Where Once Was Light by Ivy-Green
Summary: Severus is found out as a spy among the Death Eaters and runs for his life. Along the way, he makes some shocking discoveries about Harry Potter.
Categories: Parental Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco, Dumbledore, Hermione, Lily, Original Character, Remus, Ron, Sirius
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Resorting, Slytherin!Harry, Snape-meets-Dursleys
Takes Place: 4th summer
Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Alcohol Use, Profanity, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 43 Completed: No Word count: 174704 Read: 333899 Published: 23 Jul 2009 Updated: 04 Jan 2012
Chapter 16: A Time for Answers by Ivy-Green
Author's Notes:
Severus and Petunia have a private discussion.

1994

The breakfast that Harry and Severus shared together was a reasonably quiet affair. Indeed, neither one spoke at all to one another, but every once and a while Snape would bark at Dudley to stay put or he would glue his feet to the floor. The other child had simply whimpered at this, not daring to say anything at all.

Harry found his appetite was quite healthy that morning and ate what was given to him. But unlike most teenage boys, this young wizard could not eat quite as much. After years of being starved, especially during the more crucial stages of development, Harry was shorter and frankly, weaker than the others in his year. But he was getting more food over the years he spent at Hogwarts and was using it to his advantage.

Severus, on the other hand, never ate much for breakfast. Usually, while in school, the professor ate only a slice of toast and some fresh fruit with black coffee or hot tea. But he ate the French toast Petunia had prepared. He did not thank the woman, of course, not even when she cleared the table, but sat deceivingly calm, sipping on the coffee that woman had made him.

“P-Harry,” the Potions Master corrected himself quickly. “If you are agreed to it, I need to borrow your owl. I need to get a message to the Headmaster to tell him of my…situation here.”

“You’re going to tell?” Harry was a bit surprised. He did not quite know what to think of the idea of Dumbledore knowing.

Scowling disdainfully, Severus set down his coffee cup. “If you are referring to informing the Headmaster of our… newly discovered relationship, then no. I have no plans of telling the old man about that.” The young wizard could not quite believe Snape had the nerve to call Albus Dumbledore ‘old man’, but tried to ignore it. “I wish to inform him of my compromised position as spy.”

Although he had expected it, Harry still had a hard time thinking of his teacher as a spy. It seemed so…odd. Snape certainly looked nothing like, and acted nothing like for that matter, James Bond. Although he had to admit, the man was fantastic at surprising people and sneaking up on them. How many times had be glided over behind Neville and made the poor Gryffindor jump, spilling his potion everywhere?

“Sure,” Harry shrugged. “I’m sure Hedwig wouldn’t mind. She needs to get out and stretch.”

“Which reminds me,” the Potions Master turned away. “Vernon? When you’re done, go clean out the owl’s cage. It was filthy!”

Although he knew he should not, Harry found himself smiling. Perhaps having Snape show up was not such a bad thing after all. The man had not really gotten too angry with him yet, just a few snaps and growls here and there; but the younger wizard was use to that. He would have been surprised if Snape hadn’t been angry with him at least once in twenty-four hours. This new Snape was… refreshing actually, the more Harry thought about it.

Harry found that while lost in thought, his… father was staring at him. While over the years at Hogwarts, the young wizard had gotten used to people staring at him, even Dumbledore, it still unnerved him when the Potions Master’s gaze landed on him. Those black eyes were heavy, as though the man were piling mounds of coal upon Harry’s shoulders. What was the man always looking for? A week ago Harry would have said faults, weaknesses, but now… Now he was not so sure.

“I assume you have not had time to do your summer lessons?” at last the deep voice sounded once the younger wizard had looked up.

“Uh, no, sir, I have not.”

With his ebony wand out once more, and a quick squeak from Dudley, Severus moved Harry’s school truck into the kitchen beside the boy. Harry watched, still amazed at any sort of magic, especially if it was in his own house. He found himself wishing Uncle Vernon was in the room to see it. The fat man also loved to witness magic.

Once everything was arranged, Snape nodded, almost as though acknowledging his own work, before he looked back at Harry. “Since you will not be doing any chores while here, you are to spend an hour, at the very least, on your studies each day.”

“An hour?” Harry could not help but be outraged. “Every day?”

A scowl returned to the Potions Master’s face, for the first time that day directed at Harry. “Yes, an hour every day,” black eyes narrowed. “One would think you did not want to go to Hogwarts or become a better wizard. Even the greatest wizards had to learn at one point it time. Actually, you will never stop learning.”

The speech was met with a frown from Harry. He had not meant that he did not want to learn. He actually loved learning about new things, but with his reputation, or rather, the reputation James Potter left behind for him, Harry could not actually express his true self to anyone. But what he had meant to express was that everyday in the summer seemed a little overboard to him. After all, summers were there to enjoy and have fun, not be forced to work and read all the time.

“You will be working now,” Snape commanded seriously. “Petunia,” he barked. “Leave the dishes. Porkin’s over there can deal with them,” he jerked his head towards Dudley.

The fat boy turned and gawked at the wizard for a moment. “I’ve never done the dishes!” he whined. “I don’t wanna do the dishes! That’s Harry’s job!”

With each word Dudley said, Harry could tell that the professor was getting more and more angry. Whining was never a good thing to do in front of the Potions Master. Harry recalled a time when a Hufflepuff had the misfortune of whining in Snape’s class room only to get twenty points taken off his house, along with the most terrible detention anyone could imagine. Lewis never talked about it much, but from what anyone could make of it, Snape had shown him some sort of slide about all the misfortunate souls that really were out there. Lewis had nightmares for three months after.

Standing up, towering over the fat child, Severus glowered down at the boy, black eyes flashing with anger. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” he asked dangerously. “How dreadfully terrible it must be not to know how to do anything. But, child, I’m giving you an unexpected treat; I’m going to let you do the dishes. Now you might actually get a job somewhere when you’re older and not just go wandering the streets.”

Behind his hands, Harry snickered. Oh yes, poor unfortunate Dudley. It was true though; if the other boy learned now, he might be able to get a job somewhere washing dishes. It would be the only thing his cousin would be able to do as he knew absolutely nothing else except video games and bullying.

“Get to work!” Snape barked, and once again, the fat boy obeyed. “Petunia,” Severus turned to the woman. “Come with me.”

Harry felt a wave of dread and pity flash over him as he watched his aunt go. What was the professor going to do to her? Snape had not seemed too angry with her until this morning. Was he going to torture his aunt? Surely not, he and Petunia had known each other too long for that, right? Or perhaps he just wanted to question each of the Dursleys separately?

Sighing, Harry watched as his aunt and his new father walked to the front of the stairs. The master wizard motioned up the steps for Petunia to go, but instead of following her up, Snape apparated up the stairs himself. Why would he do that? But Harry supposed he should not question, and when he tore his eyes away from the hall, the whole house was silent again with the exception of Dudley clinking silverware and plates together while washing and Vernon’s scrubbing of the couch and floor.

Deciding that there was nothing else for it, the young wizard decided that worrying would not help matters any, and pulled out a blank piece of parchment and took out a quill and ink. Smoothing out the paper, he grabbed his Transfiguration book and began to write his essay.

&&&&&

Severus was waiting at the top of the staircase for Petunia, who looked absolutely sick. He jerked his head, indicating that she should follow, before they entered the master bedroom. The large door closed behind them, and the two childhood playmates stood for a moment looking at each other.

“Sit,” Snape instructed, as he began to pace across the room.

For once, the Muggle did not argue with the younger man. She sat perfectly still as she waited for the wizard’s harsh words to slap her again. From the past, Petunia had learned that Severus’s tongue could be just as hurtful as his hand. It was a rare gift to have such a tongue that could cut down anyone in any circumstance, but it was a skill that the man before her had mastered.

With wide, expectant eyes, Petunia waited for Severus to continue, watching anxiously as the wizard paced across the room like a trapped animal, just waiting for a chance to get out. “I don’t…” he started, his voice nearly shouting. “I don’t understand this,” he recollected himself. “Why would you do this to your nephew? Why would you do this to Lily’s son? How could you?”

With a face whiter than snow, Petunia stared up with watery eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispered.

Scowling, the wizard stopped his pacing abruptly. “You don’t know?” he scoffed. “Come, come now, don’t give me that! You had a reason for doing this to Harry and I would have it!”

Petunia sat perfectly still, ringing her hands desperately. Her eyes were red rimmed from crying and her mouth was a thin line. Every so often it was apparent that she was trembling with fright, but she forced herself to sit tall before her questioner. If he had not been so angry, Severus might have stopped a moment to admire her courage; but he was not in the mood to admire anything at the moment. All he wanted to do was be angry.

“I’m-I’m not going to give you an… an excuse, Severus,” she said quietly, her eyes falling, unable to hold the burning coals that were the wizard’s eyes.

The declaration was met with a stunned silence, a look out outrage and frustration on the man’s face. Flipping his cloak dramatically, Severus began pacing furiously. His robes' normal billow was stifled by the furniture in the room, and contented themselves by flapping violently around their master like great black waves threatening to consume the wearer.

Suddenly, Severus turned on Petunia, and was sitting next to her, only a few feet away. “Tell me,” his eyes now related everything his voice could not. “Give me an excuse.”

Silence flooded the room as the two stared at each other; Severus with pleading eyes, Petunia with haunted, wet eyes. Her bottom lip began to quiver as she looked into the wizard’s face, and for the first time, realized just how much this man hurt. What had happened to the little boy she had know all those years ago?

Years ago, when Severus and Lily had been married, there had been life within the black eyes. Now, there was nothing but broken shards of obsidian. The emptiness in those eyes was heart wrenching. Severus had always been the rough and tumble sort of boy, always taking what life dealt out for him with his chin lifted defiantly, even as his spirit was slowly starting to corrode away into nothing. But now, where once fire had been, there was nothing at all. There had been glimmers of the old Severus, fleeting moments, but it could never quite fill the emptiness, the utter despair that she now saw. What could have happened to break the man, to suffocate all warmth out of him?

Taking a shaky breath, Petunia had to look away, lest she fall into the empty tunnels of despair, never to emerge again. “D…do you know what happened after… after Lily and James’s death?” she asked carefully.

Scenes and memories of Azkaban flashed in Severus’s head, reminding him of those cold, desperate days when he had nothing to look forward to except daily visits from the Dementors. The only hope he had had was that Dumbledore would find out what happened to him and save him. But days turned into weeks, weeks into months before the old wizard came to get him. And by then, Severus had quite lost his mind, with little hope of returning into sanity. Yet, he had fought, and he had come out of his hellish nightmares until he had finally formed into the man he was today: the lonely, hated, precise, impatient man he was today…

“I did not hear all of the news, I am sure,” his voice dropped, as did his head. Shame washed through him as he remembered how scared he had been while imprisoned, how he had longed for death, but would never give his guards the satisfaction of giving up. Instead, he had let them see him slip away, deep into his mind, as though he were insane. Had it been better? The wizard did not know, but what could be done about it now?

“Well,” Petunia went on, unaware of the wizard’s silent distress. “That night, when… when it all happened, that- that Headmaster came at night and set Harry on the doorstep in a basket with a letter explaining everything that had happened.”

Severus growled. The old fool had just left Harry on the doorstep? With no protection? With nothing but a blanket and a letter explaining himself? Disgust seeped into his stomach as he could just picture the little baby he had held in his arms years ago, alone and helpless: orphaned.

And where was he? He should have been there for his son. He should have protected the child and his mother. There was no excuse for abandoning his family, leaving them in the hands of the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. But then again, he had been the one stupid enough to get arrested that night while running from the wreckage.

“We found him the next morning,” the woman went on, lost in her own memories. “Vernon wanted to take him to the orphanage, told me that we had no business with the child. But I had insisted that we take him in. Vernon and I… well, we fought. Constantly. Marge, Vernon’s sister, told us that we should drown Harry.” Severus snapped up his head, outrage flaring to life. “But I never let them too near,” Petunia said hastily. “I would not let them touch my sister’s son.

“But as time when on,” the woman’s eyes gazed over. “I watched Harry grow, and my marriage was… not what I ever wanted it to be. When Harry turned two, I found I could hardly look at him anymore. All I saw was James Potter. There was so very little of Lily in him that I saw, other than his eyes. And the more I dwelled upon it, the more… insulted I grew.”

Severus’s breath caught as he listened. What Petunia was describing was exactly how he had felt when he saw a picture of Harry when he was ten that Dumbledore had shown him. The face that was so blatantly James’s, with little of Lily’s features in it at all, had been infuriating. The pain and bitterness had been crushing. So when the boy had first come to Hogwarts, it had been very easy to hate the child. He was horrified with the similarities between himself and Petunia.

“And when Vernon suggested that we put him in the cupboard…” tears spilled from her already swollen eyes. “I-I agreed. I did not want a boy that looked like James Potter running around. I did not want a reminder of the man that had ruined my sister’s life being happy. And slowly, very slowly, I accepted the way Vernon was starting to mistreat the boy. And the more room I gave him to do what he wanted, the more I realized that our marriage was getting better, and the less he… he hit me.”

“Oh Petunia!” Severus was actually horrified. What had happened to the fiercely independent woman that he had known years ago?

When the wizard’s mask slipped into pity and disappointment was when the woman broke down into sobs. She threw her arms around the Potions Master’s neck and just bawled, not caring if he hexed her when she let go. She just wanted to hold onto something real, something she knew would not let her fall. Lily had trusted Severus, why couldn’t she?

Taken back at the sudden contact, Severus held still, flinching only slightly at the sudden embrace. But realizing that the woman needed some comfort, the wizard was only sorry he did not have any to give. He had never been able to comfort anyone… except Lily. But he was hardly the man he used to be. There was nothing left in him to help this woman. Was there?

“Petunia,” Severus lowered his voice into a soothing drone. “Petunia, please collect yourself.”

After another moment or so, the woman did eventually sit back up, wiping her eyes, her cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry,” she gasped between tears. “I…I’m such a horrible person! I never wanted any of this to happen! I just… I just couldn’t help it. I never wanted to have a marriage like your-” she cut herself off, looking up horrified.

The expression on Severus’s face was once again cold and stony. Any compassion that had been there briefly before was now gone. In its place was yet again a terrible nothingness that seemed the norm with the wizard.

“Like my parents,” he filled in for her, knowing her thoughts.

When the Muggle woman nodded pathetically, Severus turned away. He was not angry with her for not wanting to be like his parents. Who could? Tobias and Eileen Snape’s relationship was one of the most mysterious and horrible tales Severus had ever come across. There was no affection between the pair, nor had he ever been able to sense any, and there was certainly no respect. Whatever had driven his parents together, the Potions Master would never know, but it had led him to want a better life, a better relationship than those two had had.

Standing up, Severus moved to walk out the door, leaving the woman to collect herself, when Petunia called out, “Where are you going?”

Stopping, but not looking back, Severus felt himself stiffen. “I’m going to get that fat slob you call a husband,” he growled.

“Don’t hurt him!” she pleaded.

Spinning around, Snape was next to the woman again in an instant. “Why?” he hissed. “Why not? How can you stand that…that bastard? He's hurt you and lied to you! I don’t understand why you love him!”

“I don’t love him,” Petunia’s eyes hardened.

“Then why in Merlin’s name did you marry him?” Severus demanded.

“Oh, come on Severus,” her voice held bitterness. “You know as well as I do that I could never refuse a well established man that showed an interest in me. I’ve never been as pretty as Lily, or as noticeable. For a while there, Vernon made me feel…special.”

Again, unwittingly, Severus felt sorry for the woman before him. He knew all too well what it was like not to feel worth anything, having been told he wasn’t almost every day of his life. He could actually understand falling into a trap where someone appreciated something you had, and falling into the pit when a couple of compliments had been given. That’s how he managed to ruin his life by employing himself in with the Dark Lord.

“I will not… permanently harm him,” the wizard growled. “But he cannot be allowed to get away with what he’s done either. He will have to face his crimes.”

Staring at the wizard for a moment, Petunia finally nodded. “I understand.”

Stand back up, Severus reached the door way, and was about to apparate back downstairs when he found himself looking back at the door with the many locks and bolts upon it. A shiver ran down his spine.

“Severus. Harry can’t stay here,” Petunia said quietly from behind.

“I know.”

To be continued...
End Notes:
Oh no! What will happen next?!? Guess you'll have to keep reading!

Thanks to everyone that reviewed the other chapters, it means a lot! For those who haven't yet, please donate to my "Make Ivy-Green Smile" Fund. Wouldn't it be worth it to give a smile to a young author? :)


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