-II-

"Now you know!"

"Yeah, so are there countries were people life together with werewolves?" Harry asked curiously.

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask Professor Karley. He is our Magical Creature, Charms and Spellwork and Wandless Magic teacher. He is a vampire, and I'm sure he knows about werewolves as well," Maya explained.

"Do you think Light Arrow will let me attend school?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I don't know. If you are one of the self-harming or suicidal ones or if he fears you will run away, he won't let you attend school soon. Some were allowed to go to school earlier than others. It depends on your problems. First you only will attend a few classes, and sometimes teachers come to the camp first, so that you don't have to leave the camp for being schooled. Rose is a teacher as well, but she only teaches in the camp not the school."

"Wandless magic," Harry said dreamily. "That must be cool!" In his head all kinds of images appeared. Images of Death Eaters wriggling in front of his outstretched hand without a wand. He heard himself laugh evilly in his head, and he heard himself say 'Now you will learn what I learned form you about mercy. Now you will be the one who will feel that there is no mercy for you.'

"Are you all right?" Maya asked worriedly when she saw harry grin so evilly. It was scary.

Harry shook himself out of his dark thoughts. "Sure!"

-II-

"Why don't you sit down, Severus?" Doc Martens asked the pacing wizard.

"I don't understand why you two have to be here when he comes," Severus argued.

"We already discussed this, Severus. It's a good opportunity to clear up some issues with your mentor, it seems he is very worried. I also think it is a good idea to speak with him openly about what happened at the river. He knows about your former problems. Why do you want to shut him out now?" Doc Martens asked.

Severus drew his hand nervously through his hair. "Why does Rose have to be here?"

"I was here for all the sessions lately, Severus. Do I have to remind you that it was you who asked for me to be here instead of White Cloud?" Rose asked calmly.

Severus sighed and paced even more agitated. "He should not come at all. He has nothing to do here."

"He is your friend and a father figure, Severus. You behave like a scared child that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar," Rose scolded.

"We don't have to tell him everything," Severus stated.

"We tell him nothing, Severus. You will tell him what happened and what is bothering you," Doc Martens said dryly. "Stop it!" he ordered strictly when Severus started to rub his arm feverishly, directly over the old wounds he had inflicted on himself. When Severus stopped his motions, Doc Martens added, "Use the rubbed bands if you need it!"

Sullenly Severus refused to use the rubber bands around his wrists. He just started to pace again. After a few more minutes he turned to Doc Martens and Rose and said, "I think it is best if he doesn't get to know about it all!"

"Doesn't get to know about what, Severus?" the deep voice of Severus' mentor said behind him.

Severus spun around and looked shocked at Albus Dumbledore, who stood beside Light Arrow close to the door. He couldn't say anything, only stare shocked at the old man. Absent mindedly he started to scratch his arm again, but Doc Martens stopped him by pulling his arm away and guiding him over to the couch beside him. "Why don't we all sit down!"

The two old men sat down on the armchairs, and Albus nodded his greeting to Rose and Doc Martens. Severus meanwhile hid his face behind his hands, his elbows on his knees.

"Severus, why don't you tell Albus about what happened at the river at the beginning of your stay here?" Doc Martens suggested.

Severus shook his head. "I can't!"

"Of course you can, Severus. Albus is your friend and we both know that you will feel better when you got all this off your chest. He's worried. That's why he's here," Doc Martens said calmly.

Severus shook his head again, saying nothing.

"Severus, I'm here because of your letters two days ago. I was worried when I got the first letter in which you told me you would come back without the boys without giving me an explanation. I started to get even more worried when I got the second letter after I refused you to come back so early. You were pleading in it for me to let you come back. That's what made me want to come here and see what's wrong. I'm worried, Severus!"

"I can't tell you!" Severus croaked.

"Why not Severus. Albus was there for you the first time and the second time; why not the third time?" Doc Martens prodded.

"I can do it alone this time." Severus tried to sound confident, but he wasn't very convincing.

"Severus, I love you as if you were my own son. Can't you see that I'm worried and that I would like to help you?" Albus asked. When no reply came from Severus, he added, "You are an adult, Severus. I can't force you to speak with me about your problems, even so as your friend I hoped you could trust me. Can you please at least answer me if you still plan to leave without the boys?" Albus voice was sad and it broke Severus heart, but it was so very hard to speak about his problems.

"No, it was a bad idea. I will stay. I... I..."

"Severus, I already told you in my last letters that I suspected even back in England that something is wrong with you. That was a main reason for me to suggest that you go with the boys. I knew that your family here would be able to help you better than I could. If you don't trust me enough to let me know what troubled you in England and obviously here as well, I have to accept it. I'm glad you opened up to your family and Doc Martens." Now Albus sound as if he was close to tears, and Severus felt the dagger dig even further into his chest.

"Istartedtodrinkagain," Severus mumbled.

"Severus," Doc Martens said calmly.

Severus sighed. "I started to drink again."

"I thought so," Albus said sadly. "Are you working on it with Doc Martens?"

"Yes, I take medications and we meet frequently with Rose to talk," Severus almost whispered while he still hid behind his hands.

"That's good, Severus. I'm relieved to hear that you accept their help. I'm proud of you," Albus stated.

Severus head snapped up to look at Albus. "There is more!" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Albus eyed Severus over the rim of his glasses, and Severus hid behind his hands again. Why the hell did I said that? What shall I do now?

"Severus?" Albus asked carefully.

"I have it under control. You don't have to worry," Severus said not very convincingly.

"I don't have to worry about what, Severus?" Albus asked gently.

Severus sighed. "Can we not just forget it?"

Albus looked over to Doc Martens, seeking help. He knew the old doctor from Severus others stays at the camp. They had worked together at that times. "How much do I have to worry?"

"It's not my place to tell you this, Albus," Doc Martens insisted. He gently pried Severus' hands from his face. "Severus, you made a good start, but I'm sure you can go on with this conversation as well."

Suddenly Light Arrow stood up. "I'm sorry, I have to leave you four alone. If I won't be back before you leave, Albus, I will contact you via floo post." After saying good bye, he left the room to see why one of the kids has blown the emergency whistle. He was glad Severus hadn't heard it or he wouldn't go on talking with Albus and the others. Only Light Arrows magic let him register the sound.

Severus meanwhile troubled his brain to find a way out of the situation he had brought himself in by blurting out that their were more problems. "Draco is adjusting very well. He is very good with his horse and-"

"Severus!" Rose said warningly. When he looked at her, she added, "We are not speaking about Draco here."

Severus glared at her. Why did she have to destroy his gorgeous plan to distract Albus with the boy's development. He was certain it would have worked.

"I cannot, okay? I promise I will change now. I will not do it again, but I can't talk about it with him," Severus said agitated to James.

"Tell this to Albus and not me, Severus," Doc Martens said calm as always.

"What?"

"Tell Albus that you can't speak with him about your problems, Severus. I'm not an owl to deliver your messages," Doc Martens explained calmly.

Severus stared at Doc Martens. He hated it when the old doctor made it so obvious that he is the patient here. He groaned and threw himself heavily backwards against the back of the couch. Even after several deep breaths, he couldn't calm down. The urge to scratch the wounds open on his arms was overwhelming but he knew that the doctor would stop him. Using the rubber bands would be to obviously, and Albus would know instantly what Severus second problem was beside the alcohol.

"It's fine, Severus. I can accept that you can't speak with me about it. Just promise me to not do something stupid and listen to your doctor and your family here," Albus said to help his friend out of his misery.

"I promise," Severus croaked, gently rocking back and forth to calm himself while he pulled at his hair as unobtrusively as possible. A hand sneaked on his leg, and he felt calming magic flow into him.

"Do you want Albus to go like this, Severus? Is there anything you want to be cleared? Do you have any questions?" Doc Martens asked, not stopping to let calming magic flow into Severus.

"Would you... would you really have sent me back here when I had come back home?" Severus asked fearfully. He hated that this calming magic made him an emotional wrack. He blurted things out he normally wouldn't have.

"I would have brought you back personally, Severus. You are in no state to live on your own at the moment. You are exactly at the place where you should be right now. Your family knows what to do to help you," Albus said sadly.

"You are his family as well, Albus," Doc Martens said gently, sensing what the old man was feeling.

"I failed him more than once. Those people here didn't," Albus said brokenly.

Severus pulled harder at his hair. He felt like the fifteen year old so many years ago. It was his fault that Albus was sad now. He felt responsible that the old man would go home and worry even more. Just because he was too much of a coward to tell Albus what he had done down at the river and that he felt the urge to hurt himself much more the last few months.

Doc Martens looked over to Rose, who fought hard against her tears. She had already failed but the gently and sensible woman didn't want to give in to her emotions. Doc Martens smiled gently at her, a silent okay for her to cry openly. Doc Martens knew how much Rose was attached with Severus. Seeing him like this was hurting her. Her sensible gift of natural healing magic was sometimes hard to live with because it makes you so vulnerable. Every emotion was felt twice as intense as a normal person would feel it. It's not uncommon that people with that gift take their own life or get psychical problems. Rose handled her gift very well, and her family kept a close eye on her, careful to balance her emotions. It's very important for people like Rose to express their feelings and not to fight them.

Severus looked up when he heard her sobbing. He loosened the grip on his hair. "I'm sorry!"

Rose shook her head, pulling a grimace by trying to not cry out loud.

As if a switch was turned Severus changed from the emotional wreck to the big, responsible brother. He went over to Rose on the other couch, sat down beside her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry, Rose. I know I should be more mature," he whispered in her hair. "I will tell him."

"Not because of me, Severus," Rose sobbed, shaking her head. "You know that I overreact sometimes. Just ignore me!"

"I can't! I'm sorry. I don't want you to cry because of me. I will make it. I don't understand why it is so hard to talk about it, I'm sorry,"

"I know that you will make it, Severus. I don't doubt it. I just can't stand it seeing you fight us so much.. You always have to make everything so damn hard on yourself. It's frustrates me and it pains me to see you hurt. You know me. I can't stop this at all," Rose said miserably and gestured at her tear-strained face when she quickly looked up into his eyes.

Seeing his puppy dog look, she hid in his chest again. "You are just unbelievable, Severus."

Severus felt much better holding Rose. He felt more confident now. So he breathed two times very deeply, and then he looked up and told Albus about the cutting at the river and his urge to hurt himself lately.

Twenty minutes later they stood in front of the fireplace. "Please let me know how you and the boys are, Severus. Don't shut me out again," Albus said warmly.

Severus had been so happy when the conversation was over, but now it felt as if he had left something out. He felt a pain in his chest and he knew this could only be healed one way. So he threw himself at the old wizard in front of him, hugging him like dear life. With his face hidden in Albus' shoulder he whispered, "I'm scared, Albus. I fear I'm not strong enough."

Albus cupped Severus' face with both his hands and held it close in front of his. "I have great faith in you, my boy. You are brave if not the bravest wizard I know. You have managed to overcome many problems, and you will manage to handle this as well. You just have to accept help."

A big burden was lifted from his chest by these words and Severus smiled relieved at his old mentor. "Thank you!"

"There is nothing to thank me for. It was only the truth I said. So will I hear from you frequently?" Albus asked hopefully.

"I promise," Severus replied.

///

"Draco, I need you to cool down. Nobody can see you,'" Light Arrow said when Draco fought against his hands who unbuttoned Draco's shirt completely. The blond boy was leaned against a big tree close to the river, a wet cloth on his head.

When Draco stopped struggling, Light Arrow pushed Draco's shirt open enough to drab another cool cloth over the boys chest. A sticking charm on the clothes prevented them from falling down. "Draco, my healing magic isn't as good as Rose's but it would help your sunstroke nevertheless. The problem is I need to hold body contact with you for it. Do you think I could at least hold your hand?"

Draco nodded tiredly. He felt sick and any comfort he could get was welcome. He sighed relieved when the old man took his hand. The big, leather hand gave Draco comfort, and he relaxed. The healing magic could hardly be felt by Draco because it was very different from Rose's, but Draco felt the emotion and tongue loosening effect of it. "I'm scared," he whispered due to this effect.

"About what?" Light Arrow asked warmly.

Draco bit his bottom lip. He had bottled this fear up very well the last days, but now it became too much. "The sweat lodge. I... I couldn't speak with Harry because he already was scared and... and I feared he would run away again and leave me alone. And... and then you would throw us out and... but... I don't want to go back...I..." Draco started to panic and breathe too quickly.

"Calm down, Draco," Light Arrow said calmly. "Come on breathe with me. In... and out...in and out..." It was hardly helping because Draco couldn't concentrate on his breathing. He hadn't enough body contact to help Draco to calm down, but he wasn't sure if it would be too much for the abused boy. "Draco, I need more body contact to help you right now. Can we try to rearrange you against my chest?"

Draco nodded desperately. His emotions were overtaking him and his chest hurt. When Light Arrow carefully pulled Draco's back against his broad chest, Draco panicked even more. It was too similar with his rape experiences that mostly had been from behind as well. He stiffened and stopped breathing altogether.

Immediately Light Arrow threw his hands away from Draco and leaned back to keep a distance between himself and Draco. "What can we do to make you feel more comfortable with it, Draco? I really need to calm you down a bit or we need to drive back to the farm very quickly."

Draco looked backwards at the old man. Light Arrow's arms were still spread and Draco decided to lean against Light Arrow's chest sideways. With a little prodding from the old man half of his chest lay against Light Arrow's chest and Draco's head rested on one of the big shoulders.

Light Arrow kept his hand in Draco's neck and drew calming circles with his thumb. The cooling clothes remained in their places due to the sticking charm and they remained cool because of the cooling charm on them. "Better?" Light Arrow asked.

Draco nodded. He even relaxed more when Light Arrow put his still free arm around his torso and drew Draco tighter against his chest. "Now, try to tell me again what scares you. There were many things you tried to tell me at once, so why don't we start with the sweat lodge? You said you couldn't speak with Harry about it. Do you have any questions or would you like to just tell me about your fears? Maybe I can help a bit by explaining the whole ceremony more clearly."

"I don't think I can do it, but if I don't do it, Harry won't do it either. And then you would throw us out and-"

"One at a time, Draco. Try to stay calm. There is nothing to panic about. We have a lot of time to talk before Harry and Maya will arrive. I think we can solve one problem very quick. We won't throw you out if you aren't able to take part in the sweat lodge, Draco. If I remember right you said a few minutes ago that you also fear that if Harry doesn't work together with us, we will throw you out as well. That's not correct, Draco. We never throw anyone out of the camp, and we would especially never throw someone out for the action of someone else. Nobody says that you and Harry will leave the camp at the same time. Maybe one of you will need more time than the other to heal. We will be here for you as long as you need us, no matter how long that is. It's too early for you to say you don't ever want to leave the camp . Now isn't the time to think about leaving at all, Draco. Don't push yourself too hard. We are very, very proud of how well you are working together with us," Light Arrow explained warmly, still drawing circles on Draco's neck with his thumb.

"So, if I never want to go back, I can stay here?" Draco asked fearfully.

"Of course you can stay here, but right now is not the time to worry about leaving. You are always welcome here even after your Good-Bye sweat lodge." Light Arrow chuckled. "I never had to speak with someone before his welcome-sweat-lodge about letting him stay at the camp after his good-bye-sweat-lodge."

Draco bit nervously on his bottom lip. "But wouldn't it mean I haven't healed completely if I'm not ready to leave the camp and go back to England?"

Light Arrow sighed. "Draco." Light Arrow cupped Draco's face and drew it in his direction. When he could look Draco in his eyes, he said, "Let's make a deal. I promise you that you can stay as long as you want, even if it is for your whole life, and you will stop thinking about the topic of leaving. We will both speak about it before your Good-bye sweat lodge if you still want to do so when it comes. Do you think you can make this deal with me?"

Draco nodded and was relieved when he was allowed to lay back on Light Arrow's chest. The heart beat of the old man was very calming.

"Let's talk about the sweat lodge Draco. What's bothering you about it?" Light Arrow prodded.

Draco's headache was almost gone completely, and he felt much better. Nevertheless he enjoyed the soothing motion of Light Arrow's thumb in his neck and the calming heart beat against his ear. "It's so small," Draco mumbled.

"Yes, it is, but you will be surprised how big it feels like when you are inside. It gives a feeling of safety, Draco. You will be surrounded by people you trust. Severus will be there and Harry also promised to try it. You once slept with Crying Horse in your room, so you must at least trust him a bit. Black Hawk also is no stranger to you. He has worked many hours with you and Unega. Red Horse will keep his distance as always and you two had some time together with the horses as well. So you know that he is a very kind and gentle fellow. The boys are not scaring you, are they?"

Draco hid his face in Light Arrow's chest.

"Draco? Come on, speak with me. So the boys scare you?" Light Arrow dug deeper.

"Aiden," Draco whispered.

"Why is he scaring you?" Light Arrow asked.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "He is just so... so scary." He groaned and pushed his face deeper in Light Arrow's shirt. "It's stupid I know!"

"No, it isn't. I already told you that you don't need to hide your true feelings in front of us. You have experienced very bad and scary things, Draco. It is normal to be afraid of some things and people. All the more we were thrilled and glad that you accepted us so well and opened up to us. Aiden is sometimes a bit grumpy and distant. I can see what makes you a bit uncertain around him. We will make sure he sits far away from you in the sweat lodge and there are still more people you trust in the sweat lodge than you don't trust, right?"

Draco nodded.

"We could still offer you to take part of the women's sweat lodge. That's no problem for the women. They would love to have you with them, but their sweat lodge will be much hotter and longer than ours and there will be no talking in it."

"I'm no woman. Just because they ra... I'm no girl," Draco protested and tried to wriggle out of Light Arrow's grip.

"Draco, calm down again. You totally misinterpreted my words. Of course you are no woman. You are a young man. A strong young man. I have no doubt about it. Rape doesn't make you unmanly or weak. Only those who rape others are unmanly. You are not. I'm sorry that you took it the wrong way. I just suggested the women sweat lodge for you because you are more comfortable around women and because you trust Rose so much."

Draco calmed down again. He believed Light Arrow and felt stupid to let his fear to be unmanly slip like this. It was nagging at him for a long time, and he hadn't even spoken with Harry or Severus about it. "I don't want to be in the lodge with the women." Draco tried to pull his shirt closed again, remembering his scars.

Light Arrow gently pried Draco's hand away from the shirt. "Draco there is nobody here. Please keep it open to cool down better. And in the women sweat lodge there also wouldn't be a reason to hide your scars."

"I hate them," Draco said angrily.

"They belong to you. There is no reason to hate them. They are signs for your strength. You survived, Draco."

"Sometime I wish I hadn't," Draco muttered.

Light Arrow sighed again. "I know, my boy, but we are very glad you are still with us and that we had the pleasure to get to know you. You are strong, Draco, and you aren't alone."

Draco drew his arms tighter around Light Arrow. "They haven't seen my scars, yet," Draco's stated after a short while.

"Who?" Light Arrow asked, puzzled.

"Most of them. Only you, Severus and Harry have seen them."

"Draco, not that I think you have to hide them, but it will be dark when we go into the sweat lodge, and we all have our scars. Some are visible and some are hidden. You won't be an outsider amongst us."

Draco looked up into Light Arrow's face. It hadn't even occurred to him that the others could have scars, too. "What if I can't stay in the sweat lodge. What if I'm too scared?"

"Then nobody will force you to stay. We just want you to try it. The first round you will sit close to the entrance. We step out of the sweat lodge a few times and cool us down with cold water. With each new round we want you two to try to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge. The heat will increase the further you are from the entrance. I won't lie to you. It will be challenge for you. We will sit close by and we are hardly clothed."

"They always kept their clothes on," Draco whispered.

Light Arrow prayed that Maya and Harry would take their time to come here. He needed to use Draco's open mood. Light Arrow was glad that Draco spoke about the time in the dungeon.

"Do you want to speak about it, Draco?" Light Arrow asked gently.

"It was horrible," Draco stated fighting against his tears.

"I can imagine that," Light Arrow said to animate Draco to go on.

"When they... when they raped me, it was mostly from behind. That's why I couldn't sit with you like you wanted it first."

"It's absolutely okay with me now," Light Arrow said. "How is it for you?"

"I feel safe," Draco whispered. "Can we stop speaking about the dungeons? Can I just lay here?"

Draco's tears were soaking Light Arrow's shirt, but he didn't care. It was a big step in the right direction that Draco even had told him a tiny bit from his traumatic experience. "What ever you want, Draco. Thanks for trusting me."

///

"Draco?" Light Arrow said to wake the boy ten minutes later.

Draco blinked lazily against the sun.

"Harry and Maya will be hear in around ten minutes. I thought you would like to straighten up a bit before they come." Light Arrow help Draco to sit against the tree. The boy was much better, but a bit sleepy. "Not up to the top, Draco," Light Arrow said when Draco tried to button his shirt up. "Maya has already seen your chest, and I would like to let the cloth in place as long as possible."

"I feel fine," Draco said, but obeyed and left the upper buttons open.

"I know, but you still have a long day in front of you," Light Arrow explained.