Harry looked at Severus who was staring at the back of the seat in front of him as if he wanted to set it on fire; surely he was still angry with Dumbledore for forcing them to travel by plane.

'It would be a great experience for the boys,' the old man had said. 'That would be a good start to your adventure.'

Phew, adventure. The man had nerves, Harry thought angry, forcing us to go to this ridiculous camp!

Harry's eyes wandered to the seat on the other side of Severus, and he saw that Draco was fast asleep, drooling on Severus' shoulder. He looks more peaceful than I have ever seen him. Maybe this camp will help Draco, but surely it won't help me. It's just stupid. Damn the fact I'm still under-aged; Dumbledore can still force me to do this. At least it's Severus and Draco, who are coming with me; I would have died of embarrassment if it was Minerva, or Dumbledore himself.

Harry wondered what the newspaper would write about this. 'Harry Potter, insane after torture in the Malfoy's dungeons,' 'Killing Voldemort and now insane,' or 'Off to a camp for insane teenagers after losing two of his friends who helped him defeat Voldemort.' Harry's throat felt tight when he thought about Ron and Neville. We should have been free and happy after Voldemort's death but they destroyed it all. Harry could still hear their cries when he tried to fall asleep at night. Each night he was throwing himself from one side to the other, trying to pry their cries for help, or the image of Draco being taken by one of the Death Eater out of his head until he passed out. Even his damn father had had a try on his own son. Draco had pleaded them to kill him, but they enjoyed his agony. They had found the perfect torture for each of them.

Draco was mostly raped or beaten, and they had enjoyed cutting him; he was covered in scars now. The formerly beautiful boy was now a monster in the eyes of most girls. For Harry he was now his best friend, besides Hermione. He was the only one who understood him because he had seen the same horrible things. Harry was very grateful that he was with him on this awful trip.

Ron and Neville had been tortured and killed in front of Harry, to terrorize him. He had offered himself to be tortured, he even pleaded for them to let go of them and take him. They had played their sick games with him, torturing him until he couldn't move anymore. One of the Death Eaters held his head up so that he had to watch them rape and torture his friends. They had forced him to call them masters, promising that they would let go of his friends then, but nothing helped; they tortured them nevertheless. Their evil laugher would follow Harry to his grave.

In the end they went too far and Neville and Ron had died. Harry would never forget their faces screwed up in pain and their pleading eyes. He couldn't help them. Never would he forget, lying in his own blood and piss and seeing the life go out of Ron's eyes. At least Neville died with his back to Harry. The guilt for not being able to help them and the horror about what the Death Eaters had done to them woke him from nightmares each night.

Hate was almost all he could feel lately. Hate for the Death Eaters and hate for himself. He couldn't say which one was more prominent.

Harry shook his head he didn't want to think about that right now. I will just have to survive this damn camp, and then I will wait until I'm of-age. Then I'll storm Azkaban, and they will pay for what they did. He didn't care that this would land him in prison as well; life had lost all meaning for him. All he wanted was revenge. Damn, I have to stop thinking like this so openly. That's what brought me to this plane in the first place. Dumbledore and the rest of the adults think I'm insane. They think sending me in a camp where I'm not allowed to use magic will help me. They are just stupid.

"Stop, brooding, Harry," Severus scolded him.

"I'm not," Harry said sullenly.

"Of course you are. There is almost smoke coming out of your ears."

"I'm not! And who are you to tell me to stop brooding. You have been looking daggers at the seat in front of you for the last two hours."

"I hate planes. Nine hours in here is pure horror. I'm really looking forward to arriving at the camp."

Severus' open character was something Harry had learned to become comfortable with. He was still surprised how calm Severus could stay even when he yelled at him. Things had changed a lot after that damn day at the Ministry. Draco had changed the sides and informed Dumbledore about the plans of his father and Voldemort, and he had fought side by side with Harry and the others. Nobody would have thought that Harry was able to kill Voldemort by the age of fifteen.

When Voldemort's ghost was within Harry confronting Dumbledore, Harry had even surprised the Headmaster by pointing his wand at himself and killing them both. At least that was what Harry thought at that moment, but minutes later he awoke in the arms of Dumbledore. By freely giving his life for all the others, he had automatically activated the protection of his mother around his soul, and only Voldemort's two soul parts had been destroyed. Harry hadn't even believed it until he saw that the Dark Mark on Severus' arm had vanished.

They had enjoyed two wonderful months since then, which they spent at Headquarters. Harry had mourned for the loss of Sirius, but soon the happiness of all the others around him had infected him and he enjoyed his freedom. That was, until the day where they get caught by the still free Death Eaters.

Draco, Neville, Ron and Harry were on their way back to the Headquarters after meeting Hermione and Luna in Diagon Alley when they had been stunned by Death Eaters in the middle of the day who Disapparated with them to the Malfoy's Manson. There they had to live through almost two weeks of torture. Ron and Neville had died, and Draco and Harry often wished they would have died as well.

Back at the Headquarters the adults did their best to help them cope with the death of their friends and with what they had gone through. Draco and Harry had stuck together since then, as if they had been friends for years; only they could understand each other; only they knew the horror of the two weeks in the Malfoy's Manson. They hardly spoke about what happened. Even some therapists had been called for them, but Harry never spoke with any of them. At least Draco opened up to one of the female therapists. Just feeling the closeness of eachother gave them comfort. They had shared a room from then on, and when one woke up with a nightmare, the other was there to comfort him. Severus was the only person they opened up to, a bit. Harry told him some parts of what had happened.

Harry still had Hermione as a good friend, but it was hard to speak with her. Hermione wouldn't be Hermione if she didn't come up with an idea to help in a situation. She gave Harry a notebook* which worked like a messenger; when he wrote something in it the Hermione could read it in her own notebook. Writing to her was much easier for Harry than speaking face to face with her. He still didn't tell her everything, but at least it was something.

Harry rummaged in his backpack for the messenger and finally found it. "I'm going to write to Hermione," Harry explained to Severus, who still was eying him.

"Good idea," was the short reply of the only adult person he had spoken about his memories of the dungeons.

Hi Hermione,

You remember Dumbledore's great plan to get me sane again? I'm in the plane now. Severus is brooding beside me, and Draco is asleep, drooling on his shoulder. He must have noticed it already, but instead of waking him he looks like he is trying to set the seat in front of him on fire with his eyes. He still has his wand; that's so unfair! Dumbledore has taken mine and Draco's when he waved us good bye at the airport.

I had hoped that Severus would convince Dumbledore that this was a stupid idea by the look he had on his face, but shall I tell you something? It was just because of the plane. He hates planes. The camp he likes. Great! He even has friends there; maybe it was even his idea to go there.

Now I've run out of things to say. Write if you have the book in your hand. I need some distraction.

Harry

Harry stared at the now empty page; that meant Hermione was reading it, so the chances where good that she would answer soon. She would be returning to school for their sixth year in two weeks. Harry and Draco wouldn't be back by then, but they didn't care about that. What did Harry need school for any longer if he just lived to kill the rest of the Death Eaters and then spent the remainder of his life in Azkaban?

Draco wasn't able to concentrate on anything lately. School would be senseless for him, so Dumbledore had let Charlie Weasley take over Severus' job as the Potions teacher; therefore, Severus could take Harry and Draco to Oklahoma to his friends at the therapy camp.

Hi Harry,

I would love to see Draco drooling on Severus' robes. He surely looks cute. I'm glad Severus still has his wand; at least he can rescue you two from any stupid things you are trying while in America. I want you two back in one piece! Tell Draco he should write me when he wakes up.

Please behave, Harry. Severus is just trying to help you two. I know you don't think you need help, but you do.

I have to go for lunch now. Write when you know something new.

Love, Hermione

Harry shut the book with a loud thud, waking Draco with a jolt.

"Thanks for rescuing me from drowning, Potter." Severus said sarcastically.

"Sorry, Severus," Draco said blushing, but then looked, grinning, over to Harry. "Have you already written to your girlfriend?"

"Very funny, Draco. Hermione said you should write her, or she will break into our room and destroy your poster collection of the Falmouth Falcons," Harry said dryly.

"She wouldn't..." Draco said, but after a few seconds he rummaged in his backpack for his own messenger.

Harry just grinned.

"Black Hawk," Severus greeted the man who was waiting for them on the Will Rogers World Airport. After their nine hour flight from London to Chicago, going through customs, and catching another flight to Oklahoma, they were all tired and irritable. He was a Native American around the age of forty, at least that's what Harry would have guess. Black Hawk wasn't in traditional native clothing, but nevertheless there was no question of his heritage.

"Night Rain," Black Hawk hugged Severus tightly.

They seem to be very good friends, Harry thought. Severus wasn't a person who let others hug him, and he especially wouldn't look happy about. And, Merlin, he has a Native American name. I'm in hell.

Black Hawk stepped back a little to have a better look at the rest of the small group. "And you must be Draco, right?"

Draco was almost hiding behind Severus. He was unsure around men since they had escaped his father's dungeons. Black Hawk seemed to sense this and tried to keep distance between them, but still offered Draco his hand in greeting. Very hesitantly Draco accepted Black Hawk's hand.

When Black Hawk looked at Harry, Harry looked challenging back into his brown eyes. They can know from the beginning that I'm not here of free will, Harry thought angrily.

"So you are Harry, nice to meet you. Spare your energy to fight me until we get to the camp. We have a long drive in front of us, so we should get started," Black Hawk said and lead them to a dirty, red pickup truck in the parking lot. On its side, the words Awadvdi Tsvsa were printed. What ever it meant, Harry was sure he wouldn't like it.

"Couldn't behave yourself even for the first few minutes, could you, Harry?" Severus asked him without his typical venom; the times when he spat angry insults at Harry were long gone. At the moment, Harry wished the old times were back, so he wouldn't have to feel guilty about insulting Severus' friend with his behavior.

After Severus had thrown his luggage in the bed of the truck, he climbed into the passenger seat. That left only the back for the two teenagers. Harry eyed the small rear-facing bench, which was backed against the rear of the cab, critically. It didn't look very comfortable, even if it did have seatbelts. "Fantastic our asses will be sore before we even arrived at this damn camp," Harry mumbled sullenly to Draco.

"Maybe you should try not to piss them off so soon, Harry. Who knows what crazy rituals they will do to you; just play the nice guy until we get out of here," Draco said while climbing into the truck bed. After they were both in and had buckled up, Black Hawk lifted the tailgate and shut the door on the pickup's cap.

"That's easy for you to say. You even looking forward to going to this camp, right?" Harry asked when the truck started to drive.

Draco looked past Harry and into the distance. "Yes, maybe. Anything away from England is the right thing for me."

"I wish I could see it like that," Harry said thoughtfully. He didn't want to spoil this trip for Draco, but he hated that the adults had again decided what was best for him. First they had sent him to live with relatives who had hated him, and now they had decided that he needed help. I don't need help, just my wand and the opportunity to kill those damn beasts in Azkaban. A life sentence isn't enough punishment for what they did.

When they arrived in the camp after an one hour drive, Harry was really sore, which didn't help his mood. All the good resolutions he had made up at the beginning of the car ride were gone. He had planned to behave and give those people a chance. If they were Severus' friends, they couldn't be so bad. But now his mood was very down, and all he wished for was a plane ticket back to London to tell Albus Dumbledore what he thought about his stupid plan.

Harry looked around. There was a moderate farm house, two big stables, or what ever the big wooden buildings were, and paddocks. Others than that he could just see open land; just like he had seen on the whole drive there. Running away was not an option here.

A gentle but steady hand on his neck guided him in the direction of the house. It was Severus, who now whispered in his ear: "These people are who I call my family, and I want you to behave. They haven't done anything wrong to you, so there is no need for you to hate them already. If you want to be angry at someone, then be angry at me or the Headmaster."

Family? What is he talking about? Harry was confused.

"Severus, it's so good to see you again. It's been over a year we last saw you." An old woman came over to them, and Severus let go of Harry's neck.

"White Cloud." Severus hugged the weathered looking woman. She was sixty, if not older. It seems that they are all American Natives. Maybe a family, Harry thought. Severus grabbed both of the boys behind their backs and shoved them in the direction of the old woman. "These are my boys."

My boys? A year ago Harry would have been shocked by this statement, but now it just made him loose even more of the anger he had felt after the long journey. Severus was the only person who could look without pity at them and who would let them decide what they wanted to tell or not. Having him call them ‘his boys' had caused a warm feeling spread in both of them. It also meant that they had someone at their side who belonged to them. They weren't alone like they had been in the dungeons.

"Oh, I was so curious to meet you two; Severus had told us so much about you." Her smile was intoxicating, and Harry's anger left him completely. There was no pity in her eyes, just happiness. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea to stay here. At least it's a break from all the pitying looks at home, Harry wondered.

"I'm Draco," the blond-haired boy said, and politely offered her his hand, still the polite aristocrat. They hadn't ripped that out of his soul in the dungeons. With women, Draco was much more on ease; at least, if they didn't avert their eyes at seeing his scars. And, to his relief, this women didn't even seem to notice them.

"Nice to meet you, Draco," White Cloud said and shook the hand he had offered to her. "Severus has told me so much about you. And he was right, you are a very polite young man."

Harry shifted backwards a little. What would Severus have told her about him? That he was angry all the time and wanted to kill people? She wouldn't like that much. A hand on his back prevented him from stepping further away. The rest of the adults had closed the gap, and Severus was standing almost behind Harry.

"You must be Harry," White Cloud said, friendly. "I'm glad you decided to visit us."

Visit? Decided? He wished to tell her that it was the opposite, but her warm smile prevented him from speaking his thoughts out loud. It just would hurt her. Severus was right; they hadn't done anything wrong to him, so why should he hurt them?

"We know that it was a hard decision for you to leave England, but we hope you will like it here as well. Severus has always liked to spend some time here," White Cloud said when Harry didn't speak.

"I don't think I belong here," Harry finally said, averting his eyes. It was the truth, and Severus couldn't be angry with him for telling the truth. He hadn't hurt her feelings with this, had he?

"We will see, my boy," the old man that now stood beside his wife said and eyed him friendlily. "I'm Light Arrow, and over there is Red Horse and Rose." The old man pointed at a very big Native American in a dirty apron and a very beautiful young Native woman, both about Severus' age. "You must be hungry after the long journey. There is some stew ready inside."

"Where are the kids?" Severus asked while hugging the old man in greeting.

"They are looking for firewood for the welcome feast tonight with Crying Horse," Light Arrow explained. After Severus had shook hands with Red Horse and had kissed Rose on her cheek, they all went inside to eat.

The question of whether or not these people were wizards or Muggles was answered when they entered the house. On the stove stood a pot as big as a cauldron, and a wooden spoon was stirring it magically.

Severus guided the still reluctant Harry in a chair at the large table. White Cloud waved her hand and the stew pot came over to the table. Another wave and the spoon vanished and was replaced by a ladle.

Harry watched fascinated. If they all can do Wandless magic, Harry thought with interest, maybe I can learn it as well. I'll have to ask Severus about it during the next few days.

White Cloud filled each of their plates and then sat down. Harry spiritless pushed the stew around his plate. He hadn't eaten on the plane, and he still wasn't hungry. As his thoughts began to wander, he was back to the dungeons.

Ron's pleading eyes were directed at him, while Draco lay naked, covered in blood and semen, beside him. Harry wished he could have pass out like Draco, but a hard jerk of the hair on his scalp forced him to look back up at his dying friend.

A loud snap pulled him back to the present. Another snap and he looked up at Light Arrow, who was snapping his fingers near Harry's ear. The old man was watching him with a worried look on his face as he calmly said, "Calm down, lad. Falling back into the past doesn't help; try to stay in the here-and-now."

Harry was breathing rapidly and sweated. Severus' hand, which massaged calming circles on the back of his neck, was calming him down. Embarrassed to have shown his weakness, he grabbed for his spoon and started eating. With relief he realized that the others didn't push the situation, and after a short moment Severus' hand vanished from his neck too. These flashbacks were horrible, and Harry was glad that Light Arrow had been able to get him out of it before he had seen Ron dying, again. The meal was calm with everyone eating in silence. Only when the most of them were finished did White Cloud speak again. "After lunch you can move into your rooms and rest for a while. The others will be back in an hour."

Harry had finished his stew because he didn't wanted to draw more attention than he already had done; adults always seemed concerned about him not eating enough. He was looking forward to spending some time with Draco alone and out of the sight of the adults. When they were all finished, Light Arrow and Rose lead Harry, Draco and Severus up the stairs to the bedrooms. "I'm sure you would prefer your old room, Severus," Light Arrow said and opened a door on the left side of the long hall.

"Yes, thank you," Severus said and quickly placed his bag inside the room before rejoining the others. Light Arrow pointed at the door beside Severus' room. "That's my and White Cloud's bedroom. Whenever one of you has a problem, you can come to us; no matter what time it is." Still standing on the same spot Light Arrow turned and opened the door opposite to Severus'. "This is your room, Harry."

"My room?" Harry looked at Draco with panic in his eyes, who also looked scared. "But I always share a room with Draco."

"Not here, Harry." Light Arrow gently pushed Harry into the room while Rose guided Draco down the hall to a room at the other end. Harry struggled against Light Arrow. "No! I won't stay alone! Let me go!"

Light Arrow encircled Harry quickly with his arms, pressing Harry's back against his chest. "Calm down, Harry, and I will explain the reasons for it." His voice was calm and gentle, even when he had to struggle with a panicking teenager.

"No, please..." Harry pleaded desperately. He felt liquid run down his cheeks and hated himself for showing weakness again. He hated it here. Why do they all have to hurt me? I can't sleep alone.

Severus watched Light Arrow as the old man sat down on the bed and cradled Harry in his lap. He was reminded of the times when he was the one Light Arrow had to calm like this. He knew how frightened Harry was, and that he thought he couldn't sleep alone. He knew about his nightmares and flashbacks, but he also knew that Harry couldn't hide behind Draco for his whole life. Light Arrow would calm him down, so he observed the scene passively.

Harry was in panic. On the one hand, he hated to be held like this; all choice of movement was taken away from him. On the other hand, it felt good to have the burden of choosing for himself taken away. Wanting nothing more than to be a child and feel safe, he hadn't felt safe for a long time. Harry could feel Light Arrow's heartbeat and hear the calming words he whispered in his ear. Slowly Harry stopped struggling, but he continued to sob.

"That's it, Harry, relax. I won't hurt you." He spoke very calmly and gently to the frightened child in his lap; his arms never loosening his grip on Harry. "Shh..." When Harry finally stopped struggling, Light Arrow loosened his grip and Harry shifted sidewards in a fetal position on the old man's lap, hiding his face in Light Arrows chest.

"Please, I can't sleep alone. I have to be with Draco," Harry whispered.

"You can sleep alone, Harry, and you will. Severus door is directly opposite to yours and mine isn't far either. As soon as you have a nightmare, or any other problem, we will be there for you. Draco has to learn to live on his own, just as you do. You cannot be there for each other your whole life. We won't separate you completely, Harry, just at night. During the day you can both spend as much time together as you want, and you can visit each other in your rooms as well. This way you both have the possibility to have a place on your own, where you can retreat when you need down time. You need this to find back to yourself and get the power to live on your own."

"You don't understand," Harry mumbled into Light Arrows chest.

"If I had a dollar for every time a child had said that to me, I would be a rich man, Harry. Maybe I don't understand your problem completely right now, but I know that it is unhealthy to depend on another person, who needs help themselves, so deeply. You are strong, Harry. You need your friendship with Draco and nobody is trying to take that away from you, but you are also your own person. I know you have nightmares, and that it made you feel safer when Draco is around at night, but Draco needs time to heal as well. I'm sure he has been happy to help you out of your nightmares, but he has his own problems and needs to concentrate on them, not on you.

Now, we will be here to help you. There is a spell on each room to inform me and White Cloud if someone has a nightmare, or has problems sleeping. We will be here to help you the minute you have trouble. You don't have to worry; if you want, I can let Severus be informed by the spell on your room as well when you need help," Light Arrow said in his monotone calming voice. He started to gently move his body forward and backward, rocking Harry. "Do you want me to adjust the spell so that Severus will be informed as well?"

Harry was almost drifting off from the monotone voice and the gentle swinging. "Yes," he whispered. He knew it must have looked pathetic how he cradled the old man's lap, but he had never felt so safe and warm in his life as he did right now. Wanting to enjoy it as long as possible, he pushed his embarrassment away.

Severus slipped out of the room when he realized Harry would fall asleep in Light Arrows lap, physically and emotionally exhausted. He needed to check on Draco and Rose now.

"I'm scared," Harry whispered. All the stress from the last few weeks at Headquarters, during the journey, and the events here on the ranch were overwhelming him. He just wanted to hide in the strong arms of the man and sleep. He was sure he wouldn't have a nightmare while Light Arrow was with him.

"I know, my boy, I know," Light Arrow said, not stopping the gentle swinging. "But you are not alone. We will watch over you until you are ready to watch over yourself, no matter how long it takes you, Harry."

Harry clawed tighter at Light Arrow's flannel shirt. He didn't wanted to be alone; he didn't want the memories of the dungeons to hunt him down.

"Look, it seems you won't be alone at all, Harry. Karim seems to have taken it as his task to watch over you," Light Arrow said, a small chuckle in his voice led Harry look up. A black cat jumped on the bed and then crawled in Harry's lap. Harry loosened his death grip on Light Arrow's shirt and pet the cat. Karim curled up in Harry's lap and purred. Harry's eyes drifted close, and Light Arrow didn't let go of him, keeping up the gentle swinging. The purr of Karim guided him into a restful sleep.

__________

Draco watched fearfully as Light Arrow and Severus guided the reluctant Harry into his room. Only Rose's calming hand on his shoulder stopped him from panicking completely like Harry. "It's okay, Draco. Come on, I will show you your own room."

"But I have to sleep in Harry's room. Please you don't understand," Draco pleaded.

Rose smiled calmly at him. "I understand perfectly, Draco, but you need to take care of yourself here, not of Harry. My father and Severus will take good care of him, I promise." Gently she guided the blond boy down the hall to his room. Draco still tried to look back over his shoulder at Harry's room in hopes that the door would open and Harry would come out.

"He is okay, and you will be okay as well, Draco," Rose said gently and stroked his hair before she guided him in his room. "Come on, I'll help you unpack and then you can rest for a while."

"Harry cannot sleep alone, Rose," Draco tried to explain.

"You will not be there for him his whole life, Draco. One day you will have your own family. You will still stay good friends, but you both must learn to live your own life."

"A family?" Draco spat angrily. "As if any girl would even look at me!" He threw his bag on the bed and went to open it when a warm hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Don't speak like that, Draco," Rose said warmly. "Come, sit down with me for a while." She gently guided him to sit beside her on the bed. Never letting go of his hand, she started to trace one of his scars that lead from the back of his hand to the underside of his arm. "A girl that can't look past your scars isn't worth your love." She looked up to his stunned face. "And there is a lot of love. I can feel it," she said while laying the hand with which she had traced his scar on his heart.

Draco was too shocked to react. Nobody had touched him since he was in the dungeons, and he was surprised that it felt good. He felt the urge to cry out all the pain from his experiences, but managed to hold up his mask.

"You don't have to hide behind your mask here, Draco. We want to help you. You are still a wonderful young man, and you will find your way in life. The scars on your skin will become a part of you, and anyone who judges you by them is not worth your time. The scars here -" she again laid her hand on his chest, "- will be harder to heal, but we will try."

Her words stuck deep in his soul. How could a woman he had known for just an hour touch him like this, and even touch his soul like this. He grabbed for the hand that was hovering over his heart. "They will never heal." He was silent for a moment and when he looked down, realized that he still was holding Rose's hand in his lap and snapped his hand open to release it, but Rose didn't draw it away.

She encircled his hand with both of hers. "We will see, Draco. Just give us a chance and time."

A knock at the door caused Draco to jump.

"Shh, it's surely just Severus wanting to check on you. Shall I let him in?" Rose asked.

Draco nodded and looked fascinated while Rose waved her hand and the door opened to reveal Severus. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, you can help us unpack, Severus," Rose said cheerfully.

Severus eyed Draco critically. "Everything okay?"

"Sure," Draco said and looked at his hand in his lap, which a moment before was held by Rose. When he remembered why he was upset at first, he asked, "How is Harry?"

"He is okay, Draco. You two must stop worrying about the other so much. Light Arrow is still with him." He looked at Rose, who knowingly smiled at him.

"You look tired, Severus. You should rest a while," she gently laid a hand against his cheek.

Severus grabbed for her hand and looked deep into her eyes. "I'm not the one needing to heal, Rose." He gently reminded her.

"You always will be the one needing to heal, big Brother," Rose said and encircled his hand with her own.

Severus could feel her magic flow into him, scanning him and calming him. He was tired from the weeks he spent trying to help the boy without success and from the long journey. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to lay down for a bit. "Manipulative witch," he growled playfully at her.

She just smiled and then turned to Draco again. "Let's unpack while Severus goes to have a nap."

"It's nice to have you back here, Severus," White Cloud said while putting a cup of coffee down in front of Severus. Light Arrow joined them in the kitchen and sat down at the table with the others.

"Yes, it was a good decision for you to come here along with the boys. They both really need help, but Harry is really on the edge emotionally. Is he opening up to you?" Light Arrow asked.

"Not much. Sometimes he speaks openly, but then he seems to realize what he is talking about and he will stop. It's frustrating. He has convinced himself that he has to revenge the death of his friends; the hate is eating him up from inside. Seeing him loose control and let you comfort him was quite a change to his usual behavior lately." Severus shook his head deep in thought.

"Draco is much more open. He doesn't feel guilty about what happened to the other two boys, having not been as close to them as Harry was. He tries to get a grip on his life, but I fear he distracts himself from his own problems by helping Harry with his. Around men he is very shy and anxious, as you have already seen. Women aren't a big problem for him; he just tries to hide his scars, which is impossible. Thinking about the fact that his own father disfigured Draco's face makes me even more sick. That and... Merlin, it's just horrible." Severus hid his face in his hands.

Light Arrow leaned closer to him and laid a calming hand on the underside of Severus' arm. "You shouldn't think about what has happened in the past, but about how to move on. You look exhausted."

Severus batted Light Arrow's hand away. "You're like Rose. I'm no longer one of your kids, Light Arrow. I'm not the one you need to worry about." He glared at the older man sitting beside him.

"You will always be one of our kids, Severus, and when you look like you do right now, we will continue to worry about you," Light Arrow said and felt Severus' forehead.

Severus tried to jerk his head away, but Light Arrow had predicted the move and countered it. "Hold still," the old man said strictly, and when Severus obeyed, he asked more calmly, "What did Rose say?"

Severus glared at Light Arrow, still trying to get away from his hand. Light Arrow didn't have abilities like Rose, but he still could work some calming magic in his patients that would let them speak more freely, less encumbered by their emotions. "Please remove your hand from my-"

Severus didn't get to say more, for at that moment Rose came down the stairs. "I said he should rest. He is very exhausted and in bad shape, Dad."

"I'm fine. Stop speaking about me as if I'm not in the room." Light Arrow had lifted his hand from his head, and now Severus could freely glare at Rose, who had almost reached the table.

"I'm not sure if you really are in the room, Severus. Your body may be here, but your mind is not. It's still with the boys, and you forgot to care for yourself," Rose said, sounding as stern as her father.

Seeing that Rose had almost reached him, Severus made to stand up. "That's enough. I will be going for a walk."

"You will not," Light Arrow ordered, his heavy hand on Severus' shoulder hindered the dark-haired man from standing up. "We will discuss this, now."

"I'm no longer a child," Severus shouted. He was on edge; the last few weeks had been so frustrating and exhaustive. He struggled to stand up, and he would have batted Light Arrow's hand forcefully away if not for a warm and soft hand that wrapped itself around his left hand. Severus whirled around and faced a worried looking White Cloud.

"Please stay, Severus," White Cloud said calmly. "Let Rose check you over. She can soothe your nerves."

"I don't need to be soothed. I-"

"It wasn't your fault, Severus. You couldn't have rescued them earlier," White Cloud said knowingly.

Severus looked shocked at her. This woman didn't need Roses abilities to know what is worrying him. She just had to sit there calmly, observing the scene in front of her, to know exactly what was wrong. Severus was too stunned that White Cloud still could read him like an open book, that he didn't realize Rose's hands on his shoulder. When he finally noticed them, she had already let enough calming magic flow into him that he was melting under her touch. "No, please," he mumbled halfheartedly.

"Hush, Severus," Rose whispered while letting her magic flow through his worn-out body. She took one of her hands from his shoulder and placed it on his forehead. Gently, she drew it backwards against her chest. "Let me deeper in, Severus, you know you can trust me." She tried to reach the nerve bundles that were knotted and overstimulated. She needed to soothe them to make it easier for Severus to think and feel.

White Cloud hummed a soft melody, which Severus remembered from his first stay with them as a teenager. She gently let the thumb of the hand that still held Severus' draw small circles. That calmed him down enough that Rose could reach the deeper areas.

______

Loud noises from downstairs woke Harry. He hadn't slept as peacefully as he just had since the events in the dungeons. It was amazing how rested he felt after only an hour of sleep. A soft knock at the door made him jump and stare at the door. Slowly the doorknob turned, and Harry instinctively grabbed for his wand. "Damn," Harry cursed when he remembered that Dumbledore had confiscated it.

"Harry?" someone whispered though the gap in the slightly opened door.

"Draco?" Harry asked, feeling relieved when he recognized the voice.

Draco slipped into the room. "Did you hear the noises? It seems the other kids are down there now." Draco jumped when a black cat passed him on its way out through the still open door. "Whats that?"

"A cat?" Harry said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Close the door, or are you so eager to see the others?"

"What was the cat doing in here?" Draco asked confused while closing the door.

"It kept me company. His name is Karim. At least I'm not totally alone here. I hope he will be back here tonight," Harry said while looking worried at the door.

"I could try to sneak in when they all sleep, Harry." Draco offered.

"No, they have a spell on the bedrooms," Harry said and then paused before he went on. "And they are right. You have to concentrate on yourself, Draco. Maybe this is really a chance for you to start a new life."

"And what is it for you?" Draco asked while sitting down on Harry's bed.

Harry pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them. "I will never change my mind, Draco. I will kill them all; that's all I want to do. They have to pay for what the did to Neville, Ron and you." An angry grimace overcame Harry's face.

"They hurt you, too," Draco said carefully. He knew that this was something Harry didn't like talking about.

"Let's just change the subject," Harry said and then looked anxiously at the door because there were now noises as if someone was coming upstairs. A knock at the door confirmed his worry. The boys stared at the door and said nothing.

"You are supposed to say 'come in' or something similar, Harry." Black Hawk's voice echoed through the door.

"But I don't want someone to come in," Harry gave back rebelliously.

The man behind the door sighed. "I have to speak with you, Harry, and I hate to speak through a door. Can I please come in?"

Harry looked worryingly at Draco, who just shrugged. "Okay."

Black Hawk stopped when he saw Draco on Harry's bed. "You two were supposed to rest."

"We did," Harry said quickly. "Light Arrow said that we could visit each other in our rooms." Black Hawk was an impressive man; he radiated strength and power. That made Harry cautious with what he said and how rebellious he acted.

Draco was visibly scared, but at least Black Hawk stayed near the door. It seems as if he was sensing Draco's fear, like a dog who could tell by scent if someone was scared of him. Black Hawk turned and opened the door again.

Harry believed Black Hawk thought he had lied and now was angry with him. "It's the truth! He told us we can meet as often as we want. I swear." He didn't wanted to get in trouble so early, but maybe he had just misunderstood Light Arrow.

Black Hawk just lifted his hand to show Harry he should stop speaking; then, he leaned out of the door and yelled, "Rose? Your boy is here."

Seconds later Rose pushed past Black Hawk into the room. "Oh, you look much better, Harry. So did you sleep well?"

Harry nodded and looked confusedly at Draco, who had relaxed visibly when Rose had entered the room. Black Hawk still remained near the door.

"That's good," she said and reached to stroke his cheek. When Harry flinched away, she didn't push it and just smiled at him. "I'm very glad you could manage to rest a bit." She turned to Draco. "We need to speak about a few things, Draco, and then I want you to meet the others." She offered him her hand, and he took it.

Black Hawk moved further into the room to make space for the couple that was leaving. When he finally was alone with Harry, he sat down on Harry's bed. "Light Arrow has taken you under his wing, but he doesn't work outside with the kids. So whether you like it or not you are stuck with me for those times. I'm not a great talker and you don't seem to want to talk at all, so we should both get along quite well. I want to help you, Harry, but that is hard if you fight each of my steps. I don't care how long we will need to help you, that is up to you. You can try to work together with me and leave this camp in a few months, or you can fight my attempts to help you and I will just wait until you are finally ready. Months, years, I don't care how long it will take." Black Hawk eyed Harry closely.

Harry looked a little scared of the dark man in front of him, but he didn't know why he was afraid.

"There is no reason to look at me like that. I'm here to help you. I have no healing magic like Rose or Black Arrow, but I want to help you nevertheless. I will show you how to take care of your horse, and how to ride him. I will help you through some of our ceremonies here, too. There is no need to be afraid of me. If you don't want to, you don't have to speak with me about anything that concerns your past, just the present. Light Arrow will take care of the rest."

"My horse?" Harry asked dumbfounded.

"Yes, your horse. Everyone on this ranch has their own horse. Even Severus. You should see his horse; it is almost completely black, only one ear and its chest is white. It's named Thunderstorm because it has quite a temper. Only around Severus and Rose is he a lamb. Your horse is Tohiadedi. It's Cherokee for Freedom. He's a red roan Appaloosa. You will get to meet him soon." Black Hawk was satisfied that Harry at least seemed interested. "Now it's time to meet the others."

Harry desperately hoped that riding Tohiadedi would be be better than his previous experiences riding a horse-like animal. Buckbeak's wings and feathers had made is difficult to maintain his balance and grip. Riding the thestrals hadn't been much better, for their skeletal bodies had made for a very uncomfortable ride.

I may not have fallen off those times, but the rides were in no way graceful. He thought. I hope I don't make a fool of myself, again. He decided to reserve judgment about whether or not having his own horse would be a good thing until he got to meet the creature.

Harry wasn't scared to meet the others like Draco; he just didn't care, and he would just ignore them. In the hall, they met Rose and Draco, who immediately moved closer to Harry.

"Stay calm, Draco." Harry tried to calm him.

"Where is Severus?" Draco asked insecurely.

Before Harry could say that he didn't know where Severus was, Black Hawk said, "He is resting."

That made Draco stop completely halfway down the stairs. "I won't go down there if Severus isn't there."

"Draco," Rose said calmly as she laid a hand on his shoulder. She let her soothing magic flow into Draco, but he remained stiff like a board.

Harry also had stopped and was now struggling against Black Hawk, who was trying to convince him to move away from Draco. "No, I won't leave him alone!" Harry said with determination. He didn't care that the voices from downstairs had become silent, nor that the people were probably listening to what was happening on the stairs. When he heard heavy foot steps, he looked down the stairs; Light Arrow was coming up.

When Light Arrow arrive at the small group, he gestured for Black Hawk to go down and took his place at Harry's side.

"No, I won't go. You can't make me leave Draco. You promised!" Harry backed away, but Light Arrow grabbed his arm.

"Nobody wants you to leave him, but you have to calm down or Draco won't calm down," Light Arrow said calmly.

Harry looked at Draco. The normally pale boy was now as white as a sheet. "Come on, Draco. Let's just get it over with. We can go back to my room after it," Harry said gently to calm Draco down.

"Why is Severus not there. I want him to be here," Draco said in panic.

"Severus is resting, Draco. He was very exhausted. At supper he will join us again," Light Arrow explained.

"Oh, no, Harry, he has left us here, alone! He is already back at Hogwarts, and left us alone." Draco was panicking more and more.

"Draco, look at me," Harry said strictly. When he had Draco's full attention, he said, "Severus is still here. He wouldn't leave us alone."

"Of course he wouldn't," a deep baritone came from the top of the stairs. "What's all this about?"

"Severus, you should still be resting. Why can't you for once do something good for yourself?" Rose asked, disappointed that Severus had left his bed.

"I will do something good for me and go riding." He looked at Draco. "After we have met the other kids."

Draco's face got some color back, and he let out the breath he had been holding.

"Yes, riding will do you some good. Thunderstorm is eagerly waiting for you," Light Arrow said to Severus. "Let's go downstairs. The others are waiting for you." With that he let his hand change its place from Harry's arm to Harry's neck. It was laying there lightly, but the hand gave Harry a lot of comfort.

When they arrived in the kitchen, the other kids were sitting around the table together with White Cloud and a man whom Harry hadn't seen before. The man stood up. He had long black hair and sun glasses on his face. "I'm Crying Horse. I'm glad you are here. We need help to make the campfire ready for your welcome feast." He gave Harry's hand a shake, hugged Severus, and nodded to Draco, who was trying to melt into Severus' side.

"I fear you have to do this with the other kids. I want Black Hawk to show Draco and Harry the horses," Light Arrow said.

"Always the luck of the newbies, we have to work our asses off," a boy with short blonde hair said. "I'm Brain and that's my buddy Ken." He gestured to the sandy-haired boy with a lot of freckles. "Over there is Aiden." He pointed at a bored looking guy with long black hair and a goaty. He looked as if he had Latin heritage. It was hard to tell how old they all were; Brain and Ken seemed to be around Harry's age. They reminded him of Dean and Seamus. Aiden looked older, maybe seventeen or eighteen. "The blonde girl is Melissa, and the brunette one is Maya. Melissa came from England and Maya from Chile. We boys are all from the States."

"This is Harry, and over there is Draco. Some of you already know Severus, but for those who don't know him, he is one of my sons," Light Arrow stated.

"Wow, then Thunderstorm is your horse? He is magnificent. Which horses will Draco and Harry get?" Brain asked Black Hawk.

"Tohiadedi and Unega," Black Hawk answered while casually standing in the doorway. "So do you want to go?" he asked in Harry's and Draco's direction.

Harry looked hesitantly at Draco.

"Come on, I will join you and then I will go for a ride," Severus said and guided Draco out of the house.

The sunlight was blinding them, and before Harry's eyes could adjust to it Black Hawk had sneaked a hand onto his neck. What is this with them always touching us? And why the hell do I like it? It was crazy, but Harry felt much safer with this hand in his neck, even when it belonged to Black Hawk. "Has one of you ridden before?" Black Hawk asked.

"No," Harry lied. What if he had forgotten all and made a total fool of himself? Draco shook his head. He had left Severus side a bit. Outside he felt safer because he had the feeling he could run if necessary. All the men held their distance from him. In one way he was happy about it, but in another way he hated it because it meant they all knew what had happened and what was wrong with him.

They passed a paddock where seven horses were standing. "That is one of the herds of our horses," Black Hawk said and watched Severus approach the gate and whistle.

The black horse threw his head up, pivoted his ears, and looked over. The horse neighed and then started to race over to them. Harry took a step back when it looked as if the horse wouldn't stop. Dust whirled into the air when the horse suddenly stopped and slid for a few feet. He threw his head in excitement until Severus held out his hand and Thunderstorm rubbed his head against it.

"Hello, my boy, it's so good to see you," Severus said affectionately. The horse made small grunting and snorting noises. When he had calmed down, Severus laid his forehead against Thunderstorm's. The scene was magnificent. The black hair of Severus that was entangling with Thunderstorm's mane blew in the wind, and, for a short moment, it looked as if they are one. "Soon, my boy, soon we will go for a ride," Severus whispered to the horse. The other horses had become curious and came over as well. A red one with three white feet, a white stomach, and almost completely white head went over to Black Hawk. A feather was braided into his mane. She was calmer than the black horse.

"This is Shallow Water, my horse. She is mare and Thunderstorm over there is a gelding," Black Hawk explained.

Severus pet Thunderstorm one last time and signaled Black Hawk that he was ready to move on. Finally they arrived at another paddock which contained a few trees. "Most of our horses have come from an organization that rescues abused and neglected horses. Here they can live in peace for the rest of their life. Some we manage to nurse back to health, and we help them to learn to trust humans again. Others will always stay wild and fearful. We have a wild herd on the plains. Here we only have those who still need medical care, or those we managed to rehabilitate to riding status.

"That is the paddock for some of the geldings and calm mares. The fleabitten gray Quarter Horse mare over there is Maude. She's Melissa's horse." Black Hawk pointed at a horse that stood calmly dozing under a tree near them. He clicked his tongue and all the horses made their way lazily over to them. Black Hawk dived under the gate and pet an almost white horse. Only around his eyes it had an almost round black spot. "This is Unega, and he will be your horse Draco. Would you like to greet him?"

Draco looked uncertainly at the horse. For one moment he wanted to go over and pet the horse, but the next moment the horse looked very big and intimidating. Draco had never been that close to a horse.

"Give it a try, Draco." Severus encouraged Draco.

That was all Draco needed, and he climbed under the gate. Hesitantly, he approached the horse. The ears of the horse circled in all directions, and he abruptly jerk his head up when Draco was close to him. The horse made a nervous grunt and eyed Draco, who had stopped.

"Come on, Draco, don't be scared. He is a very gentle horse, just a little skittish." Black Hawk rubbed the neck of the horse to calm it.

Finally Draco was close enough to reach for the head of the horse. It again jerked back but finally lowered his head and sniffed Draco's hand before rubbing against it. "Hey, Unega," Draco said shyly. It felt good to pet the horse. Draco had the feeling he could look into the soul of the horse through his beautiful big, blue eyes. He wished he could lay his forehead on the horse like Severus had done, but he didn't dare. It must be a great feeling, Draco thought. Everything else around me wouldn't matter so much then.

Black Hawk went over to a red roan horse with a flaxen-gold mane and white spots on his flank. "This is Tohiadedi, or Freedom, whichever you prefer. He is an Appaloosa gelding. Come over, Harry," Black Hawk instructed.

The closer Harry came, the more he wondered if it had been ponies he had seen on a paddock near his aunt's house. This horse was big, and his strong muscles were clearly visible. He didn't jerk his head like Unega did, but he was eying Harry the whole time with a critical look. At least that was how Harry interpreted it. The snorting the horse made when Harry approached wasn't as friendly as Thunderstorm's had been. Harry paused, unsure if he should really move closer.

"No reason to stop, Harry. He has to get to know you. Just try to pet him," Black Hawk said encouragingly and calmly stroked the neck of the horse.

Very cautiously Harry reached for the horse. Freedom bumped his head against his hand. "I don't think he likes me," Harry said, scared.

"He doesn't even know you," Severus said, right behind him. He laid one hand on Harry's shoulder and reached with the other hand to the horse. "If you are nervous the horse is nervous. If you are uncertain or angry, he will eye you sceptically and will not trust you." Freedom snuggled his head against Severus' hand, but never stopped watching Harry with his big brown eyes.

Harry let his hand sink to his side. "I don't think I'm a horse person."

"Just give you two a bit of time to know each other better, Harry," Severus said and guided him out of the paddock again. "You will love the feeling of freedom you attain when the wind is blowing in your face while you ride over the open land."

"I can't ride," Harry said dryly.

"You will learn as soon as Tohiadedi trusts you. From now on, he is your responsibility. You have to feed him, clean his hooves, coat, and mane, and when you are able to get a halter on him you will move him around. Only when you manage this all, we will start riding lessons." Black Hawk explained.

"So never," Harry said sullenly and put his cold and emotionless mask up again.

"Look, the others are over there. Why don't you help them build the camp fire for this evening?" Severus said, while leading Harry away from the paddock where Draco still was engrossed with his horse.

"Can't I just go back to the house?" Harry asked.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Didn't we agree to give all this a chance, Harry?"

Harry sighed, defeated. "Yes."

"Then go over to Crying Horse and the others, and help them while I go for a ride with Thunderstorm."

"Okay," Harry said and sullenly walked over to the busy group of people. He had no interest in helping them and definitely didn't want to know any of them better, but what choice did he have? He had to play the good little boy to be able to leave the camp as fast as possible.

__________

Draco was so engrossed with Unega that he didn't realize Severus and Harry had left. The moment he did, however, he stiffened, causing Unega jerking his head and snorting nervously.

"Is it okay with you that we are alone, or do you want me to call for Rose to join us?" Black Hawk asked from his position several feet away from Draco. He was sitting on the gate as he watched Draco cautiously.

At first, Draco didn't say anything, and he just backed even further away from Black Hawk while moving closer to Unega. The horse stomped his hoof nervously; he was sensing Draco's uneasiness. Draco was almost leaning against Unega's chest and neck and the horse looked around to find what made the boy so nervous. Unable to find the source of the threat, Unega gently nuzzled his nose against Draco's shoulder.

When Draco still didn't say anything, Black Hawk added. "It's no problem for me to call Rose. I'm very glad that you are already feeling comfortable around Unega. I would like to show you how to care for him, but I have to come closer for that." Black Hawk didn't move an inch and waited for Draco's answer.

The big horse beside Draco gave him a lot of comfort. He felt safer then he had thought he would have when being alone with another man, so he decided to give it a try. Stop being a ninny, Malfoy. You can't hide for your whole life, he ordered himself.

"It's okay. I would like to learn how to take care of him," Draco said while holding his head high. "Um... please, just don't touch me."

"Of course not. If I'm too close, just tell me and I will back away, Draco. It's no problem." Black Hawk came over and petted Unega's forehead.

The halter Black Hawk had carried over his shoulder the whole time was placed on Unega's head with experienced hands. The whole time, Black Hawk explained to Draco what he was doing, and how to do it. "It would be best if you asked someone to help you the first few times. Unega is a bit skittish, so at first it might be a problem for you to do it by yourself. Just ask one of the other kids when I'm not around." When he was finished, he tied the lead line to the gate, showing Draco the proper way to tie the slipknot.

Draco nodded and fought against the impulse to step back. Black Hawk was uncomfortable close to him now because Draco wanted to stand near Unega for the feeling of safety, but of course Black Hawk had to be standing close to Unega as well while he was showing Draco how to brush him.

Black Hawk grabbed at his belt where he had a brush attached and showed it to Draco. "Brushes like this one are in the supply shed to the right of the house. Today, I will show you how to brush his coat and mane. Next time, I can show you how to clean his hooves. You can brush him as often as you want, but you need to do it at least once a day. The hooves also have to be cleaned once a day, but it is a little tricky. I want you to have someone around when you do it. Today we don't have to worry about it; Red Horse will clean them this afternoon." He looked at Draco and noticed the visible signs of his internal fight with himself to stand his ground. "Why don't you move to his head so that you can see what I'm doing?"

Fearfully, Draco moved past Black Hawk, holding his breath the whole time. When Black Hawk moved away to the flank of the horse, Draco relaxed a bit. He watched every move Black Hawk made closely. When Black Hawk gave him the brush, he nervously started to brush Unega. The horse turned his head to see what Draco was doing; the lead line gave him enough freedom. Seeing Unega's eyes on him, Draco asked, "Is that right, Unega?"

The horse grunted and averted his glance, while relaxing.

Draco threw a quick glance at Black Hawk. The man had made himself comfortable on the gate again.

"You are doing very well, Draco."

Draco smiled shyly at Black Hawk. It felt good to stand close to this big and friendly animal. He had the feeling he could brush him for hours and still wouldn't get tired of it.

_____________

Harry had almost reached the group that has set up the camp fire when Brian noticed him. "Ah, finally one more to help. Come over here, Harry." He waved Harry to join him at the pickup. It wasn't the pickup that had brought them here. It looked shabbier and was gray blue in color. In the bed of the truck were several branches and other pieces of wood of many different shapes and sizes. "Over there is another pair of gloves. Put them on and help me to carry the wood over there." Brian pointed at a place where some wood had been piled for the camp fire.

Without saying anything, Harry pulled the gloves on and started to carry the pieces Brian gave him over to the existing pile of wood.

"Not the talkative one, eh?" Brian asked when Harry came back to the truck.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He observed the scene around the campfire closer. Crying Horse and Aiden were chopping the bigger branches with axes. Melissa and Maya were building the campfire and, beside Harry himself and Brian, Ken was carrying more wood over to the stack.

"Need some energy to let out?" Crying Horse asked Harry and offered him his ax.

Harry looked unsure about the ax. "I've never done this before."

"No problem. Come over and I'll show you," Crying Horse said and walked in the direction of Aiden. After a short lesson, Harry started to split the big wood pieces and shortened the long branches. After a few miserable attempts, Harry managed to get the hang of it and enjoyed the hard work. Finally, he could clear his head and forget everything around him. When he moved to grab for a new piece of wood, a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.

"It's just me." Rose smiled gently at him. She held up her other hand in which she was holding a tube of sunscreen. "Sometimes the men forget that the newbies aren't as resistant against the sun as they are. Will you let me apply it? It wouldn't be good for you to have it on your hands while chopping wood." She looked questioningly at Harry.

"Okay," Harry said exhausted and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "But I'm sweaty."

Rose raised her eyebrow, and Harry immediately was reminded at Severus. "I live with mostly men here, Harry. Believe me, I'm used to sweating men." She grinned and held Harry's hair out of his face with one hand and applied the sunscreen on his face with the other. When she had finished his arms and neck as well, she said, "All done."

Crying Horse came over to them, gave his wife a quick kiss on her cheek and finally turned to Harry. "Here, we don't want you to get a sunstroke, do we?" He place a beige Stetson on Harry's head.

"Thank you," Harry said and adjusted the hat so that he could still see. "I'll get back to work, then." With that, he grabbed another piece and went on with his task.

_______________________

"Hello, you two," Rose greeted when she came in earshot.

Draco had completely lost track of time. He looked confusedly over to Rose. Only now did he realize how hot he was.

"Really, Black Hawk, he's blond and you let him stand in the middle of the sun for over an hour." She shook her head when she passed the puzzled man who had started to care for Tohiadedi while Draco was lost in his work.

"Already too late," Rose said worriedly when she pushed Draco's sweat covered hair out of his face. "Let's go inside and see if White Cloud has something to put on that sunburn before it gets even worse."

Draco's confused look shifted between Unega, Black Hawk, and Rose.

"I will take care of him, Draco. Just go with Rose and let White Cloud have a look at you." Black Hawk was worried now that he had a closer look at the boy. It was not that bad yet, but he should have realized it earlier. Damn, that will get me quite the lecture from Light Arrow.

Back at the house, Draco was placed on the big couch while White Cloud and Light Arrow were busying over him. "How are you feeling Draco? Dizzy? Do you have a headache?" White Cloud asked Draco while shoving his hair out of his face.

"No. I just feel hot." Draco was starting to get worried by their concern and looked nervously at White Cloud and Light Arrow.

"Nothing to worry about, Draco. You just have a light sunburn, but any longer in the sun without some sunscreen you might have gotten sunstroke." She gently stroked his hair, careful not to touch the burned skin. "Next time just remember to wear a hat and apply some sunscreen when you go out. We will give you a hat later, okay?"

"Okay," Draco said, still a bit worried. He wanted to see himself in a mirror to know how bad the sunburn was.

"Here," Light Arrow said as he gave White Cloud a bowl.

Seeing Draco's fearful expression, White Cloud said in a calm voice: "It's just curd. It will cool your skin and, with a bit luck, you will hardly notice that your skin is burned. You'll stay with us inside for the rest of the day and rest so you are fit to attend the welcome feast this evening. Would you like some ice to suck on?"

"Yes, please," Draco said and then eyed White Cloud skeptically when she started to apply the curd on his face and arms. The feeling was unbelievable. The curd was very cool, and it felt fantastic to have it on his hot skin.

Light Arrow came back with an ice cube and placed it in Draco's mouth. "Open up, lad!"

Draco slept for some time, only waking up a few times when Light Arrow or White Cloud applied new curd. An hour before the welcome feast was to start, Light Arrow woke Draco. "Come on, you have enough time to have a shower, Draco."

Draco lazily opened his eyes and looked around tiredly. Severus stood behind Light Arrow, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Before you go with Severus upstairs, I want to know which one you would like." Light Arrow held up two Stetsons; one in black and one in brown.

Draco sat up and looked back and forth between the two hats. "The black one, please." He finally decided.

"Then it's yours now." Light Arrow placed the Stetson in Draco's hand and gave him space to stand up.

"Let's get you cleaned up," Severus said while looking with a grin at the curd covered boy.

_______________

Harry had enjoyed the wood chopping. The others had given him his space and hadn't bother him with questions. They had taken several breaks, during which they all had something to drink and ate watermelon.

"What's that over there?" Harry asked while sitting between Brian and Ken on the bed of the pickup during one of the breaks. He pointed at a frame of thin branches that were bent and stuck in the ground to form a small, dome building.

"That was Tyson's sweat lodge. He left a week ago. It's the last ceremony you have during your stay here. After it you just prepare yourself to leave. It doesn't matter how long it will take for you to finally decide to leave, but it symbolizes that you are ready for it. I think Light Arrow would never throw someone out, even if you already had the sweat lodge ceremony. Maybe I'll try it out, but I don't want to leave this place, ever." Brain said, a melancholic look on his face as he looking into the distance. "Red Horse and Black Hawk also were here as kids. Then they came back, and now they live here forever. And Severus also comes back from time to time. Light Arrow and White Clouds always say they are their sons, but in reality, they only have Rose as their biological daughter. It feels good to have a family like them."

Harry didn't know what to say. He wasn't ready to tell them about himself and felt uneasy because he feared they now wanted him to tell them something, so he decided to say nothing.

"How did you like Freedom?" Ken asked when he realized Harry was starting to get depressed again. They were glad that they managed to get him out of his brooding, and now Brian was messing it up.

"Freedom?" Harry was confused.

"Your horse," Ken stated.

"Oh, I don't think he likes me. I'm not a horse man, I think."

"He is a great horse. I've ridden him once. He is gentle, but sometime stubborn," Ken said. "Just give him a little time to get to know you better. We can help you with that."

"Have you seen Thunderstorm?" Brian joined the conversation again.

"Yes, he looks magnificent," Harry said.

"Yes, he is. I have never seen a horse like him. This white spot on his chest and his white ear are from wounds he had once. His owners were absolute jerks and beat him. The coat at those spots didn't grow in black, but became white. Light Arrow once said that he feels when he gets a new horse that there will one day come a teen to work with it. He says he just waits for the teen that belongs to the horse. Unega and Tohiadedi have been standing in the paddock with our horses since this spring, as if he had known you two would come. That's crazy, isn't it?"

The first time since Voldemort's death, Harry felt a cold shiver down the back of his neck, and he heard a crazy sound in his head, like a wing beat of a huge bird. He shook his head to clear it. Maybe I have been in the sun too long, Harry thought, confused. The feeling he had wasn't a bad one, as it had been with Voldemort; no, there was nothing frightening about it. It was a really good feeling; a safe feeling. Someone had been waiting for him.

"Yes, it is."

"Yes, he is. I have never seen a horse like him. This white spot on his chest and his white ear are from wounds he had once. His owners were absolute jerks and beat him. The coat at those spots didn't grow in black, but became white. Light Arrow once said that he feels when he gets a new horse that there will one day come a teen to work with it. He says he just waits for the teen that belongs to the horse. Unega and Tohiadedi have been standing in the paddock with our horses since this spring, as if he had known you two would come. That's crazy, isn't it?"

The first time since Voldemort's death, Harry felt a cold shiver down the back of his neck, and he heard a crazy sound in his head, like a wing beat of a huge bird. He shook his head to clear it. Maybe I have been in the sun too long, Harry thought, confused. The feeling he had wasn't a bad one, as it had been with Voldemort; no, there was nothing frightening about it. It was a really good feeling; a safe feeling. Someone had been waiting for him.

"Yes, it is."

~*~

After taking his shower, Draco inspected his face closely. It was red, but it didn't hurt much. He traced the thick, long scars that almost run completely over his face. One stretched from his lower left cheek to directly under his nose. It was the one he was reminded about most often because he could feel it when he smile or shouted. He remembered, as if it was yesterday, when Lestrange had inflicted it.

"When you do it, do it right." His father, Lucius Malfoy, had said as he grabbed the knife out of Lestrange's hand.

Flashback

"You disgraced the Malfoy name, boy. Now, I'll take from you what you are so fond of: your beauty." And with that, Draco's father started to cut his face. Draco couldn't say what was worse: the pain from the cutting or the pain he felt by the cold eyes of his father. He is insane, just like the Dark Lord was, Draco thought desperately.

One cut after another was drawn from one side of his face to the other, and later his chest and back. His father enjoyed the cries of pain and grinned wickedly when the cries of pain became pleas to stop, then whimpering after Draco realize that his father wouldn't show mercy. Maybe he didn't even know the meaning of that word: mercy.

End of Flashback

Draco traced the last of the four long scars on his face. It almost looked like an animal had clawed his face. He stood in front of the mirror, clad in only a towel around his hips. The mirror was big enough to see his upper body. His red skinned arms stood out against his white torso. The thicker scars still looked red, but the thinner ones were already pale.

Nobody has mentioned my scars yet. I hope is stays like this. They didn't even avert their faces when they first saw me. That's odd, Draco thought confused. It was the first time nobody had looked away in shame or pity or disgust. Harry felt so guilty about what had happened in the dungeons, but not once had he looked at Draco with shame or pity, and never would he look at him in disgust. They had become good friends before the events in the dungeons, and after, they were like brothers. It's crazy how things can change if you give them a chance. Maybe my life can change again, now that I'm here. If everything goes my way, I'll never leave. Draco thought, completely sure that he never wanted to go back to his old world. The people here were so different.

He quickly dressed because he wanted to use the time he still had left before the feast would begin to write Hermione. She is surely waiting for a message, and Harry doesn't seem to be back yet.

Hermione,

Are you there?

The first day is almost over now. They force us to sleep apart, can you believe it? It's horrible. I hear every stupid sound in my room; I'm sure I won't close an eye tonight. I wish they would allow us to sleep in the same room. Harry says they have spells on the rooms. I don't care; I will try to sneak in his room tonight nevertheless. Why is it so important? Harry doesn't want to sleep alone either, but he at least had a cat in his room when we had to rest right after arriving here. He hopes it will come tonight as well. Can you believe it? Harry and an animal happily together? He hasn't touched any animal since my father ripped Hedwig's head from her body in front of him. Oh, sorry, I know I shouldn't tell you things like that. I was just so surprised when he enjoyed the company of the cat.

I almost forgot to tell you the most important thing. I have a horse now! His name is Unega, and he's beautiful. I wish you could be here and I could show you everything. I'm sure you would like it here as well. Yes, I like it here! I just feel sorry for Harry; I think he hates it, and he even looks a little scared around Black Hawk. That's the guy who helps us with the horses. To me, he is very kind. He always keeps distance between us and asks if he should call for Rose. She is the one responsible for me. I'm sure you could talk endless with her. She can let magic flow through her hands to help people heal.

The other adults are also very nice, but I'm glad Severus is here with us. The two older people here are White Cloud and Light Arrow. I have no idea how old they are, but they're very old, I think. They call Severus their son. It's all so surreal that sometimes I think it's a dream. The only thing I still don't like is the other kids. I don't want to talk with them, Hermione. I wish I could live alone somewhere, where nobody would look at me. Okay, not alone, but with Harry would be great. I know I can't demand that from him; you don't have to scold me, Hermione. There are just so many people here; it makes me uncomfortable.

My feelings change from feeling safe to unsafe and from happy to sad so quickly that it is just confusing me! I wish you were here. You were always the one to make things clear for me, and you sometimes understood my feelings better than I did.

Oh, and I have a sunburn, but it's not that bad. Now I have a cool hat. It's black, you should see me with it. I think I look cool, and it hides my scars.

Okay I will see if Harry is back. I will take the messenger with me, so please write back.

Bye, Draco

"He is taking a shower," a deep baritone declared from behind Draco when he tried to sneak into Harry's room. Draco jumped and turned abruptly causing Severus to raise his eyebrow at Draco's shocked face. "Do you want to come with me and have a talk until he is ready?"

"Okay," Draco said, willing his speeding heart to slow down. "You know, you could have given me a heart attack. You shouldn't scare people like that," Draco said.

"And you shouldn't sneak into Harry's room like that. You can go openly to him; you don't have to tiptoe into his room." Severus was already opening his room's door while speaking to Draco.

Draco looked curiously around the room. It was sparsely decorated, like his own room, but on the wall by his bed, a few photos were pinned. Draco sat down on the bed and had a closer look at them. In one, Severus stood in the middle, his arms over the shoulders of the two boys beside him.; he was grinning as were the other two. The Severus in the photo was someone totally different from the man Draco knew. But did that really surprise him after what he had seen with Thunderstorm, and how he reacted around the adults here? Severus had been here as a boy, too. The boy on Severus' right side in the photo looked similar to Draco. Suddenly the bed shifted beside him, and Draco looked surprised at Severus.

"That's Black Hawk." Severus pointed at the boy to his right in the photo. "The other boy is Falid. He is now living in Chicago as a social worker. Over there," -he pointed at another photo- "is Rose and me."

"And Red Horse and Crying Horse? Have they been here with you as well?" Draco asked while looking at the other photos.

"No, Red Horse was here before my time, and Crying Horse never came here before he met Rose. After school, Rose had a job working with the administration of the reservation for some time. It was there she met Crying Horse. Eventually, she decided to study and become a teacher. After the study, she worked in one of the reservation schools, but decided that she wanted always be here for the kids living here."

Draco looked at Severus. "We don't have to take classes here, do we?"

Severus chuckled. "No, you don't have. You should use the time here only for yourself. Use it to heal, Draco." He looked seriously at Draco, who averted his face. Severus gently lifted Draco's chin. "I heard you have done very well with Unega. I'm proud of you. It seems you really want to give this place a chance."

Draco smiled - a rare sight since the events in the dungeons. He loved it when Severus was proud of him. "I like Unega. I hope I can learn to ride him soon. So, do you know where Harry was?"

"He helped the other kids to build the campfire and prepare the feast."

Draco looked down sadly at his hands in his lap. "Has he already found friends?"

Severus again gently took Draco's chin to turn his face in his direction. "That's the reason for him being here, Draco. Harry has to realize that there is more than hate and revenge. It would be good if he were to find friends here and a new view about his future. You should be happy for him when he manages to adjust here."

"I know, but... I just don't want to loose him." Draco looked at Severus sadly.

"You will never loose Harry as your friend, but you two have to learn to live without each other. The bond you two have now can be very good, but if you don't watch out, it could strangle you both. You still have to be able to live alone, Draco. You wouldn't be healthy otherwise. What if Harry can't change his mind about revenge? What if he really does what he wants to do? He will die by it or he will be thrown into Azkaban for murderer! Do you want to follow him there because you can't live without him?"

Draco jumped up. "No, I won't let him do it! And you should stop him too. Why are you speaking like this?" Draco's voice became louder and louder.

"Because it is still a possibility, Draco. Closing our eyes about this won't help. I really hope that he will change and find a new way of living without the hate, but I'm not sure he will. Maybe the horrible things in the dungeons have changed him too much," Severus said sadly.

"You need to talk to him. Why don't you? DON'T SIT HERE AND TELL ME I HAVE TO LIVE ALONE BECAUSE HE WILL BE IN AZKABAN. STOP HIM!" Draco shouted. He didn't care if the others could hear him. He hated this topic, and he would never accept that Harry would fulfil his stupid plan.

Severus shook his head sadly in defeat. "I tried," he almost whispered.

"THEN TRY HARDER!" Draco screamed out loud before he ran out of the room. On his way he crashed into Harry, who stood open-mouthed in the doorframe. "I HATE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!" Draco screamed at Harry and ran crying to his own room.

Second later, Light Arrow stood close to Harry and observed the scene in front of him. Severus was still sitting on his bed, bowed over with his head in his hands. Harry still stood dumbfounded in the doorframe looking at Severus, shocked.

Rose, who had come upstairs with Light Arrow, was already on her way to Draco while Light Arrow stood helplessly in the doorframe, trying to decide who to take care of first. White Cloud emerged behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you accompany Harry to his room and let me speak with Severus?" She didn't wait for an answer and gently guided Harry and Light Arrow to Harry's room. Then she turned and went into Severus' room, closing the door behind her.

"You need to talk to him. Why don't you? DON'T SIT HERE AND TELL ME I HAVE TO LIVE ALONE BECAUSE HE WILL BE IN AZKABAN. STOP HIM!" Draco shouted. He didn't care if the others could hear him. He hated this topic, and he would never accept that Harry would fulfil his stupid plan.

Severus shook his head sadly in defeat. "I tried," he almost whispered.

"THEN TRY HARDER!" Draco screamed out loud before he ran out of the room. On his way he crashed into Harry, who stood open-mouthed in the doorframe. "I HATE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!" Draco screamed at Harry and ran crying to his own room.

Second later, Light Arrow stood close to Harry and observed the scene in front of him. Severus was still sitting on his bed, bowed over with his head in his hands. Harry still stood dumbfounded in the doorframe looking at Severus, shocked.

Rose, who had come upstairs with Light Arrow, was already on her way to Draco while Light Arrow stood helplessly in the doorframe, trying to decide who to take care of first. White Cloud emerged behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you accompany Harry to his room and let me speak with Severus?" She didn't wait for an answer and gently guided Harry and Light Arrow to Harry's room. Then she turned and went into Severus' room, closing the door behind her.

~*~

Draco threw himself onto his bed, and buried his face in his cushion and sobbed helplessly. His stomach hurt from his attempts to stop sobbing. He didn't hear the door open and close, only when he felt a hand on his shoulder did he realize that he was no longer alone. He didn't look up, for the moment the hand touched him, calming magic was flowing into his body. Even after only one day here, he recognized it as Rose's.

"He can't leave me alone. For the first time since everything happened, I was happy, and now it is all over again!" Draco screamed into the cushion.

"Nothing is over, Draco. It's your first day here. Just because Severus said something you didn't like doesn't make everything miserable. Why don't you tell me what you two were talking about?" Rose asked him calmly.

"He thinks Harry will go to Azkaban. He thinks he won't change his mind here and then I would be alone." Draco sniffed in his cushion.

"Draco, Severus is only human. He is exhausted and very worried about you two. Yes, he is worried that Harry won't change his mind about the whole thing, but he hasn't given up on him. I know it, Draco. Severus loves you two as if you were his own sons."

Draco turned onto his back and faced Rose. She immediately brushed her thumb over his face to wipe some of the tears away. "You should have seen him. He really thinks Harry will kill the Death Eaters and then go to Azkaban. He told me I have to learn to live alone because I couldn't go with Harry to Azkaban."

"He didn't mean it the way you interpreted it, Draco. All he wants is for you both to become more independent. It's not healthy to be so reliant upon another person. Right now this feels comfortable for you, and you don't understand why we are all worried about it or why we force you two to sleep separately. We just want you two to be able to live your own lives. You can still be very good friends, but each of you should be able to live without the other and able to get to know other people without the presence of the other.

"I don't know Harry very well, but he didn't seem so hateful and depressed when I met him today with the other kids, and you even looked happy when I saw you with your horse. I think both of you have a very good chance to succeed here. There is no reason to give up right now. It's your first day here, and Harry's too." She gently stroked his hair now that he had stopped crying. "We have had children here who had given up on their lives. They wanted to die. You two still have reasons to live. In Harry's case, it isn't a reason we agree with, but Draco, we haven't even had time to talk to him about it. You shouldn't be so down just because Severus mentioned one possible outcome."

Draco sat up and let Rose encircle him with her arm. He sadly looked at the hands in his lap. "But, it felt so bad when he said those things."

"I know, Draco. Even if he strangles me for saying it, Severus needs to help himself at the moment. He has lost himself by helping you two as much as you two have lost yourselves by concentrating on the other. Severus is not a person who likes to admit that he can't manage something on his own. It was good that he contacted us when he realized that he couldn't help you two on his own. He hates himself for not being able to help you; he thinks he has failed you."

"I didn't realize all of that. He looked so lost, and now I've made him feel even more guilty by saying all that stuff to him." Draco hid his face in his hands and started sobbing again. "What if he doesn't speak to me again? He was the only one, besides Harry, who was there for me." A heartbreaking sob escaped him. "Oh, Merlin, Harry. I... oh, no... I said I hate him. I screamed at him." In that moment, Draco did something he hadn't done for a long time, besides with Severus: he hugged Rose so tightly that it was almost painful. "He will never forgive me!" He whispered in Rose's chest.

"Of course he will," Rose said conciliatory as she rubbed calming circles on Draco's back. "He loves you, Draco."

Draco straightened himself and wiped the tears from his face. "I'm such a baby."

"No, you are not. I was so proud of you today, and Black Hawk kept talking about how proud he was of you and how good you were with Unega, and it's not easy to impress him."

"Yes, before I talked to Severus I was really happy. I can't remember when the last time I was that happy was."

"See," Rose said and ruffled Draco's hair.

Suddenly the cushion vibrated. No, not the cushion, but the messenger beside it. "Oh, it's Hermione. She must have written a reply to my last letter."

"Hermione?" Rose asked grinning at him.

"She is a friend. Just a friend. She gave Harry and me these messengers, so we can write while we are here."

"Then I will leave you alone to read it, but in fifteen minutes I will come and get you for the feast, okay?"

"Okay," Draco said and smiled shyly at her.

When Rose had left, Draco opened the messenger.

Dear Draco,

I'm so happy that you like it there.

"Yeah, it's fantastic. To bad that my life can be shattered in only a second." He said sarcastically to nobody.

Maybe it is good that you two learn to sleep separately, Draco. Later in life you will have to sleep alone as well. I'm sure you will get used to all the sounds, and I'm sure someone is always nearby and will help you when something is wrong.

Please, don't sneak into Harry's room. They must have reasons for it. You know about Harry's nightmares. Maybe this way he will finally have to talk to someone about them? The spells you mentioned will surely inform the adults about any problems, including nightmares. Let them help Harry. We both know that he needs it, and we can't give him this kind of help.

I know you will want to protest to that. Yes, you have been there for him all this time, but he never opened up to you, nor did he tell you what is bothering him in his dreams.

"He doesn't have to, his screams and pleas from the nightmares are loud enough for me to hear. And I was in the dungeons as well, Hermione."

It's good that he has a cat in his room. You said you two have horses, so how does Harry like his horse? And Draco you can tell me anything you want. Don't stop just because you think I don't want to hear it. I'm glad when you open up to me a bit. If you want to tell me more about what happened feel free to do so. You are important to me, and I would like to know what happened to you, so I might be able to help you.

"No, you don't want to know what happened in those damn dungeons, Hermione. If you did, you wouldn't be able to sleep as well."

I would really love to see your horse and where you live. Maybe I can visit you one day? I will speak to the headmaster about it. If that isn't possible, maybe I can send you a camera? Please ask if you are allowed to take pictures. I'm sure they won't like you taking lots of them, but maybe you could at least send me a photo of Unega and one of Harry and you.

"If Harry ever comes close to me again. I doubt he will," Draco said sadly to the room.

The adults sound really interesting. Please tell me more about them. This Black Hawk sounds very mysterious, and Rose sounds like she is very kind. I would love to know more about the wandless healing magic. It must be great!

"Didn't I say you would love it?"

White Cloud and Light Arrow call Severus their son? That's interesting. I would love to know more about it. Why do they call him their son?He must have been there before. They surely can't be his real parents, can they? Oh, please, tell me more! I haven't heard anything from Harry. Tell him he should write to me!

"I'm lucky if he just looks in my direction, so how can I think about speaking with him?"

Please try to open up to the other kids, Draco. They all have problems too, and I'm sure they will understand you. Maybe you will even find some friends.

"I don't need friends. I have you and..." Draco sighed sadly.

I know you have confusing and conflicting feelings. Please, try to be open and talk about them. Rose sounds very understanding. Why don't you speak with her about it?

"I fear she has already seen a good example of my mood swings."

Oh, and I definitely need a photo of you in that hat! I'm sure you look very good with it on. I know you don't want to hear it, but I will say it nevertheless: your scars belong to you, Draco. They are a part of you, so you don't have to hide them. From everything you told me about the people on the ranch, I am sure that they don't care about your scars. You are the only one who thinks of them as something to hide. When I look at you, I don't even notice them, Draco. Please learn to see them as a part of yourself, and not in a bad way.

I'm sorry that I don't have anything new about me to tell you. It's just that it's boring here. When I write my letter to Professor Dumbledore to ask him about the visit, I will ask him to send me a book about wandless healing magic. I'm sure he has one, and I want to read more about it.

Please enjoy your time over there, Draco.

Love,

Hermione

Draco sighed and closed the messenger. There wasn't enough time to write Hermione back before Rose would come and get him for the feast. He wished Hermione could be there with him. At least then he wouldn't have to feel so alone, and she could speak to Harry, and tell him that he was sorry for what he had shouted at him.

Draco threw himself onto his back on the bed. Why does my life always be so complicated?

Draco sighed and closed the messenger. There wasn't enough time to write Hermione back before Rose would come and get him for the feast. He wished Hermione could be there with him. At least then he wouldn't have to feel so alone, and she could speak to Harry, and tell him that he was sorry for what he had shouted at him.

Draco threw himself onto his back on the bed. Why does my life always be so complicated?

~*~

"Harry, you know he didn't really mean what he said to you, don't you?" Light Arrow asked Harry while sitting down next to him on the bed.

Harry drew his legs up to his chest and hugged them desperately. "He shouted at me. He hates me." He hid his face in his knees so that Light Arrow wouldn't be able to see his tears.

"He was angry and scared, Harry. Severus said something to him, and perhaps Draco misinterpreted the meaning." Light Arrow tried to reason with the dark-haired boy on the bed. The problem was that he didn't know what Severus had said; they had only heard Draco's shouted part of the conversation.

"I heard what he said," Harry stated, almost emotionless.

Light Arrow was surprised at how much Harry could control his voice. His whole body was shaking from the effort of trying to stop himself from sobbing, but he managed to say those words so emotionlessly. "There is no reason to pull your mask up while with me, Harry. You can cry as long and as hard as you want. Suppressing all your feelings won't help you. Please, tell me what you're feeling right now." Light Arrow carefully laid a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I hate it, I hate it all. I don't want to be here. I just want to kill them. Why don't you all let me do what I want to do?" Instead of pulling away from Light Arrow as his brain told him, Harry threw himself in the strong arms of the old man. He didn't suppress his sobs any longer, and hid his face in the Light Arrow's chest.

"Because that isn't what you really want, Harry," Light Arrow said calmly and pulled Harry in a more comfortable position on his lap. "You don't want to kill, Harry. The guilt that you couldn't help your friends is eating you up from inside, and you're trying to get rid of this guilt by telling yourself you have to kill those who hurt you and your friends. You are not like them, Harry. You are a good person. You have been there for Draco. You love him like a brother. A person that really wants to kill someone isn't capable of feeling strong emotions like love. You can still love, Harry, and you are still loved by others."

"But I have to do it," Harry sobbed and held tightly to Light Arrow.

"No, you don't. Draco will need you, Harry, even after his stay here. Severus will need you as well. If you give up, he will break. He loves you like a son and already fears he failed you because he couldn't convince you to live on without the hate you have in your heart."

Harry felt so safe at the moment that he never wanted to have to get out of Light Arrow's lap. Light Arrow had tightened his hold on him, and Harry felt he could relax completely in those strong arms. "I swore to do it."

"Whom would it help, Harry? Your two lost friends wouldn't come back into life, Draco would be alone, and Severus would fall apart from the guilt he would feel, and your life would end in Azkaban. Is it worth that?"

"But I... I..."

"You don't have to answer that question now; I just want you to think about it. So many people would be very sad if you decide to fulfil your revenge plan. You remind me so much of Severus, Harry. It's amazing."

Harry shifted a bit so as to be able to look into Light Arrows face. "You said he is your son."

"Yes, I did. Some children you become fonder of than others, and some need you much more than others. Severus was one of these, as was Black Hawk. They were both here as boys. Severus had lost his mother and wanted to kill the man who was responsible for it. At least the one he made responsible for it. He was so filled with hate, and he fought us very hard. He too wasn't here freely. Your headmaster had sent him here. We needed almost a year to show him another way to handle his feelings and to convince him that revenge wasn't worth losing his own life. His mother wouldn't have wanted him to become a murderer and spend the rest of his life in Azkaban. He still had a lot of hate in him, and most of it was directed at himself. We both know where that landed him. He became a Death Eater, but soon he realized that he wasn't like them; he wasn't the cold bastard he always thought. And you also aren't as cold as you think you are, nor as you try to show us by always putting up your mask."

Harry lowered his eyes. "But, I owe it to Ron and Neville to do it."

"No, Harry, just try to imagine what they would tell you right now if they could. Do you think they would want you to give your life up and become like the beasts that killed them? Do you really think so?"

"No," Harry said in a small voice, and he leaned against Light Arrows chest again. "But I need to do it so I won't feel so guilty about what happened. They died because of me. I was the one the Death Eaters were angry at, and they tortured them just because they were my friends."

"I know only what Severus told me, but Draco would have been one of their targets even without you; am I right?" When Harry didn't answer, just turning his face into his chest, he went on. "Draco's father was angry at him for betraying him. This had nothing to do with you Harry. And your other two friends were both at the final battle in the ministry, so they would have been targets even without you."

"But I took them with me to the Ministry," Harry spoke into Light Arrows chest.

"They came with you, Harry, because they believed in the same as what you believed in. They fought for the light and would have fought against the Death Eaters with you or without you. But it doesn't even matter, Harry. What matters is that they wouldn't want you to kill. They would want you to go on with your life and try to find happiness."

Harry sighed. "I know, but I fear I will never be happy again."

"We will see Harry, we will see."

_____________________

"Severus, what's going on?" White Cloud asked as she sat down beside Severus.

When Severus felt her hand sinking down onto his shoulder, he jumped up. He couldn't stand her warm contact at the moment. He was dirty, soiled and she shouldn't touch someone like him. "What's going on? You want to know what's going on? I messed everything up as I always do! I'm incapable of saying the right things. I can't help them. I'm useless bastard!" He shouted and slammed his fist against the wall.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you will sit down this instant and let me see to your hand," White Cloud demanded in a tone which defied the tone typical of the calm, gentle woman.

Her tone pulled Severus out of his rage. He looked at her, shocked, as if he had just realized she was there. Merlin, I'm in trouble, he thought, not moving an inch.

"Severus, sit down. You broke our first and most important family rule, and we will speak about it, but first I want to have a look at your hand," she said sternly and pointed to the spot beside her on the bed.

His head hanging, he strolled over to her and sat down. After a look at his hand, she stood up and headed for the door. "You won't move an inch or you will be in more trouble than you already are." Minutes later, she was back with a medical kit. "If it doesn't become better by tomorrow, we will have to drive into the town and have the doctor see it. I fear it is broken, stupid boy."

"I'm not a-" Severus started to protest.

"Don't you dare to finish that sentence! What you did just now was childish, and when you behave like a child, I will call you a child. Now hold still!" She started to put a homemade salve on the open wound over his knuckles; after that, she wrapped a bandage around his hand. Finally, she placed a cold pack over the bandage and fixed it in place using another.

"I'm a wizard. I can heal it myself," Severus tried to argue.

"No, you won't. Do you want to break another one of our rules here?" She looked sternly at him.

"White Cloud," Severus said and sighed, "just a bone-mending spell."

"No, Severus, you know our rules. The fact you still have your wand is bad enough. We are the once in charge in this house and that doesn't change even when you are an adult. And healing spells never were your favorite, Severus. I won't take that risk. If it isn't better tomorrow, you will see the Doc."

"But White Cloud, I can't. It's still Dr. Martens, isn't it? I won't go to him!" He didn't say it very convincingly, and he even leaned back a little upon seeing her expression to his revolt.

"You will, Severus, and I'm sure Light Arrow won't let anyone other than himself bring you to him. You will have a lot to explain, and Doc Martens won't be the one you have to worry the most about."

Severus groaned.

White Cloud gave him a tap on the back of his head. "Behave, Severus!" When she saw Severus defeat, she said, "And now we will speak about what happened."

"I already have to speak with Light Arrow about it. Can we not just let it drop now?" Severus already knew the answer, but he tried nevertheless.

"Breaking one of the family rules will lead to a conversation with both heads of the house. You lived here long enough to know that. So, what rule did you break?"

"Really, White Cloud, I'm thirty-six now. You don't want me to have to do it like this anymore."

"I don't care how old you are; if you break a family rule, you will speak about it with us no matter how old you are. I had thought we would never have to have one of these conversations again, but sadly I was wrong. So start, Severus, we don't have all day. The kids are waiting to start the campfire."

Severus sighed. "I broke the first family rule. I hurt myself. The rule says that we don't hurt someone else or ourselves on purpose; by hitting the wall, I broke that rule. I'm sorry, and I won't do it again," he said, annoyed.

"Oh, no, you are still like you were twenty-one years ago. You always try to sneak out the easy way, but it won't work with me. Tell me why you did it!"

"I was angry, why else. Merlin, this is stupid, I don't have to do this." He jumped up again.

"Severus," White Cloud said warningly.

"I'm too old for this! I came here so that you could help the boys. Why do you have to treat me like I am still a teen?"

"Because you are behave like one, Severus: you loose your temper and hurt yourself. How often has it happen lately?"

Damn, this woman. How does she always know? Severus stood stiff as a board in front of the woman who knew him better than anyone else other than Light Arrow. He knew that his body language was giving him away, but he couldn't do anything to stop it. When White Cloud gently pulled him beside her on the bed, he didn't protest. "Please, I cannot speak about it," he protested weakly.

"Yes, you can, Severus. I'm here for you."

"No, don't say that." He panicked when he felt tears forming in his eyes. Those damn words; she knew perfectly well that they would trigger these kinds of emotions from him. He fought hard, but when she repeated "I'm here for you. Just let go." Over and over in her calm voice, he broke down.

"It's okay, my boy," White Cloud said while hugging the sobbing wizard tightly, drawing soothing circles on his back. "I'm here, just tell me."

Those words were the last straw, and Severus gave up his fight completely. He lay in the arms of the woman he loved like his own mother and confessed everything that had bothered him lately. He told her how guilty he felt for not finding the boys earlier; for not protecting them more careful while the Death Eaters had still been on the loose; for not being able to help them after the torture in the dungeons. He confessed that he had started to drink again and that he had lost control several times, resulting in him injuring himself. It spluttered out of him, and he felt a heavy weight lift from him. He wasn't alone with his problems any longer. Someone else now knew and would take care of him.

"It's okay, my boy," White Cloud said while hugging the sobbing wizard tightly, drawing soothing circles on his back. "I'm here, just tell me."

Those words were the last straw, and Severus gave up his fight completely. He lay in the arms of the woman he loved like his own mother and confessed everything that had bothered him lately. He told her how guilty he felt for not finding the boys earlier; for not protecting them more careful while the Death Eaters had still been on the loose; for not being able to help them after the torture in the dungeons. He confessed that he had started to drink again and that he had lost control several times, resulting in him injuring himself. It spluttered out of him, and he felt a heavy weight lift from him. He wasn't alone with his problems any longer. Someone else now knew and would take care of him.

~*~

The others were already sitting around the fireplace when White Cloud and Severus arrived. Even Harry and Draco were there, but they sat on opposite sides. It was a depressing mood, which worsened when Severus arrived. Everyone stared at his bandaged hand. It looked all the more horrible because the ice package made it look large, as if swollen terribly.

Light Arrow eyed Severus closely, and when Severus avoided eye contact, he went over to him. "We will speak later, Severus. Now let's start the feast." He turned to the group around the firepit and said, "Today, we welcome Harry and Draco to the Camp. I want every one of you to remember how hard it was for you on your first few days here, and I hope you will help them to adjust. I'm sure you all are hungry, so let the feast begin."

Ken and Brian were the first to run over to Rose and Crying Horse who were holding bowls of sausages and bread dough. "I'll take one for Harry as well," Brian said as he took a second carved osier stake.

"Okay, but show him how to do it," Crying Horse said.

"Sure!" Brian went over to Harry, who was lost in thought while he sat on a trunk which had placed near the fire for such use. "Hey, Harry, I brought you some bread and a sausage."

After the hard work Harry had done that day, he was hungry even he didn't emotionally feel like eating anything. "Thanks."

"Look, I'll show you how it's done." Brian took the sausage and impaled it on the end of the stake. "You have to push it far down on the stick so you can add some bread, too," Brian said and wrapped the bread dough around the stick. "Now you have to hold it over the fire. Be careful that you don't hold it too low, or you will burn it."

"Okay," Harry said and did as Brian had instructed. He looked over to Draco. He was sitting with White Cloud, who was showing him how to put the bread on the stick.

"Hey, Harry, watch your bread," Ken said and lifted Harry's stick. "You have to concentrate." Ken followed Harry's glance. "Why don't you go over and talk to him? I'm sure he didn't mean what he said."

"Of course he meant it," Harry said sadly, looking into the fire.

"Do you know what happened with Severus?" Brian asked in an attempt to distract Harry.

Harry looked in Severus' direction. Severus was still sitting next to Light Arrow and looked grimly in the fire. "No, when I left, he was okay."

On the other site of the campfire, White Cloud was speaking with Draco. "You could go over to Harry and explain him that you don't really hate him."

"He won't listen to me," Draco said sadly.

"You cannot know that before you have tried," White Cloud said reassuringly.

When White Cloud went over to Aiden, Draco eyed Harry shyly, but he didn't dare to go over to him. Eventually he plucked up his courage and stood. Unfortunately, his braveness left him the moment he was standing, and he went over to Severus. It was much easier to apologize to Severus than to Harry.

The moment Draco reached Severus, the Potions Master looked up. Severus looked sad and broken, and Draco felt his heart sting. "I'm sorry for what I said, Severus," Draco said shyly.

Light Arrow patted Severus' shoulder and stood up. "In case you leave before we speak again, we are starting tomorrow, after breakfast." With that, Light Arrow left the two of them, and Draco came and sat down on his place.

"Can you forgive me? I'm really sorry. I know you tried your best. I shouldn't have shouted at you. I'm glad that you were there for Harry and me. You are still here for us, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. I shouldn't have told you I fear that Harry is too lost in his hate to recover. I'm sorry, as well."

Draco looked at Severus' hand. "Do you want half of my bread and sausage? Or should I make a fresh one for you?"

"Half of yours would be great," Severus said, relieved that the issues between him and Draco were settled now.

While they both ate their food, Draco shyly asked, "What happened to your hand?"

Severus had hoped that nobody would ask but knew the chance for that was very low. "Nothing serious, but as the rules forbid me to use any type of magic, I can't heal it."

"Do you remember how you refused to heal my broken toe last year? You said that you are miserable with healing spells. So I would say it's good they have this kind of rule."

"If you say so," Severus said grumpily.

"So you will see a doctor tomorrow?" Draco asked curiously.

"Yes, it seems so," Severus said and looked at his swollen hand. "Have you spoken with Harry since our little dispute?"

"No," Draco said sadly and stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth.

"Then go over there and do so. You two can't be angry with each other for long," Severus said encouragingly.

"I don't know," Draco said as he looked sceptically over to where Harry sat.

"Go, Draco; he will forgive you."

Hesitantly, Draco stood up and made his way over to Harry. "Can I speak with you?"

Harry looked up and finished his last bite of his sausage. Brian made space for Draco to sit down next to Harry. "You don't have to apologize. I understand that you're angry with me."

"No, it was unfair of me, and I didn't mean it. I'm just so scared that you are going to leave me, and I was angry at Severus because I thought he has given up on you."

"Yes, I heard him, too," Harry said sadly.

"Rose says he has his own problems, and he feels guilty about not being able to help us on his own," Draco explained.

"But he has helped us," Harry protested.

"I know, but Rose meant he wanted to help us alone - without needed to turn to others for assistance. He wanted to bring you away from your hate and stop the revenge plans."

Harry just sighed. How could he respond to this?

"Are you okay?" Draco asked insecurely.

"I don't know. Light Arrow gave me a lot to think about, but, before you ask, I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Time for the drum; who wants to beat it?" Crying Horse said as he carried a big drum with Red Horse's help close to the fire.

"Me!" Brian and Ken shouted both as they ran over to the two adults.

Light Arrow and Melissa also went over to the drummer's group. Each of them took one of the large drum sticks, which had furs tied around the head of each mallet.

They started to beat the drum in a slow, monotone rhythm. From time to time, they increased their speed. Harry and Draco stared into the fire. When Red Horse, Crying Horse and Light Arrow started singing to the drumbeats, Harry again felt a shiver down the back of his neck. The beating was something he could loose himself in.

Again, he heard the sound of wings from a large bird in his ears, but thought he must be imagining it. He was tired from that day's work. The wood chopping had taken its toll, and Harry's head started to buzz. When he again looked into the fire, he was sure he saw two eyes looking back at him. Eyes of a large bird: a bird of prey. Harry shook his head, and the eyes were gone.

The drummers were at their fastest rhythm now, and Harry had the feeling his heart was racing along with the beat of the drums. The moment he thought he could no longer take it, the drummers beat the drum with hard yet slower-paced beats and finally stopped. The silence was amazing. All around the firepit, people were staring into the fire; only the drummers looked at the big drum, sweat dripping from their foreheads.

I wonder if they all hear their own heartbeats now? Harry asked himself in thought. He had the feeling he could still hear the drums in his mind. When he finally was able to look around, he saw that Severus wasn't at the campfire anymore, and Draco looked deep in thought.

"The feast is over now. The last one to leave puts the fire out," Light Arrow said and left the fireside.

"Do you still want to stay, or do you two want to come with me up to the house?" Rose asked.

"I'm tired," Harry said and stood up to follow her.

Draco stood up too and asked, "Can I stay with Harry for a while? I would like to tell him about Hermione."

"Okay, but don't fall asleep in his room, Draco. You know the rule." Rose eyed him closely.

"Yes, I know the rule," Draco said grumpily.

In Harry's room, they both sat down on the bed. "I wrote Hermione, and she's already answered me. She said she is waiting for a letter from you," Draco said.

"Oh, yes. I will write to her tomorrow; I'm too tired at the moment." Harry let himself sink backwards on his bed. Karim jumped up and started to purr while rubbing his head against Harry's head. Harry laughed and stroked the cat on the head. "Hey, Karim; it's nice to see you as well."

Draco looked sad. "Great, and I have to sleep alone."

Harry immediately felt guilty for being so happy that he wouldn't be alone that night. "I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to be. I'm glad you aren't alone. I just wish I could have a pet as well." Draco looked longingly at the black cat.

"What did Hermione write to you?" Harry asked to distract Draco.

"Oh, she said she wants to ask Dumbledore if she can visit us here, and that she wants to send us a camera. Damn, I forgot to ask Rose about the camera. Do you think it is alright to take photos here?"

"I don't know. Maybe, if you don't take photos of the other people. Just ask Severus or Rose." Harry absently stroked Karim and became more and more sleepy. "Hermione wants to visit us? We are here for only one day and she can't stand not seeing you." Harry chuckled.

"She wants to see both of us," Draco protested.

"Sure," Harry said sarcastically.

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked, confused.

"Merlin, you really are blind, Draco. Hermione loves you. She couldn't keep her eyes off you when we were home." Harry shook his head in disbelief of Draco's ignorance.

"As if she would want me," Draco said bitterly.

Harry sat up abruptly, causing Karim to look up, annoyed. "Of course she wants you! Damn Draco, not all people are so stupid that they just see your scars. Stop wallowing in self-pity." Harry suddenly started to grin. "Maybe she even thinks your scars are sexy. You know, some girls like scared men."

Draco stood up and pushed Harry's chest, causing him to fall back onto his bed. "You are stupid, Harry."

Harry laughed. "And you are damn blind, Draco!"

"I'm going to go to my room and sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," Draco said and opened the door.

"Draco!" Harry called after his friend. When Draco turned, Harry said, "I hope you will sleep well. If you have trouble, just call me. I don't give a damn on the rules here if you need my help."

Draco smiled. "Thanks. Sleep well."

"You, too," Harry said, but Draco had already closed the door.

The house was silent, and Draco was a little scared. The door to his room creaked when he opened it, and that didn't lighten his mood. He thought about not changing into his pajama and just jumping into bed and hiding under the covers until next morning, but when he opened the door, he saw a white, fluffy animal on his bed. It was a cat, and immediately Draco was no longer scared. I'm not alone, he thought, relieved as he went over to the cat.

The white cat looked up, and Draco was stunned by her blue eyes. She had long, fluffy fur and looked royal. "Hey," Draco said a bit insecurely. Cautiously, he reached for the cat's head and pet it. The cat purred, stood up, and rubbed her head against Draco's hand. "No, I'm not alone," Draco said happily.

Draco smiled. "Thanks. Sleep well."

"You, too," Harry said, but Draco had already closed the door.

The house was silent, and Draco was a little scared. The door to his room creaked when he opened it, and that didn't lighten his mood. He thought about not changing into his pajama and just jumping into bed and hiding under the covers until next morning, but when he opened the door, he saw a white, fluffy animal on his bed. It was a cat, and immediately Draco was no longer scared. I'm not alone, he thought, relieved as he went over to the cat.

The white cat looked up, and Draco was stunned by her blue eyes. She had long, fluffy fur and looked royal. "Hey," Draco said a bit insecurely. Cautiously, he reached for the cat's head and pet it. The cat purred, stood up, and rubbed her head against Draco's hand. "No, I'm not alone," Draco said happily.

~*~

It was three in the morning when the alarm in Light Arrow's bedroom was activated. He crawled out of bed, and when he stepped into the hall, he saw Harry's bedroom door aglow with a shimmering red light. He had just gone to open it when Severus opened his door, a sleepy look on his face.

"Back to bed with you! You don't need to damage your hand any more than you already have," Light Arrow ordered strictly, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the others.

"But-" Severus tried to argue, but Light Arrow interrupted him.

"No ‘buts', boy! Back to bed! Tomorrow we have an appointment with Doc Martens followed by a long talk." Without looking to see if Severus obeyed, Light Arrow opened Harry's door and went in. He didn't need to look back to know that Severus obeyed his order.

Harry was thrashing on his bed, screaming. "No, please let go of him! Please take me instead!" A thick piece of tape was hanging from Harry's cheek. Quickly, Light Arrow went over to Harry and removed it. He then placed one hand on Harry's chest and the other on the boy's forehead. "Wake up, Harry!"

With a jerk, Harry sat up and looked around wildly. Light Arrow had let go of him upon his waking, and now he held his hands up so Harry saw that he was no harm. "It's okay, Harry. It was just a nightmare."

Harry was sweating and breathing heavily. He was still looking around, clearly scared.

"You are at our ranch, Harry. You are safe. Everything is okay. I'm going to come closer now and will touch you, okay?" Light Arrow asked calmly, moving closer to Harry.

Harry was still looking around wildly. Light Arrow cupped one of Harry's cheeks, and placed his other hand on the back of Harry's head. Harry jerked back when the hand touched his cheek, but the hand on the back of his head prevented him from pulling away completely. "Shhh, Harry. Everything is okay. You are safe."

"They were here. They..." Harry started to speak in confusion.

"Nobody is here beside me and you, Harry. You are safe here," Light Arrow assured the frightened boy while pulling him closer until Harry sat on his lap. He ignored the wetness of Harry's pajamas; first he had to calm the boy. Nothing else mattered besides that. Gently he rocked Harry back and forth, and Harry slowly started fully wake.

"A nightmare?" Harry asked, still somewhat scared.

"Yes, just a nightmare. You are okay," Light Arrow said in a sing-song voice.

The door creaked and White Cloud came in. She smiled gently at Harry, a hot, steaming cup of cocoa in her hand. "Come on, Harry. Nothing is better than a nice warm cocoa after a nightmare."

Harry took the cup and drank a bit of the delicious liquid. He sighed and leaned further into Light Arrow's chest. White Cloud took the cup out of Harry's hand and sat down on a nearby chair.

"Do you feel better, Harry?" Light Arrow asked.

"A bit," Harry said and then he realized the state of his pajama bottoms. "Oh, Merlin!" he said in a panicky tone as he tried to wriggle out of Light Arrow's lap. It had happened several times before, but gladly nobody besides Draco had ever witnessed it. Not even Severus knew that Harry had wet himself on several occasions after the torture in the dungeons.

"Calm down, Harry. That's not a problem," Light Arrow said soothingly and tightened his embrace.

"Not a problem? Oh, Merlin, no, please let me go. You are...No!" Harry started to sob out of embarrassment and desperation. Why did Light Arrow have to hold him like this while he was wet and smelled? It must disgust him. Oh, Merlin, White Cloud must know as well. "Please, let me go!" Harry pleaded miserably.

White Cloud came over and cupped Harry's face in her hands. "Harry," she addressed him and waited until he stopped his unsuccessful struggle against Light Arrow and looked at her. "Light Arrow is right. It is not a problem to worry about. You would be surprised how many of our other children have this problem at the beginning of their stay here. It's not freakish or abnormal or whatever you think it is. We have no problem with it, and we are only concerned that you calm down so we can help you to go back to sleep again. So, why don't you go with Light Arrow into the bathroom and I will make your bed ready for you when you're done." Her gentle tone soothed Harry, and he stopped his struggling completely.

He still was very embarrassed and couldn't understand why Light Arrow didn't shove him from his lap; his pajama pants must be drenched now as well from having Harry sitting on his lap. Harry wanted out of them, wanting to forget the whole embarrassing moment as soon as possible. Therefore, Harry croaked, "‘Kay."

"Then let's go, lad," Light Arrow said and set Harry down. White Cloud rummaged in Harry's wardrobe and found him a new pair of pajamas and gave them to her husband. Patiently, the old man guided Harry, who was trying to cover his wet pajama bottoms, to the bathroom. "Now undress and throw the old pajamas in the laundry basket. Then a quick shower and you will be ready for bed again. No big deal. I will turn around so that you have some privacy, but I won't leave you alone so shortly after a nightmare."

Harry didn't want to be alone. Having someone at his side after his horrible nightmare was very good indeed; it allowed Harry to feel safe. The feeling even overpowered the embarrassment. Quickly, Harry striped, threw the wet pajamas in the basket and jumped under the shower. He still felt as if the Death Eaters might be lurking behind any of the furniture or doors. Only because he knew that Light Arrow was in the bathroom with him did he dare to close the shower doors. He showered as quickly as possible, and when he was dressed in his fresh pajamas, he shyly said, "Ehm...I'm finished."

"Good," Light Arrow said cheerfully and turned to face Harry. The old man didn't look the least bit sleepy, and Harry felt less guilty for having woken him in the middle of the night.

Back in his room Harry noticed in relief that White Cloud had already gotten rid of all evidence of his accident. She smiled gently at him and pat the bed. "Nice and cozy, even warmed for you, my dear. Come snuggle in and drink your cocoa."

It felt good to not be alone, and the warm cocoa tasted delicious. It made him begin to feel sleepy again, but struggled to stay awake.

"It's okay, Harry; just go back to sleep. We will stay until you fall asleep," Light Arrow, who had sat on the edge of the bed, said.

"No, I don't want to sleep; I will dream again. Please, let me stay awake," Harry pleaded.

"No, Harry. You need your sleep, and tomorrow we will talk about what bothered you in your dream. You are safe here, my boy." Light Arrow took the cup from the almost asleep boy. He gently tucked him in more securely, gently stroking Harry's hair until he fell asleep. "You are safe here, Harry. Nobody will hurt you."

Fortunately Harry didn't dream again and awoke around six thirty in the morning. Karim lay curled into a ball beside him. The first thing Harry did was check his pajamas. He had learned to dry his wet night clothes perfectly due to previous nightmares, but unfortunately the smell didn't go away with the spell. Not even the freshening spells he had tried worked. This morning he had no need to cast one, so Harry sighed, relieved. Damn, I wouldn't have even be able to do one because I don't have my wand, Harry realized.

The events from last night were embarrassing, but with the sun shining in his room and Karim lying beside him, he didn't feel as bad about it. Light Arrow and White Cloud had been so relaxed last night that Harry started to believe them; it all wasn't a big deal for them. Not that he wanted to repeat it. He wondered why the tape he had used on his mouth last night hadn't worked. I didn't even have it on me when I woke up. Surely the alarm in Light Arrows bedroom is activated by sound. I will have to try more tape next time, Harry thought.

Around five minutes after Harry had woken up, a knock came from the door. Harry drew the bed clothes higher. Karim hadn't reacted to the sound at the door, but he did when the bed clothes moved out from under him, lazily opening his eyes.

Harry stared at the door. "It's me, Light Arrow. Can I come in, Harry?" Light Arrow spoke in a calm voice because the others were still sleeping.

"Okay," Harry said, a bit worried because he knew that he now had to talk about last night. The sunshine was no longer as nice as it had been a few minutes before, and Harry sank down into his bed.

"Another cup of cocoa?" Light Arrow asked while offering Harry the cup.

"Thank you," Harry said shyly. He sat up, causing Karim to finally stand up and stretch. He looked up at Harry as if he expected Harry to give him some of his cocoa, and Harry looked confusedly at him.

Light Arrow chuckled. "Come on, Karim, Harry isn't used to your morning rituals. A nice scratch behind the ears and a nice back rub - that's what a cat likes in the morning, right, Karim?" Light Arrow did the mentioned actions, causeing Karim to purr happily. After Light Arrow had finished his caressing, Karim looked up expectantly at Harry. Light Arrow chuckled again. "It seems he won't be satisfied until you have done it as well."

In one hand Harry held is cup while with the other he scratched and pet Karim. The cat purred loudly and rubbed his head against Harry's hand. Harry could feel Karim's claws when he started to knead his paws rhythmically against Harry's leg. It was a bit painful, but the satisfied look of the cat transfixed Harry.

"A good way to start the day, isn't it?" Light Arrow asked cheerfully.

Harry smiled. "Yeah."

Finally Karim stretched again, then jumped from the bed and onto the window sill to look outside.

Light Arrow scooted closer to Harry and asked: "Ready to talk about last night?"

Harry gulped and sipped again at his cocoa to delay the time until he had to answer. "I would prefer to not talk about it," he said finally, not looking at Light Arrow.

"That won't help you, Harry. This nightmare will come back as long as you just try to forget about it and suppress it; it will continue to harass you. We old people don't need much sleep, so we don't care if we have to come to help you each night. But for you it will be very tiring, and from the look I got yesterday, this dream is very scary, and I can't believe you would want to undergo that each night."

Harry sadly looked down at his cup.

"I won't force you to talk about your nightmares, but they won't go away if you don't talk about them," Light Arrow said gently.

"I don't see how it would help. I just want to forget about it," Harry said miserably.

Light Arrow sighed. "I know, Harry. Unfortunately it isn't that easy. While talking about it you can release some of the angst you're feeling. Telling somebody about it can help; you will then know that you aren't alone. Dreams are not memories, even when you see them as if they are. They are the way your subconscious deals with the stress and worries you have. Talking about them would mean that you are trying to handle the past and that you would be able to deal with your memories. Your subconscious wouldn't have to deal with it alone every night; that would spare you some nightmares. Not all, but some. What you had to experience was very bad, and it isn't something a young man like yourself can easily deal with. Not even an adult would be able to. It will take time until you can feel truly safe and look back at what happened with a healthy distance. Talking about what happened in the dungeons, or whatever else is bothering you in your dreams, would help you to deal with all the confusing feelings you are having and that are causing your nightmares."

"It's too hard," Harry said sadly.

"It's okay, Harry." Light Arrow laid a calming hand over Harry's. "Whenever you feel ready to talk about it, just let me know."

Harry sighed and nodded.

"One more thing, Harry, before I leave you to get ready for breakfast," Light Arrow said, "you don't have to bother trying to make yourself silent again. Even if your attempt at fooling me had staying in place over you mouth, I would have been alerted to you having a nightmare. My wards are not reliant on sounds. No tape tonight, Harry!" Light Arrow looked at Harry directly in the eyes.

Harry lowered his gaze. "But the others-"

"-Won't hear you. The rooms all have silencing spells on them so nobody outside can hear a word that is muttered from within. Anything you say or scream in here stays completely private, but one of us will be alerted so we can help you." Light Arrow assured Harry while gently lifting Harry's chin.

"Okay. Ehm... I'm sorry for waking up you and White Cloud," Harry said, apologizing.

"No need to apologize, Harry. Like I said, we don't need much sleep, and we have decided to help children like you and knew from the beginning what it would entail. Still, we love it. We want to help you, no matter what time of day or night it is. Never feel embarrassed about waking us up at night," Light Arrow said seriously.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he was happy the need to say anything was eliminated when Light Arrow ruffled his hair and said, "Now get ready for breakfast. We eat in forty minutes. I will go and wake the others now."

"It's okay, Harry." Light Arrow laid a calming hand over Harry's. "Whenever you feel ready to talk about it, just let me know."

Harry sighed and nodded.

"One more thing, Harry, before I leave you to get ready for breakfast," Light Arrow said, "you don't have to bother trying to make yourself silent again. Even if your attempt at fooling me had staying in place over you mouth, I would have been alerted to you having a nightmare. My wards are not reliant on sounds. No tape tonight, Harry!" Light Arrow looked at Harry directly in the eyes.

Harry lowered his gaze. "But the others-"

"-Won't hear you. The rooms all have silencing spells on them so nobody outside can hear a word that is muttered from within. Anything you say or scream in here stays completely private, but one of us will be alerted so we can help you." Light Arrow assured Harry while gently lifting Harry's chin.

"Okay. Ehm... I'm sorry for waking up you and White Cloud," Harry said, apologizing.

"No need to apologize, Harry. Like I said, we don't need much sleep, and we have decided to help children like you and knew from the beginning what it would entail. Still, we love it. We want to help you, no matter what time of day or night it is. Never feel embarrassed about waking us up at night," Light Arrow said seriously.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he was happy the need to say anything was eliminated when Light Arrow ruffled his hair and said, "Now get ready for breakfast. We eat in forty minutes. I will go and wake the others now."

~*~

Nobody other than Light Arrow and White Cloud seemed to know about Harry's nighttime problems. At least, nobody mentioned it or looked oddly at Harry during breakfast. Harry felt comfortable at the big table with all the other people around him. The large number of people gave less attention to him. He felt Melissa looking at him shyly a few times, but not as if she knew anything about what had happened last night.

Draco didn't feel as comfortable as Harry with the crowded table. He was glad that Harry sat on one side, and Rose on the other, yet it was still hard to fight the urge to get up and leave the breakfast table to be on his own. He had slept surprisingly well that past night. It was a relief not to wake up in the middle of the night from Harry's screaming, Draco thought, hating himself for it. How can I think such a terrible thing? He felt very ashamed as he stared at his still-untouched roll. He couldn't deny the well-rested feeling, and his mood lightened a bit when he remembered his bed partner. Watje, the white cat, had slept all night in his bed, and it was so soothing to stroke her long white hair that Draco had easily fallen asleep. Still not eating, he thought back to that morning when Rose had awoken him.

Flashback

"Morning, sleepyhead," Rose said as she gently stroked his hair. She hummed a children's song while Draco slowly awoke. It helped the kids to stay calm when someone was close to them while waking. Draco had only bad experiences with men recently, so the light, female humming signified to him that there was no danger.

Draco lazily opened his eyes. Wow, I slept so well, Draco thought, his brain still foggy from sleep.

"Morning, my little red-skin," Rose said teasingly.

Draco grinned. "Morning, Rose."

"So, how do you feel?" Rose asked, still gently stroking Draco's hair.

"Fine. I have never slept better, I think," Draco said and turned onto his side to face Rose.

The white cat sat up in annoyance and mewed disapprovingly.

"Hey, girl. I'm sorry to wake you," Draco said and pet the head of the cat. The mewing changed to purring, and the cat rubbed her head against the part of Draco's face that was closest to her.

"Ew... cat hair in my mouth in the morning isn't one of my favorites!" Draco drew a face, but he still stroked the cat's back and scratched her behind her ear.

Rose chuckled. "It's funny to see her with one of the kids again. She normally stays away from them and only hangs around Red Horse. She seems to like his quietness."

"He is hardly around us. I only saw him when we arrived and yesterday at the campfire. Doesn't he like kids?" Draco didn't say what really was on his mind; he was scared of the quiet Native American. He was so different from all the others here.

"No, he doesn't dislike kids, but he prefers to take care of the animals. Black Hawk normally helps him with the horses, but now he is busy with Harry, so Red Horse has to take care of all the animals mostly on his own. He manages quite well, but this means he is very busy. Maybe you have noticed that he also isn't very talkative with us, Draco. Only with Light Arrow and White Cloud is he more open. He was here as a child as well, and after a short time trying to live on his own, he came back and has stayed from then on. I don't know what happened to him, but it doesn't matter as long as he is happy now. And he is. Some people don't need much conversation to feel happy," Rose explained.

"And some need a lot of conversation," Draco said, grinning.

"Oh, getting cheeky in the morning, young man?" Rose asked.

Draco just laughed. Merlin it feels so good to wake like this, as well as being here, Draco thought. He almost felt normal, not like a damn, scared freak.

"Oh, Watje seems to be getting a little restless." Rose shifted backwards to let the cat jump from the bed.

Draco watched her move over to the door, and then she just disappeared as if she had gone straight through the door. His mouth dropped open in astonishment. "What the hell?"

Rose chuckled. "We have charms like that on all doors. Only if a child says they don't want an animal in their room will we undo it. That way our pets can come and go as they please."

"Oh," Draco said as he recovered from his shock. When he looked back at Rose, he asked, "So Watje is her name? That's a weird name."

"We got her as a small kitten. A breeder tried to drown her because she didn't fit his standards. Some kind people rescued the little cat and brought her to us. At that time, we had a young girl here; her name was Amandine. She took care of the kitten and named her Watje. She was from the dutch speaking part of Belgium, so the name seems weird to us. It means little cotton ball." Rose smiled at Draco, who listened to her like she was reading a story to him. His mouth was hanging open slightly, and he looked like an innocent child with his ruffled hair. Who would have thought of what he had gone through when he saw him at that moment? Rose felt her heart ache and tears forming in her eyes. She had to control her feelings like Light Arrow always taught her. Feeling sorry for the kids didn't help them. So Rose started to smile again and rubbed Draco's head one last time. "Time for breakfast, Draco."

End of flashback

"Draco?" Rose's gentle voice broke him from his thoughts. He looked at her questioningly. "Aren't you hungry, Draco? Would you like something else to eat?"

"No, thank you. I was just thinking." Seeing Light Arrow's worried look, Draco looked down at his plate. He hated to be in the center of the attention. Quickly, he grabbed his roll and started to eat.

Harry looked worriedly at Draco. I hope he is okay, Harry thought. I didn't have time to ask him how he slept. Harry felt bad about having not asked Draco about it immediately when he came down for breakfast.

After Draco had started to eat his roll, Harry looked around. Severus looked grumpy as always in the morning, but today there was something more to read upon his face. Harry wasn't sure, but he would have bet it was fear. From time to time, Severus looked at Light Arrow nervously. His right hand was still bandaged and cooled, and Severus had problems preparing his roll. Without a word, Rose applied his favorite marmalade to the roll and placed it on Severus' plate. Sullenly, Severus said, "Thank you."

Harry looked around again, and this time his glance fell upon Crying Horse who grinned at him. He was sitting opposite Severus, and was, as always, cheerful and joking. His smile was contagious, and Harry smiled back.

"Feeling up to another round with Tohiadedi after breakfast?" Black Hawk asked Harry.

Harry sighed. He wished he could say no, but surely Draco would want to see his own horse, and that would give them some time to talk. "If I must."

"No, you don't have to. You could also go with Rose, Maya and Melissa to collect berries," Black Hawk suggested.

With a grim expression, Harry looked at the other boys who were now snickering. When he turned to Black Hawk, he said angry, "Very funny."

What happened next happened so fast and surprisingly that Harry couldn't even blink. Melissa stood up from the table and ran crying from the room. Light Arrow let his hand come down on the table forcefully. Everyone jumped and immediately lowered their eyes; even Severus. "You three,"-Light Arrow pointed at Aiden, Brian and Ken, who had been snickering only moments before and now were white as sheets-"will help Red Horse to muck out the stalls, and then you will move the muckheap from the east side to the west side of the ranch. That will occupy you for the whole day. If you finish before sunset, you will move the muckheap back to the east side. The whole time you're working I want you to think about the rule about not making fun of others and their feelings. Understand?" All three nodded. "Then, out!" Light Arrow ordered.

When the three were outside, Light Arrow turned to Black Hawk. "I hope for you own sake that that was not intended to be mocking." Light Arrow's voice sounded dangerous.

"It wasn't," Black Hawk insisted. It was true; he hadn't meant to mock Melissa about her crush on Harry. Damn, he had just wanted to annoy Harry a bit by suggesting he go with the women. He hoped the offer would show him that the horses weren't all that bad of an option. "Really!" he further insisted when Light Arrow's gaze still penetrated him.

"You will spend the day with Melissa, Draco, and Harry. You will start your day by comforting the crying girl upstairs," Light Arrow ordered.

"Oh, please, no. Rose is much better at that," Black Hawk pleaded, but he only gained a stern look from Light Arrow. He looked to Rose, seeking help, but she was occupied comforting a trembling Draco. Seeing that there wasn't a way out, Black Hawk stood and made his way to Melissa's room.

"Would you please calm down, Joseph?" White Cloud said in a serious tone. "You are frightening Draco." She very seldom used his given name, and it always meant he was doing something very wrong.

Light Arrow looked worriedly at the blond boy, who clutched Rose's hand desperately. He took two deep breaths to calm down before saying, "I'm sorry, Draco, that I scared you, but sometimes the other boys need a strict order to behave. That doesn't mean any danger to you or anyone else. It was stupid of me to hit the table to get their attention; I forgot that that would scare you. Please forgive me." His voice had calmed with every word, so that by the end he was speaking very gently.

Draco calmed down when he realized that Light Arrow had calmed as well and was no danger to him. "I'm sorry... I... I..."

"No, Draco. I'm the one to be sorry. I feel very bad about having scared you. That wasn't my intention. I was angry that the boys mocked Melissa, and that Black Hawk said something so stupid. I don't think he did it on purpose, but it still hurt Melissa a lot. I can't stand it when people under my care are hurt, no matter if they are hurt by someone else or themselves." At the last few words, he looked intensely at Severus, who immediately lowered his eyes.

"I understand. It was just... you were so angry, and I... I got scared. I can't control it," Draco said apologetically.

"You should not try to control your feeling here, Draco. What ever you feel is okay. You don't have to hide it from us. It is normal that you are scared by loud noises and when somebody is angry. I just hope you believe me that I would never harm you or let anyone else harm you."

"I know," Draco said in a small voice and looked down at his hands which still held Rose's. He let go of them and looked at Rose's smiling face. It was always as if her smile went directly to his heart. She was like he always thought a proper mother would be - not as cold as his mother had been.

"Would it be okay if you and Harry go with Crying Horse to visit your horses until Black Hawk can join you with Melissa? Or do you want me to come with you?" Rose asked Draco.

Draco didn't want to be alone with Crying Horse. He didn't scare him like Red Horse, but he still didn't know him well enough to feel comfortable around him. Crying Horse looked like a man who would often pat the back or shoulder of people around him or ruffle their hair. Draco had a feeling he wouldn't be so as considerate as Black Hawk had been. Not even the fact Harry would be with them made Draco feel comfortable. The problem was that Draco didn't want to seem like a baby, and asking Rose to come with them felt like a babyish thing to do, in his eyes.

He struggled to find an answer to the question, but Crying Horse rescued him. "Why don't we all go to the horses together, at least until Black Hawk is back? Maya also hasn't anything to do right now, and I could help the two women with the berry picking after Black Hawk has come to take over the boys. Someone has to replace Melissa in the berry picking group; even so, I fear I won't be able to be as good as she is." Crying Horse smiled one of his amazing, cheerful smiles.

"Oh, you will do quite well, my dear," Rose said and beamed at her husband for being so thoughtful as to realize Draco's distress. "Then let's go!" Rose said to the room at large. Maya and Crying Horse stood up instantly. Draco didn't want to leave Rose's side, so he stood as well.

Only Harry remained sitting in his chair, dumbfounded. What was all this about? Why had Melissa run out of the room? And why had Light Arrow said that the other boys had been mocking Melissa when they had seemed to be mocking him? It was all very confusing.

"Come on, Harry," Rose said gently and smiled at him.

"But not without your Stetson," Crying Horse said as he ruffled Harry's hair.

After grabbing their hats, the group left the house.

"Now to see to us two," Light Arrow said in a slightly dangerous tone when he turned to Severus. "We will leave in ten minutes. I have told Doc Martens that we will be there in half an hour."

Severus groaned. "Please, Light Arrow. I can just mend it on my own. Please let me cast the spell."

"I thought we could use the drive for our talk, but if you insist on having it right now, I have no objections. Just one thing you should know, and I hardly believe you hoped for anything else, whatever you say it won't change the fact that you will come with me to Doc Martens'. Even if you were a genius in healing spell, which you are far from in reality, I wouldn't let you heal yourself. You inflicted pain upon yourself and you will let others take care of the result. You will never - and when I say never, I mean never - use magic in this house. If you need anything, it will be given to you from us: help, comfort, healing, food, whatever. That is the rule, and you should know it better than anyone else. They who hurt themselves will be brought to Doc Martens' for healing and a serious talk. No matter what age they may be. You can still leave the ranch if you want, but if you stay you will live here following our rules, Severus. Without these rules you wouldn't even be able to sit here with us right now. Don't you agree?"

How Severus hated having stern talks with the man, who knew him better than anyone else. The man could do anything to Severus, and Severus would trust him that it was for his own good. He often didn't like Light Arrow's and White Cloud's decisions, but he always knew that they loved him deeply and only did what they thought was best. They had help hundreds of children who had lost their wills to live, were addicted to drugs and alcohol, had been badly abuse, and much more. They knew what was best for each of their kids, no matter what age. It just felt odd to Severus to be handled like the kids were when he was an adult. However, deep inside Severus knew that he had hoped for this kind of treatment when he had come here with the boys. It felt so good to be cared for, and to let others take a bit of the burden he was carrying around off his chest. Yes, he could leave. He could spit in their faces saying that they had no control over him; that he was an adult who could do what he wanted. All of which he had hoped to be able to say to them during his first weeks at the camp as a teenager. Now things had changed. Now it was as if he was coming back to a place he felt safe; a place where he didn't have to be a authority person, where he wasn't responsible for so many things and people, back to just being Severus Snape - the loved one.

"I will make myself ready," Severus said, defeated. He stood up and headed for the door, but before he reached it, a comforting hand was placed on his shoulder.

White Cloud had caught up with him and stopped him by placing her hand on his shoulder. As always, he first stiffened, but then relaxed. "You know that we love you, Severus. We are only doing this to help you." Her voice was so motherly, so full of love.

"I know," Severus said, but didn't dare to look at her face. He knew he would see so much worry there. He almost regretted telling her what problems he had lately, but, sooner or later, he wouldn't be able to hide his problems from them.

Another hand, larger than the first, rested on his neck. "Come on, boy. Let's get ready for the drive."

"I will make myself ready," Severus said, defeated. He stood up and headed for the door, but before he reached it, a comforting hand was placed on his shoulder.

White Cloud had caught up with him and stopped him by placing her hand on his shoulder. As always, he first stiffened, but then relaxed. "You know that we love you, Severus. We are only doing this to help you." Her voice was so motherly, so full of love.

"I know," Severus said, but didn't dare to look at her face. He knew he would see so much worry there. He almost regretted telling her what problems he had lately, but, sooner or later, he wouldn't be able to hide his problems from them.

Another hand, larger than the first, rested on his neck. "Come on, boy. Let's get ready for the drive."

~*~

The engine of the old truck rumbled annoying in Severus' ears. He was reminded of his first drive to Doc Martens' back during his first stay at the ranch.

Flashback

Severus didn't understand how they had found out. He had been here just two weeks, and he had tried to avoid hurting himself, but that morning everything had been too much. He had hidden behind the big stable and cut his arm with White Cloud's big butcher knife. The feeling had been overwhelming after such a long time of not being able to do it.

Unfortunately for him, Severus hadn't gotten very far. At the forth deep cut, a large hand had grabbed the wrist of his knife-wielding arm, squeezing hard enough to force Severus to let go of it.

Severus hadn't even realized when Light Arrow approached him because he had been so engrossed in the act of cutting. Finally, he had been able to feel again, hurting himself like he felt he deserved. Nobody understood the feeling of desire to hurt oneself; the need to feel. The blood had hypnotized him, and the blood in his ears had been rushing so loudly that he hadn't heard Light Arrow approaching him.

Severus looked, terrified, up into Light Arrow's worried face. Oh no, I am going to be in so much trouble. They don't like me here, and now they will think I'm even more of a freak. A father-murderer who even hurts himself, but they will never understand. The two adults had been very kind to him from the first day and not one of the kids knew that he had killed his father, but one day or another, Severus was sure they would find out. A murderer. Why did they even take me in? Damn Dumbledore. Why does he have to stick his damn nose into my private life? I'm fourteen and old enough to look after myself. Nobody knows me, and nobody understands me. I should have kept my mother safe, but no, I had to go to this damn school. Merlin, how I hate it all!

Before he could protest, he was lifted up into the arms of Light Arrow and was being carried over to the main house. Oh, no, everyone will see me, Severus thought, shocked.

"Please, no," Severus pleaded and tried to struggle his way out of Light Arrow's arms.

"I'm not going to discuss this with you while you are in this state," Light Arrow said strictly.

"No! Everyone will see me." Severus struggled like hell, but Light Arrow had a firm grip on the underweight teen.

"You hurt yourself, so you have to live with the consequences. Why shouldn't anyone see what you have done to yourself? And now be quiet until we get you checked over."

Severus knew of the damn rule about not hurting someone else or oneself, and he hated it. Why should anyone care what he did to his own body? It's mine, and I can do with it what I want, Severus thought bitterly.

On their way to the main house, they passed Rose and Black Hawk. Oh no, of all people we might run into, it's the two who haven't thus faravoided me like I have a contagious illness. Now nobody will even look at me again. Severus could no longer stand the worried look of Rose and the uncertain look of Black Hawk.

Rose was the daughter of Light Arrow and White Cloud. She was very young to be the daughter of them, but she had told him that the two elders hadn't even thought that they could have children after long years of trying to have one. When they were no longer thinking about it, it happened.

Severus liked Rose. She had a very calming aura and was always trying to speak with Severus even when he tried to avoid everyone.

Black Hawk was the only boy out of the seven kids who were currently at the camp that cared to waste his time trying to become friends with Severus. He was a quiet boy and often looked very serious. Severus didn't know why Black Hawk was here, but he didn't dare to ask because then the other boy would surely ask him the same question back.

The only thing Severus knew about him was that he had been in the camp for almost two month and no end date to his stay was to be seen. Severus was shocked about that. He didn't want to stay that long. Professor Dumbledore hadn't told him how long he had to stay here, and when he had asked Light Arrow, he only had answered ‘As long as you need to heal.' Heal? What the hell were they talking about? He didn't need to heal. He had only killed his father for killing his mother while he was at school and couldn't protect her. That damn alcohol-addicted bastard.

Severus didn't regret what he had done. If he could go back in time, he would do exactly what he had done, again. He had blocked the fact that he had felt sick and had thrown up heavily after he had realized that he had killed his father with a poker. Severus had also blocked that he had killed his father out of defence, not because he had wanted to kill him in revenge for his mother's death. The drunken man had mocked Severus over his dead mother, and when the teen had hit him, Tobias Snape couldn't control himself and violently beat his son. He hadn't even stop when Severus lay bleeding badly on the floor. Out of reflex, Severus had grabbed the poker from beside the fireplace and hit his father on his head. The man had dropped down on top of him, and Severus lost consciousness. When he had awaked, his father still lay on top of him, and he was drenched not only in his own blood, but also that of his father. Tobias Snape was dead.

Severus had been allowed to spend the remainder of his summer at Hogwarts with the Headmaster, but that also meant that the old man got a good insight into Severus' private life. He had found out about Severus' not realizing hunger and being very underweight, about the nightmares Severus had almost every night, and about Severus need to hurt himself. After Madam Pomfrey declared she couldn't do anything to help him because Severus didn't open up to her, she had told the headmaster about this camp. She had heard about it at an advanced training for Mediwitches. That was the reason why Severus was now in the USA, in the middle of nowhere, with people he didn't know.

"Stay put," Light Arrow ordered and went over to White Cloud's emergency kit in the kitchen. On his way back to Severus, he waved his hand and an otter Patronus formed in the air, and then ran upstairs.

Severus had given up his struggle. He just wanted to be left alone. It was embarrassing. Of course he knew that it wasn't normal to want to hurt himself like this, but it felt good to him; the problem was that they just didn't understand.

Light Arrow started to clean the wounds with alcohol; Severus winced. It was one thing to hurt yourself and enjoy the induced pain, but it was another when the pain was caused by someone else. Severus wasn't immune to pain and definitely didn't enjoy all kinds of pain.

Before Light Arrow had cleaned all of his wounds, White Cloud came running down the stairs. "What happened?"

"He cut himself with a knife," Light Arrow explained, making room for his wife.

"Let me see, Severus," White Cloud said and examined his arm.

Severus felt bad. The more he came out of his pain-thirsty phase, the more he regretted what he had done. He didn't want to do it, but at some point he couldn't deny his body its needs. Why couldn't they understand that sometimes his body wanted something other than what his mind wanted? At least, that's how it felt for Severus. It's so damn hard to fight it. Severus felt very badly upon seeing the worried faces of the adults. He had been so surprised when they had taken him in, even knowing what he had done and what a freak he was. He was even more surprised when they always showed only love and understanding to him as if he was a part of their family. Never had they given the impression that they were annoyed; not even when they had to come in the middle of the night to calm him after a nightmare, which had been very often, even though he only had been here for two weeks.

Now they were busying over him as if he had hurt them and not himself. White Cloud finished cleaning the wounds and bandaging his arm. "Doc Martens has to see this. It might need stitches."

Severus abruptly pulled his arm away and pressed it protectively to his chest. "No, it will be okay."

"No, Severus, that won't be okay. You cut very deeply. Maybe you held up so long that the stress was so high that you lost control and cut far too deeply. You have lost a lot of blood, and I fear at least two of the wounds will need stitches. I have stopped the bleeding, but I can't stitch the wounds. And as you know, the rule for hurting yourself is to contact someone outside the camp as well." White Cloud looked sternly at him, but her eyes still held the warmness she always was radiating.

"No, I won't go to that doctor," Severus screamed.

"You will. This isn't up for discussion. You know the rules, and you will see Doc Martens, now," Light Arrow said calmly while leaning back in his kitchen chair.

"It's not that bad. It will heal. It always heals," Severus protested. Under no circumstances would he let a doctor see his wounds. It was embarrassing enough that Light Arrow and White Cloud had seen them.

"You already heard White Cloud, Severus. These wounds won't heal on their own, and even if they would do, you would still have to see Doc Martens. That's all of discussion we will do about it at the moment; now come," Light Arrow ordered and stood up.

Severus stepped backwards. Why can't they just leave me alone?

Light Arrow looked patiently at Severus. "If I have to carry you screaming and kicking into the truck and to Doc Martens', then I will. It's your choice if you will come with me freely and keep your dignity, or if I have to force you."

"Why can't you leave me alone? I want to go back to England. Call Professor Dumbledore to fetch me," Severus said and didn't stop backing away from the slowly approaching Light Arrow.

"I will not call your Headmaster before you are ready to go back to your old life, Severus, and you are far away from that right now. Your only way to leave this camp is by working together with us to heal. And one step in that direction is your meeting with Doc Martens now." With that Light Arrow had reached Severus and grabbed his arm.

Severus tried to pull out of the grip with no success. "Please, it will heal. Don't force me to see the doctor. I'm a freak." Severus had started to cry out of desperation, and when he realized what he had said with his last few words, he whimpered and looked down, ashamed. He hadn't wanted to say that.

"Severus, look at me," Light Arrow instructed the crying boy and lifted Severus' chin with his free hand. "You are not a freak. You sometimes do things not all people do, but there are reasons why you do it. You have to learn to fight the urge to hurt yourself, and it will be a long and treacherous journey. When and how you will manage it will show your character. Fighting something is harder than giving in the need. You know it's not right to hurt yourself, Severus, but the time of hiding it is over. Now is the time for fighting and finding a way to resist the urge. Doc Marten will not only take care of your wounds, but he will also help you to find a way to fight, Severus. We will be here for you, to help you. Living with the need to hurt yourself is not an option. You would never be able to live a normal life this way. You don't deserve this."

"No, I do," Severus mumbled, and Light Arrow had to steady the teen in his strong arms.

"No, you don't, Severus! You are a wonderful young man with great skills. There are people who are very worried about you, and we are amongst them. We want to help you, Severus. I don't think that you really like what you do to yourself. Am I right?" Severus shook his head as much as he could while pressing his face in Light Arrows chest. Light Arrow tightened his embrace when he felt Severus shaking violently.

"You deserve a better life, Severus. You are a good boy."

"I'm not," Severus sobbed in Light Arrows chest.

"Oh, yes you are, my boy. You are a very good boy."

"I'm a murderer," Severus whispered against Light Arrows chest.

"You defended yourself, Severus." Light Arrow held Severus by his shoulders, away from himself, and looked in the tear-stained face. "Your father was a cruel man, and you defended yourself against him."

Severus breathed deeply and shook his head slightly.

It was too soon for the boy to believe him; Light Arrow knew this, but it didn't stop him from telling Severus what he thought. "Come on, Severus. We will need over half an hour to reach the town and meet Doc Martens. Your arm needs to be healed."

And so Severus soon found himself in the old truck while tears streamed down his cheeks and with a big fear to let someone else see what he had done.

End of flashback

The truck drove over a big pothole, and Severus was pulled out of his memory. He looked at his swollen and bandaged hand. It hurt more now than it had yesterday. The painkiller effect of White Cloud's salve had lost its power.

"Pain?" Light Arrow asked, not averting his glance from the battered road.

"A bit," Severus answered grumpily.

Light Arrow grunted to show Severus how little he believed him. "Only ten more minutes, then we will be there."

The truck drove over a big pothole, and Severus was pulled out of his memory. He looked at his swollen and bandaged hand. It hurt more now than it had yesterday. The painkiller effect of White Cloud's salve had lost its power.

"Pain?" Light Arrow asked, not averting his glance from the battered road.

"A bit," Severus answered grumpily.

Light Arrow grunted to show Severus how little he believed him. "Only ten more minutes, then we will be there."

~*~

"Want to talk to me about something?" Light Arrow asked the grumpily looking Severus.

"I already spoke with White Cloud." Severus looked sullenly into the distance while the truck drove through one of the many potholes, which increased Severus' headache.

"I know, and she said you wanted to talk to me about something very serious," Light Arrow prodded.

"No, I don't want to," Severus said, not looking at the old man, who drove the truck with ease over the battered road.

Suddenly Light Arrow slammed on the break pedal, and the truck came to halt with a jerk that forced Severus to steady himself on the security handle above him. "What the hell?" he shouted at Light Arrow when he had recovered from his shock.

The old man removed the key from the ignition and threw it on the dash board. "We will talk or roast ourselves to death right here." Light Arrow looked challengingly at Severus.

"You must be joking!" Severus screamed at Light Arrow.

"I'm not, and my tolerance to heat is much higher than yours, Severus." Light Arrow leaned back into his seat, relaxed.

Severus already felt the truck heating up due to standing directly under the sun. He hated heat, and he wasn't allowed to use magic while Light Arrow was around. Why he didn't dare to go against this rule was something not even he himself understood completely, but he respected the two adults, who had rescued his life more than once and were always there for him, too much to break their rules. "Light Arrow, please, I'm thirty five; you don't have to treat me like a kid."

Light Arrow just looked at Severus with the same challenging expression as before, showing him that argument had no effect on him.

"Won't Doc Martens wonder where we are when you roast us to death?" Severus asked.

Again Light Arrow's expression and stare didn't change a bit.

Severus sighed. "Look, I already spoke with White Cloud, and it was obviously too much."

There was no change to Light Arrow's behavior.

Severus opened his shirt. He was sweating like hell, and he felt that his trousers were already wet and clutching to his bum and legs. The hair on his neck was sticking to his skin, and, for the first time in his life, Severus regretted having long hair.

"I will talk about it with Doc Martens, okay?" Severus tried his luck again with no affect to the stubborn old man beside him, who didn't seem to be sweating at all.

Severus sighed again, this time not in annoyance, but in defeat. "You will not like it."

"I'm all ear, my boy," Light Arrow said.

It was almost strange to hear him speak again, causing Severus jumped a bit. When he looked at Light Arrow, his heart ached. The face of the old man was full of worry. "Believe me, it would be better if you don't know. I will get it under control. I shouldn't have even told White Cloud."

"Believe me, it would be much better if you tell me about it, my boy," Light Arrow said seriously.

Severus averted his gaze and sighed again. "I really will get it under control, Light Arrow." Severus tried to speak with a tone of assurance, but failed.

"You will get what under control?"

Severus stared into the distance. The air over the road seemed to boil. Sweat dripped from Severus' brow and into his eyes, and he blinked. "I started to drink again." His voice was small and defeated.

"When?" Light Arrow asked, trying to control his voice so it wouldn't reveal too much of his worry and anger.

"A few month before we came here. It was all too much. The boys... I couldn't help them."

"You did help them, Severus."

"Not enough," Severus said miserably.

"How much is it affecting you at the moment?"

Severus didn't answer. The urge to get something to drink was very high, but he hated it and wanted it to stop. "I had enough will power once, I will have it again."

"That doesn't answer my question, Severus."

Severus averted his eyes from the road and looked down at his hands. "I feel frustrated, but I will make it."

"Is the need to hurt yourself do to the alcohol, or is it a separate problem?"

"I don't know," Severus said truthfully. "I think sometimes it has to do with the alcohol, but sometimes I think not."

"You will speak with Doc Martens about it?"

Severus sighed. "Yes." He didn't like it, but he knew it was inevitable.

"Good." A wave of Light Arrow's hand and Severus felt a cooling wave wash over him; his clothes dried and remained, to his relief, cool.

Seconds later, the engine was started and the truck began to rumble over the potholes again.

Ten minutes later, they stopped in a small town in front of an old house.

"Hello, Joseph," the friendly lady behind the registration desk greeted. "Oh my, and that must be our little Severus." She stood up and came around the desk to greet them properly.

"I never was little, Mrs. Blunt," Severus protested.

"Oh, but skinny and young you were, my boy," she said, smiling at him and looking at him from head to toe. "You still are much to thin for my taste, boy." She hugged him, careful not to touch his damaged hand.

"Did you have trouble getting here?" Doc Martens, who had just entered the waiting room, asked.

"We had to make a short break to clear up some things." Light Arrow shook Doc Martens hand and stepped aside to give the doctor room to approach his reluctant patient.

Severus gulped. He didn't know why it was, but this doctor had always had a daunting effect on him. He had never met a more kindly and patient man than Doc Martens, but he always had the feeling that the man could see straight through him, and he could never hide anything from him, which made him very uncomfortable. Being in this position as an adult, who really should be able to control his life alone, was even worse than it had been when he was young.

Doc Martens was around fifty years old. His whole appearance was kind and radiated a patience that seemed inhuman. His sandy blond hair was getting slightly thin and his receding hairline was much further back than it had been the last time Severus had seen him. Currently, the man was smiling at him through his beard. "Nice to see you again, Severus, even though I wish the circumstances were different." He extended his hand, and Severus took it, blushing and averting his gaze.

"Why don't you unwrap Severus' bandage and clean the wound up for me, Mathilda?" Doc Martens asked the friendly nurse. He then turned to Light Arrow. "And the two of us can have a small chat before I have a look at Severus."

Severus felt more heat creep into his face, realizing the two would be speaking about him without his presence. Before he could protest, however, the doctor had guided Light Arrow into the exam room and Severus was alone with Mrs. Blunt.

"Come on, my boy, let's see what damage you have done this time." She gently guided him to the second exam room and urged him to sit down.

"It was an accident," Severus lied.

Mrs. Blunt raised her eyebrow. "If it had been an accident, they would have healed you." She unwrapped the bandage and cleaned the wound carefully. Severus bit his bottom lip so as to make no sound while she cleaned the wound. It stung like hell and his hand looked horrible. He hadn't realized how hard he had hit the wall. It was swollen to the double its normal size and was colored black and blue.

"So, are you ready?" Doc Martens asked while entering the room.

"Sure," Mrs. Blunt said and left the room to keep Light Arrow company.

The doctor took the place Mrs. Blunt had occupied and had a short look at the damaged hand. "Okay, I will first take care of this, Severus."

Severus shuddered. He would prefer if it would start and end with healing his hand; he didn't want to talk with the doctor at all.

"I want you to breath together with me, Severus. In... and out... in... and out..." After a few breaths, Severus calmed a bit and the tension was less prominent. Doc Martens had laid his hand around Severus' damaged hand, and when he felt his patient relax, he bent the bones with wandless magic and immediately let pain-relieving magic flow into Severus' hand.

Severus was surprised when the pain stuck him, doubling over.

"Shh, Severus, it will be better soon," Doc Martens said, letting more pain-relieving magic flow in the hand of his patient who was panting in pain.

Severus sighed in relief when the pain eased.

"Better?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," Severus croaked.

"I will apply a cooling salve and will give Light Arrow some for the next few days. In three days, I want to have another look at it."

"You can give the slave to me," Severus said, trying his luck even though he knew it was useless.

"You know the rules, Severus. Light Arrow won't make an exception even though you are an adult now."

Severus grunted and only got a grin from the doctor as a result of his reaction.

"So, we're done with this," Doc Martens said while fixing the bandage with a clip. "Now, please role up your sleeves for me."

Severus looked shocked at the doctor. "I was here for you to heal my hand, doctor. I thank you for your help, but-" Severus tried to stand up, but Doc Martens quickly rolled his chair closer so Severus couldn't stand up.

"Severus, I know that you are an adult now, but you also know that I have spoken with Light Arrow, and he told me about your problems. I would really like to see if there is more damage. And judging by your reaction right now, I'm guessing that there are more wounds; am I right?"

Severus was at loss for words. He felt as helpless as he had many years ago as a small teen. He didn't want to show the doc the underside of his arms. The Dark Mark had almost vanished completely after Voldemort's defeat. Doc Martens had seen the Dark Mark when he had examined him during his second stay at the camp, when Severus had realized what a big mistake he had made by joining the Dark Lord. It was shortly after that he had turned to Dumbledore again and became a spy. That was the only way out except to go to Azkaban. It was a hard time, and he could only stay for three months because the Dark Lord believed that Dumbledore would only accept Severus as staff when he completed a special teacher training in the USA. That time at the camp was much more embarrassing in Severus' eyes than his first stay had been, due to all the guilt he had felt for what he had done and the shame of his decision to follow the Dark Lord.

He hadn't believed that Light Arrow and White Cloud would take him in again, but they did without questions. He never once received a disappointed or ashamed look from them, only looks of worry and concern. That was unbelievable torture, but it also felt good to have someone who loved him no matter what stupid decision he made in his life. Severus had secretly viewed Light Arrow and White Cloud as his foster parents, but after this second stay he loved them even more deeply.

So the Dark Mark wasn't the problem; it was the wounds on his arms. He had cut them in his skin not only before he came to the camp with the boy, but also during his time there as well. He had learned to hide them very well, but the damn doctor always has to be so damn all-knowing.

"Severus, we both know that there are more wounds and that you aren't allowed to use magic at the camp. If you had used magic to heal your wounds, Light Arrow would have noticed. That means they can't be healed very well. Show them to me, Severus."

"You mustn't tell Light Arrow," Severus ordered.

"If you cut yourself, I will not look away, Severus. You are an adult, and I can't speak with Light Arrow about it if it's against your wish, but I want you to tell him. Someone needs to keep a close eye on you to stop you from doing it again. You know the procedure. You won't make it without help. Being an adult doesn't change that fact."

Severus sighed and slowly rolled up his sleeves. What the doc saw caused him to gasp.

"Severus, we both know that there are more wounds and that you aren't allowed to use magic at the camp. If you had used magic to heal your wounds, Light Arrow would have noticed. That means they can't be healed very well. Show them to me, Severus."

"You mustn't tell Light Arrow," Severus ordered.

"If you cut yourself, I will not look away, Severus. You are an adult, and I can't speak with Light Arrow about it if it's against your wish, but I want you to tell him. Someone needs to keep a close eye on you to stop you from doing it again. You know the procedure. You won't make it without help. Being an adult doesn't change that fact."

Severus sighed and slowly rolled up his sleeves. What the doc saw caused him to gasp.

~*~

"Severus," Doc Martens said and breathed in sharply.

"It looks worse than it is," Severus tried to assure the doctor.

"Who is the doctor here?"

Severus rolled his eyes.

"They are inflamed, Severus. The heat and your obviously unqualified attempt of healing it has made it that much worse. What have you done, and how did you manage to do it without Light Arrow noticing it?" Doc Martens asked Severus while keeping his patient in view.

Severus blushed and tried to avoid the gaze of the doctor.

"Severus, we both know that Light Arrow has a spell on the camp that alerts when someone is being hurt or uses magic in the camp. So how didn't he notice?" Doc Martens looked sternly at Severus.

"I left the camp," Severus stated sullenly.

"You left the camp to hurt yourself? You planned this?" Doc Martens looked seriously at Severus.

"I'm an adult, okay? Do you think I want to be dragged out of the shed after cutting myself? Merlin, I'm not stupid enough to let them see it! I didn't want to do it; I'm here to help the boys. I don't know why I couldn't control it," Severus said animatedly.

"Severus, you planned this all? You left the camp to hurt yourself? There is no excuse for it. You know it is wrong. Look at your arm. At least the moment you realized that the wounds started to become inflamed you should have told someone or have come here on your own."

Severus looked down. "I didn't think, okay? I won't do it again," Severus said dejectedly.

"And what do you plan to do the next time you feel the need to hurt yourself?" Doc Martens ask Severus while gathering all the instruments he needed to heal Severus' wounds.

"I can control it, doc. It was only one time, and I regretted it afterwards. And I didn't leave the camp just to hurt myself; I was riding on Thunderstorm and took a break on the riverbank. I started to think too much and got depressed. So without even noticing it, I took my wand and cut myself. When I realized what I had done, I tried to heal it. I promise it won't happen again."

"I will first heal the wounds, and then we will discuss this more," the doctor said and started to disinfect the wounds.

While the doctor healed his wounds Severus thought back to his first meeting with Doc Martens.

Flashback

"There is no need to fear me, Severus, I just want to help you," Doc Martens said while gently letting calming magic flow into the tensed-up teenager sitting on his examination table. Severus was shaking from fear and embarrassment.

"Do you want me to get Light Arrow in here as well, Severus?" the doctor asked.

Severus nodded his head frantically. Anything - just not being alone, Severus thought fearfully.

Seconds later, Light Arrow was sitting beside him and held his hand the whole time he spoke with the doctor. His wounds were cleaned and healed quickly, but the worst part was speaking about what he had done and why he had done it. Doc Martens listened very closely to what Severus told him. The first time in his life, Severus didn't feel like a freak, and he had the feeling that Doc Martens understood him. Severus told the doctor that he had the feeling he really need to hurt himself to feel anything in those moments. He told him that one part of him always knew that it wasn't right and that he shouldn't hurt himself, but the urge to do so was much greater and the feeling of relief was overwhelming when he cut himself.

Doc Martens said he understood him, but they will have to find a way that doesn't involve hurting himself so seriously when he feels the urge. He also explained to Severus that he cuts himself because he'd had bad experiences in his past that he hadn't worked out until now. Severus would need to talk about what had hurt him so much that he now thinks he has to hurt himself to get relief; he has to find out what feeling had died in his past that he now tries to compensate for with the pain.

Severus didn't want to talk about his past and what he had done, and Doc Martens didn't push him. He offered to Serverus the option of having him come to the camp once a week to talk with him, and whichever person from the camp he wished to be there with him if he doesn't want to be alone during those meetings. He also encouraged Severus to talk with Light Arrow or White Cloud about it.

"Next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself, I want you to breathe ten times, very deeply, and then think about if you could talk to Light Arrow or someone else to distract you from the thoughts. If you can't do that, I want you to wear those rubber bands around your wrist all the day." The doc pulled the bands over his wrist to show Severus what he wanted from him. "When you can't resist the urge to hurt yourself, pull them like this and let them go." Again Doc Martens demonstrated the action to Severus. The rubber bands made a loud noise when they jumped back against the doctor's wrist, and Severus jumped surprised. "Will you try it?"

Severus nodded and let the doctor put the rubber bands on his wrist. "It will hurt, allowing you to still your urge to hurt yourself, but it won't cast harmful wounds, Severus. I will come and visit you in five days at the camp and you can tell me then if it helped, okay?"

Severus nodded and looked in awe at his wrist. His arm was in a bandage and stung slightly.

"This salve has to be applied twice a day, Light Arrow. In two days you can leave the bandage off and he can shower again - until then, no shower. Please don't cast a drying spell on the arm for taking a shower because I have a permanent healing spell on it, and the spell would interact with my magic. Two days without a shower won't kill the boy." Doc Martens gave Light Arrow the salve and turned to Severus holding a big box of all kind of sweets. "Choose one!"

"I'm fourteen," Severus protested and blushed.

"A very brave fourteen year old boy, I would say. So, would you like one?" Doc Martens held the sweet box directly under Severus' nose.

Severus looked at the tempting sweets and finally couldn't resist taking a lollipop.

End of Flashback

Doc Martens had healed his wounds and bandaged his arms. He rolled backwards across the floor in his chair and rummaged through a drawer. When he was back in front of Severus, he lifted his hand and let 2 rubber bands dangle in front of Severus face. "Still know about them?"

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. "I have gone through much more pain in my life, doc. You know this. You think a rubber band can take the urge away after I have experienced hundreds of Cruciatus?"

"You told me you are so adult now, Severus. You said you can control it. Those bands shall just help you by controlling the urge. You know it depends on the pressure you put on the rubber band how much it'll hurt. Give it a new try Severus, and don't give up before you have tried."

Severus grabbed the bands from the doctor and pulled them over his wrists. It was a calming feeling to have them on his wrist again.

"You also know that those are only helpers, Severus. You have to talk about what bothers you." Doc Martens wheeled his chair close to Severus and laid his hand on Severus' legs. "Severus, would you like to tell me something else?"

Severus looked away from the prodding eyes of the doctor. "You already know. Light Arrow had already told you about it, hasn't he?"

"He had told me about what?" Doc Martens asked.

Severus sighed. "That I started to drink, what else? But I haven't done it since I've been here, okay? I can control it."

"How are you sleeping?" Doc Martens asked.

Severus stared at the doctor and held his breath. He didn't answer. It felt as if his throat was laced up.

"Severus, why won't you tell me how much it affects you? I can only help you when I know how you feel." Very gently, Doc Martens let calming magic flow through his patient.

"I know the withdrawal symptoms. I can fight them, doc." Seeing the stern look on Doc Martens, Severus said, "Okay, I can't sleep well. I have sweat attacks and my hands often shake, but I will make it."

"Severus, I can help you with this. Don't use it as another excuse to hurt yourself. This way, it won't work. There are medications I can give you to lessen the side effects from the withdrawal. There is no need to do it the hard way. You don't deserve this."

Severus tried to free himself from the hands on his legs. That damn sentence, how much he hated it. Why do they all have to say it again and again?

"Severus, you don't deserve this all," Doc Martens said again and prevented Severus attempt to pull himself away by adding more calming magic. "You don't deserve this."

Severus felt his throat tighten and the tears coming in his eyes. Merlin, that's all too much. I have to leave; Severus thought miserably and tried again to struggle against the doctor.

"Severus, look at me. Nothing you did makes you worthy of this pain. You tried very hard to help so many people, especially those two boys you brought with you to the camp. Light Arrow told me about it. You are a good man and a very brave man. You don't deserve this pain."

"Please, no..." Severus croaked. He hated it when he felt the first tears run over his cheeks. All struggling was useless against the experienced doctor.

Doc Martens reached with one hand up to Severus cheek, resting it there, and repeated the sentence again and again until Severus broke down against him. He steadied the crying wizard and drew calming circles on his back. "It will be okay, Severus. Just let us help you. These boys seem to love you very much, and I know you want to be there for them. You only can help them when you get your own problems under control."

"I know," Severus croaked and composed himself. Doc Martens gave him a tissue, and Severus tried to wipe all the evidences of his break down from his face.

"Let me give you some medications to help you with the side effects," Doc Martens said.

"Okay," Severus said, defeated.

"This one you should take each morning before you eat something and this one you can take when ever you feel your hands shaking. I would like to wait to see if they will help you before I give you something for your sleep problems. Maybe it won't even be necessary if these two medications work well. I will come to check on you in three days. Then you can tell me if you need something for night as well." Doc Martens gave Severus two packages of medications. "Severus you have known Light Arrow and White Cloud for a long time, and you should know by now that you can talk with them about whatever is bothering you. I want you to arrange regular meetings with them to speak about what's going on in your head at the moment and what happened to make you feel so bad now. I would like to come at least once a week to speak with you three together and see how you are doing. Would that be okay with you?"

"I don't want the boys to notice," Severus said fearfully.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Severus. Don't you think the boys would even open up more if they saw that you are working on your problems as well?"

Severus sighed. "Fine, but if we can avoid it, we won't make it too obvious. Okay?"

"As you wish, Severus. Would it be okay if I call Light Arrow in now?"

Severus didn't answer immediately. He had hoped they could skip having this talk under six eyes. Finally, he nodded.

Light Arrow came into the room right at the moment where Severus pulled down his sleeves. He stopped abruptly and stared at Severus.

"Come on, Light Arrow, we need to talk," Doc Martens said and guided the old man over to Severus and offered him a chair.

"Yes, I think we have a lot to speak about," Light Arrow said and drilled Severus with his gaze.

Severus looked at his hands in his lap.

"Severus would like to tell you something, Light Arrow," Doc Martens said.

No, I definitely don't want totell him anything, Severus thought desperately. He didn't say anything and just stared at his hands.

"Why don't you start with what happened on your ride with Thunderstorm." Doc Martens prodded the reluctant wizard.

Severus sighed and then told Light Arrow about his ride and what had happened at the river. The whole time he didn't look up and just stared at his wringing hands.

"You tried to heal it and hide it from us?" The sadness and disappointment could be heard very clearly in Light Arrow's voice, and Severus felt very ashamed.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise," Severus said.

"Of course it won't happen again. I won't let you ride alone again," Light Arrow said angrily.

"He is an adult, Light Arrow," Doc Martens said calmly.

"I don't care, doc. He is one of my boys, and I don't give a damn how old he is. He did it again, and he even tried to hide it." Light Arrow was very disappointed and worried. Until now he hadn't realized how deeply in trouble his boy was.

"Severus regrets what he has done, and he knows that he should have come to you or someone else to get help. What's done is done, Light Arrow, now we have to figure out how we will go on. This salve has to be applied twice a day. I'm sure you still know the procedure. I will come to check the wounds in three days. They are in very bad shape, so I want you to change the bandage each time you apply the salve. I will check if Severus still needs the bandage when I visit you in three days. I want you or White Cloud to change the bandage this evening the first time. Then you'll see the damage and from then on you have to watch closely to see if it gets worse. If it does, you need to send for me immediately, and I will come early. Don't try to bring him here; the drive would worsen his condition. There is a timed healing spell on the wounds, so you shouldn't use any magic on Severus except, of course, Rose's magic. Otherwise it would interfere with mine. Severus also agreed to have regular meeting with you or one of the others to talk about what is bothering him. Maybe you could even get Rose in on it. What do you say, Severus?" Doc Martens asked.

"I would prefer Rose over White Cloud. I don't want to worry her more than I already have," Severus said sadly.

"Severus, White Cloud always would be there for you-" Light Arrow started.

"I know," Severus interrupted the old man. "I just would feel more comfortable speaking about some things with Rose, and not with White Cloud."

"Okay, my boy," Light Arrow said calmly again. "I will speak with her and also with Rose."

"Good, then I will see you all in three days at the camp," Doc Martens said cheerfully.

"What about the alcohol?" Light Arrow asked. "Didn't you tell him, Severus?" Light Arrow bored holes into Severus with his eyes.

"He told me, Light Arrow, but all that concerns this therapy he will do with me. He has got some medication he will try until I see him next time. You don't have to worry about that," Doc Martens assured the upset old man.

"I don't have to worry about it?" Light Arrow asked angrily and looked daggers at the doctor.

"Severus is my patient in this case, Light Arrow. Speak with him about what is bothering him and it will help with my therapy with him as well, but the medications Severus get's for his alcohol problem will stay between him and me. You take care about his self-inflicted wounds," Doc Martens said sternly, in a tone that made clear that all argument was useless.

"Anything else I have to watch for?" Light Arrow asked, more calmly now. He knew that Doc Martens was right - the alcohol problem was something Severus had to handle with Doc Martens. Severus never was very strongly addicted to alcohol, yet he had handled the problem last time very well with Doc Martens alone. They had arranged meetings for talking about his problems in general, but never spoke about the alcohol directly. This was nothing Severus brought over him by will like the cutting. The cutting Severus inflicted on himself, so it had to be an open topic in the family. Light Arrow trusted the doctor, and he accepted the rule. He would help Severus with his alcohol problem by talking with him in the meetings, and that was enough to soothe his urge to help him.

Ten minutes later, Severus and Light Arrow were sitting in the truck on their way back to the camp.

"I don't have to worry about it?" Light Arrow asked angrily and looked daggers at the doctor.

"Severus is my patient in this case, Light Arrow. Speak with him about what is bothering him and it will help with my therapy with him as well, but the medications Severus get's for his alcohol problem will stay between him and me. You take care about his self-inflicted wounds," Doc Martens said sternly, in a tone that made clear that all argument was useless.

"Anything else I have to watch for?" Light Arrow asked, more calmly now. He knew that Doc Martens was right - the alcohol problem was something Severus had to handle with Doc Martens. Severus never was very strongly addicted to alcohol, yet he had handled the problem last time very well with Doc Martens alone. They had arranged meetings for talking about his problems in general, but never spoke about the alcohol directly. This was nothing Severus brought over him by will like the cutting. The cutting Severus inflicted on himself, so it had to be an open topic in the family. Light Arrow trusted the doctor, and he accepted the rule. He would help Severus with his alcohol problem by talking with him in the meetings, and that was enough to soothe his urge to help him.

Ten minutes later, Severus and Light Arrow were sitting in the truck on their way back to the camp.

~*~

Draco's steps become bigger and bigger the closer they came to the paddock and Unega. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Crying Horse laid a hand on Harry's shoulder while his other hand was holding Rose's.

"Oh, come on, cheer up, Harry," Crying Horse said cheerfully. "You will like Tohiadedi when you get to know him better. Just think about how much fun it will be to go riding with Draco and Severus."

"If I ever will be able to go riding. I don't think the horse likes me one bit, thus he won't let me take care of him. Black Hawk says I first have to prove that I can take care of the horse before I will be allowed to try riding," Harry said sullenly.

Draco meanwhile had reached the paddock fence and called for Unega. The white horse lifted his head and looked over to him. "Come here, Unega!" Draco called.

Slowly, the horse came over to the gate on which Draco had climbed.

Harry was amazed at the sight of the smile on Draco's face and how relaxed he looked when the white horse gently bumped his head against Darco's chest nuzzling his shirt.

"Hey, don't eat my shirt," Draco said playfully and rubbed the horse's forehead.

Crying Horse whistled and Tohiadedi trotted over to them. "Hey, my boy," Crying Horse said and pet the head of the Appaloosa.

Harry, meanwhile, kept his distance. He wished he could be as friendly with Tohiadedi as Draco was with Unega, but Harry had the feeling that the horse didn't like him.

"What are you waiting for? Come over," Crying Horse called to Harry and waved with one of the halter in his hands.

Reluctantly Harry went over to Crying Horse and Tohiadedi. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Draco watching him curiously.

"Try to put the halter on his head." Crying Horse handed Harry the halter after showing him how he should put the halter onto Tohiadedi's head.

Reluctantly Harry took the halter and tried to pull it over the nose of the horse. Tohiadedi didn't seem to like the idea and threw his head back and up, out of Harry's reach. The horse pawed the ground with his hoof and snorted disapprovingly.

Harry almost threw the halter out of anger into the sand, but tried to hold his temper in. He was angry and, if he was honest, hurt that the horse didn't seem to like him. "What have I done to you, eh?" Harry asked the horse angrily.

Tohiadedi again pawed the ground with his hoof and threw his head upwards.

"Like I said, he doesn't like me. I will never manage to do anything with him," Harry said, frustrated, and pushed the halter back into Crying Horse's hand. Without waiting for a reaction, Harry climbed between the slats in the gate and stormed away. He didn't know where he was going; he just wanted to be away from the horse and all the people who wanted things from him he wasn't able to do.

Eventually, he ended up behind one of the large stables and sat down on the dusty ground. I hate it here. Angrily he kicked the ground with his boot and whirled dust up. I`m just wasting my time.

After he had sat there for around fifteen minutes, someone sat down beside him.

"Problems?" Black Hawk asked while stretching his legs out.

"This whole camp is my problem," Harry said angrily.

"How dramatic," Black Hawk said sarcastically.

"Yeah, fantastic. Make fun of me. I don't care." Again, Harry kicked the ground. His jeans were already covered in dust, and his face was dirty, too.

"Doesn't look as if you don't care, Harry," Black Hawk said calmly. "What's wrong? And I mean what really angered you this time, not your overall feeling about everything here."

"He doesn't like me. I don't want to do all this," Harry said sullenly.

"I will just ignore the last part; so, who doesn't like you?" Black Hawk took his hat off and waved the dusty air away.

"The horse, of course," Harry said and looked angrily at the older man. Seeing Black Hawk relaxed and not a bit like the other adults - who always wanted to show him that he was still a kid and couldn't decide for himself - lifted his mood. It seemed that Black Hawk really just wanted to make conversations, not give him a tongue lashing.

"Tohiadedi? No, he is just suspicious. Like you. He will get better once he knows the people who want to touch and care for him. You need to earn his trust. Just be patient."

"Why do I have to take care of him? I'm not good with horses."

"I'm sure you would like to go riding with Severus and Draco, wouldn't you? It's nice to leave the camp for a few hours on a riding trip. We have a river half an hour away from here; the water is clear and not too cold for swimming in.

"Most of the kids like to have their own horse. They are good listeners when you have something to tell them that you can't, or don't want to, tell someone. Many people say it is soothing to brush the coat and mane of a horse. So, I think there are many reasons for you to at least try to become friends with your horse. Light Arrow never was wrong matching a horse to a kid."

Harry meanwhile had picked up a twig and broke it several times, throwing the pieces in front of his boots. "Maybe it would be great to go riding, but as long as the horse doesn't want me, I can't do anything," he said, before crushing the bits of twig into the ground with his boot.

"Tohiadedi just reacts to your behaviour towards him. You are angry and uncertain, and that makes him nervous. You need to approach him openly, and you must try to concentrate on him and not your problems or bad feelings. Maybe the time you spend with your horse can be a time where you forget about all your frustration. For me, it has always worked. I was glad that everyone left me alone while I was with my horse. No stupid questions, no arguments, no odd looks - just Shallow Water and me."

Harry curiously looked at Black Hawk. The man was leaning, relaxed, against the stable, one leg outstretched and the other slightly bent. Black Hawk wasn't looking at Harry; he was looking in the distance, which made Harry relax as well. He took his Stetson and spun it in his hands. "What if he never lets me touch him?" Harry asked, worried.

"That won't happen. Like I said, Light Arrow has a feeling for horses, and when he says Tohiadedi is good for you, then he is. He has never been wrong. So, want to give it another try?" Black Hawk asked and looked at Harry for the first time.

Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"Come on, I will help you, and I promise Tohiadedi will accept you," Black Hawk assured Harry.

Reluctantly Harry straightened up and brushed the dust from his jeans.

Black Hawk laughed. "That's useless, Harry. Here you will always be covered in dust. You look like one of us now."

Without another word, both went to the paddock. Melissa was standing with her horse, Maude, under one of the cottonwood trees. She shyly looked over when she realized it was Black Hawk and Harry. Seeing Harry look back at her, she hid behind Maude's head, looking as if she was whispering something into the ear of the mare.

Draco looked up. He was brushing Unega's coat and now looked curiously over to Harry.

Crying Horse jumped from the gate and came over to Harry and Black Hawk. "I will go then. The ladies are waiting for me." He patted Black Hawk's shoulder. "You can be glad that he didn't force you going to collect berries with the women for the next few times. I'm quite surprised he let you off the hook so easily."

Black Hawk brushed the hand from his shoulder. "It seems he was a bit occupied by Severus. Not that I object."

"Yeah, seems he is in some kind of trouble. Only one day here and already under Light Arrow's personal supervision," Crying Horse said. Seeing Harry's curious expression, he quickly said, "Whatever, I need to go find the girls. Melissa will stay with you. So, be a good boy, Black Hawk."

Black Hawk looked grumpily at Crying Horse. "You have no clue what you are talking about. You never have been at the receiving end of one of Light Arrow's personal supervisions."

"That's because I'm the good guy of this camp, my brother." Laughing, Crying Horse left Harry and Black Hawk to look for the women.

"Everything okay over there?" Black Hawk asked Draco, who quickly nodded and started to brush Unega's coat again.

"Good, then let's start with you and Tohiadedi." Black Hawk gave Harry a brush and took a second one himself. "Just look at me and try to copy my movements." Black Hawk moved towards the horse, which he had caught and tied to the fence, allowed the horses to sniff the brush, and then began to groom his coat at a smooth, steady pace.

Harry reluctantly started to brush the chestnut coat of his horse. When he realized that Tohiadedi relaxed under his ministration, he started to enjoy it himself. Harry didn't even notice when Black Hawk stopped, checked on Melissa, and took his place on the gate.

After a while, Black Hawk asked Draco if he would like to clean Unega's hooves. Draco overcome his fear and nodded. After Draco managed it alone, Black Hawk went over to Harry and showed him the same movements.

Unfortunately for Harry, things didn't go as well as they had for Draco, and when he tried to lift Tohiadedi's hoof to clean it, the horse didn't move an inch. "Oh, come on, Tohi, lift your leg."

Tohiadedi just ignored him and looked lazily into the distance.

"Yeah, fantastic. First you pretend to accept me, and now you make a fool of me again." The horse snorted as if he was laughing at him. Harry pulled and yanked at Tohiadedi's foot to no effect. The horse stubbornly kept all his hooves on the ground. Desperately, Harry looked over to Black Hawk for help.

The man just shook his head. "Remember what I told you. Concentrate on him and not on your own problems. You are blocking, so he is blocking, too. Relax and just concentrate on Tohiadedi."

Harry sighed, frustrated. "I am concentrating on him," he muttered. Again he yanked at the hoof. "Come on, boy, lift it," Harry instructed, annoyed with the situation. Until now, he had enjoyed the whole "horse thing" as he called it, but now he felt like a freak again. Enviously, he looked over to Draco, who had already managed to clean the third hoof on his horse.

Why can't my horse be like Unega. It's not fair, Harry thought angrily. Tohiadedi snorted and stepped away from him as if he had read his mind.

"Sorry, boy. It wasn't meant like that," Harry said, before he realized what he has said, and blushed. Quickly, he looked over to Black Hawk if he had heard him. The man was sitting on the gate and looking nervously around. Then he reached into his shirt and pulled a small box out. Quickly, he opened it and took out a cigarette. With a matchstick, he lit it and looked around again.

Puzzled, Harry looked at the man. It seems more things than I previously considered are not allowed here, Harry thought, amused. Concentrating back on the task, Harry looked at Tohiadedi. As if the horse felt his gaze, he turned one of his ears in Harry's direction. Slowly, Harry went over to the head of the horse. He leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Come on, don't let me look stupid. He won't let us go before I have managed to clean your hooves. So, please lift your hoof or we will stay here all day. No nice mares, no grass, no fun - just standing here with me in the sun. Not much fun, don't you think?"

Tohiadedi nickered and turned his head in Harry's direction. He gently touched Harry head because he was too surprised to pull it back. "Does that mean I should start?" When the horse snorted, Harry took it as a sign to start. He let his hand roam from the horse's neck, across his left shoulder, and down the front of his leg before gently wrapping his hand around the pastern, just above the hoof. This time he didn't pull at it and just let his hand gently rest on the angle while with his thumb he made a circle around it. It felt natural. His own body was slightly touching the horse's side and he could feel the slow vibration of the horse when he relaxed and clenched his muscles. To Harry great surprise, and relief, Tohiadedi relaxed and Harry could lift the hoof.

A bit awkwardly at first, Harry started to clean the hoof, but Tohiadedi didn't seem to be annoyed by it. He cleaned out the other hooves as well, and when he looked up, he saw that Draco was leading Unega around the paddock.

"Well done, Harry." Black Hawk patted Harry's shoulder. "Want to join Draco with your horse?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically. Finally he would have time to speak with Draco.

~*~

Tohiadedi nickered and turned his head in Harry's direction. He gently touched Harry head because he was too surprised to pull it back. "Does that mean I should start?" When the horse snorted, Harry took it as a sign to start. He let his hand roam from the horse's neck, across his left shoulder, and down the front of his leg before gently wrapping his hand around the pastern, just above the hoof. This time he didn't pull at it and just let his hand gently rest on the angle while with his thumb he made a circle around it. It felt natural. His own body was slightly touching the horse's side and he could feel the slow vibration of the horse when he relaxed and clenched his muscles. To Harry great surprise, and relief, Tohiadedi relaxed and Harry could lift the hoof.

A bit awkwardly at first, Harry started to clean the hoof, but Tohiadedi didn't seem to be annoyed by it. He cleaned out the other hooves as well, and when he looked up, he saw that Draco was leading Unega around the paddock.

"Well done, Harry." Black Hawk patted Harry's shoulder. "Want to join Draco with your horse?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically. Finally he would have time to speak with Draco.

~*~

Harry woke to the rays from the morning sun tickling his nose - another night of waking in Light Arrow's lap, sobbing after his nightmare. White Cloud had brought him a hot chocolate like the five nights before, and they both had sat by his side until he had fallen asleep again. Harry was grateful for their help and that they never looked tired or annoyed. Each time he fell less embarrassed, but he still felt guilty for waking them.

Karim jump on his chest and mewed loudly, which pulled Harry out of his thoughts. "Morning, Karim." He pet Karim's head and the cat stretched his head so that Harry would caress under his chin. Slowly, it became uncomfortable for Harry because Karim felt so good that he started to knead his chest with his paws and, unfortunately, claws. Damn, why do cats have to do this whilelooking so cute and lovable at the same time that you feel bad stopping them, Harry thought and grimaced in pain. "Okay, boy, that's enough. My chest is full of scratches."

Karim looked puzzled at Harry when he stopped the caressing. He even looked a bit reproachfully.

"Oh, stop looking at me like that." Harry laughed and caressed Karim behind his ear. In the same moment, he sat up and lifted Karim in his arm. "Here, enjoy the sun a bit. I need to drink something." Harry sat Karim on the window sill and headed for the kitchen. It was 7am and normally nobody was awake at that time besides Light Arrow and White Cloud, so Harry didn't bother changing into day clothes and just padded down the stairs in his pajamas.

When Harry reached the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks. At the table sat not only White Cloud and Light Arrow, but a stranger as well. Harry was so surprised that he didn't greet the man and just stood there, stiff as a poker.

"Morning, Harry," Light Arrow said, grinning and came over to Harry. "Slept well?"

Harry looked at the old man, who now was standing in front of him with one hand on Harry's shoulder. "Ehm..." Harry looked back and forth between the stranger and Light Arrow. "Morning."

Light Arrow chuckled. "May I introduce you to our guest?" Light Arrow tried to guide Harry over to the table, but Harry resisted.

"I... I need to change," Harry stuttered, looking down at himself. He felt so stupid standing in front of a stranger in his pajamas.

Light Arrow waved his hand and suddenly a bathrobe lay over Harry's pajamas. "That will do, don't you think?" When no answer came from the puzzled teen, Light Arrow gently guided Harry over to the stranger. "Harry, this is Doc Martens." Harry eyed the stranger, but the gentle smile and all-in-all appearance of the man put Harry on ease.

"This young man here is Harry, one of Severus boys." Light Arrow told Doc Martens, and, after one last pat on Harry's shoulder, he went back to his chair.

"Hello, Harry. I hope I didn't scare you." Doc Martens held out his hand to Harry.

Harry took the offered hand and shook it lightly. "No... ehm... I was just looking for a drink."

"Come over here, Harry. I have a hot chocolate for you, or do you want something else?" White Cloud waved him over to the chair beside her; a cup with hot chocolate already stood on the table for him.

Harry smiled at the old woman. "Hot chocolate sounds great." He went over, but hesitated to sit down. He looked at the adults. "I don't want to disturb you. I can go and drink it in my room."

"Nonsense, Harry. Sit down," White Cloud said and gently pulled him beside her on the chair.

After a sip of his chocolate, Harry looked up and asked, "You are here because of Severus, right?"

"Yes," Doc Martens said and made it clear with the tone of his voice that this was all information he would give away on the topic.

Ashamed, Harry lowered his gaze and hid behind his cup while sipping from it again.

"So, how do you like it here, Harry. Are you adjusting?" the doctor asked, sipping his coffee.

Harry lowered his cup and stared at the table. Again, he was torn between showing his anger about his stay here and lying out of respect for the people in this camp. He knew that they all wanted to help him, but Harry didn't want help. Sometimes he couldn't understand his own feelings. Over the last few days, he had sometimes forgotten about his hate and what he wanted to do the moment he was back in England. He even felt guilty the moment he realized that he had felt free and without hate for a few minutes again. Mostly it was when he was with Tohiadedi or when he was joking around with Brain, Ken, and Crying Horse. The man's cheerfulness was really contagious.

Yesterday, they drove in the old pickup to the river, and Crying Horse had thrown Harry into the river with all his clothes on. Then Brian and Ken had shoved Crying Horse after Harry into the river, and in the end they had all been laughing and splashing water onto each other. Only on the way back had Harry realized that for over half an hour he had felt so free and happy. The images of Ron and Neville had come into his mind and the guilt had overcome Harry again. But, as was so often these days, there also was Light Arrow's voice in Harry's head, who asked him what Neville and Ron would want him to do. Harry felt torn and couldn't decide which way would be the best for him. He couldn't decide if he liked the moments of joy and freedom or if he hated them.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't answer the doctor's question.

"Not sure, yet? That's understandable. It must be confusing and overwhelming here for you," Doc Martens said.

Harry sighed. "I still think I don't belong here, but Draco likes it here."

"We are not speaking about Draco at the moment, Harry," White Cloud said and laid one of her wrinkled hand over Harry's right hand that rested on the table.

Harry sighed. He hated that the tactic didn't work with them. Back home, it had always worked. The moment he brought up a comment about Draco, people had always wanted to know more about Draco and how he was coping, moving Harry out of the spotlight. Here, everything was different, and that was very straining.

"Do you have a horse already, Harry?" Doc Martens tried again to have a conversation with the drawn back teen.

Harry nodded. "Tohiadedi. But I can't ride him, yet." Harry had become very close with his horse, but still Tohiadedi caused problems sometimes. He was very stubborn. Once, he even had stood on Harry foot when Harry was cursing Dumbledore for sending him to the camp. It hadn't hurt, but Harry couldn't pull his foot out under the hoof, and Tohiadedi stared in the opposite direction, not reacting on anything Harry did. Cursing, pleading, even shoving hard hadn't worked and Black Hawk had had to come to Harry's rescue. It was the second time Harry went behind the big stable, pouting until Black Hawk managed to talk sense into him. All in all, he enjoyed his time with Tohiadedi and was looking forward to the day Black Hawk would finally teach Draco and him how to ride.

"I'm sure Black Hawk will teach you how to ride him as soon as he thinks it is safe enough. He is a good teacher." Steps from the stairs made them all look up when Severus came into the kitchen. When he realized who was already in the kitchen, he looked uncomfortably at Harry. The worst thing that could happen now was if Doc Martens handle him like a stupid kid in front of Harry.

"Morning, Severus," Doc Martens said, friendly. "Harry was just telling me about his horse. It seems he is as fond of his horse as you are of Thunderstorm."

Severus went reluctantly over to the table while White Cloud placed a cup of hot coffee on the table for him.

"Ehm... I think I will go to change and wake Draco." Harry placed his cup in the sink. "It was nice to meet you, sir," Harry said shyly to Doc Martens and then left the kitchen quickly.

__________

Harry opened Draco's door slowly and peeked into the room. Draco was still sleeping, and Watje was sitting on top of him, starring at Harry.

"Hey, Draco," Harry whispered while silently going over to the bed. Draco didn't stir, but Watje was up in an instant and hissed at Harry. Her white long fur was standing up in all directions, a ridge was forming on her back and her tail looked like a bottle brush. The sound Watje made evoked old instincts in Harry, and he jump back.

Draco woke from Watje's hissing and spatting, and he looked around, confused and scared. "What the hell..." He spotted Harry. "Are you crazy, Harry? I almost had a heart attack."

"Me? Your cat!" Harry's heart was beating like hell, and he was having trouble slowing it down. "I'm the one who almost had a heart attack! Your cat is a monster."

"Hey, stop insulting Watje." Draco looked at the cat whose fur still stood up in all directions. He slowly stroked her fur down, and Watje, after throwing one last arrogant look at Harry, snuggled herself close to Draco, getting the reward for her good work being a bodyguard.

"Karim never does things like that." Slowly, Harry dared to come closer. Watje was purring like crazy and rubbed her head against Draco's chin almost violently. "I'm sure she is in love with you. Hermione will be so jealous when I tell her about this." Harry grinned and sat down on the bed.

"Therefore, you would have to write her, and she is complaining all the time that you are not doing so." As if realizing only now what Harry had said, he added, "Hey, and stop implying that Hermione does want anything from me."

"Oh, so you want something from her?" Harry grinned at Draco and made room for Watje, who climbed on his lap. "Hey, now, you come and kiss up to me?"

"You are really stupid, Harry." Draco turned around and fumbled for the messenger which lay beside his cushion.

"Oh, look Watje, he is sleeping with her beside him," Harry teased the now blushing blond boy.

Draco pulled a face at Harry and opened the messenger. "She has written."

"Oh, ‘she has written' Watje. Isn't that cute?" Harry cuddled the cat while grinning at his friend.

"Wait until I put my memory of Tohiadedi's hoof-walkout on your foot in a Pensieve and show it Hermione," Draco teased Harry.

"You wouldn't!" Harry said, shocked.

"Dare me!" Draco laughed, but then waved Harry to lie down beside him to read the message from Hermione together.

Watje jumped off Harry's lap and vanished through the closed door. "Creepy," Harry said while watching her tail, which was still sticking out of the door.

"Yeah, I think I will never get used to that." Draco followed Harry's gaze.

"Karim doesn't seem to like using the doors like this. He always waits for me or someone else to open the door." After Draco shifted to make room, Harry lay down beside him. When they were both comfortable, Draco started to read aloud.

Dear Draco,

I finally got an answer from Professor Dumbledore. He sent me a book about natural healing magic. He says that's what your Rose is using.

"‘Your Rose,'" Harry said laughing and dug Draco in his ribs.

Draco just groaned and read on.

I will start to read it the moment I've finish this letter to you. I wrote again to Harry yesterday and he hasn't answered yet. Tell him I'm starting to get angry with him.

"I shall tell you-" Draco mocked.

"Yeah, I got the message, prat. Keep on reading!"

Grinning, Draco went on.

Professor Dumbledore said that cameras are not allowed in the camp. That's so sad. I really wanted to see you in that hat. Can you bring it home with you? Oh, please, Draco.

"‘Please, Draco,' let me see the sexy, mysterious Draco in his Stetson," Harry sing-songed.

"Idiot," Draco said, annoyed, and threw the cushion at Harry's face. Before Harry could add anything more, Draco read on.

There is good news, nevertheless. Professor Dumbledore said that you are allowed to have visitors. Not yet, but near the end of your stay. He promised that I can accompany him when he is visiting you. Isn't that good news?

"Absolutely, Hermione," Harry said and patted Draco's shoulder.

Draco was engrossed in the letter and didn't comment on Harry's comment.

I was a bit worried when I read your last letter. I'm sorry that you are still worried-

Draco stopped reading abruptly and tuned the messenger around so Harry couldn't read the letter himself.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Harry asked, confused.

"Ehm... it's private," Draco stuttered.

"Private? I could see my name a few words ahead. So, you are worried about me, right? What is it Draco? Come on, we always talked about everything. Why do you have secrets now, and even some which concern me." Harry started to become angry. They never had secrets; that's what made their friendship special.

"Harry, please, you won't understand." Draco tried to calm Harry.

"Then try. I want to know what you think about me," Harry shouted.

Draco sighed and turned the messenger over and started the paragraph again.

I was a bit worried when I read your last letter. I'm sorry that you are still worried about Harry, but I'm sure he will adjust, Draco. He just needs more time than you. I'm so proud of you that you arestarting to feel comfortable, and even happy, there. I'm sure it will help you AND Harry. Please stop worrying about Harry and concentrate on yourself. Don't let your worry about Harry spoil your fun and success.

Harry turned abruptly on his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I said you won't like it. Now you are mad at me," Draco said sadly and turned on his side to look at Harry.

"No, I'm not mad at you, but I should leave," Harry said, emotionless, like he had spoken so often before they came here.

Draco panicked at hearing this hopeless and cold voice again. He had almost forgotten about it lately. "What? No, Harry. I said it was private. You shouldn't have heard this all."

Harry stood up and looked coldly at Draco. "No, it was good that I finally heard the truth. I hinder you from healing and feeling happy. That's it. I knew it before and now I have the proof. I will leave this camp. If you are a friend you won't tell anyone. This camp is the right thing for you, and I'm just acting as a millstone around your neck. I wish you luck, Draco. You have been the best friend I've ever had. Please don't tell anyone that I'm leaving." The coldness in his voice had left upon seeing Draco's desperate expression and tears.

"No, Harry, please don't leave me! Don't leave me alone," Draco screamed between sobs.

Harry looked sadly over his shoulder while already grabbing the door handle. "You are no longer alone, Draco. You don't need me any longer."

~*~

Harry turned abruptly on his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I said you won't like it. Now you are mad at me," Draco said sadly and turned on his side to look at Harry.

"No, I'm not mad at you, but I should leave," Harry said, emotionless, like he had spoken so often before they came here.

Draco panicked at hearing this hopeless and cold voice again. He had almost forgotten about it lately. "What? No, Harry. I said it was private. You shouldn't have heard this all."

Harry stood up and looked coldly at Draco. "No, it was good that I finally heard the truth. I hinder you from healing and feeling happy. That's it. I knew it before and now I have the proof. I will leave this camp. If you are a friend you won't tell anyone. This camp is the right thing for you, and I'm just acting as a millstone around your neck. I wish you luck, Draco. You have been the best friend I've ever had. Please don't tell anyone that I'm leaving." The coldness in his voice had left upon seeing Draco's desperate expression and tears.

"No, Harry, please don't leave me! Don't leave me alone," Draco screamed between sobs.

Harry looked sadly over his shoulder while already grabbing the door handle. "You are no longer alone, Draco. You don't need me any longer."

~*~

Frantically, Harry stuffed a jacket and the two apples he had in his room into his backpack. Karim was meowing nervously and strode around his feet. For the third time, Harry lifted the confused looking cat and placed him on the windowsill. "Don't make this harder than it already is, Karim." Harry fought against the tears that were already starting to form in his eyes. The pain about leaving Draco was overwhelming. In one jump, Karim was again between Harry's feet and meowed loudly. "Shhh, Karim, you will alarm the others," Harry said as he maneuvered himself around the black cat and went over to the window. He wished he could take some water with him, but the adults were still sitting in the kitchen, and Harry had no vessel to fill in the bathroom. He also didn't want to waste more time. The others would wake up soon, and then Harry would have no chance to escape.

The fresh morning air hit Harry's face when he looked out of the window. The farmyard was deserted, and Harry stepped on the windowsill. Karim started to paw at Harry's legs. If anyone had been in the yard, they would have heard Karim's loud meowing, but luckily nobody noticed him. Sadly, Harry looked at the black cat that moaned miserably now. "I'm sorry, Karim. There will come another one to look after you." With those last words, Harry started to climb down the rain drain.

"Damn," Harry cursed when he cut his hand on the drain. It was bleeding lightly, but steadily. Quickly, Harry wrapped his handkerchief around the wound and looked for a way to escape. Cautiously, he crept closer to the big farmhouse until he reached the end. With big steps and in a bowed position, he ran over to the stable. He had just reached it when he heard voices.

"I will go inside and see how far the others are," Black Hawk said.

"Sure. I will finish feeding the horses and then come in as well," Red Horse answered.

"When they don't need my help for preparing breakfast, I will be out and help you. I just have to check if Light Arrow and White Cloud are still occupied with the Doc."

"Still needing your morning cigarette, Black Hawk? Don't let Light Arrow catch you," Red Horse said, laughing deeply, and Harry could hear heavy footsteps heading away from his hiding place. Harry pressed himself against the stable walls and didn't dare to move.

"That's why I only smoke far away from the farmhouse, my friend," Black Hawk muttered under his breath.

Harry's heart was beating so fast that he feared he would collapse. If Black Hawk turned around, he would see Harry standing there with his backpack and surely would put two and two together. It seemed to be Harry's lucky day because Black Hawk went over to the main house without looking backwards. The moment he went inside, Harry ran to the backside of the stable and pressed himself against the wall to breathe deeply. That was close to a catch, Harry thought, still breathless.

When he could breathe normally again, Harry looked around. Wherever he looked, there was free land. Only a few trees were randomly distributed and could hardly give any shelter from unwelcome eyes. Harry's only chance was to run as fast as he could and that he did.

Harry's chest burned. He was sweating; even though it was still early in the morning, the sun was heating the air. With no shelter from the sun and the running, Harry felt the heat burn him from out side and inside. He cursed that he didn't have his hat with him. Without it, he would hardly survive a day in this outback, but the Stetson was hanging beside the main door like the hats of all the others.

His hands ran through his sweaty hair and he glanced back towards the farm. The area was hilly and the farm had almost vanished behind a hill. Harry ran for a few more minutes, and when he turned around again, the farm was gone. Holding his side because of the stitches, he slowed down and continued to walk.

The feeling of loneliness overcame him and the tears ran freely now. The farm was gone, but so were Severus and Draco. Severus was his only real anchor to this world; the only person he felt safe with. Light Arrow could help him through the nights and Harry felt safe with him as well, but it was different. He didn't like the old man like he loved Severus. It was that kind of love you had as a child when you thought your parents were the universe and everything they did was right and nothing could happen to you when they were around.

Harry knew this was stupid, and he couldn't explain why he felt like this about Severus. When they were in the dungeons of Malfoy's Mansion, it was always Severus he hoped would come and rescue them. In the end, it was Severus as well as many others, but what counted was that Severus was there for them, even after they were found. For Ron and Neville the help had come too late. Harry knew that Severus had tried everything to find them, and he would have killed all the Death Eaters alone if he would have had a chance to do it. Now he was alone, more alone than he was in the dungeons, and it was an awful feeling.

Draco's tear-strained face appeared in front of Harry's vision. The feeling of loneliness was accompanied by guilt. It was his fault that Draco felt so miserable now, but it was for the better. He was preventing Draco from going on and enjoying his life. Harry had realized that this morning and for him it was the ultimate sacrifice for Draco to leave him so that Draco could have a new and better life without him. For Harry, there was no rescue. That's what he told himself over and over again. Only the pain in his chest made him wonder what had changed in him the last week. Why was he feeling so bad by leaving the farm, his friend and the only father figure he had left? Why did it even bother him? One week ago, it wouldn't have hurt like this; Harry was certain about that. It would have felt good to know that Draco was safe and happy and that he would go and kill the Death Eaters, even if it meant dying himself during this act. But now, the pain in his chest caused by the feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. He wished he could go back and bury himself in Severus' or even Light Arrow's arms, forgetting all the pain and worry, but he couldn't do that. He was alone, and he had to survive alone.

Tears were blurring his vision, and not only was his chest burning, but his head as well. Sobbing, he went on his way to nowhere. He had no clue were he was or in which direction he had to go. He hadn't cared to memorize the position of the sun to orient himself. The farm wasn't in view any longer, and so Harry just walked on, disoriented.

Meanwhile in the Camp

"Dad, Severus, you have to come up to Draco! He is crying and I can't calm him down. Something must have happened. It's serious," Rose said, agitatedly.

She hadn't even finished the last sentence when Severus stormed past her up the stairs and the rest of the adult and Doc Martens followed him.

"Draco? Draco, what's wrong?" Severus asked worriedly while sitting down on the bed and laying his hand on Draco's shoulder. He was surprised when Draco spun around and threw himself on him.

"Don't leave me alone," Draco sobbed. His voice was hoarse, and Severus knew that he must have been crying for some time.

"I'm here, Draco, and I won't leave you. Calm down." Severus drew gentle circles on Draco's back and listened carefully to the heart wrenching sobs of the boy. He hoped Draco would calm down. Never had a nightmare affected Draco that much, and Severus had a dreadful feeling that it wasn't a nightmare that had unsettled Draco like this.

"Draco, what happened?" Severus asked calmly. Rose sat down beside them, but she and Severus both knew that her magic could only work when the one who it was directed at was willing to take it. Right now, Draco was too shut down for her magic.

Draco just shook his head with his face still against Severus' chest.

"Draco, you can tell us. We are here for you," Rose said and laid her hand over Severus' on Draco's back. Severus' other hand was resting on Draco's head and gently stroking the blond hair.

More sobs wracked Draco when he tried to speak.

"Severus," Doc Martens said softly and handed Severus a vial.

Severus recognized the calming draught and took it. Gently, he shifted Draco to give him the vial, but the boy clawed at him like his life depended on it. "No, don't leave me! Don't leave me alone!"

Severus looked at Light Arrow for help, but the old man gestured to him that he should be the one handling the situation. "Draco, please, I need to give you a calming draught, so you can tell me what is bothering you." Severus sat the vial down on the night table and gently pried Draco's hands from his clothes, but Draco refused to lift his head.

Rose gently stroked Draco's head and drew the hair out of his face. "Draco, let us help you. You will feel much better after you drank the potion."

Still sobbing, Draco let Rose gently pull his head backwards until he lay back against her. Severus let go of Draco's hands and grabbed the vial.

Draco felt Rose behind him, but when Severus let go of his hands, he panicked and didn't know what do to with his hands.

"Shh, Draco. I'm here, and I won't let go of you," Rose said , one hand on Draco's forehead, gently pressing Draco backwards against her chest while the other hand closed over his trembling hands.

"Drink this for me, Draco," Severus said softly and lifted the vial to Draco's lips.

Still sobbing Draco tried to drink the potion, but when it was halfway down, he choked. Rose shifted him forward, and Draco immediately grabbed for Severus' robes again to pull him close.

"No, Draco, first you have to finish the potion." Severus pressed the vial to Draco's lips again, and this time Draco managed to drink it fully. The moment he was finished, he launched himself at Severus again and buried his face in his robes. "Okay, Draco, now calm down and tell me what happened." Again Severus started to draw calming circles on Draco's back and eventually he felt Draco's sobs lessen. "What happened, Draco?"

"He is gone... He left me.... He thinks he is... he thinks he is making me sad and worried, and so he said he had to leave. It's all my fault." Again Draco started to sob helplessly, potion or not.

Severus looked around. Draco didn't have to say whom he was speaking about. Everyone knew it. Black Hawk passed Light Arrow on his way out and said. "I'll take the pickup."

Light Arrow nodded and patted Black Hawk's shoulder. Seeing Severus' conflicted expression, Light Arrow said, "You are needed here, Severus. Black Hawk will take care of Harry." Severus knew that the old man was right, but that didn't stop the feeling of guilt coming up. Again, he wasn't able to take care of Harry. He had to decide who needed him more, or more importantly, whom he could take care of best at the moment, and that was Draco. Draco was distressed and he needed a person he felt totally safe with. That could only be Harry or him, and Harry had his own problems right now. Severus knew Black Hawk well, and he was sure that Black Hawk would take good care of Harry. He couldn't have gone far. The next town was too far away, and there were no dangerous animals around during the day. Severus was sure that Harry was in no serious danger, only in emotional misery, and Black Hawk would handle that well. With this thought in mind, he drew Draco closer. "It's okay, Draco. He will come back. You will both be okay. Just calm down, I won't leave you."

Draco nodded into Severus' chest. He felt safe with Severus, and Rose's calming magic that was flowing into him through the hand that she had rested on the back of his head was calming him even more. Nothing could hurt him at the moment and he knew that they would get Harry back as well.

Draco hadn't realized that there were more people in his room than Rose and Severus, and he didn't notice when Light Arrow and Doc Martens left the room. Crying Horse had made sure that the other kids didn't disturb the scene and had ushered them down for breakfast. When Black Hawk passed the little group in the kitchen, he just said, "You have to take over my duties today, Crying Horse. I don't know when I will be back."

"Sure. Take care," Crying Horse said and then tried his best to cheer up the worried looking teens.

~*~

Light Arrow nodded and patted Black Hawk's shoulder. Seeing Severus' conflicted expression, Light Arrow said, "You are needed here, Severus. Black Hawk will take care of Harry." Severus knew that the old man was right, but that didn't stop the feeling of guilt coming up. Again, he wasn't able to take care of Harry. He had to decide who needed him more, or more importantly, whom he could take care of best at the moment, and that was Draco. Draco was distressed and he needed a person he felt totally safe with. That could only be Harry or him, and Harry had his own problems right now. Severus knew Black Hawk well, and he was sure that Black Hawk would take good care of Harry. He couldn't have gone far. The next town was too far away, and there were no dangerous animals around during the day. Severus was sure that Harry was in no serious danger, only in emotional misery, and Black Hawk would handle that well. With this thought in mind, he drew Draco closer. "It's okay, Draco. He will come back. You will both be okay. Just calm down, I won't leave you."

Draco nodded into Severus' chest. He felt safe with Severus, and Rose's calming magic that was flowing into him through the hand that she had rested on the back of his head was calming him even more. Nothing could hurt him at the moment and he knew that they would get Harry back as well.

Draco hadn't realized that there were more people in his room than Rose and Severus, and he didn't notice when Light Arrow and Doc Martens left the room. Crying Horse had made sure that the other kids didn't disturb the scene and had ushered them down for breakfast. When Black Hawk passed the little group in the kitchen, he just said, "You have to take over my duties today, Crying Horse. I don't know when I will be back."

"Sure. Take care," Crying Horse said and then tried his best to cheer up the worried looking teens.

~*~

Harry panicked when he heard the rumble of the engine of the old pickup behind him. He blinked through the tears that were still in his eyes. He wanted to be back at the camp with Severus and Light Arrow and a cup of White Cloud's hot chocolate. He wanted to hug Draco and tell him that they would never part. He wanted to believe that they were there for him, that he could feel safe and not alone like he felt now. He knew that he would be in big trouble now for running away, so he started to run after he had thrown one glance backwards to the cause of noise. He could see the old, blue pickup, but it was only a blur.

Harry wiped the tears from his eyes while he ran. In his panic, he even threw his backpack down to be faster. Harry's head hurt badly and his chest hurt, not only from the bad feeling, but also from the constant sobbing. The pickup came closer and closer, and Harry's heart felt as if it was jumping out of his chest. When the pickup passed him and came to an abrupt halt in front of him, Harry almost fainted. A quick turn and Harry ran in the opposite direction. Was it the way back to the farm? Harry didn't know and didn't care because all that was important at the moment was the sound of steps behind him coming closer and closer. Harry didn't dare to look backwards. The constant running was taking its toll on Harry, and he felt his legs going soft. The sobs were taking his breath, and Harry didn't understand why he wasn't able to stop sobbing. It was slowing him down and his chance to escape was already very low.

You're making it hard on yourself, Harry, Black Hawk thought while he closed the gap between himself and the desperate boy. He could hear Harry's sobs and his painful attempts to draw more air into his lungs. If he doesn't give up soon, he will collapse. Stupid kid.

Harry panicked and stumbled sideways when he felt Black Hawk brush his side. The moment he hit the ground, the fine sand layered his sweaty face. It was an awful feeling, and Harry didn't dare to breathe deeply; his lungs wanted the air, but he was afraid that he would breathe dust into his lungs. So, he just covered his head, waiting for the blows of anger to come.

"Calm down, Harry. I won't touch you." Black Hawk knelt beside Harry.

Fearfully, Harry glanced through his fingers. "Leave me alone," Harry shouted miserably as he started to cough.

"No, I won't. Here, take your hat or you will get sunstroke." Black Hawk passed Harry the Stetson he had brought with him. "I have water in the pickup."

"I won't go back," Harry sobbed, but he grabbed the offered hat.

"Then we won't go back," Black Hawk said dryly and stood up. "Come on, let's get some water into you or you will get sick soon." He offered Harry his hand while eying him closely.

Harry was surprised by Black Hawk's behavior. He had expected anger, accusations, a show of power by dragging him back to the camp for everyone to shout at him about how complicated and stubborn he was, but not this. Black Hawk stood patiently over him with his hand still held out for Harry to take.

"I won't bite, and I won't drag you into the pickup if that is what you fear. I just want you to calm down and get some liquid into you. You've gotten yourself into quite a state already, and if you don't plan to go back to the camp, we need to fix your condition a bit."

"You are lying," Harry said, slowly calming down, but still suppressing his sobs.

"Oh, come on, Harry. In your time here have I ever lied to you? Have I ever forced you physically to do anything? Do you really think I will grab you and throw you in the pickup?" Black Hawk looked down at Harry, his hand still stretched out for Harry to take.

"Swear!" Oh, fantastic, how childish was that? Harry thought and coughed because now the dust was in his lungs.

"I swear! Come on, Harry. We need to clean you up and get you something to drink." He leaned closer and almost touched Harry's hand.

Eventually, Harry grabbed the offered hand and let Black Hawk pull him up. Stiffly, he waited for the older man to drag him to the pickup, but Black Hawk let go of Harry's hand and started to brush of the dust of Harry's clothes as gently as possible. The closeness of Black Hawk made Harry want to bury his face in the Native American's broad chest, but he resisted the urge.

"Much better!" He took the hat out of Harry's hands and placed it on the boy's head. "Let's go to the pickup to get something to drink." Black Hawk gently let his hand rest on Harry's neck and guided him in the direction of the pickup.

The hand on Harry's neck didn't feel bad. For Harry, it took away the awful feeling of loneliness. There was no force behind the hand, and Harry wished it would never leave his neck again. The closer they got to the truck, the more nervous Harry became. He had stopped crying and sobbing, and he was very exhausted, but seeing the pickup made him fear what would await him at the camp.

Around twenty feet away from the pickup, Black Hawk let go of Harry's neck and went on without Harry, who had stopped. Black Hawk fumbled in the cabin and came out with a water bottle. "I would like to wash your face, but since I don't know how long you plan to stay away from the farm, I would prefer to have as much water with us as possible."

"Us?" Harry asked while slowly closing the gap between him and Black Hawk. The older man was so relaxed that Harry felt safe around him. Nothing indicated that Black Hawk planned to break his promise.

"Of course, us. Do you think I would let you run around out here alone? You have no clue how to survive out here."

Harry grabbed the bottle and took a cautious step backwards. He didn't want to risk anything. The water was fresh and cold and it felt wonderful to have it run down his throat. He wished he could clean his face. His eyes stung from the dust, and he wiped the sweat away with his shirt. He glanced at the still almost full bottle and then at Black Hawk.

Black Hawk shook his head. "When the bottle is empty, we have to drive back to the camp. If you want to wash your face, we could drive to the river. It's not far from here."

Harry immediately took a step backwards and gave Black Hawk a shocked look.

Black Hawk shrugged his shoulders. "If you insist, we can walk, but that will make us more thirsty and this bottle will be empty quicker."

Harry glanced at the bottle. He knew he couldn't survive without water out here. "But you said you won't force me to go back. What happens when the bottle is empty and I still don't want to go back?"

"Then I will wait until you collapse or you see reason and come with me freely. I have one more bottle in the car, and so I will still be able to make sure you are safe, even if you pass out. Our water will suffice for today and if we are careful, it will last until tomorrow morning. So there is plenty of time to think about how to go on. Right now, the question is do you want to clean yourself, and if yes, which transportation will we use to reach the river. So?"

"You promise not to drive to the farm." It was more of a request than a question.

"Yes, I promise." With that, Black Hawk climbed into the cabin of the pickup without a backward glance.

Harry rounded the pickup and cautiously sat down, clinging to his bottle of water as if his life depended on it. Harry was so nervous that he didn't notice when Black Hawk glanced at his hurt hand and the bloodied handkerchief. As Harry was still disoriented, he didn't know whether Black Hawk was driving back towards the farm or was keeping his promise. Only when the vegetation became more crowded did he breath out, relieved. They had reached the river after only driving five minutes.

"Stay where you are, Harry," Black Hawk said as he climbed out of the pickup and fumbled behind his seat for something.

Harry gulped nervously, but nevertheless obeyed.

"I will come around. So, no stupid moves before I've taken care of your hand, Harry."

Harry looked down at his unprofessionally wrapped hand and saw that the blood had soaked the handkerchief. Before he could say anything or even move, Black Hawk opened the door at Harry's side. "Sit sideways so that I can reach you better." Black Hawk patted Harry's leg until he obeyed and faced the man. "Okay, let's have a look at this." He took Harry's hand and unwrapped the handkerchief. "It doesn't look as if it should be stitched, but I'm no doctor. Sure you don't want to go back so that someone more competent than me can have a look at that? Light Arrow and White Cloud could heal it easily, I think."

Harry shook his head frantically. "You promised."

"Yeah, I promised," Black Hawk said teasingly and rolled his eyes. He eyed the wound closely and then said, "I will clean it with alcohol and than bandage it. When you go bathing, you will need to carry a plastic bag around it."

"Can't you just heal it with magic?" Harry asked nervously while watching Black Hawk pull a bottle and a cloth out of the first aid box.

"No."

"No?"

"No, now let me clean it." The moment Black Hawk went to hold Harry's hand tighter, Harry drew it backwards.

"But why not? It would be much more... painless if you healed it with magic, and I wouldn't need to wear a plastic bag while bathing. Ehm... You are a wizard, right?"

"Yes, I am, and now give me your hand, Harry. It won't hurt... much," Black Hawk said uncomfortably, remembering Light Arrow's constant advice to never to lie to the kids. They should always know what to expect, even it it was something they would dislike or fear.

"Yes, it will. Why can't you-"

Black Hawk sighed. "I just can't, Harry, please. I'm not capable of wandless magic, and I'm not even sure if I could do any magic even if I had a wand. I hate magic, and I love living without it, okay? I have Light Arrow and White Cloud if I'm in need of magic and that is almost never. I can live without it very well. This will sting, but it won't kill you and it won't last forever, Harry. If I don't clean it, it will get infected and then we are both in trouble. You have already seen that I can get in even more trouble than you with light Arrow, so please spare me another tongue-lashing and yourself a lot of pain. Let's get it over with, and then we will bathe and look for something to eat in the old man's survival kit. I don't know about you, but I'm damn hungry after all this running."

"You haven't run much," Harry said cheekily and held his hand out to Black Hawk.

"Brat!" Black Hawk grinned and then positioned Harry's hand so he could see the full wound perfectly. "Brace yourself, Harry."

Harry moaned when he felt the pain in his hand. It brought fresh tears of pain to his eyes. Only Black Hawk's iron grip prevented Harry from pulling his hand back. "Done," the Native said when he had wrapped Harry's hand in a fresh bandage and pulled the plastic bag onto it. Rubber bands made the construction waterproof. "Now, out of your clothes into the river with you." Black Hawk patted Harry's leg and then stepped backwards to give Harry room to come out of the pickup.

Black Hawk already had stripped down to his shorts while Harry still was struggling with his jeans. The shirt had been no problem, but the belt was. The plastic bag was hindering him.

"Need some help?" Black Hawk asked and waited for Harry's reply.

"Ehm... the belt. I can't open it with the bag around my hand," Harry said and blushed.

"No problem." Black Hawk quickly opened the belt and the first button of Harry's jeans and stepped back. "Sure you can manage the rest?"

Harry nodded, still blushing. "Yeah, I think so." When Harry had his jeans halfway down, Black Hawk ran into the river and dived down. Shortly after him, Harry followed. It was awkward to bathe with the bag, and Harry wished Black Hawk had noticed his wound after the bath and not before.

Black Hawk used both his hands to splash Harry with water. "Hey, that's not fair. I only have one hand."

"Not my problem." Black Hawk laughed and splashed another fountain at Harry. For a short while Harry could forget why he was here in the river with Black Hawk and what was waiting for him at the camp.

"Come over here, Harry. Let's see if the bag is still secure." Black Hawk waved Harry over to him.

"It's still water proof," Harry said but nevertheless came over to Black Hawk and let the man check it for himself. "Yes, it's still working but we shouldn't push our luck. Let's clean you and then we'll get out of the water." Before Harry could protest, Black Hawk started to wash his healthy arm. "There is no way you can do it yourself, so stop looking so shocked. I will only wash your arm and your face. Everything else I will gladly leave for you." Black Hawk grinned when Harry pulled a face at him.

"Eww... I feel like a baby." Harry spluttered while Black Hawk washed his face carefully.

"You have dirt everywhere. Sand bathing is for horses, not humans, Harry."

"Very funny. Argh, Black Hawk!" Harry protested when the man pulled his head sideways to wash behind his ears.

"Stop pouting and dive. Your hair is full of dust and sand. Rub it with your good hand under the water while I hold your hurt hand up." Ten minutes later they went over to their clothes. "Here!" Black Hawk threw his own shirt at Harry. "Put this on while wash your shirt. The sun will dry it soon."

"And you?" Harry asked confused.

"My skin is used to the sun, and we can stay in the shadows. Or do you plan to go for a run again?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

'Hmpf' was all Harry said and then he pulled the shirt over his head. He looked uncertainly at his shorts. Was he supposed to pull his jeans over the wet shorts? He decided to just wait and see what Black Hawk would do.

"Lie down for a bit on the fallen tree there. The sun will dry your shorts quickly. I will wash your shirt during that time." Black Hawk answered Harry's unasked question and went over to the river again.

Black Hawk was right. Harry's shorts dried quickly, and when he turned to let his backside dry as well, he saw Black Hawk carrying a big crate over to him. "Let's see what we have in our survival box."

~*~

"Eww... I feel like a baby." Harry spluttered while Black Hawk washed his face carefully.

"You have dirt everywhere. Sand bathing is for horses, not humans, Harry."

"Very funny. Argh, Black Hawk!" Harry protested when the man pulled his head sideways to wash behind his ears.

"Stop pouting and dive. Your hair is full of dust and sand. Rub it with your good hand under the water while I hold your hurt hand up." Ten minutes later they went over to their clothes. "Here!" Black Hawk threw his own shirt at Harry. "Put this on while wash your shirt. The sun will dry it soon."

"And you?" Harry asked confused.

"My skin is used to the sun, and we can stay in the shadows. Or do you plan to go for a run again?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

'Hmpf' was all Harry said and then he pulled the shirt over his head. He looked uncertainly at his shorts. Was he supposed to pull his jeans over the wet shorts? He decided to just wait and see what Black Hawk would do.

"Lie down for a bit on the fallen tree there. The sun will dry your shorts quickly. I will wash your shirt during that time." Black Hawk answered Harry's unasked question and went over to the river again.

Black Hawk was right. Harry's shorts dried quickly, and when he turned to let his backside dry as well, he saw Black Hawk carrying a big crate over to him. "Let's see what we have in our survival box."

~*~

Harry stared into the campfire that Black Hawk had built up. He still wore Black Hawk's big shirt, and he drew his knees under it to hug them. The happy feeling he had while bathing in the river was gone. The feeling of confusion and hurt was back.

"Stop racking your brain, Harry, and help me cook. Open the can and put the beans in the pot." Black Hawk threw a big can of beans over to Harry.

Harry reluctantly pulled his legs out of the shirt and scurried over to the crate to look for an opener. When he had put the beans into the pot, he gave it to Black Hawk, who had just finished building up a construction to hold the pot over the fire. While the older man was busy heating the food, Harry put on his jeans and shoes and then sat down on the fallen tree close to the fire.

Black Hawk sat down on a trunk opposite of Harry and watched the teen draw back into his own little world again. "Ready to tell me what happened?"

Harry looked up, surprised. Until now, Black Hawk hadn't tried to push him to tell anything, but Harry had expected it nevertheless. Still, he was surprised how directly he was asked. Harry stared into the fire. "Who cares?"

"I do. Otherwise, I wouldn't ask."

"It's your job."

Harry had expected almost anything, but not that Black Hawk would start laughing. Puzzled, he looked at the older man.

"My job? Why do you think this is my job?" Black Hawk asked, amused.

"You are working for Light Arrow. You are one of the advisers of the camp. So it is your job to ask questions like that and come after me when I try to run away."

"Oh, yeah, I earn tons of money for running after distressed teens and asking them questions they don't want to answer." Black Hawk fought against more laughter and just grinned.

"Why are you laughing?" Harry asked, confused.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I just never guessed that you would think that I'm an adviser. Don't let Crying Horse hear that or he will tease me about it all the time. Me, an adviser. That's so crazy." Black Hawk shook his head, still laughing while he poked the fire with a long stick.

Harry was curious now. "What do you mean you aren't an adviser? You work for Light Arrow in the camp. You taught me to take care of Tohiadedi and you spoke with me when I was... difficult."

"Difficult?" Black Hawk snorted. "Oh, come on, Harry. All of the children here are difficult; otherwise they wouldn't be here. I could hardly live at the farm and just ignore you all. I do what I'm good at, and that's horses. I showed you how to take care of Tohiadedi because I'm the best one to do it. Light Arrow is an old man. Don't ever tell him I said that, or I'll have to move the dung heap from one side of the farm to the other for days."

Harry couldn't suppress a grin. It was fun to see that even the adults could get in trouble in this camp. It made him feel less freakish.

"So, yeah, he is old, whether he likes it or not. During my time at the camp as a teenager, he was the one that showed us how to care for our horses, but now he prefers to do other things. He would rather stay close to the main house and do more of the talk-work. You know what I mean, right?"

Harry nodded. Yes, Light Arrow hardly left the house and was always there when one of the kids needed comfort or someone to talk to.

"Rose isn't so keen on working with horses and prefers to go gathering berries." He couldn't suppress a derogative tone at the mention of berry gathering. Seeing Harry's grin, he added, "Yeah, I never explained my little slip then. I hate berry gathering. During my stay as a teenager here, I made some very stupid remarks and wasn't allowed to do any manlike things. I had to spend a whole week with White Cloud gathering berries, braiding baskets and stuff like that." Black Hawk drew a face and fumbled in his boots for his cigarette box. "Not that that stuff is bad... oh damn, yes it is bad. Bad for a man to do it. At least for me. So, if you like it, it's no problem. I mean look at Crying Horse. I bet he loves dancing around with a basket full of berries." He lit his cigarette and drew a deep breath of smoke into his lungs.

Harry grinned. "Now I can't get that picture out of my head."

"Better than dwelling on whatever you were before, right?" Black Hawk asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry had to laugh. "Severus is much better in this eyebrow raising." Remembering Severus made Harry's face fall, but before he could lose himself in that feeling, a piece of bark hit his face.

"Stop that brooding! So, where were we?" Black Hawk asked.

"We stopped at throwing bark at each other," Harry said and threw the bark back.

"Need a bit of a challenge, eh?" Black Hawk took the bark in his hand again. "Too bad that I'm too hungry to fight, so this has to wait for later." With that, he threw the bark into the fire.

Harry relaxed. He had already made himself ready to jump up and look for a shelter if the Native American would have started a real throwing battle.

"Oh, yeah, so we have crossed Light Arrow and Rose out for the showing-the-horse-care-things list, so we have Sunnyboy and Red Horse left. I mean neither of us can imagine White Cloud to have anything to do with horses, right?"

Harry shook his head. No, White Cloud was more likely to be in the little garden or the house. She seemed to do almost all of the housework alone.

"Okay, Sunnyboy Crying Horse is good with horses, but with all those jokes and grins and laughing you can hardly concentrate on a horse, right?" He didn't wait for a reaction from Harry and just went on. "Red Horse doesn't like much confusion. He prefers to be alone. He feeds the animals, takes care of the building and the yard, and helps White Cloud with her garden. Without him, we would be flat on our backs. Man, that guy can work. He is the first one up and the last to go sleep."

"He is a bit scary," Harry said deep in thoughts, staring in the fire.

"Scary? For me he is more like a big bull calf. Big and full of muscles, but with no clue of what to do with them. He couldn't hurt a fly, Harry. You should see him when one of the horses dies or even one of the cats. He just needs a very long time to trust people and even more time to open up to them. Severus has told you that we have been here before, right?"

"Yes, he told Draco and me that you have been friends and that Red Horse was in the camp before you two and then he came back when Severus had already left."

"Yes, that's right. But that exactly what we are doing at the camp, Harry. We just came back or never left, so now we live there. We are not advisers and we don't get any money. We just do what we think we are good at and try to help, just like we were helped when we were teenagers. Light Arrow tells us things that are important when we interact with you kids, but most of the time we don't think much about it. At least that's what I do. Nobody told me to go after you and nobody told me to care if you will manage to overcome your problems and start a new and satisfying life. It's just what I feel is right to do. I got help at a time when I was in need of it, and now I want to give something back, Harry."

There was the thoughtful and mysterious Black Hawk back, Harry thought while watching the serious expression of the Native American. "But sometimes there is no help for somebody."

"Why?"

Harry looked up again. "What?"

"Why do you think there is no help for you?" Black Hawk asked, looking intensively at Harry.

"Because there is too much that has happened. There will never be a happy life for me again." Harry looked down sadly.

"There is always a way to change things. The question is just 'Are you brave enough to go the stony and hard way, or are you going the easy way'?"

"Going the easy way? You think killing those bastards who killed my friends and did all the awful things to Draco is the easy way?" Harry shouted.

Black Hawk didn't seem to be impressed by the shouting and still sat calmly on the trunk, smoking his cigarette. "Yes, I think so. And I believe that deep inside of you, you already realize that yourself. Going back and killing would mean having to push all the feelings that hurt you at the moment far away, not working on your problems, and leaving behind those that care for you. Maybe you will manage to kill one or even two before someone stops you, but that won't bring your friends back, it will just leave people here that love you back, mourning for you. Draco will ask himself his whole life if he could have done anything to stop you and there will always be a part of him missing. You two are more than friends, Harry, even more than brothers. Have you heard what Light Arrow often calls you two when he is speaking about you two together? He calls you the dinilawi; twins. You have seen very bad things and have experienced great pain and humiliation together, and that has bonded you two together. Draco will never forgive himself for not holding you back. Severus is already breaking by not being able to help you to overcome your anger and pain. What do you think will happen when you take the easy way, Harry? You will let other suffer for it. Yes, I think you would choose an easy way if you leave and go killing out of revenge." Black Hawk threw his cigarette stub in the fire.

"It's hard, Harry, I know. It's hard to feel all the pain and accept it until happier feelings can make them fade. And it's damn hard to let those happy feelings take over because of all the guilt you are feeling. Everyone wants you to be happy again. You are the only one who is preventing you from healing, Harry. You are the one not allowing yourself to be happy again."

Harry drew his knees up and crossed his arms over them to rest his face on them. He didn't want to look at Black Hawk now. He knew the man was right, but it was so damn hard to fight the guilt and pain. It was so much easier to play the martyr and hide behind a mask of cold anger. He felt the older man sit down beside him and, shortly after it, an arm was laid on his shoulder and he was gently drawn against Black Hawk's chest. "You are brave, Harry. You can fight the battle for a happier life."

After a short resistance, Harry buried his face in Black Hawk's chest and cried all the pain out of him; all the long pent-up emotions.

"We are here to help you, Harry. You don't have to go this way alone. You don't have to fight this battle alone." Louder sobs escaped the teen, and Black Hawk tightened his embrace.

"It hurts so much," Harry said between sobs.

"I know, Harry, but it will become better."

Black Hawk held Harry for over ten minutes before Harry slowly pushed out of the embrace. "I still don't want to go back to the camp... right now." Harry looked miserably at Black Hawk.

"Then we will stay here for the night and think about a strategy for how to best go back." Black Hawk smiled at Harry and ruffled his hair. "I even will share my bottle of water with you," Black Hawk said and glanced at the already half empty bottle.

"But won't they be worried when you don't come back?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, but I think Light Arrow will know where we are. He knows everything. Don't ask me how, he just does." Black Hawk leaned over the pot on the fire. "Our meal is ready, Harry. Over there are the survival dishes. Let's eat."

Black Hawk's assumption was proven right when after their midday nap, a red pickup headed in their direction. Harry panicked and wanted to jump up, but Black Hawk laid a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "Calm down, Harry. We will not go back today. I will keep my promise, but if it is Light Arrow, I want him to have a look at your hand." With that, Black Hawk stood up.

Harry looked at the red pickup and held his breath. The pickup stopped around 50 feet away from them and only when Black Hawk waved him closer did it start to roll forward again. Black Hawk went over to the car when it stopped beside the blue pickup.

Harry hid his face in his arms that were again crossed over his knees, so he didn't see when Light Arrow stepped out of the pickup and spoke with Black Hawk. After a few minutes, Harry could hear the footsteps of two people coming over to him, and he held his breath.

"Will you let me have a look at your hand, Harry?" Light Arrow asked while sitting down beside Harry on the fallen tree.

Harry pulled his hurt hand out under his face and held it in the direction from which Light Arrow's voice had come. He didn't dare to look up.

"I found your backpack," Light Arrow said while unwrapping the bandage.

Harry couldn't say anything. The fear that the old man would convince Black Hawk to bring him back to the camp was too big.

"Not speaking with me, Harry? What did I do?" Light Arrow asked when he had completely unwrapped the bandage.

"I don't want to go back to the camp now," Harry said miserably while still hiding in his own arm.

"I didn't say I would take you with me, did I?" Light Arrow asked calmly.

Harry slightly tilted his head to look at the old man. "Why are you here then?"

Light Arrow eyed Harry closely. "To check and see if you two are all right or if you are in need of anything. I have some water and sleeping bags in the pickup for you two, but this will not be a hiding of undefined length, Harry!"

Harry sadly shook his head and looked down at his knees again. He knew that he couldn't run away from what awaited him in the camp forever. Draco needed to know that he wouldn't leave him, and he needed to apologize to him, but not today; maybe tomorrow.

"Good! Maybe a night out here will help you clear your mind. I will heal the cut now, Harry. It will hurt a bit, but it's more of a sting than real pain. Please don't try to pull your hand back while I heal it, okay?"

Harry nodded. "'Kay."

After Light Arrow had healed Harry's hand, he patted his shoulder and stood up. "We will see you tomorrow in the camp, I hope."

Harry looked up at the old man and nodded sadly. "Ehm... Light Arrow..." Harry didn't know how to ask what he so very much needed to know.

"He is okay, Harry. You scared him a lot, but Severus and Rose calmed him down. He is very worried about you. Can I tell him that you are okay and will come back tomorrow?" Light Arrow asked hopefully.

Harry nodded. "Tomorrow."

~*~

"I didn't say I would take you with me, did I?" Light Arrow asked calmly.

Harry slightly tilted his head to look at the old man. "Why are you here then?"

Light Arrow eyed Harry closely. "To check and see if you two are all right or if you are in need of anything. I have some water and sleeping bags in the pickup for you two, but this will not be a hiding of undefined length, Harry!"

Harry sadly shook his head and looked down at his knees again. He knew that he couldn't run away from what awaited him in the camp forever. Draco needed to know that he wouldn't leave him, and he needed to apologize to him, but not today; maybe tomorrow.

"Good! Maybe a night out here will help you clear your mind. I will heal the cut now, Harry. It will hurt a bit, but it's more of a sting than real pain. Please don't try to pull your hand back while I heal it, okay?"

Harry nodded. "'Kay."

After Light Arrow had healed Harry's hand, he patted his shoulder and stood up. "We will see you tomorrow in the camp, I hope."

Harry looked up at the old man and nodded sadly. "Ehm... Light Arrow..." Harry didn't know how to ask what he so very much needed to know.

"He is okay, Harry. You scared him a lot, but Severus and Rose calmed him down. He is very worried about you. Can I tell him that you are okay and will come back tomorrow?" Light Arrow asked hopefully.

Harry nodded. "Tomorrow."

~*~

"What happened between you and Draco?" Black Hawk asked casually while he and Harry gathered more wood for their campfire.

I knew he would ask me this, Harry thought, annoyed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Black Hawk said dryly as he lifted another big branch off the ground.

"Okay?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Yes, okay. If you don't want to talk about it, I can't force you, right?" Black Hawk looked around. "I think we have enough wood for the night. Let's go back." With that said, he passed the puzzled looking teen.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two when they were back at their campfire. Harry felt as if he had hurt Black Hawk by not answering his question, although the Native American didn't give any sign of being disappointed or mad about it.

"Your shirt is dry now. Here, you can change." Black Hawk threw Harry's shirt in his direction.

He wants his shirt back. So he is mad with me, Harry thought sadly.

"What's going on in your head right now?" Black Hawk asked when he saw Harry's sad expression.

"Nothing." Harry looked down shyly. How does he always know when I feel bad?

"Yeah, sure. I would prefer that you tell me that you don't want to speak about it than lie to me." Black Hawk's tone wasn't accusatory, but Harry blushed nevertheless.

"Sorry," Harry said and pulled his own shirt over his head. "Thanks for the shirt."

Black Hawk took his own shirt from Harry and put it on. "You're welcome, and I accept your apology. We have sausages for supper, but what do you think about trying to fish? We have fishing lines and hooks in the survival kit and a rod is quickly prepared. So, what do you think?"

"Sure," Harry said, glad that Black Hawk wasn't mad at him.

"Okay, look, I will show you how to make the rod. First we need osier stakes. They have to be flexible or the fish will rip off the hook. Come on!" Black Hawk waved Harry to follow him. Close to the river a few yards away from the camp, they found an osier. "Now, you have to wrap the line on it like this." Harry imitated each of Black Hawk's moves, and in the end he had a fully functional rod.

"Now we need a bait." Black Hawk looked around.

"A worm?" Harry asked. He remembered having seen a documentary about fishing and there they had worms on the hook. They also had a float, and Harry's rod didn't have one, just a little stone shortly above the hook. Harry had no clue how this should work.

"No, we need something like feathers. We will braid a bit of aluminum in it so that it will reflect the sun. That makes the trout bite on it better. We have some of it in the survival kit," Black Hawk said searching the ground for some feathers. "Ah, there we have some. That's enough for both of us, and we have some as reserve as well. So let's go fishing," Black Hawk said cheerfully.

Harry couldn't share Black Hawk's enthusiasm. When he looked at the construction in his hands, he could hardly believe any fish would fall for it. Harry just looked skeptically at Black Hawk and raised an eyebrow when the man looked so confident.

Black Hawk laughed and ruffled Harry's hair. "Severus is much better than both of us together in eyebrow raising."

"If this works, I will eat my hat," Harry said cynically while walking beside Black Hawk.

"You need your hat, Harry, so don't make promises you can't keep. You will be surprised how well this will work. Let's just try it."

Black Hawk was right. After a bit practice, Harry managed to move the bait over the surface of the river like Black Hawk had shown him. Harry almost let his rod fall when he saw the first trout jump after his hook. The first one who really took the hook fell off shortly after. "You need to find the right amount of strength to use so that it stays on the hook. It's a bit tricky, but it works after a bit of practice."

Harry's ambition was triggered when Black Hawk fished his first trout out of the water. "At least I won't have to eat sausages today." Black Hawk grinned at Harry while he brought the trout over to the campfire and killed it.

After three more fish fell off his hook, Harry almost gave up, but he finally pulled a big trout out of the water. "Not bad, Harry." Black Hawk patted Harry's shoulder, and Harry smiled proudly, but didn't take his eyes from the fish. "Now bring it over to the campfire. Be careful so you won't lose it on your way."

When Harry reached the campfire, Black Hawk fumbled for the knife. "Grab him shortly behind the gills. Yes, that's right. Now take the knife and quickly cut his neck."

Harry gulped. Killing a fish? He looked at Black Hawk uncertainly.

"That the circle of life, Harry. You caught him to eat him, so you need to kill him, as fast and painless as possible. When you cut his neck, he will die quickly."

"'Kay," Harry said, wavering. He took the knife from Black Hawk and chopped the whole head off by trying to kill it instantly.

For the next half an hour, Black Hawk showed Harry how to disembowel the fish and how to flavor it. "It's a bit tricky to get yours on the stick because you beheaded it, but I think we will manage nevertheless," Black Hawk said, grinning.

Harry had never seen Black Hawk grin so often. In the camp he was more serious and mysterious. He liked this cheerful side of Black Hawk more.

"Ready," Black Hawk said, satisfied, when he stuck the four osier stacks in the ground. On top of each stick was an impaled trout. Harry's trout looked very small compared to the others, but he blamed the missing head for it. He was very proud that he had caught it himself. Now, after knowing what had to be done after the fish was caught, he knew he would prefer not to fish again, at least not unless he was very, very hungry.

"What do you think about another bath? This time you can use both hands to fight me, not that it will give you any kind of advantage." Black Hawk teased Harry and was already pulling his shirt off.

"Ha, we will see," Harry said and quickly stripped down to his shorts and was earlier in the water than Black Hawk.

They joked around for almost half an hour, and when Black Hawk noticed Harry's lips slowly becoming blue, he said, "Okay, time to get out."

"Oh, no, we still have time before we eat, right? Lets stay a bit longer in the water."

"Your teeth are already chattering. Off you go," Black Hawk said seriously while Harry pouted.

"Ungrateful brat," Black Hawk said and splashed a big fountain at Harry.

"Hey," Harry said while spitting water. "That was unfair." Harry laughed and splashed water at Black Hawk, who slowly came closer. "Hey what are you planning?" Harry asked, laughing, and tried to step backwards while splashing more water at Black Hawk. Suddenly, Black Hawk dived, and Harry looked around frantically for any sign of where the man was under the water. He yelped when Black Hawk broke through the surface directly in front of him and grabbed him around the waist to toss Harry over his shoulder. "What am I planning? To take the brat out of the water, that's what I'm planning to do. And what I plan, I go through with." With that, he carried Harry laughing out of the river. When he sat the boy down on his feet close to the fire, he was relieved that Harry still was smiling.

"This time we have towels." Black Hawk gave Harry one. "The old man thought of everything, even spare underwear for us. I'm sure that was the first thing White Cloud told him to pack into the backpack for us." Black Hawk drew the towel around his hips and changed his underwear. He hung the wet pair over a branch that was still in the sun and then went over to the pickup to clean up.

That gave Harry enough privacy to change himself. He was glad that White Cloud had sent new boxers because the sun was already low and it would have taken much longer to dry his shorts on his body. The cold river water had lowered Harry's temperature, and he snuggled closer to the fire.

"Cold?" Black Hawk asked when he came over to the campfire.

"A bit," Harry said between chattering teeth.

"There is a blanket in the pickup, behind the driver's seat. Go and get it. I will heat the fire."

"Where are you going?" Harry asked, already wrapped in the blanket, when Black Hawk took his knife and walked away.

Black Hawk paused and looked worriedly at Harry. "I just need some branch forks to position our fish over the fire. I will be back in a few minutes. There is nothing dangerous here."

Harry blushed. "That wasn't why I asked. I can help you."

"No, you need to warm up, Harry. I'll be back in a minute, and I will stay in earshot. So if something-"

"I'm okay." Harry drew the blanket tighter around his body. It was stupid to be afraid when Black Hawk was only going to be away for a short time. That morning, he had run away alone, and now he felt uncomfortable being alone for a few minutes.

"Just like I said, I'm in earshot." After a last concerned look at Harry, Black Hawk vanished into the vegetation.

It had felt so good that Black Hawk was there for him the whole day. Just for him. Harry wasn't afraid of being alone; it was just the feeling of loneliness he feared. Again, Harry remembered when Black Hawk had asked him what had happened in Draco's room. It pained him that he hadn't answered Black Hawk right away. The man had been very kind to him the whole day, and Harry had just pushed him away. He didn't even know why. Would it have been so hard to tell him?

The rustling of bushes pulled Harry out of his thoughts, and Black Hawk emerged between them. "Everything all right, Harry?" Black Hawk asked, out of breath. He had run to be back as fast as possible. The distressed expression on Harry's face had made him worry, but they needed the branch forks, and Harry needed to warm up, so he couldn't have taken him with him.

"Everything okay with you?" Harry asked, concerned, seeing Black Hawk so out of breath and worried looking.

"Of course, I was just... I was just in a bit in a hurry. I'm hungry." Black Hawk lied and rammed the forks in the ground and arranged the sticks with the fish on top of them so that the fish would heat quickly, but not burn.

Sure, Harry thought, but felt a warm feeling spread in his chest by knowing that Black Hawk had hurried because of him.

"Ah... time to rest," Black Hawk said while leaning back against the trunk and stretching his legs. He fumbled for his cigarettes and looked disappointed in the almost empty box. He sighed and took one of the last two cigarettes out and lit it.

"Light Arrow doesn't want you to smoke, right?" Harry asked while watching Black Hawk enjoy his cigarette.

"He forbids all kind of drugs in the camp. Even cigarettes and alcohol, but I've smoked since I was twelve. And hey, our ancestors smoked as well. I mean smoking was a kind of sacrifice to the spirits and a way to communicate with them. Okay, I know it's unhealthy, and if I ever catch you smoking, you will be in big trouble, do you hear me?"

"That's not very convincing coming from a man who inhales this smoke as if it is a delicacy," Harry said, shaking his head.

"No, Harry, it's bad. It's unhealthy and addictive. Light Arrow is right to forbid it. If I could, I would give it up," Black Hawk said seriously, but looked at his cigarette as if it were his girlfriend. "I mean if I could choose, I would never have started it, but now it is damn hard to give it up. Here I am, the one taking the easy way. Hiding from Light Arrow is easier than fighting the withdrawal symptoms."

"Hiding? You know that everyone who doesn't smoke can smell you from five feet away and against the wind." Harry grinned at the surprised look Black Hawk had on his face now.

"Really. I always chew gum." Black Hawk smelled at his clothes. "I can't smell anything."

Harry chuckled. "Has he ever caught you?"

"Sure." Black Hawk shuddered. "And it wasn't nice, I can tell you. But that's all I will say about it. Turn your trout, Harry."

"Black Hawk... do you still want to know what happened this morning?" Harry asked insecurely.

"Sure," Black Hawk said, looking interestedly at Harry.

Harry sighed. "Draco and I read a message from Hermione, our friend... best friend. She replied to a letter Draco had written to her. Draco was reading out loud, but suddenly he stopped and tried to hide the letter from me. We've never had secrets before, and I knew that the secret was about me. He had written Hermione that he was worried about me and that I don't want to be here. Hermione had told him to stop worrying and... and that this is stopping him from being happy again." Harry's shoulders slumped forward, and he looked sadly at the ground. All the doubt and the pain was back now. Why had he offered to tell Black Hawk that? Almost the whole day was brilliant. Harry hadn't felt so good and free for a long time, but now all the bad feelings were back at one go.

"What is bothering you more, that he is keeping secrets from you or that Hermione thinks you are preventing Draco from being happy?" Black Hawk asked calmly.

"Both... but maybe more that I'm preventing Draco from being happy." Harry was surprised that he didn't felt like crying again. Surprised, but glad.

"Has Draco said that it is true?"

"True?"

"Yes, all we know yet is that Hermione is worried that Draco can't be happy while you are not accepting the help. So, I ask you if it is true. Did Draco confirm this worry?"

Harry looked at Black Hawk with a puzzled expression. "I didn't ask him."

Black Hawk threw the stump into the fire. "Then you don't even know if it is right and if there is even something to worry about. In my eyes, Draco has made very big progress in the last days, and at least when I saw him with you and Unega around, he seemed to be quite happy. Even if your resistance against the program is affecting Draco, which we don't know at the moment..." Black Hawk said and held up his hand to emphasize the last words. "Draco is the only one who can change his feelings. You cannot change how Draco feels about anything, Harry. You must decide what's best for you, and Draco has to learn to live with it. It's his task to find a way to be happy, not yours. And as for the secret, I think everyone needs a secret or two. I mean, just because I smoke behind Light Arrow's back doesn't mean that I don't love him or that I respect him any less. Draco is a person for himself and you are one. So each of you can have secrets from another. That's natural. It's good that you two have other friends. Sometimes it's better to tell someone other than your best mate what is bothering you."

Harry drew in a sharp breath at the phrase best mate.

"What's wrong, Harry? Did I say something to hurt you?" Black Hawk asked, worried.

"Best mates... that's what Ron always called us." Harry tried to fight back the tears. It was the first time he had spoken about Ron. His chest hurt, and he had the feeling that all the air was sucked out of his lungs.

"Shhh, Harry, come on, breathe with me." Black Hawk sat down beside Harry and laid his arm over Harry's shoulders. "I'm here, Harry. You are okay. Just breathe with me. In... and out... in... and out..."

Slowly Harry calmed down. "Ron is... Ron is..." Harry tried hard to speak between the sobs, but was unsuccessful.

"I know who he is, Harry. Severus told me about what happened. It's okay. You can tell me about him if you want, but you don't have to. Just calm down." Black Hawk drew Harry closer, and Harry rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"Can we talk about something good or funny, please?" Harry asked when he had calmed down.

"Sure. What would you like to talk about?" Black Hawk asked, looking at Harry's tear-strained face when the teen lifted his head from his shoulder.

Harry shrugged his shoulder, but then grinned. It looked odd on his wet and red face, but Black Hawk was glad that Harry could draw himself out of his depression. Never before had Black Hawk taken part of as many and intensive talks as today. Normally it was Light Arrow's part to deal with the emotionally distressed kids and to speak with them about the past. Black Hawk always saw himself better in the part of making them ready for their new life, but today he found a totally new side of himself, and he liked it. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Harry's exclamation. "Maybe about a basket swinging Crying Horse. You planted quite some picture in my head, you know?"

Black Hawk laughed. Ruffling Harry's hair, he stood up. "One day without Mr. Cheerful and you already miss him." On his way back to his trunk, Black Hawk checked the trout and said, "What about eating, Harry? The trout are ready."

"Sounds good to me," Harry said. He felt as if a big stone has been lifted from his chest. He loved that Black Hawk could change from serious into cheerful so quickly. It was relieving. It was as if Harry could decide the pace and Black Hawk just accommodated it. No drilling questions, no hurt looks, no accusations, just accepting Harry's pace of how much he was ready to give away and of how much he was willing to work on.

Harry felt really happy and balanced for the first time after the horrific experiences in the dungeons. Black Hawk had given him a second trout, and they tasted delicious. With a full stomach, Harry leaned back satisfied and relaxed. That is, until he heard the sound of horse hooves coming closer.

~*~

"Sure. What would you like to talk about?" Black Hawk asked, looking at Harry's tear-strained face when the teen lifted his head from his shoulder.

Harry shrugged his shoulder, but then grinned. It looked odd on his wet and red face, but Black Hawk was glad that Harry could draw himself out of his depression. Never before had Black Hawk taken part of as many and intensive talks as today. Normally it was Light Arrow's part to deal with the emotionally distressed kids and to speak with them about the past. Black Hawk always saw himself better in the part of making them ready for their new life, but today he found a totally new side of himself, and he liked it. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Harry's exclamation. "Maybe about a basket swinging Crying Horse. You planted quite some picture in my head, you know?"

Black Hawk laughed. Ruffling Harry's hair, he stood up. "One day without Mr. Cheerful and you already miss him." On his way back to his trunk, Black Hawk checked the trout and said, "What about eating, Harry? The trout are ready."

"Sounds good to me," Harry said. He felt as if a big stone has been lifted from his chest. He loved that Black Hawk could change from serious into cheerful so quickly. It was relieving. It was as if Harry could decide the pace and Black Hawk just accommodated it. No drilling questions, no hurt looks, no accusations, just accepting Harry's pace of how much he was ready to give away and of how much he was willing to work on.

Harry felt really happy and balanced for the first time after the horrific experiences in the dungeons. Black Hawk had given him a second trout, and they tasted delicious. With a full stomach, Harry leaned back satisfied and relaxed. That is, until he heard the sound of horse hooves coming closer.

~*~

 Harry's heart sank in his boots when he heard the horse coming closer and closer. Tensed, he looked in the direction of the sound. When the black horse finally came into sight, Harry groaned and fearfully hid his face in his arms.

"Black Hawk." Harry could hear Severus' voice coming closer.

"Severus," Black Hawk said shortly.

Harry felt Severus sit down beside him on the fallen tree. "Good to see you are all right, Harry," Severus said softly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said miserably, still hiding behind his knees and arms.

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to. I'm just glad Black Hawk found you and that you are all right. You could have been hurt or gotten sunstroke or whatever. I was worried."

"I'm okay," Harry said, apologizing.

"Good," Severus said shortly, and after a pause he added, "Any objections against me keeping you two company?"

"Are you mad at me?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Like I said, I'm just happy that you are okay. Light Arrow told us you promised to come back tomorrow. I'm very glad about that and relieved. Are you still planning to come back, or have you changed your mind?"

"No, I will come back. I promised." Harry didn't dare to look up, even though Severus really seemed very relaxed.

"Good. I just needed to see you. I was worried and wanted to see for myself that you are okay. So, what have you done all day?" Severus asked, relaxed.

Carefully, Harry looked sideways at Severus. The older man was rummaging in his cloak and pulled a small package out. "Here." Severus threw the package over to Black Hawk. "Thought you would need that. You left the house in quite a rush."

Black Hawk caught the box and sighed, relieved. "Damn, you really are my best friend." Happily, Black Hawk refilled his metal cigarette box with the new package. "I'm in your debt."

"No problem. Thanks for taking care of Harry for me."

"You are welcome, and Harry informed me that it is my job to do this." Black Hawk grinned at Harry, who had finally lifted his head completely.

"Yes, who would have thought that you would one day take over Light Arrow's job?" Severus shook his head, smirking.

"Yeah, and who would have thought that you would become a teacher. I can still remember you screaming a hundred times at Light Arrow that you hate people and especially kids." Black Hawk laughed and lit one of the new cigarettes.

"Life takes crazy ways sometimes," Severus said, more thoughtfully now.

"Yes, I thought being a truck driver would be a cool job, but I felt I would die from loneliness during my first days on the road." Black Hawk became more severe, too.

"What took you so long to come back to the camp then? It was almost a year, wasn't it? And you were quite in some..." Severus stopped and threw a look at Harry.

"It's okay. Harry can know about it. I was stupid. I should have come back here as soon as I realized that I couldn't live alone. The problem was that I was too proud and didn't want to come back like a lost puppy, asking for permission to stay. I wanted to prove to them that I could live on my own, but what I really did was destroy myself." Sadly, Black Hawk looked into the flames.

"You are living on your own, Black Hawk. Just because you live in the camp doesn't mean you haven't matured. You are still an independent person. Look, even Harry here thought you were working for Light Arrow." Severus tried to lighten the mood. He knew that Black Hawk still felt uncomfortable about his past. He was surprised that Black Hawk had spoken so openly in front of Harry. It seemed something important had happened that day.

"We both know that it isn't true, Night Rain." Black Hawk threw his halfway smoked cigarette into the campfire.

If Black Hawk used Severus' Native name, he really must feel bad. During his first stay at the camp, Black Hawk had always used his native name. It was special between the two because the rest of the camp always addressed Severus with his given name. "No, it is the truth, Black Hawk. You are a grown man. Look how the kids look up to you. Nobody is as good with horses as you. Without you, Light Arrow couldn't run the camp any longer. Why can't you see that?"

"Because it's crap." Black Hawk sighed and then looked directly at Severus. "I lied to you."

Severus just stared at Black Hawk, waiting for more explanations.

Averting his look from Severus, Black Hawk went on, "I didn't come back on my own. Light Arrow brought me back. He found me drunk and drugged in a pub. I didn't even know my name any longer. He brought me back to the camp. The moment I could think straight again, I felt so embarrassed that I tried to fight him away with words, Night Rain. I will never forget myself for spitting them at him. It was awful, and he even locked me in. I tried to run away several times because I couldn't stand the shame I felt when I had to face White Cloud and Light Arrow. It was horrible. I would have preferred to die, drunk in an alley rather than go the stony way and speak with them. I don't know how they could stand me, Night Rain. It was so much worse than when we were teenagers. I was an adult; I should have been more mature. I have never really left the camp. I'm still one of their rescue projects."

"We always will be their rescue projects, Black Hawk. Look at me. I'm not any better than you." Severus paused, threw another short glance at Harry and then sighed. "I started drinking again and I even... I even cut myself again," Severus said bitterly. "Of the two of us, you are much more grown up. Look how many times I came back with problems. If I count right, it's the fourth time now."

Harry sat there the whole time listening, fascinated with what the two older men were speaking about. He didn't lose his confidence in them, now they just became more human in his eyes.

"But he didn't drag you back here, Night Rain. And... and you didn't call him all those horrible names."

"Then apologize, Black Hawk, but I'm sure he will just look at you, puzzled, because he has forgotten about it a long time ago and is just happy that you stayed. Like I said, without you and Red Horse, he couldn't do what he is doing right now."

Black Hawk sighed again. "But I never left, Night Rain; I never left."

"Then do it," Severus said, prompting.

"What?" Black Hawk asked, confused, and looked directly at Severus.

"Do it. Leave and then come back and ask to stay."

"But I don't want to go away. I don't even want to be alone for an hour."

"Then don't do it," Severus said dryly.

"Damn, you are horrible at this adviser stuff," Black Hawk said and threw a piece of bark at Severus.

"Yes, that's why you are the one to stay and help Light Arrow and not me. You are a good adviser, Black Hawk, whetheryou want to hear it or not."

"Rats," Black Hawk said frustrated. "You have no idea, Severus."

Back to Severus, so we are back in the present, Severus thought relieved. He had been a bit worried about Black Hawk's melancholy. Severus would never have guessed that Black Hawk still felt unsure about his place in the camp.

Black Hawk stood up. "I need some fresh air."

"We are outside under the sky. Everywhere is fresh air here," Severus muttered, but Black Hawk had already gone in the direction of the river.

Severus groaned, frustrated. He tried to stand up to follow his friend, but Harry stopped him by laying a hand on Severus' knee. "Let me talk to him." With that said, Harry went over to Black Hawk, who stood silently close to the river, staring at the moon's reflection on the water surface.

"I'm glad that you are here, Black Hawk. And... and I think you are a very good adviser." Shyly, Harry took Black Hawk's hand. It was awkward, and Harry didn't dare to think about how this would look to an outsider, but it felt like the right thing to do in that moment.

"Thanks, Harry. That means a lot to me... really," Black Hawk said in a hoarse voice. "I never told all of this to anyone. I hope you will not spread it-"

"Of course not. Who do you think I am?" Harry said a bit hurt that Black Hawk would even believed him capable to talk about all of this with anyone. "Ehm... you won't tell anyone that I cried, right?"

Black Hawk laughed and turned to Harry. "No, so now the two of us have a secret as well, right?" He ruffled Harry's hair and chuckled.

"Yes," Harry laughed, relieved about Black Hawk's mood change and also because he knew his little secret was safe with Black Hawk.

They sat together happily at the campfire the rest of the evening. Harry and Black Hawk finally answered the question Severus had asked in the beginning. They told him what they had done the whole day, and Severus said that they were some lucky guys; he had to help White Cloud in the garden because the old lady still insisted that Severus speak with her about his problems. "Garden work is the best way to loosen your tongue, Severus. You hate it so much that you will tell me everything in hope that I will release you earlier than planned," Severus said, imitating White Cloud's voice.

"Oh, yeah, you should have seen him as a teen, Harry. He was scowling at the tomatoes so much that we thought they would go black or at least would become bitter." Black Hawk almost doubled over, laughing hard.

"Oh, how I wished to be capable of wandless magic then. I swear I would have turned them black or let them explode." Severus grinned.

Harry laughed so hard; he couldn't remember the last time he had laughed that hard.

When they curled up in their sleeping bags, Black Hawk became serious and thoughtful again. He had waited in hope that Harry would be asleep and finally whispered, "Are you still awake, Severus?"

"No," Severus said, groaning.

"How can you answer when you are not awake?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

"What do you want Black Hawk?" Severus asked, annoyed. When no answer and just a sigh came from the sleeping bag close to him, he said in a calmer and friendlier way, "What's the matter, Black Hawk? Still racking your brain about what we spoke about in the beginning? You heard Harry. You are grown up and a good adviser."

"Severus, if I decide to go, would you take over my... my job for a while?" Black Hawk asked carefully.

Harry drew in a sharp breath and his chest stung with the idea of Black Hawk leaving the camp. Finally he had found a friend, and now he would lose him again.

"Black Hawk, I don't know what to say to this. You made quite a lot of progress with Harry, progress I wouldn't have even thought would be possible. I would hate for you to leave now, but if you need to do it for yourself, then you should do it and I will try to do my best. Remember that I'm not good with kids, though. I'm not very patient."

Black Hawk sighed and turned in his sleeping bag to stare into the sky.

"You should look at yourself first, Black Hawk. If you are not happy and balanced, you can't help Harry or the other kids. So if you feel the need to leave, then you should do it. I will try my best to do your job." Severus paused. "You will come back, right?"

The silence that followed worried Severus. "You said you don't want to live without them, Black Hawk. Why do you hesitate to answer my question?"

"I don't know if I will be brave enough to come back. Maybe you are wrong about me being mature, Sev. You always managed to live your own life far away and come back. I still feel the urge to leave, but I don't want to leave. Damn, that's odd. I don't know what to do, Sev."

"If you call me Sev one more time, I will take the choice from you because I will kill you."

Black Hawk looked sideways at Severus and immediately met the dark brown eyes of Severus, who was watching him closely.

"But Rose is allowed to call you Sev," Black Hawk said, pretending to be hurt.

"Rose is allowed many things. You should know this by now, but back to your question." Immediately the grin on Black Hawks face vanished. "I don't think it is necessary for you to leave the camp. It's not unmanly or childish that you feel you can't live outside the camp. Every time I come here, I feel so safe and protected that I ask myself why I ever left. The only thing that makes me leave is that I have people somewhere else that I feel responsible of or... or that I love like a family. It's like shifting between two families, you know? You never had another family you wanted to go to. So why is it bad that you want to stay here? Speak with Light Arrow and White Cloud, Black Hawk. Don't do something stupid. If you leave, I want your promise that you will come back," Severus said seriously.

"I need to sleep on it," Black Hawk said, turning away from Severus.

"Good night, brother," Severus said softly.

"Good night, Night Rain," Black Hawk whispered back.

Harry couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Please don't let me lose him, he prayed to an unknown power.

~*~

"If you call me Sev one more time, I will take the choice from you because I will kill you."

Black Hawk looked sideways at Severus and immediately met the dark brown eyes of Severus, who was watching him closely.

"But Rose is allowed to call you Sev," Black Hawk said, pretending to be hurt.

"Rose is allowed many things. You should know this by now, but back to your question." Immediately the grin on Black Hawks face vanished. "I don't think it is necessary for you to leave the camp. It's not unmanly or childish that you feel you can't live outside the camp. Every time I come here, I feel so safe and protected that I ask myself why I ever left. The only thing that makes me leave is that I have people somewhere else that I feel responsible of or... or that I love like a family. It's like shifting between two families, you know? You never had another family you wanted to go to. So why is it bad that you want to stay here? Speak with Light Arrow and White Cloud, Black Hawk. Don't do something stupid. If you leave, I want your promise that you will come back," Severus said seriously.

"I need to sleep on it," Black Hawk said, turning away from Severus.

"Good night, brother," Severus said softly.

"Good night, Night Rain," Black Hawk whispered back.

Harry couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Please don't let me lose him, he prayed to an unknown power.

~*~

Harry stood awkwardly in front of Draco's door. Nervously, he chewed at his bottom lip. Early in the morning, Black Hawk, Severus and Harry had gathered all their things because it started to rain. They arrived at the camp so early that only White Cloud and Light Arrow were awake. Black Hawk and Severus immediately fought over who would use the shower first, and Severus had won. Black Hawk said he would visit the horses and that Severus should move his ass because he wanted a shower as soon as possible.

"Go in, Harry," Severus said reassuringly when he passed him on the way to the bathroom. "Draco missed you very much."

Taking one last deep breath, Harry knocked at the door and then went in.

Draco sat on his bed, staring anxiously at the door. When he saw Harry, he jumped out of the bed and hugged him. "You came back. Oh, Harry, you came back."

Harry couldn't describe how relieved he was. He had feared Draco would be mad at him, shout at him or whatever, but he hadn't guessed Draco would react like this.

"Didn't Light Arrow tell you that I would come back today?" Harry asked while hugging Draco back.

"Yes, he did, but I wouldn't believe him until I saw you standing before me. And now you stand before me." Draco beamed at him when he let go. "Thank you, Harry. Thanks for coming back."

"I'm sorry, Draco, for what I said and-"

"Who cares? What's important is that you are here again and..." His smile left his face, and he looked fearfully at Harry. "You won't go away again, will you?"

Harry smiled at his friend. "No, I won't. I will stay and..." Harry sighed. "And I will give it a try here." Seeing Draco's happy expression, Harry lifted a hand. "I don't promise anything besides to try it, okay?"

"That's enough for me," Draco said cheerfully, hugging Harry again.

"I'm glad you aren't mad with me," Harry said, relieved.

"Let's forget it. Tell me what the two of you have done. Light Arrow said you were camping outside." Draco looked curiously at Harry.

Harry laughed and then told Draco about his camping with Black Hawk and that Severus had joined them later. He didn't tell Draco his little secret with Black Hawk or what Severus had told about himself. Harry didn't know if Severus would want him to tell it to Draco.

"That sounds like fun," Draco said, but suddenly became sad again. "Severus told me his secret. He said I'm allowed to speak with you about it. Maybe I can make up for keeping a secret from you with Hermione." Shyly, Draco waited for Harry's reaction.

"If you want to tell me about it, I would be glad, but I realized that it is important that we have other friends and even secrets from each other, Draco. I'm not mad at you for having secrets with Hermione. It was wrong to shout at you for it."

Draco gave Harry a relieved smile. "I'm glad you aren't mad any longer. I spent almost the whole day with Severus and Rose, and in that time Severus told me why he had hurt his hand and that he has other problems. He is working on them with that Doc who was here yesterday."

"Doc Martens, I know, and Severus told me about his problems yesterday as well. I thought I would be shocked, but somehow..." Harry paused and before he could go on, Draco finished the sentence for him.

"It feels good to see he is human and has problems like we have, right?"

Harry smiled. "Yes. Not that I would wish him these problems."

Draco shook his head vehemently. "No, it's horrible, but he says he will fight and work on his problems. Like we will do, right?"

"Right, Draco," Harry said laying a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "We will try to work on them."

_____

During his talk with Draco, Harry almost forgot about his fear that Black Hawk would leave the camp. He was so happy to have Draco back and that they still were friends that he forgot about it. That was until they had almost finished their breakfast and Black Hawk spoke to Light Arrow.

Black Hawk cleared his throat, and when he had the attention of Light Arrow and White Cloud, he said, "I think it's time for me to leave the camp."

Harry's knife fell down on his plate loudly. Severus looked nervously from Black Hawk to Light Arrow and White Cloud.

"Ehm..." Black Hawk stuttered while looking first at Harry's shocked expression before trying to seek help from Severus. Severus' expression made clear that he thought it was not the right time to speak about it, and he even shook his head when Black Hawk looked at him.

"What is this about?" Light Arrow asked seriously, looking back and forth between Black Hawk and Severus.

Not wanting to be in trouble so soon after his own escapade, Severus lowered his eyes. This was Black Hawk's fight, not his.

"Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked with determination.

"Yeah, ehm... I... I think I should go. It's time, you know. I mean I've been here way too long and..." Seeing Light Arrow's stern expression, Black Hawk stopped speaking.

"You will-" Light Arrow started, but White Cloud laid a calming hand on his arm.

"Wait, Joseph," White Cloud said.

Ugh-oh, she is using his given name. That means trouble. Severus resisted the urge to leave immediately because he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. Opposite from him, he saw Crying Horse fidget in his seat as well, obviously asking himself if he was allowed to leave. Rose looked as if she was about to start crying, and Red Horse just stood up and left. The kids looked nervously around. Their curiosity was killing them. Black Hawk leaving? But that was impossible.

"Crying Horse, why don't you take the kids outside? I'm sure you will find something to occupy yourselves with. Severus and Rose, you should join them." The moment White Cloud had finished, Severus was almost jumping out of his seat to leave. He regretted throwing one last glance at his old friend because the fear in his eyes made him feel so sorry for Black Hawk. Why did the fool have to speak about this at the breakfast table? Sometimes Black Hawk really doesn't know what he is doing.

Rose remained sitting instead. "No, I want to stay. I want to know what he is speaking about," she insisted.

"Yes, us too," Brain said, speaking for the other kids, who frantically nodded in agreement.

Severus and Crying Horse looked at each other shocked. How could they be so stupid?

White Cloud gently smiled at the children, her hand still on Light Arrow's arm. "This is between Black Hawk and us, kids. Please respect this. I know you all are worried and want to know what happened and what will happen." Light Arrow's arm twitched at that last statement, and White Cloud applied a bit more pressure. "We will inform you as soon as we know for sure what will happen, but first we need to speak with Black Hawk alone. Please respect this." With these last words, she looked insistently at Rose.

The kids grumpily stood up and followed Severus and Crying Horse out. Rose still sat in her seat. "He is my brother. You know what happened last time. I won't-"

"Rose, please go. We will speak with Black Hawk." White Cloud still tried to be calm, but she could feel that Light Arrow was starting to lose his patience. He had almost stared a hole into Black Hawk, who was looking down at his hands now. Rose had to leave soon or Black Hawk would feel embarrassed by having the coming conversation in front of her. Obviously Black Hawk had believed that announcing his intentions to leave at the full breakfast table would stop Light Arrow and White Cloud from telling him their thoughts about it all. Sometimes he was still the naive teenager who came into their camp so many years ago.

"No!" Rose shouted. Black Hawk nervously looked up at her. She seldom lost her temper, and he definitely didn't like that he would be getting a tongue lashing from her now. So much for speaking out at the breakfast table. Now I will not only get a tongue lashing from Light Arrow and White Cloud but from Rose as well. Black Hawk wished the ground would open and swallow him. "You will not leave. Do you hear me? What's going on in that thick head of yours? What happened? Oh, wait, does Severus have something to do with this? I swear if he has put that bug in your ear, I-"

It wasn't Black Hawk's frantically shaking head, but Light Arrow's dangerously low voice that made Rose stop. "Stop, right now, Rose. I would prefer if you would go upstairs and not outside. We don't even know what this all is about, and I don't want you to accuse one of your other brothers of having anything to do with this. I can't settle a fight between you and Severus while I'm occupied in here." With that, he stared at Black Hawk, who let his head sink again.

Rose stood up, still angry. "If you leave, Black Hawk, I swear I will find you and drag you back here, where you belong." With that, Rose stormed up the stairs.

White Cloud sighed and slowly released Light Arrow's arm. "Stay calm, Joseph, and let him explain."

"Speak, boy," Light Arrow said sternly.

Black Hawk breathed in deeply. "I'm an adult." He looked up to emphasize this statement, but seeing his 'father's' serious expression, he gulped. "Look, you brought me back here to heal again, and I did, right?" Seeing no reaction from Light Arrow, he sighed and went on. "I'm a man. I should leave and prove that I can live on my own."

"You can't live on your own," Light Arrow said strictly.

Black Hawk looked down disappointedly. "I'm still just a patient for you."

"No, you aren't, and you should know that without me saying it. First, nobody here is a patient, just people who need help. Second, you are my son, and I care for you. You can't live alone. You tried once and nothing has changed, Black Hawk. We have spoken about this several times, and you found out yourself that you don't want to live on your own. You would feel lonely. Has that changed over one night outside with Harry?" Light Arrow asked still sternly but kinder.

"No," Black Hawk said sadly.

"Then tell me why you came up with this stupid idea," Light Arrow instructed.

Black Hawk sighed. "I had a lot of time to think while I was out there with Harry. I mean, I tried to convince him to fight and have another life in which he would become a grown man who can be proud of himself, and I realized that... that I never managed to become a grown man myself. Look at Severus. He can live on his own. He is no longer just a..." He stopped. Saying patient would make Light Arrow angry again. "I mean he... Damn, you know what I mean."

"No, Black Hawk, I have no idea what's going on in your head. Since when do you compare yourself with Severus? What does his life have to do with yours? Severus has a life and friends and even people he calls family in England, you don't have family anywhere else than here. Your friends you can meet in the town whenever you feel the need. You are not a prisoner here," Light Arrow argued.

"But I need to live on my own," Black Hawk said, not very convincing. "Everyone has to live on his own one time."

"You are not everyone. When you have a kitten that has been badly abused and you coddle it up, it will always be bound to you. It will always feel the urge to stay close to the people it felt safe with. But outside, it is still a cat like all the others. It goes hunting, loving-" Black Hawk blushed at that statement. "- and would be able to live on its own, but it still feels much better staying close to the person who cared for it. So is that cat worse than the cats that just live on their own?"

"I'm not a kitten," Black Hawk said, pulling a face.

Light Arrow gave a frustrated groan, but White Cloud smiled gently and laid a calming hand on his shoulder before going over to Black Hawk. She sat down beside Black Hawk and took his hand in hers. "Look at me, Black Hawk." When Black Hawk obeyed, she said, "Do you really think anyone thinks you aren't man enough to live on your own? Do you think you have to prove anything to us?"

Black Hawk lowered his gaze, ashamed.

"No, look at me, Black Hawk! You are man enough to face me while I tell you what I think about your plan to leave the camp." She waited until Black Hawk found the courage to look up again. "Those kids outside adore you, Black Hawk. I really have no idea how you could think anything else. For us, you are a man as well. Without you and Red Horse we couldn't run this camp any longer. We are very proud of how well you take care of the horses and how you have grown into your role as one of our helpers here; not only with the animals but with the kids as well. We need you, Black Hawk." She looked closely at Black Hawk, and after a short pause she said, "If you ever want to leave because you met a nice woman with whom you want to build your own family, we won't object. We would be happy for you, even though we would prefer to have her move into the camp like Crying Horse." She grinned at Black Hawk, and he felt a bit better now that it wasn't all just so tense. "But if you would wish to live somewhere else, we will accept it and just hope that you wouldn't forget us and visit us often. That would be a good reason to move out, but not that you think you have to do it to prove that you are a man. You have been a man for many years now, Black Hawk. Going away and feeling bad again wouldn't prove anything. We all know that you wouldn't feel good living alone, don't we?"

Black Hawk sighed and nodded slightly.

"Then please stay, Black Hawk." White Cloud looked pleadingly at Black Hawk.

Black Hawk didn't know what to say, so he just gulped again.

"If you need to live on your own, you can build another house on the camp. I don't care. I will even help you, but I will not just close my eyes over a stupid decision like leaving. As long as I live, I will have an eye on my kids, and I will drag you back here whenever I feel you can't handle your life alone; man or not," Light Arrow said in his no-nonsense voice. "Like White Cloud said, we need you here, Black Hawk. I can't run the camp without you. If you leave, I would have to look for another person to take over your job, and it would be hard to find someone who would even be half as good as you. Of course I won't hold you back if you really feel that this is the right decision. You are not a prisoner and you are definitely not one of the kids here. I wouldn't have guessed that you saw it like that. With all the respect and adoration the kids show you, I would have never guessed that you thought we don't see you as a grown man. Like I said, you can go, but I promise you that this time I won't wait as long as I did last time to bring you back here. I will not let you fall that deep again," Light Arrow said sternly, but his face showed the hurt he felt by Black Hawk's wish to leave.

"I'm sorry. I just thought... I mean seeing Severus and trying to convince Harry... I just felt I... God, Harry thought I'm an adviser. Me!" Black Hawk laughed insecurely.

"You are one of our advisers, Black Hawk," Light Arrow said, determined. "The moment you started to work with the kids you became one. I really must have been blind to not see what was going on in your head. Maybe I'm getting old." Light Arrow's voice became sadder and sadder with each word he spoke. In the end, he almost looked broken.

"It's not your fault, Light Arrow. I don't know what brought it up. I think I have felt like this for some time, but blocked it. Please stop looking like this," Black Hawk said, feeling bad for making the old man doubt himself. "It was a stupid idea," Black Hawk said and looked down again.

"Yes, it was a stupid idea, and I'm glad you realize that, but I also think it was good that you finally spoke it out and we could discuss it. So what about building your own house here on the camp?" Light Arrow asked.

Black Hawk hemmed and hawed. "I don't know... I..."

"Just try to listen what you heart is telling you. Would you feel better if you didn't have to share a house with the rest of us?" Light Arrow asked and leaned closer to his son to look at him.

Black Hawk didn't lift his head and just shook it.

"Then we are happy to have you still living in our house, and we are honored to have you helping us with the work in the camp, Black Hawk. Maybe I haven't told you this often enough. We would be flat on our backs without your help, boy."

"Thank you." Black Hawk sighed. "Rose will kill me."

White Cloud laughed and stood up to clear the table. She ruffled Black Hawk's hair. "I think you will survive it."

"Hey, I thought we settled that I'm not one of the kids," Black Hawk protested and tried to flatten his hair.

"You are never too old to have your hair ruffled," White Cloud said, chuckling.

"Then why don't you do it with Severus? I would love to see it." Black Hawk grinned at his foster mother.

"I prefer my limbs intact. Severus would bite my hand off if I would try to ruffle his hair, Black Hawk. Therefore, I have you," White Cloud said, as she ruffled Black Hawk's hair again and leaned over to kiss him on his forehead. "I'm glad you'll stay," she said softly before she went over to the sink.

Black Hawk blushed and then looked at Light Arrow. The man was still looking with an odd expression at Black Hawk.

"You are not mad with me, are you?" Black Hawk asked uncomfortably.

"No, I'm just still very surprised." He shook his head to clear it. "Did you speak with Severus about this? What did he say?"

"He said I should do what I feel is the best for me. And now I'm sure that staying is best for me, Light Arrow. It was stupid to even address it."

"No, we always want you to be honest, Black Hawk. If something this severe is bothering you, we want to hear about it, do you understand?" Light Arrow said, becoming his calm and controlled self again.

"Okay," Black Hawk said, relieved. A big burden was lifted from his chest.

"Would you drive into the town for us? We need some things, and it would give you some time to think about what you will say to your sister," Light Arrow said, smirking.

Black Hawk smiled. "Yes, a trip to the town would be great."

_____________

"No, Black Hawk!" Harry screamed and ran after the pick-up.

Black Hawk heard Harry shout even over the loud machine of the old car and stopped the car.

"Don't leave, please!" Harry pleaded breathlessly when he had reached Black Hawk's open car window.

"Calm down, Harry. I'm just driving into the town. Light Arrow will tell you all that I will stay," Black Hawk said calmly. It touched him that Harry wanted him to stay at the camp so desperately.

"You promise?" Harry asked hopefully.

"I promise, little brother," Black Hawk said, smiling, and ruffled Harry's hair. It seems Harry likes to get his hair ruffled, Black Hawk thought cheerfully.

With a relieved smile, Harry watched the car vanish behind the hill.

-II-

"No, Black Hawk!" Harry screamed and ran after the pick-up.

Black Hawk heard Harry shout even over the loud machine of the old car and stopped the car.

"Don't leave, please!" Harry pleaded breathlessly when he had reached Black Hawk's open car window.

"Calm down, Harry. I'm just driving into the town. Light Arrow will tell you all that I will stay," Black Hawk said calmly. It touched him that Harry wanted him to stay at the camp so desperately.

"You promise?" Harry asked hopefully.

"I promise, little brother," Black Hawk said, smiling, and ruffled Harry's hair. It seems Harry likes to get his hair ruffled, Black Hawk thought cheerfully.

With a relieved smile, Harry watched the car vanish behind the hill.

-II-

"It's time for the welcome sweat lodge and also for Maya's good-bye sweat lodge," Light Arrow explained to the kids and the rest of the family at the campfire place where they all were gathered for a family meeting a few days after Harry had come back to the camp. He looked at Maya. "You know that you are always welcome here and that you will leave whenever you feel ready for it. The sweat lodge will just show you that we think you are ready to leave."

Maya smiled shyly at Light Arrow. It was strange to see her shy because normally she was the grown-up and self-confident kid in the camp; besides Aiden.

"You will leave with Rose this evening and we will see you back here in two days. Then you will build up your sweat lodge with Black Hawk's and Crying Horse's help, and Harry and Draco will built their sweat lodge as well. You can go to get the stones from the river together," Light Arrow went on with his explanations.

_____________

Harry sat on the gate and patted Tohiadedi's head. Black Hawk would come soon, but until then they had still time to talk a bit. Melissa sat shyly beside Harry, and Draco was standing close to them, patting Unega. Aiden was sitting down beside Maya when Harry asked, "Where will Maya and Rose go?"

"She has her Solo," Aiden said grumpily. "I should be the next one, not Maya. I don't understand why they don't let me do it."

"Because you are not ready to leave," a deep voice said behind them. "The simple fact that you are questioning Light Arrow's decision is proof of it." Black Hawk swung himself over the gate. "So, any more questions?"

Aiden jumped from the gate angrily, and Tohiadedi threw his head back and danced nervously on the place. "Calm down, boy," Black Hawk said to Tohiadedi and patted the neck of the horse. When the horse was calm again, Black Hawk looked at Harry and Melissa, as Draco was melting into Unega and was covered by Tohiadedi's body. "So what provoked this all?"

"Harry just asked where Rose and Maya will be going tomorrow," Melissa explained shyly.

"Yes, and I still have no clue. Just that she will have something called Solo. What's that?" Harry asked, confused.

"It's the last ceremony you have when you are in the camp. You will stay two nights outside the camp. Sleeping under the sky, just thinking about yourself, what you have learned here and how you will go on. Before supper Rose and Maya will leave and built a campsite close to the river. They will camp there together. Tomorrow Rose will search with her for a good place to spend her night alone and will keep her company until Maya has built up her campfire and feels ready to be alone. Rose will sleep somewhere close to Maya; in earshot, not in sight, so she will be there for her if something unpredictable happens or Maya decides she isn't ready for it. If anything goes like planned, Rose will join her on the second day, a few hours before they will go back to the camp together. The next day she will build the sweat lodge and you two will build yours. Then in the late evening we will have the sweat lodge ceremony. Maya and the women will have the good-bye sweat lodge, and we men will have your welcome sweat lodge."

"Sweat lodge," Harry said deep in thoughts. "That's this dome-like thing near the campfire, right?"

"Yes, but the old one will be destroyed tomorrow, and we will use the wood for the campfire. You need to build your own one. Actually you two are lucky because there are two of you, so you have only half of the work."

"What work?" Harry asked curiously.

"My, you are full of questions today," Black Hawk said, chuckling. "You will see soon enough."

"But I want to know, please, Black Hawk," Harry pleaded and jumped down from the gate because Black Hawk started to go around Tohiadedi.

"Nervous?" Black Hawk grinned.

"Should I be?" Harry asked back.

Black Hawk laughed and didn't answer the question. "Why don't you take care of Tohiadedi and Melissa of Maute? Melissa can tell you about the ceremony. I will be occupied with Draco today."

Draco looked fearfully up when he heard this. Black Hawk was only a few feet away, and Draco shrank back against Unega, who snorted nervously. "Me?"

"Yes, you," Black Hawk said cheerfully, not shying away from Draco's reaction. He stopped a few feet away from Draco, the distance he knew Draco needed in the beginning. "I thought it's time to start riding for you."

Draco's eyes almost jumped out if their sockets when he looked surprised at Black Hawk. "Riding? Really?"

"Really," Black Hawk confirmed, grinning.

Draco looked over to Harry and saw the disappointed expression on his face. "Maybe I should wait until Harry is-"

"Harry will start riding when he is ready for it. Now, he isn't, but you are. So come on, we will go to the other end of the paddock to train." With that Black Hawk turned around and led the way.

After one last apologizing look at Harry, Draco followed Black Hawk.

Harry couldn't stop the feeling of jealousy. He was jealous of Draco for learning riding before he was allowed to and that he got Black Hawk's full attention today. It's horrible to think like this, Harry reprimand himself.

"Do you still want to know about the sweat lodge?" Melissa asked Harry shyly.

Harry had forgotten about the girl and now looked puzzled at her when she suddenly was standing close to him. "Ehm... sure." He stepped back on instinct, but she didn't seem to realize that. She just looked dreamily at him and said, "I will just go and get Maute over here, and then I tell you anything you want to now." She smiled shyly and then left.

Melissa reminded Harry a bit of Luna, but she looked better than Luna.

While they brushed their horses, Melissa explained the ceremony to Harry. "The sweat lodge is similar to a very, and when I say very, then I mean very, hot sauna. Your first sweat lodge won't be so hot, but you will still think it is very hot. I can assure you our sweat lodge will be much hotter."

Once speaking she is quite a chatterbox, Harry thought. But it's nice to listen to her voice.

"Some of the men will help you and Draco get the twigs for the lodge and then you have to lay several layers of blankets on the skeleton. Inside the lodge you have to dig a hole and built something like a fence around it. Then you will have to go to the river and get many stones to the fireplace. In the evening the stones will be heated in the fire and later will be placed in the hole you dug out earlier. That heats the sweat lodge and water will be poured over it, so the lodge will be full of hot steam. It's a bit scary in the beginning because it is very dark and so hot." She smiled at Harry. "But you won't be scared."

Harry snorted. "I'm not so sure. Being in a small room in the darkness with..." He stopped realizing that he surely could get some problems in the sweat lodge. He felt his guts rumble. Then he thought about Draco. Damn, the skeleton looked very small, and Draco shall go in there with all the other men of the camp? No way.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Melissa asked, worried, seeing Harry's white face. "It's not bad to be scared. You can tell Light Arrow and he will-"

"No, I'm okay," Harry said quickly and turned away from Melissa, pretending to take special care of a spot on Tohiadedi's back.

Unfortunately Harry wasn't okay, and he couldn't get the picture of the small dark room out of his head. The rest of the day, Harry behaved oddly, and he didn't eat much for lunch. On supper he chewed on his small slice of bread for twenty minutes.

"Harry, would you please help me lock the chickens for the night?" Light Arrow asked innocently.

Harry gulped. Light Arrow never asked someone to help him with the chickens, and normally Red Horse took care of them.

"Any problem with helping me?" Light Arrow asked.

"No, I will help you," Harry said and then quickly looked down at his plate, ashamed. He knew perfectly well that this was about something else and not about helping Light Arrow.

Harry didn't know why he was worried about the talk that obviously would come. Light Arrow still came every night into Harry's bedroom, waking him after his nightmares. Harry had hoped that they would be away now because during his 'camping trip' with Black Hawk, he had no nightmare, but they were back the moment he slept in the house again. Maybe it was because Severus and Black Hawk had been sleeping so close to him.

"What's going on, Harry?" Light Arrow asked directly on their way to the hen house.

"Nothing. I'm all right," Harry said, not very convincing with his white face and the several times he had to go to the toilet today. Everyone had noticed. It seemed the time they gave him to approach them on his own was over now.

"Don't lie, Harry. Something is bothering you, and I would like to hear about it before I have to pull you out of a nightmare about it this night." They had reached the hen house, and Light Arrow gestured to the small bench in front of it. "Let's sit down for a while."

Harry groaned and his guts rumbled again. "I think I have to go to the toilet, Light Arrow," Harry said and held his stomach.

"I think you are making yourself sick about something you are worried about." Light Arrow waved his hand in front of Harry and suddenly the sick feeling in his guts was away. It felt as if he had been on the toilet. Puzzled, he looked at the old man, but Light Arrow gave no explanation for it and just went on. "Speaking about it will make it better, Harry. Your nightmares aren't as bad since we speak about what is troubling you in them, right?"

Yes, that was right. They were only half as bad as they had been before Harry had come into the camp. He hadn't wet himself for the last four days. "Yes, that's right."

"So, I was right then and you should trust me this time as well. What's bothering you?"

Meanwhile they had sat down on the bench, and Harry slightly leaned over, resting his elbows on his legs. "Melissa told me about the sweat lodge," Harry said in a soft voice.

"What did she say that is bothering you? What exactly about the sweat lodge makes your stomach ill, Harry?"

Harry sighed. "How shall Draco do that? I mean there will be many men in a dark, small room with him, in close-"

"No, Harry, we are not speaking about Draco here. We speak about what you are worried about, and even if you are worried how Draco will make it, it wouldn't make you so ill. So there must be something else in your head; something concerning just you."

Sighing Harry let his head hang even lower. "It's the cramped condition. I mean I saw the old sweat lodge skeleton and... there is hardly room to kneel in it right?"

"You have to crawl through the entrance tunnel, but then there is enough space to sit comfortably."

Harry sighed again. "I don't think I can do this. I hate to be in dark and cramped rooms."

"We will be there to help you, Harry. I won't lie to you. It will be quite a challenge. The cramped conditions won't be your biggest problem, but the heat. Your first sweat lodge will be quite cold for us others, but for you it will feel almost unbearable, Harry. There are several rounds of being in the lodge. The first round we will let you two sit beside the entrance. That's the coolest place and you will feel less claustrophobic there. After the first cooling outside you will wander one seat deeper into the lodge and so on. We will see how many onpourings you will be able to attend. Normally we have four. Each time a bit hotter. If you won't be able to stay in the lodge, we will not force you, but we want you to try it at least. It can be a very good and helpful experience for you."

"But it will be dark," Harry whispered.

"You can still see the person beside you. The glowing stones give some light. You can choose whom you want to sit beside you. If Draco only will let you and Severus sit beside him, I even have to ask you to move deeper into the lodge at the second time because otherwise someone else have to sit beside Draco when he is scooping one seat deeper into the lodge. It will be okay, Harry. You will get used to it. That isn't something to get ill about, believe me. Severus will be there as well." Light Arrow laid his hand in Harry's neck, gently massaging the stiff muscles.

"Okay," Harry said, a little calmer but still scared. "But if I really can't stay in there, I don't have to, right?"

"Right, Harry. We will not force you when you'll be still too scared after trying it."

Harry let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding.

-II-

Harry sighed again. "I don't think I can do this. I hate to be in dark and cramped rooms."

"We will be there to help you, Harry. I won't lie to you. It will be quite a challenge. The cramped conditions won't be your biggest problem, but the heat. Your first sweat lodge will be quite cold for us others, but for you it will feel almost unbearable, Harry. There are several rounds of being in the lodge. The first round we will let you two sit beside the entrance. That's the coolest place and you will feel less claustrophobic there. After the first cooling outside you will wander one seat deeper into the lodge and so on. We will see how many onpourings you will be able to attend. Normally we have four. Each time a bit hotter. If you won't be able to stay in the lodge, we will not force you, but we want you to try it at least. It can be a very good and helpful experience for you."

"But it will be dark," Harry whispered.

"You can still see the person beside you. The glowing stones give some light. You can choose whom you want to sit beside you. If Draco only will let you and Severus sit beside him, I even have to ask you to move deeper into the lodge at the second time because otherwise someone else have to sit beside Draco when he is scooping one seat deeper into the lodge. It will be okay, Harry. You will get used to it. That isn't something to get ill about, believe me. Severus will be there as well." Light Arrow laid his hand in Harry's neck, gently massaging the stiff muscles.

"Okay," Harry said, a little calmer but still scared. "But if I really can't stay in there, I don't have to, right?"

"Right, Harry. We will not force you when you'll be still too scared after trying it."

Harry let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding.

-II-

"It's me, Severus. Can I come in?" Severus asked through the closed door of Harry's room.

"Wait a minute!" Harry shouted, and he quickly hid the black cat plushy that White Cloud had sewed for him under his bed clothes. "You can come in!"

Severus eyed the blushing boy closely. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Harry said and held his breath.

"You aren't planning to run away again, are you?" Severus asked seriously.

"No," Harry said rolling his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from looking at the bulge the not-so-small cat was forming under the blanket. It had the form of a medium-sized teddy bear and the head was the biggest part of it. It was made to look cute and not a bit realistic.

This short look was enough for the former spy to realize what Harry had done while he had to wait outside. "I show you mine, you show me yours!"

"What?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Your plushy," Severus said and gestured to the bulge. "I have one from White Cloud, too. Black Hawk has a bunny," Severus said, grinning.

"You must be kidding," Harry exclaimed.

"No, I swear!" Severus said and lifted his hand to emphasize it. "Wait, I will get mine!"

Severus quickly went to his room and gathered the plushy that sat on his neatly-made bed. On his way back he almost ran into Light Arrow who looked questioningly at him. Realizing that he was holding the plushy in front of him, Severus quickly hid it behind his back.

"If you start to blush now, I will call White Cloud to enjoy this view as well, my boy," Light Arrow teased.

Severus growled and vanished in Harry's room, Light Arrow's chuckles only vanished when Severus finally was able to close the door.

"What's that?" Harry asked and looked bewildered at the thing in Severus' hand. 'Plushy' wouldn't be the right description for it. It was almost just a round ball with big eyes and an evil, wide grin sewed on it with white teeth. The 'ball' had tiny feet and big ears and was totally black besides for the white teeth and the red eyes. "Don't you get nightmares from it?" Harry asked, shocked.

Severus looked at his plushy as if he had no clue what Harry was speaking about.

"I think it's cute," Severus stated.

"You should speak with Doc Martens about that, you know," Harry said teasingly, but still looked a bit shocked at the thing. "Does it have a name? Or better yet, what is it?"

"A Tasmanian devil, and it's name is Tas," Severus said and sat down on Harry's bed.

Harry had to grin. "That's really weird, you know?"

"The plushy or the name?" Severus asked, inwardly he was very proud of himself that he managed to make Harry smile for the first time today. Not even Light Arrow's talk with Harry had made him cheer up. He just wasn't so tense anymore.

"Both," Harry said and chuckled. "And it was really White Cloud who made it?"

"Yes. So how does yours look?" Severus asked curiously.

Harry looked a bit uncertain. "It's not like yours."

Severus' raised and eyebrow. "I can imagine. White Cloud wouldn't sew you are plushy that would give you nightmares."

"But why did she give it to you?"

"Because she knew it was the only one I would have accepted. I thought stuffed animals were something for girls, but my nightmares didn't ease and they believe in things like this. So she sewed something that no girl would like in hope that I would accept it." Severus grinned. "And I did. Shall I tell you something? It really helps."

Harry grinned back, but then became serious again. "But you will laugh. Mine is something a girl would like, I think."

"I have grown out of the age I thought stuffed animals are something for girls, Harry. Like I said, I realized that it really help to have one. And if it helps," Severus said and leaned closer, "Black Hawk's bunny is a really cute teddy-like bunny, and he still shudders when he looks at Tas."

Harry smiled and then drew his cat out from under the blanket.

Severus chuckled when he examined the cat. "Yes, you and Black Hawk really have some similarities. Do you like it? When did you get it?"

"White Cloud gave it to me last night after they..."

"I know, Harry. My nightmares were also hard to fight and it took some time until they became less violent and scary and finally stopped coming frequently," Severus said gently, giving Harry the cat back.

Absent minded, Harry hugged the cat. "They don't seem to stop ever."

"Eventually they will, Harry. It just needs time," Severus drew Harry on his lap gently and started to rock him like Light Arrow had done it so often for him. "Just give yourself some time."

When Harry had calmed down a bit, Severus asked. "Does it have a name?"

Harry looked up at Severus puzzled.

"Your cat, "Severus asked, grinning.

"Ehm... first I thought I would just call it Karim but then I thought it would be weird with the real Karim around. So I named it Cat. Karim tried to stop me when I wanted to run away, did you know?"

"No, I didn't know. He doesn't come to me and tells me about what he is doing all the day," Severus said, amused. "It's a simple cat, you know. Not an animagus."

"I wondered about it, and I also wondered if he and the other pets have a connection to Light Arrow or one of the others," Harry said softly.

"Ah, a spying cat. Good idea, but it would go against everything Light Arrow and White Cloud believe in. To make peace with yourself and become an independent person, you need your privacy. Therefore there are the silence wards on the rooms. The only thing Light Arrow does that is cutting in your privacy is the wards that alert him when something is wrong with you, so he can come and help when you aren't able or don't dare to ask for help. Until this day I haven't found out how it works. I also never found out how they manage to always be fully awaken to help. You don't see any exhaustion on them, not even the day after they spent a night sitting beside you while you were unable to fall asleep again. I tried to find out about those wards and if they have some kind of glamors on them the moment I was allowed a wand when I came back here. Like I said, I was unsuccessful and even got my wand confiscated again when they found out that I cast finite incantatem on them," Severus said, chuckling. He had been twenty back then and he remembered quite well how White Cloud had led him in his room by his ear to give him a grounding after Light Arrow had taken his wand.

"So, you think they really are okay and don't care to spent the nights up?" Harry asked, worried.

"Yes, I'm sure. For some reason they find calmness and satisfaction by helping people like this. It seems that's all they need."

Harry leaned against Severus' chest and listened to his heart beat.

"Will you tell me why you was so concerned all the day?" Severus asked before Harry could drift over into sleep.

Harry sighed. He had hoped it wouldn't come to this discussion. "The sweat lodge."

"The sweat lodge?" Severus asked, puzzled.

"You won't understand," Harry said miserably.

"Give it a try, Harry."

Harry sighed again. "It is dark and small and..."

"And you are scared?" Severus asked softly.

"Yes," Harry admitted.

"It's okay to be scared, Harry, but you will be okay. You are comfortable with all the people in the camp by now and being that close will be okay. The heat can be a problem when you are in it for the first time, but you will get used to it."

"It's like the dungeons," Harry whispered and shivered.

"No, it's not Harry. It is warm and we are all around. You will feel safe, I promise. You won't even feel claustrophobic. I feared that as well. Only the small tunnel you have to crawl through to get into the lodge is a bit strange to get used to but once you are inside you will be surprised how big it is from inside. You will feel safe. We will be there with you," Severus assured the trembling boy in his lap.

"What if not?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Then you will leave the lodge and nobody will be mad with you, Harry." Severus sighed. "I understand that you are scared, and I'm quite sure Draco would be also scared if Black Hawk wouldn't have been such a sly old fox and started to teach him riding today. You both will be okay."

"I wasn't allowed to ride," Harry said sullenly.

"Oh my, do I hear Jay Lucy speak there?" Severus asked teasingly.

"Jay Lu... hey, I'm not jealous!" Harry protested and hit Severus chest playfully when the man didn't stop laughing.

"Oh, yes, you are, Harry." When he had calmed down, Severus went on more seriously. "Draco had started to adjust to his horse earlier than you. He took care for Unega and bonded with him easier. It was fair to let him ride first and deep down there-" Severus poked Harry's chest, "-you know that I'm right."

Harry groaned and leaned back against Severus' shoulder. "I know, but I also want to ride."

"I know, and I'm sure Black Hawk will teach you how to ride soon. He can't wait to make a trip on the horses with you," Severus said, amused. A few weeks ago Harry didn't want to have to do anything with the camp and now he whined about not being allowed to learn as quick as Draco. It felt so good to see Harry start to adjust in the camp. "Do you have any questions about the sweet lodge? Maybe I can soothe your worries a bit."

"No, Light Arrow already told me about and also about where we have to sit. He said I have to jump two seats because Draco would want to sit beside me," Harry said. Being the stronger of the two was a better feeling than being not as fast as Draco in the horse caring. Yes, Harry realized. I need to be strong in the sweat lodge. So I can show Black Hawk that I'm trying to adjust and to show Draco that I'm there for him. Harry had a mission now and that gave him strength.

"Anything else I can do for you?" Severus asked softly.

"Stay until I fell asleep?" Harry almost whispered.

Severus chuckled. "Okay, but lying down is a better position for falling asleep than sitting." With that said, Severus tucked Harry in, the black cat tightly in Harry's arm.

________

"Draco? Are you still awake?" Severus asked through Draco's door ten minutes after he had tucked Harry in and the boy had fallen asleep.

"Yes," came the diffident reply.

"Can I come in? It's Severus, you know?"

"Yes, come in," Draco stated.

Severus shook his head chuckling when he saw Draco hide something under his pillow. "What is it with you boys hiding things form me today?"

Draco blushed. "I was writing to Hermione."

"Ah, yes, that calls for privacy. If you want to be alone-"

"No, no, please sit down," Draco said eagerly and made room for Severus to sit on his bed.

"How are you, Draco?" Severus asked. It was kind of a routine now. He came into Draco's room each evening to tell him good night and ask him how he was feeling. Normally he was there earlier, but today he had felt that he should visit Harry as well. The other days he didn't do it in hope that Harry would start to bind to other people more easily like this. Harry was the more open of the two boys, and Severus hoped he would befriend with one or more of the boys in the camp or with Black Hawk when he made himself rare. A hint from Light Arrow was everything Severus needed to realize that Harry needed him today and that he should stop avoiding him. Severus was relieved because it stung very much to form the distance between them again after their camping.

"Fine. I rode Unega today," Draco told him, beaming.

Severus grinned about this enthusiasm. "I've heard so, and you were very good."

Draco blushed. "I almost fell down when Black Hawk made me turn around on Unega's back."

"That's a good exercise to find your balance on a horse, Draco. Everyone has problems with it first."

"I felt a bit unsafe. I mean, Black Hawk doesn't use magic like Light Arrow or White Cloud. What if I really would have fallen down?"

"You would have survived it, Draco. The moment you learn to ride Unega in a faster gait, Light Arrow will be there to make sure you aren't falling," Severus assured the blond boy.

"Why aren't you and Black Hawk allowed to use magic?" Draco asked curiously.

"I don't really know. I always believed it is something about power. That Light Arrow wanted to make sure that he is the one who always leads and over powers us, but I know that this is wrong. Maybe he has a little control issue, but he doesn't lust for power. Maybe it makes him uncertain about what happens in the camp and that he won't be fast enough to help when someone hurts himself with a wand. I don't really know. If you want to know for sure you need to ask Light Arrow."

"Harry slipped something when we talked about Black Hawk," Draco said shyly and bit his bottom lip nervously.

Severus looked questioningly at Draco. "What did Harry say about him?"

"That Black Hawk doesn't like magic," Draco stated.

Severus sighed. "I'm not the one to ask about this, Draco. It has to do with Black Hawk's childhood and it should be his decision if you should know it or not. If you want to know it, ask him."

"It's none of my business."

"That again is something only Black Hawk can decide. It's not bad to be interested in the past of others, but it is important to respect if they don't want to speak about it. This applies for all people in the camp and even outside," Severus explained and felt old for giving Draco lectures like this.

"I understand. Maybe I will ask him one day," Draco said thoughtfully.

"Anything else you want to speak about?" Severus asked.

"Is Harry okay? He behaved oddly. Is he mad at me for being allowed to ride?" Draco asked.

Severus smiled. "You seem to ask me only questions about other people's feelings, Draco. You could have asked Harry about that yourself."

Draco sighed. "I know, but I didn't want to disturb him after Light Arrow had taken him to the chickens."

"Draco, you two are like brothers. If you feel like speaking with Harry, you can do it. If he doesn't want to speak, he will tell you and you can try it at another time again. Right now he is sleeping and to answer your question, he is okay and not mad at you. It was something else that bothered him, but know it is cleared and he fell asleep very easily. Satisfied?" Severus avoided Harry's reason for his odd behavior on purpose. Until now, Draco didn't seem to be too worried about the sweat lodge, and Severus hoped it would stay like this. The adults had already discussed if it wouldn't be better for Draco to attend the girls' sweat lodge, even if it would break the rule. It was allowed to use the sweat lodge with mixed genders, but the two sweat lodges in two days would have different meanings. The womens' sweat lodge would be less crowded and Rose would be there to calm Draco, but it was a good-bye sweat lodge and nobody spoke in it because Maya should be able to reflect on her time in the camp quietly. The next problem was that it would be much hotter than the men sweat lodge. In the welcome sweat lodge it was allowed to speak because it soothed the fears of the newcomers and they could be calmed if they panic. In the men sweat lodge were Severus and Harry, the two men Draco trusted the most, but they wouldn't be able to calm him with magic and Draco still didn't trust Light Arrow that much to let him calm him; especially not when he was sitting half naked in the sweat lodge. There were a lot of pro and contras for both variations and in the end they all decided to let Draco decide when it was time.

Draco nodded.

"Good," Severus said and smiled. He cupped Draco's cheek and brushed his thumb over it. "Don't write too long to Miss Granger."

Draco blushed again, but grinned. "Promise!"

-II-

"Is Harry okay? He behaved oddly. Is he mad at me for being allowed to ride?" Draco asked.

Severus smiled. "You seem to ask me only questions about other people's feelings, Draco. You could have asked Harry about that yourself."

Draco sighed. "I know, but I didn't want to disturb him after Light Arrow had taken him to the chickens."

"Draco, you two are like brothers. If you feel like speaking with Harry, you can do it. If he doesn't want to speak, he will tell you and you can try it at another time again. Right now he is sleeping and to answer your question, he is okay and not mad at you. It was something else that bothered him, but know it is cleared and he fell asleep very easily. Satisfied?" Severus avoided Harry's reason for his odd behavior on purpose. Until now, Draco didn't seem to be too worried about the sweat lodge, and Severus hoped it would stay like this. The adults had already discussed if it wouldn't be better for Draco to attend the girls' sweat lodge, even if it would break the rule. It was allowed to use the sweat lodge with mixed genders, but the two sweat lodges in two days would have different meanings. The womens' sweat lodge would be less crowded and Rose would be there to calm Draco, but it was a good-bye sweat lodge and nobody spoke in it because Maya should be able to reflect on her time in the camp quietly. The next problem was that it would be much hotter than the men sweat lodge. In the welcome sweat lodge it was allowed to speak because it soothed the fears of the newcomers and they could be calmed if they panic. In the men sweat lodge were Severus and Harry, the two men Draco trusted the most, but they wouldn't be able to calm him with magic and Draco still didn't trust Light Arrow that much to let him calm him; especially not when he was sitting half naked in the sweat lodge. There were a lot of pro and contras for both variations and in the end they all decided to let Draco decide when it was time.

Draco nodded.

"Good," Severus said and smiled. He cupped Draco's cheek and brushed his thumb over it. "Don't write too long to Miss Granger."

Draco blushed again, but grinned. "Promise!"

-II-

He smelled his blood and his urine while Lestrange had a death grip on his hair. Seeing Ron scream and cry under the Cruciatus Lucius Malfoy was casting on him was hurting him more than the grip on his hair or the damage on his own body from the last two hours of torture. The screams were piercing through his ears, so Harry thought his eardrums would rupture. They went through Harry like shock waves destroying any glimpse of hope that still had been there. The helpless feeling and being forced to watch the torture of Ron was the biggest torture of all. His vocal cords didn't work at the moment because he had screamed them raw the last two hours. So Harry couldn't scream for them to stop and go on with torturing himself. He couldn't move his arms or legs. He couldn't even feel them at the moment. He could just felt the pain on his head because of being held up by his hair.

Lucius had stopped the the curse, and Ron gulped for air. To Harry's distress he turned in his direction. What a sight he must have given to Ron. Naked, full of blood, not being able to hold himself up and most importantly, not helping him. Then the kicking started. The first blow hit Ron in his back by Lucius and then the others joined. Blood was everywhere, and Ron screamed even more than under the curse, and that was when it happened. Something died in Harry, he could feel it, and he just wished Ron would stop screaming. No matter for what reason, he just should stop screaming. And that Ron did. Harry had no choice but looking directly at Ron when he took one last breath, his lungs piping. He looked directly at Harry when he exhaled for the last time and then his head lolled backwards.

Harry screamed. His bed was covered in urine and cold sweat, and he vomited heavily all over it. When his stomach was finally empty, he stared fearfully at the end of his bed where Ron was lying, his dead eyes still fixed on Harry. Don't move! Then he won't jump at you! Harry thought, panicking, pressing his stuffed cat to his chest. It was creating a barrier between himself and the dead body on his bed. As long as the cat was with him, Ron couldn't get him and take him with him to hell, punishing him for not helping him and finally killing him.

The light was turned on, and Harry still didn't dare to move. He stared at Ron who slowly turned in a pile of bed clothes. Still Harry didn't dare to look somewhere else. Any minute now, the blankets could start to change back in the dead body of his friend. When a hand touched him at his shoulders, the ban was broken and Harry jumped out of the bed. He entangled his legs in his bed sheets and fell, hitting his head on the night table on the way down to the floor. Shortly the world became blurry, and Harry saw stars, but he fought to keep his eyes open because he knew that the moment he would close them he would be back in the dungeons of Malfoy's Mansion. He crawled into the next corner, ignoring the blood that ran into his eyes.

_________

Light Arrow, White Cloud, Crying Horse and Black Hawk were still sitting in the living room when Light Arrow's alarm went off. The smell that hit them when they entered the room was horrible. Vomit and urine made a stomach-churning smell.

One look at Harry and Light Arrow knew that this was a hard case and would not be easy. So he turned to White Cloud. "We need the calming draught!" Behind the crowd he saw Severus' door opening. "Black Hawk, take care of Severus. I don't want him in here! Harry's condition could get worse by seeing someone from his past right now." Turning to Crying Horse, he said, "Decide if you want to come in or go out and close the door after you." With that said, he turned to Harry who still stared at the same spot on the end of his bed. Behind him he could hear Severus arguing with Black Hawk. The moment the physical battle started, Light Arrow heard the door close.

"I'm still here but I..." Crying Horse started, but fought hard against his gagging reflex.

"It's okay. Just remain at the door in case Severus uses magic to fight Black Hawk. If he comes in here, I will stun him and you will bring him out!" Light Arrow ordered. Crying Horse wasn't the person he would choose to have on his side here. The boy was too innocent and cheerful. It was good to have him in the camp, but this cheerfulness can die down very easily when he would see scenes like this too often.

Light Arrow addressed Harry several times, but the boy didn't react, and Light Arrow hadn't expected it. Harry was far away at the moment and close to insanity. Light Arrow had seen scenes like this often enough. It's very important to not make a wrong move now or he could destroy more than what already was destroyed in Harry. Finally Light Arrow decided to dare to touch Harry at the shoulder, but it was not a good move he realized when Harry's eyes widened and he jumped out of his grip and therefore out of the bed. Harry's head collided with the night table while his feet were entangled in the bed sheets. Light Arrow saw the eyes go back in his head for a moment, but Harry still struggled and escaped the bed sheets and crawled to the corner. Blood was dripping from the big wound on his head, close above his left eye.

"We need Doc Martens! Go and call him!" Light Arrow commanded Crying Horse. "Damn it, where are you White Cloud!" he cursed because without the calming draught he couldn't approach Harry and using magic to heal his wound could drive Harry completely into insanity.

"I'm here, Joseph." White Cloud laid a calming hand on her husband's shoulder. She knew that Light Arrow had bond to Harry like he had to Severus, Red Horse and Black Hawk and that made it hard for him to see Harry like that. She also knew that he needed a clear mind for threatening Harry and fear to drive him in insanity wasn't helping at all. "He needs your help. Don't panic. You did this thousands of times, and you will do it again." She handed him the vial after she had felt him breathe two times deeply to let the calming magic of his wife circulate threw his body more easily.

________

Harry fought against another wave of nausea while he pressed his back against the corner. Light Arrow was blocking his view on the bed and the spot where Ron had laid a few minutes ago. The old man didn't move, and Harry didn't want him to move. Not closer to him, but also not away. Harry's eyes were fixed exactly in the direction of the bed even though Light Arrow's big shoulder was blocking it.

Harry saw Light Arrow's lips move, but couldn't understand him. He could only hear his blood rush through his head. His left eye burned and it started to swell, but Harry fought against it because he didn't want to close it and risk seeing Ron again. Slowly he felt a tickling against his stomach. Without taking his glance from Light Arrow's shoulders, Harry tried to concentrate on the tickling. It was his stuffed animal. It purred against Harry's stomach and chest. This was calming and Harry slowly felt his surrounding coming more into focus again. He even could hear White Cloud's speaking with Light Arrow now. I'm a damn freak. It's all my fault. Why couldn't I die? Why did I have to survive? Harry thought in agony. He wanted to punish himself-- no, he needed to punish himself.

________

Light Arrow reached for the vial his wife was holding to him when he had calmed down. Before he could grab it Harry started to bang his head violently against the wall. It was a good thing that Crying Horse had left the room because the cracking noise Harry's head made while hitting the wall the second time would have made him vomit all over.

All caution thrown in the wind, Light Arrow grabbed Harry and pulled his back against his chest. The boy fought hard against him even though he should have blacked out by the wound on his head now. Only the shock was keeping him awake.

"No, leave me alone. I won't go to sleep, never again!" Harry screamed.

Light Arrow couldn't say how relieved he was about this outburst. Harry was back in reality and knew were he was and with whom he was. Now they could concentrate on helping him without the fear to drive him insane.

White Cloud had sat down on the soaked bed, not even noticing it while fixing Harry and Light Arrow with a very worried look. Relieved she looked up when Doc Martens came into the room.

"What happened?" the doctor asked.

Light Arrow explained Harry's reaction and what he did to his head.

Harry still was trying to get out of Light Arrows grip, but he realized it was useless and made him just more tired and sleepy. And sleeping was what he wanted to avoid. Finally his mind was clear enough to realize that he had to have a close eye on what the adults in the room would do, so they wouldn't put him to sleep. That made him still and listen carefully.

Doc Martens looked at the abruptly-calm boy. He looked Harry close into his eyes and studied his body and his reactions.

Harry's eyes darted around in the room to make out where each person was, and he tried to calm his breath to be able to listen to what they said. At the moment nobody said anything, and so he decided to make clear what he wanted in case nobody had heard him before. "I won't go to sleep again! Never again! You can't make me! I will fight you!"

"I will not make you sleep when you let me see your head, Harry," Doc Martens bargained with the distresses boy.

"'Kay!" Harry replied.

The doctor examined Harry's head and stopped the bleeding over his eye with wandless magic. "Harry, I will need to use my wand to wash your eye out. So don't panic!"

Harry fixed every move of Doc Martens hands with his eyes. "No sleeping spell!"

"No sleeping spell. I hold my promise, Harry!" Doc Martens said while slowly moving his wand in Harry's direction. Fast moves could frighten Harry or even move in back into his nightmare again.

Harry felt his eye clear, and he blinked several time before he was able to see through it again.

"Now, I will heal your fracture and try to lessen the symptoms of the concussion. That could make you sleepy, but I promise to hold you awake or wake you up as soon as I realize you feel asleep."

Harry panicked. He wasn't ready for this, and so he started to struggle again, but Light Arrow still had him in a death grip. Quickly Harry realized that it was useless and made him absolutely exhausted.

The doctor just waited for Harry to work himself out. It was useless to speak with him while he was fighting. "I will start now!" Dow Martens said when Harry stilled in Light Arrow's arms and looked at him again.

The magic was so soothing that Harry immediately slumped against Light Arrow's chest. His eyes closed, and he couldn't do anything against it, but inwardly he fought against the overwhelming urge of falling asleep. From time to time a different kind of magic flowed through his body. Like cold water, but not in a bad way. That made Harry able to stay awake.

"Harry, please open your eyes and look at me!" Doc Martens instructed the almost sleeping boy in Light Arrow's arms.

Harry struggled against his body and opened his eyes. The doc held his lit wand in front of Harry's right eyes and moved it. The same he did with his other eye and then Harry was instructed to follow the wand with his eyes. "Harry, I need you to drink this!"

"No!" Harry protested and tried to turn around to hide in Light Arrows chest, but the old man refused him this sanctuary. "No, I won't go to sleep!"

Light Arrow was surprised when the doctor gave him a sign to let Harry hide, and he lightened his grip.

Harry turned around and hid his face in Light Arrow's chest, clawing at his robes. He was so relieved to be allowed to hide that he didn't hear the door open behind him.

Black Hawk peeked in and looked nervously at White Cloud. "Ehm... can you come? We need you with Severus!" He felt embarrassed to have to ask for her help, but Severus had gone berserk, and they didn't know how to calm him. He had destroyed his whole room. Crying Horse had to calm the kids who had heard the tumult in the hall while Black Hawk had fought Severus back in his room, and so Red Horse had to join Black Hawk at his task to calm Severus. Unfortunately they were both the wrong persons for this, and so they only could hold him back from storming in Harry's room by pure violence.

"Go, take the calming draught with you for Severus. Knock him out, take him to our room, whatever, I will speak with him when we are done here," Light Arrow instructed his wife even so he knew that she would knew this without him stating it.

When White Cloud had left the room, Doc Martens spoke again. "It's just a Potion for your concussion, Harry. Without it you will black out soon!"

Harry held his breath considering what the doctor had said. Was he lying? But what if not, what when I black out, my head hurts really bad!

"Harry, I didn't lie to you before, did I! I kept sending refreshing magic into you when ever you started to drift asleep while I healed your head," Doc Martens argued with Harry.

Slowly Harry turned around. "Swear that it won't make me sleep!"

"I swear that this potion won't make you sleep!"

"'Kay," Harry said miserably. "Does it stop the pain?"

"Not completely, but I can give you a potion against the pain when we have gotten you in a tub," the doctor promised and held the vial for Harry to grab it.

When Harry had drowned the liquid, Doc Martens said, "Do you want me or Light Arrow to help you with the bath, Harry?"

"Light Arrow!" Harry said quickly.

"Okay, I will see you after the bath then and then we can talk about the pain potion." Doc Martens smiled reassuringly at Harry and helped him to stand up.

Harry looked down at his pajamas and finally realized in what a mass he was. "I'm sorry!" he said miserably and turned around to look at Light Arrow. The jeans and the shirt of the old man was drenched with Harry's urine and vomit, and Light Arrow's sleeves were full of Harry's blood in addition.

"There is nothing to be sorry about. The clothes can be washed," Light Arrow said and tried to turn Harry in the direction of the door, but Harry stared transfigured at his bed. It was mess and it reminded him of his nightmare. He started to tremble, but before he could get lost in his panic, Light Arrow sent calming magic into him through his shoulders.

"We won't come back here tonight, Harry. Let's go to the bathroom!" Light Arrow promised.

Harry looked at the old man, puzzled. He hadn't thought they would give in so easily. He didn't have to sleep tonight, Harry thought, relieved, not realizing that that wasn't what Light Arrow had said.

-II-

"I swear that this potion won't make you sleep!"

"'Kay," Harry said miserably. "Does it stop the pain?"

"Not completely, but I can give you a potion against the pain when we have gotten you in a tub," the doctor promised and held the vial for Harry to grab it.

When Harry had drowned the liquid, Doc Martens said, "Do you want me or Light Arrow to help you with the bath, Harry?"

"Light Arrow!" Harry said quickly.

"Okay, I will see you after the bath then and then we can talk about the pain potion." Doc Martens smiled reassuringly at Harry and helped him to stand up.

Harry looked down at his pajamas and finally realized in what a mass he was. "I'm sorry!" he said miserably and turned around to look at Light Arrow. The jeans and the shirt of the old man was drenched with Harry's urine and vomit, and Light Arrow's sleeves were full of Harry's blood in addition.

"There is nothing to be sorry about. The clothes can be washed," Light Arrow said and tried to turn Harry in the direction of the door, but Harry stared transfigured at his bed. It was mess and it reminded him of his nightmare. He started to tremble, but before he could get lost in his panic, Light Arrow sent calming magic into him through his shoulders.

"We won't come back here tonight, Harry. Let's go to the bathroom!" Light Arrow promised.

Harry looked at the old man, puzzled. He hadn't thought they would give in so easily. He didn't have to sleep tonight, Harry thought, relieved, not realizing that that wasn't what Light Arrow had said.

-II-

Something got stuck under the door when Doc Martens opened Severus's room. Fortunately the crack was big enough to slip through it. After entering the room Doc Martens bowed down to pick up Severus' wand that had blocked the door.

The sight he looked at when he faced the room didn't bode well. Severus was pressed against the wall by Red Horse, White Cloud stood beside him trying to calm the distressed wizard. Black Hawk sat on the destroyed bed and hid his face in his hands. The rest of the room was a battle field. Almost everything was smashed. The observing eyes of the old Healer saw blood here and there on the walls and the broken furniture.

"Let me go, Red Horse!" Severus shouted. "I will leave forever! Let go!"

"Calm down, Severus! Harry is okay!" White Cloud desperately tried to calm the wizard, but she was exhausted and in shock. It was one thing to take care of patients, but another for people you called your family.

Doc Martens laid a calming hand on White Cloud's shoulder. "I will take over now. Why don't you sit down beside Black Hawk and you two share this vial?" Doc Martens suggested and pointed at the calming draught in the old woman's hand.

White Cloud looked thankfully at the Healer and smiled. She made room for him and followed his instructions.

"Don't you dare touch me! Get away from me! I'll pack my things and leave!" Severus spat at Doc Martens and tried to move away from him. Red Horse had a death grip on him and pressed him against the wall, so Severus couldn't move away.

"Red Horse?" Doc Martens said calmly.

"He'll hurt himself! I won't let him go!" Red Horse said mechanically. This was his brother, and he wouldn't let go of him when he had to fear he would do something stupid. If they thought he didn't notice what was wrong with Severus, they were daft. Red Horse might not have talked much, but he loved his family more than anything else, and Severus was part of it. He was his little brother, and if it is necessary, he would force him to stop hurting himself.

"Do you plan to hurt yourself, Severus?" Doc Martens asked.

"I will hurt you and everyone else who gets in my way, and I will hurt Dumbledore, the damn old bastard for getting me to come here!" Severus barked and trashed around again.

Red Horse growled. "You will not and you will not hurt yourself. I can see it in your eyes. I know you want to do it!"

Severus looked at Red Horse, shocked. He loved the calm and withdrawn wizard like an older brother. He was the level-headed brother. They had spent a lot of nights outside camping. Sometimes without saying a word, but sometimes speaking as if they talked all the time. Red Horse offered good advice and was a good listener, but he could only do it for people he was very close to. How can he know what I want to do? Yes, Severus could hardly fight the urge to hurt himself. If there would be a knife or his wand close by, he wouldn't even be able to run, but would cut himself right in front of them. Severus still stared in Red Horse's eyes when he felt a hand on his chest. "No!" he protested but it was too late. The calming magic ran into his body and was soaked up by his body like a dry sponge. Against White Cloud's magic, Severus could fight if he was angry and desperate enough, but against the Healer's magic he was no match.

"You need to calm down, Severus. Red Horse won't let go before you are calm and willing to talk," Doc Martens said and send more calming magic into the distressed wizard.

Severus just groaned; he knew he had no chance against Red Horse and the doctor.

"Will you let him heal you now?" Red Horse asked Severus sternly.

Severus nodded weakly and let himself slide down against the wall when Red Horse let go of him.

The Healer knelt in front of the slummed down wizard. "Severus, Harry is okay. You know it wouldn't have been good if you would have been into the room. Harry was lost in his nightmare and seeing a person from his past could have send him even deeper in it and in the worst case would have driven him in insanity. Did you want this?"

"Go away!" Severus said weakly. He had lost and proven again that he wasn't able to control himself. He was a danger for his boys and it would be better to leave them there and go away.

Doc Martens shook his head, seeing Severus broken and lost. "I will not go away, Severus! I will heal your wounds now and then we will talk."

"There is nothing to talk about," Severus whispered brokenly.

"Oh, there is a lot to talk about, and there will be no running away." The Healer heard the door close and looked over his shoulder. White Cloud and Black Hawk had left the room, but Red Horse stood, his arms crossed over his chest, like a body guard blocking the door. The Healer smiled at the stoic man and turned back to his patient. He quickly ran his wand over the wizard and healed all the wounds he had inflicted upon himself by damaging the room. "Do I need to check you or Black Hawk for wounds as well, Red Horse?"

"I'm fine, but I don't know about Black Hawk. When I came in, the room was destroyed. I don't know if he is injured, he didn't mention it," Red Horse said calmly.

"You will stay where you are!" The Healer instructed Severus and then stood up to repair the bed and move the damaged furniture to the other end of the room. "Will you be able to go to the bed or do you need help?"

"Leave me alone!" Severus spat again. "I don't need your help! I will leave the moment you leave."

Doc Martens sighed and levitated the stubborn wizard onto the bed, ignoring the glare he got from Severus for it.

When Light Arrow entered the room, Red Horse left. The old man sat down on the end of Severus bed and laid his hand on Severus right shin. "How is he?"

"Stubborn as always. He threatens to leave as soon as we let him out of sight. He hurt himself by destroying the room, and I fear the urge to hurt himself is still very prominent," Doc Martens explained while letting calming magic flow into the lying wizard.

"You can't imprison me! I will leave. I don't belong here. You don't even let me help!" Severus said brokenly.

"Severus, Harry found reality easier without someone he already knew during the situation in his nightmare, and when you are able to think clearly again, you will realize this as well. That's the reason why I didn't want you to help," Light Arrow explained.

"Go away!" Severus said. It was the only thing that came in his head when they had an answer for everything.

"Severus, I will keep your wand until you are better," Doc Martens said, sighing.

"You can't! It's mine!" Severus barked angrily and tried to sit up. The shot of calming magic that was forced through his body to prevent him from sitting up almost made him lose control over his bladder. He was shocked. If Doc Martens used that kind of magic to restrain him, he was having serious problems.

The door opened again, and Red Horse arranged a camping mat and a sleeping bag in front of the door.

"Like I said, I will keep your wand until we have our talk tomorrow. Then I will decide if I will give it back to you. As your Healer I'm allowed do this when your health is in danger. I fear you will hurt yourself when I give it to you now," the Healer explained calmly.

Severus growled and turned to face the wall.

"Where is Harry?" the Healer asked Light Arrow.

"In Black Hawk's room. They are waiting for you," the old man explained.

Red Horse moved his mat temporarily to let the Healer through the door.

"Good night gentleman. I will see you in the morning!"

"Severus, what was this all about?" Light Arrow asked while scooting closer to Severus, laying a hand on the lying man's shoulder.

Severus tried to shrug the hand away without success. "I don't want to talk!"

"Severus, you are helping the boys enough. You need to accept that in some situations it is better for you to stay out of the therapy."

"Why?" Severus said, agitated, and turned around. The hand that had rested on his shoulder now lay on his chest.

"Because sometimes it is better to get help from person that didn't know you from better times or worse times. Sometimes it is easier to open up to strangers. You have your own problems lately, Severus, and we need you to work on them as well. Letting us take care of your boys gives you time to heal as well. I'm worried about you that a situation like this could case such a reaction from you. You are pushing yourself too much. You want to help them, but trying to be there all the time and getting yourself distressed like this isn't helping them. They will need you tomorrow again and you think about running away. Helping them with all or with nothing, Severus? Is that what you think helping is?"

That stung, and Severus looked at the old man, hurt . "I try my best!"

"No, you are running away. The moment we restrict you in something you think you are responsible to do, you want to run away. Your big brother has to sleep in front of your door and hold you back from hurting yourself, Severus. Behaving like this is not helping the boys nor yourself. I told you once and I tell you again, you can only help your boys when you accept help yourself. Fighting us isn't helping anyone."

"Stop!" Severus pleaded and closed his eyes against the tears that were forming in them.

"Why? Because you don't want to hear the truth?" Light Arrow asked seriously. He hated to pain his son like this, but it was the only way for him to see reason.

"No, please stop. I understand!" Severus said miserably and turned to face the wall again. He covered his ears even though he knew Light Arrow has his ways to let him listen nevertheless.

"You will stay?" Light Arrow asked, using magic to get his voice through Severus' hands.

"Yes," Severus croaked.

"You won't hurt yourself?"

"I'll try," Severus said miserably.

"I will make sure of that!" Red Horse said determinedly from his sleeping place in front of the door.

Severus whimpered, and Light Arrow laid a calming hand on his shoulder. "He is just worried, Severus, not mad at you."

Severus nodded, not because he believed the old man but in hope that by nodding it would become true. Sometimes he still felt like the scared fifteen year old so many years ago.

Something was pressed against his chest, and Light Arrow pried his right arm from his ear. Then he placed the hand against the thing at his chest. It was Tas, and Severus drew the stuffed animal closer to his chest, enjoying the calming purr that came from the toy.

"Sleep, my son," Light Arrow said, kissed Severus' head and then left.

Back in the hall, Light Arrow breathed deeply and let his magic flow through all the rooms. Only Aiden was in his room, all the other children were gathered in Melissa's room and White Cloud was reading something to them. Crying Horse was with Draco and it seemed both were already sleeping. Light Arrow was surprised, but positively surprised that Draco felt comfortable enough with Crying Horse to fall asleep in the same room. At least they made fast progress with one of the boys. Black Hawk and Harry were still awake in Black Hawk's room, and Doc Martens was there as well. So all was taken care of, and Light Arrow decided to go outside.

"Hey, Tohiadedi," Light Arrow greeted the horse. "Your boy is quite a challenge, you know?"

The horse neighed, agreeing, and let the old man pet his head.

"He is so much like Severus; always a challenge and never to be healed completely," Light Arrow mused sadly.

Tohiadedi bumped his head against the old man's chest as if to tell him to hold his head high and not to give up.

"Sometimes it's hard, and I feel very old, my friend," Light Arrow said, exhausted.

"And it would be inhuman if it would be any other way, Light Arrow!"

Light Arrow jerked around and looked at Doc Martens, surprised.

"Do I have to worry about you?" the Healer asked, stepping closer to the head of the camp.

Light Arrow wanted to wave it away, but couldn't manage to open his mouth, so he just looked away.

"It's okay to feel exhausted, Light Arrow," Doc Martens said and laid a hand on the old man's shoulder. "Is it okay if I send some calming magic into you?"

Light Arrow sighed. "I... I..."

"Please let me calm you. Just a little bit, Light Arrow. Everyone needs some help from time to time. That's what you tell your kids all the time."

"Okay," Light Arrow gave in and then soothing magic flew like thick honey through his body. "I'm old!"

"No, just exhausted," the Healer assured him.

"They were some challenging weeks. You almost had no sleep. You should lengthen your day naps," the Healer suggested.

"We don't want the kids to notice," Light Arrow stated.

"Why not? They already think you are not human by needing almost no sleep."

Light Arrow laughed. "Severus is the one they believe to be a vampire."

"Longer naps! That a medical prescription," the Healer said seriously.

"Yes, Healer," Light Arrow said teasingly. Then he laid one of his hands over the Healer's. "I'm okay now, Doc."

Doc Martens looked at him still seriously. "Severus is not a helpless case! He will heal like all the others. Drawbacks are normal."

Light Arrow knew all of this when he thought professionally, but sometimes it was hard to see one of his kids so troubled and helpless. Sometimes, he wondered if what he did was enough, or if he could have been better and of more help. "I know, but sometimes it is hard to see it like this; especially when he behaves like he did today. As if he still is the boy who came here so many years ago, believing he had killed his father on purpose and that he is the worse kind of human being in this world."

"He is not thinking like this anymore, Light Arrow. He takes care of two boys, and he tries hard to get his own life under control. You know how important the first years and the childhood are to lay important stones of being able to handle your life alone one day. You can't make up what was neglected of him and Harry in their childhood. They always will need help from time to time to get back on the right path, back to handling their life alone. It's not bad and it doesn't mean you didn't do your work right, Light Arrow. You can't correct everything or what had been made wrong in their childhood. You can just help them to go their stony way. Sometimes more and sometimes less. But always look for yourself as well or some day you won't be able to help anyone at all," Doc Martens said seriously.

"Thank you," Light Arrow said and sighed. "I know you are right. I think I should go and sleep now. How is Harry?"

"He is very well. He even opened up to Black Hawk, telling him about his nightmare. He thought he had killed his friend because he wished for the screams to stop exactly in the moment Ron died. We were able to let him see reason, and now he is sleeping with Black Hawk at his side. I think he will make it through the night without another nightmare. He didn't let go of his cat, and so you need to clean it tomorrow. I wish your wife would make me one as well," the Healer said, grinning.

Light Arrow laughed. "Oh, she would be delighted to do so."

-II-

Light Arrow knew all of this when he thought professionally, but sometimes it was hard to see one of his kids so troubled and helpless. Sometimes, he wondered if what he did was enough, or if he could have been better and of more help. "I know, but sometimes it is hard to see it like this; especially when he behaves like he did today. As if he still is the boy who came here so many years ago, believing he had killed his father on purpose and that he is the worse kind of human being in this world."

"He is not thinking like this anymore, Light Arrow. He takes care of two boys, and he tries hard to get his own life under control. You know how important the first years and the childhood are to lay important stones of being able to handle your life alone one day. You can't make up what was neglected of him and Harry in their childhood. They always will need help from time to time to get back on the right path, back to handling their life alone. It's not bad and it doesn't mean you didn't do your work right, Light Arrow. You can't correct everything or what had been made wrong in their childhood. You can just help them to go their stony way. Sometimes more and sometimes less. But always look for yourself as well or some day you won't be able to help anyone at all," Doc Martens said seriously.

"Thank you," Light Arrow said and sighed. "I know you are right. I think I should go and sleep now. How is Harry?"

"He is very well. He even opened up to Black Hawk, telling him about his nightmare. He thought he had killed his friend because he wished for the screams to stop exactly in the moment Ron died. We were able to let him see reason, and now he is sleeping with Black Hawk at his side. I think he will make it through the night without another nightmare. He didn't let go of his cat, and so you need to clean it tomorrow. I wish your wife would make me one as well," the Healer said, grinning.

Light Arrow laughed. "Oh, she would be delighted to do so."

-II-

"What do you think Maya is doing at the moment?" Harry asked while he and Draco were sitting on the gate of the paddock, looking into the distance.

"I don't know. What can she do? She is alone," Draco replied.

"It must be boring to be alone for the whole day, but she never wanted to be around us or the others, right? She is really weird," Harry stated.

"Yes, I don't like her much, but I can't imagine that she will enjoy being alone. At least she knows that Rose is close by," Draco stated, deep in thought. "I don't want to do it."

"I don't think they will let us go without it, Draco." Harry looked at his friend, worried. They hadn't spoken about the sweat lodge and it seemed Draco wasn't worried about it. That surprised Harry, but he thought it would be the best not to mention it.

"Ehm... Harry? Last night..." Draco stuttered.

"Last night is over, and I'm glad it is. It was the worst nightmare since we were here. I don't want to think about it anymore," Harry said, shuddering just by remembering it.

"Did you notice Severus' reaction?" Draco asked carefully.

Harry looked puzzled at Draco. "What's the matter with Severus? I just noticed that he wasn't at the breakfast table nor was Red Horse." And he also wasn't in my room last night, but I'm glad. I didn't want him to see me like this, Harry thought.

Draco looked uncomfortable, not knowing if it was good to tell Harry about Severus' reaction.

"What?" Harry asked agitated when Draco didn't answer.

"He wanted to go into your room, but Black Hawk and Red Horse stopped him. He was really angry. Red Horse didn't leave Severus' room, and I heard his door close and open a few times. So I think the Doc and Light Arrow have been with him as well. Crying Horse slept in my room, and so I couldn't check on you or Severus."

"He slept in your room and it was okay with you?" Harry asked, confused.

"I was scared. They were all very agitated, even Light Arrow and White Cloud. I was glad not to be alone, and Rose wasn't in the house." Draco looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, I know. I slept in Black Hawk's room. I don't even know how I'll go to sleep tonight. I think I will just stay awake." Harry fumbled nervously with his hat.

"Light Arrow won't let you," Draco stated.

"Hmpf."

Suddenly the sound of hoofbeats filled the air, and both boys turned in the direction the sound came from. Thunderstorm was running fast over the sandy road that led out in the wasteland, and Severus was encouraging him to even run faster.

"What the hell!" Harry exclaimed.

"Crying Horse said he is okay," Draco said, worried, and jumped from the gate.

"It doesn't look like it," Harry said and also jumped from the gate. "He is leaving us."

Before both boys could worry themselves sick, something caught their attention. The blue pickup was driving in a moderate pace behind the running horse and his rider.

"We need to find Black Hawk," Harry exclaimed, scared, and turned to run to the main house. He didn't go far before he collided with someone. Before he could fall down because of the impact, Black Hawk grabbed Harry and held him.

"Calm down, Harry," Black Hawk said and held the trembling boy.

"Severus... he left..." Harry said, scared.

"He is okay. He just got a letter from your headmaster, which troubled him a bit. He needs some fresh air, and Light Arrow is taking care of him." Black Hawk looked in Harry's eyes, and as if he could read his biggest fear in them, he said, "He will come back, Harry." He threw a glance over to Draco and was relieved the the blond boy didn't look as frightened as Harry. "What do you two think about a riding session?"

"Both of us?" Draco asked immediately.

"Both of you," Black Hawk assured.

Harry threw one last worried look over his shoulder at the path Severus had left on before he let Black Hawk drag him over to the horses.

___________

"Can I join you?" Light Arrow asked the wizard who sat on a fallen tree close to the river.

"It's a free country," Severus stated.

"What did Doc Martens say?" Light Arrow asked while sitting down beside Severus.

"I'm fine," Severus said grumpily.

Light Arrow snorted. "I hardly think that's what he said."

Severus sighed. "He said I need to speak with him and Rose about last night. I don't want to tell Rose. I know it was wrong and stupid." Severus threw a pebble angrily into the river.

"She would find it out nevertheless, Severus. You weren't very quiet in the hall."

"I know!" Severus yelled and threw another stone into the water.

"Severus, drawbacks are normal," Light Arrow said calmly.

Severus jumped up angrily. "I'm 35, Light Arrow. 35! I don't have myself under control and you know it. Look, you followed me as soon as I left the camp. You think I will hurt myself."

"Yes, I fear you will hurt yourself, Severus. I won't lie to you. Yesterday you showed us very vividly how you really think and feel. For once you weren't able to hold up your mask, my boy."

Severus growled angrily and kicked the stony beach. Several stones flew into the river, and Severus' jeans were covered in dirt.

"Why are you so angry?" Light Arrow asked softly.

"Because of everything. I hate it to not have it all under control. Red Horse... he...urgh!" Severus screamed out of frustration, pulling his hair.

Light Arrow studied his son thoughtfully. "What about Red Horse?"

"He shouldn't have seen me like this," Severus said miserably. He sat down on the stony beach, not caring that his jeans would get wet.

Light Arrow cast a water proof charm by waving his hand in Severus' direction.

"I want my wand back!" Severus stated when he noticed what Light Arrow had done.

"You get it back when Doc Martens and I think it is safe, Severus."

"I'm an adult!" Severus screamed again.

"You know our rules, Severus!"

Severus just groaned.

"Your brothers know you well, Severus. They don't think worse of you because of your actions yesterday."

"I shouldn't be like that," Severus said, depressed again.

It worried Light Arrow to see Severus change between angry to depressed so quickly. "Those problems are a part of you. We love you, all of you. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I should have overcome this damn behavior long ago."

"You are stressed, Severus. Your worry about the boys affects you. Let us help to take care of you and the boys. Please trust us and don't fight us each step of the way," Light Arrow instructed.

"I try," Severus said sadly.

"Then prove it and come up here again. It must be uncomfortable down there," Light Arrow said, smiling at his son.

Severus grumbled, but then stood up and sat down beside the old man again.

"Black Hawk and Red Horse said something about a letter," Light Arrow said carefully.

"Hmpf," Severus said and looked grumpily at the river.

"May I read it?"

Severus pulled the two letters he had got from Albus this morning out of his coat and handed them to Light Arrow.

Light Arrow quickly scanned the dates, and then he started to read them in the right order.

"He is worried, Severus," Light Arrow stated.

"He tricked me. He let me believe he just sent me here because of the boys and now he forbids me to come back. Threatening to bring me back here personally, I can't believe it," Severus spat angrily.

"I would have brought you back as well," Light Arrow stated, matter of fact.

"I'm no kid!" Severus shouted.

"You need help!" Light Arrow said sternly.

"It was his plan from the beginning," Severus said, agitated. He jumped up again, this time to pace. "He lied! He tricked me, as if I'm still fifteen years old!"

"He is worried. I'm very glad you have him and that he sent you back here."

Suddenly Severus stopped pacing and looked at Light Arrow. "Did you know?"

"Did I know what?"

"That he sent me here because he thought I need help and not just the boys?"

"No, I think he knew that we would find out about it eventually."

Severus started pacing again, satisfied with this answer. "It won't be good if he comes here, but he doesn't want to listen!"

"Not good for whom?"

Severus stared at Light Arrow. "For the boys, of course. They've just started to adjust. Seeing someone from their former life could cause a drawback."

"I agree. It's too early for them to see their headmaster again." Light Arrow waited until Severus let his shoulders relax, to add the next part. "But it is a good time to see you and talk to you."

"What? No!" Severus exclaimed, shocked.

Light Arrow raised an eyebrow.

Severus glared at him for pushing him to say this.

"I can contact him and let him know to come on a day when the boys are occupied. Maybe it would be good to have him being a part of one of your sessions with Rose and me or Doc Martens."

Severus looked shocked. How much worse could things get? Sometimes his father had crazy ideas, so Severus anxiously waited for the next shoe to drop.

"Yes, I think I will contact Doc Martens and speak with him about a good date for it. Maybe when the boys go and get the stones from the river."

"Why so early?" Severus asked, scared.

"Because otherwise you will get sick because of fear, Severus. When you talk with Albus you will feel better, even so you won't believe it at the moment.

"You are wrong!" Severus stated grumpily.

Light Arrow chuckled. "We will see!"

__________

Harry quickly forgot about his worries when he mounted Tohiadedi for the first time. It felt so great to be up on the horse's back. He grinned happily at Black Hawk, who smiled knowingly back.

Draco felt already confident enough on Unega's back, and so Red Horse, whom Black Hawk had asked to join, led Unega around with Draco on his back. Black Hawk was leading Tohiadedi on a lunge.

When Harry felt safe enough, Black Hawk let him do all kind of exercises. Harry was a bit scared when he was told to turn around on the back of the horse, but he enjoyed to lay down on his back with his arms dangling downwards. The warm body of the horse that was pressed against his chest was soothing, and he wished he could fall asleep like this. Only when he heard Crying Horse's voice did he look up.

"I'm taking the kids for a trip to the river. We'll take the red pickup. You don't need it, do you?" Crying Horse asked Black Hawk.

Harry had sat up and beamed proudly at Brian, who gave him a thumb's up.

"No, I think I will be occupied with Harry and Draco for the rest of the morning. You should head to the bath place in the south," Black Hawk said, and Crying Horse understood the tip-off.

"Do you think they will be back for lunch?" Crying Horse asked in a soft voice.

"Not sure. We will see!" Black Hawk said shortly. He was glad that Harry had forgotten about his worries and hoped it would stay like this. If Severus and Light Arrow wouldn't be back for lunch, Harry would start to worry again.

"Okay, we will leave then." Crying Horse patted Black Hawk's shoulder and waved at Red Horse.

___________

"Are you okay?" Harry asked Severus when he met him on his way down to lunch.

"I should ask this question, not you!" Severus stated and stopped.

"I wasn't the one racing out of the camp as if the devil himself was behind me," Harry said.

"And I wasn't the one who had a nightmare last night," Severus said grumpily.

Harry paled and looked down.

"I'm sorry. It shouldn't have come out like that. What do you think about going for a bath to the river with Draco and I tomorrow? I can show you where you can get the stones for the sweat lodge and then we can go swimming."

"That would be great!" Harry said, excited. It would be great to spend some time with Severus again.

"Then it is settled. We just have to ask Draco if he wants to join us," Severus said relieved that Harry's mood had lightened.

"Where are we going?" Draco asked, grinning behind them.

"Swimming," Harry replied, excited.

"Great!" Finally they would do something together. Just the three of them.

-II-

"Are you okay?" Harry asked Severus when he met him on his way down to lunch.

"I should ask this question, not you!" Severus stated and stopped.

"I wasn't the one racing out of the camp as if the devil himself was behind me," Harry said.

"And I wasn't the one who had a nightmare last night," Severus said grumpily.

Harry paled and looked down.

"I'm sorry. It shouldn't have come out like that. What do you think about going for a bath to the river with Draco and I tomorrow? I can show you where you can get the stones for the sweat lodge and then we can go swimming."

"That would be great!" Harry said, excited. It would be great to spend some time with Severus again.

"Then it is settled. We just have to ask Draco if he wants to join us," Severus said relieved that Harry's mood had lightened.

"Where are we going?" Draco asked, grinning behind them.

"Swimming," Harry replied, excited.

"Great!" Finally they would do something together. Just the three of them.

-II-

For the first time Draco felt really light-hearted and happy. He didn't care that he was almost naked, only in his boxers.

Harry laughed wildly while splashing water at Draco. When he was tackled from behind by Severus, he yelped surprised. "That's unfair. Two against one!"

Severus had his best time with the boys since they spent that awful time in the dungeons. The laughs of Draco and Harry were like music to his ears and his own laughs were lifting more of that invisible weight on his chest. Diving down with Harry still tightly hugged, he held his breath. He made sure to let Harry go as soon as they went under water, to not let him panic.

Harry felt safe with Severus, so he didn't panic when he felt water all around him and was still in Severus' grip.

What a sight they must have been. Three scarred men playing around wildly like little children. On Draco's pale skin the scars stood out very clearly. His whole upper body was covered with light red and pink scars from the knives and whips of the Death Eaters. At the moment he didn't think about them. He knew that Severus and Harry didn't care about the scars.

Severus' scars on his upper body were almost all a very pale pink and some were even almost white. Only the wounds on his arms were still red. He had forgotten about them at the moment as well. His boys were so happy and joyful that he just enjoyed the frisky mood. All the worries from the last days were forgotten and his worries about Dumbledore's visit tomorrow were as well.

Harry was very relieved that all the tension was gone between them. It was a long time ago that they could be like this. Right after Voldemort's defeat they had some of these moments, but after the torture in the dungeons it was only comfort or tension between them, not fun and happiness. It was a welcome change. Harry's scars were not so prominent as Draco's, but his chest and especially his back were covered with whip marks and cut scars.

Severus was tackled down by both boys when he tried to leave the river. 'No!' and 'Not already!' were the pleas that reached Severus' ears.

Severus caught each of them under one of his arms and carried the squealing boys into deeper water. After taking a deep breath, he dived down with both boys still under his arms. As soon as he had let go of the boys, he quickly pushed himself in the direction of the shore while he still was under water. He broke through the surface when he was close to the sandy shore. "Five minutes, boys. Then you will come out as well!"

Groaning came from behind him, and Severus smirked. The protest last only seconds, then Draco and Harry started to squeal again and splash water around. Severus meanwhile dried himself and laid down on his big towel in the sun.

When Severus called for them to come out, they tried to protest and convince Severus to give them more time. "No way. You two will have a hard day tomorrow. Come out before you catch a cold."

Grumpily, they came out of the river and dried themselves. Harry shook his head and splashed water over the already nicely dry and warm Severus.

"Hey!" Severus protested.

Harry hid his grin in his towel.

Draco waved his towel especially close to Severus, which caused sand to fly all over him.

"Wait, you cheeky monkey," Severus said and grabbed Draco to pull him down. "Now you will see what happens to cheeky brats." That was when the tickling started. Draco giggled and gasped for air.

How come Severus still knows all my ticklish spots? Draco thought while he tried to get enough oxygen in his lungs. "Help, Harry!"

Harry tried to attack Severus from the side, but was quickly grabbed as well and place beside Draco over his lap. Now he was tickling both boys who couldn't wiggle out of his gasp.

"So, who is the best?" Severus asked.

"You! Please stop!" both boys cried out between giggles.

Severus let himself sink backwards on his towel again and closed his eyes.

When Draco and Harry had get their breathings under control again they laid down with their heads on Severus' chest and stomach.

"Fantastic. What kind of sunburn will I get by this?" Severus teased.

"No sunburn at all. White Cloud has covered us all head to toe with a heavy sun blocker, Severus," Draco countered.

"Hmpf," was Severus' answer.

"Tell us about tomorrow, Severus," Harry demanded.

"I wanted to relax. Can't you two just shut up and relax?" Severus said, but he didn't sound annoyed.

Draco turned around and looked at Severus. "Come on, you had to do this ceremony as well when you were here, right?"

"Yes, I did, and I wasn't so lucky to have someone at my side while I had to spend the whole morning getting stones from the river. You two are really lucky."

"What do we have to do?" Harry asked, interested, and turned around as well.

"You will get up very early and go to the river to get the big stones I showed you before we came here. Don't worry, Maya knows the way. You will have a wheelbarrow and as you are three you can split the work. You will get a lunch packet with you because you will need more than just the morning to get the stones back to the camp. Then you will eat, and we will help you to build your sweat lodge. That will keep you occupied until the evening. When it gets dark, we will start the sweat lodge ceremony," Severus explained.

"So we don't have to build the lodge by ourselves?" Draco asked, relieved.

Severus chuckled. "We will only explain. The main work will be done by you two."

"Fantastic, we have to carry heavy stones over thousands of miles, and then we have to work the rest of the day on the lodges," Draco said grumpily.

"If you had to carry the stones thousand of miles, we wouldn't be able to have the ceremony tomorrow evening. Stop whining!" Severus scolded.

Draco sighed and threw himself on Severus' chest. Harry mimicked him a second later.

"Start drooling on me, and you will regret it," Severus said in a mocking tone.

"Yeah, and that's why you let Draco drool all over you on the plane and didn't even try to wake him," Harry chuckled.

"I just wanted my peace," Severus replied.

"And you want your peace now, so we don't have anything to worry about, Harry!" Draco said cheekily.

"Do I have to give you two a reminder of who is the one with the most power here?" Severus threatened and tickled both boys again.

"No!"

"Stop!"

"Please!"

"Have mercy!"

"Can we go in again?" Harry pleaded when he had gathered enough air.

"Wait twenty minutes, then you can go swim again before we head back," Severus explained. "Now rest!"

Groaning, both boys obeyed, and Severus grinned, satisfied, when his two boys fell asleep a few minutes later.

///

"We have a surprise for you two," Crying Horse said and pointed at Brian and Ken while they sat together at supper.

"What?" both boys exclaimed, excited.

"We will go hunting," Crying Horse said. "Black Hawk and I will take you with us for the first time tomorrow, and Aiden can join us as he already has proven to be a hunter."

Aiden pushed his chest out proudly. "Sure I will join you!"

"Good. We will start at five. So be ready!" Black Hawk said. "What weapon do you want to use?"

"A spear!" Brian said. "I will come back with a bear!"

Black Hawk chuckled. "More like a rabbit, Brian. If you want to hunt a bird or a doe you should choose the bow."

"I will take the bow, then. I want to have a turkey. We will eat them, right?" Ken asked, excited.

"Of course. You will hunt, prepare and eat it. If you want, you can share with the rest of the family, but it is up to you," Black Hawk explained.

"Everyone can eat my turkey," Ken said proudly.

"First you need to hunt one," Light Arrow said.

"I want to hunt something dangerous. Why can't I hunt a bear or a big stag?" Brian asked.

"Because hunting isn't a sport for fun. We don't kill because we like it. We will show you how to use everything of your prey. You will praise its soul for giving his life for you to use his meat. You will take the hunt respectful or we will leave you here," Black Hawk said sternly.

"I will take it seriously," Brian replied, ashamed.

Aiden shook his head disapprovingly. "Maybe he isn't ready to go hunting right now!"

Brian glared at him. "You are no counselor here. Stop thinking you are better than we are."

"I've been here longer than you all! I know what it means to hunt, and I can take it seriously and respect the lifes we take. You instead just make jokes about it and want to kill for fun!" Aiden countered.

"You don't know a shit about me!" Brian said and stood up.

Aiden jumped up as well, but before it could come to a fight, Light Arrow thundered, "Stop this! Both of you. You will all go hunting tomorrow, and you can prove that you can be reliable Brian. Don't disappoint me!"

"I won't!" Brian said determined.

"Good and now sit down and finish your meal. Both of you!" Light Arrow instructed and both boys oboeyed. He shook his head. "You should enjoy the last days of the hoilday. The school will start for most of you in a week."

///

"But it is only seven!" Harry protested.

"You need to get up at six tomorrow," Light Arrow explained.

"Six?" Harry and Draco asked shocked.

Light Arrow chuckled. "Six. You will have breakfast and then you will go to the river to retrieve the stones. You will need two hours to reach the river, and if you are fast, you will spend an hour to gather the stones. The way back will take you much more time because of the heavy laden wheelbarrow. I would guess between three or four hours. The rest of the day you will need to gather the twigs for the lodge skeleton and for building it. So you will need all your rest. Off with you into your beds!"

Harry groaned. Over all his worries about the next day, he even forgot about his last bad experience in his room. Only when he had laid down in his bed, the memories came back and he hugged Cat closer. Karim was back in his room, and as if he sensed Harry's mood, he jumped up on the bed and curled up close to Harry. The soothing purring from the alive and the stuffed cat calmed Harry down. Soon he fell asleep.

///

Draco lay awake for hours when White Cloud came into his room with a hot chocolate. "So worried about tomorrow?"

Draco shrugged. He sat up and took the cup thankfully. "I really try to sleep, but it doesn't work."

The old woman smiled kindly. "It never works that way, but a nice cup of hot chocolate helps." Especially when it was laced with a slight sleeping draught, she thought. "Come on, lay down again and let me sing a bit for you. Maybe you can fall asleep then." She tucked Draco in and smiled at Watje who curled herself on Draco's chest. Gently, she stroked Draco's hair and said, "Wait a minute, I'll be back soon!" She left the room, and only a minute later she came back with a three-foot-long stuffed snake. It was green with a beige belly and a red, forked tongue. The eyes of the snake were silver buttons. "Severus said you like snakes."

Draco's eyes lit up. Harry had told him about his and Severus' stuffed animals, and now he was getting one as well. "Can it make sound as well like Harry's?"

"Of course," White Cloud said, smiling. "Try it. Hold it close!"

She helped him to tuck the snake under his arm without disturbing Watje.

Draco grinned happily when he felt the snake hissing soothingly. It was a cool plushy. He couldn't wait to show it to Harry and Severus. He wanted to see their plushies as well. Draco was so happy, he didn't even notice that he fell asleep.

///

It's 6:30! Can you believe this?

Maya isn't ready, so I have time to write to you, Hermione.

This day will be so damn long and exhausting. We will need two hours to reach the river and back it will be even more. I'm glad Draco is with me. Maya can be very bossy and arrogant. I hope she will leave us alone. She didn't even told us about her Solo. I really would like to know what happened while she was out there with Rose.

I'm curious how the Sweat Lodge will be this evening. It sounds a bit scary. They all say it is very hot in there, but Severus said we will get used to it.

It's our welcome ceremony, Severus explained. I'm a bit scared how Draco will take it. I think he hasn't even realized that he will be in a very small and dark room with a lot of sweating men. Do you think he will make it?

Oh, Light Arrow is calling. I have to go. Keep your fingers crossed for me, Hermione. I hope I won't die of a heatstroke before I come back here.

Love,

Harry

Harry hid the messenger under his pillow, grabbed his jacket and ran down the stairs.

"Here are your lunch bags," White Cloud said and gave a big bag of all kind of food to each of the three teenagers. "Are you all covered in sun cream?"

"Yes, Severus has made sure of that," Harry mumbled.

"Maya?" White Cloud asked.

"I'm tanned enough, White Cloud. I'm not one of these greenhorns," Maya said disparagingly.

Harry pulled a face, and Draco even stepped backwards.

"Maya, we expect of you to be the responsible one today. Behaving like you are right now isn't showing that you grew up at all!" Light Arrow said disapprovingly.

Maya blushed. "I'm sorry. I just hoped I could go on my own. They will just disturb me. It was meant to be another way to think about what happened and what will come. I can't do this when they are joking around or are whining."

"We can go on ourselves. We don't need you," Harry spat angrily. Who does that stupid arrogant girl think she is?

"Of course you need her. Stop behaving childish!" Light Arrow scolded Harry. Looking at Maya again, he said, "If you want to use the way to the river to reflect, just go a few feet in front of Draco and Harry. That is no problem as long as they can see were you go."

"Can I have my own wheelbarrow?" Maya asked.

Harry disliked her more and more with each word she said.

Light Arrow thought shortly. That would cause them to be even slower. Draco was still very weak, and Harry wasn't in good condition, either. "If you insist."

"Yes, we have two different sweat lodges-" Maya said, but was interrupted by Harry.

"Thank Merlin," Harry muttered loud enough for all to hear. Light Arrow laid a warning hand on his neck, and Harry looked down.

"Like I said before I was interrupted-" She glared at Harry. "-we have two different sweat lodges, so we should bring to different sets of stones."

"Good, you can have another wheelbarrow. I will tell Red Horse to fetch one for you. Now you will apply the sun cream or you won't go at all."

Maya stormed with her head high up the stairs to do what she was told.

"Hold your tempers. She is the one with more experience. Sometimes you have to swallow some anger and pride down in favor to get help. Like it or not, without her you have no chance," Light Arrow said. With a last squeeze at the back of Harry's neck, he left the house to look for Red Horse.

-II-

"Can I have my own wheelbarrow?" Maya asked.

Harry disliked her more and more with each word she said.

Light Arrow thought shortly. That would cause them to be even slower. Draco was still very weak, and Harry wasn't in good condition, either. "If you insist."

"Yes, we have two different sweat lodges-" Maya said, but was interrupted by Harry.

"Thank Merlin," Harry muttered loud enough for all to hear. Light Arrow laid a warning hand on his neck, and Harry looked down.

"Like I said before I was interrupted-" She glared at Harry. "-we have two different sweat lodges, so we should bring to different sets of stones."

"Good, you can have another wheelbarrow. I will tell Red Horse to fetch one for you. Now you will apply the sun cream or you won't go at all."

Maya stormed with her head high up the stairs to do what she was told.

"Hold your tempers. She is the one with more experience. Sometimes you have to swallow some anger and pride down in favor to get help. Like it or not, without her you have no chance," Light Arrow said. With a last squeeze at the back of Harry's neck, he left the house to look for Red Horse.

-II-

"She is unbelievable," Draco muttered grumpily while trotting alongside Harry.

Harry pushed the wheelbarrow in front of him, bored. "Yeah!"

"Looks like she's holding her head up. I swear she's even more arrogant since she got back from the Solo. Eww, and now she is waiting for us," Harry stated.

"When you go on like that, we will not make it in time," Maya scolded the boys, annoyed.

"Then just leave us and go on your own," Harry said angrily. "We don't need you!"

"Phew!" Maya looked depreciatingly. "You two would never find the right place to get the stones, and you would never find back on your own."

"We will see!" Harry exclaimed angrily. And turned in another direction.

Draco stood shocked for a while, feeling puzzled and looking between Maya and Harry, who was storming in another direction. When he shook himself out of his stupor, he ran over to Harry. "Please Harry let us go back. I'm sure Light Arrow will let us do this all on another day."

Harry heard the panic in Draco's voice and stopped. "Come on, I was several times at the river. We will make it without her."

Draco looked very skeptical. "You were brought there by Severus and Black Hawk. Harry, please, I don't want to get lost out here. There are animals and... please!" Draco looked around, scared, as if he assumed to be attacked any minute. "I want my wand back!"

"We don't need our wands out here. There are no dangerous animals besidse snakes out here and they won't come and attack us. We still have those emergency whistles from Light Arrow. We can call him when we are in trouble."

"I still don't want to get lost," Draco pleaded.

Harry wanted to prove Light Arrow and especially Maya that he could do this without help, but he noticed that Draco was getting himself in a panic attack. Draco hadn't had one for a long time, and Harry didn't want to be the one responsible for it. He was torn, but inwardly he had already made his decision. The only decision he could make with a clear conscience. "Okay, we will go back and ask if we can do it another day."

"No, you will not! I'm sorry okay," Maya said. She had joined the two without them noticing her. "Listen, I have spent over a year here. I was really looking forward to this. You don't understand this right now, but in the end you will see it the same way as I see it now. In the beginning, I also didn't take this all seriously, but I learnt how important all these ceremonies are. They have a meaning, and they helped me. I want this last ceremony to be something special for me. I have to leave soon... I..." She couldn't finish because the lump in her throat robbed her voice.

Draco peeked out behind Harry at Maya, surprised that she started to cry. Nevertheless he didn't feel safe enough to come out behind Harry. He hoped Harry would solve this problem.

Harry didn't knew how to react. He felt responsible to do something because Draco obviously just would remain hiding behind him. The problem was, Harry had no idea how to react.

Maya regained her composure. "I have changed a lot here, and I'm very thankful for everything I learned here. I understand that you can't see it all as serious as I do it. There will come many experiences that most likely will change your attitude about this all, but right now you just see this all as a burden and want to be out of the camp as fast as possible. I guess you two don't even see how much you have changed already by the help of all the people here. This way to the river should be a possibility to reflect on what had happened until now. I don't really understand why they let you do this together. It is obviously that you can't reflect while you concentrate on the other. Can you at least understand what I try to tell you?"

Harry and Draco just remained gaping at her.

Maya groaned frustrated. "I see! So how about we make an agreement? You two let me go my pace and just follow in a distance where I don't hear you two talking. I just need to be sure that you follow me and not let me out of sight, so I don't have to look for you two all the time. The way back we can go together, okay?"

Harry still looked open-mouthed at Maya, but Draco cuffed him in his ribs. "Okay!"

"Good, then come on, we need to hurry to keep our time table," Maya said and started to go back to her wheelbarrow.

"Maybe she is not as bad as we thought," Draco said when they had gone in silence for a while.

"Yeah, maybe. She thinks we are just stupid kids who make fun of all of this," Harry said grumpily.

"I don't know what can be fun about spending the whole day in the sun carrying stones to the camp," Draco said, annoyed.

Harry laughed. It was nice to hear Draco speak like this. It was almost like he was before the torture. "I know what could be fun!"

Draco looked skeptically at Harry. He wiped the sweat from his head. "I already feel as if my head will explode any minute." His jacket hung lazily around his waist. Draco's shirt was almost completely unbuttoned and revealed his chest. Draco must've felt very warm to reveal his scars so openly while Maya was just a few feet away.

Harry stopped and touched the metal of the wheelbarrow. It was warm but not hot. "Jump in!"

"What?" Draco asked, puzzled.

"Jump in! I'll wheel you around. It'll be fun!"

"We have hours of hard work in front of us and you want to waste your energy to wheel me around?"

"I want to waste my energy to have fun, Draco! Isn't that was Hermione always tells us to have? I don't want to reflect on what happened before we came here and what has changed since we are here. Do you want to do so?" Harry asked.

"My head is too hot to even try thinking!" Draco mumbled. He had taken of his hat very often because he had the feeling he was sweating under it too much.

"Then let's have fun! She's too far away from us to hear us. Come on!"

"Okay," Draco said, grinning. Quickly he climbed into the wheelbarrow, and Harry started to race as fast as he could.

Draco laughed and cheered Harry to go faster and draw curves. Each time they came to close to Maya, Harry drew a few curves to keep the distance. Quickly he was exhausted, and Draco took over. It was great fun, but Draco was still very weak, and soon Harry was pushing the wheelbarrow over the sandy ground again. They were sweating heavily, and they had already drained one of their four water bottles. "I feel sick," Draco said miserably.

"Yeah, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to wheel the other around," Harry said, exhausted.

"I really don't feel well, Harry," Draco said and staggered.

Harry quickly grabbed Draco when the blond boy's feet gave out. "Maya!" he screamed in panic.

"What have you done?" Maya asked when she had come running over to them.

"I don't know. He just broke down. He said he doesn't feel well," Harry said, shocked.

"I see that, but what I meant is what have you done before he broke down? Have you done anything beside just going?" Maya asked while positioning Draco's leg on the rim of the wheelbarrow and placing her jacket under his head.

"Ehm... we wheeled us around a bit," Harry said shyly.

Maya groaned. "Great! Use your whistle in the direction of the camp not our ears, okay?" she instructed Harry and then turned to Draco. "Stay calm, you are just a bit overheated and maybe dehydrated as well. They will come soon to help you!" She ribbed her shirt and soak it with water. Gently she laid the wet cloth over Draco's forehead.

"I'm sorry," Draco said to Maya.

"Stop being stupid. Like I said I know what you two are feeling and thinking at the moment. It is normal to not take this all seriously in the beginning," Maya assured Draco while she gently draped Draco's chest with another cloth she had ripped from her shirt.

"You can have my shirt," Harry offered and pulled it over his head.

"No, put it on again, Harry. I can't have you getting a sunstroke as well. I have a spare one with me," Maya said, still warmly and not at all arrogant as she was in the morning.

A groan came from Draco, and he leaned over to throw up. Maya held his forehead motherly while he heaved heavily.

Shortly after Draco had rested his head back on Maya's jacket, the blue pick-up stopped close to them.

"What's going on?" Light Arrow asked when he reached the kids.

"They have overdone it a bit, and Draco broke down. He is very hot, and he had thrown up." Maya gestured at the vomit beside Draco.

A casual wave of Light Arrow's hand and the vomit was gone and Draco felt a fresh feeling in his mouth.

"Thank you," he said, groaning.

"You are welcome. Now relax and let me see what's wrong," Light Arrow instructed. He wasn't a healer, but he had learned a lot in his life and basis healing was one of the many things. He removed the cloth from Draco's forehead and laid his hand on it to scan him. After around a minute, he said, "It's not so bad. A bit healing and sitting in the shadow will help." Light Arrow put the cloth back on Draco's forehead and looked up at Harry and Maya. "I would suggest that you two go on, and I meet you two at the river. That gives Draco time to rest, and we will see how he feels when you arrive. Then we will decide how to go on."

Harry was uncertain. Would it be okay for Draco to go with Light Arrow? "Ehm.. Draco..."

"Harry, he had a sunstroke, and he needs to cool down. There is no other way. Will you be able to bring the wheelbarrow to the river alone?" Light Arrow asked.

"Sure, but Draco..."

"Draco will be okay. Am I right, my boy? Will you drive with me to the river to cool you down a bit?" Light Arrow asked the blond boy.

"Yes," Draco croaked. He just wanted out of the sun, and he trusted Light Arrow enough to keep him safe, even though he wished Harry could come with them.

"Thank you for your trust, Draco. How is your head? Do you have a headache? Can you see me clearly?"

"Sometimes there are little stars and black spots. My head hurts, but it is okay," Draco said miserably.

"I will carry you over to the car. Just relax," Light Arrow said and shifted Draco in his arms. "You two-" He looked at Maya and Harry while he held Draco in his arms. "-should hurry. I'll see you at the river."

"Come on, Harry. Draco is safe with Light Arrow. We should hurry," Maya said warmly.

"Okay," Harry replied and went over to his wheelbarrow. When he looked up again, the old man had already reached the pick-up.

"So you won't go to school next week?" Harry asked when they had spent a few minutes in silence. He had tried to stay in the distance again to respect Maya's wish, but she had stopped and said he can go with her.

"I will go to school because I don't know when I will leave exactly. I have missed a lot of stuff last year. Light Arrow didn't let me attend school for three months, and so I missed a lot of stuff and wasn't able to finish my exams last school year. The teachers give me the chance to do my exams later. I will get special classes, and I hope I will finish the exams in three months. Maybe I will get a small apartment in Hodgetown. That's close to the school."

"You weren't allowed to go to school for three months?" Harry asked, even though hundreds of others questions went through his mind.

"Yes, I had a hard time the first months. I tried several times to kill myself here at the camp. My foster parents broke up with me after I ran away from the hospital the third time. I'm alone now, and I don't want to ever see them again. Light Arrow and White Cloud are my new family, but I want to live on my own."

"Sounds good. I hope I can leave soon as well," Harry said, even so he knew that he didn't mean it.

Maya didn't say anything.

"What do you think how long we have to stay?" Harry prodded deeper.

"I don't know, Harry. All I can tell you is that I never saw someone leave before at least half a year here, and they were not as hurt as you two," Maya said uncomfortably.

Harry stopped going and stared at Maya. "What do you know about how much we are... I'm not hurt at all!"

"I'm not the one to speak with you about that, Harry."

"Tell me or I won't go on!" Harry demanded.

"You act childish, Harry. I have spent a long time here, and I saw many people come and go. Only Aiden is left from the people who were here when I came. You two are a bit like Melissa and me in the beginning. It's easier for me to see how hurt you are because I understand you, Harry. You can't deny it. You are hurt, very hurt, and Draco is very hurt as well. You can lie to yourself, but not to those who know how you feel right now. You don't have to speak with us kids about what happened. It's like an unspoken rule between us. Everyone gets the time they need to give information about their past and how they really feel. Even though you never would feel ready for it, we would accept it. There is only one thing we ask every newcomer. It's to not lie to us. Just say I don't want to speak about it, but don't say we are wrong when we know for sure that we are right. Nobody is here without a very serious reason. This camp is for those who everyone else has given up on. You are amongst the few that still have someone very close to them that is helping them. You are very lucky to have Severus. Aiden has his mother. She visits him sometimes, but she has her own problems and cannot take care of Aiden."

"Brian and Ken look normal to me," Harry stated.

"They are pretending to be funny and happy, so nobody asks them too many questions. There are many kinds of ways to hide your true feelings. Some hide them behind jokes and smiles and others behind anger and hate," Maya said wisely.

Harry bit his bottom lip. What could he say to this?

"Draco isn't hiding anything," Harry stated.

"So we're speak about Draco now?"

Harry growled. Maya really sound like Light Arrow now.

Maya laughed. "Give yourself time and speak with those who are good in it, not me, Harry." She thought about how to change the topic to something less depressing for Harry. Maya knew that he wasn't at the point to speak about what had happened to him and Draco. "So would you like to go to school?"

"I don't have a wand," Harry stated.

"They have two schools in the reservation. One for non-magical kids and one for magical ones. Many Natives are able to do wandless magic, so we are only a small group that gets taught in magic with wands. You can even take classes to learn wandless magic if you pass the acceptance test. They have a lot of teachers in the magical school, and so they can teach you even classes that are not common here in the area. Melissa has many classes we didn't have in my school in Chile. So when Light Arrow decides that you can go to school, they will speak with your old teachers and ask them what they should put on your schedule. Maybe Severus will teach as well this year. I hope so. Our Potions teacher is so boring."

Harry laughed. "You are the first one who hoped for Severus to teach her. In my school he is not a popular teacher."

"Really?" Maya asked, surprised.

"Yeah! He is called the bat of the dungeon. They even say he is a vampire."

"What's bad about being a Vampire? In Chile we have a lot of them. Two of my teachers were vampires, and they are great healers. They can sense illnesses."

"But they bite people. Isn't it dangerous to have them in a school or a hospital?" Harry asked, puzzled.

Maya looked at him as if he was crazy. "Vampires don't have to kill when they drink from people. Many have family or friends who are willing to supply them with blood, and we have blood banks were they can buy blood. They only have to feed once a week. Many even like animal blood."

"In England we don't have vampires... I think." Harry felt stupid. How could life in Chile be so different from life in England? "We never learned about other countries. I didn't knew there are countries were people live together with Vampires."

"Now you know!"

"Yeah, so are there countries were people life together with werewolves?" Harry asked curiously.

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask Professor Karley. He is our Magical Creature, Charms and Spellwork and Wandless Magic teacher. He is a vampire, and I'm sure he knows about werewolves as well," Maya explained.

"Do you think Light Arrow will let me attend school?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I don't know. If you are one of the self-harming or suicidal ones or if he fears you will run away, he won't let you attend school soon. Some were allowed to go to school earlier than others. It depends on your problems. First you only will attend a few classes, and sometimes teachers come to the camp first, so that you don't have to leave the camp for being schooled. Rose is a teacher as well, but she only teaches in the camp not the school."

"Wandless magic," Harry said dreamily. "That must be cool!" In his head all kinds of images appeared. Images of Death Eaters wriggling in front of his outstretched hand without a wand. He heard himself laugh evilly in his head, and he heard himself say 'Now you will learn what I learned form you about mercy. Now you will be the one who will feel that there is no mercy for you.'

"Are you all right?" Maya asked worriedly when she saw harry grin so evilly. It was scary.

Harry shook himself out of his dark thoughts. "Sure!"

-II-

"Now you know!"

"Yeah, so are there countries were people life together with werewolves?" Harry asked curiously.

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask Professor Karley. He is our Magical Creature, Charms and Spellwork and Wandless Magic teacher. He is a vampire, and I'm sure he knows about werewolves as well," Maya explained.

"Do you think Light Arrow will let me attend school?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I don't know. If you are one of the self-harming or suicidal ones or if he fears you will run away, he won't let you attend school soon. Some were allowed to go to school earlier than others. It depends on your problems. First you only will attend a few classes, and sometimes teachers come to the camp first, so that you don't have to leave the camp for being schooled. Rose is a teacher as well, but she only teaches in the camp not the school."

"Wandless magic," Harry said dreamily. "That must be cool!" In his head all kinds of images appeared. Images of Death Eaters wriggling in front of his outstretched hand without a wand. He heard himself laugh evilly in his head, and he heard himself say 'Now you will learn what I learned form you about mercy. Now you will be the one who will feel that there is no mercy for you.'

"Are you all right?" Maya asked worriedly when she saw harry grin so evilly. It was scary.

Harry shook himself out of his dark thoughts. "Sure!"

-II-

"Why don't you sit down, Severus?" Doc Martens asked the pacing wizard.

"I don't understand why you two have to be here when he comes," Severus argued.

"We already discussed this, Severus. It's a good opportunity to clear up some issues with your mentor, it seems he is very worried. I also think it is a good idea to speak with him openly about what happened at the river. He knows about your former problems. Why do you want to shut him out now?" Doc Martens asked.

Severus drew his hand nervously through his hair. "Why does Rose have to be here?"

"I was here for all the sessions lately, Severus. Do I have to remind you that it was you who asked for me to be here instead of White Cloud?" Rose asked calmly.

Severus sighed and paced even more agitated. "He should not come at all. He has nothing to do here."

"He is your friend and a father figure, Severus. You behave like a scared child that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar," Rose scolded.

"We don't have to tell him everything," Severus stated.

"We tell him nothing, Severus. You will tell him what happened and what is bothering you," Doc Martens said dryly. "Stop it!" he ordered strictly when Severus started to rub his arm feverishly, directly over the old wounds he had inflicted on himself. When Severus stopped his motions, Doc Martens added, "Use the rubbed bands if you need it!"

Sullenly Severus refused to use the rubber bands around his wrists. He just started to pace again. After a few more minutes he turned to Doc Martens and Rose and said, "I think it is best if he doesn't get to know about it all!"

"Doesn't get to know about what, Severus?" the deep voice of Severus' mentor said behind him.

Severus spun around and looked shocked at Albus Dumbledore, who stood beside Light Arrow close to the door. He couldn't say anything, only stare shocked at the old man. Absent mindedly he started to scratch his arm again, but Doc Martens stopped him by pulling his arm away and guiding him over to the couch beside him. "Why don't we all sit down!"

The two old men sat down on the armchairs, and Albus nodded his greeting to Rose and Doc Martens. Severus meanwhile hid his face behind his hands, his elbows on his knees.

"Severus, why don't you tell Albus about what happened at the river at the beginning of your stay here?" Doc Martens suggested.

Severus shook his head. "I can't!"

"Of course you can, Severus. Albus is your friend and we both know that you will feel better when you got all this off your chest. He's worried. That's why he's here," Doc Martens said calmly.

Severus shook his head again, saying nothing.

"Severus, I'm here because of your letters two days ago. I was worried when I got the first letter in which you told me you would come back without the boys without giving me an explanation. I started to get even more worried when I got the second letter after I refused you to come back so early. You were pleading in it for me to let you come back. That's what made me want to come here and see what's wrong. I'm worried, Severus!"

"I can't tell you!" Severus croaked.

"Why not Severus. Albus was there for you the first time and the second time; why not the third time?" Doc Martens prodded.

"I can do it alone this time." Severus tried to sound confident, but he wasn't very convincing.

"Severus, I love you as if you were my own son. Can't you see that I'm worried and that I would like to help you?" Albus asked. When no reply came from Severus, he added, "You are an adult, Severus. I can't force you to speak with me about your problems, even so as your friend I hoped you could trust me. Can you please at least answer me if you still plan to leave without the boys?" Albus voice was sad and it broke Severus heart, but it was so very hard to speak about his problems.

"No, it was a bad idea. I will stay. I... I..."

"Severus, I already told you in my last letters that I suspected even back in England that something is wrong with you. That was a main reason for me to suggest that you go with the boys. I knew that your family here would be able to help you better than I could. If you don't trust me enough to let me know what troubled you in England and obviously here as well, I have to accept it. I'm glad you opened up to your family and Doc Martens." Now Albus sound as if he was close to tears, and Severus felt the dagger dig even further into his chest.

"Istartedtodrinkagain," Severus mumbled.

"Severus," Doc Martens said calmly.

Severus sighed. "I started to drink again."

"I thought so," Albus said sadly. "Are you working on it with Doc Martens?"

"Yes, I take medications and we meet frequently with Rose to talk," Severus almost whispered while he still hid behind his hands.

"That's good, Severus. I'm relieved to hear that you accept their help. I'm proud of you," Albus stated.

Severus head snapped up to look at Albus. "There is more!" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Albus eyed Severus over the rim of his glasses, and Severus hid behind his hands again. Why the hell did I said that? What shall I do now?

"Severus?" Albus asked carefully.

"I have it under control. You don't have to worry," Severus said not very convincingly.

"I don't have to worry about what, Severus?" Albus asked gently.

Severus sighed. "Can we not just forget it?"

Albus looked over to Doc Martens, seeking help. He knew the old doctor from Severus others stays at the camp. They had worked together at that times. "How much do I have to worry?"

"It's not my place to tell you this, Albus," Doc Martens insisted. He gently pried Severus' hands from his face. "Severus, you made a good start, but I'm sure you can go on with this conversation as well."

Suddenly Light Arrow stood up. "I'm sorry, I have to leave you four alone. If I won't be back before you leave, Albus, I will contact you via floo post." After saying good bye, he left the room to see why one of the kids has blown the emergency whistle. He was glad Severus hadn't heard it or he wouldn't go on talking with Albus and the others. Only Light Arrows magic let him register the sound.

Severus meanwhile troubled his brain to find a way out of the situation he had brought himself in by blurting out that their were more problems. "Draco is adjusting very well. He is very good with his horse and-"

"Severus!" Rose said warningly. When he looked at her, she added, "We are not speaking about Draco here."

Severus glared at her. Why did she have to destroy his gorgeous plan to distract Albus with the boy's development. He was certain it would have worked.

"I cannot, okay? I promise I will change now. I will not do it again, but I can't talk about it with him," Severus said agitated to James.

"Tell this to Albus and not me, Severus," Doc Martens said calm as always.

"What?"

"Tell Albus that you can't speak with him about your problems, Severus. I'm not an owl to deliver your messages," Doc Martens explained calmly.

Severus stared at Doc Martens. He hated it when the old doctor made it so obvious that he is the patient here. He groaned and threw himself heavily backwards against the back of the couch. Even after several deep breaths, he couldn't calm down. The urge to scratch the wounds open on his arms was overwhelming but he knew that the doctor would stop him. Using the rubber bands would be to obviously, and Albus would know instantly what Severus second problem was beside the alcohol.

"It's fine, Severus. I can accept that you can't speak with me about it. Just promise me to not do something stupid and listen to your doctor and your family here," Albus said to help his friend out of his misery.

"I promise," Severus croaked, gently rocking back and forth to calm himself while he pulled at his hair as unobtrusively as possible. A hand sneaked on his leg, and he felt calming magic flow into him.

"Do you want Albus to go like this, Severus? Is there anything you want to be cleared? Do you have any questions?" Doc Martens asked, not stopping to let calming magic flow into Severus.

"Would you... would you really have sent me back here when I had come back home?" Severus asked fearfully. He hated that this calming magic made him an emotional wrack. He blurted things out he normally wouldn't have.

"I would have brought you back personally, Severus. You are in no state to live on your own at the moment. You are exactly at the place where you should be right now. Your family knows what to do to help you," Albus said sadly.

"You are his family as well, Albus," Doc Martens said gently, sensing what the old man was feeling.

"I failed him more than once. Those people here didn't," Albus said brokenly.

Severus pulled harder at his hair. He felt like the fifteen year old so many years ago. It was his fault that Albus was sad now. He felt responsible that the old man would go home and worry even more. Just because he was too much of a coward to tell Albus what he had done down at the river and that he felt the urge to hurt himself much more the last few months.

Doc Martens looked over to Rose, who fought hard against her tears. She had already failed but the gently and sensible woman didn't want to give in to her emotions. Doc Martens smiled gently at her, a silent okay for her to cry openly. Doc Martens knew how much Rose was attached with Severus. Seeing him like this was hurting her. Her sensible gift of natural healing magic was sometimes hard to live with because it makes you so vulnerable. Every emotion was felt twice as intense as a normal person would feel it. It's not uncommon that people with that gift take their own life or get psychical problems. Rose handled her gift very well, and her family kept a close eye on her, careful to balance her emotions. It's very important for people like Rose to express their feelings and not to fight them.

Severus looked up when he heard her sobbing. He loosened the grip on his hair. "I'm sorry!"

Rose shook her head, pulling a grimace by trying to not cry out loud.

As if a switch was turned Severus changed from the emotional wreck to the big, responsible brother. He went over to Rose on the other couch, sat down beside her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry, Rose. I know I should be more mature," he whispered in her hair. "I will tell him."

"Not because of me, Severus," Rose sobbed, shaking her head. "You know that I overreact sometimes. Just ignore me!"

"I can't! I'm sorry. I don't want you to cry because of me. I will make it. I don't understand why it is so hard to talk about it, I'm sorry,"

"I know that you will make it, Severus. I don't doubt it. I just can't stand it seeing you fight us so much.. You always have to make everything so damn hard on yourself. It's frustrates me and it pains me to see you hurt. You know me. I can't stop this at all," Rose said miserably and gestured at her tear-strained face when she quickly looked up into his eyes.

Seeing his puppy dog look, she hid in his chest again. "You are just unbelievable, Severus."

Severus felt much better holding Rose. He felt more confident now. So he breathed two times very deeply, and then he looked up and told Albus about the cutting at the river and his urge to hurt himself lately.

Twenty minutes later they stood in front of the fireplace. "Please let me know how you and the boys are, Severus. Don't shut me out again," Albus said warmly.

Severus had been so happy when the conversation was over, but now it felt as if he had left something out. He felt a pain in his chest and he knew this could only be healed one way. So he threw himself at the old wizard in front of him, hugging him like dear life. With his face hidden in Albus' shoulder he whispered, "I'm scared, Albus. I fear I'm not strong enough."

Albus cupped Severus' face with both his hands and held it close in front of his. "I have great faith in you, my boy. You are brave if not the bravest wizard I know. You have managed to overcome many problems, and you will manage to handle this as well. You just have to accept help."

A big burden was lifted from his chest by these words and Severus smiled relieved at his old mentor. "Thank you!"

"There is nothing to thank me for. It was only the truth I said. So will I hear from you frequently?" Albus asked hopefully.

"I promise," Severus replied.

///

"Draco, I need you to cool down. Nobody can see you,'" Light Arrow said when Draco fought against his hands who unbuttoned Draco's shirt completely. The blond boy was leaned against a big tree close to the river, a wet cloth on his head.

When Draco stopped struggling, Light Arrow pushed Draco's shirt open enough to drab another cool cloth over the boys chest. A sticking charm on the clothes prevented them from falling down. "Draco, my healing magic isn't as good as Rose's but it would help your sunstroke nevertheless. The problem is I need to hold body contact with you for it. Do you think I could at least hold your hand?"

Draco nodded tiredly. He felt sick and any comfort he could get was welcome. He sighed relieved when the old man took his hand. The big, leather hand gave Draco comfort, and he relaxed. The healing magic could hardly be felt by Draco because it was very different from Rose's, but Draco felt the emotion and tongue loosening effect of it. "I'm scared," he whispered due to this effect.

"About what?" Light Arrow asked warmly.

Draco bit his bottom lip. He had bottled this fear up very well the last days, but now it became too much. "The sweat lodge. I... I couldn't speak with Harry because he already was scared and... and I feared he would run away again and leave me alone. And... and then you would throw us out and... but... I don't want to go back...I..." Draco started to panic and breathe too quickly.

"Calm down, Draco," Light Arrow said calmly. "Come on breathe with me. In... and out...in and out..." It was hardly helping because Draco couldn't concentrate on his breathing. He hadn't enough body contact to help Draco to calm down, but he wasn't sure if it would be too much for the abused boy. "Draco, I need more body contact to help you right now. Can we try to rearrange you against my chest?"

Draco nodded desperately. His emotions were overtaking him and his chest hurt. When Light Arrow carefully pulled Draco's back against his broad chest, Draco panicked even more. It was too similar with his rape experiences that mostly had been from behind as well. He stiffened and stopped breathing altogether.

Immediately Light Arrow threw his hands away from Draco and leaned back to keep a distance between himself and Draco. "What can we do to make you feel more comfortable with it, Draco? I really need to calm you down a bit or we need to drive back to the farm very quickly."

Draco looked backwards at the old man. Light Arrow's arms were still spread and Draco decided to lean against Light Arrow's chest sideways. With a little prodding from the old man half of his chest lay against Light Arrow's chest and Draco's head rested on one of the big shoulders.

Light Arrow kept his hand in Draco's neck and drew calming circles with his thumb. The cooling clothes remained in their places due to the sticking charm and they remained cool because of the cooling charm on them. "Better?" Light Arrow asked.

Draco nodded. He even relaxed more when Light Arrow put his still free arm around his torso and drew Draco tighter against his chest. "Now, try to tell me again what scares you. There were many things you tried to tell me at once, so why don't we start with the sweat lodge? You said you couldn't speak with Harry about it. Do you have any questions or would you like to just tell me about your fears? Maybe I can help a bit by explaining the whole ceremony more clearly."

"I don't think I can do it, but if I don't do it, Harry won't do it either. And then you would throw us out and-"

"One at a time, Draco. Try to stay calm. There is nothing to panic about. We have a lot of time to talk before Harry and Maya will arrive. I think we can solve one problem very quick. We won't throw you out if you aren't able to take part in the sweat lodge, Draco. If I remember right you said a few minutes ago that you also fear that if Harry doesn't work together with us, we will throw you out as well. That's not correct, Draco. We never throw anyone out of the camp, and we would especially never throw someone out for the action of someone else. Nobody says that you and Harry will leave the camp at the same time. Maybe one of you will need more time than the other to heal. We will be here for you as long as you need us, no matter how long that is. It's too early for you to say you don't ever want to leave the camp . Now isn't the time to think about leaving at all, Draco. Don't push yourself too hard. We are very, very proud of how well you are working together with us," Light Arrow explained warmly, still drawing circles on Draco's neck with his thumb.

"So, if I never want to go back, I can stay here?" Draco asked fearfully.

"Of course you can stay here, but right now is not the time to worry about leaving. You are always welcome here even after your Good-Bye sweat lodge." Light Arrow chuckled. "I never had to speak with someone before his welcome-sweat-lodge about letting him stay at the camp after his good-bye-sweat-lodge."

Draco bit nervously on his bottom lip. "But wouldn't it mean I haven't healed completely if I'm not ready to leave the camp and go back to England?"

Light Arrow sighed. "Draco." Light Arrow cupped Draco's face and drew it in his direction. When he could look Draco in his eyes, he said, "Let's make a deal. I promise you that you can stay as long as you want, even if it is for your whole life, and you will stop thinking about the topic of leaving. We will both speak about it before your Good-bye sweat lodge if you still want to do so when it comes. Do you think you can make this deal with me?"

Draco nodded and was relieved when he was allowed to lay back on Light Arrow's chest. The heart beat of the old man was very calming.

"Let's talk about the sweat lodge Draco. What's bothering you about it?" Light Arrow prodded.

Draco's headache was almost gone completely, and he felt much better. Nevertheless he enjoyed the soothing motion of Light Arrow's thumb in his neck and the calming heart beat against his ear. "It's so small," Draco mumbled.

"Yes, it is, but you will be surprised how big it feels like when you are inside. It gives a feeling of safety, Draco. You will be surrounded by people you trust. Severus will be there and Harry also promised to try it. You once slept with Crying Horse in your room, so you must at least trust him a bit. Black Hawk also is no stranger to you. He has worked many hours with you and Unega. Red Horse will keep his distance as always and you two had some time together with the horses as well. So you know that he is a very kind and gentle fellow. The boys are not scaring you, are they?"

Draco hid his face in Light Arrow's chest.

"Draco? Come on, speak with me. So the boys scare you?" Light Arrow dug deeper.

"Aiden," Draco whispered.

"Why is he scaring you?" Light Arrow asked.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "He is just so... so scary." He groaned and pushed his face deeper in Light Arrow's shirt. "It's stupid I know!"

"No, it isn't. I already told you that you don't need to hide your true feelings in front of us. You have experienced very bad and scary things, Draco. It is normal to be afraid of some things and people. All the more we were thrilled and glad that you accepted us so well and opened up to us. Aiden is sometimes a bit grumpy and distant. I can see what makes you a bit uncertain around him. We will make sure he sits far away from you in the sweat lodge and there are still more people you trust in the sweat lodge than you don't trust, right?"

Draco nodded.

"We could still offer you to take part of the women's sweat lodge. That's no problem for the women. They would love to have you with them, but their sweat lodge will be much hotter and longer than ours and there will be no talking in it."

"I'm no woman. Just because they ra... I'm no girl," Draco protested and tried to wriggle out of Light Arrow's grip.

"Draco, calm down again. You totally misinterpreted my words. Of course you are no woman. You are a young man. A strong young man. I have no doubt about it. Rape doesn't make you unmanly or weak. Only those who rape others are unmanly. You are not. I'm sorry that you took it the wrong way. I just suggested the women sweat lodge for you because you are more comfortable around women and because you trust Rose so much."

Draco calmed down again. He believed Light Arrow and felt stupid to let his fear to be unmanly slip like this. It was nagging at him for a long time, and he hadn't even spoken with Harry or Severus about it. "I don't want to be in the lodge with the women." Draco tried to pull his shirt closed again, remembering his scars.

Light Arrow gently pried Draco's hand away from the shirt. "Draco there is nobody here. Please keep it open to cool down better. And in the women sweat lodge there also wouldn't be a reason to hide your scars."

"I hate them," Draco said angrily.

"They belong to you. There is no reason to hate them. They are signs for your strength. You survived, Draco."

"Sometime I wish I hadn't," Draco muttered.

Light Arrow sighed again. "I know, my boy, but we are very glad you are still with us and that we had the pleasure to get to know you. You are strong, Draco, and you aren't alone."

Draco drew his arms tighter around Light Arrow. "They haven't seen my scars, yet," Draco's stated after a short while.

"Who?" Light Arrow asked, puzzled.

"Most of them. Only you, Severus and Harry have seen them."

"Draco, not that I think you have to hide them, but it will be dark when we go into the sweat lodge, and we all have our scars. Some are visible and some are hidden. You won't be an outsider amongst us."

Draco looked up into Light Arrow's face. It hadn't even occurred to him that the others could have scars, too. "What if I can't stay in the sweat lodge. What if I'm too scared?"

"Then nobody will force you to stay. We just want you to try it. The first round you will sit close to the entrance. We step out of the sweat lodge a few times and cool us down with cold water. With each new round we want you two to try to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge. The heat will increase the further you are from the entrance. I won't lie to you. It will be challenge for you. We will sit close by and we are hardly clothed."

"They always kept their clothes on," Draco whispered.

Light Arrow prayed that Maya and Harry would take their time to come here. He needed to use Draco's open mood. Light Arrow was glad that Draco spoke about the time in the dungeon.

"Do you want to speak about it, Draco?" Light Arrow asked gently.

"It was horrible," Draco stated fighting against his tears.

"I can imagine that," Light Arrow said to animate Draco to go on.

"When they... when they raped me, it was mostly from behind. That's why I couldn't sit with you like you wanted it first."

"It's absolutely okay with me now," Light Arrow said. "How is it for you?"

"I feel safe," Draco whispered. "Can we stop speaking about the dungeons? Can I just lay here?"

Draco's tears were soaking Light Arrow's shirt, but he didn't care. It was a big step in the right direction that Draco even had told him a tiny bit from his traumatic experience. "What ever you want, Draco. Thanks for trusting me."

///

"Draco?" Light Arrow said to wake the boy ten minutes later.

Draco blinked lazily against the sun.

"Harry and Maya will be hear in around ten minutes. I thought you would like to straighten up a bit before they come." Light Arrow help Draco to sit against the tree. The boy was much better, but a bit sleepy. "Not up to the top, Draco," Light Arrow said when Draco tried to button his shirt up. "Maya has already seen your chest, and I would like to let the cloth in place as long as possible."

"I feel fine," Draco said, but obeyed and left the upper buttons open.

"I know, but you still have a long day in front of you," Light Arrow explained.

-II-

"Draco?" Light Arrow said to wake the boy ten minutes later.

Draco blinked lazily against the sun.

"Harry and Maya will be hear in around ten minutes. I thought you would like to straighten up a bit before they come." Light Arrow help Draco to sit against the tree. The boy was much better, but a bit sleepy. "Not up to the top, Draco," Light Arrow said when Draco tried to button his shirt up. "Maya has already seen your chest, and I would like to let the cloth in place as long as possible."

"I feel fine," Draco said, but obeyed and left the upper buttons open.

"I know, but you still have a long day in front of you," Light Arrow explained.

-II-

When Harry and Maya reached the river, Light Arrow and Draco were still sitting under the big tree. Draco looked much better and smiled lazily at Harry and Maya.

"How are you?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Fine. Or at least better. I think I can accompany you two on the way back," Draco said.

"We will see," Light Arrow intervened. "First you can help them to gather the stones, and then we will see how you are."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I feel really good. Your magic is amazing." When Draco tried to stand up, the old man pressed his hand against his chest and Draco could just remain sitting.

"You should rest and eat before you gather the stones. Fetch your lunch bags and sit down with us!" Light Arrow instructed.

"Can I go to school with the others next week?" Harry asked while they ate their lunch.

Light Arrow eyed Harry closely. "Why do you ask?"

"Maya told me about the school. I don't want to miss so much stuff," Harry lied.

"Harry you two will stay for some time, and you will have to repeat your sixth year next year. Professor Dumbledore already spoke with you two about it," Light Arrow explained.

"I know, but it would be good to already know things in advance, and Maya said that they teach more classes here. Maybe I could learn something new and maybe we don't have to stay here so long," Harry said casually.

"You will stay as long as you need to heal, Harry, and this won't happen in a few months. As for the new classes, we can speak about attending one or two by being home schooled as long as your healing isn't influenced negatively by it. Which classes did you have in mind?"

Think fast, Harry! Harry ordered himself mentally. First a harmless class and then wandless magic. "Maybe charms and... wandless magic." Damn why did I pause before wandless magic? Harry scolded himself mentally.

Light Arrow's face turned dark. "Wandless magic?"

"Ehm... yes, it's cool. You are doing it all the time. I thought that maybe I'll be able to do it too."

"And what would you do with this new skill?" Light Arrow asked dangerously.

Harry opened his mouth a few times, but no sound came out. He couldn't come up with a good idea.

"I don't need to read your mind to know what you plan to do with this skill, but Professor Karley, who teaches it will read it. He will not teach you anything that could help you to fulfil your revenge plan," Light Arrow said.

"I... I have no plan. I don't know what you are talking about," Harry lied.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, and I don't like to be lied to. We will speak about these school plans after the sweat lodge or tomorrow, Harry. Like I said I have no problem with you being home schooled in two topics, but that's the maximum. Your therapy has priority at the moment. I will speak with Professor Karley, he will decide if you are ready and capable to learn wandless magic. He teaches Charms and Spellwork as well. We will speak about a schedule for home-schooling with him tomorrow after he had a look at you and your mind. Now you should concentrate on the ceremony." With that the topic was closed, and Harry knew that no arguing would help.

After they finished their lunch, Light Arrow pulled his hat onto his face and started to snore loudly.

"Time to gather the stones. They should at least be as big as this one." Maya held up a five inch big round stone. Then she dropped it and went over to the river.

"Why don't you put it in the wheelbarrow then?" Draco asked, kneeling down to pick up the stone.

"No, Draco. We need to take them out of the river! The dry ones often explode in the fire," Maya explained.

Draco turned pale again. "Explode?"

"Don't worry. As long as we only take stones directly out of the river that won't happen," Maya assured the frightened boy. Sometimes she really would like to cuddle the blond boy.

"Come on, Draco. You heard her. It's safe to use the ones out of the river," Harry tried to cheer Draco up. Quickly he pushed his boots off his feet and enjoyed the cool water when he stepped into the river. "Oh, that's great!"

Reluctantly Draco stepped out of his boots and neatly folded his socks over them.

They needed forty minutes to laden their wheelbarrows. After the unplanned cool bath in the river, thanks to Harry's high spirits, Draco felt even better than before. So he could convince Light Arrow to drive back to the Camp without him.

"What did light Arrow mean when he said Professor Karley will look into my mind?" Harry asked Maya, while he pushed the heavy wheelbarrow. He had no idea how the girl could look so relaxed while pushing her own full laden wheelbarrow.

"He is a vampire. They can read your thoughts and memories without using Legilimens on you. They can't even avoid it. So he will know exactly why you want to learn wandless magic. If it is for a bad or dangerous reason, he won't teach you or he will restrain your magic. He, as your magical mentor, will be able to control your wandless magic as long as you live. The rule in the camp is 'no magic for anyone beside Light Arrow, White Cloud and Rose' and not 'no wands' for the kids. They would never have allowed us to learn wandless magic if it wouldn't be restricted while we are outside of the class."

"But how can you learn and experience for the next class that way?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"You can learn in Light Arrows presence for the next class. He is really good and can help you a lot," Maya explained.

Harry didn't want to learn in Light Arrows presence. The old man wouldn't like him to learn harmful curses.

"What about you, Draco? Do you want to go to school as well? You didn't say anything when Harry discussed it with Light Arrow," Maya asked the calm boy.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think I want to go to school. Why should I?"

Harry looked worried over to his friend.

"You don't want to go to your school in England next year?" Maya asked, surprised.

Draco didn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if he ever wanted to go back to England at all.

An hour later, Harry stopped the wheelbarrow for the sixth time since he had last taken over from Draco. He panted heavily and was highly embarrassed that Maya had managed to wheel her wheelbarrow all the way alone and hadn't complained at all. The sweat was dropping from Harry's forehead when he leaned heavily over the handles of the wheelbarrow. "I can't do this anymore."

"I will take over again," Draco said, but he already had to fight against nausea again, and so he didn't sound very confident. The cooling clothes were still sticking to his body and his hair was charmed to cool his head, but he didn't feel well.

"You don't look as if you can wheel it more than a few meters," Harry said tiredly.

"I could try," Draco said apologetically.

Harry sank to his knees and than turned to lean against the wheelbarrow, hiding his face in his hands.

"Let the wheelbarrow here. We have enough stones in my wheelbarrow," Maya offered.

"Then all the work was for nothing. In the worst case Light Arrow will sent us to the river again tomorrow," Harry said, frustrated.

"No, he won't. We will wheel this cart here into the camp together. That was Light Arrow's plan from the beginning. I think he knew that you two weren't physical capable to do it alone. It was stupid of me to demand you have your own wheelbarrow. Come on, it's no shame," Maya said to convince them.

Harry snorted and angrily kicked the ground. He hated it to be a weak freak.

"I would say she has a point, Harry. We can't wheel it any longer and there is still so far to go. We can take over from Maya from time to time. I really would like to get out of the sun," Draco said carefully not to anger Harry. If Harry had one of his outburst out here, he would maybe run away again.

"This is all shit. I hate this all," Harry exclaimed, frustrated.

Maya sighed. "That's useless, Harry. You two should drink some more water, and then we should go on with one wheelbarrow. We can take yours when you feel better by it."

"I would feel better if the two of you would just go on without me. I won't do this stupid ceremony," Harry said angrily.

"Harry, a few minutes ago you were speaking about going to school and now you behave like this. Do you think this will bring you closer to getting Professor Karley to accept you for being home schooled?" Maya tried another tactic.

Harry kicked again on the ground frustrated, but then he stood up. "So?"

Maya shook her head. "Take a stone out of your wheelbarrow and place it in mine. Then we will go on. We still have around an hour to go."

Draco immediately took one stone and placed it in Maya's wheelbarrow. He wanted to get going as soon as possible.

"I don't need a stupid stone," Harry said grumpily.

"I insist," Maya just stated.

Harry groaned and threw a stone on the pile as well. "Happy?"

Maya didn't answer him and just grabbed the handles of the wheelbarrow again and started to go on.

The whole hour Harry trotted behind Draco and Maya grumpily. He refused to drink even though Maya had prompted him to take the bottle a few times. Draco also had no luck convincing Harry to drink.

Harry took the wheelbarrow once because Maya refused to go on if he wouldn't do it. The moment Draco took over again Harry resumed his thirty feet distance from the other two. That was how they arrived in the camp. The whole camp was at the fireplace. The dirty blue pickup was parked close to the fireplace and on his deck was firewood. Maya and Melissa were unloading it with Black Hawk's and Light Arrow's help. Only Red Horse was nowhere to be seen.

Ken was sitting with White Cloud a few feet away over a large bowl with hot water. He was plucking a turkey with her help. Close to them were Crying Horse, Severus, Rose, Aiden and Brian. They were disembowelling three rabbits. On a tree branch already hung four smaller birds, maybe pigeons, Draco guessed.

Maya and Draco wheeled the wheelbarrow over to the fireplace. Harry refused to get closer than 50 feet to anyone, and so he sat down against a gate and crossed his arms over his chest.

Light Arrow immediately fussed over Draco. "You made good time. I would suggest you take a nap of an hour or two, to get more energy."

"We couldn't bring our own wheelbarrow. It was so hot and we... we... we didn't made it." Draco let his head sink sadly.

"That's no problem, Draco. There are enough stones in this one, and it's just important that you took the stones from the river together." He patted Draco's shoulder and was glad that Draco didn't flinch away. "Rose," he called for his daughter. "Can you take Draco up to his room for a nap?"

Draco blushed. "I can find my way there alone, Light Arrow."

"I know, but Rose can help you to fall asleep quicker. You should use all the time you have to rest," Light Arrow explained and smiled at Rose who had already joined them.

"I'm very proud of you, Draco," Rose said, took Draco's hat off to stroke over his hair.

Draco smiled. He even forgot about Harry's behavior. He was just happy about Rose's praise and her comfort. When they had left for the house, Light Arrow addressed Maya, "What's the problem?" He gestured with his head in Harry's direction.

"I understand now why you wanted me to go together with them. They were almost collapsing half way. Harry got very angry, and I feared he would run off. He got frustrated when he realized that they won't make it with their wheelbarrow into the camp. He wanted us to leave him there and go alone. I could only convince him by telling him that this wouldn't help him to convince you to let him attend classes. The whole way he stayed behind us , didn't speak a word with us and refused to drink at all." Maya looked nervously over to Harry. "There is something else I have to tell you about him, Light Arrow." She bit her bottom lip, not sure if it was right to tell Light Arrow about it.

"What is it, Maya?" Light Arrow prodded. "I can only help him when I know what's wrong."

"He acted strange when we spoke about those wandless magic classes. He... He grinned evilly, almost insane, and he was staring into the distance as if he was deep in thoughts while he did it."

"Thanks for telling me, Maya. Would you like to rest as well or do you want to get the branches with Severus and Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked.

"I would like to go with Black Hawk and Severus," Maya said, still full of energy.

Light Arrow smiled and patted her shoulder. "I'm very proud. You handled the situation very maturely. The boys couldn't have a better partner in this ceremony."

Maya smiled proudly. "Thank you!"

"You are welcome." Light Arrow went over to Black Hawk and Severus and told them to take the red pickup to gather the branches for the sweat lodge. Then he grabbed a water bottle and went over to Harry.

-II-

"What is it, Maya?" Light Arrow prodded. "I can only help him when I know what's wrong."

"He acted strange when we spoke about those wandless magic classes. He... He grinned evilly, almost insane, and he was staring into the distance as if he was deep in thoughts while he did it."

"Thanks for telling me, Maya. Would you like to rest as well or do you want to get the branches with Severus and Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked.

"I would like to go with Black Hawk and Severus," Maya said, still full of energy.

Light Arrow smiled and patted her shoulder. "I'm very proud. You handled the situation very maturely. The boys couldn't have a better partner in this ceremony."

Maya smiled proudly. "Thank you!"

"You are welcome." Light Arrow went over to Black Hawk and Severus and told them to take the red pickup to gather the branches for the sweat lodge. Then he grabbed a water bottle and went over to Harry.

-II-

Light Arrow let the bottle of water fall into Harry's lap and sat down beside him. "Drink and then tell me what made you so angry."

Harry didn't move, just stared stubbornly at a point in the distance.

"As you wish," Light Arrow said and waved his hand. Immediately half of the bottle was empty and Harry held his stomach shocked.

When he had recovered from the first shock, he glared at Light Arrow.

"You can be stubborn as long as you want, I don't care, but you will not risk your health. You were without water for over an hour. I bet you already have quite the headache," Light Arrow guessed.

Harry's expression was all Light Arrow needed for an answer. "Leave me alone!" Harry spat angrily at the old man beside him. He didn't care that he earn curious glances from the other people around the place for this behavior.

"I won't leave, and I'll follow you wherever you go, Harry. Only when you give me a honest answer to my question, I will think about leaving you alone."

Harry stood up frustrated and went in the direction of the house. Angrily he turned abruptly when he heard footsteps right behind him. "I need to go to the loo."

"Then I will accompany you. I already told you about my decision concerning you being alone, and I haven't change my mind yet," Light Arrow said dryly.

Fury came up in Harry, and he really wished he could throw something at the old man. "Go away! I want to be alone. No, I want to go back to England," Harry shouted and threw his hat in the sand. Then he turned again and stormed off.

Light Arrow summoned two water bottled when they passed the house and followed Harry, always just a few feet behind the teenager.

Harry felt tears of frustration whelm up in his eyes. They blurred his sight, but he nevertheless went blindly just out of the camp in the open land like the first time. He hit his head violently when he felt that the hat was placed on his head again. The hat stuck to his head, so Harry couldn't pull it off. That made him even more frustrated. Snot was running from his nose, and he wiped his sleeve so violently over it that it started to bleed. Or did it bleed for another reason? Harry felt dizzy, and he wasn't sure were to go, but he needed to keep going to keep this old insisting man off his neck.

Light Arrow meanwhile pondered about the pros and conts of stopping Harry from his self-harming behavior. It was clear that he would collapse soon. He was physically totally exhausted. If the stubborn teens had listened to him and had only wheeled one wheelbarrow from the beginning they wouldn't be exhausted like this. I should have forced them, but then there would have been no learning effect. Not for Maya and not for the boys. They need to learn and accept that they are not physically well. Both boys suppress it quite well. Stopping Harry now, wouldn't help him emotionally and in his mentally healing, but it would spare him a lot of pain and sickness. Sometimes Light Arrow had to decide for the effect on the long term healing that meant he had to accept that his kids sometimes had to go through more pain for healing. So he decided to let the boy wear himself out. Harry needs to realize his borders.

"Harry, you can still calm down and turn back. We can talk calmly about what is troubling you," Light Arrow tried to reason with Harry.

"No, I don't want to stay at the camp any longer. I want to go back to Hogwarts!" Harry shouted. His head hurt really badly and his nose was still bleeding. Sweat and tears made his eyes burn and his vision became worse. Sometimes he had the feeling the world became black for a moment but then everything was bright again. Like those current fluctuations they sometime had back with the Dursleys. Damn, the Dursleys aren't something I want to think about now. He still felt utterly helpless thinking about them, even so their cruelty had lost intensity after what happened in the dungeons of Malfoy's mansion. No, I don't want to think about that as well, Harry thought desperately and shook his head. That was a bad move, and he felt even more dizzy. A salty taste crept into his mouth. Trying to swallow it away didn't help and the salty taste became more with each gulp.

"Harry, you are making yourself very sick," Light Arrow said behind him.

"I just want to be-" He couldn't go any further because suddenly the ground came closer and he felt his lunch come up again. Strong hands caught him before he could hit the ground. Harry was kneeling with Light Arrow behind him. While Harry heaved heavily, Light Arrow held his head supportively. Harry's body couldn't decide between heaving and sobbing. This odd combination made him even more sick. When Harry just heaved dryly, Light Arrow pulled him backwards against his chest.

"Here, Harry, rinse your mouth and then drink. Even if it come up again, you need the liquid," Light Arrow ordered.

Harry felt too weak to protest, so he did what the old man told him. Light Arrow's arm never let go of his torso even when Harry leaned over to spit all the water out again. The smell was horrible, and Harry was glad when Light Arrow vanished the the vomit the moment he leaned backward against his chest again. What a sight they must have given, sitting in the sand in the middle of the open land.

"I'm a weak loser. That's why they all had to die," Harry whispered miserably and let his head hang.

"You aren't responsible for the death of your friends. The Death Eaters are, Harry. Being weak sometimes isn't something to be ashamed of. You have been badly hurt, your lungs will never work like they did before the Death Eaters captured you. You had sever internal injuries and your body is still healing," Light Arrow explained calmly.

Harry didn't know why, but at the moment it made sense for him. He grabbed for Light Arrow's free hand and didn't let it go. It was like an anchor to reality as if this big, fleshy, weathered hand made everything good again, just by being connected with his hand. It gave so much comfort. "I can't no longer. I just can't!"

"What can you not, Harry?" Light Arrow asked gently.

"Live," Harry whispered slumping totally in the strong arm of the old Native.

"Of course you can, Harry. You are strong enough to go this stony path and you aren't alone. Tell me what triggered this all?" He needed to get Harry out of his depression. Now wasn't the time to speak about the past. Harry wasn't ready for it.

Harry was drawn out of his decompression-filled thought about the dungeons and thought back to the way back from the river. "I... I hate to be like this. Weak and depending on others. She's a girl and she... she... damn!" Harry said and kicked the ground.

"She is what, Harry?"

"A girl!" Harry exclaimed as if this would explain everything.

"Yes, I'm aware of that, but I don't understand what is so frustrating about her being a girl?" Light Arrow prodded.

"Don't mock me!" Harry again kicked the ground frustrated.

"I don't try to, Harry. I just try to understand what you want to tell me," Light Arrow replied calmly as ever.

"She was stronger than Draco and me together," Harry said exhausted.

"She has stayed at the camp for a year. She is used to long walks and physical work. Do you think she was like this when she came here? Nobody starts this with a good condition. Some are responsible for that by themselves other had no choice in it because other people hurt them. Normally we send some of the adults with the newcomers to the river and they just have to make their way back alone, but sometimes we even help them on the way back. You are not the first one who was in a bad condition and couldn't make it alone. It's no shame to ask for help, Harry. Maya was glad helping you two and she doesn't think less of you because she needed to help you. When you talk with the other kids about it you will realize that only a few made it all alone."

"I still hate it," Harry said still frustrated, but much calmer.

Light Arrow sighed. "You make this all so much harder for yourself than it would be necessary." When Harry didn't make any move and just cried calmly, Light Arrow asked, "Do you still plan to run away? I ask because I really need to cool your head a bit more and would like to use one of the water bottles for it."

Harry didn't reply and just stared at the ground.

"Harry, I need an answer from you. Will you go back with me after you calmed down?" Light Arrow asked patiently.

"Yes," Harry whispered almost inaudibly .

"That's good." Light Arrow took Harry's head off and poured the bottle of water over Harry head, neck and chest. Then he waved his hand without saying anything and Harry felt the water stick to his boy and cool even more. Then the hat was back on Harry's head. "This spell only holds for ten minutes. Then we need to go back to the camp, Harry."

Harry still felt very sick. His head hurt unbearably now and he had the feeling he had to throw up again soon. "I still don't feel well," Harry said miserable and leaned sideways against Light Arrow's shoulder. When he felt that the old mean loosened his grip, Harry turned completely to hide his face in Light Arrow's chest. "My head hurts very bad and I think I have to throw up again."

"It's a combination of emotional stress, physical exhaustion and dehydration, Harry. You need to rest and drink a lot."

"I wish I had died in the dungeons," Harry confessed in a whisper into Light Arrow chest. He never had told this openly to someone and the moment the words had left his mouth, he hoped they were soft enough so Light Arrow wouldn't have heard them.

"You are emotional and physical on edge, Harry. We will speak about this when you have a clear mind again. I will bring you back now," Light Arrow said determined. He send his otter Patronus to the main house and hoped Red Horse would come to help him soon.

Harry felt more than saw Light Arrow's hand wave over him and then he was lifted in the old man's arms. "I'm too heavy," Harry protested and tried to wriggle free.

"I put a lightening charm on you. Stop struggling, Harry!" Light Arrow commanded. After a few minutes the red pickup from the camp came in their direction.

Red Horse jumped out and came over to Light Arrow to take Harry of his arms.

"Harry, Red Horse will hold you for a moment." When he felt Harry stiffen, he added, "Just a short moment, so I can get into the car."

Harry felt terrible dizzy. "Everything is spinning," he mumbled while Red Horse took him in his arms. The big man almost fell backwards because he hadn't thought about that Light Arrow had put a lightening spell on Harry. He caught himself before he could stumble.

"Sorry, didn't realize you had a charm on you," he said quickly in his deep, mumbling voice. "Just close you eyes. The dizziness is better to accept that way."

It was odd to hear Red Horse say more than a greeting. His voice was amazingly deep and even though he mumbled, his voice was calming and had a tone of authority. Harry closed his eyes and felt relieved that it really was a bit better this way. He leaned his forehead against Red Horse's bicep and it became even better. After a few more minutes he was placed on Light Arrow's lap on the passenger seat. The slowly rumbling of the car and whatever magic Light Arrow was using on him, made Harry fall asleep before they reached the camp, and he still didn't wake up when Red Horse carried him up in his bed.

Harry didn't even wake up when Doc Martens checked on him and put an IV in his arm to fill him with more liquid.

When Harry finally woke up, it was in the late afternoon. He blinked against the brightness. The first thing he saw was the black dot sitting in the window sill. Harry smiled realizing that Karim was with him. His stuffed cat was purring against his chest. Harry didn't move because the feeling was just too nice after this horrible morning and his talk with Light Arrow. I just hope he didn't hear what I said against his chest, Harry thought worriedly. He still tried to memorize the good feeling of waking up so well rested when his eyes fell on the person laying in front of his door.

"Finally awake?" Black Hawk asked. He was laying on his back on a divan bed crossways in front of the door, blocking the exit. His hat was laying over his face.

"How can you know?" Harry asked looking puzzled at Black Hawks face hidden under the hat.

"You sighed," Black Hawk said and lifted his head from his face.

"Did I?" Harry asked, puzzled, and that was the moment his eyes fell on his arm. "What the hell-"

"Ah, ah, ah, don't touch it!" Black Hawk instructed sternly and was over at the bed in a second. He grabbed Harry's hand which had moved in the direction of the IV that was placed in his arm. "Doc Martens said the bottle needs to be completely empty before it can be removed."

"What's wrong? Doc Martens? Why are you here?" Harry asked, confused.

"What's wrong? Can't you remember?" Black Hawk asked, concerned.

"I remember having a talk with Light Arrow," Harry said, blushing.

"Nice way to put it," Black Hawk said sarcastically and sat down on the bed. "You gained yourself one-to-one counseling of unknown time. That should answer your third question. You are stuck with me from now on until you can convince Light Arrow that you can be allowed to be alone again. Until then we will spend every single minute together, day and night."

Harry looked open mouthed at Black Hawk. Before he could react or say something, the door was opened and the divan bed was pushed aside.

"Already up?" Doc Martens asked cheerfully when he came over to the bed.

Harry just looked still shocked at him.

"What's the matter? Did I interrupt something?" the healer asked, puzzled.

"I just told Harry about his one-to-one counseling," Black Hawk explained and made space for the healer.

"Ah, I see. So Harry how are you feeling?" Doc Martens asked.

Harry got out of his stupor. "Okay. I just have a headache." He tried to fix Black Hawk with an angry look, but the healer didn't let him.

"Let me have a quick check-up!" Doc Martens said and pulled his wand out. After his examination, he gave Harry a potion for his headache and reminded him to drink at least two litres of water a day. "Okay, I will remove the IV now."

Harry was relived when the needle finally was out of his arm. Eventually he realized that his cat was lying on his chest and he tried to push it under the blanket as unobtrusive as possible. The smirk on Doc Martens face was a sign for his successfulness.

"If you feel worse again, let someone call me, Harry. You are much better than a few hours ago. Promise me to not let it come so far again. You made yourself very sick, Harry." The healer looked intensively at him, and Harry squirmed under those eyes.

"I'll try. I was just mad," Harry tried to explain.

"When you are mad, try to let your frustration out in a positive way. Help chopping the wood, ask someone to go running or swimming with you or asked Red Horse to teach you wrestling, but never get yourself so dehydrated again. You and Draco are not used to heat like we have it here, so you easily get sunstroke or dehydrated. You need to watch out for yourself."

Again Harry shot an angry look at Black Hawk, who wasn't impressed by it and just raised his eyebrow.

"Until you have proven that you are totally capable of doing so on your own you will have to stuck with me, Harry. There is no way around. You can glare as long as you want," Black Hawk said matter-of-factly.

Doc Martens was still eyeing Harry strangely. Harry feared he would say something he wouldn't like when he didn't stop his behavior. Maybe he would even suggest putting some kind of monitoring spell on him or so. No, Harry didn't want this, and so he stopped glaring. "I'm sorry."

Doc Martens patted Harry's head. "I will check on you tomorrow!" Shortly after he left Black Hawk and Harry alone.

"What about the sweat lodge. Shouldn't I help Draco? He won't get it ready alone," Harry asked to show that he was willing to work together with Black Hawk.

"Light Arrow canceled your sweat lodge. If the doc gives his okay tomorrow, you two will start to build it. Otherwise we will wait longer. You have just lengthened your stay here for one or more days. Like I told you many days ago, we don't care if it take months or years. It will be exactly the pace you go it."

Harry hated it when Black Hawk was like this. He liked him like a big brother or uncle, but when he was like this he hated him, because it was showing him so clearly that he was not the one in charge here. That other decided over what would happen and how long he had to stay here. So he only could do one thing. Play along with them so that he could leave as soon as possible. Too bad that those people had long experience with children like him and knew very well what was going on in Harry's head.

-II-

Doc Martens was still eyeing Harry strangely. Harry feared he would say something he wouldn't like when he didn't stop his behavior. Maybe he would even suggest putting some kind of monitoring spell on him or so. No, Harry didn't want this, and so he stopped glaring. "I'm sorry."

Doc Martens patted Harry's head. "I will check on you tomorrow!" Shortly after he left Black Hawk and Harry alone.

"What about the sweat lodge. Shouldn't I help Draco? He won't get it ready alone," Harry asked to show that he was willing to work together with Black Hawk.

"Light Arrow canceled your sweat lodge. If the doc gives his okay tomorrow, you two will start to build it. Otherwise we will wait longer. You have just lengthened your stay here for one or more days. Like I told you many days ago, we don't care if it take months or years. It will be exactly the pace you go it."

Harry hated it when Black Hawk was like this. He liked him like a big brother or uncle, but when he was like this he hated him, because it was showing him so clearly that he was not the one in charge here. That other decided over what would happen and how long he had to stay here. So he only could do one thing. Play along with them so that he could leave as soon as possible. Too bad that those people had long experience with children like him and knew very well what was going on in Harry's head.

-II-

"Let's go down to the campfire. I hope they left us a dove," Black Hawk said and patted Harry encouragingly on his shoulder.

Harry mind was busy trying to find a good way to convince Light Arrow that he didn't need one-to-one counseling. Why the hell did I have to lose control and say that I wished I was dead? You are so stupid, Potter, Harry reprimanded himself mentally. Now they think I'm suicidal or something. Just because I wish I wasn'talive any longer doesn't mean I'll go and kill myself. Having Black Hawk around me all the time will make everything so much harder. Harry imagined himself while he pulled his hair, like he did all the time before he went to bed, or scratching his arms until they were angry and red. With Black Hawk around, he wouldn't be able to do that, but it helped him when he had that self-loathing feeling. Light Arrow's wards were only activated when you hurt yourself really bad. Harry had tried to find where the border was, so he could stay just on this side of that line. He had once hit his head against the wall. It had felt so good, but Light Arrow had stood in his room only a few seconds later. Only with great effort could Harry convince the old man that he had slipped and hit his head accidentally. Now it will be so much harder to fall asleep. With Black Hawk around I will go mad. No, I have to somehow convince Light Arrow to at least let me sleep alone.

"Okay, let's go," Harry said enthusiastically, which earned him a strange look from Black Hawk.

The camp firepit was crowded. Two camp fires had been started. Over one of them they were roasting the doves and three rabbits. The other fire was close to the already finished sweat lodge Maya had built. Inside the fire lay several of the stones they had brought from the river.

Melissa, Draco and Maya sat close to the cooking fire with White Cloud and Rose. They were busy wrapping potatoes in foil. There was a small pile of already wrapped ones close to the fire.

A hand on Harry's neck guided him in the direction of where the men of the camp were. They were filling two big barrels with water. "Hey, Harry, have you seen my turkey? Isn't it great! Like I said, I got it." Ken beamed at Harry. "Come on, I'll tell you the story."

Before Harry could say anything, he was dragged away under a tree to where Ken's bow and arrows lay. "I was creeping through the bushes with Crying Horse. I hadn't found anything and almost gave up after more than two hours, but then Crying Horse grabbed my arm." Ken had taken his bow and now was holding Harry's arm like Crying Horse had done. "He pointed at something a few feet in front of us, and I had to look twice to see that it was a turkey. Damn, I was so excited. I needed two attempts to get my bow ready." Ken put the arrow on his bow and crept as if he was back in the bush again. "We took one step, then stopped and stood very still and then another one. So we came closer and closer. Once or twice the turkey stopped eating and looked up, so we stood very still. We squeezed our eyes almost completely shut, so he couldn't see the white in our eyes and when he started eating again, we stepped closer. Then I finally was close enough and shot." Ken held his bow up and shot at his imaginary prey and then started to make a victory dance. "I got it. All the training was worth it. I shot it straight into his heart. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, great!" Harry said and tried to sound enthusiastically. The problem was, he wasn't really paying attention. Too many other things were shooting through his mind.

"Here try it," Ken said, excited, and pushed the bow into Harry's hands.

"Yeah, Harry, try it!" Brian cheered and joined them. "I got my rabbit with this." He held up a spear. It's much harder to get one with my weapon because you have to be closer than with the bow."

"The bow is difficult as well. You have to aim very well to hit the prey from a distance. Come on, Harry, try to hit the tree over there," Ken said.

It felt good to have the bow in his hands. Like a warrior. He could imagine the Death Eaters standing in front of the tree. He glared at the tree and stretched the sinew of the bow. There was Lucius Malfoy's face very vividly in front of his mind, and Harry let the sinew go. The arrow soared through the air, but failed to hit his target.

"No problem, Harry. You will get training later. Before you go hunting for the first time, you will be much better," Ken said soothingly and patted Harry's shoulder.

"Come over, boys! The doves are done," Black Hawk called from the campfire.

"I want something from my rabbit later," Brian shouted and danced around with his spear.

"Doves are delicious, Harry," Ken said and guided him over to the rest of the camp members. "I hope Black Hawk or Crying Horse will show me how to make a flute out of a bone from my turkey."

"Here, I got us some food, Harry," Black Hawk said and gestured Harry to follow him over to the gate. They sat down in front of it with their backs resting against the gate. "They are overexcited about their successful hunt. We will enjoy a delicious turkey lunch tomorrow. Besides turkey, my favorite dish is dove. Do you like it?"

"Yes, it's good." Harry put his first piece of dove meat in his mouth absent-mindedly. "Wow, that's... that's amazing!"

Black Hawk laughed. "Are you sure you aren't related to Severus? Those were exactly his words when he tasted it for the first time."

"Telling tales about me?" Severus said when he came closer, Draco in tow. Both sat down in front of Black Hawk and Harry.

Draco didn't like the dove meat and said he wanted to wait for the rabbit or the potatoes.

"The potatoes will need at least one hour, Draco. You should eat or you won't feel better," Severus scolded the blond boy.

Draco screwed up his face. "I'm still not feeling well."

"That's because you need something in your stomach," a deep voice said behind him. A plate with meat was placed in his hands, and Light Arrow sat down beside him. "Rabbit-" Light Arrow pointed to the almost white meat, "-and dove." Now he pointed to the slightly darker meat. "Eat, or you won't have enough energy to build the sweat lodge tomorrow."

Draco threw a shy glance over to Harry.

"Want more, Harry?" Black Hawk asked, and when Harry nodded eagerly, he put more meat on Harry's plate.

"So we will have the sweat lodge tomorrow?" Severus asked, trying to sound casual. He had no clue what had happened to make the old man change his plan. Black Hawk was called to Light Arrow as soon as they were back from the forest, and Severus had not had the chance to ask him.

"We will see. Doc Martens will check on both boys in the morning, and then we will know more. If everything goes as planned, they can drive with you and Black Hawk to the forest at ten. After lunch, they can build the sweat lodge," Light Arrow explained.

"What's wrong with them?" Severus asked, hoping Light Arrow would tell him more.

"You know the rules, Severus. If you want to know, you have to ask them, not me," Light Arrow replied.

Severus groaned and rolled his eyes. "So what's wrong with you two?"

Draco blushed. "I... I broke down on the way to the river. Light Arrow came and drove me to the river while Harry and Maya went on by foot. On the way back, I could join them but we... I was too weak to wheel the wheelbarrow, and so we had to leave it behind. I felt very sick again when I was back here, so Light Arrow sent me to rest. The healer came later and said I should drink a lot more, and he gave me some a potion and Muggle medication. He said I will be okay tomorrow."

"You collapsed? Just because you were wheeling an empty wheelbarrow to the river?" Severus asked puzzled. Was Draco weaker than he had thought? Was there something seriously wrong with his health other than the repercussions from the torture in the dungeons?

Harry's inside burned, though not for the same reason as Draco's. No, he wasn't embarrassed because they had done something stupid by wheeling the other around, but he felt embarrassed about Severus thinking they were weak. He didn't want to be weak, and he didn't want Severus to think he was weak.

"We did something stupid, so we exhausted ourselves unnecessarily. Otherwise I would have made it without Light Arrow's help," Draco said, ashamed.

"Draco, we already spoke about it. There is no problem in being handicapped by what you had to go through. You body was greatly injured, and you will never be like you had been before. You will learn to live with it and accept it. I had no problem helping you. You made it back here alone. That was really good, Draco. I'm very proud," Light Arrow assured the boy and carefully lifted his hand very slowly to Draco's head to ruffle his hair. Relieved, he realized that Draco let him do it without flinching away.

"You weren't here as well the whole afternoon," Severus stated and looked questioningly at Harry.

"Yeah, ehm... I..." Harry said and let his piece of meat sink back on the plate. He looked uncertainly over to Light Arrow. "I would prefer to not speak about it." He looked down, but he knew without looking that Severus eyes narrowed at him.

"You don't want to speak about it?" Severus asked agitatedly. "What the hell-"

"Severus!" Light Arrow said warningly. "If he doesn't want to speak about it, you have to accept it."

Severus growled. No, he wasn't a least bit amused about what he had heard and seen here. He wanted to know what was wrong with Harry and hated it to be left in the dark. "What about you? You weren't here as well." Severus glared angrily at Black Hawk.

"I was occupied," Black Hawk said dryly. He felt bad lying to Severus. He knew how much these boys meant to him.

"Occupied with what?" Severus asked dangerously. So even his brother was acting against him now?

Black Hawk stared at Severus, pleading with his eyes for forgiveness and that his brother would let the topic drop.

"Fantastic. Just leave me in the dark again. Stupid Severus does not have to know about anything. Right? Why should I? I'm just one of them right? I'm not worth having the great counsellors speak with me about my boy's problems. I'm just a mental idiot for you," Severus shouted. His voice had become louder and louder, so everyone was staring at them at the moment.

"I could use help in the stable. Why don't you come with me, Severus?" Red Horse almost growled behind Severus.

"Oh great, are you sending your bodyguard after me now, old man?" Severus spat at Light Arrow who stayed totally calm and continued to eat. Jumping up, Severus shouted full force now. "Stop ignoring me!"

"Okay," Light Arrow stood up, and Severus lost all his color and stepped backwards. "Crying Horse? You will take over for me here at the camp. I don't know when I will be back." When the young man nodded, puzzled, Light Arrow looked over to his wife, and after getting a nod from her, he grabbed Severus' arm and pulled him in the direction leading out of the camp. "Red Horse, get the old pickup and follow us."

Red Horse ran. It was like the Hogwarts Express getting going. It was impressive, and Harry was sure that anyone who would be stupid enough to stand in his path would be run over. Severus meanwhile had lost all his will to struggle and let Light Arrow drag him out of the camp.

"I'm sorry, okay. I didn't mean to shout at you." Severus tried to rescue what could be rescued. Light Arrow in a mood like this wasn't something Severus ever wanted to see again. The old man had a vice like grip on Severus' arm and didn't make any move to let go.

"You said I should stop ignoring you, Severus. That's what I'm doing. We will speak, long and in depth. There will be no running away. This behavior has to stop. The boys need you as a good role model. You can't lose your temper like this in front of them. You obviously have a problem with me and your brothers, and we will clear this up - now. I need Black Hawk with Harry, so he has to stay at the camp, otherwise he would join us," Light Arrow explained in a serious voice.

Now Severus really was scared. That didn't denote well at all, and Severus would do anything to undo his outburst. He was scared. The noise of the pickup coming closer made him jump and become aware that Red Horse would be there as well. That made him feel even more uneasy. "Please, Light Arrow, let me go back. I'm sorry! It won't happen again."

"No, that won't happen again. We will make sure of that, Severus. We will talk, but not here. Somewhere you can scream and shout as much as you need to, without disturbing others."

Oh, no, not that. No, no, no! That was so embarrassing the first time and now I'm an adult. Under no circumstance will I do this, and surely not with Red Horse around!Severus thought desperately and tried to wriggle out of Light Arrow's grip.

"I'll drive the car and you take care of him," Light Arrow commanded when Red Horse jumped out of the car.

Severus really tried to make an attempt to run, but was quickly caught by Red Horse and shoved in the direction of the car. "You will not run away, Severus. Light Arrow will help you. He knows what to do," Red Horse said while he maneuvered Severus onto the double passenger seat and sat down beside him. Seconds later, they were on their way further into the deserted land.

///

"I didn't want him to get in trouble," Harry said miserably.

"Severus is an adult. He makes his own decisions and knows that he has to live with the consequences. He can't go on like this," Black Hawk said, determined, but looked at Rose with a worried look as she sat down beside a shaking Draco.

Crying Horse was unusually pale and glanced nervously over to White Cloud. The old women just smiled at him. Why did he give the responsibly to me? Why me? Why not Black Hawk or Rose or White Cloud? He always was like the odd one out, the clown, the one you send with the kids to have fun, but not someone you give responsible for all the kids and the camp to. Crying Horse was really shocked. And there was sweat lodge ceremony this evening. A very serious ceremony, and he was responsible for it going smoothly. No Red Horse or Light Arrow to help him. Even Severus would have been a great help. Crying Horse stood helplessly in the middle of the campfire place and tried to find a solution.

"Ehm, Crying Horse?" Aiden asked. "Shouldn't we take the last rabbits off the fire?"

"Rabbit, yes... yes... we should take them down," Crying Horse stuttered and finally pulled himself together. This was his chance to show the old man that he wasn't just Rose's joking sidekick. He could be serious and responsible. Light Arrow had trusted him with this, so he would make the old man proud.

With a voice so determined that everyone looked surprised, he said, "Brain, Ken, take the last two rabbits down. Aiden, take the gloves and lower the fire. Then we will put the potatoes in the embers.

"Be careful, Aiden," Crying Horse warned and helped Aiden to pull the branches out of the fire and extinguish them. After checking the second campfire, he called for Black Hawk. "Can you help me bring the first stones into the sweat lodge? It's time to heat it."

Both men started to bring one glowing stone after another into the small sweat lodge. It was very difficult to move the hot stones with a fork through the small tunnel that lead into the sweat lodge.

Rose gave Draco's shoulder a squeeze and went over to White Cloud. That left Draco and Harry alone.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Draco asked softly.

Harry sighed. "If you want to know, but you have to promise not to be mad at me," Harry said miserably.

"Okay," Draco said, but couldn't hide the fear in his voice.

"I tried to run away again, and I confessed something really stupid to Light Arrow. That's why Black Hawk is around me all the time. He isn't allowed to leave me or let me out of his sight. He will be around me day and night until Light Arrow says I can be left alone again. Do you think Severus is in trouble?"

Draco's eyes went wide, and Harry knew that his change of subject hadn't worked.

-II-

Rose gave Draco's shoulder a squeeze and went over to White Cloud. That left Draco and Harry alone.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Draco asked softly.

Harry sighed. "If you want to know, but you have to promise not to be mad at me," Harry said miserably.

"Okay," Draco said, but couldn't hide the fear in his voice.

"I tried to run away again, and I confessed something really stupid to Light Arrow. That's why Black Hawk is around me all the time. He isn't allowed to leave me or let me out of his sight. He will be around me day and night until Light Arrow says I can be left alone again. Do you think Severus is in trouble?"

Draco's eyes went wide, and Harry knew that his change of subject hadn't worked.

-II-

Harry was relieved that Draco hadn't made a big deal out of his one-to-one counseling. He had just kept questioning Harry until Harry had finally told him everything about what had happened with Light Arrow and why he wanted to run away again.

When Harry finally seemed to realize that it was irrational act, and not a planned escape, Draco was relieved. It was harder to convince Draco that Harry didn't really plan to kill himself. The blond boy had looked at him with worry for a long time before Harry could distract him.

Now, they were crouching behind the small warehouse near the location of the campfire. Harry had escaped Black Hawk's clutches because the man needed to help Crying Horse with the ceremony. There had to be two people watching to be sure everything was okay with the fire and the ceremony. So Aiden had been given the task of watching Harry. The boys had other things in mind than watching Harry, and so all the boys had hidden behind the hut to get a peek at the girls in their bikinis.

"Shh, or they will hear us," Brian whispered to Ken and Harry who were speaking softly. The two men were nowhere to be seen. The sweat lodge was blocking the view for the boys. They had positioned themselves where they had a good view on the two big water barrels.

"When will they come out?" Harry asked impatiently.

"Be patient and grateful that you can be here at all. I really should be watching you in your room," Aiden said teasingly.

Harry rolled his eyes, but due to the darkness, Aiden didn't see it.

"There, they are coming out!" Brian exclaimed, excited.

"Oh, damn isn't she beautiful?" Ken said dreamily.

The boys were climbing on each other to have a better view. Harry had to push Brian's head out of the way to see White Cloud and then Rose, who the boys were most likely referring to. White Cloud had a wrap around her waist and a bikini top was covering her breasts. Harry quickly looked away from the old woman and looked at Rose. Yes, she was beautiful. Crying Horse was a really lucky man to have her. Even Draco was ogling at Rose.

Shortly after the women, the girls came out of the sweat lodge. Aiden's and Ken's eyes were still fixed on Rose while she was letting the cold water from the water barrels flow over her heated body. With a big cup she was taking water from the barrel and poured it over herself in satisfaction. Maya and Melissa were in bikinis like Rose, but they danced around and squealed when they poured the cold water over their heated bodies. Harry didn't know where he should look at first. Maya was well formed and Melissa was very thin, but still very attractive.

All the boys were still ogling at the female members of the camp when suddenly an ice cold fountain of water came over them from behind. The water must have been drawn directly from the well because it was very, very cold. It robbed the breath of the boys, and after the first shock, they screamed and jumped from their hiding place.

Harry's clothes were soaked with the freezing water. He could see it very vividly because now they stood in the light of the campfire. Shocked, Harry looked up in the direction from which the water had come and his heart sank. There stood Crying Horse and Black Hawk; both looked very angry, and Black Hawk even looked thunderous.

"Off with you lot to your beds, this instant. We will speak tomorrow about this," Crying Horse said sternly. It was awkward to hear him like this, but nobody complained.

"Not you," Black Hawk exclaimed and grabbed Harry by his neck.

Aiden had stopped and looked fearfully at Harry and Black Hawk. "We will speak tomorrow about your lack of responsibility," Black Hawk said angrily to Aiden and didn't even feel remotely sorry for the hurt look on the boy's face. Should he toss and turn in worry tonight, maybe it will teach him to take tasks I give him more seriously next time, Black Hawk thought.

Harry's head glowed from embarrassment when Black Hawk led him over to the campfire and the women. He didn't dare to look up and just stared at the ground shivering from the cold. When they were close to the women, Harry heard White Cloud whisper something in a sing song voice and in a language he didn't understand. It must have been a drying spell or something similar because suddenly Harry's clothes were dry and even a bit heated.

"Back into the sweat lodge girls," White Cloud ushered the girls back into the sweat lodge.

The hand on Harry's neck guided him over to one of the tree trunks around the campfire. "Sit down!"

Harry felt that he was slowly developing a cramp in his neck from his looking down all the time. Around ten minutes had passed and nobody had spoken with him. The two men also sat silently beside each other. Harry heard shuffling and Black Hawk was gone for a few minutes. "Come over here!" Black Hawk commanded.

Harry looked shyly up and saw the man standing a few feet in front of him, pointing at a camping mat and a sleeping bag close to the fire.

"I'm sorry," Harry said miserably when he stood in front of Black Hawk.

"No talking now. The ceremony must be held in silence," Black Hawk said in a soft voice. He helped Harry into the sleeping bag. "Sleep, you are not in trouble!"

Harry looked up surprised. He wasn't in trouble?

Black Hawk just put his finger in front of his lips when he saw Harry's puzzled look. "No trouble!"

Harry really tried to fall asleep, but it was too awkward knowing that he was being watched. He was still awake when the women came out of the sweat lodge the second time. Pressing his eyes shut very tightly, he tried to ignore the sounds the women were making. He almost jumped when a hand was placed on his forehead and calming magic was flowing through him. Harry had the feeling that this magic was slowing his heart beat down. After a few more seconds he was asleep.

When the sweat lodge ceremony was over, Black Hawk carried Harry in his arms over to the main house and into the room they now shared. He unwrapped Harry from his sleeping bag and changed his clothes to pajamas. During this he saw that Harry's skin on his forearms was very rough. When he inspected the skin closer, he saw scratching marks. He had never seen Harry scratch his arms and so the boy must have been doing it in his sleep or when nobody was watching him. Black Hawk furrowed his brows. I need to have a close eye on him and tell Light Arrow about it!

Harry woke up when the sun was shining on his face. He sighed and turned around. Cat fell from his chest to the ground - or so he thought, but it actually landed on Black Hawk, who groaned. "Attacked by a stuffed animal; what a great start in the day."

Suddenly Harry remembered his one-to-one counseling and the events from the last night. He also remembered that Black Hawk had said that he wasn't in trouble, and he hoped that was still the case. Nevertheless Harry looked warily over the edge of the bed at Black Hawk. "How did I get here?"

Black Hawk raised his eyebrow. "How do you think?"

Groaning, Harry threw himself backwards. "You carried me?"

"Exactly," Black Hawk replied and stood up, stretching himself. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Harry said shortly.

"Okay, then we should go to the bathroom. I think Doc Martens will be here soon. It's already quite late."

Grumpily Harry followed Black Hawk into the bathroom. Even there he wasn't allowed to be alone, although Black Hawk did seem to try his best to make it less awkward. As quickly as possible, he managed his normal morning routine, and when they went back to his room, Doc Martens came up the stairs. "Ah, my first patient is already up."

"And clean, just for you doc. Can I leave him to you for the next five minutes?" Black Hawk asked.

Doc Martens eyed him closely. "To support your unhealthy hobby?"

Harry had to work hard to suppress a giggle. The trapped look and the slight blush on Black Hawk's face was too funny.

Doc Martens measured the man with his eyes. "Light Arrow is downstairs. You still have to pass him. Normally I would wish you good luck, but not in this case. You really should give up the habit, Black Hawk. You are ruining your lungs."

"First an attack, then a tongue lashing. What a wonderful day," Black Hawk said sarcastically and looked at Harry. "Behave. I'll be back soon!"

/

"Red Horse and Rose will drive with Draco and Harry into the forest to gather the fresh osier branches," Light Arrow explained at breakfast.

"Why not me and Severus?" Black Hawk asked, puzzled.

"Because I need you here," Light Arrow explained calmly.

"But-" A glare from Light Arrow stopped Black Hawk. He looked with puzzlement over to Severus, but his brother just looked down at his plate.

"You will stay in the house after breakfast. I will explain everything else to you then. The other boys will be occupied with moving the dung heap from the south to the west. Draco and Harry also will be punished for their foolish behavior yesterday. They will help White Cloud in the garden tomorrow. I'm very disappointed in all of you." Light Arrow glared at the teenage boys. When they all looked down ashamed, Light Arrow looked at Black Hawk again. "You can speak with Aiden about his punishment for not following your instructions after I'm done with you and Severus. Crying Horse, you will have to take over Red Horse's tasks for the morning. Can you do that?" Light Arrow asked the youngest adult of the camp.

"Sure," Crying Horse agreed. He finally felt like a real part of the camp - an important part and not just a sidekick who nobody took seriously.

"Then it's settled. The girl can help you, White Cloud," Light Arrow decided.

/

"What's wrong?" Black Hawk asked when the kids had left the kitchen.

"We will have a talk together with Severus. Some things need to be settle. I also want Harry to get to know Red Horse better," Light Arrow said.

Red Horse stiffened and then shuffled on his seat uncomfortably until White Cloud lay a calming hand on his bulgy forearm.

"Harry needs to get some tension out of his system. This cannot be done with talking. He needs to practice some physical challenges. I want you and Black Hawk to give him some wrestling training, Red Horse. You can let Aiden take part again as well. I'm not sure about Draco, though. Maybe we should wait a bit more. Or maybe you could try if he wants to learn it from you, Severus. He will not get scared by you touching him, and I think a manly attributed sport would do him good. You could try to let him watching Harry's training first, and we will see how he reacts," Light Arrow wondered out loud.

"But Black Hawk is as good as I'm in wrestling. He can manage to train the boys alone," Red Horse tried to wriggle out of this task. "I'm very busy with the horses and-" He stopped when he saw Light Arrow's look. "I don't want to do it," Red Horse pleaded truthfully.

"Why not?" Light Arrow asked. "You had no problem speaking and wrestling with Severus last night."

"He is my brother. You know I'm not good with other people," Red Horse said unhappily.

"You just need a bit more practice, Red Horse. You can't run away from other people your whole life. Harry and Draco are both calm boys. You managed to train Aiden," Light Arrow argued.

"He was different. I could break them. They are not well; I can see that. The blond one will run away when we suggest it. I don't like when they look at me like that."

"Red Horse, if you would speak just a bit more with them, they wouldn't shy away from you. The blond one has a name: he is Draco. And like I already said, we will watch him while you train Harry. Then we will decide what we will do with him. Harry is not so fragile. You won't harm him by wrestling with him. On the trip to the forest you can get to know both boys better. Rose will just be there to intervene if something goes wrong."

"I'm not ready for this!" Red Horse protested and stood up to flee.

A wave of Light Arrow's hand and the door was closed with a loud thud and there was no question that it had been warded as well. "We are not finished here, Red Horse."

"I can't do this, White Cloud! Why is he forcing me to do this?" Red Horse asked the only person he hoped would help him now. His brothers were just looking down at their hands hoping that they would get out of the kitchen unharmed. Rose wouldn't be any help either. Red Horse knew that she wanted him to be more open, and she always tried to get him to speak with the children more.

"You can do this, Red Horse. Black Hawk and Severus will be there with you during the training, and Rose will be there in the forest. There is nothing to be afraid of," White Cloud said calmly.

"I need you to do it, Red Horse. Draco will never come with us into the sweat lodge unless he knows you a bit better. You have to go into the forest with them, and you will help them to build the sweat lodge. We have no alternative for him now that the women's sweat lodge is already over. He needs to come in with us, and I want him to stay. You know that when they give up and leave the first time, they will most likely never attend one again," Light Arrow said intensively.

"I can stay out of the sweat lodge," Red Horse offered.

"You are part of this camp, part of this family. We all attend at a sweat lodge ceremony or nobody will attend. I let you run away too long. It's time to work on your own problems."

Red Horse looked back at Black Hawk seeking help, and he finally dared to look up.

"He is right, Red Horse. The kids like you when they finally get the chance to get to know you. Aiden is really fond of you, and he loved the wrestling training. Harry is similar to him. You will like him. He is a good boy, and he won't break when you touch him," Black Hawk said soothingly. He had no idea how this might work with Draco, and so Black Hawk kept his mouth shut about that. He feared Draco would wet himself if Red Horse would attempted to wrestle with him. Sometime the old man had crazy ideas.

Red Horse looked as if he would start to cry any minute. He didn't know what he could say to convince his family that he wasn't the right man for the task. When Rose placed her hands on his shoulders to sit him back down into his chair, he didn't protest. "I can't do this," he said miserably while Rose's magic was fighting its way through his big body.

"Of course you can do it," Rose said softly and kissed him on his head. "You are a wonderful man. Harry and Draco will be glad to get to know you better. Please try it, Red Horse. I will be with you in the forest. Everything will be okay."

Red Horse sighed in resignation and let his head hang. His shoulders relaxed, and finally Rose could reach all the stress knots and calm her brother completely.

-II-

"You are part of this camp, part of this family. We all attend at a sweat lodge ceremony or nobody will attend. I let you run away too long. It's time to work on your own problems."

Red Horse looked back at Black Hawk seeking help, and he finally dared to look up.

"He is right, Red Horse. The kids like you when they finally get the chance to get to know you. Aiden is really fond of you, and he loved the wrestling training. Harry is similar to him. You will like him. He is a good boy, and he won't break when you touch him," Black Hawk said soothingly. He had no idea how this might work with Draco, and so Black Hawk kept his mouth shut about that. He feared Draco would wet himself if Red Horse would attempted to wrestle with him. Sometime the old man had crazy ideas.

Red Horse looked as if he would start to cry any minute. He didn't know what he could say to convince his family that he wasn't the right man for the task. When Rose placed her hands on his shoulders to sit him back down into his chair, he didn't protest. "I can't do this," he said miserably while Rose's magic was fighting its way through his big body.

"Of course you can do it," Rose said softly and kissed him on his head. "You are a wonderful man. Harry and Draco will be glad to get to know you better. Please try it, Red Horse. I will be with you in the forest. Everything will be okay."

Red Horse sighed in resignation and let his head hang. His shoulders relaxed, and finally Rose could reach all the stress knots and calm her brother completely.

-II-

"Can you teach me wrestling?" Harry asked casually while he looked for a good branch to cut off for the sweat lodge.

Red Horse stopped shocked. "Did Light Arrow already speak with you?"

"Light Arrow? Oh, no, the doc mentioned it." Harry was puzzled about Red Horse's shocked reaction and that he thought Light Arrow had spoken with him about the wrestling. Something was odd. Why did Red Horse looked scared?

"Oh. Yes, I... I think I can teach you, but later. Now we have to-" Red Horse stopped abruptly because he saw Draco trying to cut a branch violently. "Stop!" he shouted and grabbed for Draco's hand.

Draco was shocked and fell backwards in an attempt to escape Red Horse. Fearfully he looked with big eyes at the bulgy man that now looked as shocked as Draco himself.

Red Horse stepped backwards in shock even so Draco had already crawled several feet away from him. "It's my fault. I'm sorry!" He looked around in panic, and when his eyes fell on Rose, who now came over to them, he said, "I told you so! I can't do this! Make him stop. I don't want him to look at me like this. Please make him stop."

"Calm down, Red Horse. It was all just a misunderstanding," Rose said calmingly.

Draco was confused. This bulgy and scary man was scared because he had reacted fearfully to him. Now Red Horse didn't look scary at all. Draco felt pity for him and slowly calmed down.

Harry looked fascinated at the scene in front of him. Black Hawk was right. Red Horse was like a big bull calf that had no clue how to use it's muscles and couldn't hurt a fly. What must have happen to him that he is behaving like this? Harry thought. It seems not only Severus still had problems after his stay here. They have a place to come to for getting help. No matter how long they need to heal, Harry thought, remembering Light Arrow's words. Eventually Harry realized that those people would never look down at them for having difficulties or being weak. They know exactly what we feel. That's why Black Hawk and Severus can understand us so well. Even Red Horse can understand us, he knows how we feel. They all have gone through the same process and still have some drawbacks from time to time. They are like us, they only have more experience to fight their demons.

"Come on, Red Horse. Just explain why you wanted to grab for his hand," Rose said calmly and put her hand on Red Horse's arm.

Harry meanwhile helped Draco up, who now didn't look fearfully at all. Draco just looked in awe at the man a few feet away from him. Suddenly he couldn't remember why he could ever be afraid of him. At the moment Red Horse looked like a small boy, and he mumbled all the time apologizes in Draco's direction. "It's okay. I overreacted, Red Horse."

Red Horse looked speechless at Draco for a few seconds. The boy didn't look scared any longer. "I... I just feared you would cut yourself. The branch would have snapped back and into your face and you could have cut yourself by accident."

"Oh, I didn't realize," Draco answered softly.

"Why don't you show Draco how to do it correctly. Come on, he has calmed down." Rose gently pulled Red Horse in Draco's direction.

Reluctantly Red Horse followed Rose's lead until he stood directly in front of Draco. The boy didn't flinch away and didn't look fearfully at him as if he thought he would hit him any moment. Red Horse hated that so many people were scared of him, as if he was his father. His muscles didn't came from training, they were just there by gene and all the physical hard work at the farm. Red Horses father had beaten him very badly over several years. He hadn't even sent him to a school, and he had no contact to other children. He always was just with his mother and his father, who hid him from the rest of the world. His mother was a weak woman, and she died when Red Horse was five on a overdose of drugs. From then on it was only his alcohol addicted, violent father he had to live with. They never spoke much, and Red Horse always lived in fear to get a beating for whatever he did; he never could do something right for his father.

"Yes, show me," Draco said when the man didn't react and just looked unsure at him.

"Okay," Red Horse said and finally got a grip on himself again. "Let's go over there!" Red Horse pointed at a branch close by. "Look, you shouldn't put too much pressure on the branch and then you should cut it like that." He showed Draco the correct way to cut it, and Harry watched over Draco's shoulder as well.

/

Rose smiled at the three and retreated back to the pick-up. I have no clue how Dad always knows what is the right move at the right time.

"The entrance must be in the East, and the fireplace has to be six steps away from the sweat lodge. It represents the sun, that gives energy to the earth, which is represented by the sweat lodge," Black Hawk explained while he marked the position of the entrance for the boys.

"Black Hawk has marked the places were you should make the holes for the hazelnut branches," Severus explained and pressed a dowel and a big hammer in Harry's hand.

With Black Hawk's, Severus' and Red Horse's help the sweat lodge was finished in the late afternoon. The skeleton now was covered with several think blankets. It must be pitch Black in it now. "Come over, boys, I will explain the ceremony to you now." Black Hawk waved them over to the gate to sit in the shadow of a big tree. Even Red Horse and Severus sat down to listen to Black Hawk. "There will be four times we go into the sweat lodge and between them we go outside to cool us down with the water from the barrels. Your first sweat lodge is a bit informal. If you want to speak, you are allowed to. The goal is to be as silent as possible and concentrate on several things. The first time we are in there is meant for gratitude. You should think about what you are thankful in your life and which people you feel grateful to. The second time is for wishes. You should think about what you wish for. The third time you need to think about giving away something. You should think about what you will leave behind you. Try to burn it with the herbs we will burn above the hot stones. Let go of whatever you need to let go to go on in your life. The forth and last time we go into the sweat lodge is for visions. You don't have to push yourself. There is no need to have a vision in your first sweat lodge. Some never get one. Just try to relax and open your mind and soul."

Harry and Draco stared at Black Hawk. Not formal? How the heck shall I remember all this stuff? "I will never be able to remember this all!" Harry said, flabbergasted.

"Me neither," Draco said shyly.

"I tried to memories it like this. When you first go into the hut your thought are everywhere but yourself. Therefore you think about others. Whom you would thank and what you are thankful about at all. The second time you are much calmer already, and so you can start to think about yourself. What you wish for. How your life should go on. The third time you think about what you need to leave behind you to gain what you wished for in the second round of the sweat lodge, and in the last one you just relax. It helped me to remember about what I have to think about," Severus explained.

"Light Arrow has lately started to write the round topics in the sand close to the barrels. So if you can't remember because you are too excited you can look at them. I'm sure Light Arrow will write them down again," Black Hawk said and grinned at Red Horse.

Red Horse couldn't suppress a grin himself. It was a private joke between them and Crying Horse that they said the old man need it to remember it himself. They just hoped Light Arrow would never find out about it or they had to move the dung heap to the next farm and not just to the other side of the farm. Not to mention that the next farm was around 30 miles away.

Draco fidget nervously. "Ehm... can I go? I need to use the loo."

"Sure," Black Hawk said. "He is nervous," he stated to Severus when Draco was gone.

"Yes, I'm a bit worried about whether he will make it," Severus said in thoughts while watching Draco run to the main house.

"Maybe I should look for him," Harry said and stood up. Light Arrow had said he was allowed to be on his own over the day, and Black Hawk just has to watch him between supper and breakfast. At the daytime you never were alone and so there was no real need for a personal bodyguard.

"Don't get infected with his nervousness, Harry. There is nothing to be afraid of," Severus said before he waved him to go after Draco.

Nothing to get nervous about. Phew, that's easy to say for someone who has done it several times before, Harry thought nervously while he went after Draco.

"How was your talk with Light Arrow?" Red Horse asked and looked from Severus to Black Hawk.

"Like always," Black Hawk said. "Awkward."

Severus played around with a branch and drew patterns in the sand. "At least I didn't have to scream at you or get wrestled down by you."

"I thought we had cleared everything, Sev," Red Horse said worriedly. He really had hoped after Light Arrow scream therapy and the wrestling the things were clear between him and his little brother. It had hurt Red Horse a lot to see Severus so drawn back and in pain. After Severus was forced to scream all what had angered him about Red Horse at him, they had been able to speak normally and in the end they shared a brotherly hug. Severus had never before said that he was annoyed by Red Horses big brother attitude, and in the end it was clear that he inwardly liked that Red Horse had an eye on him and had stopped him so vehemently to hurt himself. It had been hard for Severus to admit that. The part were Severus had to scream at Light Arrow was even more aggressive, and Severus had fought for a long time before he give in and revealed his true feelings. Red Horse was very relieved when Severus finally sank exhausted in Light Arrow's arms and cried all the pain out of himself. On their way back to the camp Severus was already more light heartily and they eventually could speak normally with each other. His little brother accepted his patronizing behavior. They had cleared that Red Horse was still the big brother and would always have an eye on Severus.

"We have, but that doesn't mean that I like what you two did yesterday, okay."

"But it helped," Red Horse said sternly.

"Yes," Severus admitted. "But Black Hawk isn't a big brother, he is just like me."

"I never want to be something else, stupid," Black Hawk said and bobbed Severus' shoulder playfully. Immediately the mood lifted.

"Think you can start a fight?" Severus said teasingly and flung himself on Black Hawk to wrestle him down.

Black Hawk laughed when Severus was above him pinning him to the ground. "You are way to skinny to challenge me. You should have taken some lessons from our older brother before you attacked me." With that he unbalanced Severus with one move of his hip and quickly the position was changed. "What now, Night Rain? Want to give up?"

Severus growled. "Never!" With all his power he tried to unbalance Black Hawk and eventually was successful. Soon both were wrestling in the sand for dominance. Only when a fountain of cold water hit them, they let go of each other.

"I called three time for you to stop. That what you get for not listening. You can be lucky that the kids aren't around. Otherwise I would punish you two to work in my garden tomorrow. Rough play and wrestling outside the wrestling training isn't allowed. That counts for you two as well, boys," White Cloud lectured them with her hands on her hips. "Red Horse, Light Arrow needs you in the stable. You two should get a shower!" She looked at Severus and Black Hawk sternly.

Quickly the two men, that felt more like two children being caught with their hands in the cookie jar, stood up and went in the direction of the main house.

"That's all your fault," Black Hawk said and bobbed Severus on his shoulder.

"Mine? You was the one bobbing me," Severus protested and bobbed Black Hawk as well.

Before both could start a fight again, they were gripped each by an ear, and White Cloud lead them back to the main house.

"Ouch, White Cloud, please let go," Black Hawk whined.

Severus had enough dignity left to not plead. He knew it was useless. So he just tried to lean down further to the smaller woman, so the pain wasn't so bad on his ear.

"You two have just earned yourself a whole afternoon in my garden tomorrow," White Cloud stated before they went into the house.

/

"Are you okay, Draco?" Harry asked through the bathroom door.

"Sure," Draco said when he came out. He didn't look as if everything was fine.

"You look worried." Harry stated and followed Draco in his room.

"I am. Aren't you?" Draco asked.

Harry didn't answer for a while and just stared at Draco. Finally he sighed. "Yes, I am."

Draco threw himself on his bed and hugged his snake.

"You got one, too?" Harry grinned.

Draco looked puzzled, but then realized that Harry spoke about his plushy. "Yes," Draco said, smiling happily. "It's great. Here try it. Maybe you even understand his hissing."

Harry sat down on the bed and inspected the snake closer. "No, I don't think it is really Parsel Tongue, but I also don't know if I still can speak it. Now that Voldemort is dead, the Horcrux in me is gone. Maybe I'm not able to speak with snakes any more."

"We should try," Draco exclaimed, excited, and sat up. He was glad that they had find a topic to forget the sweat lodge for a while. "I'm sure there are snakes around. We could ask one of the adults if they would go to look for a snake with us."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. It's still time until supper. Maybe Black Hawk has time to look for one with us." Harry was glad as well that the bad mood had changed. It was a long time since Draco and he had planned an adventure.

When they stepped out in the hall, Severus and Black Hawk went for the bathroom, pushing each other roughly to reach it first. An angry voice from downstairs made them stop in track. "That's the whole day in my garden now, and if you don't stop I will make a week out of it!" White Cloud's voice rang from the kitchen.

"I take the shower, you can have the bathtub," Severus said.

"Fine to me," Black Hawk replied and they both vanished in the bathroom.

"That much about asking Black Hawk to show us a snake," Harry said sadly.

"We could try Red Horse. He is even better with animals," Draco stated and was surprised about this as much as Harry.

"So it would be okay with you if we went with Red Horse alone?" Harry asked, confused.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I think he is okay. I like him."

Harry grinned. "Me, too. Come on, lets try to find him."

-II-

"I'll take the shower, you can have the bathtub," Severus said.

"Fine with me," Black Hawk replied and they both vanished into the bathroom.

"So much about asking Black Hawk to show us a snake," Harry said sadly.

"We could try Red Horse. He is even better with animals," Draco stated and was surprised about what they had just witnessed as much as Harry was.

"So it would be okay with you if we went with Red Horse, alone?" Harry asked, confused.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I think he is okay. I like him."

Harry grinned. "Me, too. Come on, let's try to find him."

-II-

"Red Horse," Harry called while Draco and he were running over to the horse stable where Red Horse stood. They stopped in their tracks when, suddenly, Light Arrow's head appeared as well. The old man had been inspecting the hoof of a horse, so Harry and Draco hadn't been able to see him before he had straightened up again.

Insecurely, Harry looked from Red Horse to Light Arrow and remembered that people in England weren't so excited about Parseltongues. Maybe they think it is something bad as well, Harry thought worriedly. "Ehm... we thought that maybe you... only when you have time... could show us some... some animals," Harry stuttered.

"Animals?" Red Horse asked, puzzled, as he stood next to the horse.

Light Arrow eyed the boys curiously, and Draco hid behind Harry, biting his bottom lip.

"Yeah, um... animals that live here. Lizards, birds... snakes?" Harry said, trying to sound casual.

"Snakes?" Light Arrow asked fixing Harry with his eyes. "Why do you want to see snakes?"

Harry frantically looked for a good answer, but couldn't find one. Nervously, he shifted from one foot to the other. "We are just interested in the, um, local wildlife."

"There are three species of venomous snakes here, which live in some of the same spots as the non-venomous species; going looking for them can be dangerous," Red Horse said. "But I could show you some lizards behind the barn. We have no time to look for birds. It's only an hour until supper."

"But we wouldn't touch the snakes," Harry whined before he could stop himself.

"No, you just want to speak with them, right?" Light Arrow asked.

"Speak with them?" Red Horse asked and looked with puzzlement from Light Arrow to the shocked looking Harry. "Oh, wait is he a tongue shifter?" Red Horse asked, fascinated.

"No, he isn't. He is a Parseltongue. Only Native Americans can be gifted with being a tongue shifter. You need a very close connection with Mother Earth for it. Harry can just speak with snakes," Light Arrow explained.

Red Horse's excitement, and Light Arrow's relaxed attitude, made Harry relax. They don't seem to think it is something bad, Harry thought, relieved. "I don't know if I still can speak with snakes. Maybe I lost this... this gift," Harry said insecurely. "I tried to understand Draco's snake, but it didn't make any sense to me."

"Draco has a snake?" Red Horse asked, shocked. "Why didn't you allow me-"

Light Arrow shook his head and lifted his hand to stop Red Horse. "No, he hasn't, Red Horse. You know what I think about forcing any living being against it's will to live where it does not wish to. Find a snake that willingly comes to your room and wants to stay there and I will allow you to let it live in your room. Harry, meanwhile, was just speaking about the stuffed animal White Cloud made for Draco."

"Oh," Red Horse stated, disappointed.

"It's a simple charm that creates the noises of the snake and your cat, Harry. It just sounds similar to a snake's hissing and to a cat's purring because White Cloud thinks it is fitting. Black Hawk's rabbit makes rustling sounds like a rabbit snuggling in fresh hay. Severus' Tasmanian devil purrs like a cat. So it doesn't really have to be sounds the real animal would make, but White Cloud often tries to make them sound similar." Light Arrow looked amused that the boys had really thought it would be the hissing of a snake.

"My Komodo dragon makes sounds as if he is sticking his tongue out very often," Red Horse explained.

"You have a lizard as a plushy?" Draco asked and peeked over Harry's shoulder.

"Yeah," Red Horse said and nodded. "A big one!"

"Will you show us?" Draco asked. He really wanted to see another stuffed animal. Severus' was horrible, and he had already seen Harry's. "Or is it like Severus'?"

Red Horse laughed. "No, that would give me nightmares."

"Me, too," Draco mumbled, smiling shyly at Red Horse. "So will you show it to us now?"

"What about the snakes? I would like to see Harry to speak with a snake," Red Horse said curiously.

"It's dangerous."

"But I can control them!" Harry interjected defensively.

"We don't even know if Harry still has the gift." Light Arrow continued as if he had not been interrupted by Harry, whose head hung down. "When you go to look for one, I will join you and have the emergency kit with the antivenom potions with me. Today it is too late for a trip like that. I need to heal Logan's hoof, but you can go with them and show them Mr. Lizard, Red Horse."

Red Horse blushed when Light Arrow called his plushy by the name he had given him. Black Hawk had never given his plushy a name, but Severus had done, and that made Red Horse feel less a freak.

"Oh Merlin, that's huge!" Harry exclaimed when he saw the lifelike Komodo dragon in Red Horse's room a few minutes later.

"It's my totem. I saw him in my first sweat lodge, but I wasn't able to switch into his body then," Red Horse said, petting the lizard dreamily.

Both boys stared at Red Horse, their mouth wide open. "Switch into him? What are you talking about?"

"When you are one with your totem animal, it is as if you are in his body. You will see the world through its eyes when you are in a trance. During my welcome sweat lodge, I only saw him. Big and powerful, he was watching me and his poisonous saliva was dripping from his muzzle. They are dangerous animals. They bite their prey, and then they follow it many miles until the prey gets tired and weaken from infection caused by the bite. With their tail, they can give a person a huge bruise; they are very strong. Mine looks gorgeous. Very powerful, nobody could harm him, so he doesn't have to fear anyone," Red Horse said dreamily.

Harry looked at Red Horse in thought. "And later you were able to switch into his body? You were a lizard?"

"Yes, it felt good. I felt as if I had a very thick shell. I felt safe. Nobody would... nobody could harm me," Red Horse said sadly.

"It must have been great," Draco said and sat down beside the big man. To Harry's, and even his own surprise, he laid a hand on Red Horse's bulgy shoulder. That was the first time Draco had willingly touched a man without prompting since they had escaped the dungeons. Not even with Severus he had taken the initiation for physical contact; it was always Severus who hugged Draco or rubbed his head.

"Yes, it is fantastic," Red Horse said and smiled at Draco. "Maybe you will see your totem as well."

"Do you think my totem is a snake?" Draco asked worriedly. He didn't want to be a snake. They are cold and... naked, Draco thought.

"No, I don't think it will be, but I'm not sure. White Cloud doesn't know what your totems are; not even Light Arrow knows it. Only you can find it out. I got my plushy after the welcome sweat lodge, and I asked White Cloud to make it look like my totem," Red Horse explained.

"Yes, it looks so real. Mine doesn't look real," Harry said.

"Maybe yours looks like Black Hawk's bunny. It does fit you better," Red Horse said, but looked insecure as he did when Harry's mood shifted by this words.

"Why do you think a cute animal suits me more? Do you think I'm weak?" Harry asked bitterly.

Red Horse shook his head vehemently. "That's not what I meant. That's why I don't like to speak with you or anyone else. I never can do something right. You always understand me wrong." Red Horse stood up to flee out of his own room.

"Red Horse, wait," Draco cried out and grabbed Red Horse's hand.

The man looked shocked at the small, white hand that was clutching his shovel-like hand. He feared Draco's hand would break if he moved even an inch.

"Sorry," Draco said and let go of Red Horse's hand. "I didn't want to scare you." Draco looked worriedly at Red Horse. Did Red Horse have to go through something like he had? Maybe he was scared of touches because he also had been raped? Draco felt bad for making the big man look so frightened at his hands. "I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to leave. Harry sometimes says things he doesn't mean. He is just angry and frustrated. Please don't take it personally."

"Ehm... yes, I'm sorry, Red Horse. I overreacted, but you made me mad. I thought you thought that I'm weak. I'm not. I will-" A glare from Draco made him stop. "Just forget what I said."

Red Horse looked strangely at Harry. "I don't think you are weak, and I also think that dropping this hateful and cold mask you draw up so often wouldn't make you weak either. Sometimes it needs more strength and courage to let go and start anew than to remain brooding in the past."

Draco knew that Harry wasn't ready to talk about things like that yet, so he tried to change the topic soon. "Come on, Red Horse. I will show you my snake. You want to see it, right?"

After one last thoughtful look at Harry, Red Horse nodded and followed Draco.

Harry calmed down and ran in his room to gather Cat. They spent the time left until supper in Draco's room, and Red Horse told them more about his experiences in the sweat lodge and totems and what the adults have as their totems. The totems of the children, Red Horse didn't give away and just told the boys that they have to ask each kid to learn about their totems. It was something special he didn't want to ruin. A bit like a guardian angle. The totem is within you and around you. It is watching over you and tries to help you when you let it help you. Red Horse told them that he tries to think about the lizard when he feels afraid or unsure. He would just imagine how it would feel when he is in the lizard's body. How safe it would feel. It often helped him in difficult situations.

By the time they went down for supper, Harry and Draco were both eager to try the sweat lodge. Both were very curious what their totem would be. Red Horse had said that when he was using his magic he could conjure a Patronus that looked like his lizard. Before he came to the camp, his Patronus was very weak, and it was a small songbird. His father had taught him magic, but he always had been too afraid he might do something wrong that he could hardly control his magic. In the reservation school, he had learned to use wandless magic, and Light Arrow had become his mentor for wandless magic.

Harry and Draco even had learned that Black Hawk had refused to go to the magical reservation school. So he had never learned wandless magic like Red Horse. Too bad that Red Horse had caught himself telling them too much before they could sneak information out of him about if Severus had learned wandless magic. He had said that that was something private, and that they would have to ask Severus and Black Hawk about it if they wished to know more about it.

Harry was deep in thought during supper, and Light Arrow had to snap his fingers several times to get Harry back to reality and his attention back to his food. Will I be a snake? If Red Horse wasn't his Patronus, I doubt that I'll be a stag. It would be cool to be a snake. A poisonous snake, or maybe something more dangerous. A big bear or a wolf. Snap! Again the annoying sound Light Arrow always made to get him out of his thoughts. It was frustrating, causing Harry to glare at Light Arrow.

"Stop glaring and eat, Harry. You will need the energy in the sweat lodge," Light Arrow said, unimpressed by Harry's glare.

Annoyed Harry shoveled down his food now and received snickers from Brian and Ken for this behavior. A cuff to the back of their heads by Severus made them stop. "Don't encourage him to behave like a boar."

Harry looked up at Severus and sighed when he saw Severus' stern glare. At a moderate pace, Harry went on with his supper.

Draco was deep in thought as well, but he never lost himself in it like Harry, so he didn't get a scolding from Light Arrow or Severus. What will I be? Something weak? Or maybe a snake? Even though Draco liked snakes, it worried him that he might be a snake. He would feel so vulnerable without limbs to use in defense. No he wanted to be something with fur. Maybe I'm mouse. Oh no, please don't let me be a mouse!But Red Horse isn't something small. He behaves similar to me, so maybe I will be something powerful as well. A small smiled crept onto his face. Yes, it would be so cool to be something powerful.

/

"Fine, before we start. Draco, Harry, nobody will force you to join us. We would be very glad if you would at least try to come with us into the sweat lodge. It would be a great honor for us. You are part of our family now, and the sweat lodge always is a family ceremony. If one family member is missing, it isn't the same; however, we do not want you to feel forced to be there, either. If you feel the need to leave the sweat lodge, please inform us before you bolt out or panic. We would like to try to calm you, and if it doesn't help, we will help you to get out without harming yourself in panic. When you are inside, you will not be able to see anything at first. Your eyes have to adjust to the darkness. The stones glow and give a faint light. The fumes will make breathing difficult sometimes. Don't panic, try to stay calm; it is only for a short time. The welcome sweat lodge isn't as hot as the normal sweat lodges, so you shouldn't feel any pain. If you feel pain, inform me instantly and I will get you out of the sweat lodge. If you feel dizzy, also inform us. It's no shame to react like that during your first sweat lodge." He had looked intensively at Draco and Harry while he said that, but now he turned to the rest of the male family members. "You all know the rules. The welcome sweat lodge isn't strong ceremonially. If Harry and Draco feel the need to talk, they are allowed to do so. The rest of you I ask to be silent as always, unless responding to Harry or Draco. The meaning of each of the rounds are written in the sand over there if someone needs a reminder. Now, undress."

Harry and Draco looked nervously around. White Cloud and Rose had sat down under a big tree close to the gate. They didn't look in their direction, but Harry nevertheless felt ashamed to undress. He wasn't ashamed of his scars - no, they were like signs of courage for him. He was proud of them, but he was a normal sixteen year old boy, and so he was shy to undress so close to women. Harry even threw a short look to the warehouse where they had hidden last night, but he couldn't see anything. Maya and Melissa certainly wouldn't sit there to watch them. A look around showed him that the rest of the camp members were already stripped down to their underwear. Only Draco stood still completely dressed and stiff like a board beside him.

Draco was paralyzed from shock. No, he couldn't undress! They were all around and could look at him, but he really wanted to know what his totem was. He was torn, and he was so deep in his internal battle that he didn't realize that he had started to cry. When he finally felt the wetness on his cheek, he panicked and started to rub his face frantically and stepped backwards.

"Severus," Light Arrow said and gestured the wizard to take care of Draco. "All the kids, into the sweat lodge. We will follow soon. Crying Horse, you can go with them to make sure they behave." If he ever caught Aiden spitting on the glowing stones again, he didn't know if he could control himself. Last time Aiden had to have a sabbatical walk through the open land with Light Arrow until he pleaded the old man to go back and swore that he would never do something that stupid and disrespectful again. Three days they were walking with almost no break, and they only lived on what they found in nature. Two self-refilling bottles were all they had from the camp. Light Arrow hated that kind of magic because he could only create it with a wand. His wand was hidden very well, and if he had it his way, he would never been used again. For Light Arrow it felt like tainted, unreal magic. It was totally different than letting the magic just flow through his body, concentrating it in his fingertips and then letting it go. It was like being one with the magic. A wand was like giving your magic to someone else before it was released. Never trust a dead object. Letting his magic flow through a dead stick was something Light Arrow really disliked.

Light Arrow had discussed it with Professor Karley several times. The vampire had tried to explain to him why Light Arrow wasn't able to perform the refilling spell without a wand. Unfortunately Light Arrow didn't understand the explanation completely. All he couldn't make out of it was that he needed to believe what he was doing, and he has to be convinced about what he did to let it happen without a wand. Something in him was blocking this spell from being performed without a wand. Maybe it was because he thought about water as something living, and he felt as if he is forcing his will on the water when he made a bottle refill itself over and over again. It was like tampering with Mother Nature.

Crying Horse crawled through the small tunnel in the sweat lodge so only Black Hawk, Severus, Light Arrow, Red Horse and the two boys stood outside the sweat lodge. "Come on, Harry, undress. You want to try the sweat lodge don't you?" Black Hawk said and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry looked anxiously over to Draco who was clutching Severus' arm like a lifeline. He was sobbing, and Harry feared he would have to go into the sweat lodge alone. Light Arrow was close to Severus and crept closer and closer, as if in slow motion.

"Hey, still with me?" Black Hawk asked cheerfully, ruffling Harry's hair.

"Hmm," Harry said and slowly opened his trousers. His eyes were fixed on Draco.

Draco had stumbled backwards a few feet when Severus caught up with him. "Calm down, Draco. There is nothing to panic about. What's the problem?" Severus asked calmly, one hand on each of Draco's shoulders, trying to ground him.

"I... I don't want to disappoint you, but I... I..." Draco said between sobs, clutching Severus arm. He didn't want to be alone. He really wanted to be part of this family. It felt so good to be part of them.

Light Arrow had reached them and laid a hand on Draco's shoulder, carefully to not startle Draco. "It's okay, Draco. Calm down. Your tears are not anything bad to be ashamed of. We know it is hard for you. Please tell me what's causing this panic?"

"Naked," Draco just croaked.

"Nobody is naked, Draco, and nobody will touch you without your permission. There is nothing sexual about this," Light Arrow explained calmly.

Draco whimpered when Light Arrow spoke the last sentence and pressed himself closer to Severus.

"Draco, look, they are all in now. It's only us adults, Harry and you out here. Inside it is too dark to see anything. Calm down," Severus said softly.

In theory, Draco knew that there wasn't something sexual and that nobody would look at him as if he was a whore. He hated himself for being a whore. It was so horrible what the Death Eaters and my father did to me. They taunted me over and over what a fucking whore I am and that everyone who looks at me would just want to fuck me until I bleed. Draco whimpered when he realized that he had said the last part aloud.

"Look at me, Draco," Severus said sternly and lifted Draco's chin. "Nobody here would think about doing something horrible like that to you. Your father and his friends were sick bastards. Don't let them ruin your whole life. You are no whore, and normal people don't look at you and want to rape you, Draco. You can undress and come with us in there and nobody will hurt you or look at you inappropriately."

"Can I not just leave my clothes on?" Draco pleaded in Light Arrow's direction.

"I can't let you go in there with your clothes. Your skin wouldn't be able to give off enough sweat to cool you. Your clothes would make you overheated and ill, Draco. It's not safe," Light Arrow said, gently squeezing Draco's shoulder.

"I will make sure nobody is touching you, Draco. I will let nobody close to you," Harry, who had come closer, said.

Draco looked at Harry and was surprised to see him already in his boxers. "Can you... can you..." Draco whimpered again and hid against Severus' chest.

Severus stiffened. Even though he wanted to comfort Draco, it felt awkward to be half naked while doing so, especially considering what he was comforting Draco about.

"Do what? Come on, Draco, tell me. I will do anything. It's no problem, just tell me. We both want to try it," Harry said enthusiastically.

Draco turned again to Harry and whispered. "Could you sit with the boys so that they are occupied with you?" Draco stopped shortly, but then groaned. "Oh, no, that sound horrible. I didn't mean it like that. I-"

"I know how you meant it, Draco. Don't worry. It's okay. I will sit with the other boys. Remember they are meant to be silent anyways. You don't need to worry. I will let them look at me and not at you. Okay? I will block their view." Harry smiled at Draco.

Draco nodded faintly, and with a deep breath, he pushed backwards and started to unbutton his trousers. Very shyly, he let his trousers drop and then pulled his shirt over his head.

Severus cupped Draco's cheeks when the boy just stood in his boxers staring ashamed at his feet. "You are very brave, Draco. I'm very proud of you."

Draco's heart made a flip-flop upon hearing Severus say that. Nervously, he bit his bottom lip and looked around. Light Arrow smiled at him, just like Harry and Black Hawk. Red Horse stood close to the entrance, looking unsure. Draco's eyes wandered over the man's body, and he could see several old scars on the sun tanned skin, many scars. When he looked again into Red Horse's face, he saw a shy smile on his face. Draco smiled back.

"Okay, Draco. We need to know whom you want to sit with you when we go into the sweat lodge for the second round. You said you want Harry to sit with the boys. So you need to choose one of us who should sit close to you other than Severus," Light Arrow asked.

"You?" Draco asked shyly.

"It would be my pleasure, Draco. Let's go in then," Light Arrow said and then looked at Harry. "You will be last, Harry. Is that okay with you, or would you prefer to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge for not being the last one outside?"

Harry wondered, not for the first time, if the old man could read his mind, and he quickly looked down. Severus chuckled when he passed him and ruffled his hair. "No, he can't read you mind, but it was written all over you face."

Harry glared at Severus and then looked back at Light Arrow. "Will it be very hot to be one seat deeper in the hut?"

"No, it just could be difficult for you if you are feeling claustrophobic," Light Arrow explained.

Harry thought about his cupboard. He had never felt claustrophobic in there, he had felt safe. "I would prefer not to be the last one out here." Again he looked down, ashamed.

"That's nothing to feel ashamed about Harry. It's all right," Light Arrow said softly and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Black Hawk, you will be the last one. I will go in now and let them rearrange correctly. Red Horse, you will follow shortly after, then Severus and Draco. The last two in will be Harry and Black Hawk." When all nodded in agreement, he crouched down to crawl through the tiny tunnel.

-II-

"It would be my pleasure, Draco. Let's go in then," Light Arrow said and then looked at Harry. "You will be last, Harry. Is that okay with you, or would you prefer to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge for not being the last one outside?"

Harry wondered, not for the first time, if the old man could read his mind, and he quickly looked down. Severus chuckled when he passed him and ruffled his hair. "No, he can't read you mind, but it was written all over you face."

Harry glared at Severus and then looked back at Light Arrow. "Will it be very hot to be one seat deeper in the hut?"

"No, it just could be difficult for you if you are feeling claustrophobic," Light Arrow explained.

Harry thought about his cupboard. He had never felt claustrophobic in there, he had felt safe. "I would prefer not to be the last one out here." Again he looked down, ashamed.

"That's nothing to feel ashamed about Harry. It's all right," Light Arrow said softly and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Black Hawk, you will be the last one. I will go in now and let them rearrange correctly. Red Horse, you will follow shortly after, then Severus and Draco. The last two in will be Harry and Black Hawk." When all nodded in agreement, he crouched down to crawl through the tiny tunnel.

-II-

Draco felt cold sweat form on his whole body when he crawled through the small tunnel that led into the sweat lodge. When his face made contact with a heavy blanket, he panicked and tried to crawl backwards.

"Wait, Draco!" Black Hawk said calmly, but determinedly when he saw Draco crawling backward. He had crouched down to make sure that Draco was alright.

Hearing Black Hawk's voice behind him, Draco panicked even more. He wanted to turn around so that his bottom wasn't exposed to the man he assumed to have crawled after him in the tunnel. In reality the tunnel wasn't long enough to fit two men it was only about three feet long, but thinking rationally wasn't what Draco was doing at that moment. The tunnel was very tight; it was a wonder that Red Horse had fit through it. So Draco wasn't able to turn, and now he was stuck. Fear was taking over, and he sobbed not knowing what to do.

"Take my hand, Draco," Severus instructed from inside the sweat lodge after he had pulled the blanket from the entrance.

Draco still couldn't see anything. Black Hawk behind him in front of the entrance was blocking any light that could have come from the campfire. Draco whimpered. He couldn't move. It was as if his hands and knees were glued to the ground.

"I can't get him to take my hand," Severus stated.

"Move to the other side. I will try," Light Arrow instructed. A moment later Draco could hear Light Arrow's voice very close to his face. The old man must have crawled into the tunnel.

"It's okay, Draco. I'm hear to help you. I will touch your face so you know where I am, okay?" Light Arrow asked softly.

Draco wanted to answer, but all that came out was a whimper and another sob. He nodded his head and hoped the old man could see him. When the hand cubbed his cheek, Draco leaned into it. He was relieved to not be alone in the tunnel anymore.

Gently Light Arrow caressed Draco's cheek with his thumb. "Nothing to panic about; you are almost in, and there is more room there. Come on, give me you hand," Light Arrow instructed.

"I can't," Draco croaked.

"Of course you can, Draco. You brought a wheelbarrow full of stones from the river into the camp. You can lift your hand from the ground and place it in mine. Severus is only a few inches away from you," Light Arrow assured the frightened boy.

Draco closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Slowly he lifted a shaking hand, and Light Arrow grabbed it. Gently Draco was pulled in the sweat lodge. He was shaking badly when he was pulled down on a blanket beside Light Arrow. Severus crawled back to Draco's side, so now the boy was one seat further into the sweat lodge than originally planned.

"It's all right, Draco," Severus said calmingly and drew gently circles on Draco's neck.

Panic overcame Draco when Light Arrow let go of his hand, and he blindly groped for it.

"I'm still here, Draco. You can open your eyes," Light Arrow said softly after he had taken Draco's hand again.

Draco shook his head. He could only feel panic. His heart beat like hell, and only now when Light Arrow held his hand again, he could calm a bit. Suddenly he felt the heat. It was breathtaking, and he drew back until he felt the blanket behind him. That made him jump again because the blanket was hot as well.

"Shh, Draco, everything is fine," Severus assured Draco, his hand still on the boy's neck. Every muscles in Severus' body was tensed. He really hoped Draco would calm down before he passed out from all the panic.

Harry pulled the thick blanket from the entrance. He could hear Severus speaking calming words to Draco, but when the heat hit him in his face, Harry could only think about his own problems. His eyes were open, but immediately started to burn from the heat.

"It's all right, Harry. Come in," Red Horse said encouragingly and held his hand in Harry's direction.

Harry could only see a faint glowing from the stones, but he couldn't see Red Horse's hand. "Can't see you," he croaked. He fought hard against the impulse to crawl backwards because of the darkness and the heat.

"It's all right, Harry. Just reach you hand out, and Red Horse will take it," Black Hawk said and patted Harry's calf. It was just a small trick to make Harry go further on and not turn around. Black Hawk just hoped he wasn't pushing Harry too much.

Harry had the feeling Black Hawk was already in the tunnel behind him, and that gave him a creepy feeling. So he extracted his hand into the darkness, and the relief he felt when it was grabbed by a big hand was indescribable. He was pulled into the darkness until he made contact with a sweating body. Harry pulled back shocked and embarrassed that he had almost tripped over Red Horse. "Sorry, I-"

"No problem, Harry. Just sit down," Red Horse said calmly and pulled Harry down on the blanket beside him. Harry tried to make out anything, but he wasn't able to see much. At least he recognized a shadow to sit down on his other side.

"All right, Harry?" Black Hawk asked when he had sat down.

Harry nodded, but remembering that it was dark, he said, "Yes."

Draco meanwhile had calmed down. The long time the blanket was drawn back again from the entrance had let cool air into the sweat lodge and the heat wasn't so bad anymore. Still he hadn't opened his eyes and clutched Light Arrow's hand so hard that the old man surely must be in pain.

"Can you lead the ceremony, Crying Horse?" Light Arrow asked and held the bundle of herbs in Crying Horses direction. Obviously the Natives had no problems seeing in the darkness because Crying Horse grabbed for the herbs and pulled the bucket of water closer to him.

"Sure," Crying Horse replied, but it sound a bit insecurely. "Shall I start right now?"

"Are you ready, Harry?" Light Arrow asked over the small hole in which the glowing stones lay.

Harry nodded, this time not remembering that it was too dark for Light Arrow to see him.

"Harry?" Light Arrow asked again.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah I'm all right," Harry answered embarrassed and a bit frightened of what would happen now.

"Draco?" Light Arrow asked gently and squeezed Draco's hand.

"A.. all r.. right," Draco stuttered.

"Then start, Crying Horse. Remember four pouring in this round and two herb burnings," Light Arrow instructed. Crying Horse had proven to be more than just a fun maker in the camp. Light Arrow was very proud of him, even so the old man still felt that staying in the camp will change the cheerful young man in a bad way. He was very good for the kids, but Light Arrow didn't feel well knowing that the chances are high that Crying Horse will loose his positive and cheerful way of seeing the life while seeing more and more dramas and tragedies. He had made his opinion very clear to Crying Horse when the boy decided to live with them. Their were no lies or heat petting, just the hard truth that Light Arrow thought Crying Horse would break under the things he would see and experience in the camp. Nothing Light Arrow said could change the lovesick boy's decision, and so Light Arrow bowed to his wish. This didn't change that he felt bad for tainting this perfect and ideal soul by letting him see the worst in this world. The children who came to this camp were those everyone else has given up on. They had seen things nobody should have seen, and they have experiences pain, physically and emotionally, that was indescribable. Being around people like this is changing you, and Light Arrow wished Crying Horse would never change. He lived now for over eight years in the camp, but still Light Arrow was worried about him. Crying Horse had hardly changed, and they had many intense talks, but Light Arrow couldn't get rid of the guilt he felt whenever he saw Crying Horse.

For Crying Horse it was a constant challenge to prove himself to Light Arrow. Rose and White Cloud had tried to talk to him to stop trying to impress the old man, but he couldn't. He wanted to show him that he was happy in the camp and that he loved the work here. He wanted Light Arrow to see him as a part of the family like Red Horse, Severus and Black Hawk. It hurt him a lot to be an outsider, and he couldn't understand it. Yes, Light Arrow had explained it all to him, but for Crying Horse it felt as if he was punished for having a good childhood. The last few weeks finally were different. Light Arrow had chosen him over Black Hawk or White Cloud or Rose to take over the camp when he had left it with Severus and Red Horse, and now he asked him to lead this ceremony. Never before was he allowed to do this. Crying Horse was a Lakota. He knew the sweat lodge ceremony, even so they way to celebrate it was different in each Nation. Red Horse was an Iroquois, but his parents had lived in the modern world, and so Red Horse didn't know anything about traditional ways of living before he came into the camp. Black Hawk was a Cherokee like Rose and her parents, and he was very committed to the traditional way of living. Therefore he was always Light Arrow's first choice to give any task to.

Now that had change over the last few weeks, and Crying Horse wondered what had triggered it. He wouldn't ask and just enjoy it and use it to prove himself to the old man. Finally he had a chance to be accepted fully into the family. He opened the small sack in which the herbs lay and sprinkled a pinch over the hot stones.

Harry crinkled his nose. The smell was biting, and Harry had the feeling it was going straight though his nose into his head. He tried to hold his breath for a time, but that made him cough.

"Don't try to hold your breath, Harry. The biting feeling will go off soon. Breathe through your mouth," Black Hawk instructed while placing his hand calmingly in Harry's neck.

Draco tried to turn his head sideways. He finally dared to open his eyes and was surprised that he could make out shadow beside him. A squeeze of his hand by Light Arrow made him aware that they were watching him and wouldn't make him choke to death. He also heard Black Hawk's explanation to Harry and tried to breath through his mouth as well.

Both boys thought they were finally making it better when Crying Horse poured the first dipper of water over the hot stones. The stones hissed angrily, and a heat waved hit both boys that made them pull backwards again.

"Concentrate on you breathing, boys," Light Arrow instructed calmingly.

Harry had the feeling he was getting more water than oxygen in his lungs. Concentrate on my breathing? What breathing? I'm choking to death! When a hand grabbed his from Black Hawk's side Harry felt the urge to throw himself at the man in hope he could make it any better. The sweat was dripping in his eyes, and he rubbed them feverishly until Black Hawk grabbed for this hand as well.

"That makes it worse, Harry. If you have the feeling you can't stand the heat, you can try to lean closer to the ground. It's colder there," Black Hawk said softly.

It wasn't softly enough for Draco to not hear it, and he tried immediately to leaned down.

"Are you all right, Draco?" Light Arrow asked worriedly. It wasn't perfect that the boys already said one seat deeper into the sweat lodge. At the entrance it is much cooler and the kids who came from a cooler climate always had more problems because of the heat. Light Arrow tried to pry his hand out of Draco's grip, but the boy was having none of it."

"No!" Draco shouted.

"No, don't let my hand go or no I'm not all right, Draco," Light Arrow asked very worriedly now, alarmed by the panicking tone of Draco's voice.

The air down were Draco was now, really felt much, much cooler. It was a relief to know that there is a place to escape the overpowering heat when needed. "No, don't let my hand go," Draco breathed.

"Okay," Light Arrow said, relieved. He saw Severus massaging Draco's neck with one hand. His eyes had finally adjusted enough to see the man and boys sitting at the opposite site of the sweat lodge. The boys looked very nervous obviously not comfortable with the distress of Harry and Draco. Beside Red Horse Harry looked even smaller and vulnerable as he normally looked like. At the moment the boy had bowed down to the ground like Draco, and Black Hawk was massaging his neck. Harry's hand had somehow found it's way in Red Horse's. Light Arrow grinned about the perplex look on Red Horse's face. The man still couldn't believe that someone would like him and look for comfort at him besides his brother who knew him very well.

Black Hawk pulled Harry gently up. He stopped the small protest immediately. "It's just for getting a bit calmer. You can sit straight now for a while."

The stern tone made Harry groan. His skin was sticky and wiping the sweat off didn't help because he hadn't anything dry to do it with. The sweat that was wiped away from his forehead was replaced by the sweat that had been on Harry's hand.

Draco was pulled up by Severus and Light Arrow. He didn't dare to protest. He had calmed down by now, knowing that he could breath down there well enough. The next pouring wasn't as bad as the first one, but the next herb burning was as bad as the first time. It stung in their noses and their brains. Both boys tried to lean down again, but were stopped by their neighbors. Finally after the last pouring, Crying Horse instructed them to leave the sweat lodge for the first time.

Severus grabbed Draco's hand. "Come on, Draco." When he dug into the tunnel, he let go of Draco's hand, in hope Draco would follow him.

The only thing, Draco made hesitate to leave the sweat lodge was that he had to let go of Light Arrow's hand.

Gently, Light Arrow pried his hand free. He flexed it to get the blood back into it. He definitely would need White Cloud's bruise slave this night.

Outside, Draco immediately pulled his arms around his chest to hide his scars. It was so very bright because of the campfire. "Come over here, Draco!" He heard Severus call him.

"Pour it first over your legs, then your arms and last over your chest and head," Severus instructed.

Meanwhile the rest of the men had crawled out of the sweat lodge and silently distributed themselves on the other two barrels. Light Arrow was the only one who shared the barrel with Draco and Severus.

While Harry cooled himself down, he shyly looked around. Aiden was still waiting to have the opportunity to cool himself with some water. He waited patiently with Crying Horse for his turn. His body was muscular, and Harry was sure all the girl would fancy him. Some faint scars were on his chest and arms, but they looked as if they came from fighting and not from torture. Brian's body was covered in punctured little scars. His arms and legs were covered with them; even his neck. Ken was scarless except for a big one over his right arm and on his neck. Red Horse was covered in old whip marks and burning scars. Harry knew them too well form his own torture and what he had to witness in the dungeons. Black Hawk's body also was covered in scars, but they looked strange. A bit like Harry's scar in his forehead.

"Satisfied?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

Harry blushed, realizing that he had stared at Black Hawk's scars. "Sorry, I... I-"

Black Hawk chuckled. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Harry." He ruffled Harry's sweaty hair. "You are still quite hot. Come on, use some more water!"

Draco meanwhile tried to melt between Severus and Light Arrow. He saw the curious looks the teens were throwing in his direction as much as they tried to do it secretly. He tried to cover as much of his body as possible.

When several attempt from Severus and him hadn't helped to convince Draco to stop hiding and using the time to cool his body, Light Arrow took the dipper himself and started to pour the cold water over Draco.

Rose and White Cloud moved more hot stones from the campfire into the sweat lodge. When Draco's eyes fell on the letters that Light Arrow had written in the sand, he moaned. "I forgot that completely." He pointed at the round topics written down in the sand.

"That's not a drama. It's your first sweat lodge. Maybe you will remember it the second round. If not that isn't bad either," Light Arrow explained understandingly.

Neither Draco nor Harry were able to remember the round topics for the next two rounds. As soon as they were inside the sweat lodge their brains just were busy with trying to calm the nerves of the boys. Several times Draco and Harry had to dig down for cooler air, but they stayed silent. LightArrow had decided that they shouldn't go further into the sweat lodge, and so they remained at their places.

The last round was the hardest, Harry had the feeling the fumes of the herbs were really effecting his brain. He felt numb and a bit dizzy. When another herb was burnt, the rustling from the herb turned in another noise. The noise he had heard before, the sound of big wings and then their was a new sound, a scream. A high pitched scream from an animal, but Harry couldn't make out what it was. He only knew it was a normal sound and not a sound of pain. Harry had almost forgotten about this totem thing, but now it was back full force. That must be my totem, but what is it? He remembered the eyes that had stared at him out of the fire. Again he heard the wings, and he concentrated to hear it better. The dizziness became worse, and he felt that he was pressed down against the ground by somebody. He couldn't make out from where the hands came. He dropped on his side, a hand resting on his chest and his cheek against the cold ground.

Draco meanwhile didn't feel any better. He gulped several times and hoped he wouldn't throw up. He felt dizzy and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was standing on a rock in front of a cliff. A cool breath face blowing in his face. Around him was a thick forest and all around him were fireflies. He was confused when he realized how close he was to the ground. Suddenly his body reacted without him controlling it and his head pulled backwards and his mouth opened to scream, but the sound that came out of his mouth wasn't a scream. It was a loud howl.

-II-

The last round was the hardest. Harry had the feeling the fumes from the herbs were really affecting his brain. He felt numb and a bit dizzy. When again herbs were burnt, the rustling from the herbs turned in another noise. A noise he had heard before, the sound of large wings and then there was a new sound, a scream. A high pitched scream from an animal, but Harry couldn't make out what kind of animal it was. He only knew it was a normal sound and not a sound of pain. Harry had almost forgotten about the totem thing, but now it was back full force. That must be my totem, but what is it? He remembered the eyes that had stared at him out of the fire. Again he heard the wings, and he concentrated to hear it better. The dizziness became worse, and he felt himself being pressed down against the ground by somebody. He couldn't make out from where the hands came. He dropped onto his side, a hand resting on his chest and his cheek against the cold ground.

Draco meanwhile didn't feel any better than Harry did. He gulped several times and hoped he wasn't going to throw up. He felt dizzy and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was standing on a rock in front of a cliff, a cool wind blowing across his face. Around him was a thick forest and fireflies filled the air. He was confused when he realized how close he was to the ground. Suddenly, his body reacted without him controlling it and his head pulled backwards and his mouth opened to scream, but the sound that came out of his mouth wasn't a scream.

It was a loud howl.

-II-

For Harry, the world slowly came into focus again. A cool cloth was dabbed over Harry's head, and he realized that he was leaning against one of the barrels.

"Back with us?" Black Hawk asked cheerfully.

Harry tried to turn his head in the direction of Black Hawk's voice, but a hand was placed on his forehead and prevented it. Severus head appeared in Harry's vision. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Harry said, still a bit fuzzy. His head felt as if it was stuffed with cotton wool and his mouth was dry.

Severus peered closely into his eyes as he held his head in place. After Severus released him, Black Hawk was pressing a bottle of water to his lips. "Drink, it will help"

Harry grabbed the bottle. I'm no baby, he thought, annoyed. His eyes fell on the rest of the male camp members who were sitting around the campfire. All except of Draco and Light Arrow, that is. Harry's mind became clearer and clearer, and suddenly he noticed an itchiness against his bum. Shocked, he realized that his boxers were gone and he was only sitting covered by a blanket amongst all the others. Embarrassed, he pulled the blanket closer around him. "What have you done? Where are my boxers?"

"In the laundry, where else? They were sticky from your sweat. Everyone else has changed as well, but Light Arrow thought it was safer for you to not be moved too much; you slipped in and out of consciousness several times. But now that you are fully awake, it's time to get you back in your room and into bed," Black Hawk said. Seeing Harry's still shocked expression, he added, "Nobody saw you without your boxers beside Light Arrow and Sev. Calm down. There was a privacy shield over you the whole time. Getting you sick by letting you sit in your wet underwear while cooling down was not something Light Arrow would have allowed to happen."

"Listen to him, Harry. You need to rest. We will speak tomorrow," Severus said and gently cupped Harry's cheek. "I'm very proud of you and Draco." His face, although still showing concern for Harry's wellbeing, was beaming with pride for his boys.

"Draco?" Harry had finally remembered his friend and was now worried that he wasn't sitting with the others around the fire.

"-Will be okay. Light Arrow and Rose are taking care of him. Let Black Hawk bring you to your room, okay?"

"Okay," Harry said tiredly. Going to bed didn't sound like a bad idea. He was tired and still felt a little outside of himself. When he tried to stand up, he was swiftly hauled up in Black Hawk's arms. After squeaking in surprise, Harry quickly clutched the blanket around him again. "I could have walked by myself."

"Sure," Black Hawk said, snorting.

/

Coolness was surrounding him, like in the forest, but the more Draco came through, the more the coolness became wetness. A gentle hand was stroking over his head. "Don't panic, Draco. You are all right. You are in the bathtub right now. Everything is okay," Rose assured him softly.

Draco tried to focus, but it was difficult. His head hurt and his nose was stuffed.

Rose placed a wet cloth on Draco's head while her other hand rested on Draco's chest under the water. Her magic was helping Draco fight against the dizziness and nausea, but it couldn't stop him from feeling the other side effects of his first completed vision. They all had been surprised that Draco had a full vision. Normally, the kids wouldn't get a vision until they spent at least four sessions in the sweat lodge, and some even never got a vision at all. Maybe Red Horse's talk with them had opened them for it, but a full vision? That was really odd. Even Light Arrow had been impressed. Unfortunately, Draco's body hadn't been ready for a full vision, so he had passed out completely, not like Harry. That meant he would most likely suffer some side effects. "How are you, Draco?"

Rose's voice pulled Draco further out of his trance-like state. He panicked when he realized that he was in a tub full of water, but his attempts of standing up were prevented by Rose's hand on his chest.

"Calm down, Draco. Look around. Everything is covered and only Light Arrow and I are in the room."

Draco breathed at a quick pace, but looked around frantically. A big towel was placed over the tub, and he still wore his boxer shorts. Slowly, he calmed down and looked further around. Light Arrow sat close by the door on a chair and watched him seriously. "Am I ill?"

"No, you just blacked out. The herbs and the heat were a bit too much for you, we guess. What is the last thing you can remember?" Rose said softly, playing with his shoulder-long hair. She took the cloth from Draco's head and wet it again with the lukewarm water. This time she let it ran over Draco's neck.

Draco felt as if he was drugged; Rose's magic was amazing. He just wanted to close his eyes again, but he remembered that she had asked him a question. "I was in a forest."

Rose threw a glance to her father, who now stood up. "Let's get you out of the water, Draco." He snatched a big, dry towel and gave it to Rose. "I will help you out, and you tell me if you feel dizzy or any pain, okay?"

"Okay?" Draco said half-asleep already.

"Stop your magic, Rose!" Light Arrow reprimanded his daughter.

Rose didn't want to stop her magic. She wanted Draco to feel good, not dizzy or in pain, but she knew that they couldn't leave him in the water any longer. Sighing she pulled her hands back.

Suddenly Draco was awake again. His head hammered, and he only realized that Light Arrow had pulled him out of the tub when he stood in front of Rose who gently dabbed him dry with the towel.

"Sick," Draco croaked when he felt the familiar salty taste in his mouth. He closed his eyes against the dizziness. He was pulled against Light Arrow's body and another magic was flowing through his body; it was not as helpful as Rose's, but at least the nausea ebbed.

"We will have you in bed soon, son," Light Arrow said gently against his ear. "Rose will drape the towel around you waist now, and then I will vanish your boxers and cast a final drying spell. Everything will still be covered with the towel. All right, my boy?"

"I want to be in my bed," Draco said, exhausted.

"You will be there soon." Light Arrow waved his hand, and Draco felt his boxers gone. Before he could reach to cover himself, even though he was already covered by the towel, a warm breath was going over his body and he was clad in his pyjamas.

Rose pulled the towel out of the waistband of Draco's pajama bottoms. "All done, sweety," Rose said and kissed Draco's forehead.

"Of to bed with you," Light Arrow said and carried the half coherent boy into his room. After a bit more of Rose's magic, Draco was deeply asleep. A monitoring spell was placed on him and then Watje settled down on his chest, snuggling close to the snake plushy.

"Ah, how is he?" Light Arrow asked when he saw Black Hawk appear in the hall with Harry in his arms.

"Well enough to walk by myself, but he isn't letting me," Harry said in protest.

Light Arrow chuckled. "Into bed with him, Black Hawk." He held the door open and followed them inside.

The moment Harry was placed on his feet, Light Arrow was cupping his cheeks and peering deeply in Harry's eyes. Then he let his hand wonder to Harry's forehead. "You need sleep, Harry. I can't let you have a shower, for you're far too exhausted. I will perform a cleaning spell, and then you will be off into bed," Light Arrow explained.

Before Harry could protest, he felt first a cool, then a warm breeze over his skin, and suddenly the blanket was gone and he was in his pajamas.

"That will do for today," Light Arrow said and gently guided Harry into his bed. "I'm very proud of you and Draco, Harry." He held up his hand and had to grin. "I know what you want to ask. Yes, Draco is all right. He is sleeping and you can speak with him in the morning. Now, you need to sleep as well."

Suddenly Harry was overcome by a wave of sleepiness, and he wanted to glare at the obviously manipulative man sitting on his bed, but he hadn't the energy for it. Seconds later he was asleep.

/

"Come on, Black Hawk, I want to know how Draco is," Harry whined.

"I've told you once, and I'll tell you again, the one-to-one counselling is from supper to breakfast and it won't end a minute earlier. I cannot go into Draco's room uninvited, so you will just have to wait for breakfast," Black Hawk said while dressing. "Let's go to the bathroom. Maybe Draco will be awake when we are finished there."

Grumpily Harry agreed and followed Black Hawk.

"Don't you want to know what I saw?" Harry asked while he brushed his teeth on the toilet seat while Black Hawk occupied the sink and mirror to shave.

"I thought you would tell me when you were ready to do so. Speaking about a vision is something very private, Harry. You don't have to tell anyone about it if you don't want to." Black Hawk washed the remaining shaving cream from his face and grinned. "Nevertheless, I would love to hear about it."

Harry grinned around his toothbrush. "What would you do for me if I told you?"

Black Hawk turned around and eyed Harry. "Hmm, I will refrain from tickling you until you scream for me to stop?"

Harry groaned and pushed Black Hawk out of the way to rinse his mouth with water. "I was thinking more along the lines of you letting me use your razor," Harry said when he had finished rinsing his mouth.

Black Hawk grinned, relieved. He first had feared Harry wanted to convince him to stop the one-to-one counselling. "What do you want my razor for?" He ran his rough fingers over Harry's chin. "You are soft like a baby bum."

"I'm not!" Harry said indignantly and batted Black Hawk's hand away.

Black Hawk chuckled. "I was just joking, little bro. Of course I will show you how to shave." Black Hawk ruffled Harry's hair and then he pulled him in front of the sink.

/

"What's this?" Severus asked and pointed at the cut on Harry's chin.

Harry grabbed for the cut. "I cut myself while shaving." He tried to sound confident, but his voice wavered.

"What the hell do you need to shave for?" Severus asked, amused.

Harry turned red. Great, why does he have to say this in front of all the others at the breakfast table?

"I think he looks quite dashing, shaved so well," Rose said, winking at Harry.

That made the poor boy blush even more.

"By the way, you are a wizard, Harry," Severus teased on.

"Yeah, a wizard without a wand, Severus," Harry muttered, annoyed.

"You don't need a wand to shave. Only ninnies shave with magic," Black Hawk said mockingly in Severus' direction.

"Are you calling me a ninny?" Severus said, grabbing for his napkin.

"If you two start this again, I swear you will not leave my garden for the next couple of days," White Cloud said warningly. When her two sons stopped glaring at each other and lowered their eyes, she spoke to Harry. "Please don't ever try to shave alone before you have the knack of it, Harry. A tiny cut like this is normal, but I would hate to see you in pain because of a shaky hand."

"Don't worry, White Cloud. This shaving will last for the next two weeks. He has skin like Crying Horse. Smooth like a baby's," Black Hawk said in Crying Horse direction.

"Yeah, Harry, and look who has the prettiest girl here?" Crying Horse replied and leaned over to kiss his wife.

"Oh, don't drag me into your stupid boy games," Rose protested and bopped her husband.

"As if I would want a bossy head like her," Black Hawk said dryly.

"I swear if you don't get them under control, Joseph, I can't guarantee anything," White Cloud said, annoyed.

"You heard your mother, boys. If I were you, I would be careful," Light Arrow said. When they all lowered their heads, Light Arrow went on. "Let's talk about the plans for the day. Severus and Black Hawk will be occupied in the garden for the whole day. Draco and Harry will help them in the morning. So, what about the rest of you?"

Crying Horse said he would gather some osier branches with the kids so that in the evening they could all braid new baskets with Rose. "That sounds good. White Cloud needs more baskets to gather the vegetable from the garden," Light Arrow stated. "What are your plans for the afternoon, Red Horse?"

The bulgy man just shrugged his shoulders.

"Then keep a few hours free for our trip with Draco and Harry. You two still want to see some animals, don't you?" Light Arrow asked, avoiding saying snakes because that would certainly start a discussion with Severus.

Both boys nodded eagerly.

"Then that's settled," Light Arrow stated.

/

"This is horrible," Draco whined while he pulled the next weed out of the ground. "I hated herbology, but this is even worse!"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you behaved like dunderheads and sneaked up on us during the sweat lodge ceremony," White Cloud reprimanded the boys.

"We are sorry," Harry mumbled, and Draco agreed.

"I hope so. How would you have felt if the girls had ogled at you two in your boxers?"

Both boys blushed.

"And you two should stop chuckling or I tell Draco and Harry about your stupid actions during your first stay here," White Cloud warned Severus and Black Hawk.

That shut them up, and other than many groans and a few curses, the rest of the morning was spent pulling weed out in silence.

"My back hurts," Harry whined and sat down on the closed toilet seat.

"Stop whining. At least for you two it is over now. We still have to spend the rest of the day in the garden," Severus said, annoyed.

"Yeah, and for nothing at all," Black Hawk agreed to Severus in protest.

"I look like a pig," Draco said and looked with disgust at his dirty fingernails.

Harry had to grin. Some things never changed.

"That's not funny, Harry."

"Yes, it is but you know what?"

"What?" Draco asked peevishly.

"We don't have to spend the rest of the day in the garden," Harry said, grinning madly.

Draco grinned as well. "Yeah you are right. That's definitely a benefit."

"You little monsters!" Severus exclaimed and filled his hands with water and splashed it in Harry's direction.

Black Hawk joined the game and splashed Draco. After a few minutes, the bathroom was a mess. When the door was pulled open and Light Arrow appeared in the door frame, they all stood like deer caught in the headlights. "You mother assigned me to tell you that the cleaning cloths are in the cabinet under the sink. She will come up here in ten minutes, and if the bathroom isn't looking tip-top by then, you two-" Light Arrow pointed at Severus and Black Hawk. "-will carry the manure for the beds with your bare hands from the manure heap to the garden."

"Why only us two? They have made the mess as well," Severus protested.

Light Arrow lifted his eyebrow. "Do you really want to discuss that with me?"

Severus groaned and splashed over to the small cabin under the sink.

"I thought so," Light Arrow stated. "Ten minutes, boys!" With a grin he left the bathroom. It felt good that they behaved like normal boys for some time. If they only they would do it where their strict mother couldn't see them; she had absolutely no sympathy for rough play at all.

-II-

"You little monsters!" Severus exclaimed and filled his hands with water and splashed it in Harry's direction.

Black Hawk joined the game and splashed Draco. After a few minutes, the bathroom was a mess. When the door was pulled open and Light Arrow appeared in the door frame, they all stood like deer caught in the headlights. "You mother assigned me to tell you that the cleaning cloths are in the cabinet under the sink. She will come up here in ten minutes, and if the bathroom isn't looking tip-top by then, you two-" Light Arrow pointed at Severus and Black Hawk. "-will carry the manure for the beds with your bare hands from the manure heap to the garden."

"Why only us two? They have made the mess as well," Severus protested.

Light Arrow lifted his eyebrow. "Do you really want to discuss that with me?"

Severus groaned and splashed over to the small cabin under the sink.

"I thought so," Light Arrow stated. "Ten minutes, boys!" With a grin he left the bathroom. It felt good that they behaved like normal boys for some time. If they only they would do it where their strict mother couldn't see them; she had absolutely no sympathy for rough play at all.

-II-

"Hey, little fellow," Red Horse cooed to the colorful lizard in his hand.

Harry was, not for the first time, reminded of Hagrid when he looked at the large man that was treating the little lizard with so much care.

"It's an Eastern Collared Lizard. Isn't he beautiful," Red Horse said dreamily.

Yes, it was beautiful. The lizard had a red-orange head and the rest of his body was bluish. To Harry, it looked more like a chameleon than a regular lizard.

"Most people here in Oklahoma just call it mountain boomer," Light Arrow added.

Draco wasn't really interested in the lizard. He was searching for snakes, so he let his eyes roam over the rocky area they were standing in. Maybe they could find a rattlesnake under one of the bigger rocks, but it seems that Light Arrow wanted to avoid poisonous snakes.

"Let's go on, Red Horse," the old man instructed and didn't let Red Horse out of view.

The big man looked sad when he sat the lizard down. It seemed he had hoped he could let the lizard slip in his pocket when Light Arrow wasn't looking. Red Horse had lost count of how many times Light Arrow had caught him keeping animals in his room or the stables. He was always forced to set them free because Light Arrow was against keeping animals against their will. Only the chickens would he lock up at night, but just for their safety.

Sighing Red Horse watched the little lizard run and hide under a rock again. How much he wished to be a tongue shifter. He would gladly exchange all of his brawny body to be able to have the gift. Speaking with animals must be something very interesting - much more interesting than speaking with humans.

"Come on, boys. The river isn't far away, and I hope that we will find some watersnakes sunbathing," Light Arrow said and led the way.

"Wait!" Red Horse said when they finally arrived in the woody area close to the river. He crouched down and lifted a stone.

Harry and Draco never had seen a bizarre creature like this. Okay, they had, but they had been magical creatures, and the one they looked at right at that moment wasn't.

"Look, it's a western hog-nosed snake," Red Horse exclaimed, excited.

The little snake was around twenty inches long and a bit thick. The funniest part of it was the nose. It had a pointed, upturned snout. The body was tan to brown with dark blotches along its sides and back. The snake had spread out its neck and hissed madly at Red Horse, who looked in fascination at it and grabbed blindly for a branch.

"It's a funny fellow. Look," Red Horse said and poked the snake with the branch.

"You killed it!" Draco exclaimed, shocked. How could Red Horse - who loved animals so much - kill this snake for fun?

"I didn't," Red Horse said shocked and stood up abruptly.

The snake lay on its back, totally limp with its tongue hanging out of its mouth. They could now see the dark coloration running the length of the snake's underside.

Harry looked shocked as well. He had wanted to try to speak with the snake, but now it was dead, and he was responsible for it because he had asked them to look for snakes. Stepping backwards he collided with Light Arrow who grabbed him gently by his arms. "It's not dead; it's just pretending to be dead. Funny strategy to survive, isn't it?" Light Arrow said cheerfully to lighten the mood.

"I would never," Red Horse said sadly and looked at Draco hurt.

"I'm sorry, I... I just thought..." Draco stuttered. Unable to finish the sentence, he looked down ashamed.

"I know what you thought," Red Horse said hurt and gently drew a large stone closer to the snake so it could hide. "Everyone, just thinks I'm..." He grabbed at the sand frustrated, balling a fist.

Light Arrow let go of Harry to go over to Red Horse, but Draco was faster. He laid a hand on Red Horses shoulder. "I'm sorry, Red Horse. Why can't you forgive me?"

"I could never... I..."

"I know, I was just so shocked that it looked dead. I thought you gave it a heart attack. I didn't think you would have killed it on purpose, Red Horse. You must stop taking everything I say so seriously. I trust you. I know you wouldnh't harm any... any animal or anything else. Please stop being mad," Draco said sadly, his hand still resting on the man's shoulder.

"I'm not mad," Red Horse said and stood up. He turned to look directly in Draco's eyes, and the two just looked intensively at each other for some seconds, as if reading the other one's thoughts.

"Look it's gone!" Harry said, pretending to be surprised to get Draco and Red Horse out of their depressing moods. It worked, and they all looked at the place where the little actor had laid a few seconds before.

"I think we should give it a rest. I'm sure we will find some other snakes for you to speak with," Light Arrow suggested. "A snake which is playing dead may not be keen on speaking."

Now that Harry thought back to what just happened, he remembered the hissing. "I... I think I lost it," Harry said sadly. "I think I could just hear hissing."

"Maybe you were just distracted, Harry. Let's try another snake," Draco said and rubbed Harry's shoulder encouragingly.

Harry looked puzzled at the blond boy. That gesture just was so uncommon for Draco. The Draco Harry knew before the torture in the dungeons was like this, making jokes and patting shoulders or bopping his friends. After the torture in Malfoy's Mansion, he had never been like this, not even with Harry. Thus, it stunned the black-haired boy.

"What? You cannot give up so easily," Draco said, interpreting the puzzled expression incorrectly. "You can find more snakes, right Red Horse?" With that he turned to look at the big man again.

"Sure. We hope there are some watersnakes sunbathing close to the shore." Obviously, Red Horse had calmed down again and now was as eager as Draco to find more snakes. Harry tried to show some enthusiasm and followed them, but his heart wasn't with them. For an unknown reason, Harry felt that he wasn't able to speak with snakes anymore, and he felt empty for it. Grabbing for his chest, he pinched himself to fight the feeling of emptiness. He held his breath when he saw Light Arrow pause and move his head as if he was listening to something. Harry's hand rested against his chest not daring to move let alone pinch again.

"Do we have to go back?" Red Horse asked, knowing exactly what the behavior of his father figure meant. Something in his magical wards must have alarmed the old man.

Light Arrow shook his head irritated. "No." It confused him a lot that he couldn't identify the crazy signals his wards gave him lately. They came randomly, and they never were strong enough for him to recognize them as what they were nor by what they were caused. "Let's go on."

At the river they found the most beautiful snake Draco had ever seen in his life. A Marcy's Checkered Gartersake, as Red Horse had informed them. The tan snake had back marks running the length of this body, making a checkered pattern, with the exception of its head, which was a slightly darker shade of tan. It also had a light stripe running down its back, which seemed to emphasize how amazingly flexible the snake was. It completely ignored the nearby wizards, choosing to continue its sunbathing instead.

"Hey," Harry said to nearly three foot snake after Draco looked so expectantly at him.

The snake didn't even lift its head. It was so depressing, and Harry just wanted to go back to the camp, but didn't want to disappoint Draco.

Light Arrow laid his arm around Harry's shoulders. "Don't be disappointed, Harry."

"I really liked being able to speak with snakes, even though everyone told me it was bad."

"People are often scared of things they can't understand or explain. There isn't anything bad to be able to speak with snakes or any other animal," Light Arrow explained seriously.

Harry just sighed. He would really like to claw at his chest again, but he knew he couldn't risk it so close to Light Arrow or his one-to-one counseling would never end. The last few nights he hadn't needed to hurt himself to fall asleep; he was exhausted enough by all of what happened over the day, but he knew that would change soon.

/

"Why do you still have to sleep in my room? It's been five nights now!" Harry protested.

"Because Light Arrow says so, and he has his reasons," Black Hawk said dryly and turned around on his sleeping mat to face the opposite side. He was sick of Harry's complaining.

"But I didn't do anything wrong. I was good. I was good with Tohiadedi, and I helped to chop the fire wood. There has been nothing wrong the last three days," Harry whined.

Black Hawk growled. "Discuss it with Light Arrow and not with me. Now sleep! I have to drive the others into school tomorrow morning and would like to do it awake."

Harry hit the wall frustrated. Yes, that felt damn good.

"I would be careful or you will have your opportunity to speak with the old man earlier than you may wish for," Black Hawk said threateningly. Black Hawk was frustrated. He was sick of Harry constantly wearing his mask and trying to play a game with them. He knew that something wasn't right with Harry, and he knew that the boy had gotten more and more edgy. Soon he would break - maybe even tonight. This time Black Hawk would fake being asleep and would watch out for any signs of Harry hurting himself. He only had to wait long enough to see real scars of Harry's doing. He had caught Harry last night, but the teen had vehemently denied it. This time Black Hawk would be more patient.

Harry pulled his pillow over his head. Finally, he could only hear his own blood rushing through his ears. It was soothing, but not soothing enough to fall asleep. He needed to feel pain to get that lovely, soothing feeling again. The feeling that he was still alive; that the shell he was living in was really his body.

Lately Harry was very confused about his feelings. He realized that he was feeling more and more safe, and even happy. As if he finally had found a family, that he was loved, could relax and enjoy living. The problem was that he knew it wasn't real; he knew he wasn't allowed to feel happy and safe. He was responsible for the deaths of his best friends, and he had to suffer for it. Cursing the old man for changing him, he pressed the cushion harder to his ears. Why did this family here have to make him feel happy and safe? Why did they have to make this all so hard? Harry no longer wanted to kill the Death Eaters; he was certain about that. Unfortunately, that made his guilt become worse and that made his urge to hurt himself worse as well. Shouldn't he want to seek revenge for his friends no matter what?

All of that left only two options: killing himself or living with the guilt. It hurt physically more than he could describe. He knew he could not speak with anybody about it. Light Arrow and Black Hawk wouldn't let him out of sight if he were to tell them or any other adult about it. Severus was finally back to his old self. The meetings with Doc Martens really helped him, so how could Harry destroy that by telling him how bad he felt lately? Hermione wouldn't think twice and tell Dumbledore or Severus about it. So she wasn't an option either. Draco would break; he was so happy lately. He had really become friends with Red Horse. They often sat together after taking care of the horses or chickens. Draco had found a family now. He had even admitted that he was in love with Hermione and had asked Harry if it was okay or if he should try to do something about it when they were back in England or when she comes to visit them. Yes, Draco was fine and happy. Only Harry, the damn freak, wasn't.

Harry realized that he had started to scratch his arms again. Thank Merlin that Black Hawk was snoring slightly beside him already. It felt so good that Harry even sighed, relieved. No matter how long he scratch this time it wasn't enough. The bad thoughts pulled him deeper and deeper into his black hole, and he was overwhelmed by the urge to hurt himself.

Slowly but steady, the urge changed from wanting to hurt himself to no longer being able to live like this. He wanted it all to stop, but how? Not for a single minute longer could he live like this. Peace was all he wanted, and the guilt he felt would never make that possible.

How? How could he kill himself without them noticing or reversing it? There were a lot of poisonous snakes out in the open land, but they never left Harry alone, and so he couldn't end it like that. And it needed to end right now and here or Harry would go crazy. There was only one possibility. Wandless magic. Maybe he was capable of it if he wanted it hard enough. Harry pressed his hand against his chest and closed his eyes so hard it hurt. "Avada Keda-"

"Stop it!" Black Hawk roared and pulled Harry's hand from his chest brutally.

Harry had the feeling Black Hawk would break his arm. He was hauled out of the bed and now stood in front of a very furious Black Hawk. Harry trembled. Maybe he didn't need to kill himself anymore, Black Hawk would do it for him. His pajama sleeves were pulled up, and he could hear Black Hawk groan in frustration.

Black Hawk grabbed his pajama front and pulled Harry close to his face. With a death glare he spoke to the shivering boy in his clutches. "It seems the old man wasn't alerted by now, so we will do it my way."

Harry gulped. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Why do you care? I thought you wanted to die?" Black Hawk mocked Harry.

That made Harry furious. Black Hawk wasn't taking him seriously. He would show him. He grabbed for Back Hawks sleeping shirt and pulled forcefully on it. "You think I'm having fun, right? You think I'm weak and don't mean it! But you are wrong; I want to die and you will not stop me. I can't live like this. You all changed me, and I hate you for it. I no longer want to kill them and that makes me a stupid, weak looser. You made a fucking looser and coward out of me!"

"You don't want to die!" Black Hawk screamed back.

"I want to, you fucking bastard! I want to but you all think you have to control me. It's my fucking life, and I want to end it now!" He swung his right fist and it collided hard with Black Hawk's chin.

Black Hawk was surprised for one second, but so was Harry. The boy winced when Black Hawk grabbed him forcefully at his neck and pulled him over to the cupboard. "You have one minute to dress or you will die in your pajamas," Black Hawk said dangerously and gave Harry's neck a forceful push before he let go and started to dress himself.

Harry was shocked. He had no idea what Black Hawk had in mind, but when he saw the man change his clothes, Harry decided that wherever they were going, he didn't want to go in his pajama. He hardly had time to pull the shirt over his head when he was grabbed again and pushed over to the door. "My shoes."

"Not my problem. Stop shouting or they will hear us. If you want to die, you should keep your mouth shut until we are out of Light Arrow's earshot," Black Hawk said coldly and then opened the door to peek out.

Five minutes later they sat in the blue pickup and were driving to who-knows-where. Harry shivered. It was damn cold. He had no socks or shoes on. His jeans and thin shirt didn't protect him much against the cold. "Where are we going?"

"To die, what else? That's what you ask me for, wasn't it?" The Native American was pissed, very pissed. Harry had never seen Black Hawk like this. He felt bad, but he couldn't give in. He wanted to show the man that he meant it. That he wasn't a coward. He would kill himself if Black Hawk would give him the chance.

Black Hawk stopped the pick-up abruptly close to the river. He stepped out and came around to Harry's side, opened the door, and pulled Harry out of the truck by his arm.

When Black Hawk didn't let go, pulling him to the river and finally into the river, Harry tried to struggle. "What are you doing?"

"We are going to die, what else. That's what you asked from me, didn't you? Damn, make up your mind, Harry. I'm sick of it!" Black Hawk shook Harry.

"What do you mean with we?" Harry asked shocked. At least Black Hawk had stopped pulling him deeper into the river.

"Of course we. Do you think I would go back there? Tell Severus and our family that I let you kill yourself? Do you think I could live with the guilt of not being able to help you and look after you? Do you really think that?" Black Hawk was roaring. Harry was sure it could be heard in the camp. Why the hell did Harry have the feeling he wanted to get out of the river and just make it up with Black Hawk? Why did the obviously hurt feeling of his big friend here hurt more than the guilt he had felt a few minutes ago?

"I don't want you to die," Harry almost whispered.

"That's not your decision. It's mine. If you are going to kill yourself, then it will just have to be together with me!" Black Hawk said and started to pull Harry deeper into the river.

The cold water was making Harry's limbs numb. He shivered uncontrollably. When the water reached Harry's chest, Black Hawk stopped and turned his body to face him.

"Never in my whole life in this camp had I met someone that I felt so close to besides Severus. I failed you. I failed you badly. I'm not good enough for this job, I'm better off. I tried to kill myself several times, Harry. It's not easy, but I finally found a method that could work. The old man will feel our souls go away. He will break from it, but that's not our problem, right? We will be in peace then. He will not be fast enough to come here. He cannot apparate wandless, and he has to look for his wand before he will be able to apparate here. Until then, our body will be floating down the river by the current. He cannot bring us back to life. I did it once before, but I had the problem of Severus finding me. That will not happen today. We will be in peace and leave the others back to rot in their guilt. That's what you want, right?" His hands bored painfully in Harry's shoulders.

"No," Harry croaked miserably. His teeth shuddered so hard against each other that he feared they would break. It hurt so much with Black Hawk looking so broken and lost at the moment. Harry wanted to run back to the camp and get Light Arrow to help Black Hawk.

"But that's what it is, Harry. That's the price we have to pay for getting peace the easy way." He looked deeply in Harry's eyes. "It's always at the cost of others to have it easier. Like I said, you can hardly make it alone, so I will help you. I did it once, and I can do it again.

"I will keep us under water until we pass out. You will struggle, but I won't let go. That will be my payback on you for failing you. If there is something like a good and bad afterworld, then you will go to the good side because, technically, I killed you."

"But I don't want to be somewhere else than where you are," Harry said panicky and tried to step backwards.

Black Hawk didn't let him move. "But that's the only way. We can only be together in this world, Harry, and you decided against it. Let's get it over with!" With that he turned the boy around and pressed him against his chest.

"I'm sorry," the man whispered and then he dived down.

-II-

"But that's what it is, Harry. That's the price we have to pay for getting peace the easy way." He looked deeply in Harry's eyes. "It's always at the cost of others to have it easier. Like I said, you can hardly make it alone, so I will help you. I did it once, and I can do it again.

"I will keep us under water until we pass out. You will struggle, but I won't let go. That will be my payback on you for failing you. If there is something like a good and bad afterworld, then you will go to the good side because, technically, I killed you."

"But I don't want to be somewhere else than where you are," Harry said panicky and tried to step backwards.

Black Hawk didn't let him move. "But that's the only way. We can only be together in this world, Harry, and you decided against it. Let's get it over with!" With that he turned the boy around and pressed him against his chest.

"I'm sorry," the man whispered and then he dived down.

-II-

Cold, ice cold, water was all around Harry. It was squeezing his head together. Agonizing pain was in his chest and head from the cold. Black Hawk had a death-grip on his chest.

Harry wanted to be back at the surface, he wanted to be with Draco and Severus and the rest of the camp. He wanted to haul Black Hawk out of the water and beat him up for being so stupid, for giving up on him so easily, for giving up his own life. He wanted to live, so he struggled for it like crazy, but Black Hawk knew exactly how to hold him so he couldn't escape. He wanted to cry.

Now he didn't have a chance to tell Black Hawk that he had changed his mind; he would die here with him. He saw Draco and Severus in the front of his mind, and he was sure he had started to cry underwater. His struggling had lessened and suddenly Black Hawk's arm let go and gave him a push in the right direction. Survival instincts kicked in, and Harry gathered his last bit of strength to push himself out of the water, but not before grabbing for the hand that had pushed him upwards. He didn't let go, and while he gulped the first hurtful breathes, he pulled at the hand.

It had never been necessary to pull at the hand because Black Hawk had long since broken the surface on his own and was now pulling the still shocked boy into his strong arms and carrying him over to the pick-up. A blanket was wrapped around Harry and a few seconds later the pick-up drove in the direction of the camp.

"I think we settled the question of if you really want to die or not," Black Hawk said dryly. He knew it was risky what he had done, but he had been at loss of what to do to help Harry. The last few days they had tried several times to speak with Harry about his self-hurting and his suicidal thoughts, but the boy always blocked each attempt by accusing them of overreacting and misinterpreting his actions and words. There was a sting of guilt in him, but nevertheless he was sure that drastic measure had been the right way to show Harry that he had been lying to himself. Once it had been Severus who had pushed Black Hawk down in the water to make him realize that he still had much to live for. Black Hawk hoped Harry would learn from it as much as he himself had. He knew that Harry would be very mad at him now, but he hoped it was worth it.

"You are a fucking bastard, Black Hawk. I really thought you would kill yourself. I tried to pull you out of the water!"

"You did, and I'm thankful for it. Even when at risk of dying, you still think about rescuing others. If you only would realize what a special person you are, how important you are to others. I know that you are mad at me. You will have a chance to beat me up tomorrow, so save your energy for then. Now we need to sleep. I think your urge to hurt yourself is settle for tonight as well." With that, Black Hawk pulled the pick-up into the yard. Harry didn't move, so Black Hawk had to pull him out of the pick-up again and lead him into the main house.

Black Hawk wasn't surprised to find the living room alight. Light Arrow sat in his old armchair facing the main door. "We will speak tomorrow, Dad," Black Hawk said when he passed the old man while he pulled Harry after him.

Light Arrow just nodded pensively, but before Black Hawk could leave the room completely by climbing the stairs, the old man said: "Don't forget to shower and take the pepper-up potion. Both of you! The vials are already on the night table."

/

"Come on, beat me! That's what you have wanted to do since yesterday, isn't it?" Black Hawk provoked Harry and waved him to come closer. The whole morning Harry had refused to speak with anyone, not even with Severus or Draco. At breakfast he had refused to eat and had sat with his arms crossed over his chest at the table, staring at a point above the fireplace. Now it was time for the boy tolet his anger out to move on. The wrestling arena, as they called the place behind the big barn, was the perfect place for him to do so.

"Argh," Harry growled and threw himself at Black Hawk. He hated that the man had toyed with him, that the whole thing at the river had just been a game. Harry didn't care that Light Arrow and Red Horse were sitting close by; he wanted to hurt Black Hawk. He wanted to show him that he hated him for playing dirty. Harry's shoulder collided hard with Black Hawk's chest, and Harry used all his strength and weight to push against the men to try and make him fall.

"Is that all, Harry?" Black Hawk mocked him and pushed him aside like an irritating fly.

Harry saw red. All his anger boiled over, and he felt cold fury. There was no holding back, no mask, no game; all the frustration that he had bottled up into himself over the last few weeks now forced its way out. Harry had the feeling he would explode. He had thought Black Hawk was his friend. Blindly, he stormed again at the man, trying to drive full force against Black Hawk's torso. Harry's head was low, so it was no problem for Black Hawk to grab him over his back and push him down into the sand. Harry tried to wriggle free with no success. Black Hawk pressed his whole body down, and Harry was almost paralyzed. "Let me go!" Surprised, Harry realized that Black Hawk really did what he told him. Quickly, Harry scrambled backwards to get out of Black Hawk's reach.

"I don't want to hurt you, Harry. It's you who wants to hurt me. So come on, we have to get it out in the open in order to move on." Black Hawk waved again with both his hands for Harry to attack again.

"I hate you. You betrayed me!"

"Betrayed you? Because I tried to show you that this life is worth living? Because I tried to save your life?" Black Hawk roared.

"Control yourself, Black Hawk! Explain your actions to Harry," Light Arrow instructed with a tone of warning in his voice.

Black Hawk breathed deeply a few times. "Nothing I said was a lie. I slept in your room because I was worried about you. I knew something was wrong, and I wanted to figure it out and help you. I tried to speak with you about you hurting yourself and your suicidal thoughts, but you refused to speak with me. You pushed me away and said I was imagining it. I knew I wasn't, and I wanted to help you. That's what friends do. I never betrayed you!"

"You tricked me! You never wanted to let me kill myself!"

"Of course I didn't, you stupid moron!" Black Hawk screamed and stepped closer to Harry, who didn't back away this time. He grabbed Harry's shirt and shook the boy. "You are my little brother; I would never let you kill yourself!"

In moments like this, Light Arrow would ask himself if it was really a good idea to run this camp just with his family; maybe it would be good to employ one or two counselors, but would they understand their way of living and working with the children? Would life at the camp still be like it was now?

Light Arrow had a success rate of over 90 % with the children that went through his care. His methods were often questioned, and sometimes he even questioned them himself. Like right now. He felt that Black Hawk lost his control; he knew that Black Hawk wasn't thinking about how to help Harry at the moment, he was just acting out of impulse. Like a brother and not a counselor. This was one of the recipes of success in Light Arrow's way of caring for the children, but it often was a dangerous balancing act. So many things could go wrong, but so many things could do good, as well. The camp wasn't a state-aided program, nor were they paid anything for caring for the children. They lived on donations.

The first children they had taken in were just runaways. Some of them had gone on to become wealthy, and they now supported their former rescuers. The camp had a reputation in the states, and even oversea, but they only took in these who nobody else took in; those who had almost nobody and who had been given up on by the rest of the world. Nobody would pay for those 'helpless' cases, so nobody could set any regulations how Light Arrow and his family had to do their work. Thus, Light Arrow just watched Black Hawk and Harry closely to be able to intervene if it should be needed.

"You could have talk to me or something else, not play a stupid game with me. I'm not a stupid kid," Harry said, frustrated, and grabbed for Black Hawk's shirt as well. "I thought you liked me, but you are just playing with me and judge me like all the others!" Harry felt tears form in his eyes, and he cursed his body for the reaction. His frustration grew even more due to that fact, and he started to punch Black Hawk wildly.

Black Hawk didn't pull back; he just stood there and let Harry hammer his fists against him. Slowly, the strength left Harry.

"I thought you were my friend!" Harry weakly punched Black Hawk a few more times. Tears were falling freely now.

Black Hawk grabbed Harry's wrist and held his arms still. "I'm not only your friend, Harry - I'm your brother! I tried several times to speak with you. This game, as you call it, was all I could think of to help you realize that this life is still worth living. Everything else I tried failed." He looked Harry seriously in his eyes. "Can't you see how much it hurt me to see you like this? I know that you don't want to die, Harry. I have seen enough people who really wanted to die. I know what their eyes look like, and how they behave. They are not like you. You just let the guilt you force on yourself hurt you so much that you felt like hurting yourself and running away. Only you can fight this guilt, Harry. I can't do it for you. I'm helpless against it. I want to help you, but you keep pushing me away."

Harry breathed heavily. He felt miserable. He knew that it all was true, what Black Hawk said, but there was still a voice in his head that always made him remember his sins. The voice that would never will let him rest. "I can't stop it. I can't stop the guilt; I can't push it away." Harry heard odd sounds, and only when he was engulfed in Black Hawk's strong arms did he realized that it was his own sobs he heard. A hand was placed on his back after some time, and he felt magic flow into his body.

"Can you hear me, Harry?" Light Arrow asked, not lifting his hand from Harry's back.

"Yes," Harry croaked.

"There is only one way to fight the guilt," Light Arrow instructed.

"Which way?" Harry asked miserably, fearing the answer.

"Speaking about it," Light Arrow said.

Harry shook his head in despair against Black Hawk's chest.

"I know that it is hard, Harry, but that's the only way to heal. We need to speak regularly about what happened in the dungeons and about how you feel. You must be strong to fight the guilt."

"You told me you are strong, Harry. Don't you remember?" Black Hawk said. "You said you are not a coward. I'm sure you can make it, Harry. Light Arrow is a good listener."

Harry sniffed. "I know!" He remembered all the nights the old man had sat on his bed after a nightmare. They had already spoken about what happened in the nightmares, and it had helped.

"We don't have to speak about it alone. You can ask Severus to join us if you would feel better that way, or Black Hawk, or whomever you want except for Draco. He is not ready for it right now," Light Arrow explained.

"I know," Harry said sadly and pushed himself away from Black Hawk's chest. "I will try it, but we will go slow, right? If I feel that I can't talk about something, you won't force me!"

"I promise," Light Arrow said and took his hand from Harry's back.

"I don't want Black Hawk to be there when we speak about it," Harry said, unable to make eye contact with Black Hawk. "I want him to be my friend... my brother. I want to have fun with him and do good things not talk about... about..."

"It's all right, Harry. What about Severus?" Light Arrow asked, knowing that it would be easier for Harry to have someone around that he felt totally safe with.

Harry thought hard about it. "I think it would be nice to have him around, but he won't be here often after he starts to teach in the reservation school."

"He will be here often enough, Harry. He is not teaching much, and we can hold the sessions in the afternoon. You are not the only one here to have speaking sessions with me, Harry, so don't look so shocked. The others won't look down at you for it, and they won't disturb you. I guess you never realized that half of the other kids have regular speaking sessions, did you?"

Harry was puzzled. No, he had never realized it. Now that he thought about it, he remembered that sometimes one of the kids would be missing, but he had never thought about it before.

Light Arrow chuckled, knowing what was going on in Harry's head. "You won't have much time in the morning either, once you pass Professor Karley's test tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Yes, I thought you were ready for some lessons. He will come tomorrow to speak with us and do some test with you."

Harry bit his bottom lip nervously. He was a bit anxious about the test. What if he wasn't able to perform wandless magic? What if the professor looked into his mind and saw all the horrible things within it? What if he thought Harry wasn't responsible enough for wandless magic? Light Arrow had said that the professor wouldn't teach him if he had bad intentions. Harry wasn't sure why he wanted to learn wandless magic so much. At first it had been because he had wanted to kill the Death Eaters and thought wandless magic would be a great benefit for it. Now, he didn't think he really wanted revenge. That's why he felt so bad lately. He had finally realized that yesterday. Wandless magic would be a good way to focus on something else again. Something that made him powerful, not weak like he so often felt lately. So what if that was a bad reason?

Light Arrow ruffled Harry's hair. "You think too much, Harry. There is smoke coming out of your ears!"

Harry was pulled out of his thoughts by that and now looked puzzled at the old man.

"Professor Karley will be here tomorrow afternoon. I still think you should let out some more steam. So how about wrestling with Red Horse for a while? If you get him down, I will do your stable work this afternoon," Light Arrow offered.

"You only say that because you know it is impossible," Harry said and pulled a face.

"Never say never, my boy. If you are quick and agile enough, you can bring him down. You don't need brute strength to win." Light Arrow winked at him and then went back to his place on one of the barrels to watch the scene.

"Don't hurt our big brother too much, Harry," Black Hawk said teasingly and ruffled Harry's hair.

"Haha," Harry replied dryly.

The problem was that Harry didn't want to hurt Red Horse at all, and he feared he might hurt him more than Black Hawk. It was odd comparing the two. Red Horse was twice as big and maybe thrice as strong as Black Hawk; nevertheless, he seemed to be fragile sometimes. It would be like hurting a big teddy-bear. So Harry's attacks were only light-hearty. He glared at Black Hawk who booed after a while, but he grinned madly when Light Arrow cuffed the back of Black Hawk's head for it. Harry even stuck his tongue out in Black Hawk's direction.

"Another bet; I will go on a ride with you when you can get out of Red Horse's grip," Black Hawk said.

Harry's eyes light up. He really would love to go riding with Black Hawk. "Only us two?"

"Only us two!" Black Hawk agreed.

"Okay," Harry said, grinning at Red Horse. "What do I have to do?"

"Kneel on all four. It's a wrestling position. I will grab you around your chest and you try to wriggle out of my grip before I can turn you around and press your shoulders down on the ground," Red Horse explained. Light Arrow had told him that Harry hadn't been sexually assaulted, but that he had seen it. So Red Horse wasn't sure how Harry would react to this wrestling position.

Harry paused, but the wish to go riding was so great that he pushed the fear away and got into the position. When he felt Red Horse's strong arm go around his chest, he stiffened. The arm was laying limply around him not touching him much.

"We can still stop, Harry," Red Horse said close to Harry's ear.

Harry shook his head, but his breathing was still very fast. The arm still didn't close around him.

"Let me know when you are ready, Harry," Red Horse said calmly.

"Okay," Harry said and almost panicked because he feared Red Horse would see this as the signal to start. To his relief the man waited for another signal. After a few more deep breathes, Harry said, "I'm ready." The arm finally closed around him, his back was pressed against Red Horse's chest and his front was pressed against the big hand.

"If you tell me to stop, I will do so immediately," Red Horse assured Harry. "You can start whenever you feel ready for it."

One last breath, then Harry started to try to wriggle free. He tried to pry the hand from his chest with no success. Shifting his body forcefully sideways also didn't help. It just made him loose his balance, and he suddenly felt himself being pressed chest down in the sand again. He tried to wriggle out of the strong arms, but it was like big robes were wrapped around his torso. His wriggling again brought him in a worse position. Harry remembered that Red Horse's goal was to press his shoulder down on the ground. Now being on his back this would be an easy thing for the man. So Harry tried to arch his back as much as possible. He felt very exhausted already, not really in shape for something as physical as wrestling. Clawing at the strong arm that held him down, he mobilized all his strength to at least turn around again, but he failed. The result was that he felt all his strength leaving him, and he sank down on his back and his shoulders. He still remained on the ground when Red Horse let go of him. The disappointment was too much.

"Not bad, little bro," Black Hawk said when he appeared in Harry's vision. "I didn't think you would survive so long. I think you deserve a ride just for fighting so hard."

"Really?" Harry was up in a second, smiling happily.

"Really," Black Hawk said. "But first you need to shake hands with Red Horse. What happens in the wrestling arena, stays in the wrestling arena. Victories and defeats are not to be used outside the arena for anything. No mocking, no bragging, no black mailing or anything else. Understood?"

"Sure," Harry said. That felt like a manly thing, and it makes him feel much stronger. He went over to Red Horse and shook his hand.

"Good, now let's get some food into you, so you won't fall from your horse. Then we will get Tohiadedi and Shallow Water ready for the ride," Black Hawk said, laying his hand on Harry's neck.

"Yes," Harry said, excited, and smiled at Black Hawk.

"My, if I had known it was so easy to make you smile, I would have suggested it earlier," Black Hawk teased Harry and ruffled his hair again.

-II-

"Not bad, little bro," Black Hawk said when he appeared in Harry's vision. "I didn't think you would survive so long. I think you deserve a ride just for fighting so hard."

"Really?" Harry was up in a second, smiling happily.

"Really," Black Hawk said. "But first you need to shake hands with Red Horse. What happens in the wrestling arena, stays in the wrestling arena. Victories and defeats are not to be used outside the arena for anything. No mocking, no bragging, no black mailing or anything else. Understood?"

"Sure," Harry said. That felt like a manly thing, and it makes him feel much stronger. He went over to Red Horse and shook his hand.

"Good, now let's get some food into you, so you won't fall from your horse. Then we will get Tohiadedi and Shallow Water ready for the ride," Black Hawk said, laying his hand on Harry's neck.

"Yes," Harry said, excited, and smiled at Black Hawk.

"My, if I had known it was so easy to make you smile, I would have suggested it earlier," Black Hawk teased Harry and ruffled his hair again.

-II-

Nervously, Draco looked at Severus and then back to Harry. Something must have happened last night. Harry refused to speak with him or anyone else that morning. His appetite was gone, he just sat with his arms crossed over his chest at the breakfast table refusing to eat or speak. Severus shook his head and gestured Draco to leave it be for a while.

After breakfast, Severus pulled Draco aside. "Come with me, I still have time before I need to leave to speak with the headmaster about my schedule."

"What's wrong with Harry?" Draco asked as soon as they were in Severus' room. Sitting down on the bed, Draco pressed Taz against his chest. As long as he didn't look at the plushy, he could pretend that it was his snake.

"He will be okay. I can't tell you what happened, but trust me - he will be okay." Severus had found an agreement with Light Arrow. He would try to accept that the others handled most of the problems Harry and Draco would have, and in turn, he would be informed and involved in almost all of the decisions concerning 'his' boys. So Light Arrow had spoken with Severus as soon as he had gotten a report from Black Hawk about the previous night's events. "Just give him some time to think. Black Hawk and Light Arrow will speak with him as soon as we have all left for the school. Crying Horse will take over for Black Hawk and drive us over to the school instead. I would like it if you would join me. They will be occupied with Harry and we could explore the town when I'm finished talking with the headmaster. I won't start teaching until tomorrow, so you just have to wait for half an hour or so. That way you have something to do this morning. What do you say?"

"Sounds good. What will we do in town?"

"We will see. There is a small cafè, a bookstore and a park. I have my wand, and we can apparate back whenever we want. We will have to walk a bit because we can't apparate directly into the camp, but it is not a very far walk."

"That sounds good to me. Maybe I can find a good book for Hermione, or maybe something about snakes. Red Horse and Light Arrow have shown us a few; did you know?"

"Yes, I have heard. If you want to read about snakes, you can use Light Arrow's library. It is full of all kind of animal book and spiritual books. As for the gift for Miss Granger, you could buy almost any book and she would love it." Severus pulled a face.

Draco laughed. "You told her she could use your first name after the war, but you still call her Miss Granger. That's odd, isn't it?"

Severus raised his eyebrow. "I offered her to use my first name because she was always around you and Harry. Old habits die hard. So, you can buy any book for Hermione and she would love it."

"Where is this library you spoke of?"

"Have you seen the small door next to the painting of a big forest in the living room?"

Draco racked his brain and could remember an inconspicuous door. "Yes, I thought it was a closet."

"No, it's a library, but right now we don't have enough time. Go to your room and get ready; we will leave in twenty minutes. You can come back here as soon as you are finished, and we can speak a little longer, or perhaps I can show you a bit of the library before we leave."

Draco jumped up and sat Taz on the bed. "I will be back in a second."

Five minutes later, he was back, fully dressed for a day outside the camp. Looking around in confusion, he groaned in annoyance when he realized that Severus had sat Taz back on the shelf again. "Why do you insist on sitting him on the shelf?" Draco asked and lifted the plushy from the shelf. It felt so good to feel the purring of it against his chest. So Draco sat down back in the bed, sighing happily when Taz purred even more. "He likes it better on the bed. Listen, he is purring louder."

Severus rolled his eyes. "That's because it is charmed like that. The more distressed you are, or the closer you are to a bed, the thing will purr louder."

"It is called Taz. You spoke of him by calling him by his name before, so don't try to pretend you see him just like an it, Sev." Draco looked reprimanding at Severus.

"I had a weak moment. Don't hold it against me!" Severus said, but grinned.

Draco smiled at Severus. The purring made him almost drowsy.

Severus groaned. "I think White Cloud meant it a bit too much when she charmed this one." He took the plushy out of Draco's arms and moved to the shelf, but he paused and went back to the bed and sat the Tasmanian devil on it. "Satisfied?"

Draco still grinned madly.

Shaking his head, Severus pulled Draco up. "Let's go to the library."

"Wow!" Draco exclaimed when he looked around in the small library. He let his finger roam over the spines of the books on animals. "This is amazing. Hermione will love it."

"Hermione? You have been mentioning her quite often lately. Has something developed you haven't told me about?"

Draco blushed. "I like her, and she wants to visit us later, with Dumbledore."

"Professor Dumbledore, Draco. Technically you are still a student at Hogwarts."

Draco's face fell.

"What's going on in your head?"

Draco sighed. "I don't want to go back."

Severus stiffened briefly, but tried to overplay it. "Pardon?"

"I don't want to go back at all, Severus. I like it here. I'm just scared when I think about you and Harry leaving." Draco looked down at his feet. When Severus laid his hand on his shoulder, he threw himself forward and hugged Severus tightly. "I don't want to stay here alone, but I don't want to go back."

Gently Severus pat Draco's head. "It's not the time to think or speak about leaving, Draco. You need a lot more time to heal, and then we can speak about leaving or staying. Don't trouble yourself about it right now."

Draco didn't let go of Severus and pressed his face against his chest. "Will you be mad at me if I don't go back?"

"I want you to be happy, Draco. If you decide you want to stay when you are healed, I will accept it. The important thing is that you are happy and feel safe."

Draco sighed, relieved, and finally let go of Severus. He smiled shyly and then let his eyes wander again. "What's that?" A big book with the word Cherokee on it had caught his eye. It was a dictionary for Cherokee into English. "Can I find what Unega's name means in here?"

"Certainly," Severus said dryly and sat down at the small table in the room.

Draco flopped down on the chair opposite of Severus and searched for Unega in the book. "Here, I found it. It means white, like Black Hawk said it did."

Severus chuckled. "Why would he tell you something wrong? He is a Cherokee, haven't you been told?"

"Yes, Red Horse has told me. Red Horse is an Iroquois, did you know that?"

Severus laughed. "Yes, I know. And Crying Horse is a Lakota. I lived for a long time with them, Draco." Leaning back, Severus grinned, amused.

Draco wasn't listening to him any longer and was flipping through the pages. "What is the phrase that is written on the red pick-up?"

"Awadvdi Tsvsa," Severus answered. "I can tell you what it means."

"No, I want to find out on my own," Draco said and looked feverishly for the words, his finger skimming over the pages. "Ha, there it is! Awadvdi. It means find and Tsvsa means... yourself. Find yourself." He looked proudly at Severus. Seeing that he just looked amused at him, Draco went on, "Harry said what Light Arrow always calls us means twins."

"Dinilawi," Severus said.

"Yes, exactly."

"Severus?" Crying Horses voice bellowed through the closed door.

Severus jumped up. "We forgot the time. Come on, we need to go." Severus ushered Draco out of the room after the book was returned to the shelf, and they met Crying Horse, Maya, Brian and Ken in the living room.

"Your sheer nerve [the way you had it, Severus, arriving late for your first talk with your new employer," Crying Horse said, shaking his head jokingly.

"I don't care if he employs me or not. They were the ones asking me to teach again," Severus said arrogantly and got admiring looks from the kids for it.

"Great role model," Crying Horse said sarcastically, suppressing a grin.

Severus just shrugged his shoulders and went outside.

"Why does he never wear a hat?" Maya asked Crying Horse shyly.

"Because he is arrogant and prefers to get sunstroke rather than be seen wearing a hat."

"Did he already get one?" Ken asked.

"Many," Crying Horse answered.

"He is lying. I'm immune to the sun," Severus said and pulled the passenger door of the pick-up open.

"Ha, dream on. Wait until I let White Cloud tell them about all the times you got sunstroke," Crying Horse said threateningly. Turning to the kids he said, "Light Arrow always threatens that he will make his bum look like his head if he gets another one. I wish he would carry out the deed one day." Crying Horse grinned madly. It was always very amusing when Severus got scolded like a kid after doing something stupid, again. Crying Horse had never met a man that was as stubborn as Severus, yet let Light Arrow and White Cloud boss him around as if he was a child.

The kids looked with gapping mouths at Crying Horse. Light Arrow had never threatened to do something like that to any of them, but they had already realized that Severus was a very stubborn sometimes. Black Hawk often got a cuff on the back of his head by Light Arrow or Red Horse, but never was he threatened of getting spanked.

"He is telling you stories," Severus shouted out of the pick-up. "Don't listen to him. And if you listen to him, I would think twice about making comment about it because soon I will be your teacher. Just ask Draco how much I'm loved as a teacher."

"He wore a hat in the garden," Draco said to support Severus, avoiding making comment on Severus' teaching.

"Yes, White Cloud's garden straw hat, but he only wore it because otherwise White Cloud would have made him work in the garden for a month." Crying Horse ushered the kids into the jump seats on the bed of the pick-up and made sure that they all fastened their seat-belts. "First day at school again. What a joy. A little more enthusiasm please."

The kids groaned, and Crying Horse laughed.

"Where are Melissa and Aiden?" Draco asked curiously.

"They only get taught by Rose and White Cloud. Aiden has a learning disorder and dropped out of school. He hates to learn, but Rose takes no pity on him, even though he technically doesn't have to go to school any more. He has to spend the whole morning with her and Melissa, and sometimes White Cloud, to learn basic stuff he could need in the future. You should hear him curse about it. White Cloud once washed his mouth out with soap when she had heard it. That was damn funny! Since then, he has been very careful who is listening when he swears and complains about the schooling from Rose," Brian explained.

"And Melissa?" Draco asked.

"She is too shy," Brian replied.

"She is not," Maya said and bopped Brian.

"What? It's the truth. She is too scared to go to school. She wouldn't be able to look up or listen to the teacher. She hardly speaks a word to us."

"Because you are immature. With me, she talks a lot," Maya said, shaking her head.

Brian and Ken snorted. "She is like a snail not daring to come out of her shell. She has to learn to open her mouth," Brian said.

"You are lucky Light Arrow didn't hear you say that. How would you have felt if we had judged you like that when you were new? What if we had laughed about your stupid behavior? Peeing against the pick-up was so mature, Brian. Or what about you Ken? Do you think blabbering about how cool you are all the time was something we should have judged you by?" Maya discussed heatedly.

"That was all when we were here the first few weeks. Melissa has been here for five month now," Brian protested. He hated it when Maya was such a know-it-all and thought she is a second White Cloud to tell them what to do or scold them.

"Melissa just needs more time, and if you wouldn't pick on her so often, she would already be much more open," Maya said, annoyed. Sometimes the boys were so stupid.

"We don't pick on her; we try to get her out of her shell," Brian replied. He never knew when it was time to give up and shut his mouth. At least the adults couldn't hear their conversation in the cab.

"What?" Now Maya was pissed. "You think picking on her for looking dreamily at Harry would bring her out of her shell? You make it all so much worse with your stupid comments, and you know it, or otherwise you wouldn't hide your comments when one of the adults is around! She is isolating herself lately because of it, and Light Arrow already told you to stop. So don't play dumb."

"You girls just don't stand for any nonsense. You have to take everything so seriously. Maybe Harry would want her as his girlfriend if she would ask him," Brian said, annoyed.

"Maybe she doesn't want him as a boyfriend, and you lot interpreted something wrong from her looks," Maya said, pulling a face. "How dumb are you two, and Aiden as well. Don't you see what's wrong with her? She is skin and bones, and if she had it her way, she would even loose more weight. She would never believe that someone like Harry would want her as his girlfriend. You with your stupid allusions make her more and more insecure. She thinks she is fat and you tell her to go to Harry and tell him that she is in love." She growled, frustrated seeing the dumb expressions on the boy's faces.

"You girl, are just crazy. Too fat, have you seen her in her bikini? It would be like kissing a skeleto- ouch," Brian screamed when Maya hit the back of his head, hard. "What was that for?"

Maya gasped for air. Did this dunderhead really ask her what that was for? "You disgust me! I won't speak with you any longer. It is just useless. You have the brain of a fly!"

"A fly has no brain," Brian said angrily, to Maya only confirming his stupidity.

"If you say so, you, just confirm my theory." With that said, Maya crossed her arms over her chest and ignore the boys. She also didn't react when Brian pulled a face in her direction and stuck his tongue out. She just sat at her seat staring, annoyed, into the distance.

After a few minutes Draco leaned over to Maya and asked, "Do you really think Melissa wants Harry as her boyfriend?"

"Really, Draco, don't start this again. Melissa has no time for a boyfriend, nor does Harry. They both have to concentrate on themselves."

She really sounded like one of the adults, so Draco decided to let the topic drop for the time being.

-II-

"You girl, are just crazy. Too fat, have you seen her in her bikini? It would be like kissing a skeleto- ouch," Brian screamed when Maya hit the back of his head, hard. "What was that for?"

Maya gasped for air. Did this dunderhead really ask her what that was for? "You disgust me! I won't speak with you any longer. It is just useless. You have the brain of a fly!"

"A fly has no brain," Brian said angrily, to Maya only confirming his stupidity.

"If you say so, you, just confirm my theory." With that said, Maya crossed her arms over her chest and ignore the boys. She also didn't react when Brian pulled a face in her direction and stuck his tongue out. She just sat at her seat staring, annoyed, into the distance.

After a few minutes Draco leaned over to Maya and asked, "Do you really think Melissa wants Harry as her boyfriend?"

"Really, Draco, don't start this again. Melissa has no time for a boyfriend, nor does Harry. They both have to concentrate on themselves."

She really sounded like one of the adults, so Draco decided to let the topic drop for the time being.

-II-

Once at the school, the three kids ran off to their classes as they were already late. Crying Horse waved his good-bye to Severus and Draco before driving back to the camp.

"Come on, we need to meet with the headmaster, or would you prefer to wait here?" Severus asked.

Draco shook his head, shocked. He didn't want to stay here alone, where he knew nobody. Scooting closer to Severus, he made sure he wouldn't get lost.

Severus smiled at Draco and laid his hand on his neck. Then he pointed the boy in the direction where he knew the office of the headmaster was.

"A new student, Severus?" Professor Karley asked curiously when they met him in the hall.

Draco immediately slipped behind Severus, starting to hyperventilate. It had been a bad idea to come here, Draco was sure of that. Why had he agreed at all? He had hardly left Grimmauld Place in England before he went to the camp, and was only just beginning to finally feel safe at the camp. Maybe that had made him at ease, but he realized only now as to what he had agreed. Now he felt absolutely terrified in his new surrounding with so many people he didn't know all around him. What if Severus left him alone, or what if it was all just a trick and Severus was going to leave him with the professor, making him take classes?

Professor Karley stepped backwards and held his hands up. "I'm not taking you anywhere. I just thought you were Harry and was surprised that Severus brought you here instead of having me meet him at the camp tomorrow like we planned. So I guess you are not Harry?"

Draco shook his head and tried to struggle against Severus, who had pulled him in front of him. At least he was folding his arms over Draco's chest while he pulled him against his front; that was a bit calming for Draco.

"This is Draco, my other boy. Harry is still at the camp and is eagerly awaiting your visit tomorrow. Draco here just accompanied me to my meeting with Headmaster Johnson. We want to explore the town a bit afterward." He paused shortly and then added, "Draco, this is Professor Karley."

"The vampire," Draco whispered, staring at the man in front of him. The professor had a very light tan, like Draco. He didn't look unhealthy or translucent like Draco always imagined vampires, nor could he see long fangs poking out of the professor's mouth. The man had long dark hair that he was wearing down and he was handsome looking for a man in his age - 33 or 34 maybe.

"36, and it had been that way for over 323 years now." He laughed seeing Draco realize what the vampire meant. "It always amuses me to see you European kids react to my appearance. I can walk in the sun as well, and you are in no danger of becoming my victim. I have no desire to drink your blood and turn you in a vampire like me." Karley grinned, and now Draco could see the slightly longer incisors.

Ashamed, Draco looked down. "I'm sorry, I..."

"No problem, Draco. You are not the first one to react like that. It's a shame how little you learn about vampires at your schools in Europe. That's not your fault." Professor Karley realized that he was still holding his hands up and now let them sink slowly.

"Would it be okay if I join you two for lunch at the little cafè down the street? Or do you have to be back in the camp for lunch?"

"What do you say, Draco? If you tell Harry that you met Professor Karley, Harry will want to know everything about it, and it would be a good start to find out why he ignored you this morning."

A grin appeared on Draco's face, and he nodded slowly.

"Aw, two true Slytherins I guess," Karley said, laughing with his deep voice again.

"Yes, you are right, Isaac. So we'll meet you there at twelve. Now I have to hurry; I'm already very late for my appointment with Headmaster Johnson."

"Headmaster Johnson has talked of nothing else the last two staff meetings other than getting you to join his team. You could come three hours too late, and he would still fall on his knees for you to join us."

"I heard that, Isaac," a deep voice said behind Professor Karley. "Believe me, I have tons of applications for your job on my desk, so be careful."

"I can read your mind, headmaster, don't forget that. You are too fond of me to sack me, and I'm the best. 250 years of experience."

"250 you say? Oh my, that means your teaching methods should be really out of date I think I may need to send you to some conferences to further education," the headmaster replied teasingly.

If Draco hadn't already wriggle out of Severus grip to stand half-hidden behind him, he would have done so now after hearing the growl that came from Professor Karley.

"First, leave the growling to Professor Spinter; he is much better in it. Second, you are scaring the students, Isaac," the headmaster said, not at all impressed by the growling vampire.

"There are no students around," Karley replied, already back to his normal cheerful self.

"What about you, young man?" Headmaster Johnson asked Draco, as if he weren't hidden behind Severus.

Damn, that forced Draco to respond on his own. Now he had to answer the headmaster, or Severus would think him a baby. Draco became even more nervous when he saw Professor Karley's eyes boring into him. Surely he was reading his mind again. "I... I'm Draco, but I don't want to go to school." The last part he had said so fast that the adults needed some time to puzzle out what he had said.

"No school? But our school is very good. We have wonderful teachers and small classes. Severus should show you around a bit; he was a student here once. Did he tell you about it?"

Draco nodded shyly and moved a tiny bit out from his hiding place. "Severus said I don't have to take classes yet." He nervously glanced at Professor Karley who was still staring at him. That's when Draco realized that the vampire had silver eyes. "And I don't have to take classes at home...ehm the camp. Only Harry... I don't... I..."

"I got the message the first time, Draco," Professor Karley said, smirking. It was a friendly smirk, like Severus did so often, not a condescending smirk. "Nobody is forcing you to take classes. The headmaster here is just a bit too fond of his school and always tries to get more students. Whenever you feel ready to go to class, or to be homeschooled you will let us know, right?"

Draco nodded. He was glad that they weren't trying to convince him.

"Okay, I'm off now. Draco, Severus, I will see you at lunch." A whooshing sound and something like a condensation trail in the air was all Draco could see after the Professor had said those words. Open-mouthed, he stared at the place where the Professor had stood only a few seconds before, eyes following the slowly fading condensation trail down the hall.

"Such a poser," Severus stated dryly.

"Yes, he never can resist it," the headmaster said, chuckling.

"Can Draco join us for the appointment, or do you still have Helena as you secretary? If so, Draco would certainly have no problems waiting with her," Severus said, smiling in amusement.

"Yes, Helena is still my secretary, and I'm sure she would be delighted to spend some time with Draco." Still chuckling, the headmaster led the two wizards to his office.

The headmaster was an old man with white hair that reached to his shoulders. His clothes were what Draco called Muggle clothes: black jeans and a white, non-buttoned formal shirt. All in all, the headmaster looked very casually dressed.

Draco didn't like that they had already decided he had to stay with the secretary, but when he saw her, he immediately was at ease. All his fear was gone in a second, and he felt a warm feeling spread in his chest.

"Hello, sweetheart," Helena said. She was a lady of maybe sixty years, but her long hair was still blond and thick, worn in a bun. Her blue eyes smiled at Draco as much as her red lips did. "What's your name, sweetie? You must be one of Severus', right?"

Draco nodded his head stupidly, staring at the old woman in fascination.

"Come over and sit down. I have a wonderful hot chocolate for you," Helena said and waved him over. Then she looked at Severus and frowned. "I would really like to have a word with you after you are finished with the headmaster, Severus." Her voice was still sweet, and Draco's heart still made little flip flops. It was as if a humming was going through his body each time the old woman spoke. She could tell him he was a very bad and ugly boy and Draco was sure it would still sound wonderful.

"I would prefer not to. Can we go and speak now, headmaster?" Severus asked, obviously nervous about a talk with Helena.

The headmaster again chuckled before Helena said, "You need to pass my desk before you leave, Severus. A hot chocolate will be waiting for you. I won't let you go before you drank it all."

Severus groaned in frustration and muttered to the headmaster, "It was a bad idea to give in to your request to teach here."

The headmaster didn't stop chuckling; he was even worse than Dumbledore in Severus' eyes. "Now it is already too late, my boy. She has you in her clutches and won't let you go before you speak with her or agree to another appointment with her. There is no reason to decline my offer of the teaching position anymore."

"I could arrange another appointment with her, decline your offer and never come back," Severus stated while stepping into the headmaster's office.

"And I would come over to the camp to talk to you there. Now that I have seen you, you won't be able to avoid me, Severus." Helena's voice called behind him.

Severus groaned again and was relieved when the door closed and the air was finally free of the thick magic of the Half-Veela. The woman made wonderful hot chocolate and was like a very kind grandma, but she had the ability to read one's emotions and could see episodes of a person's thoughts or dreams. That had made Severus nervous when he was around her as a teen, and it made him even more nervous now that he was an adult. For the Half-Veela, it certainly made no difference how old he was; she would force him to speak about what was troubling him until he finally blurt out all his problems to her. Severus always wondered why Light Arrow didn't employ her at his camp. She would be perfect, but maybe Light Arrow already asked her and she had refused. She really seemed to love her work at the school. The teachers always sent trouble makers or students with problems to her first. She was not only the secretary for the headmaster, but also the school counselor.

"You still haven't told me your name, sweetie," Helena said while she handed Draco a cup of hot chocolate. Isaac had sent her a message about Draco over their mental link, so she knew that the boy was completely terrified to be here and needed some calming down.

"Dr... Draco." Blushing deeply, Draco stared at the cup.

"That's a nice name. Draco, that sounds a bit mysterious. I'm sure the young ladies love that." Scars said a voice in her mind. It was Draco's strongest thoughts or feelings that Helena could hear like spoken words in her mind. Everything else was like different kind of colors or humming floating through the air to her. Emotions often escaped humans like different colored bands; thoughts were more like humming or whispering. Sometimes it could become very confusing.

Helena was lucky to be half Veela and half Maruba. Her Veela skills gave her the opportunity to influence the emotions of the people around her. She could calm them and so wasn't overwhelmed with their emotions and thoughts. The Maruba part made it possible for her to read their thought and emotions. Helena loved her gift, and she had learned to use it over the 200 years she had roamed the Earth. She could take on any age appearance she wanted. She couldn't shift her facial or body features other than to change her apparent age. The students reacted best to her when she was an older woman like she was now. So she had kept the appearance for the last 50 years.

"I don't think so," Draco said sadly, not realizing that he was speaking so openly with the old woman.

"Why not?"

"I'm no longer good looking. Girls don't like boys like me."

"Oh, I don't think that's true, sweetie. I'm sure there are a lot of girls who are able to see the real Draco under those scars, and I must say you are a very kind young man. You will try to fulfill every wish of the lucky girl. Women love to be adored by a man and you would do so. Be a bit more confident, I'm sure there is already a girl waiting for you."

Draco blushed and tried to look away, but Helena had cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. "So I'm right? There already is a girl? What's her name?"

Draco gulped. The odd tickling feeling in his guts became more intense. Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "Hermione."

Helena smiled. "Hermione, what a nice name. Tell me about her."

Draco had the feeling that his lips were moving on their own, but it felt good to tell Helena about Hermione - how much she had helped him and what he liked about her. In the end, he had fallen back into his depressing mood despite the calming feeling in his chest. The mood came from thinking about the torture in the dungeons and about his horrible dreams he had lately. He had never told anyone about it. When he realized, he not only had thought about the dreams, but told Helena about it, he fell to his knees, pleading with her to not tell Severus or anyone else about it.

"Shhh, Draco," Helena tried to calm the crying boy. She hoped Severus and the headmaster would be occupied for a bit longer. She didn't want to manipulate Draco's feelings too much. It was dangerous. Changing very depressed feelings in good ones wasn't a good idea, so she just tried to calm the depressing moods a bit. "Everything is okay, sweetie, I won't tell anyone what you told me, but you should. Light Arrow is a very good man. He can help you."

Again Draco panicked. No, nobody should know about the disgusting dreams. He hated them, and he knew they weren't normal. What normal person would dream about standing naked amongst thousands of people who stared at him? No, not only staring, but laughing and pointing at his lower body. Every time he dreamed that dream, Draco knew what he would see when he looked down, but each time it shocked him even more than the last time. There was nothing down there - not even hair. Just plain, smooth skin.

"Draco, breathe calmly with me, okay." Slowly Helena helped calm the hyperventilating boy. "Now listen, Draco," Helena said seriously. "You are a very handsome boy, even with your scars. What happened in the dungeons hasn't changed how manly you are. Your Hermione wouldn't think you are attractive otherwise. She has given you enough hints in her letters that she thinks you are good looking and that she finds you attractive. You know that, you told me about it just minutes ago. There is no reason to fear that you are too feminine or unmanly. Your dreams just show you what you feel and fear deep down, and those feeling won't change if you don't speak about them with somebody. Light Arrow and White Clouds have helped many children with experiences of rape. They know what to do and say to help you. Be open to them and those dreams will cease, Draco." Her voice was very serious now, but it still had the calming effect on Draco. Her words were wandering from her lips and directly into Draco's head. At least that was what it felt like to Draco. He was sobbing with big tears running down his cheeks, but he felt her words imprint in his brain.

"I want you to think about what we talked about, and about if you can open up to Light Arrow or White Cloud, okay?"

Draco nodded and tried to get his sobs under control. Any moment, Severus could come through the office door, and he didn't want Severus to see him like this. Realizing that he still was on his knees in front of her, he sat down back on his chair. Helena wiped the tears from his face with a handkerchief and then pressed the cup of hot chocolate back in his hand. "Drink! It will help."

"How... how did you do that?" Draco asked when he had calmed down enough.

"Do what?" Helena asked innocently.

"How did you make me speak about everything? I normally don't speak about it."

"And I'm not a normal person, Draco," Helena said mysteriously. "Nor is anyone in your camp. They all have their own dark, sad story to tell. Nobody would be shocked or think you are a freak."

"But what I went through is just too freakish," Draco whispered while leaning forward.

"Believe me, it's not. I have heard much 'freakier' stories than yours. Shall I tell you something? The 'freaks' are much more normal than those you call 'normal'. And they make the much better friends."

"Oh no, she is already giving away her words of wisdom. I told you we shouldn't have left him out here with her so long," Severus said sarcastically.

"Are you sure you want to let this cheeky brat loose on the students, headmaster?" Helena asked while winking at Draco.

"Cheeky brat." Severus snorted. "I'm thirty-five, lady."

"Oh my, don't tell me I should be impressed by that, Severus?" Helena teased one of her favorite ex-students.

"To be honest, yes, but I know it is useless to hope for that. So where is my promised cup of hot chocolate?" Severus had decided that attack was the best form of defense when it came to dealing with Helena.

"Ah, playing brave, Severus? You're making me nostalgic. This reminds me so much of our first meeting."

"Yes, and I'm sure in a second you will tell Draco that I was crying like a baby five minutes later. So, I spared you the effort to embarrass me," Severus said, slightly bitter.

"Don't be like that, Severus, or do I need to use my Veela skills on you? I've refrained from doing so until now."

"I've noticed, and I highly appreciate it. Please let it stay that way." Severus tone was casual, but Draco could see that Severus was trying to send Helena a message with his eyes.

"As you wish, my boy. Come over and drink your hot chocolate. Do you want one as well, Headmaster?"

Headmaster Johnson chuckled. Did the man do anything other than chuckle? "No, I think I will leave you three alone and pay our housekeeper a visit. It was a pleasure to meet you Draco, and I hope that one day you will decide to join our students here. Severus, we'll see you tomorrow." With that, the headmaster swept out of the room.

"I thought this was a Native American school?" Draco asked, puzzled.

"It is," Severus replied, confused.

"But the headmaster doesn't look like a Native."

"Professor Karley also isn't a Native, and does Helena look like a Native American to you?" Severus asked. "This school is mostly for the Natives in the reservation, but that doesn't mean the teachers have to all be Natives. There are classes that teach about the spiritual way of living, and they are taught by Natives who have knowledge and experience in those areas, but the other classes don't have to be taught by Natives, does they?"

Draco shrugged. "I thought that only Natives lived here. Um, other than Doc Martens, I mean."

"Little Creek, the town close by, is still on the reservation area, but around twenty percent of the population are Non-Natives. Some have married Natives, some just want to live here because they found work here. As long as you have permission from the reservation administration, you can live here regardless of whether you are a Native American or not," Helena explained. "Here at school, we have a very small amount of Non-Native students, around four- percent. Headmaster Johnson prefers to have a wide variety of teachers. He wants to show his students that sterotypes are often very wrong. Therefore, your teachers are from different kinds of Nations. We also have some Magical Creatures as teachers, though we should never let the headmaster hear that we refereed to them as that. He prefers to call them 'humans with special features'." Severus interrupted Helena's speech with a snort. "Something to say, Severus?"

"You do realize that you are one of these magical creatures as well, right?"

"Really?" Draco asked, surprised.

Helena smiled. "I already told you I'm not normal."

"That is the understatement of the year," Severus exclaimed.

Helena ignored Severus and spoke to Draco again. "If you accompany Severus again one day, you come up here to me and I will tell you much more, but right now I have to get back to work, sweetie. So, will you visit me again?"

Draco nodded without even thinking about it. Helena was like Draco had always wished his grandmother was like.

When they almost were out of the room, Helena said, "Don't forget our appointment, Severus."

"I can't remember having made one," Severus said and tried to close the door quickly - unfortunately, not quickly enough.

"Tomorrow ten o'clock. You have a free period between classes then. Until then, Severus," Helena smiled when Severus closed the door, groaning and throwing one last glare at her. She knew he would come.

-II-

Helena smiled. "I already told you I'm not normal."

"That is the understatement of the year," Severus exclaimed.

Helena ignored Severus and spoke to Draco again. "If you accompany Severus again one day, you come up here to me and I will tell you much more, but right now I have to get back to work, sweetie. So, will you visit me again?"

Draco nodded without even thinking about it. Helena was like Draco had always wished his grandmother was like.

When they almost were out of the room, Helena said, "Don't forget our appointment, Severus."

"I can't remember having made one," Severus said and tried to close the door quickly - unfortunately, not quickly enough.

"Tomorrow ten o'clock. You have a free period between classes then. Until then, Severus," Helena smiled when Severus closed the door, groaning and throwing one last glare at her. She knew he would come.

-II-

"Draco, come on," Severus said, annoyed. He knew that the trip into town wouldn't go too smoothly, but he hadn't thought about Draco refusing to leave the bookstore again. The visit in the small park one hour ago had been a disaster. Draco had tried to melt into Severus, and he had pulled his hat so far over his face that he had tripped several times. It was a wonder he saw the other passengers, but obviously he did because he had changed sides every time somebody passed them. After twenty minutes, Severus had given up, and they had gone to the bookstore.

There they had been for an hour, and Draco found one book after another he really needed to look at closely before they left. "It's so interesting," Draco lied. In reality, he just didn't want to leave. This trip was horrible, and he had the feeling the people who had seen him would have informed all the other people in the town and now they would all be waiting outside the bookstore to stare at him. So he had looked feverishly for books he could stick his nose in so Severus couldn't leave the bookstore with him.

"Draco, we will be late for our meeting with Professor Karley," Severus said, frustrated, and leaned heavily over the table and Draco's book.

"Just this one," Draco pleaded.

"No!" Severus said loudly and slammed the book shut.

Draco winced when Severus shouted. "But..."

"No buts, Draco. I don't know what this is all about, but we need to go."

Draco bit his bottom lip and tried to glance through the dusty shop window. He couldn't see anyone outside waiting for them, but you never know.

"Draco, what's wrong? Did you change your mind about Professor Karley or what? You confuse me," Severus said a bit calmer.

"I... I want to go ho... back to the camp."

Severus groaned. He had feared that Draco would say something like that. Why had he agreed to the lunch meeting with Isaac? He shouldn't have pushed Draco so far, but he had hoped Draco would have been a bit more at ease and able to enjoy the town. "Draco, I can't let Isaac... Professor Karley affront by not showing up in the café. We have at least go to tell him that we won't be eating with him."

"But I want to go back. I don't like it here. They all... they all stare at me."

"They look at you because you behave strange. You hide behind me and pull your hat so far down your face that you can't see anything. You would stare at someone who behaved like that as well."

"I don't want them to stare at me!" Draco said, agitated, but cowered down when that cased the shopkeeper and another costumer to look over to him.

"Then stop behaving like this. Nobody will stare at you when you behave normally."

"Have you looked at me lately, Severus? Can't you see them any longer? I can, every time I look in a damn mirror. They are ugly! Everyone stares at these horrible scars!"

Severus groaned. "Draco, you know I'm not a patient man, and I'm tired of telling you again and again that those scars belong to you, like your blond hair. If people stare at them they are just stupid and not worth your time. Did Helena stare at them, or White Cloud, or the Headmaster, or Light Arrow, or anyone else in the camp?"

"That's different."

"Why is that different, Draco? Those people were just strangers before you met them the first time, but they didn't look at just your scars, but at Draco with his scars. You are the only one who thinks they have to be hidden. It is the hiding that makes people stare, not your scars."

Draco sighed. He hated these kinds of conversations. Severus never understood him.

"We are going now, Draco. Put the book back." Severus tried to speak calmly, but he failed. He knew it was himself he was angry at for not being able to help Draco.

"I still would like to keep this one," Draco said shyly pointing at a book about local animals in the stack of books on the table.

"You know that Light Arrow will most likely have it in his library?"

Draco looked down sadly.

"Oh, please, someone should give me a manual for you and Harry. Sometime you two really act strange and do things I will never understand." Severus grabbed for the book. "Put the rest of them back on the shelf."

Grinning shyly, Draco took the book from Severus hands and petted it almost lovingly. It was full of wonderful drawings and photos of the local animals, and Draco looked forward to showing it to Red Horse.

Severus shook his head and then laid his hand on Draco's neck to guide him out of the shop. "Let's find Professor Karley."

Draco again almost melted into Severus on their way to the café. The book was clutched tightly against Draco's chest while his hat was drawn as deeply as possible over his face.

"Ah, Severus, Draco. I thought you forgot our meeting. Nevertheless, I already ordered our meals. Severus for you I ordered chicken as you always loved it and for your, Draco, I ordered a meat plate. There are all kind of meats on it. So I'm on the safe side except of if you are a vegetarian." Issac knew the boy wasn't a vegetarian. He could smell that. He also could smell the fear the boy was radiating off him and his thoughts were also jumping into his head. It was almost giving him a headache. With great effort, he could occlude his mind against the thoughts that were screamed at him.

Damn, now Draco had to agree to stay and eat with Karley, or it would look very rude. Severus remained standing and waited for Draco's reaction. "I'm not. Not vegetarian, I mean." Uncertainly he looked up at Severus and then pulled one of the chairs out and sat down.

Relieved, Severus sat down as well. "Draco, your hat."

"No," Draco protested and held his hat on his head in case that Severus would try to take it off.

"Draco, please, we already spoke about that. Wearing a hat in a café will draw looks at you and not your scars."

Draco looked accusingly at Severus. Why did he have to say it so openly? Quickly Draco looked around to notice that only an old lady with a woman in her twenties was sitting on a table far away and a man with his nose in a newspaper at a table close by. While he looked around Draco forgot to press his hat on his head, and so Severus used the chance and lifted it off him and hid it beside his chair.

"Severus!" Draco protested and slipped down in his chair.

"You are with your back to the rest of the guests, Draco. Relax," Severus said.

Draco glared at him. Nervously, he started to bounce his leg. He didn't know where he should look. Why had he even agreed to this trip? He felt miserable, and he feared that he would even start to cry any minute, just out of despair.

"What's this book about?" Isaac asked to get Draco out of his panic.

Draco looked scared over to the vampire. He felt so exposed, and he just wanted to be back at the camp. Why didn't Severus rescue him?

Severus was nervous. It didn't seem that Draco would calm down at all. He was torn between just excusing them to leave with Draco and staying and hoping Draco would start to calm down.

"Oh, just excuse me for a moment. The sun is very annoying today," Isaac said and stood up.

"Please, Severus, let us go," Draco pleaded. "I can't any longer. It's too much. I..." And there they were again: the treacherous tears.

"Draco, calm down. It's okay." Severus said, grabbing Draco neck and looking deep into his eyes.

"Here? Is that all right, sir?" a clerk said while he arranged a screen and a sunshade around their table.

"Yes, that will do," Isaac said and let a few coins drop in the hand of the young man.

Draco wiped his tears away and tried to control his sobs. It was embarrassing, but at least he felt better now where they were separated from the other guest's looks.

"Better, Draco?" Issac asked friendly.

Draco nodded, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry about. So, will you tell me now about your book?"

Draco again breathed deeply and then pulled the book from his chest and gave it to the professor. "It's about local animals. I want to look through it with Red Hor... one of the people in the camp."

"I know Red Horse. I have been a teacher here for many years, Draco, and I often gave private lesson at your camp."

"Oh," Draco relied dumbly. "So you were Severus' teacher as well?"

"Yes, I was, and he was a difficult student." Isaac smiled and his canine became visible again.

Draco looked with fascination at them. "What did you order for yourself?" he blurted out before he could stop himself. "Ehm.. sorry."

Isaac laughed with this deep, rough voice. "No, problem, Draco. I prefer if people are asking me openly instead of staring and wondering. I ordered a beef steak... rare. I'm still a vampire, and so I love the taste of blood, but I hate to eat raw meat. It's so tough."

"Do you eat vegetable as well?"

Isaac still smiled. "No, nothing except for blood has any nutritional value for me. Still, I like to eat a piece of meat from time to time, just for the fun of it, but vegetable taste like a shoe sole to me."

"Sometimes for me as well," Draco muttered.

"Yes, especially the green ones, right?" Severus teased him.

Draco grinned. The mood had definitely lightened up. Draco didn't even hide much when the waitress came and brought their food.

/

Draco fought against the nausea when they landed around two miles from the camp. Side-Along Appartation wasn't something Draco would ever get used to. "Just a short walk and we are back in the camp," Severus stated. The sun was burning down on them mercilessly. Severus had rolled up his sleeves and now opened his shirt as well. A cooling charm would be useless because it would vanish as soon as they entered Light Arrow's wards, which started around one and a half miles from the ranch.

When they had wandered for ten minutes, they heard shouting from behind them. Whirling around, Draco saw Harry waving to them from his horse a little ways away from them. Black Hawk was riding beside him calmly. They only let the horses walk, so it took a few minutes until they reached Severus and Draco.

"Hey," Harry shouted cheerfully, obviously totally forgetting his behavior from the morning.

"Hi," Draco said, a bit uncertain how to react to Harry's cheerfulness. "What are you two doing?"

"It's my reward for wrestling with Red Horse. We were riding for an hour," Harry exclaimed when the stopped beside the two on the ground. "How was the town?"

"Okay," Draco said and looked shyly up at Severus who raised his eyebrow.

"We are late for lunch. I hope White Cloud won't be too upset and left us some food. Have you already eaten?" Black Hawk asked.

"Yes, we already ate in the town with Isaac," Severus explained, petting Shallow Water's head.

"Let's ride back then," Black Hawk stated. "It wouldn't be good to let you ride on Tohiadedi, Draco, so would it be okay with you if you came up on Shallow Water with me?"

Draco was uncertain, but he liked Black Hawk, for the man always had respected his wishes. "Okay," Draco answered insecurely.

"Then come over here. Behind me or in front of me?"

"Behind," Draco stated when he was beside the horse. Black Hawk offered him his hand to pull him up. When Draco took it, he was grabbed around his waist by Severus, and both men hauled him up onto the horse. He almost lost his balance and quickly grabbed for Black Hawk's waist.

Severus meanwhile went over to Harry and Tohiadedi, swung himself up behind Harry and took the reins.

"Hold on, Draco," Black Hawk said and gave Shallow Water a signal to speed up. At first, Draco was scared. It was an odd feeling when the horse galloped, and Draco hugged Black Hawk tightly. When Black Hawk laid one of his hands over Draco's, the boy sighed relieved into the back he was pressed onto. After a few moments Draco relaxed and enjoyed the feeling.

Harry only felt one wave of fear go through him when Severus made Tohiadedi start galloping. Then he quickly enjoyed the feeling. He knew he was safe with Severus. The man had sneaked one of his arms around Harry's torso and held him tight while he guided Tohiadedi with his right hand. After a few minutes of galloping, they slowed the horses to a trot, and then a walk, so they wouldn't be too winded when they arrived back at the camp.

When they arrived in the camp, Severus took Shallow Water's reins as well. "Go in and eat, we'll finish cooling them out and get them ready for the paddock."

"Thanks," Black Hawk said and went inside with Harry. Of course, White Cloud had saved them some food, as well as all the school kids.

/

"Hey," Harry said and sat down beside Draco on the gate. It was two o'clock and Black Hawk was on his way to gather the school kids from school. They were due back any minute. Harry had just had his first meeting with Light Arrow. It was awkward, but okay. They had spoken meanly about his current feelings.

"Hi," Draco replied, not stopping his petting of Unega's head.

"I'm sorry for this morning," Harry said carefully.

"What was wrong with you?"

Harry sighed and then told Draco everything from the last night, and even of his urge to hurt himself and how uncertain he was if he wanted to live or die. He also told Draco that now he was sure that he didn't want to die, but that he also didn't know how to live with the guilt. It felt good, very good, to tell Draco this all.

"He dived down with you and held you so you couldn't get up again?" Draco asked, shocked.

"Yes, but it was all a game. He knew exactly when he had to let go of me," Harry said sullenly.

"Was it very cold?"

"Ice cold. I was glad that I was allowed to shower when we were back, and White Cloud had a Pepper-up-Potion ready for Black Hawk and me. I was very mad at Black Hawk and at everyone else here. That was why I refused to speak with anyone, even you." He lifted his hand to stop Draco's protest. "I know it was unfair. You had nothing to do with it, but damn. I was angry. They played that game with me. They have waited all the time for me to do something stupid and then that. He never wanted to let me kill myself. He was lying to me."

"I'm glad he didn't let you do it," Draco whispered, and when Harry looked over to him, he saw that Draco was crying.

"Hey, what's going on?" Harry laid his arm over Draco's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"I can't live without you, Harry. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't tell you this. I really try to give you room to live your own life, but I need you. It's as if you are a part of me, and when you aren't around, I feel incomplete and lost. Nobody can help me with that, not even Severus. I need you , Harry. It's like what Light Arrow always calls us - it's like you are my twin. I can accept sleeping in another room, but I can't live without you, Harry. Please don't leave me alone."

"I know, Draco, but it hurts so much."

"But I hurt as well, Harry. I can't live without you. Please!"

Harry felt miserably. "I will fight it. I promise, Draco."

Draco nodded and tried to control his sobs.

"Do you want to tell me about the town and the school?" Harry tried to change the topic.

Draco nodded and cleaned his nose. "First we went to the headmaster, but we met Professor Karley on the way. You know, the vampire."

"Really?" Harry was excited to learn about the professor before he would meet with him tomorrow.

"Yes, he was really nice, but at first he thought I was you. He said he will meet you tomorrow. We later had lunch with him, and he told me a little bit about vampires. It was really interesting. Oh and I bought a new book."

"Woah, wait! What did he tell you and how was the school and the headmaster?" Harry wanted to know everything. He couldn't wait until he was allowed to go to school. That would finally distract him a bit from all the thinking. That's why he hoped so much that Professor Karley would agree to teach him.

So Draco told Harry everything about the school, Helena, the director, Professor Karley and the town. Draco didn't even notice that he had calmed down again, nor that the fear, that had overcome him when Harry had told him about his night, was gone.

"Wow, you are so lucky. I hope Severus will take me with him one day as well."

"But if you pass the test tomorrow, you will be homeschooled, so you won't have time to go with Severus."

"I will only be taught two classes, and only for a few hours a week if what Light Arrow said is correct," Harry said, disappointed. He didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to attend school. "So maybe one day Severus can take me with him. Or Professor Karley can take me with him to school and Severus can bring me back."

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe."

"Are you sure you don't want to take the test? It would be cool if we both would take the classes."

Draco played nervously with Unega's hair. "No, Harry."

"It's okay," Harry said, but couldn't hide his disappointment.

"Hey," Aiden said and jumped over the gate, so that Unega nervously jumped aside.

Draco tensed immediately, but Aiden didn't seem to notice it. Aiden ignored Draco totally. "I should tell you that we meet tomorrow at three for the next wrestling training, and you should join us on our morning run. Crying Horse and I will wait for you at six. We normally run for half an hour. We will see how fit you are."

"Running?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Yes, it's good to get a clean head. You will see. Do you have running shoes?"

"No, but I have sneakers."

"That's too dangerous. On the uneven ground you could easily splinter your ankles. I will tell Crying Horse that you need running shoes. I will be back in a second."

As soon as Aiden was gone, Draco relaxed a bit.

"Are you scared of Aiden?"

"He is just... I don't know. He is so gruff. That scares me a bit. I know it is stupid, but I can't change it."

"Don't always apologize for what you feel. It isn't stupid."

"So you will go running?"

"It seems so."

Draco grinned.

"What's so funny?"

"I don't know. I just can't imagine you running," Draco said, trying to hide his laughter.

"Very funny, Draco. You could join us," Harry suggested.

"No way. I prefer to sleep in."

"Hmpf."

"Can I watch you wrestling?"

"Sure. You need to ask Light Arrow, I think." Harry didn't ask Draco if he wanted to join them in wrestling because he already knew the answer.

The red pickup drove into the yard and stopped. A hand waved out of the window at them to come over. When Harry and Draco reached the truck, they saw that Black Hawk and Severus were sitting inside. "We need to drive in the town to get you new running shoes, Harry. What about you, Draco? Want to join us?"

Draco shook his head vehemently; no way he would go there again! "No, I want to speak with Red Horse."

Severus was surprised that Draco was staying here alone without Harry or him around. Either he was too scared from the trip this morning, or he really was making lots of progress at the camp.

"Red Horse is in the large stable with Light Arrow. Rose and White Cloud are in the kitchen if you need help," Severus explained and stepped out of the truck to let Harry jump into the middle seat. A minute later, the red pickup rolled from the camp and Draco was left alone. Only then he realized how lonely he now was.

-II-

"Can I watch you wrestling?"

"Sure. You need to ask Light Arrow, I think." Harry didn't ask Draco if he wanted to join them in wrestling because he already knew the answer.

The red pickup drove into the yard and stopped. A hand waved out of the window at them to come over. When Harry and Draco reached the truck, they saw that Black Hawk and Severus were sitting inside. "We need to drive in the town to get you new running shoes, Harry. What about you, Draco? Want to join us?"

Draco shook his head vehemently; no way he would go there again! "No, I want to speak with Red Horse."

Severus was surprised that Draco was staying here alone without Harry or him around. Either he was too scared from the trip this morning, or he really was making lots of progress at the camp.

"Red Horse is in the large stable with Light Arrow. Rose and White Cloud are in the kitchen if you need help," Severus explained and stepped out of the truck to let Harry jump into the middle seat. A minute later, the red pickup rolled from the camp and Draco was left alone. Only then he realized how lonely he now was.

-II-

Draco stood in the middle of the yard and felt as if the emptiness was eating him up. He was stiff like a board and started to feel as if thousand little ants were running over his body. His lungs and his heart were clenched together by an invisible force. Tears ran down his cheeks, and he could only stare at the small red dot that was getting smaller and smaller until it vanished completely.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked when he and the other kids passed Draco on their way to the horses.

Draco shivered and didn't react to the question. He just stared at the horizon were a few seconds ago the small dot had disappeared.

"Draco?" Maya tried and laid a hand on the blond boy's shoulder.

That made Draco panic. He tried to turn away, but his legs were like glued to the ground, and he twisted them and fell. A cry of pain escaped him when he dislocated his ankle, but nevertheless he crawled away from the kids.

"Woah, calm down, Draco," Brian said and lifted his hands. "Ken, go and get Light Arrow. He is in the stable. Maya run into the kitchen and get White Cloud and Rose." Then he knelt down, but kept his distance to Draco. "Stop crawling away, Draco. Nobody is coming close to you. Your foot doesn't look good. You shouldn't put any pressure on it!"

Draco was in panic, but didn't really know why. He just knew that he was alone, and neither Severus nor Harry were here to help him.

"What's going on?" Light Arrow asked when he arrived.

"He didn't react to anything we said or asked. At least he stopped crawling away and worsening his ankle by it. Look at it. It's in a crazy angle," Brian explained.

"I see. Thanks for your help. Now take the others with you and go," Light Arrow said. He heard footsteps behind him while he studied Draco. He didn't need to turn around to know it was White Cloud and Rose.

"Draco?" Light Arrow made one step in the direction of the boy, but stopped the moment Draco started to crawl away again. The boy seemed to be in shock or deep in a panic attack because he didn't even wince when he used his hurt foot.

"Draco, please stop crawling away," Rose said, laid a hand on her father's shoulder and pushed past him in Draco's direction.

White Cloud meanwhile ushered the kids away.

"Draco, you are safe here. Please calm down and tell us what's wrong," Rose said calmly.

Draco whimpered and shook his head. Something was telling him that he didn't need to be afraid of Rose, but another part just wanted to crawl away and wait for Severus and Harry to come back. Why did they leave him alone? Will they ever come back? "They are away. I'm alone," Draco whispered miserably.

Understanding what just happened, Rose said, "They are just in the town, Draco. They will be back in an hour or so. Didn't they tell you?"

Draco shook his head. He couldn't remember that they had told him everything. He could just remember the small red dot vanishing behind the horizon. He pointed to where the dot had vanished.

"Draco, they will be back soon." Rose had reached the boy, but didn't dare to touch him. White Cloud, who had come back from the house, knelt down beside Rose and gave her a vial with a calming draught.

"Come on, Draco. Drink this for me. You will feel better."

Draco shook his head and hid his face in his hands. Why did they leave him alone?

Rose finally risked to touch Draco. "Shhh, Draco. You are safe. It's me, Rose. Do you remember?"

"Rose," Draco whispered. Rose meant warm and kind and... safe. He looked up and felt something tickling at his shoulder. Something was running from Rose's hand into his body and it felt good, very relaxing.

"Yes, Rose. That's me, and I want you to drink this for me. Can you do this?"

Draco nodded. When the vial was pressed against his lips, he tilted his head back and drank. Only a minute later Draco felt calm and didn't really remember why he was sitting on the ground.

"Draco?" Light Arrow asked and cupped the boy's cheeks with his rough hands. "We need to drive to Doc Martens, okay?"

"Doc Martens? Why?" Draco was really puzzled. Why was he sitting here, and why were they all looking so worried? He tried to stand up, but Light Arrow and Rose prevented it.

"No, Draco, please remain sitting. You hurt your ankle, and we need Doc Martens to have a look at it," Light Arrow said. He looked up at his wife.

"Red Horse is already getting the car."

"Good," Light Arrow stated and watched Draco, who was looking in fascination at his ankle. A quick glance at the empty vial confirmed his assumption that White Cloud had chosen one of their strongest calming draughts.

It would make the trip to the doctor a lot easier. "Inform the doc that we are coming. I take Red Horse with me," he Light Arrow said to his wife, when he heard the pickup roll over to them, turning to his daughter, he added. "Rose, please take care of the kids."

"Of course, Dad, but don't you think it would be better if I came with you?"

"No, he is well dosed. There won't be any trouble. The kids need you now."

"Eww. That doesn't look good," Red Horse said when he leaned down to lift Draco in his arms.

Draco looked puzzled at Red Horse. What didn't look good. Did he mean his funny ankle? Draco giggled.

Red Horse looked at him as if he had grown a second head. Then he looked at Light Arrow and White Cloud. "Was that really necessary?"

"Yes, it was," White Cloud scolded him for questioning her choice. To be honest she hadn't thought Draco would react that strongly to it, but she didn't regret it. It would make the trip to the doc much easier for him.

Red Horse snorted and carried Draco over to the pickup. A short glance at Light Arrow showed him that he was meant to sit with Draco while the old man drove. Draco giggled the whole drive about his right foot. It was turned almost ninety degrees to the right. "Look it is pointing at you," Draco said to Red Horse between giggles.

"Yes, I can see that," Red Horse said, unsure how to communicate with the drugged boy. He had only once seen someone drugged like this and that was Severus. Red Horse himself had been deeply shocked at that time. A kitchen knife had been sticking out of Severus' leg. Red Horse had startled him while he had cut his arms, and Severus' hand had slipped. It was the second time Severus had been back in the camp for a longer period. Shortly after he had become a spy for Dumbledore. Black Hawk had thrown up, and Red Horse had to help Light Arrow with Severus. White Cloud had drugged Severus up after he had almost screamed his lungs out. Light Arrow had to use all his strength to stop him from pulling out the knife. Red Horse still could remember Severus' frightened expression with the wide open eyes. Only after the calming draught, Severus had stopped screaming and then he just giggled like Draco did now.

The waiting room was crowded, but Mrs. Blunt waved them directly into one of the two examination room. "Just sit him down on the examination table. Doc Martens will be with you soon."

A minute later the doctor came in. "Hello. White Cloud already informed me," he said to Red Horse and Light Arrow. Then he concentrated on his patient. "Hello, Draco!"

"Hi, Doc, look!" Draco said, lifted his leg and giggled. "It's showing the way out." More giggles.

Doc Martens looked at Light Arrow lifting his eyebrow.

"It was White Cloud's choice. It was the level four calming draught."

"Then I would suggest to never give him the level five."

"Yes, we made this conclusion as well," Light Arrow stated dryly.

"Yes, Draco, that's very funny," Doc Martens said and forced himself to smile. "I would like to have a closer look at it. Is it okay when I vanish your trousers, socks and shoes?"

Draco furrowed his eyebrows. Something told him he should be worried about it, but he couldn't remember why.

"Just to have a better look at it, Draco. There is nothing wrong about wanting to see it closer, right?" Doc Martens said to stop Draco's trail of thoughts.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. If he couldn't remember why it wouldn't be good, there most likely wasn't something bad about it. When his trousers were gone he got this crazy feeling again, but it felt as if it was deep inside him and couldn't come to the surface.

"Ah, there it is," Do Martens said and rolled himself with his chair closer to Draco's ankle. When he touched the foot lightly, Draco cried out and drew his foot back. "That hurts." During the drive nobody had touched it, and he had always been carried. With the shock fading, he felt the pain very vividly.

"I know, Draco, but I need to examine you before I can give you something for the pain. I will try to be as careful and fast as possible."

"Okay," Draco said miserably. The funny thing was that after the first shock about the pain he was quickly feeling better again and now he couldn't really remember the pain any longer. Still he felt a tiny bit nervous.

This time Doc Martens grabbed Draco's leg farther up the shin. Does anything hurt here? Or here?" He felt Draco's shin and knee, but the boy denied. The doctor took a good hold on Draco's shin and and then felt the ankle quickly. Draco cried out again and tried to pull his leg back, but the man didn't let go. The injured teen whimpered heartbreakingly, and Red Horse shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

When the Doc finally let go of Draco's leg, the boy tried to crawl away from him.

"Ah...ah, Draco." With a hand on Draco's hip, the Doc prevented him from crawling out of his reach. "It's almost over."

Draco looked frightened at the doctor. His ankle hurt and tears were flowing freely over his cheeks. "It hurts!"

"I know, and if you sit still, I will give you something for the pain, okay?" The man stood and took something out of a cabinet.

Draco nodded, but when the doctor came back with a syringe, he changed his mind. Before he could jump down from the examination table, Light Arrow was at his side.

"It seems the potion has lost it's effect already," Light Arrow said, worried.

"No, no, it hasn't. It's just not as effective as it was an hour ago. Just let him calm a bit more and it will be effective again," Doc Martens explained while he prepared a potion for the syringe. Light Arrow had pulled Draco against him, and the boy didn't make any attempt to flee now. A few more seconds, and he would be relaxed like in the beginning. When Draco let his head loll against Light Arrow's shoulder, the doctor sneaked closer. The later Draco would see the syringe coming closer to his arm the more time they had to administer the potion before Draco's brain registered what happened and it worked: The syringe was already in Draco's arm when he tried to pull away. "There Draco, all done, the pain will go away now."

After three minutes Doc Martens cautiously tested if Draco's leg was still sensible. When he cautiously prodded the ankle without getting any protest from the boy, he knew that it was time to readjust the ankle. "Could you capture his good leg with yours, Light Arrow? Just in case he might kick."

Light Arrow secured Draco's good leg with his and pulled Draco closer. The boy only very dimly registered that something was about to happen soon. There was this calming sirring sound in his head and a humming went through his whole body. Draco's head rested against Light Arrow's shoulder. He just wanted to sleep. "Tired."

"I know, Draco. We will soon be back home, and then you can sleep," Light Arrow assured the teen, never lifting his eyes from the doctor's hands. When he saw the man gripping the foot and the ankle to readjust it, he tightened his grip on Draco.

Draco felt Light Arrow's arms close around him and looked up at the old man puzzled. Then a piercing pain went through his ankle and he cried out. Immediately he was pulled against Light Arrow's chest and calming circles were drawn on his back. "Shh.. it's all over, Draco. You ankle is okay now. We can go home in a few minutes," Light Arrow said calmly.

Draco sobbed wildly. It really hurt and the pain only ebbed down very slowly. He was very tired and exhausted and just wanted to crawl into his bed, hug his snake and sleep. When he was pulled on Light Arrow's lap, he didn't protest. Only when a cool salve was applied on his ankle, he whined in protest. "It will make you feel better, Draco. It will cool your foot, so it won't become too swollen."

Draco almost didn't register his ankle being wrapped in a bandage nor the doctor redressing him. "Finished!" He petted Draco's head. "I will give Light Arrow your lollipop for being so brave. He will have a good eye on it until you are ready to eat it, okay?"

Draco nodded and watched the red lollipop finding it's way in Light Arrow's chest pocket.

"One for you as well, Red Horse. Sometimes it is harder to see someone in pain than being in pain yourself." Doc Martens held the box of sweets in Red Horse's direction. The man blushed, but took a coke flavoured one.

"Thank you," Red Horse said shyly. It always made him nervous to be around the doctor even though he had helped him many times.

"You should change the bandage once a day, and he should use crutches for the next days. I have my next appointment with Severus in two days. I will have a look at Draco then. Until then apply the salve each time you change the bandages."

"Should he stay in bed?"

"No, that's not necessary. But he should rest his leg up whenever it is possible. He shouldn't stay or sit too long with his leg down and never let him go without the crutches."

"Okay, we will have an eye on him," Light Arrow assured the doctor. "One more question: Could you give me a few of those rubber bands you gave Severus?"

"What happened with Severus'?" He through a glance over at Draco, but Severus had told him that he had spoken with Harry and Draco about his problems, so it was safe to speak openly.

"Nothing, he still has them, but I need them for someone else."

The doctor looked seriously at Light Arrow. "If someone else has a self-mutilation problem, I should speak with him or her. It cannot be solved with just the rubber bands."

"I know this, Doc. I'm leading the camp for a long time. The person isn't so far in self-harming and we already started regular talking session. I don't think he would react too well if I would involve you in his problems right now, but I will contact you soon." Light Arrow felt awkward saying this; he gestured over to Draco for the doctor to understand that it wasn't the time to discuss matters. He had worked together with the doctor for many years now. "We can speak about it when you come to see Severus and Draco in two days. I will have spoken with the other patient until then and will have him informed about your involvement."

"I trust your judgment, Light Arrow, but you know where I am if you need help earlier," Doc Martens said seriously while he gave Light Arrow the rubber bands.

"I know, and I'm very thankful for your support, Doc," Light Arrow said uncomfortably.

"I see you in two days then. Please don't give him any painkillers. You can add a cooling charm on his bandage, but that's all he should get for the pain. It should be bearable and the pain will stop him from overdoing it. It will make him sit down and prop his leg up more often, which will help him heal. If the pain is too much for him to bear, firecall me!"

-II-

The doctor looked seriously at Light Arrow. "If someone else has a self-mutilation problem, I should speak with him or her. It cannot be solved with just the rubber bands."

"I know this, Doc. I'm leading the camp for a long time. The person isn't so far in self-harming and we already started regular talking session. I don't think he would react too well if I would involve you in his problems right now, but I will contact you soon." Light Arrow felt awkward saying this; he gestured over to Draco for the doctor to understand that it wasn't the time to discuss matters. He had worked together with the doctor for many years now. "We can speak about it when you come to see Severus and Draco in two days. I will have spoken with the other patient until then and will have him informed about your involvement."

"I trust your judgment, Light Arrow, but you know where I am if you need help earlier," Doc Martens said seriously while he gave Light Arrow the rubber bands.

"I know, and I'm very thankful for your support, Doc," Light Arrow said uncomfortably.

"I see you in two days then. Please don't give him any painkillers. You can add a cooling charm on his bandage, but that's all he should get for the pain. It should be bearable and the pain will stop him from overdoing it. It will make him sit down and prop his leg up more often, which will help him heal. If the pain is too much for him to bear, firecall me!"

-II-

"But I'm bored!"

"Draco, I repeat myself only one last time: I won't let you go out with that foot of yours. The bandage would get dirty, and you should rest and not overdo it. So sit down, put your leg up and read your book!" White Cloud instructed while she prepared lunch.

"But Doc Martens said I'm allowed out. I want to look through the book with Red Horse," Draco whined. He paled a bit when White Cloud put down her knife with a frustrated huff and turned to him.

"Doc Martens said you are allowed out of bed and not outside. He also said that you should rest your foot up as often as possible and that's what you will do right now." She went over to him and ushered him to the couch. Quickly she helped him adjust on it and laid his book on his lap. "Red Horse will come in as soon as he is finished in the stable. Look through it and memorize the pages you want to show him."

Draco groaned frustrated, but obeyed. His foot hurt and resting it up helped, but it was so boring.

/

"Hello, Harry," Professor Karley said when Harry entered the room which Light Arrow normally used for the therapy sessions.

"Hi," Harry said nervously. He resisted the urge to finger with the rubber bands around his wrist that Light Arrow had given him yesterday.

"Sit, down, there is nothing to be nervous about." The vampire gestured Harry to sit down opposite of him. "I'm Professor Karley."

Harry didn't know if he was meant to say something or not, and so he just looked indifferently at the professor. His bottom lip suffered because of his nervousness, and the fact that the vampire looked so intensively at him, didn't help either.

"So you want to take a few classes?"

"Yes, but Light Arrow said I'm only allowed to choose two classes."

"Why do you want to attend classes so early? Normally the kids here do not start school before they have staid at least three month here. Shouldn't you concentrate on your therapy?"

Harry's breath became quicker, fearing he had already lost.

"Harry, this is not about winning or loosing. It's about finding out if you really are ready to attend classes or if you should wait a bit longer."

"But I want to! I can do both the school and...the... the therapy." Harry still had problems accepting that he was in therapy here.

The vampire eyed him closely and said nothing.

"Really, I can do both. I want to learn. It's boring without learning; I don't want to concentrate the whole time on..." He stopped fearing this answer would cause the vampire to decline his request of being taught.

"Harry, I can hear your thoughts, you already know this, right?"

Harry sighed. "Yes."

"Then you know that there is no reason to stop a sentence. Go on!"

After another sigh, Harry said, "I don't want to concentrate on my problems all the time. I hoped taking classes would make me feel like a normal teenager at least during these classes. Maybe I can forget about all the... about what happened. I mean I have to think about it almost all the time here, so a few hours of peace wouldn't interfere with my... my therapy, would they?"

"I don't know," Karley said, still watching Harry intently. "I fear it won't work like you hope."

Harry led himself fall backwards against the couch in frustration. He had hoped so much he would be allowed to take classes and now it was all over. A few hours of peace were too much to ask for? It brought tears of frustration to Harry's eyes, and he again felt so overpowered. He never was allowed to decide for himself.

"Me thinking it won't work like you hoped, doesn't mean that I refuse to teach you, Harry. It just means that I don't think you will gain the peace you want from it. In reality it will be very tiring and maybe too much for you at the moment, but we can cross that bridge when it happens."

"So I'm allowed to take classes?" Harry straightened up, having new hope.

The vampire chuckled. "Not so fast, Harry. Do you know what classes we teach at this school?"

"A few. The other kids told me about them. I would like to take "charms and spellwork" and "wandless magic". Please."

"Hmm, those are both very difficult classes, Harry. Why these two?"

"I really want to learn wandless magic." Harry tried very hard to suppress those thoughts about wandless magic he had when talking to Maya about it. It now wasn't for the same reason it had been the day he talked to Maya, but he still wanted to learn this subject to become more powerful. Especially here in the camp where he had almost no power over anything, he wished to have more of it and control. But this thoughts would not help him to convince the professor to teach him.

"To really want to do it isn't a reason. Tell me why you want to learn wandless magic."

Harry sighed. "You won't like my reasons."

"Why don't you leave that decision to me?"

"Okay," Harry said, sighing, before telling Karley about his reasons. With each word he sunk deeper into the couch, and in the end he was very depressed knowing that now he could forget about ever learning wandless magic.

"You know that I, as your mentor, could control when you are allowed to use wandless magic, right?" When Harry nodded he went on. "It's like a bond between master and apprentice, and will last for life. Only I would be able to cut this bond, and you wouldn't be able to use wandless magic any longer. It is like you are using my magic. Only if I die, you will have full control about your wandless magic and will be able to mentor a student on your own. There are still a lot of dark thoughts in your mind, and nobody knows what will happen. If I were human, it would be irresponsible to teach you, but I'm a vampire and the chance of me dying is very low. It still is a risk. You are seeking power. Maybe you don't plan to use it the way you thought about to when Maya told you about it, but things can change again. If I agree, I will restrict your abilities. You would only be allowed to use wandless magic in classes and in Light Arrow's presence while doing your homework. Do you still want to learn under these conditions?"

Harry nodded eagerly.

"Then I will agree to teach you wandless magic, if you pass the test."

"What do I have to do?" Harry bounced excitedly on the couch.

Karley chuckled again. "You are too eager, Harry. We aren't finished talking about your choice of classes. If I teach you wandless magic, I can't teach you "charms and spellwork". It would be too tiring for you. First priority at the moment is your therapy, Harry. So what about one of the muggle classes, "magical literature" or "magical creatures"? They won't need much magic and aren't so straining."

"Hmm, "magical creatures" then. We had that at Hogwarts as well."

"Well, our "magical creatures" class is a bit different than the one you had at Hogwarts. We teach about dark-" Karley made a gesture as if he was drawing quotation marks in the air. " - and light creatures. We have a different way of seeing things here. Not so stereotype."

"That's cool," Harry said, excited.

Karley grinned. "Then lets do the test, Harry, to see if you are able to learn wandless magic." He waved Harry over to him. "You need to trust me, Harry. This bond is something very personal. It won't give me any power over you, but I will get the power to control your wandless magic as it is our shared magic. Mine is more prominent; like a stabilizer for your magic. I need you to come closer and press your hand against mine."

Harry started to get nervous again. Not because of the closeness but out of fear that it might not work.

"Relax, Harry," Karley said and pulled Harry closer between his knees. He then lifted his hand and let Harry place his palm against it.

Harry nervously looked at his hand. Nothing happened, and he felt bad. All his hope was destroyed.

"You are an emotional roller coaster, Harry. You need to relax. Try to not think about it. Breath deeply in and out and try to clear your mind." Karley spoke monotonously, and Harry tried to do what he was being told. After what seemed like hours, Harry relaxed and suddenly a strange feeling overcame him. As if something was in his body that didn't belong there. He tried instinctively to draw back, but it was as if he was glued to the vampires hand. "Relax," Karley said, but Harry could hear that it cost him strength.

Harry felt Karley's free hand on his back, so he couldn't step back wards. Slowly Harry felt nausea and tiredness overcome him. When he heard Kalrey's voice, he had difficulties understanding him.

"Are you, Harry James Potter, willing to become my student in the fine art of wandless magic?"

"Yes," Harry said tiredly.

"Are you, Harry James Potter, willing to combine your magic with mine. Will you let me, Isaac Damian Karley, control our combined magic?"

"Yes," Harry croaked, and when the strange presence in his body vanished, he collapsed against the vampire.

Karley chuckled. "My, Harry, you are tempting me. I haven't fed for the last two weeks."

With a jolt Harry was up and looked shocked into the smirking face of the vampire.

"What? Didn't I tell you that you have signed yourself over as my feeding slave when you became my student?" Karley asked raising his eyebrow.

"I didn't," Harry said, shocked.

Karley laughed and stood up. "Of course not." He ruffled Harry's hair. "Will you show me around? I haven't been here for almost half a year. Rose was doing all the teaching here."

Harry let out the breath he was holding because of the shock. It would take some time to understand Karley and his humor. "Sure."

/

Draco shut the book loudly. "I won't get dirty, White Cloud. I will hold my leg up very high and just go over to the stable."

"No, you won't," the old woman said.

"But he is not coming."

"If I hear you say 'but' one more time, I swear I will let you cut the onions, and I will need a lot of them today."

"Your threats are always so original, White Cloud," Isaac said when he came into the kitchen with Harry.

"You know that some people believe that vampire react badly to garlic, maybe onions work as well, Isaac." White Cloud waved an onion threateningly in his direction.

Isaac laughed his deep, rough laughter. "Yes, some people think so, but you and I know that they are wrong, White Cloud." He sneaked closer to her and sniffed at the onion.

"Argh, you never mature, Isaac. How old are you now?"

"359. So how does someone that age behave?" Isaac tilted his head and looked at White Cloud funnily.

"Not like a teenager, Isaac, that's for sure," White Cloud said and shook her head in resignation.

"Oh, come on, White Cloud, you know you love me."

"Maybe I would if you would show up more often and not promise to come over soon and then don't show up for half a year." White Cloud took the kitchen towel from her shoulder and waved it at the vampire, who jump aside so it couldn't hit him.

"I promise I'll be better." Isaac put on a puppy dog look.

"That look doesn't work with silver eyes, Isaac," White Cloud said, but Isaac saw her mouth twitching, and he could hear her thoughts.

He really needed to come over more often or the old lady would make his life very hard. These people here emotionally adopt children and adults very quickly and it seemed he had been one of them for many years. He tended to be the "bon vivant". Even after so many years he still wasn't sick of living and enjoyed it a lot. "Oh but they work wonders on the ladies. Wouldn't you say?" He winked at her.

Gasping, pretending to be shocked about his allusion, she needed a few seconds to regain her composure. "Pray that I don't tell Light Arrow about your cheekiness. To fob an old lady."

"Old lady? Compared to me you are a spring chicken."

"Out! Now! Before I forget myself and pull the wooden spoon out."

"As long as you don't sharpen it and ram it in my heart, I'm not scared," he said, but nevertheless jumped out of her reach, laughing.

"We will see, Isaac," White cloud said threateningly.

"Harry, here will show me the horses," Isaac said and petted Harry's shoulder.

"Oh, can I-"

"No, Draco, you can't," White Cloud cut the blond boy on the couch off. Sometimes it is a real benefit to have an open kitchen. "You will stay on the couch, but you-" She looked at Harry and Isaac. "-could go in the stable and ask Red Horse to come in here. Whatever is holding him back can't be as important as my sanity. This boy over there is killing me."

Harry stepped over to Draco. "Is your foot hurting a lot?"

"No, but it is so boring! Red Horse promised he would look through the book with me." Draco pointed at his book on the table. "Please tell him to come soon," Draco whined.

"I will. If necessary I will drag him here for you." Harry grinned.

"Do so, but do it quickly."

"Hey, Professor," Draco said shyly, when Karley came closer.

"Hi, Draco, what happened?"

Draco blushed. "I dislocated my foot. Stupid story."

"Then we should hurry to send Red Horse in here before one of you two will get crazy." Karley looked from Draco to White Cloud, who was chopping onions in the kitchen now.

"Yes, please."

-II-

Harry stepped over to Draco. "Is your foot hurting a lot?"

"No, but it is so boring! Red Horse promised he would look through the book with me." Draco pointed at his book on the table. "Please tell him to come soon," Draco whined.

"I will. If necessary I will drag him here for you." Harry grinned.

"Do so, but do it quickly."

"Hey, Professor," Draco said shyly, when Karley came closer.

"Hi, Draco, what happened?"

Draco blushed. "I sprained my foot. Stupid story."

"Then we should hurry to send Red Horse in here before one of you two will get crazy." Karley looked from Draco to White Cloud, who was chopping onions in the kitchen now.

"Yes, please."

-II-

Sweat was dripping down from Harry's forehead over his cheeks and dropped from his chin to the dusty ground. The T-shirt Harry had gotten from Crying Horse was made of a special material that absorbed sweat, and Light Arrow had placed a charm on it that even the cold morning air of Oklahoma wouldn't cool down the body underneath it.

It felt good the way the cold air was flowing into his lungs and back out. The slight burning was a good pain. Harry didn't feel the need to scratch his arms or use the rubber bands when he was running with Aiden and Crying Horse. His head was clear, and he just felt content and free. Every single fiber of his body was palpable, and he felt at peace and right in his own body. It was a horrible and frightening feeling to be captured in a body that doesn't really belong to yourself. Fortunately, Harry had rarely felt like this the last weeks. The talking sessions with Light Arrow helped a lot, and he even spoke to Doc Martens twice. Only at night he still needs the rubber bands to hurt himself. His one-on-one counseling had ended a month ago, and there had even been a few nights were nobody needed to come in and help Harry after a nightmare.

One and a half month had passed since Harry had started the running training, and gone were the times were Aiden could mock Harry. The first runs had been horrible, and Aiden had even mocked him in front of Crying Horse. It wasn't only light teasing, so Crying Horse intervened from time to time, but put it aside because he rated it as harmless or boyish rivalry. He didn't know that this mocking went on when nobody was around. It made Harry first try to convince Light Arrow to get him out of this running training, but the old man insisted that Harry would take part in the training for at least three weeks. After that, he had said, Harry could decide if he wanted to quit or not.

Now Harry couldn't quit any longer, and he didn't want to as well. Aiden would call him a coward and mock him even more, and Harry liked running because he went into a trance-like state. Only he was important, and he blended Crying Horse and Aiden completely out. Everything he saw was a small tunnel in front of him and everything he heard was the rushing of his own blood in his ears and his breathing. That's how it usually was, but today everything turned out to be different.

Aiden again tried to challenge Harry and tried to overhaul him several times. Therefore the pace was higher than Crying Horse would have liked, and he tapped Harry on his shoulder several times to get him to slow down after he again didn't react to his barked comment. This tapping was annoying, and Harry drew further away from Crying Horse. He wanted to be alone; alone in his tunnel. Crying Horse shook his head frustrated, and Aiden used this moment of distraction to stomp on Harry's foot. Never before had he done this, but lately Aiden became more and more annoying and even aggressive.

Suddenly Harry was pulled out of his tunnel and stumbled. It was as if a big wave of noises and pain was hitting him. Aiden's derisive smirking made Harry realize what had happened. His foot hurt slightly, and the once comfortable burning in his lungs now turned uncomfortable.

"Are you all right, Harry? Have you tripped?" Crying Horse asked, worried, while he crouched down beside the panting boy on the ground.

"I'm fine. My foot just hurts a bit." Leaving out the answer to one of the questions didn't seem to be noticed by Crying Horse, nor was his angry look at Aiden.

"Your knee is bleeding. Shall I whistle for help? I'm sure Red Horse or Light Arrow will come and take you back with the pick-up."

"No, that's not necessary. It's just a scratch. I will just walk back. You two can run ahead. I know the way."

Crying Horse eyed Harry closely. They had taken the same way every time they ran, but nevertheless he didn't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving Harry alone. "I don't know."

"Really, I'm fine, look!" Harry pushed himself up and put weight on his hurt foot. "It's okay."

"Our little hero," Aiden muttered and pulled a face in Harry's direction.

"That's not helping, Aiden," Crying Horse said angrily. He was really sick of this challenges between the two. Why didn't they fight it out in the wrestling arena?

"Please, Crying Horse, I'm fine. The sun will soon stand higher and it will get warmer. Light Arrow says there isn't anything dangerous out here, and I still have the emergency whistle."

"Okay, but you must promise me to use it if you need help!"

"I promise!" Harry rolled his eyes.

"I will send someone to meet you half way and drive you back." Turning to Aiden he said, "Let's go before your muscles get cold."

With a last worried look from Crying Horse and one last mocking look from Aiden, Harry was left alone. Immediately he shifted his weight to his healthy leg and then started to limp in the direction of the camp. The sun rose quickly, and Harry started to warm up a bit. Even though it was already the end of October the days were warm, but the mornings were horribly cold. Harry was still shivering, but at least the sun slowly warmed his skin. In England it surely was already very cold. Hermione was complaining about it all the time. Now he could understand her.

Harry had underestimated the distance and the time it would take him, and now really hoped someone would come to get him. His foot hurt, and it was feeling hot. Why did Aiden have to be such a bully sometimes? He was letting his frustration out on him and sometimes on Maya, Brian and Ken. Melissa he left alone because he was scared to get in trouble with Light Arrow. Maya just ignored him and that made him very angry. He still was jealous that she had gotten her good-bye sweat lodge before him. Brian and Ken just tried to avoid Aiden or to always stick together. Harry didn't know why Aiden spared Draco, but he guessed it was for the same reason as Melissa. Those two had some kind of extra status in the camp, like pets of the family. Aiden would be doomed if he touched or hurt one of those two. Harry would kill Aiden if he harassed Draco. The blond boy was still very shy and introverted, and you could sometimes see how worried Light Arrow and White Cloud were about this.

Harry was used to being mocked and bullied, but nevertheless he hoped Light Arrow would soon allow Aiden to have his good-bye sweat lodge. Hopefully leaving the camp immediately after it and not staying like Maya. She was still in the camp even so her good-bye sweat was almost two month ago. What could Harry and the others do about Aiden's attacks? They were just easy targets. Oh how Harry wished he was allowed his wand. In wrestling he was no match to Aiden.

The pain in his foot made Harry pause and look for a good place to sit down for a while. He saw a small tree close by and went over to it when a scream sounded through the air. The hair in Harry's neck went up. He knew this scream, he had heard it before. Again the same sound, and Harry looked around for the source. Then it hit him: it was the scream he had heard during the sweat lodge. Immediately Harry's eyes, and he squinted his eyes against the sun. There it was, a bird and the noise again. It was some kind of bird of prey, like Harry assumed when he had seen the eyes in the camp fire on their first day here. His hurt leg was forgotten when he tried to see more of the bird, but it was too far away. Harry didn't even hear the pick-up coming closer and stop. He was fascinated by the noise the bird was making, and he was almost in his tunnel-like feeling again.

"A red-tailed hawk," Light Arrow said while approaching Harry.

Pulled out of his trance-like state, Harry looked puzzled in the direction of the voice. The bright light had temporarily blinded him, so he needed some time to see Light Arrow. Not that he hadn't already recognized him by his voice.

"That's my totem, Light Arrow. This scream; I remember it!" Harry pointed excitedly at the bird in the sky.

"A bird?" Light Arrow seemed to be thoughtful, but Harry missed this expression because he was looking up in the sky again.

"That's my totem," Harry mumbled, fascinated.

"It's too cold for you out here, and I need to have an eye on your wound, Harry. I promise you to show you one again. I know where a pair has it's aerie."

A blanket was placed over Harry's shoulders, and he was gently pulled over to the pick-up. The hawk was flying away as if he had been disturbed by Light Arrow's arrival. Sighing disappointedly Harry hopped on the passenger seat and let Light Arrow check his bleeding knee.

"You should have whistled for help immediately. I don't know what Crying Horse was thinking," the old man muttered.

"But then I wouldn't have seen the hawk," Harry protested. "And I'm fine!"

"You are not fine. If you again start to insist that you are fine even so you obviously aren't, I have to think about a new one-on-one counseling."

That made Harry shut up. "No, please," he mumbled.

"Then tell me how you really are!"

"My foot hurts and my knee burns a bit, but I'm not a baby, Light Arrow."

The look he got for this comment made Harry squirm uncomfortably.

Without a comment about it, Light Arrow started to clean the graze and bandaged it.

"Is that really necessary?" He could already see Aiden's mocking face.

"Yes, it is. I don't want you to get an infection. Now let's see your foot." He pulled Harry's running shoes and his socks of to inspect the foot.

Harry again squirmed uncomfortably. He had run thirty minutes and his feet were sweaty and surely didn't smell good.

"Is something wrong with your butt as well? Have you sat down on a toxic plant or so?"

Harry blushed. Light Arrow looked as if he was asking a serious question. "No, I... I would just prefer if you could check on my foot when we are back in the camp... after a shower."

"Oh, really, Harry. I grew up on a farm, my playgrounds were the dung heap and the stables. Believe me your sweaty foot is nothing to scare me."

"Hmpf!" The red tinge to Harry's cheeks became worse with each prod the old man performed on his foot. Then the tickling of magic started, and Harry had to fight hard not to pull his foot out of Light Arrow's hand. "It's not broken, but it is a strange wound. As if something has fallen on the instep. What happened?"

"Ehm.. I can't really remember. I think I stumbled."

Light Arrow eyed Harry sceptically, but then put it aside. "Time to drive back. A hot shower and then an hour of cooling the foot will do you good."

/

Harry was worried about Draco lately. He was quieter than usual and could almost always be found with Unega or Red Horse. They had learned to gallop alone a week ago, and they were allowed to ride on the paddock without supervision. Draco spend a lot of time with Unega, not only riding but also just sitting with him. That's what Draco mostly did in the company of Red Horse as well and it worried Harry that Draco enjoyed to just sit still and stare in the distance. That couldn't be healthy, could it?

So Harry went outside in the direction of the paddocks when White Cloud finally released him after cooling his foot. He still was too far away from the paddock to see if Draco was there when Melissa approached. "Hey, Harry."

"Hi, Melissa, have you seen Draco?"

She looked a bit disappointed, but answered, "No, I was finishing my gift for you. It isn't much but..." She blushed deeply and looked down shyly. "Just forget it!"

"Hey, no wait. It wasn't meant like this. I didn't realize you wanted to speak with me. I'm sorry."

She smiled dreamily, and Harry had to grin because she reminded him so much of Luna. "You know, you remind me of someone back in England."

"A nice someone?" she asked anxiously.

"A very nice someone," Harry assured Melissa, smiling. "So what did you want to give me?"

"This." She held a dream catcher in Harry's direction. "I made it almost by myself, but White Cloud helped me with the little stones here." Her small petite fingers pointed at the small stones that were woven in the net. It's a bit tricky, you know?" After a short pause, she said, "Don't mind, it's just tricky and White Cloud helped me and she put a slight relaxing spell on it. I hoped you would like it. I mean... you know... we... your nightmares are still bad, aren't they?"

Harry paled. So they had noticed the nightly visits of Light Arrow, White Cloud and recently on the weekend sometimes Severus as well. Before Harry could react, someone started to laugh close to them.

"Look at our love birds. Oh, has she given you a present, Harry?" Aiden looked deprecatingly at the dream catcher. "Ugly little thing, but you should pretend to like it or you will never get a chance to get laid."

The dream catcher fell from Melissa's hands to the ground and she paled which meant something because she normally was as pale as Draco.

"Leave her alone," Harry thundered dangerously and pulled Melissa behind him.

"Oh, look. Our hero is guarding his maid from bad, bad Aiden. Light Arrow will be so proud of you. Oh, but that's not something new, is it. Prince Harry is something special."

"You are just stupid, Aiden." Harry spat. Then he grabbed Melissa forcefully and pulled her with him. "Come on, I will bring you inside."

"Oh, and what will you do with her inside? Light Arrow doesn't like it when his charges are making out. You will fall from his grace. And I mean look at her. She is here for almost a year and nothing changed. Skin and bones, nothing to look at. You will break her and get splinters."

Harry was furious. How dare this overgrown moron insults Melissa, who couldn't defend herself. Aiden was low so low. Harry could hear Melissa's sobs, not realizing that his death grip on her arm and his fury were some of the reasons for her fear. Those sobs added fuel to the fire of hate in Harry, and he let go of Melissa to attack Aiden. Melissa's pleading for him to ignore Aiden, went unheard.

Aiden smirked when his tactic finally worked. Harry would attack him, and he could show him his place. He was sick of Light Arrow's attention on the black-haired English boy. Prince Perfect never made any mistakes, and Light Arrow spend all his nights at his bed. No wonder that he had no time to see that he, Aiden, was ready for his final sweat lodge.

Wild fury made Harry aim his first hit at Aiden's head, but the long-haired boy easily dodged it. Now Harry was in a vulnerable position, and Aiden kicked him so he lost his balance completely. "Is that all, Prince Attention? Pathetic!"

Again Harry attacked wildly, and again Aiden just jumped aside and shoved Harry into the sandy ground. "Is that what you like about him, Mel? I don't understand what's so good about him that all eyes are on him. He is no fighter, no thinker, nothing. Just a little boy with a thick head full of stupid ideas."

Another attack was quickly avoided by Aiden turning away, and Harry found himself again in the sand. This time Aiden tackled him down and pressed his face in the sand. "That's what you deserve."

Melissa looked in the direction of the house, panicking, jumping from one foot to the other. She couldn't make her feet obey her to run for help. All the bad memories of her past came up and made her rooted to the spot. She tried to shout but couldn't make a sound.

Aiden noticed it. "Don't even think about it, Mel, or I will make him suffer. Light Arrow cannot be around all the time. Like now, and believe me I can make his life a living hell."

Harry tried to wriggle out of Aiden's grip, but the older boy was more muscular and was over eight month ahead in wrestling training as well. At least Harry landed one hit in Aiden's ribs before his arm was yanked upwards painfully. Now Harry couldn't move one bit without hot pain shooting through his shoulder.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. Who planted it in your head that you can fight anyone of my caliber? You are overestimating your abilities. You are a weak little freak nothing else." Aiden's voice was very close to Harry's ear. "If you would stop pulling so much attention on you, Light Arrow would finally have time to organize my sweat lodge. That's what we both want, isn't it? I'm finally free and you can have all their attention on you. You can cry all you want in their clothes, and they will pamper you for your whole life, like your little blond friend. He is like Mel here. He will never leave the camp because he is just a weak freak with no fire."

Harry groaned and tried to wriggle free. He didn't care that his shoulder hurt like hell. He wanted to hurt Aiden, badly.

"Tsk, tsk, Harry. We don't want to activate Light Arrow's wards. If you struggle too hard, he will notice it and come out. I just want to know if we understand each other."

"What the hell do you want," Harry pressed out between gritted teeth. It was so embarrassing to be beaten up in front of Melissa.

"I want you to stay away from Light Arrow. Go crying to Severus or even Black Hawk, I don't care, but stay away from Light Arrow." With a last shove, he pushed Harry in the sand again and after he had thrown a nasty glare at Melissa he stalked arrogantly away.

-II-

"Harry, Harry, Harry. Who planted it in your head that you can fight anyone of my caliber? You are overestimating your abilities. You are a weak little freak nothing else." Aiden's voice was very close to Harry's ear. "If you would stop pulling so much attention on you, Light Arrow would finally have time to organize my sweat lodge. That's what we both want, isn't it? I'm finally free and you can have all their attention on you. You can cry all you want in their clothes, and they will pamper you for your whole life, like your little blond friend. He is like Mel here. He will never leave the camp because he is just a weak freak with no fire."

Harry groaned and tried to wriggle free. He didn't care that his shoulder hurt like hell. He wanted to hurt Aiden, badly.

"Tsk, tsk, Harry. We don't want to activate Light Arrow's wards. If you struggle too hard, he will notice it and come out. I just want to know if we understand each other."

"What the hell do you want," Harry pressed out between gritted teeth. It was so embarrassing to be beaten up in front of Melissa.

"I want you to stay away from Light Arrow. Go crying to Severus or even Black Hawk, I don't care, but stay away from Light Arrow." With a last shove, he pushed Harry in the sand again and after he had thrown a nasty glare at Melissa he stalked arrogantly away.

-II-

"Harry, are you okay?" Melissa asked between sobs, kneeling beside Harry.

Harry groaned and sat up. "Yeah, I'm fine." His shoulder hurt, but not as much as his pride. It felt like in the dungeons; he was pathetic and could do nothing when he or his friends were threatened. If he at least had his wand.

"I will go and get Light Arrow," Melissa said and tried to stand up.

"No!" Harry shouted and grabbed for her arm. That's when he noticed that she was bruised at the place where he had grabbed her before. "Oh, Merlin, I... I..."

Melissa pulled her shirt further down over the bruise. "It's okay, Harry."

"Okay? I hurt you, Melissa!" Harry said, shocked.

"It's no problem... I'm used to it."

Harry was speechless. How could she sit here, with her big, blue eyes and tell him it was okay if he hurt her. "No, it's not okay, Melissa. Nobody has the right to hurt you. I'm sorry." He gently let his hand glide over her arm and pulled the shirt up again. Then he let his fingertips run over the bruise very softly and whispered, "I'm sorry."

She captured his hand with hers. "It's okay. Let me get Light Arrow for your shoulder, please!"

"No, please. It's fine. Otherwise Light Arrow would have been here already, wouldn't he? It's better to play Aiden's game for some time. I don't want him to hurt Draco or you. I'm not strong enough to help..." He closed his eyes to fight down the fire of hate and desperation. Suddenly his lips were captured with a pair of soft lips. As unexpected as this sensation had come it left, and Harry could only hear Melissa's fast footsteps while she ran over to the stables.

Harry sat in the dust for a few minutes, just puzzled. His finger stroke over his mouth absently. She had kissed him after this? Slowly the funny and warm feeling changed into something bad. A bitter feeling. Maybe it was out of pity. How can a girl like a boy who can't even defend himself let alone her. Angrily Harry stood up, hoping she wouldn't tell one of the adults about it. That would be the last thing he needed right now. Remembering why he was out here in the first place, he turned in the direction of the paddock when he stepped on something. The dream catcher lay in the dust and half under Harry's boot. After Harry had removed the dirt it looked beautiful again. The little stones were those colorful ones out of the river and feathers were hanging down from the ring, decorated with wooden pearls. Melissa must have spent hours if not days on it.

Draco was nowhere to be seen nor was Unega. Maybe Draco was riding with Red Horse, Severus or Rose.

/

At the lunch table everyone was in a tense mood, as if not only Melissa, Aiden and Harry knew about what happened. Light Arrow and Severus weren't around and Draco also was still missing when White Cloud placed the big pot on the table. "Start eating, kids!"

"But Draco isn't here!" Harry said, puzzled. They never ate before everyone was at the table.

"He will be here soon. Just start eating," Black Hawk commanded.

Harry was confused about the tone in Black Hawk's voice. Something was off. "What's wrong?"

"I said eat, Harry. You will need your strength. Just listen for once and stop asking questions!" Black Hawk said and looked insistently at Harry.

Now Harry was very worried. What if Aiden had done something? He glared over at Aiden who looked expressionless, filling his plate with soup.

"Eat!" Another command, and Harry obeyed. The worry made his stomach rebel against the food, and he only ate a little bit, not that it was such a big change to his normal eating habits. Nobody said anything and the mood was depressing. After ten minutes, Severus and Light Arrow came into the kitchen.

"He isn't in the wards any longer. We need to have a bigger search. Unega is gone. We will follow him on the horses. Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked seriously.

"What about him?" Black Hawk asked while he stood up and gestured in Harry's direction.

Light Arrow shortly stared at Harry and then nodded. "Good!"

In a rush Harry was up. He didn't need to know anything more than Draco not being inside the wards any longer. He had no idea what was wrong with Draco, but he was sure his friend wouldn't have left on his own. "If you have done anything to him, I will kill you," he spat at Aiden.

"Are you crazy or daft? Maybe your little breakdown this morning has affected your mind. I was not even close to him."

"I have no idea what this is about, but it has to wait until we have found Draco. If you want to stay, Harry that's your choice." This said Light Arrow was out of the door.

After he had thrown one last hateful look at Aiden, Harry stormed out, Severus and Black Hawk closely at his heels. The horses were ready in ten minutes, and they followed Unega's hoof prints. Harry didn't know how Light Arrow could see the prints in the dust from his horse's back, but he did.

The longer they were on the way the more Harry got worried. They galloped almost the whole time, and Harry was worried that they would never find Draco. After one and a half hours, Light Arrow held up his hand and they all stopped their horses. "He is running in a circle. I don't want to split the group. I'm quite sure, he is riding completely disoriented. Maybe he doesn't even guide Unega any longer..." He held up his hand to stop the shocked questions that lay on Severus' and Harry's lips. "Draco is still on the horse. I just think he is no longer guiding Unega correctly and the horse is making a bow and runs back to the camp. We should cut his way."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Severus snapped.

Light Arrow ignored his tone and with a wave of his hand led the group in the new direction. After twenty more minutes, they saw Unega and his rider. When Draco saw them, he tried to pull the horse in another direction. "No! Go away!"

Black Hawk sped Shallow Water up, and when he reached Draco's side, he took the Unega's reins and slowed the totally exhausted horse down until it stopped completely, wheezing heavily.

Draco jumped off his horse as soon as Unega came to a stop, but the long time on the back of the horse caused his legs to not obey him immediately and he stumbled and fell.

Harry looked shocked at his sobbing friend who fell face first in the dust, trying to escape them. Severus was down from Thunderstorm in a second and engulfed Draco in a tight hug. "Draco, calm down. Whatever happened we can solve it. You are not alone!"

Draco cried loud and hysterically in Severus' shirt, and Harry was totally shocked. The only thought in his head was a name "Aiden". This guy must have done something to Draco. He would pay for it. Harry's wandless magic was good, very good. Professor Karley always praised him for it and soon he would be allowed to go to the school in town. Too bad that he was heavily restricted in wandless magic. He only could use it in classes and when he practiced with Light Arrow. But Harry knew that he only could beat Aiden with magic. It was infuriating.

"What's wrong, Draco? What happened?" Severus asked when Draco had calmed down a bit. The boy was still sobbing and hiding in his shirt.

"I didn't help him! I'm weak. I don't want to be like this! I'm a damn girl!" Draco cried into Severus' chest between sobs.

"You didn't help whom?" Severus asked, puzzled.

Harry bit his bottom lip nervously, realizing what this could be all about.

"I did let him hurt Harry and did nothing. I just stood there and didn't move, like Melissa. I'm a damn girl."

"Draco?" Severus was totally confused. He had thought Draco was speaking about the torture in the dungeons, but then Draco mentioned Melissa and his brain tried to make the right connections.

Light Arrow and Black Hawk didn't need that much time to realize what Draco was speaking about. Their eyes were immediately on Harry, drilling into him.

All color left Harry's face. Eventually Severus too made the connection between Harry and what Draco had just told them.

/

"They are lying!" Aiden screamed. He was cornered. They were in the room were the therapy sessions were held. The whole family was there. Melissa sat sobbing on the couch with Rose and White Cloud, the other kids except for Draco and Harry stood behind the couch. Black Hawk was pacing the room angrily, and Crying Horse looked shocked and guilty. Red Horse leaned against the mantelpiece, in his eyes a fire Harry had never seen before. Severus was restrained by Light Arrow. He made it very hard for the old man to speak with Aiden, because he interrupted him several times and even tried to shake the truth out of Aiden. Draco and Harry where sitting on the smaller couch behind which Black Hawk was pacing.

"You cannot leave him in the camp, Light Arrow. He has proven that he is too damaged; his heart is cold!" Severus looked angrily at the old man daring him to disagree.

"It's me who decides who will leave or stay, Severus. He is not a lost case!"

"Then we will leave! Move!" Severus barked and pulled Harry and Draco up forcefully.

"Cool down, Night Rain!" Black Hawk hissed and grabbed Severus arm to pull him away from the boys.

Harry felt that he was pulled backwards against someone, Draco shivering at his site. A quick glance backwards showed him that he was in Red Horse's arms, but the man's eyes were not on him or Draco but on Severus who now glared daggers at Black Hawk.

Draco was scared, very scared. All the people who had given him the feeling of calmness and safety, now were agitated, angry or nervous. Fearful he grabbed for Harry's hand. The feeling that only the little squeeze of Harry's hand on his gave him, was indescribable. Draco felt safe with Harry's hand in his and Red Horse's arm over his shoulder and his hand on his chest. He was safe and not alone, but still he was weak and he would always stay weak.

"Stop lying, Aiden! What you did is inexcusable. I don't know what's going on in your head. I would have never thought you would sink that low again and hurt someone. I'm so disappointed!" The pain that was readable on the old man's face was painful for anyone who looked in his face. Even for Aiden, who couldn't stand it and looked down ashamed.

"You had no time for me! Everything you delegated to Crying Horse. How can I prove to you that I'm ready to leave the camp when you spend no time with me?"

Light Arrow shook his head sadly. "You are not ready to go, Aiden. You need much more time. Your hate is still too prominent in your heart. What happened today and the days before is proof of this. We all made a mistake in not realizing that this mocking and challenging was something more serious." He could see Crying Horse let his head sink. White Cloud stood up to comfort him, but he pushed her away and made for the door. "You need to stay, Crying Horse. It was your decision to stay in the first place and now you have to prove that you will stay in troublesome situations as well. I said all of us made the mistake, that of course includes you, but also also everyone of us."

Crying Horse stopped, the handle in his hand. He had failed to prove his place in the camp, but what should he do now? When he would leave the room, which he really wanted to do right now, he would never be a real part of this family. He let his hand sink and turned again. Was he really made for this? Was this all really worth the constant battle to prove himself? He looked over to Rose and saw the worry and fear in her face. As if she could read his thoughts. She would never leave the camp for him. Never in his life had he loved a woman like he loved her. No, he wouldn't let all these problems stop him. He would not cower down, he would not let others intimidate him because they lived here longer than him and understood all of this better than him. It was not his fault he had a good childhood. They had no right to push him out just because of this. He would show them one didn't need to have to experience pain, abuse or betrayal in his childhood to help in the camp. His love to Rose was something special, and he wouldn't leave her no matter how many challenges the old man and the others would place on him. With each of this thoughts he straightened up more, his face determined. Rose's brown eyes were comforting him, knowing how hard it was for him. Finally he broke free from her eyes and looked at Light Arrow.

That was the sign for Light Arrow to go on. Looking seriously at Aiden, he said, "You will go on a penitence walk to clean your head and think about what you have done. Crying Horse, you will go with him."

Now Aiden was even more hurt, tears of anger and desperation filled his eyes. "See! I'm not even worth you going with me!"

Again Light Arrow eyed him closely. "You want me to go with you?"

Aiden was taken aback by this question. Why did the old man ask this. Did he want to laugh in his face when he said yes? Would he spit in his face and say that he didn't deserve his presence? Aiden whipped the tears from his face. Despair won over anger.

Light Arrow saw the turmoil in Aiden's eyes and knew that the boy couldn't speak it out loud. "Okay, I will go with you." He placed his hand on Aiden's shoulder. Then he turned to the others. "For the time I'm not here, some things have to be arranged. Crying Horse, you will be responsible for Ken and Brian. Rose, you will take care of Melissa in a one-to-one counseling. She will not be alone for one second. The same goes for Draco and Harry. As long as I'm not back and had the chance to speak with them, you, Severus will not leave Draco's side and you, Black Hawk, won't leave Harry's side. Naturally White Cloud is head of the camp for that time, and all of you will do as she says. Red Horse you will take care of the animals. Ask for help when you need it. I don't want to find you totally worked out when I come back. Maya you will help White Cloud."

On their way out they passed Harry and their eyes met. Harry still looked angrily at Aiden, but something in Aiden's eyes made him wonder if he had been too harsh in judging him. Wasn't he the one who pushed people away in England? Didn't he also hurt people just out of the burning fire of anger and desperation inside himself?

-II-

Light Arrow saw the turmoil in Aiden's eyes and knew that the boy couldn't speak it out loud. "Okay, I will go with you." He placed his hand on Aiden's shoulder. Then he turned to the others. "For the time I'm not here, some things have to be arranged. Crying Horse, you will be responsible for Ken and Brian. Rose, you will take care of Melissa in a one-to-one counseling. She will not be alone for one second. The same goes for Draco and Harry. As long as I'm not back and had the chance to speak with them, you, Severus will not leave Draco's side and you, Black Hawk, won't leave Harry's side. Naturally White Cloud is head of the camp for that time, and all of you will do as she says. Red Horse you will take care of the animals. Ask for help when you need it. I don't want to find you totally worked out when I come back. Maya you will help White Cloud."

On their way out they passed Harry and their eyes met. Harry still looked angrily at Aiden, but something in Aiden's eyes made him wonder if he had been too harsh in judging him. Wasn't he the one who pushed people away in England? Didn't he also hurt people just out of the burning fire of anger and desperation inside himself?

-II-

"Speak to me!" Black Hack demanded.

"Hmpf," Harry said and turned away from Black Hawk, hitting the wall with his palm.

"That will lead you nowhere."

"Who cares!"

"I do. Now speak. Why didn't you tell anyone how serious your problems with Aiden had become?"

"Because they weren't serious!"

"Stepping on your foot while you were running and almost dislocating your arm while fighting with you isn't serious in your opinion?"

"No! Can we stop talking now?" Without waiting for an answer Harry pulled the cushion over his ears. Silence. Just the rushing sound of his own blood in his ears. It was eleven in the morning and the first day without Light Arrow and Aiden. Black Hawk had forced Harry to go back with him in Harry's or better their shared room at 10:30 to talk about the problems with Aiden, but Harry didn't want to talk. No, why should he want to? Only because Light Arrow had to go with Aiden they all had to suffer. One-to-one counseling for Draco, Harry and Melissa. They got punished for Aiden's behavior. Harry wanted to ignore what happen and forget it. Severus was speaking with Draco, and they weren't allowed to speak with each other before they hadn't spoken with their counselor. That was just unfair.

It was hot under the cushion, and Harry needed oxygen.

"No!"

"What?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"No, we cannot stop talking. It's your decision when you finally start talking to me, I don't care." Black Hawk stretched himself on his camping cot, bored.

"But I don't want to talk about it!" Harry sat up and looked down at Black Hawk.

"Then we will only leave the room for meals and the bathroom."

"That's unfair." Harry threw himself backward on his bed again.

"If you say so!"

Harry groaned. "What do you want to know?"

"Why you didn't come to me or Severus or Light Arrow or anyone else and tell us what happened?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal as long as he left Draco alone."

"We are speaking about you, Harry. You also don't deserve to be bullied and hurt."

"Eww."

"Harry?"

"I know, but it wasn't so bad!"

"He hurt you several times."

"I'm fine."

"You weren't!"

"Black Hawk. Please let's stop."

"Not before you understand that this wasn't the right solution. Making Melissa promise not to tell as well wasn't the best idea. Melissa's problems could have become worse by not being able to speak with anyone about it. You know that she has a lot of problems. Giving her the burden of not being allowed to speak was a bad move."

Harry groaned and pressed the pillow over his head. "I know!"

"That's a start." Harry could hear Black Hawk's muffled voice through the cushion.

"I didn't think about it. I was just so embarrassed that he could manhandle me like that. I had no chance against him without magic."

"You had the chance to ask for help!"

"Yeah, screaming like a baby for you or Light Arrow to come and rescue me."

"Fighting isn't allowed, and believe me Aiden would have been lucky if it were me or Light Arrow and not White Cloud who caught him. I promise you Aiden would have called for help and all the others as well. It's no shame. None of the kids here are easy, Harry. If you let things like this bullying happen for too long, it won't solve itself but get worse. You will always be physically weaker than Aiden. Maybe you would be able to fight him with magic, but do you really want to do that? Do you want to hurt him. Doing the same wrong thing he has done? I thought you were different."

Harry sight and threw the cushion against the wall in front of his face. He hated it when the adults here always showed him how stupid some of his actions and thoughts were. It made sense when they said it, but Harry never would have seen it like this without there help. "No, I don't, but it is so hard when he is always able to show me that he is the stronger one and then he did it in front of Melissa. That was the worst."

"Yes, it is hard, but you could have ask her to get help. She wouldn't have thought bad of you for it. She would have preferred to see you unharmed."

"What is Light Arrow going to do with Aiden now?"

"We are not talking about Aiden and Light Arrow at the moment!"

"But we can speak about them later?"

"Yes, if you are a good boy and tell me what you'll do if something like this happens again. Start with him mocking you for your running and the stepping on your foot."

Harry sighed. "I would first try to speak with Aiden why he is doing it and then I would tell him that I would tell one of you about it if he didn't stop."

"Good idea. What if he would threaten you or blackmail you?"

"I... I wouldn't listen to him, because it would stop as soon as you heard about it. He could tell you anytime and try to blackmail me with anything I wouldn't care. I... I can trust you."

"That's right, Harry." Black Hawk stretched his arm until he could reach Harry's hand and took it in his.

"I'm not used to asking for help." Harry paused shortly. "The Dursleys, the people I grew up with, never believed me when I told them that Dudley was bullying me. Sometimes they even let Dudley hit me for lying, even so I wasn't lying." Harry turned his face away from Black Hawk, so the man couldn't see his tears.

"We are not like them, Harry. We are your family now."

Harry squeezed Black Hawk's hand while a sob escaped him.

"Can I come up there?"

Harry could only nod. His throat was tight, and he fought hard against more sobs. First Black Hawk sat down on the bed and just held Harry's hand, but then he decided to pull Harry closer and hugged him.

Half sitting on the man's lap, Harry hit his face in Black Hawk's chest. "They never believed me. They said I should stop telling lies."

"We believe you. We care if you are hurt or if you are feeling bad."

"They never did. They just locked me in my cupboard."

"Here you have a big, nice room and a cat and a plushy cat and a family that cares, Harry. That's how it always should have been, but we can't turn back time. We cannot make undone what they did to you. Now it is different, Harry. We will always be there for you. All we ask for is that you are honest with us. You don't have to hide anything from us."

Harry nodded in the broad chest in front of his face.

"That Aiden bullied you wasn't okay, and we would have wanted to know about it to stop it. Can you understand this?"

Harry nodded.

"Good." Gently Black Hawk petted Harry's head. "Next time you come to me or anyone else, right?"

Again Harry nodded.

"So what do you want to do today?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I would like to speak with Draco."

"We need to wait until Severus is finished talking with him. We can write them a note to meet us at the paddock and push it under Draco's door. How does that sound?"

"Good."

/

"Draco, you are no girl. Sexual abuse is of course changing a person, but it doesn't make you a girl or unmanly."

"But I didn't help, Harry. I just stood there, and then I hid behind the big stable."

"Violence scares you. That is normal after what you experienced in the dungeons. Harry wouldn't have wanted you to fight with Aiden. Everything you could have done was getting help, Draco, and that's exactly what I want you to do next time something like this happens. Okay?"

Draco nodded. "Do you think Harry is mad at me?"

"Why should he be? I think he is more worried than anything else. I want another promise from you, Draco."

"What?"

"I want you to promise me that you won't run away again. My heart almost stopped beating when Light Arrow told me you were missing."

"I didn't think."

"That's normally Harry's way of doing things."

Draco grinned and imitated Light Arrow's voice. "We are not speaking about Harry here."

Severus chuckled and ruffled Draco's hair. "I see you learned something from the session with Light Arrow and Rose."

"Yes, I did!" Draco smoothed his hair down again. "I really like them."

Severus smiled at the blond boy. "I'm glad to hear that. Bottling up all the bad feelings and the memories from the dungeons isn't healthy. I'm glad you can open up to Rose and Light Arrow."

"It's hard. They often want to know more than I'm ready to tell them. They push me really hard and it often hurts a lot, but they always stay until I have calmed down." Grinning he added. "And I always get one of White Cloud's hot chocolates afterward."

"Oh, yes, her hot chocolates are the best." Severus drew Draco closer to him and kissed his head. "I'm so proud of you, Draco. It must cost you a lot of strength and conscious effort to speak about it."

Draco didn't answer. He just drew his arms around Severus and hugged him. "I'm glad you brought us here."

Again Severus cupped Draco's head in his hands and kissed Draco's hair. "I'm glad you like it here."

Draco became thoughtful again after he just hugged Severus for a while. "Do you think the others think I'm a girl?"

"No, I think you are the only one who thinks something like that. Maybe we need to convince you of the opposite. What about some men stuff? We could sleep around the campfire this night. Maybe Black Hawk and Harry want to join us. You could also learn wrestling with Harry, and maybe I can convince Black Hawk to start the hunting training a bit earlier with you and Harry."

"Really?" Draco sat up, excited. "That would be so cool!"

"I first have to speak with Black Hawk about the hunting training. I can't decide this alone. We need to wait for him to finish his talk with Harry. Maybe we could keep White Cloud company until then. What do you think?"

"Okay."

When the went for the door they noticed the note in front of it. "What's that? Getting secret messages from someone?" Severus asked, amused.

Draco knelt down and read the note. "It's from Black Hawk. They are already done with their talk and wait for us at the paddock."

"Good, that safes us from kitchen work."

"Severus?" White Cloud shouted when the black haired man tried to open the front door as silently as possible to avoid getting noticed by her.

Severus groaned quietly and turned in the direction of the stove. "Yes?"

"Don't stay out too long. Lunch is ready in half an hour. Bring the others with you as well. Oh and Draco don't forget your hat."

Relieved that he wasn't called back for cooking or other kitchen work, Severus replied, "Of course." After grabbing Draco's hat and tossing it at the teen, they left the house.

/

"Really? That's so cool, Draco. It will be great. I can show you all the moves I learned from Red Horse and Black Hawk. You will learn them fast, you will see." Harry excitedly petted Draco's shoulder.

"But only when Aiden isn't around."

"Sure. I can speak with Red Horse. He can schedule extra trainings with me and you. It will be great. You will see. Wow, and hunting. Brain and Ken will be so jealous. They had to wait over half a year to start hunting training."

Draco looked nervously over to Severus and Black Hawk. "Severus said he first has to ask Black Hawk. He could still say no."

"Then I will pester him as long as it takes to make him agree."

"Have you written to-"

"Okay, boys, we will camp outside tonight. After lunch you two will have a nap and then we will get everything ready for our night out," Black Hawk said while he and Severus came over to the boys.

"What about the hunting?" Harry asked curiously.

"The hunting training, Harry. I don't think Light Arrow would have any objections, and we can start this afternoon if you want to."

"Yeah!" Harry said enthusiastically and threw himself at Black Hawk.

Black Hawk was shocked first and then laughed. "I really need a manual for you, Harry. Sometimes your actions are surprising me immensely."

Harry bumped Black Hawk playfully against his chest.

"Aw," Black Hawk cried out playfully and held his chest. "Fighting outside the wrestling arena. What if I tell White Cloud."

"Then I will tell her that you started it and will use my puppy dog face." Harry showed Black Hawk how good he was in making that face.

"Very Slytherin, Harry." Severus ruffled Harry's hair.

Black Hawk just shock his head. "I don't really understand why women always fall for it."

Laughing they all went to the stable to get Red Horse and than back inside the main house for lunch.

/

Can I go and help Red Horse with the chickens?" Draco asked Severus while the wizard built up the campfire.

Severus straightened and popped his backbone vertebra. Then he whistled until Red Horse came out of the stable a thirty yards away from them. He formed a funnel in front of his mouth and shouted, "Draco wants to help you. Can I send him over?"

Red Horse just waved Draco with his big hands over and the blond boy obeyed happily. "See yeh."

Harry was bored. This afternoon Severus and Black Hawk had shown them all kind of possible weapons for a hunt. Then Draco and Harry had build there first bow and spear. Now Harry had carved all kinds of little symbols in his spear and was satisfied. Draco still wasn't back, and so Harry was happy when he saw Rose and Melissa coming over to them. Crying Horse was at the river with Ken, Brain and Maya.

"Hey," Harry said uncertain when he ran a few steps in their direction. He looked nervously at Rose and then at Melissa. She looked bad. She had swollen eyes and looked sadly at him.

Harry's smile vanished from his face. "Are you mad at me?"

"Mad?" she asked, puzzled.

Harry saw Rose pass him and going over to the fire. "Because I asked you not to tell someone?"

Melissa shook her head. After a pause, she asked, "Are you mad at me for... for..." She blushed.

"No," Harry said and blushed as well, remembering the kiss. He resisted the urge to touch his lips. "Ehm... thanks for the dream catcher. I hooked it over my bed. Black Hawk showed me the right place for it."

Melissa smiled shyly.

"Ehm..." Harry looked unsure from Melissa to the adults around the fire. Black Hawk and Severus were watching him secretively, but Harry could see their stolen glances at them. "Ehm... can we go over there?" Harry asked in Black Hawk's direction and pointed at a big tree around fifteen yards away from the camp fire.

Black Hawk nodded, but the moment Harry wanted to turn he held his finger up. When he was sure he had Harry's attention, he pointed two of his finger at his eyes and then at Harry.

Harry blushed and then turned to Melissa again. "I would like to speak with you without them listening in. Would you like to come with me over there?"

Melissa nodded and they both went to sit under the big tree. Here Black Hawk could have an eye on him but not an ear.

-II-

"Mad?" she asked, puzzled.

Harry saw Rose pass him and going over to the fire. "Because I asked you not to tell someone?"

Melissa shook her head. After a pause, she asked, "Are you mad at me for... for..." She blushed.

"No," Harry said and blushed as well, remembering the kiss. He resisted the urge to touch his lips. "Ehm... thanks for the dream catcher. I hooked it over my bed. Black Hawk showed me the right place for it."

Melissa smiled shyly.

"Ehm..." Harry looked unsure from Melissa to the adults around the fire. Black Hawk and Severus were watching him secretively, but Harry could see their stolen glances at them. "Ehm... can we go over there?" Harry asked in Black Hawk's direction and pointed at a big tree around fifteen yards away from the camp fire.

Black Hawk nodded, but the moment Harry wanted to turn he held his finger up. When he was sure he had Harry's attention, he pointed two of his finger at his eyes and then at Harry.

Harry blushed and then turned to Melissa again. "I would like to speak with you without them listening in. Would you like to come with me over there?"

Melissa nodded and they both went to sit under the big tree. Here Black Hawk could have an eye on him but not an ear.

-II-

"Light Arrow will not like this," Black Hawk said, grumpily.

Rose sighed. "Maybe he will see the advantage of it."

"Advantage? Come on, Rose. He never likes when there are romantic relationships between the kids. It is slowing them down in their healing process because they don't concentrate on themselves."

"I think with Harry it is different. It could help them both. Dad will understand that."

Black Hawk snorted and looked over to Harry.

"How can this be good for them. Melissa will break when he has enough of her, and Harry will only play the hard boy again. We were finally making progress."

"Who says he will have enough of her? They hardly have done anything to even say they are more then just a bit interested in each other."

Black Hawk snorted again. "Sometimes you are really naive, Rose. Look at them. She is melting when he only looks at her, and he is trying to touch her whenever he gets the opportunity."

"Not anyone is like you, Black Hawk. I can't see that Harry wants to touch her all the time."

"Then you are blind and have no clue about boys," Black Hawk said grumpily and went away from Rose and Severus to arrange the sleeping mats.

Rose rolled her eyes. "I and no idea about boys. Hmpf. As if I haven't grown up with more boys than anyone else."

"He is just worried that Harry will have a relapse. Let him cool off." Severus watched her in silence for a few minutes. She looked lost and sad, staring in the distance. "Everything okay with you and Crying Horse?"

Rose shrugged her shoulders. "He is depressed."

"Depressed? Because he didn't notice the problems with Aiden?" Severus asked, worried.

"That too." She hid her face in her hands. "I fear he thinks about leaving."

"Leaving? Why?"

"Don't play dumb, Severus. None of you ever accepted him as a part of the family, and Dad is the worst. He doesn't even try to hide his opinion about Crying Horse. If at least you would accept him like a brother, but all of you treat him like an outsider."

"Now you are unreasonable, Rose. You know that this isn't true. Lately your father has given him more and more important tasks. He even allowed him to hold the sweat lodge ceremony. Light Arrow even choose Crying Horse several times over Black Hawk lately. He is part of the family. I had the feeling Black Hawk and he do come along quite well. Red Horse is a shy guy, but he doesn't seem to have a problem with Crying Horse."

"You don't understand. He doesn't feel like he belongs to you. Like a brother. Not even a real friend. More like a buddy. He tries so hard." She looked desperately at Severus.

Severus sighed and laid his arm over Rose's shoulders. "I will speak with him okay, and I will speak with Black Hawk when he has cooled down."

Rose smiled at Severus and gently cupped his cheek. "I wished you would finally stay forever. Headmaster Johnson would be happy to give you a full job in the school, and we could use your help here."

Severus raised his eyebrow. "Nice try, Rose, but you know that I can't stand the constant mollycoddling. I like my freedom too much, and as impossible as it sounds I do have friends in England."

She bumped him playfully in his ribs. "It doesn't sound a bit impossible that you have friends in England, but you have friends here as well and... family."

Smiling, he said, "I know, but I need my freedom."

When Rose again fell back in her melancholic mood, Severus said, "Hey, that doesn't become you. Don't worry so much. I will speak with him and the rest of our brothers, and then we will see what happens. I'm sure it is all just a misunderstanding."

That moment Draco came running in their direction with Red Horse coming along after him, relaxed. "Severus! Severus! Look!" He was holding his hands in a ball-like shape. Totally out of breath he stopped in front of Severus. "Look what we found!" He opened his hands to show Severus and Rose a small lizard with a collar. The moment the animal could see again it spread it's collar in defense.

"Great, I see you already infected him with your animal enthusiasms," Severus said dryly in Red Horse's direction.

"I wasn't the one buying him the animal book, he is pestering me with the whole time." Red Horse grinned and sat down beside Rose. Looking over to Black Hawk, he asked, "What's wrong with him?"

Severus pointed at Harry and Melissa over his shoulders. "That's wrong with him!"

"Ah!" Red Horse said, instantly knowing what Severus meant; unlike Draco who looked puzzled back and for between Harry and Severus.

The little lizard in his hand was only inches from Rose's face who gentle pushed Draco's hands a bit down. "I don't think your little friend here likes to be so close to my face, Draco."

"Oh, sorry." Draco lowered his hands and smiled shyly at Rose. He hadn't notice that his hands had come so close to her face while looking over to Harry.

"Why don't you show Harry your lizard?" Rose suggested.

Draco looked uncertainly over to Harry. "I don't know. Ehm... could I go in my room and get something?"

Rose eyed him. "What do you want to fetch?"

"My messenger. I need to write to Hermione. She is waiting for a message from me."

"You wrote her yesterday evening and this morning," Severus stated.

A groan came from Black Hawk who had come over again. "Not you as well."

"What?"

Rose laughed. "Ignore him, Draco. Why don't you let your little lizard free and then wait a few more minutes because we need to go inside in twenty minutes anyway. Supper will be ready then."

"Okay," Draco said, a bit disappointed, but then again became cheerful when he looked at Red Horse. "Do you come with me?"

"Sure." Red Horse stood up. "Let's bring him over to the paddock. There he will find enough places to hide."

/

"I really like the dream catcher."

Melissa smiled. "I'm glad you do. It took me over a week to make it."

"Wow, thanks!"

"Ehm... about what Aiden said..."

"I don't want to speak about it, Harry," she said sadly.

"But he is wrong, Melissa. You are-"

"No, please!"

Harry sighed "Okay!" He leaned back against the tree, his hand close to hers. Shortly he thought about taking her hand, but then decided against it. What if he read her body language wrong. What if the others were wrong thinking she liked him? Over the last months, he really liked her more and more and she became more beautiful with each day. Even so she was very thin, and Harry hoped she would start to eat more. They had spoken a few times, and he liked the conversations with her. She was smart and told him a lot about Rose's lessons. She also had told him about Aiden in the lessons. That he was really spoiling it for her because he was complaining a lot and Rose had to explain everything again and again because he didn't listen to her. So Harry and Melissa had become close, at least closer as Maya and Harry. Draco was often occupied with Red Horse, and so Harry was glad when Melissa was there to speak with him. Mostly they met at the paddock.

Harry knew that Black Hawk wasn't happy about those meetings, and he had reprimanded him often that he need to concentrate on his problems and not Melissa's, but it wasn't like this. Harry still knew that he had to work hard on his problems and his feelings for Melissa had nothing to do with it. Black Hawk was overreacting. Right now he was watching them and that was one of the reasons why Harry didn't dare to take Melissa's hand.

"Wait! Don't move!" Melissa said suddenly, and Harry obeyed. She leaned over, and Harry's heart started to beat faster. She ran her fingers threw his hair, and Harry could smell her perfume. It was a nice change. Normally he was around the boys, and due to the heat they didn't smell very good. So he inhaled her scent deeply and even leaned a bit closer to her neck, closing his eyes. The next time he opened his eyes, she was looking shyly at him, her face a nice shade of red. "He is watching us, and he isn't happy about us being so close."

Harry turned around and saw that Black Hawk looked grumpily at him and again made the gesture with his fingers and his eyes; telling him that he has an eye on him. Harry rolled his eyes. "He is overreacting." Looking back at Melissa, he saw her studying a big, green-shining bug. This must have been her reason for fumbling in his hair.

"Isn't he beautiful?"

"Not as beautiful as you are," Harry said. He blushed, realizing how cliche that had sounded.

"I'm not!" Melissa looked sadly at the bug, who spread his wings and slowly flew away.

"Of course you are, even so you would look even more beautiful with a few pounds more on your ribs."

Melissa glared at him.

"What? It's the truth. You should really eat a bit more."

"I eat a lot!"

Harry snorted.

"I do!"

"I'm there during the meals."

"I do eat a lot!"

"You are not, but I don't want to argue with you. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are beautiful, but you should eat a bit more and you would be even more beautiful. Maybe you can try it for me?"

Melissa looked uncertainly at him. "I don't really like eating."

"I know. I often don't like it as well. It's boring, and mostly I don't even realize that it is time for a meal."

Melissa looked surprised at Harry.

"What? Is it so unusual that I also don't like eating so much? The different between us is that I know that I'll need the energy I get from eating, and eating with so many people is much more fun than alone."

Melissa shrugged.

"Will you try for me?"

"Maybe."

Harry smiled. "That's a start." He looked fascinated at her. She was really beautiful. Those big blue eyes were like deep pools of freshwater. Her straw-blond hair fell in wisps in her face. It was very tempting to wiped it gently out of her face to have a better look at those awesome eyes. The problem was that Harry could feel Black Hawk's eyes boring in his back, and he didn't want to annoy him too much. "I saw the bird that is my totem while running. It's a red-tailed hawk."

"Really? A hawk. I think that suits you. I'm sure freedom means a lot to you."

"Does a hawk represents this?"

"Yes, he stands for the urge for freedom and independence like Severus' raven. You two are very similar."

Harry raised his eyebrow skeptical.

Melissa laughed. "See!" She pointed at his raised eyebrow.

Harry shook his head, amused. "I don't think we are very similar."

"Yes, you are. He also likes his freedom and is often very angry when White Cloud and Light Arrow try to take it away from him even so he knows that it is for his best. The raven stands for cleverness. White Cloud and Rose say he is very clever and a very good teacher."

Harry snorted. "You would be surprised how different his students see that, but yes he is clever. I wish I would be so clever. So the hawk doesn't stand for cleverness, I guess?"

"No, it stands for will power and determination."

"You know a lot about those totems. Why is that so?"

"I'm very interested in all the ritual stuff. White Cloud and Rose taught me a lot about it. I know all the totems of the others, even Aidens. Only Draco's I don't know yet. Do you know it?"

"It's a-"

"No, no, don't tell me. It's something very personal. Maybe he doesn't want me to know."

Harry grinned. "He is very proud of it. He would love to tell you and definitely wouldn't be angry if I tell you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. He is a wolf. A white wolf."

"Wow, I would never have guessed. The wolf stands for a great sense of family. He needs the ones he loves close by or won't feel safe and happy, but the wolf is also a very powerful and dangerous animal. So deep in his soul Draco is a fighter. He always looks so lost and hurt, I would never have expected him to have a wolf as his totem."

"What's your totem. Ehm... if it is okay with you to tell me."

"A swan." She started to look shyly again. The minutes in which she had told him about the other totems, she had become more and more confident. "It stands for elegance and... beauty. You know the totem often stands for what you wish the most or what's the most important for you." She blushed deeply.

"You already are beautiful, Mel. You don't need to wish for it." Seeing that she began to feel uncomfortable again, he asked, "Is that all or does the swan symbolizes more things?"

"It's also a very family orientated totem, like Light Arrow's otter. The swan stands for good parental features. I really want to have children later, and I want to be a good mother." She looked thoughtful, and eventually Harry found the courage to take her hand and squeeze it lightly.

"I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother, Mel."

Shyly she smiled at him, not knowing what to say or do. She just looked into his green eyes which had fascinated her from the beginning. The wonderful moment was broken by Draco's cries for Severus to look at whatever he had in his hands. Quickly Harry let go of Melissa's hands and both teenagers blushed and looked down at their hands shyly. Harry didn't dare to look over to Black Hawk. He was sure he would get quite the talk for his behavior.

-II-

"It's also a very family orientated totem, like Light Arrow's otter. The swan stands for good parental features. I really want to have children later, and I want to be a good mother." She looked thoughtful, and eventually Harry found the courage to take her hand and squeeze it lightly.

"I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother, Mel."

Shyly she smiled at him, not knowing what to say or do. She just looked into his green eyes which had fascinated her from the beginning. The wonderful moment was broken by Draco's cries for Severus to look at whatever he had in his hands. Quickly Harry let go of Melissa's hands and both teenagers blushed and looked down at their hands shyly. Harry didn't dare to look over to Black Hawk. He was sure he would get quite the talk for his behavior.

-II-

"... and your wolf means power. Isn't it cool what she told me about our totems?"

"Powerful," Draco whispered lost in thoughts.

"Yeah," Harry said cheerfully and petted Draco's shoulder.

"What's going on here?" Severus asked when he sat down beside Harry. The campfire was burning and it slowly got darker. Melissa and Rose had stayed in the house after supper, and only Red Horse had come outside with them, but had quickly vanished inside one of the stables.

"I told Draco what Melissa told me about our totems. Light Arrow said my totem is a red-tailed hawk. Melissa said it is similar to your raven."

Severus smirked and ruffled Harry's hair. "Yes, a bit."

Harry beamed.

"What about our wolf over there. What do you think about your totem?"

"It's cool. Melissa says it stands for sense of family, but also for strength and power." Draco proudly puffed his chest out.

"Yes, that's right. A very family orientated totem like Light Arrow's otter."

"What else does the otter mean and what is White Cloud's totem?"

Black Hawk who finally sat down beside them, explained, "The otter is an animal which represents a strong sense of family. It is a very agile and attentive animal. It detects danger immediately and always defends it's family no matter how big or strong the enemy is. It's a miracle how it always knows if something is wrong or if a family member is in danger and needs help. When I first heard about Light Arrow's totem, I thought it didn't fit him because I only saw a funny, frolicking animal in an otter, but then I heard the meaning of it, now I think it fits him very well."

"Yes, it is perfect for him. What is yours and White Cloud's?" Harry asked curiously.

"Mine is a mustang. Wild and free. I don't think it fits me much. I've never really been free." Black Hawk's answer was filled with bitterness.

"You know it doesn't always stand for what you are. Only when you really live as you desire and when you are one with your totem you will act according to it's meaning. But you can't deny that your greatest wish is to be free and independent," Severus said, trying to stop Black Hawk from falling into a bad mood.

"And yet I'm still here," Black Hawk said, defeated.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I thought we already talked about it and now everything is cleared?"

Black Hawk groaned. "Yeah, sure, but still I don't think it fits me very much. A horse."

"A mustang, Black Hawk," Severus corrected him. "It stands for power and the ability to lead. In my opinion this fits you very well. If you are honest you know that you are the second in command here. Light Arrow thinks highly of you."

"Ach," Black Hawk said grumpily, and Harry could swear he saw him blush a bit.

Severus grinned. "White Cloud's totem is an owl as you wanted to know. It stands for wisdom and the ability to stay calm in almost every situation. White Cloud has an answer to almost any question, and she displays an impressive calmness even in situations of great stress."

"So Light Arrow and White Cloud are really like their totems," Harry said, and Draco nodded in agreement.

"We already know Red Horse's totem, but can you tell us Rose's?" Draco asked curiously.

"No, Rose needs to tell you personally. White Cloud and Light Arrow have no problem with everyone knowing their totems, but Rose is a bit quirky about it. Just ask her personally, and I'm sure she will tell you," Severus explained.

"What does Red Horse's lizard stand for?" Draco asked and looked at Severus questioningly.

"The lizards stands for a loner. He is more bond to an area than to the people around him. Red Horse is very independent, even so he decided to live here forever. It also stands for strength and tactic. I'm not sure about those features and Red Horse. He often is a mystery."

"Yes, sometimes you can't interpret a totem completely. Once we had a boy here whose totem was a snail. He got only one vision of it in his last sweat lodge, and he needed some time to tell Light Arrow about it. The boy was a great hunter and overall more extroverted, nevertheless his totem was a snail. Unbelievable," Black Hawk added.

"The problem is you never can look deep into someone. Some people bury their deepest dreams and wishes even too deep for to find by themselves. That's why some people never see their totem or need a very long time to do so. If you bury it so deep, you also don't act according to it. Your experiences and rational thinking have taken over too much and have changed the way you would live or wish to live naturally. Maybe the boy never really wanted to be in the middle of all the attention. Maybe he wished to be small and unnoticed. Nobody knows." Black Hawk looked into the fire deep in thoughts.

"What happened to him?" Harry asked seeing Black Hawk's reaction.

"He killed himself two years after he left. One of the few we couldn't really help." Black Hawk steadied his elbows on his knees and let his head sink in his hands.

"Yes, but there are so many more you helped. Light Arrow always says that the past can't be undone and sometimes the past has already done too much damage to overlay it with good experiences and love," Severus said to his brother.

Black Hawk sighed, but then nodded. "Yes, you are right!"

"Of course I am and now let us drop this topic and look if our fire potatoes are ready," Severus suggested.

Immediately Draco and Harry leaped up and grabbed for the sticks to get the tin foil-wrapped potatoes out of the fire. Severus stood up as well to help the boys and on his way to them he squeezed Black Hawk's shoulder.

Black Hawk nodded again and then went over to the small box White Cloud had given them. It contained some knifes, spoons and salt.

Harry spooned the contain of the potato with relish. It was one of the best things he had ever eaten. He loved this fire potatoes. Outside they were black, but inside they had a lovely roast aroma. The only problem was that Harry always burned his tongue and palate with the first potato because he couldn't wait until it had cooled down.

When they had finished, Black Hawk petted Harry's shoulder. "Let's have a walk!"

Oh no, what would that mean? Harry's heart sank into his boots. Reluctantly he stood up and threw a help seeking look over to Severus, but the man pretended to not notice it. After a few steps, Black Hawk laid his hand in Harry's neck and the boy gulped. "Ehm, Black Hawk, I-"

"Wait, let's go over to the gate there and sit down."

"Okay." Harry dreaded the talk that would come now. He could guess what it would be about.

"I want to speak with you about Melissa." Bang! There it was. Harry could feel his face flush and his heart beating so hard as if it wanted to jump out of his chest.

"Ehm..."

"I know you are interested in her. The way you look at her and how you act around her. Don't get me wrong, I can understand you and it is natural to be interested in her, but there is also a great part of me that is worried, very worried about it."

"Why?"

"Because you are far from healed, Harry. We only started. I was so glad when we finally made progress. You started to speak with Light Arrow and me about a few things you never spoke about before, and I have the feeling you slowly start to trust us. I fear this all will break when you start to concentrate too much on Melissa. You will try to impress her and play the hard guy again. Harry we struggled hard to lower those masks and get some small holes in the big wall you have put up around you."

"Nothing will change just because I like Melissa. She is really... sweet. I get those warm feeling in my stomach when I'm around her. It feels good Black Hawk. I never felt like this around someone else. Our talks are something special. We are so alike and she understands me. Please don't take this away from me."

"I don't want to take anything away from you, Harry. I'm just worried that you will put those damn masks up again to play a role for Melissa to impress her."

"I don't need to impress her, Black Hawk. I sometimes have the feeling she knows me better than I know myself. She won't hinder me on going on with what we started. I promise you! The moments with her a so... so special. I can't even express it, and now she gave me this dream catcher. She didn't push me to tell her about my dreams, she just wanted to help me. I like this, Black Hawk. I... I like her."

Black Hawk sighed. "Harry, I'm the last one to not understand your feelings. I know that it is something special to start to fall in love with someone, but you are not healthy. I want you to be very careful. No matter how the relationship between you and Melissa will develop, you need to look after yourself first priority. And be careful with her as well, Harry. She is very fragile and a broken friendship or love relationship is the last thing she needs now. I know you don't think about the end already, but I want you to contemplate if you really think this can last. Now is not the time for experiments."

"Black Hawk, we aren't a couple or so. I... I... I don't know what to say." This was completely weird. How should he think about the end now when they hadn't even got started really. Okay there was this kiss, but Melissa had quickly changed the topic when Harry wanted to speak about it. So Harry didn't know where they stood in their 'relationship.'

"You don't need to say anything right now. I just want you to think about it. Light Arrow will certainly speak with you about it as well. If this will become something more than just friendship we too will have another talk before you do anything stupid. Am I understood?"

Harry was glad that it was dark and Black Hawk couldn't see his red face. "Ehm... I already know about the birds and the bees."

Black Hawk grabbed Harry's neck and squeezed it lightly in a warning. "You will not even think about the birds and the bees in the next few month, Harry. A kiss here and there and this fluffy little feeling in your stomach is everything you will think about in that matter for a very long time. Nevertheless I will make sure you really know everything you need about the birds and the bees for much later. Much much later."

"I got it, Black Hawk."

"I hope so!" Black Hawk growled for some time beside him, and Harry had no clue what to do or say. "The Birds and the bees," Black Hawk grumbled and gave Harry a light tap on the back of his head. "Let's go back to the campfire. It's getting cold."

/

"And then he said I should not even think about it for the next few month."

Draco snickered. His sleeping bag was directly beside Harry's. "I have to write Hermione about it."

"I will kill you if you do so," Harry said loudly.

"I said you two shall sleep and not talk," Severus bellowed over to them.

They paused shortly, but then started to talk very softly again. "Promise me to not tell Hermione!"

"Why? She will be happy for you."

"She will squeeze every little detail out of me and annoy me with messages all the time about how things are going and so. Please, Draco!"

"Yeah, yeah, but I don't see why this is all such a big thing."

"Shall I tell Melissa that you fancy Hermione and can't wait until she comes here to tell her about your feelings?"

"Feelings? Are you stupid. What are you talking about?"

"Ha! Like I said. You deny it, but you already told me that I'm right about you and Hermione a few weeks ago."

"I just said I like her. I never said that she likes me or that I have feelings for her."

"To like someone is a feeling."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Ye-" A shadow over his and Draco's face made Harry stop mid-sentence. Severus loomed over them with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Harry, turn the other way!" Severus instructed.

Harry groaned, but obeyed.

"And now you two sleep!"

"Yes!" both boys replied grumpily.

Draco couldn't sleep but didn't dare to speak with Harry again. The last topic was unpleasant for him, and Severus and Black Hawk had sat down closer to them. Did he have feelings for Hermione. Yes, of course. He had, but did she? Draco never could read anything like this out of Hermione's messages, but Harry had teased him very often about passages he thought showed that Hermione liked him more than just a friends. What if Harry was wrong? Draco didn't dare to ask Hermione. What if she would stop writing to him? No, he couldn't risk this. He also didn't know if he would have the courage to do anything to find out if there is more than just friendship when Hermione would come here with Professor Dumbledore. Draco knew the feeling Harry had when he sees Melissa. It's the same when Draco saw a new message from Hermione on his messenger. He envied Harry to be able to see Melissa's face while he communicated with her. Draco wished he could see Hermione. A picture of her in the middle of Draco and Harry was always under Draco's pillow and he looked at it each night before he went to sleep. This night he couldn't look at it and already missed it.

The difference between his and Harry's feelings was that Harry just felt good when he saw Melissa. Unlike Draco who always had bad feelings as well. He was immediately reminded of his scars and the cruel hands of the Death Eaters and his father on him, which had him tainted and soiled for his whole life. How could Hermione love someone like him? She didn't know everything, but she knew about the rape. The newspapers had spread it very enthusiastically. So she knew how dirty he was. How could she even want to touch his tainted flesh? No, when Draco thought about sex ore even just touching Hermione, no Hermione touching him, he got sick. No, that could never happen, but he wanted to be with her. Just see her face, her lovely smile and her warm chocolate brown eyes. He could loose himself in them and everything already felt much better and easier when she was around. She always knew an answered or she would look for one until she found it. She was wonderful. Holding her hand, yes, that was something Draco wanted to do very, very much. Holding her hand and getting lost in her brown doe-like eyes.

Light Arrow and Rose had tried to speak with him about his future plans regarding a sexual life, but he had blocked up vehemently whenever they mentioned it. He blocked so hard that he didn't open up for several days afterward, but nevertheless, they tried again and again after a short break. It was exhausting, and Draco feared every time they met for their talking sessions that this would be one of those days again. Why couldn't they be happy with what he told them? He had told them much more then he had told the therapist in England. He had even told them more about his bad feelings and fears during the torture in the dungeons than he had ever told Harry. Only Severus knew it all. Only the parts Draco didn't realize for himself at the moment, Severus also didn't know. The feelings caused by the abuse and betrayal of his own father. Those feelings were so difficult and painful that Draco's subconscious had locked them deep down in his mind. They could only come to the surface of his consciousness if he had worked on his other bad feelings and memories. Until then they would stay hidden even for Draco himself.

So Draco lay awake with these emotions burning in his chest. He wanted to cry out of desperation. Wasn't he punished enough with what they had done to him in the dungeons? Did this have to effect him even now and especially with Hermione? It was so unfair. He just wanted to be happy, but he never could be happy with Hermione or any other girl because he was soiled. Maybe it would be better to forget Hermione. Just the thought of it ripped a big hole into his soul, but it was the only way. In his sleeping bag Draco silently let the tears fall.

Harry lay awake as well. His thoughts were with Melissa. What if he hurt her? This warm feeling in his stomach and chest whenever he met her was so amazing, and he didn't want to give it up, but he also never wanted to hurt her. She had kissed him and set many small butterflies free in his stomach by doing so. He could still feel her lips on his when he closed his eyes and thought back to that moment. It was great and wonderful, and Harry wanted to have it again, but wasn't it selfish to want it. Would it hurt her? No, maybe he could even help her. He would help her to eat and love herself again. Then Black Hawk and Light Arrow would see that he was good for her. Yes, that was a plan, and Harry loved it when he had a plan.

-II-

Harry lay awake as well. His thoughts were with Melissa. What if he hurt her? This warm feeling in his stomach and chest whenever he met her was so amazing, and he didn't want to give it up, but he also never wanted to hurt her. She had kissed him and set many small butterflies free in his stomach by doing so. He could still feel her lips on his when he closed his eyes and thought back to that moment. It was great and wonderful, and Harry wanted to have it again, but wasn't it selfish to want it. Would it hurt her? No, maybe he could even help her. He would help her to eat and love herself again. Then Black Hawk and Light Arrow would see that he was good for her. Yes, that was a plan, and Harry loved it when he had a plan.

-II-

Draco?

/

Draco?

I haven't heard from you for two days! What's wrong? Please reply!

Hermione

/

Draco,

I don't know what happened. Please tell me. You can talk to me about it!

Your friend

Hermione

/

Draco,

Harry refused to tell me what's wrong with you. Please talk to me! I'm worried! Very worried!

Love,

Hermione

/

Draco, damn it! Speak with me! I need to know what's wrong. I swear I will come over there, no matter what Dumbledore and your people over there say, and get it out of you personally.

WRITE!

Hermione

/

Draco sighed when the messenger vibrated again under the pillow, he momentarily was resting on. He pulled it out reluctantly; dreading what he would read there.

Draco,

that was it. I haven't heard from you for over six days. I will come over, and we will talk!

Hermione

Draco sighed and stuffed the messenger back under his pillow. It can't be. She is just bluffing. No way will she be able to come. It's the middle of the school year, and Dumbledore won't allow her to leave the school. Ha, and Hermione never would dare to even miss one class or study time on a weekend.

/

"So, now you are up to date," Black Hawk stated.

Light Arrow nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, have you already made plans for today?"

"We didn't know you would be back, but Black Hawk, Crying Horse and I need some time for ourselves if that is possible. Two hours or three?" Severus said.

Crying Horse looked surprised which didn't go unnoticed by Light Arrow. "Three hours?" Light Arrow said thoughtfully.

"In the evening when no work is to be done, of course," Severus said when he realized hat Light Arrow fought hard to answer him, obviously exhausted from his week-long outdoor trip with Aiden. Severus hadn't meant to sound greedy and leave the man alone with work, but Light Arrow seemed to have understood it that way. His reaction and next words confirmed it.

"Then that is no problem. It's time for a game evening with the kids. They will be occupied with the rest of us and you three are free. May I ask what you are planning?"

"A men's night in town," Severus stated. Immediately Rose's and Light Arrow's gaze went over to Black Hawk.

"I don't want anyone of you to come back drunk."

"We won't, Light Arrow. We just want to have a few hours off and talk," Severus stated.

"It will be your responsibility," Light Arrow said grumpily to Severus. He really needed some sleep.

"I didn't plan to drink, but they are adults, Light Arrow," Severus said uncomfortably.

"I don't care," Light Arrow said, growling.

"He is right, Joseph. You are overreacting. Severus promised to not drink anything and if Crying Horse wants to drink something he can do so," White Cloud said and fixed Black Hawk with a look that made clear she didn't leave him out on coincident.

"I don't plan to drink," Black Hawk said, annoyed.

"Good," Light Arrow and White Cloud said in unison, and Rose added, "You better don't."

Black Hawk threw a sour glance over to Rose, but she met his eyes challengingly.

"So what else was planned for today?" Light Arrow asked to change the topic.

"Not much, wrestling training for Draco and Harry and hunting training for the whole group besides Melissa of course. She will help White Cloud and Rose," Black Hawk replied after he pulled his eyes away from Rose.

"The house also needs some cleaning again, and I want everyone to help this morning," White Cloud stated to the group of adults. All the young male members groaned, and Severus even dared to mutter, "You are a witch."

"I heard that, Severus. So thanks for offering to do the most hated task of cleaning the bathroom," White Cloud said, unimpressed.

The snickers from Black Hawk about this comment got him the second hated task of cleaning the kitchen.

"Then I will do the living room and the library and the kids can clean their rooms and the upper level," Light Arrow said.

"Oh no, you won't," White Cloud and Rose said at the same time, and then Rose lowered her eyes to give her mother the chance to go on. "You will rest, Joseph. The kids and the rest of us can handle the cleaning alone. What about Aiden?"

"He can help later. His talk with Harry has first priority after getting some sleep. He regrets what he has done and wants to apologize. How is Melissa? Is she ready for an apology from him as well?"

They hadn't told Light Arrow about the development between Melissa and Harry. In the last few days Black Hawk had done everything he could to stop Harry from having any contact with her. The one-to-one counseling made it easy for him. So nothing more could happen.

"She is okay. It seems someone convinced her that Aiden wasn't right. She even tried to eat more the last few days," Rose said, smiling.

Light Arrow saw Black Hawk shaking his head grumpily out of the corner of his eyes. He had the feeling he wouldn't like what would come next. "And who is that one?"

Rose paused for a moment, not sure how her father would take the news. "Harry."

Light Arrow's expression darkened.

Feeling supported in his opinion that all this was a bad idea, Black Hawk said, "I told Rose it is a bad idea. I did my best to keep him away from her the last days, but now if the one-to-one counseling is over, it won't be so easy."

"They are both not ready for this. Don't tell me you two encouraged that." Light Arrow looked angrily at Rose and White Cloud.

Black Hawk felt triumphantly. Finally someone was his opinion. Severus had been very neutral.

"Don't talk to me like this, Joseph," White Cloud hissed dangerously.

Immediately Black Hawk's triumphant look vanished and all the others ducked their heads as well. It didn't bode well when White Cloud used that tone. "Your daughter and I can have our own opinion about it. We don't think it will be bad for any of them. Harry already had a talk with Black Hawk and knows about our fears that he will start to pull a mask up again. He promised not to do it. Melissa even started to eat more and seems to have a real wish to live now."

"And what will happen when they break up?" Light Arrow said, raising his voice as well. He was tired and had a headache, and those news didn't help it at all.

"Who says they will?"

"They are teenagers, White Cloud. Melissa isn't ready for this. We have to patch her up when this is all over, and she is already broken enough."

"Don't you listen? She is eating more on her own, Joseph. Something we tried for almost a year without success."

"He will get bored of her!"

"We will see," White Cloud said stubbornly. "And you will sleep before you speak with Harry or Melissa or anyone else."

Light Arrow looked angrily at her, but didn't protest. "I will sleep until lunch. Then I will speak with the kids one after another."

"We need to speak about Draco first, Light Arrow," Severus intervened.

"What do you mean?"

"We should think about how to go on. Something is wrong with him, but I would like to discuss this with the calm and rational Light Arrow."

Light Arrow growled, but deep inside he knew that they were right. He needed sleep to get rid of this headache and get a clear head. He had only been away for a week and the whole camp was upside down. A loud crash pulled him out of his thoughts and everyone rushed over to the window. Looking down they saw Brian an Ken trying to free themselves from the rain barrel on which they obviously had spied on the adults a few minutes ago. Light Arrow groaned. "If there are no life-threatening wounds, I will take care of them after my nap."

Black Hawk could hardly keep himself from snickering wildly, seeing Ken and Brian standing, now free from the rain barrel, but soaking wet, staring with fear at the adults through the window. "We will make sure to give them the most hated jobs."

"I was under the impression you and Severus already got them," Light Arrow stated.

"I will be generous and let Brian and Ken help them," White Cloud said and gestured the boys sternly to come in.

/

Harry,

please tell me what's wrong with Draco. I'm so worried.

I spoke with Professor Dumbledore and he said, I'm not allowed to come over, but I swear I will do it. I need to know what's wrong. Out of the blue he stopped writing to me. He normally writes twice or trice a day.

Please, Harry, we are friends. Why don't you tell me?

Hermione

Harry could imagine her tear-stained face. Like it was the weeks after they were freed from the dungeons. Back then she had pleaded with them to speak to her at all. There was fear in her eyes. Fear that Harry had become insane because she had never seen such hate in his eyes before and fear that Draco had lost it because he had just stared blankly in the distance and refused to speak with anyone. Yes Harry was quite sure that was what she looked like at the moment. It's good that she was taking therapy as well. Even Luna was taking some sessions. All of them had become a very close group after the fight in the Ministry. Even Draco was accepted into the group. Neville and Luna had become very close and maybe they would have come together if not... No, Harry didn't want to think about it. Hermione was worried but she would be okay. She had help and was very close to McGonagall. The professor was the one always supporting her during the time when Harry and Draco still pushed her away and she had to deal with her mourning for Ron alone.

She always had to mourn alone or with Luna, because until now Harry and Draco had never spoken about Ron or Neville with her. Harry hadn't even spoken with the Weasleys. Every time they contacted him, he felt cold sweat and panic overcome him and he needed to throw up. After several attempts they had given up or someone held them back from contacting Harry. No, this also wasn't something Harry wanted to think about. Just remembering their faces he felt nauseated. It was his fault they lost their son and... No damn it, Harry didn't want to think about all that. Draco. It was Draco he was worried about at the moment and Hermione. He told himself that several times in his mind like a mantra until the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley finally faded and the nausea ebbed down.

The feeling of great worry was mutual. Harry also had no clue what was wrong with Draco. His friend was avoiding him and stayed closed to Red Horse more and more. Severus had been at his side and only left Draco when he was with Red Horse. So Harry had no chance to talk with Draco because every time he raised his voice when Draco was ignoring his questions he was reprimanded by Red Horse or Severus. Oh, how much Harry hoped the one-to-one counseling would end today as Light Arrow was back.

Hermione,

as I already told you several times, I have no clue what's wrong with him. He isn't talking to me and the damn one-to-one counseling isn't making it easy for me to speak with him at all.

Finally Light Arrow is back, so I hope I will be without a bodyguard from now on and Draco as well. Maybe I can find out what's wrong in the next few days.

At the moment I'm arrested in my room with Merlin knows what wards on it. The air is tingling and not even Karim wants to stay here. I hope they will end their stupid adult discussion soon and release me.

So be patient, like I have to be.

Harry

Harry put the messenger on his night table and laid back in his bed. The sun was shining and the dust danced around in the air. He had not even rested for two minutes when the messenger started to vibrate again. Harry groaned. How was she able to write so fast. Merlin it must be supper time at Hogwarts. Did Hermione carry the messenger around all the time?

Thank Merlin, Light Arrow is back. He will realize something is wrong with Draco. I can't understand that Severus hasn't noticed anything.

And Harry stop speaking so low about Black Hawk and the others. They try to help you. I'm sure whatever makes the air in your room tingle from magic is only to keep you safe.

Please inform me when you learn something new.

Love,

Hermione

Harry rolled his eyes.

Merlin, Hermione, I can't spend all my time writing to you. Black Hawk, the person you always tell me to listen to, is reminding me almost 24h lately to concentrate on myself and my problems.

But yes, before you start to bombard me with messages, I will inform you as soon as I know something new.

Merlin, I hope for my own sake that you two will end your little love crisis soon.

Harry looked at the last sentence and started to feel guilty. So he erased it. Good that Hermione could only read the text after he pressed the send button.

Stop carrying your messenger with you all the time. People will think you are crazy and have no real life.

I'll keep you up to date.

Bye,

Harry

Harry pressed the send button and shook his head annoyed when the message immediately vanished. So Hermione was reading it already.

Thinking about Hermione eventually brought Harry to thinking about Melissa. He had no chance to speak with her lately beside meals and a few other family moments in which they were watched closely. It annoyed Harry. Black Hawk had said he understood him and didn't want to take this away from him, but nevertheless he had done everything to keep Harry away from Melissa. Reaching for the dream catcher over his head, Harry smiled and felt this warm feeling in his chest again. Maybe he should do something for her as well. Yes, he could carve her something out of wood. Maybe a swan. All the boys admired Harry's ornaments on his bow and spear. Carving a swan would surely be more difficult, but it would be worth a try. Hearing a loud crash, Harry hurried over to the window and saw Brian and Ken drenched in water from the rain barrel close to the window of the therapy room. Harry grinned. Maybe they would have some good information for him now.

-II-

Thinking about Hermione eventually brought Harry to thinking about Melissa. He had no chance to speak with her lately beside meals and a few other family moments in which they were watched closely. It annoyed Harry. Black Hawk had said he understood him and didn't want to take this away from him, but nevertheless he had done everything to keep Harry away from Melissa. Reaching for the dream catcher over his head, Harry smiled and felt this warm feeling in his chest again. Maybe he should do something for her as well. Yes, he could carve her something out of wood. Maybe a swan. All the boys admired Harry's ornaments on his bow and spear. Carving a swan would surely be more difficult, but it would be worth a try. Hearing a loud crash, Harry hurried over to the window and saw Brian and Ken drenched in water from the rain barrel close to the window of the therapy room. Harry grinned. Maybe they would have some good information for him now.

-II-

Harry hoped he would be able to speak with Ken and Brian and hear what had been spoken in the therapy room. So Harry was on his way back to his bed to wait when the messenger vibrated again.

"Oh, come on, Hermione. Give me some time to breathe." He took the messenger and read the message while still standing.

Harry,

I don't want to annoy you, but I'm very worried. I don't want to lose Draco. I don't want to lose another friend.

Hermione

Bang! Back was the image of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's faces, and this time their faces were full of sorrow, tears were running over their cheeks. Harry could feel the cold sweat on his neck, then on his face, and then all over his body. The nausea took over, and he threw up heavily. All his breakfast landed on the carpet, and Harry was still heaving dryly.

Downstairs, Light Arrow stiffened and all the adults looked at him. "It's Harry. He is throwing up. Was he ill?"

"No, I will check on him," Black Hawk said as he stopped Light Arrow from approaching the stairs. "You need to rest, Dad."

Sneaky bastard, using this title to get him to not go and see Harry. "Inform me when you need help, Black Hawk."

"I will! Now go and have your nap." Black Hawk instructed and made his way up the stairs to Harry's room, all the time feeling Light Arrow's eyes on his back.

The moment Harry had stopped heaving, the cold sweat and the nausea had vanished. It was as if the vomit had wiped all the memories of Ron and his family out of his mind. Harry started to panic over the mess he had made. How was he supposed to get rid of it without magic and without being allowed to leave the room? Oh, Merlin, it smelled badly.

Harry ripped open the window and then looked around frantically. He had no paper towels or anything similar, so he pulled his shirt off and threw it over the vomit. That's when the door opened soundly behind him.

Black Hawk stopped in his tracks when he saw Harry's expression of pure terror. The boy had almost stumbled away from him and now was blocking his view of something on the ground. "Harry, I-"

"No!" Harry shouted when Black Hawk stepped closer. "I swear I will get it clean again. I promise!"

Black Hawk was puzzled. Putting two and two together, he realized that Harry's T-Shirt was covering the vomit, but why did Harry react in such a panic? Had Harry vomited blood? Immediately, Black Hawk stormed into the room to inspect the substance under the shirt. Maybe, he needed Light Arrow. "Let me see, Harry." He had grabbed Harry's arm to pull him aside to lift the shirt, but Harry sheltered his face with his other arm and moved to the side away from Black Hawk. He didn't dare to let go of Harry's arm. The boy could hit his head in his panic to move away from him. Hearing the door close, Black Hawk looked up to see White Cloud standing by it. She didn't move further into the room and just watched Black Hawk, holding a glass of water and a potion vial.

Still holding the cowering Harry with one hand, Black Hawk leaned over to the other side and lifted the shirt. Relieved, he saw there was no blood. "Just his breakfast. No blood." Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the shirt and the vomit vanish when he turned to Harry again. "Harry, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry! I will clean it up!" Harry said miserably, still sheltering his head with his free arm.

"Harry, you are safe here, you know. It's me Black Hawk. I would never hit you!" Gently, he took the other arm in his hand. "You can lower your arm. Remember, you told me just a few days ago that you trusted me."

Harry whimpered when Black Hawk slowly lowered his arm. "I couldn't get rid of it. I don't have my wand."

"I know that you don't have your wand, and we are not mad at you, Harry. We are worried as to why you are sick. You were feeling well at breakfast, didn't you?"

Harry nodded. Slowly, the panic ebbed; his rational thinking took over again. He wasn't at the Dursleys. He was at the camp, and the people here didn't care if you soil anything, not even your bed. They are always just worried about why you do it. That thought made Harry remember his reason for vomiting. He started to whimper and draw back from Black Hawk again.

Now, White Cloud came over and sat down on the ground, her legs crossed. Black Hawk always wondered how she did it with some much grace. "Harry, it's okay. I want you to drink something before you tell us what happened. First, a bit of water and then a potion to help your stomach and nerves."

The picture of Ron and the Weasley parents came and went in front of his mind, and he dimly registered the vial against his lips. White Cloud tilted Harry's head back and tried to make him swallow the potion without force. "Harry come on, you know it will help you!"

Yes, all the potions, they had given him here, had helped. White Cloud's voice reached his mind but only muffled. She put her hands on his head and pulled him further back to reality. Opening his mouth, he obeyed. Almost instantly, he felt much calmer and his head became clearer. The images of the Weasleys were still in front of his mind, but it didn't cause the bad feelings any longer. It was as if there was no connection between the images and Harry's emotions.

"Harry?" White Cloud asked, stroking Harry's hair. "How are you?"

"Better," Harry croaked. He gripped his throat in surprised.

White Cloud smiled. "Here, drink a bit more water. That will help your throat."

When Harry sighed and relaxed, after drinking a few more sips from the glass, White Cloud said, "Come on, Harry. A little nap will help you to feel even better." She signaled Black Hawk to help Harry up. When the boy was nicely tucked in by her, she asked, "So, Harry, what happened? Did you feel sick?"

Harry blushed. He didn't want to speak about it, but his mind was so fluffy at the moment and White Cloud looked so kindly. "I remembered something and..." He could feel the sweat coming back again.

"Shhh, it's okay, Harry. You won't get sick again. The potion will prevent it. What was it that you remembered? Something from the dungeons or back from your life with your relatives?"

Harry shook his head. "Please."

White Cloud sighed. "Okay, Harry, I will stop asking. Black Hawk will stay until you fall asleep." She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "You are safe here, Harry. We love you."

When White Cloud was out of the room, Black Hawk sat down on Harry's bed and watched the dark-haired boy closely. Harry's eyes were clouded. Black Hawk knew this look. This potion must have been one of White Cloud's stronger calming draughts. He had quite some experiences with them as well. Sometimes, he wished he would have excess to them on his own. It was a good way to forget about all your problems for some time. Even now, nobody knew about where Light Arrow and White Cloud store those potions, not even Rose, and they were staff now.

"Hey, Harry," Black Hawk said gently and petted Harry's head.

"I'm quite drugged, aren't I?" Harry asked, smiling.

Black Hawk smiled sadly back. "Yes, you are, but sometimes it helps to wait a bit before speaking about what spooked you. Sometimes, the mind needs some time to get the memories and images unattached from the heavy feelings. A bit of distance is better to finally be able to speak about it. The potion helps your mind to find this peace and time to relax. Just enjoy the peace, Harry."

"Do you know how it feels?"

"Yes, I know," Black Hawk said absorbed in his thoughts. He sighed and then added, "I often saw my parents when I was drugged like this. It was the only time I could look at them without feeling so bad. After taking it, it was easier to speak about it as well."

Harry looked miserably at Black Hawk. The man had shared something very personal with him, so would it be so hard to tell him about what he saw? "I... I see Ron's parents. I never spoke with them after..."

Black Hawk waited to see if Harry would go on, but when he saw that Harry just pressed his eyes closed to not cry, he gently stroke his thumb over Harry's cheek. "You don't have to tell me, Harry. You shouldn't do anything that hurts you at the moment. The potion shall help you to calm down and give you a bit of rest."

Harry opened his eyes again. A treacherous tear ran down from the corner of his eye into his ear. "I never spoke with them, even though they tried to contact me often. They were like parents to me. They must hate me now."

"I don't think they hate you, Harry. You could write them, or maybe, we can arrange a meeting-"

Harry frantically shook his head, so that Black Hawk stopped speaking and cupped his head in his hands. "Don't do this, Harry. Nobody will force you to do anything. It was just a suggestion. We can speak about it later. Try to rest now. Come on, close your eyes, and I will tell you a story about Severus and me when we were young."

That brought a smile back on Harry's face. "Yes, please do."

Black Hawk chuckled. "Okay, but first close your eyes."

Harry never heard the end of the story nor did he hear much of the beginning. After a few minutes, he was asleep.

/

"Hey, sleepy head," Black Hawk said when he sat down on Harry's bed. "Time to wake up. Lunch is ready."

Harry opened his eyes reluctantly. Still blinking against the sun, he felt Karim jumping up on the bed to greet him. "Ah, finally back, my friend." He petted the cat affectionately.

"Fantastic, I thought I'm your friend, but no, I will just be ignored," Black Hawk said playing hurt.

Harry grinned at him. That's what he liked so much about Black Hawk, no matter what happened, he would still act like his joking self. "I'm happy to see you as well," Harry said in amusement and petted Black Hawk's head teasingly as well. "Happy now?"

"Very! Too bad I can't purr." Black Hawk stood up and closed the window. When he turned around, Harry had already sat up. "Lunch is in twenty minutes. Let's go to the bathroom."

Harry looked disappointed at Black Hawk. "So the one-to-one isn't over?"

Black Hawk shrugged. "Light Arrow will decide about it during your talk with him later. He has posted a schedule at the bulletin board in the kitchen. You are the second one."

Harry groaned.

"Hey, don't be upset. You are lucky as you avoided being part of the house cleaning this morning. Nevertheless, your room will still need to be cleaned and inspected by White Cloud. So, be sure to clean it thoroughly. It's your first big inspection. She can be very picky, especially about the cupboard order and how you made your bed."

Harry looked dumbfounded at Black Hawk.

The man chuckled. "Come on, the bathroom is waiting!"

/

At lunch, Harry tried not to look up at all and at the same time tried to avoid eating as well. He still felt odd in his stomach. Aiden was sitting a few seats away from Harry, but he knew that when he would look up, he would see him. The mood was also different. Brian and Ken were talking non-stop to Light Arrow, whom listened patiently. Obviously, he had already forgiven them for the eavesdropping. The rest were very quiet, and Harry could feel Melissa's eyes on him. She was the only reason he ate at all. After some time of poking around in his soup, Harry dared to look in Melissa's direction. She was eying him and gestured with her eyes for him to eat.

Harry sighed and looked down at his soup again. He broke off a piece of his bread and let it fall in the soup. Then he pushed it down with his spoon several times. It was relaxing to see the bread vanish in the soup and slowly falling apart because it was so soaked.

"I would eat if I were you. Light Arrow is boring holes in you with his eyes."

"Thank you, very much, for your observation, Black Hawk, but if I want Harry to know about something, I will tell him personally," Light Arrow said dangerously.

White Cloud shook her head in annoyance. It was always the same when Light Arrow was away for a few days. The boys had problems holding their tongues, and Light Arrow felt the need to throw about his leadership position forcefully on them as soon as he's home. Sometimes, he was too dominant, but nobody was perfect.

Harry quickly shoved the soaked bread and a bit soup in his mouth. He didn't want to be in trouble so soon after Light Arrow's return, and he didn't want Black Hawk to be in trouble either.

When Harry had finished half of his bowl, he looked over to Melissa. She smiled at him shyly and tilted her bowl to show him that she had finished her lunch completely. This warm feeling was back in Harry's chest, and it felt so good to have it back after the events of this morning. He smiled back at her, and then he made the mistake of looking around. All eyes were on him, and he blushed deeply. Brian and Ken snickered, Rose and White Cloud smiled at him, and the rest were looking indifferent or skeptically at him. Harry quickly looked down at his soup after that. "Ehm...you don't have to wait for me."

"We all stay until the last has finished. Eating is a social event, or has this changed while I was away?"

White Cloud rolled her eyes. "Of course not, Joseph. You are really unbearable today. The nap hasn't help your mood much."

Harry was shocked, like most of the members of the camp. Light Arrow was stared down by White Cloud and Rose, and the men of the family shifted nervously in their chairs. The kids looked shocked and waited for the thunderstorm to break out.

"You are right. I apologize." That caused the two ladies to smile satisfactorily at him, the men to stop squirming on their seats, and the kids to look dumbfounded at the head of the house. Had he just apologized?

"Harry, could you please finish your soup? We have a busy schedule for this afternoon," White Cloud said.

"I'm no longer hungry."

"No longer hungry? You were poking your soup since the beginning, Harry. Are you still feeling sick?" Rose asked.

Harry shook his head, blushing. "No, I'm just not hungry."

"I would like to have a look at you before you go up to clean your room, Harry. The talk with Draco will take some time, so maybe you will be finished with your room when we are finished with Draco," Light Arrow stated. "Put your dish in the sink and then follow me. Draco, I will see you in thirty minutes. The rest of you should look at the schedule to know when you need to be around. It's of course just a rough guideline. Try to keep track who is inside the room. I will announce when a session is over by the sound of the gong." He pointed at the old gong beside the fridge with which White Cloud often calls the family for meals.

Harry, meanwhile, had placed his dish in the sink and stood insecurely beside Light Arrow.

Seeing Harry shift nervously beside him, Light Arrow laid a calming hand on Harry's shoulder, which caused the teen to relax immediately. When he was ready with his speech to the rest of the family, he gently guided Harry in the therapy room. "Lay down on the couch, please, Harry."

Nervously, Harry laid down on the old leather couch. With a wave of his hand, Light Arrow enlarged the couch, so he had enough space to sit down beside Harry's hip. "How are you feeling, Harry?"

"I'm fine. I was just not very hungry. The vomiting wasn't...it..."

"I know. Black Hawk told me, but nevertheless, I would like to check if I can detect something wrong with your stomach, okay? Maybe your body doesn't tolerate the potion White Cloud gave you. You haven't gotten that one before."

Harry played nervously with the hem of his shirt. Gently, Light Arrow took Harry's hands and placed them beside his hips. "I will just lift your shirt a bit, okay?"

"I'm not Draco," Harry said, trying to overplay his nervousness. He didn't even know why he was nervous.

Light Arrow raised an eyebrow and looked sternly at Harry. "And that means I can just go and invade your personal space without asking you for permission?"

Harry blushed. "No, you just make me more nervous when you are so cautious," Harry said truthfully.

"There is nothing to worry about, Harry. I just want to examine you for any stomach ache or intolerance of the potion we gave you."

Harry nodded, and Light Arrow lifted Harry's shirt. "You look thinner, Harry."

Gulping, Harry tried to sit up to look for himself, but Light Arrow pushed him back into a laying position. "Please, stay down, Harry. I would like to have a closer look at your weight, Harry. I will check your medical folder for the last time you have been weighed, and then we will go on. Now, try to relax. I will lay my hands on your stomach and cast the diagnostic charms."

Harry bit his lip. What if he really had lost weight? Would Light Arrow be angry with him? Would it prolong his stay here?

"Harry, you are not relaxing. Try to think about something nice. What about riding? You made big progress in that recently."

So, Harry thought about Tohiadedi. Yes, he had finally built a friendship with his horse. Tohiadedi would come to the gate when he saw him, happy to be brushed or petted. He still wasn't allowed to ride outside the paddock without supervision, but only Maya and Aiden were allowed to do so anyways.

"Okay, Harry. Please remain laying down. I will be back soon." Light Arrow pulled Harry's shirt down and petted his stomach.

Nervously, Harry started to play with the hem of his shirt again. Light Arrow hadn't said anything about the diagnostic charm. Was this a good or a bad sign?

-II-

"Harry, you are not relaxing. Try to think about something nice. What about riding? You made big progress in that recently."

So, Harry thought about Tohiadedi. Yes, he had finally built a friendship with his horse. Tohiadedi would come to the gate when he saw him, happy to be brushed or petted. He still wasn't allowed to ride outside the paddock without supervision, but only Maya and Aiden were allowed to do so anyways.

"Okay, Harry. Please remain laying down. I will be back soon." Light Arrow pulled Harry's shirt down and petted his stomach.

Nervously, Harry started to play with the hem of his shirt again. Light Arrow hadn't said anything about the diagnostic charm. Was this a good or a bad sign?

-II-

When Light Arrow came back, he wasn't alone any longer.

Harry's face fell when he saw Doc Martens at his side.

"Not happy to see me, Harry?" the doctor said cheerfully and smiled at his patient.

Harry sighed. "So I'm not okay?" He looked worried from Light Arrow to the doctor and back.

"I'm here to check if you are okay or not, Harry. Will you let me do so?"

Harry nodded and pulled his shirt up again. He waited for the magic to start tingling and almost jumped from the couch when the doctor started to prod on his stomach.

"Did this hurt?" the doctors asked worriedly.

Harry blushed. "No I was just surprised. I thought you would use magic."

"Oh, sorry, I sometimes forget that magical healers around the world examine their patients differently. I have learned medicine in a Muggle university and went through healer training in the wizard world. I think both ways have their advantages and faults. That's why I often use both methods. Better safe than sorry." The doctor smiled at Harry.

"Okay."

After more prodding, Harry blushed deeply when the doctor opened his jeans a bit to press on his bladder and his lower abdomen. "Do you have problem on toilet, Harry?"

Harry thought he couldn't get redder, but now he was sure he was glowing red like Rudolph's nose. He shook his head vehemently and was glad that the doctor didn't show any signs of noticing his blushing. "I'm really fine."

"Harry you lost over 30 pounds of you normal weight. Most of it because of the traumatic situation you were in during the summer, but also seven more since you were out of the hospital." The doctor had stopped his prodding and let his hand rest against Harry's stomach.

Oh no, Harry knew he was in trouble, but he had no idea how he had got himself in this situation. "I didn't do it on purpose. I don't know why I lost it." Lost it? Merlin, the double meaning made Harry blush even more.

"We didn't accuse you of doing it on purpose. We just want to find out. You have gone through a lot, so it would be natural that it is mentally caused, but we want to be sure it isn't physical. I will use magic now, Harry. Try to relax and stay calm. I will let my hand wander around on your abdomen like I did before, okay?" When Harry nodded, the doctor started.

Harry always had been very sensitive to magic. So he had to breathe very strained to stay calm and not squirm, but when the doctor went down to his bladder again, Harry whimpered and grabbed for the doctor's hands. Immediately Doc Martens stopped the magic flow. "I wouldn't have gone farther, you know, Harry?"

His face would never be a decent color again; Harry was sure about that. "The healers at St. Mungo's said I'm oversensitive to some healing magic. It is too much. I... I..."

"Need to pee?" the doctor guessed.

Harry groaned. "Yes."

"Actually, that's something I wanted you to do anyway. Your body is just helping me along." He fumbled through his bag and gave Harry a small cup with a screw cap. Please fill this for me and then we can go on with the examination."

Harry quickly went to the bathroom wanting to get this examination over with as fast as possible.

"Oversensitive to magic? That isn't noted in his medical folder," Light Arrow said while checking the folder for a second time. "He didn't seem to have any problem when I checked him over. Only that he was too tensed."

"Some healers don't give much to it. Many people are oversensitive to magic in special areas, especially healing magic. As long as he doesn't want to become a healer it won't be a problem. Although I do know some healers who manage to channel or control this oversensitivity and even use it as an advantage. As for your magic, it is different to mine and he is already used to it. You use it on him almost each night and it is pulsing through the walls of the house and in the air. Speaking of the nights, how are his nightmares going?" The doctor asked.

"Still the same, but he has a few nights without them. Sometimes he gets very depressed about it and becomes impatient. He expects us to be wonder healers."

Doc Martens chuckled. "Impatient patients are the worst."

"You can say that again. At least he is accepting our help without protest now, even when he wets himself."

"It's always hard to be so vulnerable in front of someone. The wetting just happens during special nightmares or should I check him for physical problems as well?"

"No, I don't think that is necessary. It only happens when he had one of the nightmares and is too deep into it."

"Good, nevertheless it would not be a miss to check it while doing this examination."

Light Arrow nodded just as Harry came back in the room. The urine was quickly checked. "Nothing unusual," Doc Martens said while vanishing the cup and it's content. "So let's finish the examination. Okay, Harry?"

Harry nodded and pulled his shirt up again.

Doc Martens continued again at Harry's bladder and he squirmed again, but this time the doctor didn't stop. When he was finished, he said, "Almost done, Harry. I now will place my hand over your chest and run a normal diagnostic spell over your whole body. That is how I will get information like your weight. It's a strong spell as it has to spread through the whole body without getting unstable. That means it will challenge your sensitivity to magic. Try to relax, your bladder is empty and nothing can happen, even if it feels otherwise. I also have a counter spell involved in this diagnostic spell that will stop your body from losing any body liquid during the spell. So don't panic and try to lay as still as possible. Otherwise the results will be useless."

"Okay," Harry said nervously. Before he could worry even more, the magic already overwhelmed him. "Merlin," he muttered when he felt dizzy and the world started to spin. A tingling ran through his whole body. When it reached his groin Harry had to concentrate hard not to curl up. It felt as if he already was wetting the couch. Then the spell reached his head and the world spun even more. When Harry thought he couldn't take any more, the hand that had rested on his chest went to his neck and another kind of magic flew through his body. This time it was overwhelming but in a nice way, a calming way.

"Better?" the doctor asked.

"That was awful," Harry croaked.

"It's done. I will see if I get a Muggle scales for you, so we don't have to use this kind of diagnostic spell again. Light Arrow wasn't able to use a weighting charm on you. The human body often finds ways to refuse spells like this if they aren't as powerful or channeled as the one of a trained healer." The doctor smiled reassuringly at Harry. "You can dress now." Turning to Light Arrow, he explained, "He has lost five more pounds since his last weighting three month ago. That means we are hard on the border to getting a serious problem here. There seems to be no physical problem and I would like to get it under control without a potion. I fear we need to stop the running training and-"

"No!" Harry looked, shocked. "No, please not!"

The doctor sighed. It had been his advice that Harry should start the running training and it pained him to take it away from him, now when he liked it. "Harry, we can't risk you to lose more weight."

"I will eat more. I promise. I have no eating problem, it's just... just boring. I will eat more, even before running if you want me to." Harry looked hopefully at the doctor.

Doc Martens exchanged a look with Light Arrow. "Okay, under one condition."

"Whatever it is, I'll do it."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "We will see, Harry. I will send a package via floo with some energy bars. They taste horrible, but I will only let you run when you eat one before you go running and a half after it."

Harry nodded eagerly. Under no circumstances would he give up running. He would even do it secretly if they would forbid it.

"Good, I will send it together with the scales. I want you to weight him each morning and keep an account about the result. Just use Melissa's weighting book and add another column for Harry. That way I will have an overview about both when I check my messenger." It was a very useful messenger. All his patients, at least those who were reliable, could send their results this way and the doctor just has to check his messenger a few times a day. That spares a lot of waiting time in the doctor's practice.

Turning back to Harry, Doc Martens said, "At meals White Cloud will measure your calorie supply very accurate from now on and you need to eat everything. If you vomit or get diarrhea, you need to tell Light Arrow or White Cloud, so you will get new calories. If you only lose one more pound, the running training is canceled and if you lose..." He paused and checked the diagnostic protocol his magical quill had written during the examination. "-more than four pounds we need to give you potions. The same goes if you aren't able to keep the amount of calories we will give you from now on. Everything you can't keep in we need to replace with a potion that is spelled to not being vomited. The potion won't help you to gain weight it just prevents more damage to your body, Harry. You really need to eat what White Cloud offers you." Again he turned to light Arrow. "I will supply you with more nutrient potion, just for the case you need it. You already know how to measure it. If he vomits or gets diarrhea give him the potion immediately. That's better than trying around with food again. I don't want him to become stomach ill as well."

Harry hated it when he was in the room while people talk about him like a child. He knew that this was normal here and even Severus and Black Hawk get treated the same, but still he didn't like it. "Can I go?"

Light Arrow fixed him with a stern look, and he immediately lowered his gaze. "Sorry."

"Let me check your arms, Harry. How is it going lately?" Doc Martens asked to change the mood.

"Better," Harry said, relieved, and held out his arms. "No scratches." He beamed proudly at the doctor, not looking at Light Arrow just for the case the old man still was mad at him.

"Ah, I see. That's very good. How often do you use the rubber bands?"

Harry's face fell, and he sighed. "Sometimes to be able to sleep."

"How often is sometimes?"

"Mostly when I'm alone in my room. Lately Black Hawk was with me and I hardy used them. I always try to fall asleep without it."

"It's no problem, Harry. I gave you the rubber bands exactly for the purpose to use them. Stop thinking too much about it. That will only make you depressed. The further you go in your therapy sessions, the more you work on what you experienced in your past and the more you work on your feelings about it, the less you will need the rubber bands. There is no need to think about it or force yourself to not use them."

"But the earlier I can control it the better, right?"

"No, Harry, this has nothing to do with control. This hurting is just a way of your body to get rid of the tension and bad feelings. You need to work hard in the therapy sessions. That's all. The more progress you make in speaking about your problems the less you will feel the urge to hurt yourself. There is no need to control anything."

"Okay," Harry mumbled.

The doctor leaned forward and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder to be on level with Harry's eyes. "You made great progress, Harry. You should be proud of yourself. I'm very proud of you!"

Harry didn't know how he should react to this, so he just shrugged.

"I think you will handle this weight problem as well as your scratching problem. Just try to remember how important eating is at the moment. White Cloud will offer you snacks between the meals. Please try to eat them even if you don't feel hungry."

Harry nodded.

"Okay, that's all. If nothing happens before, I will see you in seven days for a small check up."

"Okay." After a short glance over to Light Arrow, Harry said, "Bye!" and vanished through the door.

"Don't worry too much. I think he will handle the situation well now that he knows how important eating is for him at the moment," the doctor said, determined.

"Yes, he is very responsible when he understands why something is important."

"I would like to check Draco as well. Just to be safe."

In the kitchen they met Black Hawk, Rose and Severus who were waiting for Light Arrow.

"I will need some more time. Just wait inside for me," the old man said and gestured the small group into the room.

"Problems?" the doctor ask on their way up to Draco's room.

"No, I was just a week away, and now have to smooth things out. Something seems to be wrong with Draco, but they didn't tell me the full story until now."

The doctor looked thoughtfully at Light Arrow, but before he could reply, they had reached the door of Draco's room. They knocked and waited for Draco's permission to step in.

"Hello, Draco," the doctor greeted Draco cheerfully. He had met Draco a few times after healing his ankle, but the boy still was very wary around him.

"Doc Martens?" Draco was worried. How could they know about his problems? He had been so careful to hide it.

"Nothing to worry, Draco. Just a small check-up," Doc Martens said when he saw Draco pale.

"I'm fine!" That came so quick that the doctor and Light Arrow exchanged a knowing look.

"Really?" Doc Martens said, furrowing his brow.

Draco nodded vehemently.

The doctor sat down on the bed and placed his bag beside his feet. "Let me see for myself, Draco. We realized that we haven't had a closer look at your medical files when you came here." He looked at Light Arrow to ask him for the file, but the old man had already summoned them. "Thanks!"

After a short study of the file, the doctor placed it on the night table. Watje, the snow white cat, lay on Draco's stomach and eyed the doctor skeptically. "Okay, young lady, do you think you can move for a moment?" the doctor addressed the cat.

Watje wasn't very happy when Light Arrow took her away from Draco. Her human wasn't feeling well, and she wanted to stay with him. She meowed miserably, but Light Arrow calmed her down with skilled hands.

"Draco?" the doctor asked to get the boy's attention. "I need you to lift your shirt for me and open your trousers a bit."

Draco had the feeling his heart would stop beating. Cold sweat was forming on his forehead and his neck.

"Draco, I will try to make this as quick as possible, but I need to examine your abdomen. You medical file states that you were very underweight when you were released from the hospital. A digestive problem also is mentioned in your file."

"Can't you just use a wand?"

"No, Draco, I prefer to combine Muggle examination techniques with wizard techniques. That is the safest way. Just lift your shirt a bit and open the first two buttons of your jeans."

With shaking hands Draco obeyed to get it over with. He very much felt like crying, but fought it hard.

"Try to relax as best as possible. I know it is hard for you, but it will be over soon. When I examine your bladder, I need to go deep down your abdomen, but remember I won't go deeper. Try to stay calm." Starting with the upper abdomen and stomach, the doctor felt around. The lower he got the more he furrowed his brow. "Draco?"

The boy refused to speak with him and turned his head sideways, staring at the wall.

"Draco, since when do you have diarrhea?"

Draco gnawed at his bottom lip.

"Draco, come on, I can't help you when you don't talk with me!"

"I'm fine!"

The doctor sighed. "You are not. Please tell me how long you have had it."

"Three days," Draco whispered.

The doctor nodded and went on with his examination. The lower he went the more Draco tensed up. "I will examine your bladder now, Draco. It will be quick. Try to breath deeply and as calm as possible."

Draco did as he was told. The doctor had always good advices for him when he had hurt his ankle. So why shouldn't he trust him now.

"Okay, you can button up your jeans, Draco but please let the shirt stay up, I'm not finished." When Draco had buttoned his jeans up and calmed a bit, the doctor went on. "I will cast a general diagnostic spell now. Therefore I will place my hands on your chest and stomach. Try to relax."

After he finished his diagnostic spell, he placed his hand lower on Draco's abdomen. "I will clean your guts now, Draco. That will feel a bit weird, but you should feel much better after it."

The feeling really was weird, as if someone flushed his tummy out. The moment this weird feeling was over, Draco felt much better. No abdominal cramping anymore.

"Better?" the doctor asked.

Draco nodded and this time kept looking at the doctor and didn't turn away.

"There is no physical reason for his diarrhea. It must be caused mentally. Nevertheless we need to have a close eye on it. I will leave him a potion. He should take it twice a day as long as the diarrhea stays. If it isn't gone in two days, contact me again," the doctor instructed Light Arrow. Facing Draco, he said, "Whatever worries you lately, you need to speak with someone about it. Otherwise you won't get rid of the diarrhea. The potion is just helping your body a bit."

Draco looked sideways again. He didn't want to speak about it.

"His weight is no problem at the moment, Light Arrow. He even gained some pounds since the last weighting. Nevertheless I would suggest we have a close eye on it. Weighing him twice a week should do. Note it down in the messenger book as well. So I'm up to date." Lowering Draco's shirt, the doctor smiled at Draco. "You did very well, Draco. Thanks for your trust."

Draco was surprised. He had expected a scolding for not telling them about the diarrhea or his behavior during the examination, but not praise.

"Please, talk with someone about your problems, Draco. Cramps are not nice, are they?"

Draco shook his head.

"See. Something is on your mind lately that makes you feel ill. It will only get better when you talk about it. Just think about it. If you need me because it get worse or something else bothers you, let someone of the adults contact me." The doctor stood up and gave Draco his hand, who took it cautiously, still not believing he wouldn't get a scolding.

"How is Severus?" Doc Martens asked when they stood in the hall.

"He is fine, much better than he was when he arrived here. It seems he really is working on his problems. Now he has much more time and energy to help the boys, and his job at the school does him good as well. I'm just a bit worried because he wants to go into town this evening with Black Hawk and Crying Horse."

"The addiction medications are working very well, Light Arrow. We could lower the dose already, and I don't think he is in danger when he is in a pub. He can control it."

"Nevertheless I won't be able to relax until they all are back healthy and sane."

"You worry way too much, Light Arrow. Crying Horse has absolutely no problem with alcohol or drugs as much as I know, and Severus knows what he risks when he drinks. Black Hawk is not alone, and I think Severus has no problem to tell him when he has enough. So relax, Light Arrow. They are adults."

Light Arrow groaned, but then agreed. "You are right, but it is hard to trust them when I have seen too often that they had severe relapses."

"That belongs to life, Light Arrow. Let them live their life, help them along the way, but don't control it for them!"

Light Arrow sighed. "Yes, that always is a great problem of mine."

"Everyone has faults, some smaller and some bigger. Important is to notice them and work on them! You are human, just like we all, Light Arrow! You are giving your best and you can't demand more from yourself. And now let's go to find White Cloud; I need to check if my plushy is done. I can't wait to see which animal she has chosen for me."

-II-

Light Arrow groaned, but then agreed. "You are right, but it is hard to trust them when I have seen too often that they had severe relapses."

"That belongs to life, Light Arrow. Let them live their life, help them along the way, but don't control it for them!"

Light Arrow sighed. "Yes, that always is a great problem of mine."

"Everyone has faults, some smaller and some bigger. Important is to notice them and work on them! You are human, just like we all, Light Arrow! You are giving your best and you can't demand more from yourself. And now let's go to find White Cloud; I need to check if my plushy is done. I can't wait to see which animal she has chosen for me."

-II-

"A stork?" the doctor asked, amused.

"Yes, it was the first thing that came to my mind. That's how I create those plushies. It often is connected with stories I have once heard. Do you remember Fiona? The small little red-head from Germany?" White Cloud asked.

"Oh, yes. She was very cute and shy. You would have never guessed from first sight that all she thought about was how to kill herself. Quite some work we had with her, but the last time I heard from her she has two little kids and enjoys living a lot."

"Yes, she does. She even went back to Germany. I would never had guessed that, so many hurtful memories. It was hard to let her go, but she was ready for it." A longing smile settled on the old woman's face when she remembered the shy girl that now was a loving mother.

"What is the story about the stork?" Doc Martens asked cheekily.

"Oh, impatient, doc?"

"A bit, especially since you seem to refuse to give me the plushy for closer examination before I have heard the story."

White Cloud chuckled. "Here. You impatient man." She thrust the plushy in the doctor's hands. "Do you still want to hear the story?"

"Of course, I just couldn't wait to feel and hear the purr of it or whatever sound it makes." He held the stork's belly to his ears and listened to the sound of wind brushing through feathers. A smile crept on his face without him noticing, and he closed his eyes to listen closer. A chuckle from the old woman pulled him out of his dreaming. "Sorry, I was a bit preoccupied." He smiled apologizing to her.

White Cloud smiled knowingly. "That's why I wanted to tell you the story before you got a hold of it."

Red Horse passed them on his way in the therapy room where Light Arrow, Rose, Black Hawk and Severus were waiting for him to speak about Draco. He smiled shyly at the doctor when he saw him with his plushy.

"I'm all ears now, White Cloud," the doctor said when Red Horse closed the door behind him.

"She often told me about the stork couple that every spring after spending the winter in warmer countries came back to the small village, Fiona lived with her grandma. The names of the storks were Ann-Kathrin and Justus. The whole village adored them. They made sure they would find enough branches for their nest, and over the winter cleaned the old wooden wheel that they used for their nest. She showed me pictures of the nest up in the air. It was just resting on a wooden wheel that was impaled on a long post in the middle of the market place of the village. High enough to oversee even the tower of the church, which was the highest part of the village. In the spring people would go by the wheel post every day, looking up and thinking about the storks, asking themselves when they would come back. When the storks finally were back all the villagers smiled when they saw one of the two on a field or the nest or anywhere else. They were something very special and made the people happy by just being there." She waited to see if he made the connection himself, but it seems her tale-telling talent, the kids so often attest her, had ensnared the man completely. "That's much like you. People look forward to your visit in hopes they will feel better. Just by you being there they often feel better."

"Oh," he said dumbfounded. He looked more like a boy then a man in his fifties now. "And the sound?"

"What does it sound like for you?"

"Hmm?" He pressed the plushy to his ear again, the long orange legs dangling over his shoulder and the long red beak poking in his ear. "Wind? It's like flying and letting the wind brush you. Like the wind going threw feathers."

She smiled and nodded.

"It's great, White Cloud. I absolutely love it. It will soothe my nerves after stressful or depressing days."

"Sometime we need more than a purring plushy to comfort us. We will always be here, Doc. Sometimes you need friends, and we would be happy to call us your friends."

"You are, White Cloud, you are. Never doubt it."

"Then you should come by more often. You can bring Mathilda with you. She could use some company as well. She is way to lonely since Peter died three years ago."

"Yes, it was a hard blow even though it was predictable, but the work is doing her well. She refused to retire, and I must say I'm glad she still is my assistant. She knows me and all my peculiarities so well, and I would hate to teach a new nurse to help me."

"So that is settle. We have a barbecue each Wednesday. From now on you two will be part of it," White Cloud decided and stood up to show that this decision was final.

"Oh wait, White Cloud, I can't promise that! Sometimes I still have patients in the evening."

"Stop trying to weasel out of it. You agreed," White Cloud said sternly. She pointed at the stork. "You are family now!"

Doc Martens look at the stork in his hand and finally realized that this plushy meant so much more than just a gift. Only family members had a plushy and asking Light Arrow, even in a joke, to get one, was asking them to adopt him in their family. Now he was even more surprised that White Cloud really made one for him. "I... I'm at loss of words, White Cloud."

"Don't be. If we had known you would agree, we would have invited you in our family much earlier. It doesn't mean you have to be here all the time, just when you need a friendly hug or someone to talk to. Or just to have some fun. There is even a benefit for your work in it."

The doctor raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Your patients here will be much more on ease with you when they know you privately as well."

Doc Martens smiled. "You are right."

"Remember, we don't want to restrict you. Isaac is part of our family as well, and he almost never shows up." She looked a bit sad about it.

"You made a plushy for a vampire?" the doc asked, amused.

"Sure, but I don't want to know what he did with it. Some things are better to leave in the dark."

/

"Finally we are all there. So what's going on with Draco you couldn't tell me this morning?" Light Arrow asked impatiently.

"You know about the messengers he and Harry have?" Severus asked.

"Yes, you told me when you arrived."

"He was writing with the girl he befriended almost every day. Harry even told me in private that Draco feels more for her than just friendship, but doesn't dare to tell her because he is worried she doesn't feel the same. Then a few days ago, he stopped writing to her at all. Harry says she has been writing to him several times and asked him to speak with Draco. She has no clue why he stopped writing to her and is very worried. Combined with what you tell me about the doc's diagnostic I'm very worried as well. Something is troubling him, and he isn't speaking about it, not even with Harry."

"You are sure he didn't talk with Harry about it?"

"Yes," Severus said, determined. "He would have told me otherwise. Harry is worried as well. Draco had spoken with him a week ago saying that he'd thought about speaking with her about his feelings when she came to visit here. It seems Albus had promised them that Hermione would be allowed to visit in the end of their stay here." Severus looked questioningly at Light Arrow, who nodded.

"I spoke with Albus about it. He will accompany the girl, but they will wait until we decide that the boys are ready for this visit."

"So something must have happened in the last days. We just don't know what."

"What about Harry coming closer to Melissa?" Light Arrow wondered loudly. "He also has quite some problems seeing himself manly after the rape. He even told me once that he feels sort like a girl and that other people see him like a girl."

"It's easy to feel like a girl after that," Red Horse said in a low voice. He blushed when all eyes turned on him. "I mean... you know... being used like a girl when you are straight. I don't know how it would feel for a gay, but for a straight one it feels bad and wrong in many ways. Do you know how they... how they..."

"How they raped him? In what positions you mean?" Severus asked, puzzled.

"Yes, it makes a different. I... I can't explain to you... It..."

Severus and Black Hawk squirmed uncomfortable. They knew how hard it was for Red Horse to speak about rape. He never spoke with them about his past experiences. They knew that Red Horse's father had molested him and even let his friends rape the shy man. Hearing him stutter and trying to speak about it made them feel uncomfortable. Light Arrow was more used to it and stayed calm. "So it makes a different how they raped him. We got that Red Horse. Don't force yourself to say more than you feel comfortable with."

"I want to help him," Red Horse said sadly, disappointed that he wasn't able to speak about what he meant.

"Maybe you could try to speak with him, Red Horse?" Black Hawk suggested. "He likes you very much, and I have the feeling he sensed that you two have the same... problems."

"I don't know. I have no idea how to start a conversation like this. I hardly am able to speak about my past and the... you know. It's too hard."

"Just try it. When the situation allows it try to talk with him about it. Don't push him or yourself. We have time!" Light Arrow advised his son.

Red Horse nodded.

"Please stay when we speak with him later. Maybe that helps. We will try to speak with him to find out if his current diarrhea is caused by his problems with Hermione. Maybe he will even open up about his reasons for rejecting her. He was more and more open in the last therapy sessions." Light Arrow looked over to Rose, who nodded in agreement. "Severus, you should stay as well. Black Hawk you can go. Have a look at the stables, but stay close. I need you for the talk with Harry after we are finished with Draco. Later I need you for Aiden as well. From now on Crying Horse will be responsible for Ken and Brian. So you have even more time for Harry."

Black Hawk nodded.

/

"Draco, we are worried about you. The diarrhea you have is caused mentally and you behaved odd lately. Would you please tell us what's wrong?" Rose asked and took Draco's hand. She was sitting beside him on one of the couches. Red Horse was on the other couch opposite of them, and Severus and Light Arrow were sitting on the armchairs that completed the circle the furniture was building.

"I don't know why I got the diarrhea. It surely will go away soon."

Light Arrow looked at Severus and signaled him to take the lead in this talk.

"Draco, Harry told me that Hermione is writing to him lately that you are refusing to write to her for a week now. Can it be that this has something to do with your problems?" Severus asked.

Draco gulped. He wished he could escape. This conversation was very uncomfortable, and there were too many people in the room for his taste. Looking over to Red Horse, he saw the man glancing sadly at him. He liked Red Horse a lot, but he felt so bad that he would see how freakish he was. Ashamed Draco looked away.

"Draco, please talk with us. Harry is very worried as well."

"I couldn't talk with Harry because of the one-to-one counseling. I will explain it to him. I will tell Hermione to stop asking him questions."

"You don't trust us?" Severus asked.

"Please don't," Draco said miserably.

"Draco, we cannot just look away. Something is seriously wrong with you and even makes you physically ill. It is about Hermione, isn't it?"

"Please you are too many," Draco said almost crying. He couldn't bear to tell all of them.

"Then just tell us whom you would open up to?" Light Arrow said.

"Severus... and you," Draco said, not daring to look up. He feared to see the disappointed expressions of Red Horse and Rose.

"It's okay, Draco. We understand. Just remember that you can ever come to us when you feel like it. We are not mad about it. Please talk with Severus and Light Arrow. You will feel better after it," Rose said and gently kissed Draco on his forehead. He didn't flinch away and even liked it when she did things like that.

When they were alone, Severus prodded, "Draco?"

The boy sighed. "I stopped writing to Hermione because I thought that maybe it would be the best. I realized that it could never work."

"What would never work, Draco. Hermione is your friend, isn't she," Severus asked.

"Yes, she is my friend, but... I... I feel more for her. Harry often teased me that Hermione feels more for me as well, but how could she. I mean I'm... I'm soiled and nothing to look at anymore." He looked down while after saying this, not daring to look into Severus' or Light Arrow's face.

"You are not soiled, Draco, and I don't think that Hermione is disgusted by your scars. She is a bright young woman and able to see through these scars. She likes you very much. I have no idea if she would return your feelings, but maybe you should trust Harry about it or just ask her, Draco."

Draco looked up shocked. "I can't ask her. I will lose her as my friend."

"I doubt that, but I know that you won't believe me. I would guess you hurt her much more by not telling her why you stopped writing to her. She is very worried and friends don't do things like this."

Draco paled. The guilt that made his stomach and guts protest the last days became even bigger. "I didn't plan to stop writing to her for that long, but I'm scared that she will ask too many questions and won't forgive me."

"Why don't you get this messenger down here and we sort things out together?" Severus asked, looking for Light Arrow's reactions out of the corner of his eyes. The old man remained calm and didn't react at all.

"Will you write to her?" Draco asked hopefully.

"We will see. Just get the thing down here."

A few minutes later Draco came back with the messenger. He offered it to Severus, but Light Arrow spoke to him now. "Before we do anything about the messenger we still would like to know why you think you are too soiled for Hermione. What made you think like this lately? We heard you were more positive about this relationship to eventually becoming more a few weeks ago."

Draco blushed. Why did Harry have to tell them about it? "I... I just hear Harry talk about Melissa all day. It made me think about my feelings for Hermione and what would happen if we would become more than just friends."

"What would happen?" Light Arrow prodded.

Draco blushed. "You know." He paused waiting if Light Arrow would change the topic, but when the old man didn't and still looked demandingly at him, he went on. "She would want to touch me and...or more. "

"Would that be so bad?"

Draco felt cold sweat in his neck, and he had the feeling his guts were squeezed. "I'm not feeling well." He held his stomach, and Light Arrow was at his side immediately.

"Let me help you, Draco," the old man said and let his hand hover over Draco's stomach. When the boy pulled his hand away to make room for Light Arrow's hand, the old man laid his hand on Draco's belly. Liquid was dripping on the back of his hand, and Light Arrow looked up worriedly. Draco was crying.

"Are this tears of pain or tears about what we spoke about?"

Draco sobbed and tried to control himself. "I'm not in pain, just this odd feeling that I need to go to the toilet."

"It's okay," Light Arrow said and gently drew Draco against his chest with his free hand. The boy didn't protest, rested his head against the old man's shoulder and relaxed while the odd feeling slowly ebbed down. "Better?"

Draco nodded and tried to lift himself of Light Arrow's chest. He was stopped by Light Arrow applying pressure on the hand on his head. "Move away if you really want it or you can stay like this to go on talking. Maybe it will be easier this way."

Draco nodded and sobbed again.

"We talked about Hermione wanting to touch you. What's so troubling about it, Draco?"

"Everything. I'm not Harry. I'm not even a real man anymore."

"Maybe you are no man yet, but you are a boy and will become a man in a few years. You have all the necessary bits for it, Draco, and you will hopefully learn to enjoy touches and sex. Rape is not real sex let alone making love. It is just violence and overpowering someone. You could experience real love making with Hermione. Of what I heard of this girl, she is very kind and patient. I'm sure she will give you time for adjusting. You just need to talk openly with her."

"I don't know."

"Draco, sex can be very enjoyable, and I'm sure you will make Hermione or whatever woman you will love very happy. You need to give yourself more credit, Draco. You are a very sensual young man. I'm sure you will try to make your girl feeling very special."

"But I'm not right, Light Arrow. You don't understand. Every time I think about that thing down there I feel like vomiting." They had touched him down there, and that made it felt so filthy. Even now it often still felt like that; especially at night. When he washed himself he often rubbed so hard on it to feel clean that it was painfully. Never since the dungeons had he touched himself in a sexual way again. Maybe he would even hurt Hermione with it as much as the Death Eaters had hurt him with theirs. Draco felt nausea when he thought about that.

"Your penis didn't do anything filthy, Draco. You weren't the one hurting someone with it. You need to give yourself time to learn how to enjoy touches and giving pleasure, but you can only learn when you try. Pushing your girl away before you even tried if it can be good to touch her or being touched by her won't help you."

Draco sobbed again and hid his face in Light Arrow's chest. "It's so confusing. I can't see her face, and I often read something totally different out of Hermione's letters than Harry. I don't know what to do."

"Would you like Hermione to come here for some days or weeks to sort things out?"

Draco pushed himself of Light Arrow's chest. Shocked, he asked, "You want me to have sex with Hermione? Here?"

"God beware! My you youngsters are sometimes interpreting my words very wrong. I should read a book about how teenager think." He had grabbed his chest and looked shocked.

Draco blushed. "Sorry." Severus chuckled behind him, and he turned to glare at him.

"So we settle this. No sex here. Just trying to find out about your feelings, and maybe a bit of exploring." Light Arrow fought to tell the last part and almost choked about his words.

Draco still was unsure, but the idea of having Hermione here even if it only would be as a friend was so exciting that he nodded.

"I will speak with your headmaster, but maybe you should ask her first if she would even like to come," Light Arrow said thoughtfully.

Draco nodded again and nervously looked down at the messenger in his hands. "Can you write to her?" Draco asked Severus hopefully.

"I think you can manage quite well alone."

Draco sighed, settled down more comfortably and started writing.

Hermione,

I'm sorry I didn't write lately.

I was very busy and had to think about a lot of things.

Light Arrow says you could come over for a few days or weeks if you like.

Would you like?

Draco

Nervously, he gnawed at his bottom lip and let his finger hover over the send button. Eventually he let his finger hammer on the send button. His guts gurgled again when the letters disappeared from the screen. Hermione was reading his message.

-II-

"I will speak with your headmaster, but maybe you should ask her first if she would even like to come," Light Arrow said thoughtfully.

Draco nodded again and nervously looked down at the messenger in his hands. "Can you write to her?" Draco asked Severus hopefully.

"I think you can manage quite well alone."

Draco sighed, settled down more comfortably and started writing.

Hermione,

I'm sorry I didn't write lately.

I was very busy and had to think about a lot of things.

Light Arrow says you could come over for a few days or weeks if you like.

Would you like?

Draco

Nervously, he gnawed at his bottom lip and let his finger hover over the send button. Eventually he let his finger hammer on the send button. His guts gurgled again when the letters disappeared from the screen. Hermione was reading his message.

-II-

Harry was busy checking his cupboard for the third time. It was clean and all his clothes were neatly arranged and piled. He wanted White Cloud to be happy about his room. She should find everything to her satisfaction. Harry was a bit worried though. Black Hawk had said she would check very closely. So he checked for dust on his cupboard again. He had learned to clean very thoroughly during his life with his relatives, and so he was sure it was all clean, but Aunt Petunia always had found a mistake. Harry hoped White Cloud wouldn't find one. He didn't even dare to sit down on his bed.

The bed was neatly done. The sheet didn't have any creases, and the bedclothes lay very neatly folded on the bed. Nervously Harry wrung his hands and waited for White Cloud to come and inspect his room.

Finally White Cloud emerged in the doorway. "You should make yourself ready for your talk with Light Arrow, Harry. Your turn is in a few minutes."

"I'm done. Everything is all right," Harry said and gestured with his hand through his room.

White Cloud looked a bit puzzled, but came in and looked around.

"I'm impressed. I wish all the boys would clean their rooms so thoroughly."

Now it was Harry's turn to look puzzled. "You didn't look in my cupboard or under my bed and..." Seeing White Clouds surprised expression, he stopped.

"Your cupboard? It's your private area. Why would I want to look into it?"

"But Black Hawk said..." He stopped, finally realizing that Black Hawk had played a trick on him; either to distract him from thinking about his talk with Light Arrow or just out of fun. Or maybe even both.

"What did Black Hawk say?" White Cloud asked, dying to know what her most troublesome son and prankster had said to Harry to make him clean his room like this.

"Nothing," Harry said, sighing about his stupidity to believe Black Hawk about this. He should have known better, being here for almost three months without White Cloud making any room inspections.

"Do you like grilled cheese?"

"Grilled cheese?"

"Black Hawk loves it, but we seldom get it. I was going to make one for the next barbecue, and I could give it to you for cleaning your room so well." White Cloud's eyes twinkled with mischief, and finally Harry got the meaning of it. Oh yes, that would teach Black Hawk to prank him like this.

/

OF COURSE I WOULD LIKE TO COME! I still need to ask Professor Dumbledore, but because Light Arrow said it would be okay, he will certainly let me come.

So you are okay? What happened? Have you been mad at me? Did I say something wrong?

Love,

Hermione

Draco groaned. "Question after question."

Severus chuckled. "That's the Miss Granger I know."

"She says she has to ask Dumbledore, but she would love to come."

"Then I will contact your headmaster now," Light Arrow said. "And one more thing before you leave, Draco. You know you need to speak about what happened in the dungeons or you will never heal completely and live a normal life."

Draco sighed. "I know, but I need more time, Light Arrow."

"You know that Red Horse had similar experiences?" Light Arrow asked carefully.

Draco stiffened. "I guessed."

"He is willing to speak with you about it. Maybe it would be easier to speak with him, not that I will stop trying to talk about it in our sessions. It could help you to talk with Red Horse about the rape before you speak about it with me or Rose."

"I'll think about it," Draco promised, his mind overblown by the sudden confirmation about his assumptions about Red Horse. Maybe it would really be easier to speak with the calm and gentle Red Horse about it.

/

"Sit down, Harry," Light Arrow said while Severus still sat in one of the armchairs and Black Hawk made himself comfortable on the couch opposite to him. "Please tell us about your week."

Harry was uncertain what Light Arrow expected from him. "Ehm... it was okay?"

"Okay? I heard a lot has changed in your life."

Harry blushed under the watchful eyes of the old man. "I... You mean Melissa?" He looked over to Black Hawk, trying to read his expression, unsuccessfully.

"That's one of the things I want to speak with you about. Another is Aiden. Have you thought about your reaction to his bullying? Did you speak with Black Hawk about it? Especially about what would have been a much better solution than hiding it from us?"

Harry's face fell. The problems with Aiden were solved for him. The conversation with Black Hawk about it felt like a month passed; even though it just was a week. "Professor Karley also spoke with me about it, and I had a long talk with Black Hawk. I know I shouldn't have hidden it and shouldn't have told Mel to not talk about it as well. It won't happen again."

"What did Isaac say about it?" Light Arrow asked curious. He considered Isaac as one of his sons, but the vampire avoided being in the camp too often or interfering in the problems of the children. Maybe he had seen something in Harry's mind that made him interfere. Light Arrow mentally made a note to invite the vampire over more strictly for the next barbecue. This time he wouldn't let him sneak out of it.

"He said I wasn't concentrating and that my confusing thoughts about Aiden and Melissa were hurting his head. He insisted that I talked with him about it before we went on with the lessons."

"And?"

Harry blushed. "You don't want to know what he said."

"I'm very certain I want to know, Harry."

Harry sighed and felt the heat on his face become even worse. "He said I should ignore Black Hawk and wait until the one-to-one is over to make a go for Melissa. Please don't refuse to end my one-to-one because of this," Harry pleaded and looked desperately at the old man.

"We are not at the point to talk about the one-to-one. We will decide this after your talk with Aiden."

Harry sighed. At least he had a chance for an end of Black Hawk's permanent observation. He liked him, but it was a bit disturbing to have him around all the time.

Black Hawk's expression became darker, but not angry when he thought about the vampire's words. "I never liked that good-for-nothing vampire," he said grumpily.

Severus snorted, but Light Arrow scolded his son. "Manners, Black Hawk. Isaac is part of this family."

"Oh, come on, Light Arrow. You know that those two are closer than Isaac is with anyone else. He is just pissed that Isaac told Harry to ignore his attempts to hinder his meetings with Melissa," Severus said, still grinning, amused, about Black Hawk's sour expression.

"Still I don't like when you speak about your brothers like this, joking or not," Light Arrow said sternly, but ignored Severus' eye-rolling about it. "Back to you, Harry; do you think you are ready to talk with Aiden about what happened?"

Harry nodded. "It isn't even necessary."

"Of course it is necessary. Aiden hurt you badly. He could have been expelled from the camp for it. Hurting someone else is the only reason we would ever send a kid away, Harry," Light Arrow said seriously.

"It wasn't that bad."

"This comment makes me think about not ending the one-to-one." He held his hand up to stop Harry's protest. "I didn't decide about it now. There is still the talk with Aiden to come."

"What about Melissa. Am I allowed to see her?"

"You live in the same house. I think you hardly can avoid it," Black Hawk teased.

"You did a good job of making avoiding possible the last few days," Harry replied grumpily.

"Harry, please stop being angry at Black Hawk for it. He has only your well-being in his mind. Normally we don't allow romantic relationships in the camp. They distract the kids from working on their problems and there is always a big drama if they break up." Light Arrow looked thoughtfully at Harry. "I'm willing to make an exception, but I don't promise anything. First White Cloud and I want to talk with Melissa and you together. After that we will decide if you two are allowed to live out your relationship openly. This doesn't include sex, Harry. Just to make this clear from the beginning." He looked seriously at Harry, not wanting Harry to get any stupid ideas like Draco. He might not speak them out as openly as Draco.

"I won't jump her the moment I get a chance, Light Arrow." Harry pulled a face. "I wouldn't even know how," he mumbled to himself. He hadn't many experiences with girls at all. The kiss with Cho was the most he got in experience concerning girls.

"What Light Arrow meant was that he doesn't want you to jump her at any moment while you are here and under his supervision," Black Hawk said, grinning.

"I think I got what he wants from me without your translation," Harry said, annoyed, and fought the urge to stick his tongue out. After a short angry look at the chuckling Severus, Harry turned to Light Arrow again. "I don't think that Melissa or I will even think about... sex in the next time. We just enjoy being together. She is wonderful, and I can talk to her for hours without getting bored. She knew me very well even before we talked. That's crazy. And... and I feel good when she is around." Harry blushed again.

"Still you have a lot of problems, Harry. Problems you need to work on. That's the reason you are here. As well as Melissa. Your own problem should always be first priority for you, not Melissa's. We are here to help Melissa and you, but we can only do this when you two let us and don't shut us out because you think you two can help each other enough. That's not the case, even so you may think so."

"I don't think I can help Melissa with her problems. She isn't listening to me when I tell her she is beautiful, but should eat a bit more. Sometimes she even gets angry with me." Harry looked sadly down.

"Melissa's problems aren't easy to solve, Harry. I'm glad you realize that your opportunities to help her are limited. Nevertheless I also see the positive things in this relationship. I know Melissa well, and she could have a positive and calming effect on you, and you already seem to make her eat a bit more as the women of this house informed me and I already saw by myself this morning. I just hope it won't change now were you are aware of your own eating problems."

Harry shyly looked from Black Hawk to Severus. They didn't looked surprised, just worried, so Light Arrow must have already informed them. "I'm not like Melissa."

"We will see, Harry. I just see that if you fight us about the amount of food in future or your medication, Melissa won't see a reason to struggle to finish all her meals as well. Maybe she would even start to fight the medication, which could be deadly for her." Never had Harry seen the old man that sad and serious. Melissa situation must be very bad to let him look and talk like this.

Harry gulped. "Is she in danger?"

"God, you had a look at her during the women sweat lodge. She is all skin and bones," Black Hawk said.

"I thought she was beautiful," Harry said, apologizing.

"Beautiful, are you-"

"That's enough, Black Hawk," Light Arrow scolded.

"Hey, it was dark, and we were far away from them. And you dropped that bucket of cold water over us before we could have a closer look."

"Oh, sorry, we didn't give you enough time to ogle at girls and women who wanted their privacy. Next time we men will have a sweat lodge I will give the girl a sitting area very close to the lodge so they can inspect you more closely," Black Hawk said.

"I know it was wrong. Why are you still mad at me?"

"Because you think she is beautiful even though she is half death."

"Black Hawk, that's my last warning. Think about what you say or I don't want you around at talks like this," Light Arrow said angrily.

Harry was shocked. Half death? What were they speaking about? Melissa had stood half in the shadow when he had looked at her during the sweat lodge ceremony. Was it really that bad? Then he could understand Black Hawk's reaction.

Black Hawk grumbled something nobody could understand and looked away.

"So we will speak about you and Melissa during our talk with her. Now I would like to speak with you about this morning and your sickness."

Harry groaned and sank deeper in then fluffy couch. "Do we have to?"

"Yes, Harry. If something makes you so sick that you need to vomit we need to speak about it. Please tell us what triggered it?"

Harry looked over to Black Hawk. Had he already told Light Arrow about it? You never knew with them because Light Arrow would ask Harry to tell him about it either way. "Didn't Black Hawk already tell you about it?"

"Tell me about what?" Light Arrow asked, his expression not giving away the answer to Harry's question.

Harry sighed and then he looked shyly at Severus before he looked down at his hands again.

"Something Hermione wrote made me think about Ron... and then about his parents." Harry had the feeling his throat was squeezed, and he gulped. His breath became more frantic again. All three men stood up at the same time to go over to Harry, but seeing Light Arrow head in Harry's direction, the other two sat down again.

"Harry, there is nothing to panic about at the moment. You are safe here. They are just memories. Try to stay in the here and now." Light Arrow laid his arm around Harry shoulder and gently drew him against his chest. "Breathe calmly."

"I don't want to remember it... them," Harry said miserably.

"But that's the only way to heal, Harry." Light Arrow's chest rumbled while he spoke, and Harry leaned even closer to it.

"The Weasleys, Ron's parents, they were like parents to me, but now I'm responsible for the death of their youngest son." He stopped because the sobs that escaped his throat were making it hard to speak. "They... they tried several times to speak with me, but I refused and I... oh Merlin... I..."His chest burned and the sobs made his words come out unnaturally like squeaks. Harry didn't know if they even understood what he was telling them.

"Shh... calm down, Harry. Sometimes you need to cry all the pain out before you can speak about something. Just cry and only talk when you feel ready for it." Light Arrow petted his head and rubbed his arm. Harry needed almost ten minutes to calm down enough to go on talking, but all the adults remained calm and gave him the time he needed.

"I refused to go to his funeral." After the confession one of his greatest sins, at least in Harry's opinion, Harry hid his face in Light Arrow's chest.

"You weren't ready for it, Harry. They will understand."

Harry shook his head.

"Of what you told me about them, I think they will be very worried at the moment. Can you confirm that, Severus?"

"Yes, they are very worried. They see Harry as their son and only stopped approaching him because Albus asked them to wait for Harry to make the first move."

"I guessed so," Light Arrow said. "Did you hear that, Harry?"

Harry nodded in Light Arrow's chest, not looking up.

"Do you think you are ready to make the first move now?"

Harry shrugged.

"Maybe we should try. How about you write a letter to them?"

Again Harry shrugged.

"I think it is worth a try. Come on, Harry!" He gently pushed the boy away from his chest and summoned a pen and a sheet.

Reluctantly Harry took the pen and gnawed at it while he looked down at the empty sheet.

Hello Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,

He was on first name basis with them, but it didn't feel right now. He didn't know if he still was allowed to address them like that.

I never could say how sorry I am.

A tear fell down on the sheet, but not at a part where he had already written on. A heavy hand was placed on his neck, and he felt more courage now to go on. He wiped his sleeve over his face and went on.

I'm so sorry I couldn't help Ron. I just couldn't. I tried everything! Please believe me!

If I could give my life to make him alive again, I would do it.

The hand on his neck squeezed, and Light Arrow spoke behind him. "Please don't write more things like this. I don't think you will help anybody with this. It's your letter, and I won't stop you if you go on like this, but think about if this is really helping them or you."

Harry sighed.

I really don't know what to tell you. I just wanted to apologize for not speaking with you before and for not being at Ron's funeral. I just couldn't stand it. I felt and still feel too guilty.

Please forgive me.

Harry

Light Arrow rubbed Harry's back while he went over the letter again. Then Harry folded it and gave it to Light Arrow. "Can you send it to them for me?"

"Sure."

-II-

Reluctantly Harry took the pen and gnawed at it while he looked down at the empty sheet.

Hello Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,

He was on first name basis with them, but it didn't feel right now. He didn't know if he still was allowed to address them like that.

I never could say how sorry I am.

A tear fell down on the sheet, but not at a part where he had already written on. A heavy hand was placed on his neck, and he felt more courage now to go on. He wiped his sleeve over his face and went on.

I'm so sorry I couldn't help Ron. I just couldn't. I tried everything! Please believe me!

If I could give my life to make him alive again, I would do it.

The hand on his neck squeezed, and Light Arrow spoke behind him. "Please don't write more things like this. I don't think you will help anybody with this. It's your letter, and I won't stop you if you go on like this, but think about if this is really helping them or you."

Harry sighed.

I really don't know what to tell you. I just wanted to apologize for not speaking with you before and for not being at Ron's funeral. I just couldn't stand it. I felt and still feel too guilty.

Please forgive me.

Harry

Light Arrow rubbed Harry's back while he went over the letter again. Then Harry folded it and gave it to Light Arrow. "Can you send it to them for me?"

"Sure."

-II-

Melissa sat nervously beside Harry on the couch and only stopped fidgeting when Harry took her hand. She looked at him, surprised, and then at the adults in the room. Only Rose was still missing. White Cloud, Black Hawk, Light Arrow were already sitting around them.

Finally Rose came in and sat down on the couch with White Cloud. Severus wasn't there, maybe to make Melissa feel more comfortable.

"We are here to speak about the relationship that has developed between you two," Light Arrow stated.

Harry squeezed Melissa's hand reassuringly. He had the feeling he could feel her heart beat in her hand.

"Stay calm, Melissa. We are not here to scold you or punish you two for your feelings," Rose assured the frightened girl.

Fearfully Melissa nodded in Rose's direction, but her eyes were still big like saucers out of fear.

"We are here to decide if the two of you need to wait for your relationship to go on until you are out of the camp or if we will allow it to a certain limit," Light Arrow explained closer.

Melissa nodded a bit calmer in his direction.

"Can you tell us a bit about how you feel and how you think this will go on when we let it happen?"

Melissa gnawed shyly at her bottom lip and looked at Harry.

Harry reached with his free hand to cup one of her cheeks and said, "Everything is okay, Mel."

She almost melted in his touch. She leaned in and closed her eyes. Unfortunately she couldn't stop a tear to escape her eyes.

Worried, Harry asked, "What's wrong, Mel?" Now fear crept up in him as well. Why was she crying? "Don't you want this to go on? You can tell me."

Frantically she shook her head. Panic overcame her.

"Why don't we switch places, Harry?" Rose asked, but it wasn't a question.

It pained Harry to let go of Melissa's hand, but Black Hawk gently drew him over to his armchair and on his lap. "She is just confused and frightened, Harry. I told you it wouldn't be easy," Black Hawk whispered in his ear when he pulled Harry closer to his chest.

"Mel, everything is okay," Rose said soothingly while she sat down at Melissa's side so that Melissa still could look at Harry. "Calm down." She let calming magic flow into the frightened girl.

"He... he..."

"Melissa, shh... Wait until you are ready to talk again."

After around two minutes, Melissa tried again. "He... he misunderstood me."

"You two don't know each other for a long time, but you two have the ability to speak and you should do that a lot so no misunderstandings can stand between you two," Rose said gently and looked from Melissa to Harry and back.

Melissa nodded and finally looked at Light Arrow again.

"Ready to go on?" Light Arrow asked patiently.

Melissa nodded and smiled shyly at him. That was rewarded with a smile from the old man, which made her feel much better.

"You know you are still very ill and need a lot of time to heal. That requires a lot of hard work from your side. We are a bit worried that a relationship with Harry could worsen your condition or distract you from working hard on your problems. What do you think about it?"

Melissa shook her head. "He is good for me. Very good, really, Light Arrow. I've never felt better. He is so cute... ehm I mean nice, and he always listens, but he also scolds me when I don't eat enough." She looked shyly over to Harry and smiled at him.

Harry heart made a flip-flop, and he smiled back.

"Oh my, teenagers in love," Black Hawk said and rolled his eyes.

Harry gave him a playful buff on his chest, but grinned.

"Oh so mature again, Black Hawk," Rose scolded.

Black Hawk ignores his sister and knew better than to look at his mother that moment. He could imagine very well how disapprovingly she would look at him. She never understood men humor. Black Hawk was happy that Harry took it as playful as it was meant.

"We noticed that you changed your eating habits for the good, Melissa. And we also notice the small interaction between you two at the table, so we put two and two together and came to the result that it is Harry who makes you eat more. Is that right?"

Melissa nodded proudly.

"Melissa, what will happen if the two of you break up?" Light Arrow asked and immediately was at the end of two furious women's glares.

"Really, Joseph, you can't ask a teenager girl in love what will happen if they break up. First we don't know if they will break up and second that is hardly what she is thinking about right now. They hadn't even time to settle out what this relationship means for them, and you ask them about a break up." She shook her head and glared at her husband as if he was a very stupid little child.

"Ehm... actually I thought about it," Melissa said shyly and looked again at Harry, this time worriedly. "I was surprised that he even was interested in me as a friend. I kissed him and expected him to avoid me from then on, but he didn't. Quite the contrary. He talks more often with me and even told me that he didn't regret that I kissed him. So I wondered for a while why he was doing it and why he could be interested in me. I know that I'm nothing to look at, and so I of course always think about a break up." She looked down at her hands after seeing the worried faces around her. "Nothing would change when he doesn't want me any longer. It will just be like it was before I met him, only that I have a few more lovely memories." She looked sadly, but at the same time dreamily at Harry. That was the look, Harry always reminded him so much of Luna.

"So you tell me it would be good to allow this relationship? Good memories are really something you need, but I still am very worried that you will break beyond repair if you two break up," Light Arrow said.

Now Harry saw something he would have never expected form the shy girl. She smiled at the old man as if she needed to comfort him and reach out her hand. Light Arrow took it, and she said, "This won't happen. I promise you. I know I still have your and White Cloud's love. That will assure that I will never break beyond the point of repair." Stunned silence engulfed the room. Harry was sure that not even Light Arrow and White Cloud had expected this from Melissa. It must have been a great progress in her healing. "Of course I will be very, very sad, and I will miss that wonderful feeling I have whenever I see him, but I won't break."

"Hey, and who says we will break up?" Harry protested.

"Yeah, give it to them," Black Hawk cheered, amused.

Instead of scolding Black Hawk, Rose grinned this time. "Yes, chivalry is coming for you, Mel. Your knight is fighting for you, but look what an odd horse he is sitting on."

Melissa giggled, and when Black Hawk made neighing sounds all the younger ones laughed.

White Cloud shook her head disbelievingly. "Sometimes I wonder how old you all are."

"Oh, Mum, cheer up," Rose said. Then she looked at her father, who observed the scene without expression. "So they are allowed to date?"

"Yes, but you will speak about the limits with her," Light Arrow said to Rose.

"Limits?" Melissa asked, confused.

"Why do you think Crying Horse and I have no children?" Rose asked cheekily.

That was too much for Black Hawk. He cracked and laughed himself silly, especially after seeing Harry shocked face, his jaw hanging open and hearing White Cloud's sharp intake of breath. "That was a good one, Rose," he said between laughs and while he stood up, he hauled a still stunned Harry over his shoulder. That way he gave Harry a good look at the other people in the room when he headed for the door. Rose was smiling, not impressed by her mother's glare. Melissa finally got the cue and blushed deeply, looking at Harry with big eyes and Light Arrow was shaking his head.

/

The rest of the day Harry and Black Hawk spend riding. While they had a break at the river, Black Hawk again told Harry that sex was absolutely off limits and emphasized this with reminding Harry that the walls in the house had ears.

"Ehm... do you think Rose was serious?"

It took some time for Black Hawk to get his laughter under control after Harry's questions, but when he did, he replied, "Of course not. They can do whatever they want. They have heavy privacy wards on their bedroom, and not even Light Arrow or White Cloud could go in without Rose's or Crying Horse's permission. Rose was just joking. She sometimes dares to say things I would never. Did you seen the look on White Cloud's face? If that wasn't scary, I don't know what is. She has been pestering Rose for years to give them a grandchild, but Rose refused. But believe me, Harry, it surely isn't caused by lack of baby making acts, just by protection. Why do you think Crying Horse always is so cheerful?"

"Eww, Black Hawk, that is definitely too much information for me."

"Good to hear. That gives me hope that you really won't do something stupid here."

"I won't do, okay? Can you please let it drop?"

"Only if you promise that if you at some point change your opinion about it, you will come to me before you head in it without thinking."

"Yeah, sure, so you can restrain me to my bed and making sure I never see Mel again."

"No, for making sure you don't do something one of you two don't really want and to prevent that you impregnate her, Harry. I'm a man, okay? I know that sometimes the brain sets out and other parts of our body take over. Don't let that ruin whatever you have with Melissa. You two have time, and the first time should be something special. Even for you, but especially for the girl." Black Hawk looked seriously at Harry. "I will not restrain you to your bed or talk you out when you two, and when I say two, I mean two, have thought about it very deeply and maturely. I'm worried about the both of you! Sex is something wonderful and mind-blowing, but it can't replace love or friendship. Unfortunately it can destroy love and friendship if it is done foolishly and in a rush."

"Wow, you don't sound much like the Black Hawk I see most of the time," Harry said insecure about Black Hawk's seriousness. Black Hawk sometimes was very serious and thoughtful, but most of the time he was the funny and light hearted Black Hawk Harry liked so much.

"I'm not just a clown, Harry. I have loved, and I have lost people. Even women. I don't like to live alone, but I will be very careful about whom I let see my real self and whom not."

"So you lost women because of sex?"

Black Hawk looked at him thoughtfully, obviously inwardly debating if he should tell Harry about it or not. "I lost a very good friend because of sex, unprotected sex, Harry."

"Unprotected? You mean you got her-"

"Pregnant, yes. Because of one foolish drunken night of pleasure I lost one of my best friends and later had to undergo the pain to know that she would never let me be part of her life because she already had a partner. My child is now living with another father, not even knowing that I exist."

Harry was shocked. Why did Black Hawk tell him about such a private and painful part of his life? Did he really saw him as more as just a charge? Was he really seeing him as a brother? Harry's feelings were confused. "Are you sure it is your child?" It was a stupid question, Harry knew it the moment it left his mouth, but then he couldn't take it back.

"Yes, Harry, I know for sure. She was a very loyal and conservative woman. She never slept with someone before she knew him very well. She only had one partner at that time and wanted to wait for the right moment for their first time. We got drunk and lost ourselves in lust, and that was our disaster. Don't be as foolish as I was, Harry. It could destroy anything your cherish so much of Melissa at the moment."

"I won't do, Black Hawk. And I feel sorry for what happened to you." Not knowing what to do, Harry looked shyly at Black Hawk.

"I paid for my mistake, and I deserved what I got. I just want you to be smarter than me."

"I don't want to hurt Mel, and I will be careful. I don't think about having sex with her at the moment or anytime soon. I think nobody of us is ready for something like this. If this should change, I promise to come to you first."

"Good, we should head back, Harry. Your talk with Aiden will be soon!"

"Do you think Light Arrow will cancel the one-to-one?"

Black Hawk chuckled. "Already so annoyed by me?"

"No, not really, but I appreciate a bit of privacy nevertheless."

"Me too, Harry. Believe me!"

/

"Draco, calm down!" Severus said and pulled Draco beside him on the bed.

"She says she will come in three days. Dumbledore will bring her over."

"Professor Dumbledore, Draco."

Draco groaned.

"So your diarrhea will get worse for the next two days?"

"Severus!" Draco looked shocked at his guardian.

"What the way you pace around here and shiver since you read her message is speaking volumes."

"I just don't know what I shall tell her. I mean you have seen all the questions. Can you even imagine how it will be when she is here in person?"

"Believe me, I can. I taught the little know-it-all for five years."

"Don't call her that," Draco said and crinkled his nose.

Severus just chuckled and rubbed Draco's back. "It will all turn out okay, Draco. As much as I know Ms. Granger, she is very mature and will understand your reason to not write to her if you explain it to her."

Draco looked shocked. "I can't tell her about it!"

"Why not, Draco?"

"Why not? Are you crazy? I want her to see me as a man and not a..." Ashamed he looked away.

Severus sighed. "You really should speak with Red Horse. He said he can understand why you think you aren't manly and your problems with Hermione. I think he could help you much better than I can. It seems my word doesn't have any value in this case. Nevertheless I say again that you are manly, Draco. I'm sure Hermione sees it the same way."

"It's not that your word doesn't count for me. It's just... you can't understand it, Severus."

"I know, and I hate that I can't help you with this, but I know that Red Horse would like to help you as well. He just doesn't know how to start a conversation with you about it. He will understand."

Draco leaned against Severus shoulder and just sat there with him for the next half an hour. That's what he loved about his guardian. He always was there for him, even if it was just to hold him in his strong arms and sit silently with him.

-II-

Draco looked shocked. "I can't tell her about it!"

"Why not, Draco?"

"Why not? Are you crazy? I want her to see me as a man and not a..." Ashamed he looked away.

Severus sighed. "You really should speak with Red Horse. He said he can understand why you think you aren't manly and your problems with Hermione. I think he could help you much better than I can. It seems my word doesn't have any value in this case. Nevertheless I say again that you are manly, Draco. I'm sure Hermione sees it the same way."

"It's not that your word doesn't count for me. It's just... you can't understand it, Severus."

"I know, and I hate that I can't help you with this, but I know that Red Horse would like to help you as well. He just doesn't know how to start a conversation with you about it. He will understand."

Draco leaned against Severus shoulder and just sat there with him for the next half an hour. That's what he loved about his guardian. He always was there for him, even if it was just to hold him in his strong arms and sit silently with him.

-II-

"I'm sorry, Harry. I know it is too much to ask for your forgiveness, but please let me explain why I behaved like I did."

Harry nodded at Aiden, gesturing at him to go on.

"I... I was jealous and angry. I can't really say which feeling was more prominent. I was very angry at Light Arrow because he still wasn't thinking that I was ready to leave the camp. You know Maya came to the camp two months after me, and I thought it should be my turn to have the good-bye sweat lodge. I was angry at Black Hawk as well for treating me as if I'm stupid and not worth to leave the camp yet. That was the day my jealousy started. The day back at the paddock when he said that I wasn't ready to leave, he never explained what I have to do or gain to be ready to leaving. It felt as if he only had time for you and Draco. When Light Arrow started to spend more time with the two of you as well, I became even angrier. Then you came to the running training, too. Until then this was my special thing with Crying Horse. It felt as if everywhere were I was, you were as well."

Harry looked over to Light Arrow and Black Hawk. Both man sat relaxed in the two armchairs. Harry was a bit worried because Aiden still seemed to hate him. "I didn't ask them to be with me or spending time with me. You can have them back. You only have to convince them that they should leave me alone." Harry was angry now. What did they expect from him? That he was listening to all this shit? Saying that he was sorry for taking them away from Aiden? He hadn't asked for this. No, he would have preferred if they had let him alone. Angrily he stood and headed for the door. When he reached it the door handle didn't butch. Frustrated, he turned around to glare at Light Arrow.

"Sit down again, Harry, and tell Aiden why you are so angry about what he said." The calmness of Light Arrow was infuriating Harry even more. Melissa and the permission to meet her was out of his head and pure anger flared in him. The last weeks he hadn't felt so frustrated and angry, and now Aiden was back, it was all back. Nothing had changed. He still could feel this burning hot fire in him. This insatiable thirst of getting power over himself and his decisions back. The power to leave whenever he wanted. The power to be alone whenever he wanted. The first time in days Harry started to scrape at his arms again, almost immediately drawing blood.

Light Arrow was quickly at Harry side and before the boy even noticed him, he had grabbed both of Harry's hands and restrained them. "No, Harry. Stop it!" Determined he looked in the shocked face of Harry.

"Let me go! I don't want to hear this all. It's not my fault. I didn't even want to be here!" Harry jerked hard at his hands, but Light Arrow had a death grip on them.

"Calm down, Harry! Now!"

Angrily Harry looked at Aiden. The other boy stood shocked in front of the couch he had sat on while talking to Harry. His mouth stood open, and he looked puzzled at Harry. That was when Harry realized that Aiden had no idea why he had reacted like this. So it wasn't meant like Harry had understood it.

"Thanks for calming down, Harry. Can we go back to the couch now?" Light Arrow asked.

"I... I..."

"The couch, Harry, and then I will have a look at your arm."

Harry groaned. Knowing that he had shown weakness in front of Aiden. Then remembering that Light Arrow would decide about his one-to-one after this talk, he almost felt like crying. "I'm sorry." He was on the couch already, and Light Arrow was sitting beside him, examining his arm.

"Go get Harry's salve from White Cloud, Aiden."

Harry whimpered in protest that Light Arrow had sent Aiden. It was just adding to his humiliation.

"Harry, why did you do this?" Light Arrow asked, still holding both of Harry's hands in his.

Harry let his head think. "I felt this anger again. It was so unfair that he let it look as if I was responsible for all this, but I didn't ask for you to spend time with me." Aiden appeared behind him, out of breath. He must have run to gather the salve from White Cloud.

"White Cloud will be here in a second. She is just getting the bandages," Aiden said, gulping for air.

Harry groaned. Bye-bye any chance to get rid of the one-to-one.

"Come over here, Aiden, and let Light Arrow take care of Harry." Black Hawk waved Aiden over to him, and the boy went awkwardly to him. Aiden yelped a bit when Black Hawk pulled him on his lap. The protest quickly died down, and Aiden leaned against Black Hawk's chest. It had been so long that some of the adults had offered him comfort like this, and he enjoyed it.

"You seem to have missed a very important word in all what Aiden said," Light Arrow said calmly while adding the salve. When Harry looked puzzled at him, he said, "Feel, Harry. Aiden said it felt as if etc etc. He didn't say it really was like that."

White Cloud bustled into the room and went straight to Harry. She lifted his chin to look in his face. "Anything else hurt beside your arm?"

"My dignity?"

White Cloud rolled her eyes and then started to examine Harry's arm.

"I already applied the salve. You just need to wrap it." Light Arrow held Harry's arm from his body so White Cloud had better access. In a few seconds Harry's arm was bandaged and the salve soothed the burning of the scratches a bit. When she was finished she leaned over and kissed his forehead. After that she left.

"Ready to let Aiden tell the rest of his explanation?" Light Arrow asked, not leaving Harry's side, even drawing him closer until Harry rested against his chest.

Harry nodded and looked ashamed over to Aiden. "I'm sorry I didn't let you speak out."

"It's okay. I know you are angry at me. I would be as well if I were you. I'm very ashamed of how childish I was and how much I hurt you. I'm really sorry."

"And now?" Harry asked, really not knowing how things would go from now on.

"Now I hope you can forgive me, and we can try again. If you want I even will get out of your way as much as it is possible here. I could quit the running training and the wrestling if you want me too."

Harry could hear the fear out of it. Aiden didn't want to give this up, but he also didn't look fearfully at Light Arrow. This was a sign that he was not saying this all to impress him. Aiden was looking at Harry all the time. He meant it as a real offer.

"I think we should try to forget and start anew. We can hardly avoid each other. In some way, I can understand you. I think I would be like this as well if someone came and Severus spent more time with the newbie." Harry looked down at his hands. "Or Black Hawk."

"So we start anew?" Aiden asked happily. It seems a big burden had been lifted from his chest by Harry's words.

"There is still one thing I want from you before I will forget what happened."

"What?"

"I want you to apologize to Melissa."

Aiden smiled. It was so seldom that Harry was a bit taken aback. "I would have done it anyway."

/

"You're sure you don't want to come with us?" Black Hawk asked Red Horse for the third time while Crying Horse, Severus and he climbed into the red pickup.

"Yes, I'm sure. You know I don't like to be in town or with many people."

"It's a shame, bro. We will miss you." Black Hawk gave Red Horse a brotherly pet on his shoulder.

"I will ask Draco to help me check on the wild horses." He looked meaningful at Severus who was sitting beside Crying Horse on the double passenger seat. Severus nodded understandingly.

"Oh those private messages. How I love them. Be happy that I'm not the jealous type. Otherwise I could believe you like Severus more than me, Red Horse," Black Hawk said jokingly and closed the driver's door. Then he looked at Crying Horse, who said uncommonly silent beside Severus. "What's going on, bro? Cheer up, we are heading to town." He buffed Crying Horse's shoulder hard.

Red Horse laughed seeing Crying Horse's puzzled face. Red Horse knew why Severus and Black Hawk were taking Crying Horse into town for a mans evening, and he hoped it would help. Seeing Rose so sad lately was hurting him. Crying Horse need to understand that he was part of the brotherhood now. Too bad that Black Hawk seemed to be overexcited about this whole trip. He sometimes doesn't concentrate on the task in front of him when there are too many distracting things around him. Red Horse hoped Black Hawk would calm down and everything would go all smoothly.

"Why are we here? Crying Horse asked after they had sat down in the medium sized pub. It was not one of those dirty gin mills. Even some women were sitting at the bar and at the few tables. Some men were playing cards, others just drank with friends. It was still early evening and no-one was drunk or making trouble.

"To party a bit. What else?" Black Hawk said and petted Crying Horse on his back roughly. "Wait here I will get us some drinks."

Crying Horse looked worried over to Severus. "I don't think this all was a good idea. I don't know what this all means, but I know that everyone is worried about this trip and Black Hawk is way too cheerful to get some alcohol."

Severus looked worried at the nervous man beside him. He couldn't stop his own bad feeling about Black Hawk's excitement. Maybe it was really too long since he had been out of the camp. Severus hoped Black Hawk would calm down and know his limits. "We just will watch out for him. That's what brothers do for each other." Killing two birds with one stone. That gave Crying Horse the first hint of why they brought him here and made sure that Severus got help if Black Hawk overdoes it.

Crying Horse looked at Severus skeptical. "Will you tell me now why I'm here?"

"That's just a little trip between brothers, relax, Crying Horse."

"Brothers? Oh, come on, Severus. I'm no brother to you nor to Black Hawk."

"Already in the deep discussion stuff?" Black Hawk asked while he placed to glasses on the table. "Here, hope that's okay." He pushed the beer mug over to Severus. "It's apple juice. I just thought you don't want to have it too obvious."

Severus rolled his eyes. "I hate apple juice."

"I can get you tomato juice, but that would look weird in that mug and it would add to your vampire reputation." He made some stupid noises that should sound mysterious and waved his hands in front of Severus.

"Thanks. I think you finally got the attention of all the guests here. So much about not attracting attention."

Black Hawk looked around and winked at two ladies who sat close by at a table. "Some attentions are good ones, don't you think?" He looked still grinning at Crying Horse, but then stopped abruptly. "Not for you." He shook his finger warningly in front of Crying Horse. "You already have the best women on this planet."

"Just ignore him, Crying Horse," Severus said and rolled his eyes. "Now I see why you don't want to be our brother." It was worth trying if the young man would take the bite.

"What? I never said I don't want to-"

"You don't want to?" Black Hawk said dumbfounded and let himself fall on his chair. Then he grabbed his mug and took a big gulp of beer.

"Of course I want... I ... Damn, you two. You are twisting my words."

"So you want? Then that is settled. So no more stupid talk like I don't belong to the family. Let's drink to this." Severus raised his mug and shortly after him did the other two. He knew it wasn't that easy, but it was a beginning.

Black Hawk however seemed to be happy with that and glanced over to the women again. "How about I go over there and ask those two young ladies to join us?"

"How about we keep this evening a manly evening as we had planned it?" Severus said warningly. Black Hawk really needed to go out more to not be so hyper. It wasn't something unusual for Black Hawk to behave like this as soon as they were out of the camp or out of the sight of the children, but after seeing him almost all the time as the reasonable and calm helper in the camp and then seeing him as the free Black Hawk was a bit of a shock for people who didn't know him.

"Yeah, yeah," Black Hawk said a bit disappointed. He wasn't coming out of the camp much. "So tell us about Helena. Did she have a talk with you?" Black Hawk teased Severus about the secretary in his school.

"You already know she has. So why do you ask?"

"To entertain Crying Horse, of course. Look he is all tense." Black Hawk gestured with his glass at Crying Horse and almost spilled some beer. Quickly he lifted it up to his lips and drank deeply again.

"Maybe you should take it easy, Black Hawk. I don't want to be the one explaining Light Arrow why you can't go straight when we come back. I'm sure he will wait for us," Severus said.

"Yeah, yeah. Isn't a man allowed to celebrate that he is finally free again? Oh, how much I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight. I swear next time Harry earns himself a one-to-one I let him sleep on the damn mat on the floor, and I will take his bed. Not that I mind his company but damn that floor is hard."

"Knowing Harry, I would guess you will have the opportunity more than ones before we leave," Severus said.

"If you leave, Night Rain," Black Hawk said and then looked sadly in his empty mug. A quick glance at Crying Horse mug showed him that the man had not even drank half of his beer and Severus hated his apple juice that much that it seems he hadn't drank from it at all. "One more cannot hurt."

"We've hardly been here for twenty minutes, Black Hawk," Severus scolded his brother.

"Yeah, I know. I will take more time with the next one." With that, Black Hawk went to the barkeeper again.

"You should have taken his money, Severus. I really don't like how this is going. Rose will kill us, and I don't even want to think about Light Arrow and White Cloud." Crying Horse shifted nervously on his chair.

"He is an adult. I can hardly take his money from him. We just need to watch out," Severus said. The problem was his hands started to shiver and his eyes wandered several times longingly over to the beers of the other two. It seems it wasn't as easy to be close to alcohol as Severus had thought. Too tempting was the idea of forgetting all the pain and worry for one evening. Having the feeling that he could drown his problems in alcohol and only realizing in the morning that the damn problems are able to swim very well.

Black Hawk let the mug drop on the table violently. Severus nostrils flared when he smelled a familiar smell. It was firewhisky. It seems Black Hawk had drunk some at the bar before he had come back.

"I think you already have enough," Severus said, frustrated.

"What? We just started the evening. Come on, cheer up. Maybe you should try a bit as well." Black Hawk slurred.

Crying Horse sucked in his breath. It was obvious that Black Hawk already wasn't thinking clearly any longer. He could smell the firewhisky as well. Who knows how much Black Hawk had drained of it secretly at the bar.

"Excuse me for a moment," Severus stood up and headed for the toilet. Locking his cabin, he sat down on the closed seat and tried to make his hands to stop shivering. Nothing helped. He could feel this odd taste in his mouth and the stupid feeling as if it was all dry. Almost jumping out of the cabin, he ran over to the sinks and splashed cold water in his face. No he was not ready to look out of Black Hawk, he couldn't even look out for himself. It was too early for this confrontation. He looked at his image in the mirror and then fumbled for the money in his pocket.

-II-

"What? We just started the evening. Come on, cheer up. Maybe you should try a bit as well." Black Hawk slurred.

Crying Horse sucked in his breath. It was obvious that Black Hawk already wasn't thinking clearly any longer. He could smell the firewhisky as well. Who knows how much Black Hawk had drained of it secretly at the bar.

"Excuse me for a moment," Severus stood up and headed for the toilet. Locking his cabin, he sat down on the closed seat and tried to make his hands to stop shivering. Nothing helped. He could feel this odd taste in his mouth and the stupid feeling as if it was all dry. Almost jumping out of the cabin, he ran over to the sinks and splashed cold water in his face. No he was not ready to look out of Black Hawk, he couldn't even look out for himself. It was too early for this confrontation. He looked at his image in the mirror and then fumbled for the money in his pocket.

-II-

Severus went to the bar, making sure his brothers didn't see him. Only one little gulp, not more. Just to get that taste out of his mouth. "One firewhisky," Severus whispered to the barkeeper.

"What?" the man shouted. "You need to speak louder, pal. I can't hear you over all the music."

Severus threw a panicky look over to his bothers, but luckily they were occupied. Black Hawk was flirting with the two ladies again, and Crying Horse seemed to try to apologize for whatever Black Hawk just said and pulled him back in his seat. The eyes of the red haired woman wandered over to Severus, and he quickly looked away.

"I said, one firewhisky," Severus said through clenched teeth.

The barkeeper shook his head. "I can't hear you. You need-"

Further he didn't come because Severus' wand that pointed directly between his eyes surprised him. He wasn't scared, just surprised. A wand was something you saw seldom in that area. So without thinking much of it, he grabbed it and pushed it down, leaning close to Severus face. "Whatever you think you are doing with this stick between my eyes, it's not something good."

"Really, Lou. He is a foreigner, calm down," a woman's voice said beside Severus.

"He isn't a foreigner, Josy. He is one of Light Arrow's and should know better than to point wands in other people's faces," the barkeeper said angrily.

"Really?" the women said and turned to Severus.

The time of ignoring the woman was over, and Severus had no other chance then to look at her. Unfortunately the whole scene had caught the attention of almost all guests now. Even his brothers were looking at him. The woman meanwhile stared at Severus and at his hand, that still held his wand.

When Severus saw what was so interesting about his hand, he quickly grabbed it with his other hand and pushed it under the bar. It had been shivering badly.

"I don't know but I have the feeling whatever you asked for would not be good for you, don't you think?" the red-haired woman said. It was the lady from the table close by, the one Black Hawk had flirted with so wildly.

"What's going on? Trouble?" Black Hawk slurred drunkenly and banged his hand on the bar.

"And that's another one. The old man has good reason to not let them out very often," the barkeeper said snotty.

"Don't let us out? What are you telling her, you fucking bastard? I show you that I don't need someone to tell me when I'm allowed out and when-"

"All right, all right, we are going. We don't want any trouble. Come on, Severus, help me out here," Crying Horse said nervously, while holding a swaying Black Hawk, who tried to wriggle out of his grip.

"Why? If Sev here wants a drink, he should get one, right?" Black Hawk looked over to Severus. "We don't let anyone tell us what we should do. We have money, and you will give us something to drink!" He pulled money out of his pocket, dropping some notes and coins by it and banged them on the counter of the bar.

"If you have pity with those, Josy, then get them out of here before I call the police," the barkeeper said warningly.

"Clara, could you please pay the bill. I need to help those three out of here," Josy called to the brunette, who was still sitting at the table.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Do you always have to play Mother Theresa? Leave them be. They are just drunken troublemakers."

"I want a drink for my friend here," Black Hawk thundered angrily.

"I don't think you really want this. What's your name?" Josy asked calmly, looking at Black Hawk.

Fascinated, Black Hawk looked at her beautiful face. Her green eyes were magnificent. "You are beautiful," he slurred.

The woman chuckled. "That's an odd name."

The barkeeper groaned, rolled his eyes and left to serve a guest at the other end of the table.

"So, youarebeautiful, can we go outside? I think a bit of fresh air would do you well," Josy teased Black Hawk.

"Yeah, Black Hawk, I also think that's a great idea. Come on, Severus, I think it's better for you to be outside as well," Crying Horse said.

Severus was absorbed in his thoughts. Inwardly he was in panic. His feelings overwhelmed him. He needed something to drink. Soon, it would be better to have one now, but there was no possibility. Crying Horse would tell Light Arrow anyway so why getting his wrath without really getting drunk before. He needed to find another pub or a petrol station. Yes, a petrol station would be even better. He didn't protest when someone pulled him up and out of the pub. Only when the fresh air hit him, he saw it was the woman who was leading him outside. "I can go on my own," Severus said frustrated and pulled away from her.

She looked oddly at him, directly in his eyes. That made him nervous.

"I would not have something against your hands on me," Black Hawk slurred and threw his arm around the red-head. That broke the intensive eye contact she had with Severus.

"I'm so sorry, really," Crying Horse said nervously. "Normally they don't behave like this." He tried to pull Black Hawk off the lady without success. Black Hawk was clinging to her and made kissing sounds and leered at her.

"No problem," the woman assured Crying Horse with a smile. She had pity with the poor guy. It seemed that he wasn't used to look out for the other two. Obviously they were older than him. "Where is your car? Are you still able to drive?"

"Yes, I think so. I only had a few sips of my beer," Crying Horse said.

"I won't come back with you. I have my wand and can Apparate back later," Severus said and turned to leave.

"What? No, you won't Severus," Crying Horse said.

Severus turned angrily. "Who do you think you are? I can do what I want."

"According to your words, I'm your brother. My idea of a brother is a person that looks out for his brothers. That's what I'm doing now. So get your ass in the car."

"Are you dumb? It's still early. They won't even expect us back that early. We left only two hours ago. I will just stroll through the town a bit while you bring Black Hawk back home. That's what a brother does." Again he turned and started to walk, but now Crying Horse lost his patience. He grabbed Severus harshly.

"Don't you dare leave! I won't be the one to explain why you got yourself drunk and I didn't stop you. I know exactly what you plan to do. Look at you, your hands are shaking, you are sweating, all you are thinking about is getting something to drink."

Without thinking Severus swung his fist and aimed for Crying Horse's head.

The younger man was quicker and ducked it. He twisted quickly and grabbed Severus arm to pull it behind his back.

Severus felt hot pain in his shoulder and leaned forward to ease it.

Crying Horse leaned over to speak close to Severus ear. His voice was dangerous and so uncommon for the normally so cheerful one. "You will come back with me to the car, without making another attempt to run or attack me. If not, I will inform Light Arrow about what happened faster than you can reach the next bottle, and he will find you quickly. So stop this now and come back home with me!"

Severus groaned, he was sure something was damaged in his shoulder.

"What's your decision?" Crying Horse asked angrily and jerked at Severus arm again, not aware of in how much pain the man was in.

Severus bit his lips. He wouldn't show that he was hurt, physically and emotionally. His pride was all gone. Not only Crying Horse had seen him like this, no, the woman had as well and she seemed to know exactly what this all was about.

"Be careful, I fear you hurt him," Josy said worriedly.

Immediately Crying Horse loosened his grip." Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"Let me go!"

"Will you come back home with me?"

"Merlin, yes. Now let me go!" The pain in his shoulder had sobered him. He knew that all the work would have been for nothing if he had only drunk. The shame about his behavior hurt even more than his shoulder, and he just wanted to be alone, back in his room.

Crying Horse let go of Severus, but warily watched him for any new attacks or running attempts.

Black Hawk meanwhile was busy slurring declarations of love in Josy's ears, who bravely held the drunken man up. "Will you give me your number, my beauty?"

"You wouldn't be able to remember it anyway," Josy said, amused.

"Really, can't I leave you one minute out of my eyes, Josephine?" the brunette friend of Josy said while coming out of the pub. "Merlin, let him drop!" She pulled a face that showed pure disgust when she looked at Black Hawk. "When you Uncle finds out about this, he-"

"He will be happy that I helped those lads here. I just help them into their car. Wait for me in ours, okay, Clara?"

The woman rolled her eyes and stacked away.

"Okay, time to head home, Black Hawk," Josy said and pulled him in the direction Severus had angrily gone.

"You know my name, sweety," Black Hawk said grinning drunkenly. "You like me, don't ye?"

"Yeah, you got me. Do you want to make me happy?" Josy asked, ignoring the worried look of Crying Horse.

Black Hawk eagerly nodded his head.

"I want you to drive home with your brothers there and be a good boy. Do you think you can do that?"

Black Hawk face fell, and he threw himself at her. "I can't!" He said miserably. "He will be mad at me."

Crying Horse again looked like a poor puppy lost in the streets. He pulled a face, apologizing. "Black Hawk, come on, let the women breathe. Maybe we will get around Light Arrow."

Black Hawk turned around so abruptly that he swayed violently until Crying Horse caught him. "Do you think so?"

Of course he didn't think so. Nothing could make Light Arrow miss that smell and Black Hawk's drunkenness. The alarms would go off as soon as they entered the wards, and the old man would already wait for them at the door.

"Sure. We have a chance. We can just sneak you in your room," Crying Horse lied.

"You are the best brother ever, you know," Black Hawk said happily and kissed Crying Horse on his forehead.

With a lot of hard work they got Black Hawk in the middle of the passenger seat and Severus sat grumpily down beside him. Josy closed the door and waved at Crying Horse. The young man waved back thankfully.

Thirty minutes later they passed the wards, thirty five minutes later they stopped in front of the main house and a very angry Light Arrow.

"I will not go out," Black Hawk said miserably.

Severus also had no intention to leave the car. His shoulder was hurting very much and during the car ride he had realized that he could hardly move it anymore. Crying Horse let his head rest on the steering-wheel. What a disaster.

"The kids are all up in their rooms," White Cloud said as she came outside with Rose. While White Cloud remained beside her husband, Rose went over to Crying Horse.

He still hadn't lifted his head, not even when Rose opened the driver door. Only when Rose laid a hand on his shoulder, he looked up. "It was a disaster."

Rose gently stroked his cheek, and then she looked over at Severus and Black Hawk. Immediately her facial features became serious and reprovingly. "I would get out of the car before Dad gets even more angry."

Severus awkwardly reached to open the door and winced. Crying Horse heard it. "Did I..."

"Shut up!" Severus said harshly and got out of the car.

"What happened?" White Cloud asked worriedly and tried to examine him.

Severus looked uncertainly over to Crying Horse.

"Just a little misunderstanding between a local guy and him. It's all settles now, but you should check his shoulder," Crying Horse said, hoping they would believe him.

The icy look Light Arrow was sending at him, was answer enough to the question if the old man believed him or not.

Severus tried to wriggle free of White Cloud's grip and hide in his room, but first, the old woman had a death grip on his good arm and second, Light Arrow's growl at him to behave and wait, made him stop.

"What about him?" Light Arrow asked, gesturing in Black Hawk's direction. "Did some local guy try to fill him up?"

Crying Horse looked down, ashamed.

"Move, Black Hawk, or I will make you move!" Light Arrow thundered, and Black Hawk held his ears. He already could feel a headache coming up.

"Rose, can you and Crying Horse handle him until we are finished with Severus?" Light Arrow asked his daughter.

"Sure, Dad. We will get him under a cold shower."

"Move!" was everything Light Arrow said in Severus' direction. "Don't think for a moment that I believe that story you two came up with."

Severus dreaded the interrogation that surely would come now. He wouldn't give away why he was hurt, and he hoped Crying Horse would stick to the story as well. It was quite the stunt the young man had pulled on Light Arrow. Severus would have never guessed that Crying Horse would dare to lie to Light Arrow for him.

-II-

"Move, Black Hawk, or I will make you move!" Light Arrow thundered, and Black Hawk held his ears. He already could feel a headache coming up.

"Rose, can you and Crying Horse handle him until we are finished with Severus?" Light Arrow asked his daughter.

"Sure, Dad. We will get him under a cold shower."

"Move!" was everything Light Arrow said in Severus' direction. "Don't think for a moment that I believe that story you two came up with."

Severus dreaded the interrogation that surely would come now. He wouldn't give away why he was hurt, and he hoped Crying Horse would stick to the story as well. It was quite the stunt the young man had pulled on Light Arrow. Severus would have never guessed that Crying Horse would dare to lie to Light Arrow for him.

-II-

"Sit down, Severus, and let me help you to get that jumper over your head," White Cloud said calmly when they arrived in Severus' room.

"I can do this alone," Severus replied grumpily and tried to wriggle out of his jumper. Only under great pain and with White Cloud's help was he able to. Afterwards he was sweating and panting in pain.

"Lie down and relax, while your father tries to help you," White Cloud instructed Severus strictly.

Light Arrow had let White Cloud handle the situation until now to calm down. Not that it had helped a lot.

The moment Severus was in a horizontal position, Light Arrow sat down beside his torso and laid his hands on Severus shoulder. "How did that happen?"

Severus tried to play at being reasonable. That normally worked best for Light Arrow, and he could still go on ignoring mode when the first tactic didn't work. "Crying Horse already told you. I got in a little fight with someone, and he hurt my shoulder."

"Who was that man?"

This question Severus couldn't answer without lying. Or could he? "It doesn't matter, Light Arrow. I'm tired can I sleep now? Is something broken?"

Light Arrow grabbed Severus' shirt at its front. "You are lying to me, and I don't like that, Severus. Why are you doing it?"

"I am not lying!" Severus said, frustrated.

Light Arrow growled, not knowing what to say to his stubborn son.

White Cloud laid a calming hand on his shoulder. "This leads us nowhere, Joseph. Leave it be as it is."

"Leave it be?" Light Arrow turned angry to his wife. "I thought that it was a bad idea from the beginning. Something is definitely wrong about this all. The wards tell me that there is more about it than they give away and it isn't something good."

"I know, Joseph. I can feel it myself, but I think it is for the best that we leave it be for now."

"One of my sons is hurt and doesn't tell me the true story behind it, and another one is totally intoxicated, even so he knew from the beginning that it would have been better for him not to drink at all. Now you tell me I should calm down and let it be?"

"And one son had brought them all back in one piece, Joseph. Maybe you should look at it that way," White Cloud suggested calmly.

Light Arrow breathed deeply and closed his eyes. After a few seconds of calming down, he opened his eyes again. "You are right," he said, defeated. Then he looked at Severus. "We will speak tomorrow. I cannot do much for your shoulder at the moment. The doc needs to have a look at it tomorrow. I will drive you to him after breakfast." Sadly he laid his hand on Severus healthy shoulder. "I wish you would talk to me openly. What a miserable father must I be."

Of everything he could have said, he had to say this. Now not only Severus' shoulder hurt like hell but his heart even more. Not knowing how to react on that, he turned his face to the wall. The door was opened and closed, but Severus sensed that he wasn't alone in the room. That was confirmed when a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. "I don't know what happened today, but it won't help to lock it up inside of you. I understand when you need time to reflect on your own, but don't swallow the problems down. How much is your shoulder hurting?"

"I'm fine," Severus said miserably.

"What did you tell Harry about lying to himself? So how much is your shoulder hurting?"

Severus groaned. "A lot, even without moving it."

"I will try if I can find a potion or salve that could help you, but first I need to know if you drank any alcohol. You know some of the pain killers react badly with it."

"I didn't drink anything... but I'm not the one to credit for this," Severus said, frustrated.

"Then you should give credit to whom the credit belongs when you are able to think straight again. Now you should do something against those shaking hands, Severus. I'm sure the doc has given you something for an emergency."

Damn, how could he be so stupid to forget it? Of course Doc Martens had given him something to fight withdrawal symptoms. Severus looked at White Cloud surprised. "I totally forgot... ehm... can you get it for me? It's in the desk drawer. The green package."

White Cloud smiled warmly at him. "Of course."

After Severus had taken two of the pills, he sighed relieved. "Maybe it's better if I try to fall asleep without the pain killer. Who knows how it reacts with the pills."

"I could contact Doc Martens. It's still early enough," White Cloud offered.

"No, please not. It's bearable. I promise." The last part was added because of her skeptical look.

"Okay, but if it gets worse and the wards don't inform us, come to us and ask for help, Severus. We don't know what's wrong with your shoulder, only that it isn't dislocated. So it's safe to wait until tomorrow, but we're not sure if the pain will get worse."

"Yes, I will come, Mum," Severus said. He very, very seldom used that title with her. The only reason he did it know was because he could feel her worry and her urge to lighten the pain. She always was bad in seeing people in pain. Maybe that's the reason why she is so much against rough housing, even so everyone else sees it much more lightly in the camp.

Severus lay awake for more than two hours. He just couldn't fall asleep. The pain and his thinking about his mistakes this evening were holding him awake. His skills as a former spy let him fumble for his wand when the door handle was silently pushed down. Unfortunately the pain in his shoulder made it impossible to grab his wand and he groaned in pain.

That groaning made the person at the other side aware of Severus' vigil and Red Horse stepped quickly into the room. "What are you doing?" He asked while coming in big steps closer to the bed.

Severus held his shoulder. The sudden movement when he had grabbed for his wand had shot an unbearable jet of pain in his shoulder that now only ebbed down slowly. "Can you get me a cooling pack?" Severus managed to speak through clenched teeth.

"Sure. I'll be back soon." Two minutes later Red Horse was back. "I shall get that salve on your shoulder before you put the cooling pack on it."

Severus didn't protest and let Red Horse open his pajama top to apply the salve on his shoulder.

"Okay, that should hold." Red Horse adjusted the small sling with that he had fixed the cooling pack on Severus' shoulder.

Slowly the pain ebbed down, and Severus could breathe deeply.

After sitting down on the bed, Red Horse asked, "What happened? The old man is sitting down in the living room in front of the fireplace, staring holes in it. White Cloud is trying to get him to come into bed."

"The evening went bad," Severus said.

"A bit more information would be great, Sev. Until know I know nothing besides that you have obviously hurt your shoulder. Did you fight with him?"

Severus sighed. "Promise to not tell them."

Red Horse rolled his eyes. "I promise."

"It was Crying Horse."

"Crying Horse? You fought with Crying Horse? I thought this evening was about letting him see that he is one of us."

"Yeah, but like I said, everything was going bad."

"Okay, okay, tell me from the beginning."

Sighing again, Severus started to tell Red Horse about the evening.

"What do you expect me to say to this?"

"Nothing. I know you are angry, but hey you could have come with us and maybe then it wouldn't have-"

"Oh no, Sev. That won't work. You could have watched out for yourself very well alone. You lived outside the camp much longer than any other of us. I already had a bad feeling about Black Hawk when you left. He was way too cheerful and hyper. We all know him well enough to know that this normally is a sign that he doesn't have himself under control. And you should have taken your pills with you."

"I thought I could do without it, okay. Everything went well lately, and I totally forgot about the emergency pills."

"Since when does anything go just well for us. That should have given you to think." He looked at Severus and felt the urge to ruffle his hair. Knowing that, even with a hurt shoulder, his brother wouldn't react well to it, he just smiled at him. "Everything is okay. Crying Horse got you two safely home. Maybe you even managed your goal for this whole mission with that."

Severus screwed his face questioningly.

"Maybe Light Arrow will think even better about Crying Horse now where he rescued you two."

"Rescued?"

"Yeah, rescued," Red Horse said seriously. "We both know that all your effort of the last months would have been for nothing if you'd drunk just one stupid sip of alcohol. Black Hawk could have been even worse or could have gotten himself in trouble if Crying Horse hadn't have got you two out of the pub that quickly. So I would damn well call it a rescue."

Severus groaned. "Fine, you are right."

"Oh, my, I would have never thought that Crying Horse would attack you like this. That boy has balls. He always was good in wrestling and you always were a-"

"Yes, I know, but believe me outside this camp I'm better than many others in wrestling. It rescued my life a few times."

"Then my training was good for something," Red Horse said, amused.

Severus snorted. Then he remembered Red Horse's words at the car. "Have you been to the wild horses with Draco?"

Red Horse's face fell. "No, he had one of his diarrhea problems, and so he couldn't come with me. Maybe tomorrow. That will even give us more time to speak. We could start after lunch if Light Arrow doesn't have other plans. I don't know if Black Hawk will be up for working tomorrow or if he will be in more trouble with Light Arrow. So I don't know if I will have time. The morning is booked up. Crying Horse need to drive the kids to school, and Light Arrow will drive you to the doc. If Black Hawk is still unavailable, I will be alone with the horses."

"Yeah, I don't look forward to tomorrow myself."

"Don't worry, Sev. Dad will cool down. In the end you didn't drink, and you all came home in one piece."

"I wish I could see this all as positive as you do. Unfortunately I know what I thought, and what I did this evening." Severus turned away from Red Horse.

"You need rest, Sev. Try to sleep." After petting Severus' shoulder one last time, Red Horse left the room.

/

"Morning everyone," Doc Martens said cheerfully when he emerged from the fireplace.

The three people at the table looked at him surprised. Rose even let her cup drop. Quickly White Cloud vanished the spilled coffee and filled the cup of her daughter again. Light Arrow meanwhile stood up to greet the doctor.

"No, no, remain seated. I just heard through the grapevine that maybe there are two people here who could need my help. So I thought I come over before my morning practice hour starts."

"The grapevine. Merlin was it that bad?" Light Arrow asked, shocked. "Should I visit the town to smooth things?"

"It wouldn't be a bad idea, I would say, Light Arrow. Still, it's nothing to get a heart attack over."

"Excuse me when I can't share your cheerfulness, doc, but I had a bad night and don't look forward to the day either."

"You have to excuse him, you know how he is," White Cloud said while giving the doc a cup of coffee.

"And he is right, Mom. I don't understand how you can be so calm. Black Hawk proved one more time that he is totally unreasonable as soon as he leaves the camp, and we still don't know what Severus did to get his arm hurt. My damn husband didn't helping at all to enlighten things," Rose said angrily.

"Oh my, maybe I should have come even earlier before you all heated up like that. Where is Crying Horse? Is he hiding from you, Rose?"

The glare Rose threw in the doc's direction made him look at the only reasonable person in the room; White Cloud. "I would like to have a look at both. Not that I think Black Hawk has more than a hangover, but maybe he needs some mental support."

"Why don't you tell us what you know?" Rose asked.

"Because I think that Black Hawk and Severus should be the ones to tell you what happened, Rose. They made a mistake, and they need to realize it for themselves."

Rose sighed frustrated.

"As you are already here to have a look at Severus' shoulder, I will use the time to drive into the town to speak with Lou and, if needed, apologize for their behavior. Do I have to stop at the police station as well?"

"Like I already said, Light Arrow, it wasn't that bad. Just visit Lou. He is a bit angry."

Ten minutes later the doctor knocked at Severus' door.

The knocking woke Severus. He realized that he was pressing Tas against his chest, and he quickly threw the plushy through the whole room in hope it would land on the cupboard, out of sight from whomever would come in now. Unfortunately his timing and his ability to aim with a damaged shoulder was very bad and the plushy almost hit the doc. Severus' groan of pain made the doctor swallow any comment that was lying on his lips about the plushy. In a few big strides he was over by his patient. "Don't tense! Relax!" His hand on Severus chest send calming magic into the man. When Severus had calmed down, he pried his hand from the damaged shoulder and started to undress his patient. "Let's see, what's wrong with it," he muttered to himself or the room or whatever.

Severus just lay there panting, trying to breathe the pain away.

"It seems you have hurt some muscles and sinews. I will numb your shoulder now and then heal it. You know the drill better than me, so be prepared for some pain over the numbness."

Severus didn't reply, he just closed his eyes and clenched his teeth together. When the doctor finally was finished, Severus had the feeling his shoulder was burning up. The numbness was gone almost completely. "Can't you give me something against the pain?"

"First I need to know a few other things, Severus. For example if you drank anything yesterday and what you already took against the pain or any other problems."

"Other problems," Severus snorted.

"And?"

"I didn't drink anything, and I only applied one of White Clouds salves and a cooling pack... and I took the emergency pills."

"How many," the doc asked almost casually while he rummaged in his bag.

"Two when we came back... and two in the night," Severus said ashamed and turned away.

"That's what they are for, Severus. Now turn around again and let me check you a bit closer."

Severus breathed in deeply to find the courage to face the doctor again.

"Okay, look at my ear," Doc Martens said while he laid his left hand on Severus' forehead and lightened with a small glow of his wand in Severus' eyes. "The medication is still active in your system. So you must have taken it very early in the morning. Nevertheless it is less enough to give you a pain killer. Take the potion each eight hours. Only over night you can wait a bit longer to take the next doses. On Wednesday, when I'm here for the barbecue, I will check the shoulder again. If it gets worse, call me. No emergency pills during the time you take the pain killer. If your normal medication doesn't help, call me immediately and don't wait, trying to get it under control yourself. You would make all your hard work be for nothing. I can give you another medication for an emergency, but I'm not allowed to give that concoction out of hand. So call me, Severus!" The doctor emphasized his last sentence with an intensive stare at Severus.

Again Severus sighed. "I got it!"

"Good. Now drink this. The rest will be with White Cloud. You know the drill."

Severus rolled his eyes and tried to sit up to take the potion.

"No, wait. Let me fix your arm first." Before Severus could protest, his arm was paralyzed and drawn to his body in an angle.

"I need to teach," Severus protested.

"You will stay in bed for today and won't work for the rest of the week," the doctor said in a no-nonsense tone.

"What shall I do the whole day?"

"Most important not thinking too much. Speak with the people you need to speak with to get whatever is troubling you from your chest and then let the others entertain you. I'm sure they will find something to make you forget the pain. You know the painkiller will only lessen the pain and not make it-"

"I'm a Potion's Master," Severus said grumpily. "Am I at least allowed to go to the meals?"

"Not today, Severus. You will stay in bed and the next days you will rest."

Severus rolled his eyes. Just fantastic, and there he had thought it couldn't get worse.

-II-

"You will stay in bed for today and won't work for the rest of the week," the doctor said in a no-nonsense tone.

"What shall I do the whole day?"

"Most important not thinking too much. Speak with the people you need to speak with to get whatever is troubling you from your chest and then let the others entertain you. I'm sure they will find something to make you forget the pain. You know the painkiller will only lessen the pain and not make it-"

"I'm a Potion's Master," Severus said grumpily. "Am I at least allowed to go to the meals?"

"Not today, Severus. You will stay in bed and the next days you will rest."

Severus rolled his eyes. Just fantastic, and there he had thought it couldn't get worse.

-II-

"Are you willing to speak with Black Hawk? If not we will have another nervous stomach disease patient," White Cloud said as she brought breakfast for Severus into his room. "You two could eat together. He is still hiding from Rose."

"Where is Light Arrow?" Severus asked, finding it odd that she only mentioned Rose.

"He is in the town to speak with the landlord of that pub you-"

"What? NO!"

"Severus lay down again or I will immobilize you," White Cloud said warningly.

Severus groaned. "No, no, no," he chanted, his face hidden behind his free hand.

"Stop that. There is nothing you can do about that, except of speaking with your father about whatever happened yesterday."

"I can't, please Mom, you don't understand."

The old woman sighed and sat down on Severus' bed. "Maybe I would understand when you tell me about it."

"Merlin, it was one big mistake, but did he have to go into town to interrogate? He will dramatize it all."

"He will dramatize what?"

Severus sighed. "Okay, if you need to know. I pointed my wand at the barkeeper, and Black Hawk and I got in a bit of trouble with him." He paused a while hoping White Cloud would start to scold him, so he didn't have to tell the rest, but the old woman knew him too well. "And later outside the bar I behaved very immature and... and got in trouble with Crying Horse."

"You got what?" Now White Cloud was shocked.

"I didn't want to come back with him and he... well he made me come with him."

"Crying Horse was the one injuring you?"

That definitely went in the wrong direction. Maybe he shouldn't have told her about it, but there was enough people outside the bar who surely saw what happened. Why did she always have to be so shocked by any kind of violence? "I must say I'm quite glad that he did, and he didn't realize that he was hurting me. I didn't tell him."

"I really don't know what to say to this. I need to think about this all first. I will tell Black Hawk that he can eat with you, right?"

"There is more," Severus stated. He had a very bad feeling in his guts about Light Arrow's visit in the town. It would be for the best to tell White Cloud everything so she could calm Light Arrow before he had the opportunity to storm up to them and give them the lecture of their life. With screaming, spitting and forcing Severus and Black Hawk to think about their stupidity, for surely quite some time. No, the old man made absolutely no distinction between kids or adult when he was mad. Maybe they even had to go with him on a sabbatical walk. Merlin, that would be embarrassing.

"I don't know if my heart will be able to manage more, Severus." Of course her heart could. She was a pureblood Cherokee woman out of a shaman family. They get three times older than Muggles, and older than normal magical folks as well. So Light Arrow and White Cloud were not even in the middle of their life, even if they look as if they were already in the last third of it. Shaman people were made to rule, heal and support, and that can best be managed in older age. That's the reason why they age outside like a Muggle. Between 60-80 years of age they stop aging visibly and remain like they are for the rest of their life. Only in the last twenty years of their life they start to feel real aging problems and that gives them enough time to give all their knowledge to an apprentice. Light Arrow and White Cloud only were 68 and 62. So they were healthy and had no real heart problems.

"So you don't want to hear it? I think it would be better or Dad will kill Black Hawk and me when he comes back."

"Just the fact that you called us mom and dad several times shows me how serious this all is. Not that I mind you calling me mom." She looked kindly, but worriedly at him. "So get it off your chest, but I can't promise you anything about calming your father."

"When he speaks with the barkeeper, he will learn that... promise me you won't get angry."

"Severus, how old are you?"

He rolled his eyes. It was worth a try. "Black Hawk was very drunk, and when I got in trouble with the barkeeper, he came over as well. Then he... he wanted to make the man sell me some alcohol." Bam! There it was. The big bomb had dropped and splinters hit White Cloud hard.

"No. Tell me that isn't true," she said, shocked. When Severus said no more, she stood up. "Maybe it is better you two eat separately."

Severus grabbed for her hand. "No, Mom, please. He was drunk. You cannot hold that against him."

"No wonder he is behaving like he is, Severus. That is serious. Never should he have tried to influence you to drink. There is no excuse for that, not even being drunk."

"I did worse things while being drunk. Please don't make this harder on him then it already is. Let me speak with him. Someone should be there for him when Dad comes back. He won't understand it and he... he..."

"We will see what he will do, Severus. I need to think as well. I will just send him over here, and then I will wait for your Dad."

Ten minutes later the door opened, and Black Hawk squeezed himself in. "Don't say anything, Night Rain. I was such a moron. I should have never, never said that. I could beat myself. Merlin I'm such a bastard. I swear I will never drink again."

"Calm down, Black Hawk. We know each other long enough that we know how the other rolls. I think we should hold together now because Light Arrow is in town and is speaking with the landlord of the pub. When he comes back we will be in trouble."

"We? I will be in trouble, Night Rain. And I deserve it. How could I try to get you something to drink and encourage you? I'm such a bastard. I'm just like..."

"No, you are not. Stop talking like that. You are a grown man, we shouldn't have the same conversation we had almost twenty years ago."

"But I'm not one bit better or wiser. I'm not worthy of being your brother." Meanwhile Black Hawk had broken down on his knees in front of Severus.

"Oh, stop it, you jerk. You are and you always will stay my favorite brother, okay? Nothing can change that, especially not something you said while you were dead drunk. You should get a grip on yourself before Light Arrow comes back." Severus didn't know what to do. Now Black Hawk even started to cry. So he was glad when Red Horse came in.

Without saying anything, Red Horse came over to Black Hawk and pulled him in an embrace. Long minutes passed before Black Hawk calmed down enough to stop crying. "Better?" Red Horse asked gently.

Black Hawk nodded, but didn't make any move to leave his brother's arms. "He will kill me, and I deserve it."

"He will not. You made a mistake, and hey that's nothing new for you, isn't it. Light Arrow is used to it," Red Horse said teasingly.

"Very helpful, big bro," Black Hawk said and finally sat up. "Has Night Rain told you about yesterday?"

"Yes, I have, and White Cloud knows as well. I hope she will catch Light Arrow before he comes to us," Severus said uncomfortably.

"Damn, I feel sick," Black Hawk said.

"That's because you drank your head off yesterday. You should have known that you are not used to drinking after such a long time without alcohol. You never tolerate alcohol very much, Black Hawk," Red Horse said reproachfully.

"I will never drink again. Not after what I did to Night Rain, you must believe me," Black Hawk pleaded with Red Horse. He didn't know why it was so important to him that his big brother believed him and would help him. "Do you think he will chuck me out?" Pure horror and panic stood on Black Hawk's face.

"Black Hawk, you must stop that." Red Horse pulled the panicking man back in his arms. "First, I believe you. You never wanted to hurt, Sev, and I know that you regret that you encouraged him to buy a drink. It would be nice if you never drink alcohol again. I never liked you while you were intoxicated. You almost loose all control about you. Second, Dad will not kill you."

Black Hawk groaned and hit his head against Red Horse's chest. "I wish I could be so optimistic."

Red Horse pet Black Hawk's head while he studied Severus. The man was even more pale, obviously troubling himself as much as Black Hawk over Light Arrow's talk with them. "You should both stop worrying and finally eat something."

"I can't eat," Black Hawk said miserably and shook his head.

"I'm not hungry at all," Severus stated and pushed the tray with food away.

"Nonsense. With a full stomach you two will have much more energy and courage for whatever will come when Dad comes back. I need to check the paddocks, so be good and eat your breakfast." Red Horse placed the reluctant Black Hawk on the bed beside Severus and placed the tray in front of them. Then he left both wizards alone with their thoughts and fear.

X-X

"I need to calm down. I really need to calm down," Light Arrow chanted behind the stable while pacing fro and back. That was when his wife found him.

"Yes, you are right, you need to calm down. The two trouble makers are already scared to hell about the confrontation with you. When you come to them like that, they will get a heart attack."

"Do you have any idea what they did? Especially what Black Hawk did? This time he really took the cake, Sarah, he..." Again Light Arrow gasped for air. His face was red and he looked as if he would explode any minute. This was one of the seldom moments he called her by her given name.

"Yes, I know. Severus told me anything." White Cloud silently gave Light Arrow the vial she had brought with her.

"Will that knock me out completely?"

She smiled at her husband. "No, I need you to speak with the boys or they will make themselves seriously ill out of worry and guilt."

Light Arrow groaned. "Oh, I hope for Black Hawk that he is feeling guilty." Without another breath he gulped the vial down.

"What if I would have just wanted you to drink half of the vial?" White Cloud asked teasingly.

"Then you would have said so before you gave me the vial, woman." He grabbed her and hugged her for support. After several minutes in her embrace, listening to her heartbeat and letting the potion take over, he said, "He encouraged Severus to drink."

"I know. He was drunk, and we both know how Black Hawk is when he drinks. I think he learned his lesson this time. He is absolutely crestfallen."

Light Arrow groaned. "I don't know if I can speak with them calmly."

"The potion will help. He didn't mean it, and he is thinking he is the worst person of the whole world at the moment. Red Horse said he had cried for several minutes and even after that didn't stop but to apologize to Severus and blame himself."

Sighing, he left the embrace. "What about Severus? Did he tell you that he threatened Lou when he didn't get a drink? And then he even fought with Crying Horse. That's where he got that damaged shoulder from. Oh, what did the doc say about it?"

"He says Severus needs to remain in bed for today and isn't allowed to work for the rest of the week. In two days the doc will have a look at the shoulder at the barbecue; until then Severus needs to take a painkiller each eight hours. And yes, I know about all those things. I already spoke with Crying Horse. He is packing and wants to leave."

"He is what?" Light Arrow asked, confused.

"He is packing. Rose is beside herself, but she refused to cancel the lessons with Aiden and Melissa. Draco is in his room. He knows something is wrong. Red Horse and I took turns in going to him to calm him. I said to Red Horse that he shall start his trip with Draco to the wild horses as soon as you are back. I hope that is okay with you."

"Yes, that would be for the best. I think I should first speak with Crying Horse. What did you tell him?"

"That he cannot leave, of course. First I was angry with him for hurting Severus, but Severus assured me that Crying Horse had no idea that he had injured him until they were back here. He just wanted to stop Severus from running off to where ever for doing whatever. I think he handled the whole situation very well, but he doesn't listen to me. He thinks he hurt Severus and blames the whole disaster of the last evening on himself."

"If I should need Rose, could you take over for her with Aiden and Melissa? They could help you with..."

"I think I'm capable of keeping the two busy." She smiled at her husband, glad that he was back to his reasonable and calm self.

"Good, then Crying Horse first," Light Arrow said determined, and went to the house.

-II-

"He is packing. Rose is beside herself, but she refused to cancel the lessons with Aiden and Melissa. Draco is in his room. He knows something is wrong. Red Horse and I took turns in going to him to calm him. I said to Red Horse that he shall start his trip with Draco to the wild horses as soon as you are back. I hope that is okay with you."

"Yes, that would be for the best. I think I should first speak with Crying Horse. What did you tell him?"

"That he cannot leave, of course. First I was angry with him for hurting Severus, but Severus assured me that Crying Horse had no idea that he had injured him until they were back here. He just wanted to stop Severus from running off to where ever for doing whatever. I think he handled the whole situation very well, but he doesn't listen to me. He thinks he hurt Severus and blames the whole disaster of the last evening on himself."

"If I should need Rose, could you take over for her with Aiden and Melissa? They could help you with..."

"I think I'm capable of keeping the two busy." She smiled at her husband, glad that he was back to his reasonable and calm self.

"Good, then Crying Horse first," Light Arrow said determined, and went to the house.

-II-

"What are you doing?" Light Arrow asked when he stepped into the room. The wards were down, so he could step into the room even so Crying Horse hadn't answered the door.

"Packing. That's what you wanted me to do since I came here," Crying Horse said, not turning to the old man. His big suitcase was already brimful, and he tried to rearrange things to get the lid to shut.

"I wanted you to go because I was worried you would break over what you would see here. I definitely didn't want you to go because you think you did something wrong. Have you spoken with Severus?"

"What's there to talk about. The doc says his muscles and sinews are damaged because of me. There is no excuse for that."

"You brought them back in one piece, Crying Horse. Do you have any idea what could have happened if you hadn't stopped him? You know that Severus often becomes violent against himself when he is drinking. I have many scenarios in my head how that could have ended. A damaged shoulder is nothing compared to that. I would bet that Severus sees it like me."

Crying Horse had stopped his packing, obviously thinking about Light Arrow's words. Then he shook his head and started to pull a few shirts out of the suitcase and tried to close the lid again. "Nevertheless I hurt him, and I didn't even realize it. You were not there. I know what I did and how I did it. It was too much."

"Crying Horse, you are unreasonable."

"No, I'm not. What if it had been one of the kids?" Now he turned around, and Light Arrow could see his face. It was exactly the face he always feared to see if the young man broke. It was obvious that Crying Horse had been crying and maybe the still pulsating vein at his neck and the red dots on his face and throat, were a result of a verbal battle with Rose. Surely Light Arrow's daughter would have not just let her husband go.

"We are not speaking about the kids. You never hurt one of them, and I'm very certain you will never do it on purpose. We are speaking about your brothers, and as I see it you rescued them from a much worse fates then a damaged shoulder and a hangover. You weren't living here when Black Hawk finally came back, or better, when I needed to get him back here. It was one of the hardest days in my life, seeing that boy so broken. He cannot handle any kind of drugs, illegal or legal. You stopped both of them from getting themselves in more trouble and pain. I, for my part, am very proud of you and very thankful."

Crying Horse just stood there and shook his head, a painful grimace in his face. "You have no idea how much I hoped all the years to hear this from you. To be accepted in this family. I wanted to hear you praise me for my work here, or for being a good husband for Rose, but not for something I did really wrong, a big mistake." Tears formed in his eyes, and he quickly turned away.

"For me that wasn't a mistake. Maybe it doesn't help you, but I can tell you that if Red Horse or Rose would have been on your stead, Severus and Black Hawk would feel much more sorry now. You were actually very considerable with them. You trouble yourself about something that isn't worth it. You are willing to give up your life with your wife and your job and your family here, without even speaking with Severus? That's not the man I got to know over the last eight years."

Crying Horse knelt down in front of his suitcase. "I'm not leaving Rose, she is leaving me," he whispered brokenly.

"What does that mean?" Light Arrow asked, worried, from his position at the door.

"I asked her to come with me, but she refused. I understand that, but not-" Crying Horse's shoulders started to shake. "Not that she wants to leave me completely when I go."

Light Arrow sighed and went over to the broken man. He laid a hand on the younger man's shoulder, but didn't force him to turn around. "My daughter is a fire cracker sometimes. You should know that. She was in a bad mood this morning, and I fear she just exploded when you tried to talk with her. She didn't mean what she said. I know my daughter. She loves you deeply. Obviously she thought you wouldn't leave if she blackmails you like that."

Crying Horse shook his head in deep misery.

"Let's make a deal, Crying Horse. You will go and speak with Severus and Black Hawk, and I will speak with Rose. I don't want you to go, but I can't hold you back. I don't really pay you, and so I can't even ask you to wait until I get a replacement for you here. It would be useless anyway. Now that I finally realized that you belong here and are strong enough, you want to leave. Maybe my little hints of giving you more and more important jobs, even the ceremonial jobs, weren't specific enough. I'm sorry that I failed you. I just didn't know how to tell you directly. You know Black Hawk will always be my right hand, nothing can change that. He will take over that camp one day, but he will need a right hand as well. You proved to me that you could be that right hand. You would balance him out quite well. You are cheerful and social where he often is too thoughtful and solitary. He needs someone to bring him back to reality when he is overdoing things. Red Horse can do the rest, but he doesn't want to be dragged too much into the leadership of the camp. He prefers to stay in the background. Severus will never stay forever, he wills to live an independent life, never binding himself to the camp like you did. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this before now." He squeezed the shoulder of the now crying young man. "Please talk with Severus. I will talk with Rose so that she will at least say good-bye if you still want to go then. You shouldn't part like that."

Crying Horse gulped the lump in his throat down and nodded. "I love her so much," he whispered hoarsely.

"I know, and she loves you even more. Believe me," Light Arrow said softly.

X-X

"Oh Merlin, thank you, thank you, thank you," Black Hawk chanted as soon as he had crossed the small distance between him and Crying Horse when the other man had entered the room. He was hugging Crying Horse tightly and patted his back forcefully. "Damn I don't want to think about what would have happened if you hadn't stopped me. If I had convinced Night Rain to drink, I would have never forgiven myself." He cupped the face of the shocked Crying Horse in his hand and kissed him on the forehead. "But you were there, my brother. Right there to rescue me from my stupidity. What would I have done without you?"

The last word made Crying Horse's heart hurt. They finally saw him as a part of their family now when he needed to leave.

"Let the poor man breathe, Black Hawk, or he won't ever be able to rescue us again," Severus said from his bed. When Black Hawk had let go of Crying Horse and the man was facing Severus, he went on, "I would come over and thank you as well, maybe not as enthusiastically as our stupid brother over there, but... you know." The perplexed expression on Crying Horse's face made Severus wonder. "What wrong with you?"

Crying Horse's eyes wandered to Severus' shoulder. "I hurt you!"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, you know I'm quite good in dealing with pain. That was nothing. Especially nothing compared to what would have happened if you had let me go." Severus laughed uneasily. "You caught me really off guard, you know? If you would have tried to force me magically in the car, I would have deflected anything with no effort and I would be in a lot of trouble and pain now. Pain that couldn't be dealt as easily with as the pain here." He pointed at his shoulder. "I'm very thankful that you spared me that."

"Yeah, now you are a real brother. Everyone of the family has rescued another member once." He patted Crying Horse's back again.

"Is something wrong?" Severus asked. Crying Horse definitely looked odd. "Did Light Arrow give you any trouble? Don't listen to what he said, we will speak with him."

Crying Horse looked from one to another and then breathed in deeply. "I was coming to say good-bye."

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Severus and Black Hawk looked shocked at Crying Horse, and the young man wished he could just leave.

"Are you crazy?" Black Hawk asked when he found his voice again. "What are you talking about?"

"Is it because of us? Are you mad at us? Come on, you can't leave the camp or, Merlin, Rose because you are mad at us," Severus said, puzzled.

"She broke up with me."

"You are crazy. You must have hit your head, Crying Horse. My sister would never break up with you. She is so deeply in love with you that her heart would stop beating the moment you leave her," Black Hawk said, dumbfounded.

"Let the man explain, Black Hawk," Severus said and stood up to go over to them, bed rest or not.

Crying Horse sighed. "I hurt you, Severus. That's inexcusable. I should have realized that I damaged your shoulder, but I was too busy to getting you two back without getting you two in more trouble. I can't stay here, knowing I hurt you without noticing and helping you. I asked Rose to come with me, to find a new home. I never asked her to break relations with you all or stop working here, I just wanted her to come with me. Then she said she won't come with me, and if I left, she would want a divorce." Immediately tears formed in his eyes again, but with Severus and Black Hawk he didn't try to turn away. He had seen the two men break down several times and knew that they wouldn't look oddly at him. In front of them he didn't need to play strong.

"Of course she said that because she can't live without you, you stupid moron. I thought I'm the idiot of the camp," Black Hawk said and pulled the younger man in a hug. "She was just desperate. Believe me, I know my stubborn little sister. Her heart is so tightly connected with you that she couldn't stand you living somewhere else. She needs you here. This camp is her family, and she loves to work here; you can't ask her to give that up. It would be like capturing a free bird in a small cage. She would never be happy living outside the camp, but she would follow you the second she realizes that you really left. This family is important for her, don't hurt her by forcing her to leave because of you. There is no reason for leaving at all. I have no clue what's going on in your head." He smacked Crying Horse on the head while the man still cried in his shoulder. "We are kissing your feet for rescuing us, and you think about leaving."

"I would have phrased it differently, but in the end it would have been the same. You can't leave, Crying Horse. There is no reason for that. You should speak with Light Arrow. I'm sure he also doesn't want you to leave. Didn't you realize that he tried to tell you that you belong to the family by giving you so many important tasks lately?"

Crying Horse sighed. "I know, but still it feels so wrong that I hurt you."

"Nonsense. I'm used to pain. I can handle it. That's nothing compared to what I have experienced before."

"That doesn't mean you can go against you doc's advice, my boy," Light Arrow said from the door. "Back into your bed."

Immediately the mood of Black Hawk and Severus turned from comforting to being afraid of what would come now.

Black Hawk had let go of Crying Horse and backed away further into the room while Severus went back to his bed.

"Rose is waiting for you in your room," Light Arrow said. When Crying Horse passed him, he grabbed for his arm. "I still hope you will stay. We all need you, and I think you need us as well. We are your family."

Crying Horse looked miserably at Light Arrow. He wished he could stay, but how would it look now after he already said he would leave. He didn't say anything and just left the room when Light Arrow let go of his arm.

"Quite some trouble you two caused," Light Arrow said dangerously and eyed his two trouble makers seriously.

Black Hawk felt very ill. He couldn't remember when he had felt like that the last time. Severus also felt very nervous, but he wasn't as afraid of Light Arrow as Black Hawk. He still had another life to go back to, even so it would be quite painful to not be allowed to come back here. For Black Hawk it would be like a death sentence.

"I hope your sister will be able to convince Crying Horse to stay. So what do you two have to say to me?"

Black Hawk looked down. He had gone over the words he wanted to say to the old man the whole morning. Forming sentences that he thought would be good and to show Light Arrow how much he regretted what he had done, but now he couldn't speak. His head was suddenly empty and he wasn't able to speak at all.

Severus didn't know where to start, and so he also just looked down.

Light Arrow stood there for a long time, saying nothing, letting his two sons squirm in anticipation of what would come. "I think you two know exactly what you have done wrong. There is no need to talk with you about it. I think if Crying Horse really leaves, you will have a punishment that is much worse than you deserve. I hope for everyone's sake, yours especially, that this won't happen. If he doesn't leave hopefully you two will have learned a lot out of that whole affair. All I ask you to do is to go into the town and apologize to Lou, the landlord of the pub you were in. You don't have to do it, but I think it would be the right thing to do, and I would advice you two to do it as a sabbatical walk, but it is just a suggestion. I have to stop treating you like one of the kids. You are adults and need to be allowed to have your own mistakes and decide what's right and what isn't. If you decide to follow my advice to do the sabbatical walk, you need to wait for Severus' shoulder to be healed. Just let me know in advance so I can arrange that your tasks here will be done by someone else while you are away. It should take you three days if you go fast. That's all I have to say." With that, he left the room.

Severus and Black Hawk stared at the door for several second and then stared at each other for several more seconds.

"Who was that, and what has he done with Dad?" Black Hawk asked, shocked.

"Yes, that was quite scary. I would have expected everything but not that. Mom must have manipulated him in some way," Severus replied. "Maybe she drugged him."

"I hate sabbatical walks."

"Me, too, but the way he suggested it, we can't decline it."

"No," Black Hawk said, defeated. "I hope your shoulder will need some time to heal then."

The corner of Severus' mouth twitched. "You are an idiot, Black Hawk." He grabbed for his cushion and threw it at his brother. The pain in his shoulder made him wince.

"Go on like that, and you'll make my wish happen," Black Hawk said, amused, but refrained from throwing the cushion back, in fear he would hurt Severus.

"Do you think Crying Horse will stay?"

"Sure. He can't leave Rose, and she can't leave him. Maybe they are making up already."

"I hope so, but I'm sure Rose will find the right words."

"Or other things," Black Hawk said, grinning.

"Damn, you are an idiot, Black Hawk."

"Yeah, but you love me exactly like I am." Black Hawk sat down beside Severus, grinning at him.

"So it's the sabbatical for us again," Severus said, defeated. "I hate to depend on hunting. That will slow us down and the sabbatical will last even longer."

"Yeah, but I hate to only eat plants and berries," Black Hawk replied. "We are doomed."

"You're so right, brother."

-II-

"Do you think Crying Horse will stay?"

"Sure. He can't leave Rose, and she can't leave him. Maybe they are making up already."

"I hope so, but I'm sure Rose will find the right words."

"Or other things," Black Hawk said, grinning.

"Damn, you are an idiot, Black Hawk."

"Yeah, but you love me exactly like I am." Black Hawk sat down beside Severus, grinning at him.

"So it's the sabbatical for us again," Severus said, defeated. "I hate to depend on hunting. That will slow us down and the sabbatical will last even longer."

"Yeah, but I hate to only eat plants and berries," Black Hawk replied. "We are doomed."

"You're so right, brother."

-II-

"Wow, they look beautiful," Draco said when he looked at the wild horse group from a hill. The medication for his diarrhea had helped and now he could enjoy the ride with Red Horse. "How many are there?"

"It should be sixteen. Wait a moment, and let me count them." After a few seconds, Red Horse said. "Yes, they are all there. Do you see the black one a bit away from the rest? That's Roan, the lead stallion. He is smelling us."

"Can we go closer?"

"No, if we need to have a closer look at them, we need more people to hold them at bay. Otherwise they would just flee. We are just here to check if they are still all alive and if they are healthy. Would you like to help me?"

"What can I do?"

"Watch them and tell me if you see a horse that behaves strange or limps."

"Okay," Draco said and watched the herd closely.

"Did you see anything abnormal?" Red Horse asked after ten minutes.

"No," Draco said a bit disappointed. He had hoped to be a big help to Red Horse.

The older man laughed. "And you are disappointed about that?"

"I hoped I could help you." Now that he realized that it would have meant that one of the horses was ill, he felt stupid. "I didn't want one of them to be ill."

Red Horse smiled at Draco. "I know you don't want them to be ill, and you helped me a lot. Four eyes see more than just two. How about we ride over to the river and make a fire to heat our meal." White Cloud had given them some stew and bread to eat during their trip.

Draco looked skeptically at Red Horse's saddle-bag. "Do you have anything with you?"

"Sure, are you doubting my outdoor skills?" He smiled again and then gave Rolling the signal to move again.

Draco followed him, and at the river, Red Horse asked him to take care of the horses, so he could already start with the fire. That was no problem for Draco as he had started to love the horses. Rolling was a very calm horse, and was quite strong. He was a brown and white quarter-horse with a beautiful long mane. There were two raven feathers plait into it and colorful wooden pearls were decorating their keels.

"Good boy," Draco said to Rolling and pet his head when he tightened the leash on a thick branch. Unega looked puzzled at Draco, obviously wondering why he was taking care of someone else than himself. Draco laughed. "Are you jealous, Unega?" He patted the horse and got a snort as a reply. When he led Unega over to the river to let him drink, he slipped out of his shoes and socks and lead Unega into the river where it was shallow. The water was wonderfully cool against his feet, and he wished he could go swimming.

When he finally positioned Unega beside Rolling, he went over to Red Horse. The campfire was alight and the small pot of stew was placed over it.

"It will need some time. How about we go swimming?" Red Horse suggested.

"I don't have my swimming trunks with me."

"There is nobody here. We can go swimming in our underwear. They will dry in the sun afterward."

The water really had felt great to his feet before, and Red Horse already had seen him in his underwear during the sweat lodge. For some unknown reason he trusted the man even more than Black Hawk and Crying Horse. "Okay," Draco said still a bit uncertain.

Draco regret that he had decided to wear briefs today, but he felt much more comfortable in them while riding than in boxers. His insecurity vanished when he saw Red Horse's boxer shorts.

"Don't laugh; I like them," Red Horse said and went into the river. It looked a bit ridiculous to see the strong, muscular man in boxers with little horses on them. At least it lightened Draco's insecure mood, and he ran into the river grinning madly. They played around, splashed water at each other, and challenged each other who could stay under water longer than the other one. When they came out of the water Red Horse threw a towel at Draco. "I hate to wear wet underwear, so turn away if it makes you uncomfortable when I change out of them and wrap the towel around me. I tell you when it is safe to turn again. You can do what you want. Let the briefs on to dry or wrap the towel around you and let them dry on a branch in the sun like I'll do." With that he turned away from Draco and started to dry himself.

Draco turned away and quickly thought about what he should do. When he had dried himself, he looked over his shoulders. Red Horse had already told him that he had finished. The man was still with his back to him and busied himself at the campfire. Draco wrapped the towel around his waist like Red Horse had done and then pulled his briefs off and placed them beside Red Horse's on the branch directly in the sun.

"The stew is ready," Red Horse said and gave Draco a bowl with steaming strew. "The bread is over there." He pointed at the bread loaf close to the fire. The bread was warm as well and tasted delicious. After the meal their underwear wasn't dry, so they just sat beside each other and looked at the river.

"Doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable when people see you... you know... naked?" Draco asked and blushed deeply, even though he had tried everything to prevent it.

"For a long time I felt very uncomfortable, and I prefer to be clothed, but I trust you. I wouldn't feel that comfortable with anyone here in the camp either, you know? Just my brothers and Mom and Dad."

"And me," Draco whispered.

"Yes."

"Do you think I won't care one day as well?"

Red Horse shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows. Everyone is different. It doesn't matter if you will or not. You need to do what makes you feel best. Many people feel uncomfortable to be in their underwear around others. That's normal."

"Yes, but it is different than before... you know."

"Yes, I know, but it will become less disturbing. You will learn that not all people are leering after you or staring at your scars, but even if not, it is still okay. There is no need to be around others in underwear very often. Only when you have a girlfriend or are in the sweat lodge or go swimming. It wasn't that bad in the river, was it?"

"No, but just because it was you. I don't want anyone to see me in my underwear. Only with Harry and Severus I don't care. They know me very well, and they don't care about the scars."

"Everyone here has scars, Draco. Some are visible and others are not. The ones you can't see are often the worst."

"But some are proud of their scars. I know Harry is."

"Yeah, maybe, but still he would prefer to not have them, and I'm quite sure he has a lot of that invisible scars as well."

Draco didn't say anything for a long time, and Red Horse just sat beside him silently. Finally Draco felt confident enough. "You... it happened to you as well, right?"

"The rape?"

Draco nodded, holding his breath.

"Yes, but it is a long time ago, and I learned that it was a part of my life and now it is much better, and I'm the one who decides how much the past is able to influence me. I feel safe here, even though many new kids come and go. I don't have to talk with them, if I don't want to. Nobody will hurt me here, and now I know I can defend myself and say no. It's not the same as it was for you, Draco."

"I also didn't say no in the end," Draco whispered. "I let them use me. I was their whore."

"No you weren't. Whore are selling their body willingly to someone. You didn't do that. They forced you, even if you gave up fighting. As long as you didn't want it and didn't ask for it, they had no right to do it. It was rape. Not saying anything in the end was just one way to survive. You were smart and found a way to survive, Draco. You should be proud of yourself."

Draco looked totally puzzled at Red Horse. He never had seen it like that. He felt sick every time he remembered how he had done anything they said to make it less painful, to not give them any reason to hurt him more. He had spread his legs willingly, but just to lessen the pain, not to allow them to use him. What other choice did he have? Struggling would have meant more pain and more scars. "That's an odd way to see it."

"That's how I see it. You're still alive. I'm glad about it. I'm sure you will find a way to enjoy life again one day. I think you even realized already that there is still much to live for, even with scars and those horrible memories. You need to speak about them and then accept them as one part of your life. A part that lays in the past and you need to let go of all the bad feelings. Do you want to know how I did it?"

Draco nodded eagerly.

"First, I burned them every time when we had a sweat lodge. One bad memory after another. You know the third round is for saying good-bye to things you need to let go. It helped, but it needed some time. Then Light Arrow rode to the river with me, and he said I should gather a few very ugly and heavy stones. I did without knowing why. When I had gathered four, he told me to stop. Four is a holly number for all American Natives, you know? It stands for the four points of the compass and their elements: fire, water, soil and air. Then he told me to take one stone, look at it, and tell him a bad memory I really would like to forget. He told me to name the stone after it, and if I feel better by telling the stone my memory, then I could do that. I did. It was easier to not look at Light Arrow and just the ugly stone. I named it after people I hated and who had hurt me a lot, and I placed a memory of that person in the stone as well. What they had done to me and how I felt about it. After that, Light Arrow said I should throw the stone with the memory as far into the river as possible. The splash when it hit the surface was great, and I imagined how that stone slowly sank down to the river, burying that memory with it. With some work I could leave them behind, but some hound me down again, mostly in nightmares. We went again to the river, but at another place, and I buried some more memories. That time it was even easier to place the memories in the stone, and I could look at Light Arrow for some times. After a while the memories faded, now they are just shadows of my past."

Draco had listened fascinated and looked in awe at Red Horse.

"Would you like to do it as well? I'm sure we can find some ugly stones here."

Draco bit his bottom lip nervously. It had sounded very good when Red Horse had told him about it. If it had worked for the man, maybe it could work for him as well. "I could try."

Red Horse smiled at him. "Then look for four really ugly stones while I put out the fire and pack our things. I think it is better we dress before we do the stone burying."

Draco quickly dressed and then looked enthusiastically for stones. He found some really odd ones. Not ugly, but some with sharp ends or broken ones.

"Do you have enough?"

Draco nodded nervously.

"Lets sit down over there." Light Arrow led Draco to a fallen tree close to the shore. "When you are ready, place the memory of a certain event or person that hurt you in the stone by telling me about it. Try to stay calm and don't let it hurt you too much again. It's just a memory, Draco. The reason for this is to take away the power of your memories hurting you. They are in your past and shouldn't be able to hurt you again or hinder you from having a happy life. I'm here. You are safe."

Draco nodded, took one stone and breathed in deeply. "Lestrange. H... He was one of the Death Eaters who tortured us and raped me. He was the first one to rape me. It was the second day of our capture. He touched me everywhere, and I felt so sick. He first tried to get me hard, to humiliate me, but I was too afraid and ashamed. Never could I have become... never. He grabbed me hard down there when he realized his tactic wasn't working. It hurt a lot. He... he..." Draco's breath became harsher, and he felt a lump building in his throat.

"I'm here, Draco. You are safe. He will never hurt you again. It's in the past." Red Horse laid his big hand in his neck to support Draco. "If it becomes too much just place a small part of the memory in the stone."

Draco shook his head. "No, it must be the whole memory. I can do that." He breathed a few times deeply. "He..." Draco looked at Red Horse. "Are you sure it is okay for you when I say it? Won't you feel..." Tears ran down Draco's cheeks, and he could hardly speak because it felt as someone was squeezing his throat tightly.

"Feel what, Draco? I don't know what you are afraid of at the moment. What do you think I would feel when you place the memory in the stone?"

"I fear you won't like me after it. Maybe you'll think I'm a freak." Ashamed, Draco looked down.

Gently Red Horse lifted Draco's chin. "You are no freak. The people that hurt you are freaks. Nothing you say could make me not like you. I have been raped over years by my father and his friends. Do you think less of me now that you know that? Do you think I'm a freak because I was too afraid to say no to them? Do you think I'm a freak because after several times of pleading them to stop, I just started to lay there without moving and let them hurt me? Do you think it was my fault because I was too weak to fight them, to afraid to even try to tell someone?"

Draco had shook his head vehemently the whole time Red Horse asked that questions, and he was sobbing wildly now. "No, I wouldn't. I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry about. If you don't think less of me after knowing that, and if you don't think I'm a freak, then don't expect me to think something bad like that and don't think something like that about yourself. It was not your fault. Nothing!"

Draco's lips were almost bleeding now, he had bitten them that much. "I did something very bad." It left his lips before he could stop himself. He let the stone fall and after shaking uncertainly he finally let himself drop into Red Horse's arms. "I thought something very, very bad."

"Shhh, Draco. What did you think?"

"I asked myself why only me." He looked at Red Horse, his face showing so much pain. "Why me? I hated that it just was me."

"Draco, they hurt you very, very badly. It is no wonder you hoped they would have spared you. It's a survival reaction of your mind. You don't need to feel bad about me. I often asked myself why the friends of my father couldn't hurt one of their kids. They had kids. They sometimes spoke about them. How they had earned a special reward in school or a trophy in some kind of sport. I hoped they would find another victim and spare me the pain. I also wished for someone else to feel the pain and not me. Don't feel bad for it."

"But it would have been one of my friends. That's much worse, Red Horse. It could have been Harry." Draco hid his head in Red Horse's shoulder and cried harder.

"That makes no difference in situations like that, Draco. You wanted to live and for the pain to stop. They were just your thoughts not your acts. You didn't push Harry in their arms or tried to convince them to hurt him."

Draco shook his head. No, he would have never done that, he was sure, but why did he had have those horrible thoughts then? "But Harry always tried to make them stop by offering himself for torture and rape. He was so much stronger than me."

"You are not Harry. It's useless to compare yourself with him. It didn't help, did it?" When Draco shook his head, he went on. "See. It was just making them more happy. They knew exactly what would hurt you all the most. Some the torture, some the rape and some to watch helplessly while their friends got hurt. It's all about using power and having power over someone. Rape is not real sex, Draco. It is violence. Sick people force others to have sex with them. The victims aren't sick. They just try to find a way to survive. Any way is okay, Draco. If your mind felt better by thinking that it was so unfair that it was only you, then that is okay. You didn't hurt anyone with that. Absolutely nobody."

That made Draco think. Red Horse was right. He didn't hurt Neville, Ron or Harry. He never had spoken out his thoughts. He never had ask the Death Eaters to hurt his friends instead of himself. He was one hundred percent certain that he would have never spoken them out; he would have preferred to die before he would have done that. It wasn't his fault they were hurt and that two of them died. Nobody was hurt by his shameful thoughts. Slowly Draco looked up and in Red Horse's face. "You really think so? I'm not bad because of that?"

Red Horse shook his head. "No, you are not bad."

Exhausted, but so relieved he laid down against Red Horse's chest. The older man drew calming circles for a long time onto his back, before he spoke again. "We can do the stone drowning another day if you want. You don't need to do it today."

"But I want to. At least that one I already started." He paused shortly still laying against Red Horse's chest, listening to the man's heartbeat. "Or do I have to do all four?"

"No, you don't have to. You can just do that one if you want."

Draco nodded and grabbed for the stone. Then he leaned back against Red Horse chest. "Lestrange. He... he grabbed me down there very, very hard. It hurt so much. I never felt a pain like that before. I thought he would rip them of. I still can hear his evil laugh."

"Try to place that laugh in the stone. Transform it into the stone mentally," Red Horse said calmly.

Draco nodded. "I think that is enough memory for the stone, don't you think?"

"Only you can say, Draco. If it feels as if it is complete then it is."

Draco nodded again, but then was unsure what to do.

"Let's stand up. Show the stone that you can live without it. Straight, with your chest out and confident. Show the stone that it can't hurt you anymore and then throw it in the river."

The stone in his hand was heavy, and Draco felt its weight by moving it a few times up and down. He again tried to imagine that memory, Lestrange, the pain, the evil laughs and that feeling of fear to being damaged forever in the stone. He could feel the stone become even more heavy. That gave him confidence that he was successful. It had worked for Red Horse and it could work for him as well. With all his strength he threw the stone far into the river. Red Horse had been right. That sound it made while hitting the surface was so satisfying. It was as if Draco could feel it in his chest. Then he imagine how Lestrange and all the pain was sinking to the ground of the river, captured in that stone. Draco felt light and had the feeling he could breath much better now. It just felt amazing.

-II-

"Try to place that laugh in the stone. Transform it into the stone mentally," Red Horse said calmly.

Draco nodded. "I think that is enough memory for the stone, don't you think?"

"Only you can say, Draco. If it feels as if it is complete then it is."

Draco nodded again, but then was unsure what to do.

"Let's stand up. Show the stone that you can live without it. Straight, with your chest out and confident. Show the stone that it can't hurt you anymore and then throw it in the river."

The stone in his hand was heavy, and Draco felt its weight by moving it a few times up and down. He again tried to imagine that memory, Lestrange, the pain, the evil laughs and that feeling of fear to being damaged forever in the stone. He could feel the stone become even more heavy. That gave him confidence that he was successful. It had worked for Red Horse and it could work for him as well. With all his strength he threw the stone far into the river. Red Horse had been right. That sound it made while hitting the surface was so satisfying. It was as if Draco could feel it in his chest. Then he imagine how Lestrange and all the pain was sinking to the ground of the river, captured in that stone. Draco felt light and had the feeling he could breath much better now. It just felt amazing.

-II-

During a slow part of their journey back to the camp, Draco asked Red Horse about something he had wondered for a while now. "How come most of the horses have English names and only mine has a Cherokee name. Okay Harry's has both."

"All the horses in the camp have an English name and a Cherokee name. It's just that most of us prefer the English names. I'm no Cherokee, and even though I really care for all the ceremonies I learned during living here, I don't care as much as to call my horse Gasoqualesgv. It's just too long. Only the wild horses keep their original name that the former owners gave them. You already now that they all are from people that didn't treat them well. Their old names are often linked with bad memories and pain. Therefore each horse gets a new name here. A Cherokee name, the English name is just the translation for it. Unega is very short therefore we all call him by his Cherokee name. White just doesn't sound as good for a name. Unega sounds better, don't you think?"

First Draco shrugged, but then he said, "Yeah, I think so." After thinking for a while, Draco exclaimed, "But what about Maude. That hasn't any real meaning, has it?"

"Oh, you got me. Yes, Maude, is the only horse that never got another name. She was the horse of White Cloud's best friend, who died five years ago during a car accident. She doesn't have any bad memories linked to her name, only good ones. So we decided to let her keep her name."

"Oh." What else could Draco say to that. "Why does Severus have a Cherokee name?"

"Every child that lives here will be asked if they want to participate in a naming ceremony. There everyone will discuss about a good name, and many suggestions will be made and reasons for that name will be discussed. In the end we all need to agree on one name. The child himself doesn't have a chance to decide. Light Arrow and White Cloud often decide for old meanings. Lately they are a bit lenient and often let us younger people decide, so the names have more meaning for the kids. When I got my name, it was only Light Arrow, White Cloud and two other old men who discussed it. All very traditional. At that time the other kids weren't allowed to take part at the decision. When Severus and Black Hawk got their names, the other kids already were allowed to decide as well. So they have modern names."

"I don't really see a difference between your names."

Red Horse laughed. "What does Red Horse mean for you?" The blank expression on Draco's face was answer enough, and Red Horse laughed even harder. "See? So what does Night Rain mean to you in comparison to Severus."

Draco shrugged. "He is dark and mysterious, so the night could stand for that. And rain... hmm... maybe because he is moody and sometimes depressed. Maybe he even was more depressed as a teenager. He once told me that he wasn't a happy teenager and that he had problems with his father. He indicated that his father was the reason why he was here." Draco could see that this topic made Red Horse feel uncomfortable. "I'm not asking you to tell me about Severus' reasons to be here back then. Just tell me about his name."

"You already proved that I was right by saying Severus has a more modern name. You made very good assumptions about the meaning of his Native American name. Red Horse has an old meaning, more traditional. Red stands for power and energy, and the horse stands for freedom and strength. Quite boring, and I wished I would have gotten a more interesting name, but I got used to it and now I'm just Red Horse."

"What is your real name?"

"Red Horse."

Draco watched the man and realized again that he must have hit a painful topic. "Oh."

Red Horse sighed. "Draco, I'm not used to talking much, you know. I'm confused that I even feel comfortable enough to do it with you. Until now, and that really means since I came here, I only spoke with my parents here and my brothers and Rose." He paused shortly. "Of course I had another name, the one my biological parents gave me, but I burned it in one of the sweat lodge fires because it was linked with only bad memories."

"I understand. I'm sorry that I always ask such stupid questions. I don't want to hurt you." Sadly, Draco looked down at his hands.

"You don't hurt me. Light Arrow always says I need to learn to open up to others. Maybe you even teach me some things and help me develop my character."

That made Draco look up, surprised. After a while he decided it would be best to go on talking about a safe topic. "What about Black Hawk? What does his name mean?"

"He is the most traditional of all the kids who ever had been here, I think. He insisted to get a more traditional name, even so I think it has more meaning for outsiders than mine. Black stands for mysterious, hard to understand people, sometimes even for dangerous. The Hawk stands for purposefulness, but also for riskiness and being hotheaded. I was not there when he got his name, but he is very proud about his name and tells anyone who wants to hear about the meaning of his name. A hawk waits and waits to find a prey. When he has it on focus, he doesn't let go; no matter what happens. If a dangerous animal jumps close to the prey it doesn't matter, he would just attack anyway. Black Hawk is very proud of that, even so I think nobody else shares his enthusiasm about that lovely attribute of him."

Draco grinned. "He is very similar to Harry. I think Harry should have the hawk in his name as well. His totem already is a hawk."

"I'm not sure. I think Harry wouldn't want a Native American name at all. Of what I know of him he is very proud of his name. Getting a Native American name here is just an option and not all kids want it. Mostly it helps those who want to forget their old names. I never learned Black Hawk's old name, and I would advice you to not ask him as well. Some things are just too painful to discuss and it isn't really that important, is it?"

"No." Again Draco felt uncomfortable. "Light Arrow's real name is Joseph, right? White Cloud sometimes calls him like that."

Red Horse grins. "Yeah, she does and it never fails its purpose. He knows exactly that something isn't right when she uses it."

"And White Cloud? Can you tell me her name?"

"Sarah. Her name is Sarah."

"Who gave them their Native name then?"

"Their clan of course. At the time they were born all children needed to be named in English, but when a boy hunted his first prey or a woman got... you know... her first menstruation they were named again the Cherokee way."

"What does their names mean then?"

"Light is a very holy name. Light Arrow got it because before he went for his first hunt, he asked all the old hunters about the correct ritual to free the soul out of a hunted animal. When he shot his first turkey, he muttered two different rituals to just be sure he had apologized to the animal for dying for him and had freed the soul from the dead body. That made him special and his clan members were sure that he would be a great medicine man and important member of the council of elders one day. Arrow was added for the item that showed them his destiny."

"Wow."

Red Horse just smiled. "White also stands for someone with great abilities and it stands for wisdom. White Cloud knew more than any other child in her clan and never stopped to ask more questions and wanted to hear more tales. Cloud was added for her temper. It can rank from one extreme to the other, but it often becomes very clear from the outside what will come. She can't hide her feelings well."

"Those are cool meanings. And you said the old traditional names are boring."

"I spoke about the old names we got here in the camp. Maybe I just don't really understand why they chose that name for me. I can't really explain it. Now I like it, so there is no need to trouble our minds about it."

"I think I would love to get a Native American name. When will they ask me if I want one?"

"When you hunted your first prey or if you decide against hunting-"

"I will go hunting. As soon as we are allowed." Draco looked determined. That was a thing where he could prove that he was a man.

After around ten minutes of silence, Red Horse thought the topic was finally closed.

"You know what's funny?"

Red Horse looked questioningly at Draco.

"The most cheerful person in the camp has the word crying in his name and the daughter of the two most traditional persons of the camp is just called by her English name."

"Not really. First, Crying doesn't have to mean what you understand under crying. It also stands for battle cries. The meaning of horse you already know. But you need to know that Crying Horse didn't get his name in the camp. He is a Lakota and for them hunting and fighting was more important than for Cherokees. That reflects in their name giving as well. As for Rose, she never needed another name. She was happy with her first and it has so much meaning because it was given with so much love that she wouldn't feel comfortable getting a second one."

"That makes sense. Thanks for telling me this all." Draco smiled insecurely at Red Horse.

"Thanks for telling me what you told me at the river. It means a lot to me that you opened up to me."

"I feel much better." Draco blushed. "It's as if I'm a few pounds lighter now."

Red Horse smiled back. "Maybe we should do it again one day or you do it with Light Arrow."

Draco shrugged. "Maybe."

"Whenever you feel ready for it."

X-X

"So Hermione will come tomorrow?" Harry asked, puzzled. It was two in the afternoon and Professor Karley had just left.

"Yes, and Professor Dumbledore will bring her. So if you don't want to see him, you need to stay in your room until Light Arrow calls you. He says it is your decision."

"What about Draco?" Harry didn't have time to speak with his friend much. They only were allowed to speak shortly after supper because Draco was meant to rest. His diarrhea had worsened in the evening. So Harry just knew that Hermione would come and that Draco was meant to clear things with Hermione.

"What about him?"

"You know what sucks?"

"Harry," Severus said warningly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I hardly had time to speak with Draco. I don't even know what was really wrong with him that made him stop writing to Hermione. We are best friends, and I feel bad that I hadn't time to talk with him. Now he has the whole day off with Red Horse and nobody knows when he will come back." Harry pouted.

"You had school until now, Harry. You wouldn't have had time for a talk anyway."

"Of course I would've. My lessons started at ten. Why don't you tell me what was wrong with him?"

"Because I also don't go to Draco and tell him all the secrets you once told me or what had been discussed in the therapy sessions. That's private."

Harry blushed, but still made a pouting face.

Severus sighed. "I'm sure they will be back soon and you two will have enough time to talk then."

"But what if not?"

"Then you won't die from it, Harry, and you two can talk with each other while Ms. Granger is here as well. It's not as if she will chain herself at Draco's leg. Knowing her, Draco will have quite some work to pry her out of the library and stop her from piling the others with questions."

Harry needed to grin. "Yeah, she already was very interested in Rose's magic."

"See. Exactly what I said. So lets change the topic. How are you lessons going? Any progress in your wandless magic?"

"Yes," Harry said, excited. "It's really cool. I learned more on how to measure the amount of magic I need to let free. Professor Karley will speak with Light Arrow about letting me go to school completely, and on Wednesday he will shadow walk with me to the school, so I can train in his battle room."

Severus looked seriously at Harry. "Don't get too excited about it, Harry. It will be Light Arrow's decision if Issac is allowed to do that. Your teacher sometimes has the tendency to promise things without asking the right persons for permission first."

"You think Light Arrow will forbid me to shadow walk with the professor to the school?" Harry was crestfallen.

"Normally you wouldn't even have started school now, Harry. Light Arrow did allow you to participate at a few lessons because you wanted it so much, but I don't think he will allow you to go to school fully before you make more progress."

"But I'm making progress, and I have been home-schooled now for two months. That's not fair," Harry said, frustrated. He had looked so much forward to go to school.

"Do I need to remind you that just a few days ago another serious problem about your health had been revealed?"

"But I should be allowed to go to school."

"Why is that so important for you? Are you running away from working on your problems?"

"I'm not!"

"Then why?"

"It's just time. It's almost December now. That means we are here for three and a half months. That's an eternity!"

"It's not, Harry, we will stay here for much longer."

Harry gasped for air, but then he decided it would be better to not start to argue with Severus. After calming down for a few seconds Harry finally realized something. "It's almost December and we still can go swimming in the river?"

Severus laughed. "I wondered when one of you would realize that."

"That's not normal here in Oklahoma isn't it?"

"Not normal for the Muggle part of Oklahoma. Remember almost only wizarding folks live here on this reservation. The only Muggles that are allowed to live here are bonded to a wizard or witch and that bond includes an unbreakable vow to not give away anything they know about us. It seems the people here don't like cold weather."

Harry's mouth gaped open. "They can change the weather?"

"Don't ask me how it works, but just seeing that over 90% of the people here are capable of wandless magic should tell you something about the amount of magic that is flowing around here."

"Wow, that's scary."

"Yes, I agree."

"Can't you speak with Light Arrow about the school?" Harry couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Harry, please," Severus said, annoyed.

"But I will do fine. I will still work together with everyone here. I was good the last months, I made lots of progress. And I will eat. A lot. I promise!"

"Harry, I will not speak with Light Arrow because he won't listen to me. He will decide about that with White Cloud. If you feel the need to plea with someone then go to them."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and leaned rebelliously back against the wall to which Severus' bed stood.

"If you start stomping with your feet now, I will doubt that you are sixteen."

"You cannot keep me longer here then when I turn seventeen next July."

"Great argument. You should start your conversation with Light Arrow directly with that phrase. I wish you luck," Severus said sarcastically and grabbed for the potions journal on his night table.

"Why aren't you helping me?"

"Because you behave childishly, Harry. Your last sentence told me how much progress you really have made. I'm in pain, I think it's not a good time to discuss this right now or I will say things I don't really want to and then you will do the same and that will throw us back even more than we both already are."

"So you admit that you also make no progress," Harry said challengingly.

"Yes, I do."

That nonplussed Harry into silence. He had expected that Severus would deny that he needed to make any progress, that he was an adult and only here because of them, even so he already had admitted the opposite once during their stay here. Then he said something so stupid that afterward he immediately knew how childish it had sounded. "But you are allowed to do what you want."

"Oh, really? That's why I sit in that bed and aren't in front of a cauldron. Very logical, Harry. I think you really need to get that head of yours under control. One day without your running training, and you already are a mess."

"And that is your fault."

"Oh, sorry that my miserable self-control had not only caused me to have a serious drawback, a damaged shoulder and almost completely destroyed my pride; no over all that I have robbed you of one of your running sessions. I'm very sorry," Severus said sarcastically. His mood slowly dropped dangerously low.

"If I would have said that, you would have called me drama queen, you know?" Harry dared to ask. The glare Severus sent in his direction, made him stand up from Severus' bed. "Okay, okay, I think I should go. Maybe the others will come back soon."

-II-

"So you admit that you also make no progress," Harry said challengingly.

"Yes, I do."

That nonplussed Harry into silence. He had expected that Severus would deny that he needed to make any progress, that he was an adult and only here because of them, even so he already had admitted the opposite once during their stay here. Then he said something so stupid that afterward he immediately knew how childish it had sounded. "But you are allowed to do what you want."

"Oh, really? That's why I sit in that bed and aren't in front of a cauldron. Very logical, Harry. I think you really need to get that head of yours under control. One day without your running training, and you already are a mess."

"And that is your fault."

"Oh, sorry that my miserable self-control had not only caused me to have a serious drawback, a damaged shoulder and almost completely destroyed my pride; no over all that I have robbed you of one of your running sessions. I'm very sorry," Severus said sarcastically. His mood slowly dropped dangerously low.

"If I would have said that, you would have called me drama queen, you know?" Harry dared to ask. The glare Severus sent in his direction, made him stand up from Severus' bed. "Okay, okay, I think I should go. Maybe the others will come back soon."

-II-

"Hey, Draco. Finally! We haven't had time to talk since yesterday. What happened? I heard Hermione is coming. How was your talk with Light Arrow and your trip with Red Horse? Come on talk to me!" Harry said impatiently when Draco came back from his ride with Red Horse.

Both boys Quickly exchanged what happened the last 24 hours.

"Wow, so you are going to clear things up with Hermione when she is here?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Yes, I hope so. I have a feeling Light Arrow drank a love potion or something. He is allowing both of us to have girlfriends or to try to get a girlfriend; that's just so out of character."

"Yes, you're right," Harry replied, amused. "So what do you think about Hermione's visit?"

"What should I think? I'm... well, I think I'm scared, but still I really want to see her. It's confusing. What about your letter to the Weasleys?" Draco asked insecurely. He knew that it was a very hard topic for Harry to speak about, and he was surprised Light Arrow had been able to convince Harry to write that letter.

Harry's face fell. Fear was clutching his stomach. "I don't know. I think I already regret it." He looked down, but was feeling a bit better when Draco laid his arm around him.

"Sometimes things happen we never would guess. I mean what would we have said if someone would have told us two years ago that we will become friends? And we are best friends now. Today I told Red Horse about something I never told anyone else. Only a few days ago I was sure I would never in my whole life tell someone about it."

Harry looked up. He wouldn't ask Draco what he had told Red Horse. Harry had learned his lesson about secrets. Still he would have loved to know.

"Maybe now you think there is no possibility for you to speak with the Weasleys or become close to them again, but in a few weeks it could already happen. Who knows."

"You have changed a lot, Draco. It's kind of scary. You seem so... so mature and I have the feeling I stand still."

"You are in classes, Harry. You are wrestling, running and you have a girlfriend. I would say you are developing much faster than I am."

Harry shook his head. Draco didn't know what he meant, and he couldn't explain it. Draco was becoming like one of them. Being calm and giving advices. He was a real part of the camp. Suddenly a thought stuck Harry. "You will come back with me to London, won't you?"

Draco looked shocked at Harry and stood up to look out of the window and not at Harry. "Why do you ask?"

Harry eyes narrowed. "You seem to have become a part of the camp. I... I'm right to worry about your returning then?"

Draco didn't say something. How could he. He was not willing to lie to Harry, but he also knew how much he would hurt the black-haired boy by telling him his true thoughts.

"You cannot stay here, Draco. Our life is in London. Hermione is there and Luna. Come on, we need to finish our school there."

"Harry, please..."

"No! This camp was to make us get back to our old life not to run away, Draco. You cannot leave me alone!" Harry stopped, realizing what he had said. "I'm sorry." Without waiting for Draco to react, he left the room. In the hall he looked around, wondering where to go. Severus? He wasn't allowed to leave his room. Rose was busy with Crying Horse. Everyone had noticed the drama between them. Now they were unpacking Crying Horse's things and talking. Harry couldn't disturb them.

Harry felt frustrated; he needed to speak with someone. Black Hawk was sleeping and White Cloud had said he should not disturb him. So who was left? Harry ran down the stairs. The other kids weren't back from school or from their little classroom in the house, so the living room was deserted. The kitchen was as well. "No!" Harry screamed and hit the table violently. Where were they when he needed them? He threw himself on a chair and put his head on his crossed arms on the table. He needed to hurt himself for screwing things up with Draco, but he knew it would be wrong and throw him back in his development here.

Tears of desperation escaped his eyes, and he couldn't stop himself any longer. He grabbed a handful of hair and pulled hard.

Harry didn't hear the footsteps behind him, and he wasn't able to let go when a hand tried to pry his finger out of his hair.

"Let go, Harry, and talk with me," Light Arrow said while he finally was able to get Harry's hands out of his hair.

"You were not here!" Harry said miserably, not lifting his head from the cold surface of the table.

"I was in the barn. You know I'm often there. Next time you need me, just look for me there before you start panicking." Light Arrow sat down in the chair beside Harry and laid his hand on Harry's neck. "I'm here now, Harry. What bothered you?"

"Draco!"

"And what exactly about Draco bothered you?"

"He won't come back with me!"

"Back where?" Light Arrow asked, confused, not being able to follow Harry's train of thought.

"Back home; back to Hogwarts."

Light Arrow sighed. "Harry, we are hardly half through your stay here. It's not the time to decide for Draco to stay or go back. Many things will happen before you two have your good-bye sweat lodge. Draco will change his opinion about it several times until then. At least I guess so."

"No, he is serious. He thinks you all are his new family. He likes Red Horse more than..." He stopped, realizing how childish this all sounded.

"Harry, we hope to be a new family for both of you, but that doesn't mean you need to stay. You can leave the camp and still come back from time to time. Nobody tried to challenge your position as Draco's best friend. Still Draco can gather new friends here, Harry. As you can! You two always will be welcome here. Of course you also could decide to stay in the camp or close by. We would love that too, but it is your and Draco's choice. A choice you will make much later, definitely not now. Give Draco time. You two will go through a lot before the end of your stay here. You need each other. Don't let things like that go between the two of you. Draco spoke openly with you; would you rather have him lie to you about it? That's what he is feeling at the moment, and I think it isn't easy for him, knowing that you want to go back and Severus as well."

"I know, but still... I don't want to go back without him."

"Again, it's not the time to decide about that now. Things will happen. Maybe he will change his mind or maybe you will. Nobody knows. We are still early in your healing."

Harry just remained silent, letting Light Arrow's hand in his neck calm him.

"How early?"

"Pardon?"

"How early are we in the healing? I think I already did a lot of healing. I never spoke about what happened so often and openly as I do here, and I work hard on that self-harming problem. And I'm good in classes. Professor Karley is praising me a lot. He said he would speak with you."

"Ah, yes, he talked to me."

Harry waited, but when no more information came, he asked, "And? Am I allowed to go to school?"

"Hmm, I'm willing to make a compromise."

Harry looked up.

"We will wait one more month, and I will watch you closely. You need to get that weight problem under control or at least show me that you are responsible enough to let you go to school without fearing you will forget to eat there. And there is something else I need to see how you will handle it before I can let you go the next step by attending school fully."

"What?" Harry was willing to do anything.

Light Arrow eyed him closely. Then he pulled something out of the back pocket of his jeans. Harry's heart sank when he saw what the old man was holding in his hands. It was a letter. A letter from the Weasleys.

/

"Draco, calm down, I can't understand you!" Severus instructed the hysterical boy in his arms. A few minutes ago Draco had stormed in his room and had thrown himself at him, crying hard and murmuring something between sobs that Severus couldn't understand.

"H... he ran away!"

"Who ran away? Harry?" Severus asked in alarm.

"Yes! I told him that I won't come back with him to Hogwarts."

Severus groaned. "Draco, I told you that it isn't time to decide about this now."

"But he asked me, and I couldn't lie."

"Okay, you will stay, and I will look for him!"

Severus first stormed in Harry's room, but wasn't surprised to find it empty. Checking on Black Hawk resulted in getting company in his search.

When both men stormed down the stairs, they were stopped in track by a furious looking White Cloud with her arms crossed over her chest. "I thought we agreed that you two would be resting in your rooms."

"Harry ran away again. We need to look for him," Severus said, but didn't dare to pass White Cloud.

"He has not run away, Severus. He is talking with your father, and you won't disturb him. Now that that is cleared, you will go back into your bed and Black Hawk, you can gather the kids from school with Crying Horse. Go and get him."

"But he is with Rose!"

The glare White Cloud send in his direction made clear that it wasn't an excuse for her.

"Really, Mom, maybe you are too old to know, but - oww!"

Severus had to suppress a grin and was relieved that it wasn't him who was pulled up the stairs by his ear. He went up to his room to let Draco know that Harry was okay. Still he couldn't miss what would happen at the other end of the hall, so he paused in front of his door.

"As your brother was not man enough to disturb you, Rose, I needed to come up here and ask Crying Horse if he will get the kids from school."

"Sure I will, White Cloud. Which pick-up?"

"It doesn't matter. Just take Black Hawk with you. A bit of fresh air will do him well."

"Do you need me too, Mom?" Rose asked.

"No, but maybe Severus needs your help. I think Draco is with him and the boy is a bit worried about Harry."

"I'm on my way."

Damn, that was exactly what he needed now. He had been so happy that Rose was busy all the day and couldn't give him a talk about yesterday. Now White Cloud had to set her on him. He saw Black Hawk's grin out of the corner of his eyes when he entered his room.

Draco sprang up immediately. "Did you find him?"

"Yes, he is all right. He is downstairs with Light Arrow. You can calm down." The door behind him opened, and Severus swallowed nervously.

"What's going on, boys?" Rose asked.

"Rose!" Draco cried out, excited, and hugged her. "Are you all right?"

"Of course I am, but I was worried about you," Rose said, smiling, while she enjoyed Draco's spontaneous hug.

"I'm fine," Draco said while he still hid his face in Rose's shirt.

"Really? I don't know but your tear-strained face made me believe otherwise."

Draco stepped back and wiped his arm over his face. "I'm fine. I just have a problem with Harry."

"What kind of problem, Draco?" Rose guided Draco over to the foot of Severus' bed and sat down with him beside her. While she laid her arm around Draco's shoulder, she gestured Severus to lay down on the bed. Her expression made sure he knew she wasn't feeling as friendly towards him as she was to Draco.

Not willing to get in trouble with her, Severus obeyed.

After Draco had told Rose about his talk with Harry, he already felt better and had the feeling the problem wasn't as big as it had been before. When Harry came into the room a moment later, Draco looked up hopefully.

"Can we talk alone, Draco?" Harry asked, shyly.

Rose gave Draco an encouraging push, and he left the room with Harry.

Now Rose was alone with Severus and the man got her full attention.

When Severus saw her glare directed at him, he was scared silly.

-II-

"What kind of problem, Draco?" Rose guided Draco over to the foot of Severus' bed and sat down with him beside her. While she laid her arm around Draco's shoulder, she gestured Severus to lay down on the bed. Her expression made sure he knew she wasn't feeling as friendly towards him as she was to Draco.

Not willing to get in trouble with her, Severus obeyed.

After Draco had told Rose about his talk with Harry, he already felt better and had the feeling the problem wasn't as big as it had been before. When Harry came into the room a moment later, Draco looked up hopefully.

"Can we talk alone, Draco?" Harry asked, shyly.

Rose gave Draco an encouraging push, and he left the room with Harry.

Now Rose was alone with Severus and the man got her full attention.

When Severus saw her glare directed at him, he was scared silly.

-II-

It was Wednesday, and around coffee time, when the doc stepped out of the fireplace in the living room and entered the kitchen.

"You are a bit early for the barbecue, Doc. I hope you didn't come to cancel," White Cloud said worriedly.

"No, no, I just came to ask to bring someone along and to talk with Maya."

"With me?" Maya asked, surprised.

"Yes, but don't rush. I have time. If there are no objections I would like to stay and leave after the barbecue."

"No problem, Doc. Come over and sit down. Melissa and Maya have baked a delicious apple pie," White Cloud said while she conjured another chair.

"So who will join us for the barbecue?" Light Arrow asked curiously.

"My niece. She is over here for half a year because she is writing her thesis. She is hoping to be able to interview you and White Cloud and maybe get an inside view. She is writing about the influence of animals in healing processes. She is waiting for my call."

"An unusual but interesting theme for a dissertation. She is welcome to come over whenever she wants and of course we are willing to share our experience with her," Light Arrow assured the doctor.

"I kept my guest room free for her but she rented an apartment with one of her friends. Now my guest room is free and I thought I would offer Maya to live in it for free as long as she still goes to school." Doc Martens looked at the girl. "I know you want to finish your education here before you go on and I thought it would give you the possibility to leave the camp and try to live on your own while still being close by the camp. It could be a kind of test for the real life." The doc smiled encouraging at Maya.

"That's... unexpected," Maya said, not knowing if she really was ready.

"Think about it as long as you need. I will hold the room free for you."

"Thank you," Maya said, unusually shy. She was scared about leaving, but still she felt the need to live on her own. Living in the guest room of the doc would be perfect. She could come to the camp whenever she needed. "I really think I will take your offer but I... I still need time to..."

The doctor smiled understandingly. "Take all the time you need, Maya."

Light Arrow gently petted Maya's shoulder, and she smiled thankfully at him.

"So who else is coming for the barbecue?" Doc Martens asked.

"Isaac will come and John has also said he would try to come over. He is at a conference close by," White Cloud informed the doctor.

"John Drake?"

"Yes, he hasn't visit for some time. He is too busy. I never will understand what he likes about being a broker," White Cloud said, shaking her head.

"Maybe the money," Severus mumbled to Black Hawk.

"Yes, or all the woman he gets through the money," Black Hawk replied, grinning.

"He is not like this and you two know that very well," White Cloud reprimanded the two.

"As if he would tell you, mom," Black Hawk said and rolled his eyes. Severus grinned in his coffee mug.

"What about Hermione and Professor Dumbledore. Shouldn't they already be here?" Doc Martens asked.

"They canceled their visit for today. The headmaster had an important meeting and so they cannot come before tomorrow," Light Arrow explained.

The doctor threw a glance over to Draco. It seemed that the boy was even more nervous now that he had to wait another day. Maybe it would be good to check him through thoroughly again. Eying the rest of the camp members he realized that Rose and Crying Horse looked happier than ever. So at least one problem seemed to be solved already. Severus and Black Hawk also behaved normal which showed that they weren't in too much trouble for their little escapade in the bar. "How are you, Melissa?"

The blond girl looked shyly at the doctor. "I'm fine. I gained one pound lately."

The doctor needed to stop himself from letting his jaw drop. Of course he knew about the gain of weight through the weighing journal, but that she declared it that open in front of them all was a big surprise.

Harry smiled at her and rested his hand over hers.

"Oh Merlin, look at that, Doc. We have to look at those love birds all day," Aiden said teasingly.

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away.

Melissa was blushing but giggled about Aiden's comment. He had apologized to her and they got along now quite well since then.

The topics at the table became more casual and Harry slowly lost track and lost himself in his thoughts and memories of yesterday.

Flashback

Harry took the letter from Light Arrow with shaking hands. It was heavy and Harry was very, very scared. "I don't think I can open it. Can you do it and tell me if it is bad?"

Light Arrow eyed Harry skeptically. "I think you can manage, Harry. I will stay here with you if you want or we can go somewhere else to open it."

Harry thought shortly and then asked, "Can we go behind the barn?"

"Behind the barn?" Light Arrow asked, surprised.

"Yes, I spoke with Black Hawk there for a few times and it always helps, I think I would feel better opening it there. Is that stupid?"

"If you feel you would be more comfortable there, then we will go there," Light Arrow said encouragingly and stood up.

Behind the barn Harry was surprised when Light Arrow sat down with him on the ground, leaning against the barn. "What is it about this place?" Light Arrow wondered aloud. "It seems it has a magical attraction to the members of that camp." He didn't say that it was not always a good attraction. He had often found very distressed kids here and many self-harmer used that place as well. Still he came here too when he needed some time away.

Harry shrugged, not lifting his eyes from the envelope. "What if I can't do it?"

"Then we will wait. The problem is that it often gets harder the longer you wait. You want to know what's in there and you are just scared it is something you fear."

"What if they tell me they never want to see me again. That they can't look at me again because I..." Tears were already in his eyes and he gulped against the lump in his throat.

Light Arrow laid his arm around Harry and gently pulled him closer. "They tried several times to contact you, Harry. Why would they do that if they didn't want to see you or couldn't look in your eyes any longer?"

Light Arrow was right. Biting his bottom lip painfully, Harry opened the envelope. The first thing he pulled out of it was a photo. The whole Weasley family was on it. Ron as well and Harry himself amongst them. It hurt to see Ron smiling at him. It was surreal because Harry only could remember the pained look on the face of his friend, not the smiling one. Tears blurred his vision.

"Can I have a look?" Light Arrow asked to prevent Harry from falling too deep into a depression. "Tell me who they are," he asked Harry when he had the photo in his hands.

Harry tried to calm down and gulped. He wiped dirt in his face when he tried to get rid of the tears. That made his eyes burn even more.

"Wait," Light Arrow instructed and batted Harry's hands away. He let his hand hover over Harry's face and suddenly it was clean and Harry felt refreshed. "Don't put that hand in your face again. If you need to cry, just do it." The old man grabbed Harry's wet and dirty hand and cleaned it with another wandless spell. "Now show me the members of the Weasley family."

Harry pointed out each member. The last was Ron and it took him quite some will power to name him. When he managed to do it, he felt proud of himself. Only a few months ago, he wasn't even able to speak out Ron's name.

"They really look like a perfect family. Very friendly. How about you check if there is a letter in there as well."

Harry sighed and pulled the letter out. It was a long parchment. He had to stop reading several times because his vision became too blurred, but Light Arrow stopped him each time from wiping his tears away. Two times he cleaned Harry's face when he felt the boy had calmed down during his crying. When Harry was at the end of the letter his chest burned from all the crying and his nose was stuck. He handed the letter over to Light Arrow to read but the old man refused.

"Tell me about it, Harry," Light Arrow said while he shoved the hand with the letter back to Harry.

"I can't!"

"Then I will wait until you can, Harry. Don't push yourself."

Harry rested his head on Light Arrow's shoulder. The crying had stopped and Harry had the feeling he was without tears now, but he also felt relieved. "They forgive me."

"Of course they did." Light Arrow tightened his arm around the boy.

"They say there isn't even something to forgive and they are happy that Draco and I survived."

Light Arrow didn't comment this, he just stroke Harry's arm calmingly.

"They want me to write to them and see them, but please don't make me. I can't... I..."

"Nobody will push you to do anything, Harry. I'm very, very proud that you wrote that letter and that you were strong enough to open theirs. Go your pace in this matter, just don't push them away."

Harry nodded against Light Arrow's shoulder. "But you said it will be important for my permission to go to school, so you want me to see them, right?"

"Yes, I want you to see them, but I don't care when, Harry, and that will have no influence on your start at the school. Everything I wanted you to do right now was to have the courage to open the letter. That you were able to do it, showed me that you really are on a good way to heal. I won't push you to anything else, but I would like you to at least write to them. I'm sure they would like to know how you are doing."

Harry again nodded. "Yes, they asked me to tell them about the camp and what I'm doing and how I feel."

"They worry about you. Maybe you will even enjoy writing to them. Nobody is asking you to meet them right now or any time soon."

"I think I will write them. I can tell them about the camp. There is so much to write about."

Light Arrow smiled. "Yes, I'm sure you will find a few good anecdotes to tell them in your letters."

"Light Arrow?"

"Hmm?"

"I really would like to go to school!"

Light Arrow chuckled. "I know, Harry, but your healing is my number one concern. I want you to concentrate on it. School is just secondary. I know you really are eager to learn from Isaa... Professor Karley, but I sometimes fear it is distracting you too much. Allowing you to go to school, will rob us very important time for therapy, Harry. You make big steps and are very open lately. That's what makes me agree to that compromise. Still I'm not sure if it is a good idea. I fear you will block your problems when you have too much distraction from outside the camp."

"I won't, I promise!" Harry looked up. "Its just that I go crazy when I just concentrate on my problems. Here at the camp I'm always reminded of them and I feel overwhelmed. I need time where I don't have to think about it all. That doesn't mean I will forget about it totally. I know you only want to help me, but..." Harry sighed. "I still don't think it will really help me to speak about it all."

"I know, Harry, and don't accuse you for that. It's normal. I know it is very painful to be reminded of those awful memories and feeling again and again. It takes hard work and will power from you to get through this all. To block things is much easier than working on them, but it is unhealthy to block. Memories and bad feelings like you have them don't vanish on their own. They will eat you up from inside and make you become a person you don't want to become, Harry."

"I know what you mean. I don't want revenge, like I wanted it before I came here. Now I really would like to forget it all and start anew but you don't let me. I know you believe that I need to talk about it and don't just forget it, but... I can't describe it. I just think it won't work for me."

"If you would understand it, we would be already at the last part of your healing, Harry, but we aren't. I don't expect you to believe me. I know that you only talk about your memories and feeling because we make you do it to be able to leave the camp later on. It's no secret, Harry. Still you are very open and I'm very proud that you started to trust us to help you, even so you don't understand our methods and don't believe in them."

They sat there for a long time, even so nobody was speaking. This place had such calming effect. Only when White Cloud came to them they realized how long they had been sitting there. "Is everything all right, you two? Shall I put some cake away for you or will you join us for coffee?"

"What do you think, Harry?" Light Arrow asked.

"I think I shouldn't leave out a meal or I will never be allowed to go to school."

"Cheeky brat," Light Arrow said, laughing, while Harry helped him up.