Divergence by JAWorley
Summary: Harry Potter starts Hogwarts with high hopes of finding himself a real family, and holds tightly to this hope despite the torture his new Potion's Master seems intent on putting him through. Can Harry's hope hold out long enough to see his dream through?
Categories: Healer Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco, Dumbledore, Fred George, Hagrid, Hedwig, Hermione, McGonagall, Other, Percy, Ron, Voldemort
Snape Flavour: Snape is Angry, Snape's a Bully, Canon Snape, Snape Comforts, Snape is Cruel, Snape is Kind, Snape is Loving, Snape is Mean, Snape is Stern
Genres: Angst, Drama, Family, General, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Hospitalization, Injured!Harry
Takes Place: 1st Year
Warnings: Neglect, Profanity, Torture, Violence
Prompts: Breaking the Brat
Challenges: Breaking the Brat
Series: JAWorley's Challenges
Chapters: 17 Completed: Yes Word count: 62919 Read: 288788 Published: 23 Sep 2009 Updated: 24 Sep 2015
Losing Sleep by JAWorley
Ten - Losing Sleep

Infernal, inconsiderate, good for nothing child! Severus stormed down the dark corridor back to the Dungeons, ranting angrily to himself. For the third time in as many days he had gone running to find Harry and found him perfectly safe playing a stupid game or doing something else mundane. Apparently the spell was very sensitive, and Severus had not learned to differentiate between true danger and the danger of playing a game of exploding snap. He hadn't even said a word to the boy this time, and had left him there alone in the Gryffindor common room to explain to his peers why the Potion's Master kept barging in on their private activities. Aside from these unexpected jaunts through the castle to find the boy, the two of them had not spoken since the adoption ceremony had been preformed.

Unfortunately, until Harry was in any real danger (potentially during his next Quidditch match) there really would be no way for Snape to tell what danger was real, and what danger was contrived, and so he would have to keep responding to each little pang or tingle of danger he felt. He had not been amused when the Headmaster had suggested he had a "Danger Sense," similar to the Muggle's Spiderman who had a "Spidey sense."

Severus finally made his office in the Dungeons and sat down to grade the remaining stack of papers. Harry's was on top. Cursing himself as he was forced to mark the paper with tons of red ink, he remembered that he was now the boy's father and it was now his duty to ensure that the boy's grades remained high. He'd been meaning to speak to the boy about several things of this nature but had not yet found the time to do it. He had just finished grading Harry's paper and had moved on to Granger's paper when his ‘danger sense' began to tingle again, and he grumbled as he stood up to rush back to Potter's aid. "He'd better be falling off the North Tower," Severus muttered to himself as he jogged out the door again.

* * *

"Ow, wait, I don't understand," Harry said as he was dragged unceremoniously out of the portrait hole that lead to Gryffindor and into the corridor. Severus let go of his ‘son's' sleeve and allowed him to regain his balance.

"You will follow me," Severus said testily, in no mood to explain. They set off. Apparently playing tag had lead Harry to run up the stairs to his dorm room, and this in turn had sent of a signal, albeit a very gentle one, to Severus that Harry was in some sort of danger.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked. Severus shot him a glare and Harry shrank back at it, not wanting to be in any more trouble than he was already obviously in. He hoped he wasn't on his way to detention.

Back in his office, Snape pointed at a visitor's chair and said, "Sit." Harry did as he was told, and without another word Severus sat down behind his desk to finish grading his papers. After a half hour of Harry's fidgeting because he wasn't sure why he was there Severus set the last graded paper down on his desk and looked up at Harry, who was looking at the floor.

"What are you thinking?"

Harry startled and looked up. He shrugged his shoulders.

"You are not in trouble. I had you come down here because I could not keep running up to check on you when I have papers to grade. Not only was it becoming annoying, but I had work to do that would not get done otherwise."

"Oh," Harry said quietly. He hadn't meant to be an annoyance. Silently he wished to himself again that the man had not taken on this time. He said it himself, Harry was bothersome. Harry didn't want to be bound to somebody who didn't want him around.

"Can I go back to my common room now?"

Severus sat back and crossed his arms. Harry could see that he was thinking about something, and didn't like the idea of that at all. What was there to think about?

"Not tonight."

"What? Why?" Harry sat forward a little.

"I have not had a decent night's sleep in two nights. I require sleep in order to function properly in the morning. If you get yourself into some kind of danger in the middle of the night, I do not wish to run all the way up through the castle to get to you again."

"But, couldn't you just ignore it if it happened?"

Severus sighed and shook his head. Stupid boy, he thought to himself silently. "Why did we do this Potter? Why did we perform two long, complicated spells? To alert somebody to any danger you may be in so that you are not murdered. So no, I cannot simply ignore it. Until I can get a better grasp on what a feeling of real danger is, you will do as I say in regards to what you do, and do not engage in, is that clear?

Harry nodded, looking down again. Where was he supposed to stay then? Was he going to be told to sleep in the chair, or the hallway? It wouldn't be the first time he had to sleep on the floor or someplace uncomfortable, but he had already grown so used to sleeping in a warm bed in a safe place...

As if reading Harry's mind, Snape suddenly said, "You will stay in the guest room in my quarters. You will not touch anything outside of the guest room or bathroom, and you will not leave without my permission, which will be in the morning when you are to go to classes, is that understood?

Harry nodded and only stood when his professor... father? Stood and moved for the door. It turned out that Snape's quarters were just down the hall and beyond a heavy dark wooden door. Inside was a plain, but warm homey feeling room. There was a small kitchen beyond the living room, and a hallway that lead to two bedrooms and a small bathroom with a large shower.

"This one is where you will sleep," Snape said, opening a door on the right side of the hallway. It was small, but there was a soft brown rug covering the wooden floor under the bed, and the bed looked soft and inviting with it's soft brown covers. Severus waved his wand and a pair of pajamas appeared folded on the bed.

"Who's are those?" Harry asked, wondering who's clothes he was borrowing. They looked to be his size, and were red and silver.

"Yours."

Harry looked up at Snape; his arms were crossed and he had an unreadable expression glued on his face.

"I don't have pajama's like that sir," Harry said, thinking the man was mistaken.

"You do now. I will see you in the morning. Remember the rules." With that he stepped out and closed the door.

Harry stood there for a minute and took in the rest of the room. It had a very warm, cozy feeling to it, just as the rest of the apartment did. Secretly he liked it very much, but could not imagine the man whom it belonged to having such a warm personality that he belonged in such a place.

Thinking that he had nothing else to do, Harry changed into his new pajama's and reveled in the fact that they were soft and fuzzy, and fit just right. Slipping under the covers of the bed, he noticed that they too were very soft. He couldn't help but snuggle down underneath them. It wasn't long before Harry had fallen asleep, lights still on in the room. And it also wasn't long before Severus Snape was woken from a deep sleep to a blood curdling scream and a sharp tingling and horror that took hold of his entire body.

Severus raced the few steps down the hallway to Harry's room and threw the door open, expecting to see somebody standing there murdering him. Instead he found Harry in the throws of terror, screaming in his sleep, much as he had done in the Hospital Wing a few days before.

Surprised that a dream could send such a message of danger to his entire body, Severus moved forward and shook Harry, trying to rouse him from his nightmare.

"Nooo!" Harry wailed piteously, like a wounded animal, throwing his arms over his face to protect himself as Severus shook him.

"Harry, wake up," Severus tried again, shaking him harder. Harry took a wild swing with his left fist and narrowly missed Snape's jaw as the man jumped back.

"Wake up Harry, wake up," he moved back to his previous position and continued to shake the boy. Finally Harry opened his eyes and Severus, staring into them, caught one brief flash of terror as the last image of a tall man with long black hair beat Harry senseless in his dream. Shocked, Severus let go of Harry's arms when he realized that the boy was shaking.

"Harry, it's all right," he said quietly, trying to sooth the boy.

Harry shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Yes it is, listen to me, it was only a dream. No one is going to hurt you."

Harry tried to turn away from the man standing there before him as he gave a sob. He didn't want to be seen like this... didn't want to be embarrassed.

With a heavy sigh, Severus crossed his arms and said, "Would you like to talk about it?"

Harry shook his head.

"If you are going to be having these dreams and waking me from my sleep every night then you will have to stay here every night." This got Harry's attention, and his gaze snapped over to him as he shook his head in a silent ‘no.'

"Yes you will. You will do as I say because I am the one who took on this task. You are bonded to me, not the other way around."

Harry bit his lip and turned away again. He wanted to shout that the man never should have taken on the task in the first place, because he never wanted Harry in the first place, and nobody ever did. Perhaps even his father and mother had not wanted him... no, but the pictures said otherwise he reminded himself.

"I'm tired," Harry suddenly said, wanting to be alone, or at least back in his own bed in his own dorm with his friends.

"And you are not the only one." Severus paused and then moved for the door, flipping the light off. "Go back to sleep. We will speak of this in the morning."

Once he was gone and the door was closed, Harry turned back to his back and lay with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. He was wide awake now, and even if he wasn't, was determined not to go back to sleep. He couldn't keep waking the man up and making him angry... if he did then he'd never get to go back to Gryffindor. And so it was that he stayed up for the rest of the night, trying to occupy his mind with reasons that things like this always happened to him, and nobody else. Why was he sent to live with the Durlsey's? Why was he forced to be bonded to Snape? Why were people always wanting to hurt or kill him? And each time he came back to the same conclusion... because he deserved it. He was bad, and there was no helping him now.


When Harry refused to speak in the morning, Snape sent him off with a command that he was to return to his office by curfew that night, and he was to gather any homework he wanted to work on from Gryffindor tower. It was Saturday and Harry took the opportunity to sleep in his own bed, thinking that if he had a nightmare now and Snape had to come find him, then so be it. He didn't have any nightmares though, and woke up feeling achy and tired around noon. Ron was there reading on his own bed and looked up when Harry sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Where were you last night? Did you get detention?"

"Snape's guest room," Harry said plainly. He had already told Ron and Hermione about his woeful decision to remain at the castle but to become Snape's responsibility.

"What? Why?"

"He didn't want to be bothered to have to keep running up here every time I played exploding snap or ran up the stairs I guess."

"Can't he tell between that and somebody kicking you to death?"

Harry shrugged. "He said he might be able to later on, but not yet. I have to go back tonight."

"Ugh... disgusting. What's it like? You know, where he lives?"

"I think he likes the color brown. The couches and chairs are brown, there was a brown rug on the guest room floor, and the blanket on the guest bed was brown."

"I thought it would all be green and silver," Ron said, "You know, because he's head of Slytherin."

Harry shot him a look. "You think McGonagall's quarters are all red and gold?"

"Maybe, but she's not as gung ho about being a Gryffindor as Snape is about being a Slytherin."

"Well, the only green thing I saw there was the green hand towel in the bathroom."

Ron asked him a few more questions about it, but then tired of the conversation and moved onto the topic of Quidditch. Harry's next game was against Hufflepuff in a week. Harry was glad that his friend had changed topics, and was glad that he hadn't been forced to explain that he had woken Snape up in the middle of the night because he was screaming bloody murder. Nobody could know as Harry did just how awkward it was to dream about being killed or beaten by somebody, and then wake up to have that same somebody trying to comfort you. It was just too strange.

Harry spent the rest of his day reading or looking at the photo album of his parents. What would they say if they knew he had a new ‘parent' now? And hadn't Snape told him that he and his father had not gotten along well? Then James Potter would probably be disappointed in him for choosing Snape as a new father... although he didn't really choose, and Snape wasn't really his father.

He took another nap before dinner to make sure he was well rested for the night, and then at seven fifty five he headed down to Snape's office. He was only there for a few minutes before Snape lead him to his quarters again and Harry went to his room.

This time he was armed with a Quidditch magazine from Ron and a soccer magazine from Dean, and an old novel with a picture of a boy named Oliver on the front from Hermione. Harry loved to read, and had not been allowed to do so at the Dursley's. Dudley had promptly ripped up his first library book and Harry had never again been allowed by the school librarian to check out any more books. Unfortunately for Harry he had finished both magazines and the book from Hermione by midnight, and was getting bored. Even with his naps earlier in the day, he could start to feel his eyes getting heavy, and soon he was asleep, and back at the Dursley's, trying to endure a storm of fists from Uncle Vernon. And just before he was woken, his dream changed and it was Snape attacking him, punching him in the ribs and telling him what an awful person he was, and how he didn't deserve to live.

Harry sat up and pushed Snape away when he was woken, and wrapped his arms around himself.

"It was only a dream," Snape reminded him. Harry already knew, but he didn't want to talk about it, and therefore didn't say anything, prompting Snape to leave, which he did after a minute.

This continued for the next three nights, where Snape was woken violently by horrible feelings that Harry was in danger, some times accompanied by a scream or shout, and where Harry sat up and refused to talk about it. Finally, on the seventh night that Harry stayed in his guardian's quarters, and that Harry had a nightmare, Severus knew that something had to change. He could not let his charge continue to be beaten or hurt in his sleep every night. It was beginning to eat at him as much as it seemed to eat at Harry.

He flipped on the light in Harry's room. "Harry, Harry wake up," he sat on the edge of Harry's bed and shook him, rubbing the sleep out of his own eyes. It took a moment, as it always did, but eventually Harry opened his eyes. Before Snape knew what was happening Harry was sitting up and flying into his arms, sobbing hard. Whether this dream had been particularly horrible, or it had all finally gotten to Harry, Snape didn't know, but the boy was clinging to him for dear life, sobbing into his night shirt.

"It's just a dream," Severus told him, as he did every night. But this time instead of remaining silent, Harry shook his head.

"No it's not." He kept crying.

"It was Harry, it was only a dream."

"No..." Through his tears Harry said almost too quietly for Severus to hear, "Nobody wants me."

"What? What makes you think that?"

"It's true," Harry said, continuing to cling to his guardian, and while he felt like a baby for it, he didn't care at the moment, because for just a few minutes, he had been allowed to feel as if somebody cared enough about him to hold him tight, even though Harry was the only one doing that.

"Harry, what about your friends, and-"

"My family doesn't want me, and it's because I don't deserve it."

"That's not true. They are unfit to-"

Harry cut him off again. "You don't want me."

His statement hung there in the air, and Severus wasn't sure what to say. It was true in a way. He had not wanted to take on this task of looking after the boy, and had only done so out of guilt for having partially caused the boy's problems. When he didn't answer, it only seemed to confirm what Harry had said, and Harry pulled himself away from Snape, who hadn't been hugging him back in the first place, so it wasn't a struggle.

"Can I just go back to my common room?"

"It's late. That would not be wise to travel through the castle by yourself."

"Please." There was a pleading in his voice that Snape found himself suddenly unable to deny, and he nodded.

"I will escort you then."

He went and changed into his day robes and when he returned, Harry had changed into his day clothes as well, and then they were on their way. He left him at the entrance to Gryffindor tower, and then waited until he had gone inside before he made his way back down to the dungeons, Harry's words and his own lack of a response eating at him all the way. ‘Nobody wants me,' Harry's scared voice rang in his ears. ‘You don't want me.' And then Harry's questions from the Hospital Wing clicked into his head... Harry didn't want him to take on such a responsibility without wanting it, because Harry was tired of being taken care of by people who never wanted him in the first place.

The End.
End Notes:
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