Harry felt nervous after as he followed Snape into the library for his occlumency lesson. It had all gone so wrong yesterday that he was dreading the next round.

Snape surprised him by not automatically pointing his wand at him. Instead he sat facing Harry at the table and opened up the occlumency book.

‘Did you read about the visualising techniques?’

Harry nodded. One of the authors had suggested taking an image like a room, or tree or house and using it to order one’s mind.

‘I tried using Hogwarts,’ Harry replied. ‘But it didn’t work very well.’

‘Of course not.’ Snape snapped dismissively. ‘You’re supposed to choose a small area you know in intricate detail.’

Harry shrugged. ‘Maybe I could try the Gryffyndor common room? Or the dormitory?’

‘Try the dormitory.’ Snape ordered. ‘Prepare yourself- have the image in your head... now legimens.’

It didn’t work and the memories flashed past blindingly.

Harry picked himself up, resigned to his fate, he’d promised to work as hard as he could at occlumency and he wouldn’t complain... but...

‘Professor?’

The respectful tone shocked Severus who looked at the boy waiting for him to continue.

‘Do you think...’ Harry almost faltered but managed to finish his request. ‘Could you stay in one memory at a time instead of jumping through them?’

‘I don’t ‘jump through them’ for my own amusement Potter.’ Snape replied heavily. ‘I am trying to avoid certain memories which I thought you would prefer not to see.’

Harry shrugged again. ‘I’ve got a lot of bad memories.’ He said matter-of-factly. ‘We just end up going from one bad memory to another and it hurts.’

Snape exhaled slowly taking this in. He could barely remember learning occlumency, it had been so long ago and he had been something of a natural occlumenist by all accounts. However as legilimency could be immensely painful even when using a shield it seemed logical that it probably would be fairly uncomfortable for the brat.

‘Fine. You have the image ready?’

Harry nodded.

‘Legilmens.’

And he was straight in again, without a trace of a shield to stop him. The memory was of that huge, red faced uncle of the boys bearing down on him and Snape instinctively went to shift to another memory before remembering his agreement.

‘You good-for-nothing, thieving Freak!’ The fat muggle bellowed as Harry darted back from him.

‘How dare you come downstairs when I told you to stay upstairs?’ With this he backhandedthe boy across the face.

‘How did you get out anyway?’ He glowered down at the cringing Harry. ‘You used those filthy tricks didn’t you- you used MAGIC?’

Harry’s face was drained of all it’s colour except for a red mark where he’d just been hit and some fading yellow bruises on his left cheekbone.

‘I...I...I...’ He stuttered.

‘ANSWER ME!’ Vernon shoated in his face, shaking the boy and knocking him back forcefully into the wall.

As if the jolt startled him back to his senses Harry seemed to recover his courage.

‘You forgot to lock it. So I came downstairs. I have to f****** eat sometimes ok?’ Harry tried to dart away but a huge fist held his collar in a vice like grip.

Vernon took off his belt and hit the child indiscriminately on the arms, torso and legs in a flurry of painful blows.

‘You’ve been unbearable since you’ve been back.’ His uncle sneered. ‘I thought after the other day you might have learnt your lesson...’

Harry blindly flailed around trying to defend himself as best he could. The belt hit his hand and he managed to grab hold of it despite the pain, bringing his elbow up hard in his uncle’s face.

Vernon grunted in pain raising his fist, ‘You little...’

And Severus was out of the memory. For a second he thought Harry had succeeded in throwing him out until he realised the memory had finished there as Harry had been struck unconscious.

Harry picked himself up off the floor, brushing himself down as if he didn’t have a care in the world but Severus could see his lip was trembling slightly. For the first time he felt an inkling of respect for that blasted gryffyndor bravado.

‘Hmm.’ Snape turned to the text book . ‘Did you read this section- about being very aware of your body’s presence and using that to focus your mind.’ He held the text book out to the boy.

Harry was desperately trying to seem nonchalant as he took the book.

‘Read it for half an hour and then we’ll try again.’

The boy nodded, averting his eyes.

Severus left him to it. He would go and check a potion and come back later, giving the brat time to compose himself. He couldn’t bear it if he had to deal with a snivelling Potter.

Harry hastily wiped away the tears he had been doing his best to conceal and tried to ignore his churning stomach. Maybe it would be best if Snape jumped through the memories? He hadn’t allowed himself to think about that night since it had happened, after all the nightmares were bad enough. Still he had at least felt as if he could try to block his mind if only he had a shield, whereas usually the flickering memories made him too disorientated to focus. He just needed to find a strong shield.

He read the section of the book Severus had pointed out, it said to use the knowledge of what your body felt like when it was still and to focus this sense throughout your mind... Harry sighed what did it mean your sense of stillness? When was he ever still? Even in bed he tossed and turned and in classes he fidgeted.

When Severus came back and they tried again they went straight back into the same memory. This time Harry seemed more composed by the end although Severus found it harder to stay impassive. He waited for Harry to pick himself up.

‘Ready?' He said eventually.

Harry gulped, Snape seemed to be getting really impatient with him. Why couldn’t he create a shield? He tried his best to focus. Think about my body lying still... feel my feet, my legs...

Again the same memory and again Harry had no success in creating a shield. This time Harry noticed that Snape seemed to be getting angry with him, he was in such a temper he wouldn’t even look at him between bouts.

‘I’m sorry, I’ll do better this time... I’m ready.’ He said in a small voice.

Severus sighed, reluctant to try again. That memory was making him feel sick and full of rage.

‘Why does your mind keep throwing up that memory?’ He asked abruptly. ‘It’s violent but then so are the others.’

‘ That was the worst memory.’ Harry replied. ‘That was the night Sirius came and found me and took me back with him.’

‘And what did the mutt do to that ghastly muggle?’ Snape demanded.

Harry gave his professor a look as if to say what do you think but relented and answered quietly.

‘He hurt him, like he’d hurt me.’

Snape didn’t answer and the silence drew more information out from Harry.

‘Uncle Vernon had to go to hospital that night. He... Well.’ Harry gave his trademark shrug. ‘I really can’t go back there again.’

‘Indeed.’

Indeed. Thought Harry angrily. What does that mean? Indeed you can’t go back there so I will not make you or indeed I can see your uncle will kick ten tons of crap out of you when I send you back there. And Snape was getting mad at him for not occluding, well he was doing his best, it wasn’t as if he liked seeing this memory over and over. Smug, ugly git. I bet he loves seeing this.

They tried again. And again.

Harry experimented with focusing on the sense of his body lying in bed and when he gave up on that on his body sat in the chair where he was physically at the moment. Neither of these worked.

Severus was about to give up for the day after a long and emotionally straining lesson when something happened in the middle of the memory.

He wasn’t exactly thrown out. And Harry wasn’t exactly using a shield but it felt as though the memory was knocked sideways with great force. Severus froze his mind, not trying particularly hard to stay in but not choosing to exit either ...and there it was again.

Then suddenly it was if the world flipped on its axis and the memory was still there and Severus was still in Harry’s mind but everything was upside down and disorientated.

Severus swiftly backed out of Harry’s mind.

‘What was that?’

Harry looked at his professor a little fearfully. He was pretty sure that wasn’t a conventional shield or what Snape had been trying to get him to do... but the wizard didn’t seem angry so much as perplexed.

‘I was trying to do what the book said and focus on my body, feel from my toes to my head ... but I never lie down or just sit. I just don’t. And I have no idea what my toes feel like. So I kind of thought about how it feels to be flying.’

Severus looked back at Potter silently, considering what the boy had said.

‘Is that bad?’ Harry asked hesitantly.

‘Well... It’s something.’