-II-

Light Arrow groaned, but then agreed. "You are right, but it is hard to trust them when I have seen too often that they had severe relapses."

"That belongs to life, Light Arrow. Let them live their life, help them along the way, but don't control it for them!"

Light Arrow sighed. "Yes, that always is a great problem of mine."

"Everyone has faults, some smaller and some bigger. Important is to notice them and work on them! You are human, just like we all, Light Arrow! You are giving your best and you can't demand more from yourself. And now let's go to find White Cloud; I need to check if my plushy is done. I can't wait to see which animal she has chosen for me."

-II-

"A stork?" the doctor asked, amused.

"Yes, it was the first thing that came to my mind. That's how I create those plushies. It often is connected with stories I have once heard. Do you remember Fiona? The small little red-head from Germany?" White Cloud asked.

"Oh, yes. She was very cute and shy. You would have never guessed from first sight that all she thought about was how to kill herself. Quite some work we had with her, but the last time I heard from her she has two little kids and enjoys living a lot."

"Yes, she does. She even went back to Germany. I would never had guessed that, so many hurtful memories. It was hard to let her go, but she was ready for it." A longing smile settled on the old woman's face when she remembered the shy girl that now was a loving mother.

"What is the story about the stork?" Doc Martens asked cheekily.

"Oh, impatient, doc?"

"A bit, especially since you seem to refuse to give me the plushy for closer examination before I have heard the story."

White Cloud chuckled. "Here. You impatient man." She thrust the plushy in the doctor's hands. "Do you still want to hear the story?"

"Of course, I just couldn't wait to feel and hear the purr of it or whatever sound it makes." He held the stork's belly to his ears and listened to the sound of wind brushing through feathers. A smile crept on his face without him noticing, and he closed his eyes to listen closer. A chuckle from the old woman pulled him out of his dreaming. "Sorry, I was a bit preoccupied." He smiled apologizing to her.

White Cloud smiled knowingly. "That's why I wanted to tell you the story before you got a hold of it."

Red Horse passed them on his way in the therapy room where Light Arrow, Rose, Black Hawk and Severus were waiting for him to speak about Draco. He smiled shyly at the doctor when he saw him with his plushy.

"I'm all ears now, White Cloud," the doctor said when Red Horse closed the door behind him.

"She often told me about the stork couple that every spring after spending the winter in warmer countries came back to the small village, Fiona lived with her grandma. The names of the storks were Ann-Kathrin and Justus. The whole village adored them. They made sure they would find enough branches for their nest, and over the winter cleaned the old wooden wheel that they used for their nest. She showed me pictures of the nest up in the air. It was just resting on a wooden wheel that was impaled on a long post in the middle of the market place of the village. High enough to oversee even the tower of the church, which was the highest part of the village. In the spring people would go by the wheel post every day, looking up and thinking about the storks, asking themselves when they would come back. When the storks finally were back all the villagers smiled when they saw one of the two on a field or the nest or anywhere else. They were something very special and made the people happy by just being there." She waited to see if he made the connection himself, but it seems her tale-telling talent, the kids so often attest her, had ensnared the man completely. "That's much like you. People look forward to your visit in hopes they will feel better. Just by you being there they often feel better."

"Oh," he said dumbfounded. He looked more like a boy then a man in his fifties now. "And the sound?"

"What does it sound like for you?"

"Hmm?" He pressed the plushy to his ear again, the long orange legs dangling over his shoulder and the long red beak poking in his ear. "Wind? It's like flying and letting the wind brush you. Like the wind going threw feathers."

She smiled and nodded.

"It's great, White Cloud. I absolutely love it. It will soothe my nerves after stressful or depressing days."

"Sometime we need more than a purring plushy to comfort us. We will always be here, Doc. Sometimes you need friends, and we would be happy to call us your friends."

"You are, White Cloud, you are. Never doubt it."

"Then you should come by more often. You can bring Mathilda with you. She could use some company as well. She is way to lonely since Peter died three years ago."

"Yes, it was a hard blow even though it was predictable, but the work is doing her well. She refused to retire, and I must say I'm glad she still is my assistant. She knows me and all my peculiarities so well, and I would hate to teach a new nurse to help me."

"So that is settle. We have a barbecue each Wednesday. From now on you two will be part of it," White Cloud decided and stood up to show that this decision was final.

"Oh wait, White Cloud, I can't promise that! Sometimes I still have patients in the evening."

"Stop trying to weasel out of it. You agreed," White Cloud said sternly. She pointed at the stork. "You are family now!"

Doc Martens look at the stork in his hand and finally realized that this plushy meant so much more than just a gift. Only family members had a plushy and asking Light Arrow, even in a joke, to get one, was asking them to adopt him in their family. Now he was even more surprised that White Cloud really made one for him. "I... I'm at loss of words, White Cloud."

"Don't be. If we had known you would agree, we would have invited you in our family much earlier. It doesn't mean you have to be here all the time, just when you need a friendly hug or someone to talk to. Or just to have some fun. There is even a benefit for your work in it."

The doctor raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Your patients here will be much more on ease with you when they know you privately as well."

Doc Martens smiled. "You are right."

"Remember, we don't want to restrict you. Isaac is part of our family as well, and he almost never shows up." She looked a bit sad about it.

"You made a plushy for a vampire?" the doc asked, amused.

"Sure, but I don't want to know what he did with it. Some things are better to leave in the dark."

/

"Finally we are all there. So what's going on with Draco you couldn't tell me this morning?" Light Arrow asked impatiently.

"You know about the messengers he and Harry have?" Severus asked.

"Yes, you told me when you arrived."

"He was writing with the girl he befriended almost every day. Harry even told me in private that Draco feels more for her than just friendship, but doesn't dare to tell her because he is worried she doesn't feel the same. Then a few days ago, he stopped writing to her at all. Harry says she has been writing to him several times and asked him to speak with Draco. She has no clue why he stopped writing to her and is very worried. Combined with what you tell me about the doc's diagnostic I'm very worried as well. Something is troubling him, and he isn't speaking about it, not even with Harry."

"You are sure he didn't talk with Harry about it?"

"Yes," Severus said, determined. "He would have told me otherwise. Harry is worried as well. Draco had spoken with him a week ago saying that he'd thought about speaking with her about his feelings when she came to visit here. It seems Albus had promised them that Hermione would be allowed to visit in the end of their stay here." Severus looked questioningly at Light Arrow, who nodded.

"I spoke with Albus about it. He will accompany the girl, but they will wait until we decide that the boys are ready for this visit."

"So something must have happened in the last days. We just don't know what."

"What about Harry coming closer to Melissa?" Light Arrow wondered loudly. "He also has quite some problems seeing himself manly after the rape. He even told me once that he feels sort like a girl and that other people see him like a girl."

"It's easy to feel like a girl after that," Red Horse said in a low voice. He blushed when all eyes turned on him. "I mean... you know... being used like a girl when you are straight. I don't know how it would feel for a gay, but for a straight one it feels bad and wrong in many ways. Do you know how they... how they..."

"How they raped him? In what positions you mean?" Severus asked, puzzled.

"Yes, it makes a different. I... I can't explain to you... It..."

Severus and Black Hawk squirmed uncomfortable. They knew how hard it was for Red Horse to speak about rape. He never spoke with them about his past experiences. They knew that Red Horse's father had molested him and even let his friends rape the shy man. Hearing him stutter and trying to speak about it made them feel uncomfortable. Light Arrow was more used to it and stayed calm. "So it makes a different how they raped him. We got that Red Horse. Don't force yourself to say more than you feel comfortable with."

"I want to help him," Red Horse said sadly, disappointed that he wasn't able to speak about what he meant.

"Maybe you could try to speak with him, Red Horse?" Black Hawk suggested. "He likes you very much, and I have the feeling he sensed that you two have the same... problems."

"I don't know. I have no idea how to start a conversation like this. I hardly am able to speak about my past and the... you know. It's too hard."

"Just try it. When the situation allows it try to talk with him about it. Don't push him or yourself. We have time!" Light Arrow advised his son.

Red Horse nodded.

"Please stay when we speak with him later. Maybe that helps. We will try to speak with him to find out if his current diarrhea is caused by his problems with Hermione. Maybe he will even open up about his reasons for rejecting her. He was more and more open in the last therapy sessions." Light Arrow looked over to Rose, who nodded in agreement. "Severus, you should stay as well. Black Hawk you can go. Have a look at the stables, but stay close. I need you for the talk with Harry after we are finished with Draco. Later I need you for Aiden as well. From now on Crying Horse will be responsible for Ken and Brian. So you have even more time for Harry."

Black Hawk nodded.

/

"Draco, we are worried about you. The diarrhea you have is caused mentally and you behaved odd lately. Would you please tell us what's wrong?" Rose asked and took Draco's hand. She was sitting beside him on one of the couches. Red Horse was on the other couch opposite of them, and Severus and Light Arrow were sitting on the armchairs that completed the circle the furniture was building.

"I don't know why I got the diarrhea. It surely will go away soon."

Light Arrow looked at Severus and signaled him to take the lead in this talk.

"Draco, Harry told me that Hermione is writing to him lately that you are refusing to write to her for a week now. Can it be that this has something to do with your problems?" Severus asked.

Draco gulped. He wished he could escape. This conversation was very uncomfortable, and there were too many people in the room for his taste. Looking over to Red Horse, he saw the man glancing sadly at him. He liked Red Horse a lot, but he felt so bad that he would see how freakish he was. Ashamed Draco looked away.

"Draco, please talk with us. Harry is very worried as well."

"I couldn't talk with Harry because of the one-to-one counseling. I will explain it to him. I will tell Hermione to stop asking him questions."

"You don't trust us?" Severus asked.

"Please don't," Draco said miserably.

"Draco, we cannot just look away. Something is seriously wrong with you and even makes you physically ill. It is about Hermione, isn't it?"

"Please you are too many," Draco said almost crying. He couldn't bear to tell all of them.

"Then just tell us whom you would open up to?" Light Arrow said.

"Severus... and you," Draco said, not daring to look up. He feared to see the disappointed expressions of Red Horse and Rose.

"It's okay, Draco. We understand. Just remember that you can ever come to us when you feel like it. We are not mad about it. Please talk with Severus and Light Arrow. You will feel better after it," Rose said and gently kissed Draco on his forehead. He didn't flinch away and even liked it when she did things like that.

When they were alone, Severus prodded, "Draco?"

The boy sighed. "I stopped writing to Hermione because I thought that maybe it would be the best. I realized that it could never work."

"What would never work, Draco. Hermione is your friend, isn't she," Severus asked.

"Yes, she is my friend, but... I... I feel more for her. Harry often teased me that Hermione feels more for me as well, but how could she. I mean I'm... I'm soiled and nothing to look at anymore." He looked down while after saying this, not daring to look into Severus' or Light Arrow's face.

"You are not soiled, Draco, and I don't think that Hermione is disgusted by your scars. She is a bright young woman and able to see through these scars. She likes you very much. I have no idea if she would return your feelings, but maybe you should trust Harry about it or just ask her, Draco."

Draco looked up shocked. "I can't ask her. I will lose her as my friend."

"I doubt that, but I know that you won't believe me. I would guess you hurt her much more by not telling her why you stopped writing to her. She is very worried and friends don't do things like this."

Draco paled. The guilt that made his stomach and guts protest the last days became even bigger. "I didn't plan to stop writing to her for that long, but I'm scared that she will ask too many questions and won't forgive me."

"Why don't you get this messenger down here and we sort things out together?" Severus asked, looking for Light Arrow's reactions out of the corner of his eyes. The old man remained calm and didn't react at all.

"Will you write to her?" Draco asked hopefully.

"We will see. Just get the thing down here."

A few minutes later Draco came back with the messenger. He offered it to Severus, but Light Arrow spoke to him now. "Before we do anything about the messenger we still would like to know why you think you are too soiled for Hermione. What made you think like this lately? We heard you were more positive about this relationship to eventually becoming more a few weeks ago."

Draco blushed. Why did Harry have to tell them about it? "I... I just hear Harry talk about Melissa all day. It made me think about my feelings for Hermione and what would happen if we would become more than just friends."

"What would happen?" Light Arrow prodded.

Draco blushed. "You know." He paused waiting if Light Arrow would change the topic, but when the old man didn't and still looked demandingly at him, he went on. "She would want to touch me and...or more. "

"Would that be so bad?"

Draco felt cold sweat in his neck, and he had the feeling his guts were squeezed. "I'm not feeling well." He held his stomach, and Light Arrow was at his side immediately.

"Let me help you, Draco," the old man said and let his hand hover over Draco's stomach. When the boy pulled his hand away to make room for Light Arrow's hand, the old man laid his hand on Draco's belly. Liquid was dripping on the back of his hand, and Light Arrow looked up worriedly. Draco was crying.

"Are this tears of pain or tears about what we spoke about?"

Draco sobbed and tried to control himself. "I'm not in pain, just this odd feeling that I need to go to the toilet."

"It's okay," Light Arrow said and gently drew Draco against his chest with his free hand. The boy didn't protest, rested his head against the old man's shoulder and relaxed while the odd feeling slowly ebbed down. "Better?"

Draco nodded and tried to lift himself of Light Arrow's chest. He was stopped by Light Arrow applying pressure on the hand on his head. "Move away if you really want it or you can stay like this to go on talking. Maybe it will be easier this way."

Draco nodded and sobbed again.

"We talked about Hermione wanting to touch you. What's so troubling about it, Draco?"

"Everything. I'm not Harry. I'm not even a real man anymore."

"Maybe you are no man yet, but you are a boy and will become a man in a few years. You have all the necessary bits for it, Draco, and you will hopefully learn to enjoy touches and sex. Rape is not real sex let alone making love. It is just violence and overpowering someone. You could experience real love making with Hermione. Of what I heard of this girl, she is very kind and patient. I'm sure she will give you time for adjusting. You just need to talk openly with her."

"I don't know."

"Draco, sex can be very enjoyable, and I'm sure you will make Hermione or whatever woman you will love very happy. You need to give yourself more credit, Draco. You are a very sensual young man. I'm sure you will try to make your girl feeling very special."

"But I'm not right, Light Arrow. You don't understand. Every time I think about that thing down there I feel like vomiting." They had touched him down there, and that made it felt so filthy. Even now it often still felt like that; especially at night. When he washed himself he often rubbed so hard on it to feel clean that it was painfully. Never since the dungeons had he touched himself in a sexual way again. Maybe he would even hurt Hermione with it as much as the Death Eaters had hurt him with theirs. Draco felt nausea when he thought about that.

"Your penis didn't do anything filthy, Draco. You weren't the one hurting someone with it. You need to give yourself time to learn how to enjoy touches and giving pleasure, but you can only learn when you try. Pushing your girl away before you even tried if it can be good to touch her or being touched by her won't help you."

Draco sobbed again and hid his face in Light Arrow's chest. "It's so confusing. I can't see her face, and I often read something totally different out of Hermione's letters than Harry. I don't know what to do."

"Would you like Hermione to come here for some days or weeks to sort things out?"

Draco pushed himself of Light Arrow's chest. Shocked, he asked, "You want me to have sex with Hermione? Here?"

"God beware! My you youngsters are sometimes interpreting my words very wrong. I should read a book about how teenager think." He had grabbed his chest and looked shocked.

Draco blushed. "Sorry." Severus chuckled behind him, and he turned to glare at him.

"So we settle this. No sex here. Just trying to find out about your feelings, and maybe a bit of exploring." Light Arrow fought to tell the last part and almost choked about his words.

Draco still was unsure, but the idea of having Hermione here even if it only would be as a friend was so exciting that he nodded.

"I will speak with your headmaster, but maybe you should ask her first if she would even like to come," Light Arrow said thoughtfully.

Draco nodded again and nervously looked down at the messenger in his hands. "Can you write to her?" Draco asked Severus hopefully.

"I think you can manage quite well alone."

Draco sighed, settled down more comfortably and started writing.

Hermione,

I'm sorry I didn't write lately.

I was very busy and had to think about a lot of things.

Light Arrow says you could come over for a few days or weeks if you like.

Would you like?

Draco

Nervously, he gnawed at his bottom lip and let his finger hover over the send button. Eventually he let his finger hammer on the send button. His guts gurgled again when the letters disappeared from the screen. Hermione was reading his message.