The truck drove over a big pothole, and Severus was pulled out of his memory. He looked at his swollen and bandaged hand. It hurt more now than it had yesterday. The painkiller effect of White Cloud's salve had lost its power.

"Pain?" Light Arrow asked, not averting his glance from the battered road.

"A bit," Severus answered grumpily.

Light Arrow grunted to show Severus how little he believed him. "Only ten more minutes, then we will be there."

~*~

"Want to talk to me about something?" Light Arrow asked the grumpily looking Severus.

"I already spoke with White Cloud." Severus looked sullenly into the distance while the truck drove through one of the many potholes, which increased Severus' headache.

"I know, and she said you wanted to talk to me about something very serious," Light Arrow prodded.

"No, I don't want to," Severus said, not looking at the old man, who drove the truck with ease over the battered road.

Suddenly Light Arrow slammed on the break pedal, and the truck came to halt with a jerk that forced Severus to steady himself on the security handle above him. "What the hell?" he shouted at Light Arrow when he had recovered from his shock.

The old man removed the key from the ignition and threw it on the dash board. "We will talk or roast ourselves to death right here." Light Arrow looked challengingly at Severus.

"You must be joking!" Severus screamed at Light Arrow.

"I'm not, and my tolerance to heat is much higher than yours, Severus." Light Arrow leaned back into his seat, relaxed.

Severus already felt the truck heating up due to standing directly under the sun. He hated heat, and he wasn't allowed to use magic while Light Arrow was around. Why he didn't dare to go against this rule was something not even he himself understood completely, but he respected the two adults, who had rescued his life more than once and were always there for him, too much to break their rules. "Light Arrow, please, I'm thirty five; you don't have to treat me like a kid."

Light Arrow just looked at Severus with the same challenging expression as before, showing him that argument had no effect on him.

"Won't Doc Martens wonder where we are when you roast us to death?" Severus asked.

Again Light Arrow's expression and stare didn't change a bit.

Severus sighed. "Look, I already spoke with White Cloud, and it was obviously too much."

There was no change to Light Arrow's behavior.

Severus opened his shirt. He was sweating like hell, and he felt that his trousers were already wet and clutching to his bum and legs. The hair on his neck was sticking to his skin, and, for the first time in his life, Severus regretted having long hair.

"I will talk about it with Doc Martens, okay?" Severus tried his luck again with no affect to the stubborn old man beside him, who didn't seem to be sweating at all.

Severus sighed again, this time not in annoyance, but in defeat. "You will not like it."

"I'm all ear, my boy," Light Arrow said.

It was almost strange to hear him speak again, causing Severus jumped a bit. When he looked at Light Arrow, his heart ached. The face of the old man was full of worry. "Believe me, it would be better if you don't know. I will get it under control. I shouldn't have even told White Cloud."

"Believe me, it would be much better if you tell me about it, my boy," Light Arrow said seriously.

Severus averted his gaze and sighed again. "I really will get it under control, Light Arrow." Severus tried to speak with a tone of assurance, but failed.

"You will get what under control?"

Severus stared into the distance. The air over the road seemed to boil. Sweat dripped from Severus' brow and into his eyes, and he blinked. "I started to drink again." His voice was small and defeated.

"When?" Light Arrow asked, trying to control his voice so it wouldn't reveal too much of his worry and anger.

"A few month before we came here. It was all too much. The boys... I couldn't help them."

"You did help them, Severus."

"Not enough," Severus said miserably.

"How much is it affecting you at the moment?"

Severus didn't answer. The urge to get something to drink was very high, but he hated it and wanted it to stop. "I had enough will power once, I will have it again."

"That doesn't answer my question, Severus."

Severus averted his eyes from the road and looked down at his hands. "I feel frustrated, but I will make it."

"Is the need to hurt yourself do to the alcohol, or is it a separate problem?"

"I don't know," Severus said truthfully. "I think sometimes it has to do with the alcohol, but sometimes I think not."

"You will speak with Doc Martens about it?"

Severus sighed. "Yes." He didn't like it, but he knew it was inevitable.

"Good." A wave of Light Arrow's hand and Severus felt a cooling wave wash over him; his clothes dried and remained, to his relief, cool.

Seconds later, the engine was started and the truck began to rumble over the potholes again.

Ten minutes later, they stopped in a small town in front of an old house.

"Hello, Joseph," the friendly lady behind the registration desk greeted. "Oh my, and that must be our little Severus." She stood up and came around the desk to greet them properly.

"I never was little, Mrs. Blunt," Severus protested.

"Oh, but skinny and young you were, my boy," she said, smiling at him and looking at him from head to toe. "You still are much to thin for my taste, boy." She hugged him, careful not to touch his damaged hand.

"Did you have trouble getting here?" Doc Martens, who had just entered the waiting room, asked.

"We had to make a short break to clear up some things." Light Arrow shook Doc Martens hand and stepped aside to give the doctor room to approach his reluctant patient.

Severus gulped. He didn't know why it was, but this doctor had always had a daunting effect on him. He had never met a more kindly and patient man than Doc Martens, but he always had the feeling that the man could see straight through him, and he could never hide anything from him, which made him very uncomfortable. Being in this position as an adult, who really should be able to control his life alone, was even worse than it had been when he was young.

Doc Martens was around fifty years old. His whole appearance was kind and radiated a patience that seemed inhuman. His sandy blond hair was getting slightly thin and his receding hairline was much further back than it had been the last time Severus had seen him. Currently, the man was smiling at him through his beard. "Nice to see you again, Severus, even though I wish the circumstances were different." He extended his hand, and Severus took it, blushing and averting his gaze.

"Why don't you unwrap Severus' bandage and clean the wound up for me, Mathilda?" Doc Martens asked the friendly nurse. He then turned to Light Arrow. "And the two of us can have a small chat before I have a look at Severus."

Severus felt more heat creep into his face, realizing the two would be speaking about him without his presence. Before he could protest, however, the doctor had guided Light Arrow into the exam room and Severus was alone with Mrs. Blunt.

"Come on, my boy, let's see what damage you have done this time." She gently guided him to the second exam room and urged him to sit down.

"It was an accident," Severus lied.

Mrs. Blunt raised her eyebrow. "If it had been an accident, they would have healed you." She unwrapped the bandage and cleaned the wound carefully. Severus bit his bottom lip so as to make no sound while she cleaned the wound. It stung like hell and his hand looked horrible. He hadn't realized how hard he had hit the wall. It was swollen to the double its normal size and was colored black and blue.

"So, are you ready?" Doc Martens asked while entering the room.

"Sure," Mrs. Blunt said and left the room to keep Light Arrow company.

The doctor took the place Mrs. Blunt had occupied and had a short look at the damaged hand. "Okay, I will first take care of this, Severus."

Severus shuddered. He would prefer if it would start and end with healing his hand; he didn't want to talk with the doctor at all.

"I want you to breath together with me, Severus. In... and out... in... and out..." After a few breaths, Severus calmed a bit and the tension was less prominent. Doc Martens had laid his hand around Severus' damaged hand, and when he felt his patient relax, he bent the bones with wandless magic and immediately let pain-relieving magic flow into Severus' hand.

Severus was surprised when the pain stuck him, doubling over.

"Shh, Severus, it will be better soon," Doc Martens said, letting more pain-relieving magic flow in the hand of his patient who was panting in pain.

Severus sighed in relief when the pain eased.

"Better?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," Severus croaked.

"I will apply a cooling salve and will give Light Arrow some for the next few days. In three days, I want to have another look at it."

"You can give the slave to me," Severus said, trying his luck even though he knew it was useless.

"You know the rules, Severus. Light Arrow won't make an exception even though you are an adult now."

Severus grunted and only got a grin from the doctor as a result of his reaction.

"So, we're done with this," Doc Martens said while fixing the bandage with a clip. "Now, please role up your sleeves for me."

Severus looked shocked at the doctor. "I was here for you to heal my hand, doctor. I thank you for your help, but-" Severus tried to stand up, but Doc Martens quickly rolled his chair closer so Severus couldn't stand up.

"Severus, I know that you are an adult now, but you also know that I have spoken with Light Arrow, and he told me about your problems. I would really like to see if there is more damage. And judging by your reaction right now, I'm guessing that there are more wounds; am I right?"

Severus was at loss for words. He felt as helpless as he had many years ago as a small teen. He didn't want to show the doc the underside of his arms. The Dark Mark had almost vanished completely after Voldemort's defeat. Doc Martens had seen the Dark Mark when he had examined him during his second stay at the camp, when Severus had realized what a big mistake he had made by joining the Dark Lord. It was shortly after that he had turned to Dumbledore again and became a spy. That was the only way out except to go to Azkaban. It was a hard time, and he could only stay for three months because the Dark Lord believed that Dumbledore would only accept Severus as staff when he completed a special teacher training in the USA. That time at the camp was much more embarrassing in Severus' eyes than his first stay had been, due to all the guilt he had felt for what he had done and the shame of his decision to follow the Dark Lord.

He hadn't believed that Light Arrow and White Cloud would take him in again, but they did without questions. He never once received a disappointed or ashamed look from them, only looks of worry and concern. That was unbelievable torture, but it also felt good to have someone who loved him no matter what stupid decision he made in his life. Severus had secretly viewed Light Arrow and White Cloud as his foster parents, but after this second stay he loved them even more deeply.

So the Dark Mark wasn't the problem; it was the wounds on his arms. He had cut them in his skin not only before he came to the camp with the boy, but also during his time there as well. He had learned to hide them very well, but the damn doctor always has to be so damn all-knowing.

"Severus, we both know that there are more wounds and that you aren't allowed to use magic at the camp. If you had used magic to heal your wounds, Light Arrow would have noticed. That means they can't be healed very well. Show them to me, Severus."

"You mustn't tell Light Arrow," Severus ordered.

"If you cut yourself, I will not look away, Severus. You are an adult, and I can't speak with Light Arrow about it if it's against your wish, but I want you to tell him. Someone needs to keep a close eye on you to stop you from doing it again. You know the procedure. You won't make it without help. Being an adult doesn't change that fact."

Severus sighed and slowly rolled up his sleeves. What the doc saw caused him to gasp.