

"It's Harry, just in case you forgot." Harry was used to Severus' comments and knew he did not mean to be as harsh as he seemed to be.

"I look different than this one. I have a black line on my back and my chest is white. The rest is gray but a bit darker than this one." Harry pointed at the picture in the book.

"How were your senses?" Severus asked curious.

"A bit overwhelming, to be honest. It hurt my ears and the smell was also painful. Like the inside of my nose was very dry." Harry tried to remember how he felt, but it was hard.

"You will get used to it. Not that I have any experience, but that is what I heard. We should tell Albus as soon as possible, but I fear he will not come near these quarters anytime soon. I would not dare if I were him. You got a glimpse of what Alastor is capable of the day he forced us to sleep in his bedroom. I shudder each time I try to imagine what he must have said to Albus." Severus shivered.

"Do you think he is okay?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Albus? Yes, I think so, but nevertheless I never want to be present when those two wizards cross."

"Me too," Harry said deep in thoughts by imagining what it would be like.

"Do they let you out of your quarters?" Severus asked hopefully.

"No. Ron and Hermione wrote me, and I wanted to write them back because they insist on coming to visit me. I don't want them to, and so I wanted to quickly tell them that I have no time, but Poppy didn't let me go to the Owlery, and I had to give Alastor my letters," Harry said disappointedly.

"We have to find a way, but I do not think it will be a problem. They want the fragment of the Dark Lord's soul out of you as soon as possible, and so they will agree. Let us discuss this with them," Severus said and stood up. He paused when he reached Harry and laid a hand on his shoulder. "It will be all right, Harry."

It was the first time in a long time that Severus touched him. For Harry, the last time felt like centuries ago. He sighed and could not resist hugging Severus. To his immense astonishment, Severus drew him in tighter. "It will be all right in the end," Severus whispered.

When they reached the living room, Alastor and Poppy were sitting together on the couch. Severus cleared his throat to make their presence known.

"Ah, so Harry already talked to you about his Animagus form?" Alastor asked and gestured the two over to the other couch.

"Yes, he said he managed to transform into a hellhound. We both know how useful this will be in the final battle," Severus said and eyed Alastor closely for any reaction.

"What are you looking for Severus? Any signs that I will lock you two away?" Alastor prodded.

Severus drew in a sharp breath. "I...I didn't...."

Alastor held his hand up to stop Severus. "I know, lad. I'm sorry for asking it. We are all a bit stressed."

Severus relaxed a bit. "We were wondering if we could inform Albus about this new event. Perhaps he could talk about the extraction with Harry."

Poppy stiffed visibly, and Severus looked, concerned, at her. Alastor drew calming circles on Poppy's shoulder, and she relaxed into his touch. "We would prefer to wait until tomorrow. Poppy will do a final check on Harry, and with a bit luck, he will be deemed healthy enough to speak with Albus and start the spell training." Alastor turned from Harry to Severus. "Your presence at this training session will depend on the result of your examination tomorrow, Severus."

"So I can see Albus tomorrow and extract the fragment of Voldemort's soul from my body?" Harry could not believe his luck and smiled happily.

Alastor looked seriously at Harry and the boy stopped smiling. So, there is a snag, Harry thought disappointedly.

"You will not meet the Headmaster alone. I will be present," Alastor said. The fact that he was using Albus' title was not a good sign. "And there is no way that we will be extracting the soul fragment tomorrow." Harry's smiled vanished from his face. He had hoped that he could get rid of it now. "We will talk about how it will be done, and you will listen carefully to all the risks. You will sleep on it, and when Poppy gives her okay, you can decide if you want to try it or not. That's the deal, Harry."

"Okay," Harry said, disappointed.

"It's not that easy, Harry," Severus said and laid a hand on Harry's leg. "Albus will explain it all to you, but Alastor is right. It is not a decision you should make lightly. You have to think about it for some time and ask any questions you have."

"So, when we have cleared this all, we can eat a bit. You all will need a lot of energy for the next few days," Poppy said and made her way to the kitchen. The three men followed her.

Please review!

~*~

Alastor looked seriously at Harry and the boy stopped smiling. So, there is a snag, Harry thought disappointedly.

"You will not meet the Headmaster alone. I will be present," Alastor said. The fact that he was using Albus' title was not a good sign. "And there is no way that we will be extracting the soul fragment tomorrow." Harry's smiled vanished from his face. He had hoped that he could get rid of it now. "We will talk about how it will be done, and you will listen carefully to all the risks. You will sleep on it, and when Poppy gives her okay, you can decide if you want to try it or not. That's the deal, Harry."

"Okay," Harry said, disappointed.

"It's not that easy, Harry," Severus said and laid a hand on Harry's leg. "Albus will explain it all to you, but Alastor is right. It is not a decision you should make lightly. You have to think about it for some time and ask any questions you have."

"So, when we have cleared this all, we can eat a bit. You all will need a lot of energy for the next few days," Poppy said and made her way to the kitchen. The three men followed her.

~*~

The next morning, Harry was very anxious about the examination. He wanted to see Albus to find out more about the Horcrux extraction.

"Harry, calm down. Your pulse is racing," Poppy said while feeling Harry's pulse at his wrist.

"I feel fine, Poppy. I want to see Albus," Harry pleaded.

"You will talk with him as soon as you are healthy enough, Harry. Stop overworking yourself all the time," Poppy scolded.

Harry sighed. "Don't you want it out of me?"

"You had this fragment of You-Know-Who's soul in you for fourteen years, so one or two more days won't make the situation worse." Poppy would never let Harry know about the intense shock she had felt when Albus told her about it.

"Yes, it will," Harry said sullenly in a low voice.

"Stop pouting and open up," Poppy instructed.

"Why don't you cast a spell to check my temperature?" Harry asked, annoyed. He hated this thermometer.

Poppy sighed. "I really have to be careful that I don't confuse you with Severus one day. I use the thermometer because it is much more effective than the spell. And it has a very good effect on patients like you and Severus."

"And what effect is that?" Harry asked the moment Poppy placed the business end of the thermometer in his mouth.

"It shuts up patients that demand to be released sooner than is good for them," Poppy said teasingly.

Harry glared at her, which looked a bit funny with the medical instrument in his mouth.

Finally, Poppy finished her examination and Harry looked hopefully at her. "You can go and see Albus, Harry, but I want you to come back and rest when you are tired."

"Yes," Harry said, excited, and jumped out of the bed. "Thank you," he said and hugged Poppy.

When Harry ran out of the room to find Alastor, Poppy sat down on the bed sadly. He should be happy playing with his friends or going on a date with a nice girl, not for being able to go to a meeting with an old man to plan the war, Poppy thought sadly. She looked at the moving photo of James and Lily on Harry's night table and let a silent tear run down her cheek. "You have such a brave son. You should be so proud of him. I fear I cannot protect him properly. That monster has to be dead before Harry can be a normal boy," Poppy said to the two people in the photo.

______________

"Poppy released me from being grounded. Can Severus come with us?" Harry asked Alastor when he found him in the kitchen.

"First," Alastor said and placed his empty cup in the sink, "you haven't been grounded. You were ill and needed to rest. Second, Severus hasn't had his examination yet, and we will see when we are back if he can join us for the spell training. Just the two of us will visit Albus."

"Okay," Harry said, resisting the urge to drag Alastor with him. He wanted to see Albus as soon as possible.

The tension between the two old wizards was palpable. Harry felt as if he had a bodyguard sitting beside him. A very pissed off bodyguard who glared daggers at Albus. Harry shifted nervously in his chair.

"I thought you wanted to speak with my charge about something, Headmaster?" Alastor said dangerously.

If that was the way he questioned suspects during his Auror years, Harry was sure that nobody dared to lie to Alastor. Harry thought he could feel a cold chill come from Alastor as he spoke with Albus.

"Of course, Alastor," Albus said cheerfully, ignoring Alastor's cool behavior completely. "Lemon drop?"

Alastor stood up in a swift movement. If Harry did not know better, he would have never guessed that Alastor had a wooden leg. In an instant, Alastor was in front of Albus' desk, leaning over to face him closely. "The only reason I'm here with Harry is because Poppy was able to calm me down, Albus. If you ever dare to draw a scheme like this behind my back again, I swear I will hex you. I know you well enough, and if you ever dare to endanger my...if you dare to place Harry in a dangerous situation, you will regret it."

Harry looked shocked from one wizard to the other, but Albus lifted his hand in Harry's direction to show him that everything is all right. Albus' gaze never left Alastor's, and he calmly said, "As I already told you during our last conversation, I have no intention of endangering Harry. I had no idea he was overdoing his training, and I'm sorry for keeping our plans a secret from you. This won't happen again. I swear." Albus looked seriously at Alastor and was relieved when he saw the old Auror relax a bit. "We agreed you will be with him when I meet him. So please calm down; you are scaring Harry, old friend."

"Old friend," Alastor snorted, but nevertheless let go of the desk and sat down again. "You were training Harry behind my back," Alastor said bitterly.

"I know that this is bothering you very much because you care for Harry as a son. I can only apologize again. I thought it would be better for you and Poppy to not know because you two are so worried about Harry. I know you only want the best for him, but he wants to fight, Alastor."

"I know," Alastor said loudly and tried hard to remain as calm as possible. "Nevertheless, we had the right to know it all from the beginning. I know who convinced you that this was the best way."

"I take the responsibility completely-" Albus started, but was interrupted by another outburst from Alastor.

"Severus is a stupid kid, and you listened to him!" Alastor shouted again.

Harry winced at the tone. Alastor was still the man in whose embrace he could lose himself, but he saw a different side of him today. Damn, this man was scary, and Harry really did not know who would win if these two were to fight. They were like fire and ice.

"Severus is thirty-five and hardly a child, Alastor, but I know that you see him as such. Nevertheless, I cannot do more than apologize," Albus said and sighed in resignation.

"Let's get this over with. Start talking," Alastor ordered the greatest wizard of the world.

Albus sighed again and faced Harry. "Lemon drop?"

"No," Harry croaked and cleared his throat while looking sidelong at Alastor. "No, thank you, Headmaster. I wanted to apologize for causing all this trouble. I didn't want to destroy you friendship with Alastor." Harry sadly looked at his hands in his lap.

"Harry, please look at me," Albus said. When Harry faced him, he went on. "Friends sometimes fight, and Alastor and I often fight about things. I'm sure you've had some queries with your friends. It's just a bit more forceful with two stubborn old men. You don't have to worry. The friendship between Alastor and myself will not end because of this, and even if it did, it wouldn't be your fault."

Harry looked fearfully at Alastor.

"He is right," Alastor grumbled while looking at Harry. "But if I ever have to choose between your safety and this friendship, I will choose you, Harry. You are more than just a guest in my quarters. I hope you know that."

"Yes, I do, but I feel guilty that you are angry with Albus and Severus. I don't always understand Severus, but I trust him, and he knows you better than me, so I believed it would be best not to tell you."

"Harry, I'm not angry with you or Severus. To me, Severus is a kid, like you. I know how he thinks and what he fears, Harry. I try hard to treat him like the adult he is. He is a very powerful and dangerous wizard. Don't think I don't know that. But in some ways he really is as inexperienced and insecure as you, and that leads him to make stupid decisions. You two don't know better, but this old fool here," Alastor pointed at Albus without averting his glance from Harry, "should have known better than to keep this all secret from Poppy and me."

Harry wanted to say something, but Albus interrupted him. "He is right, Harry. I was a fool not to trust my best friend with this."

Harry could see Alastor breath deeply and calm down.

"Maybe we should start now. What do you think?" Albus asked Harry.

Harry averted his gaze from Alastor and nodded.

Albus leaned back in his armchair and started to talk. "As I have already told you, all Horcruxes have been destroyed besides Nagini and yourself, Harry. For a long time, we had no idea what to do, but Severus discovered a solution. While you are in your Animagus form Voldmort's soul cannot combine with your soul. They are separated. That makes it possible for me to extract it. We have only heard of two cases in which this has been tried before. I won't lie to you, Harry. It is dangerous. The soul fragment will fight against me and will try to remain in your body. It will be physically and emotionally painful. Very painful, I fear. It is possible that you will start to fight me. As you have a very dangerous Animagus form, we will have to restrain you. That means we have to put you in chains. You have to trust us completely to undergo this procedure." Albus paused so that the information could sink in. "The soul fragment will try to cause emotional pain in you so that you will go mad or pass out. If you pass out, we will not be able to extract it. You must be fully awake."

"It will cause me emotionally pain?" Harry asked, worried.

"It will try to make you feel anger, sadness, despair, or similar thing in an intense amount. You have to think on something that makes you feel very happy or safe in this moment so that the soul cannot anchor itself to these emotions." Albus paused again for any questions. When no question came, he went on. "It will be very hard and painful, Harry. We cannot promise that we will be able to get it out. If we realize you are not able to fight it, we will stop."

Harry's mood sank to a degree which he had not believed possible. He felt dreadful and just wanted to crawl under a big stone and cry. He had had so much hope, and now it was destroyed again. "Please, I'm tired. I have to rest," Harry said, monotone, and stood up. Alastor was instantly at his side and steadied him when he felt dizzy.

"It's all right, Harry. We will go back and let Poppy give you something to sleep." With that, he led Harry out of the office without a backward glance at the old man.

"Again, I have to put too much on your shoulders, Harry," Albus said sadly into the empty room.

Please review!

~*~

"It will cause me emotionally pain?" Harry asked, worried.

"It will try to make you feel anger, sadness, despair, or similar thing in an intense amount. You have to think on something that makes you feel very happy or safe in this moment so that the soul cannot anchor itself to these emotions." Albus paused again for any questions. When no question came, he went on. "It will be very hard and painful, Harry. We cannot promise that we will be able to get it out. If we realize you are not able to fight it, we will stop."

Harry's mood sank to a degree which he had not believed possible. He felt dreadful and just wanted to crawl under a big stone and cry. He had had so much hope, and now it was destroyed again. "Please, I'm tired. I have to rest," Harry said, monotone, and stood up. Alastor was instantly at his side and steadied him when he felt dizzy.

"It's all right, Harry. We will go back and let Poppy give you something to sleep." With that, he led Harry out of the office without a backward glance at the old man.

"Again, I have to put too much on your shoulders, Harry," Albus said sadly into the empty room.

~*~

"Is he all right?" Severus asked worriedly when he passed Alastor and Harry in the hall in front of Harry's room.

"What Albus told him was a bit too much. He has to think about it all. Why don't you help him into bed and talk a bit? If he still needs something to sleep, call me or Poppy," Alastor said and handed Harry over to Severus.

Harry was glad that Severus would stay with him and that he would have the possibility to speak with him about what Albus had told him.

"What happened?" Severus asked when he had guided Harry to his bed.

"It's all for nothing. I won't make it. The moment I wince in pain, they will stop and Voldemort's soul will remain in me," Harry said, frustrated, staring at the ceiling.

"I told you that it would not be as easy as you think. So you are not worried about the pain but that Albus will stop too early?" Severus asked to get a clear view of things.

"Yes, Alastor will not leave me alone with him, and you know how protective he is. When I start whining, he will force Albus to stop, but Albus said there will be a lot of pain. How can I stay quiet?" Harry asked, this time looking at Severus.

Severus smirked. "You will do much more than just whine, Harry. It's like being under the Cruciatus Curse."

"Yeah, just keep grinning at me. That's all you can do. Why did you even tell me about it when you knew we could never extract the soul fragment?"

"First, I apologize for ‘grinning' at you, but you are so naive sometimes that I cannot stop myself. I think Albus has explained it all in detail, and so you should know that staying calm while undergoing this procedure would be unthinkable. And second, I want you to remember who it was that said, ‘Let's keep Alastor out of this.' Albus would only stop when he felt that you were going mad or passed out. With Alastor, it is another thing," Severus said seriously.

"I already apologized for telling him, Severus," Harry said sadly.

"And I already told you that I understand that you confessed to him in that situation, Harry," Severus said gently and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Don't think about it anymore. We have to make the best out of the current situation and until now, Poppy and Alastor have cooperated better than I had thought."

Harry felt new hope grow into him and looked at Severus intensely. "Do you think we still could be successful?"

"Of course. That depends on how much you have retained from our Occlumency training."

"I practice all the time. Vol...He hasn't made it into my mind in months, but what does it have to do with this?" Harry asked confused.

"You have to train to use it while in your Animagus form, what else? You should learn to use your brain." Severus tapped Harry against his forehead. Harry just sneered. "When you are capable of using Occlumency while in your Animagus form, you will not have to worry about the emotional pain. You will be able to blend it out, but there are two things that will make it much harder for you to use Occlumency in that situation."

"The physical pain will distract me, right?" Harry asked.

"For once you used your brain. I have to mark it red in my calendar. The day Harry Potter learned to use his brain," Severus teased.

"Sometimes I wonder why I started to like you, Severus," Harry said, annoyed.

Severus grinned. "Me, too."

Harry could not suppress a grin at this comment. "And what is the second thing that will make it harder for me to use Occlumency during the extraction?"

"Your senses. You have already realized that a hellhound has much better senses than you. Even better than a wolf. They will distract you. Therefore, I would suggest that you try Occlumency in your Animagus form as often as possible before we try the extraction. Do you think you can do this?"

"Of course, I feel fine, and Poppy allowed me to train," Harry said enthusiastically.

"Good, then that's what you will concentrate on. Remember, we do not have much time. If everything goes well, I will try to convince Alastor and Albus to try the extraction tomorrow evening. It depends on how successful you are with your training."

"I will try whenever I'm able to, I promise." Harry said.

"Good. But rest now. Shall I call for Poppy to give you something to sleep?" Severus asked.

"No, I feel much better now that we talked about it. I will read my spell book and maybe Alastor will train with me today. Will you join us?"

"Yes, Poppy has deemed me healthy enough," Severus said theatrically.

"Great," Harry said happily. "I will ask Alastor when we can start." Harry tried to stand up, but was pressed back by Severus.

"You will rest now and read your book, and I will speak with Alastor," Severus ordered.

"Okay," Harry said and took the book from his night table.

________________

"Ready?" Severus asked when he peeked into Harry's room a few hours later.

"Yes," Harry said and jumped up. "Shall I take the book with me?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Do you think we do not know the spells? And you should know them by now as well or this training will be useless."

"It was just a question," Harry said sullenly.

"And a stupid one. Come, Alastor is waiting for us in the training room," Severus said impatiently.

Harry had hardly entered the room when a white light came towards him and his wand was flying out of his hand.

"What did I teach you, boy?" Alastor asked angrily.

"Constant vigilance," Harry muttered, embarrassed, while picking up his wand. He had not even straightened up when the next curse was aimed at him. This time, Harry was faster. He cast a shield and the spell was absorbed. He had no time to celebrate his success because a spell was cast from behind him; Severus had joined the ‘game.' Swiftly, Harry turned around and ducked the curse and cast his own Disarming Charm in Severus' direction. Or at least what Harry thought was the direction Severus was. The room was almost completely dark, and he could only see shadows. Severus countered the spell without trouble, and Harry found himself ducking and running around the room. He was sweating. His lungs were burning, and he was glad that he had found a place to hide behind a statue.

"Lesson one learned," Alastor's voice came from his left and the room lit up. "Seek for yourself a place from which you have an advantage and that gives you shelter."

"You can come out, Harry," Severus said. "We will practice the spells from the book now."

Hesitantly, Harry left his shelter. He was not sure if it was a trap and they would attack him again.

"You can relax, Harry. It's no trap. See what you were barricading yourself behind," Alastor instructed.

Harry turned and saw a wooden puppet with several red marks on it. Targets, Harry thought.

"That is your training partner for the next forty minutes. We will not attack you during this training session. You can concentrate completely on the puppet and what we will show you," Severus assured Harry.

"Okay," Harry said, relieved.

"Now, we will start with Conjunctivitis Curse. What will it do?" Alastor asked.

"It will affect the eyes and the vision of my enemy," Harry answered.

"Correct. Any curse that will negatively influence the possibility of your enemy to fight you is a good spell to learn," Alastor explained.

"Do you remember the incantation and the wand movement?" Severus asked.

"Yes," Harry said and looked straight at the target. "How will I know that it was effective?"

"The target will glow green if you do it correctly. It will glow red if you do the wrong spell and yellow when the spell is right but the location not optimum. This spell will influence the vision, so where would be the best place to aim?" Alastor asked.

"The eyes," Harry said while already pointing his wand at the eyes of the puppet.

"Do your best," Severus said.

That was all Harry had waited for. He felt so much energy in him that wanted out. He wanted to show them what he was capable of. He could hear his blood flowing through his head while fixing his target. His magic bubbled in him and screamed to be let out. The puppet glowed green when Harry had cast the curse, and Harry felt overwhelming pride. He had showed them that he was capable of learning things, and he would show them more.

"Well, done, Harry. Now try it nonverbal," Severus instructed.

Harry had managed nonverbal spells in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but never with such a curse. His self-confidence decreased.

"Just try it, Harry. We do not expect you to mange everything immediately. This is a training session, not an exam," Alastor said encouragingly.

Harry breathed deeply and concentrated. He closed his eyes, felt in his body, and called for his magic. He could hear it buzz and felt it vibrate slightly. When he opened his eyes, he located his target and aimed his wand at it. His magic vibrated faster and a jet of red light erupted from Harry's wand and hit the target. To Harry's relief, the target glowed green again. He smiled at Severus and Alastor, and they both nodded approvingly.

"Well done, Harry," Alastor said. "From now on, you will try each spell nonverbally. That will give you an advantage against some enemies and makes you equal with others."

Harry nodded seriously. The rest of the training went well, too. Harry was very exhausted, but the praises from Severus and Alastor made him glow with pride. He felt like he was really capable of fighting Voldemort. At least he would have a chance against him. Harry was not overestimating himself, but he felt happy for being able to train.

"You did very well today, Harry. Tomorrow we will go on." Alastor laid a hand on Harry's shoulder and smiled proudly at him.

"Thank you," Harry said, smiling back.

"Yes, that was really not bad, Harry," Severus said and ruffled Harry's hair.

Harry could not remember ever feeling so wonderful. He felt new hope for a good ending to this ordeal rise in him.

~*~

"Well done, Harry," Alastor said. "From now on, you will try each spell nonverbally. That will give you an advantage against some enemies and makes you equal with others."

Harry nodded seriously. The rest of the training went well, too. Harry was very exhausted, but the praises from Severus and Alastor made him glow with pride. He felt like he was really capable of fighting Voldemort. At least he would have a chance against him. Harry was not overestimating himself, but he felt happy for being able to train.

"You did very well today, Harry. Tomorrow we will go on." Alastor laid a hand on Harry's shoulder and smiled proudly at him.

"Thank you," Harry said, smiling back.

"Yes, that was really not bad, Harry," Severus said and ruffled Harry's hair.

Harry could not remember ever feeling so wonderful. He felt new hope for a good ending to this ordeal rise in him.

~*~

Harry lay in his Animagus form on his bed. He tried to block out all the confusing and overwhelming smells and sounds around him, but it was very hard. Using Occlumency in his human body was no longer a problem for Harry; it was very easy. He cleared his mind every night before he went to sleep and when he felt the tiniest intrusion. As a hellhound, it was much harder.

He had the constant urge to jump from the bed and run for a while. He heard Severus' scratching quill even though the man was in his own room. Harry wondered why he could not hear Alastor and Poppy, but he guessed they had cast Silencing Charms on their quarters. Alastor can't forget his old Auror practices. Constant vigilance is a motto he lives out.

Finally, Harry gave up just before supper. The smell of Poppy's fried eggs was overwhelming, and Harry realized too late that he had drooled on his bedcovers.

After supper, Harry tried again and could manage to concentrate long enough to be able to put up his Occlumency shield for a few seconds, but then he smelled or heard something that distracted him again. If he was successful, he would smell and hear nothing. He would see one thing he was concentrating on. Everything else was very far in the background. Almost like a constant hissing.

He could not train endlessly because Severus and Alastor had given him homework for his next training session. So Harry changed back into his human form and took the spell book from his night table. He read until Poppy knocked on the door. "That's enough reading for today, Harry. It's late, so lights out," Poppy ordered.

"Good night, Poppy," Harry said tiredly.

"Good night, Harry," Poppy said, and Harry could hear a ‘Good night, lad' from behind her.

"Night, Alastor," Harry said and put his light out.

The moment Poppy left the room, Harry changed into his Animagus form. He could hear their footsteps and knew they were heading in Severus' direction. Only seconds later, he was sure about that.

"I'm thirty-five, and I know when I have to go to bed, Poppy," Severus protested.

"Stop arguing, lad, or you will sleep in our room again," Alastor intervened.

"Hmpf," was Severus reply, and Harry could hear Severus putting out the light.

The footsteps again passed his door and paused for a moment in front of it. Surely, they were checking if he had turned the light on again. The footsteps went in the direction of Alastor and Poppy's bedroom, and then there was only silence because the privacy charm was activated again. Only Severus' muttering of ‘Who do they think they are?" and ‘I am not a child!' could be heard now, but there was no other sound. Harry grinned while in his hellhound form. It seems Severus doesn't dare to turn his light on, Harry thought amused.

____________

The next day started with a grumpy Severus at the breakfast table again. "Are you a pig, Potter? Do you have to eat like one?" Severus looked disgusted at Harry's face full of marmalade.

"I'm hungry," Harry said with his mouth still full.

Severus looked as if he had eaten a lemon. "You definitely are a pig."

"And you are a coffee-addicted old bat," Harry countered.

"You...." Severus growled and grab for his roll.

"If you think about throwing that roll, you will regret it, boy," Alastor warned Severus. "And you-" Alastor turned to Harry "-will stop grinning or you will spend the rest of the day in your room."

Harry quickly looked at his plate.

"Why can't we have one peaceful breakfast?" Poppy asked and sighed. "Severus, you know that it is better for you to not speak before you have finished your second cup of coffee, and you, Harry, know better than to provoke Severus in the morning."

"Sorry," both ‘boys' said the same time. When they realized it, they glared at each other. A growl from Alastor made them both look at their plates again and the rest of the breakfast passed without another incident.

"We have a meeting with Albus for your twilight training at ten. Be ready at that time," Alastor said after all had finished their meal.

"I will spend the rest of the morning in my lab if someone is looking for me," Severus said and stood up.

"I'll go and read my spell book until ten," Harry said, putting his plate and cup in the sink and left for his room.

At ten, Alastor knocked on Harry's door, and Harry quickly changed back into his human form. "Everything all right, lad?" Alastor asked worriedly and let his magical eyes roam over Harry.

"Yes, I'm just a bit frustrated about not learning fast enough," Harry said. He could hardly tell Alastor that he was frustrated that he had not managed to use Occlumency in his Animagus form.

"You did very well in the last training session, and from what I heard from Albus, you are very good in the twilight training as well."

"Still not good enough," Harry said and hoped Alastor would let the topic drop.

Alastor grabbed Harry's shoulders and turned him. "Listen, Harry. You are better than we expected. You are doing very well. Don't pressure yourself too much or you will be back in your bed with an illness again."

"Okay," Harry said sullenly.

"You are spending too much time with Severus," Alastor said and ruffled Harry's hair.

The twilight training went well. Albus and Alastor where civil and almost friendly with each other. Harry still had problems coming out of the twilight by himself, but he was getting better. The twilight did not cost him much energy, and he could hold his magic level almost balanced while moving around in the twilight.

In the afternoon, Harry had his next training with Alastor and Severus. This time, they did not throw him off the guard while they attacked him. He quickly found shelter and tried to disarm them. He did not manage to, but at least he did not lose his own wand.

The spell training went as well as the other day, and Harry got again a lot of praise from Alastor and Severus. He was not as exhausted as last time, so they had added thirty minutes to their session.

"I would like to show Harry something, Alastor. We will come later," Severus said while they left the training room.

"Severus!" Alastor said, warning.

"I am not taking him to the Dark Lord," Severus said, provoking.

That was a step over the border, Harry realized. He could feel a chill come from Alastor again as he stepped closer to Severus. Harry could see Severus starting to sweat and fighting the urge to step away from Alastor.

"I warn you, Severus, you are skating on thin ice," Alastor said dangerously. "If you think I will hesitate to react to your cheekiness in front of Harry, you are wrong, my boy."

Severus gulped and looked very nervous.

"Ehm...it's just a...potion ingredient Severus wanted to show me, Alastor. Nothing serious," Harry stuttered nervously.

Alastor looked at Harry, and his magical eye was fixed on him so that Harry wondered for the thousandth time if Alastor could read minds with it.

"I warn you two. If you do anything stupid again behind my back, you will both not sit properly the next few days." He looked at Severus and Harry in exchange. I will let you two leave without me, but remember my words, boys," Alastor said and turned to leave. "And no meeting with the old fool without me. Is that clear?" he said as he turned around again.

Severus and Harry both nodded enthusiastically.

When Harry wanted to ask Severus, he interrupted him and said, "You don't really want to know. Just let it drop and hope we will never come into the situation he mentioned."

"That was scary," Harry said, still a bit shocked.

"And imagine how scary it will be if he does what he implied," Severus said and shuddered.

"Yes, let's go back soon, so that he won't think we did something bad. Ehm...are we doing something bad?" Harry asked.

"I just wanted to ask you about your progress, but thank you for coming up with an excuse so quickly. Shall I ask him about the extraction today or perhaps tomorrow?"

"Ehm...better tomorrow?"

"Was that a question or a statement? And stop beginning each sentence with ‘ehm.' It's annoying," Severus said teasingly.

"It was a statement. I wasn't very successful with the Occlumency training," Harry explained, embarrassed.

"Why not?"

"Ehm... sorry," Harry said when he realized that he had started his sentence with ‘ehm' again. "It's to hard to concentrate while all the smells and noises are distracting me."

"What are you concentrating on?" Severus asked.

"The Snitch, same as ever. It works very well all the time in my human form."

"But you are a hellhound now, Harry. Would a hellhound be interested in a Snitch?"

"Ehm...damn, Severus, now I notice when I say it," Harry said, annoyed.

"That is the reason I told you. Maybe you will learn proper English now," Severus teased Harry again.

"But what would a hellhound be interested in?" Harry asked.

"Am I the hellhound or you?" Severus said and rolled his eyes. "Let's go back. Alastor is probably checking to see how long we have been away."

"Okay," Harry said and followed Severus. He had to run to keep up with Severus' long strides. On his way back to his quarters, he thought about a good thing to concentrate on while in his Animagus form.

~*~

"But you are a hellhound now, Harry. Would a hellhound be interested in a Snitch?"

"Ehm...damn, Severus, now I notice when I say it," Harry said, annoyed.

"That is the reason I told you. Maybe you will learn proper English now," Severus teased Harry again.

"But what would a hellhound be interested in?" Harry asked.

"Am I the hellhound or you?" Severus said and rolled his eyes. "Let's go back. Alastor is probably checking to see how long we have been away."

"Okay," Harry said and followed Severus. He had to run to keep up with Severus' long strides. On his way back to his quarters, he thought about a good thing to concentrate on while in his Animagus form.

~*~

Alastor had calmed down when they had returned, and so Harry could practice Occlumency in his Animagus form in peace.

What would be interesting for a hellhound? Harry wondered. He tried several things, but finally, he decided to stay with a piece of meat. Harry had hoped he would find another thing to concentrate on because he was sick of the Drying Spell he always had to use on his bed after he had drooled all over it. Nevertheless, it was a good thing to concentrate on, and Harry hoped Alastor would not see drooling as a sign of him being in danger when Albus tried to extract the fragment of Voldemort's soul from his body. Tomorrow I will tell Severus that he can ask Alastor about the extraction. I hope Alastor will agree, and I can get rid of it for good, Harry thought. It was bothering him a lot that he had a part of Voldemort's soul inside him. It was as if Voldemort was with him in his room or wherever he was. I'm starting to become paranoid, Harry thought, annoyed.

________________

After their typical morning bickering and Alastor's scolding the next day, Harry told Severus that he had succeeded in his training. Severus promised to speak with Alastor and Poppy immediately. After a long thirty minutes, Severus knocked at Harry's door.

"Come in," Harry said and looked hopefully at Severus when he entered.

"It was a bit of a fight, but they agreed. I will go and speak with Albus now. We should probably do it after lunch and your nap when you are most rested and content. That will help you through the procedure," Severus explained.

"Okay, I will just read a bit of the spell book then," Harry said and grabbed for his book.

"Do that, but also rest as much as possible, Harry," Severus said seriously.

"I will," Harry said and lay back to read his book.

________________

At three o'clock, Poppy, Alastor, Severus, Albus, and Harry were standing in the training room. This time it looked different. In the middle of the room were five massive metal boards. Four were building a quad and one was inside the quad, but close to the imaginary out line of it. The four corners of the quad each had a medium-sized shackle attached and one board had an additional big shackle. Harry knew that the bigger one was for his head and the smaller ones for his feet. He could not stop himself from gulping. Severus stood close to him, and Harry snuggled even closer the moment he caught eye of the shackles.

"You will make it, Harry," Severus said gently and placed his arm around Harry's shoulders.

"Harry, I would like to explain the circumstances to you," Albus said.

"No, wait please, Albus," Alastor said and then turned to his wife. "You should go now, Poppy. We will call you the moment Harry needs your help."

"No, I will stay," Poppy said determinedly.

Alastor cupped Poppy's face in his big hands. "You don't want to see this, my dear. I promise to call you the moment it is over. You can't help Harry during this procedure, and it would only hurt you to watch. You know you can trust me. I will take care of him."

Poppy started to cry, and Alastor kissed one of her tears away. "Go now, my love."

On her way out of the room, she stopped in front of Severus and Harry. She hugged Harry. "Please don't do anything foolish."

"I promise," Harry croaked.

"Take care of him, Severus," Poppy said and brushed his arm.

"I will," Severus said seriously.

"Okay, Harry, I will explain to you how we will proceed," Albus said when Poppy had left the room. "First, we will make a dry run of where we will shackle your feet. If you can accept this, we will shackle your head as well. We will start the procedure only when you are able to remain calm in this position. You cannot give us any signs if you want to stop, so we have to go based on our own judgment. Under no circumstances must you try to change into your human form. You would hurt yourself physically and mentally. Do you have any questions?"

Harry could hardly breathe and would prefer to never leave Severus' side. "It looks quite scary," Harry whispered.

"You don't have to do it, Harry," Alastor said and came over to him.

"I want to, Alastor. Please don't stop if I fight or whine. I trust Albus to know when to stop."

"As you wish, my boy," Alastor said seriously, and Harry thought he could hear a bit of pride in his voice.

"Why do you have to shackle my head?" Harry asked.

"You could try to bite yourself," Albus explained.

"Oh," Harry said, scared, but nevertheless went into the quad. "I want no dry run. If I don't fight it, just go on."

"We will see, Harry. If you have no more questions, please transform," Albus instructed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry could see Severus stepping backwards and Alastor stepping protectively in front of him. At first, Harry was hurt because he thought that they thought he would harm them, but then he remembered Severus' experience with Remus in his wolf form. Harry turned to look at Severus. "You can leave if you want."

"Not necessary," Severus answered and tried to look confident.

Harry turned away and transformed. The smells were immediately overpowering him. Fear was everywhere in the room. Not fear of him but fear of this whole situation. It made the hellhound even more nervous, and Harry tried to calm the hellhound within him. Never had he felt separated from his Animagus form. Merlin, I hope this will work. He thought about changing back, but the old man had already started to shackle his front legs.

It was hard to fight against the feeling of being trapped. It was awful and it cost Harry all his will power to not thrash in the shackles. He wanted this to be over, but successfully over. His tongue was lolling out, and he hackled uncontrollably. A crazy sound filled the room, and Harry needed a few seconds to realize that the very high whimpering was his own.

Albus was now at his back legs. The hellhound's limbs were shaking badly. Merlin, I don't know how to do this. It's horrible. Suddenly, someone took his head in his hands, and Harry almost panicked because he was not ready to have his head shackled, but it was Alastor's face that was in front of his at the moment.

"You will be okay, Harry. I'm here, and I will protect you. Do you hear me? I will protect you. You are not alone," Alastor said, determined, and looked deep into the hellhound's red eyes.

Harry calmed down a bit and the whimpering stopped. His legs did not shake as much as before, but they did not stop completely.

"Okay, Harry. Albus will place the shackle around your neck now, and when you are calm, we will go on. Nod when you are comfortable with that," Alastor ordered.

Harry nodded. Please, let me have the power for this all, Harry pleaded.

The shackle around his neck was very tight and it drew his head downwards. Harry had the feeling his legs would not hold him up any longer. The shaking was uncontrollable and claustrophobia overcame him. Harry could hear Severus' voice very close to him. He must have leaned over because Harry could feel Severus' forehead against his. "You have to concentrate Harry. Remember what we spoke about. You have to focus now. Do not let the fear overcome you. Focus, Harry!"

Harry focused. The big piece of meat was lying directly in front of him. He could feel the drool form in his mouth. He had forgotten everything around him and the pain he felt now stuck him by surprise.

He had not heard Albus' warning that he was starting, but it would not have mattered. The pain was excruciating. It was as if his internal organs were burning and his bones were splitting. The shock caused his Occlumency shield to waver. Immediately, a feeling of unbearable sadness overcame him. It was more awful than the physical pain. Harry's brain was still functional, and so he knew that this was the Horcrux trying to anchor itself to a strong feeling. Harry tried to put his Occlumency shield up again. After a few very energy-costing attempts, he succeeded. The physical pain was still there. The hellhound snapped around wildly. He did not know who was causing him this pain, but he wanted it to stop, and he would bite anyone who came close enough. Harry had no time to worry about his lack of union with his Animagus. He was busy holding his shield up and not passing out from the pain. Only the hope that it would end soon allowed him to stay conscious.

Eventually, his legs gave out, and he had stopped snapping wildly in the air. He only whimpered in pain and fought to remain conscious.

A hand released his head shackle, and he wondered why they let him loose while still applying the pain. When his legs were free as well, he curled into a tight ball. Merlin, let the pain stop. Why won't it stop?

He was pulled on someone's lap and howled in pain. "It's okay, Harry. It's over. Please change back. Oh, please change back, my boy." Liquid dropped down on Harry's face, and he blinked tiredly, still in his Animagus form. Everything was blurred, and he could not see the figure that was gently rocking him, but he did not need to see him to know that it was Alastor. He also did not have to see to know that the liquid that was dropping on his face was Alastor's tears. Never had he seen this strong and powerful man cry; it could only mean that they were unsuccessful. Sadly, Harry closed his hellhound eyes.

He vaguely noticed the monotone repetition of Alastor's "Please" or "Please change back, my boy!", but he was too tired and sad that they had failed.

A second voice joined the noises around him. It was Poppy's voice full of panic. "Why isn't he changing back? I can't help him like this."

"Calm down, Poppy," Severus' soft voice said. Shortly after, Harry could feel his hands on him. "Let me see him, Alastor. Please, you must let go of him." The arms around him tightened even more and the rocking increased. "Damn, do something with Alastor, Poppy. I have to check Harry," Severus said worriedly.

Moments later, Harry felt the embrace relax, and Severus took his head in his hands. "Harry, open you eyes!" Severus ordered strictly. He knew that this voice always worked with Harry.

Harry reluctantly opened his eyes. "You have to change back so that Poppy can give you something for the pain. I know you are still feeling it. The moment you change back, we can do something about it."

Sadly, Harry tried to close his eyes again. What was it worth if Voldemort's soul was still inside him? "Potter, you will stay conscious, or I will shake you until you use your brain again. We were successful, and I will not let it be for nothing because you finally gave up," Severus said angrily, but Harry's hellhound senses could hear the panic and worry.

We were successful? Did he say we were successful? Now Harry was wide awake. The hope came back, and he tried to stand up. Immediately, he was overwhelmed by a new wave of pain.

"Change back, Harry," Severus ordered again.

When the pain had ebbed a bit, Harry transformed.

"Oh, thanks Merlin, I have you back," Alastor whispered and hugged him tightly again.

Harry winced in pain, and Poppy immediately cast another Calming Charm on Alastor. "Remember that he is in pain, Alastor!"

"It is out?" Harry croaked. He wondered if anyone understood him because his voice was so broken.

"Yes, it is out and destroyed, Harry," Albus said and looked worriedly down on him.

Harry sighed, relieved. After drinking the many potions Poppy gave him, Harry drifted off to sleep as the pain lessened.

~*~

"Change back, Harry," Severus ordered again.

When the pain had ebbed a bit, Harry transformed.

"Oh, thanks Merlin, I have you back," Alastor whispered and hugged him tightly again.

Harry winced in pain, and Poppy immediately cast another Calming Charm on Alastor. "Remember that he is in pain, Alastor!"

"It is out?" Harry croaked. He wondered if anyone understood him because his voice was so broken.

"Yes, it is out and destroyed, Harry," Albus said and looked worriedly down on him.

Harry sighed, relieved. After drinking the many potions Poppy gave him, Harry drifted off to sleep as the pain lessened.

~*~

When Harry woke up, Severus was sitting beside him, watching him closely.

"How do you feel?" Severus asked Harry, worried.

"Fine. How is Alastor?" Harry tried to sit up and winced in pain. Harry could remember how worried Alastor was and that he had cried.

"I can see that quite clearly," Severus said sarcastically and grabbed for one of the vials on Harry's night table. "I want you to answer my question truthfully and in detail. How do you feel?"

Harry lied back and sighed. "Everything hurts, and I feel tired. But I don't want a Sleeping Potion. I want to know everything about the extraction and how Alastor is."

"Do you feel dizzy?" Severus asked professionally, and Harry wondered for the first time why Poppy was not there to ask him these question.

"No, I don't feel dizzy, but why isn't Poppy here? Is Alastor okay?" Harry asked, panicky.

"Harry, I will answer all of your questions when you have answered all of mine concerning your health. Poppy would have my head if I did not help you as quickly as possible. Let us get this over with and I will tell you about Alastor, who is resting with Poppy at the moment. It is 3am," Severus said as if he was talking to a small child.

"I feel pain everywhere. I'm not dizzy or nauseous or whatever," Harry said seriously.

"Can you see clearly?"

"I don't have my glasses on." Harry looked around and finally found them on the night table. He fumbled for them. Severus picked them up gently placed them on Harry's nose.

"Better?" Severus asked calmly.

"Everything is clear. So, I'm okay?" Harry asked hopefully.

"We will see. This is a pain killer," Severus explained as he opened the vial.

Harry tried to grab for it, but suddenly realized why he was unable to pick up his glasses a moment ago. His hand was shaking violently. Why didn't I realize it before? This looks horrible, Harry thought and started to panic.

"Calm down, Harry," Severus said and grabbed Harry's outstretched shaking hand with his free one. "This is normal. Nothing to worry about. It will go away in a few hours. Sleeping will help." Severus glanced at the vials on the night table.

"No, not now please," Harry said. Severus' hand around his wrist had stopped his hand from shaking fiercely. There was still a slight tremor. Harry did not dare to look at his other hand.

"You are still not quite conscious, Harry. It would really be better for you to sleep. We can talk in the morning. I will be here when you wake."

"But-" Harry started to protest, but Severus stopped him.

"Harry, you did not even realize that your hands are shaking until they were right in front of your face. You need rest," Severus said gently. "Drink the pain killer first."

After Harry had swallowed the bitter concoction, Severus pushed him gently back into the cushions. "Alastor is fine. You just witnessed that he is not the fearsome wizard that he tries to make us believe he is. You scared him a lot, and he feared that he had lost you. Poppy put two Calming Charms on him and gave him a Dreamless Sleep Potion. Exactly what I would like to give you now as well. We can talk about everything in the morning."

"But what about you?" Harry asked while Severus already opened the vial of Sleeping Potion.

"I will transfigure this chair into something more comfortable and sleep," Severus said, and without giving Harry the chance to say something more, he pressed the vial to his lips.

Harry swallowed the liquid without protest and fell asleep immediately.

The next time Harry woke, Severus was still sleeping in the comfortable armchair he had conjured. Harry cautiously sat up and fearfully lifted his hands to look at them. They still had a tremor, but it was hardly noticeable. The pain had diminished to a dull ache.

"Better?" Severus asked as he straightened up.

"Yes, the pain is manageable. My hands are also better, look," Harry said and held his hands in Severus' direction.

"Yes, that looks better. Do you want another Pain Relieving Potion?" Severus asked while leaning over to look closely in Harry's eyes.

"Err...." Harry said, becoming nervous at Severus' glance. "If that would be okay?"

"Stop being stupid, Harry. Of course you can have another potion. You do not have to play the hero."

Harry took the vial gratefully from Severus and gulped it down. He sighed when he felt the immediate effects. "Thank you. That's much better."

"It's six in the morning. Do you want to sleep a bit more?" Severus asked tiredly.

"I don't think I could sleep now. I would like to hear what happened yesterday, but if you would like to sleep a bit longer-?" Harry asked, seeing how tired Severus seemed to be.

"I can sleep the whole day. Nothing for us to do. Poppy will come around eight to check on you, and I think we should have all your questions answered by then because they would prefer to forget about it as soon as possible."

"Okay, so could you tell me what happened from the moment I changed into the hellhound? I can't remember much," Harry said.

"When you transformed, you immediately started to breathe very quickly, and we thought we would not get very far. Albus wanted you to at least experience the chains, and so he shackled you very shortly after you transformed. When he had reached your back legs, I thought you would break down from hyperventilating. Your whole body shook. Unfortunately, I was too...you know my problem with werewolves, Harry, and you looked a lot like one. I could not help you. Alastor was worried about you, but he saw how hard you fought to stand your ground, so he went over to you and spoke to you."

"Yes, I can remember that. It helped a lot," Harry mumbled.

"I realized that it helped you, and that is why I came to you after Albus had shackled your head. It was not because I feared that you would bite me if your head was not secured. I just needed a moment."

"I understand, Severus. You don't have to worry or apologize."

"I know the feeling of claustrophobia and knew that you had problems but wanted it to be successfully over. I tried to help you to focus. You managed it very well, and because you wanted us to go on, even Alastor, who was white like a sheet, agreed that we should start. Your Occlumency shield broke the moment the pain overwhelmed you. I tried to talk to you, but the hellhound had taken over, and I could not reach you."

"Yes, it was hard. The hellhound was furious and wanted the pain to stop and be free of the shackles. And then this overwhelming sadness came over me, and I had to fight so hard to put up my Occlumency shield. But the pain was still there, and I tried to calm the hellhound. I was scared that it wouldn't work because I didn't feel one with the hellhound."

"Yes, normally you are one with your Animagus, but maybe your control of your mind made you think separately from it. That is a good thing because so you can think more clearly while being an Animagus," Severus said seriously.

Harry was relieved. He had feared it was a bad thing.

"I felt that you had managed to put up your shield and that you only had to struggle with the physical pain. I had to hold Alastor back because he wanted to stop. He accepted your wish, and so Albus went on, but the moment your legs gave out we wanted to stop. However, exactly at that moment, Voldemort's soul was beginning to come out of you. Albus went on, and Alastor was screaming his lungs out for him to stop; I had to hold him back. When Albus announced that he had stopped and destroyed the Horcrux, Alastor went over to you, and I called for Poppy. Alastor was beside himself, and I feared he had lost his mind. Poppy could not even come close to you when you were back in your human form. She had already placed one Calming Charm on Alastor so that I could check on you, and she had to place another one on him to let go of you the moment you had changed back. I hope that answers all of your questions."

"I still don't understand why Alastor was crying. I mean, he's always so strong. I thought we had failed," said Harry.

"He is quite fond of you, Harry, as is Poppy. Losing both of us would kill them," Severus said deep in thoughts.

"Then we should see that we both don't die," Harry said, determined, and looked at Severus to see his reaction.

"And again, we are at our sensitive issue." Severus sighed. "But we were talking about Alastor. I have only seen him like this once. He blamed himself for not stopping it sooner, and if you had lost your mind, he would have never forgiven himself. When I held him back, he fought me only half-heartily. I think he knew that you wanted to continue, and so he failed to put up much of a fight." Severus paused shortly. "It was what you wanted, right? It was right that we did not stop?"

Looking at Severus' very worried face, Harry said reassuring, "It was exactly what I wanted, Severus. Don't rack your brain about it. It was bearable, and I would have been very disappointed if you had stopped."

Severus leaned back in his chair and relaxed. Maybe this was the reason he looked so tired. He could not sleep because he was worried that they had overtaxed Harry. Now that he knew they had made everything all right, a huge burden was lifted from his chest.

"Maybe you should go to sleep in your own bed, Severus. You look very tired. I'll try to sleep until Poppy comes."

"I will sleep here until Poppy takes over," Severus said, determined. He moved the back of his armchair further down and lay back. "However, sleep sounds very good." Severus closed his eyes, and Harry did the same.

~*~

"And again, we are at our sensitive issue." Severus sighed. "But we were talking about Alastor. I have only seen him like this once. He blamed himself for not stopping it sooner, and if you had lost your mind, he would have never forgiven himself. When I held him back, he fought me only half-heartily. I think he knew that you wanted to continue, and so he failed to put up much of a fight." Severus paused shortly. "It was what you wanted, right? It was right that we did not stop?"

Looking at Severus' very worried face, Harry said reassuring, "It was exactly what I wanted, Severus. Don't rack your brain about it. It was bearable, and I would have been very disappointed if you had stopped."

Severus leaned back in his chair and relaxed. Maybe this was the reason he looked so tired. He could not sleep because he was worried that they had overtaxed Harry. Now that he knew they had made everything all right, a huge burden was lifted from his chest.

"Maybe you should go to sleep in your own bed, Severus. You look very tired. I'll try to sleep until Poppy comes."

"I will sleep here until Poppy takes over," Severus said, determined. He moved the back of his armchair further down and lay back. "However, sleep sounds very good." Severus closed his eyes, and Harry did the same.

~*~

The next time Harry woke up, Poppy was sitting beside him.

"Where is Severus?" Harry asked while struggling wake completely.

"Sleeping in his bed. He watched over you the whole night. I couldn't convince him to leave your side. I only let him stay because he promised to sleep during the day."

"And Alastor?" Harry asked worriedly. He did not know how the wizard would react when they would met next time. What should he do? Ask him about his strong reaction? Severus had already explained to him why Alastor had cried, and Harry did not feel the need to hear it from Alastor. Maybe he was embarrassed about it or maybe he would even try to avoid him. Harry hoped that would not be the case. He needed Alastor as much as he needed Poppy and Severus. They were his family now.

"Back to his old self, Harry. I hope you don't think badly of him. Showing tears because of worry or luck isn't weakness. You know that you belong to our little family now," Poppy explained calmly.

"I know, Poppy. I don't think he is weak. Severus already told me what happened while I was in my Animagus form. I'm glad to belong to your family, and you are all so important to me. That's why I'm so worried that Severus will die."

"I know, Harry," Poppy said and gently stroked Harry's cheek. "We all are worried about him, but we are also very worried about you. Severus is an adult and I know he can take care of himself in a battle, but I'm worried about you. Alastor told me how good you are in your spell training." Poppy chuckled, remembering Alastor's praise. "He is very proud of you. You should hear him talk. Harry this, Harry that; even Severus joins in. That gives me hope even though I hate that you are training. I wished you could have the normal life of a boy your age." Poppy eyes filled with tears, and Harry reached for her cheek.

"Maybe one day I can, Poppy. I just want Severus to be there as well, and then I can finally learn everything I want from him," Harry said sadly.

"Yes, I want him here as well. There is still hope, Harry," Poppy said, determined. "Oh, what kind of Mediwitch I am? You've been awake for over ten minutes now, and I haven't cast a diagnostic spell." She chuckled insecurely to hide her concern over this sensitive topic.

It was not discussed again for the next few days. Harry recovered quickly and he began training again after three days. His next meeting with Alastor was shortly after Poppy had cast her diagnostic spell and it had not been awkward at all.

Flashback

"I'm not ashamed of my tears, Harry," Alastor said the moment Poppy had left the room to arrange breakfast. "I was very worried that you had lost your mind and would be stuck in your Animagus form. I felt guilty for not stopping Albus. I know Severus told you that he was holding me back, but if I really wanted to, I would have stopped Albus." Alastor looked guiltily down.

"I know, Alastor. In a fight between you and Albus, I would bet on you," Harry said, and grinned to cheer Alastor up.

Alastor chuckled. "Yes, the old codger would never stand a chance against me."

"I'm glad you didn't stop him. The fragment of Voldemort's soul is gone now, and we only have to worry about Nagini and Voldemort himself now," Harry said cheerfully. He could not describe the relief he felt.

"Didn't Severus tell you?" Alastor asked, puzzled.

"What?" Harry asked curiously and sat up.

"He poisoned Nagini. She is dying slowly; it cannot be undone."

"But won't Voldmort find out that Severus did it?"

Alastor remained quiet and watched Harry closely.

Eventually Harry added two and two together. "That's why he'll be revealed as a spy?"

"Maybe you should talk with him about this and not me, Harry." It was clear that Alastor felt uncomfortable about it.

"I don't think I have to talk with him at all. What good would it do? It doesn't matter what causes Severus' revelation; it will always be about me," Harry said miserably.

"Harry, stop! Severus wouldn't want to hear you say that. He has his own battle with Voldemort. It's not all because of you, even though it seems that Severus has adopted you as his little brother as much as we have adopted you as our son in our hearts. He would do anything to protect you."

"Even die," Harry said sullenly.

"Yes, even die, Harry. We all would, and you would do so for us. That's what families feel towards each other, Harry."

"Oh, Alastor," Harry said while tears ran down his cheeks. He threw himself at the old man and sobbed. "I wish it would all be over and we could live without this stupid battle and without worrying about who will survive and who won't."

"I know, my boy, and if all goes well, we will live to see that one day," Alastor said and pulled Harry on his lap, gently rocking him. Sometimes even little heroes need support like this, and Harry did not protest.

End of Flashback

His spell training went well as always, and Harry felt more confident then ever. He even managed to cast a Disarming Charm on both his mentors and caught Severus in a Binding Hex as well. If looks could kill, Harry and Alastor, who could not suppress their laugher, would be dead.

The Twilight training was going so well that after two weeks, they did not have to train it anymore. Harry had more time for his Potions lessons with Severus. As much as he hated the reason for Severus' motivation to teach him Healing Potions, Harry loved to learn them and spend time with Severus in the potions lab. Severus was teaching him all this so that Harry could take his place and help Poppy when Severus was no longer capable or dead.

Harry learned a lot from Severus. He was speechless when Severus gave him a Potions book as a present and showed him how to add personal information to it. "No potion is perfect, Harry. There is always something you can do better. This book is not holy, so you should write down every single idea or successful change you make. Those ideas that are revealed to be useless can be easily erased," Severus had explained while showing Harry the spell to erase notes out of the book.

So Harry had his own book about medical potions and had noted many pieces of advice Severus had given him in it. Even the Wolfsbane Potion was in it, and Harry could brew it flawlessly.

At home, as Harry called Alastor's and Poppy's quarters now, Harry felt safe and happy. Sometimes he even forgot the danger of the upcoming war and just enjoyed the family time. The usual bickering between him and Severus at breakfast, Alastor's scolding, Poppy's affection towards Harry and Severus, playing cards or board games together in the evening, and reading together in the living room where only a few of Harry's favorite family activities. It was just perfect, and Harry was happy, but Harry was never very lucky. After three peaceful weeks, the inevitable happened.

It was breakfast and they were planning the day when Severus doubled over in pain. He clutched his forearm and hissed, "Call Albus!"

Poppy was at his side immediately. Her eyes filled with tears, and this time she did not try to hide them. They ran down her cheeks as she held Severus tightly.

Harry was stuck in his seat in shock, and Alastor went to the fireplace to call for Albus who was standing in the room minutes later. There was no twinkle in his eyes, and Harry felt as if they were already at Severus' funeral.

Severus gained control of his body and stood up. Poppy was breaking down, and Alastor was having trouble supporting her. His own face was as white as a sheet.

Severus went over to Albus and steadied himself heavily on the old man. His long hair was hiding his face, and he pressed his left arm tightly to his body. "It's time to go," he said heavily.

"You don't have to, Severus," Albus said with pain in his voice.

"Yes, I do. Please, take care of him, Albus. Promise that he will survive," Severus croaked as if every word hurt him.

Albus glanced over at Harry, who still looked shocked at the scene in front of him. "I will, Severus. I will do all I can to help him. If you want, I'll make a Vow."

"No, that is not necessary. I trust you. I always have." Severus paused shortly as if it cost him a lot of energy to breathe. "Just keep him safe for me," Severus said. He looked over to Harry; his eyes were already lifeless. He won't come back, Harry thought desperately. His eyes filled with tears, and the lump in his throat hurt badly.

"I think I should go," Severus said and tried to stumble over to the door, but Albus gently held him back.

"You should say good-bye, Severus. I hope we will see each other again and that you will be able to use the Portkey. I'm sorry I didn't found a solution to make it work in Voldemort's presence. Remember that there are people who want you back no matter what. We will take care of you. Say good-bye to your family. I will inform the Order." With a last reassuring squeeze of Severus' shoulder, Albus left through the fireplace.

Poppy was sobbing helplessly, and Alastor was at a loss of words.

Severus did not know what to say. His forearm hurt and the pain was blinding him. He had to go. Sadly, he looked at the two adults that meant the world to him. "We will see each other again someday, right, Alastor?" He tried to grin, but it was a grimace of pain.

"I would prefer to see you again back here in this life, my boy. Come back to us when you can." Tears were running down Alastor's cheeks like little rivers. Poppy's face was hidden in Alastor's chest, and when Severus laid his right hand on her shoulder, the sobbing came even harder. Severus looked down sadly, but before he could draw his hand back, a heavy one was laid over it. "Come back to us, son," Alastor said and looked deep into Severus' eyes.

Severus averted his gaze and his glance fell on Harry. "Remember what you promised, Harry. I am very proud of how well you did so far." Then he left faster than Harry could blink.

~*~

"I think I should go," Severus said and tried to stumble over to the door, but Albus gently held him back.

"You should say good-bye, Severus. I hope we will see each other again and that you will be able to use the Portkey. I'm sorry I didn't found a solution to make it work in Voldemort's presence. Remember that there are people who want you back no matter what. We will take care of you. Say good-bye to your family. I will inform the Order." With a last reassuring squeeze of Severus' shoulder, Albus left through the fireplace.

Poppy was sobbing helplessly, and Alastor was at a loss of words.

Severus did not know what to say. His forearm hurt and the pain was blinding him. He had to go. Sadly, he looked at the two adults that meant the world to him. "We will see each other again someday, right, Alastor?" He tried to grin, but it was a grimace of pain.

"I would prefer to see you again back here in this life, my boy. Come back to us when you can." Tears were running down Alastor's cheeks like little rivers. Poppy's face was hidden in Alastor's chest, and when Severus laid his right hand on her shoulder, the sobbing came even harder. Severus looked down sadly, but before he could draw his hand back, a heavy one was laid over it. "Come back to us, son," Alastor said and looked deep into Severus' eyes.

Severus averted his gaze and his glance fell on Harry. "Remember what you promised, Harry. I am very proud of how well you did so far." Then he left faster than Harry could blink.

~*~

Harry was in shock. Albus had come back with Remus, Tonks, and Kingsley, and Remus had taken Harry to his bedroom. "You should sleep, Harry. There is nothing you can do now, and you should get as much rest as possible before we have to prepare for the battle. We will have about four or five days if Severus does not come back-"

"How can you say that as if you hope that he won't come back?!" Harry shouted and sat up in the bed, glaring at Remus.

"That was not what I meant, Harry. You have to believe me. I would prefer that he uses the Portkey as much as you. Nobody wants him dead or to suffer more than necessary. At least, nobody on our side. What I wanted to say was that at the most you have four days to prepare, but maybe the battle will even start tomorrow. You must be as rested as possible. You understand?"

Harry calmed down and lay back. "Yes."

"Good, then try to rest as much as possible. I cannot give you a Sleeping Potion because we don't know when we will have to fight. Try to sleep, Harry, as difficult as it is," Remus said gently.

"Okay," Harry said and turned to the wall.

"We will be in the living room if you need anything," Remus said and left the room.

Sleep, as if I could sleep now, Harry thought bitterly. All his thoughts were with Severus. What would await him, and how much would he have to suffer?

Harry turned into his Animagus form in the hopes that it would soothe him a bit and that he could hear what the adults were talking about. They're leaving me out again, even though I have to fight with them side by side, Harry thought bitterly. It felt better to be the hellhound, and Harry curled himself up on the bed. Unfortunately, the adults had placed a Silencing Charm on the room, so Harry could not hear a word of their conversation. At one point, Harry actually fell asleep.

The next morning was horrible. Harry had the feeling that Severus' empty chair was screaming because of his absence. Alastor and Poppy tried to act as if nothing was wrong. Poppy had dried her tears, and Alastor had his normal color back. Or perhaps both could cast excellent Glamour Charms. Harry felt sick. He did not want to eat anything, but again he was reminded that he would need energy for the upcoming battle.

Albus showed up in the afternoon. "A word please, Harry." They both went to Harry's room. "I wanted to speak with you about what could happen," Albus said seriously.

Harry had sat down on the bed and drew his legs to his body, hugging them tightly. He nodded, and so Albus went on. "If Severus comes back, we may be able to learn about Voldemort's plans, but Severus might not be able to give us any information." Harry shuddered, but listened attentively. "And there is still the possibility that he will not return," Albus said grievingly.

Harry hid his face in his knees.

"Whatever happens, you have to be ready to fight at any moment. You still remember how we planned to go through the battle?" Albus asked.

"Of course," Harry said without looking up.

"Good. I fear all we can do at the moment is wait and you should use all the time to train."

"Yes, sir," Harry said sadly.

______________

Two days had passed with no word from Severus. Harry still had hope, but it lessened with each passing hour. Poppy tried to hide her worry-or was it grief? Alastor was restless and hardly spoke. From time to time, he laid a hand on Harry's shoulder or ruffled his hair.

It was late afternoon when a sudden pop and screams filled the living room. Poppy and Harry had sat on the couch and were reading, and Alastor had carved another of the little figures that stood above the fireplace.

On his way to Severus, who was wriggling in pain on the floor, Alastor unceremoniously shoved Harry in the direction of the fireplace with the instruction to call Albus.

Harry did as he was told automatically. He heard Severus' screams of agony behind him and did not dare to glance backwards. "I'm a bloody Squib," "useless scum," and "Why did you make me come back?" where boring deep holes in his chest.

When Harry had finished Alastor's request, he slowly turned, afraid of what he would see. Albus passed him before he even glanced at Severus, but eventually he did catch sight of the bloody, screaming mess on the floor. Alastor was holding the struggling Potions Master, and Poppy tried her best to wave her wand over Severus. "Severus, please calm down so that I can cast a Diagnostic Spell," Poppy pleaded with him in a stern voice. No tears were running down her cheeks. She was in full Healer mode. Alastor was again white like a sheet as he pressed Severus to his chest.

Severus' clothes were in shreds and everything was covered in blood. Harry gagged when his gaze fell on Severus' hands. His formerly long, elegant fingers that were perfect for brewing potions were now sticking out at awkward angles. Each finger was broken in several places.

"Severus, calm down," Albus said and knelt down beside Severus.

It was as if a switch was flipped. Severus went rigged. "I have to report," he mumbled and turned to Albus.

"No, my boy, first we need to get you healed," Albus said and resisted to urge to cup Severus' cheek. He did not want to hurt him more.

"Healed?" Severus spat bitterly and started to laugh hysterically. "I cannot be healed any more. Look at my hands. I cannot even feel them. The Dark Lord has taken everything from me. My magic, my hands, everything...."

"No, my boy, you still have your family and your friends," Albus said sadly.

"I will be a burden for them," Severus said desperately.

"Don't say that, Severus! Poppy will get you back to your normal self, you will see," Alastor said, not very convincing.

When Severus started to thrash again, Poppy said, "You wanted to report to Albus, Severus?"

This brought the result she had hoped for, and he stopped struggling and concentrated on Albus again. "She is dead. Nagini is dead. He is mortal now. He doesn't know that we extracted the soul fragment out of Harry. I did not reveal this information even though it was very...difficult." Severus closed his eyes in agony while remembering it. Nausea overcame him, and he tried to turn away.

Poppy noticed his discomfort and paused in her healing to cast a spell that stopped the nausea. "Harry, could you please fetch a few potions for me from the cupboard in our bedroom?" She told him which potions she needed, and Harry left immediately.

When he returned, Severus had stopped reporting and Albus was on his way back to his office. After Severus had taken several potions, Poppy cast a Sleeping Spell on him.

Eventually, they levitated him into their bedroom to watch him closely. Harry went into his own room. Voldemort will pay. I will kill that bastard, Harry thought angrily. He gathered his wand and his Invisibility Cloak and went for the door. Using the fireplace would alert Alastor, so Harry wanted to leave through Hogwarts' front door on foot. Furthermore, he had not planned anything, so the walk would give him time to think. How can I find Voldemort? Who cares, I will find a way. He reached for the door handle, but it did not turn. Flabbergasted, he looked down at it. He tried again and felt a strange tingle run through his hand.

"Care to tell me where you are going?" Alastor asked when he appeared behind Harry.

With a quick jerk, Harry turned around. Caught like a deer in the headlights. What could he say?

"I'm listening," Alastor said, scanning Harry with his magical eye.

"I'm going to kill him," Harry blurted out and turned again. The handle still would not turn.

"I put the wards up. You cannot leave until I lower them, and I can assure you that I won't do so anytime soon," Alastor said dangerously.

"Didn't you see what he did to Severus?" Harry screamed at Alastor.

"Yes, I did. And I will make sure that he does not do the same or even worse to my other son," Alastor said seriously.

"I won't wait here and do nothing," Harry said angrily and tried against better judgment to pull forcefully at the handle. Suddenly, a sharp pain went through his hand, and Harry let go.

"Ready to talk now?" Alastor asked.

"Let me out," Harry screamed desperately.

"I thought we talked about how this was going to go? We will let Voldemort come here into our territory, and you won't be the one to kill him," Alastor said sternly.

"I can't wait," Harry said, but already calmer.

"Then I will make you wait," Alastor said, determined.

"That's not fair," Harry said desperately and sank down, his back against the door.

Alastor knelt as much as he was able to with his wooden leg and cupped Harry's tear-stained cheeks. "Harry, Severus has come back to us. That's something he wouldn't have done before you came into our family. Do you really want to pay him back like this? He made the greatest sacrifice for you, and you want to head recklessly into a battle with Voldemort without help?"

Hearing it like that made Harry feel bad. "I promised him," Harry whispered.

"Yes, I know. Let's go to your room, Harry." Gently, Alastor pulled Harry up and guided him to his room. After tucking Harry into bed, he sat down beside him. "Voldemort will attack tomorrow. He is still waiting for some of his allies to gather. Nagini is dead, so we can follow our current plan. Poppy is taking care of Severus, and we both know how good she is. Even if he won't ever be able to do magic or brew, we will still love him, and he will be an important part of out family, won't he?" Alastor asked.

"Of course," Harry sobbed.

"See, everything will turn out. Now you will rest so that you are ready for tomorrow." Alastor gently tucked the bed covers closer around Harry and kissed his forehead. "Sleep, Harry."

~*~

"I can't wait," Harry said, but already calmer.

"Then I will make you wait," Alastor said, determined.

"That's not fair," Harry said desperately and sank down, his back against the door.

Alastor knelt as much as he was able to with his wooden leg and cupped Harry's tear-stained cheeks. "Harry, Severus has come back to us. That's something he wouldn't have done before you came into our family. Do you really want to pay him back like this? He made the greatest sacrifice for you, and you want to head recklessly into a battle with Voldemort without help?"

Hearing it like that made Harry feel bad. "I promised him," Harry whispered.

"Yes, I know. Let's go to your room, Harry." Gently, Alastor pulled Harry up and guided him to his room. After tucking Harry into bed, he sat down beside him. "Voldemort will attack tomorrow. He is still waiting for some of his allies to gather. Nagini is dead, so we can follow our current plan. Poppy is taking care of Severus, and we both know how good she is. Even if he won't ever be able to do magic or brew, we will still love him, and he will be an important part of out family, won't he?" Alastor asked.

"Of course," Harry sobbed.

"See, everything will turn out. Now you will rest so that you are ready for tomorrow." Alastor gently tucked the bed covers closer around Harry and kissed his forehead. "Sleep, Harry."

~*~

They did not have as much time as they had thought they would. Harry woke to a thundering sound against the walls. Alastor stormed into Harry's room. "They're here, Harry. Still in front of the main door, but it won't take them long to break it down. Albus and the others are already downstairs."

Harry swallowed. Fear was overtaking him. Was he really ready for all this? This time, Severus would not be at his side. He had to play his part in this war alone.

Seeing Harry's scared face, Alastor came over to him and cupped Harry's cheeks gently in his big hands. "Harry, listen. You can do this. You are much better than I would ever have hoped. Even Severus was full of praise for you."

Hearing Severus' name, Harry closed his eyes in pain.

"We don't know how this will end and who will survive. If something happens to me, take care of Poppy and be there for Severus. He came back because of you. You know that, don't you?"

It was hard to concentrate on Alastor's words while the walls around Harry were shaking violently with each of the Death Eaters' attacks. Nevertheless, Harry nodded. Tears were forming little rivers on Harry's cheeks.

Gently, Alastor brushed the tears away. "Whatever happens, Harry, you will see us again one day. I believe my father, and I hope you do as well. It's just a matter of time, but we will be reunited again. We are a family."

"Yes, I hope so," Harry croaked.

"It will be so, and maybe we will even be together after this battle. Nobody knows. I just want to say again that I'm so very proud of you and that I'm glad you accepted becoming a member of our family."

"Merlin, Alastor," Harry said desperately and threw himself at the man that had been more like a father to him than anyone else.

"Shh, Harry, now you have to be strong. No more thinking about death. We will meet again whenever it will be. Now you have to look forward and do as we taught you. You are amazing in the twilight and your spells and curses are extraordinary for a boy your age. You can do all this. Play your role, and remember to let us finish him off."

"Yes," Harry said, determined, and pulled himself together. "We should go."

"That's my son," Alastor said proudly.

Harry beamed from the inside out. Those few words meant the world to him, and he would do anything to give them the possibility of living a peaceful family life.

In the hall, Alastor said, "We should split now, Harry. Remember our plan!"

"I will," Harry said and turned into his Animagus form. He ran down the halls in long strides until he reached the broken-down entrance door. Unsure of how to go on, he looked around. He could hear screams to his right and ran into that direction. Mrs. Weasley was fighting against Bellatrix and another Death Eater tried to attack her from behind. Harry, still in his hellhound form, attacked the man at Mrs. Weasley's back. He tackled the surprised wizard down and bit his wand arm. The taste was awful. The blood tasted metallic, and Harry had to fight hard not to throw up. He let go of the man, who immediately drew his arm close to his chest. Harry did not want to bite the man again, but he had to stop him from attacking if he recovered. When he saw his wand, he bit down on it and it broke beyond repair. Satisfied, Harry left the Death Eater.

Looking around, he smelled Bellatrix's scent. His hate overtook him. She had killed Sirius, and now he would kill her. While Bellatrix aimed a curse at Mrs. Weasley, Harry attacked. He knew he would hate the taste of blood again, but it was not important at the moment; hurting and killing her was. He bit down on her arm so hard he broke the bone, and Bellatrix screamed in pain. Harry's blood lust was not sated. He threw his head from one side to the other, and bits of flesh flew through the air. He could hear Bellatrix's screams and they were like music to him. He was one with the hellhound, and the hellhound enjoyed the feeling of ripping flesh in its muzzle. Another woman's screams made their way into Harry's blood-fogged mind, but they seemed to be far away. And the blood of the woman he hated so much was too close. Harry saw the light tanned skin of her throat and something urged him to bite her there and finish her off. He was just about to close his jaw around Bellatrix's throat when somebody grabbed him by his neck. Strong hands pulled him back, and he could hear a growl above him.

Harry, still one with his hellhound, tried to wriggle free off the death grip and even tried to bite the person holding him. He turned around to snap at the person and saw two amber eyes staring at him. Another growl came from the person and the hellhound started to submit. The moment the hellhound got a grip on his emotions by submitting to a more dominant being, Harry gained his own mind back. The person who was holding him was Remus, and when he saw that Harry was in his human mind again, he spoke. "You don't want to do this. You won't get Sirius back. Remember what you promised Severus. Transform back. You have to follow the plan you made with Alastor and Albus," Remus ordered in a strict but kind tone.

Harry turned human. He never understood how it was possible for him to transform back and still be wearing his clothes and holding his wand like the moment he had changed into the hellhound. He looked around and saw that Bellatrix was bound securely and that she had passed out from pain or blood loss. Harry did not care. He looked around for any sign of Voldemort. Remus was already back in the battle, and Harry decided to explore a bit to find Voldemort. After dodging several curses and casting some on Death Eaters around him, Nearly Headless Nick came over to Harry and told him that Dumbledore and Alastor were fighting Voldemort and around ten Death Eaters on the stairs up to the infirmary. They are heading in Severus' direction. Surely to finish what they started before Severus escaped, Harry thought while already heading in said direction.

Seeing the backs of the Death Eaters in front of him, Harry stepped into the twilight. Immediately, he felt safe. The slightly stirring sound soothed him, and he sneaked his way through the Death Eaters. He could see Albus and Alastor now, fighting side by side with Kingsley, Tonks, and Mr. Weasley. A Death Eater right beside Harry broke down. Immediately, he was secured with Auror ropes that even Voldemort could not break free from and that made all kind of magical transportation impossible. Another Death Eater fell, and that was when Harry saw Voldemort. He leaned arrogantly against the banister of the stairs and let his Death Eaters do the work. A disgusted sneer was all he sent in the direction of the fallen Death Eaters.

Harry moved beside Albus and stepped out of the twilight. "I'm here," Harry said quickly. The moment Voldemort spotted him, he stepped back into the twilight.

"What a surprise, little Potter, but being able to move in the twilight won't help you or that traitorous Potions Master." Voldemort came closer to Harry with a feral grin on his lips. "I shouldn't underestimate you this time, wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't care what you think. All I care about is your death," Harry spat and stepped out of the twilight to hide immediately behind a suit of armor. The curse Voldemort aimed at him made the armor shake violently, and Harry saw small drops of melting metal drip down.

"Playing hide and seek, Potter? Is that what the great Dumbledore has taught you? How pathetic," Voldemort said and aimed another curse at Harry's hiding place.

"The only pathetic things here are you and your puppets over there." After the armor absorbed another curse for Harry, he jumped out of his hiding place and aimed a Cutting Spell at Voldemort. Without waiting for the result, Harry stepped into the twilight again.

Voldemort canceled the curse and also stepped into the twilight. "Playing dirty, little Potter?"

"You set the rules for this war, not me," Harry said while circling Voldemort. He could face him openly now because Voldemort unable to cast any curses at him in the twilight. What Harry had not assumed was that Voldemort would attack him physically. He was not cautious enough, and Voldemort was very quick. Inhumanly quick. Before Harry realized it, he was laying on his back with Voldemort hovering over him. Voldemort's hand was squeezing Harry throat, and he laughed evilly. "Ready to die, Potter? What a pity that nobody will see your death, but I won't take any chances this time."

Harry could not get any oxygen, and his throat hurt horribly. Dizziness overcame him, and the world started to become dark. It was a horrible death, and Harry fought like hell.

"No, open your eyes. I want to see the light leave your eyes, Potter," Voldemort commanded angrily.

Harry did not open his eyes. Soon, he would be with his parents, but then he remembered that there were so many people that he saw as his family now. He wanted to be there for Severus, now that he had come back for him. And he wanted to live the life of a normal boy with Alastor and Poppy. Harry opened his eyes. As he looked into Voldemort's red gaze, he did the only thing he could think of. He did not even know if it would work, but he tried to change into his hellhound. Voldemort was too surprised to react, and his head was the perfect target for the hellhound. Without thinking twice, he bit down as hard as he could.

Voldemort screamed in agony and tried to free himself from the hellhound's jaws, but Harry bit down on the evil wizard's ugly head. Blood was flowing down his throat, and Harry almost gagged at the taste of it. It did not taste like the Death Eater's or Bellatrix's; it tasted rotten and dead.

Harry realized that he could not let go of Voldemort, and so he risked trying to drag him out of the twilight with him. Albus had never trained him to do this, and so he was uncertain if he could manage it. It was hard, but Harry did it. He could not see much of his surroundings and risked being in a bad position outside the twilight.

The moment he appeared with Voldemort in his muzzle, he could hear screams around him. He was in the middle of the remaining Death Eaters who aimed there wands at him now. None of them dared to cast a Killing Curse in fear of hitting Voldemort, who still was wriggling like a worm to free himself. A very bloody worm. Harry feared he would die just from tasting his rotten blood. He was fighting hard against his gag reflex. Curse after cure hit him, and Harry repeated his mantra of 'Severus-Alastor-Poppy' in his head to keep himself conscious. He heard the sound of bodies hitting the ground while his friends took down one Death Eater after the other, who were all concentrating on Harry and Voldemort.

"Let go of him!" Harry heard Albus scream, and that was everything he needed to relax his unbearably hurting jaw as he fell into unconsciousness.

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~*~

Voldemort screamed in agony and tried to free himself from the hellhound's jaws, but Harry bit down on the evil wizard's ugly head. Blood was flowing down his throat, and Harry almost gagged at the taste of it. It did not taste like the Death Eater's or Bellatrix's; it tasted rotten and dead.

Harry realized that he could not let go of Voldemort, and so he risked trying to drag him out of the twilight with him. Albus had never trained him to do this, and so he was uncertain if he could manage it. It was hard, but Harry did it. He could not see much of his surroundings and risked being in a bad position outside the twilight.

The moment he appeared with Voldemort in his muzzle, he could hear screams around him. He was in the middle of the remaining Death Eaters who aimed there wands at him now. None of them dared to cast a Killing Curse in fear of hitting Voldemort, who still was wriggling like a worm to free himself. A very bloody worm. Harry feared he would die just from tasting his rotten blood. He was fighting hard against his gag reflex. Curse after cure hit him, and Harry repeated his mantra of 'Severus-Alastor-Poppy' in his head to keep himself conscious. He heard the sound of bodies hitting the ground while his friends took down one Death Eater after the other, who were all concentrating on Harry and Voldemort.

"Let go of him!" Harry heard Albus scream, and that was everything he needed to relax his unbearably hurting jaw as he fell into unconsciousness.

~*~

The first thing Harry did when he woke up was vomiting. Someone held a bucket under his mouth and another person held him from behind.

"Just let it out, Harry," Alastor's gentle voice came from behind him, and Harry could feel Alastor's chest vibrate against his back. He felt safe in those strong arms, but the pain and the sickness were unbearable, and he started to sob.

"I will give you something soon, Harry, but we have to get all the blood out," Poppy said calmly.

Blood? Harry jerked his eyes open, and what he saw in the bucket turned his stomach again. When he only gagged dryly, Poppy cast a Relaxing Charm on Harry, and he fell back into Alastor's embrace. A vial was pressed to his lips, and he automatically gulped down the potion. The sickness ebbed slowly. "We have to wait until you don't feel sick anymore. Otherwise the Pain Potion will come back up," Poppy explained while gently stroking Harry's hair.

Harry had closed his eyes again and enjoyed the soothing feeling Poppy's hand and Alastor's embrace caused. His head hurt like hell, and he had the feeling his jaw was swollen and broken in several places. His internal organs were on fire and cramped torturously.

"It's safe now, Harry. Open up." Poppy gently coaxed Harry's swollen jaw open and gave him the pain killer.

"Much better," Harry said and sighed in relief. He opened his eyes and took in more of his surroundings. He was in Alastor and Poppy's bedroom again, and he was lying between them. Next to Poppy's side of the bed stood another bed in which Severus lay. He watched with worried and very sad eyes.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"You need to rest, Harry. You shouldn't even be awake now. Drink this," Poppy instructed.

"No, please." Harry tried to turn his face away, but Alastor did not let him. He held him in place for Poppy, and she gave him the Sleeping Potion.

The next time Harry woke up, he was in a lot of pain again, but at least he did not feel like vomiting. Poppy waved her wand over him the moment he blinked. "How do you feel, Harry?" she asked kindly as she grabbed for two vials on the night table.

"Still so much pain," Harry groaned.

"I know, my boy. Alastor will help you to sit up, okay?" Poppy asked.

"‘Kay," Harry croaked.

"Come on, lad, after the potions you will feel much better." Alastor's deep voice was so calming.

"‘Kay," Harry said and then moaned in pain when Alastor lifted him onto his lap.

"Shh, it will be soon better, lad," Alastor whispered in Harry's ear.

After drinking all the potions, Harry indeed felt much better.

"Better?" Poppy asked.

"Yes," Harry answered, relieved.

"And you, Severus?" Poppy asked her other patient.

"Useless as ever," Severus replied bitterly.

"Severus, please, we have discussed this so many times. You won't be as powerful as before, but you are still a wizard. With a bit of training, no one will notice any handicap," Poppy scolded.

"Handicap," Severus spat angrily. "I'm almost a Squib."

"Stop it, boy. We talked about it. We will train, and you will return to your normal self," Alastor said in the no-nonsense voice that Poppy used.

"And what will you do about this?" Severus asked and held up his bandaged hands.

"They will heal, and with a bit of physical exercise, you will be capable of brewing in a few weeks," Poppy said in a tone as if she was speaking with a small child.

"I cannot even feel them," Severus said hopelessly.

"Severus, really. I placed a medical spell on them so that you won't be able to feel them or move them. I told you that before. Your mind is still not working properly," Poppy explained for the tenth time.

"My mind?" Severus asked, shocked. "What is wrong with my mind?" Severus started to panic.

"I'll be back in a minute, Harry," Alastor said and gently lay Harry back. Then he went over to Severus, who was trying to leave in his panic. Quickly, Alastor embraced him from behind and sat down with him on the bed again. "Calm down, Severus. Poppy will take care of you. She always has, hasn't she?"

"But my mind. She said something is not right with my mind. I...I cannot even recall her words anymore. What did she say?" Severus struggled weakly in Alastor's arms.

"Shh, Severus, your mind is fine," Alastor said, drawing Severus onto his lap and pressing him tightly against his chest.

Severus was so confused that he did not realize that Poppy had filled a syringe and that Alastor was holding his arm out for Poppy to inject the strong Calming Potion into his vein.

"My mind," Severus mumbled, scared.

Poppy placed the empty syringe on the night table and cupped Severus' face in her hands. "Your mind is all right, Severus. You just need more rest," Poppy said soothingly. She hummed something like a children's song while gently stroking Severus' cheeks with her thumb until his eyes shut.

"Is his mind really okay?" Harry asked worriedly when Alastor and Poppy were back to the bed.

"He is better than we hoped. His mind will be all right after a few more days of bed rest. His hands will need a few weeks to heal, and then he has to train hard to get them as quick and flexible as they were before. His magic will never be the same, but he isn't a squib and can even train to become better with the help of a special healer. He will be able to live like he did before. He just can't take part of a battle again and we hope that no war will come up soon."

Suddenly, Harry realized that he had not asked the most important question. He jerked around to face Alastor. "Voldemort?"

"No, I'm not Voldemort. Maybe you should check him for any brain damage, Poppy," Alastor teased, pretending to be worried.

"No, I mean-" He stopped when Alastor chuckled.

"Sorry, lad. It was too tempting."

"Very funny, Alastor," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "Is he dead?" Fear and hope fought in Harry's chest.

"Yes, he is," Alastor said seriously. "Albus finished Voldemort off after you let go of him."

Harry sighed, relieved. "So it is finally over."

"Yes, it is, Harry, but you and Severus have long weeks of recovery in front of you. The battle is not over for you two. It would be best if you both helped each other with your recovery. You saw that Severus is very depressed, and he always seem to find a new will for life around you. I hope you can help him this time as well. You will be in a lot of pain for some time, and I can't always give you a pain killer. If you two could distract each other, it would help. Maybe we will take a vacation so that you two can see more than just the boring walls inside Hogwarts," Poppy suggested.

"Vacation? Really?" Harry sat up, excited, but immediately winced. The pain killer had taken away most of the pain, but it hurt immensely when he moved too quickly.

"Yes, vacation. But only after you two have rested up," Poppy said and gently pressed Harry back. "Now sleep some more, Harry."

Harry closed his eyes. He was free now. His family was around him. Severus would get better again, and with their help, he would be able to live as he had before. They could brew together without having a crazy wizard after them. And vacation. Oh, that sounded so nice. Harry always wanted to be able to go on a vacation, and now he could spend a vacation with the people he loved and that loved him. With something very good to look forward to, Harry fell asleep with a smile on his face.