Draco sighed and closed the messenger. There wasn't enough time to write Hermione back before Rose would come and get him for the feast. He wished Hermione could be there with him. At least then he wouldn't have to feel so alone, and she could speak to Harry, and tell him that he was sorry for what he had shouted at him.

Draco threw himself onto his back on the bed. Why does my life always be so complicated?

~*~

"Harry, you know he didn't really mean what he said to you, don't you?" Light Arrow asked Harry while sitting down next to him on the bed.

Harry drew his legs up to his chest and hugged them desperately. "He shouted at me. He hates me." He hid his face in his knees so that Light Arrow wouldn't be able to see his tears.

"He was angry and scared, Harry. Severus said something to him, and perhaps Draco misinterpreted the meaning." Light Arrow tried to reason with the dark-haired boy on the bed. The problem was that he didn't know what Severus had said; they had only heard Draco's shouted part of the conversation.

"I heard what he said," Harry stated, almost emotionless.

Light Arrow was surprised at how much Harry could control his voice. His whole body was shaking from the effort of trying to stop himself from sobbing, but he managed to say those words so emotionlessly. "There is no reason to pull your mask up while with me, Harry. You can cry as long and as hard as you want. Suppressing all your feelings won't help you. Please, tell me what you're feeling right now." Light Arrow carefully laid a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I hate it, I hate it all. I don't want to be here. I just want to kill them. Why don't you all let me do what I want to do?" Instead of pulling away from Light Arrow as his brain told him, Harry threw himself in the strong arms of the old man. He didn't suppress his sobs any longer, and hid his face in the Light Arrow's chest.

"Because that isn't what you really want, Harry," Light Arrow said calmly and pulled Harry in a more comfortable position on his lap. "You don't want to kill, Harry. The guilt that you couldn't help your friends is eating you up from inside, and you're trying to get rid of this guilt by telling yourself you have to kill those who hurt you and your friends. You are not like them, Harry. You are a good person. You have been there for Draco. You love him like a brother. A person that really wants to kill someone isn't capable of feeling strong emotions like love. You can still love, Harry, and you are still loved by others."

"But I have to do it," Harry sobbed and held tightly to Light Arrow.

"No, you don't. Draco will need you, Harry, even after his stay here. Severus will need you as well. If you give up, he will break. He loves you like a son and already fears he failed you because he couldn't convince you to live on without the hate you have in your heart."

Harry felt so safe at the moment that he never wanted to have to get out of Light Arrow's lap. Light Arrow had tightened his hold on him, and Harry felt he could relax completely in those strong arms. "I swore to do it."

"Whom would it help, Harry? Your two lost friends wouldn't come back into life, Draco would be alone, and Severus would fall apart from the guilt he would feel, and your life would end in Azkaban. Is it worth that?"

"But I... I..."

"You don't have to answer that question now; I just want you to think about it. So many people would be very sad if you decide to fulfil your revenge plan. You remind me so much of Severus, Harry. It's amazing."

Harry shifted a bit so as to be able to look into Light Arrows face. "You said he is your son."

"Yes, I did. Some children you become fonder of than others, and some need you much more than others. Severus was one of these, as was Black Hawk. They were both here as boys. Severus had lost his mother and wanted to kill the man who was responsible for it. At least the one he made responsible for it. He was so filled with hate, and he fought us very hard. He too wasn't here freely. Your headmaster had sent him here. We needed almost a year to show him another way to handle his feelings and to convince him that revenge wasn't worth losing his own life. His mother wouldn't have wanted him to become a murderer and spend the rest of his life in Azkaban. He still had a lot of hate in him, and most of it was directed at himself. We both know where that landed him. He became a Death Eater, but soon he realized that he wasn't like them; he wasn't the cold bastard he always thought. And you also aren't as cold as you think you are, nor as you try to show us by always putting up your mask."

Harry lowered his eyes. "But, I owe it to Ron and Neville to do it."

"No, Harry, just try to imagine what they would tell you right now if they could. Do you think they would want you to give your life up and become like the beasts that killed them? Do you really think so?"

"No," Harry said in a small voice, and he leaned against Light Arrows chest again. "But I need to do it so I won't feel so guilty about what happened. They died because of me. I was the one the Death Eaters were angry at, and they tortured them just because they were my friends."

"I know only what Severus told me, but Draco would have been one of their targets even without you; am I right?" When Harry didn't answer, just turning his face into his chest, he went on. "Draco's father was angry at him for betraying him. This had nothing to do with you Harry. And your other two friends were both at the final battle in the ministry, so they would have been targets even without you."

"But I took them with me to the Ministry," Harry spoke into Light Arrows chest.

"They came with you, Harry, because they believed in the same as what you believed in. They fought for the light and would have fought against the Death Eaters with you or without you. But it doesn't even matter, Harry. What matters is that they wouldn't want you to kill. They would want you to go on with your life and try to find happiness."

Harry sighed. "I know, but I fear I will never be happy again."

"We will see Harry, we will see."

_____________________

"Severus, what's going on?" White Cloud asked as she sat down beside Severus.

When Severus felt her hand sinking down onto his shoulder, he jumped up. He couldn't stand her warm contact at the moment. He was dirty, soiled and she shouldn't touch someone like him. "What's going on? You want to know what's going on? I messed everything up as I always do! I'm incapable of saying the right things. I can't help them. I'm useless bastard!" He shouted and slammed his fist against the wall.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you will sit down this instant and let me see to your hand," White Cloud demanded in a tone which defied the tone typical of the calm, gentle woman.

Her tone pulled Severus out of his rage. He looked at her, shocked, as if he had just realized she was there. Merlin, I'm in trouble, he thought, not moving an inch.

"Severus, sit down. You broke our first and most important family rule, and we will speak about it, but first I want to have a look at your hand," she said sternly and pointed to the spot beside her on the bed.

His head hanging, he strolled over to her and sat down. After a look at his hand, she stood up and headed for the door. "You won't move an inch or you will be in more trouble than you already are." Minutes later, she was back with a medical kit. "If it doesn't become better by tomorrow, we will have to drive into the town and have the doctor see it. I fear it is broken, stupid boy."

"I'm not a-" Severus started to protest.

"Don't you dare to finish that sentence! What you did just now was childish, and when you behave like a child, I will call you a child. Now hold still!" She started to put a homemade salve on the open wound over his knuckles; after that, she wrapped a bandage around his hand. Finally, she placed a cold pack over the bandage and fixed it in place using another.

"I'm a wizard. I can heal it myself," Severus tried to argue.

"No, you won't. Do you want to break another one of our rules here?" She looked sternly at him.

"White Cloud," Severus said and sighed, "just a bone-mending spell."

"No, Severus, you know our rules. The fact you still have your wand is bad enough. We are the once in charge in this house and that doesn't change even when you are an adult. And healing spells never were your favorite, Severus. I won't take that risk. If it isn't better tomorrow, you will see the Doc."

"But White Cloud, I can't. It's still Dr. Martens, isn't it? I won't go to him!" He didn't say it very convincingly, and he even leaned back a little upon seeing her expression to his revolt.

"You will, Severus, and I'm sure Light Arrow won't let anyone other than himself bring you to him. You will have a lot to explain, and Doc Martens won't be the one you have to worry the most about."

Severus groaned.

White Cloud gave him a tap on the back of his head. "Behave, Severus!" When she saw Severus defeat, she said, "And now we will speak about what happened."

"I already have to speak with Light Arrow about it. Can we not just let it drop now?" Severus already knew the answer, but he tried nevertheless.

"Breaking one of the family rules will lead to a conversation with both heads of the house. You lived here long enough to know that. So, what rule did you break?"

"Really, White Cloud, I'm thirty-six now. You don't want me to have to do it like this anymore."

"I don't care how old you are; if you break a family rule, you will speak about it with us no matter how old you are. I had thought we would never have to have one of these conversations again, but sadly I was wrong. So start, Severus, we don't have all day. The kids are waiting to start the campfire."

Severus sighed. "I broke the first family rule. I hurt myself. The rule says that we don't hurt someone else or ourselves on purpose; by hitting the wall, I broke that rule. I'm sorry, and I won't do it again," he said, annoyed.

"Oh, no, you are still like you were twenty-one years ago. You always try to sneak out the easy way, but it won't work with me. Tell me why you did it!"

"I was angry, why else. Merlin, this is stupid, I don't have to do this." He jumped up again.

"Severus," White Cloud said warningly.

"I'm too old for this! I came here so that you could help the boys. Why do you have to treat me like I am still a teen?"

"Because you are behave like one, Severus: you loose your temper and hurt yourself. How often has it happen lately?"

Damn, this woman. How does she always know? Severus stood stiff as a board in front of the woman who knew him better than anyone else other than Light Arrow. He knew that his body language was giving him away, but he couldn't do anything to stop it. When White Cloud gently pulled him beside her on the bed, he didn't protest. "Please, I cannot speak about it," he protested weakly.

"Yes, you can, Severus. I'm here for you."

"No, don't say that." He panicked when he felt tears forming in his eyes. Those damn words; she knew perfectly well that they would trigger these kinds of emotions from him. He fought hard, but when she repeated "I'm here for you. Just let go." Over and over in her calm voice, he broke down.

"It's okay, my boy," White Cloud said while hugging the sobbing wizard tightly, drawing soothing circles on his back. "I'm here, just tell me."

Those words were the last straw, and Severus gave up his fight completely. He lay in the arms of the woman he loved like his own mother and confessed everything that had bothered him lately. He told her how guilty he felt for not finding the boys earlier; for not protecting them more careful while the Death Eaters had still been on the loose; for not being able to help them after the torture in the dungeons. He confessed that he had started to drink again and that he had lost control several times, resulting in him injuring himself. It spluttered out of him, and he felt a heavy weight lift from him. He wasn't alone with his problems any longer. Someone else now knew and would take care of him.