-II-

"Let me finish, Severus. As a child, I often got in trouble with my parents for loosing things or misplacing them. Alastor never got in trouble for something like that. Still, he got in trouble for other things. He had a habit of doing dangerous things or talking back. Everyone is different, but that doesn't make one person more different or freakish. You and Harry have different characteristics and therefore always will be treated different. We choose the punishment to fit the crime. While Harry hates to have an early bedtime, you hate to be put in a corner to think about your crime. That doesn't make you worse than Harry. You both are very good boys. If you never got in trouble, we would worry because that would abnormal. Boys your age get into trouble for things like that. What your father did and said was wrong. You aren't bad, Severus. Sometimes you do bad things, but you are not bad."

"Will the nightmares go away now?" Severus asked hopefully.

Poppy sighed. "I fear it isn't so easy. The best way to get rid of them is to call us when you have one and talk about it immediately or at least the next day. We need to see what works best. Do you think you could try?"

Severus nodded. He wanted o get rid of the nightmares, and if that was the only way, he would try it.

-II-

"Come in," a gruff voice from inside bellowed, and Severus pushed the door open cautiously. Paulus was sitting on his shoulder.

"Hey, look who is here, Paulus," Severus said. He was barely halfway through the door when Mrs. Norris started climbing up his trouser leg. He grabbed Paulus from his shoulder and put him down beside the other cat. Both immediately started to sniff at each other and then bolted through the room like crazy.

"Another detention from Binns on a Sunday?" Argus asked when he saw that it was Severus who disturbed him.

"No, I'm just trying to escape from home. Harry is nagging me to come with him to the Weasleys' next weekend." Severus sat down on Filch's old couch and quickly lifted his legs to get them out of Paulus' and Mrs. Norris' path.

"The Christmas holiday starts next weekend. A bit of time outside the castle wouldn't hurt you," the old caretaker said and finished whatever paperwork he had by shoving some loose parchments into an already stuffed drawer.

"Don't start talking like the others. I came down here to be left alone."

"No, you came down here to let you miniature cat destroy my home," Argus said as he caught one of his ugly vases before it fell down shortly after Paulus had jumped on a shelf. Mrs. Norris sat under said shelf and meowed, frustrated because she at least knew that she would be in trouble for jumping up there. Obviously, Paulus knew so as well because he looked triumphantly down at her. "Here, my sweetie, try to not leave too much left after eating him. Not that there is much on him to be left over." Argus grabbed the small black cat from the shelf and placed him directly in front of Mrs. Norris. The moment Paulus' feet touched the ground he spurted away, but Mrs. Norris was faster and had the advantage of knowing the territory. She had Paulus pinned down in a second. Paulus hissed and threw himself on his back to bombard the much bigger cat with his good hind leg. It seemed that Mrs. Norris let him go just for the fun of it. Both cats ran wildly through the small flat again until they finally were exhausted and lay down on the carpet in front of the fireplace, grooming their fur.

"Most of the students will leave next Friday. That Indian friend of yours as well. So what do you want to do when Mr. Potter is off at the Weasleys?"

"I don't need any students or Harry to amuse me. There are tons of things I can do alone."

Filch snorted. Severus could pretend as much as he wanted, but Argus knew that Severus was no longer a loner. He spent most of his time together with Harry or his friends. He had even become closer to the Slytherins again since Malfoy had come back.

"What? It's true. Look, I'm here right now. Alone."

"Ah, so I'm nobody? Thank you. At least as an adult you refrained from blurting things like that out loud." Filch pretended to be hurt, but Severus knew him well enough to know that it was only show.

"You know what I mean. I didn't bring Harry or anyone else with me."

"So why don't you want to go with Harry to the Weasleys? I heard you already spent a weekend there and it went well. What about Professor Weasley? Isn't he visiting his parents over the holidays? "

"Yes, he is, but that doesn't mean I have to. This holiday will be dreadful."

Filch raised an eyebrow.

"I mean Christmas, Argus. As if that stupid holiday isn't bad enough. This time I have to live with Alastor and Poppy's idea of Christmas for the entire holiday. I had to spend Christmas Eve with them as an adult, but then I had the quarters to myself for almost a week because they were visiting their families. Now they're forcing us to attend." Severus pulled a disgusting face.

Filch chuckled. "They can hardly leave you at home. You would burn the quarters down or sneak into the potions lab and make something explode or-"

"I got it, Argus!" Severus glared at his old friend. "Still, it's ridiculous. They could leave me here...with you." Severus hoped he had asked that question casually enough and looked cautiously up into Argus' face.

"You got to be kidding, Severus. I will not keep you for the holidays. I appreciate your visits, but I won't take responsibility for you for almost a week. No, stop protesting, Severus!" he said when he saw the younger wizard move to talk. "You are twelve, and you are quite a troublemaker. Not that I care much in your case, but I know that your adoptive parents do care and will hold me responsible for anything that happens during their absence. Not even our long-term friendship will make me stand the wrath of the woman you call you adoptive mother. And you have no idea what kind of spells your adoptive father could cast on me; the headmaster wouldn't even have the faintest idea because Alastor Moody can be very dangerous and sneaky. So the answer to your unasked question is no, Severus."

Severus looked down sadly. "But I would behave."

Filch shook his head disbelievingly. Severus had truly caught him off guard with that request. "The problem is that you hardly get in trouble because you mean to, Severus. You are as much of a trouble magnet as you always accused your brother of being while you were an adult. And most importantly, your parents wouldn't even allow this. I'm nobody someone would give their children to for a few days while they are off."

"I could ask."

"No, Severus," Filch said sternly to make sure Severus finally give up his insane pleading. "What is so bad about visiting their relatives? Surely you've met them before. You lived with Alastor and Poppy for years."

Severus sighed. "Yes, I met them, or at least saw them via Floo. But now I'm a kid. Alastor's family won't be much of a problem. His brothers are okay enough, but Poppy's family will be horrible. All her sisters are mediwitches. And if that isn't enough, their husbands are all Healers. Well, one of them is a Potions Master, but what if he only sees me as a kid now and doesn't want to discuss potions with me anymore? They will all be over me and Harry, firing diagnostic spell after diagnostic spell. They live far away, but what if they read the Prophet? What if they read that article about me and Harry? They will think I'm suicidal. One of them is a Mind Healer. Oh no, what-"

"Damn, Severus, you're giving me a headache. Sometimes I wonder if you really are the same person as the calm and private Potions Master I got to know."

That stung even though Severus knew that Filch often said things like that without thinking about it or meaning it in a bad way. Deep inside, he knew that it was his teenage mind that made those words hurt, but he could not stop it. "Maybe I should go." He stood up sadly and went over to Paulus.

"Damn, Severus, I'm not good at that stuff," Argus said when he realized that Severus was hurt. "As an adult, you always knew how to take me. I'm not good with kids."

That stung even more, and Severus knew he had to leave or he would embarrass himself in front of Argus. "I know. It's all right." Severus needed to find something to distract himself, and the first thing-or rather, the first person-that came to his mind was Draco. "Can I leave Paulus here and come to fetch him later? I want to visit Draco, and Paulus doesn't like the Syltherin common room."

"Sure," Argus said shortly. It was awkward to talk with Severus when he was emotional like this, and Argus had no idea how to proceed. He was glad that Severus wanted to go now.

xxx

"Hey Sev, what's going on? You look sad."

"Just frustrated. Christmas is annoying."

Draco laughed. "Christmas means presents, Severus."

"Christmas means meeting people you don't want to meet."

"Don't be so sour, Sev," Draco said as he threw his arm around the Ravenclaw. "How are classes going? Need help with anything?"

"No, I just wanted to see you."

Draco eyed Severus. "There's something else besides Christmas, Sev. I can see it. What's bothering you? You look sad, not annoyed."

"There is nothing," Severus said and wriggled out from under Draco's arm.

Draco looked surprised. "We're friends, Sev. You can tell me what's bothering you."

"You wouldn't understand, Draco. I'll just go."

"Sev." Draco grabbed Severus' arm to stop him. "What wouldn't I understand? Please tell me."

Severus shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. Talking about it wouldn't help. Please let me go, Draco."

The case that Severus was not just pulling himself free to leave was reason enough for Draco to worry, but he had no idea how to handle the situation. So he let go of Severus. When the dark-haired boy rushed out of the Slytherin common room, Draco planned to bite the bullet and talk with Potter to see if he knew what was wrong with Severus.

XXX

Severus was glad that the greenhouse was empty so that he could sink down in front of one of the Splinterkrauts beds from which they had harvested only two days ago. His hands sank easily into the still loose soil, and Severus sighed. His hands were aching badly lately, but he had been successful in hiding it from Maria and James as their check-ups were only monthly now. The fact that they were concentrating on his mental health more than any physical problems was also helpful. He had to speak with one of them twice a month about his past with his abusive father and his ill and weak mother. Their normal diagnostic spells did not seem to detect the problem with his hands, and for the last two month there had not been a reason to scan his hands.

The cold soil was magic to his stinging hands, but his chest was still hurting from what Argus had said and his fear of the coming holidays. He tried to relax and feel the earth magic like Radgarid had taught him. The tiny sand grains moved under his hands, and Severus felt the magic flow into his body. It wasn't much, but Severus had learned to absorb a tiny bit of magic from the soil. He had done it a few times, especially when he was distressed. Today had been Minerva's turn to refill his magic, but Severus had not been able to relax. Too many things had gone through his mind, and maybe his core was still not satisfied. The earth magic helped and Severus relaxed. At least until an unwelcome voice spoke up behind him.

"Finally, I've got you alone, Snape."

Severus whirled around to face Greg. The boy was sneering at him, his hands in his pockets.

"Leroy sends his regards, and he wanted me to tell you he hopes you two will meet again soon. He's learned much at Durmstrang, and he would like to show you. He said you can bring your boyfriend with you. He would love to show him something as well for making the rest of the Gryffindors against us."

Severus felt anger boiling inside him. Greg had waited a long time before coming to him again. He had thrown him some nasty glares and even tripped him up when no one threatening was around, but he had never cornered him alone. The things he said and how he threatened him made Severus angry. He also felt scared that Leroy would find him. Why now, when he was having problems with his hands? He did not want to tell James or Maria about it in fear that they would make him do more painful exercises. He had felt so relieved when they were over. They had never stopped being painful. The pain had ebbed, but it had not vanished even though he had pretended so. The anger was just enough to overpower the fear.

Greg laughed evilly. "What, do you want to piss your pants now, Snape? Oh, or should I say Moody. Do you think that old pathetic cripple of a guardian of yours would scare us? No, he's no longer just a guardian, is he? He's your Daddy now. Does Severus have a Daddy now? Death Eaters like you don't deserve to have parents. You are the reason why many others have lost their parents. They should be disgusted by you."

The ground shook, and Severus was surprised that he had no problem holding his balance. When he looked at Greg again, he saw that the boy looked back in horror at him and tried to free his feet out of the ground that had started to swallow him. Suddenly, Severus realized that it was him who had done this. He had called Earth magic to attack Greg and he did not want it to stop. So he just watched as Greg sank deeper and deeper into the ground until Severus suddenly felt the string of magic that was attached between his core and the earth snap. With shock, Severus realized that Radgarid, who had just appeared in the greenhouse, was the reason for that stop of magic. A very angry Radgarid, to be exact.

"What the hell is going on here?" Radgarid asked.

"He attacked me. He wanted to kill me!" Greg said and pointed accusingly at Severus. He had been helped out of the ground by Radgarid and now tried to get rid of the soil on his trousers by shaking his legs.

"Is that true, Severus?"

Severus did not say anything. He was sick of all the adults. They decide what he could do and even what he could say. He had broken the most important rule Radagrid had set, not to use elemental magic for attacking someone.

"Severus?" Radgarid asked angrily.

"You saw what he did! You can't let him get away with that! Leroy was expelled just for trying to pee on him and giving him a slap! He tried to kill me!"

Memories flashed through Severus' mind. Memories of him saying almost the exact same words to Albus when Black had tried to kill him by tricking him into meeting Remus in his werewolf form. He was in big trouble. Severus knew that. Albus would not be as lenient with him as he had been with Black. He would be expelled. And what then? He lived at Hogwarts. Where should he go? He could not think much more about it because he was grabbed by his arm and pulled in the direction of the castle. Only a moment later they were in the headmaster's office.

Severus did not say anything. Not even when Alastor and Poppy had been called in. What would it matter? He would be expelled, and then he would be all alone. Twelve-years-old, defenseless, and all alone? Or would they send him to Azkaban? Those memories were no longer attached with feelings, but Severus knew that his time there had been very bad. He did not want to be sent there.

"Severus! Merlin, talk or I will forget myself," Alastor said and shook Severus. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Greg grin. "And you! Stop grinning or I will wipe it off your face!"

"Alastor, that isn't helping," Albus and Minerva said in unison. The Transfigurations teacher sat down beside Severus and leaned closer to him. "Mr. Moody, you are in big trouble. Attacking a student like this is not a prank. You should really tell us your view of it all. Otherwise things are not looking good for you."

"I didn't know it was me. It wasn't on purpose."

"He is lying!" Greg exclaimed.

"You are quiet, Mr. McConnor. You already had a chance to tell us your side of the story," Albus interrupted.

"What do you mean, you didn't know what happened?" Minerva asked.

"The ground was shaking suddenly, and I couldn't stop it." It seemed Minerva did not believe him completely. Severus must have lost his ability to lie during the potion accident.

"Okay, I realized it was me after a moment but... I didn't know how I started it, and I wanted him to be afraid. But I didn't want to harm him." He looked pleadingly at Minerva.

"That was very dangerous. Mr. McConnor could have been hurt badly."

"I'm very disappointed in you, Severus," Radgarid said. "I thought I could entrust you with magic like that. You should have stopped the moment you realized what was happening. You know that elemental magic should never be used to attack someone."

Severus let his head sink. "I know. I'm sorry."

"That's not enough, Severus." After a pause, Radgarid addressed the headmaster. "I'm sorry that I misjudged the ability of my student to control himself and to not abuse his abilities. It is, of course, my responsibility if my student abuses the knowledge he got from me."

Severus' head snapped up. What did that mean? Was Radgarid in trouble because he had done that?

Albus looked thoughtfully at Radgarid and then at Severus. "There is still one thing to clear up before we think about responsibilities or reactions. What had caused this? I can hardly believe your magic started to react on its own for nothing. What happened before the ground started to shake?" Albus' blue eyes pierced Severus' dark brown ones.

Severus wanted to stay silent, but seeing Albus' stern face, he decided against it and blurted out what Greg had said.

"All in all, you cannot be made responsible for the accidental magic, but from the moment you knew it was your magic you can be made responsible. You will be suspended from school for one week to think about what you did and what you could have done instead. As for you, Professor Montanassi, I need to speak with Mr. McConnor's parents if they want to press charges against you."

"But it was me! You cannot make him responsible!" Severus shouted and sprang up.

"Sit down, Mr. Moody," Albus said seriously. When Minerva had pulled the shocked Severus down on the couch again, Albus went on. "We both know that you as his teacher are responsible for whatever he does with elemental magic until your training has been completed and you have announced him to be responsible for himself. I take it you haven't done that yet?"

"Of course not. He is far from being able to take responsibility for his elemental magic. All charges will have to go in my direction, not his," Radgarid said, determined.

"No," Severus whispered and then looked up. "He gave you a way out. Why didn't you-? " Radgarid's expression made it perfectly clear how disappointed he still was. Severus lowered his head again. This was all too much.

"Mr. McConner, do you deny having said all those things? Be aware that I will be able to make Mr. Moody show me the memory in my Pensieve."

"No, I don't deny it," Greg said, defeated.

"You will have detention with Mr. Filch for the next two days. Ask him when he will need you. If I ever hear that you threatened Severus or anyone else in this school again, the consequences will be much worse. I will inform you when I have spoken with your parents. I'm sure they want to have a word with you as well. I will also have a word with your Healer. You should have made progress by now. You may go."

When the boy had left, Albus turned to Alastor. "I don't want Severus to wander around the castle during his suspension. The house-elves can deliver his meals to your quarters or to the Hospital Wing if you want him there for meals. Harry can supply him with homework."

"He would have been under house arrest anyway, Albus. He will not see any of his friends except for Harry." Alastor's voice cut like a knife through Severus' chest. It was clear he was very angry and disappointed.

"Fine. I think we will meet again after I have spoken with the McConnors."

"Of course," Alastor said, and all the adults stood up. Knowing there was no other choice, Severus followed suit.