Cherokee Camp by grugster
Summary: After two weeks of torture by Death Eaters, Draco and Harry have to find a way to cope with all their memories. Severus, as their guardian, tries to help and spends some time with them at a therapy camp in the USA. Draco and Harry friendship
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Healer Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco, Original Character
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: Drama, General, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe
Takes Place: 4th summer
Warnings: Character Death, Torture
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 66 Completed: No Word count: 195045 Read: 233002 Published: 09 Jun 2009 Updated: 15 Apr 2012
Chapter 41 – Letting out some Steam by grugster
Author's Notes:
Dear readers,

thank you for all the review on the last chapter. At the moment I have some motivation problems and you helped me some.

IMPORTANT!!! I know I scared you all with the end of the last chapter. When you read this chapter now, remember that it is fanfiction. It's not real and that are no real methods. Black Hawk is a character I created. He has his own terrible childhood and now is starting to learn to help others. He is no professional. He just does what he feels is right. I made him do what he does to Harry on purpose for telling his story and giving his character more depth. Light Arrow will reflect Black Hawk's behavior and the whole situation in the camp. Remember I tell a story here and don't try to give you a realistic inview in therapie camps/institutions.

Sunny

-II-

"But that's what it is, Harry. That's the price we have to pay for getting peace the easy way." He looked deeply in Harry's eyes. "It's always at the cost of others to have it easier. Like I said, you can hardly make it alone, so I will help you. I did it once, and I can do it again.

"I will keep us under water until we pass out. You will struggle, but I won't let go. That will be my payback on you for failing you. If there is something like a good and bad afterworld, then you will go to the good side because, technically, I killed you."

"But I don't want to be somewhere else than where you are," Harry said panicky and tried to step backwards.

Black Hawk didn't let him move. "But that's the only way. We can only be together in this world, Harry, and you decided against it. Let's get it over with!" With that he turned the boy around and pressed him against his chest.

"I'm sorry," the man whispered and then he dived down.

-II-

Cold, ice cold, water was all around Harry. It was squeezing his head together. Agonizing pain was in his chest and head from the cold. Black Hawk had a death-grip on his chest.

Harry wanted to be back at the surface, he wanted to be with Draco and Severus and the rest of the camp. He wanted to haul Black Hawk out of the water and beat him up for being so stupid, for giving up on him so easily, for giving up his own life. He wanted to live, so he struggled for it like crazy, but Black Hawk knew exactly how to hold him so he couldn't escape. He wanted to cry.

Now he didn't have a chance to tell Black Hawk that he had changed his mind; he would die here with him. He saw Draco and Severus in the front of his mind, and he was sure he had started to cry underwater. His struggling had lessened and suddenly Black Hawk's arm let go and gave him a push in the right direction. Survival instincts kicked in, and Harry gathered his last bit of strength to push himself out of the water, but not before grabbing for the hand that had pushed him upwards. He didn't let go, and while he gulped the first hurtful breathes, he pulled at the hand.

It had never been necessary to pull at the hand because Black Hawk had long since broken the surface on his own and was now pulling the still shocked boy into his strong arms and carrying him over to the pick-up. A blanket was wrapped around Harry and a few seconds later the pick-up drove in the direction of the camp.

"I think we settled the question of if you really want to die or not," Black Hawk said dryly. He knew it was risky what he had done, but he had been at loss of what to do to help Harry. The last few days they had tried several times to speak with Harry about his self-hurting and his suicidal thoughts, but the boy always blocked each attempt by accusing them of overreacting and misinterpreting his actions and words. There was a sting of guilt in him, but nevertheless he was sure that drastic measure had been the right way to show Harry that he had been lying to himself. Once it had been Severus who had pushed Black Hawk down in the water to make him realize that he still had much to live for. Black Hawk hoped Harry would learn from it as much as he himself had. He knew that Harry would be very mad at him now, but he hoped it was worth it.

"You are a fucking bastard, Black Hawk. I really thought you would kill yourself. I tried to pull you out of the water!"

"You did, and I'm thankful for it. Even when at risk of dying, you still think about rescuing others. If you only would realize what a special person you are, how important you are to others. I know that you are mad at me. You will have a chance to beat me up tomorrow, so save your energy for then. Now we need to sleep. I think your urge to hurt yourself is settle for tonight as well." With that, Black Hawk pulled the pick-up into the yard. Harry didn't move, so Black Hawk had to pull him out of the pick-up again and lead him into the main house.

Black Hawk wasn't surprised to find the living room alight. Light Arrow sat in his old armchair facing the main door. "We will speak tomorrow, Dad," Black Hawk said when he passed the old man while he pulled Harry after him.

Light Arrow just nodded pensively, but before Black Hawk could leave the room completely by climbing the stairs, the old man said: "Don't forget to shower and take the pepper-up potion. Both of you! The vials are already on the night table."

/

"Come on, beat me! That's what you have wanted to do since yesterday, isn't it?" Black Hawk provoked Harry and waved him to come closer. The whole morning Harry had refused to speak with anyone, not even with Severus or Draco. At breakfast he had refused to eat and had sat with his arms crossed over his chest at the table, staring at a point above the fireplace. Now it was time for the boy tolet his anger out to move on. The wrestling arena, as they called the place behind the big barn, was the perfect place for him to do so.

"Argh," Harry growled and threw himself at Black Hawk. He hated that the man had toyed with him, that the whole thing at the river had just been a game. Harry didn't care that Light Arrow and Red Horse were sitting close by; he wanted to hurt Black Hawk. He wanted to show him that he hated him for playing dirty. Harry's shoulder collided hard with Black Hawk's chest, and Harry used all his strength and weight to push against the men to try and make him fall.

"Is that all, Harry?" Black Hawk mocked him and pushed him aside like an irritating fly.

Harry saw red. All his anger boiled over, and he felt cold fury. There was no holding back, no mask, no game; all the frustration that he had bottled up into himself over the last few weeks now forced its way out. Harry had the feeling he would explode. He had thought Black Hawk was his friend. Blindly, he stormed again at the man, trying to drive full force against Black Hawk's torso. Harry's head was low, so it was no problem for Black Hawk to grab him over his back and push him down into the sand. Harry tried to wriggle free with no success. Black Hawk pressed his whole body down, and Harry was almost paralyzed. "Let me go!" Surprised, Harry realized that Black Hawk really did what he told him. Quickly, Harry scrambled backwards to get out of Black Hawk's reach.

"I don't want to hurt you, Harry. It's you who wants to hurt me. So come on, we have to get it out in the open in order to move on." Black Hawk waved again with both his hands for Harry to attack again.

"I hate you. You betrayed me!"

"Betrayed you? Because I tried to show you that this life is worth living? Because I tried to save your life?" Black Hawk roared.

"Control yourself, Black Hawk! Explain your actions to Harry," Light Arrow instructed with a tone of warning in his voice.

Black Hawk breathed deeply a few times. "Nothing I said was a lie. I slept in your room because I was worried about you. I knew something was wrong, and I wanted to figure it out and help you. I tried to speak with you about you hurting yourself and your suicidal thoughts, but you refused to speak with me. You pushed me away and said I was imagining it. I knew I wasn't, and I wanted to help you. That's what friends do. I never betrayed you!"

"You tricked me! You never wanted to let me kill myself!"

"Of course I didn't, you stupid moron!" Black Hawk screamed and stepped closer to Harry, who didn't back away this time. He grabbed Harry's shirt and shook the boy. "You are my little brother; I would never let you kill yourself!"

In moments like this, Light Arrow would ask himself if it was really a good idea to run this camp just with his family; maybe it would be good to employ one or two counselors, but would they understand their way of living and working with the children? Would life at the camp still be like it was now?

Light Arrow had a success rate of over 90 % with the children that went through his care. His methods were often questioned, and sometimes he even questioned them himself. Like right now. He felt that Black Hawk lost his control; he knew that Black Hawk wasn't thinking about how to help Harry at the moment, he was just acting out of impulse. Like a brother and not a counselor. This was one of the recipes of success in Light Arrow's way of caring for the children, but it often was a dangerous balancing act. So many things could go wrong, but so many things could do good, as well. The camp wasn't a state-aided program, nor were they paid anything for caring for the children. They lived on donations.

The first children they had taken in were just runaways. Some of them had gone on to become wealthy, and they now supported their former rescuers. The camp had a reputation in the states, and even oversea, but they only took in these who nobody else took in; those who had almost nobody and who had been given up on by the rest of the world. Nobody would pay for those 'helpless' cases, so nobody could set any regulations how Light Arrow and his family had to do their work. Thus, Light Arrow just watched Black Hawk and Harry closely to be able to intervene if it should be needed.

"You could have talk to me or something else, not play a stupid game with me. I'm not a stupid kid," Harry said, frustrated, and grabbed for Black Hawk's shirt as well. "I thought you liked me, but you are just playing with me and judge me like all the others!" Harry felt tears form in his eyes, and he cursed his body for the reaction. His frustration grew even more due to that fact, and he started to punch Black Hawk wildly.

Black Hawk didn't pull back; he just stood there and let Harry hammer his fists against him. Slowly, the strength left Harry.

"I thought you were my friend!" Harry weakly punched Black Hawk a few more times. Tears were falling freely now.

Black Hawk grabbed Harry's wrist and held his arms still. "I'm not only your friend, Harry - I'm your brother! I tried several times to speak with you. This game, as you call it, was all I could think of to help you realize that this life is still worth living. Everything else I tried failed." He looked Harry seriously in his eyes. "Can't you see how much it hurt me to see you like this? I know that you don't want to die, Harry. I have seen enough people who really wanted to die. I know what their eyes look like, and how they behave. They are not like you. You just let the guilt you force on yourself hurt you so much that you felt like hurting yourself and running away. Only you can fight this guilt, Harry. I can't do it for you. I'm helpless against it. I want to help you, but you keep pushing me away."

Harry breathed heavily. He felt miserable. He knew that it all was true, what Black Hawk said, but there was still a voice in his head that always made him remember his sins. The voice that would never will let him rest. "I can't stop it. I can't stop the guilt; I can't push it away." Harry heard odd sounds, and only when he was engulfed in Black Hawk's strong arms did he realized that it was his own sobs he heard. A hand was placed on his back after some time, and he felt magic flow into his body.

"Can you hear me, Harry?" Light Arrow asked, not lifting his hand from Harry's back.

"Yes," Harry croaked.

"There is only one way to fight the guilt," Light Arrow instructed.

"Which way?" Harry asked miserably, fearing the answer.

"Speaking about it," Light Arrow said.

Harry shook his head in despair against Black Hawk's chest.

"I know that it is hard, Harry, but that's the only way to heal. We need to speak regularly about what happened in the dungeons and about how you feel. You must be strong to fight the guilt."

"You told me you are strong, Harry. Don't you remember?" Black Hawk said. "You said you are not a coward. I'm sure you can make it, Harry. Light Arrow is a good listener."

Harry sniffed. "I know!" He remembered all the nights the old man had sat on his bed after a nightmare. They had already spoken about what happened in the nightmares, and it had helped.

"We don't have to speak about it alone. You can ask Severus to join us if you would feel better that way, or Black Hawk, or whomever you want except for Draco. He is not ready for it right now," Light Arrow explained.

"I know," Harry said sadly and pushed himself away from Black Hawk's chest. "I will try it, but we will go slow, right? If I feel that I can't talk about something, you won't force me!"

"I promise," Light Arrow said and took his hand from Harry's back.

"I don't want Black Hawk to be there when we speak about it," Harry said, unable to make eye contact with Black Hawk. "I want him to be my friend... my brother. I want to have fun with him and do good things not talk about... about..."

"It's all right, Harry. What about Severus?" Light Arrow asked, knowing that it would be easier for Harry to have someone around that he felt totally safe with.

Harry thought hard about it. "I think it would be nice to have him around, but he won't be here often after he starts to teach in the reservation school."

"He will be here often enough, Harry. He is not teaching much, and we can hold the sessions in the afternoon. You are not the only one here to have speaking sessions with me, Harry, so don't look so shocked. The others won't look down at you for it, and they won't disturb you. I guess you never realized that half of the other kids have regular speaking sessions, did you?"

Harry was puzzled. No, he had never realized it. Now that he thought about it, he remembered that sometimes one of the kids would be missing, but he had never thought about it before.

Light Arrow chuckled, knowing what was going on in Harry's head. "You won't have much time in the morning either, once you pass Professor Karley's test tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Yes, I thought you were ready for some lessons. He will come tomorrow to speak with us and do some test with you."

Harry bit his bottom lip nervously. He was a bit anxious about the test. What if he wasn't able to perform wandless magic? What if the professor looked into his mind and saw all the horrible things within it? What if he thought Harry wasn't responsible enough for wandless magic? Light Arrow had said that the professor wouldn't teach him if he had bad intentions. Harry wasn't sure why he wanted to learn wandless magic so much. At first it had been because he had wanted to kill the Death Eaters and thought wandless magic would be a great benefit for it. Now, he didn't think he really wanted revenge. That's why he felt so bad lately. He had finally realized that yesterday. Wandless magic would be a good way to focus on something else again. Something that made him powerful, not weak like he so often felt lately. So what if that was a bad reason?

Light Arrow ruffled Harry's hair. "You think too much, Harry. There is smoke coming out of your ears!"

Harry was pulled out of his thoughts by that and now looked puzzled at the old man.

"Professor Karley will be here tomorrow afternoon. I still think you should let out some more steam. So how about wrestling with Red Horse for a while? If you get him down, I will do your stable work this afternoon," Light Arrow offered.

"You only say that because you know it is impossible," Harry said and pulled a face.

"Never say never, my boy. If you are quick and agile enough, you can bring him down. You don't need brute strength to win." Light Arrow winked at him and then went back to his place on one of the barrels to watch the scene.

"Don't hurt our big brother too much, Harry," Black Hawk said teasingly and ruffled Harry's hair.

"Haha," Harry replied dryly.

The problem was that Harry didn't want to hurt Red Horse at all, and he feared he might hurt him more than Black Hawk. It was odd comparing the two. Red Horse was twice as big and maybe thrice as strong as Black Hawk; nevertheless, he seemed to be fragile sometimes. It would be like hurting a big teddy-bear. So Harry's attacks were only light-hearty. He glared at Black Hawk who booed after a while, but he grinned madly when Light Arrow cuffed the back of Black Hawk's head for it. Harry even stuck his tongue out in Black Hawk's direction.

"Another bet; I will go on a ride with you when you can get out of Red Horse's grip," Black Hawk said.

Harry's eyes light up. He really would love to go riding with Black Hawk. "Only us two?"

"Only us two!" Black Hawk agreed.

"Okay," Harry said, grinning at Red Horse. "What do I have to do?"

"Kneel on all four. It's a wrestling position. I will grab you around your chest and you try to wriggle out of my grip before I can turn you around and press your shoulders down on the ground," Red Horse explained. Light Arrow had told him that Harry hadn't been sexually assaulted, but that he had seen it. So Red Horse wasn't sure how Harry would react to this wrestling position.

Harry paused, but the wish to go riding was so great that he pushed the fear away and got into the position. When he felt Red Horse's strong arm go around his chest, he stiffened. The arm was laying limply around him not touching him much.

"We can still stop, Harry," Red Horse said close to Harry's ear.

Harry shook his head, but his breathing was still very fast. The arm still didn't close around him.

"Let me know when you are ready, Harry," Red Horse said calmly.

"Okay," Harry said and almost panicked because he feared Red Horse would see this as the signal to start. To his relief the man waited for another signal. After a few more deep breathes, Harry said, "I'm ready." The arm finally closed around him, his back was pressed against Red Horse's chest and his front was pressed against the big hand.

"If you tell me to stop, I will do so immediately," Red Horse assured Harry. "You can start whenever you feel ready for it."

One last breath, then Harry started to try to wriggle free. He tried to pry the hand from his chest with no success. Shifting his body forcefully sideways also didn't help. It just made him loose his balance, and he suddenly felt himself being pressed chest down in the sand again. He tried to wriggle out of the strong arms, but it was like big robes were wrapped around his torso. His wriggling again brought him in a worse position. Harry remembered that Red Horse's goal was to press his shoulder down on the ground. Now being on his back this would be an easy thing for the man. So Harry tried to arch his back as much as possible. He felt very exhausted already, not really in shape for something as physical as wrestling. Clawing at the strong arm that held him down, he mobilized all his strength to at least turn around again, but he failed. The result was that he felt all his strength leaving him, and he sank down on his back and his shoulders. He still remained on the ground when Red Horse let go of him. The disappointment was too much.

"Not bad, little bro," Black Hawk said when he appeared in Harry's vision. "I didn't think you would survive so long. I think you deserve a ride just for fighting so hard."

"Really?" Harry was up in a second, smiling happily.

"Really," Black Hawk said. "But first you need to shake hands with Red Horse. What happens in the wrestling arena, stays in the wrestling arena. Victories and defeats are not to be used outside the arena for anything. No mocking, no bragging, no black mailing or anything else. Understood?"

"Sure," Harry said. That felt like a manly thing, and it makes him feel much stronger. He went over to Red Horse and shook his hand.

"Good, now let's get some food into you, so you won't fall from your horse. Then we will get Tohiadedi and Shallow Water ready for the ride," Black Hawk said, laying his hand on Harry's neck.

"Yes," Harry said, excited, and smiled at Black Hawk.

"My, if I had known it was so easy to make you smile, I would have suggested it earlier," Black Hawk teased Harry and ruffled his hair again.

To be continued...


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