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The first thing he was aware of upon waking was the sound of clinking vials. The tinkering of the glass seemed too loud in the quiet room, making his head ache. That was the second thing Severus noticed. Straightening his body in the chair, his head was pounding and his whole body felt sore. A small groan escaped his lips as he massaged the muscles in his neck, leaning his other arm on his thigh.

“I told you not to spend the night in that chair again.”

Severus glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing 7; much too early for Poppy to sound quite as cheerful as she did. Severus sent a small glare her way as he stood up and moved closer to the bed in front of him. Potter lay calmly under the blankets.

“Any changes?”

Poppy, who was arranging bottles on the nightstand, paused momentarily to look at him.

“I told you Severus. It is going to be a little longer. Harry’s body is recovering and the only way it can do that fully is through sleep. Why don’t you go relax in your quarters for a while, hm?” she cocked an eyebrow at him “Remus should be coming tomorrow and there really is nothing to do for now.”

Severus tilted his head towards her in a sort of nod. “You will-“

“Alert you if anything changes. I know Severus.”

Severus wanted to curse the twinkle out of her eyes. It had been almost three days since the destruction of the Horcrux.

The fever Potter had developed had slowly gone down, disappearing in the early hours of the next day. Both Severus and Lupin had gone to headquarters as soon as Poppy had declared that the boy was out of any immediate danger; Lupin to explain to the Weasleys and Severus to apprise the rest of the Order. As it was a full moon the following evening, Lupin had stayed the next two nights, reluctant to leave Potter alone despite Poppy’s assurances that he would be fine. Severus had dropped the Wolfsbane potion off in the afternoon and the wolf had basically ambushed him in the kitchen.

“Please, Severus.”

“I have more important things to do than babysit.”

Lupin gave him a pointed look. “You know I’m not asking you to babysit. I’m just asking you to stay the night in the hospital wing.”

“Two nights.” Severus returned the look.

“Two nights. Please. I don’t want Harry to be alone.”

“He’s not alone, Lupin.”

“Severus!” Remus slammed his hand down on the table, shaking the cutlery left out on its surface. “I’m not asking you to entertain him or, God forbid, hug him. I’m just asking you to sit with him. Please!” he was exasperated.

“Calm yourself, wolf.” Severus sneered at the man. “Your display of emotion is over the top. I will stay in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey needs her potions stock refilled before start of term and I need to make an inventory.”

Lupin rolled his eyes as he thanked Severus and as he made to leave the room, Lupin called out to him. “Why is it so hard for you?”

“Why is what so hard?” Severus turned around. Remus had his hands on his hips.

“Admitting that you care.” Severus scoffed and turned on his heel, robes swinging around him. “Oh, come on, Severus.” Lupin followed him. “I’ve seen you the last few days. You do, you care about Harry.”

Severus was shaking his head. He made to grab a handful of the floo powder from the pot on the mantle but Remus grabbed the pot first. “You can’t say that you don’t.”

Severus snarled as he grabbed the pot back, shoving it harshly into place on the mantle. “The last few days change nothing. Everything I did, I did for Albus. Your insipid canine brain apparently cannot tell the difference between compassionate and commitment.”

The flames turned bright green as Severus flung the powder into them. Stepping into the fire, he ignored Remus’ disapproving glare. “That is all Potter will ever be to me. An obligation” and in a whirl of emerald, Severus returned to his quarters.

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That was two days ago.

Severus had returned to his rooms flustered and angry. What bothered him most was the fact he didn’t know who to be angrier with: Lupin, Potter, or Albus.

‘Damn you! Damn all of you!’ Lupin butting his nose in everywhere, asking him things he had no business knowing. Potter, a boy as arrogant and obnoxious as his father. No doubt he would just brush off the last few days, not even thanking Severus for saving his life, again. And Albus—

In a rush of fury, Severus rushed at his desk and swept everything off it, sending stacks of parchment and empty vials crashing to the floor.

Damn Albus! You expected so much of me, asked so much of me and where has that gotten us? You’re dead.

The last few pieces of parchment fluttered to the ground slowly. Severus took a deep breath and leaned heavily on his desk. He was tired of going down this road again and again. Severus called the kitchens for a bottle of Firewhisky before settling himself in an armchair in front of the fireplace. He was starting in on his second glass when there was a knock at the door.

Staring intently at the flames, the alcohol swishing around in his mouth, Severus tried to ignore the incessant rapping. “Severus? It’s Lailie Dalton. Are you there?”

Severus downed the rest of the Firewhisky in his glass while agitatedly flicking his wand, opening the door.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ than?” Lailie came into the room, surveying the strewn parchment and broken vials on the floor.

“Healer Dalton. What can I do for you?” Severus drawled. He poured himself another glass.

“It’s Lailie.” She moved closer, coming to sit on the sofa next to the armchair. Severus tipped his glass in her direction, as if to make a toast before consuming the rest of it. “Drowning your sorrows, I see.”

Severus fought the urge to roll his eyes. “How observant.” Lailie just smiled. “What?” Severus’ tone was almost scathing; he was not in the mood for “happy” people.

“He talked to me about you.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “Who?”

“Albus.” Severus moved to refill his glass. Lailie reached over and touched his arm, stopping him. She leaned closer to Severus, looking straight into his pallid face. “He loved you, you know.”

“He used me.” Severus scoffed. “Albus was a manipulating, meddling old codger.” He stood up and angrily began pacing the room while Lailie sat calmly. “He pushed and pried and prodded until you did what he wanted and then he tossed you aside like a rag doll.” 

“He hasn’t tossed you aside, Severus.” Lailie stood up and came towards Severus as he leaned heavily against the stone fireplace. “He used you because he trusted you. Can you understand that? You were the only one he trusted with Harry.”

“Potter.” Severus spat out.

“Still hating him, I see…” Lailie smirked at the resulting glare she received, infuriating Severus.

“You think this is funny? Do you not understand that that boy has ruined my life? It’s not enough his father tormented my school years but now, his spawn… that spoilt, arrogant, pompous brat!”

“That’s not why you hate him.”

“Yes, it is.” Severus pushed off the fireplace and threw himself back into his chair, intent on pouring himself another glass of Firewhisky. Before he could even raise the glass to his lips, Lailie took it from his hand and poured it along with the rest of the bottle into the fire.

“No it’s not.”

“Wha—“

“You don’t hate Harry because he’s spoiled, or arrogant. You don’t hate him for what his father did to you as a child; you don’t hate him because he looked in your pensieve, or because he reminds you of his mother.”

Severus stared at her incredulously, looking as if he had just been slapped in the face. If Albus was not already dead, Severus would have killed him.

“You hate him because of Albus.” Lailie sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers. Severus wondered if he looked as uncomfortable as he felt. What on earth was this crazy woman talking about?

“Ever since Harry was born, ever since the prophecy, your relationship with Albus has been based around the Potters and this war. You have been forced to do things, horrible things, all to protect a man you hated and a woman you could not have and their child.”

Severus pulled his hand away abruptly. “You have no idea what you are talking about.”

Lailie just looked at him calmly. “When Harry was born and marked by the Dark Lord, Albus set all his hope on the boy-who-lived. You resent being used by Albus just to protect Harry, I get that, but you have to know that Albus used you for a reason. You were the one he trusted with Harry, the only one. He may have manipulated and prodded, but he loved you Severus. We might have been meeting to talk about Harry and the Horcrux, but he mentioned you every single time. Albus couldn’t stop praising your talents, talking about how invaluable you are.”

Severus put up his hand, stopping Lailie. “I do not need to hear this. I get it, but my feelings have not, and will not change.”

“I know you feel that way now, but Severus, Harry needs you.”

Severus turned away from Lailie. “Please leave.”

“Severus…”

“Now!” Severus flung himself up from his chair and stormed to the door, opening it. Lailie stood up slowly, straightening her robes. Severus avoided her gaze as she stood in the doorway.

“I know this is hard for you. I know you must miss Albus.” She ignored his snort and kept speaking. “There are still more Horcruxes and you really were the only one Albus was willing to entrust the information with.” She handed him a thick envelope from the pocket of her robes. “It’s from Albus.”

Severus fingered the yellowed parchment in his hands. Trust the old coot to still be giving him orders from beyond the grave. He felt his chest tighten and he pursed his lips against the tears that threatened to escape their ducts. Lailie placed a hand on his shoulder and it took Severus all his self control not to pull away.

“That boy is going to need you Severus, regardless of how you feel about him.” She slipped another piece of parchment into his hands and when Severus looked at it, he saw an address written down. He looked at Lailie.

“For when you’re ready.” Lailie smiled. “Albus trusted me too.” And she was gone.

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Severus had moped around his quarters for the next hour. He didn’t bother cleaning up the mess he had made earlier. It was nearing late evening, almost time for him to head up to the hospital wing for the evening. He didn’t want to think about the events of the day, but Severus seemed incapable of thinking of anything else.

Why he hated Potter didn’t matter, the boy hated him as well, didn’t he?

Severus thought back to the day at Grimmauld Place when Potter, or the Horcrux, had cut his wrists. Finding the boy in the basement in that state, with barely enough strength to stand had been more than disturbing. But Potter had reached out to him…

Help me…

Help me…

Help me…

Severus sighed deeply. It was time to head upstairs.

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It seemed Poppy had been waiting for him.

“Has he woken yet?” Severus asked as walked over to the bed the boy occupied. Poppy shook her head.

“I’m not sure it will be for another few days at least. His body is practically ravished, he needs time to recuperate. He is still unconscious, but it should shift into sleep soon which is the best for him right now.”

Severus stared down at the pale figure. Potter’s face was painfully thin with bruises mottling the pale skin. His lips were cracked with specks of dried blood dotting them. He looked like death warmed over. Placing a hand on his forehead, Severus felt the cool skin.

“At least the fever seems to have stayed away.”

Poppy gave a small smile. “At least there’s that.” She sighed heavily.

“What else is wrong with him?”

Poppy pulled the covers a little lower and pulled one of Harry’s arms out from under the soft blanket. Gently tugging at the fabric of his shirt, she lifted one of his sleeves, showing Severus more bruising around his wrists. “From the bindings.” She covered him back up. “His bones are almost brittle from the malnourishment and muscle loss. He bruised his knees from slamming into the stone and his left femur fractured from the impact.”

Poppy pulled the blanket up from the boy’s legs. The pajama’s left pant leg was cut off, and Severus could see the swelling and bruising around what he assumed was the break in his leg. “You healed it?”

“I want to wait for the binding potion to wear off fully before performing too much magic and overtaxing Harry’s body, and then I will set it and heal it.”

Severus nodded and pulled the blanket back over the injured leg. He pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and got ready to settle down.

“If you’re staying the night, it would probably be smarter to stay in the bed…” at the look Severus shot her, Poppy pursed her lips. “But you’ll do what you want.” She turned to leave the room. “I have monitoring charms on him, but if there is anything you need Severus, you know where I am.”

“Thank you, Madam.”

The night passed uneventfully for Severus. Around midnight Poppy had come to do a quick check on Potter. Severus remained awake for a few more hours after that, thoughts of Albus running through his head.  Albus…Albus and Severus…Severus and Harry…Harry and Albus…it was almost like a twisted love triangle.

Could Severus really blame Potter for the relationship he had with Albus? For the relationship either of them had? It almost didn’t seem fair…and then Severus remembered James Potter and the bullying, the tormenting…but Harry was not his father, was he?

Severus knew that. He was not as ignorant as he seemed during the Occlumency lessons he’d had with the boy. He had seen the memories. Harry Potter was not an arrogant, spoiled brat, let alone a bully. It would seem that he was actually the opposite.

But the pensieve…the boy had looked in his pensieve, had seen his worst memory. Severus hated him for that. In the back of his mind, a thought tugged at him. The boy had not known what he was doing; he did not know it was Severus’ own pensieve with his own private memories. Regardless of what Severus had said in the past few months, it was an accident. And the boy had apologized, if not out of sincerity, then out of terror of punishment. Severus could always demand a real apology, one not coerced out of fear. And it seemed Harry had kept his word and not told anyone of what he had seen.

“So Potter, can I hate you anymore?”

Severus sighed and leaned back in his chair. Sleep would not claim him for a little while longer and it would be to the noise of Poppy fussing around the boy that would wake him a few hours after that. But for the moment, Severus was content to sit and relax in the darkness.

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