Chapter 26 - Harry's Problems

"The Headmaster offered for me to live in the castle," Harry said while lying on his back in the grass, watching Severus and the others flying.

"And what do you think about it?" Hermione asked, ignoring the ache in her heart that was caused by the thought of Harry leaving The Burrow. She had realized that she and Molly had pestered him too much, but she couldn't help worrying about Harry.

"I don't know. I like The Burrow, but sometimes I would like to have a break from all of it. I feel free here," Harry explained.

"I will change, Harry. I promise. I will try to give you more freedom. Charlie already told me that I've pressured you too much. You know I'm worried, Harry. Very worried. I still think you should follow the advice of the Healers more carefully. There is still hope that the pain will ease and that they will find a new potion."

"Hermione, not even Charlie has found a better potion, and he has all of Severus notes. I will stay like this forever," Harry said, frustrated.

"There is always hope, Harry." Hermione took Harry's hand while lying down beside him.

"I wish I could see it like this," Harry said sadly.

"Look," Hermione said and pointed at Severus, who giggled helplessly on Charlie's broom. "We all thought it was horrible that the Ministry decided he had to be de-aged and now look at him. Do you think Severus would have had a better life if they had let him live as he was?"

"I don't know. He wasn't happy, but losing all of your memories, even when they are bad is something hard. Good that he doesn't know what he's missing. Imagine how bad it would be if he still had his memories. It's better this way, but they should have never forced him to make this decision. He is a hero, and they really would have let him rot in Azkaban. I hate all these false Ministry officials. And then they wonder why I don't show up at any of their stupid parties."

"I don't know. I think if Severus would have known what it would be to become a child again and having a new chance for a better childhood, he would have done it without the force of the Ministry. Look, he had lost almost all of his friends. He never forgot what he did as a Death Eater, and he never could forgive himself for it. And now he is giggling and enjoying his life." Hermione paused and squeezed Harry's hand. "If you had the chance to de-age, would you do it?"

"Never," Harry said determinedly. "Almost all of my friends survived, and I would never give up my memories. There were so many good ones."

"But there are also many bad ones," Hermione said sadly.

"Yes, but not enough to give up my friends and live as a child again," Harry said in a hoarse voice. "I prefer to be an uncle than a playmate to little Sev." His face lit up while watching Severus screaming when Rolanda dived under Charlie's broom.

"If only one person would have heard what kind of hex it was that hit you."

"Why think about it. It's useless. Nobody heard it, and nobody even has the faintest clue why my leg is still hurting. I just have to live with it," Harry said in the hopeless voice that always makes Hermione more worried.

"It's not only your leg, Harry. You don't have to hide it from me. I can see that there is more. You flinched when Severus sat on your chest and you haven't flown since the war."

"I thought you wanted to give me more freedom, Hermione," Harry said annoyed and sat up.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione said, laying a calming hand on his shoulder. "I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to hide things from me. I just hope you told Madam Pomfrey and Charlie about it."

Harry turned angrily to Hermione and shrugged her hand off. "And if I hadn't? Will you go and tell them? Freedom, eh? It's my life Hermione, and I'm sick of yours and Molly's and Poppy's mollycoddling. Why can't you leave me alone?"

Hermione's eyes were full of tears when Harry ended his hateful speech.

Someone cleared his thought behind them and both young adults turned around. "I thought I would make us known before you two say something you both regret," Albus said while holding the hand of his shocked looking wife.

"Yes, you are right," Hermione said as she fought a useless fight against the tears that were already falling down her cheeks. "I had better leave now." With that she ran away.

Harry threw himself violently back in the grass. "Fantastic."

Albus spread a blanket on the grass, and Minerva placed the picnic basket on it.

When both elders had sat down, Harry said, "Please start the scolding soon so that it is over quickly."

"I don't plan to scold you at all, my boy. It's your life, your friends and therefore your choice how to treat them. But if it is alright, I would like to ask you a question," Albus said calmly.

Harry sighed. "Just ask."

"Was it your intention to make her ran away or was there another reason for your outburst?"

Harry stared in the sky for a while. "No."

"No, what, Harry?" Albus asked insistently.

"I can not explain it. I...I didn't plan to say all these things." Harry felt horrible. He had told Hermione the truth; his friends meant everything to him, and his greatest fear was to loose them. Sometimes his anger just overcame him, and he felt serious shifts in his mood. Like when Severus was scolded by Charlie and a few minutes ago while talking to Hermione. He just felt the urge to hurt somebody or himself in those moments. He tried hard to control these feelings, but with each day it became harder.

"Have you ever thought about that these mood changes could have been caused by the unknown hex or maybe could be side effects of it," Albus asked gently to not trigger another outburst.

That made Harry turn on his side to face the Headmaster and Minerva. "I have never thought about it." He looked pensively at the Headmaster. "I always thought it came from the pain." Immediately he bit his bottom lip for letting this slip. "Please, forget what I said." Harry sighed and threw himself on his back again.

"I'm sorry, but I can't, Harry. How much does Poppy know about all this?" Albus asked a little more sternly.

"Please, Professor..."

"Why do you refuse to tell her, Harry. Maybe she could help you."

"She would send me back to St. Mungo's. That's all. And I swear I would prefer to die than go back there," Harry said and felt anger rise in him again.

"She cannot send you there without your agreement, Harry, and I don't even think she would suggest it. Of course, it is your decision what you tell her and what not. At least she should make some more tests to see if it has something to do with the hex."

"Tests, tests, I hate tests. I'm no guinea pig." Pookah took this moment to come back from hunting butterflies and sat down on Harry's chest. "Come to team up against me, too?"

"Just think about it. Harry. I don't know if it even concerns you, but I can't believe that you want to push your friends away. These moods do it, if you like it or not, and Poppy could have a solution. And now why don't you come over here and help us arrange the picnic."

"Okay," Harry said, happy that the uncomfortable conversation had come to an end.

"Mummy, Daddy, have you seen me flying?" Severus screamed across the pitch while running over to them.

"Of course we have," Minerva said and stood up.

Severus ran into her open arms. "Arlie was fast, but Ro always is faster."

"Yeah, because she cheats," Charlie said.

"Do not," Rolanda said and playfully batted Charlie on his head with her broom.

Severus giggled, but Minerva looked sternly at the Quidditch teacher. "Really Rolanda, what a role model are you for Sev?"

"I hope absolutely no role model. What an awful idea," Rolanda said and played being shocked.

"Come on sit down all. We have enough food for all of you," Albus instructed the little group.

All were chatting happily during the picnic. Severus told Minerva and Albus of his day and showed them the photos. From time to time he offered Pookah a fruit. The little animal ran from one person to another and let them feed him. "It seems he really is one of the few weasels who are friendly to many people, like Hagrid said," Charlie mentioned to Severus.

"Yes, Pookah good boy," Sev said determinedly.

"It's unbelievable that he is running around like this when he was lying almost catatonic in the box a few hours ago," Harry said while watching the animal curiously.

"Yeah, now you say it. It's a wonder," Charlie said and popped another grape in his mouth.

Harry could feel Albus' watchful eyes all the time on him. "Sometimes being around people you love helps you to heal. Even if others or you had already given up all hope."

Albus words had triggered something free in him. Maybe there was really hope. At least some help for his mood problems. But what if Poppy insisted on sending him to St. Mungo's when he told her how much he really was in pain and about his mood changes. Or maybe I just don't really want to know what's wrong with me.

"Harry! Harry!" Severus was jumping in front of him.

Harry had to shake his head to clear his mind and realize the small boy was in front of him. Severus' face was now only inches away from his face. "Can you sleep with your eyes open?" Severus asked in awe.

"Severus what did I tell you about annoying other people?" Minerva asked him while lifting him on her lap.

"Harry not annoyed. Harry likes me," Severus explained, nevertheless enjoying the cuddling with Minerva.

"Yes, I know," Minerva said and kissed Severus head. "Now you can ask Harry what you wanted to."

"I want to show Aunt Poppy and Uncle Al the photos. Will you come with me?"

Harry looked skeptically at Albus.

"I have nothing to do with this," the old man said. He held his hands up innocently, but his eyes were twinkling madly.

Harry sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Why not."

"Yeah," Severus stood up and started to bounce again. Pookah squeaked and climbed on Severus' shoulder.

Minerva rolled her eyes. "Really, Severus, sometimes I wonder where you get all your energy from. Use it to not destroy the picnic but to gather something for Aunt Poppy and Uncle Alastor."

When everything was packed, Minerva gave Harry Severus' sweatshirt. "Would you please make sure that he puts it on in the castle?"

"Sure," Harry answered and tried to give his former teacher one of his lately rare smiles.

"Thanks for going with him," Minerva said and stroked Harry's hair sadly.

Severus tugged at Harry's hand to draw him away from Minerva. He knew her moods, and so he knew that she soon would cry if they wouldn't leave now. Whatever was wrong with Harry -and there definitely was something wrong in Severus' eyes- Aunt Poppy would make it better. That was the reason why he had asked Harry to come with him and not Charlie. Aunt Poppy can see that you are ill without saying anything to her, and she always makes it better.