13.  Turning Point

Harry brushed his fingers lightly along Anthony’s pale cheek. He had come to say good-bye and was trying to memorize the still face, knowing that he might never see Anthony again. 

"I'm so sorry this happened," Harry's soft voice quavered. "It should have been me, not you." He sniffled then touched gently that little spot just behind Anthony's ear.

"You always liked it when I kissed you here." The tears were spilling down his cheeks.

"Can’t you hear me?" He leaned forward and kissed Anthony ever so gently. "Please open your eyes. Please come back, I miss you so ..." Unable to finish the sentence, Harry pressed his cheek next to Anthony's and sobbed.

Upon the advice of the Healers, Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein had decided to move Anthony to the institute in Brussels. They were just waiting for medical Portkeys and planned to leave later that afternoon.

It was Sunday morning, eight days following Samhain. Harry had stayed at the Burrow for four days, trying to recuperate from his ordeal. Helena came on both Friday and Saturday to work with him, helping him deal with his grief and hopefully avoiding a reoccurrence of the depression.

She encouraged Harry to talk about his and Anthony’s relationship and what he’d been experiencing and feeling ever since the attack. And even though Harry was dealing with the initial raw stages of grief, Helena felt it important that he resume his normal routine as soon as possible. Therefore, as soon as he finished saying good-bye to Anthony, Harry would return to Hogwarts and resume classes the following day.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

“Do you think we should go in and check on him?” asked Arthur.

“No dear, let him have a few more minutes.”

Arthur and Molly had escorted Harry to St. Mungos and were waiting outside Anthony’s room.

“I hope this doesn’t set him back,” Arthur said quietly.

“Helena said that Harry needed to do this for closure.”

The door behind them opened very slowly and Harry emerged from the room. He had pulled himself together but it was apparent that he’d been crying.

Molly took him in her arms and held him close to her.

Suddenly a number of people came around the corner, walking at a quickened pace; amongst them were Dumbledore, Jackson, Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein and a number of Healers.

“Albus, what’s the matter?” Arthur’s voice marked his surprise as he watched the Healers proceed on into the room.  

“My apologies,” returned Dumbledore, “but there has been an unexpected development.”

Mr. Goldstein touched Dumbledore’s shoulder. “Excuse me for interrupting Albus, but I just wanted to thank you for all of your help.

“Good luck to you and to your son and again, I am so very sorry.”

“Thank you, Albus.” He turned to go to his son as Mrs. Goldstein gave Harry a quick hug and whispered in his ear.

“You be sure to take care of yourself. It’s what Anthony would have wanted.”

Harry bit his lips, trying to keep his tears in check, and just nodded in reply.

She let go and went in to join her husband and son as Dumbledore began to explain to the Weasleys that Harry needed to return to the castle immediately.

“But why, Albus?” asked Molly. “What has happened?”

Dumbledore turned to Channon and handed him one of the Portkeys, “Will you please take Harry to my office and wait there with him. I’ll accompany Molly and Arthur back to the Burrow and explain the situation. I will only be a few minutes.”

“Of course.” Channon took the Portkey and stepped over to a distraught Harry.

“Harry, touch the Portkey,” he ordered.

Harry had no idea what was going on, all he did know was that Anthony's mind had been whisked into oblivion and now all that was left of him was being taken away to another country. Ever since his experience during the third task, Harry didn't trust Portkeys. Looking down at this one, part of him hoped that maybe this Portkey might take him into oblivion, so that he wouldn’t feel any more pain.

He reached foreword and touched the Portkey.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Later, when Dumbledore stepped from his Floo, he saw Harry standing before one of the tall windows. Channon was next to him, holding a supportive arm against the young man’s back. He was saying something to Harry, but his voice was so soft, Albus couldn’t hear what it was he said.

“Channon, would you mind? I need to discuss something with Harry — privately.”

The professor nodded then turned back to Harry. “If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always come to me.”

“Thanks,” Harry’s voice shook.

Dumbledore waited for Channon to leave. “There is an important matter I need to discuss with you.”

Harry stood there staring out the window. He felt so tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. He knew that Dumbledore talking to him but he just couldn’t find the interest or strength to listen to anything he had to say.

He didn’t know how long this had gone on but next thing he knew, Dumbledore had wrapped an arm around him and was guiding him across the office and into the antechamber. A bed appeared before him and Dumbledore was telling him to sit down, so he did.

“Drink this, Harry.”

Dumbledore was holding a vial in front of him, and Harry stared blankly at it. He felt as if he’d hit a wall and just couldn’t think or do — anything. The Portkey hadn’t sent him into oblivion as he had hoped, but perhaps this might.

So he took the vial and drank whatever it was inside.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

The next thing Harry knew he was lying on the most comfortable bed imaginable. The sheets were soft and warm and he felt as if he was floating on a warm fluffy cloud.

He could hear the soft patter of rain upon a window. Not quite awake but not quite asleep he was content to just lie there, listening to the rain.

Eventually he felt a movement next to him, it spurred him to open his eyes. “Dobby? Is that you?”

The little house elf was sitting next to him upon the bed.

“Harry Potter is awake!” Dobby announced triumphantly as he handed Harry his glasses.

“The Headmaster is wanting Dobby to report to him when Harry Potter is awake, and so Dobby is going.”

“No Dobby, wait ...”  Too late, Dobby had already disappeared.

Harry slipped on his glasses, dragged himself to a sitting position and looked around the room. He recognized it but couldn’t remember how he got here.

Dumbledore strode into the room and quickly raised a hand when Harry tried to get out of the bed.

“Just stay where you are Harry. You’ve had a busy day, today.”

Harry looked to the windows and realized that it was twilight.

Dobby appeared back on the bed, but this time he was holding a cup of tea and a plate of sandwiches; he offered both to Harry.

“Just the tea Dobby, thanks.”

Dobby walked up the bed and put the plate of sandwiches on a side table. He quickly glanced at the Headmaster who was busy levitating a big squishy chair next to the bed, then he leaned over and whispered in Harry’s ear, “Dobby is thinking that Harry Potter should eat,” he said a bit insistently.

Harry whispered back, “I will later, I promise.”

Satisfied, Dobby nodded his head and was gone in an instant.

Dumbledore took a seat and waited silently as Harry drank his tea and woke up a bit more.

“Sir, why…what am I doing here?”

The old wizard leaned back in the chair and regarded Harry for a few moments before answering. “You were in a bad way Harry, and in no shape to go to Gryffindor Tower." He then added in a whisper, "And I know how much you dislike the infirmary."

Harry looked to his tea, “Thank you, Sir.”

“There is however an important matter which we need to discuss.”

Oh yeah. “Is this why everyone had to leave so quickly this morning?”

“Yes.”

Harry just waited.

“Last night, Professor Snape was summoned by Voldemort.”

“Is he all right?” Harry asked in a panic. He already felt guilty over the fact that Snape had been injured from the surge, and couldn’t believe that he had risked his life trying to save Harry’s.

“Yes, he is — relatively speaking. He is still dealing with the injury he received last weekend, but you’ll see him tomorrow and can ask him yourself.” Dumbledore dreaded adding to Harry’s burdens, but he had no choice. “Our matter of concern is the information Professor Snape acquired last night.”

“Information?” Harry asked hesitantly.

“Yes.”

“You mean, about the Embassy attacks?”

“Not exactly, although that is a related topic. Voldemort’s attacks upon the Embassies ceased because of you, because of your counter attack upon him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You must understand Harry, that Professor Snape witnessed the exchange between you and Voldemort.”

Harry froze. “He did?”

“Yes.”

“He saw … everything?”

Dumbledore nodded.  

“Did he tell you what he saw?” Harry blushed.

“To a certain extent.” Dumbledore leaned forward. “Harry, Professor Snape respects your privacy, as do I. What he saw will remain private, I assure you.”

Harry looked down at the sheets, avoiding the Headmaster’s gaze.  

“You have no cause for embarrassment,” Dumbledore continued. “On the contrary, I admire your courage and strategy. Not only did you succeed in countering Tom’s attack, your attack upon him led to the abrupt cease-fire upon the Embassies.”

This was all a bit much to take in, so Harry just took a sip of his tea instead.

“But we need to return to my original topic — that being Voldemort’s change in priorities.”

“What do you mean … his priorities?”

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but we believe he wants to kill you.”

“Sir, I already know this,” Harry said, sounding nonplussed. “He’s been trying to kill me since I was a baby.”

“Ah yes. Allow me to clarify.” Dumbledore adjusted a pleat in the fold of his lavender taffeta robes, “From what Professor Snape heard last night, he believes that killing you has become Voldemort’s top priority.”

“Um… so, that’s why I had to come back to the castle right away?”

“Yes, and that is also why the Goldstein’s had to expedite their departure.”

Harry’s heart may have missed a beat. “The Goldsteins? How does he know about Anthony?”

“He saw Mr. Goldstein in your mind, during your counter attack.”

Dumbledore quickly levitated Harry’s cup of tea before he dropped it.

“Oh God, what have I done?” Harry covered his face with his hands.

“Please do not to worry.” Dumbledore tried to diffuse the situation. “Mr. Goldstein has been registered under an alias and he will wear glamour. They are hundreds of miles away Harry. Everything has been taken care of.”

His expression was filled with trepidation, “You’re sure?”

“I am certain. But now, we must return to the primary topic.”

“That wasn’t it? There’s more?” Harry asked incredulously.

“Yes, I’m afraid there is.”

Harry lay back against the pillows, not knowing how much more of this he could take.”

“Because of this new development, you will have to remain in Hogwarts.”

Harry pulled the covers a little closer to him.

“This means no Hogsmead weekends and most likely, your Christmas break will have to be spent here at the castle.”

Harry lay silent for a minute, taking in this news. He finally responded in a small voice, “That’s okay. None of that matters anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Harry held onto the covers and spoke with a small voice. “It’s just that, I don’t really care anymore.”

Albus found Harry’s apathy distressing. “It will be possible for you to continue with Quidditch,” his voice held a hopeful tone. “I have placed a protective charm upon you; with it, you cannot pass through the wards if it is not of your choosing.”

Harry stared blankly and just nodded.

“Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger have been waiting to see you,” Dumbledore intentionally used a soft voice. “Are you up for receiving visitors?”

“Sure.” Harry felt numb. All he could think about was how Voldemort was taking away everything that mattered in his life, bit by bit.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Monday morning Potions class was the usual affair, except for the fact that Snape was limping and using a cane.

The students had straggled into the early morning class, collected what they needed from the store cupboard, and were now attempting to brew the antidote to Veritiserum.

All through the double class, Severus kept an eye on Harry. It was obvious that the teen was having trouble staying focused, with the result that Miss Granger wound up brewing their entire potion nearly single-handedly.

In addition to Severus keeping an eye on Harry, Harry was in turn keeping an eye on his Professor, watching him struggle with his uncooperative leg.

Numerous times throughout the class they had inadvertently caught each other out, as they had looked to one another at the same time.

At the end of class, the students placed their samples on Snape’s desk, from where he called out their assignment.

“For Friday, you are to read chapter six and be well versed on the properties of antimony and its affect upon a Strengthening Solution. You will be tested on this. You are dismissed.”

The students moaned at the assignment, packed their schoolbags and then shuffled out of the potions lab.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking down the corridor when Harry suddenly stopped. “Listen, you guys go on ahead; I’ll catch up with you at lunch.”

“Why, where are you going?” asked Ron.

“I just want to talk to Snape for a minute, in private.”

Hermione looked at Harry and knew it would be pointless to try to change his mind. Ever since she’d spoken with him the night before, she could tell that he had changed. He seemed to have an attitude of seriousness about him now.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Severus hobbled over to the sideboard in his study and uncorked a vial of anti-pain draught. He measured out a healthy dose and took it in one swallow, then cringed at the bitter aftertaste.

Before he could replace the cork, something inside of him told him that Harry was nearby.

“What is it, Harry?” Severus asked even before he turned around. When he did, he saw Harry standing in the doorway.

Harry started to speak but paused. There was so much he wanted to ask this man that he didn’t know where to start. “Sir, I…wanted to apologize for injuring you.”

“You do not need to apologize. It was an accident.”

“I also wanted to thank you, for risking your life to try to help me.”

They stared at each other in silence. A desperate situation had led them to share something terribly private. But they were still teacher and student, and there existed the faint old sense of distance. It all just felt awkward.

Severus’s lunch appeared suddenly on the low table in between the two chairs.

They both looked over to it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir.  I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No Harry, wait.” Severus vacillated, his gut telling him one thing, his mind another.  “Would you care to join me?”

Surprisingly, the thought of sitting down and having a quiet lunch with Snape came as a relief. “Yes sir, thank you.”

The two men ate their meal, or at least Severus did. Harry only managed a few bites, not having much of an appetite. Finally gave up and settled for his cup of tea.

While they ate, they discussed a number of ‘safe’ topics: the new initiative set forth by the Ministry, the injury to Severus' leg and what actually was involved with nerve regeneration and so on.

Severus didn’t miss the fact that Harry had barely touched his food.

“Do you not like Dover sole?”

“Oh no Sir,” Harry sort of sighed as he spoke, “it was great. I… well, I just don’t have much of an appetite.”

“Understandable.”

Harry lowered his head and became noticeably tense.  

“I apologize. That was ...”

“No sir.” Harry set down his tea and clasped his hands together. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s not just that, I…”

“Harry?”

He startled at the interruption. “Sir?”

Snape nodded his head toward Harry’s clasped hands.

He stared at his hands and then realized that he was practically perched on the edge of his chair. Drawing a deep breath, Harry made himself sit back in the chair and relax.

Severus waited until Harry had visibly calmed. He knew that agitation could cause Harry to surge, and he was only just recovering from last weekend’s surge. “Please, continue.”

Harry sat and stared at his Professor. For weeks he’d wanted to finish the discussion that Snape had so abruptly ended, that day Harry first told him about his shield. But now, with all that had happened and was happening to him, his curiosity had turned into a desperate need.

“Sir, do you remember about a month ago, when I first told you of my shield?”

“Of course I do.”

“That day Sir, you said something to me in Italian.”

Severus stiffened slightly. He hadn’t expected this. “Yes, I recall.”

“You told me the words meant, I have experienced that on my own skin.”

“Yes?” he responded cautiously.

“Sir, could you tell me please, how you…  What do you do…” He swallowed and tried again. “Sir, how do you deal with — everything?”

Severus saw tears well up quickly in Harry’s eyes.

“Harry,” Severus shook his head gently, “do not look to me as an example. You should go and speak with the Headmaster.”

Harry shook his head. Even though he couldn’t say it, and even though Severus couldn’t say it, the two of them had shared — something, and whatever that something was, it had formed a sort of bond between them.

Harry’s voice was almost a whisper. “I don’t think I can go on, Sir. This is all too much.” The tears spilled over his lashes and began to slide quietly down his cheeks. “I know I have a job to do… But I…”

Severus struggled to stand up and then moved over to sit on the coffee table right in front of Harry. “You mustn’t speak like that,” he said imploringly.

“I don’t know how to deal with all of this.”

Severus stared at this young man crumbling before him. When he had been injured, Harry had somehow sent a part of himself to come and watch over him, Severus, in his time of need. Now it was his turn to do the same for Harry.

“You want to know how I persevere.” Severus’s jaw was hard set. Even though he wanted to help Harry, this wasn’t easy for him. “You want to know how I survived then, and how I continue to survive.”

Harry looked straight into those ebony eyes and nodded his head.

“You’re counselor might not agree with my methods.”

“I’m not asking her.”

“Very well.” Severus drew a deep breath and let it out in a huff, “Work. I lose myself in work.”

That wasn’t quite the revelation Harry thought he’d hear. “Work?”

“You asked me, and so I am telling you. When things get to be too much, I brew potions.”

Harry just stared at Snape. They were sitting inches away from each other, face to face but they were both so caught up in the conversation that this fact hadn’t even registered. with them.

“And that makes everything okay?”

“No. Everything, as you call it, remains unchanged, but brewing is an escape. It is how I step away from the complexities of life.” 

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Harry eventually caught up with Ron and Hermione, all three were now making their way toward Transfiguration. As they walked along, Snape’s words regarding losing one’s self in one's work continued to echo in his mind, evoking a faint ray of hope in him.

I have work I could do, he thought to himself. There’s my schooling, and I have all kinds of spells, hexes and defensive measures to learn.

They walked into the classroom and took their seats.

I have to stay in the castle anyway, so maybe if I just keep myself really busy with work, maybe I won’t feel all the hurt.

His classmates began to pull out their parchment and quills, but Harry sat unmoving with his thoughts fixed upon Snape and how despite all that he had to endure, the man was so strong in character and formidable.

Concentrating on work must be the answer. I’ll give it a try and hopefully I won’t feel… 

Professor McGonagall began to speak and her voice snapped Harry from his thoughts. Now, with a desperate determination, he grabbed his quill and parchment and devoted his undivided attention to her lecture.

~~~~~SH~~~~~