It was early in the morning that Tuesday, when Severus was woken up by the cries of baby Potter. The moan that escaped his lips was like the drone of the dead rising. It was more ghastly than the moans of the dead that haunted the school- who actually did not do a very good job haunting, as they seemed to have too much fun- but despite his groaning, the professor managed to sit up in bed, his eyes feeling as though they weighed two tons each.

Standing up, his boots still on his feet, the man lumbered over to the cradle where he took the baby in his arms. It was only four o’clock in the morning, but that was much better than the previous night where he had only gotten about two hours asleep together. Now he had gotten a blessed four!

But the child was surprisingly dry and did not seem to want anything but to be held. Little Harry refused to settle down, however, and from the mix between exhaustion and exasperation, Severus began to shake violently. His brain felt like it was going to explode!

Setting the child down on the bed, the Potions Master left the room without a single word. He went to the fireplace and threw in some Floo powder. Once he was sure his head was in Dumbledore’s fireplace, he bellowed at the top of his lungs, “I HATE YOU FOR THIS OLD MAN!” before he quickly distinguished the flames.

Tiredly dragging himself back into the room, Severus picked up the still screaming little baby, and, despite a promise to himself the other day, he transfigured a seat into a rocking chair. He could always change it back, after all.

But not caring nearly as much as he thought he would, the weary professor flopped down into the chair and began to rock the child back and forth once more. He felt like he was going deaf from all the screaming, so after a while, the crying did not bother him quite as much as it had the first day and a half. Now he just sat there, face void of any and all emotion, as he rocked the child steadily.

After another ten minutes, tears started to fall from the Potions Master’s eyes as well. What was he doing wrong? Why wouldn’t Potter stop his excessive wailing? Was there something medically wrong with the child?

Unable to stand it any longer, Severus stood up and held the baby away at arms length. “What do you want from me!” he cried. “I’ve given you everything you could need, and still you cry!”

His declaration was merely met with more tears.

Huffing in exasperating, Severus sat back down with the little baby. He leaned baby Potter up against his shoulder and began to pat the little back, hoping, praying, that it would make the child quite. Surely those little lungs could not sustain such volume for long? Eventually the child would have to get tired and quit, would he not? But knowing his luck, Severus knew that that might not be the case.

Eventually, baby Potter began to settle, and hiccupped, as he sucked his thumb. Snape was even too tired to scowl at such behavior, and he placed the child into the crib once more. But once he let go of the child, Harry began to sniffle again, and seemed ready to start in on a fresh wave of tears.

Unable to think too clearly, Severus grabbed one of his pillows and transfigured it into a teddy bear. It was a simple bear, as the wizard was far too tired to do much else, but he shoved it into the child’s grubby little arms. “Now, leave me in peace!” his voice was low, even as more tears came out of his eyes.

Once the bear was in his arms, Harry looked over to his guardian in awe. This man gave him a gift! This man was so good to Harry! He was going to have to name this man that he loved so much, but for the time being, he was tired and soon fell asleep with the bear securely in his grasp.

******

The next morning, Severus woke to his alarm and walked to the shower, with his clothes this time, to change into. He felt like he weighted fifty pounds heavier, as he felt stiff and miserable. Perhaps not sleeping properly had not been one of his more brilliant idea, but he had not had the energy to change! He was simply drained, and he did not know how he was going to function through the day. Was it illegal to drug babies?

Once out of the shower, and dressed, Snape looked at himself in the mirror. His face was paler than usual, and he had dark bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep. He also thought he looked a bit more drawn, which probably wasn’t far from the truth since he hadn’t had much appetite lately. So, while combing his hair and brushing his teeth, the Potions Master refused to look at his reflection again.

Out of the bathroom, Severus saw that little Harry was beginning to squirm uncomfortably. Knowing the sign all too well now, the professor rushed over to the child and changed him before the brat could cry. In record time the baby was changed, and Snape took the time to dress the little hell spawn for the day.

Revenge was not as sweet as Snape would have thought it would be when he decided to put baby Potter in Slytherin green. In fact, the little blighter seemed to like the color. How was he supposed to be cruel when the child liked everything the Potions Master usually did to punish Gryffindors? This was too unbelievable.

Lifting the baby in his arms again, Severus felt something tug at his heart when the child grabbed the sides of his face in his tiny little hands. The child smiled at him as he inspected the face, his green eyes bright. A smile began to form on the man’s face. Maybe parenting got better with time?

“Ouch!” Severus yelped in pain when Harry decided that he liked Snape’s hair and wanted it for his own. "Little brat!"

Looking into the chubby little fists, the professor realized that the demon baby had in his possession several strains of Severus’s hair. “I’ll remember that too, you little worm!” he growled. Potter giggled.

Snatching up the bear, the professor stormed out of his chambers and went into the Great Hall. Much like the previous morning, most of the students were there already. It occurred to Snape, even in his tired state, that they were all wanting to watch him! Little dunderheads! They wanted to see him make a mistake! He’d teach them.

With a straight back, the Potions Master marched down the isle of students up to the Head Table with baby Potter holding his bear in hand. Merlin, the kid had a teddy bear! And he was carrying said kid! It was amazing that the world hadn’t spun off its axis by now.

“Good morning, Severus!” the Headmaster called cheerily.

Sitting down, Snape’s face held absolutely no emotions whatsoever. Almost as though he were a zombie, the young professor picked up the bottle, and began to feed the little boy, much like he had the morning before. He did not see the concerned faces of his fellow staff members.

“Headmaster,” Dolores Umbridge’s annoying voice flittered through the air. “If I may, I do not believe that a professor here at Hogwarts, as such a pristine school as it is, should have a small child here. It distracts the students and the staff. Not to mention that it distracts the professor whose child it is!”

With his eye twitching, and his blood pressure rising, Severus tried desperately to keep himself calm. He could not give into the temptation of screaming at the odious woman, he could not do it! He could not let everyone see his real anger. He could not…

“Headmaster,” Snape spoke up. He waited for the old wizard to turn and look at him. “If I may, I do not believe that a professor here at Hogwarts, a school I’ve been teaching at for fourteen years, should have so many kitten plates, doilies, and pink rubbish in her office. It distracts the students and the staff. Not to mention that it distracts the professor whose office it is that all of those atrocities reside in!”

Everyone sat quietly as Snape growled viciously at Umbridge, glaring at her so fiercely that everyone began to pray that the woman would fall over dead, while Umbridge herself looked completely shocked. She opened and closed her mouth several times, looking much like the toad everyone believed her to be.

“Are you mocking me?” Dolores asked angrily.

“Oh! She figured it out!” Severus looked around at all of his other co-workers. “That’s twenty points to you!”

“Why-I-never!” she squeaked in frustration. “Headmaster, aren’t you going to say anything?” she demanded.

“Yes, Albus, aren’t you going to say anything?” Snape rolled his eyes. His head hurt.

For his part, Dumbledore looked between the two professors agitatedly. He never did like to get in the middle of his staffs squabbles… unless it was fun, that is. “Well, I don’t think that-”

Just then, Harry decided that he was not getting enough attention from his guardian. He reached up and yanked down hard on the professor’s hair. He wanted attention!

“Ouch!” Severus glared down at the baby in his arms. “What do you want now, you little monster?” he growled softly, as he sat the child up and began to pat his back.

“Headmaster,” Umbridge went on. “You’re methods of discipline here are-”

“Not to be discussed here,” Dumbledore frowned at the woman in pink. “If you have a complaint, you may speak to me privately.”

With a wimpy huff, Umbridge crossed her arms, pouting, while Snape could not help but think of terrible ways to kill the DADA teacher- a job that should have, by every right, been his, thank you very much. Casting Cruciatus Curse followed by the the Imperius Curse being cast to cause the vile frog to dipping herself into a boiling cauldron of hot oil and then taking the liquid and throwing it into the lake for the giant squid to lap up, was among one of the options that the Potions Master was contemplating. It was a start anyway...

But when Harry burped, the professor tiredly began rocking the child in his arms, to ensure that the baby would not start crying again. How he lived in fear for the moment when the Potter spawn would begin his ungodly wails! It was worse than any pain that the Dark Lord could inflict upon him.

Only having time enough to down a cup of coffee, the Potions Master made his way back into the dungeon to prepare for his class. First off, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. He usually liked these classes better, as Gryffindor and Slytherin were a bit more…boisterous and…unruly, but the Head of Slytherin hated any class dealing with these two houses now that he had to watch the baby. As Hufflepuffs cooed and fawned over the little brat, Ravenclaws only talked amongst themselves about the proper form of child care. He had taken many points yesterday.

Surprisingly, Severus was able to set Harry in his crib in the classroom as he furiously worked to catch up on grading before the class actually began. He was halfway through his work when the doors opened and his class slowly started to trickle in. The students were actually surprised to see the Potions Master in the room at all, since the Slytherin usually liked to scare them all by barging into the room. But for the timing being, Snape had abandoned that welcoming, as his nasty entrance was stunted by a baby on his hip.

So, cautiously, the students sat down, waiting for the class to begin. They watched anxiously as the professor continued on with his grading, before they dared to start to fidget. What was going on here? Why wasn’t the professor starting class?

But just as the thought occurred, Snape stood up abruptly and skulked over to the board. In much of the same manner as the day before, the Potions Master lectured only a minute before he barked at them to begin. He had too much to do, and he could not afford to talk to these dimwitted children all day. They never understood anything anyway. So the professor sat down to continue his grading.

When the class was about to end, the Slytherin teacher was infinitely pleased with himself for finishing his grading. He’d had to cut down on some of his sarcastic remarks and focus mainly on the idiots’ mistakes, but it was worth it to just be done! Perhaps things would get better?

Snape truly believed this. That is, until Harry started to cry.

Sighing, letting his head hang down in frustrated defeat, Severus wondered if he could just ingest a potion from one of the little dunderheads. He was certain it would kill him faster than the baby was.

******

At lunch time, Severus walked into the Great Hall with his little charge happily gurgling in his arms. The sight was positively an oxymoron! With sour, tired, grumpy, angry Potions Master with the sweet, energetic, happy, joyful little baby. It was too unreal.

Once more, sitting himself at the Head Table, Snape went through the motions of feeding Harry once again. If little Harry had known he was causing such distress to his guardian, he would have tried to be better for the man. But as it was, the child did not know that he was the bane of Snape’s existence, and so continued on in the manner that he was. After all, if he was happy, that meant everyone had to be happy. Right?

For once, however, it was not Harry that Snape was loathing at the moment, but Professor Umbridge. The despicably woman had managed to trade, or had just taken, seats with Minerva McGonagall. Growling, Severus grumbled to himself, glad that little Potter was still to stupid to understand some of the words he had just muttered.

“Severus,” Umbridge plopped down next to the Potions Master.

“I did not give you leave to call me as a familiar,” the younger professor hissed dangerously. He hated the way his name came off of the woman’s tongue.

“Professor Snape,” she corrected grudgingly. “I really must have a word with you.”

Rolling his eyes, Severus looked down at the baby to see the big green eyes sparkling up at him. He suddenly felt a little bit better about everything. “Alright,” he growled, “but only one.”

The joke was over the woman’s head as she took out her clipboard and quill. “Now then, I’ve looked up the rules regarding such matters,” the toad began. “And it say here in section twelve, paragraph seven, line fifteen of the Hogwarts Teacher’s Manuel, that all children under the age of eleven are strictly forbidden to live in the castle for longer than two night, unless, of course, that child is the offspring of one of the professors currently on staff.”

“I didn’t know we had a teachers manual?” Snape looked over to the Headmaster, completely forgetting the witch beside him, as his brain really was quite foggy at the moment. Dumbledore merely shrugged.

“Professor Snape!” Umbridge snapped the book closed in outrage.

“Professor Umbridge!” Severus could not help but respond automatically. He really did need more sleep.

“I am being perfectly serious when I say that that child cannot stay here any longer!” the witch huffed again. “Unless he is your immediate family member then-”

“Then,” he drawled. “I don’t see a problem.”

“The rules do not allow for nephews to stay around with their uncles, Mr. Snape,” she barked.

“Well, take the rules out of your arse and get over it, because this child’s mine!”

The words were out so fast, that Severus could hardly understand what he had just said. He looked from Dolores’s stunned face, to that of the staff members, to Dumbledore, to the students- who had been listening- before peering down at the child.

It was in that moment that little Harry decided on what to call his beloved guardian. “Dada!” the baby clapped his hands excitedly.

Severus thought he had just had a stroke. 

*Quick Commercial Break*

Of anyone listening, no one was more surprised with the Potions Master’s words and the child’s declaration than Severus Snape himself. He stared wide eyed at the child who had just declared him, his father.

“No! Bad Potter, bad!” he whispered urgently, unable to grasp the idea of someone actually calling him such a name.

But when the baby clapped again in response, the Potions Master knew that he was defeated. He had basically just claimed Potter as his son, and visa versa, Potter had just declared him father. It was about the weirdest thing that Severus had ever had happen to him. Even more odd than the time he walked in on Minerva and Filius “discussing proper protocol”. Although that particular memory would forever haunt Snape until his last day and after. But this one was much worse… he supposed… in a way...

As the Great Hall was quiet, with the exception of Harry’s claps of joy, Severus swore his heart was making so much noise that everyone else could hear it too. Merlin he was so stupid! That’s what he got for not sleeping enough, he just knew it! This was all Potter’s bloody fault! He’d never be able to live this one down!

“Your son?” Umbridge looked stumped for a moment, before she picked up her quill, which she had dropped at the proclamation. “And who’s the boy’s mother then?”

“That’s none of your concern!” Snape spat, cradling the child closer to his chest.

“My dear boy,” Dumbledore spoke up. “I think we should take tea in my office. If you would come with me please.”

Scowling his most terrifying scowl at the DADA professor, Snape stood up and walked around the table with the Headmaster and the two powerful wizards, and the baby, left the Great Hall, which erupted in chatter the moment the doors were closed.

******

Sitting down in an overstuffed chair, Severus found himself becoming too comfortable with little Potter in his arms. Perhaps if he just closed his eyes a little and listened; he could get through this meeting with Albus and then go back into the dungeon to prepare for class. Oh, but it felt so good to sit there and do nothing but close his weary eyes!

“Severus, I think it’s time we had a serious talk,” the old wizard’s uncharacteristic concern alerted the Potions Master that he would have to pay attention.

He sat up reluctantly, shifting Potter into a more comfortable position on his lap. “Look, if this is about screaming at you this morning through the Floo, I think I was justified b-”

“Oh, no,no, it’s not about that,” the Headmaster shook his head. “Lemon drop?”

The old Headmaster was flabbergasted when Snape actually took a lemon drop and popped it into his mouth. The sugar would help him stay awake…or so he told himself. Merlin, he needed sleep!

“Severus, what I need to tell you is something of the utmost secrecy,” Dumbledore stressed, locking eyes with the younger man.

Nodding obediently, Severus shifted Harry again. “Of course, Albus. What is it?”

“It pertains to Harry, my dear boy, and the fact that you just claimed him as your son,” again, Albus looked the Potions Master over sternly.

“I know. It was stupid and foolish of me to say such a thing. But when Umbridge started to nag me I-” Snape began, while still cuddling the child closer to his chest.

“Severus, Severus,” Dumbledore raised up his hands for peace. “I am not chastising you for your words towards Umbridge. Heaven knows I hate the banshee,” the Headmaster’s eyes twinkled with another kind of light, the kind that wanted to kill. “But I would tell you a little story.”

Sitting, while holding his breath, Severus knew that whatever this was going to be about, he was not going to like it. Without really thinking, the Potions Master grabbed a handful of lemon drops and shoved them into his mouth. He needed something to pep him up, after all.

“Now, Severus,” Dumbledore folded his hands neatly on top of his desk. “You will remember there was a time when you and Lily Evans were close-”

“What has that got to do with anything?” the professor felt himself blushing. Harry began to pull on his hair.

Raising an eyebrow at the interruption, ignoring the fact that Harry was jerking out the Potions Master’s hair completely, Albus when on. “When you were close, I understand that you and Lily would get together after you graduated to ‘make potions.’”

Wincing as he was trying to get the brat’s hands out of his hair, Severus growled, “So?”

“Well, I’m sure you recall that more than just potions making went on-”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about! Get OFF!” the professor finally lost his temper with the baby, and grabbed the little wrists with one of his hands, but not hard enough to hurt the sensitive flesh. Snape managed to free his hair without ripping all of it out.

“Oh! Yes, well, I forgot that you wouldn’t remember, as James was very jealous and careful to-”

“Just get on with it!” Snape shouted, while little Harry giggled merrily at the loud noises, while managing to capture another piece of the professor’s hair. It was just so fun!

“Well, you see, you are really, actually, biologically Harry’s father,” Dumbledore shrugged.

“Dada!” Harry cried delightedly, clapping his hands.

Severus fainted.