~*~

"Sure. What would you like to talk about?" Black Hawk asked, looking at Harry's tear-strained face when the teen lifted his head from his shoulder.

Harry shrugged his shoulder, but then grinned. It looked odd on his wet and red face, but Black Hawk was glad that Harry could draw himself out of his depression. Never before had Black Hawk taken part of as many and intensive talks as today. Normally it was Light Arrow's part to deal with the emotionally distressed kids and to speak with them about the past. Black Hawk always saw himself better in the part of making them ready for their new life, but today he found a totally new side of himself, and he liked it. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Harry's exclamation. "Maybe about a basket swinging Crying Horse. You planted quite some picture in my head, you know?"

Black Hawk laughed. Ruffling Harry's hair, he stood up. "One day without Mr. Cheerful and you already miss him." On his way back to his trunk, Black Hawk checked the trout and said, "What about eating, Harry? The trout are ready."

"Sounds good to me," Harry said. He felt as if a big stone has been lifted from his chest. He loved that Black Hawk could change from serious into cheerful so quickly. It was relieving. It was as if Harry could decide the pace and Black Hawk just accommodated it. No drilling questions, no hurt looks, no accusations, just accepting Harry's pace of how much he was ready to give away and of how much he was willing to work on.

Harry felt really happy and balanced for the first time after the horrific experiences in the dungeons. Black Hawk had given him a second trout, and they tasted delicious. With a full stomach, Harry leaned back satisfied and relaxed. That is, until he heard the sound of horse hooves coming closer.

~*~

 Harry's heart sank in his boots when he heard the horse coming closer and closer. Tensed, he looked in the direction of the sound. When the black horse finally came into sight, Harry groaned and fearfully hid his face in his arms.

"Black Hawk." Harry could hear Severus' voice coming closer.

"Severus," Black Hawk said shortly.

Harry felt Severus sit down beside him on the fallen tree. "Good to see you are all right, Harry," Severus said softly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said miserably, still hiding behind his knees and arms.

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to. I'm just glad Black Hawk found you and that you are all right. You could have been hurt or gotten sunstroke or whatever. I was worried."

"I'm okay," Harry said, apologizing.

"Good," Severus said shortly, and after a pause he added, "Any objections against me keeping you two company?"

"Are you mad at me?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Like I said, I'm just happy that you are okay. Light Arrow told us you promised to come back tomorrow. I'm very glad about that and relieved. Are you still planning to come back, or have you changed your mind?"

"No, I will come back. I promised." Harry didn't dare to look up, even though Severus really seemed very relaxed.

"Good. I just needed to see you. I was worried and wanted to see for myself that you are okay. So, what have you done all day?" Severus asked, relaxed.

Carefully, Harry looked sideways at Severus. The older man was rummaging in his cloak and pulled a small package out. "Here." Severus threw the package over to Black Hawk. "Thought you would need that. You left the house in quite a rush."

Black Hawk caught the box and sighed, relieved. "Damn, you really are my best friend." Happily, Black Hawk refilled his metal cigarette box with the new package. "I'm in your debt."

"No problem. Thanks for taking care of Harry for me."

"You are welcome, and Harry informed me that it is my job to do this." Black Hawk grinned at Harry, who had finally lifted his head completely.

"Yes, who would have thought that you would one day take over Light Arrow's job?" Severus shook his head, smirking.

"Yeah, and who would have thought that you would become a teacher. I can still remember you screaming a hundred times at Light Arrow that you hate people and especially kids." Black Hawk laughed and lit one of the new cigarettes.

"Life takes crazy ways sometimes," Severus said, more thoughtfully now.

"Yes, I thought being a truck driver would be a cool job, but I felt I would die from loneliness during my first days on the road." Black Hawk became more severe, too.

"What took you so long to come back to the camp then? It was almost a year, wasn't it? And you were quite in some..." Severus stopped and threw a look at Harry.

"It's okay. Harry can know about it. I was stupid. I should have come back here as soon as I realized that I couldn't live alone. The problem was that I was too proud and didn't want to come back like a lost puppy, asking for permission to stay. I wanted to prove to them that I could live on my own, but what I really did was destroy myself." Sadly, Black Hawk looked into the flames.

"You are living on your own, Black Hawk. Just because you live in the camp doesn't mean you haven't matured. You are still an independent person. Look, even Harry here thought you were working for Light Arrow." Severus tried to lighten the mood. He knew that Black Hawk still felt uncomfortable about his past. He was surprised that Black Hawk had spoken so openly in front of Harry. It seemed something important had happened that day.

"We both know that it isn't true, Night Rain." Black Hawk threw his halfway smoked cigarette into the campfire.

If Black Hawk used Severus' Native name, he really must feel bad. During his first stay at the camp, Black Hawk had always used his native name. It was special between the two because the rest of the camp always addressed Severus with his given name. "No, it is the truth, Black Hawk. You are a grown man. Look how the kids look up to you. Nobody is as good with horses as you. Without you, Light Arrow couldn't run the camp any longer. Why can't you see that?"

"Because it's crap." Black Hawk sighed and then looked directly at Severus. "I lied to you."

Severus just stared at Black Hawk, waiting for more explanations.

Averting his look from Severus, Black Hawk went on, "I didn't come back on my own. Light Arrow brought me back. He found me drunk and drugged in a pub. I didn't even know my name any longer. He brought me back to the camp. The moment I could think straight again, I felt so embarrassed that I tried to fight him away with words, Night Rain. I will never forget myself for spitting them at him. It was awful, and he even locked me in. I tried to run away several times because I couldn't stand the shame I felt when I had to face White Cloud and Light Arrow. It was horrible. I would have preferred to die, drunk in an alley rather than go the stony way and speak with them. I don't know how they could stand me, Night Rain. It was so much worse than when we were teenagers. I was an adult; I should have been more mature. I have never really left the camp. I'm still one of their rescue projects."

"We always will be their rescue projects, Black Hawk. Look at me. I'm not any better than you." Severus paused, threw another short glance at Harry and then sighed. "I started drinking again and I even... I even cut myself again," Severus said bitterly. "Of the two of us, you are much more grown up. Look how many times I came back with problems. If I count right, it's the fourth time now."

Harry sat there the whole time listening, fascinated with what the two older men were speaking about. He didn't lose his confidence in them, now they just became more human in his eyes.

"But he didn't drag you back here, Night Rain. And... and you didn't call him all those horrible names."

"Then apologize, Black Hawk, but I'm sure he will just look at you, puzzled, because he has forgotten about it a long time ago and is just happy that you stayed. Like I said, without you and Red Horse, he couldn't do what he is doing right now."

Black Hawk sighed again. "But I never left, Night Rain; I never left."

"Then do it," Severus said, prompting.

"What?" Black Hawk asked, confused, and looked directly at Severus.

"Do it. Leave and then come back and ask to stay."

"But I don't want to go away. I don't even want to be alone for an hour."

"Then don't do it," Severus said dryly.

"Damn, you are horrible at this adviser stuff," Black Hawk said and threw a piece of bark at Severus.

"Yes, that's why you are the one to stay and help Light Arrow and not me. You are a good adviser, Black Hawk, whetheryou want to hear it or not."

"Rats," Black Hawk said frustrated. "You have no idea, Severus."

Back to Severus, so we are back in the present, Severus thought relieved. He had been a bit worried about Black Hawk's melancholy. Severus would never have guessed that Black Hawk still felt unsure about his place in the camp.

Black Hawk stood up. "I need some fresh air."

"We are outside under the sky. Everywhere is fresh air here," Severus muttered, but Black Hawk had already gone in the direction of the river.

Severus groaned, frustrated. He tried to stand up to follow his friend, but Harry stopped him by laying a hand on Severus' knee. "Let me talk to him." With that said, Harry went over to Black Hawk, who stood silently close to the river, staring at the moon's reflection on the water surface.

"I'm glad that you are here, Black Hawk. And... and I think you are a very good adviser." Shyly, Harry took Black Hawk's hand. It was awkward, and Harry didn't dare to think about how this would look to an outsider, but it felt like the right thing to do in that moment.

"Thanks, Harry. That means a lot to me... really," Black Hawk said in a hoarse voice. "I never told all of this to anyone. I hope you will not spread it-"

"Of course not. Who do you think I am?" Harry said a bit hurt that Black Hawk would even believed him capable to talk about all of this with anyone. "Ehm... you won't tell anyone that I cried, right?"

Black Hawk laughed and turned to Harry. "No, so now the two of us have a secret as well, right?" He ruffled Harry's hair and chuckled.

"Yes," Harry laughed, relieved about Black Hawk's mood change and also because he knew his little secret was safe with Black Hawk.

They sat together happily at the campfire the rest of the evening. Harry and Black Hawk finally answered the question Severus had asked in the beginning. They told him what they had done the whole day, and Severus said that they were some lucky guys; he had to help White Cloud in the garden because the old lady still insisted that Severus speak with her about his problems. "Garden work is the best way to loosen your tongue, Severus. You hate it so much that you will tell me everything in hope that I will release you earlier than planned," Severus said, imitating White Cloud's voice.

"Oh, yeah, you should have seen him as a teen, Harry. He was scowling at the tomatoes so much that we thought they would go black or at least would become bitter." Black Hawk almost doubled over, laughing hard.

"Oh, how I wished to be capable of wandless magic then. I swear I would have turned them black or let them explode." Severus grinned.

Harry laughed so hard; he couldn't remember the last time he had laughed that hard.

When they curled up in their sleeping bags, Black Hawk became serious and thoughtful again. He had waited in hope that Harry would be asleep and finally whispered, "Are you still awake, Severus?"

"No," Severus said, groaning.

"How can you answer when you are not awake?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

"What do you want Black Hawk?" Severus asked, annoyed. When no answer and just a sigh came from the sleeping bag close to him, he said in a calmer and friendlier way, "What's the matter, Black Hawk? Still racking your brain about what we spoke about in the beginning? You heard Harry. You are grown up and a good adviser."

"Severus, if I decide to go, would you take over my... my job for a while?" Black Hawk asked carefully.

Harry drew in a sharp breath and his chest stung with the idea of Black Hawk leaving the camp. Finally he had found a friend, and now he would lose him again.

"Black Hawk, I don't know what to say to this. You made quite a lot of progress with Harry, progress I wouldn't have even thought would be possible. I would hate for you to leave now, but if you need to do it for yourself, then you should do it and I will try to do my best. Remember that I'm not good with kids, though. I'm not very patient."

Black Hawk sighed and turned in his sleeping bag to stare into the sky.

"You should look at yourself first, Black Hawk. If you are not happy and balanced, you can't help Harry or the other kids. So if you feel the need to leave, then you should do it. I will try my best to do your job." Severus paused. "You will come back, right?"

The silence that followed worried Severus. "You said you don't want to live without them, Black Hawk. Why do you hesitate to answer my question?"

"I don't know if I will be brave enough to come back. Maybe you are wrong about me being mature, Sev. You always managed to live your own life far away and come back. I still feel the urge to leave, but I don't want to leave. Damn, that's odd. I don't know what to do, Sev."

"If you call me Sev one more time, I will take the choice from you because I will kill you."

Black Hawk looked sideways at Severus and immediately met the dark brown eyes of Severus, who was watching him closely.

"But Rose is allowed to call you Sev," Black Hawk said, pretending to be hurt.

"Rose is allowed many things. You should know this by now, but back to your question." Immediately the grin on Black Hawks face vanished. "I don't think it is necessary for you to leave the camp. It's not unmanly or childish that you feel you can't live outside the camp. Every time I come here, I feel so safe and protected that I ask myself why I ever left. The only thing that makes me leave is that I have people somewhere else that I feel responsible of or... or that I love like a family. It's like shifting between two families, you know? You never had another family you wanted to go to. So why is it bad that you want to stay here? Speak with Light Arrow and White Cloud, Black Hawk. Don't do something stupid. If you leave, I want your promise that you will come back," Severus said seriously.

"I need to sleep on it," Black Hawk said, turning away from Severus.

"Good night, brother," Severus said softly.

"Good night, Night Rain," Black Hawk whispered back.

Harry couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Please don't let me lose him, he prayed to an unknown power.