***8 January, 1987 ***

Severus awoke in the dark. He knew from the babble of hushed voices amongst the shadows that he was not alone; however, he was very confused. He could feel that he was wearing pyjamas and that someone had slipped him Dreamless Sleep. He had yet to open his eyes but from the smell of antiseptic and fresh linen, he could tell he was in the hospital wing. Why was he here…?

Startled out of his stupor, Severus' body jolted up from where he had been lying. "Lucy!" he cried out as the grief gripped him anew.

Anguish washed over him in full force as he remembered that Lucy and the baby were dead. She had died in his arms. Lucy was gone and he and Harry where alone once again.

"Harry!" Severus gasped. Where was Harry? He needed to find him…to protect him. That bastard, Musgrave, could have his son right now. Severus threw his blankets off of him. He tried to rise from his bed, but found himself being held down by several pairs of determined hands.

"Severus…calm down! Harry is safe! Lucy is still alive!"

Lupin? What was Remus Lupin doing here? He wasn't there. He didn't know.

"No! Lucy... she died! I wish it had been me!"

Albus was the next voice he recognized. "No, Severus. Lucy is alive. You would not let her go and I had to stun you so the Healer could mend her wounds. Do you hear me, Severus? She is alive."

"Lucy's alive?" As relief flooded through him, the world was coming back into focus again and Severus finally recognized those around him. Albus, Remus, and Arthur had been holding him back. An unfamiliar Healer stood behind them with a calming draught in hand. He broadened his search past them, trying to find Lucy.

As if hearing his thoughts Arthur said, "Lucy is right behind you, Severus, in the bed next to you."

Severus turned and looked directly behind him. There she was, shrouded in a blue mist of life supporting spells. Her superficial wounds seemed to be on the mend, as her facial swelling and lacerations had healed enough to where she was recognisable. It was hard to discern the colour of the marks due to the obscuring mist, but it was obvious the wounds were fading.

He looked around. It took a moment for him to realise where they were. They were in the private portion of the hospital wing, one that was hidden from view with various charms. It was rarely used, as was evidenced by the clutter of discarded medical contraptions and spare boxes of supplies, but Albus explained that Poppy had a couple of student patients in the main ward. It would have been far too upsetting for them to see their history teacher in her present state.

Aberforth arose from the chair next to her bed, where he had been holding her hand and keeping vigil. "Aye, it took quite a stunner to separate you from her," Aberforth sounded as weary as he looked. "Poppy and the Healer managed to...," he swallowed hard, "stabilize her afterwards though.."

Severus was hardly listening to Aberforth. His eyes remained fixed on the rising and falling of Lucy's chest. She was breathing, but not on her own.

"Why is Lucy here? Shouldn't she be at St. Mungo's?"

"Lucy's condition is too unstable at the moment to move her. After Poppy and Healer Swansea managed a life support spell for Lucy, I took the liberty of securing a specialist," Albus began to explain. "Healer Bardley expended a great deal of magic to bring Lucy to this point and she is currently resting herself. Meanwhile, her very able assistant is monitoring Lucy."

Over in a far corner of the ward sat a young man, diligently scribbling notes whilst peering into a purple diagnostic orb.

Severus nodded. He would thank Albus privately latter. Albus must have brought his considerable influence to bear to secure a private specialist for his niece.

"Lucy's left kidney was lacerated," Aberforth said sadly. "The healer has administered potions in hope of repairing it. In the meantime she is under a dialysis spell. If her kidney does not heal by tomorrow afternoon, they may have to risk moving her to the hospital to remove it."

Severus swallowed over the thick wad of pain in his throat, "Would that account for her coma?"

Albus said with a grave expression drawing his aged featured down, "I'm afraid not. She has a subdural haemotoma- some swelling of her brain. It appears that after she was subjected to the Cruciatus, Musgrave beat her viciously. The spells are helping, but honestly, it is a race against time as to whether she is strong enough to give the spells a chance to work. She is far from being out of the woods"

Suddenly a floodgate of tears opened up. They were tears of relief, tinged with fear at the uncertainty of his fiancée's predicament. Lucy was alive, but she was unstable. He could still lose her and Severus did not think he had the strength to withstand the emotional roller-coaster.

Musgrave was going to pay. A Dementor's kiss was not enough for the fucking coward and Aveda Kedavra was too quick and painless. He had beaten Lucy to a bloody mess after he had tortured her and the baby. What else did that bastard do...?"

Severus was almost too afraid to ask. "Did he...he...?"

"No, Severus," Remus said as he rested his hand on Severus' shoulder. "Frankly, we don't know why, because the Aurors say that everything points to a sexual assault, but he did not...ra...rape her."

Severus looked over at Lucy to reassure himself that she was still breathing. He wasn't complaining, but why sexual assault and no rape? What had stopped Musgrave? He was attempting to steady his breath as several scenarios of what he would do to Musgrave when he got hold of the son of a bitch played out in his mind.

He rose unsteadily from his bed, every joint and muscle protesting the effort. His friends reached for Severus to help him to his feet, but Severus waved them off. He sat down in the chair previously occupied by Aberforth and took Lucy's hand. It felt almost too warm. Perhaps it was because he felt chilled to the bone. What would he do without Lucy? What would he say to Ha...?

"Where is Harry?" Severus asked in sudden concern. Had he been left with the Weasley's with no explanation?

"Harry is in your quarters with Mr. Black," Arthur explained. "He and Minerva came over and explained everything to Harry."

Severus' eyes widened with concern, "What did they tell him?" He demanded.

Arthur put a reassuring hand on Severus' very weary shoulder, "Don't fret yourself Severus. They only told Harry that Lucy had been hurt and that you were here taking care of her. He did not want to frighten Harry too much."

"Harry is too intuitive to accept such a simplistic explanation," Severus said shaking his head. "He will know there is more to it and insist upon seeing Lucy himself."

"He already has," said Remus in agreement. "Sirius had to ward your front door. Harry nearly bolted out the door when they came through the Floo."

"I should speak to him," Severus said tiredly. He wasn't ready for this. "If something was to happen and the truth was kept from him, Harry would never forgive me. Remus do you mind terribly bringing him...?"

"It's one o'clock in the morning, Severus," Remus interjected. "He fell asleep a couple of hours ago, poor tyke. Perhaps you should wait until morning."

One o'clock in the morning? How long had he been out?

"What of the O'Conner's?" Severus asked, realising her family had to be told.

Remus said, "I've taken care of that personally. They should be arriving by emergency Portkey sometime later this morning."

Severus nodded his gratitude to his friend. He wasn't looking forward to the meeting. He had failed them. He failed to keep their daughter safe. What could he possibly say to them? 'Sorry' certainly wasn't enough.

Severus wiped away a stray tear as he looked over Lucy's prone body. He put his hand on her belly...her now flat belly which only a few hours ago carried a precious life.

Severus swallowed hard before he asked, "What have they done with Felicity?"

"She is in stasis in the office," Albus said solemnly. "Lucy had to be attended to first. They will examine Felicity in the morning. I would not allow the Aurors to take her until you decided if you wanted to see her or not."

Albus was certainly utilising his authority as Chief Warlock. After what happened to Lucy, Fudge's worst fears were about to come true. Fudge would do anything to accommodate Albus Dumbledore now. Severus knew, however, that in the end, all the kowtowing in the world wouldn't save Fudge's fat arse.

As difficult as it was, Severus decided he had to see Felicity, for Lucy never would.

Severus took Lucy's hand in his and bent over and kissed it, then stroked her brow. He said to her, hoping she would hear his voice, "I'll be right back, Darling."

Severus arose once more. "Do you want someone to come with you?" Severus did not know who asked.

"No thank you," he said to no one and everyone. "I prefer to be alone."

Severus stepped into Poppy's dark, deserted office and closed the door behind him. He knew he was alone, yet had the distinct feeling that he was not. The air felt heavy and cold and the hair stood on the back of his neck, almost as if one of the castle ghosts had entered the room.

The lights came up on their own and Severus' eyes had to adjust to the sudden change. What he saw lying on a specimen table caused him to hurriedly shut his eyes again. He shuddered back his tears from the shock.

This time steeling his nerves, Severus slowly opened his eyes again. Lying alone, in stark contrast to the black granite table, was a small white swaddled bundle. It was so very small.

Severus took in a fortifying breath and without knowing how; he stood next to the table. He extended his hand, not realising it was shaking until he saw it just above the linen. He closed his fist, unsure if it was the right thing to do. But he had to see her. Just to know that she had been real.

Carefully, Severus undid the soft linen that wrapped around Felicity's face. He let out a gusty exhalation, unaware that he had been holding his breath.

She was so small...smaller than a child's doll...and so beautiful. Just like her mother. Already she had a crown of fuzzy white blond hair much like her f...his...Musgrave's. She had yet to gain her baby fat, and her skin was thinner than parchment, but everything else, her nose, her little chin, where all Lucy. Just as Lucy was the image of her mother, Felicity would have equally favoured Lucy.

Her little eyes had not yet opened. Severus would never know if she had Lucy's striking turquoise eyes.

Gently, Severus picked her up. She was so cold. She was small enough to cradle in one of his long fingered hands and couldn't have weighed a kilogram. Gingerly, he unwrapped her a little more. With his pinkie, he lifted her tiny hand and counted her fingers. He then unwrapped her tiny feet. She had all her fingers and toes, she was perfect.

Severus' grief was raw again and he wept bitterly for his tiny angel who had her life ripped away from her before she had a chance to live.

"I'm so sorry, poppet," Severus choked as he cried, "Daddy should have been there to protect you...I'm so sorry."

After an indeterminable time, he gave her a small kiss on the forehead, heartened that Felicity would at least know her father's kiss before she was committed to the earth. Severus then tenderly wrapped her back in her linen, more as if he were protecting her from the cold than wrapping her in a shroud.

He wished he had something to transfigure into a pillow before laying her back on the hard stone. But this wasn't his office and he had no right to confiscate anything of Poppy's.

As Severus backed away from the table, someone nervously cleared their throat behind him. Severus turned to rebuke the intrusion, only to see Lupin.

"I apologise, Severus, but Harry awoke in the middle of the night. Sirius says he's asking for you."

Severus sniffed then nodded, "Tell him to bring Harry to me."

Remus nodded then wiped the tears from his face with the heel of his hand. "Oh, I have something for you," he shakily said and pulled out something wrapped in a handkerchief from his robe pocket and offered it to Severus. "The Aurors just left. They found this during the investigation."

Severus took the offered object and unwrapped it. It was the voodoo doll. That damned voodoo doll that Lucy returned to her office for. There was a bone skewered through the bollocks. Severus now knew why Musgrave did not follow through with the rape. From what he had read, the bone could only be removed by the curse caster. Wherever Musgrave was, he was is agony. Good!

"How did you get it?" Severus breathed heavily, attempting to keep his anger in check. "Wouldn't the Aurors want to take this as evidence?"

Remus coughed guiltily. "Well...I...uh...told them that it was nothing. Only a curious artefact Lucy's friend had given her. I told them she had it for years," he was scratching his head and cutting his eyes towards Severus, looking worried at what his reaction might be.

"You know what this is?"

"Of course I do," Remus replied. "Lucy showed it to me weeks ago."

Severus looked down at the doll. Desperately wishing that he could remove the bone and strike a lethal blow. It was impossible, but he could do the next best thing.

He held the doll out at arm's length in his open palm. His obsidian eyes bore into the primitive doll, channelling every ounce of his hatred for Musgrave into it. Through gritted teeth, Severus said, "This is for Lucy and Felicity—Incendio!"

Severus and Remus watched as the bundle of burlap bust into black ashes. The curse was now permanent—not even Lucy could remove it when she...if she... no, Severus would not give into despair... when she woke. Musgrave could try to run. But he wouldn't run far. It didn't matter how far he would go, Severus would hunt him down. Musgrave thought he was in pain now? It was nothing compared to what Severus would do to him. Musgrave would receive the ever-so-tender mercies that he had earned with the night's work.

"Severus?" Remus asked in concern, "Are you alright?"

He wanted to tell Remus that he was alright or it was none of Remus' concern, but he couldn't. Severus' whole body began to shake where he stood, "No," he admitted openly and covered his face to hide his tears. He had failed them and now Severus' world was collapsing in on him and he felt utterly helpless. He couldn't even keep his composure in front of his one-time enemy.

Without hesitation Remus grabbed Severus and pulled him into an embrace. Severus did not push him away, but instead wept on his friend's shoulder.

"What am I going to do, Remus? I'm lost without her."

"You aren't alone in this," Remus said through his own tears. "You have your friends and family. And Harry needs you more than ever. I don't know what will happen, Severus, but I promise you this...we will find that son-of-a-bitch."

Severus awkwardly pulled out of the embrace and nodded, accepting Remus' words because he simply had no other choice but to believe them.

***2:02 a.m. ***

With the exception of the mediwizard who continued to watch Lucy's vital signs and administer the occasional potion, Severus now sat alone with Lucy. Aberforth, Albus and Remus had left to prepare a suite of rooms for Lucy's parents and two of her brothers, Allen and Daniel. Aberforth would also be staying in the castle. He and his brother had come a long way. All three wizards were not needed to make these preparations, but Severus sincerely felt the need to be alone with Lucy, and his friends instinctively obliged him.

Lucy's brother Richard and sister Teresa were still in the process of making arrangements to come over. Teresa was a stay at home wife with several children and Richard's wife was attending an out of town business convention. They had to wait until their spouse's schedules allowed them to travel long term.

Albus had told Severus that Filius would take over Severus' fourth year through N.E.W.T. lessons and his first through third year lessons would be taken over by Severus' two best seventh year independent study students for the time being.

Cuthbert would sadly take over Lucy's lessons for the rest of term. Even if she were to awaken by the weekend, her physical and mental recovery would take far longer.

Before Albus and Aberforth parted, they had the grim discussion of what to do for Felicity. "My grandparents are buried in an ancestral graveyard in Suffolk. Before she died, my grandmother had procured the plots next to her for me. I wish to have Felicity laid next to my grandmother."

"But, Severus...surely you would rather keep..."

"No Albus. Felicity is a Snape. She will be laid to rest with my family."

"Daddy!"

Harry's shrilly frantic cry snapped Severus out of his musings.

Severus turned from where he had continued his vigil with Lucy. A pyjama clad Harry wiggled his way out of Black's arms and ran towards Severus, his bare feet slapping loudly on the wooden floors. Severus stepped just out of the private room, and closed the door just enough so Harry could not see inside. He needed to prepare Harry for what he would see before he took the boy to see Lucy.

Severus knelt bended knee to the floor and held out his arms to his anxious son, "Harry!" Normally he would have admonished the six year old for being up at this ungodly hour and for running about without even slippers on his feet, but under the circumstances, he understood.

Black, on the other hand, thought Severus would blame him for the child's late night excursion. "I'm sorry Snape, but he woke up from a rather fitful dream," Black began to explain, "I should have put up more than a locking ward on your chambers because the little cub managed to break them in a fit of accidental magic. He was halfway down the dungeon corridor before I managed to catch him."

Severus looked down in shock at his boy, who in turn, looked as though he was fighting sleep with every fibre of his being. But Severus could not let the infraction go. "Henry James Potter-Snape! What do you think you were doing running away from your Uncle Sirius like that? You know bet..."

"But I want Mummy!" Harry sniffed as he rubbed his already blood-shot eyes. "He said she got hurt...but she's okay. If she's okay, why isn't she home?"

Severus' annoyance melted away. Of course Harry would recognise a half-truth when he heard one. Harry was his boy, after all. Severus wrapped up the scared child in his embrace and explained, "Your Uncle Sirius was going to bring you in the morning, Harry." Severus felt as if he were choking on unshed tears as he turned Harry to face him. "Son, I want you to listen closely," he said as he let the boy wriggle into a more comfortable position as he attempted to muster the last reserves of his own courage. "Mummy was hurt very badly today. She is better than what she was, but she is still very, very sick. She is asleep right now, and may sleep for long time while she continues to heal."

"How'd she get hurt? Did she fall? Uncle Sirius wouldn't tell me." Harry looked back at Black accusingly. Black shifted uncomfortably under his godson's baleful glare.

Severus couldn't blame Black. How was he going to explain that Lucy had been nearly beaten to death by a man who once claimed to love her?

Severus swallowed hard. He hung his head, unable to look the boy in the eyes. "No, Harry. It was that bast- erm... Mr. Musgrave. He...he...hurt Mummy...very badly."

Harry's little face turned red. He began to tremble with anger. "Why? Why would he hurt Mummy? Mummy never hurt anybody," Harry began to cry. "I thought you said it was wrong for a boy to hurt a girl." Apparently Harry still remembered the lesson from when he first came to live with Severus. Harry had smacked Ginny Weasley when she tried to snatch his favourite stuffed dragon, the first toy he had ever owned.

"It is wrong, Harry...very wrong."

"What about my sister? Did he hurt Felicity too?" From the tears that continued to stream down Harry's face and the near terrified look in his eyes, Severus could tell that Harry was afraid to know the answer. Severus was afraid to tell him...but what else could he do?

Severus nodded his head tightly. "Harry...the healers did everything they could for Felicity, but she was hurt too badly...I'm afraid she d..."

"NO!" Harry began to pummel Severus' chest with his little fists. "I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!"

"Harry...Harry, stop it!" Severus said he tried to catch Harry's fists. Even though the child was only six years old, there was a great deal of rage packed behind those little fists. Black came over and knelt down behind Harry in an attempt to help Severus calm him.

"Harry...kiddo...It will be alright."

Harry buried his face into Severus' shoulder. "No it won't," he cried. "He killed my little sister. And Mummy will be so sad when she wakes up."

Unlike Black, Severus wouldn't tell Harry things would be alright, for he couldn't believe it himself. All Severus could do was rock his grieving son in his arms. Besides, Harry was right. Musgrave had murdered his sister, and when...if...no when damn it... Lucy woke, Felicity would be long since buried. Together, they would have to deal with the raw grief of Felicity's death anew. They would have to shift from healing Lucy physically to healing Lucy emotionally. It would be a long, hard road ahead for them all, but they would face it as a family.

Severus would explain all of this to Harry later, but for now, he would simply allow his son to cry.

"I want Mummy," Harry continued to cry on Severus' shoulder.

Severus closed his eyes and clung tight to Harry, "I know son. I want Mummy too."

***3:39 a.m. ***

Severus resumed his position next to Lucy, this time with an emotionally drained little boy softly snoring in his arms.

Black sat next to him, with his elbows to his knees and his head hung low. Black's dark hair masked his face, much in the same way Severus' would hide behind his own curtain of hair. There was much on the mind of his former schoolboy nemesis than the current situation.

"...I don't expect you to forgive me, Snape," Black said dejectedly. "For what I did then or for...this..." he continued as he sadly cast his eyes up to Lucy. "It's my fault. I gave Kenneth what he needed to escape. Hell, I encouraged him. If you want to have me thrown back into Azkaban, I will go without complaint. This time, I deserve it."

Severus just spent the last hour listening to Black's confession of guilt of every wrong he had cast upon Severus. In all honesty, if Black had made these confessions only two days ago, Severus would have whole-heartedly offered forgiveness. Tonight, however, he didn't give a flying hippogriff. Once upon a time, he would have thrown Black out on his arse and told him to a find a priest, but Severus could understand Black's feelings of guilt and the need to give those he had wronged the chance for retribution. Severus had been down that road himself.

Severus simply was so flooded with poisonous emotions that he was beginning to feel numb. He would go insane if he allowed himself to feel everything that was inside of him.

Severus could only nod. "The old Severus Snape would have blamed this on you, Black, and would have gladly stood and watched as you received the Kiss. But this..." Severus shifted Harry in his lap and put his hand on Lucy's forehead. He began to stroke her hair.

Severus wanted to say more, but the words wouldn't come. Severus would have liked to have told Black that it was not his doing. That after five years of false imprisonment, one could hardly blame him for latching on to his first human contact. Severus even felt that he should be thanking Black for warning them of Musgrave's escape. But Severus was too tired and worn to give such absolution. The words seemed to spin around in his head, an queasy cocktail of strong emotions and fatigue.

"Snape...I never thanked you."

Severus eyes snapped up to Black. He kept one arm wrapped around Harry and his other hand on Lucy. He asked with more than a bit if suspicion, "Thank me? Thank me for what?"

"For saving my life," Black said without hesitation.

"Saving your life? When did I ever...?"

Black let out a soft, snuffling snort, "That first night...when Remus almost AK'd my arse."

"Oh," Severus said quietly. He was too lost in sorrow and too anaesthetised by lack of sleep to truly appreciate the sentiment or find the irony in the situation. It had been Black that had sent Severus after the werewolf in that ill-conceived prank.

Black seemed a bit disappointed that Severus did not give him much of a response, but nodded his head as if he understood. He rose from his chair and patted Severus on the shoulder. Black then put a gentle hand on Harry's cheek and looked down lovingly at his godson. "Believe it or not Snape, after all these years, I can finally see what she saw in you."

Black then reached out, took Lucy's hand, and kissed it. "You need to come back to your Prince Charming, Sleeping Beauty."

Black turned and began to walk silently from the room. He was almost to the door when Severus remembered himself, "Black," Severus said wearily, "Thank you for watching Harry."

Turning back, Sirius gave a wan smile, "There is nothing to thank me for. After all, he is my godson." Black stood and stared at Severus for another moment. "You know, sometimes I can't help but wonder what things would have been like if James and I hadn't been such arseholes. I think...I think we could have all been good friends."

Black was turning to make his leave again, when Severus called him back. "Black."

"Yes, Snape."

"Find him."

"Kenneth?"

Severus nodded. "Find him and bring him to me. I can't leave Lucy and Harry right now and I don't trust the Ministry to catch a cold, much less Musgrave. If I wait until Lucy is out of danger to do it myself, he may be too far gone to ever find him."

Black gave Severus a determined look, his lips pursed grimly. "You want him dead or alive?"

Severus did not even need to consider his answer. "Alive...But I don't give a damn how you do it. Just keep it quiet."

"Consider it done," Black smirked, and he swept out of the room in a very good impersonation of Severus Snape.

"Is there anything I can get you, Professor? Would you care for some Dreamless Sleep?" The mediwizard asked Severus as he put a pillow under Lucy's back so to position her on her side. This saddened Severus. He knew it was to prevent Lucy from acquiring bedsores.

"No, thank you," Severus said numbly. "I'll summon a house elf to bring Harry and myself some things from my quarters."

The mediwizard summoned a phial, nonetheless, and placed it on a nearby nightstand. "Just in case you change your mind," he offered. "You truly ought to get some sleep. She is stable, and you will be useless to your boy if you end up back in the hospital next to her."

Severus nodded and the mediwizard looked at him doubtfully before he went back to his position to monitor Lucy's vital signs. Severus decided he would take the potion after he summoned a house elf to bring a change of robes for himself and Harry and some toiletries. Severus had no intention of leaving Lucy's side.

"What is its Mitzy can do for Potion's Master, sir?" the wrinkled elf asked sadly as she sniffed and looked over at Lucy. Word must have passed to the house elves about Lucy's assault.

Severus dictated a list of what he would require for the next few days. He was barely listening to Mitzy as he widened the hospital bed that he had previously occupied and gently laid Harry down.

He was watching his son sleep, the living legacy of his once best friend, when he was suddenly stuck by something Black had said.

... after all these years, I can finally see what she saw in you.

Black wasn't speaking of Lucy. He had referred to Lily.

"Professor...Professor?"

"Hmm?" Severus hadn't heard the elf's question.

"Mitzy is asking if there be anything else."

Severus stood his full height and looked over to Lucy. "Yes...there is a valet box on my dresser. Inside is a letter. Bring it to me."

"Yes, sir," and with a pop! the elf was gone.

Severus took his place next to Lucy. He took her hand between his and kissed her pearl engagement ring. Lucy had been curious about that letter for some time now. Severus had no idea as to why he needed to read it now...but something seemed to whisper in his ear that now was the time.

Ten minutes later, Mitzy returned with two satchels and one well-worn envelope.

After she was gone, Severus sat, one hand clutching the letter, the other Lucy's hand.

"Well, darling," Severus said nervously. "I have it. I suppose you think I should read it now."

Severus could almost hear Lucy say "No, I expect you to hold it up to your head like Carnac the Magnificent."

Severus gave a soft chuckle and took one last look at the letter. Lily would always be his first love, but Lucy...Lucy was the love of his life. Did he truly need to know what was in the letter?

Something again nagged at him. If he did not read it he would always wonder. He would never have the closure he still needed from Lily. He wasn't certain he would find it if he read the letter, but he needed to know.

Severus quirked an eyebrow to Lucy. "Well, here we go. You can't say you didn't ask for it."

Severus carefully opened the envelope. It opened without effort for its intended recipient.

As he knew he would never keep secrets from Lucy, Severus decided to share it with her. His sombre baritone seemed to echo in the chamber as he read aloud.

28 October, 1981
Dearest Sev,

Hello, old friend. I find that my hand is shaking as I begin to write you. If truth were to be told, I hope this letter never finds you. Everything I have to say in this letter, I hope to one day say to you in person. But should this letter find you it, can only mean one thing—James and I are dead and by some miracle our son, Harry, has managed to survive. And you...you my best friend and blood-brother, have proven all the naysayers, including my beloved husband, wrong. We have been in hiding for a week now. You-Know-Who has targeted us for death. Tonight, we have finished our final Will and Testament.

I know no other way to tell you this but to be blunt, so here it is. Sev, today James and I have named you as our son's secondary godfather. It is a prerogative that I insisted upon. I know you will not like to hear this part, but Sirius Black is Harry's primary godfather at birth. Our first choice was Remus Lupin. But unfortunately, due to certain facts I am unable to disclose, Remus is unable to take custody of Harry should something happen to James and I.

I'm sure you are asking yourself in that dry way of yours why I do this. The reasons I chose you would be enough to write a book, but suffice it to say, I know you're not what people believe you to be and I know that you still care for me, just as I still care for you.

You are probably wondering how I got James to sign off on this. To be honest, so am I. I think it may have been the Headmaster who changed James' mind. James and I were arguing where your loyalties lie the day before yesterday, when Professor Dumbledore came to check in on us. Dumbledore took James into the kitchen and had a few words with him in private. I have no idea what the Headmaster said to James, but whatever it was, it worked. James never disclosed the conversation to me (I'll wheedle it out of him later). But after Dumbledore left, he was willing to consent to my wishes on the stipulation that you must prove before the Wizengamot that you were an ally for the side of Light. Personally, I think it a bit extreme...but if Albus Dumbledore trusts you, then I know you have nothing to hide.

I admit, I know this is a burden you may not wish to bear, and frankly, I would not blame you if you were to refuse. I know I hurt you Severus. I know I should have listened to you that night. We were best friends for six years and I promised long ago that I would always be there for you. Yet I cast it all aside because of one mistake. I'm a poor excuse for a friend and blood-sister. As late as it is in coming, I am so sorry for my mistakes with you.

Sev, brother of my heart, know that through all the heartache and pain, I never stopped loving you. For two years, I thought about approaching you, asking for reconciliation. I missed you, Sev. I still do. But in all honesty, it took me a while to deal with my own anger over what you had said…after all, we were still children, and can you honestly say that we were rational teenagers? Is there such an animal? Unfortunately by the time I came to my senses, I thought it was too late. You had stopped trying to apologise, and I was quite certain that you could never forgive me.

Then something happened that I never intended and frankly thought was quite impossible. I fell in love with James Potter. Believe it or not, the toe-rag grew up. I will not go into details of how we came to be, but Sev, please be happy for me. James has been a wonderful husband and a loving father. He goes out of his way to make me happy and keep us safe and I cannot imagine my life without him. If things were different, I believe in time the two of you would have made good friends.

Sev, I'm asking you now...no begging you, to forgive me for all that I've done. I know I don't deserve it, but if I ever meant anything to you, please do this for the sake of my son.
I know we cannot hide forever, that somehow You-Know –Who will find us, and James and I will not survive this war. I do not think Sirius can keep Harry safe on his own. He is too reckless and jumps blindly where angels fear to tread. If he survives this war it will be a miracle.

Harry will need someone to protect him when others cannot. Someone who is stable and will put him his needs above all else. I know you are the one for this, Sev, because that is what you did for me. More than anyone else, I know your capacity to love. When I look back on my life, and everyone I've ever known, I can think of no one I can trust more with this task than you.

I know I'm asking a lot from you when I have no right...to take care of my boy and to essentially make amends with Sirius Black should he survive. I'm begging you, Sev, to look beyond the past and the fact that Harry is James' son. See Harry as the son of your friend...your sister. Harry is a good boy. He is smart and sensitive and loves easily. I know if you take the chance, you will come to love him as do.

Before I end this letter I have one wish...no...another request. Don't close your heart Severus Snape, not because of me. It is my sincere desire that you find a soul mate, someone who will love you and make you happy the way you deserve to be loved. And Sev, you do deserve to be loved. You deserve someone who understands you. I know she is out there for you, Sev, and whoever she is, she will be one damn lucky girl.

Allow yourself to be happy, Sev. Be happy and live your life well.

Always,
Lily

...and please, watch my baby.

I am Lily, he answered in his heart, knowing that somewhere, Lily heard him. Severus was taking care of Harry the best he knew how, but his happiness, his love, lay still and clinging to life in the bed next to him.

Lily's letter had inspired as many questions as it had answered, but Severus couldn't dwell on them right now. All of his energy was now focused on Lucy.

With one hand, he covered his eyes, in an attempt to hold back his tears once more. Blindly, with his free hand, he reached out and found Lucy's cool hand. Lucy did not respond to his touch and his body shook with renewed grief.

"Lily," Severus said prayerfully as he looked up to the heavens, "I know you can hear me. We need her, Lily. Please, I beg of you, find her... and bring her back to me...and to Harry."