-II-

Light Arrow knew all of this when he thought professionally, but sometimes it was hard to see one of his kids so troubled and helpless. Sometimes, he wondered if what he did was enough, or if he could have been better and of more help. "I know, but sometimes it is hard to see it like this; especially when he behaves like he did today. As if he still is the boy who came here so many years ago, believing he had killed his father on purpose and that he is the worse kind of human being in this world."

"He is not thinking like this anymore, Light Arrow. He takes care of two boys, and he tries hard to get his own life under control. You know how important the first years and the childhood are to lay important stones of being able to handle your life alone one day. You can't make up what was neglected of him and Harry in their childhood. They always will need help from time to time to get back on the right path, back to handling their life alone. It's not bad and it doesn't mean you didn't do your work right, Light Arrow. You can't correct everything or what had been made wrong in their childhood. You can just help them to go their stony way. Sometimes more and sometimes less. But always look for yourself as well or some day you won't be able to help anyone at all," Doc Martens said seriously.

"Thank you," Light Arrow said and sighed. "I know you are right. I think I should go and sleep now. How is Harry?"

"He is very well. He even opened up to Black Hawk, telling him about his nightmare. He thought he had killed his friend because he wished for the screams to stop exactly in the moment Ron died. We were able to let him see reason, and now he is sleeping with Black Hawk at his side. I think he will make it through the night without another nightmare. He didn't let go of his cat, and so you need to clean it tomorrow. I wish your wife would make me one as well," the Healer said, grinning.

Light Arrow laughed. "Oh, she would be delighted to do so."

-II-

"What do you think Maya is doing at the moment?" Harry asked while he and Draco were sitting on the gate of the paddock, looking into the distance.

"I don't know. What can she do? She is alone," Draco replied.

"It must be boring to be alone for the whole day, but she never wanted to be around us or the others, right? She is really weird," Harry stated.

"Yes, I don't like her much, but I can't imagine that she will enjoy being alone. At least she knows that Rose is close by," Draco stated, deep in thought. "I don't want to do it."

"I don't think they will let us go without it, Draco." Harry looked at his friend, worried. They hadn't spoken about the sweat lodge and it seemed Draco wasn't worried about it. That surprised Harry, but he thought it would be the best not to mention it.

"Ehm... Harry? Last night..." Draco stuttered.

"Last night is over, and I'm glad it is. It was the worst nightmare since we were here. I don't want to think about it anymore," Harry said, shuddering just by remembering it.

"Did you notice Severus' reaction?" Draco asked carefully.

Harry looked puzzled at Draco. "What's the matter with Severus? I just noticed that he wasn't at the breakfast table nor was Red Horse." And he also wasn't in my room last night, but I'm glad. I didn't want him to see me like this, Harry thought.

Draco looked uncomfortable, not knowing if it was good to tell Harry about Severus' reaction.

"What?" Harry asked agitated when Draco didn't answer.

"He wanted to go into your room, but Black Hawk and Red Horse stopped him. He was really angry. Red Horse didn't leave Severus' room, and I heard his door close and open a few times. So I think the Doc and Light Arrow have been with him as well. Crying Horse slept in my room, and so I couldn't check on you or Severus."

"He slept in your room and it was okay with you?" Harry asked, confused.

"I was scared. They were all very agitated, even Light Arrow and White Cloud. I was glad not to be alone, and Rose wasn't in the house." Draco looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, I know. I slept in Black Hawk's room. I don't even know how I'll go to sleep tonight. I think I will just stay awake." Harry fumbled nervously with his hat.

"Light Arrow won't let you," Draco stated.

"Hmpf."

Suddenly the sound of hoofbeats filled the air, and both boys turned in the direction the sound came from. Thunderstorm was running fast over the sandy road that led out in the wasteland, and Severus was encouraging him to even run faster.

"What the hell!" Harry exclaimed.

"Crying Horse said he is okay," Draco said, worried, and jumped from the gate.

"It doesn't look like it," Harry said and also jumped from the gate. "He is leaving us."

Before both boys could worry themselves sick, something caught their attention. The blue pickup was driving in a moderate pace behind the running horse and his rider.

"We need to find Black Hawk," Harry exclaimed, scared, and turned to run to the main house. He didn't go far before he collided with someone. Before he could fall down because of the impact, Black Hawk grabbed Harry and held him.

"Calm down, Harry," Black Hawk said and held the trembling boy.

"Severus... he left..." Harry said, scared.

"He is okay. He just got a letter from your headmaster, which troubled him a bit. He needs some fresh air, and Light Arrow is taking care of him." Black Hawk looked in Harry's eyes, and as if he could read his biggest fear in them, he said, "He will come back, Harry." He threw a glance over to Draco and was relieved the the blond boy didn't look as frightened as Harry. "What do you two think about a riding session?"

"Both of us?" Draco asked immediately.

"Both of you," Black Hawk assured.

Harry threw one last worried look over his shoulder at the path Severus had left on before he let Black Hawk drag him over to the horses.

___________

"Can I join you?" Light Arrow asked the wizard who sat on a fallen tree close to the river.

"It's a free country," Severus stated.

"What did Doc Martens say?" Light Arrow asked while sitting down beside Severus.

"I'm fine," Severus said grumpily.

Light Arrow snorted. "I hardly think that's what he said."

Severus sighed. "He said I need to speak with him and Rose about last night. I don't want to tell Rose. I know it was wrong and stupid." Severus threw a pebble angrily into the river.

"She would find it out nevertheless, Severus. You weren't very quiet in the hall."

"I know!" Severus yelled and threw another stone into the water.

"Severus, drawbacks are normal," Light Arrow said calmly.

Severus jumped up angrily. "I'm 35, Light Arrow. 35! I don't have myself under control and you know it. Look, you followed me as soon as I left the camp. You think I will hurt myself."

"Yes, I fear you will hurt yourself, Severus. I won't lie to you. Yesterday you showed us very vividly how you really think and feel. For once you weren't able to hold up your mask, my boy."

Severus growled angrily and kicked the stony beach. Several stones flew into the river, and Severus' jeans were covered in dirt.

"Why are you so angry?" Light Arrow asked softly.

"Because of everything. I hate it to not have it all under control. Red Horse... he...urgh!" Severus screamed out of frustration, pulling his hair.

Light Arrow studied his son thoughtfully. "What about Red Horse?"

"He shouldn't have seen me like this," Severus said miserably. He sat down on the stony beach, not caring that his jeans would get wet.

Light Arrow cast a water proof charm by waving his hand in Severus' direction.

"I want my wand back!" Severus stated when he noticed what Light Arrow had done.

"You get it back when Doc Martens and I think it is safe, Severus."

"I'm an adult!" Severus screamed again.

"You know our rules, Severus!"

Severus just groaned.

"Your brothers know you well, Severus. They don't think worse of you because of your actions yesterday."

"I shouldn't be like that," Severus said, depressed again.

It worried Light Arrow to see Severus change between angry to depressed so quickly. "Those problems are a part of you. We love you, all of you. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I should have overcome this damn behavior long ago."

"You are stressed, Severus. Your worry about the boys affects you. Let us help to take care of you and the boys. Please trust us and don't fight us each step of the way," Light Arrow instructed.

"I try," Severus said sadly.

"Then prove it and come up here again. It must be uncomfortable down there," Light Arrow said, smiling at his son.

Severus grumbled, but then stood up and sat down beside the old man again.

"Black Hawk and Red Horse said something about a letter," Light Arrow said carefully.

"Hmpf," Severus said and looked grumpily at the river.

"May I read it?"

Severus pulled the two letters he had got from Albus this morning out of his coat and handed them to Light Arrow.

Light Arrow quickly scanned the dates, and then he started to read them in the right order.

"He is worried, Severus," Light Arrow stated.

"He tricked me. He let me believe he just sent me here because of the boys and now he forbids me to come back. Threatening to bring me back here personally, I can't believe it," Severus spat angrily.

"I would have brought you back as well," Light Arrow stated, matter of fact.

"I'm no kid!" Severus shouted.

"You need help!" Light Arrow said sternly.

"It was his plan from the beginning," Severus said, agitated. He jumped up again, this time to pace. "He lied! He tricked me, as if I'm still fifteen years old!"

"He is worried. I'm very glad you have him and that he sent you back here."

Suddenly Severus stopped pacing and looked at Light Arrow. "Did you know?"

"Did I know what?"

"That he sent me here because he thought I need help and not just the boys?"

"No, I think he knew that we would find out about it eventually."

Severus started pacing again, satisfied with this answer. "It won't be good if he comes here, but he doesn't want to listen!"

"Not good for whom?"

Severus stared at Light Arrow. "For the boys, of course. They've just started to adjust. Seeing someone from their former life could cause a drawback."

"I agree. It's too early for them to see their headmaster again." Light Arrow waited until Severus let his shoulders relax, to add the next part. "But it is a good time to see you and talk to you."

"What? No!" Severus exclaimed, shocked.

Light Arrow raised an eyebrow.

Severus glared at him for pushing him to say this.

"I can contact him and let him know to come on a day when the boys are occupied. Maybe it would be good to have him being a part of one of your sessions with Rose and me or Doc Martens."

Severus looked shocked. How much worse could things get? Sometimes his father had crazy ideas, so Severus anxiously waited for the next shoe to drop.

"Yes, I think I will contact Doc Martens and speak with him about a good date for it. Maybe when the boys go and get the stones from the river."

"Why so early?" Severus asked, scared.

"Because otherwise you will get sick because of fear, Severus. When you talk with Albus you will feel better, even so you won't believe it at the moment.

"You are wrong!" Severus stated grumpily.

Light Arrow chuckled. "We will see!"

__________

Harry quickly forgot about his worries when he mounted Tohiadedi for the first time. It felt so great to be up on the horse's back. He grinned happily at Black Hawk, who smiled knowingly back.

Draco felt already confident enough on Unega's back, and so Red Horse, whom Black Hawk had asked to join, led Unega around with Draco on his back. Black Hawk was leading Tohiadedi on a lunge.

When Harry felt safe enough, Black Hawk let him do all kind of exercises. Harry was a bit scared when he was told to turn around on the back of the horse, but he enjoyed to lay down on his back with his arms dangling downwards. The warm body of the horse that was pressed against his chest was soothing, and he wished he could fall asleep like this. Only when he heard Crying Horse's voice did he look up.

"I'm taking the kids for a trip to the river. We'll take the red pickup. You don't need it, do you?" Crying Horse asked Black Hawk.

Harry had sat up and beamed proudly at Brian, who gave him a thumb's up.

"No, I think I will be occupied with Harry and Draco for the rest of the morning. You should head to the bath place in the south," Black Hawk said, and Crying Horse understood the tip-off.

"Do you think they will be back for lunch?" Crying Horse asked in a soft voice.

"Not sure. We will see!" Black Hawk said shortly. He was glad that Harry had forgotten about his worries and hoped it would stay like this. If Severus and Light Arrow wouldn't be back for lunch, Harry would start to worry again.

"Okay, we will leave then." Crying Horse patted Black Hawk's shoulder and waved at Red Horse.

___________

"Are you okay?" Harry asked Severus when he met him on his way down to lunch.

"I should ask this question, not you!" Severus stated and stopped.

"I wasn't the one racing out of the camp as if the devil himself was behind me," Harry said.

"And I wasn't the one who had a nightmare last night," Severus said grumpily.

Harry paled and looked down.

"I'm sorry. It shouldn't have come out like that. What do you think about going for a bath to the river with Draco and I tomorrow? I can show you where you can get the stones for the sweat lodge and then we can go swimming."

"That would be great!" Harry said, excited. It would be great to spend some time with Severus again.

"Then it is settled. We just have to ask Draco if he wants to join us," Severus said relieved that Harry's mood had lightened.

"Where are we going?" Draco asked, grinning behind them.

"Swimming," Harry replied, excited.

"Great!" Finally they would do something together. Just the three of them.